Christmas Vacation (1989) Soundboard Edit

A leaf on La La La La La La La La tis the season to be jolly FA La La La La La La La La.

A lot of lights, dad. Yeah, well, I'm sure it's a lot of work too. But if I'm out in the cold and I'm committed to decorating the house, I'm going to do it right and I'm going to do it big.

A pretty good time.

Adrian. And if it wouldn't be too much, I'd like to get something for you, Clark. Something really nice.

Adulteries adulthood, which is to say, Christmas as annual. You'll log not a lot.

Ah, we're really going to fly down the hill with this stuff.

Ah, yeah, you checked our shitters, honey. Clark, please.

Ali. It's the season to be merry.

All down here to help us dedicate. Guys.

All our holidays are always such a mess. Oh yeah.

All right, Christian. Kiss my ass, kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy.

Alright, everybody come back with them and the lights.

Alright, I think I'm alright.

Alright, you better ready to do some kissing, huh?

Alright, you wanna load me up with a little more? There it is. Good.

Amen. Amen. Amen.

And a hell of a good cook. Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave you for dead?

And eat my dust, whatever rust, whatever.

And get me somebody while I'm waiting.

And healthy falls and breaks his neck. I'm sure he'll fall, but I don't think we're lucky enough to have him break his neck.

And I need to get just a few more pay by check. If you can, I will.

And I want to look him straight in the eye, and I don't want to tell him what a cheap lying, no good, rotten, four flushing, lowlife, snake licking, dirt eating and bread overstuffed, ignorant.

And lately I've been waiting for this bonus to make.

And obviously she doesn't wear underwear and there are plenty of shopping days left until adulteries adulthood, which?

And the older boy, bless his soul, is preparing for his career. College carnival.

And the Rockets, red glare, the bombs bursting in air, gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.

And this here's our pride and joy snot.

And threw up the sash. The moon and the breast of the new fallen snow. Gave a luster of midday to objects below.

And time. Honey, they're family. They're not strangers off the street.

And what are these? Do they click on here? Down there.

And where it's warm. Clark, baby, I can picture it in my mind and it's breathtaking.

And why is the carpet all wet, Todd?

And. And Eddie for the man in his pajamas and a dog chain tied to his wrists and ankles. What that?

Answer the phone. Alexander called this morning and Grandpa Clark told him I couldn't come to the phone because I was going to the bathroom.

Anthony, is this the airport? close. We're here.

Any problems with family life? Yeah, and it's about my mother accusing your mother of buying cheap hot dogs and your.

Anything of it. Fire it up, dad.

Anyway. At least it's out of its misery.

Are you having any breakfast? I'm not in the mood.

Are you out here for a reason, or are you just avoiding the family?

Arthur. Art.

As I'm sure it must be on its way, I don't get that bonus. Huh. And it up to here.

Asian family Christmas and are satisfied with scrawny, dead, overpriced trees that have no special meaning.

Attica, I have nightmares about what he does in his bed alone when I'm not lying right next to him. Well.

Audrey Quarter 2 Audrey, I'm gonna put my car in the garage.

Audrey, Audrey.

Avoiding the family. No, I still have a couple hundred more bulbs to check.

Awesome. You can't look a deer.

Ay.

Back. Are you Santa Claus? What? Ohh. Are you scared me?

Be more than happy to take the rap on this on behalf of myself, on behalf of every other employee you rear-ended this Christmas.

Beautiful Clark.

Beauty.

Because this is where our forefathers did. Can't feel my leg.

Been abducted. The man was was wearing a blue leisure suit and the plates were from Kansas. He was a huge.

Before things get worse, worse. How could they get any worse?

Before we begin. Since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas. I think she should lead us in the saying of grace.

Ben for themselves. I know your kids.

Best LED Clark, you know that metal plate in my head?

Big family Christmas. It's just that I know how you build things up in your mind, Sparky.

Big. You want something you can be proud of, don't you? Yeah, I guess so. Sure you do.

Bill. You get your bonus here.

Bingo.

Bonus This year, huh? Where is your an excellent choice to be named food additive designer of the year?

Bonuses. Look. Look. Look. Look.

Boom. Clear out, Bethany. Hell no. She means presents. You shouldn't have brought presents.

Boy. This is a surprise. Clark is. He's just a real nice surprise. Just a real nice surprise.

Bulging men and I have never been treated like this in my life. I'm sorry.

But according to Santa's watch, it isn't. Now come on, stay out of this.

But we're, we're, we're pretty well set up here in the RV you know it's a little tight but. We didn't come to impose, Alice.

Call. Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big? Bend over and I'll show you.

Called me on it. This is Clark Griswold and his family.

Came to stay with us, isn't it? I love it here. You don't gotta put on your coat to go to the bathroom and your house is always parked in the same place.

Can I show you something?

Can I take something out for you?

Can you believe that? Oh, mother, isn't that terrible? You're not getting.

Can't feel my leg. They walked out into the woods. They picked out that special tree and they cut it down with their bare hands.

Can't find the Santa Claus? In the basement. We'll get it later.

