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That's My Boy (2012) That's My Boy is a comedy film released in 2012. The movie stars Adam Sandler as Donny Berger, a

That's My Boy (2012)

That's My Boy is a comedy film released in 2012. The movie stars Adam Sandler as Donny Berger, a reckless father who reconnects with his estranged son, Todd, played by Andy Samberg. As the chaotic duo attempts to mend their strained relationship, hilarious escapades and absurd situations ensue. Featuring a talented ensemble cast including Leighton Meester, James Caan, and Vanilla Ice, the film delivers a mix of outrageous humor and heartwarming moments. To experience the soundscape of That's My Boy, you can play and download them here.

A lot of times girls I've met over the years,
A pretty huge New Kids on the Block tattoo on my back.
A pubic hair.
A simple apology.
A squirrel run into the coffin and, uh, kind of...
A treasure!
A what?
A women's prison.
About our secret tickle time.
Absolutely.
Actually gaining on the Ethiopians
After the explosion
Ah, he said it! Yeah!
Ah, more than life itself.
Ah, Mrs. Ravensdale.
Ah, no...
Ah!
Ah! We quit, too.
All I can focus on is your shit breath.
All I'm saying is the Chad thing,
All of our practice is really paying off!
All of us... as a fucking team!
All right, all right.
All right, all right.
All right, all right.
All right, all right. Now we're talking.
All right, can you lighten up a little bit?
All right, come on, sweetheart.
All right, Donny, go.
All right, everybody!
All right, fuck it, fuck it.
All right, Gerald, kid! Here we go, guy!
All right, good night, guys!
All right, guys, let's see what we got out there.
All right, here's the deal.
All right, how about this?
All right, how much?
All right, I will.
All right, I'm sorry for what I did.
All right, it was 50 grand, but I'm not... I'm not...
All right, look. I came here to tell you I'm sorry
All right, you know what?
All right? She bangs.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right. So, hang on.
All right. That'll give me time to sell my diamond Lamborghini!
All that shit you mentioned and so does Todd, right?
All that was left of his dad
Already on it.
Also, I want to tell
Am I... This is...
An earring.
An inappropriate teacher student relationship.
And a lot more responsibility.
And a side of fucking Rod Stewart's jizz.
And allow me the honor
And for the record, my name's not Todd Peterson.
And furthermore, the court grants custody
And have a beer, please? I'm begging you.
And he actually saw
And he tries to retrieve the burrito.
And he wanted to see others be happy.
And his lovely wife, Helen.
And I am a Berger, like my father before me.
And I bring it in there.
And I didn't want Todd to know
And I feel the train go by.
And I have actually only seen three vaginae in my entire life,
And I hope that you'll accept my apology
And I lost my son.
And I never gave you an ounce of shit about nothing.
And I started hanging out with this guy ever since.
And I take pride in that, so fuck you.
And I think she would have done it, too.
And I think this was a good use of a Groupon.
And I think, uh, think you might dig it.
And I was pretty much a whiz kid myself.
And I would just ride him all day long.
And ignoring doctor's orders,
And it fucking sprinkles out
And Jamie's brother, Chad.
And my aunt's once by accident on the back of a tandem bike.
And no one wants to pay for that anymore.
And now, looking hot
And so, I decide to jump off the platform, right?
And something else, something sticky.
And something kind of like takes over me, you know?
And that is the end of that.
And that's cute, but I am your teacher, not your girlfriend.
And the feelings
And then we have a wonderful full evening planned
And then we're going to send you home
And then we're gonna have rehearsal dinner tonight,
And they said it's the stupidest thing they ever heard.
And we're going to have a great life together.
And why is it kind of hard?
And with a United States military man, no less.
And yes, I've had sex with Chad from time to time.
And you know that the Xanax makes me.
And you looked very sexy doing it.
And you must be...
And you shake my hand like the civilian you are.
And you, Todd, do you promise to love,
And you're being just plain rude.
And you're gonna be the normal Todd from three days ago, right?
And you're marrying that hot chick.
And you're sitting here gallivanting with...
And, by the way, thanks for the fatherly advice, guy.
And, Jamie, you can be my breast friend.
And, uh, that's the last I seen of him.
And... a lot more money!
Anyhow, Jame, this is my old friend, Donny.
Anyways, the place goes bananas for me,
Are you a soldier?
Are you all right, buddy?
Are you back on drugs?
Are you determined to ruin my life?
Are you finished, sweetheart?
Are you fucking kidding me right now?
Are you serious?
Are you seriously giving me the silent treatment still?
Are you still my dirty boy?
Are you sure you're not a Chinaman?
Are you...
At attention for a couple hours?
At ease, bitch.
At which time he will assume full custody.
Aw, come on, guy. Oh.
Aw, come on, Vanilla Bean Latte.
Aw, Donny.
Aw, God, I got to
Aw, hell no, man! You know I don't know
Aw, no, no. Come on, Todd, don't be like that, huh?
Aw.
Aw...
Aw...
Back to it. Fuck, yeah.
Bam!
Be careful.
Be gentle, he... he's protecting our country.
Be nice to me.
Beautiful places to get married,
Because he doesn't like being in the paper.
