The Beverly Hillbillies - Season 1- Episode 5 Edit

A little? Her own husband says her bedroom was full of bottles!

After Mrs. Drysdale takes my soberin' up mash, she has to have fresh goat's milk

Ah ah, never more than a thimble full.

Ahh! Did Ravenswood bring my darling boy some nice vichyssoise?

Alcohol?

All I know is, this is the kind of stock Mr. Drysdale thinks is good.

Alright, Pa. But that little goat ain't gonna do nothing unless he's got

Alright.

And a dozen chickens.

And Ellie, you take a nanny goat, lead it upstairs to her room for granny.

And he wouldn't take this milk, neither.

And I said, "Step aside, lady, and I'll shoot it!"

And made little gurglin' noises in his throat.

And put some of my money in stock.

And shot my beautiful fox fur. Isn't that the most dreadful

And spin her a while.

And suddenly this dreadful giant appeared with a huge gun

And sure enough, pretty soon, this poor girl come a runnin' down yellin',

And then he goes tearin' off into the bushes

And then stand back.

And there's a goat in the bathtub with a chicken riding on it's back.

Anything I can do, sir?

Are you doing the washin' and the cleanin' and the cookin' for her?

As soon as Ellie gets back from the Drysdales,

Aw, hitch! Aw, get in there, pig! Come on!

Awful smart woman, but that ain't the way you spell Bodine.

Besides, I adore the fragrance of that jasmine

Blew my wife's fox fur to shreds.

Bull's already jumped it twice and it ain't even matin' season.

But I'm sure we can get something better.

But Miss Jane said she was takin' us to Palm Springs.

But the evil of drinking sure laid a heavy hand on his heart.

But the number I want to start with

But you needn't waste time driving into town.

But, darling, the doctors in Boston said your nerves were just fine.

Can do and will do.

Claude. Claude!

Claude. What are you eating?

Clean over the top of Elvernie Bradshaw's clothesline.

Come on out to the stock pen!

Come on out to the stock pen!

Course they need a little fattenin' up.

Don't have to. Miss Hathaway says just call on the telephone

Dreadful. My nerves are shattered. Open the window, dear.

Ellie May, where's your father?

Ellie, Mr. Drysdale ever find his tongue?

Even Mr. Drysdale's been after me to buy some cattle.

Everybody 'cept us. We ain't even got a cow!

Family or no family, that woman needs help, and by thunder, she's gonna get it!

Fightin' mean, scratchin' and clawin' people and everything.

Figure that'll do it.

Fine, Fine. Now you keep them there until I get Margaret back to Boston.

Folks don't run off and leave the neighbors when they's in trouble.

Four cows, a bull, a mule, and a dozen chickens.

Go get him.

Go get him.

Got ourselves some mighty fine lookin' stock.

Granny, he was so happy, he couldn't talk.

Granny! Granny! That there Butler fellow wouldn't let me through that door again.

Granny? You use a live toad?

He doesn't want your Uncle Jed to get a bum steer.

He just kind of hung on the fence

He said he wouldn't touch nothing more from us without it more sterilized.

He says, "Mr. Clampett! You've got 25 million dollars in cash.

He says, "Oh, what have I done to deserve this?"

He sure is proud of that family name, ain't he?

He'd ought to put some of his money into stock.

He's tendin' the cattle.

Hello?

Here you are, Milburn.

Here you are, Milburn.

Here's the goat's milk, Granny.

Hm now, ain't that nice.

Hold your horses, I'm a comin'!

How 'bout me?

How do you know?

Howdy, Miss Hathaway!

I am a butler, madam.

I am a butler!

I am, dear.

I caught her just in time. The chauffeur had to help me get her into the car.

I could shimmy up the tree and climb right in that window!

I don't know.

I don't understand. Why have you suddenly decided to go back to Boston?

I have typed out explicit directions.

I heard him kind of mumblin' like he was givin' thanks.

I love you too, Milburn.

I reckon it is high time I was stockin' this place.

I said, "I'm not paying you all that money to tell me I'm healthy!"

I still hear the cattle and the goats!

I was going to see our new neighbors, the Clampetts,

I'd get a rope, throw it over that limb, hoist ya up to the window.

I'd like to buy some stock.

I'd like to buy some stock.

I'll throw a double scissors and an arm lock on her.

I'm glad to be able to help him forget his trouble for a second.

I'm sorry madam, but Mrs. Drysdale cannot be disturbed.

I've been even having hallucinations. It's wonderful!

I've even drawn a map showing the exact location of the hotel.

I've gotta get some fresh goat's milk up to that woman, some way!

I've gotta get up there and have a goat handy to milk every so often.

Is a couple of goats, three pigs, four cows, a bull, a mule,

It appears to me like Mr.Drysdale's got two drinkers on his hands.

It might be it ain't Mr. Drysdale's fault.

It shall not happen.

It was him Granny was soberin' up.

It won't bite ya'. We'll be back later with the goat's milk.

It's the funniest thing, what happened to him.

Jed. I watched that banker feller.

