Never Have I Ever (2020) - Season 3 Edit

About your insane clothes? You look like a children's performer.

Absolutely nothing is an exercise in restraint.

After I've saved up my allowance for airfare.

Ah. [scoffs]

Ah. Sounds cool. Maybe I'll apply there too.

All I wanted to do was zap spider veins

All she knew was that she was certainly not ready to be dumped.

Also, many sexless people have very fulfilling lives.

Although between us,

An 82? A freaking 82?

And all she had to do was cheat on him,

And buy myself a white BMW convertible with gold rims.

And by the time we pulled out, our innocence was lost.

And for the first time, she was feeling truly confident.

And he's so hot.

And I think we came to a mutual agreement which we are both very happy with.

And I thought you did too.

And I worry that that means you won't support me professionally.

And if you rush into that, you could get really hurt.

And it's probably gonna be some magical deflowering

And Lady Bird Johnson's lack of fashion compared to Jackie O's.

And not slut like in the cool, affectionate way

And one person wouldn't have to be a whore to make the other like them, right?

And our actions left us with nothing but embarrassment and shame.

And Sarah Lawrence has a 53% acceptance rate. It's pretty competitive.

And she had learned to ignore all the haters.

And sometimes, when I picture our wedding, I feel physically ill.

And then he pretended he asks about all his students' cousins.

And watching quirky TikToks in bed or whatever.

And when we moved here he made me feel closer to my family,

And you know what? I just thought of something.

And you labeling us that makes you a bully.

And you shouldn't have sex yet unless you're ready.

And you were so stressed out, I think I heard you crack a tooth.

And, frankly, what I find offensive is how ill prepared so many of you were.

Anyways, I am not a slut, and for your information,

Apricot conditioner, so no flaking.

Are we dating?

Are you going to have sex?

Are you guys banging yet? I can't wait to read Lady Whistleboy's take on that.

Are you talking about Prashant?

Are you, like, pissed at me because I'm with Devi?

As insulting as this interaction has been,

As Paxton Hall Yoshida's girlfriend.

As someone with more romantic and sexual experience.

At least to the mid '70s before Jenny gets into heroin.

Because she's an icon with the voice of an angel, bro.

Because we are in a mature, committed, respectful relationship

Because we need to start booking flights for family coming from India.

Because we're a good couple? Like, it's believable that we're together,

Because you haven't texted me back in forever.

Blood was everywhere.

But because of our own precious egos.

But he did leave a little bag of weed under my Christmas tree.

But I don't think that's a stabbable offense.

But I don't think you should throw away Prashant because you're scared.

But I guess I can give it to someone else who had sex with him. I'm proud of you.

But I really do trust Devi this time.

But I think it's going to be a positive thing for me, because

But I wrote an extra page on LBJ's inability to de escalate the war

But it might just be that I don't want to marry anyone.

But Shira, Zoe, and Carley said

But that doesn't mean that I want to lose what we have.

But the trick is you don't let somebody else define you.

But you just have to look at your parents or look at Mohan and me.

But, apparently, the thought of me proposing to you made you flee.

Can you please talk to Pati?

Congratulations on doing sex. We are so proud of you.

Cool.

Damn, that was crazy.

Depending on how this Trent thing shakes out,

Devi Vishwakumar just walked into school for the first time

Devi was Paxton's official girlf.

Devi was somehow, for the first time, the family favorite.

Devi, I am so sorry that happened to you.

Devi, sex is a big deal.

Devi, you are my only granddaughter now. Enjoy.

Devi, you don't have to do it if you aren't ready.

Devi, you're overthinking it.

Devi, your hands were in tight little fists.

Did we discover that being in a romantic relationship

Did you happen to get my email requesting additional extra credit?

Do you guys think I could pull off white contacts like Kanye?

Doesn't necessarily solve all of our problems?

Don't listen to them. They don't know anything.

Dude, you can't keep doing this long distance thing. It's not healthy.

Even if they're right, what's the worst that can happen?

Even though we were thousands of miles away.

Extremely hot. If you don't marry him, I will.

Fab! What the hell?

Fab. Hello! You're like snoozing during the most important news you've ever heard!