Because I'm not a fucking douche bag.
Because I've been dying for that to come back.
Because of me. What did I do this time?
Beep be op beep 84,304.
Beep boop beep boop beep.
Beep boop beep boop beep.
Beep boop boop boop beep. 29,328, Helen.
Before the big surgery, so...
Besides, I'm just not into girls anymore.
Besides, it's not like you can throw together a whole other party this late.
Best friends, right? Here you go, my boy.
Best man, wedding rehearsal
Best man/groom alone time.
Birds a chirpin'.
Blowing in the wind like Tawny Kitaen
Bone your wife? Yeah, I mean, I'd love to.
Boo!
Both of us. This sucks.
Bowl of chili nuggets.
Breast, with an With an.
Bro, but they use olive oil, not butter.
Broke. Who'd have thought this would happen to us?
Buddy, no one gets me a gift.
But before he was born, I modeled a bathing suit
But do you think you would ever...
But give me a little bit of time.
But he's having a good time doing it.
But I can't count on that.
But I don't have time to deal with this, so...
But I don't know... We were kind of like soul mates.
But I got kind of close once.
But I got no time right now.
But I I got to tell you, it felt good.
But I love this kid.
But I need an answer right now. What do you think?
But I quit!
But if I don't give them 43 G's by Tuesday, I'm going to prison.
But it actually happened to my boy here!
But it is really good to see you, Mom. I...
But it's disrespectful to him.
But it's pretty fucking funny.
But that still doesn't get us a church.
But that's what you fucking asked for.
But the good news is,
But there is some good news.
But there was a foul up at the mortuary,
But there's some real good stuff in it.
But this cat's got wheels on him.
But what about your kid?
But with this psycho, you know, it was warranted.
But you and I are close, too.
But you don't hear me
But you use it so much better!
But you were basically the worst parent ever.
But you were only 13.
But you'll understand why I said that in a few minutes.
But your improve were awesome "Post nasal dick," or whatever you said.
But, Donny... Uh, not to toot my own horn,
But, uh, Donny Boy has got to go to bed, though, right?
But, uh, you got any desire to get wasted with us?
But, uh...
But, you see, this is my world.
But...
By the time I was 12.
By the way, dude, you look fantastic.
By the way, Todd, uh
Bye! I'll see you tomorrow!
Bye.
Bye. Just the two of us, you know?
Cake and lollipops for breakfast every day.
Call yourself Han Solo. You're dressed like him.
Calm down!
Calm down!
Came out weird.
Can he possibly win it?
Can I get a hug right now, or...
Can I go to the bathroom?
Can I just say something before we all turn on Todd?
Can I see Randall Morgan possibly?
Can you describe what you're feeling right now, Han?
Can't buy everything, Spirou!
Can't you just let it go?
Cancel what check?
Caveman like, hairy knuckled, single chromosomal,
Chad, adultery is bad...
Chad, I'm sure you're very athletic... Okay!
Chad, this is my fiance, Todd.
Chad.
Chad.
Chad's here!
Champale would like to dedicate this
Churches freak the kid out,
Classic.
Come here. Come here.
Come on, Donny!
Come on, eat it.
Come on, fly!
Come on, fucking hit this thing and let's get it rocking.
Come on, get over here. Oh, oh.
Come on, he is pissed. Fuck!
Come on, let's get them!
Come on, look out! Look out, now!
Come on, now! Oh, the tickle monster.
Come on, now.
Come on, Todd, let's do this.
Come on, Todd!
Come on, we got to get there!
Come on, you fat shit, move it!
Come on, you think he got
Come on, you're gonna get arrested, buddy.
Come on!
Come on!
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on. Doc Shakalu, get your ass up here!
Come on. You're fine.
Come over here, champ.
Coming to you, homie.
Computing, Steve.
Coolest name in the world, right?
Correct.
Could you hold that? Take a chug if you'd like.
Couple of hand jobs,
Dad, how are you, sir?
Dad, let me just give you the money.
Dad!
Damn it, man! Come on! Let's go!
Definitely seen that combo of fluid before.
Did you happen to notice
Did you hear that? Did you hear that?
Did you see that? That was amazing!
Did you take your Xanax today?
Didn't spill my beer, fucker.
Didn't you and your teacher have a kid?
Do I sound okay?
Do it, do it! Give it back!
Do it, just do it.
Do not touch these plates. I'm cleaning them.
Do we really want Father McNutty to be the one
Do you have any Axe body spray?
Do you have fucking rocks in your head, Todd?
Do you have your security undies?
Do you know how gross that sounds?
Do you like fucking my sister, Todd?
Do you remember that kid who got
Do you remember...
Do you want any eggs?
Does it look good?
Does she live the la vida loca, too, or...
Doesn't make you a whiz kid, Donny.
Doing okay in that department, so...
Don't answer that question!
Don't get all psycho on me right away.
Don't get too crazy. Know your limits.
Don't I,
Don't let this be happening, please.
Don't mess with the genius.
Don't screw up my Tom Brady poster.
Don't sweat it. Holla.
Don't we look great?
Don't worry, your secret's safe.
Don't you get money every time that shit is shown?
Don't.
Don't.
