Miss March (2009) Edit

A little...

A stripper pole?

A stripper pole.

A toast.

A young couple who will be graduating from our high school this year.

Aaah! Okay!

About you with those guys.

Actually, yeah. Have you seen Cindi Whitehall around here?

Ah! Jesus! Oww!

Ah! Jesus! Oww!

Ain't a Playmate there I ain't tagged yet.

Ain't seen shit in here.

All of them, dog.

All points bulletin.

All right, boys! Keep your eyes peeled for that son of a bitch Tucker Cleigh!

All right, everybody, I'm goin' upstairs...

All right, just wake me if you need me, okay?

All right, let's see.

All right, men. Let's do this fireman style.

All right, stay like that.

All right.

All right. I'm gonna do it.

And

And I'm still striking out.

And a guy like you, Horsedick

And blowing everyone she meets. Ow!

And Candace's brother, Rick!

And everyone that you loved had left you...

And everything she wants it to be?

And going upstairs to have sex.

And had you moved to a better treatment center.

And he thought, hey, what's the worst thing that could happen?

And he was gonna have you moved to a class "D" hospice where they

And here, position three quarters there like that. Okay? Like that.

And I am your biggest fan.

And I have thousands of them.

And I may have overreacted a little bit to you biting me.

And I realize that you seemed...

And I realized something

And I stabbed her in the face a bunch.

And I stabbed her in the face!

And I wanted the motel because you almost killed me!

And I will not allow that sort of filth or degrading speech...

And I'm gonna see if Hef can hook me up with an internship at the photo department.

And I'm, like, "Everyone keeps telling me that. "

And I've had a phenomenal sex life.

And I've only been having sex for two years. That's six women a year.

And I've seen that on the Internet a bunch.

And if I'm not yours, then I think that we have a whole other set of problems to worry about.

And if your weird brain thing makes you bite my junk while you're blowing me...

And it took her 13 whole months.

And it was

And make love and suck and fuck each other the whole way.

And make sure you bring him!

And now I'd like to bring up Eugene Bell and Cindi Whitehall...

And now my shit is up there. Whoo.! We celebratin;

And regretting the one time...

And she was some little Asian dude.

And that means she may let you do anal.

And that's just when I knew that he was not for me.

And that's why she had that seizure...

And the frontal palate of your skull has some pretty bad fractures.

And the grief from that, along with the advanced stages of syphilis...

And the one person that you thought would always be there for you...

And then we're gonna rendezvous back here in, like, five minutes, okay?

And then you pissed off firemen and almost got me killed yet another time!

And they laughed at me.

And watch naked ladies take baths together. Yes, I know.

And we don't need intercourse to prove that.

And we're at playboy's annual anniversary bash.

And we've decided to save ourselves for marriage.

And what happened in the past is the past.

And when I'm with you...

And who is this little guy?

And yeah, she may not be the most attractive girl in school, but she's a solid, solid seven.

And you have this really stupid hatred of strobe lights.

And you like me despite all my faults.

And you sent this "jerk Labrador" to the pound?

And you're the one that wanted to stay at the motel.

And your dad had bailed on you...

And, Tucker...

And... wake up.!

Anything for my bro, man. Come on. Lock it up. Come on. Lock it up.

Anyway, I just

Apole?

Are gonna be at the Playboy Mansion...

Are out there having sex.

Are you boys looking for a ride?

Are you psyched? Are you psyched?

Are you still mad?

As you're getting out of your coma?

Ask her questions like what is her favorite animal...

At the Playboy Mansion?

Be in Chicago in a couple hours, and then by this time tomorrow be at the mansion.

Be on the lookout for a Tucker Cleigh.

Because he was a crackhead.

Because I really like doing that.

Because they put dogs to sleep at the pound.

Because we just spent 75 bucks on a motel room that we got to use for all of five minutes.

Because weird.

Because you haven't used your body in, like, four years. You gotta take it easy.

Before you kill me, let me just say one thing.

Besides, he still has an apartment here.

Besides, I got a date with the old lady.

Bitch! You promised.

Blue Team to I.C. U, please.

Bobby, you wanna sit up real straight for me there?

Bring him right back!

Bring out Mommy's pretty neck.

But Cindi and I...

But I feel good to go now. We don't need to stay here.

But I just wanted to say that I'm sorry.

But I think right now I just need to be alone for a while.

But I'd trade it all in for just one more afternoon...

But if I just realized she was a bunny...

But if you can see the bunny in those girls...

But it didn't stop there.

But it never really amounted to much.

But lately I've been banging Candace.

But not now, 'cause I had a relationship with her.

But now I realize that none of that's important...

But she dropped out after freshman year, and the trail goes cold.

But she's, like...

But the car is really starting to smell.

But then she got into college and it really didn't look like you were gonna wake up.

But then wait! You burned down the motel and almost killed me yet again.

But wait a minute. If Cindi was paying your hospital bills this whole time...

But we had something special.

But we've set most of that.

But what she was sharing with him was syphilis.

But you'll find over time...

But you're dating seven women at once.

But you're in surprisingly good shape for someone who's been in a coma for four years.

But, Eugene, you are my special someone.

But, like, I think I need a little bit more time just to work everything out in my head...

But... you know how I am.

By the way, did your answering machine say "my boyfriend"?

By the way, sorry about that.

Bye. Bye.

Calm down. That could just be the drink.

Can I get you a drink or anything?

Can we just start over? Give me another chance.

Can you boys do that?

Can you get me like a shirt, some pants, and I think a hoodie would be good.

Can you get me like a shirt, some pants, and I think a hoodie would be good.

Can you get me, like, another drink?

Candace, I know you're mad, and you have every right to do whatever you want to me.

Candace, uh, sorry. I won't go out with you.

Candace, you're, like, so totally the coolest girl in the world.

Candace!

Candace...

Careful, Tucker.

Cindi Whitehall. Have you had sex with her?

Cindi would never sleep with you!

Cindi, I can't believe what I'm hearing right now.

Cindi, wait.

Cindi! Wh What's up, baby? How you doin'?

Cindi.

Cindi. Cindi!

Cindi. Cindi.

Cindi. Listen, I'm sorry.

Closure, I think.

Come here, motherfucker.

Come into the living room. I got you something.

Come on, baby.

Come on, boys. He went that way.

Come on, closer.

Come on, get in the car, baby.!

Come on, man.

Come on, Puddles. Come on. Come on, Puddles. Come on.