Fabiola, I need to talk to you.

From what you just told me, I don't think we have anything.

Gay men say it on reality shows.

Get your draft cards ready because today we start our unit on…

God, Paxton is just so kind.

Gonna be honest, guys, this advice low key sucks.

Good morning, Pati. Can I help with that?

Good, because it would be very mature of you.

Good. Since you're a late bloomer,

Goodbye, Kamala.

Great, well, all right. I'll, uh, see you later, David.

Guess what, you jealous bitches. I heard what you said about me in the bathroom.

Had interfered with the consummation of their love,

Had no idea what she was ready for.

Harry and Meghan, move over.

Have you ever been to CPK?

He asked about you at Devi's parent teacher conference.

He didn't even get to see the G string I made out of my shoelace.

He likes me for my awesome personality. I'm

He was my rock.

He's like a man. He got armpit hair when we were in fourth grade.

He's publicly acknowledged you as his girlfriend. Ooh!

Here are your graded pop quizzes on the Tet Offensive.

Hey, guess what? I could burp your name.

Hey, I also got an 82! Ha! We're the same.

Hey, let's take a rain check.

Hey, Mr. Shapiro, another inspiring class.

Hey, wha what's up?

Hey! You three!

Hit him with the car, and do all his homework.

Hmm. Great, great. Lactaid it is.

Honestly, I didn't love the advice you gave me about my work.

How about we watch some TikToks?

How could you leave me hanging back there with my high five?

However, soon we realized we were in over our heads,

Huh?

I actually felt like I was at the fall of Saigon.

I am so sorry.

I did speak to Prashant. It was an illuminating conversation,

I did. Uh, unfortunately, the answer is no.

I do not look like a children's perform

I do theoretically, but I still have my fears.

I don't feel ready.

I don't know how much more I can take of this.

I don't know how this happened. I've never gotten below an A before.

I don't think I'm ready to have sex.

I don't think you actually want me back.

I found out that 1 800 0FS GIVEN became available.

I got a flat 100?

I guess I'll have to go back to teaching with textbooks

I have a deadly nut allergy.

I have never been so humiliated.

I just panicked.

I just wanted to offer my advice

I just worry about you, man. I know behind those sculpted abs is a tender heart.

I know I am.

I know she's disappointed with me, but surely she doesn't want me to starve.

I know that's a lie. You don't even know where the washer/dryer is.

I know this way of getting married can seem scary.

I know you don't date girls who don't put out, so it's cool.

I know, but it's so confusing.

I know. Mr. Shapiro should be begging to grade my extra credit assignments.

I know. Uh…

I love Eve, and it'll be so worth it when I can visit her in 60 months

I love my life here, my freedom.

I mean, part of the reason why we worked is because

I mean, the last thing I wanted to do was to get married.

I mean, we could hang out at my house after if you want.

I mean, we did silkscreen this "Plowed by Paxton" t shirt for you,

I mean, we have terrific sexual chemistry.

I needed to borrow some sexy underwear because I'm dating someone.

I see. Take the high road.

I thought you'd be happier about it.

I told you, Ben, no more extra credit.

I understand if you want to break up with me.

I want to let you guys know that Paxton and I decided to take things slow

I want to say… kitchen?

I want to take that next step and to have a family.

I want you to ignore them.

I was a third year medical student when my parents matched me up with Mohan.

I was going to propose.

I was half naked in front of Bath & Body Works.

I was just saying that Paxton and I are taking things slow, and we're good.

I was under the impression that all you do at mealtime

I was waiting for Fabiola to say God, but I think she's asleep.

I wiped them down with old alcohol wipes from when I got barbecue take out.

I would go quickly if I were you.

I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna have sex with Paxton this weekend.

I'm gonna have to stick with my original decision.

I'm just saying I've never seen anyone eat that much pizza.

I'm just scared.

I'm not dumb, Kamala.

I'm not going to marry him because I'm not ready.

I'm not trying to be mean.

I'm obviously mega horny for Paxton, but kissing to intercourse in two weeks?

I'm ready for marriage.

I'm ready.

I'm ready. Just put it in and get it over with.

I'm so close.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sure you will.