Donny and Vanilla Ice fucked your mom!
Donny Berger, what have you done?
Donny Berger.
Donny Berger's back in the news.
Donny doesn't mind, do you, Donny?
Donny, come on.
Donny, couldn't have gone any better. Loved it.
Donny, I think we've had enough excitement for one night.
Donny, just shut up!
Donny, look out!
Donny, maybe your son could help you, financially.
Donny, this isn't a brothel.
Donny, what are you doing here?
Donny, what... what the fuck, man? Sorry.
Donny, you want to know what all women love?
Donny!
Donny!
Donny! Donny! Are you watching?
Donny! Donny! Donny! Donny!
Donny! Donny! Donny! Donny!
Donny! I'm gonna kill you!
Donny! Yeah, this is who I was telling you about!
Donny?
Donny?
Donny.
Donny's not my best friend.
Down.
Dude, at least I got balls.
Dude, come on, will you please stop, collaborate and listen?
Dude, I need 43 G birds.
Dude, I'm into guys, too!
Dude, this is not about you and me, all right?
Dude, Uncle Vanny's fucked up.
Dude, you know what it's time for?
Dude, you're a millionaire now,
Dude! That's it!
Dumb ass.
Eh, let's see what we got.
Eh, so, what time are we gonna go to the prison tomorrow?
Enough!
Especially by me.
Even Steven.
Ever since his father's funeral.
Every once in awhile, buddy, or she's never gonna bang you.
Everyone's having sex and drinking lattes.
Excuse me, sir, put some more girly shit up there.
Fantastic.
Fat guy! Fat guy!
Fat guy! Fat guy!
Fat guy?
Father McNally, please continue. I promise to do
Father McNally, thank you so much for coming out to the Cape.
Father,
Father.
Female version of me. That's right.
Fine.
Finish him, Father McNally!
Finish him!
Five more minutes till you get to choose amongst four
For a Woolworth advertisement.
For an old fuck, so we're in trouble right now.
For free, honey!
For fucking arranging this bullshit!
For her to be mad at you when you're married.
For keeping such a big secret from you?
For some reality TV ambush?
For the girls, buddy. They're mine.
For the rest of your life?
For us to all take a little time to just chill and mellow.
For us to start our lives together.
For what?
Fosse, and Fosse,
Freaky.
From...
Fuck you, buddy.
Fuck you, Kenny!
Fuck you!
Fuck you.
Fuck, I love you so much, Miss McGarricle. I never stopped.
Fuck!
Fuck! You fucking hard ons!
Fuck.
Fucking A, buddy.
Fucking last night of poontang for this kid.
Fucking old guy's got
Fucking shit!
Fucking shit.
Fucking shit.
Fucking Todd Bridges worked hard on that thing.
Fucking white people.
Fucking wrestling champion, and I got the winner.
Fucking...
Fucking... Here.
Geez. He went down like a sack of potatoes, huh?
Generation to generation, actually.
Gerald, you're a sick man, buddy!
Gerald!
Gerald! I'm sorry it sounded so harsh,
Get 'em down!
Get all the looks from, huh, sweetie?
Get away from me!
Get on it now
Get serious.
Get the fuck out of here Go, 90, 90, 90, 90
Get those cameras off me!
Get under it! Get dirty!
Get your shit out of my boss's house! Okay!
Girl Scout?
Give it to me now, honey.
Give it to you alone, all right?
Give it up for Donny!
Give it up for him. Come on, now.
Give me a little bit of time.
Give me that fucking shit.
Give me that, Hansie.
Glad all the children saw that.
Go ahead! I don't need you!
Go for Donny B.
Go get the fucking bags!
Go time, go time.
Go, go!
Go!
Go. Baby, go!
God, you're such an idiot!
Going to ask you for an autograph, but...
Gonna run the marathon.
Good buddy, he'll be fine.
Good call, Han Solo,
Good evening, gentlemen.
Good looking person is my little brother.
Good one.
Good person, how about you put on a tie, okay?
Grandma D, what's going on?
Grandma, what's up, honey? Are you awake, sweetheart?
Grandpa was a psycho. You know that.
Great questions.
Great. Sounds good.
Guess what's on TV?
Guy, guy, just come on. Listen to me.
Han Solo Berger?
Han Solo, don't be like this.
Hang in there, guy!
Hang in there! Go ahead, just sit still, homie.
Hang on, though. Hang on.
Hang on.
Hansie, can we just blow this place off
Hansie, dude, it's me.
Hansie, Hansie.
Hansie, please, let me explain to you...
Hansie!
Hansie.
Hansie.
Has resulted in a pregnancy and you show absolutely no remorse,
Have a good wedding.
Have you, have you been going down on her?
He ain't a tight ass.
He bit me!
He called me Dad!
He changed his name!
He deserved it.
He died in an explosion.
He doesn't even want to be a Berger anymore.
He drops his burrito on the tracks.
He fucking blew me up and his mother?
He had no idea who he was.
He has? What? No.
He is.
He just, you know, wasn't a great dad.
He keeps punching him!
He kind of moved out when he turned 18,
He never used it.
He said, it's like Head of the Class, only with blowjobs.
He would cheer you up all the time when you were sad.