Can't impose now there's plenty of room means that.

Can't just attack someone? Alright then. If you're not man enough to put an end to this shit, then I am.

Can't wait to see what I got here leaking.

Car. He can drive. I have to eat so I can take my back pill.

Carnival. You got to be proud. Oh, yeah.

Carpet all wet, Todd. I don't know.

Catherine. This Turkey tastes half as good as it looks. I think we're all in for a very big treat.

Cause when did you move to Florida?

Cell. They want you to say grace. That blessing.

Cheap hot dogs and your mother accusing my mother of waxing her upper lip and.

Checked our shitters, honey. Clark, please. He doesn't know any better.

Christmas song. That should look good.

Clark

Clark, I couldn't do that.

Clark, it's so lovely.

Clark, what's wrong?

Clark.

Clark. Don't provoke them.

Clark. Don't stay up too late.

Clark. You staying late?

Clark. You staying late? Ohh. Hi, bill.

Clark's dinner's ready. OK, honey, starving.

Classes on it. Are we dead? No. I have one of those at home.

Close to 7 years and seven years he couldn't find a job.

Club. 17 years with the company. I've gotten a Christmas bonus every year but this one.

Come here.

Come on, unravel these.

Come on, you guys don't buy request saying I didn't do this on purpose.

Comes into a new house. They didn't move into a new house.

Comma. Clark, what do you need a hammer for?

Corny and cliched. Well, where you gonna find a tree at this hour on Christmas Eve?

Corona. Tell this girl then, dad. Yeah.

Couldn't find a job, Catherine says he's been holding out for a management position.

Dad, Dad, I can't. I'll look. If you need any help, give me a holler. I'll be upstairs asleep. Thanks.

Dad, did you bring a saw?

Dad, didn't they invent Christmas tree lights so people wouldn't have to drive all the way out to nowhere and waste a whole Saturday?

Dad, yeah. Are you going to recite the night before Christmas?

Dad. Dad.

Dad. Thanks for being here.

Dammit. German.

Dear Catherine, Eddie.

Dear Catherine, Eddie.

Dear friend.

Did I tell you I talked to my mother today? They've decided they're coming for Christmas too.

Did you get yours?

Dinner with Paul.

Do with that big bonus check? Going to blow it on yourself, I hope. Me.

Do you hear it? It's a funny squeaky sound.

Do you think there's enough room for the Angel? Oh sure, honey.

Does your cat by any chance eat jello?

Doesn't show. I don't know Sparky. I just have this feeling.

Doesn't.

Don't do good at all. You know, I told you I borrowed the RV from a neighbor. That's mine. We live in it.

Don't drop that.

Don't drop that.

Don't forget that report, Bill. Yes, Sir. Thank you.

Don't hear anymore.

Don't piss me off hard, Clark. It's over.

Don't stop it. I don't want to spend the holidays dead.

Don't sweat it. It'll come. Merry Christmas. Same to you.

Down. You don't want him around if you wear short pants, if you know what I mean.

Down. You want to ride behind somebody who does something like that?

Drum roll please. Drum roll.

Drum roll.

Dug it out of the ground myself. That a fact?

Eat my rubber.

Eddie, if he drinks the water out of there, the trees gonna dry up. Come on out.

Eddie.

Eddie. Ellen and I want to help you give the kids a nice Christmas.

Egan. Anyway, if the mood catches him right, he'll grab your leg and just go to town.

Eight wind, Jesus, did the room clear out Bethany.

Ellen, are you still dating Clara?

Ellen, I want to have Christmas here in our house. Means a lot to me. All my life I've wanted to have a big family Christmas.

Ellen. Hey, Alan.

Especially I just you just cocked it up.

Everybody. Do you sleep with your brother? Do you know how sick and twisted that is, mom?

Family, welcome to our home. What's left of it?

Farm holiday emergency here. We're going to press on and we're going to have the Hap Hap. Happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap dance with Danny fucking K.

Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. And forgive my husband. He knows not what he does.

Few Americans. Jackasses riding my tail.

Fighting, OK? Will you just take it easy, Alan? I'm in complete control.

Find somebody who does something like that. I'm going to pull around him and leave him safely behind us.

Find something similar. See. You can't see the line.

First, I've always wanted to do this.

Fix the new post.

Fix the.

Flat. That would be her jello mold. I'll take it, Eddie.

Flat. That would.

For a long winters nap when out on the lawn there arose such a clatter. I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

For me, I'll give you a whole quarter, quarter and I'll.

For your wife or your girlfriend.

Frank.

Frank. Helen.

From my back. Folks, folks, Merry Christmas.

From my bed to see what was the matter away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

Front wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.

Frozen from the waist down. That's all part of the experience, honey.

Fucking Kay. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney knight, he's going to find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

Gee, I don't know what to do. We coasted into town on fumes. Gas money give out in Gurney.

General.

Get a towel. OK.

Get around this egg timer.

Get me somebody. Anybody.

Get off me a little cungus.

Get up to here. Don't sweat it. It'll come.