I've learned the hard way

I've run into him a few times in our Jack and Jill bathroom.

I've seen this girl burn you once.

I've texted Prashant many times, but he won't respond.

I've wanted to have sex with Paxton forever,

If I go any higher, I'll need permission from the school board.

If you weren't so beautiful, I would have slapped you.

In Seoul, South Korea.

Instead of the films of Robert Zemeckis.

Is if she puts out.

Is just going to second base during scary movies?

Is run away and shame your family.

Is the wedding on or not?

Isn't that kind of fast?

It cuts me deep that my girl would do that to me.

It did, right?

It had been a surprisingly PG 13 two weeks.

It hurt like a bitch, but thanks for helping me get ready, guys.

It really means a

It was awesome.

It was her dream to teach Korean women how to sculpt their butts

It was not. I did not consummate my plans.

It would be, and that is why I'm going to do exactly that.

It's almost like you were trying to stall before you were coming home with me.

It's delicious, and it's on the pricier end of their offerings.

It's fear.

It's just that you said some pretty mean stuff about us before, so…

It's like Adele's song "Cold Shoulder."

It's nice.

It's not anger, man.

Jake and me, not President Obama.

Kamala, did you talk to Prashant?

Like non stop 69ing? 'Cause I don't want to do that.

Like, down there?

Like, it's the only possible explanation for why we're together.

Like, you could raise bees.

Listen to the Forrest Gump soundtrack.

Listen, in life,

Listen, man. I appreciate that you're looking out for me, all right?

Listen, no one's making you get married tomorrow,

Look, Devi, I only want to do what you're comfortable with.

Look, Kamala.

Loosely based on a Bridgerton character

Manish is just a friend.

Maps really don't do the Pacific Ocean justice, but it's fine.

Maybe she's just a huge slut.

Me too. This cake cost $60, and I'm too upset to eat it.

Me?

Mm hmm. I don't know, guys. It's weird.

Mmm.

Mmm. Boy shorts with South Park characters on it.

Mmm. Nice try, Dr. Ryan.

Mohan, you know, he was so honest and so kind,

Mr. Shapiro, I know that an A triple plus

My grandmother and my aunt convinced me that you were going to propose.

My heart's not behind my abs.

My parents definitely hate him, which is exciting.

My prose is freaking lyrical.

No, Devi, like, emotionally.

No, I don't love him.

No, I meant you. You were the crazy one.

No, like a real date, like romantic.

No, that's not true.

No, that's what I thought, but she's like, healthy.

No, you definitely did.

Nobody cares, Nalu.

Not because it was the right thing to do,

Not even the time when my sari got caught in the escalator at the Beverly Center.

Not really. I figured I'd just go to Cal State Northridge where my cousins go.

Not that I even give an f.

Not to me personally, but for this group of girls.

Nothing, Mom.

Now that's a date. I wish I could go.

Of course, but I am trying to get into an Ivy

Oh my

Oh my God, Devi.

Oh my God, that is so cute.

Oh, now you want to help out?

Oh, sure it is. You're just afraid to see it.

Oh, thank God.

Oh, that's because I changed my number.

Oh, well, let me be clear then.

Oh, you do? I'm glad to hear it, because I'm never speaking to you again.

Oh. Hey.

Okay, and we assume you've already called the PTA meeting.

Okay, but what does going slow mean to you?

Okay, Kamala, why don't you leave the kitchen

Okay, look, maybe it's true that I don't necessarily want to marry you,

Okay, so just to clarify, you have a toll free cell phone number?

Okay, then let's do long distance. It shouldn't be that hard.

Okay, there are a lot of primary colors.

Okay, wait. Have you not thought about where you want to go to college?

Okay.

Okay. Fine.

On her mic drop of an entrance with Paxton.

Only the preeminent fast casual pizza chain in the US?

Ooh la la. [chuckles]

Ooh, an 84. Suck on that, Trent.

Ooh. Maybe he'll ask me to prom. You guys want to look at dresses?

Our families just went into it wanting the same things.

Pati, please, the knife.

Pati, you know how sorry I am.

Paxton and I have not had sex.

Paxton dumps you, and your popularity plummets into the toilet again.

