Wrecked (2016) - Season 1 Edit

A feel of your boobs!

A foot doctor is a real doctor.

A little bit.

A podiatrist is a real doctor.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Help me!

Aah!!

About how precious life can be.

All of these people, they look to us.

All of us, right?

All right, look cool, look cool.

All right, nobody wants to say anything?

All right.

All right. Yeah, right.

All the gifts and weird leg touching.

All the good stuff's gonna get taken.

Aloha, babies.

Also, I have a gun.

Am I not important?

And call someone who's done molly via their butthole

And certainly the most attractive.

And get the hell out of here! Scram!

And he didn't say it,

And I'll clear this beach.

And I'll just jot down some notes for a eulogy.

And if we're honest with them, they'll listen

And now they want me to clear the fuselage?

And remember...

And slink away from our 10 year friendship

And someone's finally listening..

And the angle is so impressive.

And the angle is so impressive.

And the hard truth is if they knew where we were,

And the only number I know off the top of my head

And the things I gave you! That neck pillow!

And then have someone bitch at me.

And then we just, like, hit the ground.

And there's the weak

And they're gonna hate you for it.

And they're still coming for us.

And we are stranded...

And we're not.

And who's gonna not butt roll at a Rick Ross concert?!

And, two..

And, yes, the ELT is broken, but...

Any of us move, I'll lose it

Anyway, get at me.

Anyway, I'll let her know.

Are you even looking?

Are you flirting with me? I don't even know you.

Are you gonna steal my blanket?

Are you okay?

Are you talking about my golf club?

As long as we don't lose ourselves in here,

As long as you don't lose yourself in here,

As long as you don't lose yourself in here,

As we've only been dating for seven years...

At 1,000 miles an hour,

Babe, I just talked to Karen.

Baby?

Beach is almost cleared. How's it going on the fuselage?

Because I spent 10 years in the British Special Forces.

Because it's only been four days,

Because out there, you either kill your dinner...

Because that's how nightmare sequences with Dad work!

Because today has to be a goddamn Saturday!

Because you're a coward.

Because you're a pussy, Daniel!

Because, Jess,

Before they start spreading disease.

Before this flight is over.

Besides, it's like the first time

Blown out of the sky at 30,000 feet,

Blugh!

Body's still missing.

Boomer, I knew you'd pick up, okay.

Boomer, what are you...

Boomer, your stupid voicemail! Okay, it's Florence!

Boy, he is just... jammed in there, isn't he, huh?

Brendan Fraser, star of The Mummy,

Buh! Buh! Buh!

But as long as we have somebody like Karen,

But be prepared.

But I will not rest until I find her.

But I'm not even...

But I'm pretty sure he killed Bin Laden.

But isn't this in San Francisco?

But it has a signal... a faint signal.

But she said you were a foot doctor

But she was strong, too

But something amazing also happened.

But we're losing battery, and nobody's picking up!

But you've probably seen worse on the force, right?

But, Da...

Call somebody

Callaway is a golf club?

Can I get you a hot towel?

Can I really level with you, Owen?

Can we get some help over here?

Can you do that for me, Owen?

Can you do that?

Celebrating a soul's departure from the physical plane.

Charlie, it's Pack!

Come on, get up.

Come on, Jess.

Come on!

Come on! It's right here.

Come on! Somebody pick up!!

Come on.

Come on.

Come save us, I'm Ali...

Come... All right, honestly, come here.

Crazy night, right?

Dad?

Daddy found the drink cart.

Daddy found the drink cart.

Damn you, Todd!

Daniel!! No one needs your help.

Danny, his head just went through his ass.

Dealing with these bodies today, I learned something.

Did you even look for my Oakleys?

Did you just kill that boar?

Did you not hear the call button, or...?

Did you seriously not get that?

Do any of you guys know anyone's phone number?

Do us a favor, will you?

Do you know why you're a terrible

Does anyone have anyone else to call?

Does anyone want to say anything before I torch these bodies?

Don't laugh at me

Don't look at each other!

Don't move a muscle.

Don't... Don't tell people that.

Double psych!

Drank all our booze, ate all our food

Eeew!!

Eeew!!

Emma said you wouldn't, but I knew you would.

Emma, you're a doctor

Emma, you're a doctor! Do something!

English is always one! Why would you make Spanish one?!

Enough with the golf club.

Enough! You're boring me.

Enthusiastically robbing the dead thing

Eric's a nice guy. He's got a young face

Even if it's hypoallergenic, it's still no.