Get who I was for 1/2 hour or so. So over at the VA they had to replace it with a plastic one and it ain't strong so.

Give a buck that's pretty low, Mr. If I had a rubber hose, I would beat you.

Go away, Todd.

Go back to normal, I don't know.

Go on.

God rest your soul. God, I'm so sorry.

Going for a new amateur recreational saucer sled land speed record, Clark W Griswold junior.

Going to buy me anything, damn it, president, he guessed it. Ohh.

Going to the tree.

Good dude.

Good fella. Are you OK? I'm fine, honey.

Good golly.

Good talk.

Good, good, good.

Good.

Goofy. Don't piss me off hard, Clark.

Grace. Grace she passed away 30 years ago.

Great, beautiful. God.

Half.

Hallelujah. Holy shit, where's the Tylenol?

Hard. It's difficult.

Hats off. 250 strands of lights. 100 individual bulbs per strand, for a grand total of 25,000 imported Italian twinkle lights.

Have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight.

Have them.

Have you been good all year round? Santa Claus is going to bring you something.

Have you got a kiss for me? You'd better take a rain check on that. Alright. He's got a lip fungus scene identified yet.

He's an old man. This may be his last Christmas.

He's got Clark. That's OK, Eddie.

He's nervous because you don't know if he's getting nothing.

He's pressed, surprised that he if I woke up tomorrow with my headphone of the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now.

Heard that was beautiful.

Helen, thank God you're all right.

Helen, thank God you're all right. Oh, I'm fine. I'm just fine.

Hello everybody should say you should see it. Hello everybody.

Hello I need to get just a few more.

Help daddy. They're coming out of the hell, would I?

Hemorrhoids, Can you believe that I love her.

Here.

Here. Dear friends, it's.

Here. Nervous or excited? Shitting bricks.

Here's a little list, alphabetical, starting with Catherine.

Here's the heart.

Here's the heart.

Hey court, what's wrong with the dog? Ohh, just yacking on a bone. He got it up. He's alright now.

Hey Dad, what do you want these reindeer?

Hey kids, I heard on the news that an airline pilot spotted Santa's sled on its way in from New York.

Hey, business ready? I can't complain. How you doing? No.

Hey, Greg, you're not doing anything constructive. Run into the living room. Get my stolkey.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, Merry Christmas. Who's that?

Hey, the engine fuel tide, Carol. Take it.

Hey. Hey. Hello I need to get.

Hey. If any of you are looking for any last minute gift ideas for me. I have one.

Hey. No, no.

Hey. Space.

His kids can fend for themselves. I mean, no, you're.

Holidays, honey, please. I'll do the driving, OK?

Homework to do. Do the laundry. Wash the car so that those bills to pay.

Honey, I think I know what's wrong.

Honey.

Honey. I have a little more trimming to do, but that won't be a problem.

Honey. It's bigger than you expected. Smaller.

House, you're a goofy.

How can I forget and have a replace? Because every time Catherine revved up the microwave, I had pissed my pants and forget who I was for half hour or so.

How can they have nothing for their children?

How can they have nothing for their children? Well, he's been out of work for close to 7 years and seven years. He.

How come? Just wondering.

How could they get any worse? Take a look around you, Ellen. We're at the threshold of hell.

How did that happen? Because it's cold out. This.

How did you get through it? I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.

How sure does look swell, Clark.

How the hell would I know?

How the hell would I know?

How you doing? Not that good actually. Your.

How, how? How you get out of there. Don't get in the kitchen now. In the kitchen there. Get you something to eat. Go on.

Hug that creep in the face. I can't just attack someone. All right then.

Huh. Hello. Park the cars and check the luggage and I'll be outside for a season.

Hurt him. Before we left, he drank 1/2 a quart of Pennzoil boy.

I am nervous because Christmas is almost here.

I better try this first, see how it works. Will you be careful there, Clark?

I can tell you that ohh here they are here.

I can't believe it.

I can't believe it. What is it? A letter confirming your reservation at the nuthouse.

I can't even afford to be an elf.

I can't see.

I can't swim, Clark.

I cut out bonuses this year, yeah. And thanks for telling us I was.

I dedicate this house. To the Griswold family Christmas.

I did it.

I don't believe what's all the yelling about.

I don't go putting that stuff on my sled, Clark. You know that.

I don't know about the cat, but I sure am enjoying it.

I don't know any better. You don't know it's illegal. It's a storm.

I don't know if I want to go sailing down no hell with nothing between the ground and my brain with a piece of government plastic.

I don't know your kids. Oh, that's the bitch of it. Gee, I don't know what to do with.

I don't know. It's illegal. It's a storm sewer. If it fills with gas, I pity the person who lights a match within 10 yards of it.

I don't think you should be nervous, and you shouldn't be either. Because.

I don't understand it. House lights don't work. The flood lights don't work.

I guess a healthy bottom line doesn't mean much if to get it you have to hurt the ones you depend on.

I guess it wouldn't be any.

I guess that's it. Nothing like waiting till the last minute.

I had to lay out the money in advance, and until this little miracle arrived, I didn't have enough in my account to cover the check I wrote.

