Cougar Town (2009) - Season 6 Edit

A doctor doesn't date fellow doctors.

A great group of friends that really care about him?

A great interview starts with a great entrance.

A mix of charm and smarts I call "charts."

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Why?

Ah!

Ah. Still rockin' the undies.

Ah. Yes.

All right, the boat is mine! I'm the captain.

All right, well, you go make the calls,

Always good to have a project.

And oh, my God. What's taking so long? I want a mini cake.

And a bottle of peach schnapps with your name on it

And after a few tips from her,

And all this of this...

And because Bobby's gone, he's never on Bobby's boat.

And feel bad for hurting people.

And he's fun!

And I can do this job as well as anyone in the world.

And I needed a sanctuary, and it hit me Bobby's boat.

And I wanted to invite you to come by.

And I was I was ready to put in the long hours

And I'll stay in here and brainstorm about the bull.

And I've nailed every interview I've ever had.

And is at home for a month,

And meet me in the breakroom for 10ccs of lovin', stat."

And my starving family living in an old refrigerator box

And now I have to destroy him

And Stan.

And that's why everyone in our gang really loves him.

And that's why we're friends?

And the dressing up.

And the ground is shaking and the walls are closing in

And then it hit me Bobby's boat.

And then out of nowhere, you crashed, burned,

And they're gonna crush my bones!

And they're just like, "Huh, how's it going?"

And uncomfortable, Grayson.

And went total ape shizzle.

And yet only one of us can have it.

And you better get off my boat or...

And... the late nights.

Andy go now!

Andy, are you in the fort?

Andy, are you okay?

Andy, how many interviews have you been on?

Andy, I think I know what to do.

Andy, I'm worried about you.

Andy, you're gonna be fine.

Andy?

Are you okay? Fine. My my tie's too tight.

Are you on a date with another doctor?

As hospital stud, it is practically your duty

At first, I loved crushing your spirit.

Attaboy!

Away from home,

Because you enjoy doing stuff with me,

Big Trav! Laurie K! What up?

Bingo! Dr. Tom making his rounds.

Bobby's boat!

Bobby's boat.

Boo, great new outfit.

Both of us?

But he's also really sweet.

But murder is messy because all the blood and the guts.

But Needy Nancy? He has no job.

But still..

But then in the office, you were doing so good.

But to them, I'm Dr. Tom

But you forgot the hole in the hull.

Come on, they're not gonna....

Come on, you're gonna be great. Go.

Come on.

Come with me.

D aah!

Damn! Bobby's toilet!

Dang it.

Did Ellie say something? Does she hate having me at home?

Did you?

Do not hit me in the back of the head

Do you think that's normal?

Do you wanna be a skeevy jackass out there, playing the field?

Does it explode?

Doesn't taste as sweet as usual. Something's off.

Doing great. Ahh. Except that the room's on fire,

Don't be late... or else.

Dr. D Bag.

Dr. L! Dr. K!

Dude, is that an easy bake oven?

Dude, they were into you.

Dude!

E easy, girls. There's plenty of Tom to go around.

Easy. Those are my Jackie O's.

Ellie bet me that I couldn't put my makeup on

Ellie time.

Ellie, I told you, I'm not playing this game with you.

Ellie, seriously.

Ellie..

Extend the walls of Fort Butt to your house?

Fine. That's it. The boat's yours.

Get a job!

Giving you a call, RE, "That booty."

Good morning.

Gotcha.

Grayson, I'm sorry for hijacking the "SS Prissy Pants."

Greetings! Did you call for me?

Guys, I've had enough.

Have a job! Space cop.

Have a seat, Andy.

He is out there somewhere.

He's gonna need to work on his poise.

He's smooth. I'll give him that.

Hello, I'm Andy Torres.

Hello! I'm Andy Torres.

Hello?

Here, Trav, pass me your binaca.

Hey there.

Hey, guys.

Hey, pal.

Hey, Tom, are you a slightly different hue?

Hey.

Hi there, little lady.

