Sanford and Son (1972) - Season 1 Edit

A Beginner's Guide to Better Bowling.

A Bible? Pop, you stole a Bible?

A car. What do we need with a car?

A cat yowling at midnight means there's gonna be a death in the house.

A cold you can get rid of in three days. A speckled hat you'll have forever.

A couple of days at the ocean will really do you good, Pop.

A fella stayed in the house all night with a coffin...

A lightbulb. You swiped all this stuff. What'd you do that for?

A little brandy will be just the thing for you.

A little Chico Hamilton.

A little joke from my profession.

A little? He said 9:00, and it's after 10:00.

A lot of men wear 'em nowadays, so what's wrong with that?

A man like to believe that's him in the ring winning...

A new color TV.

A real dummy.

A ring.

A scientist dug up a mummy 3,000 years old.

A system, like.

A thing of beauty, class.

A victim your age taking on four assailants.

A whole lot of people like to wear it like that.

Abraham got married when he was over a hundred.

Absolutely not.

Absolutely. He should have familiar surroundings.

After all, he is your father, and you ought to show some respect.

After I got that jerk standing next to me to take it for 1,500.

After I've worked for you all these years, I'm getting thrown out the door.

After subject was discovered wandering aimlessly in downtown area.

After that last fight, I couldn't get you out of my mind.

Ah, here it is.

Ah, Joan!

Ah, yeah.

Aha. Here it is. "Dear sir, we are happy to inform you...

Ain't gonna be no preachin'. Just gonna be some drinkin'.

Ain't got no beer on tap...

Ain't got nothing to do with superstition. I just wanted them out.

Ain't no law that says when you found something...

Ain't no nonsense. It's a bad sign.

Ain't nobody in there. Dummy checked.

Ain't nobody marryin' nobody.

Ain't nothin' gonna happen to me. Please let me get some sleep

Ain't nothin' in the world sadder than an old black man...

Ain't nothin' on earth uglier than a 90 year old white woman.

Ain't worth nothin'. How long you been with me now, Lamont?

Ain't you gonna get dressed and go on out to work?

Ajunkyard.

All he gotta do is say it, and I'll do it.

All I do is just join all that pipe together...

All I got is this old truck, and the springs are gone...

All I know is that there was no supper.

All I know is that you broke it.

All I know is that you forgot about her. Well, I didn't.

All my friends thought I was getting my clothes from a fire sale.

All of a sudden, James Cagney say, "They got me, dirty rats. They got me. "

All of a sudden, there's this woman standing out by the curb...

All our pipes, Pop. He ripped out all our pipes.

All our plumbing is gone.

All right, come on. Get down here.

All right, darling.

All right, fine. Why don't you have a seat right here...

All right, just don't drink it. Let's get out of here.

All right, keep the card, and I'll take the hat back.

All right, make it a hundred and fifty.

All right, Mr. Sanford.

All right, sit down.

All right, that's it.

All right, then let's hear it your way.

All right, then you do it, you're so smart.

All right.

All right. I'll bring this thing back once I'm settled.

All right. I'll just set the table.

All right. I'm not gonna say another word about it.

All right. It's forgotten.

All right. Okay.

All right. Right this way.

All right. See, you have to start bringing in better stuff to sell.

All right. We got rid of the stuff and everything's been taken care of.

All smashed up and broken in the refrigerator in the yard.

All social security lines are temporarily busy.

All the stuff you eat with got a label on it.

All the things that we deal in are right here.

All the time. All the time, Pop. That's right.

All they wanna do is sit around and let their hair grow long.

All this time in the business and you still haven't developed an eye for junk.

All we got to do is push it. It's on rollers. Just watch.

All we have to do is tell 'em that we came to move a piano.

All you do is use your thumb. Now, watch my thumb.

All you got to do is just tap it.

All you had to do was heat it up.

Although it'll hurt my back, I'll do it.

Always worked for me. I been through quite a few apples in my time.

Amnesia? He's never had anything like that before

Amnesia's one of those mysterious things that can develop very quickly.

An appointment has been made for you at the County General Hospital...

An old, ugly white woman?

And "Fred" means "man. "

And $100 to Duane Hudson.

And a collector, which is me.

And a fifty cent tip. Three dollars for two drinks.

And a nice sad kisser.

And a woman like to believe that's her husband there losing.

And all it said was that the test was unsatisfactory due to a technical fault.

And all this will be yours.

And all you can think about is yourself.

And all you have to do is get underneath it and pull out the carpet.

And anyway, my mind is made up. This is something that I got to do.

And anyway, she's closer to my age.

And as for your Cousin Richard, they found him dead, all right.

And attempting to sell copper that has previously been burglarized...

And B: The nature of the physical assault perpetrated on the victim.

And besides, I didn't swipe the Bible.

And besides, who's gonna come around here looking for stolen copper?

And celebrate the way you want to, but this is it with me and you for tonight.

And chairman of the board, Mr. Fred Sanford.

And color.

And come out here and get the whole business deal straight.

And committed assault on the lone occupant, rendering him unconscious...

And don't say we didn't feed you!

And don't stir it too hard. I don't want it bruised.

And don't try to tell me nothing about my mother.

And don't you raise your voice at me.

And down below, two knobs say "brightness" and one says "fine tuning. "

And eats up the United States Senate. "

And everybody has a color TV

And finally it all paid off. You found a satchel full of money.

And find that your only means of support has flown the coop.

And for every dummy, there's a dummy.

And generous and handsome.

And get it out fast. Come on.

And get some mineral oil and Pluto Water.

And go see if you can get you some new porcelain?

And had 10,000 Texas Rangers.

And hang it on the wall.

And have some... See, another thing is wine.

And he brought it back to life and fell in love with her.

And he came upon the Red Sea and he stuck his arms out over the sea...

And he don't even have to bother God.

And he forgot the combination.

And he had his bayonet out.

And he left it in the alley for crook B.

And he pulled out our pipes and pulled Kelly's pipes out?

And he put his ear to the safe like this...

And he said that dinner was the one meal where you should be festive.

And he was in his cabin surrounded by criminals...

And he was nice enough to drive me home.

And he was the only one that knew the combination to a safe...

And he was with Custer too.

And her and her wiggly walk.

And here he is, the founder and president of our company...

And here it is after 8:00, and I don't know where he is.

And here's another one. Basic Fundamentals of Plumbing.

And here's one that we was really lucky to get, Pop

And his wife came back a little while later...

And hope you like me

And I bring the money home. Haven't you been keeping a budget?

And I burned your sheets and pillowcases.

And I come in here and you're always watching Days of Our Lives.

And I do run this joint, and I work just as hard as you do, maybe harder.

And I don't have no seat belt...

And I don't want him to think I'm trying to shake you loose of him.

And I feel 45. I'd settle for 35.

And I gave you one. Put 'em back in the mailbox.

And I got all of my social security.

And I had just enough time to buy these Jujyfruits and ask her to marry me.

And I had the frying pan in my hand, and I started swinging.

And I heard a noise.

And I heard this noise...

And I just had my heels fixed.

And I owe him one across his lip.

And I ran across one of the souvenirs from France, World War I.

And I should've realized that you aren't over the hill. You down in the valley.

And I suppose now you're gonna tell me that you're not superstitious.

And I suppose up until now this junkyard has been Fun City.

And I thought maybe you had an accident.

And I want you to put on some clean underwear.

And I was fixin' you some spare ribs and some pinto beans.

And I was readin' about how it was a big hit over in Japan too.

And I wasn't gettin' anywhere. You know what I'm gettin' at?

And I'll come back and see you some other time.

And I'll come to visit you, if it ain't too far.

And I'll find you an old folks' home where you can sit around all day...

And I'll see if they done turned off the electricity.

And I'll take the bills and go see if I can get somebody to loan us the money.

And I'll take the zucchini, or I can take the pork and beans...

And I'll try to get you a little extension.

And I'm coordinatin'.

And I'm glad I found out about your big mouth.

And I'm gonna be one till I'm a dead old man.

And I'm gonna stay in the business.

And I'm gonna take you out instead of some chick.

And I'm gonna wear my new hat 'cause it don't look like no rain.

And I'm looking for a garage sale or a house that's being wrecked.

And I'm not gonna let you smear her memory.

And I'm not spending my hard earned money so you can sit around all day...

And I'm ridiculous for being out here with you.

And I've been tired lately and out of breath.

And I've got an order to repossess some furniture...

And if he hits on you, contact your local fuzz.

And if I need anything from the surgical supply store...

And if it squishes, then you don't want it.

And if you don't open up, we're coming in.

And if you don't open up, we're gonna force our way in.

And if you need something, let me know. You need anything, Melvin?

And if you put on some dark glasses...

And if you wanna worry about this hat, don't worry

And it also says in this book, "The meek shall inherit the earth. "

And it don't mean nothin' to you.

And it was fragile and valuable.

And it was going on to say that the guitar business in this country...

And it was hard for me to make a fist 'cause I caught a cramp.

And it wasn't there when I came in. Come over here, Pop.

And it's all because of you and your silly superstitions.

And it's all because you don't know how to take care of no business around here.

And it's gonna be festive.

And it's not a bad one. That's not a bad business to get into.

And it's ridiculous anyway. A 30 year old man still living at home.

And it's still got tires.

And James Cagney say...

And just hit it on the side with your fist.

And look at that picture. There's two Humphrey Bogarts.

And Lord knows I don't want to stand in your way.

And make you put on a chauffeur's cap.

And mine is kind of Swedish modern, you know.

And my ears ain't got nothing to do with it.

And my gift was the first one they used, and now I can't ever take it back.

And my half of Sanford and Son...

And my heart's poundin', and I can't keep my hands still.

And nice little silky things hanging in the bathroom.

And not only that, I'm picking it up tomorrow.

And now A and B are looking for me.

And now look. Me and you are going.

And now that Lamont's gone and moved and got his own place...

And once I even filled the tub and tried to push him in accidentally.

And once we get out into the street, I can put 'em back in the mailbox.

And one for my new hat.

And one of our service representatives will speak to you.

And one of them mules was missing a pom pom.

And outside there's this big sign.

And pack a little picnic basket..

And people say I look 55.

And Randolph Scott say, "Honey, you go for help and I'll hold 'em off. "

And remember, easy now!

And remote control.

And ride up the coastline a ways, with the wind in our hair.

And see? They're just gettin' out...

And she also does toes.

And she got her own car. She's a practical nurse.

And she started to telling me about this antique piece that she had.

And shot 11 bad guys and a water buffalo.

And show him a satchel with $50,000 in it...

And shows no abnormalities. "

And so far, there no cab come yet.

And some of'em for sewing.

And some prunes.

And some stuff like that and your baby shoes.

And stay away from that phone!

And tell me when the water comes on, all right?

And that beret, you bought at the Goodwill store.

And that guy's never gonna give us that 20 bucks.

And that includes crockery.

And that is because I am cool.

And that might be the next service, if you don't shut your big mouth.

And that remote control. All you got to do is move your thumb.

And that said burglary may have been perpetuated by the suspect in question.

And that scar, you got from an appendix operation the army gave you...

And that tells me everything I need to know.

And that was on New Year's Eve.

And that'll be the last time you give somebody somethin' across the lips.

And that's all I'm gonna say on the subject, Pop.

And that's another thing. You got a plot right next to Mom's.

And that's bad when you marry a woman who like to play the field also.

And that's the answer?

And the bleachers...

And the clock is striking 12.

And the filling station is ten miles away...

And the general said, "We're surrounded.

And the hat.

And the judge gave him six months.

And the next morning, his hair had turned white.

And the only pack that ever made you stagger was a six pack.

And the sea divided.

And the second rule of physics... it's stuck.

And the subject of finding money came up.

And the thing cost 19.95.

And then I grabbed the pot, and I started swinging.

And then I'll come back out here and just...

And then it was safe.

And then shut the door like this.

And then they come back, and they hit you real fast.

And then we going to dinner.

And then we going to dinner.

And then what happened?

And then what happened?

And then when I go, you can just drop me between 'em.

And then, see, my grandfather, he was in the Civil War...

And they sell for a whole lot of money, right?

And they servin' them sweet drinks and don't even have a pinball machine.

And they was having a special on paperback books.

And they wasn't monogrammed. I can take them back.

And they're coming in here!

And they're gonna come and take it back.

And this is just the kind of evidence we need.

And to tell you the truth...

And tomorrow we can talk about it some more.

And two of'em held me and one of'em beat me.

And varicose veins.

And we can get a six pack and drink it in the parking lot.

And we can make matching end tables.

And we could have some cold Chablis.

And we could travel, Pop. All around the world.

And we live together at 9114 South Central Avenue.

And we stuck here in this house without no gas, no heat...

And we'll be a perfect match...

And we'll be right back. Come on, partner.

And we'll fill out this form.

And we'll pay him a little bit every week until we get it all paid up.

And we'll start digging a tunnel.

And we're doing a series entitled "What makes a hero?"

And what about the ten percent commission they charged me, huh?

And what are you gonna do with these things?

And what did they call you, Tired Blood and No Guts?

And what year was the riots in Watts? '65. Correct?

And what's that other one you told me that time? Oh, yeah.

And when I ain't got no money, there's only one thing left to do.

And when I come home, I expect to have a hot meal waiting for me.

And when I coordinate, I get breathless.

And when I got it, it calms me down.

And when she passes by, you can smell rubbing alcohol.

And when you get 'em, tell 'em I found my porcelain...

And when you get there, I hope it's closed.

And where do you think I live, in a packing crate?

And where we talk? Our little room. You remember?

And within a year, she was dead.

And yes, she did massage the back of my neck.

And you ain't no undertaker.

And you and me are out here

And you can testify from the wheelchair like that dude Ironside.

And you come out with a surgical mask and put tape on the knife and fork!

And you go out there and do the pickin' up on the truck, all right?

And you got yourself a barracuda

And you know something? He started out poor, just like me.

And you know that trip you mentioned about going up the coastline?

And you know why?

And you made me change my drawers, dummy.

And you make your tea so strong, it tastes like coffee.

And you should've been workin' the other side of the room.

And you Sidney Poitier.

And you sitting over here eating all the good stuff that you got hoarded away.

And you stick your nose in there and sniff real hard...

And you still don't know what it's all about.

And you want to know if I brought you some cigarettes.

And you'll be on your own. Old Pop won't be around to spoil things for you.

And you're a good driver.

And you're really serious about this? It's not just fun and games.

And you're welcome, Mrs. Harris. Thanks for picking me up and dropping me off.

And your dummy son, he's brought me a wooden overcoat.

And yowled outside the house all night.

And, oh, yeah, did I tell you he's black?

And, well, she wanna get married too.

And... And here's some dessert!

And... And they just... They robbed us. We were robbed.

Another gentleman and myself were sitting in the steam room in our club..

Another little joke in the profession.

Any day now I'll be going to join your mother.

Any day now, I'll be going to join your mother.

Any day now...

Any long haired kids come around, just show 'em your citation.

Anybody mind if I smoke?

Anything that goes in, goes out.

Anything that goes up, comes down.

Are the trademark of the Meissen people.

Are you crazy? They won't pay you much 'cause you haven't earned much.

Are you crazy? You know they don't have that here, Pop.

Are you gonna get started on this job or not?

Are you gonna start again?

Are you gonna start that again? What war were you ever in?

Are you kiddin', you want identification?

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding? A hundred dollars for a vegetable?

Are you kidding? I work like a fool on that truck...

Are you kidding? I wouldn't waste my time, watching an amateur like you.

Are you kidding? There's nothing to it.

Are you kidding? Who you think keeps this place clean?

Are you serious?

Are you staying here tonight?

Are you two just gonna stay out there and talk?

Arthur Matthews's son bought him a color TV.

As far as I'm concerned, this is your classic amnesia.

As far as we're able to ascertain, the suspect is a male Caucasian...

As long as you taking stuff back, you might as well take it all back.

As soon as I rest a little bit...

As soon as you add two women, everything changes.

As you can find somebody, then so can I.

As you can find somebody, then so can I.

As you do your own life until death do you part?

At 12:00. Straight up.

At first, the toe is sensitive, then it hardens up so you can walk.

At least Marshal Dillon don't stand around complaining.

At least they had some pretty nurses come around at night and sponge you off.

At your age, ain't nothin' much gonna happen.

Aunt Hazel? You mean Witch Hazel!

Bad heart, and not one lousy piece of brass.

Be like a rose between two thorns.

Beans.

Because after last night...

Because I like to. Now hush!

Because I thought your bed might be contaminated.

Because I'm gonna buy something that's more important.

Because I'm tellin' ya, that guy is...

Beer when it's near, brandy when it's handy.

Beer. Brandy.

Before I kissed her on the cheek.

Besides, I got a sacroiliac.

Besides, I'm sick of the nagging and the arguin' and this whole stupid life.

Besides, it don't say you got it. It says the test was unsatisfactory...

Besides, they are rather plain, aren't they?

Besides, we need that bed

Best thing you can do is take him home.

Bet I wouldn't have to wait if I was white.

Bet you'll never guess who this is.

Beverly Hills.

Big Dummy, huh? I've had it with you. I'm letting them in.

Big dummy? Fifteen dollars for an antique piece?

Black mayor ain't gonna help you forget. He got enough troubles of his own.

Black pepper, sweet basil. "

Both of them!

Both pictures was good too.

Boy, I wasn't playin' that piano. I was cleaning that piano.

Boy, I'm tired.

Boy, you're rollin' in the lap of luxury here.

Brandy and gin. That ain't no sin.

Bring any what?

Brown will limit you in your wardrobe. You can wear gray with anything, Pop.

Burned everything.

But 3,000 years? Geez!

But anyway, you May and I'm September.

But before I go, I want you to take one more look at me.

But Bill don't want Laura without Michael...

But can't you come anyway?

But Dad's up there asleep now, and we don't want to bother him.

But don't get excited. I can open it.

But don't go near the door. Don't answer the phone.

But don't leave without me.

But gray sort of highlights your face

But he don't mean it. Besides, we need the job.

But here's the thing. Arthur's ugly too.

But I ain't going back in there.

But I do pretty good with what I got left.

But I don't need you no more.

But I don't wanna talk about it.

But I don't want no bad lungs at my table.

But I don't. I mean, I can't marry him. I'm sorry, Lamont.

But I expected an intelligent answer.

But I got there before crook B.

But I got this.

But I got to have another mama.

But I just didn't wanna start calling you that, in case you didn't like it.

But I know as much as they do.

But I like the card...

But I like the card...

But I like to hear it every now and then.

But I like to read it out loud. Now you hush.

But I saw something very nice in your yard. Couldn't you just show it to me?

But I'll bet it'd be all right to do it today.

But I'll never get no place, hangin' around here.

But I'm glad you're home. You want me to fix you some lunch, son?

But I'm letting you have it for nothing. You can sell it.

But I'm the one who'll have to be here all alone.

But I'm your son. Your own flesh and blood.

But if I stay here tonight, you won't have to sell but one of'em.

But if I take it off in the rain, I'll catch cold.

But if they are real, how'd you get your hands on it?

But if we're not runnin' the business the way you like it...

But if you have got it, you got it from that damn X ray.

But it looks like I might have to because I'm going to have a baby

But it slipped. Slipped right out of my hand.

But it still ain't a bad buy for nine dollars.

But it's in a neighborhood where a lot of old movie stars live now.

But it's just starting for us... the trips to the hospital, the clinic.

But Lamont can tell you what was taken. You tell them, Lamont.

But Mickey don't wanna give up his son Michael to Bill...

But Mickey don't wanna give up his son Michael to Bill...

But mostly it's because it's bad for her lungs.

But my arm was too short to point it at myself and pull the trigger.

But my father's been known to play some pretty strange tricks on me.

But my father's been known to play some pretty strange tricks on me.

But my old man will be an old cripple parked in front of his TV set.

But no, you had to have more. More. Give me more.

But nothing seems to work. He still won't take a bath.

But she looked like the part of the Polaroid that you tear off.

But that stuff is junk junk.

But then recouped part of its lost ground...

But there's nothing wrong with me. I'm fine.

But they all spread out by now.

But they can't do anything about your burning eyes.

But they go for different reasons.

But they're tearing down our church to make room for a parking lot.

But this is our final going out of business forever coffin sale.

But this kind of junk make real junk look bad.

But we don't have to go to court over this, do we?

But we're supposed to be compatible.

But what about your arthritis? That's bad for your arthritis.

But what are the poor worshippers supposed to do?

But what if something happens to you and I'm not out here to help you?

But what... what about my truck?

But when I'm gone, the business will all be his alone.

But y'all don't have no nice silky things hanging in the bathroom.

But you can't leave. We got a business. What about the business?

But you don't have to worry about a thing, my dear.

But you know I don't deal too much in metal.

But you know, he was a captain in the Civil War in the cavalry.

But you look all right to me.

But you make me feel 25.

But you not a bull. You Leo the lion.

But, but listen, son.

But, you know, he had a gun in my back. What could I do?

Buying rubber stockings and orthopedic shoes.

By getting an X ray and a checkup.

By the old mill run

By the way, do you think you might be able to use any more copper?

By the way, do you think you'll be getting your hands on any more coffins?

Bye, Swanee.

Bye.

Call 'em again. They're not here yet. They should've been here.

Call our friends, Swanee and Smitty.

Calls out for someone named Arthur. That mean anything?

Can of pork and beans and a can of zucchini.

Can you furnish the precise time the suspect executed his forced entry...

Can you give me some sort of arrangement here?

Can you hear me?

Can't you fix it?

Can't you understand the partnership is over?

Captain of the cavalry. And one time, they were surrounded.

Cash on delivery.

Casket was sitting right here, where you gonna get married.

China? You can't even tell china from porcelain, Pop.

Chinese food good for you.

Church.

Clear up your sinuses.

Clint Eastwood pulled out his pistol...

Cluck, cluck, cluck. Cluck, cluck.

Coffins are like bathtubs. They never go out of style.

Cold hands, warm chapel.

Collector items valued in excess of $200...

Combining their professional business with their homes.

Come and help me get the other.

Come here and open it up and see if the money's still in there.

Come here. You answer it. Get rid of'em fast.

Come in this world alone, and you go out alone.

Come in.

Come in. The door's open.

Come off of that, you old faker. You know who you are and where you are.

Come on back in the house and watch some TV.

Come on back over here and sit down.

Come on back. Come on...

Come on in, everybody. The place is yours.

Come on in, son.

Come on in, Swanee. Hey, Lamont, you home?

Come on in! The door's open!

Come on in. Yeah, put it right over here.

Come on out here and help me unload this truck, you old faker.

Come on over and sit down and I'll bring your dinner to you.

Come on over here and let's get this started.

Come on, Lamont. Let's get outta here. That guy ain't gonna show up.

Come on, Pop.

Come on, Pop. The taxi will be here any minute.

Come on, son. Let's go to dinner.

Come on, son. Let's go to dinner.

Come on, son. We got to move this piano over here.

Come on, you children.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. And make it fast.

Come on. Come on, Mr. Sanford. Take it.

Come on. Come on. Pull it back in.

Come on. Do you know how to tie?

Come on. Get over here. Get over here, you! Get over to the table.

Come on. Kick it. There you go. Now move around over here somewhere.

Come over here on the sofa. Stretch out, Pop.

Comin' toward me in a white dress.

Comin' up!

Coming, Delilah.

Confucius? No, I said it.

Congratulations. I think that's great.

Cookin' some spare ribs and pinto beans...

Correct.

Cough over that way.

Could've went on down to City Hall and had it done.

Couldn't remember his name, his address, nothing.

Couldn't wait, could you? Just for that, you're getting nothing.

Credit cards. Sears Roebuck. Montgomery Ward.

Crystal, honey, you were supposed to say, "I do. "

Crystal? It wasn't Crystal. It was the whole uppity family.

D Day. Vive la France.

Dad and I are in the commodities game.

Darlene was right. I got to get a place of my own.

Darlene, this is my dad, Fred Sanford.

Darlene. She's the one responsible for this whole thing.

Dearly beloved, we're assembled here...

Did she have a checkup?

Did what's her name make any dessert?

Did you bring cigarettes? The smokes. Did you bring 'em?

Did you hear that?

Did you hear that? He's selling that copper for ten cents a pound

Did you know that?

Did you notice if one of them acted as the C. O?

Did you notice when I mentioned the war, he started talking German?

Did you peep the dude that's been ripping 'em off?

Did you say that about me?

Did you see that punch? He ain't gonna never grow hair on that spot no more.

Did you speak to your son yet? Did you tell him about us?

Didn't even reload. He must've had a 12 shooter.

Didn't I tell you... Never mind.

Do I hear 700? 700. May I have 700?

Do my cheeks look flushed?

Do my cheeks look flushed?

Do something about this!

Do we have a make on the suspect.

Do you cough or have any wheezing noises in your chest?

Do you hear that, Elizabeth?

Do you know anybody around that might be able to use one?

Do you know how much money Richard Burton gets for a acting job like that?

Do you know them shoes they had called Keds?

Do you know what that does to our saving account, Pop?

Do you know what the markup is on that stuff?

Do you know you're right? I've been telling him that all day.

Do you realize that everybody has a car today?

Do you realize that we got bills here that run over 200 dollars?

Do you realize the pieces that was in this cabinet was worth over $200?

Do you think I gonna stay in this ridiculous business all my life?

Do you think the injuries sustained during the altercation...

Do you think you'll be able to manage?

Do you wanna do this job or don't you? If you do, stop talking.

Do you want to get your skull checked out?

Do you, Crystal Simpson...

Do you, Lamont Grady Sanford...

Doctor, how long is he gonna be like that?

Doctor, I don't know how to say this...

Don't be callin' me old fashioned. You better talk to him.

Don't bother me.

Don't come near me with that stuff! That's stuff is catchin'.

Don't do it, Pop. Please don't do it.

Don't do it.

Don't do it.

Don't even wanna open your own mail here. I'll open it.

Don't fool around with them, especially if they're wearing mules.

Don't give me that nonsense about D Day and vive la France and all of that.

Don't go away. Be right back.

Don't go near the door. Stay away from the phone.

Don't go upstairs. Take your hands off me.

Don't let him make you lift that heavy piano. That's ridiculous.

Don't let me stop you. You go back in. I'll take the bus home. You did plenty.

Don't look out the window. And no yelling.

Don't look out the window. And no yelling. You got that?

Don't mean nothin' to me 'cause I ain't*******.

Don't mess around with them, boy.

Don't move, Melvin. Come on back in here.

Don't open an umbrella in the house. Don't put your shoes on the table.

Don't put it there. That's too close to the door.

Don't put your hat on the bed. Put it right down here.

Don't sit down on that. That's a bad sign. Something awful will happen.

Don't start that again.

Don't start that again.

Don't start. You been against this ever since I told you I was getting married.

Don't talk about nothin'.

Don't trip the rug up.

Don't worry about it, Mr. Sanford.

Don't worry, Pop. I'll be cool.

Don't worry, Pop. We'll wheel you into the courtroom...

Don't worry, Pop. You'll be sorry you ever set foot in this house, buster.

Don't worry. I'll take most of the strain.

Don't worry. They'll be gone by tomorrow.

Don't you believe me?