I had two two containers. Factors coming out of my ears. Ohh bullshit.

I have one of those at home. What we're looking for today is the Griswold family Christmas tree.

I have this terrible suspicion that Catherine and Eddie don't have any presents for their kids.

I haven't the foggiest. Well. Brother.

I hope he falls and breaks his neck.

I hope this adds to your enjoyment of the holidays.

I hope you didn't do this all on our account, Clark.

I hope you kids see what a silly waste of resources this was.

I just hope my Christmas bonus check will cover it.

I just, I just going to wait till tomorrow to tell you all this, but what the heck.

I know that, Eddie. This isn't charity, it's family.

I know the feeling.

I lost my temper when I got my bonus and I I guess I said a few things I shouldn't have. Bonus.

I love.

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands.

I should semi permeable. It's not osmotic. What it does is it coats and seals the flake prevents the milk from penetrating it. Yeah it's.

I think I'm all right, Mark. We're stuck under a truck.

I think you better go back to bed now.

I think you're forgetting how difficult it's going to be having everybody in the house at the same time.

I think you've made a terrible mistake.

I think you've made a terrible mistake. I told you to freeze Mr.

I told you to freeze Mr. maybe blink?

I told you you had to do any plugs in one outlet.

I took the RV. It's a good looking vehicle, ain't it?

I want them brought from his happy holiday slumber over there, Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want brought.

I want to take off his clothes, sit in the dark with a glass of wine and kiss every square inch of your body.

I was afraid you're gonna.

I was afraid. I'm sorry. Are you gonna ball all over it or are you gonna open it?

I was just smelling smiling. Let me just blouse browsing.

I was. It's from my company.

I went ahead and I put a $7500 deposit down on it. You're the.

I'll get that. Don't worry about it. Let me do it.

I'll get the other box.

I'll talk to you later.

I'll try and trap it. Rush.

I'm doing the parking that rush. You wanna help me?

I'm doing the parking.

I'm fine. I'm just fine. There was a big misunderstanding tonight.

I'm going in with them.

I'm going to fly down the hill with this stuff. Has anyone ever used it on a sled?

I'm gonna put my car in the garage. My God.

I'm in love with it now. As we're taking it with us when we leave here next month.

I'm just. I was just looking at something for my wife, God rest her soul.

I'm pretty comfy in there, you know, but maybe you folks wouldn't mind. Yeah, you're shacking up with you after that.

I'm putting in a swimming pool.

I'm retiring.

I'm sorry if I've been a little short with everyone lately.

I'm sure it did Griswold.

I've always wanted to do this, so a lot of lights, Dad.

I've done that. Oh dear, did I break wind?

If I had a rubber hose, I would beat you and I would change my mind. I'm reinstating all the bonuses.

If it isn't now come on. Stay out of this, dad. Clark.

If you don't mind, Clark, I'd like to see if I can fumigate this here chair.

If you want to come in, you are going to have to break down the God damn door.

In jail ohh no Eddie was my fault.

In my pajamas, if they know your dad, they won't think anything of it.

In my room when I go crazy, your grandma always got a real painful Burr on my heel.

In the kitchen and open it up. Then we'll have a cat running around the house.

In the saying of Grace ohh great.

In their heads and Mama and her kerchief and I in my cap had just settled our brains for a long winters nap.

Is he gone?

Is he gone? Probably got scared and ran back into the tree.

Is he in the house? If you end up on the ladder fight, Ronda's like you must be in the house.

Is innocent. I'll be more than happy to take the rap on this.

Is it plugged in?

Is it plugged in? Honey, do you honestly think I would check thousands of tiny little lights if I wasn't sure the extension cord was plugged in?

Is there any plugs in one outlet? Ohh God.

Is there anything else I can do for you, Uncle Lewis?

Is too. You know, it's not too late to change our no, no, no, no.

Is your house on fire clock? No, Bethany, those are Christmas lights.

Isn't it a little big? It's not big, it's just. Full.

Isn't that terrible? You're not getting it. I'm doing.

It doesn't. Of course, you know they took.

It is an ugly tree anyway.

It is warm in here. You have your coat on.

It was a big misunderstanding tonight. Excuse me, would you and Mrs. Shirley like to step outside so we can take care of a little bit of business here?

It was an imported Italian fickle lights.

It was my idea. Alright, he's still fired and you are going to jail.

It's a crying shame the older kids couldn't make it.

It's a fortune that you do, Eddie.

It's a good looking vehicle, ain't it? Knights parked in the driveway? Yeah, it sure does.

It's about that crazy look in his eye I told you we should have.

It's about the kids.

It's changing color, no. Well, you keep touching it, it's getting redder.

It's down to the house, Eddie.

It's it's me, Clark Griswold. What do you want?

It's it's people that make the difference. Little people like you.

It's it's up to one year membership and the Jelly of the month club.

It's just wonderful.

It's music.

It's not the chair, it's some kind of gas coming from the sewer.

It's OK, it happens.

It's open on Christmas Eve. Lewis burned down my tree, so I replaced it as best I could follow.