Hi, babe.

Hi!

Hi.

Hmm. Huh. Oh, hey, Jules!

How do?

How interesting.

I appreciate the opportunity to meet with this fine company.

I can hire somebody half your age for half the salary.

I did it, too.

I didn't care about the stupid sanctuary.

I don't have a problem.

I don't know why you freaked out.

I don't know why.

I don't know. I just thought it would sound good.

I don't know. Sexy doctor catfight?

I don't wanna burden Laurie.

I felt good, right up until the crash, burn, ape shizzle.

I fixed your string.

I got nowhere else to go!

I got your broom.

I guess I should call around, set up some interviews.

I guess I'm bored. I need a new challenge in my life.

I had no idea I was the coolest guy in town.

I had no idea. I'll give it a shot.

I hate job interview questions.

I haven't seen you in so long.

I honestly don't even know if it could get weirder

I just destroyed Grayson's lame sanctuary and Bobby's boat

I just don't have much of that these days.

I just loved fighting with you.

I just witnessed the total destruction

I know the way we can do it.

I know!

I left it there to fool you.

I lied. I really am in the fort.

I mean, awful.

I need a victory sip.

I need peace, quiet,

I need to keep my identity... secret.

I needed a sanctuary.

I respect you, but let's remain professional.

I said awesome, but I meant... he's awful.

I set up six job interviews.

I think you missed the bigger picture concern

I thought I would come by when you were gone,

I told you. I'm the captain now!

I wanna be a stay at home dad

I want to rip off your suit and get freaky on the floor.

I was actually looking for Andy.

I was eating lunch at the table instead of under it.

I was having trouble choosing between them, so I didn't.

I will see you on the flip.

I wonder who will triumph.

I'm I'm here to see Mrs. Worthington.

I'm a born charmer with a warm smile, buttery tan,

I'm about to get six big fat job offers.

I'm an intelligent, goal oriented team player

I'm Andy Torres. I'm glad to meet you.

I'm closer with Bobby. It's my boat.

I'm glad you're happy, Tom.

I'm hopeless!

I'm just really enjoying this moment. We did it! Yay! Well, I'm awesome!

I'm just thinking about losing my house and everything I own,

I'm motivated, passionate,

I'm Mrs. Worthington.

I'm not playing your game!

I'm out for one last taste of life with no job.

I'm pleased.

I'm tearing through all my good shirts

I'm the captain now.

I'm the captain, and you're leaving.

I've missed you.

If you wait too long between jobs,

In one shot.

In that story.

In third grade, I didn't have any friends.

In this, uh, house.

Interview simulation. I get it.

Is this your psychotic way of saying

It ends now.

It has been almost a month.

It shouldn't compromise

It would be natural for them to go a little crazy, yeah?

It, uh, comes in a 16 ounce or does it also come in a 64?

It's called bronzer. You should look into it, Paste Face.

It's called pampering, and guys can do it, too.

It's just a matter of time before I'm broke and alone,

It's me, Andy Torres. What's up?

It's my boat. And fortunately,

It's not an interview. It's just a sales pitch.

It's okay. We'll just dip a few inches.

Janice. Big Tom. Doc T.

Jules

Jules, I can't handle another interview.

Jules?

Just doctors from the hospital.

Kind of amazing it held up as long as it did.

Kiss me!

Knife took out a trailer tire!

Kooky, nutty, perhaps a tad socially awkward.

Lemony.

Let's begin your interview.

Let's do it.

Look at me.

Man. That's terrible.

Maybe you've finally developed human emotions

McDreamy and McSteamy don't see a hot lady doc,

Me! Mmm!

Mmm.

Mnh.

Mnh.

Mom's actually a great coach.

More!

My house has become

My house has way more idiots than yours.

My super tasty mini cakes will be ready soon.

Need air!

No, but that's funny.

No, he is not! What are you talking about? This is insane.

No, he's mine!

No, I'm I'm fine over here. Um, thank you.

No, she especially loves the make believe

No!