Come on!

Come on. Get in.

Comin' along.

Could nurse dogs.

Cover the rear, gentlemen. Come on.! Let's move.! Let's move, let's move.!

Craig had to drop out of high school and work two jobs so he could keep up with...

Craig was a nice, normal kid, just like me or you.

Crazy ass bus driver.

Cross.

Crystal! Janine!

Cut through bitches like water.

Cut.! That's a wrap.

Damn. Bitch is crazy.

Deal. Deal. Deal.

Decided to go all the way.

Deep down inside each and every woman.

Denise is so wasted, she's blowing Brian in the den.

Did I ever tell you that, 'cause I'm not sure

Did you get the limo? I'm supposed to pick Cindi up in half an hour.

Did you know that in MichaelJordan's first year with the Bulls...

Do not run away. Hey, this is big time stuff.

Do you have any money?

Do you have any tips on how I can make this a wonderful, romantic night for Cindi...

Do you know what that means?

Do you mean to tell me you have never been with a woman?

Don't make jokes, man.

Don't you worry about it, babe. I got it all planned out.

Dot MPEG, yes. That's not necessary.

Dot MPEG.

Dot MPEG. That is so ridiculous.

Drove him insane.

Dude, firemen breathe noxious fumes all day.

Dude, you are so white. And what's with this attitude?

Dude! Where's Cindi?

Dude.

During my time in South Carolina...

Each state is roughly a hundred miles across, so that's like a thousand miles.

Especially when I'm meeting people like you.

Especially with modern times.

Eugene, be careful. Don't overexert yourself.

Eugene, did you think about what we talked about?

Eugene, everything I've done since you fell down the stairs has been for you.

Eugene, how could you say something like that?

Eugene, I love you. We've been going out for two and a half years.

Eugene, no, you don't got this.

Eugene, where do you think the money came from?

Eugene, you were in a coma for four years.

Eugene!

Eugene?

Eugene.

Everybody say, "Fuzzy pickles. "

Everything was going great. Then I went to give her her present.

Exactly what the problem is.

Fan out.!

Finally have sex? You a virgin?

Find out who she is.

Firemen!

Five hours till you're chode deep.

For paying all this man's medical bills.

From part time waitressing during college...

Fuck off.

Fuzzy pickles.

Geez. What a bitch.

Gertrude died when she was 18 years old.

Gertrude VonBrauer was the love of my life.

Gertrude was my next door neighbor.

Get the fuck back here, you pervert!

Get your asses in here and have sex with this man!

Give me back that photograph.

Give me my clothes.

Go away, Juanita.

Go for it, Eugene. But one more for good luck.

Go get 'em, Eugene Wait! That's not the hallway!

Go on, move, move!

Go on.

God, you're right, Tucker. Teach me more about etiquette.

Goddamn it!

Goddamn.! Hey, Charlie.! Control this motherfuckin'bus.!

Gonna kill that little bitch. He's gonna suck my dick.

Good idea, lesbians!

Good idea, Tucker.

Good night.

Good to see you.

Good. Now, lesson two.

Good. Real Really good.

Gotta get rid of these outfits and get poolside.

Great job, Horsedick. MPEG. Hip hop is back!

Half of them! I'm talkin' 'bout thousands and thousands of motherfuckers, man.

Happy 13 months boning.

Have a seat, son.

Have been in a relationship for two and a half years now...

Have you ever met one of them? They're crazy.

Have you thought about how we're gonna get into the mansion once we arrive?

He brings his family in for a photo and you turn that into soft core pornography.

He got syphilis.

He has to pee through a straw.

He lives in Chicago. He's always trying to get me to come up and visit.

He said you handed her your phone number as she was leaving.

He thought they were sharing something very special.

He'd be totally down to fly us out to L.A. And hook us up.

He's around here somewhere.

He's crazy. I think he does drugs.

He's got the MichaelJordan rookie card and a Hank Aaron card.

He's tired! That's what I'm talkin' about!

Heard you went on the pill.

Hef, no!

Hell, yeah! Tucker Cleigh from the down S.C.!

Her brother's a fireman.

Her mom's my piano teacher.

Here is the deal. I am Katja. This is my girlfriend, Vonka.

Here we go. Here we go. Put it over that and go.

Here, buddy.

Here, put this on.

Here. Look at this.

Hey there, everybody. We are here to party.

Hey, Candace. Looking good.

Hey, check it out. Strobe lights.

Hey, Daddy.

Hey, do you want to get something to eat or anything?

Hey, Eugene.

Hey, everybody go to the Horsedick. MPEG party bus!

Hey, everybody!

Hey, gang.

Hey, girl of my dreams.

Hey, gorgeous. So What are your hobbies?

Hey, hey, take it easy. Hey!

Hey, hey, take it easy. Hey!

Hey, I

Hey, ladies.

Hey, let's go back up to the mansion, y'all.

Hey, so Tucker told me about this awesome party this weekend after the dance.

Hey, Tucker, I don't really want to go in there dressed like this.

Hey!

Hey! All right. MI LF.

Hey! Hey!

Hey. Epilepsy, dude. It's a condition.

Hi, Cindi. Hi, Mr. And Mrs. Whitehall.

Hits me... and poops all over my bus.

Horsedick doesn't have a dick.

Horsedick wouldn't know what to do with a blow up doll.

Horsedick, you gotta let me go. I need to talk to Cindi.

Horsedick. MpEG with the track "I'm a Love a White Girl';...

Horsedick. MPEG's got it. He's picking you up.

Horsedick's got a song on the Internet!

How could she do that?

How could you not know that?

How do they pee?

How is this perfect?

How many times have I told you not to have that delivered here? About a million?

How you gonna get out of this, Eugene? You gonna tell me you love me?

How's that atrophy coming?

Hugh.

Huh? Come on, give it a spin.

I I just wanted to call and talk about what you did.

I ain't showin' you shit, man. All y'all

I also didn't know they let freshmen go to prom.

I am living proof of that.

I am trying to reclaim my life here, Tucker, and you're not taking this seriously.

I ate, like, 10 packets of those Horny Goat Weed stamina things at the gas station.

I call the hospital every Monday. When did you wake up?

I came across the country just to see her!

I can't believe Cindi would do this.

I can't believe I've been here for four years.

I can't believe she would just leave me like that.

I can't come to the phone right now because I'm out hunting down my piece of shit boyfriend.

I can't get settled down yet. I have to hit a respectable quota.