Everybody get upwind!

Everybody look cool.

Everybody shut up and listen!

Everyone, look, anyone who wants to go can go.

Excuse me! Everyone!

Fallen in the ocean, sunk to the bottom

Feels like you're trying to bang me, dude.

Florence, you beautiful bitch, you did it again!

Florence, you studied in Spain. What is it saying?

Florence, you're up.

Foot doctor.

For all we know, he could have

Form doesn't matter when you're trying to lift 10,000 pounds.

Frick me.

Gentlemen, I need you three to split up,

Get back!

Get back! There! There, stop!

Get off my plane.

Get out of the water. Come on.

Get rid of any disease, say good bye to these cadavers.

Get the bag!

Give me that...

Go into the jungle and check for any missed bodies,

God damn it

God damn it!

Goodbye!

Google Glass? More like Google Ass.

Google's shitting their pants right now.

Great

Great!

Guys, focus.

Guys, guys, guys.

Guys, guys! Guys, it's gonna... It's gonna be fine.

Guys, I just hit low battery.

Guys, the police, right? 911.

Guys, we survived a plane crash.

Guys, we're all upset, okay? This is nobody's fault.

Guys!

Guys!

Hack 'em up, throw 'em in a bag,

Has anyone seen my inhaler?

Have you got it? Use your legs, not your back.

Haven't you?

He already said that.

He happens to deal drugs.

He just spilled a whole bunch of hot pasta right in his lap.

He'll find us! We're rescued!

He's a cop.

He's coming over here.

Hell, I've seen a hammerhead shark

Hello?

Hello? Are you still there?!

Hello. You've reached the voicemail of Charlie Fay,

Help is on the way right now

Help me!

Help sort through the wreckage, eh?

Help!

Helping people, gun in my hand, firing it in the air.

Here's your man bag.

Hey, guys!

Hey, help, please! Just when you get a chance!

Hey, hey, look what I found. Oh.

Hey, hey, no one is gonna die, okay?

Hey, hey!

Hey, honey.

Hey, it's Pack. I'm alive.

Hey, look, I heard about what you lost in the crash.

Hey, shut up!

Hey, Todd, how's Jess doing? Is she all right?

Hey, Todd.

Hey, y'all hear that?

Hey, you guys okay?

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Check it out!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! No, only I get to yell at my friend.

Hey. Look what I've got...

Hi, Todd

Hi.

Hi. Hey.

Hola, gracias por...

Holy shit, that guy's handsome.

How do you feel?

How does this even happen?

How does this happen?

How?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh? You land the plane.

I also make paper!

I am like Harrison Ford in Air Force One.

I am not sad. I just don't have anyone's phone number.

I believe that people are good and... and reasonable.

I can feel my knees starting to smoosh together!

I can't do it! I'm not gonna do it!

I can't do this. I can't do this.

I can't even imagine.

I can't find any water anywhere, which is funny.

I can't lift a plane.

I can't tell people that I'm not a cop.

I can't wait to get drunker.

I did it!

I didn't get a bag of nuts. Um...

I don't even feel it.

I don't have my phone. I'm very scared.

I don't know, I'm spitballing here.

I don't know! I'm just very flustered right now!

I don't know! Why are you here, Dad?!

I don't know.

I don't know. It was kind of confusing.

I don't want a dog, Todd!

I feel amazing.

I feel great, actually

I felt like that was rambling a little bit.

I found the ELT.

I gave my life to that place

I got a signal!

I got an idea.

I have no idea, but I'm smelling many, many things right now.

I I know it's Milwaukee.

I I love it.

I just don't want to light these suckers up

I just realized that if we're stuck on this island,

I just think it's very telling

I keep telling her, lady, anything could have happened.

I know this

I learned that it doesn't matter

I mean, do you understand how incredibly lucky that we are?

I mean, I know that there's no real way of knowing...

I mean, it's the 21st century. There's got to be

I mean, Owen, you're a natural born leader.

I need my... my inhaler.

I need this! Oh, come on.

I need you to connect with at least one person

I remember the first time I picked her up

I said Papa John's!

I said pass, so I'm...

I said, Lady, your husband... fish bait.

I saw a woman who was literally folded in half

I see three very capable men here, all right?

I should have brought my guitar.

I spent 10 years in the British Special Forces.

I spilled hot pasta!

I spilled it on... on... What's your name? Scott?

I think a memorial is a great idea.

I think maybe with your bare hands, which is insane.

I think so. It's got a star.

