A really, really good college.
A verdant buffer zone
Ah, Glen.
And certainly no more sexual harassment suits.
And humiliating anyone who's a little bit different?
And it's so easy to swallow. Mmm. Wow, Glen
And my advice to you is to stop worrying
And my whole life is riding on an A in this class.
And nothing you can say or do or stamp
And now it's nothing! Nada!
And the pages were... You are a rotten egg.
And this'll be the bath..
And you look like her!
B?
B.K.E., B.K.E., brotherhood, brotherhood, you and me!
Bartleby! Hey.
Be the best years of your life.
Because people forget the most important rule.
Because, well, it's the only place I got accepted
But they said it's only for journalism majors.
But this...
Bye, honey. Seat belts.
Bye, Monica.
Close the door
College is a service industry
College is for pussies!
Come here, honey. Come on.
Come on. It's a gateway crime. What?
Come on. Please, I figured, who needs a life's savings, right?
Comin' right up.
Coming through!
Congratulations.
Don't ask me how I know that.
Dude, I swear, if one more person tells me
Earnings Before Interest, Taxes and Amortization
Er, was it G?
Everyone,
Everyone, please quiet down.
Excuse me.
Excuse me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, everybody.
Floyd Pambrose.
For the safety of the public, I can't let you drive a bus.
Fortunately, Mom and Dad are on speed dial.
Get off me, you idiot.
Give me some nice cat things.
Glen, you got to take that shirt off, pal
Go ahead!
Go with what you feel.
Go. Go up there right now. Go, man, go!
Good addition, sir
Gotta hand it to you, B
Gotta up the gorgeous quotient.
Guys, let's get the music back up! Come on!
He'll be fine. Mom!
He's a drunk, he's a degenerate, and he's looney tunes
Hello, everyone. Now, welcome to Parents' Day.
Hello, sir. Um, we're from South Harmon.
Hey o! Oh! God!
Hey, have you seen Schrader?
Hey, Hoyt. Hey, what are you doin'?
Hey, Rory. What's goin' on? Oh, hey. What? Fine. Nothing.
Hey, Schrad, do you know any places up near Harmon we can rent?
Hey, this is great!
Hey! B, oh, my gosh, that was fantastic.
Hey. Hey.
Honey.
Honey. I'm okay.
Hope you guys have hobo stab insurance.
How about that drink? Can I get you a drink?
How you doin'? Yeah! You the man.
How'd you know about this place?
How's the processing?
However,
Huh? What?
I agree with you, sir.
I became envious of Pete The Gooch Goochman
I can't believe this. But it's a dorm room.
I didn't have to go to gym class for a whole year
I just messed up. I really messed up.
I love it. A lot of anti Semitism, but under the rug, you know.
I thought you were supposed to tell us.
I told you so.
I want to learn how to blow shit up with my mind.
I would much rather be the first generation of Schrader
I... Yeah. Tell your mother I would love to mow the lawn. Really?
I'd say this is pretty big.
I'll catch up with you
I'm done fishing singles out of my G string.
I'm working with some very unstable herbs!
I'm, I'm looking for Schrader, actually. Have you seen him?
I've wanted one since I was a kid, though.
If I could bang one woman in the world it'd be Carly Simon,
If you want to be somebody, you go to college.
In life, it's important to distinguish between need and want.
Is that I really want to learn how to slow things down.
Is this great or is this great?
It gets me. And dairy products.
It will be totally calm
It would be really cool
It's fine. It's a good learning environment
It's gonna be fun.
It's like cleaning up your room, you know?
It's never too late, sir.
It's pretty cool, man, but I gotta go.
Kiki Dee. Got a job for you, kid.
Let's go find him. Oh!
Let's start this fake college. And then we'll go start a meth lab somewhere.
Listen, you insolent little snot,
Listen. If I'm paying for it, I'm meeting with the dean.
Loser. Loser.
Maybe you wanted to be a magician or an artist.
Monica? What are you doing here?
Move, fool.
Mow your lawn? Yeah.
Mr. Gaines, have you employed a faculty or not?
No frills around here. Oh, none at all.
No reason.
No room for Rory, who's been working
No, you didn't! Damn!