He, uh, actually became a dick.
He... He's got to be a walking Gong Show.
He'll be pretty psyched to see an old friend.
He'll believe this.
He'll kick my ass. He... He's crazy.
He's a liar and he's crazy!
He's a pot smoking bum!
He's fucking getting all fucked up, ah, tonight!
He's got post nasal drip, so...
He's hilarious.
He's not gonna want to talk to me.
He's smarter than Todd!
He's talking to his dick, buddy.
He's up! He's up!
He's your best friend. You're his best friend.
He's, like, a hot shit now. He's getting married
He's, um... My other best friend.
Head in the Class?
Helen, oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry.
Hell, yeah.
Hello.
Hello. I'm Phil.
Help me!
Here at He Time Spa For Men.
Here comes your girl. Here we go.
Here in the final stretch.
Here it is.
Here we go! Taking down two there!
Here we go.
Here you go, big man.
Here, let me.
Hey 0! Do not... That's...
Hey, buddy.
Hey, Chad, I'm Todd.
Hey, come on. Here's to the kid.
Hey, Donny, what'd you get?
Hey, Donny.
Hey, dude.
Hey, guys, guys?
Hey, Han Solo, you're looking great, man.
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, how about I get you another beer, huh, Donny Boy?
Hey, I also made you a mix tape.
Hey, if you don't want to wrinkle the dress,
Hey, if you don't want to wrinkle the dress,
Hey, it's a fucking lovely night, ain't it?
Hey, Jamie.
Hey, let's get out of here.
Hey, let's get out of here.
Hey, look, this might seem weird,
Hey, look! It's us!
Hey, Mary.
Hey, Mom, did you want some breakfast after you finish your dance?
Hey, Mr. Spirou.
Hey, thanks, honey. What the fuck's your name?
Hey, there, little buddy.
Hey, this is all my fault.
Hey, this is the shit, this place... I'm telling you.
Hey, uh, listen, while I got you,
Hey, what...
Hey, what's up, RoboCop?
Hey, when the legendary Donny Berger comes in here
Hey, where you think you're going, Mr. Vanilla Ice Cream?
Hey, where you think you're going, Mr. Vanilla Ice Cream?
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, whoa.
Hey!
Hey! Give me my hat back!
Hey! There he is.
Hey! Whoa!
Hi, Mom.
Hi, Mr. Peterson. What can I do for you?
Hi, sweetheart, how are you?
Hi. I'm Todd Peterson.
Hi. I'm Todd Peterson.
Hi. Yeah.
His boss and her brother?
His father passed away.
His teacher pregnant in Somerville?
His what? What? Who? His son about...
Holy cow, that's my son!
Holy fuck!
Holy shit.
Holy shit.
Honest mistake. Come here, I want to show you this.
Honey, do you think you can forgive me
Honey, what's going on? Nothing.
Honey, you guys have fun at the bachelor party!
Honey?
Honk! Oh, nobody squeezes my titty
Hookers, blow,
How about a black guy?
How about leaving?
How am I ever going to get her trust?
How am I the fucking bad guy right now?
How do you want to do it?
How many days is that, Todd?
How many people have you fucked?
How much is it to tickle my pickle?
How to fry no damn chicken nuggets!
How to pick them, didn't he?
How we doing?
How's it feel, chump?
How's Mr. Drummond doing, huh?
Huh.
I accept. I do. I love it. It's an honor.
I actually stole my middle school librarian's glasses
I actually took three Xanax.
I ain't got no more chances, buddy.
I always double down when your parents are in town.
I am actually just trying to be a dad right now.
I am as sickened as you, believe me.
I am aware that a lot of people think
I am fucking baffled right now.
I appreciate the offer.
I basically had to raise myself, Donny.
I can write you a big fat check.
I can't believe I let you back into my life again.
I can't believe you're doing this.
I can't even take my shirt off
I can't let you marry this chick.
I can't pay you a dime unless I got a release form.
I can't.
I can't. Don't you... I I shouldn't.
I changed my mind. I'm scared.
I could find a priest for you.
I could have six chicks making out
I could stay out a little later.
I could take you to the speakeasy, and we could,
I created a whole fake life just so I could get away from you?
I decided to go see Mom after all.
I deep fry chicken nuggets, man.
I did not do that.
I didn't know about the brother thing, though.
I didn't know if I'd ever see you again.
I didn't know it was her, I swear to God!
I didn't want to. I'm still your little soldier, I...
I didn't, I didn't spill my beer!
I do.
I do.
I don't believe you.
I don't care if he finds out after the wedding.
I don't even know how to ride a bike.
I don't got 43 grand!
I don't know if I can fucking handle it.
I don't know if I'm ready for that, Donny.
I don't know if she writes the articles herself,
I don't know what I could have been thinking.
I don't know what's going on here,
I don't know where they come up with this shit,
I don't know why it got me, but it just got me.
I don't know, a friend of my dad's
I don't know, but I think I want one.
I don't know, Mr. Mitty.
I don't know.
I don't know. It's just something I can do.
I don't know. This kid changed his name.
I don't think Charlie Sheen would understand what's going on here.
I don't think he wants to be found, anyways.
