Peep Show - Season 2 Edit

A ha ha hah!

A bit of a rinse, actually, mate.

A bit of crack.

A husk? That doesn't sound good.

A joke?

A joke.

A kind of Jean Michel Jarre thing on the keyboards

A mate just called. He has a poker school. If you're interested in losing a bit of money, we could go.

A nightingale sang in Berkeley Square

A proper chat.

Aaaaah!

Aah!!

Aah...

About a million!

About you and your cock?

Absolutely, sweetheart.

Absolutely.

Actually, I've come to see Jeff.

Alan's gonna be so pleased with us

All done.

All right then. We've got our answer. Let's go!

All right, but a word out of place and you're getting the bat.

All right, I don't need stuff, either.

All right, Jez.

All right? Sorry I'm a bit late.

All right. If I tell you, you have to promise not to tell anyone. On your mum's life.

Already with the jokes. At least one of us is serious about giving us a fucking go!

Also, partially, for visa reasons.

Although, if it was a choice between that or a drive in a Ferrari Testarossa phew, too close to call.

An explanation. Finally.

And an iPod and... piercings and a... strap on?

And even if I have to die of anxiety making an off the cuff speech, we're gonna keep it special.

And give a nasty, unglamorous illness a kick in the pants at the same time.

And he got the wrong window... You know the rest.

And he's holding out on the four grand till we get it right.

And I don't want it using up all my yogurt and... bloody... shower gel?!

And I just had the most amazing wank.

And I really need to borrow quite a lot of money to go back into the studio and I was thinking...

And I say to Jeremy

And I think the rest of us can unite in saying, "Two fingers to the cynics"

And I was like, "You don't have to be enlightened to work here but it helps."

And I wouldn't change a day.

And I'll raise you...

And I'm so hot

And I'm so hot

And I'm so hot

And I'm so hot

And I'm sorry if you assume

And I'm sorry, but we did vote, so the stone circle it is.

And I've spent all of our advance on drugs and shoes...

And I've taken a coupla Es so I'm gonna start feeling pretty horny.

And if I meet somebody, and I probably will, we'll wanna come back and bone.

And isn't that the point?

And it must've got to her, cos...

And it seems he doesn't mind me being round here at all.

And it was mostly on racial classifications head measurements and so on.

And knob the corpse.

And make you... drive around in an old fashioned car?

And Nancy found out because I told her.

And never get the bottom line. OK. Still nothing interesting in the outbox.

And now sex is fine.

And now we're going to stay married

And obviously you don't think there's a... global ******* conspiracy

And promise to walk by her side for ever

And raising our glasses... to true love.

And so's anyone who likes him.

And some of it was just so not Rainbow Rhythms. Thanks.

And some of it was just so Rainbow Rhythms,

And then putting my hand down your trousers.

And they made it very clear that they didn't want to be with me.

And they're treating it as a racial incident? Next you won't be able to get a black coffee!

And this first number is for Jez and Nancy.

And wait for you to do the civilised thing and leave.

And we agreed no reggae music late at night, so...

And we'd be exploring the miracles of flight and human endeavour.

And we're open with other people.

And what are you gonna do about it exactly?

And when the going gets tough, you need to roll out the big potatoes.

And wiggle out your mouth like a little leather tongue.

And with that partner, let the music take you into your primal self.

And you've moved into the gay bit.

And, grrr, give her a good shake

And... my... yogurt? Jez, what's happened to my Muller?

Another beergee?

Anyway, I got thinking that those feelings about guilt around sex,

Anyway, let's get pissed. Bollocks to love!

Anyway, Mark saw the whole thing.

Anyway... on with the wedding.

Apparently he was a massive racist and not even his best friends knew.

Apparently there's an outtake where this extra gets piked and you can see all the...

Are you all right?

Are you trying to tell me you've gone gay?

As her best friend, her lover and her soul mate?

As it turns out... Daryl is a racist.

As we can...

Aye aye. A couple of high street honeys at three o'clock.

Because I didn't confront him, all right?

Because I'm not sure I'm into this.

Because I've got a cough.

Because of stupid honesty.

Bet we're having a much better time than Sophie is right now.

Bit late for you. What do you play? Seven card stud? Texas Holdem?

Blood is coming out of your arm. For fuck's sake, stop it!

Bloody shithead.

Bollocks to love!

Bollocks! You gave him a signal!

Bollocks. I'm a very generous guy

Boring? What, cos he doesn't go around with... a haircut

Brilliant, fantastic.

Brilliant, wasn't he? When are people finally gonna admit that you lot are better at sports?

Brilliant! Now, the favour...

Brilliant.

Brilliant. Get a cup, we'll catch the blood, and I'll write her a poem

Brilliant. My mate and your woman have just gone to fuck each other.

Brilliant. Yeah, you fucking... guys.

Business Look at you, with your wine and your jacket, just like a real person!

But apparently our relationship is nothing more than a husk.

But are you sure this isn't... racist?

But can't we take the best of that,

But I do like you! I think you're fucking great!

But I guess that's just the way...

But I say to those cynics,

But I thought you thought it was just a stupid piece of paper.

But I'm perfectly willing to swear

But if there isn't room here

But if you ever want to call me about anything, then I'm in the book,

But it's just so damn hard.

But John or Paul, who was the best?

But just ask him, all right, what happened in the pub by the fruit machine

But look at it another way we've all got our foibles

But maybe I should... confront him... again, more.

But me and Nancy, we're married and...

But new volumes keep being published.

But not have to face the... squalor?

But slavery? The Holocaust?

But the thing is, I've basically been very, very foolish,

But then perhaps that's appropriate, since this isn't a proper wedding...

But there would inevitably be complications.

But there's Jeff. I don't think we should see each other any more. Sorry, Mark

But we were "Who's this wedding for, us or the tourist board?"

But why don't you come too, Soph?

But why?

But, as your manager...

But, Gog, I'm music! I make music!

But, um... it kinda got me thinking.

But... why?

Can be an 'ell of a laugh, you know, just guys together.

Can he call you back?

Can we?

Can you please stop doing that?

Capital of Indonesia?

Car alarms, the cashpoints, the blacks, the ****s, the ****..

Carmen Electra's in there. I would seriously love to really, really bang her.

Cheers, mate.

Cheers, mate.

Clinical, more like. What's that?

Cocaine, Mark, cocaine.

Come here, you

Come on, folks, there are other people waiting to...

Come on, gorgeous. Let's get you to bed.

Come on, it's a stag night. You gotta slam on a stag night. Slam, slam!

Come on, Jez! You don't love her. You're just jealous cos her husband's back.

Come on, let's get you some crack!

Come on, Mark!

Come on, Mark.

Come on, you said it. She's Yoko, remember?

Come on! Welcome to the real world.

Come through with good old Mark.

Compromise, ****les? Jesus, Jez.

Controlling everything?

Cool.

Correct. She's got trouble written through her like a stick of Brighton rock.

Cos I'm in hell

Cos I'm in hell

Cos I'm in hell

Cos I'm in hell

Cosmic.

Could be kind of confusing, in a good way.

Cover. In case the cops turn up. Just a bunch of mates playing baseball.

Crack! Just gimme crack!

Crack? Crack, Super Hans?

Crack?! I've got company!

Crap sex, crap relationships.

Dancing? Yes, dancing, I love dancing.

Daryl thought I said "a stone," and the stone he picked was a brick

Daryl, what are you? No! Don't!

Daryl's getting the sack.

Democracy's all very well, but it's weak and it's decadent. You need a strong leader.

Did Jeff fart in a pint?

Do I dooby doo? I didn't think I did.

Do I have to spell it out?

Do I just undo it?

Do I know where Soph is?

Do I really have to do this?

Do I?!

Do we have to do this? We're not going to hurt him, are we?

Do you have a problem with that?

Do you take Nancy as your wife

Do you think maybe, if I plead and plead and plead,

Do you want me to have a chat to her

Does he come at you with a stick?

Does... Does he beat you, Soph?

Doesn't it prick your conscience?

Doing and saying whatever the hell they like?

Don't be a party pooper, get 'em off!

Don't fancy a Chinky. Have you got a pizza menu?

Don't mind me.

Don't say anything you'll regret. I'm with Jeff now.

Don't worry, I'm not going to embarrass you, all right? I'm going now. I just wanted to say...

Don't worry, Soph. I'm giving him the broom.

Don't worry, we're not trying to kill him, it's just... he's never... had sushi before,

Don't you think... Nancy, isn't she using you... a bit?

Don't... move a muscle.

Dooby dooby dooby dooby doo

Dooby dooby dooby dooby doo...

DOORBELL

Drugs are fine, Mark, everyone agrees now.

Drugs are what happen to people, and that's fine, so shut up.

En garde, monsieur

Er, and it just... brought up a lot of feelings.

Er, Daryl, listen, the truth is...

Er, heil.

Er, Jakarta.

Er, Mark? I've got a massive, massive favour to ask you.

Er, OK, later.

Er, you might want to give that

Er...

Er... hey,

Er... maybe.

Er... no. You see, the thing is, Gog...

Er... sure.

Everybody's coming to get me

Everything's turned from gold... into shit.

Exactly

Exactly my feeling. Exactly.

Exactly! And they'll have a bloody EU banana straightening machine

Exactly.

Exactly. Exactly my point.

Exactly. I think it's great

Exactly. We're open in our relationship.

Excellent.

Except, as it turns out, for the cor anglais.

Ey, check this out, right? Sexy girl walks past, it's like..

Ey! Course we are, mate, course we are!

Fancy a punt on the quizzie? Shit a bit of data out of that bunged up brainbox?

Feel a bit safer strapped together?

Fine, fine. The human being's basic needs are really very simple...

Fine. It's totally fine, mate. Honestly.

Food, liquid, entertainment and the regular release of fluids at regular intervals.

For people who stand against everything you believe in,

Forever.

Forget stuff. Let's have it.

Four naan, Jeremy? Four? That's insane.

From... Er... no, I'm all right, thanks.

Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off me!

Fuck off! Thought police!

Fuck, I can't believe she'd do something like that.

Fucking hell, that's a bit strong. Where might you find a dipthong?

Fun things, normal things. Archery, badger baiting. Whatever people do.

Gay or not, there's no threat from you, pal.

Gerbil the gerbil. MUSIC: Dancing In The Moonlight by Toploader

Get away from the door or I will give you the broom!

Get some Jim Carrey DVDs?

Get the pants off, dude, and come on in!

Go on, what is it? Let me see.

Go on. You can tell me.

God, do you know what? I think I love her.

God, no. He broke a plate once but...

God, you're so... I mean...

God, your head is it OK?

Gog!

Gog?

Gog. At school, you'd run up and sneeze in his face.

Good and proper.

Good, thanks.

Got a mission for you. Need a few rubber johnnies and I'm not dressed

Got off with this girl

Got over the twitch, by the way.

Great to hear from ya!

Great! So you won't mind if I take you out for an incredibly expensive meal to celebrate.

Guys, you're on.

Ha ha! You lose, Jeff! You losel

Hans, is it perhaps time we had a word with Jeremy?

Hans, you realise we've only got 39 minutes left.

Has Jeff said anything about...

Have an affair.

He does beat you mentally. And with his hands and fists.

He doesn't complain that the music's too loud in bars

He hey!

He thinks you and I should see less of each other. He's old fashioned.

He thinks you're French! I keep telling you, he's not French! Come on, let's get you a drink.

He thought we were trying to poison him.

He wants much, much more cor anglais.

He...

He'd already hung up.

He'd never believe it, whereas you...

He's at home in Lincoln getting his tummy rubbed by lovely Mummy.

He's going to move in with me for a couple of months, see if it helps.

He's honking on his crack pipe.

He's really not very keen at all on any of the track...

He's right here. It's switchboard. Urgent call for you.

Health club interview. It's a biggie.

Heil Hitler!

Hello, er, Dave, it's Mark here. I'm an old friend of Gog's.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? I'm coming in now! This is me coming into my house!

Hello? Jeff?

Her... vibe. Oh, God, why does the world have to be so wrong?

Here be beauty, there be... pie charts. OK?

Here you go.

Here's a clue somebody dies.

Hey, guys? What about if we move this chair from here over to here?

Hey, I tell you what.

Hey, I'm home.

Hey, Jez. Hey, Nance.

Hey, Karen, good

Hey, look at that.

Hey, Mark, how's it going? >

Hey, Mark, my man!

Hey, Mark! How's it hanging?

Hey, Mark! So, you wanted to have a big chat and everything?

Hey, Mark. Karen.

Hey, Mark. Oh, there you go, hubby.

Hey, Mark. What's the big stink?

Hey, Nance. You've met Auntie Helen.

Hey, Soph!

Hey, Soph!

Hey, they do chicken wings! I love chicken wings.

Hey. What's with all the mags?

Hey. Why not?

Hi, guys! There's a changing room round there if you want to...

Hi, honey, I managed to make it!

Hi, Jeff

Hi, Soph. You dancing?

Hi, we're here to get married.

Hi. Jez, I've got great news.

Hi. Thought I'd pop over, since that's cool.

Hi...

Hitler promised not to invade Czechoslovakia. Welcome to the real world.

Hmm. OK.

Honda are very interested.

Honda!

Honestly, it's nothing.

Honestly?

Honey, you understand this would just be an administrative procedure, right?

Hope Jeff's neighbour got the cheque for the window

How about biscotti? Jeremy, would you like some biscotti?

How can you afford it all?

How coincidental, Jeremy! How very coincidental!

How could she do something like that to me? God...

How dangerous am I now, eh?!

How did Soph find out about that girl in the pub, Jez?

How is the Yank? She started spanking your plank again?

How'd it go tonight?

How's it going, Jeff?

Huh?

Huh? OK, bye.

Humpty, cling on to your girlfriend.

I appreciate what you're doing, but the Jeff project's been abandoned.

I break them.

I came with her.

I can't be associated with you any more, because... you're a racist.

I can't believe you wanted to meet for lunch! You really meant it about being friends.

I can't even make a fist!

I can't give

I can't give any more

I can't give any more...

I can't give..

I can't live

I can't live

I can't live

I can't live

I can't, really, it's not...

I considered doing that thing that that MP and Michael Hutchence did. You know...

I could do a sponsored run

I couldn't believe that I had this... instrument right there.

I did. Thierry Henry made Savage look like a right carthorse!

I didn't even know you played.

I didn't want to she's obviously into that sort of thing.

I do.

I don't care what happened, I still think you're a bloody good guy.

I don't care what happened, I still think you're a bloody good guy.

I don't know about you, but I'm so bored I could eat a fucking stapler!

I don't know, Mark. I'm having second thoughts. He seems really happy.

I don't know.

I don't know. Ask her. I'm not a prison warder.

I don't know. I don't wanna come out fighting with just my cock in my hand.

I don't think we should be doing this.

I don't think we should be doing this.

I don't wanna teach the world to sing, that would be horrible,

I don't want to go into that now.

I don't want to go. I need a sandwich

I don't want to know! OK? I don't want to hear about it!

I don't want to talk. I want to live. I want to do things.

I don't wish to converse with you.

I dunno, it just feels almost... wrong.

I er... I think, you know, it's time you left.

I feel better doing a tandem jump.

I feel like every day quite a big part of me dies...

I feel terrible. Do you think I should... confront him?

I felt a lot of stuff to do with rejection coming up for me tonight.

I fold.

I got a pair. The straps go all the way up, like a Roman sandal.

I guess I've just been very lucky.

I had an affair with Toni by mistake

I hate him, I hate him, I hate him!

I have?

I just meant... 'You're not gonna out hippy me, you fucking hippy.'

I just need to convince Sophie I'm desperate and I need some evidence.

I just play the cards as they're dealt, my friend.

I just think maybe we should stop seeing each other so much.

I just wanted to see if you wanted to hang out some time.

I just wasn't sure about... Mark...

I know a couple of gay guys who'd be up for it but...

I know some people go for that country church vibe,

I know you two aren't doing it,

I know. We know.

I love her.

I love this song! Why?

I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

I may be right I may be wrong

I mean, although this obviously isn't a real marriage,

I mean, aren't we supposed to be living in a multicultural democracy?

I mean, I might try some of my moves.

I mean, I, for example, hate mozzarella.

I mean, if you've actually done... that,

I mean, legally, and therefore probably in the eyes of God.

I mean, obviously, a band isn't an army, but you need some organisation.

I mean, we have a great time together and obviously we both know it's an open relationship.

I mean, you and I have a bit of history.

I mean, you are the manager...

I mean, you can't love two people at once.

I mean, you'll never get it off entirely, but, you know

I might keep them on, actually.

I need to talk to you about something. About us.

I promise on my mum's life

I really love her.

I said I'd talk to you about a sponsored something.

I say to Nancy, "Good luck with the interview"

I shouldn't be here. I don't know what I'm doing.

I shouldn't have to be a machine in bed just because I meditate.

I suppose I was kind of surprised Jeff was cool about me coming over.

I tell you what we used to do down here when we were kids. Spin the bottle,

I think I'm actually very hungry. Let's not jump and just have lunch.

I think that's fantastic.

I told you you should've had a proper contract!

I want something that, when people hear it, they'll immediately go, "Yeah."

I was 14 years old and I came down here all alone,

I was gonna ask you to be best man but, actually, maybe I should ask Super Hans.

I was gonna twat this geezer and it turns out they're both Polish.

I was just telling Jeremy about the Brand New Heavies' new album.

I was really, really, really pleased with the track, once we got that weird hiss off.

I was talking to Alan about Rod from Shapiro Finance.

I... hate taboos.

I'd like a ginger nut, if there are any.

I'd like to see 'em run like that carrying real Sten guns.

I'd like to thank everyone for such a warm welcome...

I'll be as quick as I can

I'll do it. All right? I'll do it.

I'll do the buttons, you do the answers.

I'll get him a Scotch egg. That will usually take his mind off it.

I'll get them.

I'll have to have a think about you. I don't know if you can be trusted in a combat situation.

I'll stay, friend.

I'll suck for crack!

I'll tell you what. I'll tell you where we should go now.

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover...

I'm busy, you're busy...

I'm genuinely really, really hungry, too hungry to jump!

I'm gonna give you the broom, Jeff! I'm gonna broom you!

I'm hot...

I'm in character.

I'm not actually cutting myself. It's for evidence.

I'm not his girlfriend.

I'm not sick but I'm not well

I'm not sick but I'm not well

I'm not sick but I'm not well

I'm not sick but I'm not well

I'm not sure I want to swim, actually. I might just watch.

I'm not that hungry. Do you want anything?

I'm not... getting anything.

I'm off to five a side with Jeff. Can I take a couple of Garfields as shinpa... Jesus Christ!

I'm on my way to see Metallica at Wembley Arena

I'm out.

I'm pulling your pants down, Mark!

I'm really sorry, Mark.

I'm running underground with the moles digging holes

I'm running underground with the moles digging holes

I'm running underground with the moles, digging holes.

I'm so pleased. Dave, call the police! There's people here, they're trying to kill me,

I'm sorry, he's just excited. We're both so happy to be getting married.

I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. >

I'm sorry. I just can't.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm starving! It's not fair

I'm talking to a number of people, Jez. What I want is something classic.

I'm underqualified but if I make it there by four they'll consider me.

I've been banging my head for 15 years against that beautiful light bulb

I've got a commission! It's big and it's fat and it's going right up your white bread arse!

I've got a plan. Trek the Andes. I've got a mate and he did it.

I've got Gladiator on DVD

I've got the massage oil!

I've hit the mother lode! I've been waiting for this! I can really fuck him with this!

I've just come to pick up some stuff.

I've shared enough rice with you, Mark. I'm in the big league now.

I've told you, it's out of my hands now. The Honda people are very hard to please.

Ian's a? A racial incident?

If I can call at a more convenient..

If I go for it, are you gonna back me up?

If living is without you

If living is without you

If living is without you

If we do something together, it would capture people's imagination

If you can't have sex with a monkey, make friends with the organ grinder.

If you do that thing, don't do it in here the hook's practically out of the door.

If you think I was, I'll stop.

If you're into that, you probably see the inevitable complications as part of the fun.

In a sense, that's the final taboo, isn't it?

In Ancient Rome, they had Cupid.

In modern days, it's the Home Office.

In my own time, I'll do it

In the Stone Age, you'd get up, kill an antelope...

In total... silence.

Is everything all right?

Is that what you want? Cos that's what's gonna happen.

Is there no stuff I can borrow? I really do feel much more comfortable with stuff.

Is this... real now?

Is your mobile broke? I've not been able to get you for days.

Isn't it amazing, that first big wank?

Isn't this beautiful?

Isn't what?

It bloody is! Gog!

It didn't relax him?

It feels dishonest.

It has to be treated as a racial incident.

It is for charity, but I could tell Alan you're not into it.

It is kind of the same

It is, but a potentially holy one.

It isn't bullshit! Let him in! >

It It was...

It really is.

It really just bust me open

It still is a marriage, obviously.

It was a long way down. Most people would be scared to even go up there.

It was a lovely service, wasn't it?

It was almost as if something was flowing out of me.

It was brilliant. And then... I can't really tell you.

It was good to see you in Gino's.

It was pretty disgusting.

It wasn't just racist..

It would be interesting to try something like that one day

It's a spiritual thing, really.

It's all about compromise.

It's all right, Gog, you're not meant to cook it, it's supposed to be raw!

It's all right, Jeremy, it's all right, I changed the order. There's always rice left.

It's all right, Mark.

It's an example.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

It's been pretty good. Good night.

It's Ernest and Julio. Fictional, obviously, but it gives a nice image.

It's fine by me.

It's fine.

It's Gog. I got the commission!

It's going a bit terribly. But it's important I make friends with him.

It's just... The thing is... Jeff's asked... said, actually...

It's my fault for always picking wankers!

It's nearly finished anyway, right?

It's not all right. Bring us three pilau rice and four peshwari naans, please.

It's not for me to tell tales on a mate

It's not that, it's just... Mum?

It's not the same.

It's OK. I'll make us a nice cup of tea.

It's OK. We know.

It's our duty to God, Shiva, NASDAQ, whatever you wanna call him.

It's practically a closed shop.

It's probably for the best.

It's quite full on. Mark, are you all right with that?

It's Toni. She's rummaging. I'm watching her rummage.

It's too late to back out. Stay calm.

It's true, it is kind of annoying.

It's... Really, I honestly didn't see anyone.

Jeff, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean...

Jeff, we're watching a film.

Jeff.

Jeremy, don't just go!

Jeremy, I come from America. I've seen the problems race brings up.

Jeremy, I'm totally and completely over Sophie.

Jeremy, what are you doing?

Jeremy, what are you... Really?

Jeremy, you can't just pop in cos you're bored. I'll be home in an hour.

Jeremy?

Jeremy. What are you doing here?

Jeremy...

Jesus, didn't realise I was with the fucking Nancy Appreciation Society.

Jesus!

Jesus! Can't I have a cough without being taken to Guantanamo Bay?

Jesus! Classic rubbernecker. Absolutely no interest in military history.

Jez, cheer up, you'll get over her.

Jez, don't do that. I won't be long. Then we can talk about... stuff.

Jez, don't worry. I'm not actually cutting myself.

Jez, for God's sake, I'm pleased for you!

Jez, I've seen Love Story. I know how it ends, yeah?

Jez, just relax. Isn't Ready, Steady, Cook on?

Jez, we've been lost for four hours now. Fuck it, I'm going to Tollesbury.

Jez, why's the chair? And...

Jez, you all right?

Jez, you're cleaning the bathroom.

Jez! Seriously, don't!

Jez! We're not gonna do anything. We're just going over.

Job interview, health club. It's a biggie.

Just as long as you know I'm not a Tantric superman.

Just because I... spy on you!

Just been looking for music for our soundtrack that doesn't suck arse.

Just finished. Green peppers won, as usual. It's Nuremberg all over again.

Just get back behind the glass. There is a very clear, if invisible, line,

Just let me in, mate. Please, Jez. I need to see Soph.

Just one thing before we start.

Just open the door. We need to talk

Just pop down the, er, Chinky

Just running the business hiring, firing and perspiring!

Just say you never met me

Just say you never met me

Just say you never met me

Just thought we should come here for a bit of a bonding sesh.

Just with a candle and an old, old copy of Henry Miller.

Last night we had to watch a whole load of Robin Williams' movies.

Later.

Let him in, Mark.

Let me finish the S.

Let me in, Jez, please!

Let your body dance you.

Let's all take a swim.

Let's brainstorm later. Sorry, Soph.

Let's eat.

Like a bloody horrible pancake.

Like I said, business. Going public in April.

Like Pol Pot.

Like... a movie. A movie on a wet Saturday.

Listen, I might pop...

Listen, I wanted to have a chat about Nancy.

Listen, it's your special day,

Listen, Jeff,

Listen, Jez, honey, I...

Listen, Jez, there's something I've been meaning to tell ya that I didn't wanna tell ya.

Listen, mate, while we've got a minute the thing is...

Listen. I know you're doing this to spend time with me and I appreciate it.

Loads of birds, foil bag, the whole caboodle.

Lock and load!

Look at you with your beautiful American wife and me with my lovely maybe girlfriend.

Look, can you please just get out of my way?

Look, I don't want to make a scene...

Look, I've been here since eight, I'm just going to grab a coffee.

Look, Jeremy, we can come back again, he's got the message. You're gonna pay, aren't you?

Look, Jez, can you please just keep it quiet?

Look, Jez, what I'm trying to say is,

Look, no, all right?

Look, Toni, this is...

Looks like it, yeah.

Looks like we got ourselves a Humpty.

Love is blind.

Mark Corrigan.

Mark, are you into this? Cos you don't look that into this.

Mark, how are you feeling?

Mark, I can't believe you'd actually...

Mark, I don't think...

Mark, I need to see Sophie. >

Mark, I'm bored, dangerously bored.

Mark, I'm just in a very erotic relationship right now. I mean,

Mark, like I said, sorry if I was a bit of a cock muncher down the studio.

Mark, we are not going to RAF Duxford.

Mark, what do you think? My wife was saying maybe move that to there.

Mark, what the hell are you talking about?

Mark, your job is going to the office. My job is having sex.

Mark?

Mark.

Mark.

Mark.

May I?

Maybe I should send her a bit of ear. Or a finger. Just to show I'm really serious.

Maybe I should send her a bit of ear. Or a finger. Just to show I'm really serious.

Maybe they won't be such a problem any more.

Maybe you were right, Mark.

Maybe. But I don't think it's a good idea for us to hang out together.

Maybe... 'Maximum physical contact. Potential horseplay.'

Me too, I... love breaking them.

Me, bringing home the bacon for my fiancee.

Me?

Might as well be checking out fucking seed drills in a farm museum.

Might move that to there.

Mike's arse. Quite a nice arse he's got on him, wouldn't you say?

Mm hm. Or I was sort of hoping you'd say you want to be the manager.

Mm. What about me, Jeremy? What about Toni?

Mmm, that literally happened to me the first time I went.

Mmm.

Mmm. As an actual precursor to us getting married. On Friday.

Mmm... everything.

Mom called. She's so pissed we got married I thought she was gonna shit.

Money or Tony Blair are a bad thing,

Money's an energy and lots of it has always flowed towards me,

Most people wouldn't volunteer for a charity bungee jump.

Moving in won't help. Give him space. That might help.

Mummy, Daddy, me, you... John Major.

Mummy? I... I'm sorry, Nancy, I can't do it.

MUSIC: "Bitch" by Meredith Brook

MUSIC: Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger

MUSIC: Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger

MUSIC: Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger

Nancy is in the States and Super Hans is on the rig. I need a friend

Nancy, it's lovely, your dooby dooing, but could you wait till this ends?

Nearly, really nearly, finally got it together with Soph.

Next time I have acupuncture I'll get someone else to do it for me.

Nice bluffing, lad!

Nice idea but no... stuff. So we'd better be off.

Nice packet of Crunchy Nut you've got here. Pretty expensive, as I recall.

Nice to see you, mate. Fantastic trainers

Nice. And how's your love life?

****les? That doesn't sound good.

Night to remember or what?

No

No danger, my friend, no danger! Just a load of old mates in the boozer loving it!

No problem, mate.

No worries

No, because I was in the tent with him for ages and we talked for a long time,

No, brilliant. I mean, that's brilliant, honey. You're such a bloody trooper.

No, but "Do I?" as in "Do I?!"

No, but...

No, except now I bang a load of Valium up me arsehole for the comedown.

No, he asked if I fancied going kickboxing and I thought, why not?

No, I can't. I really can't.

No, I don't think so.

No, it's not like that. If I don't make friends with Jeff,

No, Jeremy. You know what Daryl's like.

No, Jez.

No, Jez. Look, we've discussed this. Early in morning counts as late at night

No, much better than that. But I can't tell you.

No, never. It's nothing like that.

No, no, it's brilliant.

No, no, this is... great. I'm, I'm into this.

No, no! No! I'm hungry!

No, not because of feelings. Just simplicity.

No, not really.

No, obviously, yeah, you must go.

No, seriously, I would never make that joke.

No, sure, obviously you can, but you don't.

No, sure. Yeah. Absolutely. Of course.

No, you do not just undo that!

No, you haven't.

No! I hate political correctness gone mad more than anyone!

No! I'm shitting you, Jez!