I can't look. I can't look. I can't look, I can't look.

I can't tell you how glad I was when they told me you came out of that coma.

I can't work like this. Firemen never get laid. Everyone knows that.

I didn't know they let people that dropped out of high school go to prom.

I didn't know what to do, so I panicked and I grabbed a fork off the counter...

I didn't know what to do. I panicked.

I discovered a groundbreaking and new experimental way...

I don't even know what I'm doing out here, Tucker. She's gone!

I don't even know where I am.

I don't even know why I came here.

I don't get it.

I don't know, but, uh, I feel really good about it.

I don't know.

I don't know. Candace must just hate strobe lights.

I don't think that 15 year old kids should be having sex.

I don't understand it. I mean, how much can a person change in four years?

I feel like just five seconds ago I was getting wasted with you...

I forgive you.

I got some sleep in the car. I'm serious.

I got tired of waiting for you, Eugene, so I went out and I blew everyone.

I gotta be honest with you. I'm gonna call Security.

I gotta take a shit.

I gotta warn you, I'm a little drunk, so...

I guess that makes sense.

I guess.

I have an idea.

I have atrophy!

I have epilepsy, you limp dicked shit.

I heard Horsedick. MpEG is actually in the mansion right now.

I heard you was all Regarding Henry and shit.

I hope this doesn't get in the way of us hooking up and hanging out and stuff

I hope you get V.D. And your dick falls off!

I insist. It's the least I can do.

I just I don't dig handicapped chicks.

I just can't believe the firemen were that angry.

I just hope...

I knew it! I knew it would work.

I know a lot do.

I know how you feel about that term, but it was 13 months ago tonight that

I know, I know.

I know.

I know. I'm sorry.

I like you anyway.

I like your style.

I love men with dogs.

I love you, Cindi.

I love you, Eugene.

I love you, Tucker Cleigh.

I mean, I just I didn't realize that human beings...

I mean, I'm here at the playboy Mansion...

I mean, it took me four years to figure out the bat trick.

I mean, look at his little paws!

I mean, not like we're exclusive or anything.

I mean, the other one tasted different, you know.

I mean, we've talked about that.

I mean, what kind of psycho doesn't like dogs?

I met Hef. He talked to me. I think I had a breakthrough.

I need to give you a crash course in sophistication and the playboy way.

I need to talk to Cindi! I'm not a stalker! I know her!

I need to talk to Cindi.

I promise I'll have sex with you on prom night.

I see you've been doin' really well. Congratulations.

I sent whatever money I could...

I shall now bathe my steel in the blood of the offender.

I started drinking all this NyQuil because that Horny Goat Weed was giving me the jitters.

I swear I saw this work once.

I think I get it.

I think we should totally go.

I tried to look her up about a year or so ago...

I try to apply your methods and principles to every aspect of my life.

I was going to in high school, but, uh, then I fell down the stairs.

I was gonna rip it off and fuck it.

I was just telling my friends here, if I ever saw your pretty little face again...

I was trying to turn my girlfriend into a playboy bunny...

I was worried sick.

I wish Candace were here. She would love this song.

I wish my brother had had a seminar like this.

I'd already have this crazy, impressive sexual history.

I'd like to tell you guys a story right now if I can.

I'll call you tomorrow.

I'll check on you tomorrow.

I'll have sex with you on prom night.

I'll never stab you again.

I'm a just gonna hold his little dead head right there.

I'm about to sign me a record deal.

I'm afraid.

I'm always blowing first impressions.

I'm asleep for four years.

I'm from South Carolina.

I'm getting pretty tired.

I'm gonna go mingle. There's three girls for every guy at this party.

I'm gonna go to bed.

I'm gonna try one more, and let me work with Mommy for a second.

I'm hopin' those little shits do make it over here.

I'm not handicapped. It's a condition.

I'm not literally nursing him.

I'm not ready!

I'm not shaving my balls either.

I'm saving myself, uh, for my girlfriend...

I'm sorry, Tucker. Who is it that you're here with again?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I was I was thinking about... your boobs.

I'm sure this is not as romantic as you probably envisioned the prom.

I'm sure you and your friend have some catching up to do.

I'm, like, that's cool. Whatever. Make a wish.

I've been in a coma since high school.

If I take a shit in your car, it's gonna be a pretty short trip.

If you woke up one morning...

In a few weeks?

In my car!

Is because people don't spice up the bedroom.

Is out flashing her tits to the world...

Is that what girls look like?

Is that when you find that special someone in your life...

Is there a check?

Is this going to happen every five minutes?

Isn't

Isn't that weird?

It ain't my fault. My mama was on acne medication.

It cost him, like, a hundred bucks.

It doesn't feel like four years ago.

It has proven itself to be quite effective.

It is?

It must come out of those.

It signifies both power and leisure.

It was Craig's first time having sex...

It was pretty sweet.

It's a trap.

It's gonna be good. Okay, now everybody say, "Mommy's a vision. "

It's not in mint condition, but it's a good card.

It's telling us to go to the Playboy Mansion.

It's the western equivalent of the Greek toga.

It's their job. Makes them psycho.

It's Thursday today, so that gives us three days to get you on your feet.

It's, like, I knew her.

Jenny's tits are the exact same size as Miss November's.

Juanita, I brought him back to life.

Juanita, I'm trying to do something. Do you comprende?

Just imagine how you would feel, Cindi...

Just like your brother!

Just watch the road. Okay?

Katja.

L

L I'm sorry. I have such a problem with rambling...

Last seen April 17.

Leave a message.

Lesbians! Help me break this door down.

Lesbians! Lesbians!

Let 'em in, damn it.

Let 'em in.

Let me get a picture of the two of you.

Let me go!

Let's brush some of this hair away from Mommy's neck

Let's give a nice, warm Jefferson County Middle School welcome...

Let's have a couple wisps hang down here by the nape of the neck.

Let's see.

Let's see. I've got... seven dollars.

Lights, please.

Like a month or just a couple of weeks...

Like, almost four years worth of poop.

Little beer. Little bit of beer.

Look at that one.

Look at the ass on that thing.

Look at this.

Look here, man.

Look, I always hoped when I met someone like you...

Look, I'm not even sure I'm ready to be doing this. Do you have any helpful advice?

Look, I've said what I have to say.

Look, lesbians! Palm trees.

Look, man, I've already slept with 12 women. That's punishable by stoning in some countries.