Paxton Hall Yoshida is not who you think he is.

PTA meeting? What's that?

Raise bees?

Right. I know how to fix this.

Romantically?

Run by a not so anonymous source.

Sarah Lawrence.

Seems like a good grade for someone who went to…

She had been obsessing over what Shira, Zoe, and Carley had said all day.

She said we're not mean.

She was in a healthy relationship with her dream guy,

She was nothing to these girls.

She was with the hottest boy in school, and it was becoming clear to her

She's cool.

Sit down. Let's talk.

Sixty dollars! Girl, why you didn't just go to Ralphs?

So don't have sex with him. I'm not having sex with Ben.

So maybe what they said should mean nothing to her.

So we decided to take it slow.

So what? Isn't your integrity more important?

So, am I bringing a Lactaid for later, or am I just going home after?

So, any updates on Trent?

So, Devi, how was your evening last night? Was it eventful?

So, do absolutely nothing?

So, do you love him?

So, I haven't seen you much recently, and I

So, Nirmala Mami, how was your water aerobics class this morning?

So, what changed your mind?

So, you want to go to dinner this weekend?

Sorry, they're mostly crushed.

Sorry. I don't know why I'm freaking out. [scoffs]

Sorry. I was up late talking to Eve in Seoul.

Sorry. Still getting used to having female friends.

Stall? Are you crazy?

Star crossed lovers is your dream.

Sure, I do. You're such a great catch.

Sweetie, Paxton's not gonna stay with someone

Thank God she could just disappear into a normal class and not think about it.

Thank you. I got a lot out of this conversation.

Thank you. That was my goal.

Thanks. I'm really good at deductive reasoning.

That certain sexual expectations went along with that.

That definitely sounds more normal.

That ended in devastating consequences.

That failed attempt to look cool was directed right at you.

That I write a poem about or some shit.

That only meant one thing.

That Paxton won't stay with a girl who doesn't have sex with him.

That sucks.

That the three of you would never understand.

That you shouldn't do anything on anyone's schedule but your own.

That's hella wise, Doc. I'm gonna go bitch those girls out.

That's not true. I can go slow.

The debut of Daxton was unreal.

The entire Olivia Rodrigo album would disagree with you.

The fly is Cartman's mouth.

The hallway was littered with backpacks people dropped in shock.

The knife is the least of your worries.

The momentous night we have ahead? [laughs]

The one you went to see at the school that night.

The prettiest girls at school are always the ones people bully.

The Vietnam War.

The, you know…

Then why are you so down?

There's always going to be some girl in a bathroom calling you a slut, right?

They just channel their extra energy into other pursuits.

They've been to the better one in Orlando.

Things are really good.

Things may seem out of your control,

This is a story about an incredibly rash decision

This is what fairy tales are made of.

This teacher?

To be honest, you've already got an A triple plus in my class.

To win you back?

Totally good. Don't know why I decided to wear statement earrings.

Ugh! I mean, we hung out a couple of times over Christmas break.

Ugh! No, I've given up on him. He ghosted me on text.

Uh I had a huge dinner.

Uh, I wouldn't put it past her. She did almost try to decapitate you this morning.

Uh, maybe not tonight?

Uh, that seems romantic to me.

Uh, we're circling it.

Uh, yeah, I do.

Uh…

Uh… [laughs] What's going on with you and Trent?

Wait a minute.

Wait, I don't understand.

Wait, why are there so many photos of Adele in your locker?

Wait, why do you need…

Was everyone wondering why Paxton was with someone so far beneath him?

Was feeling a bit less triumphant to Devi than the walk in.

Was your purpose to kill me after humiliating me in front of my family?

We both want to. It's imminent for sure.

We bowed down to pressure from others,

We can do this. I'll just stay up a little later.

We had our Bar Mitzvahs at the same temple.

We have decided to not move forward with our relationship.

We haven't kissed yet,

We might all be in legit relationships.

We throw you a Happy Boyfriend party today during our session,

We're just congratulating Devi

Well, how's everything going?

Well, that was sort of sweet, I guess.

Well, then it's probably better that we know that now.

Well, what if what I'm comfortable with

Wha Um…

What are you doing?