Don't you call her a "she. " She's your future stepmother.

Don't you get excited. You said you needed your rest.

Don't you know people put garbage in stuff like this?

Don't you realize they're coming in here to take everything out of here.

Don't you remember the little room where we have our breakfast and our supper..

Don't you touch.

Don't you understand that it's you I'm trying to get away from?

Don't you understand, Pop? They're gonna sue us.

Donna Harris dropped me off. You remember Donna Harris.

Donna Harris. She's a practical nurse.

Donna, honey, what's the matter?

Donna, this is my son Lamont. Lamont, Donna Harris.

Donna, this is my son Lamont. Lamont, Donna Harris.

Donna, this is Sheila. She's a friend of Lamont.

Dow Jones Industrials was off 4.8. Transportation was off 1.7.

Down at the Paradise.

Dried garlic...

Drive carefully.

Drop me off at Forest Lawn. I ain't going.

Due to a technical fault.

Due to a technical fault.

Dummy.

Ear, nose and throat.

Eat.

Edgar, why'd don't you just admit that you want your toaster back?

Edward G. Robinson and James Cagney and Wallace Beery...

Edward G. Robinson say... And Wallace Beery say...

Edwards. Yeah, Edwards.

Egg foo yung.

Eight cents apiece. You can't beat that, Pop.

Eight dollars?

Electric. "Final Notice. " Telephone. "Final Notice. "

Entered premises of salvage business structure...

Especially if something happens.

Even if I don't tell you that you mean the world to me...

Even Marcus Welby couldn't get him out.

Even though Michael is Bill's son.

Even though Michael is Bill's son.

Even though Mickey is willing to give up Laura.

Even though she did have some fuzz on her top lip.

Ever change jobs because of a lung problem?

Every honeybee

Every saloon had a cuspidor.

Every time he raised that strap up, he had my complete attention.

Every time I bring some chick home, you find some way of lousin' it up.

Every time I looked at a piece of junk, I could see your face.

Every time I'd been threatened to be sued...

Everybody gotta die sometime.

Everybody said he was...

Everything goes wrong.

Everything's fine, Pop. You know.

Everything's fine.

Exactly. Too bad the young people today don't understand any of that.

Excuse me, lady. I thought you was somebody else. I'm sorry.

Excuse me, Lamont. If your last name is Sanford...

Excuse me, sir.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Are you the gentleman that left this card on my truck?

Excuse me. I thought I'd fix me something hot to drink.

Excuse my father. He's got a habit of poking his nose in people's business.

Fair warning. $2,000 going once, going twice...

Fastest way is to get right on the Harbor Freeway to the San Bernardino...

FBI agents had them surrounded. Edward G. Robinson say...

Feel like my ribs coming through my heart.

Feels unloved, unwanted.

Fella come by my place, wanted to sell me some copper.

Fifteen? I got a partner. How we gonna split 15 dollars?

Fill it up with garbage and then throw it out in the alley.

Find out the trouble? What is it?

Fine, and for you?

First thing tomorrow morning, I'm getting out of here.

First, what is your full name?

Five, five, five...

For a further X ray. "

For every man, there's a woman.

For example, are they lined with copper or zinc?

For his courage in his part in fighting crime in our city...

For repossession of the items purchased.

For your continued happiness.

For your information, it's a hairpiece.

Forget about that. Go out and have fun. Meet you a girl and live it up.

Forget it.

Fortunately, I don't believe in that, 'cause those coffins are in here...

Forty five years of hard work...

Forty one miles. You know...

Fred Sanford

Fred Sanford.

Fred, how do you think your son will react?

Fred, I will not be talked to that way by your son.

Fred, please, don't do that!

Fried won ton? What's that?

From any person or persons canvassing the area.

From any person or persons canvassing the area.

From May to Septem Decem...

From the Luau Layaway Furniture Company.

From your loving son, Lamont. "

Funny. You never miss the water till the well runs dry.

Garbage.

Gas. "Final Notice. "

Gathered on top of Miss Johnson's house, and I told you that was a bad sign?

Gee whiz! This is all Lamont's valuable stuff. Porcelain.

Geemonetty. What a talent. What a gift.

General Blackjack Pershing.

Gentlemen, the second half is starting. You better hurry.

Gentlemen! I don't want any scenes here.

Get away from her.

Get away from me! We should've been doin' this from the start...

Get away from old sourpuss over there.

Get away from there. Just get...

Get back. Get back out of sight. Come on!

Get in the truck.

Get in there!

Get it.

Get over here. Stay away from that phone.

Get over there and get those glasses. There's nothing wrong with you.

Get right on the Harbor Freeway to the San Bernardino and get off at Mission.

Get some of your guests to help you.

Get them cartoons over here.

Get upstairs.

Get used to the idea. We already agreed to all the conditions you wanted.

Get your father a doctor and let him have a nice examination.

Get your hat brought to the hospital.

Gettin' to a movie every now and then...

Gettin'to know all about you

Gettin'to know all about you

Gettin'to know all about you

Gettin'to know you

Gettin'to know you like me

Gettin'to like you

Gettin'to like you

Getting this out of here.

Getting your jollies on that piano...

Gimme that $20.

Gin.

Give 'em up? I enjoy smoking.

Give him one, Lamont. Give him one across his lip.

Give it to me. I ain't nervous.

Give me a minute. Give me one of these Shirley Temples

Give me the card again. It says: "To the Sanfords. "

Give me this phone.

Glazed ham and rubbing alcohol.

Go ahead and hit it once.

Go ahead. Go ahead.

Go down and get me a pack of cigarettes.

Go in there and put a fuse in.

Go on over there with the kids and have a piece of cake.

Go on. It's your turn.

Go on. Tell him what size shoe you wear.

Go to work? Pop, I got TB. I can't go to work. I'm sick.

Good boy.

Good bye, Fred. Good bye, Lamont.

Good day, gentlemen.

Good evening.

Good morning, son.

Good morning.

Good morning. We're here for the tests.

Good night? Is it night already? I better get out of here

Good night.

Good night.

Good, then let's celebrate. We'll have a little nightcap.

Good.

Good.

Good. I don't care if we do leave here.

Good. Okay. Would you take this card and give it to the nurse through there.

Good. Sheila, come with me and help me get the other things.

Grab that other end.

Greek Orthodox.

Guess what. I bought a car.

Guys that are out of work and winos.

Had you goin'.

Happened to my Cousin Richard. Cat yowled and yowled...

Happy birthday

Happy birthday

Happy birthday

Happy birthday

Happy birthday to me

Happy birthday to me

Happy birthday to me

Happy birthday, Pop.

Happy? I got a truckload of copper at the bottom of the ocean.

Has it been that long?

Has shot sky high, but pianos, that's...

Have a taste of wine. I'll get your dinner.

Have some more of this good wine here.

Have something else, Pop.

Have you ever had any serious illness?

Have you ever thought of remarrying?

Have you forgotten we have no way of heating the food?

Have you got the ring? Yeah, I got the ring.

Have you seen her tablecloth?

Have you thought about getting married again?

Haven't you ever heard of that old sayin'...

Haven't you ever seen coffins before?

Hazel, how would you like one across your lip?

Hazel, you never looked sweeter.

He always comes in here when it looks like you're doing all the work.

He bought a car. He bought a new car.

He did, huh?

He did. Last night, when he was talking about you.

He died before he could get it open.

He doesn't make any sense. It's ridiculous.

He don't want nobody to walk on his old rugs.

He fell because you pushed him.

He gave me this color TV. I'll do anything he says.

He got more sense than you. That's what I been telling you.

He got them sneaky blue eyes.

He had been shot...

He had it. He was brave.

He is, but first he's gotta make the gums.

He just wants some money. He just wants to get rid of it.

He left it on the table, and it's Friday...

He looks a little old to be doing heavy work like moving a piano.

He must be one.

He needs a feeling that life isn't over for him...

He needs the sound of friendly voices around him.

He pushed me down the steps.

He pushed me. I know it's something broken.

He said we couldn't afford it. Said other things came first.

He said, "Oh, let's take this fragile and valuable collection. "

He served in the army. Worked hard. Why, he was even wounded at the front.

He should have loving care and attention.

He sleeps well, eats well.

He sure looked ridiculous, laying there in the box...

He took out both guns and started shooting all over the place.

He wants the T on what got snatched and how you got wiped out.

He was dead drunk.

He was named after the river.

He'll believe a robbery.

He'll never find 'em

He'll probably become a vegetable.

He'll show you the difference.

He's a gambler and a hustler and a thief.

He's a white dude.

He's about five eight, not too much hair.

He's always got my supper ready for me at 6:00...

He's just joking. Aren't you?

He's making you gums?

He's not calling you old fashioned. That's the name of the drink.

He's not here. He went to a junk convention in Malibu.

He's not the one that got me into this thing. You did.

He's only kidding. He knows that's just something you make for kids.

He's probably sitting in some movie, alone and bored.

He's scared of two..

He's the best. Ain't nothin' I wouldn't do for my son

He's too old, and you're gonna be miserable.

He's waitin' outside. You interested?

Hello, Darlene? Hey, baby, what's happening?

Hello, Fred. I got a gift for you. Congratulations, man.

Hello, is this the Ace Plumbing Company?

Hello, Joan?

Hello, Lamont.

Hello, Lamont. I thought I heard you, son.

Hello, Melvin. Have some sit down.

Hello, Operator, get me the police.

Hello, Operator? Listen. Get me the police.

Hello, Police

Hello, Police? Listen, I just found a note that my father left me.

Hello, Police? Listen, I want to report a robbery.

Hello, Social Security? This is Fred Sanford.

Hello, son. Hello, Melvin.

Hello, son. I thought I heard you come in.

Hello, son. I thought I heard you.

Hello! Darlene!

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? Yeah. Did you find it?

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello. Can I speak toJoyce, please?

Hello. Gail? How you doing? This is Lamont.

Hello. Melvin? Listen. This is Lamont.

Hello. Oh, hello, darling.

Hello. Operator? Let me have the police, please?

Hello. Operator? Let me have the police.

Hello. Sanford and Son. Oh, Swanee.

Hello. This is Fred Sanford.

Hello. This is the other gentleman in the steam room at the club.

Hello. What? I sound like I'm out of breath?

Help me move this table. I got some big stuff to bring in.

Her leg look like Italian salami with the rope wrapped around it.

Here he is now.

Here she come now, old dummy taco stuffer.

Here she come now, old dummy taco stuffer.

Here she is.

Here they are. Come on over here.

Here we are. A vodka martini and an old fashioned.

Here we are. Lamont, Fred, please sit down.

Here we go with another report. I don't think I ought to...

Here you are.

Here you are. Pork chops and fried apple rings.

Here.

Here.

Here. Have a drink. Make you feel better.

Here. Have some brandy. I bet you can use it.

Here. Now, drink this, Pop, and tell me what happened.

Here. Put these on.

Here. Take this $5.00 and go buy your own dinner...

Here. Tie it around his mouth.

Here's a nice table for two.

Here's my card right here: Exalted ruler of the Wild Moose.

Here's some chopped liver.

Here's three dollars. Keep the change. Oh, thank you very much.

Here's to you, son.

Hereinafter referred to as the business.

Hey, but that's great, Fred.

Hey, come on. The second half is starting.

Hey, come over here, Pop, and try it on, man.

Hey, don't cork that. Let me have a little taste.

Hey, Fred, are you gonna live here?

Hey, Fred, come on out here.

Hey, Fred, you remember Arthur Matthews?

Hey, Fred. Is that as loud as that TV'll go? I can't hear nothin'.

Hey, here's one. Look at this. The Everyday Book of Etiquette.

Hey, how did Jimmy Durante used to say good night?

Hey, I got good news for you. I was able to get more of that copper.

Hey, I'll get you some.

Hey, kid, don't put your feet up on my good couch.

Hey, Lamont, come here.

Hey, Lamont, come on over here so you can get a good look at Kelly's gums.

Hey, Lamont, listen. Wait a minute, boy. Listen to me.

Hey, Lamont, look here.

Hey, Lamont, you wanna hear something funny?

Hey, listen here. He took me to the movie too.

Hey, listen, Fred. Why don't you ask your son to buy you a new TV?

Hey, listen, is this a white cab company?

Hey, listen, want my son to help you with that check?

Hey, look here. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for my son.

Hey, look here. This dinner is just part of my birthday present.

Hey, Melvin. Hey, Pop. I got a surprise for you

Hey, Nurse!

Hey, Peg. Where are you?

Hey, Pop, do yourself a favor. Give 'em up.

Hey, Pop, I got it!

Hey, Pop, I'm going to work now.

Hey, Pop, I'm home.

Hey, Pop, it's Mr. Kelly. How you feeling, Mr. Kelly?

Hey, Pop, let's move.

Hey, Pop, look at this.

Hey, Pop, maybe you'd like to take this with you.

Hey, Pop, now, you know Mama's been dead for 23 years.

Hey, Pop, that hotel is out by the beach.

Hey, Pop, this is Mogen David.

Hey, Pop, you got my breakfast ready? I don't smell nothing cookin'.

Hey, Pop! Hey, Pop, I want you to see the car.

Hey, Pop! Hey, Pop.

Hey, Pop.

Hey, Pop.

Hey, Pop.

Hey, Pop. I just came home to fix myself some lunch.

Hey, Sanford, open up! I got two deputies with me.

Hey, Smitty, Officer Swanhauser. What's up?

Hey, Smitty, what's the fastest way to get to the hospital?

Hey, son, I took back all the things I said about Donna.

Hey, son.

Hey, Swanee, read this the way you did down at HQ.

Hey, thanks a lot.

Hey, there's the cops.

Hey, this is a nice place, ain't it, Pop?

Hey, what you doin'? Are we buying copper?

Hey, what's that around your neck? You got a sore throat?

Hey, why'd I have to dress up for to come here, put on a shirt and a tie?

Hey, you got a pinball machine?

Hey, you know, actually, I knew your name was Donna...

Hi, Pop.

His guests don't have to worry about where they gonna lean or sit or walk.

His life at home has become intolerable.

His name is Fred Sanford.

His recovery and well being is entirely up to you. You're all he's got.

His son works at a furrier, and they had some tails and paws laying around...

Hold it.

Hold me, Brother Smith.

Hold on, will ya?

Home, sweet home. You like it?

Honest. It was an accident. You believe me, don't you, son?

Honeysuckle rose

Hook it to the main valve, turn on the switch, and zap!

House was always full of smoke.

How about if I don't take any of this stuff?

How about that?

How come the monogram on your towel says "H.I."?

How come?

How dare you talk like that about my mother in front of this woman.

How do I start getting my social security?

How do you look? You look like a well dressed penguin.

How do you treat a patient that has amnesia?

How long do you think I'm gonna put up with this?

How long you been a widow?

How long you been smokin' anyway?

How many men were there?

How much do they charge?

How much is it worth on the open market?

How much will I be gettin' every month?

How much you askin'?

How much?

How romantic.

How would I know? I'm not a piano mover.

How would it be if I went with you?

How would you explain a man walking the streets like that all night?

How would you like a nice old fashioned?

How would you like one across your lip?

How would you like one across your lip?

How would you like one across your lip?

How would you like one across your lip?

How would you like one across your lip?

How would you like one across your lip?

How you doin', Officer Swanhauser?

How you doing with your privacy?

How you got engaged, how you got married and how you got divorced.

How you want your eggs?

How'd you ever run up a bill of 28 dollars at the drugstore?

How'd you like to spend a few days near the ocean?

Huh?

Hush.

I ain't cookin' nothing. I'm retired.

I ain't decided how I'm gonna do it.

I ain't done nothing for you and nobody else.

I ain't eatin' nothin'.

I ain't going in first.

I ain't going in there with that old, ugly white woman.

I ain't going.

I ain't gonna change my mind. Good night, Jackie.

I ain't gonna fix that no more.

I ain't gonna let this liver lip broad insult you!

I ain't gonna make it to the beach.

I ain't gonna make it.

I ain't gonna rupture myself for no ten bucks.

I ain't gonna say another thing. Try to help you, but you won't listen.

I ain't gonna say one more thing.

I ain't got no brother. I got two sisters.

I ain't hoarding nothin'. I found these in my pocket

I ain't lifting this.

I ain't listenin' to y'all.

I ain't paying neither one of you guys no mind.

I ain't scared. Why are you so anxious for me to get an X ray anyway?

I ain't take no stuff off my first wife and I ain't gonna take none off you.

I already know. I already know.

I already told you that I'm gonna do most of the lifting.

I already told you, I am not buying no new television.

I already told you, Pop, they're separated.

I already told you, Pop. Crystal wanted a church wedding.

I already told you, they'll get ruined out in the yard.

I already told you, we can't afford a new television.

I already told you. They're not supposed to mix with us until after the wedding.

I am proud of him.

I been telling you all morning, put it back in the mailbox.

I believe you. Killed a friend of mine in Durham, North Carolina.

I bet he's in charge of all of the windows... cleaning 'em.

I bet I can give you one across your lip.

I bet I know who Duane is.

I bet I'll see 'em then.

I bet she don't show up at all.

I bet that was Duane on the phone.

I bet you nobody in the whole block's got any water.

I bet you nobody in the whole block's got any water.

I better clean up this place before Lamont gets home.

I blew up. I'm sorry. It's all over now. Let's forget it.

I bought 'em at an auction. Nobody else would bid on 'em.

I bought all that used pipe, and I'm gonna take care of this whole thing.

I bought it. You don't have to read it out loud.

I brought you up here to move this piano.

I burned your pajamas.

I came out, and there was four guys robbin' the place.

I can almost do this by myself.

I can get a plot for my new wife...

I can go to County Hospital and get some birth control pills free, but...

I can lift it long enough for you to pull out the carpet.

I can put my hand in this pocket right here...

I can see a lot of interesting evenings ahead for you two, once you get married

I can see it now.

I can see it too.

I can see more sex on the 6:00 News.

I can see the two of y'all shopping for your honeymoon...

I can swear it was a man's voice on the other end.

I can tell you...

I can't answer that 'cause it doesn't make any sense.

I can't believe it. I can't stand it.

I can't believe you. I can't believe you'd buy a new car and I need a new TV.

I can't concentrate with all that slurpin' going on.

I can't continue to take out girls in that old broken down truck.

I can't eat in here. I can't eat that Chink food.

I can't even get to the market with him out there.

I can't shake on account of my arthritis.

I can't stay long. I got to get back to work.

I can't talk very long. I have some people here...

I caught it from the X ray machine.

I coordinate here. I coordinate everything in here.

I could've got you a black one or a brown one...

I could've took her out. She's pretty.

I couldn't get French, so I got*******.

I did it for your own good. I didn't want your face to break out.

I did my work. What do you want me to do?

I did the best I could, Lamont, but you know...

I didn't burn your room, but... I burned your bed.

I didn't do it today, and now they're getting tender.

I didn't have the heart, so I gave her 15 bucks.

I didn't hear what you said after you said "sit down. "

I didn't know a black man could be so happy.

I didn't know you were still talking on the phone.

I didn't mean to try to get it through this way.

I didn't say that.

I didn't see him follow you. Did you see him see you followin' him?

I didn't think so.

I didn't want him to think I was trying to take the place of his mother.

I didn't. You know how kids are today.

I do not allow visitors of the opposite sex after 11 p. m.

I do.

I don't believe that.

I don't believe you, Pop. Here I am sick, dying with TB...

I don't believe you. Here I am ready to eat cold beans and zucchini...

I don't believe you. Here you are talking about some old dumb movie...

I don't believe you. You sit there and you watch it...

I don't buy sugar You just a...

I don't care if C, D and E are lookin' for Y O U.

I don't care if it does hurt my back. I'll do it.

I don't care what he said. I demand you finish the job.

I don't care what it looks like. I want it out of here.

I don't care who you are. Don't cough on me.

I don't even know if you're supposed to have******* wine with pork.

I don't give it a week.

I don't have a head for business. Besides, I could use the money.

I don't have time to play games.

I don't intend to have no six children, so I won't need as much help.

I don't know about that.

I don't know how I'm gonna do it.

I don't know how you can think about resting at a time like this.

I don't know how you could go on living with somebody like me.

I don't know how you find these people.

I don't know that much about antiques, but that's a fine lookin' piece.

I don't know what it is, but none of my taps is working.

I don't know what to tell you 'cause I've already paid for it.

I don't know what you had to get married here for anyway.

I don't know where I am, but I know who I am.

I don't know where I'd be without him, but I know where I almost was with him.

I don't know why I got to put on slippers for.

I don't know, Melvin.

I don't know. Don't worry about her.

I don't know. I think we might be able to take some of it off your hands.

I don't know. I'll feel around and see.

I don't know. L...

I don't know. Maybe they last year's model.

I don't know. Sounds like he's got a pretty good case.

I don't like bathtubs. I take a shower.

I don't like bottled beer. Got too much gas. Make me burp.

I don't like bottled beer. Make me burp.

I don't like Chinese food. Make me burp.

I don't like his looks.

I don't like that. Make me look like a cop.

I don't like the way you treat your father.

I don't like this deal. Something about it ain't kosher.

I don't like this place. And I don't like you either.

I don't like this place. I wanna go back to the hospital.

I don't like to talk about nobody...

I don't live here. This is a dump.

I don't look 65, do I?

I don't need a private room. Just put me in a ward.

I don't remember saying she was over the hill.

I don't remember. If I said it, I didn't mean it the way it sounded.

I don't remember. Oh, I remember seein' your mother...

I don't see any reason to stay on. Do you?

I don't think that concerns you.

I don't think we have a cord long enough for the heater so you could be warm.

I don't think you heard what I said, Pop. I said it's free.

I don't think you should ask me to...

I don't understand it, Pop. She was so sweet.

I don't understand it.

I don't understand you kids today.

I don't understand you, Pop. I work like a fool out there.

I don't wanna go home. I wanna get out to the fire escape.

I don't wanna go in there either.

I don't wanna hear it. Just move this piano. Just move out of the way.

I don't wanna leave this place. I like it here.

I don't wanna talk to you. I don't wanna say nothing to you.

I don't want no Jujyfruits. I want something that's gonna stick to my ribs.

I don't want nothing from you. At a time when we're supposed to stick together...

I don't want to discuss it. Listen to me.

I don't want you sitting up here all day looking at that television.

I don't want you to be scared out there.

I don't want you wearin' it around here in all this mess.

I done forget.

I enjoyed every moment.

I feel kinda tired.

I feel terrible, Pop. I got butterflies in my stomach...

I fixed you some meat loaf and okra.

I forgot to cancel the honeymoon suite.

I found it, Pop. It was in the kitchen on the stove.

I further leave you personally... "

I gave her an engagement ring tonight and made it official.

I gave you that ring last night. If you lost that ring...

I give it two weeks.

I go upstairs or go in the kitchen and shut the door.

I got 'em loaded on your truck, Mr. Davis. They're ready to go.

I got a disappointment, and you got bad feet.

I got a truck outside with my name on it.

I got exactly what I paid for 'em...

I got freedom of speech.

I got it wrapped up here in this handkerchief.

I got it, and it's all your fault!

I got it, Pop.

I got it, Pop. I got TB. I got consumption.

I got it!

I got it.

I got my shaving stuff and my pajamas in here.

I got my tea.

I got no uppers.

I got some imported wine that Ethel left last night.

I got something I wanna show you. You ain't seen nothin' like this.

I got TB.

I got the faucet turned on in the kitchen.

I got the scar right here to prove it, and the Purple Heart.

I got the whole placed fixed up here.

I got to bed late last night.

I got to get a place of my own.

I got to get all the rest I can, Pop, now that I'm sick.

I got to get out of here. This is ridiculous.

I got to put on a shirt and a tie?

I got to thinkin', Pop, that sad old lady, she didn't know.

I guess I better be shovin' off. You two wanna talk.

I guess I told her.

I guess one of the reasons that we never seen that...

I guess we were the same way when we were young, Fred.

I guess we're just two particular people.

I guess you right. I took a beating when I sold...

I guess you're having number 16. Come out and help me unload this truck.

I had a hat like this once, but it got run over.

I had it with you and this whole dumb evening and all your complaining.

I had some soup down at the diner last week.

I had the satchel. Come over here. I'll show you what I did.

I had to bring it over here to find out if we'll get through the door.

I had to pay them $200 for the privilege of bringing that thing home again.

I hate it, but I didn't know you did.

I hate to be the first one to talk...

I hate to disappoint you...

I hate to waste a bag on one cup.

I have a customer here and I'm looking at some iron.

I have a summons for Fred Sanford.

I have an item in here I think you might be interested in. Come in.

I have to be up early in the morning.

I have to discuss this with my partner before we make any definite decisions.

I have to watch my figure, you know.

I have used all kinds of hints, but nothing helps.

I haven't been here since we laid your mother away.

I haven't had this suit on sinceJoe Louis beat Max Schmeling.

I heard that one at the morticians' convention.

I heard you a block away. It sounded like they was tearing up the streets.

I hope if they need 'em, they come and take 'em before they need 'em.

I hope it's better than Mama used to make. I'll get it.

I hope you like this place 'cause you ain't liked the other places we've been.

I just can't stand being poor like this.

I just changed my mind, that's all.

I just come over to borrow a pail of water.

I just couldn't get you out of my mind.

I just got back from Malibu.

I just got crushed. You talkin' about "live it up. "

I just had the shock of my life, and what are you all doing?

I just remembered.

I just shut this up in here. Then it's safe.

I just told you. I got plans.

I just wanna give you a lesson in this business.

I just wanted to know if you was all right and to tell you...

I just wanted to know what the reason was.

I just wanted to tell you that the lights don't work.

I keep my stuff arranged neat. You got my...

I knew I'd have a heart attack any minute.

I knew it. Didn't I say so, Rosetta? I knew it couldn't last.

I knew it. I knew it. I knew it all the time.

I knew you wasn't gonna die.

I know he'll believe a robbery.

I know history.

I know how you feel about her, but you don't have to call her "Mom. "

I know I called you. And when I called you, I needed you.

I know it. It's locked in there on a piece of paper, but I know it.

I know that, Melvin. I'm not exactly stupid, you know.

I know that, Pop.

I know we gotta get rid of it, but where?

I know what it's all about. It's all about a milkman...

I know you got plans.

I know, but he makes me nervous, knowing he's in there.

I know, but you have no privacy this way.

I know, Pop, but you're more valuable to me than glass.

I know, Pop.

I know, Pop. But just come inside.

I know.

I know. But I want you to take this.

I know. I know. Don't do it.

I know. Just close the door. Leave me alone

I learned my lesson. I ain't marrying nobody. I don't care who it is.

I leave all my worldly goods to you.

I leave soap lying around.

I left you something in there on the stove.

I like where we've been going, but I don't like what we've been gettin'.

I like your idea better than I like mine.

I looked that up in the paper. You know what it's going for?

I lost another one tonight, thanks to you.

I love it. It's... It's really you.

I love the smell of the ocean.

I may have enough trouble trying to run this place alone anyway.

I mean big.

I mean from the silent flicks. She had to be in the silents, Pop...

I mean I'm really not.

I mean it. One of these days, I'll be going to join your mother.