It's out on that one. They're pretty set so far as shopping goes.

It's over. Not according to Santa's watch, it isn't.

It's something, ain't it? You pet him, Clark, on the belly, and he'll love you till the day you die. I really.

Jelly of the month club.

Junior. Remember, don't try this at home, kids. I am a professional.

Just can't believe you're actually standing here in my living room, Eddie. Never thought the day would come.

Just glad to be here, yeah. So when did you get the tenement on wheels?

Just thought I'd do it.

Kidnapped. I did something I shouldn't have, and these people called me on it.

Kidnapping. You're fired.

Kind of fluid out of my lower back. You see the small, the small, my neck. You think it's changing color, no.

Kiss your ass, happy Hanukkah.

La La dad, can you explain again what we're doing?

La La La La La La la Don we now our gay apparel. Huh.

La La La La La La La La taken Russ.

Later, dudes. Let her rip, Hank pen.

Leave it in the box. Why would somebody wrap up a cat in a box?

Leaving safely behind us, burn some dust here.

Let me go search, go bezerk. Simply solved the problem.

Let's come flip out. No, nobody's going to flip out. We're going to have a wonderful Christmas.

Let's get in where it's warm.

Let's go find your sister.

Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go. That's good.

Like for which it stands, one nation under God, with Liberty and justice for all.

Likely must be in the house. And have lunch with him. He's got another.

Listen to Butte Audrey. She'll see it later, honey. Her eyes are frozen.

Look at it. It really is beautiful clock.

Look at that.

Look, Daddy, teacher says. Every time a bell rings, an Angel gets his wings.

Look. Sometimes things look good on paper, but. Lose their luster when you see how it affects real folks.

Looks great, little full lot of SAP.

Looks like the toad overestimated the height of his living room ceiling.

Lot of SAP in here.

Louis.

Louis.

Mark Clark.

Mark Young Clark kids, come on out here and see what Uncle Clark's done to the house.

Mark. Slow down.

Maybe if you wouldn't feed them from the table.

Maybe the kids have been fooling around with it. I'll check them back.

Maybe we ought to go up there and just get.

Me something. Sometimes I think all that sand crabs just bull feels so real. How come we didn't get squat last year? We didn't do nothing wrong. We still got the shaft.

Merry Christmas, Sparky Christmas.

Merry Christmas, sparky.

Merry Christmas. All right, Christmas.

Metal plate in my head. How can I forget?

Middle of nowhere leave you for dead? No, I'm doing just fine, Clark. Just glad to be here.

Mike. Cousin in law who's heart is bigger than his brain. I appreciate that Clark. Is innocent.

Miss Shirley, Merry Christmas.

Mom, don't move.

Mom, knock on the door.

Mom, what? This box is meowing.

Mom. In the living room, Russ.

More bulbs to check. Meantime, I can light the sand on the 8 tiny reindeer and the Merry Christmas song.

More from penetrating it. Yeah. It's a it's a beautiful product. I like it. Yeah, the big.

Most enduring traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin.

Mr. Shirley, we got your Christmas card the other day, and my family and I are very flattered that you remembered us. Corporate cards.

Mute, clogging the mute.

Mute, clogging the mute. You taught me everything I know about exterior illumination. Thank you. Thank you.

My company's been working on it creates a surface 500 times more slippery than any cooking oil.

My hips, Clark. Yes, honey. Audrey's frozen from the waist down.

My new house.

My parents to stay at a hotel, Audrey. Well, can we?

My pleasure. Layman's terms. None of that insight. Bullshit jargon that nobody understands. Yes, Sir.

My rose red liver lips.

My toes are numb, you see, because this is where our forefathers did.

My treat.

My wife and I came up with a little something special. It's a gift.

Nah, I'm not kidding.

Need to change her. No, no, no, no. That's great. That's great.

Need to do but that won't be a problem. Ready. I give you the Griswold family Christmas tree.

Never thought the day would come. Yeah, I'm excited about it too.

Nine years to come, you want your children and your family to remember all the love you gave us and how hard you tried to make the perfect Christmas.

No, I would say yes.

No, I'm. I'm not Santa Claus. Wish I was.

No, no, we we insist. Oh, no, I'm not one for charity now.

No, no. He's probably just nosing through the trash.

No, nobody.

No. He's cute, ain't he? Only problem is he's got a little bit of Mississippi leg hound in him.

No. Take a look at this.

Nope. How come?

Nora. Nora.

Not a lot. I don't have a log, but I mean, you know, if I had a log. Not in the sense that you think I said I did.

Not bonuses or gifts or turkeys or trees.

Not going in our yard, Russ. It's going in our living room.

Not one for charity. Now I know that, Eddie, this is.

Not say the year for me, we'll have a really Merry Christmas. You too.

Not twinkling. Dino Arden, thanks for noticing.

Nothing is going to dampen the spirit of this holiday crowd, I can tell you that.

Nothing. Let's go in and finish our dessert.

Now come on. If you don't tell me what they want, I'll go out and get it on my own.