What did Paxton and Devi even look like to them?

What did you even say?

What do you guys think that means?

What is this? Why are you both talking weird?

What is your panty situation?

What the hell?

What up, losers? What's good in the kingdom of rejects?

What?

What? Damn.

What? No.

What? We didn't hear you because we had in our earbuds.

What? Why?

Whatever, man. Your nuts miss me. I could tell.

When you do that, you give them your power.

When you insisted

When you sleep with someone, you're the most vulnerable you'll ever be.

Which for teenagers is basically a lifetime of monogamy.

While your grandmother's furious… [softly] and armed?

Who's not having sex with him.

Why do you think I brought my parents here? To see Universal Studios?

Why would I want to delay

Why'd you stop?

With an incredibly small acceptance rate, so I need a little help here.

With small repetitive movements.

With Trent and Marcus? Sure.

Wow. Well, I want to go to Columbia like Barack Obama and Jake Gyllenhaal.

Yeah, and you made it onto Lady Whistleboy for the first time ever.

Yeah, he's not gonna be satisfied by only touching boobs

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, like heat up your mom's leftovers and play Fortnite in your garage

Yeah, sure. I love pizza.

Yeah, the only reason a guy like Paxton would be with a freak like Devi

Yeah, you're right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. [chuckles]

Yes, I can.

Yes, my PTA are squeaky clean.

Yes, Paxton. I know.

Yes, queen! And now, the most important question.

Yes.

You can FaceTime me when you're home from school. It's gonna be okay.

You did bring disgrace on your family,

You good?

You gotta keep it fresh in there.

You guys, isn't it crazy that Paxton and Devi are together?

You have to be intense about grades if you want to go to a good college.

You still floating away, or did you find a way to anchor yourself?

You think I want you to go bitch some other children out?

You're dating the boy of your dreams.

You're lucky your mom doesn't know that you're dating him.

You're moving to Korea?

Your homework assignment.

Your laundry.

[Ben] Hey. Hi.

[bottle clanks] [Trent] Oh shit!

[Carley] Totally. [Shira] No other logical explanation.

[chuckles] Oh, uh, I guess I missed it. Sounds cool.

[locker door closes] [school bell ringing]

[Paxton] Hey, ready to hit the road? [Devi] Totally. Let's roll.

[scoffs] [laughs] Eleanor, up top!

[Shira scoffs] I know, right? I never saw that coming.

[student laughs] That's right, Devi. It is gasp worthy.

[Trent] Hey, Devi. [Devi] Yo.

[Zoe] Of course. [Carley] Good observation.

[Zoe] Yes! [Carley] Totally!

Damn. Is that what our dates are like? Mm hmm.

Great chat. Bye.

Great stuff. Bye. Bye.

Here's to never being single again. [Aneesa giggles]

Hi. Hello. Good morning. What's goin' on? [Aneesa] Hey, babe.

I actually had a huge breakfast. Okay.

I did not have great taste back then. [chuckles]

I don't know that song. Yeah, well, you freaking should.

I don't know what you're talking about. Devi's English teacher, Mr. Kulkarni.

I don't think so. Doesn't sound like us. Mm mm.

I don't want to break up. Neither do I.

I guess I misread the signals. [school bell ringing]

I want to. I'm excited about it. [Kamala] Uh huh.

Is he pressuring you? No.

Kamala? Hi. I brought cashew brittle.

Mmm. How kind of you. Yeah, no problem.

No more extra credit, Ben. Ugh.

No. Great. That means he'll be single soon.

Oh. Why are you here, Kamala?

Okay. [chuckles softly]

Ow. Ow, ow. My ear, my ear! Ow, ow. Oh, oh, oh.

Paxton? [song stops abruptly]

Psych! [laughs] Dude!

So what do you want? [sighs]

That's awesome, Devi. Good for you.

Then I'm cool with that. Really?

Uh, let's watch some TikToks. Cool.

What's the time difference? Sixteen hours.

Whoa, you and Paxton haven't had sex yet? [Zoe scoffs]

Wow. Sick.

Yeah. And you like me?

Yeah. No!

Yes. REVOLVE app.

