Human Resources (2022) - Season 1 Edit

A bad decision. This is a joke credit card

A calorie counting app?

A fitting death for a true coward.

A fitting destiny for an unfit parent.

A Gatorade?

A glory hole grand opening…

A kid would get in the way of all that.

A little. But I I also think I respect you now?

A lot of success in a short amount of time.

A lovely creature, albeit, at times, a little condescending.

A mother who doesn't love her own baby and a Lovebug who can't glow?

A pizza box.

A second Lucinda? Jesus.

A sense of camaraderie captured in a meaningful object.

A triple dick? Is it like a cactus?

A, B, C. A, "Always." B, "Be." C, "Creaming."

Abandoned by his mommy for a legal brief.

About how awesome Inbox Zero is.

About the moments I was alive before we met."

About tugging and chugging your way through a parade of strangers.

Absolutely. Absolutely I know that.

Actually, crashing a wedding is completely on brand for you.

Actually, he stole a lot of stuff under the table,

Actually, I just got a few flashes

Actually, I wouldn't mind talking about them.

Actually, yeah, I don't feel that great.

Actually, yes. I was, uh, really excited about it.

Addiction Angels do that.

After they destroyed your opus?

Again, I'm I'm so sorry.

Again? We just got back. I mean, his crotch is still pulsing.

Agh!

Ah, don't bother. I can already tell you won't like it.

Ah, I remember.

Ah, it fucks with their minds. And it fucks with ours too.

Ah, yes, foxy.

Ah, you get it. Oh, by the way, speaking of you getting it,

Ah!

Ah! Beirut, 1972.

Ah! Don't tell me what I want. Now, hold on to your tits, ladies.

Ah! I usually hate this shit, but this is just what I need right now.

Ah! No! Get Get off!

Ah! Only three C sections out of the 37 births that I attended last year.

Ah! Yes, well, nearly but not quite.

Ah! Your love language has always been titties.

Ah.

Ahh!

Ahh!

Ahh!

Ahh!

Ahh!

Ahh! Now you hurt me!

Ahh! The fire! The piss! The fire and the piss!

Ahh… [chuckles]

Alive, fucker! You gonna plug that thing back in or not?

All I knew was that I was making things worse.

All I wanted was to put the baby to sleep. I'm working all day.

All monsters and penises, we're closing up.

All my clients are my favorite, but Yara truly is my number one.

All of you were attracted to me and this confirms it, so thank you.

All right, all Whoa!

All right, but at this latitude,

All right, fine, I'll watch the bloody show.

All right, here we go. I'm expecting a fair fight here.

All right, relax. I am working on it.

All right, we got a shout out in her tirade!

All right. Roomies.

All right. Should I get another shrimp cocktail or…

All right. That's it. We're driving her home.

All right. You're buying.

All right…

All she's doing is saying what she wants, but no one in this house gives a shit!

All small and shit? Fuck that.

All the time!

All the way from Lakeshore Road to Little Vincent's Pizzeria.

All three of us, each one more disgusting and shameful than the next.

All while still being the rocking fuck stars that we are.

All you can do is fucking try.

All you got for your grandma is the ugly second cousin of candy?

All you need are the keys.

Alright, guys! Guys, guys!

Alright, I'm not gonna lie. I have yet to hear

Alright, okay, so you think you can do it?

Alright, role playing.

Alright, smile. Ooh! You look exhausted, love. [laughs]

Alright, time for Gavin to warm up his tuna soup.

Alright. Give me the keys.

Alright. I think I've got the general Hang on! Christmas morning?

Alright. Prove it. You write the vows.

Alright. Wow, that's very cute.

Also, I got detention

Also, when he turns to the side, he looks like her dad.

Also, you feel the glow in the front part too.

Also, you gonna kiss a girl and you gonna like it.

Also, you have to jerk them off every two hours.

Always make room from the bottom, not the top, right, Joe?

Always.

Am I in heaven?

Am I supposed to be able to see you?