Look, most guys end up losing their virginity to some sort of stripper or one night stand.

Look, you've already decided to do this.

Look. Dude, I think your brother can go to jail for this.

Look. I think right there is where you sign in.

Los Angeles. Of course.

Lots of poop.

Man, I had that bitch screamin' like her house was on fire.

Man, I hate poop.

Man, I wish Candace were here.

Man, it was great. Perfect form, lots of tongue.

Man, why do you even do these sermons? They don't even pay you.

Maybe you're empty.

Mean, hurtful things...

MichaelJordan had 138 rebounds?

Mierda.

Mingling with guests, sipping slightly alcoholic beverages.

Miss February on my dick.

Miss January of this year...

Mister, you have a telephone call from a Mr. Bell.

Mister's girlfriend not pay all this money for you to use this as a porno room.

Mmm. What?

Mommy's a vision.

Most girls want to kill me after two or three nights...

Mr. Biederman is extremely upset.

Mr. Poopy Pants.

My brain just shuts down whenever I feel like I'm close to getting some.

My brother will kill you.

My dad moves out of town, my girlfriend's in playboy, and your stupid friend is famous.

My God. We're 20 minutes late. They've already started the party.

My last boyfriend hated dogs. Such an asshole!

My mother and little nephew died in that blaze...

My younger sister has sex all the time, and neither of her babies are crackheads.

Never thought I'd say this Fuck that! Let me see your penis, dog.

Never?

Nice.

No emotional attachment. Ain't that right, Tuck?

No problem, dude. We're homeys. Lock it up.

No problem, son.

No wonder she looked so pissed off.

No, afraid not.

No, Cindi! I'm her boyfriend from high school!

No, Crystal's still in high school.

No, I don't have any money. I don't have a bank account.

No, it doesn't.

No, no, no. I'm not a stalker. Ow! I'm not a stalker!

No, sir. Not at all.

No, that's really not necessary.

No, there's no check. It's an anniversary card.

No, they don't. Things do not work out.

No, they're not.

No!

No!

No! You're funny.

No. He never did.

No. I know. I mean, what? Why?

No. No! You can't be here! He's stealing the mister!

No. No. I got it. I got it.

No. No. No.

No. This one's okay.

None of the other chicks that I've nailed in the past matter anyway.

Not that that's good at all, 'cause that's bad

Nothing. L I didn't say anything.

Nothing. Never mind.

Now she's gonna tell her, I'm gonna hear all about this. Good job.

Now, I know at your age you guys probably think all the older guys and gals...

Now, I've known quite a few women in my life...

Of reinstating consciousness to the comatose.

Of the relationships that counts.

Of when Candace and I first started boning.

Offhis multi platinum CD Donkey Dong.

Oh, and we were wondering if you could get us into the Playboy Mansion.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, God!

Oh, God.

Oh, good. What are you drinkin'?

Oh, Horsedick, you are nasty!

Oh, look! Horsedick.

Oh, man. I want her to French kiss my dick so bad.

Oh, man. We are way out of our league. How the hell are we gonna get in here?

Oh, my God! I can't believe this!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Puddles!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Are you a stalker?

Oh, my God. It says one ofher likes is sex on the beach.

Oh, my God. You don't know.

Oh, my God.! That is the cutest little dog I've ever seen.!

Oh, no way. I call the pound all the time.

Oh, no. You have to be on that list.

Oh, shit. Is this still Eugene? Hold on.

Oh, sweet God.

Oh, thank God.

Oh, that feels good.

Oh, that's awesome.

Oh, that's great.

Oh, this is Puddles, and he's a rescue. I got him from the pound last week.

Oh, Tucker, that's so sweet.

Oh, wait a minute. I'm getting another call.

Oh, will you stop talking about your crazy brother? That was a fluke.

Oh, yeah, right. Posing naked in playboy is really helping me out a lot.

Oh, yeah? How's that workin'out for you?

Oh, yeah. He could just walk right in.

Oh, yeah. I forgot.

Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

Oh, you're doing a really good job, Eugene.

Oh!

Oh! Gross!

Oh! I thought you meant with your

Oh! Tucker Cleigh, sir.

Oh! You're pooping!

Oh. Oh, uh

Oh. Right there. Katja!

Oh.! Candace.!

Okay, buddy, nowjust hold still.

Okay, but in a few weeks

Okay, bye.

Okay, looking good. Looking good.

Okay, man.

Okay, Mr. Hefner. Thanks for the talk.

Okay, that's terrible, but why do we have to get out of town like this?

Okay, Tucker, have you put any thought into this at all?

Okay, Tucker, what is going on? What's wrong with your balls?

Okay, Tucker. You win.

Okay, well, not one part of that was correct, so let me ask you this.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Bye.

Okay. Fine. Do me a favor and keep your eyes peeled for Cindi, all right?

Okay. First things first.

Okay. Good luck.

Okay. Hef s orders: All stalkers out of the mansion.

Okay. Here's the plan. I'm gonna go use the little girls'room.

Okay. Horsedick, you couldn't have "hit" all of them.

Okay. I just have a question. Why didn't you call me when I woke up in the hospital?

Okay. Seven bucks.

Okay. Well, at least we have a plan now Horsedick.

On, uh, Wednesday.

Once you find someone that you truly love.

One afternoon while my mother was babysitting for Craig, the baby set the house on fire.

One of our trucks saw them heading into Los Angeles.

Or what's her most embarrassing moment?

Or you can go enjoy yourself and have sex.

Our childhood friendship blossomed into a romance by high school.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Ow!

Ow! Ah.

Ow! Let me go! Ow!

Ow. I don't wanna.

Oww!

Pack your bags, Eugene. I found her.

Pendejo.!

People are assholes.

Playmate of the Year, 2007?

Plus, it's kind of hot. She, like, vibrates.

Policia! He's not ready.!

Power and leisure.

Power and leisure.

Pretty good. Hey, those are our dates. Hey, lesbians!

Puddles, go to the bathroom.

Put him down!

Put it on.

Quick! To the second floor!

Really?

Really? Again?

Really? Wh I'm not shaving my cock.

Relax. Your girlfriend's gonna know it wasn't you. She knows your deal.

Respect.

Ridiculous.

Right there.

Roll up your window! Roll up your window!

Rub up? Strippers?

Said that 90% of the reason that relationships fall apart...

Sara Jean Underwood...

Say it. Power and leisure.

Say that with me

See, I was just hangin'out with Hef...

