Megan - Bridesmaids Soundboard Edit

Here's a friend standing directly in front of you trying to talk to you, and you choose to talk about the fact that you don't have any friends.

How many of those did you take? I took nine. I took nine. Yeah, I I did I think slightly over commit to the whole dog thing. It turns out I'm probably more comfortable with six. It's a lot. That's ...

I gotta know where you keep the gun, man. I mean, is it ankle, hip, lower back? You don't. Between the cheeks to you.

I hope you don't have a salad. Yeah. Hey, guess what? Guess what ham buck it up. A little heart, Little heart, little heart.

I knew it. I got your best, John. I saw her. There's something they're not telling us.

I met a dolphin down there and I swear to God that dolphin looked not at me but into my soul, into my God damn soul Annie, and said I'm saving you Megan now with his mouth. But he said it. I'm assu...

I say yes. Hello chickens.

I think, I think you're ready now to hear a little story about a girl. Girl named Megan. Girl named Megan that didn't have a very good time in high school. I'm referring to myself when I say Megan,...

I work for the government. I have the highest possible security clearance. Don't repeat that. I can't protect you. I know where all the nukes are and I know the codes.

I'll just snowball on top of that, also. Fight Club. Female Fight Club. We grease up, we pull in. Lillian doesn't know, so it's surprise we're going to fight. We beat the shit out of her. She's not...

I'll take the first watch. I'm not an air Marshall. There's no, you don't need to take a watch, OK? I've got the first watch.

I'm coming in. Let's go, let's go. And we're walking. OK, we're walking. Heel, heel, No pee. Nope. Not on the carpet.

I'm glad he's single because I'm gonna climb that like a tree.

It's going great. It's going great. I'm on the mend. You know, I just got some pins in my legs. Believe it or not, pins in my legs can still do this, all right.

Mates fell off a cruise ship. Oh, put him back, hit, but yeah, oh shit. Yeah, oh shit. Took a hard, hard, violent fall. Kind of pinball down. Hit a lot of railings, Broke a lot of shit.

Megan - Bridesmaids Soundboard Sound

Megan, are you OK? Oh my. Just was probably just tight. Oh my God.

No, no, I don't think you want any help. I think you want to have a little pity party. Yeah, I think Annie wants a little pity party.

No, no, look away. Make it no look away.

Not Air Marshall. John, you want to get back in that restroom and not rest? No, I have to get back to my seat. Yeah, you got to get back on my seat. You get it.

Not me, no. Physically I don't bloat. To get it.

Oh, what's that?

OK, so funny. We put a loaded gun in Dougie's carry on. TSA is gonna just rip his ass apart.

OK. This is tape 119. Air Marshall John and I's first sexual encounter Is There a hungry Bear anywhere? I hope I just happen to have this bear sandwich. Is there a hungry bear? I'm a very hungry be...

They used to try to blow me up. They threw firecrackers at my head. Firecrackers. I mean, literally. I'm not saying that figuratively. I got firecrackers thrown at my head. They called me a freak.

This is some classy shit here. Jesus, Megan, I'm sorry. I want to apologize. I'm not even confident on which end that came out of. Whitney. Back to you. I'm sorry.

We better blow this shit out.

What did we eat? Things are gonna What are you doing? It's coming out of me like lava.

Wife is gonna add life and I'm gonna bite you in the ass. How?

You feel that steam heat coming? That's for my undercarriage. That can go up and higher. Kenny.

You got another best friend sitting right in front of you if you'd notice. Huh.

Yourself. Stop slipping yourself. I'm your life, Manny. I'm your shitty little cow.

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