Jethro, did you ever find out where that's coming from?

Jethro, you have the most delightfully bucolic sense of humor.

Jethro. You get that Mr. Butler away from the front door.

Kind of gurglin' and mumblin', happy like?

Kinfolks have certain rights. Family comes first.

Last time Granny used the soberin' up mash, set a new record.

Let them dare to tell me now I don't have a nervous disposition.

Let's have a vitamin toast to my coming triumph.

Like a bear was after him.

Looks like Ellie's going to get there with the goat's milk just in time.

Lord love him. Ain't that pitiful? Hurry, child, now hurry.

Make sure you don't cut off her wind. Then she can't breathe.

Margaret, what are you doing?

Marie! Marie, come and get Claude!

Maybe it's for the best that you know about that poor woman next door, Ellie.

Me and Granny has already figured out what we want.

Me and Granny'll be figurin' out what stock to buy.

Milburn, are you going to open the window or am I?

Milburn, I do not want to watch television.

Mr. Drysdale happy to see 'em?

Mrs. Drysdale is indisposed, madam. She is not receiving.

Mrs. Drysdale must be in terrible shape.

Never forget, Ellie, drinking is a curse.

Nice house, nice car, nice job,

No Ellie. Your're too young to handle somebody wrestling in the grip

No Uncle Jedd, it was a fox.

No wonder she fainted dead away.

No, he called on the telephone and some man brought 'em in a truck.

No, ma'am. Uncle Jed and me's going to town and buy some stock.

No, surely not. Marie, tell me I'm hearing things.

Now here are Mr. Drysdale's recommendations.

Now open the window!

Now you can pitch in and help us get her cured.

Now, then. Would you like to ride to Palm Springs with me, or would you prefer

Number? Oh, uh, a couple of goats,

Of course that one across the middle ain't so much.

Of Old John Barleycorn.

Oh dear, I do admit that's a very old plot

Oh, don't be silly, Milburn. I need oxygen.

Oh, don't leave me. I love you.

Oh, Ellie, you might have to hold Mrs. Drysdale

Oh, hi, Mr. Drysdale! Did your wife get up?

Oh, howdy, ma'am. This here is Jed Clampett.

Oh, it might not be good for you, Margaret.

Oh, Jethro, you dear naive boy. You shall see when we go swimming.

Oh, oh! Milburn! I'm the happiest woman in the world!

Oh, she insisted that he have a sedative, too.

Oh, still sleeping it off, huh?

Oh, that must have been her maiden name.

Oh, there we are!

Oh, this wasn't no toad. This was Elvernie's husband, Homer.

Oh, we had that in school once! That means soaked in alcohol.

Oh, yes you will. Under my tutelage, you will become an educated man of letters.

Oh, you couldn't see them, dear.

Oh. Oh, yeah. So, I grabbed up the shotgun

Ooh, good, Ellie! Now you run that right over to Mrs. Drysdale.

Ooh! And the biggest toad you can find.

Ooh! Oh, Sonny, Sonny!

Operator.

Paul and Jethro would have come too, but they're busy with the cattle.

Pepper leaves, chicken gizzards, stump water, coal oil,

Perhaps I'd better connect you with a supervisor.

Pray, Marie. Pray.

She can milk this here goat.

She took some mash and he seen her jump!

She was out like a light.

She was stewed to the gills.

Slippery elm ooze, and turpentine. And a few more things that's secret.

So I tied him back over on his side.

Some people from the ranch brought this for madam.

Someday, I shall introduce you as Jethro Bodine, BA, MA, PhD.

Sourdot, skunk oil, chimney soot, spiderwebs, horse mint, snakewort,

Speak up, dear. Can I get you something?

Stock pen!

Suey, suey! (squealing and mooing)

Supervisor speaking. May I help you?

Surprise!

That doesn't make sense.

That grows down the flanks of that tennis court next door.

That high and mighty Mr. Butler, that's who came to the door

That little chicken sittin' on his back.

That medical program, go back to that.

That poor doggy is probably the first canine hypochondriac.

That poor man has some joy comin' too him.

That soberin' up mash smarts considerable

That's alright, raw egg ain't gonna do Ms. Drysdale a bit of harm.

That's just for testing. I give it a swallerto see how far it jumps.

That's right, a pair of goats, three pigs,

That's tall jumpin' for a toad!

That's where he pointed to, right there!

The Clampetts have agreed to accompany me to Palm Springs.

The Clampetts! They haven't gone to Palm Springs.

The doctor says she will sleep for several hours. He gave her a sedative.

The tree outside the window. It completely obscures her view of the Clampett estate.

There goes that music again.

There goes that witch again!

There, you see? The cattle are in and the sheep

There's an exciting Western on.

They called themselves Granny and Ellie May.

This is the first time I ever bought stock on the telephone.

This is the latest thing in television programs.

Those Boston doctors.

Three pigs, four cows, a bull, a mule, and a dozen chickens.

To drive and meet me there? Jethro?

To see those doctors.

Turns out it was Ms. Drysdale.