Amir, she needs professional care.

An application for the Phoenix Suns credit card our client Doug wants to get?

An email can be categorized with multiple labels,

An unholy trinity of sickos engaging in a perverted ménage à shame.

Anal Island!

And and fetch Kitty a saucer of milk, would you?

And And obviously Rochelle's the best.

And and sometimes you're gonna lose a shoe.

And And you're married to Barry, which I certainly couldn't do that.

And a few out of towners.

And a rough tongue.

And alive is good, alive is what we want.

And also there's booze…

And an almond cookie he never charges her for.

And apologize back to me.

And back out. Good.

And before that I said, "Don't ignore me, I'll dox your fucking family!"

And before that, I said, "Smells yummy."

And between you and me, her tits are mostly bra.

And Corporate is fucking pissed.

And dangling them from my crotch like a pair of testicles.

And don't forget Danielle!

And don't fucking follow me.

And don't you go telling Nancy about me dying on July 9.

And drink maybe a teeny bit less. Okay?

And drugs at stores make you healthier. It's the law.

And dudes like us, we we know that deep down,

And fire. That was a pretty big day.

And FYI, your ice cream sucks.

And got to eat candy with my friend, Lindsay Lohan.

And grabbed my heart with your fist."

And has Alzheimer's, and she broke her hip

And he has three dicks!

And he keeps visiting even though you freak out on him?

And he takes you for granted! He wrote in your file… Look right here.

And help get your client to eat some soup?

And here's one for you, Emmy.

And hung like a python, if I remember correctly.

And I absolutely didn't want to, but I, um, cut off Dante's dick.

And I assume you put this all on your Phoenix Suns purple credit card?

And I can't believe you did it all by yourself.

And I can't move back in with my parents! They don't let me party, man!

And I can't wait to judge all your shameful dalliances from the sidelines.

And I could be honest with Wassim.

And I couldn't get out of bed?

And I crossed a line and I'm sorry.

And I flew right in and I said… I, uh, mm…

And I got drunk. Like, really, really drunk.

And I got one of my Amish clients

And I guess now we have to let her go?

And I hate how this room suddenly got…

And I hate Maury and Connie jerking each other off under the table!

And I ignore all your emails on purpose because they stress me out.

And I invented an app for perverts to keep in touch with each other.

And I just want you not dead, dumbass.

And I know you couldn't stand her, but she was still my goddamn mommy.

And I look fine as hell too, if I do say so myself.

And I need the rest of you to get on board.

And I really do hope she dies of a brand new cancer.

And I say odd because, you know, I have three dongers.

And I think maybe I've been eating too many bubblegum cigarettes.

And I threw up everywhere,

And I was just doing what I think Doug would love.

And I would if it were my bottom left or even upper right,

And I would walk 500 more just to be your

And I would've never been your fuckin' friend

And I'd like for you to leave.

And I'd sacrifice a thousand dicks for her.

And I'd walk 500 more just to be your

And I'll have a tap water in a piping hot glass.

And I'll have a whole ham, please.

And I'll never be a Rochelle or whatever, but who cares?

And I'll queef this baby out in the jury box before I'd miss it.

And I'll shut up about the whole thing.

And I'll tell you why, I'll tell you why!

And I'm glad, because you are a terrible friend!

And I'm gonna put both my thumbs in your butt.

And I'm just going to get in a fistfight with a telephone pole and… [grunts]

And I'm just not comfortable interrupting that.

And I'm so, so, so, so sorry I kept it from you.

And I'm sorry I said "vulva"! And I'm sorry I'm yelling it right now!

And I'm still mourning her, Sharon. [sniffles]

And I've been keeping it from her!

And I've gotta say lust makes the world go round.

And if he spends over 30,000 in the first three months,

And if humans stop fucking, no more humans!

And if they don't love themselves, they'll never love their babies.

And if we don't love our babies, they won't love themselves.

And if we're being honest, my best hasn't been great.

And if you don't know drugs, that's a lot.