Now it's Christmas. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

Now you get back to bed.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm in the middle of an important call.

Of her ear. And she's ugly as sin, but a sweet girl and a hell of a good cook. Can I refill your?

Of the holiday air. And an asshole in his bathrobe emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.

Oh God, Clark. That's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.

Oh God, I'm so sorry. Not dead, we're just divorced. She's history.

Oh God, Oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh my God. What happened to you?

Oh no.

Oh shit! oh

Oh, and Bethany, you know you shouldn't have done that.

Oh, I was just looking for something.

Oh, oh. Joy to the world.

Oh, OK, about pissing your money away.

Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn the clean.

Oh, there you are. Go get the hammer.

Ohh Emma has fixed it.

Ohh ho ho. Merry Christmas Clark.

Ohh lovely. You deserve a home like this to spend Christmas in.

Ohh that was fun. I love riding in cars.

Ohh yeah. Yeah, last season he was a. Picture does spread around the Celtic world.

Ohh, I'm calling the police and you just hold your wad there fella. Clark.

Ohh.

Ohh.

Ohh. By the way, I. Hope my report helped out at the trade show.

Ohh. Dad, that thing wouldn't fit in our yard.

OK, that's enough of that.

OK. How come you ain't sleep?

Old family Christmas.

On Christmas Eve.

Only I head back the money that me and Katherine sent that TV preacher that was screwing the hockey player.

Only your room means the temple I did.

Open it, open it. Yeah.

Open it.

Over there at Food and Drug, oh the crunch enhancer. Yeah, that's a non nutritive cereal varnish. It's semi permeable, it's not osmotic.

Overstuffed, ignorant, blood sucking, dog kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat ass, bug eyed, stiff legged, spotting lip worm headed sack of monkey shit he is.

Park. I know that, Eddie.

Parking brush? You wanna help me? Taking my friend wanna go crazy?

Parties. Weddings. Groceries. Funerals. Holidays, vacations. Graduations.

Pastor. You losing your temper with the whole family only makes things worse.

Pause it down on it. You're the last true family man.

Pension it. Right of a brief summary and have it to me by the end of the day.

Peppa Cat in a box. She gets confused. Rusty. She's old.

Period.

Phone company Messenger brought something to the house. I guess that's it. Nothing like.

Play ball.

Please check each one. I did that, dad. I can't. I'll look if you need any.

Please over here it's you know nothing but but.

Please. But not you. Them, yeah.

Pride and joy, snoots. Pretty name it, yeah, we named it 'cause he's got the sinus condition.

Product. I like it. Yeah. The big question is, what are you gonna do with that big bonus check? You gonna blow it on your?

Quiet. Shut up.

Quit being so damn polite did. You know, Catherine and I, we're we're pretty comfy in there, you know?

Real. Yeah. Dug it out of the ground myself.

Really, it's just a little dry. It's fun.

Recite the night before Christmas. It's your house, it's your Christmas.

Report, bill. Yes, Sir. Thank you. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass.

Retooling our retool you.

Right next to him. Well, I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and we're all in misery.

Rockin bit my son himself.

Rocky said something about Eddie telling him that Santa Claus wasn't coming this year.

Ross order.

Rudolph's red nose took out a third floor window at marshall field's

Russ, when was the last time I overdid anything?

Rusty, still in the Navy at Bethany, why don't you go with Francis and Catherine into the living room? Say hello to everybody. Everybody. You.

Ryan Nutcracker floats. At this point I can't even see the nuts. They must have blown away.

Sacrifices Audrey everybody.

Santa Claus.

Sarku. Christmas is about resolving differences and seeing through the petty problems of family life, yeah.

Save the neck for me, Clark. OK, Eddie.

See if a winter's morn the clean, cool chill of the holiday air.

See kids. It means something different to everybody. Now I know what it means to me.

See the line? Can't see the line. Can you rest? No.

Seen. That's true. Cross my heart.

She does spread her on her Celtic world and he thinks that maybe next year he'll be guessing people's waiter barking for the yak woman.

She gets confused. Rusty. She's old. She and uncle Louis don't have much money. So she takes things from around the house, wraps them up, gives them ways, presents.

She just the teeniest bit. Sorry we didn't get a Christmas tree. I mean, even though they're dirty and messy and corny and cliched.

She wrapped up her damn cat.

She's history and obviously she doesn't wear underwear.

Shinner response, yeah.

Shitting rocks. Thanks.

Should look good. Ready. You want me to do the drum roll thing?

Shouldn't be either. Because if you're good. Santa knows it. And if you believe in him, and you believe in your mom and you believe in your. Your dad.

Sí.

Skate This here chair. It's a good quality item. You don't mind? Let me ask you how much it set you back.

Slow down and let him pass.

Smoking again. No.

Snatch he roll over and let Uncle Clark scratch your belly.

So far as shopping goes, well, I can't lie to you, Clark. Truth is, things aren't going too good at all, you know?

So how's the live bait business, Eddie? I can't come.

So what do you?

So what's the matter with you?

So. Carl. Whatever you got last year. Add. 20%.