I think that if we can survive that plane crash,

I think we can make a call

I thought you were a real doctor.

I told you I don't want to be like you.

I want to help people.

I was involved in a crash.

I was just up there talking with Liam,

I will murder you!

I would have called someone, Owen, but my phone is dead.

I...

I'll go. I'll go.

I'll help them.

I'll probably have to stay here, Liam.

I'll say a few words.

I'll smoke on this plane if I want to.

I'll take her

I'll tell you why... because you don't care about people.

I'm

I'm a cop.

I'm a cop.

I'm a cop.

I'm a dick for us.

I'm all your fears and bullshit come to life.

I'm comforting you in your time of need.

I'm dehydrated. I'm sorry, everybody.

I'm gonna need you to go clean that up.

I'm gonna...

I'm here to tell you that you'll never move these bodies

I'm not a cop

I'm not actually here.

I'm not trying to bang you.

I'm out!

I'm saving your life, dude!

I'm scared, too.

I'm so happy for you.

I'm sure whatever you decide to do will be great.

I'm the reason you're scared of everything!

If I could have your attention, please! Guys!

If it isn't my greatest disappoi...

If not us, then who?

If we can locate this ELT,

If we could all gather 'round the fire for a camp meeting.

If we pool our talents together, there's absolutely no way...

If we pool our talents together, there's absolutely no way...

If we weren't close to others.

If we're gonna waste time, let's waste time.

If you find yourself on a loose end.

Is because I asked myself,

Is it disrespectful if we leave?

Is it... I got it on your shirt and your pants.

Is my office. And it's closed on Saturday!

Is that a thing? Yeah, never mind.

Is that an Air Marshal badge?

Is that it?

Is that my bag?

Is that the bodies?!

Is way more famous than Brendan Fraser.

It doesn't matter what people thought of us

It smashed against a tree.

It smells like burning hair, huh?

It sucks dick.

It sucks... dick.

It was with the badge. Stand back.

It wouldn't be the top story in the country?

It'll be like a real life Weekend at Bernie's.

It's a $1,500 golf club.

It's a $1,500 metal stick, okay?

It's a puke chain

It's a regular hospital!

It's almost fall, and you know what that means.

It's Danny

It's dead.

It's Florence! What are you talking about?!

It's flu shot season!

It's got a very low battery,

It's got me thinking about our roles on this island

It's like a giant tube of nightmares!

It's like the Miami of the Midwest. Okay.

It's like we're hurdling through the sky in a metal tube

It's okay. It's just a bunch of dead people

It's okay. It's okay

It's on the wall. Can we get somebody?

It's our duty.

It's still my voicemail!

It's wordplay.

Jerk each other off in the sand.

Jess, it's not a golf club.

Jess, my baby is out there!

Jess! I found your inhaler.

Jesus, Todd, those are people, okay?

Jesus. Steve, are you trying to bang me?

Jokes aside, it's been three days since the crash.

Just eat some peanuts.

Just never trusted a grown man who rides a scooter.

Just one bar! Come on!

Just say Operator

Just tell my ex wife I forgive her.

Just thinking,

Karen from Bing. And let me tell you something...

Karen, wait.

Karen, you killed a boar last night,

Karen... I think we should say good bye.

Leave a name and number after the beep.

Let it go!

Let me tell you something, Arthur.

Let's get weird!

Let's go!

Let's go.

Let's just say hypothetically we don't find the ELT.

Let's see what this is.

Level with me. Are we getting saved or not?

Liam found the nose of the plane!

Life is precious.

Life, huh? It's big.

Lift it. We can lift it, together

Like a lawn chair.

Like a public masturbator or something.

Like the... the world police

Like, a whole thing with you guys.

Like, it had this big, old fatty head.

Like, maybe a few seconds.

Like, we move them, like, with our...

Listen, I know that you guys are... are scared

Listen, man, it's not my fault you're an idiot.

Lo siento?

Look at me.

Look, uh, gentlemen, I, uh... I appreciate the gesture.

Looks like some bodies washed up during the night.

Man, I can't wait to get drunk.

Maybe I'll find her.

Maybe my Callaway washed up, too.

Maybe you will

Might take your mind off a few things.

Mm

More like he's trying to cop..

My bad.

My handkerchief!

My least famous client

My office. I'll leave a message for my assistant, Charlie.

My son wants to be a public servant.

Newly appointed sports agent at United Artists Agency.

No

No way!

No, Danny, that's quite lovely.

No, I can't go, Liam.

No, I wasn't on the pla... This is a nightmare sequence.

No, I'm not.

No, it's not. It was daytime out there.

No, like when a podiatrist saves your life.

No, like, the cheese.

No, no, no! No, no, no, no, no!

No, that's okay. Ow.

No, there's no time!

No, they are not.

No, they need Liam

No, we do not trust him.

No! I'm not okay!

No? No, I...

No.

No... Yeah, it is. It happens.

Nobody cares about a plane crash

Nobody?

None of these phones work?

Nope.

Not at all.

Not to mention all the other things!

Not yet. Why?

Now I'm gonna throw up. I'm gonna throw up

Now that you're literally stuck with me?

Now there's like all this fog and shit in here

Now you want to move in together?

Now, how about we get ourselves saved?

Now, I'm going with you.

Now, most planes have life rafts

Now, stop embarrassing the family

Now, there's a great big fat man in 7D.

Now, we know some of the wreckage landed in the jungle.

Now, where's the guy in the Hawaiian shirt?

Of course you can't.

Oh, and if you're calling about the iguana,

Oh, come on, Steve!

Oh, Danny, Danny, Danny

Oh, Florence, come on.

Oh, forget this! Florence, you're up!

Oh, God damn it.

Oh, God, he's fat.

Oh, God!

Oh, God! Never mind!

Oh, God! Oh, my God!

Oh, God! They're so gross!

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Now I need to pee.

Oh, God. Oh, my God

Oh, great. Thanks.

Oh, hey, it's you!

Oh, I got hot pasta. I got hot pasta.

Oh, I've been slamming this wine, so..

Oh, like Boomer and his rad voicemail?

Oh, like when a nurse wraps your ankle.

Oh, my God

Oh, my God, it's gone.

Oh, my God, no. Did they...

Oh, my God, Todd! He was just trying to help me, okay?

Oh, my God! She's mad!

Oh, my God! That was one time!

Oh, my God! Where did you get a gun?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, no shit!

Oh, no, no, no, Daniel.

Oh, no. My parents don't believe in cellphones

Oh, no. You want to cuddle?

Oh, oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Oh, okay, well, not all of us

Oh, okay.

Oh, Pack!

Oh, Pack!

Oh, really? Really, Todd?

Oh, thanks, Steve.

Oh, thanks, Steve.

Oh, we're dead

Oh, what's a Boomer?

Oh, yeah, sure

Oh, you tell me, short stuff. Huh?

Oh, you're busy.

Oh, yuck! Ugh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! No!

Oh.

Oh.

Ohh. Uhh...

Ohhh.

Oi! Katie, leave that man alone.

Okay

Okay, don't fall asleep. No, no, no, no

Okay, fine. How about you three

Okay, here we go.

Okay, how much call time is left?

Okay, it's ringing. Florence, get ready.

Okay, it's..

Okay, just come here.

Okay, okay.

Okay, okay. Look at me.

Okay, so, what are you waiting for?

Okay, sorry to interrupt, guys,

Okay, that was more about the culture

Okay, we should all listen to Emma.

Okay, who are you calling?

Okay!

Okay?

Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Everyone spread out

Okay. Hear me out.

Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Okay. Uh...

Okay. We can fix this. We can fix this.

On this island that sends a signal, right?

One breath in, one breath out.

One breath in, one breath out.

One breath in, one breath out.

One, two, three, four

Only had her for, like, six months, too.

Opera dor?

Operator

Or a hospital or something?

Or if we lost track of what's important...

Or if we lost track of what's important...

Or something like that. I don't know.

Or you become the dinner.

Or, hell, if we were some big weirdo,

Or, hell, if we were some big weirdo,

Ow! Shit!

Owen and I are gonna go with you.

Owen, they need us.

Owen, you're a flight attendant.

Owen!

Owen!

Owen?

Owen?

Owen.

Owen's got something to say!

Pack, the voicemail!

Pack, what's going on?

Pack, you said earlier that there's got to be something

Pack, you said earlier that there's got to be something

Passengers! Passengers!

People are actually looking at me with respect

People know parents' numbers, right? Florence?

People split in two, arms hanging off.

People will fight, plunder, kill...

Please, Danny.

Pretty much.

Pretty snazzy for some cool guy.

Probably got eaten by a hammerhead shark.

Probably open with a joke.

Probably with rocks or shards of glass to the eyes or throat.

Psych!

Pussy!

Put a bunch of rocks in there, weigh 'em down?