And if you don't know Long Island, that's really far away.

And if you don't wanna deal with it, well then, bubbale,

And if you love me, you need to find someone who can.

And in this corner, the Little Willy from South Philly.

And isn't Yara just a star?

And it never bothers you?

And it was funny because it was a really big cup.

And it's about to escalate!

And it's also It's actually what I wanted…

And it's born with a pointy head, and it can only wear Santa hats?

And it's not just Mona and Gavin who should be apologizing, thank you.

And Joe always shares his muffins with his friend.

And left a puddle of ejaculate.

And logically, this makes no sense.

And make sure they get a nap before 3:00, or they'll turn into real assholes.

And maybe Barry doesn't need a Shame Wizard because I'm so awesome.

And meets in the middle where your genital grows.

And miss an exclusive opportunity to network with industry thought leaders?

And more fluid in your brain than any dick I've ever seen.

And my clients have insurance claims to fucking reject!

And my fucking raw dog tenacity.

And my salad is ruined!

And not deeply afraid I will fail

And now Donna will share her vows.

And now to present the Dolly Parton award.

And now you don't even get to be a Lovebug anymore.

And now you have to raise the turkey and eat the baby!

And now you're getting this stupid award, but heads up, you guys!

And now, every time you get a new email, you just remember the Four D's and One R.

And please don't challenge me on this, is a dude, and his tits are spectacular.

And rock stars write songs about fucking that make other people fuck!

And Safi?

And scene. Now, Connie, how did that make you feel?

And see all those people again.

And send her up with a flamethrower?

And she doesn't know who he is half the time?

And she has this new boyfriend, and she says she loves him,

And she was just sitting in the dark combing Nadja's old Bratz dolls.

And she's additionally also bad.

And she's gonna love this baby too because I'm doing my goddamn job

And she's hiding in your apartment like a sexy E.T.,

And she's playing a trombone off key

And speaking of bitches, you're the bitchiest bitch of them all!

And stop fighting and drown already!

And that bug happens to be

And that, in three months, she'll be glad she's single?

And that's beautiful,

And that's totally normal!

And that's why people need us.

And that's why what we do…

And the baby love lately? [mimics explosion]

And the best part is that it's rigorous and requires constant maintenance.

And the fact that you thought telling me that

And the punchline is a lifetime of crushing debt.

And the rest of you makes me fucking nauseous.

And the sex with Barry already wasn't very good or frequent, was it? [laughs]

And The Tube says that Doug is addicted to something.

And the turd birds begot little shit rats!

And then everyone else started throwing up.

And then hide behind, what? Love? Oh, fuck that!

And then I guess… [chuckling] …hope to grow into my role?

And then I'll leave, but it's it's because I respect you so much.

And then maybe Rochelle will finally admit that she was wrong

And then quickly try to delete or archive as many emails as possible.

And then sea levels are rising, and so is online shopping.

And then send you to jail,

And then you walked in and our lives changed forever.

And then you'll be all in, right?

And there it is, stage three. Bargaining.

And there's floods, and there's fires,

And they are really starting to kick in and

And they're all perfect and they're all equally important.

And this just makes your day because you forgot to grab breakfast

And this new bug does not seem up to the task.

And this would have never happened

And this year's winner of the Global Creamathon is…

And totally ruin this woman's life forever. Whoo!

And used the power of your legs and glutes to swing it around,

And wait for all this to blow over.

And watch your language.

And watched 35 episodes of House Hunters back to back.

And we better win goddamn Prom Queen!

And we're gonna try to be more, you know, considerate.

And we're sorry we were naughty.

And we've been more than kissing since then,

And weirdly unwilling to believe that you'd make hard love to a toilet.

And what about Donna, Doug?

And what are you all looking at?

And what exactly do you think, Depression Boy?

And what exactly does an Addiction Angel know about love?

And what exactly is that supposed to mean?

And what son could ever compete with that big pussy's tiny b hole?

And what, pray tell, are you, sister?