I don't think he'd do a piece of shit show like this.
I don't want none of your money. How is that? Okay?
I don't want to do it.
I don't want to do that in front of my kid.
I don't want to have sex with my family in the house.
I don't want to have sex with your family, either.
I don't...
I exploded.
I fucking leap down there myself, right,
I fucking love it.
I fucking owe money when that shit gets played, man!
I gave you a snake.
I get it.
I get it. You don't like me.
I got a hot tip on a long shot that just might come in.
I got a tattoo of Tattoo. I thought that was funny.
I got my ass kicked, and everyone's pissed off at me.
I got something to tell you, and...
I got to be part of this shit?
I got to pick my shit up.
I got two tickets to Van Halen this weekend.
I got you a fucking great gift.
I got you a wedding gift and I want to
I got you. I ain't gonna let you fall.
I guess not!
I guess not.
I had a kung fu instructor
I had detention myself, guy.
I had love, it's different.
I had no idea.
I had no one helping me.
I hate you... Dad.
I have arranged a very special evening for us tonight.
I have balls down to my knee!
I have to ship out in the morning to fight the Nazis,
I heard she got big nipples.
I heard your phone call.
I just can't believe I've never heard that story before.
I just found my wedding dress covered in barf!
I just hope the guy will talk to me.
I just want you to just jerk it a little bit.
I just... I just didn't know how to make the move.
I kind of look like a ventriloquist.
I knew you were gonna say that.
I know that makes you feel better.
I know that sounded bad, but, Donny, this was going to be the last time.
I know, I know.
I know, I know. I'm a fuck up.
I left you a little best man gift on your dresser.
I lied because I'm the product of
I like the look of this. Who's this?
I like the sound of that.
I like your fucking hairdo!
I love that old time bathing suit.
I love you, Son.
I love you! Do you love me?
I made my bed, now I got to lie in it.
I mean, do you like sticking your dirty booger fingers in her?
I mean, how bad could it be?
I mean, I don't think so.
I mean, I was actually kind of surprised
I mean, I wouldn't do it again,
I mean, it's got our faces and our names.
I mean, maybe this is a blessing, though, guys.
I mean, the sky's the limit, kid.
I mean, why wouldn't you just buy another burrito?
I mean, you are my best friend, guy.
I miss the titties.
I must have done a pretty decent job as a dad, don't you think?
I need to talk to you, homeboy. Yeah.
I never did knock boots with your mother.
I never had it with anyone else.
I never heard of him passing out drunk before.
I never learned how to swim.
I object to these two getting married.
I ought to rip off your head!
I owe the IRS a lot of money.
I probably would've fucked my teacher, too.
I promise I won't do it again.
I promise to do my best to lower prices at the school stores and, um...
I promise to...
I read about this place in Oprah's magazine.
I read the OPEC report, and I was thinking,
I realize that I committed the sin
I really have to watch what I eat.
I saved his life.
I see all these chicks just kind of looking at me, going, "What is that?"
I sent them home, guy.
I shouldn't be doing this.
I shouldn't have hit the guy with the bottle.
I sign a couple of titties,
I smell ratings.
I still got the tattoo I got when I was,
I suppose I'm the reason.
I swear to God.
I tap out. You win, you win I tap out.
I think he just shit his pants.
I think he's gonna win, I really do.
I think I know who.
I think it's kind of a magical moment.
I think she whacked me off outside the pants.
I think the ball's broken.
I think we should.
I think you'll get a kick out of it.
I thought he left.
I thought Jamie was getting murdered,
I thought this was a bathroom!
I thought you said he was a fatty.
I thought you said your parents were dead.
I thought your son was a ski instructor in Vail.
I thought, uh, we could have a little, uh,
I told her you would visit her up at the prison.
I used to dream of... of dissecting her with my penis.
I want to be honest with you, too.
I want to meet Mr. Spencer one day and say,
I want you so bad.
I was eight!
I was losing, admittedly.
I was on the phone with Steve. Aha!
I was on top of that, fucking day one.
I was thinking it's more Foreigner.
I will always love you.
I will give you 50 grand in cash.
I will pay you back, I swear to God.
I wish you had exploded.
I worked out at the time.
I would never carry on with a married woman.
I wouldn't want my boy to end up with some gold digger
I, uh... I'm going to prison if I don't get 43 large, so...
I... I didn't know what I was doing.
I... I don't know what I'm supposed to say right now.
I... I guess they didn't want to see it.
I'd sign something for you, buddy,
I'd, um, I'd like to show you the garden for a minute.
I'll be back in 20.
I'll be back.
I'll forgive you.
I'll get you a deal on a barbecue sauce packet.
I'll grab that from you. I got it.
I'll have you know, she bangs me all the time.
I'll just get him some nice, fresh juice.
I'll never sell out.
I'll never stop loving you!
I'll take the brew back.
I'll teach you.
I'll tell him that, thank you.
I'll whip up some pancakes for everyone else, all right?
I'm a diabetic 'cause you let me eat
I'm a good person.
I'm a good person.
I'm a virgin.
I'm doing a show on '80s train wrecks.
I'm Donny freakin' Berger!
I'm going out for the night, man.