See? I told you Horsedick would hook us up.

See? That's stupid.

Seven bucks should be enough to feed the both of us.

Shave your cock.

She is great. It's just

She slept with a shallow, ignorant asshole like that!

She slept with him.

She was around for a little while...

She was chompin' down on my dick like it was a hot dog eating contest...

She was whipping her hair around, sticking her butt up in the air.

She's changed, man. She's all growed up.

She's not gone, man. She just had sex with a guy.

She's not just some trophy. She's the total package.

She's somethin' else, all right.

She's still Cindi.

She's trying to kill you.

She's upstairs waiting for me right now.

Sheila!

Shh.!

Shit. Where's my pepper spray?

Should call you Poopy Pants.

Shut up, Eugene. This song is awesome.

Shut up. Don't open it.

Sir, may I help you?

Smoking a pipe is the equivalent of wearing a fine tuxedo.

So all that you'll need to recover from is from the effects of the coma itself.

So anyway, then she kind of started to get into it.

So I took him home with me and I've slowly been nursing him back to health.

So thank you, but I'm gonna wait.

So that's why, you know, I'm a dog now.

So the least I can do is look past yours.

So the party's Saturday night. That means we have to catch a plane Saturday morning.

So we can get crazy in the backseat...

So we got tanked at this really nice restaurant and then ditched out on the check.

So we have an hour till this thing starts. You know where the mansion is?

So we need you boys to drive the car to Los Angeles...

So we're goin'at it there in the driveway, and she's, like...

So you can finally rub up on all those strippers you've been dreaming about your whole life.

So you can go and trudge through it like it's a chore and end up hurting her feelings...

So you guys are like You're good now?

So you're either gonna fuck one of them girls, or you smoke this "J."

So, this Saturday all the Playmates, including Cindi...

So, Tucker, I got you an anniversary present.

So, what about you and Cindi?

So, where are we going after this?

So, you you have a girlfriend.

So?

Some girls will even have s make love to dogs on the Internet.

Some loser lost his jerk Labrador...

Someone will stop. Don't worry, dude. Things work out.

Something wrong?

Sorry about that.

Sorry about this, fellas.

Sorry, miss. It just really sticks in my craw when people disrespect women.

Sorry. Anyway, I'll let you get some rest.

Speak.

Stop! You can't take the mister!

Stupid firemen.

Sure there is. All right, men. Keep your eyes peeled.

Sure, no sweat. Just fill her up for me.

Sure, no sweat. Just fill her up for me.

Sure.

Sweet. New playboy.

Thank God. You know what I'm sayin'? What brings y'all to Chicago?

Thank you again, Horsedick. MPEG, but I don't smoke.

Thank you for everything.

Thank you, Tucker. That was actually That was oddly helpful.

Thank you.

Thank you. You know she's friends with Cindi.

Thanks for that.

Thanks, bro. Man, my last CD dropped, motherfuckers got killed at the Tower Records.

That crazy handicapped chick?

That didn't work. Now what do we do?

That gets chained down to one woman...

That he had sex.

That is a great idea. How are we gonna fight if there's always a baby around?

That kind of thing would have bothered me before that you had sex with Cindi

That mansion is a historical and cultural landmark...

That means in 10 years, I'll have banged, like, 600 chicks.

That shirt's awesome, man.

That shirt's awesome, man.

That was great. That was great.

That we can't keep our hands off each other.

That we did each other for the first time.

That your muscle strength will return, as well as bowel control.

That's a great idea, Tucker.

That's a That's a pretty funny message.

That's good, 'cause I'm tryin' really hard.

That's good. That looks great. There we go.

That's good. That's good.

That's good. That's good. Okay.

That's good. That's good. Okay.

That's our plan. Horsedick.

That's right, buddy.

That's right, Eugene.

That's some ride you've got there, Eugene.

That's sweet, Tucker, but I actually have to take Puddles out to the lawn.

That's what's up, man.

That's what's up.

That's why I don't give 'em nothin'but the dick.

That's why you pooped.

The baby came out a crackhead.

The child support payments and the medical bills.

The floor is hot lava. You can't touch the ground, or you'll burn up.

The girl next door is now one of The Girls Next Door.

The Grotto.

The Internet. Wow.

The mister's girlfriend is on the phone. You want to talk to her?

The next time you see me, I will be a man.

The once happy couple soon broke up.

The party's outside. Have a good time.

The Playboy Mansion is on the other side of the country. That's a long way to drive.

The point I'm trying to make is that none of that matters.

The stupid fucking mansion can wait.

The stupid what ing mansion?

The worst looking person I have ever seen.

Then come and get it.

Then he could get into the Playboy Mansion, right?

Then how come you're still here?

Then I saved your life, because I'm a genius.

Then I started making some real money modeling...

Then none of these firemen would be trying to kill me.

Then one night, he and his girlfriend of two years...

Then she got pregnant, and because she smoked cigarettes...

Then she obviously still loves you.

Then she started to go downtown, if you know what I mean.

Then she started to, like, really get into it. Man, it was awesome.

Then so be it.

Then this little motherfucker...

Then we poured some Maker's into a 3 liter of Coke and did donuts in the Wendy's parking lot.

Then what's the problem? Sounds like you found a great girl.

Then you wake up, and she's a completely different person.

There goes that sissy hitting motherfucker!

There's a D.J. He's supposed to be cold blooded. Come on.

There's a stain on mine.

There's bedrooms through this door! And Jacuzzis too.

There's clothes in this bag if you want them.

There's nothing else to do.

There's only one rule on a party bus You got to party.

They don't do nothin' but take.

They even play his song during Monday Night Football.

They know about Candace!

They look so weird.

They were gonna put Puddles here down 'cause he was sick and nobody would adopt him.

They're just not bunnies you'd put in your magazine.

They've been spotted in Chicago.

Things haven't been going so great for me lately.

Things will never be the same because I am always gonna think...

Thirty miles to Los Angeles. We're almost there.

This actually works out great, 'cause I'm gonna be up there in a few weeks on business.

This bitch has gone crazy.

This bitch one time...

This could take two or three minutes.

This is a bathrobe. We'll probably be issued one of these when we get to the mansion.

This is a party bus.

This is a pipe.

This is a venereal disease, Eugene...

This is a venereal disease.

This is gonna be the best night of your life.

This is just a little something to say that it's been a great 13 months.

This is just like the pipe that Hugh Hefner used to smoke.