I mean it. We'll all get caught, and me and you and Blue Eyes will go to jail...

I mean we could take a cruise.

I mean, are you runnin' this joint or aren't you?

I mean, enjoy life. Enjoy some of the things that's gonna be around.

I mean, that's okay. Just let me know...

I meant it's nice being so close to the water.

I might go, but I ain't gonna make it back.

I might have said for somebody that was over the hill, you wasn't bad.

I might. If you can get married...

I must be getting back to my place now.

I need some protection.

I need these here. Stay out of here.

I never did like this deal.

I never realized he'd end up in a hospital. I gotta get to him.

I never really thought about it.

I ordered a Shirley Temple. It's the cheapest thing they got here.

I pick up what I can.

I prepared most of it at my place so as not to mess up your kitchen.

I read in the paper the other day: "Wife dies, the mate follows. "

I really didn't have a chance to think about all this.

I really don't remember...

I said I'll go and see if the water's on!

I said Miss Johnson's not gonna be around long.

I said no, Pop. Now get out of here.

I said no! Now get out of here!

I said, "Let's give the organ to a home for senior citizens...

I saw it in a movie once on the late, late show.

I saw it in a movie once.

I saw this in a movie once. Hold it now. Here we go, like this.

I see. Uh huh.

I should have never let you lock that money in there in the first place.

I should have realized you have the manners of a common junkman.

I should've done it a long time ago.

I should've done this from the start.

I should've known she was gonna turn out like that.

I shouldn't 'cause I can get hurt on this job and I don't have any insurance.

I speak all that. I learned that overseas in the army.

I still got this piece, and it's gonna be my one way ticket outta here.

I suppose they'll take me right to the sanitarium.

I sure appreciate you coming around to help me.

I sure can. Thank you.

I sure do, Ernestine

I sure don't like to touch these things.

I take it you don't approve of your father and I getting married.

I take you to see a movie that was the biggest hit on Broadway...

I tellin' you it's stolen. That's what it is.

I think because of the kind of gum he chewed.

I think he's making a mistake too. I told you, Lamont.

I think I'd better try to make a deal with him.

I think I'll go down to the pool hall and show all the fellas.

I think I'm gonna move and sell the place. But not right away.

I think I'm having a heart attack.

I think I'm having a heart attack.

I think it's better this way.

I think it's better this way. "

I think it's ridiculous, a man at your age gettin' married.

I think that's disgusting. I think the whole idea is disgusting.

I think these coffins kind of cheer the place up.

I think they're both the same size. And they're a good color.

I think you better call Reverend Trimble.

I think you invented a new drink... teafee.

I think you'll have a few more words to say now.

I thought he was going to spend the night at a friend's house.

I thought he was making you some new teeth.

I thought I heard you come in. Oh, hi, Pop.

I thought I was too old for this kind of carrying on.

I thought it was me. I got on my Mennen Skin Bracer.

I thought it was tea.

I thought it would be better that way, but if you don't think so, I won't do it.

I thought you got dressed up for Donna.

I thought you said there were four.

I thought you said you were gonna shut up.

I thought you went to the dentist.

I thought you were in the junk business.

I thought you were sitting on that sofa all this time.

I thought you'd like it.

I told him put it in the safe. It'll be safe until y'all came to pick it up.

I told you once before. I ain't lifting this piano.

I told you she was here last night.

I told you they didn't have no pinball machine. Everybody's looking at you.

I told you to get the money.

I told you to take the money in the store the guy offered.

I tried to fight 'em off, Pop, but it was just too many of'em.

I tried to fight 'em off, Pop, but they just overpowered me.

I tried to signal Smitty and Swanee.

I tried to stop 'em, but they took it.

I tried to stop 'em. I said, "Hey, don't take that.

I tried to tell you, baby, when I called you. You like it?

I tried. I tried, Lamont.

I understand.

I understand.

I used to buy my chickens from a guy named Edwards.

I used to watch a whole lot of good shows on this set.

I wanna get ahead, but talking about big business ain't the way.

I wanna give Lamont enough time to find somewhere to live.

I want a new TV, and I'm not taking no for an answer.

I want to die in my own bed. Promise me you won't let 'em take me.

I want to take this in the other room. Will you hang it up for me, please?

I want you to get a chest X ray and a checkup. Now, it's free.

I want you to put on a clean undershirt and some clean shorts.

I want you to try to get that yard cleaned up out there today.

I was cool, man. I wasn't even interested.

I was fixin' some spare ribs and pinto beans.

I was gonna use that World War I rifle...

I was just wondering could you give me a drink of something.

I was layin' here dreaming about Lena Horne.

I was looking through some old things upstairs...

I was on the truck. He was attacked and robbed.

I was out.

I was proud of you.

I was reading an article in Ebony just today. Do you read Ebony?

I was reading the paper. That "Dear Abby. " You ever read that?

I was smokin' at his funeral, trying to relax.

I was talking to him.

I was thinkin' about you. Let's change clothes and go somewhere.

I was thinkin' about you. You know, you're just throwing your life away.

I was thinkin' of maybe, uh, ten cents a pound?

I was thinking $25, for the two.

I was thinking, long as I'm here... Well, you see, I mean...

I was up all night worrying. Did you hear me tossin' and turnin'?

I was watching a movie here on TV. A horror movie.

I was watching the Galloping Gourmet...

I was wondering if you could settle a little argument.

I was worried about you. Lamont called and said you weren't home...

I wasn't expecting a call. Were you?

I wasn't gonna start nothing. I didn't want my motor turned off completely.

I wear a ten. What we gonna do, dance?

I will be with your mother in that great junkyard in the sky.

I wish I had a color TV.

I wish they'd do a Godzilla movie with a black man, don't you?

I wish you a lot of luck and everything. I know. Stay out of it, Melvin.

I won't be around to bother you much longer.

I won't bother you, I promise, okay?

I won't need my glasses much longer.

I wonder if I can speak to Officer Smith or Swanhauser.

I wonder if they'll give me a citation like the one they gave you.

I wonder why he didn't come in then.

I wore my till they said "K S."

I worked for that money.

I would rather.

I wouldn't do it. He shouldn't do it. Remember what I said now, Fred.

I wouldn't even marry Lena Horne

I'd have spent my whole life in nothing but some drawers.

I'd like some ham hocks and lima beans.

I'd like to talk to you about tonight too.

I'd rather be over there sitting between two ugly people watching television..

I'd rather cut off a leg than go back on my word, right, Mr. Sanford?

I'd sure would like to be here Saturday night...

I'd take you upstairs and show you the upstairs living quarters...

I'll be around here tomorrow morning to pick up the rest of my stuff.

I'll be cool, Pop. Don't worry.

I'll be December.

I'll be going to join my wife Elizabeth.

I'll be going to join your mother.

I'll be right back with a menu.

I'll bet she's older than I am.

I'll bet that's her coming to apologize. Tell her it's too late, Pop.

I'll bet this is gonna be something you're gonna remember for a long time.

I'll bet you he's listening to us out here.

I'll bet you if you had the chance to, you'd marry Lena Horne.

I'll bet you they gave it a shot so that when it got out here...

I'll bet you were a real Romeo in your younger days, weren't you, Fred?

I'll buy you another tablecloth, Aunt Hazel.

I'll fix us some ham hocks and red beans and some neck bones and rice.

I'll get my glasses so I can see the numbers on the dial.

I'll get the checkerboard and pack a couple of sweaters.

I'll get the first load out of my car.

I'll get this.

I'll get you for this! I'm gonna get you for this!

I'll give you 20. You don't want to do it for that, I'll get somebody else.

I'll give you ten dollars to take it away.

I'll go unload the stuff you just bought.

I'll have a vodka martini, straight up, very dry with a twist of lemon.

I'll just change the fuse.

I'll just go get one in the fuse box and I'll have it changed in a minute.

I'll just join you here. I'll sit down next to you.

I'll just put on a little mood music.

I'll just take it in the kitchen and get started.

I'll leave the bag on the sink in case you change your mind.

I'll marry Lena Horne.

I'll never be able to know if Mickey and Laura got a divorce.

I'll never get anywhere. I'll end up an old, broken down junk dealer like you.

I'll pick you up Saturday morning. Ciao, baby.

I'll pick you up Saturday morning. Ciao, baby.

I'll see you every morning when I come to work.

I'll see you in the morning...

I'll show you how to do it.

I'll show you the teeth as soon as I get 'em.

I'll stay here and run the yard...

I'll sue you. I'll sue you both. I'm gonna call my attorney right now.

I'll take it. I'll have to go get my partner.

I'll take the 20.

I'll tell her. I don't accept no apologies.

I'll tell her. You don't need to apologize...

I'll tell you exactly what you could do.

I'll tell you the truth. I was gonna ask about these sheets.

I'll tell you what then. We won't go out to dinner.

I'll think of something to call her.

I'll tuck it in if you tuck yours in.

I'm a reporter from a new magazine called People Today...

I'm Arthur Matthews, and I got a color TV.

I'm awfully sorry to take so long here, but you see, my partner and I...

I'm awfully sorry. We're closed today.

I'm beginning to understand why she died so young.

I'm comin' to join you, honey

I'm comin' to join you, honey...

I'm coming to join you, honey...

I'm covering up this copper so nobody can see it.

I'm driving along a street in Hollywood. Cherokee, Vista, I don't remember.

I'm dying! I can feel myself getting weak.

I'm dying! I can feel myself getting weak.

I'm dying.

I'm from the Hamlin Collection Agency...

I'm gettin' sick and tired of doing all the work, while you play that piano.

I'm gettin' sick of this whole evening, you know that?

I'm getting married again.

I'm getting married, man, and the taxi's not even here.

I'm glad I found out about your bad temper.

I'm glad you didn't depend on her to fix dinner. We'd have starved to death.

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I'm goin' upstairs and stretch out, Pop. I really need it after today.

I'm going back to bed.

I'm going down to the diner, but I want you to know right now..

I'm going home before it starts raining. I'll see you later on.

I'm going in the kitchen and get me some applejack, make me sleep.

I'm going to bed

I'm going to die there of a broken heart.

I'm going to lose the place of business, and I'm going to jail.

I'm going to.

I'm going upstairs and fill up the tub with water before they turn that off.

I'm gonna callJoan 'cause I'm all alone.

I'm gonna callJoyce 'cause I know Joyce ain't got nothing to do.

I'm gonna check the roof for pigeons.

I'm gonna do down to the Marshal's office and get me some deputies.

I'm gonna do it anyway. Shucks.

I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna tell Lamont I want me a new TV.

I'm gonna go and discuss this thing with him...

I'm gonna have me some eggs.

I'm gonna see that they lock you up for manslaughter.

I'm gonna sit here with the lady and do my story for this 200.

I'm gonna take her skinny legs and tie 'em up in a knot.

I'm gonna take real good care of you at home. I'm gonna take you out of here.

I'm gonna take this money down to the police.

I'm gonna take you home.

I'm gonna take your collection agency away from you.

I'm gonna tell them down at HQ what a brave man you are.

I'm gonna tell you like I told you the last time.

I'm hungry.

I'm just a little nervous about them.

I'm just cuttin' down on the number of trips.

I'm just fixing something to eat!

I'm Lamont Sanford, a lousy junk dealer who's over 30.

I'm leaving.

I'm lucky to get her. That girl could've had her pick, but she picked me.

I'm measurin' six feet by nine feet...

I'm Nelson Lee Davis of the Davis Funeral Home.

I'm nervous when I ain't got it.

I'm not afraid. I'll stay in here.

I'm not coming back in while you got those two things in your living room.

I'm not coming back in while you got those two things in your living room.

I'm not General Grant either.

I'm not gonna eat that.

I'm not gonna give up this M O N E Y.

I'm not gonna go around smelling the stuff.

I'm not gonna have another thing to say.

I'm not supposed to tire myself out.

I'm not taking about cigarettes. I'm talking about women.

I'm not. It's ridiculous. You too old to get married. You 65.

I'm not. That's something you made up in your mind. I'm not supersti..

I'm out of 40 bucks, and I'm sitting here with my dummy son.

I'm pretty sure I can get my hands on some more copper.

I'm Samson.

I'm serious, and I hope it leads to some fun...

I'm so tired. Say, you movin' back home?

I'm sorry as I can be, boy. I don't know what to say.

I'm sorry I don't have a car.

I'm sorry that this had to happen.

I'm sorry, Darlene. Listen, I thought my dad cleaned that stuff up.

I'm sorry, sir.

I'm sorry. Fifty dollars apiece.

I'm sorry. Thirty dollars. That's my final offer.

I'm still gettin' out of here, and I'm going right now.

I'm supposed to be blamed for everything?

I'm sure glad they held on to him 'cause I'd have had to hurt him.

I'm sure glad you left your coat at the house...

I'm sure that once he gets home, he'll feel much better.

I'm sure we can settle it some other way.

I'm surprised I've been around this long with this heart.

I'm takin' this baby straight to Beverly Hills, man.

I'm talkin' about you sittin' around here all day...

I'm tellin' you you're makin' a mistake, gettin' mixed up with that bunch.

I'm tellin' you, don't do it. Just don't do it.

I'm telling you, Pop, I'm gonna make a killing with these.

I'm telling you, we can make a hundred percent profit on these things.

I'm the businessman. You're gonna mess up the whole deal.

I'm too old for this carrying on. Why don't you move back home, son?

I'm up here with Cary, not down there with Ulysses.

I'm yours, mind and body.

I've been a bachelor for over 20 years. I'm ready to get shook.

I've been eating like this all my life. Now, what's wrong with soppin'?

I've been out on a date.

I've been wearing it so long, I forgot I had it on.

I've got four false fingernails on.

I've never had pains like this before!

I've slept under worse conditions in the trenches.

If a bum like that can buy his ugly father a TV...

If all citizens would only pull together in the fight against pollution...

If at first...

If everything's okay, we're gonna split.

If God's willin'.

If God's willin'.

If he can use it, he ain't no longer around.

If he can use it, he ain't no longer around.

If he offers us 850, it's got to be worth twice that.

If I get rid of them coffins, would you come back in the house?

If I hit you, I bet your lips get to the hospital before the ambulance.

If I need you, I'll call you.

If I was you, I wouldn't be waiting out there that long in this neighborhood.

If I was you, I'd go down to the diner and get some breakfast...

If I were you, I'd get out of this neighborhood before it gets dark.

If I'd known you were going to take that long, I wouldn't have...

If I'd talk to my father like you talk to me, you know what he'd have done?

If I'm lucky, I'll sleep until Gabriel wakes me up.

If it ain't some TV show, then you just don't dig it.

If Mickey and Laura got a divorce.

If nobody claims it after six months, you get to keep it.

If not, I'll see you the usual time.

If she wants her hair to blow in the wind...

If someone was to find money in the street...

If somethin' bothers him, he just draw his. 45...

If that's what I said, then that's what it is.

If the bank doesn't track this money down, those crooks will.

If there ain't no money in there, then the budget is in serious trouble.

If they are, I'm not coming in.

If we only sell one of'em, we can cut the other one in half...

If you are approached, you're to notify the district police immediately.

If you are approached, you're to notify the district police immediately.

If you believe in that kind of stuff, then it can get to you.

If you can't figure out the combination to that safe, they can get in there.

If you change your mind, give me a call.

If you don't believe what I'm saying, take the letter and read it yourself.

If you don't like the merchandise coming in here, we'll switch places.

If you give that money back, I'm gonna be real sick.

If you got something to sell, bring it out here and let's get it over with.

If you have got it, a couple of months in a sanitarium will fix you right up.

If you like the zucchini, and I'll just keep these.

If you lost your memory, how did you remember that I bought a car?

If you mean the toilet, it's upstairs.

If you mean when are we gonna get married, in a couple of weeks.

If you need anything, you just call me.

If you need anything, you just call me.

If you need anything, you just call me.

If you really must know, our marriage wasn't working, so we separated.

If you think you're gonna shut me up when I get ready to say something...

If you wanna get married and mess up this home, just go ahead.

If you want her address, I'll be glad to give it to you.

If you wearin' that hat when it rains, I want you to take it off

If you were to call up a piano moving outfit...

If you will excuse me, I'll just get my coat.

If you'll just be patient, I'll be gone soon..

If you'll just take this card and give it to the nurse through there.

If you're gonna be foolish about it, I'm just gonna have to stay here with you.

If you're gonna get married, I'm gonna get married.

If you're gonna get me some syrup, why not get me some hotcakes to go with it?

If you're gonna make fun of it, I ain't gonna even wear it.

Imagine that. Four guys jumping on a defenseless old man.

In a few years, her veins start showing.

In case they're valuable and delicate.

In Central Avenue Baptist Church.

In fact, he was in that big battle between the Grays and the Blues.

In fact, I don't like your attitude

In here, please.

In situations like this, you have to maintain control.

In the Bible it says, "Finders keepers, losers weepers. "

In the dark.

In the final half hour of a somewhat more active session.

In the meantime, I don't want you to give that piano to anybody else.

In the meantime, would you please try and come up with that combination?

In the mornin'

In the mornin'

In the right hand side of the drawer.

In these?

Indeed it is.

Indians all the way around 'em. Arapaho, Sioux, Cheyenne.

Infantry? I thought you said you were in the paratroopers.

Inka dinka dinka dinka dink a dinka doo

Inka dinka dinka dinka dinka doo

Instead of being here with us, enjoying a great fight and having a good time...

Instead of the old elastic kind they give you down at the clinic.

Into the above described premises?

Is 'cause they don't have too many black people over in Japan.

Is it all right for me to step down in the slippers?

Is it instant, percolator or drip?

Is it possible he could be faking this whole thing?

Is it running...

Is my father over at your place?

Is no way of gettin' to know anybody.

Is that so? I heard it was very good.

Is that the same as junk?

Is that what you smellin'?

Is that you, Melvin? Come on in. Let's watch some color TV.

Is that your truck parked out in front?

Is there anything else I shouldn't do?

Is your father in the poultry business?

Isn't it about time that we start calling each other by our first name?

Isn't that romantic?

Isn't that true, son? You just forget it. And you know you know it.

It ain't a bad thing to have a little female companionship around here...

It ain't bad being married to a woman who can crack your neck every morning.

It always says 3:30.

It could be the work ofJ.J. Kaendler, the master modeler of that period.

It doesn't even have the name on it. It says, "Help prevent forest fires. "

It don't make no difference. You had a pan, I had a pot.

It had milk in it.

It help me sleep. You folks want anything?

It is a Meissen pastoral scene byJ.J. Kaendler, made in 1743.

It is nice, isn't it?

It is these Christian bonds that serve as an anchor...

It just said that it was unsatisfactory due to technical fault.

It just takes a couple of words, and I'll straighten it out, okay?

It looks like a pretty good piece of china.

It means I was thinking about you.

It might not be the answer, but it sure was no question when he finished.

It says 3:30 now.

It says here that the stock market tumbled sharply...

It says right here in this book, "Thou shall not steal. "

It says: "To the Sanfords, to the happy couple...

It serves you right. The whole thing is ridiculous.

It slipped right out of my hands. You know my arthritis.

It slipped.

It smell like insect spray.

It sounds more like she's Pisces the fish...

It sure ain't Beverly Hills.

It takes a lot to coordinate this place.

It takes us three days in the waiting room.

It took me a long time to save that money. Give me my money!

It was a little old lady from Pasadena.

It was about 3:30.

It was an accident, Lamont. Honest. It was an accident.

It was an accident. All right! All right, I'll tell you.

It was hard for me to make a fist with this arthritis.

It was in the honeymoon suite. And look. It's brand new.

It was just plain clumsiness. That's how you broke my old collection.

It was nice meeting you, Officer Swanhauser.

It was worth over 200 bucks.

It wasn't enough that you tried to take all his furniture away.

It won't work. I give it two weeks.

It would be different if you was Taurus the bull.

It would've been okay the first time if I had remembered to take this off.

It'll be Big Dummy and Little Dummy.

It'll be Dummy, Incorporated.

It'll be necessary to get a detailed report of the circumstances...

It'll be necessary to get a detailed report of the circumstances...

It'll get spots, and you'll have a speckled hat.

It'll get through there. How do you think they got it in?

It's a blue convertible. It's a stick. It's got...

It's a good thing you found out in time.

It's a holiday.

It's a holiday.

It's a nice thing, you and I getting married.

It's a popcorn popper.

It's a shame just to waste a good acting job like that.

It's a shame your mother isn't here to see this day.

It's a tough item to sell

It's a very interesting dry white wine...

It's all going to the same place.

It's all right to fall in love with somebody older than you are.

It's all right. Ain't got no pinball machine.

It's all your fault.

It's almost all gone.

It's almost time for the movie anyway.

It's already prepared and there's so much. Please join us.

It's an ashtray. I picked it up at the hotel where we stayed at.

It's antique Persian. It's very valuable.

It's been a long time. Nearly six months.

It's been a slow week. Business is dead.

It's been parked in this neighborhood for over five minutes...

It's come to the attention of the department...

It's fragile and valuable. "

It's French. Hand blocked. Very delicate.

It's funny how you can know something all your life and then forget it.

It's getting late, you know. It's kind of late now.

It's gonna hurt my back, but I'll do it.

It's gotta be something you can understand, like Gunsmoke.

It's hard to tell.

It's here, but my father locked it in the safe...

It's impossible to say.

It's instant, cooked in a percolator and served to a drip.

It's just not done anymore, Pop.

It's just pop right out of your mind. You know?

It's just that, you know, birthday cards, they get mushy.

It's kind of a handy place to meet.

It's Lamont.

It's like "September Song. "

It's like biting an apple in the dark. See, if the first bite is sour...

It's like that song. Gettin'to know you

It's me, brother. It's Smitty. Oh, brother Smith.

It's me, Pop. Lamont.

It's money, Pop. It's filled with money.

It's my piece, I found it, and I'm gonna put it up for auction.

It's my son who ain't marryin' nobody.

It's my will.

It's nice to have a practical nurse around when you get my age.

It's no good unless it's been delivered to the person...

It's none of my business, but shouldn't he be retired?

It's on the sweatband "F.S." could have meant "for sweating. "

It's one big parade. Night and day, day and night.

It's only a matter of time before...

It's only me, your ol' aunt.

It's probably somebody at the wrong door.

It's ridiculous, and I'm against it.

It's something to the left and something to the right.

It's squirrel.

It's stolen goods, I'm tellin' you. It's stolen.

It's stolen goods.

It's supposed to be your wedding, and they took the wedding gifts back...

It's surprising how many women like fights.

It's taken me a long time to collect all these things.

It's the barracuda.

It's the carpet. It's antique.

It's the Church of the Communal Soul. You ever hear of it?

It's the only way, Pop. I don't have any privacy here.

It's the phone.

It's the police. They followed me here.

It's this check, Pop. I feel funny about it.

It's to be cool like me.

It's very smart, tax wise.

It's very valuable, very delicate.

It's what you've been doing ever since we came in here.

It's white, thin and translucent when held up to the light.

It's your friend Melvin.

J.C. Penney. Are you kiddin'?

Joe Crawford's widow.

Joyce. CallJoyce and rejoice!

Just a minute.

Just a minute. Could you show me some fireplace equipment?

Just a minute. Just a minute. Just a minute. Just a minute.

Just a minute. She's not giving any orders at this table.

Just a waste of money, that's what it is.

Just another one of my great acting jobs.

Just call her "Donna" or "Mrs. Harris. "

Just cool it, Pop. We gotta be cool. We can't lose our heads now.

Just don't be surprised if they take you somewhere...

Just get down here, try to get this...

Just get down there. Is that asking too much?

Just give it a chance, Pop. Just come inside, okay? All right?

Just hold on to that ring. Pop, where is the cab?

Just how did you mean it?

Just keep it all. I just wanna get some rest.

Just keep your hands off this and get back.

Just keep your mouth closed and answer that phone.

Just learn to be cool like me. I'm cool. "

Just lift it on up there and kick it with your left...

Just like it happened to you, right?

Just like that Greek cat that married Jackie Kennedy.

Just likeJackie Robinson.

Just look at my poor father.

Just look at this house. It's a good thing there's a wall over there...

Just look at this.

Just out of curiosity, how much money's in there?

Just relax, Pop. Everything is all right.

Just relax. You'll like what I ordered.

Just settle down. Here's the ring right here.

Just settle on one pair of glasses and be done with it.

Just sixty five. You mind your own business.

Just stay out of this and let me take care of it.

Just stop it! Would you just stop it?

Just take it easy, Pop.

Just take it easy.

Just take it easy. Everything is all right.

Just take it somewhere and dump it. Somewhere nobody can find it.

Just try to keep it down, for crying out loud!

Just turn it on.

Just two coffins.

Just wait a minute, Darlene. Listen, I'll get this thing settled right now.

Just watch and see.

Just... Just look at this.

Keep making me lose my place. Where was I? Oh, yeah.

Keep out of this, Melvin. Listen, son. You wanna live here with us?

Keeping my nose to the grindstone...

Kind old tree

Kinda cold in here.

King Kong in bloomers.

Know what's wrong with him? He had a bad heart, bad liver, bad kidney...

L I was ten.

Ladies and gentlemen and stockholders in Sanford and Son...

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention.

Lamont don't like you to soak it 'cause that slurpin' interferes...

Lamont Sanford.

Lamont, don't let them take me away, hear?

Lamont, I think you owe your father an apology.

Lamont, what happened, son? Lamont!

Lamont, who is it? Is it... Great day in the mornin'!

Lamont, you owe Donna an apology. Go in there and say something to her now.

Lamont, you sure you want this extra copper?

Last night he chased a nurse out onto the fire escape.

Last time I was in Lover's Lane was in St. Louis years ago.

Last time you settled your stomach, it was so settled, you couldn't move.

Later identified as Fred Sanford.

Lazy, lazy river

Lazy, lazy river

Lean it against the chair here.

Learn how to kneel in the back of their car.

Let 'em in.

Let her take her wig off and hold it out the window.

Let me have it.

Let me have it.

Let me hear you whistle.

Let me see if it'll roll.

Let me see that.

Let me see this thing. I'll straighten this right out.

Let me see, Kelly.

Let me see, Kelly.

Let me see, Kelly.

Let me see, that's...

Let me talk to you.

Let's eat some of this food here.

Let's get to poppin'.

Let's go to the roller derby.

Let's see now who's gonna be the lucky lady to start the ball rolling.

Let's see now. How long has that been?

Let's see, I started after I left school.

Let's sit down and have a quiet dinner together.

Let's turn this thing off. Ain't nothing on.

Like everybody else, I'm a working stiff.

Like if he was in an accident with the truck, he would need all the money...

Like what?

Like your old man. He's got spunk. Kids today don't have spunk.

Like... Like shipbuilding.

Lined up and waitin'. Just one big parade.

Linger in the shade of a...

Listen to me.

Listen to me. As soon as you're well enough, I'm gonna take you out of here.

Listen to me. I don't care anything about this man's personal life.

Listen to me. I got us into this thing, but I also got us out of it.

Listen to me. We gotta sit down and we gotta figure this thing out.

Listen to this.

Listen, I know how you feel, son.

Listen, I want you to promise me...

Listen, I'll buy you some aspirins on the way to the beach.