Two heads is better than one!

Uncle Jed, the bull jumped that little fence again,

Usses?

Want me to haul him out of there, Granny, and wrestle him down?

Want me to stay and help you do for Mrs. Drysdale?

We ain't even got nothin' to pull a plow!

We are managing, thank you.

We didn't get to her on time.

We've come to see Mrs. Drysdale.

Well if you won't turn it off, I will.

Well now Jethro, tell us exactly what happened with Ms. Drysdale.

Well thank you, ma'am, I appreciate all the information you can give me.

Well that's more or less up to the animals,

Well that's what's wrote there. USS

Well this here's Granny and I'm Ellie May.

Well you don't have to watch it dear, just listen.

Well, all of a sudden, he points up towards his house and says,

Well, are we all set to leave for Palm Springs?

Well, I come around the side of the house,

Well, I reckon I can't protect you from the ugly side of life forever.

Well, I reckon Jethro can borrow some.

Well, instead of that, she whipped around and throwed that thing in the air,

Well, let's be thankful for one thing, Mr. Drysdale.

Well, most of the stuff I got, but it takes coonroot, retchweed,

Western? Milburn, shut that off and open the window!

What about Claude?

What all are you gonna need for your soberin' up mash, Granny?

What number do you wish?

What's an "i bum"?

What's sterilized?

What's that say?

What's that spell?

What's that?

What's the matter here?

When Ellie and me took the mash over.

When she comes to, you just spoon half of this down her

Where's Mr. Drysdale? I asked him to come in for some coffee.

While I spoon the soberin' up mash down him.

Who shall I say calls?

Who's that?

Who's that?

Why don't you come to Boston with me?

Why in tarnation would she want a sneaky old fox for a pet?

Why not?

Wouldn't even let us see Mrs. Drysdale.

Yeah, Pa. Whiles I was milkin' the goat,

Yeah. That means she drinks a little.

Yep. I'll need you to help find the makin's for my soberin' up mash.

Yep. To hear him talk, the Butlers don't get wet when it rains.

Yes, a good stock fence right outside.

Yes, and if that tree should ever lose its leaves and she gets

Yes, let's have some fresh air. No, no, no, no.

Yes! You see, you see,

You betcha. And he needs us, cause his wife's kin ain't no help.

You can order your stock by telephone.

You can't hardly blame him for not wanting folks to see her.

You have to stick your finger in them holes

You haven't seen Sonny for a long time.

You know how he was hanging on the fence of the stock pen?

You know I'm much too nervous to watch television.

You know, Granny, it gives a person a mighty good feeling to help a neightbor.

You ought to put some of that money into stock!"

You take a drink now and then, Granny.

You take Claude to the doctor, I'll get the window.

You'd best put on some old clothes.

You're hearing things, sir.

You're supposed to be so dag blamed rich!

You're taking care of her, are ya?

Your mumsy just had the most ghastly dream.

A medical Western? Yes! I think it's called,

Alright, dear, but first I have a surprise. Surprise?

And I almost hate to see you change. I ain't gonna change.

But, but Please?

Cows, chickens, pigs, goats. No.

From a ranch? Well, he said they mentioned cattle.

Granny. You said it took two men to get her back in the car.

Hallucinations? I just saw a witch fly by that window

How about calling me Jane? I like that better.

I think I've got it figured out, Granny. What?

I want the medical program. Alright.

I'm taking a bikini to Palm Springs. Is that faster than a train?

Is something wrong? Yes, Marie, open the window!

It pays to be cautious in a bull market. You gotta be careful with cows, too.

It's too late, Jed. Wadda ya mean, Granny?

Nor pigs neither! Nor chickens!

Oh, yes, ma'am. I like to drive. Very well.

Stock? Yes, ma'am.

They have a lovely pool. And, Jethro Yes, ma'am?

This time I'm gonna find it for sure! Good huntin'.

Very good. Hold on, now.

Well, good for him. Yeah, just the other day he says to me,

What kind of people? Ask your Pa.

What was her husband called it, Granny? A hypochondriac.

Yes, ma'am! Would you like to drive your own car?

Yes? Howdy! We've come to see Ms. Drysdale.

You Tarzan. Me Jane. No, ma'am. I'm Jethro Bodine.

'Cause them kind of people are liable to do anything.

'less you follow it up with fresh goat's milk.

"I bum."

"My wife! That's her window!"

"Take me to the doctor! I got Claude!"

(banjo music)

(cheerful banjo music)

(classical music on television)

(coos mooing)

(doorbell chimes melodically)

(doorbell chimes musically)

(goat bleating)

(guitar music builds in tempo)

(guitar music)

(guitar music)

(gunshots and horses galloping on television)

(knocking)

(knocking)

(knocks with doorknocker)

(mooing and animal sounds)

(mooing, clucking)

(mooing)

(mooing)

(mooing)

(music)

(relaxing music)

(relaxing music)

(slow banjo music and animal sounds)

(slowly) I B M.

(upbeat banjo music)

(upbeat guitar music)