This is my shit. I made this.

This is true love speaking. True love doesn't speak often, but it's speaking to us now.

This Saturday is playboy's annual anniversary bash.

This tastes like shit!

To Eugene and Cindi.

To have sex...

To people...

Today Eugene's brother sits in a padded cell...

Tonight is gonna be awesome.

Tore my heart out, man, for reals, yo.

Trust me, dude. Firemen are bad news.

Tucker never told you any of this?

Tucker, do something!

Tucker, do you think that Cindi's still a virgin?

Tucker, I appreciate you being here. L I really do.

Tucker, I can't even walk here.

Tucker, I have told you. They're not sermons, they're seminars.

Tucker, I'm just dealing with this in my own way.

Tucker, if Candace were here right now, she would try and kill you.

Tucker, if you so much as make eye contact with me again...

Tucker, it's 4:00 in the morning.

Tucker, it's the quality, not the quantity...

Tucker, stop it. That's Eleanore, our friend.

Tucker, that was probably the epilepsy.

Tucker, the point I'm trying to make...

Tucker, there's a bunny...

Tucker, what the fuck is going on?

Tucker, what's happening? Why am I here?

Tucker, yes.

Tucker, you can't drive all night long without sleep. It's not safe.

Tucker!

Tucker's idea.

Ugh!

Ugh.

Uh oh, dude, here come the firemen.

Uh oh, dude, here come the firemen.

Uh uh. You gotta go to the back of the line, lady.

Uh, h hi, Candace.

Uh, how are you?

Uh, yeah, you know, I did think about it.

Uh, yeah. Yeah.

Um No. Here we go. A little beer?

Um, anyway, I guess I'm just trying to say...

Um, excuse me, sir. I'm looking for Cindi Whitehall.

Um, hey, Horsedick?

Um, I feel ready. I feel ready.

Um, I want you to know that I'm not mad at you...

Um, it's been weird here.

Um, look...

Um, no. No, thank you.

Unless you do that, and then, whatever. I'm not judging.

Vonka and I thought of a new position, and we need a bed against a wall.

Wait a minute. Horsedick's on the radio?

Wait a minute. How come just you're here? Where's Cindi?

Wait a minute. If Horsedick's the most famous person in the world...

Wait a minute. What the hell's going on? There's no fire here.

Wait a minute. What?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Wait. She was at the hospital the whole time?

Wait. You have a girlfriend?

We both hate the same music and like getting wasted and stuff.

We could go get our money back from the motel, jump back in the car...

We gonna smoke this here, and you gonna tell Uncle Horsedick...

We got a long way to walk.

We gotta get to Craig's room to get the treasure before we burn up.

We have 12 hours to get across two states.

We have a happy, healthy romance...

We have to get out of town. I'll explain in the car.

We have to make out and make love all the time.

We have word he's at this party!

We need some sort of angle.

We out of toilet paper.!

We should be there in, like, 600 minutes.

We should totally get Horsedick. MPEG to get us in!

We talked about this last night...

We'll run a train on, like, seven, eight, nine, 11 of them honeys!

We're driving to Los Angeles, but we are just so madly in love...

We're going to the Playboy Mansion!

We're gonna have you back in Cindi's arms in no time. Then you can finally have sex.

We're here today to talk to you about one of the most important decisions that you can make.

We're just dumb firemen trying to do our jobs.

We're moving at 60 miles an hour.

We've really gotta get you some new friends.

Well, dude, you were a vegetable.

Well, he said that you unbuttoned his wife's shirt.

Well, how much money do we have?

Well, I think I patched things up with Candace.

Well, I'm not the kind of guy...

Well, it was the 13 month anniversary...

Well, that was real sweet.

Well, the country is, like, 10 states wide.

Well, they're gonna let us in there when Horsedick. MPEG rolls up.

Well, to be fair, dude, I had to buy you all those clothes...

Well, yeah, actually.

Wh No! Tucker!

What about all them girls?

What about my face?

What about the seminar? What about everything we said to those kids this afternoon?

What an angel that young Cindi Whitehall is...

What are the odds that this issue would come out right now...

What are your turn ons?

What kind of fuckin' idiot goes on a cross country road trip with less than $100?

What kind of problem?

What seems to be the problem, son?

What state are we in?

What the fuck did you just say to me?

What the fuck is going on?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What the shit?

What up, brother?

What was we talking about?

What you doin'?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? He doesn't have that.

What? He left me in the hospital?

What? She's a seven?

What? Tucker, you can't ditch your outfit. What if the firemen see you?

What's going on? Slow down and tell me what happened.

What's he gonna do now?

What's important is right now. I wanna I wanna start over, if you'll have me.

What's the matter?

What's the matter? Here we go. Here we go.

What's up, boys and girls? I'm Carrie Keagan...

When you get to the mansion and you see a pretty girl...

When you give something to a bitch...

When you have epilepsy, strobe lights trigger seizures.

Where are the bedrooms?

Where some of the greatest minds have gathered to exchange ideas and

Where they basically just store you till you die.

Which put an enormous amount of pressure on Craig's frontal lobe...

White male, six foot five. No visible tattoos.

Who's busted.

Who's gonna be at the party...

Whoa!

Whoa! Aah!

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa. Punked.

Whoa. That's so weird.

Whoo!

Whoo!

Why can't I move and hurt you?

Why doesn't anybody listen to me, ever? Jesus!

Why don't you write a message for her on my dick...

Why is your dress all wet?

Why you wanna see that?

Will do.

With my girlfriend!

With this young 18 year old girl from Milford, Kentucky.

Working as what? A whore?

Would you mind turning the music down just a bit? We're almost to my girlfriend's house.

Wow, Horsedick. You're very generous with your time and resources.

Wow! You're good!

Wow. I can't believe we made it.

Wow. This is the nicest place you've ever taken me to, Tucker.

Yeah, and she's great. She's the coolest chick I've ever met.

Yeah, but the trail goes cold after that.

Yeah, but, Tucker, I can't even walk here, man.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Yeah, I mean

Yeah, it's exactly like when Han got unfrozen in Jedi.

Yeah, man. He blew up. He's like the biggest star on the planet.

Yeah, there you go.

Yeah, we'll take a plate ofTater Tots and... Jager?

Yeah, you did. A lot.

Yeah!

Yeah! I was in a coma, and you've been running around doing God knows what.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. But you know who the Bulls rebound leader is, though?