So. It's a good idea. You came to stay with us, isn't it?

Something else on rust?

Son.

Son. I I love you. We all love you, but this is.

Sorry, Danny. Looks good even if they're not lit.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry. Shitting rocks.

Sources. This was he worked really hard. Grandma. Soda, washing machines.

Sparky. Yes, honey.

Speak Squad, what's going on here?

Speaking of Christmas trees, kids, you're one of you. Tell me what the first kind of tree displayed at the White House was.

Square inch of your body after you shower, of course, of course.

Stay here.

Stay out of this, dad. Clark. I think it's best if everyone just goes home before things get worse. Worse.

Stop her damn cat. Take it in the kitchen and open it up and we'll have a cat.

Stop that crazy look in his eye.

Stop. No, no. Don't worry about it, Clark. Little tree water ain't going to hurt him.

Take care a little bit of business here. Ohh, there's no business. I'm not pressing any charges. What? It was a mistake.

Taxing her upper lip and then they don't speak. Mother waxes her upper lip.

Telling about what? What's going on here?

Tenement on wheels. Oh, that there. That that's an RV. Yeah, yeah. I borrowed it off buddy of mine. He took my house. I took the RV.

Thank God.

Thank you, Kathryn.

Thank you, Russ.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Thanks for being here. The little lights are not twinkling.

Thanks for telling us. I was expecting a check and said I got enrolled in a Jelly club.

Thanks, Eddie. I'll wait. Enhances your holiday spirit, dear cat.

Thanks, mom.

Thanks, mom. It's probably a bad fault, so you know if one goes out the whole thing doesn't work.

That ain't the friggin Christmas star Griz. It's a lighter in the sewage treatment plant.

That good? Actually, here come the kill off bowling people over in India not long ago.

That have no special meaning, my toes are numb.

That is indeed. I'm sorry. Clark.

That it is Edward. But it is indeed.

That should be it

That thing had nine lives. She just spent them all. Woo.

That was a good try. For us.

That was beautiful. Dad calls with boughs of Holly FA La La La La La La La La.

That's a honey of a tree, Clark. Real.

That's Bill, Sir, are you?

That's Bill, Sir. Are you the one who was working on that non nutritive cereal varnish? Yes, Sir.

That's fun, old fashioned family Christmas. No, no, we're all in this together. This is a.

That's it. That's the big one.

That's something, man. She falls in a whale. Eyes go cross. She gets kicked by a mule. They go back to normal. I don't know.

The additive designer of the year.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads.

The gift. Put it over there with the others greaseball.

The Griswold family Christmas tree.

The hell do you want?

The hell do you want? I have a delivery for Clark W Grisman. I was supposed to deliver it yesterday, but it fell between the seats and I didn't see it. I'm sorry.

The hell is that gold coming from? Oh. Ohh.

The house is gorgeous, Clark.

The monkey said he is Hallelujah.

The objects below when what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh. And.

The perfect gift for you. Ohh. Uncle Lewis, you didn't have to buy me anything. Damn it.

The phone because I was going to the bathroom while making sacrifices, Audrey.

The season to be merry. Well, that's my name.

The things I shouldn't have bonus. How did you get a bonus? I cut out bonuses this year.

The three are the symbol of the spirit of the Griswold family Christmas.

The tree, and they cut it down with their bare hands. Mom, I can't from my hips, Clark.

Then they don't. Your mother waxes her upper lip. She has for years. Doesn't show.

Then we'll have a cat running around the house. You can't leave it in the box. Why would somebody?

Then what we're doing. Sure, us.

There are no lots open on Christmas Eve, Lewis.

There is a nip in the air though.

There is an app in the air though. Can I take something out for you?

There it is.

There ohh I'd say guys, that's why bangle. Or tonight. Play ball.

There the tree is going to dry up. Come on out of there. It's not ohh you get out of.

There's enough leftover. I'm going to fly you all down here to help us dedicate it.

There's. But don't you go falling in love with it now.

Therefore, I'm going to catch it in the coat. Smack it with a hammer.

These figures. Oh, retooling. That's a great excuse.

These were cut really high on the hip look, I'm wearing something similar.

They invented them. Rust because people forgot how to have a fun old fashioned family Christmas. And they're.

They that I really shouldn't. My hands are all chapped.

Think about check if you can. I will not. A car no the credit card. If they return it then it's.

Think you might be overdoing it, dad?

This bonus check will cover it. Oh my God you're putting in a pool.

This bonus to make sure the pool goes in as soon as the ground thaws. I had to lay out the money in advance and until.

This Christmas. That will be his last Christmas.

This every year but this one. You don't want to give bonuses? Fine, but when people count on them as part of their salary, ohh what you did is just plain sucks.

This house is bigger than your old one.

This is a new non caloric silicon based kitchen lubricant my company's been working on. It creates a surface.

This is my bonus.

This is my bonus. Come on.

This is what Christmas is all about.

This isn't the biggest bag over the head. Punch in the face I ever got. God damn it.

This looks like a good Santa Claus. No. It's a Christmas star and that's all that matters tonight.