Listen, if he's willin' to give us 850 bucks for that...

Listen, just pay him no attention.

Listen, listen, son.

Listen, now I wanna go in and discuss this with my partner.

Listen, Pop, you just sit over here and relax.

Listen, Pop.

Listen, Pop.

Listen, Pop. Let's turn the money in. We'll get a reward.

Listen, Sanford. I'm terribly sorry that you got hurt.

Listen, son, when I got the money, I pay the bills.

Listen, son. You got to think.

Listen, there's something I want to ask you. It's...

Listen, we're businessmen.

Listen, what you doin', biddin' on your own stuff?

Listen.

Listen. I didn't mean to upset you.

Listen. I got teed off'cause there was no supper, so let's forget it.

Listen. I thought you'd be happy with the news.

Listen. I'm sick of you and this job and this piano. Let's get out of here, Pop.

Listen. If I'd have been scared out of my pants...

Listen. If we can't sell these..

Listen. It's not new. It's used. But it's just as good as new.

Listen. Just don't call the police.

Listen. Just wait till you get inside. You'll remember once you get inside.

Listen. Now, you're Fred Sanford, and I'm Lamont Sanford.

Listen. Now's your chance to tell her off.

Listen. Pull it back.

Listen. This is the idea I had, Pop.

Listen. This is what we're gonna do. I'll lift the piano...

Listen. We got to give this money to the police...

Listen. You better cut that out. You just better cut it out.

Listen. You fellows know I didn't push him. He fell.

Listen. You found it.

Listen. You know, I was just thinking.

Listen. You'd make a real fine undertaker.

Lobster Cantonese.

Look at 'em sitting over there like they too good to mix with us.

Look at all the women in there screaming, Melvin.

Look at all these nice things: Potato salad, slaw. And look here.

Look at my right eye jumping.

Look at that, Pop. Stacks of twenties, fifties, hundreds.

Look at that.

Look at that. Is that a great set?

Look at the nice gifts and everything. What a spread. Look here.

Look at this. "Repeated requests for payment have not been answered.

Look here. $320 to Mrs. Martinson.

Look like a bunch of honkies to me.

Look like a sundae to me.

Look like they playing basketball.

Look out in the yard, the stuff you been bringing.

Look, first the truck and then the piano. Okay?

Look, Lamont, you only paid $15 for it. Let's sell it.

Look, you know your people better than I do.

Look. I can do this now.

Look. Junk, junk, junk.

Looked good enough to take to Chinatown.

Looks like he's gonna be there for a little while.

Los Angeles. Where's that?

Lots of good things in here. Son, I... Son?

Lots of places to sit and nowhere to spit.

Lots of vegetable, rice. Very healthy.

Luau? That's where we bought all our stuff from.

Make it a beer or gin.

Make it Godzilla Meets Sammy Davis.

Make me feel like a pallbearer.

Make that out to me so I can sign it.

Makes just as much noise this way.

Man, get your arm out of my house.

Man, I had you going there for a while, didn't I?

Man, what a rump roast.

Man, what a rump roast.

Man, what a rump roast.

Marrying a common, ordinary junk man.

May I ask if you might know who the last owner happened to be?

May I ask where you've been?

May I have $1,100, please? $1,100.

May I have 1,000 for this beautifully rendered porcelain?

May I have 800? Will someone say 800?

May I have... $400 it is. Thank you. 450? 450. 500?

May I say it's been a pleasure doing business with you gentlemen.

May I... 900 it is.

May you have a long life popping along together.

Maybe he was gonna ask for more. Did you see how I handled that deal?

Maybe I'll get one where I'm going.

Maybe she got a bad heart.

Maybe that's Elizabeth.

Maybe we shouldn't have let them in the U.N.

Maybe you should go on out and do what you have to do...

Maybe you were right when you said we shouldn't have two women in the kitchen.

Maybe your bride to be can't wait and wants to elope

Me and the Galloping Gourmet.

Me and your mama really celebrated that night. Went to Club Alabam.

Meantime, you gentlemen can get the chairs.

Melvin, I don't like pigs' feet.

Melvin, I think you said enough already.

Messin' around in the trash cans in front of a house.

Mickey and Laura are getting a divorce...

Might as well wait till her skin clears up.

Might as well. We're gonna have some leftovers.

Might be better, Lamont. I just had my nails done.

Might require hospitalization?

Milk. No. That's too heavy. My bayonet wound in the infantry.

Mineral oil, epsom salts, Pluto Water.

Miss Johnson was 97 years old.

Mo... Mornin'

Money was in the safe. Right over there.

Mornin'

Morning. Sorry I'm late.

Move it? I just put this stuff down here. I'm doing inventory.

Mr. Kelly thought you fellas might be interested in buying some scrap copper.

Mr. Sanford, I don't have to smoke.

Mr. Sanford, uh...

Mr. Sanford, we have a visitor out here for you.

Mr. Sanford, you're not going home until tomorrow.

Mr. Sanford?

Mr. Sanford.

Mr. Sanford's son is here.

Mushy? Then you don't believe what the card says.

Must be this volume control.

My collection!

My daughter is not going to marry you, you nobody.

My engagement ring.

My grandfather stood up in his stirrups and said, "No! Ride on, ride on!"

My heart.

My heart. I ain't never seen that much money in my life.

My mother. She's dead. He talks to her whenever he gets upset.

My name is Jay Rupperow.

My neck cracked, and it never felt this good before in my life.

My old man is getting old, and he kind of depends on me.

My own son, and you forgot.

My piggy bank?

My pleasure, Mr. Sanford.

My Pop's got over $200 in there. "

My porcelain and glass collection! They took it!

My son.

Need a blindfold?

Never find my glasses. People go in your drawer.

Never get up out your chair. Just use your thumb.

Never heard of him.

Never heard of him.

Never heard of it.

Never heard of'em. Get on out of here and stop bothering me.

Never mind who's calling.

Never thought I'd see the day when I'd watch Sesame Street in living color.

Never thought I'd see the day where there'd be segregation...

Never. I'm in great shape. What you doin' tonight, darlin'?

Night, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.

Night.

No chance. It's out of my hands now. It's up to a judge to decide this.

No electricity and no food.

No foolin'. I'm gonna go down to the basement and check the pipes.

No matter what they say, don't let 'em in. You got that?

No one could be sweeter

No, Donna, wait a minute, honey. Don't cry. Don't cry. Please.

No, he didn't tell me where he was going.

No, he died.

No, I bought it at Saks Fifth Avenue.

No, I did not. He slipped on the carpet.

No, I didn't see you follow me. Did you see him follow me?

No, I don't know what you mean.

No, I don't mean that. I mean did you hear yourself coughing.

No, I don't want to go to the hospital. I can't waste three days.

No, I just came by to see how you was doin', you know.

No, I like it more like this.

No, I mean I didn't have a pot. I had a frying pan.

No, I missed that part. I came in on the snoring.

No, I say a lot of other things. You wanna hear some of them?

No, I told you I was gonna take you out to dinner.

No, I was wondering. See, we don't have one...

No, I went for a ride...

No, I'm just checking my eyelids for cracks.

No, I'm not being selfish. Listen, I understand.

No, I'm sorry, sir. Excuse me.

No, it was fine.

No, it's a mobile unit for taking chest X rays and breathing tests.

No, it's a pizza parlor. Of course it's a Chinese restaurant.

No, it's all right. No, I understand.

No, it's my back. I might never walk again.

No, it's Samson and Delilah.

No, just a moment. Please, please. I'm terribly sorry.

No, listen! Next thing, he'll be calling us "boy. "

No, look, if you don't want to stop, just slow down. We'll get in.

No, no, no, no, no. No messages.

No, no, now, listen.

No, no. Cash on delivery.

No, no. I gotta go deliver some stuff I sold this morning.

No, Pop, it makes me too nervous.

No, sir, just bottled beer.

No, son, it's more like the answer to a prayer.

No, thanks, Melvin. It's all right. No...

No, that won't be necessary. I'll be with you in a moment.

No, that's all right. Just forget about it. It's okay.

No, they're not. Over my dead body.

No, wait a minute. Let's don't forget it.

No, we ain't taking no old, broken down truck on this date.

No, we ain't taking no old, broken down truck on this date.

No, we can't forget it. See, tonight...

No, we don't want anything.

No, we're just doing inventory.

No, you don't. Happy birthday.

No, you give me the hat and you take the card. You don't believe it.

No. I don't think so. I'm just going to bed.

No. I'm bushed. I didn't get no sleep, worrying about them dumb X rays.

No. I'm Mr. Sanford. This is my son.

No. It's a lamp shade. Of course it's a hat.

No. No, he isn't.

No. Push down when you kick it.

No. This is with Lani Hiroshaki. It was made in Japan.

No. Unfortunately.

Nobody knows you're around. Nobody cares. Won't be too much longer.

Nobody would bid on 'em but an undertaker and a dummy.

Nobody? If anybody marryin' nobody...

Nobody's got to tell me this is the first of the month. Look at these bills.

Nope. It's too late.

Not a mark on it. It's perfect.

Not anymore, lover boy.

Not anymore.

Not for sitting.

Not if I have anything to say about it.

Not mine. My people in St. Louis.

Not on that chair. It's a Chippendale.

Not on the wallpaper.

Not that far. She got her own money.

Not too much. Fact is, I'd like to sell it and have done with it.

Not when there's somebody coming to cook dinner.

Nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina

Nothing, Reverend Trimble. He didn't say nothing.

Nothing. Grab that box of bottles and don't touch what's on the front seat

Nothing. I was just talking to myself. Can I help you?

Nothing. Just get... help me... over to the door

Now everything's all right again.

Now I can't sell it, so I'll have to stay. That's what you was thinkin'.

Now I have a whole new way of life which I prefer. Is that all right?

Now I know where that guy got all that copper from.

Now I want you to just sit here and mind your own business, all right?

Now just come over here and sit down, and I'll take care of the whole thing.

Now just leave this thing up to me and Crystal, all right?

Now just take it easy. Everything is gonna be all right, okay?

Now just wait there.

Now look at it.

Now porcelain is of hard paste.

Now put your shoulders against the wall.

Now stop getting excited and sit down and relax.

Now take your jackets off, please.

Now that made me look kinda queer

Now that she's here, just watch what you say.

Now they don't have to look at each other anymore.

Now this is assault with a deadly weapon.

Now what's going on?

Now you eat a piece of toast, then you take a sip of coffee.

Now you getting married again, how's that gonna work out for later?

Now you went and did it! Oh, I might need that money tonight!

Now you've done it.

Now, a cigarette is three inches long.

Now, a pack of 20 cigarettes is 60 inches or 5 feet.

Now, china is the common name for all kinds of dishware...

Now, don't blame me 'cause you can't make it with girls.

Now, don't start that again.

Now, I came home tonight and there was none.

Now, I figure crook A robbed this money from the bank...

Now, I got a surprise for you. All right?

Now, I hope you guys didn't take any of this.

Now, I know this suitcase is in this house.

Now, I want you to come over here and stand here...

Now, I'll show you this thing when I'm ready.

Now, I'm prepared to offer you...

Now, I'm sure she was an old movie star.

Now, if that two faced little brat comes around this neighborhood...

Now, if there's one thing that I want you to learn, Pop...

Now, if we can make a nice turnover, we in business.

Now, if you done retired, just tell me.

Now, is this a person talking, or is this a machine?

Now, it has nothing to do with the $40.

Now, it's the fact that we're doubling our investment.

Now, Lamont, when they lay me away, don't let them put my glasses on.

Now, Lamont...

Now, let's see. They said there was one television set.

Now, listen, don't louse up this deal. We're gonna buy that copper.

Now, listen, if you wanna come by and have dinner with us tonight...

Now, listen, now, it's my...

Now, listen, Pop. This is only the beginning.

Now, listen. Listen.

Now, look, you don't have to worry.

Now, may I have your name, please?

Now, me and you don't go out together no more. Why is that?

Now, please, let me rejoin Lena.

Now, Pop, this could be the happiest day of my life, if you'd just back off.

Now, Pop, you done had at least 15.

Now, see, I reads all about this stuff.

Now, that'd get you some business.

Now, that's better. I'm certainly glad to see that you've come to your senses.

Now, that's poor. You think you doin' bad?

Now, that's what I'm talkin' about. Go get me the funnel.

Now, there's junk, and there's junk.

Now, there's some good stuff in here. We're gonna improve on our minds.

Now, there's the difference right there between a junk dealer, which is you...

Now, these are the results of our tests.

Now, they say if you have three heart attacks, you'll die.

Now, wait a minute, Fred. That was a legitimate purchase.

Now, wait a minute, Lamont. I said in the note...

Now, we're both gonna go down there the first thing tomorrow morning...

Now, we're not gonna solve nothing by panicking.

Now, what do we learn from this little lesson?

Now, where were you born, Mr. Sanford?

Now, you a brother. You gonna take our stuff?

Now, you been complaining about your heart for as long as I can remember.

Now, you can't blame that on me.

Now, you gotta give 'em up. You gotta give up cigarettes.

Now, you know I can't ever sleep till you come home.

Now, you know, in the trade, we refer to it as "commodities. "

Now, You see that? I just made that up and you believed me.

Now, you'd look good with white hair...

Now, you'll get your share and a lot more if we do it my way.

Now, you're Fred Sanford.

Now. If you don't get it out of there right now, I'm gonna write you a ticket.

Nowadays you go in a place, they got seats, stools, booths.

Nurse, come and get him out of here!

Nurse! Nurse! Nurse!

Of course not. They're going in the house.

Of course they're coffins, but they can't hurt you.

Of course. I like to read it out loud.

Off at Mission.

Oh, be quiet, everybody!

Oh, come on. They don't make mistakes like that.

Oh, dear. Look at the time.

Oh, Donna, here's a half a box of thoseJujyfruits.

Oh, Fred.

Oh, Fred. How can I ever thank you?

Oh, he was the one that hollered, "Get him

Oh, he won't object.

Oh, he'll be here, Pop. He's just a little late.

Oh, he's a darlin' boy. Where would you be without him?

Oh, he's gonna kill me.

Oh, hello, darling.

Oh, I ain't gonna eat that. That stuff will kill you.

Oh, I can understand that. That's just good business.

Oh, I can't make it, Lamont. It's the worst feeling I've had.

Oh, I didn't want to get 'em mixed up, so I labeled all your stuff.

Oh, it's a long, long while

Oh, it's Mr. Kelly. Come on in, Mr. Kelly.

Oh, it's the worse one. This is the big one. I'm dying!

Oh, just show him the thing, Lamont.

Oh, Kelly.

Oh, Lamont, this is getting ridiculous.

Oh, Lamont, you're lookin' at a dead man.

Oh, man, the movie's too long. Don't want to hear that.

Oh, Mr. Sanford...

Oh, my heart is just thumping so hard.

Oh, my heart!

Oh, my piggy bank! I had over $200 in here!

Oh, no, I didn't know she was married.

Oh, no, listen, I'm really sorry to hear that. No, I'm really am.

Oh, no, no, no. It sounds like a fair price.

Oh, no, thank you.

Oh, no. These are for me. I stopped by the Goodwill store...

Oh, oh, yeah. Four.

Oh, Pop, you can't get TB. From an X ray machine.

Oh, really? Does that pay anything?

Oh, really? Even the part about how she's over the hill?

Oh, Shirley Temple.

Oh, that'll be nice.

Oh, the room's spinnin' around. I'm so dizzy.

Oh, there, there, honey.

Oh, they do look tender, Kelly.

Oh, this is more like it.

Oh, this is the worst one I ever had, son.

Oh, we were robbed.

Oh, what you know, dummy?

Oh, wow. Say, Lamont, what does your old man do?

Oh, wow. That's sweet. Why, that's like drinkin' syrup.

Oh, yeah, see, the crossed sword, that tell the whole story right there.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah. That's much nicer.

Oh, yes, I can! Did you read the rules of the house?

Oh, yes, I do. But I knew it wouldn't last.

Oh, yes, thank you. Sure looks tasty.

Oh, yes. Our neighbors are there all the time...

Oh, you ain't got nothin'. It didn't say you have it.

Oh, you poor thing. I feel so sorry for you.

Oh, you speak Spanish.

Oh! My heart!

Oh. I see what you mean.

Oh. I see.

Oh. I sure wish you moved back home, son.

Oh. Well, all right, for your sake. I'm doing it for his sake only.

Okay, but they ain't stayin' out here in the yard.

Okay, everything's ready. Who's first?

Okay, good bye.

Okay, hurry up. I'll get some champagne.

Okay, I'm gonna tell you.

Okay, I'm ready now. Send him in.

Okay, I'm ready now. Send him in.

Okay, Kelly, you do that.

Okay, listen, anytime you're in the neighborhood, just drop in.

Okay, now, you just sit here, Pop.

Okay, okay, I'll just wait out here until you come out.

Okay, Pop, but just look at it. Now look here underneath.

Okay, son.

Okay, son.

Okay, son. I'll have me some tea.

Okay, then let's hear your way.

Okay, well, I'm home now, so you can go to sleep.

Okay, what happened then?

Okay, you're right.

Okay.

Okay. "Dear sir... " Here it is.

Okay. Bye.

Okay. Just have your tea, all right?

Okay. Well, I'm gonna take you out for a drink...

Okra? You hate okra.

Old Fred, the lonesome coordinator.

Old Fred, the lonesome coordinator.

Oliver, did you hear what he called me?

On a Frenchman it would look like a beret.

On a mountain.

On the other hand, if he's around, he can't use it.

On the other hand, if he's around, he can't use it.

On the phone?

On the way home I stopped by the barbershop to spread the word.

On the way home, I passed something they call a breathmobile.

On top of that, I'll give you a hundred dollars...

On you it looks like a chocolate upside down cake.

Once, Melvin. You can't fix nothin'.

One across your lips.

One more question. The reason why I asked you...

One of the guys read it.

One of them classy joints where you really get the prices.

One of these days you're gonna wake up...

One of these days, I'm gonna split this joint, man.

One, nine...

Only a mother would understand. Thanks a lot, Aunt Rosetta.

Only one difference. He started out a Greek.

Only they'll put Blue Eyes in the new building.

Only way to know if it's not from the dime store is take it back to Hollywood.

Ooh, he's got that same Arabian look in the eye that you've got.

Open the door. Now get out the way. Get out the way.

Open the safe.

Open this door, you old buzzard! Open this...

Open up! I got a court order!

Or a little zucchini and a little pork and beans later.

Or a little zucchini now and a little pork and beans later.

Or I wouldn't know where the yard ends and the house begins.

Or if you like the pork and beans, you can have them...

Or maybe just a plain fruit.

Or maybe you didn't think it was good enough for you.

Or should we have a little bit of each.

Or vodka or bourbon.

Or you can have a little pork and beans and a little zucchini now...

Or, or, or you could break down the brim on one side like this

Order of toast! Heavy on the butter!

Order something else, Pop.

Otherwise, how would I know? It'll come out of here because it came in here.

Over a wide area yesterday...

Over here, Pop.

Over.

P I N T O.

Pack your things and get out!

Paratrooper. Jump behind German lines.

People don't have time to read in the honeymoon suite.

People marching with placards saying, "Free the Sanfords".

People use these all the time to get up the mountains to those ski resorts.

People wouldn't be able to see them bags under your eyes.

Perfect. That's what it is. It's perfect.

Pianos are out. You know what's in? Guitars. That's right.

Pineapple chicken.

Playing checkers and eatin' grits.

Please remain on the line...

Please sit down and finish your meal.

Please!

Please! Please, stop it!

Plenty of room for automobiles...

Police are police. What difference does it make?

Poor? You think this is poor?

Pop, Arthur Matthews's son is a crook. You told me that yourself.

Pop, come out here and see the car.

Pop, don't you remember anything?

Pop, don't you understand? We're not just getting ten dollars.

Pop, I bet you those crooks followed me home.

Pop, I don't understand you. I thought that was all over with.

Pop, I got a feelin' about this.

Pop, I just want you to get that cough of yours examined...

Pop, I want... Never mind. I'll do it myself.

Pop, I work hard all day...

Pop, I work hard all day...

Pop, I'm home!

Pop, if that was the case, there wouldn't be an undertaker alive.

Pop, let's face it. I'm getting a car because I need a car.

Pop, since you was 10, you smoked a cigarette 41 miles long.

Pop, that doesn't make any sense. These things can't hurt you.

Pop, the cat was yowling 'cause he never saw anybody that liquored up.

Pop, the kids today don't wanna hear nonsense.

Pop, the truck smells like gasoline.

Pop, this is a ridiculous time to have a heart attack.

Pop, this is Darlene Edwards.

Pop, this is Sheila Monroe. Sheila, this is my father.

Pop, this whole thing is your fault. Now, you know that.

Pop, we gotta turn it in.

Pop, when you go out in style, you wear a suit, a shirt and a tie.

Pop, where's the fuses?

Pop, would you quit that! Now you're panicking.

Pop, you asleep?

Pop, you home? You better be home.

Pop, you know you never left Fort Dix, New Jersey...

Pop, you make your coffee so weak, it tastes like tea...

Pop, you should've seen what I was coming across...

Pop, you wasn't supposed to read this till after I was dead.

Pop!

Pop! He's sixty five.

Pop.

Positive, Pop. Would you just go have your tea?

Positive.

Preliminary medical reports indicating exhaustion and overexposure...

Probably around 1740.

Probably be going to Africa. I'll be doing work among your people.

Problems. People got problems.

Promise me that you're really gonna try to watch the budget this time.

Put it back in the mailbox.

Put that paper down and help me unload this truck

Quick. This is an emergency.

Randolph Scott and his wife surrounded in a mountain cabin.

Ready Freddy ain't too steady.

Ready Freddy.

Really? Everybody says I look like my mother.

Really. I heard of a fella once who was eating some chop suey...

Remember what I said, Fred. Don't do it.

Retired, social security. Anyway, I'm driving along...

Retired?

Rich.

Right here. There's my pastor's name and address and phone number.

Right next to that part where it says, "Seek and ye shall find. "

Right this way.

Right, Stumpy.

Right.

Right. Enjoy life. After all, how long you gonna be here?

Right. I'll show it to 'em.

Right. Put that down. He's black.

Rum.

Sammy works everywhere.

Samson and Son. That's it, isn't it?

Sanford and Son is falling apart and you're talking about Mickey and Laura.

Sanford and Son is recorded on tape before a live studio audience.

Sanford and Son is recorded on tape before a live studio audience.

Sanford and Son is recorded on tape before a live studio audience.

Sanford and Son is recorded on tape before a live studio audience.

Sanford and Son is recorded on tape before a live studio audience.

Sanford and Son is recorded on tape before a live studio audience.

Sanford and Son is recorded on tape before a live studio audience.

Sanford and Son is recorded on tape before a live studio audience.

Sanford and Son is recorded on tape before a live studio audience.

Sanford and Son is recorded on tape before a live studio audience.

Sanford and Son is recorded on tape before a live studio audience.

Sanford, I'm sorry to have to do it this way, but it's my job.

Sanford. Lamont Sanford. And I don't smoke.

Saturday morning, maybe we could get together...

Say, aren't you gonna take off your hat?

Say, Crystal, let's go to city hall. Just the two of us, okay?

Say, Darlene...

Say, I like canned beer. You got a can of beer?

Say, is this the taxicab company?

Say, Joan, I was just wondering if maybe you and me could get together tonight.

Say, listen, are you sure it's me you wanna do business with?

Say, listen, Lamont, me and you can't move no piano. That's heavy work.

Say, listen. Just a moment.

Say, Melvin, if you had the chance, wouldn't you marry Lena Horne?

Say, Pop, cigarettes will kill you. Don't you believe me?

Say, Pop, everybody's got a sacroiliac.

Say, Pop, I thought you were asleep.

Say, Pop, I'm home. Pop.

Say, Pop, I'm scared.

Say, Pop, it looks like he's gonna stay for a while. He's eating his lunch.

Say, Pop, let's move back east. It'll help me forget.

Say, Pop, wasn't there something you could've done?

Say, Pop, where's breakfast? Man, I gotta get goin'.

Say, Pop, you should've seen it. I was coming across the street, and I...

Say, Pop! Pop! What happened?

Say, Pop?

Say, Pop?

Say, Pop.

Say, son, where would you go, I mean, if you did leave?

Say, sugar, I'd like to freshen up.

Say, this is in Chinese. We won't even know what we're eatin'.

Say, uh, Pop? Would you mind turning out the light, please?

Say, we're gonna need another chair.

Say, what are you people doin'? What are you...

Say, what's that number there?

Say, you been down at the police station all this time?

Say, you know what Ernestine calls me?

Say, you know, this is the best lookin' hat I ever owned.

Say, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Saying she was over the hill.

Says, "Fred, you've had it.

See here? "Lamont Sanford. "

See if it's the right size. See, I wasn't sure.

See that, son?

See them knobs back there and one of'em say "volume control"?

See what's missing out of the kitchen. I hope they didn't take my pinto beans.

See who that is, but don't let 'em in.

See, he was white, but they called him Blackjack...

See, his room is done in Louis the XIV...

See, I had a way of remembering.

See, I like the hat, but I like the card better.

See, I purchased that item from a woman in Hollywood.

See, I put labels on everything, see.

See, I saw George Raft in a picture once.

See, I was in the kitchen, fixin' some spare ribs...

See, I was in the kitchen, fixin' your supper.

See, I'll just go on home and watch TVwith my new hat on.

See, in this day of the natural hairdo...

See, it's my back. Hasn't been the same since the war.

See, Laura wants to marry Mickey's brother, Bill.

See, Mickey and Laura are getting a divorce.

See, now there's the difference. He can never have another mother.

See, now, watch me.

See, Sagittarian is the hunter, and Leo is the lion

See, there's different things you can do with that hat, Pop.

See, these people do their cookin' and laundry in the same pot.

See, you are sweet, just like I said.

See, you can't see sittin' behind some people.

See, you wasn't in the war. You wasn't wounded.

See?

See? I put the satchel right here in the Wells Fargo...

See? That was the name of the picture.

See. They playin' Guess Who's Coming to Dinner...

Seem like you trying to say something to me now.

Seem like...

Sell these two.

Send Sammy Davis.

Sev... Ah, the gentleman in the rear bids 700.

Seven, three.

She ain't in no big hurry to get up here, is she?

She burned the bread, the meat, the salad

She can drive and do necks at the same time.

She can get it for me at a discount.

She can get you a nice leather one...

She did? I wasn't listening.

She did? Why did she leave? What did you do to her?

She doesn't want to marry you. I knew it was a mistake...

She made me look like a fool, Uncle Edgar.

She made me look like a fool. Everybody's gonna be laughing at me.

She made some hot sweet potato pie like your mama used to make.

She massaged my neck so good, I heard it crack.

She never got past "Chopsticks. "

She said all she wanted was ten bucks for it.

She said the only reason that she was willing to sell it...

She said, "Come on and join me, honey. "

She wanted to, but I told her forget about it.

She was here a few weeks ago. It was on again, off again.

She wasn't too much. She had ugly legs.

She would've cooked. She just got talked out of it.

She? That's the she that was here last night.

She's a practical nurse, and she's neat and tidy.