Yeah. Candace thinks that we should try to get pregnant.

Yeah. Good luck to me for having sex!

Yeah. I mean, that's that's what people do, right?

Yeah. I've had a subscription to this magazine for, like, 13 years.

Yeah. She has a car though.

Yeah. They don't even have a drive through.

Yeah. Yeah. We We can do that.

Yeah. You gotta watch where you're walking.

Yep. It's kind of like when Han got unfrozen in Jedi.

Yes, I know that. Thank you.

Yes, I'm very psyched.

Yes, that we did each other for the first time.

Yes, well, your nose was broken by the force of the baseball bat...

Yes, well, your nose was broken by the force of the baseball bat...

Yes. We're lesbians. Does that bother you?

Yo, what's up, everybody? You know who that was.

You all right, man?

You almost make me bite Vonka's labia.

You and me gonna have a long talk.

You are gonna die for what you did to my sister.

You can get some shut eye though.

You can't just walk up to her and ask her to have sex with you.

You can't turn Horsedick. MPEG down.

You could bounce a quarter off that sweet turd cutter.

You fell down the stairs after prom and were in a coma for four years.

You got me the Black Billiard.

You gotta shave your cock. It makes it look bigger.

You had to buy clothes for me because you kidnapped me...

You have to engage her in stimulating conversation first.

You have to hold on to them.

You have to wait until you find that special someone.

You have to. You gonna have shaved balls and a hairy cock? That's gonna look weird.

You know how many motherfuckers use the Internet?

You know these dudes, man?

You know what, phil?

You know what? I've never actually seen Horsedick make it with a ho.

You know, I think I'm startin' to feel high.

You know, lesbians, I didn't want to say anything before...

You know, like, I really knew her.

You know, really try to work things out.

You left me in a hospital bed when I needed you the most.

You let me think Cindi had abandoned me!

You look so awesome right now!

You promise?

You should probably have one more since this is your first time...

You tell your men I know exactly where he's going.

You want this?

You want to go to a party with Tucker after prom?

You were hit pretty hard though.

You won't regret this, Playmate of the Year, 2007!

You wouldn't even know what to do with a girl like that.

You wouldn't understand, Tucker.

You! I told you no hit mister with the bat.

You'll see tomorrow at the mansion.

You're a dead man, Tucker Cleigh!

You're a dead man, Tucker Cleigh! A dead man!

You're a dead man, Tucker Cleigh.

You're a dead man, Tucker Cleigh.

You're biting! Candace! You're biting me! Candace!

You're biting! You're biting! Candace? You're biting, Candace!

You're going upstairs to have sex! With a girl!

You're gonna give me a lesson in sophistication?

You're gonna go find me some more of the good stuff.

You're lucky enough to have it be with a girl that you actually love, and loves you back.

You're my busted girl from Kentucky.

You're not gonna be a dick about this.

You're posing naked for everyone to see.

You're right. You're right.

You're stupid! You're stupid!

You're the last person that I ever want to bang.

You've healed from all the damage you received in your initial fall...

You've seen a lot of that on the Internet?

You've turned me into a whore, Eugene.

Your body is in an extreme state of atrophy...

Your dad didn't think that you would ever wake up...

Your face looks

Your first time is going to be with a playboy Playmate...

Your... girlfriend?

100? 200?

10228 Charring Cross Road, Los Angeles, California, 90024.

A little whiskey always calms the nerves. Cheers!

And you just immediately ran off? Yeah, I guess.

Are you mad? Yes, I'm mad!

Are your parents asleep? Yeah, they just went to bed.

Aw. Why, thank you. I'm Tucker Cleigh.

Awesome. Very good.

Been working. Working?

Big time. That's horrible.

Can't turn their trucks around. My God.

Check on this floor.! Yes, sir.!

Cindi.! Eugene?

Come on! It's a party! Wait a minute.

Come on! It's a party! Wait a minute.

Congratulations. Thank you.

Cool. You wanna know something crazy?

Dad? Eugene?

Detour, Eugene. Let me at him.!

Did he change his lyrics? Yeah, this is the radio friendly version.

Did you shave your cock yet? What?

Do you want to get a motel or something? No, man, I'm wired.

Does it feel good? Mm hmm.

Dot MPEG! Dot MPEG.

Dot MPEG! Dot MPEG! Dot MPEG.

Dot MPEG. Dot MPEG.

Dot MPEG. Dot MPEG.

Eugene! Tucker!

Eugene! Tucker!

Eugene? We were sweethearts in high school!

Eugene. How many guys have you slept with, Cindi?

Eugene. So we meet again, huh? Horsedick.

Follow me. No, Tucker. Wait!

Get out of town? There he is! That son of a bitch!

Good bye, Juanita. I'll bring him back in one piece.

Good.! Great. Awesome. Well, that's great.

Gotta numb the senses. Really? That makes sense.

He has to go to the bathroom pretty badly. I'll take him to the bathroom!

He's a firefighter, and they're crazy. Okay, okay.

Hello? Dude!

Hello. What?

Hey, sport. Hey, Dad.

Hey, that's awesome. Yeah.

Hey. Hey. I'm in the tree.

Hey. Hi.

Hey.! Tucker.! What?

Hi, Sheila. Eat me, Tucker.

Hi, Stacy. Drop dead.

How could you, you son of a bitch? What are you talking about?

How did you find me? It wasn't too hard.

How you feel, man? Great, man. Thanks for letting us visit your shoot.

Huh? What? How was it back there, man?

I can try. Yes! That's the spirit!

I don't care. This means that this is whatJenny looks like naked.

I found Cindi. What? Where?

I got to get rid of this cell phone. They can track it. What are you talking about?

I gotta go to bed. Ha! Ha ha ha!

I had a problem with Candace. Obviously.

I mean, because that sort of stuff does happen nowadays...

I mean, that's crazy. Miss January on my dick.

I think I have a plan. What?

I think we're ready. That's what Sandra said to Craig.

I think you're overreacting a little bit. I am not overreacting!

I told you the bat trick would work. policia.! Policia.!

I'll have sex with those girls. Come hook my brother up.

I'll say he wouldn't. Cindi.

I'm 25. Really?

I'm gonna do it now. All right!

I'm gonna do it. Yeah!

I'm gonna go get the keys to the master bedroom. Okay.

I'm gonna have sex. Yes, you are.

I've never seen more devotion in all my years of medicine. Go!

Is it good? Oh, yeah, Eugene.