And when do we want it?

And when my heart breaks, shit gets broken.

And why don't you deserve it?

And why won't these dicks eat their chips?

And why would I want to get to know him? No offense, but he's a lemon.

And without love, it's gonna be impossible.

And would that mean I could hold more pee in there?

And you always showed up for me.

And you are a terrible Lovebug!

And you brought those things to me.

And you can tell from the smell he's got a banana muffin.

And you clearly love Rochelle, so we're good.

And you cut my fucking dick off. Eat shit, guy.

And you have more heart in your nuts,

And you have to slice it off to make a nice charcuterie?

And you know, shit rat, for a rat, you're not so shitty.

And you look like the Crypt Keeper in a Donna Karan suit.

And you might not find

And you need to start freaking out!

And you say it's called Chernobyl? I'll write it down in my phone.

And you seem to be awesome at your job,

And you think you can take care of an infant?

And you want to go back to work as soon as possible?

And you'd think she'd be annoying because she's sort of, "whoohoo crystals,"

And you'll eat spicy chicken sandwiches.

And you'll need my dicks.

And you're mean to your husband!

And you're ruining my focus.

And you're still working with kids? That's entry level shit.

And you're, you know, kind of a a hot fuck up.

And, Amir, you, you're breaking my heart, man.

And, besides, you've never said it to me either.

And, damn it, you do it anyway

And, finally, make decisions that make life easier for everyone involved.

And, frankly, I'm still a bit goosed.

And, it turns out, all you can do is fucking try!

And, looky, looky. I got 'em.

And, someday, you'll even party like before.

And, um, is there anything you, uh, you know, maybe wanna add?

And, yeah, you're gonna throw up on your co workers sometimes.

And, you know, "My life would suck without you."

And, you know, that we're here together,

And… And that makes me a sad dad.

Andrew's ready to go, go, go.

Another girth shattering win for my thick cock!

Anthropologists say it signifies a healthy vulva.

Anything we wanted, we got.

Anyway, I'm headed to Vegas this weekend to watch a couple of teams

Anyway, my first conference was a disaster.

Apparently Dante is on the team now?

Are are you threatening us?

Are actually the same person who's not a total bitch menace!

Are gonna be a great mom.

Are the portals back yet?! The Cuomo brothers need me.

Are those allowed?

Are what's in my sharp doodies.

Are you drunk?

Are you excited for your annual fuckfest with Simon Sex?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Are you going to just sit there and doodle in your coloring book?

Are you happy now?

Are you into me?

Are you kidding? No, there was definitely no vibe.

Are you okay?

Are you pregnant? I'm just kiddin'. I know you are. [chuckles]

Are you ready to go, Teta?

Are you saying you want this preg?

Are you seriously considering saying no to our dream school?

Are you sure you couldn't have lifted that statue off my dick, mate?

Are you sure your name isn't

Are you talking about wiping Grandma's ass?

Are you telling me this has gone on since December?

Aren't you happy? We're gonna be together. I'm turning down Berkeley.

Arsalan would rather kill me than let me leave. I wish he were dead.

As a new employee at the most prestigious organization in human relations,

As far as I'm concerned, fuck anybody who judges you for that.

As long as the kid's power washing the inside of his Calvins,

As long as there are women, there will be shame!

As long as you're jerking 'em off every two hours, you'll be fine.

As you can tell by my plastic badge,

Aside from tuna soup.

Ask me what time it is right now. I know the answer.

At a magical Radisson in the sky above North Korea.

At first, I thought it was because I was doing a bad job,

At least he visits her. He's doing his best!

At this point, we'd even take raisins, and raisins fucking suck!

Aw, it suits you cute!

Aw, it's okay! It's an emotional experience.

Aw, Pete. So you think I have big tits, huh?

Aw, thanks, buddy.

Aw, that's not a pussy, silly!

Aw, you're sweet.

Aw! Tell you what, I'm gonna give you a hand job under the table.