I'm going to be a very rich woman.
I'm going to count that as numbers four and five.
I'm going to drop Jamie at the Fairmont Copley.
I'm going to fuck you up!
I'm going to ride you like a Model T.
I'm going to strangle this motherfucker.
I'm gonna choke him out! He's an asshole!
I'm gonna choke him out.
I'm gonna go take a shower. I'm gonna go to Pilates.
I'm gonna just clean that up.
I'm gonna miss you.
I'm gonna skull fuck you...
I'm gonna skull fuck you...
I'm gonna wear it whenever I want.
I'm hard right now. I'm hard.
I'm his best friend.
I'm into women.
I'm just busting your balls, Phil.
I'm just gonna choke him out.
I'm just saying, buddy, give me a chance.
I'm just saying, I'm in big trouble, guy.
I'm kind of thinking you're the kind of guy
I'm like, "All right, that happens."
I'm like, "This guy's about to die, and he don't know it."
I'm Mr. Mitty.
I'm Mr. Mitty.
I'm not going to do it. I swear to God.
I'm not going to start that up again.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna run.
I'm not letting go. I'm with you, my boy.
I'm not looking so bad now, am I, Dad?
I'm not talking about him, Donny.
I'm not... I would never take his money.
I'm pretty tied into the church crowd,
I'm serious. "De plane!"
I'm sorry, guys
I'm sorry! I'm just freaking out here!
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I didn't know you were going to shit yourself again.
I'm sorry. I know I'm not supposed to hit a chick,
I'm sorry. It's fine, it's fine. Let me see it again.
I'm sorry. Just get the cake!
I'm still fucking big, dude.
I'm telling you
I'm telling you, I can't let my son have a...
I'm telling you, this is...
I'm Todd. Nice to meet you.
I'm wicked famous and I got a wicked big schlong!
I'm, like, a moron over here.
I'm... I'm out of here.
I'm... I'm out of here.
I'm... I'm truly sorry to hear that, son.
I've always loved you, all right?
I've got 10 ways to kill you with my bare hands right now.
I've got better morals than that, Donny.
I've made my decision on who my new partner is.
Ice cream.
Ice, you in there, buddy? I need you!
Ice!
If I give you 43 grand, you don't have to go to jail?
If I hadn't partied with her husband
If we hedge our position on oil, we could really, um...
If you stop, I swear I will kill you.
Impress your friends?
In an hour.
In fact, I might have a little head start on you guys.
In my day, when I got into trouble,
In my office.
In the house.
In the Massachusetts Women's Penitentiary.
Indiana Jones, huh?
Is actually that of a pussy.
Is Han Solo gonna do the show at the women's prison with you?
Is he your stepbrother at least
Is is this the fat guy I put the money on?
Is that back?
Is that gum in your mouth, Donny?
Is that right, sweetheart?
Is that the earring that I gave you after the Loverboy concert?
Is this really happening?
It includes scalp treatment, reflexology.
It is fucking hilarious.
It is Miss McGarricle, Donny.
It is not.
It just comes out that way.
It just got too hard.
It just leads you to a special connection.
It makes sense to me.
It says, "Todd Peterson to wed Jamie Martin this Sunday"
It sounds like a Rodney Dangerfield joke,
It tastes like fucking dick infused with balls.
It tickles.
It was an accident, and it will never happen again.
It was Chad.
It was something fantastic like that.
It was supposed to be a closed casket,
It was, like, one of them, uh, train track kind of deals.
It's a classic night.
It's a cocktail party, not a Quiznos opening.
It's a long shot, you said it yourself.
It's actually 450.
It's actually a funny story.
It's all making sense to me now.
It's all right.
It's balance, it's just balance.
It's been a long time. Uh, how you been?
It's breaking my heart.
It's cool, Donny. That's nice, thank you.
It's fine, but
It's fucking...
It's full of, like, feelings of awesomeness.
It's going to be a lot more hours
It's gonna be even better now.
It's good to see you, too, baby.
It's Han Solo.
It's happening right now.
It's in your dick when it gets hard.
It's in your head. It's in your fucking nut sack.
It's insulin, you dick.
It's jizz.
It's me, it's me. Can I come in?
It's my favorite one.
It's not gonna hurt, buddy.
It's not like her last name is Ice.
It's so weird
It's the 2010s.
It's the afternoon.
It's the coolest fucking name of all time.
It's the guy from last night.
It's time for Donny Berger
It's Todd Bridges.
It's very urban, very street.
It's water infused with cucumber,
It's water under the bridge.
It's what good looking people do.
It's you, Todd. Partners.
It's your wedding weekend, dude.
Jame, you can tell me.
Jame...
Jamie is going to have it all.
Jamie.
Jamie's the gatekeeper for your son.
Jeezum crow, you really were a model, weren't you, Grandma?
Jeezum, it's huge.
Jessica. All right. Yeah.
Jimmy, I got $28 to my name.
Jumping up and down in your little Larry Bird
Just fight through it, man. It's worth it.
Just give me a moment, please, Todd.
Just keep your hands up, kid!
Just kind of keep it going,
Just like you did that, uh, John Wayne Bobbitt in his penis reunion show.
