For real though, like, I totally have this crazy crush on this super cute chick, you know? She's like, the queen of my world, man. And if I ever catch you being rude to her, bro, I swear I'll do whatever it takes to keep her safe and keep her by my side forever. But besides all that drama, just the thought of her makes me light up, ya know? Like, it's like my heart explodes with joy and my, uh, nether regions, they go from a measly 1 inch to a whole dang foot in no time flat. Crazy, right?...