Yes. Sure. I could totally do that.

Yo! We got idli and sambar? Noice! Mm hmm.

You have a problem with that? No, no. I love Adele.

You want to watch some TikToks? Yeah.

You were? [Prashant] Yeah.

"Hope we're cool. Sad face emoji."

"Oh, hey, boo. Sorry to have abandoned you."

"Time and time again, you're going to play the fool."

["Dream Of You" by Josha Daniel playing]

["Dream Of You" continues playing]

["Fortunate Son" by Creedence Clearwater Revival playing]

["Lilac House" by Half Waif playing]

["Prom" by Riah playing]

[blows whistle]

[both laugh]

[both] Pits, tits, and ass.

[burping] Eleanor.

[Carley and Shira] Mm hmm.

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

[Devi] I can't believe I'm gonna lose my virginity tonight.

[door closes]

[Eleanor] Um, I'm sorry. Your girl?

[emotional music playing]

[Eric] The newest odd couple at Sherman Oaks High is leaving the building!

[Eve] Sure, would 2:30 a.m. your time work?

[Fabiola] Hey, I think we should talk.

[female voice] You better watch out, Devi.

[gasps loudly]

[gentle music plays]

[groans]

[inaudible conversation]

[inhales deeply]

[inhales deeply] Prashant does remind me of home.

[Kamala] Prashant, wait.

[knocking on door]

[knocking]

[laughing] I would agree with that.

[laughs]

[laughs]

[McEnroe] And though unusually large meals

[McEnroe] Aw, shit, Devi. That's exactly what you and Paxton do.

[McEnroe] CPK? Aka California Pizza Kitchen?

[McEnroe] Devi's head was swimming.

[McEnroe] Eve's mom was opening a franchise of Bar Method

[McEnroe] God, I hate knowing that acronym.

[McEnroe] If Devi was popping Lactaids and hanging out with Paxton after a meal,

[McEnroe] In that moment, Fabiola knew what she had to do.

[McEnroe] Lady Whistleboy was the school's gossip TikTok

[McEnroe] Oh, that's interesting.

[McEnroe] Okay, well, things were looking up.

[McEnroe] Right then Devi learned a valuable lesson.

[McEnroe] Someone check on hell because it has definitely frozen over.

[McEnroe] The problem was, Devi, like most teenagers,

[McEnroe] The walk out of school

[McEnroe] They'd been together for two whole weeks,

[McEnroe] Uh, no, it does not!

[McEnroe] Yeah, it's gonna be hard to ignore that.

[Mr. Shapiro] Good morning, young scholars.

[music ends]

[Nalini] All right, Mami…

[Nalini] Here are some snacks I found in my car.

[Paxton] Hey.

[phone beeps]

[phone chimes]

[phone dings]

[plates clinking]

[school bell ringing]

[school bell ringing]

[school bell ringing]

[scoffs] Okay, because that wasn't really clear before.

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs] I overheard some girls say that I must be a slut for Paxton to like me.

[sighs] Okay, if you trust her, then what else can I do but also trust.

[sighs] Thanks, Fab.

[smoke machine hissing]

[somber music playing]

[spitting]

[Trent] Eleanor!

[Trent] Look up.

[whimsical music playing]

[Zoe] She's dying, right? It's like a deathbed, last wishes thing?

♪ And your best friend ♪

♪ But they're not for me ♪

♪ But they're not for you ♪

♪ Can't help it if I do ♪

♪ Clementine ♪

♪ Clementine… ♪

♪ Don't wanna call But I'm thinkin' 'bout you ♪

♪ Don't wanna call… ♪

♪ Dream of you… ♪

♪ Ferrari white tears You cut 'em up in the mirror ♪

♪ From my spotless mind ♪

♪ Hit fast forward But I'm stuck in rewind ♪

♪ Now she's moving on But I'm still here… ♪

♪ They're for my best friend ♪

♪ Trying to erase you ♪

♪ Trying to erase you ♪

♪ Yeah, I hear wedding bells ♪

♪ Yeah, I hear wedding bells ♪

♪ Yeah, I hear wedding bells ♪

♪ You're cutting me loose I'm kinda confused… ♪