Is it yours? Um

Is there going to be a problem? No. No.

It tasted like I don't know Pee?

It's dead. Aah!

Just here with our dates now. Yeah. Not bad, huh?

Like that, and Okay, okay.

Little bit of Oh, my God!

Meet me upstairs in five minutes? Sure.

Mister! Tucker, what the hell is happening?

Mmm. I'll see you later.

Motherfuckers got killed! Whoa. That's awesome.

My faults? Yeah. Candace, your face is a wreck.

My hobbies? Yeah. You know

No, no, no. You cannot be here. Juanita, vamonos.

No! I'm just like your brother, Eugene!

No! Yep.

No! Yep.

No! Cindi! Why did you have to get drunk, Eugene?

No. And I don't lie to my friends.

Nothing. I just want to talk to you all night.

Of course. Any time. You remember Eugene from prom?

Oh, and, Tucker, off the record Yeah?

Oh, Horsedick. Dot MPEG.

Oh, man! Leave me alone!

Oh, my God, I'm nervous. That, too, I can help you out with.

Oh, my God! I know!

Oh, my God! I know!

Oh, my God. This is perfect.

Oh, my God. Tucker, I've got this, okay?

Oh, my God. What?

Oh, no, Horsedick. Dot MPEG.

Oh, no! Her brother! You're gonna die tonight, Tucker Cleigh.

Oh, the Stairmaster. How you doin', man? Good.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Oh! Oh! I can't Oh, my God! Relax, son. What's your name?

Oh! Sorry. Hi. May I help you?

Oh. Oh.

Okay, that's enough playful, pal. It's gonna be good.

Okay. Bye.

Okay. Oh, no.

Okay. So I wanted to do something really nice and special.

Okay. Come on. Go, go, go, go, go! There he is.! Get him.!

Or I was her boyfriend, but then we got separated. We got a 2 14.

Ow! You're gonna sit your ass here till the police show up!

People hate firemen. What are you gonna do?

Phil's M.C. Name is Horsedick? Dot MPEG.

please? Okay.

Really? Yeah.

Set the time and place. The two of you can eat shit and die.

She just went upstairs. Yet you look like you're going to a funeral.

She left me too? You were a vegetable.

Shouldn't you be banging her out by now? I'm about to bang her out.

Sit up straight, sweetie. All right.

So you stabbed her? I thought she was gonna bite my dick clear off.

So, Candace, huh? Yeah. Isn't she the best?

So, there won't be any drinking going on tonight, will there? Dad.

Speak. Just got a visual confirmation.

Stop that! I know him. Ow!

That's amazing. That is amazing.

That's Gertrude VonBrauer. What's wrong with her eye?

That's great, Tucker. That is great.

That's great. That's really great. Yeah.

That's me. Oh, my God! It's such an honor to meet you!

There are? Jacuzzis?

There's a ramp right there! No time for the ramp.

They must have put an A.P.B. Out on my plates. What?

This usually never happens. Shut up, Tucker.

Those are our Ow!

To new beginnings. To new beginnings. Well put.

Tucker, you just stepped on hot lava. You're on fire. Whatever.

Tucker? We gotta go, man. Get your stuff.

Tucker. Come on, go do a dance.

TwoJagers. Excellent choice, sir.

Until then, it's best to avoid strenuous situations.

Wanna get your picture taken with the waiter? Could I?

Want to party? Cindi.

We have a 2 14! What? I'm not a stalker.

We just came to see you, dog. Okay.

We must be three states away! Firemen talk, dude.

We're in the living room. I know.

We're not leaving till Saturday. Plans change.

Well, give me your cell phone. No, I don't know where she is. She moved after graduation.

What about all those girls you banged? Yeah, dog.

What about Cindi? Oh, I don't know where she is.

What are you talking about? You're doing pornography.

What are you talking about? What's going on? We gotta go. Now, now, now.

What does that mean? Where have you been?

What is his name? I think it's, uh

What is it? What is it? Ta da!

What money? The money for your hospital care.

What the "H", bro? Come on! Some mail came for you.

What the fuck is going on? Eugene, don't do that. You'll overexert yourself.

What the fuck is wrong with you, man? You're alive. Whoa!

What was that? Nothing. I didn't say anything.

What you want with Cindi Whitehall? Oh, I'm her boyfriend.

What? Horsedick wasn't born with genitalia.

What? What is she talkin' about? Nothin'!

What's a playboy? A magazine with naked ladies.

What's the treasure? Craig just got a MichaelJordan rookie card.

When did you wake up? About three days ago.

when you knew Cindi never left me.! Eugene!

Where have you been? I've been a couple of places.

Where's my Dad? Oh, his job moved him down to Florida.

Where's the card? It's in the closet in a shoe box.

Who is Horsedick. MPEG? Oh, that's Phil, man. That's his M.C. Name.

Whoa! Sorry. Asshole.!

Whoo! I am gonna do it.

Whoo! Wow. Ow! Ow!

Yeah, but, Tucker Dude, this is meant to be.

Yeah, I was in a coma for a while. That's cool.

Yeah, they're pretty small. I know, right?

Yeah! Make it slow, Rick.

Yeah! Spank it!

Yeah! playboy.! Ow!

Yeah? Mm hmm.

Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah. Hmm.

Yeah. But it's locked. You gotta help me. Step aside.

Yeah. Scottie Pippen. Yeah.

Yes. How do you feel?

Yo, Horsedick. Yo, yo, yo.

You do? Yeah. Last week even.

You don't have a dick. No.

You get back here, Tucker Cleigh! There he is! Everybody move!

You know what? It's Japan. I'm gonna have to take this. Okay.

You know, these lyrics don't even make any sense. What?

You left me! Eugene, I

You like this? Uh Uh huh.

You okay with just Crystal? Yeah, that's cool.

You probably can't move yet. You have atrophy. Why can't I move?

You should be excited. Tucker Cleigh!

You stabbed me! That's one of my faults.

You think they're gonna get the message though? Oh, yeah, yeah.

You're getting a little better every day, right? Yeah.

Your brother's got a playboy. No, he doesn't.

...cute T shirt.

'cause I caught him going through my trash looking for food.

'cause there's, like, a lot of factors.

'Cause they can't take that away.

'Cause we're homeys, dude. Lock it up.

'cause you'll explode as soon as you get it in there.

"Dealing with this"? You're not going upstairs to have surgery.

"Oh, my God, this is the best sex I have ever had. "