She's a widow and she's nice...

She's better off without him, you junk dealer!

She's got orange hair, and she's wearing a negligee.

She's in there cookin' your dinner. Sheila is gonna cook mine.

She's late, ain't she? I bet she don't show up.

She's no longer here. I don't want anything of hers in here either.

Sheila, can I help you?

Should be easier if it'll roll.

Should I tell him or should I wait till he notices something?

Show a black man gettin' the best of the monster for a change.

Shut up, Melvin.

Shut up!

Shut up!

Shut up!

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

Shut up.

Shut up. Get your hands in the air.

Shut up. You sound like a bunch of clucking ducks.

Signed, Stubborn. "

Since I was born.

Sir Walter Raleigh.

Sit down here.

Sit down, Melvin, and watch it with me.

Sit down. Here.

Sit here on the sofa. Tell me what happened.

Sit. Sit!

Sittin' in a junkyard alone with no cigarettes.

Sixty five

Skiing and yodeling.

Skinny legs.

Sleep in the same bedroom my mother slept in? I think that's disgusting.

Slurp, slurp, slurp. Man, the way you sc**** and soak up food...

Smear her memory? I never did nothing to smear your mother's memory.

Smitty, Swanee, you caught him.

Smoking less, but enjoying it more.

Smoking these cigarettes and sittin' around in their slippers.

Snow tires? In Southern California?

So can I.

So he could hear the sound of the tumblers.

So he could hear the tumblers.

So he leaned over by the safe and put his ear near it...

So he made this for me.

So his unconscious mind finds release by blocking out all memory of it.

So I came out, and they jumped me.

So I got me a lion.

So I guess the money's gonna have to stay here for a little while.

So I helped her stuff it back in.

So I put on my new pants here so I can be festive.

So I thought I'd pick you up a few things.

So I wish you happy birthday with loads of love and pride.

So I'm just gonna stay out here with you.

So it wouldn't be too good for your back.

So it wouldn't be too good for your front either.

So long, Officer Swanhauser.

So long, Pop.

So long, son.

So me and you can get around, sugar.

So now I'm getting kicked out, huh?

So now I'm not even as good as Arthur Matthews's son, huh?

So she called me over, see...

So that doesn't mean anything. They're just sittin' in the car.

So that's what he said.

So that's where the peanut brittle went.

So until we apprehend the suspect in question...

So we staked out for further surveillance.

So what will it be? The zucchini or the pork and beans?

So what?

So what? Cary Grant got married again when he was in his sixties

So what? Melvin ain't no one woman man. He like to play the field.

So what'll it be, son? The ham hocks or the neck bones?

So why don't you go there anyway? They got TV in the room.

So you can have a little pork and beans now and a little zucchini later...

So you got start somewhere.

So you had a disappointment. See, it's like cuttin' away a corn.

So you just take all the plumbing supplies. "

So you'll have enough money to bury me with.

So, that's gonna work out just right, ain't it?

Soap. That's what they found in it.

Social security, S.

Sold!

Some lobster Cantonese...

Some of'em are for TV. Some of'em for reading.

Some other time. Bye.

Some pineapple chicken and some fried won ton.

Some welcome. I come home and find you readin' my will.

Somebody's gonna need these coffins, and they'll come and take 'em off our hands

Something like this happened to me.

Son, he pushed me down the steps.

Son, what's the matter?

Son, you know your mama's been dead for over 20 years.

Son. You called me son. Then you remember who I am.

Sorry, Lamont. You said that was the way to get the price up, so I got it up.

Sorry, man.

Sorry. This is all I have in size ten.

Sort of like selling Christmas trees the day after Christmas.

Sortin', arrangin', sellin'.

Sounds terrific.

St. Louis, Missouri. That's M O period.

Staggering under that 40 pound pack.

Stay cold!

Stay out of it then. I told you I'd take care of it.

Stay out of this, Melvin.

Stay out of this, Melvin.

Stockings?

Stop that, Pop.

Stop trying to be so funny and just push this thing in here.

Stop worryin' about what everything costs. I'm paying for this.

Supper's been late ten times this month.

Supreme Court said I could live anywhere I want to.

Sure is. Well, you'll be hearing from us.

Sure looked good, your mama, layin' there with a new dress on.

Sure will.

Sure.

Sure. That'll be fine. But try not to upset him.

Sure. You're 65 today, Pop...

Surprise!

Surrounding A: The burglary itself...

Swanee and Smitty got my message after all.

Take care of yourself, hear?

Take Crystal Simpson to be your lawful wedded wife...

Take him home? And you think that's the best place for him?

Take it easy, Pop! It's me, Lamont! It's me, Pop!

Take it easy!

Take it out of that handkerchief. That's gotta go on her finger.

Take Lamont Grady Sanford to be your lawful wedded husband...

Take off that stupid mask!

Takes how long?

Takin' a taxi and ain't even nobody going to the hospital.

Taking our pipes out. You big dummy!

Tell 'em you're closed. You got that?

Tell him how ridiculous it is for a man at his age to be getting married.

Tell him I'll be right out there, Kelly.

Tell me what to do. I'll fix it.

Tell us about those three exciting moments.

Tell your friend who's not married and doesn't even think about it...

Ten? That means you've been smoking for fifty five years.

Ten. Let me see.

Tequila.

Terrific body.

Than my sweetie when I meet her

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much. 975. Will someone give me 975?

Thank you ver... Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. And here is your check for $25.

Thanks a lot, Swanee, for driving me home.

Thanks a lot, Uncle Edgar. That's just what we wanted. A toaster.

Thanks a lot.

Thanks for a very nice evening, Mr. Sanford.

Thanks.

Thanks. He's cute. I'll be right back.

That ain't it.

That ain't right. Lamont's been a good boy and now you're throwing him out

That ain't where my chest is.

That all depends. This is exactly what I'm talking about, Pop.

That an as yet unidentified suspect is operating in this area...

That did it. Now I've had it.

That don't make me no difference. I'll get a couple of blankets.

That goes well with just about anything...

That guy will only make more trouble for us.

That had that bravery and spunk.

That hot tea made me hungry.

That I left the door open for you in case you change your mind.

That I think the idea of you getting married at your age is ridiculous.

That is the best thing we got, and I want to keep it looking good.

That it's supposed to be delivered to in person.

That just shows you what you know.

That means somebody's there waitin' for you. And hurry 'cause it might rain.

That means this thing is valuable.

That means you, miss! Out!

That smells!

That this old world is still a pretty wonderful place to live in.

That too many?

That took a lot of guts. You know, you could've been killed.

That was a nice service, Reverend Trimble.

That was funny. You don't want it bruised. You big dummy.

That was just a little something I threw in there.

That was nice.

That was smart. The money's in the safe and you don't know the combination.

That was very thoughtful.

That won't help anything.

That wouldn't be too good for this neighborhood.

That you get laid out in this church, just like Mama.

That you got to return it or give it back

That you like me better than glass.

That you, Arthur?

That you'll never do nothing like that again.

That your recent chest X ray is completely clear...

That'd be real nice, Pop.

That'll be about all you can lift is your thumb.

That'll be the last of Sylvia.

That's 3,650 feet of cigarette a year.

That's a bad sign, havin' coffins in the house.

That's a good son. Good and kind and thoughtful.

That's a lie and you know it. She was a terrific cook.

That's a lie and you know it. She was a terrific cook.

That's a little joke in my profession.

That's a mean thing to do, makin' me wait all day for it.

That's a nice smell.

That's a nice thing to bring up on my wedding day.

That's a nice white fella.

That's a terrible way to treat somebody who come to spend the evening with you.

That's about ten feet of cigarettes multiplied by one year...

That's all right. I got another pair in the bag.

That's all right. I got another pair in the bag.

That's all right. I just wanna get my hands on those guys that jumped you.

That's all right. I won't be doing it much longer.

That's all right. We've just been here sittin' here talking.

That's another thing makes it festive. Good French wine.

That's another thing you haven't developed is a nose for junk.

That's as funny as a train wreck.

That's beautiful. Hey, Lamont, I had my picture frame...

That's Chinese kreplach.

That's easy for you to say.

That's exactly what I'm talking about. We were acting.

That's funny. We ain't got no water either.

That's good, because in case I have an attack...

That's great. Good night.

That's great. I'm not gonna say no more. Just get some rest...

That's great. You got a good son.

That's headquarters.

That's how I take care of myself.

That's how many it was. Four. We were robbed.

That's how superstitions get started.

That's how we got into trouble in the first place.

That's how we work. He does something for me. I do something for him.

That's how you can tell. Watch his shoulders.

That's in California, Pop.

That's it, son. It's not too heavy.

That's it, that's it. Pull it right on over there.

That's it. Left hook. You got him now.

That's it. Lift it on this end and kick it with your foot.

That's it. Twist it. Turn it. Now, wiggle it. Push it.

That's ******* soul food.

That's just the way it is.

That's just what they tell you to try to break it to you easy.

That's just you imagining something. Why you always imagine all that stuff?

That's like you smoked a cigarette from... from here to Disneyland.

That's Los Angels, isn't it?

That's me. I am porcelain.

That's my middle name... Holiday Inn.

That's my son's porcelain and glass collection.

That's nice, son.

That's not it. I know what it is.

That's not the police. They're not coming. That's a fire truck.

That's nothing to be ashamed about. Some of us get scared.

That's okay. Send one over there.

That's our business, isn't it?

That's part of the nonsense that we were just talking about.

That's poor.

That's pretty. Mine's Fred.

That's progress for you, isn't it, Mr. Sanford?

That's real super king sized, ain't it?

That's real sweet.

That's really a gem. That was beautiful. Who said that, Confucius?

That's really beautiful, Fred.

That's right, a suicide note.

That's right, and continue on down from there

That's right.

That's right.

That's right.

That's right. A robbery and an assault.

That's right. He works in a post office. He's in charge of a window.

That's right. I ain't stayin' in no house with no coffins.

That's right. I went with your mama two and a half years...

That's right. It was 3:30...

That's right. They had trenches at Fort Dix.

That's right. Tuck it in.

That's right. We ain't never had matching end tables

That's right. Why don't you stay? You got married a second time.

That's right. Why don't you stay? You got married a second time.

That's right. You know, Hitler wasn't too cool.

That's S A N F O R D period, speakin'.

That's S A N F O R D period, speakin'.

That's S A N F O R D period, speaking.

That's S A N F O R D period, speaking.

That's S A N F O R D period, speaking.

That's S A N F O R D period.

That's S A N F O R D period.

That's S A N F O R D period.

That's S A N F O R D period.

That's Sheila. She came to cook dinner for me.

That's some cook you got there.

That's something you had left from the riot.

That's something you haven't learned. Nothing upsets me because I... am cool.

That's something you spray in your mouth so your friends don't turn away.

That's terrific. Maybe I'll be able to pick up a skater.

That's terrific. Now you can watch the Ping Pong matches.

That's the best thing you ever did, going and getting your own place.

That's the first rule of physics.

That's the kind of spunk some of the kids today could use.

That's the kind of thing that happen when you got arthritis.

That's the kind of thing that happen when you got arthritis.

That's the money I was saving for my heart operation.

That's the part I'm not too sure about.

That's the trademark from some famous company.

That's the way it's been, huh?

That's the way it's gonna be when we both get married, isn't it?

That's the way Reverend Trimble wears his.

That's the way that expression got started. "Ride on. "

That's the way they buried my Uncle Henry.

That's the way to get the price up

That's true.

That's true. When I jumped, I landed on a guy who was in the infantry...

That's true. Without that mustache, he would look like his mother.

That's us.

That's what he does every once in a while.

That's what he was doing down at Dave's Diner while we were waiting.

That's what he'll have, an old fashioned.

That's what I get for leaving you in charge of running this place.

That's what I thought he said.

That's what I told him.

That's what I tried to tell him.

That's what I wanna ask you about. Come here.

That's what I wanna ask you, about that whole new way of life.

That's what I'll do. I'll just get rid of'em the first thing tomorrow...

That's what it takes to make a home.

That's what the old army doctor used to always say...

That's what they say. They just don't want to come out and tell you.

That's what you looked like up there.

That's when we'll make ourselves a nice little profit on the deal, okay?

That's why I got to know if Mickey and Laura are getting a divorce.

That's why I said put 'em back in the mailbox.

That's wonderful. That's really wonderful

That's you, Pop.

That's your initials, Pop. What you think it was?

The applejack makes me sleep, and the other stuff make me get up.

The bathroom is upstairs to your left.

The bills come on time, but there's been a slight delay in the money.

The bills come on time, don't they?

The body will still be there tomorrow.

The bride has just arrived, Mr. Sanford.

The budget tells you everything that you need to know.

The cops! What do you wanna call the cops for?

The Creature With the Big Mouth.

The department advises that you refrain from all purchases of copper...

The drugstore, 28 dollars.

The drugstore, the grocery store, gas, electric, telephone.

The English is on the other side. And I'll do the orderin'.

The four white guys with the stockings over their heads, right?

The fuse.

The grandstand...

The guy is not in the business and you heard what he said.

The Homestead Grays and the St. Louis Blues.

The important thing is to remain calm and not get too alarmed and panicked.

The kids put their old man in a mental institution and took over the business.

The last time he was very much against our getting married.

The letter says the test was unsatisfactory due to a technical fault.

The Luau Layaway Furniture Company.

The Luau Layaway Furniture Company. "

The man is giving us a hernia.

The man is giving us a Steinway.

The minister said to me, he said, "Otto...

The minute you left, I was startin' to miss you.

The minute you left, I was startin' to miss you.

The money I got out your piggy bank will buy me a new collection.

The name is Sanford, and we're located at 9114 South Central Avenue.

The negligee was kind of torn, see...

The ocean! Pop, we can drive out to the beach and dump it in the water.

The other one.

The parking lot.

The phone is dead.

The Purple Heart, you won in a crap game..

The reason Officer Smith and myself are paying this call is to issue a warning.

The report makes no reference to body temperature.

The rules clearly state that there will be no visitors after 11 p. m.

The safest safe in town.

The sentiment I feel for you, I simply cannot hide.

The sheik

The sheik and the son of the sheik.

The short order cook.

The son has taken over as head of the family, replaced him.

The squirrels are liable to drag you off with the rest of the nuts.

The subject, Fred Sanford, was admitted to County General Hospital...

The trenches?

The truck? We're not gonna take this broken down truck on my wedding day.

The TV and the refrigerator. Everything.

The undertaker didn't buy 'em. Now you ain't gonna ever get rid of'em.

The wallpaper. It's French. Very delicate.

The wife dies and the husband follows.

Then after the wedding, she'd be just like her mama:

Then he rushed out the door and got caught in a crossfire of machine guns.

Then how come it ran for seven years on a stage in New York?

Then I'll see you the first thing tomorrow morning.

Then I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

Then I'm going back to the hospital.

Then I'm gonna have to force my way in.

Then I'm gonna take you to a movie that you need a reservation for...

Then if you want to have a heart attack, it's all right.

Then it always goes on to say how they gave him a reward and a nice steady job.

Then it won't be Sanford and Son no more.

Then it'll be on your conscience. It's all your fault anyway.

Then proceeded to remove from the premises...

Then something to the left again.

Then that means there's a woman here.

Then they go and leave.

Then we can watch a little television and turn in...

Then we're in serious trouble.

Then what's the point of me leaving, Pop?

Then why is he selling it to us for a dime?

Then you can forget about the whole thing...

Then you can get a six year old kid to help you.

Then you don't know it. I'm gonna call the police.

Then you'll be in trouble.

There ain't nothing good on after the fight, is there, Lamont?

There she is now.

There was four of them. Four white men with stockings over their heads.

There you are. Two hundred dollars.

There you go.

There you go. You got it? Easy now. Don't drop it. There you go.

There's a dude trying to unload some hot copper that he snatched himself.

There's a horror movie on later, Melvin.

There's another customer. What did I tell you?

There's four Humphrey Bogarts and six Lauren Bacalls.

There's just no need to go on like this.

There's just one thing that I'm not too sure about.

There's no need of you being out here afraid alone at night...

There's no need to starting off your marriage with secrets between you.

There's no specific cure.

There's no use talkin' to you

There's no use talkin' to you. You just don't want to get ahead.

There's no use. You don't understand nothing.

There's nobody in here. Listen.

There's nothin' in there. Just some old insurance policies...

There's nothin' wrong with you. I'm not gonna bother with you no more.

There's nothing in the world worse than warm applejack and no TV.

There's nothing that satisfies you. Waiter, can I have the check, please?

There's nothing wrong with Gunsmoke. It's just that there's other things.

There's nothing wrong with this TV.

There's nothing wrong with you.

There's nothing wrong, Mother. I can't do it. I changed my mind.

There's some knobs on here where you can fix the picture and the sound.

There's the police now, and you still don't know the number.

These are all the things I need. You know what I mean?

These are just two empty coffins. They can't hurt you.

These are the glasses to help me find the glasses that I need to find.

They ain't gonna come.

They ain't gonna sue. They just say that to scare you.

They all fall under this one word: Commodities.

They always come back.

They been in my pocket a week. Here. You take 'em.

They can get the stuff back for us, Pop.

They can't take away my TV. I won't ever be able to find out...

They couldn't have done it a few years ago.

They didn't throw you two out of the theater.

They don't figure that you'll be expecting them back for a long time.

They don't have respect. They don't have what your father's got.

They don't need the both of us having it.

They don't want to come out and tell you that you're dying.

They found him the next morning, dead.

They get you anywhere you go now, don't they?

They got 24 inch screens now.

They got some shops over there on Western Avenue.

They got us trapped. But that's all right.

They got us with stolen goods! Oh, they got us!

They got us. They got us.

They got what they call "doing their thing. " He won't even listen.

They in the fuse box.

They just fly around the room.

They just want to break it to you easy. But I got it, that's for sure.

They just want to break it to you easy. But I got it, that's for sure.

They just won't leave you alone. Just after you all the time.

They knew they had to take a rest. Pigeons can't fly forever.

They nice. Yeah, they wear those soft white shoes and have cool hands.

They pay high as $213.10. That's enough for me to retire.

They really know how to make those horror movies, thoseJapanese.

They slugged me on the back of the head.

They took intermission and everybody went outside and got some refreshments.

They usually pay $150.

They want the truth. The truth shall set you free.

They were lookin' for a tail gunner and I turned that down.

They were lookin' for a tail gunner and I turned that down.

They won't laugh. We'll park the truck over there...

They would charge you a pretty good penny to get this out of here.

They'll settle this thing.

They're calling the squad car. They'll be here any minute.

They're gonna be the first ones to give us trouble.

They're gonna think we stole this money.

They're looking around...

They're not on duty yet.

They're not supposed too, Pop.

They're sittin' over there. They'll hear you. Just keep it down.

They're spoiled. Kids today don't have manners.

They're surrounded by these things all day

They've already turned this thing over to a collection agency.

Think about them doctor bills.

Think I'll ever walk again? Oh, son, my back.

Third Army, General Patton, Old Blood and Guts.

Thirty dollars? Are you kidding? That's only five dollars profit.

Thirty eight cents a pound.

This ain't mine. This is yours.

This ain't no honky tonk bar.

This couch is for drinkin'.

This happens to be an ascot.

This house was always damp. Even my bed was damp.

This includes my saving account and the Central Avenue Bank Christmas club...

This is a bad one. Oh!

This is a Chinese restaurant.

This is a nice apartment here. I wonder how much the rent is.

This is a real Chinese restaurant, ain't it?

This is an entirely new situation that we're about to embark upon.

This is an operation between my mouth and my stomach...

This is coordinatin' day.

This is for weddings and funerals and the social security office.

This is Fred Sanford.

This is fried won ton.

This is great. Talk about making up for yesterday.

This is Lamont.

This is Officer Swanhauser. We do the rounds together.

This is porcelain. Genuine porcelain.

This is really ridiculous. You're actually gonna go through with it?

This is ridiculous.

This is ridiculous. You're ridiculous.

This is supposed to be a love scene.

This is the dumb way you did it.

This is the kind of cigarette they smoke.

This is the most important bill that we got.

This is the worst one I ever had.

This is what I figured happened, Pop.

This is your chair, Pop.

This lady that went to the movies with me...

This man and this woman.

This man doesn't need to know anything about our personal business.

This means you, Pop. "

This money came from a bank robbery...

This negligee was a see through thing, and she was wearing a pair of mules.

This recording does not repeat, so please wait until a line is free.

This tape on the knife and the fork.

This thing is very fragile, and if you make me trip and fall...

This time of evening? Are you kidding?

This toaster. The wedding present your Aunt Elsie and me gave you.

This way, gentlemen.

This woman was about 90 years old.

This won't take long.

Those are our pipes?

Three months?

Three quarters of a mile every year for 55 years.

Throw away your troubles

Throw away your troubles

Throwing an old man down the stairs.

Throwing my life away? Pop, I'm not Harry Belafonte.

To join together in bonds of Christian marriage...

To know if you've got enough money to pay your bills.

To love her and cherish her as you do your own life...

To love him and cherish him...

To me

To me

To me. S.

To take care of your little doctor bills.

To tell him it was all over.

Tomorrow you'll be back in the collection business...

Tomorrow? You mean they stayin' here tonight?

Too young and too white.

Trapped in a mountain cabin.

Truck ran over his nice, clean lung.

Truth would set him free, and he told the truth...

Try and remember. You see, me and you, we have a business together.

Try to get some sleep, and I'll come back in here and I'll see you later.

Trying on your squirrel hairpiece and sniffing her cupped hands.

Turn it on its side and get it through sideways.

Turn it on its side, and we'll wiggle it through.

Turn on your set and let's watch some color TV.

Turn the sound down during the commercial.

Twenty dollars. Take it or leave it

Two beds. I guess those are upstairs.

Two can play at this game.

Two dollars and fifty cents? Two fifty?

Two dummy taco stuffers.

Two empty coffins.

Two features. Forty nine cents.

Two happy people... Sanford and Son.

Two hundred dollars.

Two men held you and one beat you. That's three.

Two old superstitious men, you and Melvin.

Two packs? Pop, that's forty cigarettes.

Two westerns. It was a Clint Eastwood festival.

Two, four, six, eight, nine.

Two, four, six.

Uh huh.

Uh huh.

Uh huh.

Uh huh. Everybody was off yesterday.

Uh huh. There's a strange car parked on the other side of the street.

Uh huh. You see that? Now, those are the crooks.

Uh, I'd say about 180.

Uh, Lamont, why don't you take your 200...

Unless you can't wait and you went and opened it already.

Until this cat gets busted, be cool on copper.

Up a lazy river

Up a lazy river

Up a lazy river

Up through the sewer pipe and out into the street.

Uphill.

Using the wedding presents before they're even married.

Usually of a broken heart.

Utilities was off 1.3.

Very good.

Very interesting. Where did you get this?

Very well. Exactly what was taken?

Wait a minute here.

Wait a minute, Fred. Can't you make it louder?

Wait a minute, honey. What you doing?

Wait a minute, Lamont. Ain't you afraid to go out there with all that money?

Wait a minute, Pop. Listen to me now.

Wait a minute, Reverend Trimble. She said no.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Come here.

Wait a minute. Don't sit down, son. Come here.

Wait a minute. I'll go look.

Wait a minute. Lamont, wait a minute. Settle down.

Wait a minute. Melvin! Melvin!

Wait a minute. Settle down, will ya? Calm yourself.

Wait a minute. The man fell. I had nothing to do with it.

Wait a minute. What are you talking about Dummy, Incorporated?

Wait a minute. What you pick the ham up with your hand for?

Wait a minute. You can't take my beds.

Wait a minute. You just can't come in here and tell me that.

Wait, Melvin. You can listen to this. You like one of the family.

Wait. Don't do that now. He just loses his temper every now and then.

Wait. I remember. I saw George Raft do this in a movie once.

Wait. Look, Lamont. I pushed it and wiggled it and twist it.

Want me to go back to slurpin'?

Want to get this house fumigated. Go to work and I'm sick with TB.

Warm enough for you? Comfortable? You say I can get 200...

Was that a car I just heard? Did you get a ride home?

Was that a car, Melvin? That must be Pop coming home.

Was that she didn't have no money, you know.

Was that the one with Ann Margret?

Watch that statue there. Cost me a lot of money.

Water. Now even an idiot would know that.

We ain't got any water.

We ain't had no company since we've been here.

We ain't never gonna get this piano through the door.

We all have to go sometime.

We already made the deal. It's too late to back out.

We better get a house next to Wilt 'cause he'll let us.

We bought some copper and we're not responsible for where it came from.

We can make ourselves a nice little profit on these things.

We can make twenty eight cents profit on every pound.

We can pay off all our bills and get everything turned on again.

We can play some checkers and stuff anytime you come by.

We can settle right here, then we'll load the stuff into your truck.

We can shine it up and sell it as an antique.

We can sit down together and have such a nice, quiet evening.

We could afford it if you hadn't bought that car.

We could cut the back out and make a sofa or a couch.

We could go to Newark. They got a black mayor there.

We could take a couple bottles of this champagne...

We could take a cruise to one of those tropical islands.

We could've got a half case of muscatel for three dollars.

We do things a lot faster today. I don't want to talk about that, Pop.

We don't have to sit here... Come on. Let's get out of here.

We don't need him. Let's get out of here.

We don't need no cops around here hanging around.

We don't want it. Take it. L...

We go down in the basement and get a couple of shovels...

We go in for antiques, sure, but mostly our business is junk.

We going out high style, Pop. We going in a taxi.

We gonna hit it big this time.

We gonna out wait 'em, just the two of us.

We gonna to put that thing up for auction. That's what we gonna do.

We got a Bible upstairs. You don't need this.

We got a good thing going. Why do you wanna get married and mess it all up?

We got a job to do. Let's just do it and get it over with.

We got a junkyard and we got a house next to that.

We got a piano that belongs to us stuck in the door...

We got food. We got pork and beans and zucchini.

We got in trouble 'cause you weren't bringing enough money home.

We got to figure it out and figure on the best thing to do.

We had an amnesia patient here once. Was here for weeks.

We had fun. How you feelin', son?

We had to wait a little bit, but I think it was worth waitin' for.

We have to ask these questions.

We just act like we playing checkers. Now relax. It's your move.

We learn from this little lesson that both of us hate okra.

We partners, ain't we? And I want to sell.

We really don't know.

We saw that picture Fiddler Up a Roof.

We slept in the same room, same bed, same underwear.

We were robbed. Robbed.

We were robbed. Tell him, Lamont.

We were standing next to each other and the filling dropped out of her taco...

We will continue the auction with lot number 695 in your catalog.

We won't need you here at all. Go right ahead, dear.

We'll be back this afternoon.

We'll be hungry, but we'll be clean.

We'll commence again.

We'll dig a deep tunnel all the way down into the ground...

We'll have a customer for these things before the day is over.

We'll have some egg foo yung...

We'll hold on to the check and we'll look at it as kind of a loan, see?

We'll just stay home and eat here and you can save that money.

We'll now hear how to improve the financial situation of our corporation.

We'll put it in the safe.

We'll take it! We'll take it!

We'll take it! We'll take it!

We're business partners, and we have to make all our decisions together.

