Feng Shui Before It Was Cool

A man whose recipe for triple fudge brownies includes two quarts of vodka, sauerkraut, and a heaping tablespoon of BBQ sauce. After the fact Nostradamus became a national sensation across the nation. He didn’t have to actually know things. He could just say he did, and they believed him! A media star was born. Only in America. Well, more likely in America is more like it. “This is the dumbest place to have a pole dancing festival thing. Whoever thought of this has a screw loose.” the head of the crew said. The idea came from 22-year-old Roman Bombardo of Fairfield, New Jersey. One night, Roman and a couple of his friends were in a local strip club when he had an idea. I had just stopped for a smoke break when the UFO landed. It had been a slow night driving a cab in Grover’s Mill, New Jersey and the fog had settled over a lonely meadow. It was a perfect place for some peace until the streak of light appeared. The craft settled silently as it landed. So quietly that the local dogs didn’t make a sound. There I was, standing on the beach in San Clemente, thinking that if the Earth was indeed flat, I’d be able to see Japan, when a binoculars-wearing local tourist exclaimed with an expletive that something aloft was amiss. I turned to decipher what he was declaring. “Balloon! It’s one of those #!&$% balloons that steals what’s ours only! With all w... Sometimes circumstances will change, but in order to live fully, there must be a target. Something to strive for. That restlessness is a gift. To know life is to use it. You don’t have to believe in yourself. Be open to your motivation. No artist is pleased. Create something. Be the champion of your life. “I’ll politely ask you if we can search your house, but it’s only a courtesy inquiry as I have a federal warrant to do so.” he answered smarmily. “Proceed.” I waved an arm towards my home. “If I have received secret documents, it’s a secret that I have stealthily kept from myself.” It all started with a muffin. The Galactic War has been lost. But now the Time Corps Agents have a chance to prevent the Galactic War from ever happening by rewriting history, one moment at a time, in… the Time Wars! You can't spell funeral without fun! Pursuing the life of a pug. A boxer. The smell of sweat and deprivation matched the humidity and heat from the lights. There had to be a better way of making a living. That time has passed. Once the taste was acquired, it was all over. I could smell the leather before it hit me. The twist of the hide tore at the flesh, leaving it raw only to be hi... There are also family stories about how fussy he was with cleanliness and details. He hated smudges. My Great-great-grandfather despised crumbs of any sort on countertops. He had a reputation for changing seating arrangements during holiday meals. Once he even had broken into a house of a friend to re-alphabetize books and had been arrested for... We live better today than kings of the not-so-distant past. The palace of Versailles was torturous compared to a modern apartment. The palace didn’t have heat or air conditioning. French King Louis XVI bathed in perfume because water was an excellent source of cholera. A flyer on the community mailbox brought up the notion that someone had shaken the visions of what they believed could be possible. As if the boundaries that we perceive to ground us by ponderous gravity release themselves like the tentacles of an imagined giant man-eating octopus that has capitulated and surrendered. One way to get out of your comfort zone is getting up on stage. Go to your local community theatre and risk embarrassing yourself by auditioning.