Aww, look at him in his little suit. It's kind of sweet.

Aww. Y'all are sweet as a condom full of Kool Aid.

Aww. You like me. [chuckles]

Aww. You look like you want to kill yourself again.

Babe, babe, so am I.

Babe! It's bad luck to see the bride the night before the wedd

Babe? You okay?

Baby bird the paste into their mouth holes.

Baby, I'm in love

Baby. It It Listen, it just sounds like you need a little time to reflect,

Baby's sleeping, dinner's ready, and Barry's had a glass of daddy juice.

Bad! Like I gotta poop at a house party.

Banana, yellow, blond, Laura Dern hair. Yeah, I guess I can get there.

Banana. Right?

Barry and I were in a pretty dark place.

Barry doesn't even have an Ambition Gremlin, for Christ's sake.

Barry wants to fire Claudia.

Barry, go home. Now.

Barry, I don't want you here right now, okay?

Barry, I think I might be at sea for a while.

Barry, I was in the middle of my Claudia meditation.

Barry, never quote Kelly Clarkson again.

Barry!

Barry? Barry? Barry!

Barry's a total joke.

Bash each other's brains into oatmeal,

Be careful with her, you brute! She could shatter!

Beat him into dust so I can snort him off Rick's fuckable ass.

Because grief is a natural process of life,

Because he thinks all you care about is his fragile Lovebug dong.

Because I am gonna make you finish this fight whether you want to or not.

Because I didn't wanna come.

Because I knew my girl was getting into Berkeley.

Because I love you so fricking much.

Because I missed work and had no place else to go.

Because I want it! I just… I I don't I don't think I deserve it!

Because I'm glad that you're here

Because if it was, Jason Momoa would have seen me a long time ago.

Because it's such a good penis. And I'm such a bad monster.

Because monsters are big.

Because there is no good news. She's still going to Rutgers.

Because there's so much she doesn't need to worry about anymore.

Because you fucking love her.

Because you have so many funny ones.

Because you're a bad, bad mummy!

Because you're terrifying enough for at least two people.

Because you're you, and you can fucking handle it.

Because, you know, sometimes,

Becca and Barry have a history you don't know about.

Becca got us out of our head, you know?

Becca, "Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this."

Becca, baby, what can I do? Do you want a fan? Uh, some Corn Nuts?

Becca, dude, enough with the petty bullshit.

Becca, I'm afraid we're going to have to put you on bed rest

Becca, listen to me, okay? It's time to start pushing.

Becca, take deep breaths and ignore all these morons.

Becca, this is very important to Barry.

Becca, you have the most beautiful light around you right now.

Becca, you must be freaking out.

Becca's doomed to be miserable, and she should just give up

Becca's really only slept four hours since Friday?

Becks, are you okay?

Been there. Eh, wanna ask me about it?

Before they fill your shelly with unprotected sex things.

Before you start expressing your glands, maybe we should call it a night.

Being sad makes me happy.

Belittle me some more, you gorgeous maniac.

Berkeley, here we come! Here we come! Here we come! Ayo!

Better get 'em to nap before 3:00 or they'll turn into real assholes.

Better to be a living cuck than a dead hero.

Between a point guard and a power forward."

Between you and me, that's what the toilet said.

Bit of a tight squeeze.

Bitch, you got one.

Bitch! I was gonna call her a bitch!

Bitch! Thank you.

Bite it, Gil. Bite it and swallow it.

Bite your tongue.

Blow it out ya face, Shawn.

Blue represents the mind. Yours is unburdened.

Boning portion of the evening.

Boo! Boo! Okay, don't clap for her.

Boy, don't flatter yourself.

Boy, you sure do love to drink wine and be sad.

Breathe in.

Bugs who love!

Bulletproof vest, you dumb asshole.

Bumper, mirror housings, mud flaps, rear end enders.

Busy as always.

But a lot of it would've gotten sweaty.

But alas, because of her family, they could never be seen together.