We're following through on your request for possible assistance.

We're gonna get married, and we're gonna live with you...

We're gonna have to give it back to him.

We're gonna push it over there by the door 'cause it'll roll now.

We're gonna stay with you right until the day...

We're here to move a piano.

We're just sitting down here, playing some checkers.

We're on our way, Pop.

We're partners. You don't wanna break that up, do you?

We're really compatible. See, I'm a Sagittarian, and she's a Leo.

We're rich. We can retire.

We've decided not to sell at this particular time.

Well, adios, old fellow.

Well, all I can say is...

Well, anyway, when they were tearing down the church...

Well, as long as you put it that way...

Well, be careful when you walk through the park with that thing on your head.

Well, before we go, I have something for you to make it official.

Well, can't you give yourself a facial some other time?

Well, come right in then. Come right in here.

Well, did he remember you?

Well, did you? Did you bring them? I told you to bring me cigarettes.

Well, do unto others, I always say. Isn't that what you always say?

Well, don't yell at me. Yell at that guy out there blockin' the market.

Well, excuse me. Will you follow me?

Well, finally.

Well, gentlemen, I won't take up any more of your time. Good day.

Well, give me my half and I'll go to the doctor and get a checkup.

Well, go ahead. Who needs you? And take this old piece of junk...

Well, good night, son. I'm going to bed.

Well, good, 'cause this is a person talkin' too.

Well, have you decided?

Well, here I am, ready to go to dinner.

Well, here I am. How do I look?

Well, here it is. I hope you like it.

Well, here we are, Pop. Home at last.

Well, here. Try someJujyfruits.

Well, how about a glass of milk?

Well, how come it takes so long?

Well, how long do you have to leave that stuff on there?

Well, how old is this person anyway?

Well, I ain't, I can't, I'm not, and I'm leaving.

Well, I bet you my handkerchief is just as clean as her finger.

Well, I better be going. Thanks again for the movie. I really enjoyed it.

Well, I can see it's not doing any good talking to you.

Well, I can see why it takes so long.

Well, I didn't know how your son would feel about it.

Well, I don't want you or your presents in my house for another second!

Well, I expect to have a hot meal waiting for me.

Well, I got to be going. I got to be at the hospital in an hour.

Well, I gotta go to work, Pop. I'll see you later on today.

Well, I guess the money's gonna have to stay here for a while.

Well, I guess this set's had it.

Well, I hope I croak tonight.

Well, I hope you're satisfied.

Well, I hope you're satisfied. She left.

Well, I just might be able to help you. I'll tell you what.

Well, I know you're not gonna believe this...

Well, I mean to say...

Well, I must've meant World War II.

Well, I stopped off to say good bye to my minister. I'm leaving.

Well, I think that just about does it.

Well, I think we're finally in the clear now.

Well, I thought the fresh air might do you some good.

Well, I was fightin' most of the time. See, I fought all of them by myself.

Well, I was in the army. I could've been in the air force.

Well, I would like to know a little about the construction.

Well, I wouldn't. I'd be glad to give him one across his lip.

Well, I'll be doggone. You got a remote control.

Well, I'll do it, but I don't need it. But I'll do it for you...

Well, I'll just tell them it's been delivered and put it in your mailbox.

Well, I'm gonna have me a hot tea.

Well, I'm just trying to protect myself.

Well, I'm not going to work

Well, I'm tellin you, I ain't got nothin' to do with it.

Well, I've known her a long time.

Well, if I am an amateur, it's 'cause I never get no practice.

Well, if that don't beat all!

Well, if you change your mind, just call your order in to old Fred...

Well, if you gargle with some warm saltwater, you'll get rid of it.

Well, if you wanna sleep...

Well, if you're asking me, I'd rather you didn't.

Well, in that case, maybe you could do it.

Well, in that case...

Well, it ain't yours yet, but it will be after I make 35 more payments.

Well, it's an entirely different ball game now.

Well, it's kinda corny, Pop.

Well, it's my table too.

Well, it's too late now. They're not gonna give you your deposit back.

Well, it's up to you, dummy.

Well, just a minute, sister. You can't come in here, spittin' on my candle.

Well, just don't brush up against anything and knock it over.

Well, just go nibble your apples and leave me alone.

Well, just try to be a little more quiet okay?

Well, let 'em look, but don't let 'em touch.

Well, let's go somewhere where they got some beer on tap.

Well, listen, I've got dinner cooking and everything.

Well, listen. What if they found it in a alley?

Well, look...

Well, many happy returns, son.

Well, me and your mama could never afford a honeymoon.

Well, most of it. Just a few things I picked up here and there.

Well, my lease ain't up till August.

Well, no, I didn't mean to call you no clucking duck.

Well, no, if that's it. Were they colored?

Well, okay, bye.

Well, okay. You got enough gas in the pickup?

Well, perhaps I could stretch it a little. All right, 850.

Well, power to the people.

Well, save your money 'cause we left in the middle of it, it was so bad.

Well, see, I was in the kitchen...

Well, see...

Well, since I'm here, I might as well have a little taste of gin.

Well, since they're not gonna be used, it's a shame to make 'em go to waste.

Well, sometime it takes a little longer.

Well, son, I got to thinking. Maybe we didn't give it a chance.

Well, son, maybe I have been holding you back.

Well, son, you find out what's wrong?

Well, sure. Be glad to tell you.

Well, tell me. Don't be snatching all over my stuff.

Well, thank you again.

Well, thanks, but that's not what I come to talk about.

Well, thanks, Fred. If I was gonna have it, I'd have to soak it.

Well, that is, my dad, he'd like to know where you acquired the copper.

Well, that's a fine thing to do...

Well, that's a good idea, Darlene, but I don't know if I can do that.

Well, that's one sale we got. Which one do you want?

Well, the first thing we oughta do is get rid of it.

Well, the pigeons knew it.

Well, then one of them hollered, "Get him!"

Well, there goes our matching end tables.

Well, there's some cold chicken in the refrigerator.

Well, there's the finishing touches to a perfectly rotten evening.

Well, there's your story. An old man alone at home.

Well, they ain't too bad. They won't have no skinny legs.

Well, they came back, Pop. And guess what they went straight for.

Well, they don't stick to your ribs, but they sure stick to your teeth.

Well, they're her lungs.

Well, this is a fine time to tell me you can't come!

Well, this is it.

Well, this is very unusual.

Well, two people can play at that game.

Well, we have now.

Well, we'll see you later. We gotta get goin'.

Well, we'll use this one downstairs. That way we'll have full coverage.

Well, we're back. This is my partner.

Well, what are we gonna eat?

Well, what are you gonna do now, Pop?

Well, what difference does it make? We're all brothers, aren't we?

Well, what do you think?

Well, what happened?

Well, what we gonna do now?

Well, what's eatin' you?

Well, when they do, would you ask them to call Sanford and Son?

Well, when they took all the...

Well, which is it? Twenty nine, thirty or thirty one?

Well, who asked you, huh? You don't know nothin' about auctions.

Well, why don't you get a respectable job?

Well, Wilt Chamberlain lives in Beverly Hills.

Well, you and I will know.

Well, you can have a piece of toast, but you can't soak it.

Well, you don't have to marry him if you don't want to.

Well, you hardly know the girl. How long y'all been going together?

Well, you have very good taste.

Well, you just go right ahead, smart guy.

Well, you just keep an eye on him and watch his shoulders.

Well, you just take good care of that hat.

Well, you look in the middle of this heap, there's not one decent television.

Well, you owe me another $20.

Well, you see, I gotta soak my gums in saltwater.

Well, you see, that's just the common name for it.

Well, you still got the piece. You just bought it off yourself.

Well, you won't have to worry about that no more, son...

Well, you're the person that keeps all the money in this family.

Well, you're wrong.

Well, you've been selected for doing a life story.

Well, your father seems willing to work.

Well, your old man...

Well..

Well...

Well... Okay, as soon as I move the piano.

What a disastrous day this has been.

What a meant was, like a cackling hen.

What a minute. How did you...

What a terrible thing to happen to a guy my age.

What a terrible thing to happen.

What about $30?

What about tonight?

What about your age? Who gets married at 65?

What am I gonna do next, the funky chicken?

What am I supposed to do? I have guests coming.

What are the numbers?

What are we doing, Pop? This isn't even our money.

What are we gonna do in the meantime, stretch out in 'em and watch TV?

What are we gonna do, Pop?

What are we gonna eat? Steak? Lobster? Roast beef?

What are you all dressed up for anyway?

What are you doin'?

What are you doing all dressed up? You going out?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you looking for?

What are you talkin' about, "I forgot"?

What are you talkin' about, Pop? This is a nice place

What are you talkin' about? What's wrong with having company?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? I don't do it that often.

What are you talking about? I told you Donna was coming over to cook dinner.

What are you talking about? Throwing him out. Melvin was leaving. Let him leave.

What are you talking about? What happened?

What are you trying to do, give me a heart attack?

What are you worried about? If this place gets raided while we're here...

What can I do, brother? It's my job.

What did I do to her?

What did she have to show up for just to say no, Pop?

What did you do? What did they do?

What did you say her old man does? Work at a post office?

What difference does it make? You could never live here.

What do I want you to do?

What do you advise? Signed, Gas Mask. "

What do you know about bidding? Who asked you to get into it?

What do you mean, how long have I been with you?

What do you mean, trying to watch the budget?

What do you mean, what am I gonna do with them?

What do you mean, you're not going back in there, Pop?

What do you mean, you're not lifting this?

What do you mean? You wanna give the check back?

What do you need all that stuff for?

What do you think she's doing in the kitchen now?

What do you wanna call the police for? What can they do?

What do you wanna call them for? They want some money, not conversation.

What does he look like?

What does it say?

What does that mean?

What for? The hat's only half the present.

What good is a budget?

What guys? What are you talkin' about?

What happened between you two?

What holiday? I don't know anything about it.

What I don't know is why you have to go to the chapel tonight.

What I mean to say, he's getting 'em in shape so they're nice and firm.

What I'm afraid of is that he's gonna do something foolish.

What I'm trying to say is...

What I'm trying to tell you is for your own good.

What if he objects to our getting married?

What if I have a heart attack and have to call the doctor?

What if them crooks are out there like you said?

What is it, Pop? Is it your knee?

What is it?

What is it? It's a musical, Pop. A great musical.

What is that thing on your head?

What is wrong with you?

What kind of doctor did you say you were?

What kind of life is it, being the wife of an old man?

What kind of life you think it is being the father of a young dummy?

What kind of nut is this?

What kind of place... Hey, get a pinball machine!

What luck. Ungrateful son, lonely existence...

What she ever needed a piano for, I'll never know.

What should we do? Should we turn back?"

What size shoe do you wear?

What size... Nine and a half. What's that got to do with anything?

What time are you getting through here tonight, honey?

What time did the cat bust into your pad?

What took you so long to...

What was it, a holiday?

What was that other thing you said I was?

What was that?

What were you doing in there, man, preparing for another concert tour?

What were you telling him about finding money in the street?

What will you tell 'em when they ask you what you see in me?

What would you like, sir?

What would you like? The cold pork and beans or the cold zucchini?

What you come out here and try to kill me for?

What you got here? Load of hot copper?

What you should do is call the police and have them come and pick it up.

What you wanna bring that up for?

What you're about to do. I'd like to hear what he's got to say.

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? How much does he weigh?

What? Oh, Pop

What? She asked for 10, and you gave her 15?

What? Who is it? Help! Police!

What? You know it's no good to have two women in the kitchen.

What'd she have to do that for, Pop, huh? What for?

What'd you go and have a will made for?

What's gonna happen if she shows up?

What's he doing home this time of day in that fruity robe?

What's he doing to you? Is he threatening you?

What's he doing with all these slippers around here?

What's that?

What's the matter with his looks? What's his looks got to do with this?

What's the matter with you people? I don't believe you.

What's the matter with you? Order something and stop makin' a fuss.

What's the matter with you? What are you asking people personal questions for?

What's the matter with you? You know I'm sick...

What's the matter, Fred? You got something in your eye?

What's the matter? That was a good movie, and I liked what I saw of it.

What's the matter? You out of water?

What's this? Well, it was too late to clean up.

What's with all these final notices? Haven't you been paying the bills?

What's wrong with 'em?

What's wrong with Gunsmoke?

What's wrong with the truck?

What's wrong?

Whatever it is. What is it?

Wheelin' and dealin' and coordinatin'.

When are you two lovebirds gonna stagger down the aisle together?

When does it say you gotta go to the hospital?

When Duane and all the rest of the guests be around here...

When he whipped, he whipped from the lips to the hips.

When I coordinate, I don't want nobody to fool around.

When I saw that little ol' gal, I knew she was no good.

When I was a kid, I heard a story once.

When I was a kid, there was seven of us in the family.

When I was a youngster, I wore one pair of tennis shoes five years.

When I went to the movies, I didn't go alone.

When she gets here, you be nice to her.

When that little girl ran out on you like that, I was thinkin' to myself...

When the table is set up and there's a good smell and noise from the kitchen...

When the time comes and you need a truss...

When you find something like this, what you should do is step on it.

When you get my age, you might as well be dead.

When you get this one over here, I'll pull the rug out.

When you start out there, I hope you run out of gas...

Where am I?

Where are you? Are you still here?

Where did she come from? Where did you meet her?

Where did you go, to the movies? Did she massage the back of your neck again?

Where does it say that?

Where else do you go during the day, to a topless bar?

Where his condition was termed satisfactory. "

Where some very important government papers were.

Where was the money at that time?

Where you expect 'em to be, in the fruit bowl?

Where's the ladies' room?

While he spent that time in the hospital.

While I'm out there in that jungle, slavin' my guts out.

Who are you?

Who don't know how to take care of business? Can you do better?

Who gives this woman to be married to this man?

Who goes to the movies alone during the day?

Who is it, Lamont? Is it Smitty or Swanee?

Who is it? Who is it?

Who is that? That you, Lamont?

Who is this?

Who me?

Who said that?

Who wore these last, the thief of Baghdad?

Who you gonna listen to, them or me?

Who, me?

Who? They didn't follow you home when you came in. I didn't see nobody.

Who? Who, me? Pull it back in by myself?

Who's Ernestine?

Who's he?

Who's she?

Whole lot of'em over there too.

Why are you always talkin' about leaving?

Why can't she smoke now if she wants to?

Why can't you get your handsome dad one?

Why didn't you get a 24 inch screen?

Why didn't you just burn the room?

Why didn't you want me to read it out loud?

Why do you make him work like this?

Why don't he know that? Just 'cause he's white don't mean he's dumb.

Why don't I go inside and fix us some supper?

Why don't we rest a minute?

Why don't we rest a minute?

Why don't you and your father take your place.

Why don't you clean up outside? You know what that junkyard looks like?

Why don't you come off that, you old faker?

Why don't you go on back out there? Don't come in here.

Why don't you go over to Arthur Matthews's house?

Why don't you have something to eat and...

Why don't you leave me alone anyway.

Why don't you make two killings and get rid of both of'em?

Why don't you wait until we finished eatin'?

Why I got to change my drawers?

Why not? We can afford it. We got money saved.

Why you keep going around imagining a bunch of stuff?

Why you wakin' me up at a little after 12?

Why, hey, I didn't know you had your own place.

Why, I'll tell them that you're sweet...

Why, my old man is a coordinator in a junkyard.

Why?

Why'd did you have go and tell her my real age for anyway?

Why'd they have to rest on top of her roof? You can't answer that, can you?

Will everybody stop it?

Will someone give me 875?

Will someone offer me $1,000 for this beautiful Meissen porcelain?

Will someone say 700?

Will y'all be quiet!

Will you go get the bourbon?

Will you shut up! What's wrong with you?

Wish I had now what I had then.

With a ugly wife and five daughters, and he's always fussin' at God.

With all that cracking going on, I'm surprised...

With appreciation from the Los Angeles Police Department. "

With him readin' about the commodities.

With his glasses on and his eyes closed.

With my bayonet wound? Are you crazy?

With no distinguishing physical characteristics.

With no information on route of suspects upon departing. "

With numbers on my back.

With remote control. And it's all yours.

With the big screen.

With their heads and their hands, just little body movements.

With these heavy boots, I'll walk on a old Persian.

With those heavy boots, you wouldn't want to walk on an old Persian carpet.

With us? You're bringing that woman in the same house my mother lived in?

With what I know about iron and steel, man, I could become a millionaire...

With your buddy, watching TV and drinking beer.

Wonder who that is.

Wore 'em out up to the name on the ankle.

World War I was in 1917.

World War I, AEF, Fightin' 15th...

World War I, huh?

World War II. I never got over it.

Would he be able to keep it or would he have to turn it in?

Would nothin' on the plate move.

Would you believe a robbery? Yeah, yeah.

Would you check this for accuracy, please?

Would you come back here. Listen. I'll take... Listen...

Would you cut that out, Pop? You're not gonna have no heart attack.

Would you give me the 20?

Would you go on in there and follow her.

Would you grab the other end when I slide this out, okay?

Would you just forget about him?

Would you just pipe down and drink your drink?

Would you just quiet down?

Would you just relax and slurp some coffee?

Would you like some help?

Would you mind repeating that for the other gentleman?

Would you please try and come up with the combination?

Would you put that down.

Would you say that again?

Would you stop all this nonsense and listen to me.

Would you stop it.

Would you stop it.

Would you stop that and start thinking like a businessman.

Would you stop that, Pop. This is no time to have a heart attack.

Would you stop that? The man told you where he got it from.

Would you stop that. Why do you ask, Mr. Davis?

Would you stop worrying and give me the 20 bucks?

Would you stop.

Would you stop.

Would you take that thing off.

Would you wait until I get off the phone before you have a heart attack?

Would you...

Wow. That sure smells good.

Wow. You know what? You sure can pick 'em.

Y Yeah, I believe you.

Y'all don't have to worry no more. Everything is cool now.

Y'all gotta learn how to relax. I'll...

Yeah, and in the stomach.

Yeah, and keep you away from doing your work.

Yeah, and strain it... and suck it through a straw.

Yeah, and they gave me a citation just like Swanee here said they would.

Yeah, and what I want to know is...

Yeah, and you'll be in a lot of trouble.

Yeah, anytime you're in the neighborhood, drop in.

Yeah, but I could do a lot better if I was on my own.

Yeah, but I could've took two of'em. But six?

Yeah, but listen. L I got this cough.

Yeah, but not in my own backyard. Get 'em out of here.

Yeah, but not like mine.

Yeah, but that's different. That's their job.

Yeah, but what about when all them pigeons...

Yeah, but you're not Cary Grant.

Yeah, come over here a little bit. Yeah, they gettin' firm, Kelly.

Yeah, he is. Hold on.

Yeah, he went as a alternate delegate.

Yeah, he'd have given you one across the lip.

Yeah, I get off a goody every now and then.

Yeah, I gotta go now. I gotta go now.

Yeah, I guess you're right. What'd you let him buy them things for anyway?

Yeah, I guess you're right. What'd you let him buy them things for anyway?

Yeah, I had to stop getting my chickens from him.

Yeah, I knew you'd remember.

Yeah, I know why we ain't got water. We ain't got any pipe.

Yeah, I know you did, Pop. But listen, I got a better idea.

Yeah, I know, but it's the dishonest way we got it, Pop.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, I like it. Hey, I almost forgot the card.

Yeah, I remember the night in the car.

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, I thought about it, but I'm kind of particular too.

Yeah, I thought of it, but I'm kind of particular.

Yeah, I tried to stop 'em. I said, "Hey, don't take that!

Yeah, I wonder if you people could come over and do a little plumbing job.

Yeah, I'll let you talk first.

Yeah, I'll stay here tonight. I'll look for a place tomorrow.

Yeah, I'll wait. Sanford.

Yeah, I'm 65 years old today.

Yeah, I'm afraid it does.

Yeah, I'm applying for social security, and what I want to know is...

Yeah, it's disgusting, Fred. I know. Stay out of it, Melvin.

Yeah, it's here on the table. We're using it.

Yeah, it's running now, you dummy!

Yeah, it's the smog. The smog is real bad today.

Yeah, listen, I called for a cab about an hour ago...

Yeah, live it up. See, it's like...

Yeah, me too.

Yeah, ol'J.J.

Yeah, right. Right, Pop.

Yeah, see, I took my shoe off and she cracked my big toe.

Yeah, see, my grandfather was the first one, you know...

Yeah, seem she cup her hands like this...

Yeah, some of my best friends are white.

Yeah, son, I know how you feel.

Yeah, sweet before the wedding.

Yeah, that would be nice. Lamont, where's your father?

Yeah, that's a good idea. Get you some rest.

Yeah, that's terrible.

Yeah, that's the best. Hey, Pop, look right here.

Yeah, that's the way they talk.

Yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll change the fuse.

Yeah, they know us. And tell 'em it's important.

Yeah, this is Fred Sanford. Sanford.

Yeah, we gonna stay out here and talk.

Yeah, well, I guess you better go on over here and call the police.

Yeah, well, I'm 65...

Yeah, well, I'm scared. As a matter of fact, I'm scared out of my pants.

Yeah, well, this is Fred Sanford calling.

Yeah, well, you better get the Supreme Court to pay your rent.

Yeah, while he's in the hospital, you here all alone without a TV.

Yeah, with your eyeball pressed up against the keyhole.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you are a sharp businessman.

Yeah, you can lift pretty good when it's going in your mouth.

Yeah, you do that. Ain't no need of both of us watching it.

Yeah, you gonna be waiting a long time.

Yeah, you know, actually, this is part of the business establishment.

Yeah, you'll be in a lot of trouble...

Yeah, you're on your own, boy.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. An old crippled zucchini watching Days of Our Lives.

Yeah. An old dried up zucchini.

Yeah. And after sitting around all evening drinking beer...

Yeah. Can I see him now, Doctor?

Yeah. He must've been the chief.

Yeah. He sold me a chicken that died before he could kill it.

Yeah. Hold this.

Yeah. I ain't gonna let no woman walk over me.

Yeah. I always say if you got a job to do, do it and get it over with.

Yeah. I applied for social security. And you know how much I'll be getting?

Yeah. I got a idea. Go to the door and make some noise and get his attention.

Yeah. I got most of my teeth and some of my hair...

Yeah. I saw Ironside last night on television.

Yeah. I think it was the same guys that was here yesterday.

Yeah. I wish I knew then what I know now.

Yeah. I'm 65 today

Yeah. It It It's... It's a hat, ain't it?

Yeah. It sure smells good.

Yeah. Just don't talk about nothin'.

Yeah. Just you and me.

Yeah. Me and a girl and the guy that mugged us.

Yeah. No more getting up at 6:00 to get that old stupid truck started by 8:00.

Yeah. Ready Freddy and Prompt Lamont.

Yeah. Scramble two and a side of bacon!

Yeah. Scrap copper, yeah.

Yeah. See, I was in the kitchen fixin' your supper...

Yeah. She's gonna do... Sit right here, dear.

Yeah. That's right. Okay, thank you.

Yeah. That's the dumb way it happened.

Yeah. That's the only thing.

Yeah. That's true, Pop.

Yeah. The same guys that got you, remember?

Yeah. They took some porcelain pieces and some French glassware.

Yeah. Twenty five dollars, a white uniform and a broom.

Yeah. We were robbed.

Yeah. Well, you better get home.

Yeah. White.

Yeah. You folks sure you don't want any?

Yeah. You know, in the old days...

Yeah. You'll find that a lot of people are doing that nowadays...

Yeah. Your mother's been dead for over 20 years.

Yeah. Your Uncle Edgar thought the same thing.

Yes, because whoever heard of putting all that poison in your system anyway?

Yes, Fred.

Yes, it is.

Yes, that's progress for you. They can send a man to the moon...

Yes, we're certainly taking a long time getting this out of here.

Yes, you. If I listened to you, I'd never get married.

Yes? Oh, I'm sorry. Deliveries are in the rear.

Yes? Was there something you wanted?

Yes. Huh?

Yes. I didn't see you around when I came home a little while ago.

You ain't even dressed! Ain't you gonna cook breakfast?

You ain't got no Baby Ruth on you?

You ain't got no gratitude. I never heard you say thank you.

You almost caused me to lose my best friend.

You and anybody else. You don't tell me when to raise my voice.

You and Fats Domino. You just go on and on, don't you?

You and that damn X ray! I done caught it.

You are crockery.

You are eating something. You're eating crackers.

You at the movies with Jujyfruits and me at home with okra.

You been coming here longer than anybody else...

You been in my drawer messin' around?

You beginning to bother me.

You believe all them silly superstitions, don't you?

You believe me, don't you?

You better get out of my face! You too!

You better go. I'm gonna get somebody else.

You better not break my new collection. Now, this is the way you did it.

You better not make me trip and fall. Open that door.

You better not start. You'll only quit when he comes through again.

You better put applejack on the grocery list.

You better read your Bible.

You big dummy, I'm gonna lose all my good friends

You big dummy.

You big dummy.

You bought me a new hat and bought me a sweet drink.

You bought someJujyfruits and you forgot about my supper.

You bring a strange white policeman in this neighborhood...

You broke my porcelain and then you faked a robbery, you old faker.

You bungling, fumbling, clumsy, amateurish numskull.

You burned my bed?

You burned my sheets and pillowcases?

You can be mighty proud of your father.

You can come around anytime you want to.

You can do the same thing, but it make you sweat.

You can go by and see the Reverend Trimble.

You can have some cold pork and beans now and some cold zucchini later.

You can snap down the brim in the front like that.

You can think what you want to, but it happened.

You can watch television with him and his ugly wife.

You can watch the roller derby.

You can wear your new hat, but put on a suit, a shirt and a tie.

You can't be throwin' my friends out the house.

You can't do nothin' but talk. Everything around here, I do.

You can't get no stocking over one of them big naturals.

You can't lift no piano.

You can't take my refrigerator. That's where I keep my applejack.

You certainly do.

You cooked this? I didn't know you could cook like this.

You could be marrying a very sick girl, son.

You could figure who belongs to what out in the yard!

You could get a job somewhere down at the post office or in the car wash.

You could start by giving me one across the lips.

You could've sold 'em. He offered you $30.

You couldn't hear the cracking because of too much shooting on the screen.

You creep.

You did it to me again, didn't you? What a dirty underhanded trick.

You didn't even tell me about this other girl.

You didn't give me enough milk. When I was five, you gave me coffee.

You didn't mind sitting up in the front row? Didn't hurt your eyes, did it?

You didn't take care of me when I was a kid.

You don't believe me?

You don't believe me. No, you don't believe me.

You don't clean up this house or nothing. This was the real test.

You don't even have to get up out your chair.

You don't have anything to say about it.

You don't have to eat. You don't have to do nothing 'cause I'm leaving.

You don't have to lift it. You just come over here...

You don't have to tell me that. I'm a collector myself.

You don't have to tell us what to do. We know.

You don't have what it takes to understand.

You don't know how to take care of nothing.

You don't know it. You don't know nothing.

You don't know nothing about plumbing. You ain't no plumber.

You don't know nothing. You know what the trouble with you is?

You don't know that much.

You don't realize what a nice old gentleman your father is.

You don't see me runnin' around there, do you?