This way please.

This will be looking a nice fat Christmas bonus this year, huh?

Those are Christmas lights. I'll try not to Aunt Bethany. Is this?

Three. Well, can we at least forbid them to answer the phone, Alexander?

To set you back. You smell something. Frad Pussycat.

To the gerbils. I don't want to show you the whole.

To us. We're kicking off our funny old fashioned family Christmas by heading out into the country and the old front wheel drive sleigh to embrace the.

To you.

Today. My pleasure, Lynn.

Together. Honey, why don't you run and get the kids things? And don't forget the rubber sheets in the turbo.

Touching it, it's getting better. I got hemorrhoids. Can you believe that?

Triglyceride plant. I hear it too.

Try and trap it. Rush. We're here.

Turn it down. It's Russ.

Turn that thing off and get them out.

Uber on my heel and if you rub it for me, I'll give you a whole quarter.

Uncle Clark, Are you sure you ain't Santa Claus? Sure.

Us. La La La La La La La La.

Wait a minute, I don't believe what's all that.

Wait, am I?

Want me to do the drum roll thing? It's OK. Here goes nothing.

Wanted to make it a surprise. Yeah, he's surprised.

Was off the street. All they do is argue.

Was that really necessary?

We all love you, but this is a terrible night. Nothing's gone right. It's a disaster.

We can't let it get out of the living room.

We have plenty of room. Plenty of towels, plenty of everything.

We live in it. Had to sell off the house, the barn, the 10 acres.

We needed a coffin. With a tree.

We needed a tree.

We needed a tree. May I remind you that this was all my idea? No, no, no. I'm well aware of that, honey.

We ought to go up there and just get a geez look at the time. I'm going to get to bed. Brush my teeth, feed the hog. Still got some homework to do. Do, do.

We were going to call, but Eddie wanted to make it a surprise.

We were so high here, we almost lost him.

We'll get it lifted up here to look over these figures.

We're all in this together. This is a full blown 4 alarm holiday emergency here.

We're from Kansas. I he was a huge, beastly, bulging man.

We're gonna have the best looking house in town, Russ.

We're here. Hey Grizz, me and Bethany figured out the perfect gift for you.

We're stuck under a truck. Do you want to sleep thing? I don't know that.

Well, Clark, thanks Eddie.

Well, could you just keep it in mind the next time you go to serk?

Well, dad. What's a good try?

Well, honey, sleeping with your father? Don't be so dramatic.

Well, if it isn't at the house, I'm sure it must be on its way.

Well, obviously something had to break the window. Something had to hit the stereo.

Well, that's my name.

Well. I better try this first, see how it works.

Well. I happen to know for a fact that Santa Claus is real. And in the next couple of days. Somehow I'm going to prove it to you.

What are you doing up, sweetheart?

What are you looking at?

What do you like for sure?

What happens, oil boy, when he lifted his leg the next morning.

What have I ever done that?

What is it?

What is it?

What would you have done in my tree?

What? It was a mistake. Mistake. Frank, honey, you were kidnapped.

What? What happened?

What's going on here? Remember how I was toying with the notion of suspending the Christmas bonuses?

What's he doing, Bob? I haven't the foggiest.

What's left of it? Release B squad.

What's that sound?

What's the matter?

Whatever. I think what you mean is burnt rubber and eat my dust.

When you have your coat on, yes. Oh, do I? How did that happen? Because it's cold.

Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old fashioned family Christmas.

Where's Eddie? He usually eats these God damn things. Not recently, Clarkey read. The squirrels were high in cholesterol.

Which is Clark Betty.

Which treatment plant? Sewer. Gas.

Who's that? It's it's me, Clark Griswold.

Whole family only makes things worse and get too good a father to act like this.

Why are you crying?

Why are you crying? I told you we put it in too early.

Why these gusty winds appear to be playing havoc with that giant Nutcracker float.

Will you be careful there, Clark? It's nothing to worry about, Eddie.

With all the other rich people and I wanna brought right here. With a big ribbon on his head.

With symbols. We're not driving all the way out here so you can get one of those stupid ties with the Santa clauses on it. Are we, dad? No.

With this bonus check. I'm putting in a swimming pool.

Word of warning though, if he does lay into you, it's best to just let him finish.

Work. Now if I were you, I personally check each one.

Would it be indecent to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel?

Wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they are hotter than they are.

Wraps them up, gives them ways, presents great. Can't wait to see what I got.

Yeah, Dad, isn't it bud? Audrey.

Yeah, I got the daughter in the clinic getting cured off the wild Turkey.

Yeah, I hope it's a fortune.

Yeah, if you don't remember this, here is Rocky.

Yeah, ohh my gosh. Her eyes aren't crossed anymore. That's something, man. She.

Yeah, Ruby, Sue said something like that last night.

Yeah, we checked every bowl didn't. Oh yeah. Yeah, I'm sure of it. So what?

Yeah. Ellen, are you smoking again?

Yeah. What's that new thing you got over there at Food and Drug?

Yes it is. It's a bit nipply out. I mean nippy out. What is a nipple?