But all we did was fuck, and the odd blowjob,

But also I totally get it and I want him to rail me after he's done with her.

But also…

But Andrew doesn't even wear Calvins.

But at the end of the day, she's just someone I fuck.

But Becca and Barry have a history, and and they actually have real love.

But being a Lovebug is your purpose. So, you get your ass back there on Monday.

But Danielle is your dream girl.

But do you think she even loves him anymore?

But Doug loves the Phoenix Suns. He's their number one Hartford fan.

But everyone loves my "Would you rather" board.

But food now please?

But gain it all in the thighs and the face.

But has Maury never shown you Laura Dern?

But he was kind.

But I can help you with the rest of that.

But I gotta ask, with the bug parts and the lady parts,

But I gotta say, your Barry's a little off.

But I guess you know what to do with this friendship, the fourth D.

But I might have accidentally learned something about myself.

But I think the time has come to call your perverts.

But I was dreaming of you before I even knew you existed."

But I'll be damned if I let it happen again!

But I'm glad you're here with me.

But I'm going to be incredibly unpleasant.

But I'm not taking you out with you looking like an aging mobster.

But I'm not turning into a Hateworm today.

But I'm so goddamn wet right now.

But I've been with Maury a long time.

But if that thing's more important to you than she is,

But if you figure out how to make that happen, let me know, because…

But it can only go in one folder.

But it won't be the same. Nothing will ever be the same.

But it's also so fucking precious.

But it's my bottom right, man.

But it's not fair! Why can't a Lovebug be with a human?

But maybe we should check the hospital or the morgue?

But never at the same time to cancel each other out.

But no one knows why.

But now look at me.

But now this asshole's got him under his spell.

But now we're buds and the baby's cute and lazy and barfs a lot,

But only 'cause I need to get my nephew some Super Mario Skechers.

But Petra's so psycho about me going to Berkeley.

But probably greatness. Or maybe madness.

But she doesn't love us anymore!

But she's actually pretty grounded.

But Sonya

But that husband. He's a real wet blanket, isn't he?

But that's just your mother talking.

But the filling all gooey and warm.

But the kid wouldn't listen. [chuckles]

But the pile just keeps getting bigger.

But the thing is, I don't have to be stuck with them, so, peace!

But the truth is,

But then he came here, and he told me he loves me, and…

But then, you met Wassim.

But things are different now. This is too much pressure.

But this is what she wants.

But we have to try, God damn it!

But we need to keep pushing.

But we should probably run this by Rochelle.

But we would never tell them that, because they would get lazy.

But we've learned something.

But what a relief, she's just dying!

But what about Claudia? When did you see her again?

But who's going to walk me down the aisle?

But with you two, the hard on is real.

But Yara can't die! She's… She's not ready!

But you bought that other stuff from the pharmacy, right?

But you can out stroke him.

But you could've talked to me first before Jumbotron proposing

But you ever feel like she maybe doesn't "get logic"?

But you got two shows on Netflix.

But you just can't do it in the office ever again starting right now.

But you know what, you put on your hash brown sock

But you need to relax or you're gonna die too, like Yara.

But you need to stop punishing yourself because you're happy and Emmy's miserable.

But you're mistaking that for being right,

But you're not the best brand ambassador for feeling things.

But you're not the one dealing with her…

But, Dad, Teta doesn't even know who we are.

But, hey, I'm game if you two are!

But, hey, monsters, we have a problem. Your coworkers are upset.

But, honey, I need the best.

But, in some respects, it's also the day you got fired.

But, look, whatever you decide, this is yours to keep, Andrew.

But, Maury, it's a cookie cake. Not a regular cake, it's cookie cake.

But, Mummy, I harvested these shame tears myself!

But, oh shit. If you're on Becca's team, does that mean she's depressed?

But, uh, I'll see you at the bar.

But, uh, I'm gonna have to amputate your penis.

But, uh, yeah, is there a way to make that happen?

But, unfortunately, if I don't sign off on your training,

But, Walter, old ladies can't survive on candy alone.