You don't sound like no son of mine. You sound like the son of Frankenstein.

You don't think I'm gonna leave 'em out here. They'll get ruined out here.

You don't understand. Everything in the financial section has to do with us.

You don't understand. It's the carpet.

You don't want your dad to look queer, do you?

You done forced it on me.

You Donna the barracuda!

You double crossing old... What are you doing?

You dropped that thing 'cause you knew it was gonna get me out of here.

You eat, then sip. Eat, then sip. Now, that's how it's done.

You ever hear that saying? "It takes a heap of living to make a home

You feel funny? You ought to feel good. We got money to pay all the bills.

You found a satchel full of money. Go enjoy it and spend it.

You get more ridiculous by the minute.

You get them things out the house.

You get these things out of here.

You go back to bed. You come tomorrow morning.

You go in the kitchen and check the water and gas...

You gonna go out, you supposed to put on some clothes.

You gonna leave me without my truck? You can't do that to me.

You gonna let a little argument ruin all our plans?

You got a Baby Ruth on you?

You got a nurse in there with a sponge?

You got companionship. You got me and Melvin.

You got detoured just in time.

You got good zucchini here. It's some good stuff in here. Look.

You got me right in the palm of your hand.

You got my stuff...

You got plans. You oughta see 'em through.

You got the floor, F.S.

You got to get things straightened out right in the beginning.

You got yourself all dead and buried...

You got, uh... I like beer. You got beer on tap?

You gotta watch 'em like hawks. See, they just makin' signs...

You guys figure it out, and I'll see you later.

You had a sign in there sayin' "fragile and valuable. "

You had to put on them clothes to go out?

You happy?

You have brought rings...

You have to know you're everything a wonderful dad can be.

You hear that, Elizabeth?

You hear that, Elizabeth?

You hear that, Elizabeth? I'm coming to join you, honey, with a bad back.

You hear that, Elizabeth? I'm coming to join you, honey!

You hear that, Elizabeth? I'm coming to join you, honey.

You hear that, Elizabeth? I'm coming to join you, honey.

You hear that, Elizabeth? I'm coming to join you, honey.

You heard him. If you find some money in the street, you have to turn it in.

You heard him. Open it.

You heard what Donna said. No smoking.

You heard what he said. Let's go downstairs and move the truck.

You just can't come busting in here, telling people what to do.

You just carry on, son. You got your whole life before you.

You just come on over to our house and stay awhile.

You just don't know. You don't know where I've been.

You just don't want me to get married. That's what it is.

You just greedy.

You just signed this check and it's over for you...

You just stay out of this, Fred.

You just try and sell a piano today.

You keep talkin' about I forgot something, I want to know what I forgot.

You knew it was coffee.

You know all those Godzilla movies? They were all made in Japan.

You know don't catch him yelling up at the sky.

You know good and well you didn't buy that toaster.

You know how it is when you got your own place.

You know how much smoking that is? Let me see if I can figure this thing.

You know I can't dial the phone on account of my arthritis.

You know I can't do that.

You know I can't lift that wrench. You know my arthritis.

You know my arthritis. I can't do no lifting.

You know something? That's good thinking.

You know that guy up there? He was really fruity.

You know that's not true. When you bring a girl home...

You know Walter King?

You know what a breathmobile is?

You know what I bet it is? I'll bet you it's a busted water main.

You know what I like about you, Darlene?

You know what I mean? Nothing but a bar and a cuspidor.

You know what I mean. You draw their attention...

You know what I think? I think he's a fruitcake.

You know what I've decided to do? I'm gonna do missionary work.

You know what that's like, Pop?

You know what they say... You're as young as you feel.

You know what you oughta do? Move out. Get a place of your own.

You know what, Darlene? You really knock me out.

You know where Dave's is? About ten minutes down on Adams.

You know you got your mother's skin.

You know you never left Fort Dix, New Jersey.

You know, at Hughes Market and at the Akron.

You know, boy, one of these days, I won't be around.

You know, everything was wrong with that chicken.

You know, I don't mind givin' a lady one across the lip.

You know, I got my own place and everything now, and I...

You know, I haven't see you since Joe had the accident at the foundry.

You know, I was gonna get one of them heart transplants.

You know, Moses was being chased by the Egyptians.

You know, my citation. You wanna go with me?

You know, son...

You know, son...

You know, that's the nicest thing you've said to me in a long time...

You know, the delicatessen did a good job, didn't they?

You know, these Chinese sure are getting pushy.

You know, these women drive me crazy.

You know, we love you.

You know, we really never got to know each other.

You know, you can get three cups out of one bag

You know, you're not too big to get one across your lip.

You lift it up and I'll pull the rug out.

You like it?

You look like your father.

You lost the bet, so give me five bucks.

You mean now?

You mean ten cents a pound.

You mean the copper we dumped down the bottom of the ocean?

You mean we're going in a taxi? Imagine that.

You mean you're actually gonna sleep out there on the truck?

You mean you're really not coming back in?

You meet me down at Dave's Diner tomorrow morning about 9:00.

You might even get a citation.

You mind wearing them?

You miserable, old creep.

You must be kind of lonely.

You must excuse my cold hands.

You must have found it in an alley.

You never know what they gonna have in it, see.

You not gonna shoot me? You wouldn't shoot an old man with arthritis.

You not Leo the lion!

You not only working for me. You working for yourself.

You numskull.

You only got arthritis in your hands. If you stay out here...

You open yours first.

You ought to eat with a squeegee and a sponge.

You ought to get a Sears Roebuck. They're made for sittin'.

You ought to try some of this applejack.

You picked up a suitcase in an alley, right?

You pull a rotten stunt like this, and my own father.

You raise your kids, and when you get old enough for the kids to help you...

You ready for the execution?

You ready?

You realize we missed supper?

You really are a silly old man.

You really are ridiculous.

You really are ridiculous. Where did you get that thing from anyway?

You really got me upset.

You really want me to?

You remember that salute? "Hi, Hitler. "

You remembered. Donna's gonna be very happy about that.

You rotten old fink. You cost me 70 thou.

You said some very nasty things to me, Fred. Very nasty.

You said there were four. What did the fourth man do?

You said yourself, they could kill that stuff in a few days now.

You say the funniest things. You really do.

You scared. That's what it is.

You see right here on the sweatband, it says "F.S."

You see that? I told you he was nice. Now give me the 20 bucks.

You see that? There's another customer already.

You see, I kinda got carried away. Thank you.

You see, my partner and I, we've got this item here that we're positive...

You see, people can talk with their eyes.

You see, Pop, a 24 inch screen costs more, and we couldn't afford it.

You see, that hat is a light gray, Pop, and it'll pick up spots.

You see, the crossed swords across the bottom...

You see, the living quarters are upstairs.

You see, they do that sometimes.

You see, this church that I'm a member of, they're tearing it down.

You see, this happens to be a very rare piece of Meissen porcelain.

You see? Now open yours.

You see? There's a customer already.

You selfish. That's what you are. What about me?

You should be sorry 'cause I ain't gonna never get married again.

You should've been coming around before.

You should've thought of that sooner.

You should've took that offer at the store. You won't get that much here.

You should've took the money the guy offered in the store.

You shut your mouth. You know good and well I'm a avid Baptist.

You stay right here. I'll be right back.

You stop talkin' like that. You watch and see.

You talked about age and stuff, and that's how we got in that fight.

You talked about her age, gray hairs and bags up under her eyes...

You tell 'em, son!

You think I'll ever walk again?

You think the neighbors will let us live there?

You think they built the apartment around it?

You think they'll all fit in this living room?

You think we're thieves? Think we stole it?

You thought I forgot.

You thought you'd get me out of here so you can have this house fumigated.

You tie him up. Tie him up!

You told me yourself she couldn't even keep the stuffing in her taco.

You turn it around and nibble somewhere else.

You turn out the lights and I'll get the phone.

You turned this house into a place of mourning.

You wait right here. I'll bring you a chair.

You wanna make it louder? Do like this.

You want another can of beer before the next round starts?

You want me to get arrested or something?

You want me to go sleep in the yard in the back of the truck?

You want me to sleep on the floor? I got arthritis.

You want me to take my shirt and pants off too?

You want some identification? Here's some identification for you.

You want them to find something wrong with me, don't you?

You want to take food home?

You was 11 years old. What did they give you to fight with, a BB gun?

You was being a pest when you was bugging that man.

You went to the movies with a woman. You saw a double feature.

You were acting kind of weird, so we hung around.

You were attacked and robbed?

You were in the house, and you were attacked and robbed.

You would? Terrific.

You wouldn't have to suffer, and we'd have clean air for our children.

You wouldn't know nothin' about this holiday.

You, sit down.

You? What about me? I'm the one who's sick.

You... Donna.

You... You don't believe me?

You'd do real good. I can see it now.

You'd rather leave than stay in the house with these things?

You'd think so after all I did for my country and my son.

You'll back me up on this, won't you?

You'll be a cripple from your neck down.

You'll be free. You hear that, Elizabeth?

You'll be here so you can dial the phone for me...

You'll be nice and cozy here with your newspapers and your TV.

You'll find that a correct analysis.

You'll get your old truck. You satisfied?

You're a cold, heartless old man.

You're a dirty old man, you know that?

You're a pest. A great big pest.

You're all behaving just... just like children!

You're all right, son. Ain't nothing wrong with you.

You're all right, son. Ain't nothing wrong with you.

You're all right. That's the main thing. Welcome home, son.

You're always making a mountain out of a molehill.

You're being ridiculous.

You're doing all right.

You're from the Red Cross.

You're going to County General Hospital.

You're gonna have to eat mush. You have to mash it.

You're gonna have to eat mush. You have to mash it.

You're holding me back here. If I stay here, I'll never get married.

You're in a lot of trouble. I'm gonna sue you for every penny that you got.

You're in a ten minute loading zone, and you've been there for half an hour.

You're just a big, ordinary, plain dummy, dummy.

You're just goin' down there.

You're just gonna to do it, and I'm not gonna even argue with you no more.

You're lookin' at a dead man, and I'm lookin' at an orphan.

You're lookin' at a man of leisure.

You're not even a cool dummy.

You're not even dressed. What's the matter with you?

You're ridiculous, you know that?

You're right, Melvin. I'm gonna come right on out and say, "I want a new TV."

You're scared. You're afraid to go down there.

You're standing around here worrying about your dumb wedding presents.

You're the one with the candy bars.

You're what we ladies call an eligible bachelor.

You're willing to forgive and forget.

You're young and pretty and got a nice figure...

You've been lying and snooping around and trying to make me out to be a rat.

You've got it made now.

Your arthritis. I know.

Your dad is in the hospital.

Your erratic behavior at the door aroused our suspicion...

Your father has told me so much about you.

Your father is suffering from loss of memory. Amnesia

Your husband didn't live too long either, did he?

Your old man got picked up wandering around zonked.

Your son has a right to his opinion, and he has a right to defend his mother.

Your turn.

Your uncle's not going anyplace.

1,000. J.J. Kaendler made in 1743.

1,100 it is. 1,200. $1,200. Do I hear 1,200?

1,100. Will someone give me 1,100?

1,200 it is. 1,300. May I have 1,300?

1,300 it is.

1,500. 1,500. Who will offer me $1,500?

2,000. Thank you. The bid is $2,000.

18 right, 32 left, 18 right.

28 dollars for...

193.

215,000. 215.

500 in the front. Thank you so much. 550.

600? 600 in the rear. 650?

650. Thank you so much. May I have 7?

800 it is. Thank you so much. Any advance on 800?

825 in the front. Thank you. 850. Do I hear 850?

850 it is. Thank you so much.

875 it is.

875? May I have 875?

900. Will someone give me 900?

925 for the... 925 it is!

925. Do I hear 925? May I have 925?

950. May I have... 950 in the front.

975 it is. 1,000.

9114 South Central.

'Cause we eatin' now. Listen. I don't have to smoke.

"C"? Yeah. "Contaminated. "

"Fred Sanford. " That's yours. I don't want it.

"Happy birthday, Dad. " I don't know what for.

"Happy birthday, Dad. " Yeah, but I know what it says.

"Happy birthday, Dad. " You're gonna read that out loud?

$750. $750 for that?

1,500 it is. Thank you. Thank you very much.

750 in the front. Thank you so much. See?

A brass cuspidor. No kidding.

A few potatoes? Thank you.

A lesson in this business. Yeah. Look at this here.

A little more. Thank you, Dad.

A room. Yeah?

A six year old kid could do better. Why don't you get a six year old kid?

A table. That's right. A table

A taco stand? That's right.

A taxi? In a taxi? Yeah, that's right.

A warrant? A warning.

A what? A car. A little convertible.

Absolutely. Hold it down so I can get some sleep.

After that, I'm gonna have it towed. Listen. I have to move this piano

Age? Sixty.

Ain't what? Ain't kosher.

All four of them? Yeah, all four of them.

All in them ten dirty little fingers. What are you talkin' about, huh?

All right, ask him where he got it. Okay, I'll ask him.

All right, I'll just throw it away. Wait a minute. Don't throw it away.

All right. Come on by anytime.

All right. Come on, Pop. Let get this thing.

All right. I'll stay. Great.

All that smell of gasoline. Gasoline clears my sinuses.

Am I late? No, you're just fine.

And get a new home? Why not? We can afford it now.

And I didn't know nobody was out here. Pop, we were robbed.

And I see I got me one. What?

And look here. Stationery? A pen?

And over in the corner... Yeah? What's in the corner, Pop?

and pinto beans. Now, hold it! Hold it!

And remember what I told you. I know.

And that's it, huh? That's it.

And then I'll sneak out for help. That's terrific.

And they ain't going in the house. Yes, they are.

and they're moving Sylvia's piano out. Will you wiggle it.

And they're not quite dry. All right, all right. Okay.

And two chairs. Two chairs. Go on, Pop.

and we could get together again. So am I, Fred.

and we could take a little vacation. Vacation, yeah!

And we got a red pickup truck. Yeah?

And what will you tell your friends? What do you mean?

And World War II ended in '45, right? That's right.

And you always have one. There was none tonight.

And you drive carefully. I will.

and you know what they found in it? I don't want to hear about it.

And you were attacked and robbed. That's right.

And you're a dead man. " Pop!

And? And? Oh, and, uh...

Anybody in there? No. Don't do that.

Anyplace we wanna go now. Yeah, I could go to St. Louis.

Are those things still in there? Yeah.

Are you eating something? I ain't eatin' nothin'.

Are you gonna get rid of'em tonight? No, the first thing tomorrow morning.

Are you his sole support? Yes.

Are you kidding? That's an honor. Yeah. That's right.

Are you looking for something? No. I was just putting...

Are you really gonna do it? Yeah.

Are you sure they were white, Pop? I know they wasn't black.

Are you sure? I'm sure. What's the matter with you?

Are you the psychiatrist? No. I'm the ear, nose and throat man.

Are you up to the job or aren't you? I told you we could. Let us do it.

Aren't you gonna take off your hat? No.

As a matter of fact, I haven't. What are you folks, Baptist?

Be ready for the deep freeze. Don't say that, Fred.

Because I'm stuck with you. Is that what you are, stuck?

Besides, I feel all right now. That's all right, Pop...

Bill don't want Laura. One refrigerator.

Bourbon. Coordinate. That's what I do

Brilliant. How'd you think of that? You asked me.

Brown will go with anything. So will this brown go with anything.

Bunch of jive ******s. Pop!

But I got to run. Many happy returns. But wait a minute.

But I thought you was in the hospital. Yeah, I was in the hospital.

But I'm dying, Pop. You ain't dying. You're a young fella.

But it only takes a few minutes. It takes you a few minutes.

But my pop's gonna be all right? Yes. He's a very healthy man.

But you never know. Yeah, okay.

But you not listening. I am listening to you.

But you smell good too, Fred. Yeah.

But you tried to kill him. Yeah. He tried to kill me.

But... I wonder how it got there.

But... But it was an accident! That's all right.

by Mama's Kitchen around the corner. Oh, just get in the truck.

Bye, Pop. Bye, Melvin.

Can you hear me? Huh?

Can you hear yourself when you eat? No.

Can't take a minute out for a few... What's the matter with you?

can't we talk about it tomorrow? It's too late for that.

Can't you turn the sound up? It's up as high as it'll go now.

Clarence Edwards. You remember him. No, I don't remember, Pop.

Clucking ducks? How dare you!

Coffee. Is that what I was drinking?

Come on, Crystal... Take your hands off her!

Come on, Mr. Sanford. The beds aren't made.

Come on. It's right over here. Where?

Come on. Let's get out of here. Okay, but... Hey, Lamont.

Come over here. Come over here. Don't bother me. Don't touch me.

Cool it. Continuously.

Cool. Cool!

Corny? Yeah.

Couldn't you have done something? What could I do?

Crystal? Crystal! Let her go!

Deliveries? Why, you... Wait a minute, Pop.

Did I say World War I? That's right.

Did you hear yourself just now? Yeah. Did you bring the cigarettes?

Did you see me, and did you follow me? Why? Did you see me follow you?

Dizziness? Sick to your stomach? Yes.

Do they have color TV up there? Who's Elizabeth?

Do you live together? If you want to call it that.

Do you mind telling me why? 'Cause it's ridiculous, that's why.

Doctor? Yes?

Does she got varicose veins? No. And don't look at her legs.

Don't be yellin' at me. Don't tell me not to yell at you.

Don't do like you did the last time. What did I do?

Don't do that. Pop, this isn't just a robbery.

Don't forget to speak to your son. I won't.

Don't let him do that. What?

Don't start that again. Don't worry, Pop. I'll be cool.

Don't tell me you're gonna do it again. What?

Don't worry about him. Lamont's very attached to you...

Eight fifty? We'll take it. No. I don't know now.

Ethel? Who's Ethel? That's Bernard Patterson's widow.

Evenin', gentlemen. Good evening.

Every time, it happens, Pop. Something about their nature.

everyone would get so uptight. Excuse me.

Everything gonna be all right. Everything goes wrong.

Everything's all right. It's not all right.

Excuse me. What am I supposed to do?

Excuse us. Okay.

Faker? That's right.

Faker? You callin' me a faker? That's right.

Fantastic. At the same price? Yeah. Twenty cents a pound.

Fifty dollars? Well, what were you thinking?

First rule of physics. That's right.

First, what's your full name? Sanford. Fred Sanford.

for their community singin'." Hey, that was sweet of you, Otto.

For what? 'Cause they're killing you.

Forgot, didn't you? Forgot what?

Four. Four?

Fred? Yeah?

Gee whiz. I guess you're right.

Generous? No, no.

Get 'em out of here. Listen to me.

Get the door. I can't get the door. You go.

Give me some rope. Rope?

Go, Melvin. No, Melvin.

Good bye, Melvin. Stay, Melvin. This is my house.

Good evening, Fred. Lamont. Good evening.

Good night. Good night.

Good night. Good night. Good night, Lamont.

Good night. Night.

Good. Age? Twenty nine.

Good. You got the combination? Uh huh.

Got it. All right.

Got them chicks lined up, ain't you? Oh, yeah.

Great. I put some applejack in mine.

Had six kids. Abraham had some help from the Lord.

Handsome. That's the one.

Harbor, San Bernardino, Mission. Hold it.

He brought us some pig feet. I'm sorry, Pop.

He fell. It wasn't my fault. You threw an old man down the stairs.

He invited her over here tonight. Oh. Are you gonna have dinner with us?

He pushed me. But I didn't do anything.

He was attacked and robbed. And where were you?

He'll probably never write again. Never. Never write again.

He's a good son all right. Pop, the yard.

He's funny, Lamont. Yeah, he's a riot.

He's gonna be all right, isn't he? That's up to you.

Hello, Lamont. It's only Melvin.

Hello, son. Where have you been?

Hello, son. You wanna help me unload this truck?

Hello. Hi, Mama. What's happening?

Help! Police! Wait a minute! No, it's me!

Here he comes again. Freeway Freddy.

Here you are. Bless you.

Here you are. See that?

Here you are. See that?

Here. Have a drink. Oh, no, I couldn't. I'm on a diet.

Here. Have some. I don't want nothing to eat.

Here. Keep the change. Thank you, sir.

Here's some good ones here. You see?

Hey, Lamont. Huh?

Hey, man, don't hit me. I didn't mean...

Hey, man, watch that hat. Oh, excuse me.

Hey, Melvin. Hello, Lamont

Hey, Melvin. Come on in. Are those caskets still in here?

Hey, Pop, tell 'em it's an emergency. I'll tell 'em. Just hold on.

Hey, Pop. Lamont, you bring cigarettes?

Hey, Smitty, come on in. Hey, Lamont, what's going on?

Hey, wait a minute. What?

Hey, we better start getting ready. Getting ready?

Hey, what's in there? Now, just...

Hi, honey. Hi, Sheila.

Hi, Lamont, Fred. Hey, what a surprise!

Hi, Melvin. Hello, Lamont. Fred, you're home.

Hi, Pop. Hi, son.

Hi. Who are you?

Hiya, Lamont. How you doing, Mr. Kelly?

Honestly? Honestly.

How about some ham? Ham? Of course.

How about some of these nice greens? Thank you very much, Dad.

How about some toast and coffee? No, thanks.

How can we be of service? Yeah, what's happening?

How can you tell? My corn's been actin' up.

How did your mother used to make it? Used to burn it

How long did you go with Mama? Two and a half years.

How many I say? Four.

How much did you say? Ten cents. Is that too much?

How much do we owe you for the drinks? That'll be $2.50.

How much do you want for it? Nothing. I just want it out of here.

How much do you want? Well, I got a couple hundred pounds.

How they gonna find them five crooks? Well, that's ok... Five?

How was your day? It was pretty good.

How we gonna find out? I'll call the police.

How you doing, Officer Swanhauser? How you feel, Swanee?

How you doing? Hello, Fred.

How you feel, Smitty? I'd like you to meet my new partner.

I ain't going in there. Would you go in there.

I ain't going to no ocean. You'll make it.

I ain't holdin' back nothin'. Give it to her.

I ain't said nothing to her! Crystal, baby, what's wrong?

I ain't superstitious. Me either.

I already seen Kelly's gums, Pop. They look good, Kelly.

I been faithful to her. All I know is you forgot about her.

I bet you $5.00. Bet.

I bet you there is. Bet. That's a bet.

I bet you're right. Oh, boy.

I bought it, didn't I? Yeah, but you didn't read it.

I bought it. I bought it... In a pool hall

I called 'em an hour ago. Get in there and call 'em again.

I can hear you. Okay. Is the water on?

I can't go to the ocean! Come on, you can make it.

I could have asked her for a date. Who's next?

I did it again. Yeah.

I didn't know you was coming home. Where you been?

I didn't... I didn't remember that. Yeah.

I do? Oh, yeah.

I do. Go see if we got any bourbon.

I don't hear nobody sayin' nothin'. They don't.

I don't know what to say. Why don't you start with "good night. "

I don't know where I'm going, Pop. Come over here.

I don't know, but I'm gonna find out. Yeah, look in the kitchen.

I don't know. What do I care? 'Cause he's fruity. Where's his wife?

I don't know... Did you say somethin' to her?

I don't like this place. Come over here and sit in your chair.

I don't look it, do I? No, you don't.

I don't mind. Let's go.

I don't think I want it. Why not? That's a great piece.

I don't wanna go nowhere. Stop it. You're talkin' foolish.

I don't want no trouble. Wait a minute, son.

I don't want to talk about it no more. Me either.

I don't what to talk... Well, go on and call the police.

I got a better idea than that. You have?

I got something to say too. Say good bye. Your friend is leaving.

I got spunk. Well, I gotta be gettin' back.

I guess you're right. Of course.

I have to put on some clean underwear? That's right.

I just decided. But it's half mine.

I just want it out of here. Why? It looks great in this room.

I knew you'd be surprised. This is a bad one.

I know about this kind of business. Just leave me out of it.

I know what it is. What?

I know you got your mind made up. That's right.

I know, Pop. I was choppin' up the onions...

I know. Okay.

I know. Put 'em back in the mailbox.

I lose. I'm sorry?

I need my glasses. Get your glasses.

I need my glasses. Well, go get your glasses.

I paid $25 for these. I don't care what you paid for 'em.

I put the cigarettes away. Don't you come here yelling at me.

I said no. Just one little taste.

I suppose you can. If somebody as old and ridiculous...

I sure appreciate it. Glad to do it, Sanford.

I think it's a fair price. $750?

I think so too. Did you do it all yourself?

I thought he was Fred Sanford. Oh, he is. I'm Lamont.

I thought you would. I'll take the bills with us.

I told you to smoke! I don't care!

I want a new TV. What?

I want you to stop it. I didn't do nothin' like that.

I wanted to see if you was all right. I'm all right. Leave me alone.

I was only tellin' the truth. You don't talk about my mother...

I was out. No fooling.

I was pretty good, wasn't I? Yeah. Hey, 200 dollars.

I was sure you did. Hey, Pop

I went to the movies. The movies, huh?

I went with a lady. That's great.

I will. And don't hold no punches back.

I won't bid anymore, honest. You sure?

I won't. I'll see you later.

I'll come and get him in the morning. That's the best thing.

I'll come back. Great.

I'll do it myself. You gonna take on a job like...

I'll just go change it. Please change it.

I'll just put this in here. Wait a minute. What's that in there?

I'll raise my voice when I get ready. Not to me you won't.

I'll say something to her all right. I don't wanna cause no problems.

I'll see which I have. Beer or brandy...

I'm 30. Going on 31.

I'm awfully sorry for your time. I think you're making a mistake.

I'm calling the plumbing company. Would you put that phone down?

I'm coming! Open the door!

I'm dying! Pop!

I'm going on to bigger things. Like what?

I'm gonna button my lip. Perfect.

I'm in trouble if I don't have water. Why, Kelly?

I'm just gonna get me some sleep. I'll leave the door open for you...

I'm leaving. Bye.

I'm not going near them things. Just take it easy.

I'm not hungry. I made it especially for you.

I'm really scared. Well, don't come near me!

I'm sorry, Mr. Davis. Well, I am too.

I'm sorry. That's all right.

I'm taking you out tonight. You are?

I'm taking you out tonight. You are?

I'm tyin'. Now, here.

I've got to get out of here. But we in business together.

if you do something for me. What?

If you don't want me to, I won't. Go ahead and smoke.

If you don't, we'll just go home. I'll do it.

If you're really and truly sorry. I really am truly sorry.

in case you change your mind. You can close it.

Is anything wrong, sir? Everything is fine. I have to leave.

Is he still out there? Yeah.

Is it a tight feeling on the chest? Yes.

Is something the matter? Well, not exactly. My partner...

Is that all the food we got? It's all I could find.

Is that what I said? That's right.

Is that you, Lamont? Yeah, over here.

Is the water on? Huh?

It came in here. It's got to come out. It ain't gonna make it.

It looks good. I sure hope it tastes good.

It makes a difference. Not to the one who's getting in 'em.

It might as well say that. Would you read the letter?

It probably just needs a fuse. Yeah. Go, will you?

It should be here with the presents. Well, it's not here.

It was an accident, honest. Bull!

It was gonna rain last night. Okay. We gotta get goin'. Come on.

It was my wife's. Did she die?

It'll roll? Yeah.

It's a television. Not only that. It's a color TV.

It's almost like we stole it. Stole it?

It's Booker T. Washington's. George Washington Carver's.

It's definitely off, huh? You can bet your sweet...

It's disgusting. We were robbed.

It's George Washington Carver's. Booker T. Washington.

It's my Pop. Hey, Fred, what happened to you?

It's nice to see you again, Lamont. Thank you very much.

It's not much use to you now, is it? No, I guess not.

It's okay, Pop. They're gone. They gone?

It's only a card. Will you hush?

It's out in the trunk of my car. Great.

It's put him in a nice, relaxed mood. Do you think so?

It's stolen, Lamont. I don't know, Pop. Listen.

It's the chair. It's a Chippendale.

It's the door. No kidding.

Just a minute. Can I talk to you? Come here, Officer.

Just get 'em out of here. Would you listen to me?

Just get out of here. You big dummy.

Just remember one thing. What?

Just the three of us. The three of you?

Just what does that mean? Well...

Just what does that mean? Well...

Know what I mean? Yeah.

Lamont who? Lamont Sanford.

Lamont, is that you? Yeah! What happened, Pop?

Lamont, this lady's from a magazine. I already heard, Pop.

Lamont, wait. Let me help you. Is that you, Pop?

Lamont? Yeah.

Lamont. What?

Let me buy your coffee for you fellas. Hey, thanks a lot.

Let me help you with your chair. Thank you, son.

Let me put something on it. No, don't touch it. It's too tender.

Let's drink a little toast to that. All right.

Let's get on out of here. Wait, Pop. Look, you don't understand.

Let's just forget about this. I'll... You don't understand.

Let's see what it is. I didn't even have a chance...

Lf they stayin' here, then I'm leavin'. What?

Like what? Stick around and you'll find out.

Listen to me. Son, you want some applejack?

Listen, just relax, Pop. Oh, son.

Listen, you get this framed. Oh, yeah, I will.

Listen... Well, don't stand there.

Look at them old big tires. These are snow tires.

Look at this trash. Trash? This is good. This is aluminum.

Look at this. What's this?

Look at this. What is this? What's it look like?

Look here. Here's his checkbook. Would you put that back.

Look. A towel?

Look. Oh, no. We left our shoes up there.

Make you sleep. No, I don't want no applejack.

Marshmallow and stuff. Beautiful. Thank you.

May I have your name, please? Fred Sanford.

Maybe they don't like you. Yeah, they dig me, all right.

Maybe two, three thousand dollars. If you can get it.

Me either. You shouldn't have taken the job.

Me? No, the old buzzard.

Me? Yeah.

Melvin, if you wanna go, go. Stay, Melvin.

Morning, Fred. How you feelin'? Come on in.

Morning. Morning. Mr. Sanford?

Mr. Davis, the coffins are here. Ah, yes.

Mr. Fred Sanford? I'm Fred Sanford.

Mr. Sanford? No, that's not Elizabeth.

Mrs. Harris. That's fine with me.

Mrs. Harris. Yes, Mr. Sanford?

Must be. They say men always start wars.

My son bought me this new hat. Well, it's very nice.

My son don't like to hear war stories. Son? You brought your father to help?

Night, Miss, uh, Miss, uh... Edwards.

Night, Miss. Good night.

Night. Good night.

No color TV? No color TV.

No visitors of the opposite sex. Well, I paid you the rent!

No, I don't want no help. Well, I'll leave you two alone.

No, it ain't. Listen.

No, it won't. Oh, yes, it will.

No, no. Get down there. I'll lift the piano.

No, not yet

No, that's what... That didn't happen. It didn't?

No, they won't! Listen, I fought heavyweights before.

No, we didn't. We didn't give it no kind of chance.

No. Why not? I read Life.

No. I said no. No, I want my money. I saved...

No. You wanna help me unload this? Wait. Let me read you one of'em.

Not in a place like this. It might be in the back.

Not yet, Melvin. In a few weeks

Now do you know who I am? I think so.

Now it's back on again. Oh, yeah. Donna Harris.

Now we can't even take 'em back. Well, I didn't get married.

Now what are you doing? Excuse me.

Now, give me a little taste of that. How do you expect me to build a bar?

Now, how many do you smoke a day? Two packs.

Now, isn't that disgusting? Yeah, right.

Now, listen, sister. Look, stay out of it, Pop.

Now, listen... Get the funnel.

Now, open up. You must be out your mind.

Now, she's got TB. What?

Of course I read it. But you didn't believe it.

Oh, come on. Let's go. No, don't let me spoil it for you.

Oh, Fred, isn't that pretty? Beautiful.

Oh, I ain't. That hat ain't for every day.

Oh, I see. Yeah.

Oh, it is? Yes.

Oh, no. Well, he's just singing.

Oh, that's nice. Yes.

Oh, yeah? You wait and see. They pay you by what you've earned.

Oh, yeah. What's the matter?

Oh, yeah. What's the matter?

Oh, yeah. You have some caskets for sale?

Oh, yeah. You have some caskets for sale?

Oh, yes, of course. I wouldn't wanna wear 'em out...

Oh. Hiya, son. Hey, Pop.

Oh. Oh, them guys. Yeah.

Okay, but... You're certainly taking a long time...

Okay, darling? Hey, hey, listen.

Okay, I'll be back. We'll be waiting for you.

Okay, I'm ain't gonna stop you. Good.

Okay, son. I'm gonna let the cops in.

Okay, what happened? Your dad is in the hospital.

Okay, you can take it out now. Huh?

Okay. What are you doing?

Okay. Thank you. Okay!

On the truck? Uh huh.

Or you can have... Will you stop that.

Out in the truck. You were out in the truck.

Pain in the back and left shoulder? Yes.

Pop, can you hear me? Huh?

Pop, how old are you? You know how old I am. I'm 65

Pop, why don't you stop it? I'm talking to this man over here.

Pop! It's off.

Pop. Now, look...

Pork and beans and zucchini. Are you serious?

Push it. I meant to bring it over here...

Put that down and get over here. Okay.

Quick. This is an emergency. A frying pan ain't no deadly weapon.

Read the card there. What is it?

Real fast. Yeah.

Remember what I said. I know. Try not to upset him.

Right here? Yeah!

Right on. That's ours.

Right? Right. Right. We were robbed.

Right. And a long life together.

Right. Okay.

Right. Right.

Right. Come on in, Mr. Davis. Thank you.

Right. He could've been a Nazi. What are you talking about?

Rope. For tying people up. We don't have no rope.

Rosetta! Oh, you poor, poor...

Say about what? My father's getting married again.

Say, Lamont. Huh?

Say, Pop, can you hear me? What?

Say, Pop, you feel okay now? I'm kinda dizzy. Kinda dizzy, son.

Say, Pop? I know. Put the light out.

Say, Pop. What is it?

Say, the brandy's gone. They took everything.

Say, what is this? What's what?

See how firm they're gettin'? Oh, yeah, yeah.

See, I was in the kitchen... All right, Mr. Sanford, excuse me.

See? See what? Nothing.

She does, huh? See, we're compatible, her and I.

She had beautiful legs. Skinny. Skinny legs.

She is, huh? You know what she did in the movies?

She made me look like a fool. Forget about her.

she'll get a mouthful from me. Now, look, just forget about it.

She's around 40. Yeah. Way round.

She's going away. That's good.

She's gone! You're better off without her!

Sheila can cook anything. You mean she can defrost anything.

Shipbuilding? Yeah, that's right, shipbuilding.

Sit down, my dear. All right.

Smartest move I ever made. Yeah.

Smells good. What is it? Glazed ham and candied sweet potatoes.

So be quiet. Don't tell me how to talk to my son.

So I'm going. Okay.

So it's porcelain. So it's porcelain.

So long, Pop. Well, so long, son.

So take it easy. What are you talking about?

So we gonna do like Moses? No, we gonna do like the Red Sea.

So would you put these on, please? All right.

So you on your own, boy. Good.

Some champagne. Hey, son, I was just thinking.

Something awful's gonna happen. Don't worry. Just relax.

Son, it's broken. I didn't do anything.

Souvenir. A souvenir?

Spunk? Spunk!

Stolen goods. Pop.

Stop it. All right, Mr. Sanford...

Stuck. Well, you won't be stuck much longer.

Sure. That's always your answer. Just don't call me no liar.

Swanee, let's go. This is a serious human problem.

Sweetheart, you know what? What?

Take it easy, Pop. I don't know where I'm goin'.

Take it off in the rain? That's right.

Take it slow, Fred. See you later, Smitty.

Tell him. Don't do it, Fred.

Tell that dummy. And, Fred, you be quiet.

than to be here with you. I'm leaving. Well, go on, Rosie.

Thank you very much, Mr. Sanford. I was in the kitchen...

Thank you, Mother. Can we have a few minutes together?

Thank you, nurse. How's he doing, Doctor?

Thank you. Mr. Sanford.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. I'll wait for him.

Thank you. Can I use that napkin? Oh, yes, sir.

Thanks a lot, Aunt Hazel. I'll tell you what you do, darling.

Thanks a lot, Uncle Edgar. I really felt sorry for you up there.

Thanks a lot. Don't blame me...

That crunch. I heard a crunch. I didn't hear no crunch.

That hat ain't for every day. I know that.

That looks hip. That looks real hip. Yeah, I look pretty good.

That must've been his wife. Pop, put that down.

That safe over there? Yeah, that's the one.

That sounds like a good idea. In the meantime, we'll keep this safe.

That thing on your head. What's it look like?

That was clever. Yeah.

That was crazy. But that glass was valuable.

That was real nice. Yeah.

That'd be good for my arthritis. Yeah.

That'll be all, Waiter. Thank you. Thank you, sir.

That's a 21 inch screen, isn't it? That's right.

That's a good fight, isn't it? Yeah.

That's a good idea. All right, you guys wait outside.

That's a true sign. It is.

That's disgusting, Fred. Stay out of this, Melvin.

That's embarrassing. We better get on out of here...

That's exactly right. Yeah, that's right.

That's genuine porcelain. And that ain't crockery.

That's good thinking. Take it. I'm sorry.

That's nice. Hey, listen.

That's not a bad idea. Shut up.

That's sweet of him. Your friend Melvin

That's the way it is, all right. Yeah.

That's true. But his son gave them a big color TV.

That's what I'm gonna do. Take it, son. Take it...

That's your favorite, ain't it? It sure is.

The combination is inside the safe. What?

The fella with the ugly wife. Right. She put the "U" in "ugly. "

The frying pan. They took the frying pan too?

The legs don't come off. How did they get the dumb thing in?

The practical nurse. The barracuda. Don't call her that.

Then all of a sudden, one day..

Then don't touch it. Don't touch it! Don't touch it!

Then go back in the house. Don't be ridiculous.

Then he's all right. Yeah. He's cool.

Then I ain't coming back in. But what about your arthritis?

Then it's all legitimate. Well, yeah. What'd you think?

Then what? Then what what?

These are them. What are those for?

They ain't coming back. I wouldn't say that, son.

They ain't gonna take it. I just read you the letter.

They almost got me. Yeah? Who did? What happened?

They came to get the money. Wait a minute.

They had stockings over their heads? Yeah.

Things must be getting better for us. What do you mean, Pop?

Thirty one. Thirty.

This go with every sweater I own. Yeah. I'm glad you like it.

This is for when we have company. Company?

This is my birthday. Oh, is that so?

This is my father. How do you do, Mr. Sanford?

This place hasn't changed much. What?

Those are your good pants. Yeah, but I'm not dressed up.

Three chairs? Yeah. One for me, one for him...

Time to go? I'm afraid so.

To settle my stomach. You mean a water glass full of gin.

Trouble? I didn't do anything. It started with you wanting to smoke.

Turn it in? Are you crazy? I read it in the papers 100 times.

Twice in two days. Robbed?

Two hundred. Take it, son. Take the two hundred.

Two months? So what?

Two women in the kitchen. You mean you're gonna marry her?

until death do you part? I do.

Wait a minute, Pop. You see...

Wait a minute! Wait a minute! These will show on the X ray machine.

Wait a minute. Where you going? I'm leaving.

Wait. I can't let you upstairs. Let me by, Mr. Sanford.

Want me to answer it? No. Have it framed...

Watch that rug there. Listen.

We back in business. You were terrific.

We could pay you five dollars a month... I'm sorry. It's too late for that now.

We covered this stuff up because... Didn't wanna get it wet.

We deserve that. Right.

We didn't see anybody follow anybody. Just shut up. Both of you.

We gonna be late. I'm comin'.

We got to move this piano. What do you want me to do?

We got to turn this in. Turn it in?

We have some unpleasant news. What?

We have? We must have. It's 80% black.

We only seen half of it. I ain't going back in there.

We still got the business. Yeah, but I'll be here alone.

We the Sanfords, ain't we? Right.

We were robbed. Yeah, we were robbed.

We were up in the bedroom. He tried to kill me, son.

We weren't expecting no call. Shut up!

We'll be waitin' for you. I'll be back.

We'll take it! We'll take it! Stop it. Listen to me.

We're an endangered species. We'll see you, Fred.

We're closed, lady. We're closed because it's a holiday.

We're gonna split. I'm with you.

We've got to clear this up right now. Listen. He didn't mean no harm.

Well, don't take it. I ain't. We don't want it!

Well, go get your glasses. Wait. I'll go get my glasses.

Well, good night, Pop. Good night.

Well, good night, Pop. Yeah.

Well, good night. Good night, Pop.

Well, good night. Good night.

Well, good night. Good night.

Well, he's coming along. What's the matter with him?

Well, I don't know. It's supposed to be with the presents.

Well, I guess I better be going. Stay, Melvin.

Well, I'll take the cheese board back. I may as well take my toaster back.

Well, it's gettin' kind of late, Pop. And a bad gizzard.

Well, let's go load that stuff up. Right.

Well, listen... I was reading this article in Ebony...

Well, that's true. Well, will you stay?

Well, they ain't going in the house. Well, they're not staying out here.

Well, what's in it? You'll see.

Well, what's the matter? You are very much out of line...

Well, you did it again. Did what?

Well, you got give them up. I don't smoke.

Well, you know where I'll be. Yeah. So long, Spunky.

Well? Let's pop some popcorn, Pop.

Well? Water's on. Gas off.

Well? Well, what?

Well? What do you say? What do I say?

Well... Well, good night.

Were you expecting a call? I wasn't expecting a call. Were you?

Western Avenue? Yeah.

What about my privacy, Pop? If you want to bring a girl in...

What am I gonna do with all of them? Put 'em back in the mailbox.

What are we gonna do now? We'll do like they did in the Bible.

What are we gonna do? Listen, we'll take the truck.

What are you afraid of? Nothin'. Ain't nothin' gonna hurt me.

What are you all dressed up for? I'm not dressed up.

What are you doing, Melvin? I'm gonna turn the sound up.

What are you doing? I just told you, I'm leaving.

What are you doing? I'm gonna call the cops.

What are you gonna do? I'm giving it to 'em.

What are you gonna do? We're gonna have to take the legs off.

What are you talkin' about now? This Fiddler on the Roof.

What are you talkin' about? I saw it in one of them medical shows.

What are you talkin' about? Police car just pulled up by the curb.

What are you talking about? I'm talking about a new TV.

What are you talking about? I'm talking about World War II.

What are you talking about? Mickey and Laura. Days of Our Lives.

What are you talking about? Okay, lady, you can come on out now!

What did I do? You know what you did.

What did I just say? Don't touch what's on the front seat.

What did I tell you? I could've had the organ, but no.

What did the fourth man do? Huh?

What did you do with my tablecloth? I don't know, Aunt Hazel.

What did you say your first name was? Donna.

What do you mean by that? You know what I mean.

What do you say, Pop? Don't call me Pop.

What do you think that I should do? You want some real good advice?

What does that look like? An empty pocket.

What does that mean? A whole lot of**** in New York.

What does the sign say? The sign says, "Sanford and Son. "

What is it now? You better come back in the house.

What is it, Pop? Melvin just gave me a wedding present.

What is that? The St. Christopher medal you gave me.

What is the matter with you? Excuse me.

What kind of place you think this is? Just a minute!

What time is it? It's just a little after 12.

What was that for? He's still talking to Duane.

What was the time? It was 3:30. I checked my watch.

What were you thinking of asking? Fifty dollars apiece.

What will you do with the toaster? The what?

What you got there? Our dinner.

What? He knows this place. He can help you.

What? I said okay!

What? I'll handle this

What? Is the water running now?

What? Let's find a supermarket...

What? Risk your life for some glass.

What? She is.

What? That

What? That's right.

What? What size shoe do you wear?

What? You only make things worse.

What? Your piggy bank.

What? Who is it? It's me, Pop. Lamont.

What'd the others call him? Chief.

What'd you have to tell 'em that for? I didn't have to tell them that.

What'd you say? I said okay!

What'll it be? What are you gonna have to drink, Dad?

What's happenin', Pop? Hey, son. Is that for me?

What's in the box? Just go over there and sit down.

What's it look like? It looks likes gray crabgrass.

What's it to you? Why do you ask?

What's that gotta do with me? Everything, Pop.

What's that? What's that?

What's that? What's what?

What's the matter with it? There's nothing the matter with it.

What's the matter with you? Did you hear him say "darling"?

What's the matter with you? Them coffins, ain't they?

What's the matter with you? Undertaker left his hat.

What's the matter? Sounds like feeding time at the zoo.

What's wrong with that? Everybody will be laughing at us, Pop.

when I heard this noise. I know, Pop.

When was the stock market crash? '29. That's right.

Where are you going? To ask these people for more time.

Where are you gonna sleep? I'll sleep out on the truck.

Where are you? I'm right here!

Where did you meet her? At a taco stand.

Where is it? I had it right here in one of my...

Where is it? In the safe.

Where would we move to? We could move to Beverly Hills.

Where you going? I'm getting out of here

Where you going? I'm going back to bed.

Where'd y'all go, to a movie? Yeah, we went to a movie.

Where's he at now? He's in the County General Hosp...

Where's that? That's in Los Angeles, Pop.

Where's the ice cream? The ice cream?

Where's the taxi? I called them.

Where's your father? Forget him. He's upstairs sleeping.

Where's yours? Aren't you gonna eat? I'll get mine in a minute.

White woman? Yeah. She's got orange hair.

Who is that, Pop? Some guy with a summons.

Who? Mickey and Laura.

Who'd you get word from? From Kelly.

Who's Swanee? He's a friend of ours.

Who's that? Oh, just forget about it.

Who's the lucky lady? Her name is Donna.

Why didn't you smoke? I didn't think...

Why didn't you take the lamp? I couldn't get it in the bag.

Why don't you ask her? Let me have your cards, please.

Why don't you get him a doctor? Son, it's too late for a doctor.

Why don't you just stop it? Aunt Hazel...

Why don't you stop? No, that's the way it happens.

Why? I won't sit in the back of no plane.

Will you let go of me. You can't go upstairs.

Will your wife be coming around today? My wife and I are separated.

World War II, France. France. Yeah.

Would you fellas be interested? He's sellin' copper?

Would you get in there? I ain't going in first.

Would you just stay out of this? You stay out of mine.

Would you like to have that? Anything.

Would you put this in the safe for me? What is it?

Would you put... Get away from here. Hush.

Would you stop that. See, it's Sanford and Son now.

Yeah, from rags to riches. Yeah, we're back on Easy Street.

Yeah, he sold me a bad one. Oh, really?

Yeah, I burned your bed. Why?

Yeah, I heard you too, Liberace

Yeah, I know how to tie. Well, tie.

Yeah, it does do that, don't it? Yeah.

Yeah, me too, and it's because of... You started all this trouble.

Yeah, that must be it. Wait a minute. You can't take my TV.

Yeah, this is me. I feel dizzy. The room is spinning.

Yeah, well... But you know what?

Yeah, you forgot about her, Fred. Please stay out of this, Melvin

Yeah? Mr. Sanford?

Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah? You were terrific. What a performance.

Yeah. And there's two more...

Yeah. Ask him to buy you a set.

Yeah. Did you listen to your father?

Yeah. Forget about all of them...

Yeah. In color, with a big screen.

Yeah. That funny?

Yeah. Donna? Yes, Fred.

Yeah. Okay, son. Night. Good night, Pop.

Yeah. We going out tonight. What for?

Yeah. Well, it's different. Yeah.

Yeah. You got any kids? No.

Yep. That makes no sense.

Yes, I do. Not after you get one across the lip.

Yes, I will. 700. Will someone say 700?

Yes, it is, officer. You better get it out of there.

Yes, it's slimy, ain't it? Right.

Yes. And if I wait any longer...

Yes. Now we can have an enjoyable evening.

You ain't got it. You think so, huh?

You always go through this. I need all these glasses.

You always think about yourself. What are you talking about, Pop?

You are Mr. Sanford, aren't you? No speak English.

You are? Yeah.

You better get... Hold it! Hold it!

You butcher! Listen. It was an accident.

You can't go back to bed. Why?

You can't leave now. You heard what that policeman said.

You can't sit here with your hat on. Why not?

You didn't even know who I was. The TV is bringing it all back to me.

You didn't waste any time, did you? I don't have time to waste no time.

You don't believe what it says? I didn't say that.

You don't care who it is, huh? That's right.

You don't have to have bottled beer. I don't like to burp.

You don't have to worry. Will you go on in.

You don't think so? No.

You don't, huh? No.

You fellows saw that, didn't you? We didn't see anything.

You finished? Yeah, just about.

You folks care for anything? No, thank you, Pop.

You get a whiff of that? It smells delicious.

You get married? You don't think I can?

You got a cramp? Yeah, I caught a cramp.

You got any change? Put that back in.

You got cold hands. Don't touch me.

You hear that, Pop? You're a hero. Get any money for that?

You heard him. Give me $5.00. What?

You just got up. Yeah, I know, but...

You kidding me. See...

You know that, don't you, Fred? Yeah, I know it...

You know what I mean? Yes, Fred.

You know what I picked up? What?

You know, man. The chief. Oh, yeah.

You mean for nothing? That's right.

You mean four, don't you? Oh, yeah, four. Four.

You mean there's more? Of course there's more.

You mean you didn't forget? Of course I didn't forget.

You mean you don't like it. Well, what is it?

You must be crazy. I'll give you 15.

You never lost your memory at all. Yeah, I'm losing it now.

You never received the letter. What?

You open it. You really are chicken, aren't you?

You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Ashamed?

You really stood up to her. You have to.

You really think so? I know so.

You remember that, don't you, son? Aren't you going to finish eating?

You see on the other side? What's strange about it?

You see that yet? No, not yet.

You see that? Got killed by a tobacco truck.

You see those crossed swords? I can't see 'em.

You see? Ah, yeah, I see 'em now.

You see? No, I can't see it yet.

You see? Wait a minute. I got some here.

You swiped all this stuff? Don't say "swiped. "

You take 'em with you. You keep them. Too many calories.

You think they might pay 200? Oh, I'm sure they will.

You thinking of junk... Over in the bureau...

You wanna go back up there? I don't think so.

You wanna help me unload this truck? Wait. Let me read you one more.

You wanna quit? How you gonna lift it?

You want a shot of something? That'll be nice.

You want doggie bag? I don't think so.

You want me to pick it up with my foot? You're supposed to use the fork.

You want some more coffee? What?

You want to go, go. I'm going.

You wasn't in no army. You talk that old stuff.

You were in the war. Yeah, the big one. World War II.

You'll be able to ride in it. Let the wind blow through my scalp.

You'll be able to ride in it. Let the wind blow through my scalp.

You'll have to tell him. I'll tell him.

You'll never get it through the door. That's what I just told him.

You're a regular doctor, aren't you? I'm not a doctor, but I'm regular.

You're a very lucky man. Yeah, I figure I'm lucky.

You're always in the way, Pop. Are you kidding?

You're always in the way, Pop. Are you kidding?

You're always welcome here. Say, Fred?

You're just try... Hello. Police? Ask for Smitty.

You're makin' a big deal. It says, uh...

You're making me look like a heel. What did I do?

You're Mr. Sanford, aren't you? No speak English.

You're never satisfied. You ain't got no feelings.

You're really not kidding about this. I told you I wasn't kidding, didn't I?

you're welcome. No, I got big plans for tonight, Pop.

Your arthritis. Night.

Your father said it was your favorite. It was when my mother used to make it.

Your X ray turned out all right? That's right.

Zonked? I'll read from the official report.

'cause a lot of people get separated nowadays.

'cause I can't dial on account of my...

'cause I don't wanna hold you back, honest.

'cause I gotta go down to the hospital to get my new X rays.

'Cause I'm 65, and I ain't no chick.

'cause I'm too old to be playin' games.

'cause if you're scared, you're scared.

'cause it's just too nerve racking having it around here.

'Cause now it's just you and me.

'cause she was old, and she had a terrible voice.

'cause that the size the jail cells are in the old building.

'cause the old clock there said 3:30.

'cause there's too much of it to come from anyplace else.

'cause this kitchen is closed, due to retirement.

'cause this place might get raided.

'cause we got a lot of friends in Washington, D.C.

'cause you got your mother's sensitive skin.

'cause you're a cripple from your neck up.

"A prehistoric monster invades the city of Washington, D. C...

"Alulimum"? That's nothin' but old pot metal.

"By the time you read this...

"Citation for bravery to Fred Sanford...

"Come here, sonny, I want to show you this piece. "

"Contents. Four fifths of a quart. "

"Dear Abby, my husband and I have not spoken to each other for five years.

"Dear Abby, my husband refuses to bathe.

"Dear Pop, by the time you read this, I might be dead...

"Don't worry, Pop. I'm cool.

"Donna" means "lady," you know.

"Dried celery, citric acid...

"Excuse me. How long have you been doing manual labor?"

"F" is for Fred, and yours is marked "C."

"Fistful of Rain" and "Hat Full of Dollars. "

"Four unidentified Caucasian males...

"Fragile and valuable. Keep out.

"Happy birthday, Dad.

"Happy birthday, Dad. "

"Honest citizen returns money to bank. "

"horizontal hold" and "vertical hold. "

"I'll bet he feels like a real dummy up there. "

"Immediate family, right this way to the first row, please. "

"Lamont got stood up. He got left waiting at the church. "

"Lamont Sanford. "

"Last will and testament. "

"Lead us not into temptation. "

"Live it up. " You got no feeling at all, Pop.

"Los Angels Police Department citation for valor. "

"My goodness. "

"Oh, my goodness. "

"Sanford and Son, Funeral Directors. "

"Sanford and Son. " I'm Sanford and this is Son.

"The second time through you gotta go feet first"?

"They Always Come Back. "

"They won't be back. I know they're not coming back. "

"This tag is not to be removed under penalty of law. "

"To the happy couple. " We happy, ain't we?

"Tuberculosis and Respiratory Disease Association of Los Angeles County. "

"Unidentified male, black, approximately 60 to 65...

"We have, therefore, turned this over to a collection agency...

"Your recent chest X ray was unsatisfactory...

$1,000. 1,000 it is.

$1,300. Will someone offer $1,300?

$2,000. You bid $2,000...