No! No, you're not!

No.

No... I'm..

Now just... biz pro to biz pro,

Of course not.

Of course, this means you would have to go back to work.

Of course!

Of course. What'd I do?

Of your lame hideout.

Oh, come on! Your car's at home.

Oh, come on.

Oh, hell, no!

Oh, it's a Andy you want.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I I need that for ballads.

Oh, no! Zombies! Quick! Back to Fort Butt!

Oh, so now... what? I don't know you're dating...

Oh, well, let me summon this "Andy." Would you please turn around?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. She thinks that's... sexy.

Oh.

Ohh.

Okay, well, I didn't say you were...

Okay.

One of these days, he's gonna notice me.

One... 22 years ago, but I nailed it.

Or do you wanna be the sweet guy that has

Or else what?

Or I start snapping strings.

Or the glasses get it!

Or... I could talk to him.

Ping!

Poise, damn it! Poise!

Pow!

Pull up the ladder, and try it for myself.

Put them down.

Right. Like you have a chance with Tom.

Roll tide!

S sorry... Tom. I'm gonna have to pass on that one.

Scratch off lottery ticket shavings.

Scratch offs are a waste of time.

Seriously?

She said "Yes"!

Short term gain,

Sitting on a milk crate outside a Mini Mart

So I said,

So speaking of jobs...

So walk in and stay cool no matter what's thrown at you.

So you go out there and you take...

So you have to decide

So you're just gonna date them both?

So... I got an idea.

So... jobs let's get back to that.

Someone asked you that? That's that's personal.

Sorry. Reflex.

Stupid Ellie.

Super.

Superstar brain surgeon, millionaire bachelor,

Sweet! Hello, beautiful

Tell me what happens when I play this thing?

Thank you for doing this.

Thank you for opening my eyes.

Thanks for coming clean.

Thanks.

That cool guy kinda looked like Tom.

That does it.

That is not how I thought this would end

That one makes sense.

That was unexpected.

That you love battling me

That's a crappy business model.

That's my 6:00. I gotta jet.

That's not Bobby's toilet

That's perfect!

That's real results. Let's do this!

The boat has no integrity!

The bronzer

The bull by the tail.

The first you freaked out,

The gang is not going to love this new Tom.

The interviewer was my uncle,

The long hours and the late nights

The secret lair of Captain No Job.

The structural integrity of the boat

The way you walk into a room.

Then come kiss me.

There are a thousand places you could've gone in town

There's a, uh, problem with the acoustics

They are, and you're them!

They are. Fascinating.

They sound cool.

They're like, "Ditch the clipboard

This is amazing. I can't believe I'm actually on a date with Tom.

This is getting a little Roadrunner vs. Wile E Coyote.

This vessel was not terribly stable

Three doctors?

To bag one of those babes.

To be alone.

To make Worthington Inc. the best...

To make you scared

Tom, we were just all sitting in my kitchen,

Tom! Hey!

Tom?

Tom's awesome!

Two choices heads, divorce, tales, murder.

Ugh!

Ugh. Are you believing this?

Uh, Dierdre, I got a jacuzzi

Uh, okay

Uh, right. I know. This is about you guys.

Uhh!

Uhh!

Uhh! Easy, babe.

Wait. Aren't the horns the worst place to take a bull?

Wait. Why do you care? Tom's with me.

Wait. Won't the bull just then kick me with his back legs?

Wasn't really going there.

Watching a grown man struggle with his sexual identity.

We both want the same thing,

We can just, uh, work together.

We did it!

We never decided.

We weren't speaking of jobs.

We'll look into that.

We're not doing this. Okay, it was my idea first.

We're outside! Take some!

Well, does she want to include it in our lovemaking?

Well, I'm the captain now!

Well, now that we are,

Well, now that we are,

Well, that's it.

Well, things have changed now. The questions are tough.

Well... I'm impressed.

Were you coming to take my boat?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing with her?

What can I say? You're a lucky gal.

What do you want?

What does this company do?

What happens when these girls find out

What I love is the thrill of savagely duking it out

What? Nice!

What? No way, bro.

What? When I get real fired up, I go Southern.

What'd you do?

What's your problem?

Whatever you need to tell yourself.

When do you think you might get a job?

Where's my ladder?

Which is why I'm asking you!

While my experience pays off more in the long run.

Who delivers bottom line results and great watercooler chitchat.

Who is also a savvy local business owner.

Who's that?

Whoa.

Whoa. Looks like you didn't waste any time.

Whoo hoo! Let's roast this town like a pig on a spit!

Why are they taking their jewelry off?

Why are you guys throwing fruit at me?!

Why are you here?

Why don't you ask out one of those girls?

Why don't you kiss...

Why don't you lighten up, fancy pants? I will go.

Why don't you try to talk to him first? Be supportive.

Why should I hire you?

Why? So you can use it against me?

Why'd you have to take mine?

With a beard covered in

With a body that was built for OR scrubs.

With a w

With a worthy adversary.

With my eyes closed, and I won.

Would you grab us a table? And I'll score some drinks.

Wow! Mrs. Worthington.

Wow. You wore that outside, huh?

Yeah, that seems normal.

Yeah, you walked into the office with confidence and poised,

Yeah!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. I found it in the attic

Yes, I will.

Yes, you are!

Yes. They're extremely sharp.

You you were telling me I was doing great,

You are acting like a real jackass, Tom!

You are now ready to meet... Mrs. Worthington.

You are so bitchy when you're upset.

You forgot to pull the ladder up.

You get judged on your posture, your poise,

You get stale.

You get stuff like, "What's your greatest fear?"

You go out there and you take the bull by the horns!

You got it, Tom.

You gotta go Powerball!

You guys know me as Neighbor Tom

You just need a little advice from a good friend

You know when someone loses their job

You know, cool under fire lifesaver

You know, he won't know you put me up to it.

You know, I created this monster,

You know, someone should really take a look at that.

You know...

You listen to me.

You made the "SS Prissy Pants" seem so good,

You secured the perimeter,

You seem ready for the long hours and the late nights

You think you'll get all six?

You were afraid that you couldn't find a job.

You were doing so great and...

You will not beat me!

You, too!

You're dating both of them?

You're Neighbor Tom, and Neighbor Tom is super weird

You're slippin' around. I don't wanna ruin these new shoes.

You're the Dr. McDreamy of your hospital.

Your greatest skill?

♪ haphazard with the language ♪ 'Sup?

Both good ideas... Mm hmm.

But divorce is messy money wise. Mm.

Come on. Why would you say that?

Easy. Um, he is with me, okay?

Greatest weakness. Work too hard, care too much.

Ha ha ha ha ha! Aah!

Hey, that's mine. It was.

Hey. Why'd you call us over? Hey!

How's it going? Hi!

I tried. Time to die. Mm.

I'm not scared. Okay.

It's yours. Aah!

No, I didn't. Ellie, no. No, no, no, no Ah!

No. Sounds like you are.

Ooh. Uh, BRB, babe. Okay.

Really? Yeah.

This isn't you! Yes, it is. I'm Dr. Stud.

What the hell was that? Tom, who were those ladies?

What's that? Huh?

Yeah. Okay.

Yes, you are. No, I'm not!

You're not wearing a tie. What's going on?

...awesome man."

'cause I can't come up with my greatest weakness!

'Cause that's the last stop before a catfight.

"Describe a time you failed."

"I know. I am a tremendous coward

"Mwah ha ha ha!" "That hurt my feelings."

"What's your biggest weakness?"

"You cannot stop my evil plan...

♪ booty, booty, booty, love ♪

♪ don't think before they do, don't think before they say ♪

♪ for a fallout ♪

♪ I'm a rock that booty, it's my duty ♪

♪ lost the way ♪

♪ people nowadays don't think 'bout their ways ♪

♪ tells me nothing ♪

♪ trying to save it ♪

♪ through the ruins ♪