Just look at the first page of that book he's been handing out to everyone.
Just lovely.
Just rasslin'.
Just the right amount of scruff.
Just think he's, like, trailer park y or something you know?
Just throw it.
Just, you got to read it, though. It's fucking...
Keep going, guy!
Keep it in the family, you know?
Keep running! Keep running!
Kenny, what the fuck?
Kid, are you...
Kill the music. Phil, Phil, you...
Know what I'm saying?
L Liquor it up.
Last check I got for that was 85 cents.
Last night!
Leap year, motherfucker.
Let alone something that happened 25 years ago.
Let me check. 641.
Let me get off. I'll fucking run up.
Let me just crack open
Let me off here. Let me off.
Let me swing these free.
Let the boy talk.
Let's all just keep our heads, okay?
Let's do this.
Let's get out of here, Dad.
Let's go have some fun. Hey!
Let's go, let's go!
Let's go!
Let's just start with a summer fling,
Let's let Todd 0 get this one, huh?
Let's not do this.
Let's welcome Amber.
Lighten up, dude. Come on.
Like a jar of pickles in the hot sun...
Like Beefaroni or microwave pizza or some shit, so...
Like morning dew shooting all over the grass.
Like the last three whores I married, huh?
Listen, before you get mad at me...
Listen, man. I work at a ice rink now.
Little bit more blush if you can.
Live from a women's prison.
Look at me, I'm a fountain!
Look at Phil's face.
Look at that jawline.
Look at that stupid fucking thing.
Look at this fucking guy!
Look at this.
Look at you, the lovely bride.
Look, Donny, nobody remembers what Tiger Woods did
Look, I love Todd, and we're going to get married,
Look, if you ever do anything
Look, just this once, don't be so weird.
Look. Is that her?
Love is like...
Made me feel a little sorry for you.
Make a wish, motherfucker!
Make me feel good.
Man, I... What you want?
Man, listen, Queen took 50 %.
Man, you got to give me the recipe, man.
Mary Beth McGarricle, rise for sentencing.
May I suggest we just remove it?
Maybe a younger guy.
Maybe he can come up with the dough.
Maybe he was high on the hashish.
Maybe I should call your mother.
Maybe I slip you in after that Milli Vanilli guy, all right?
Maybe it's best if he doesn't masturbate so much.
Maybe we should start
Me and Miss McGarricle, together again,
Me and my boy got a little head start on you,
Me and Uncle Vanny used to laugh our asses off from you.
Me? I did everything for you, buddy,
Miraculously appearing like this.
Miss McGarricle!
Mister... Fuck you!
Mmm hmm.
Mmm hmm. Juice. That's a great idea.
Mmm.
Mmm. Oh.
Mmm. So, uh...
Mom and Dad, you guys got the hedgehog. Okay!
Mom, she started all this.
Monday's Memorial Day,
More than anything in the world, too.
Mr. Mitty. I used to put an oven mitt on my hand.
Mr. Steve Goldstein?
Must be quite emotional for you to be face to face
My body grew.
My dad's gonna kick my ass.
My eyes are closed.
My father beat me every day with a rake.
My goodness!
My honor.
My kid is very publicity shy, so I... You know, to be honest,
My kid? What about my kid?
My little Hansie, you're all grown up.
My man over here, I see him,
My name's Todd now.
My old man.
My old man... friend.
My old man... friend.
My parents didn't die in an explosion.
My son called me Dad!
My son of a gun best friend have his bachelor party be this.
My son of a gun best friend have his bachelor party be this.
My whole body, like, got a shocked feeling over that.
My wife and I have been burning it on both ends all week
My wife's, my baby's
N Now we got to find Han Solo one of them new girls.
Named after the man who made
Next thing you know, he's face down,
Next thing you know, I realize
Next to mine one year, 12 weeks and one day ago
Next to mine one year, 12 weeks and one day ago
Nice, kid.
Nice!
Nice. Save.
Nice. That's nice.
Nicely done.
No e mailing, no texting,
No expectations.
No fatty foods. But thank you.
No music. No, no, no, no.
No prob.
No reply
No sports.
No walnuts! No fucking excuses!
No way! Party's not over!
No, all right. That's what the law says, Su Jin,
No, but seriously, Iceberg,
No, don't stop, don't stop.
No, Donny,
No, Donny, I don't have any Axe body spray.
No, Father.
No, he bought that Steve Goldstein story.
No, he's not a Marine.
No, he's not!
No, I didn't. Yeah, you did. You won.
No, I don't remember that, okay?
No, I gave him a boost.
No, I know, but I told you
No, I know.
No, I'd never pick you.
No, I'm just saying you got to stand up for yourself
No, I'm not ticklish!
No, it's...
No, no, no, I can't do that.
No, no, no, I... I want to.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no. Don't tell him, don't tell him.
No, no, no, no. No.
No, no, no. Don't you see?
No, no, no. Donny, uh, w we're all set.
No, no, no. He must have lost the weight or something,
No, no, no. No, ratings.
No, no, no. Please, don't let this be happening.
No, no.
No, no.
No, no. I get it right and keep it tight.
No, no. Uh, hit one to that two year old.
No, now, Donny, I will not let you take the blame for this.
No, Steve.
No, uh, we are, we're past that part already.
No, you're not. You're Donny Berger.
No!
No!
No! Don't do that.
No! Fuck you!
No! No, no.
No! Why?
No? No, no, Duran Duran's a good call, though.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No. Father, I'm sorry, I...
No. No talking in detention, Mr. Berger.
No. No, no, no, no, no.
No. The only thing I'm good at is being Donny Berger,
No. What are you talking about? He's doing great.
No. Yeah.
No... It, uh... Uh...
Nobody comes in here and starts busting up my joint
Not happening, asshole.
Not here in the house of the Lord.
Not like you, Todd. Oh, no.
Not living in one.
Not to call me on this line.
Not too much, though. Don't hurt her.
Nothing, I swear to God. I'm not getting...
Now he's hitting it.
Obnoxious, uneducated, ignorant asshole
Of being a part of this joyous day.
Of course I got you.
Of course I knew the guy.
Of course you do.
Of course you got that kind of money.
Of prideful anger in the church,
Oh, 'cause it makes me feel kind of...
Oh, and Steve?
Oh, and you brought a military man.
Oh, battle of the brainiacs!
Oh, boy.
Oh, by the way, Mr. Spirou,
Oh, come on, Todd. This is your wedding weekend.
Oh, Donny, this is just such a great idea.
Oh, fuck, yeah.
Oh, fucking shit!
Oh, God, hang on.
Oh, God, here we go.
Oh, God, I missed you, sis.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God. You know, don't touch those, okay? Let's...
Oh, goodness.
Oh, he could just be making that up.
Oh, he got rich on us, huh?
Oh, he's not staying.
Oh, he's up!
Oh, hey, big man. What's going on?
Oh, hey, we've all been in that situation, and you'll be fine, kid.
Oh, hey.
Oh, I didn't mean anything by it.
Oh, I don't mind. You two are very close.
Oh, I had that built when my son started Little League.
Oh, I know who you are, Han Solo.
Oh, I mean...
Oh, I'll get it.
Oh, I'm telling you, when I walk down the street,
Oh, it's actually hedge funds.
Oh, listen to the roar of that crowd.
Oh, look at that! There's a little tissue beard there.
Oh, look at you.
Oh, lovely.
Oh, man!
Oh, man.
Oh, man. I can't do it.
Oh, Mom. Yeah.
Oh, my God, he's my hero.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. And, he's pretty ripped
Oh, my God. Are you all right, guy?
Oh, my God. Dukes of Hazzard!
Oh, my God. Oh, hooray.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. You must be Jamie.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my word.
Oh, my...
Oh, no, don't hurt me.
Oh, no, honey. I'm staying in the city tonight, remember?
Oh, no, I totally understand.
Oh, no, it's nasty. Come on, I'm telling you.
Oh, no, no, don't hit me. No, no.
Oh, no, no, no, don't.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, no, not this part.
Oh, no, nothing like that.
Oh, no, that's okay.
Oh, no, think about what you're doing!
Oh, no!
Oh, no.
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, oh!
Oh, oh...
Oh, okay.
Oh, okay. That's a $150 additional charge.
Oh, okay. Yeah, no, no, no.
Oh, pshaw. I mean, invite him to stay here.
Oh, pshaw. I mean, invite him to stay here.
Oh, really?
Oh, she's good, this one.
Oh, she's just stressed out 'cause of the wedding.
Oh, shit.
Oh, sorry, those are yours. I...
Oh, stupid bird.
Oh, thank you, but, uh, it's fine.
Oh, that one hurts.
Oh, that poor dear.
Oh, that's good. That's good.
Oh, that's inappropriate.
Oh, that's just a little, uh...
Oh, Todd.
Oh, uh, it's actually just his summer home.
Oh, uh, uh...
Oh, wait! Isn't it bad luck for me
Oh, we don't like you.
Oh, well, uh, he's cool.
Oh, well, what about Father Shakalu?
Oh, what the fu...
Oh, what? No.
Oh, why, thank you.
Oh, yeah, we used to do this to you all the time.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah? Well, she wishes,
Oh, yeah? You want to check in on your pretty decent job?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yes.
Oh, you are such an asshole.
Oh, you bad...
Oh, you don't like him?
Oh, you're gonna fucking give me shit
Oh, you're so sweet.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh! Get the fuck up!
Oh! Oh, my God!
Oh! Oh, my God!
Oh! Oh!
Oh! Oh!
Oh! Ooh!
Oh! You got to puff that fucker up!
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh. Maybe things will work out.
Oh. My God!
Oh. My God!
Oh. My God!
Oh. My God!
Oh. No.
Oh. Now, I like that.
Oh. Oh, I'm sorry On her tits or...
Oh. Okay.
Oh. Uh, no, you can't...
Oh...
Oh...
Oh... Oh, no.
Oh... Oh, please don't let him tell Mommy
Okay
Okay, Chris, get him in there.
Okay, don't call me that, all right?
Okay, fuck it. Okay, fuck it.
Okay, good luck with that.
Okay, he's going to a whole other place right now.
Okay, I'm in.
Okay, I've had just about enough of this.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Okay, