Hot Tub Time Machine (2010) Soundboard Edit

A completely selfish, fucked up person.

A shotgun to the dick

Act up from north, west, east, south

Adam, it's Lou

All downhill from there.

All right. Look, right there.

Although I can't keep it a secret

And he has a goatee.

And I housesit for them when they go to Nepal, sometimes.

And now the universe is giving me another crack at it

And the bass keep runnin' runnin' And runnin' runnin'

And who answers when the call comes from within? Huh?

And you remember I told you about that crazy wrong number I got when I was nine.

Anyway, I left you something on the counter.

Are you breaking up with me? That's what this..

As long as that sack over there comes and takes it from me.

At the seams

Aw! Thank you.

Baby. Baby. I got something to tell you

Because tonight there is gonna be a blizzard.

Behind the bushes

Blaine's got the Chernobly.

But it turns out this is a very special model that you have here

But one year, we saw this commercial

But you're not going to. You're gonna lose one.

But, instead of being in space,

Butterflies.

Bye.

Can I call you back, sir?

Carol and Stan Stapleton. They're my friends. They live here,

Cheers

Chernobly.

Come on, Lou, let's go! We'll talk about it when we get home!

Come right and exact I stand accused of doing harm

Coming through!

Courtney! Courtney!

Damn, it's good to be here with you all again, man.

Demand your MTV.

Didn't you also bang that groupie?

Do you wanna come with me?

Don't fuck around, Lou. Let's go!

Don't start that.

Done.

Elway's last stand. 45 seconds left on the clock.

Enough of this queer shit. Let's get the mood right.

Even among the gentle prairie squirrels,

Every young man's fantasy is to have a three way.

Ew!

Fine

Fuck it, let's risk it!

Fuck it.

Fuck you guys.

Fuck you!

Fuck, hold on. Quit eating mushrooms, man!

Full grown Consider me stone

Get out of my way, stool.

Get stupid Get it started

Go, go, go

God damn it. I'm gonna go nuclear on these guys.

God, he's so hot!

Good, good.

Gross!

Guys!

Hallelujah!

Haven't you even seen Wild Hogs?

He said one of his balls was shriveled up..

He wants it.

He's got both arms

Hey, it's coming back. I should have done this years ago.

Hey, Lily will come back. Trust me.

Hey, little buddy.

Hey, man, do you want backup?

Hey, watch out!

Hey!

Hey. Hey, guys. I've got your luggage.

Hi, baby. I missed you.

Hmm..

Hold on! Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry.

Holy shit

Holy shit, you're wasted.

Home sweet home

How did it go with Jenny?

I brought a regulation bar for tubbing tonight.

I can be your hero, baby

I can kiss away the pain

I can't believe we all made it.

I didn't fuck that girl. Okay?

I do.

I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do. I'm getting really sad.

I don't remember everything.

I don't think that that's what he meant with his eyes.

I had a good day! I beat the shit out of that guy, finally!

I had to run away high

I have a question

I have no idea what you're saying.

I hope we can get that thing working before dawn.

I know I'm rambling now. God, you're so beautiful.

I know what I'm doing. I know what I'm doing!

I know you cannot wait

I like that. I like that a lot.

I love that woman, man.

I love your hair.

I mean, the whole thing is just totally insane

I see it, Chaz. Thanks

I thought you said we were going to get some food.

I wanna fuck something!

I wanna know what the doctor said.

I want my MTV.

I will be. She's nine right now

I will stand by you forever

I wish it did.

I'm gonna do it. I believe in you. You're awesome.

I'm gonna stay.

I'm good. I'm good. I'm good.

I'm leaving my underwear on

I'm leaving right now.

I'm not talking about bad stuff, either, okay?

I'm not totally comfortable being around a bunch of other naked dudes.

I'm on my way

I'm on my way

I'm telling you, something weird is going on.

I've been calling and calling them,

I've got vodka, fucking Tequilles O'Neals

If anyone's gonna blow up, it's them.

In this context There's no disrespect

Is "cocks" still there?

Is that what you're saying to me?

Is there anything that I can do? Are you okay?

It happened! It happened!

It just happened again to me in a slightly different way.

It's gonna be a hit.

It's good to see you guys, anyway.

It's got freckles on it and shit!

It's the name of the store.

Jenny?

Just one more night

Just set me free

Just take this song and you'll never feel

Kelly, listen. It's been an interesting trip

Kind of a lot of cats. This sucks.

Leave me alone. Get out of here

Let me tell you why they got me on file

Let somebody do that for you

Let's get it started

Let's get it started Let's get it started in here

Let's get Whoo hoo!

Let's go kick that Commie's ass!

Let's go now. Let's go now.

Like me not being born.

Like, a butterfly floats its wings

Long time

Look at my face, dude.

Look at this place.

Look at this shit, man.

Look at this shit.

Look, we're gonna have sex with this girl, okay?

Lucifer, itinerary please

Maybe you're supposed to do something different.

Must have had some nitratriminium in it.

Nicky. Nicholas.

No, I don't.

No, no, Adam, listen to me, please

No, no, no!

No, seriously, my name is Tara.

No, this didn't happen.

No, we can go. We can go.

No. Fuck, no!

No. No. This is his destiny.

Now that you're with me, you gotta cover up your belly.

Oh, my God, you still singing?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Well, then I guess it's up to you guys, his friends.

Or I'll fuck you up.

Pay up, suckers! Pay up!

Perv. That's from Mandy.

Phil! Phil!

Pussies. I'm going dancing.

Right, right, right.

Safe, dance!

She didn't want to have control over anything

She's really fucking tight!

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Shut up! Okay, we gotta find the Chernobly to get out of here.

So I can start never seeing you bitches again.

So I threw that in a pile and burned it in the backyard.

So I wouldn't come home low Just when things went...

So legally we can't keep him here.

So when I bust my rhyme You break your necks

Sometimes nothing keeps me together

Steve? Our receptionist?

Stop it, Lou!

Tappin' my phone They never leave me alone

That ice does make me feel better

That was clean

That's not how this works.

The whole system can go haywire

There he is. Where are your boys?

There's Lou

There's something I wanna talk to you about.

This is a great time for black people.

This is a terrible time for black people.

This is like the best song ever!

This is the part where you tip the guy that helped you out.

This must be where he loses the arm!

Those are my parents.

Tips down.

To friends.

To past, present and future.

Transmit hits with no delusion

Up in lights

Wait, go where?

Wait, why are you naked?

Watching Red Dawn again, or...

Water flowing underground

We dead.

We got five minutes For us to disconnect

We gotta do the exact same thing.

We said we weren't gonna talk about Cincinnati ever, okay?

We're best friends! If you're staying, I'm staying!

We're like, "Daddy, we want to go to The Enchanted Forest of Pizza

What about the policy of the butterfly effect?

What do I mean?

What is that?

What the fuck are you doing?

What the fuck are you doing?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What?

What?

What? No, don't touch me. The fuck, you're sorry.

When I was a kid,

Where is... What time is it?

Who took my fucking shoe?

Whoo hoo! Let's get

Whoo!

Why are you bleeding in the snow?

Why don't you get out of the house this weekend, huh?

Why the fuck didn't you say something, man?

Will you listen to him?

With 37 seconds left on the clock.

With his eyes.

Worked out for you and the boys, though.

Wow! What are you doing now?

Yard sale, bitches!

Yeah

Yeah, well, a bet's a bet. I want my $2.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah?

Yeah. He fucked you up. You cried and peed.

Yeah. Yeah. Or not at all, you know? There's also that.

Yes, he did,

You burned the fucking crab cakes again.

You can do this. You came to me, remember?

You come find me.

You didn't?

You disgust me.

You don't really look like you're the type.

You don't remember this?

You don't think it's a little weird,

You finish this.

You goddamn kids!

You got a reservation

You got no shoes on. It's cold out.

You gotta get your ass up on that stage.

You guys are gonna love this. Check this out.

You know my name. Say it again.

You know that I've seen

You know what's going on here, don't you, old man?

You know, it's not always about my emotional journey.

You love that song, don't you?

You shut the fuck up, please

You think I'm fooling around?

You think so? Really?

You wanna go for it? Come on, take a shot, pussy. Wanna party?

You wanna see what got a lot of pussy?

You were so good. Yeah.

You wouldn't even consider it?

You're 20 years old, you haven't made an important choice in your life.

You're better than him.

You're my sister and I love you.

You're welcome

Your tub is on the fritz. It'd behoove you to fix it.

33 people died of E. Coli.

Adam, I need $2,000. Me and you, buddy. Come on

Are you raping? Wait! Hold on! Are we raping him?

Deal

Done. I'll be there.

Elway takes the snap. Go, baby.

for all this shit. Don't fucking tell me to relax.

Guys. We are here.

I can't. You're gonna stay?

I love you, buddy. Don't say that!

I mean, am I the asshole? Did you get that?

I won't. I promise. All right.

I'm out of here. Come on, Jake,

I'm slipping. No, hold on.

It could be about yours

it's not there. Wait.

Let's go. Right.

Look at that. No.

Sweet Jesus! Poor little fella.

Terrifying

They're here, come on. Fuck!

Walk much, faggot? Sorry.

We'd love to, but we can't. We can, we can.

We're in, man. Just play it like you fucking mean it.

What happens? I don't know.

What? Did you?

What? You gonna bring that up?

Where did he go? Jacob?

Yes, sir. Yeah

You gotta help me get the guys back! Just relax.

'Cause I give you what you lack

"Nice to see you, too, Lou." Fuck you, Jacob.