Really?

Right

Ripped his butt clean off.

Said I loved it more than her.

Said the sad man with no one to call.

See this woman? She needs my help.

Seven, Todd!

She doesn't give two shits

She just grabbed the thing,

She kept your baby in the garage?!

She knows what she's talking about. She's a podiatrist.

She looks totally fine.

She seems to think it's still somewhere on the plane.

She weighed nothing.

She's glad it's gone.

Shh, quiet. Quiet, quiet, quiet.

Sleeping pill?

So much for our girls' trip

So sad.

So, I'm gonna help her.

So, is that why you're pretending to be

So, no one's coming?

So, unless Brendan Fraser was lounging in first class...

So, we're just gonna hang up on a hospital

So, what are we thinking?

So, you were just gonna leave

Some blue collar cop?

Some people just can't let go of the past.

Some pretzels for you.

Somebody already took him.

Someone needs to stay behind and build us a shelter.

Son of a bitch, he's good!

Son of a bitch!

Sooner or later, these people are going to find out

Sorry, what was your question, again?

Sorry.

Started swinging at me like a goddamn animal.

Stop moving!

Stop... dancing!!

Take a step back.

Tear into a grown man like he was warm bread.

Terribly sorry.

Thank you for that...

Thanks for calling San Francisco General.

That call button, it's a call to action

That call button, it's a call to action.

That doesn't matter right now. Okay, we are alive, okay?

That guy.

That is hot. That is hot pasta.

That is why I've come up with a plan.

That the only number you know is some hospital.

That thing's jammed full of bodies...

That... That's a middle aged dog.

That's a great question, Diane from Topeka.

That's an excellent question, Diane from Toledo.

That's awesome!

That's cool!

That's great.

That's heavy.

That's our best chance for getting saved.

That's pretty convenient, Todd,

That's right. Your father.

That's what I was just thinking, you know?

That's what I'd do. Trust me...

That's why tomorrow, I'm going on a hike.

That's why you ran off to Thailand.

That's why you'll never take over the family business.

That's... cute.

The chunky cop's going through a lot of bags.

The ELT is about the size of a gentleman's attaché case

The feet are the gateway to the body!

The hell are these things?

The hot limey's right.

The Mummy Returns, Mummy IV.

The only thing keeping this shitstorm at bay is that Brit.

The point is...

The raft should automatically inflate, activating the ELT.

The sketch I did of the two of us on the beach.

The truth.

The whole reason I wanted to become a cop

Then don't, man. Just tell people the truth.

Then I'll be the liar on the island.

Then, uh, you're gonna be...

There it is.

There's a Papa John's in Tucson.

There's nothing to save here.

There's some pretty heavy shit.

There's the strong...

These people need us, all right?

They haven't trained you for this?

They just specialize in feet.

They made Charlie an agent?

They replaced me after one week.

They would have bloody been here by now.

They're all dead or locked.

They're always listening.

They're equipped with an emergency location transmitter.

They're everywhere!

They're just corpses. They can't hurt you.

Things are gonna be... you're gonna be fine out there

This is a satellite phone.

This is a voicemail!

This is about us beating everyone else, okay?

This is all over the place.

This is it, man.

This is our chance to be leaders.

This island's gonna get Lord of the Flies real fast.

This isn't about us.

This mailbox is full and cannot take new messages.

This may be our last chance for getting off this island.

This must be your worst nightmare,

This one time, we were fighting.

This place is a freaking nightmare.

This thing is so light, you know?

Thought you were gonna get here early and get us good seats.

Through your feet.

To some foot hospital?!

Todd, I want you to know that I'm there for you, okay?

Todd, why don't you just come with me?

Todd, you've lost a child.

Todd, your snacks are not in here.

Toledo.

Trust me, he'll find me.

Ugh, it smells like a hundred assholes on fire.

Ugh! I'm gonna throw up!

Ugh! Ugh!

Ugh. What's that smell?!

Uh, a little thing called the NSA

Uh, It's just the hospital that I matched at, so...

Uh, just hanging, man. How about you?

Uh, yeah, it's going

Uh, yes, yes! I know the number to a hospital!

Uh...

Uh...

Uh...

Um... parents?

Um... parents?

Um... the name of a department.

Unless there's a famous ass in one of those seats.

Unless, of course, the sharks got him.

Used to make me keep it in the garage.

Voicemail. I'm gonna leave a voicemail!

Wait, say that again.

Wait, wait, wait! Shut up, shut up, shut up!