No. I'm not gonna tell you. I will tell you this.
Nobody got in anywhere else?
None of that, uh, that ivy, or gargoyles, or mahogany, it's the real deal.
Nothin' like gettin' a load off!
Nothing more. Gotcha.
Now I can't remember anything
O ye of little faith.
Oh, and by the way,
Oh, it's the mascot? Yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my... Holy shit.
Oh, no, no, no. That would be totally unacceptable.
Oh, that's right, I did.
Oh, that's so nobody accidentally gets thrown out.
Oh, we have a deal with Amazon.
Oh, yeah.
Oh. I'll ask them to pick me up here.
Okay, actually your meeting room's been changed to the Grand Hall.
Okay, I'll give you decent.
Okay, let's go!
Okay. Quick, quick, quick, everybody say Cheers!
Please.
Present and accounted for.
Questionable at best.
Ready, set, go.
Representing Harmon College.
Say, Hi, I'm the dean, whatever.
Schrader, no.
Schrader, what about you? Well, B, I'm glad you asked, actually.
Schrader.
Schrads! Hey, no time for chit chat, my friend.
Sherman Schrader, you rock!
Shit!
Since I got boned, hard, by every college I applied to.
So my advisor said it would be best not to take either one, or something,
So that we can demolish them to make room
So, is that it, Mr. Gaines?
So, welcome one and all. Excuse me, everyone.
So, why can't the opposite be true?
South Harmon is... It's a college,
Stalking's an ugly word
Sure, anything.
Tell me what classes you're taking.
Thank you so much!
Thank you so much. Yeah, sure.
That brothers can share.
That I do. Right.
That there are no tests, or essays,
That when you see one, you know it.
That's in case of an earthquake.
That's not a metaphor. That's a metaphor
That's right. Legacy!
That's the kind of group think mob mentality that's dumbing down America
That's, uh, the mascot.
The dean? Jesus. Mother of hell!
The true purpose of education is to stimulate the creativity
The wood speaks to you?
There's a wait list for that one.
These are my students
They all paid to come here.
This board does not reject innovation,
This is unconscionable.
This party's off the hook!
True
Uh,
Uh, perhaps young Sherman didn't share this with you.
Uh, we disbanded.
Uh, we extended orientation. You're fine.
Uh, whoa, Glen.
Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, she...
Um, Gaines, for what it's worth
Um, I... I didn't get into Yale.
Um, we have a wonderful guided tour planned
Um, you know, I know it's really late,
We gotta find a dean.
We just have to focus on essential areas.
We say yes to your hopes.
We're all goin' to college, okay?
We're just glad Larry got in someplace.
Welcome to South Harmon Institute of Technology!
What are you?
What do you mean?
What is happening? I'll tell you what's happening.
What is it? Cops?
What is that supposed to mean?
What the devil is that? Oh.
What the... What the hell is that?
What?
What? What the... Holy shit!
What's going on here?
What's he doing?
What's this?
What's up, B? How you doin'? What's up?
What's wrong with saying, Hey! Nice tits.
Which is good, because you know I'm not really in the mood
Whoa.
With a shared common purpose of a higher education.
Wow, thank you, Dad.
Yay!
Yeah
Yeah, come on, every school's gotta have a paper.
Yeah, it's pretty cool.
Yeah, well, I guess the secret's out.
Yeah!
Yeah. I mean, well, I'm taking a bunch of classes
Yeah. What was the problem?
Yes. We will, because of the blue and the sparse walls.
Yes. Yeah!
You are in college, aren't you?
You didn't have enough extracurriculars.
You get your stuff together. You meet us in the car
You got any literature on this place?
You know what? Maybe he's retarded.
You know what? You're a criminal.
You know, you're missing the whole party.
You look like Carly Simon!
You're gonna be great, man. Just go do your thing
Your college does have a dean, doesn't it?
Your dad's gonna want to see that. I know him, he's a hard ass
Your mother and I can't wait to drop you off.
18 pizza pockets. What? No, no, no. 3...
Anatomy? Anatomy?
B! Oh, hey, Schrader
Yo! Ah, there's my college man.
'Cause you don't need teachers or classrooms
'Cause you gotta remember, it's not just about us anymore, okay?