But, you know, it's fine. I've accepted the kind of bug I am.

But?

Buy us cigarettes and take us to the horse track!

By a creep who doesn't even like you.

By the bushel at Costco.

Caffeine pills, workout powder…

Call me Demi Moore 'cause I am still friends with Bruce Willis.

Call that thing cute, you're a liar.

Can we sleep now?

Can we talk for a second?

Can you be more specific?

Can you believe this shit?

Can you help me get into my milk? I'm about to give up and buy a new one.

Can you say "please"?

Can you smell it, Emmy? Can you smell the love?

Can't believe you got the epidural.

Can't wipe yet. Too raw.

Casual yawn.

Cat egory is thick girls with attitude!

Cat Stevens. I'm I'm Emmy's new friend.

Caught myself brown handed.

Celebrate me.

Civility appreciated.

Claudia, as an Aquarius,

Claudia, we can't go back up there. Humans aren't allowed to live

Claudia? Are you hearing me? They want to fire you.

Cocky Ballsboa.

Cocky Ballsboa. As I live and breathe.

Cocky, what are you doing here? I told you I don't want you fighting Mr. Beef.

Come back?

Come here. Come here.

Come on, ass, don't be a dick.

Come on, ass!

Come on, ass! Work!

Come on, baby girl, you really have no idea why Sonya got fired?

Come on, baby. I got a flashlight, comic books, bubblegum cigarettes.

Come on, Becca. This is it. You're gonna be a mom.

Come on, cocksickle. Stay light on your balls.

Come on, come on, I'm on Doug's team too.

Come on, come on, spill the nectar, honey. I am parched.

Come on, everybody, let's get inside, for Christ's sake!

Come on, guys! Finger him! Nobody? Just me?

Come on, I know you're hungry.

Come on, just tell me what happened.

Come on, Keith. Praying, crying, grieving?

Come on, little dicks!

Come on, Maury. The meeting I told you about, which is very real,

Come on, Rochelle, you don't want to stop.

Come on, roundhouse! Get that dick!

Come on, show 'em what you're worth.

Come on, smoking hot and a team player? Let's hear it for my girl!

Come on, we are Hormone Monsters, don't you forget it.

Come on, you shameful little sickos,

Come on!

Come on! Hit me harder, you little bitch.

Come on.

Come on. There's gotta be somebody that gets your juices flowing.

Come. Pick the crystal that will transform your life.

Coming up next, Janelle Monáe sings a song

Connie, I don't like these jokes. Baby can hear.

Connie, why don't you join me up front?

Connie!

Consideration. Yeah?

Corporate doesn't want excuses, just results.

Corporate don't give a rat's ass who's helping him aim the hose.

Could let our boy Doug eat sweets and look great.

Could really supercharge Doug's workouts.

Could you guys please leave me alone and just let me

Could you not do that on my desk? Goddamn assholes!

Cry? You gonna cry? You gonna cry 'cause of what I said, are you?

Cut off my dick? Here. Here's a bread knife.

Cute.

Daddy loves you.

Dairy first.

Damn it, Cocky! This isn't like lambskin night at Planet Fitness.

Damn it, Connie, I knew this would ruin everything.

Damn it!

Damn, it's like somebody put

Damn, this sucks.

Damn! What's her problem?

Damn. Looks like Gil and Joe got a bit of a glow up.

Damn. Sonya's been drunk ever since she got fired.

Danielle, I love you. And…

Danielle, wait.

Dante really got into every nook and cranny of this place, didn't he?

Dante, it brings me barely any joy to say this,

Dante, right? It's a funny story, actually. He

Dante, uh, wait.

Dante, what are you doing here? We said we were done.

Dante? Dante!

Darling, I cannot wait to work with you on Becca's team.

Darling, that is all in the past.

Defer…

Definitely don't run too fast, and trip and fall down some stairs.

Delegate…

Delete! You didn't even listen to my cool wizard presentation.

Destroy me, I mean. You know, with sex?

Did getting electrocuted hurt? 'Cause I got Vicodin.

Did he just hang up on us?

Did he take you to a romantic restaurant?

Did I say that? I probably did.

Did you and Dante fuck too?

Did you guys know that Gavin was promoted?

Did you know that JCPenney's went out of business? Fucking men!

Did you want me to respond?

Didn't that feel good?

Didn't you hear? You didn't win.

Didn't you listen to that bitch at the hospital?

Dissolve my body in acid, go to hell, be dead.

Ditch the mixer?

Do I seem threatening?

Do scary shit, and see what happens.

Do something, shit rat! Do something!

Do something! Board up that window before a wind tunnel forms!

Do that thing you do for my friend Claudia.

Do you even know where the Department of Energy is?

Do you know how many oceans this queen had to cross

Do you know what an insult that is to your mama?

Do you know where I might find this gentleman?

Do you know where they put the good blankets I got you?

Do you promise to finger me every day at Rutgers?

Do you think this is made with real tiger clits?

Do you think we should clean up the room like he said?

Do you think wizards are cool?

Do you think… Oh, I hate to even suggest it.

Do you want to land this refried beans account,

Do…

Does the couch look better over here or where I had it?

Does your own child mean something to you?

Doesn't mean I'm in the mood to have sex every week, Sharon!

Doh!

Don't be a fuckin' hero, Jose, let it go to voicemail.

Don't be silly, I'm fine to fly.

Don't be stupid. Go to Berkeley.

Don't break the fort!

Don't fucking touch me, E.T.

Don't hit it. Can I please take a look?

Don't I know it?

Don't leave your email client open during the day.

Don't listen to him!

Don't negotiate with these losers.

Don't post photos of your kids if they're not cute.

Don't say a word to me about Mariah!

Don't tell me what I'm like.

Don't tell me what to do.

Don't waste time on stuff everyone already knows.

Don't worry, Connie, they will have sex.

Don't worry, honey. It's my treat.

Don't worry, I'm here. I'm here, yes, with a brand new fashion belt.

Don't worry, we'll get you a rental while your car's getting fixed.

Don't you see? There's nowhere else to put it!

Don't you worry your little head, Barry.

Donna, you're like medicine and oxygen in one.

Doug, honey, we're supposed to be writing your vows right now.

Doug, is that candy?

Doug, what are you doing?

Doug! Where's the water? Now the curtains are on fire too!

Dougie, what were all those pills you had?

Douglas Frederick, will you marry me?

Dr. Blueberry's Ultimate Yogurt Cleanse

Dream. School. Resumé. Gold.

Dude, where does all your chill, laid back confidence come from? What is your deal?

Dump Barry's bitch ass. Let's leave him for Claudia.

Ears, nose, and throat, it's too many things."

Eat shit, everyone who ever fucking doubted us!

Eh, it is what it is.

Eh, you're right. Dairy first?

Eh. Corporate tried. But it turns out he owns the building.

Eh. Sure, whatever.

Emmy can't even keep a calendar.

Emmy Fairfax will step in as Becca's Lovebug

Emmy, don't!

Emmy, go. Your turn, go.

Emmy, I I got my marriage back thanks to you.

Emmy, I am obsessed with your commitment to ruining your own life.

Emmy, let Yara and I have this.

Emmy, look at you. You're delightfully pathetic.

Emmy, no, no, don't do it! The prick dust is the most potent.

Emmy, over here! Yoo hoo!

Emmy, sit down, you're making a fool of yourself.

Emmy, stop it.

Emmy, this is not what we talked about at lunch, which I paid for.

Emmy, what are you doing here Wait.

Emmy!

Emmy! Do you actually think this story has a happy ending?

Emmy! Get in there. Everyone else is doing their job, you need to do yours.

Emmy! Honey, honey, you're getting very hate wormy. Are you okay?

Emmy? What the fuck are you doing here?

Emmy… [clears throat] I'm going to be real with you.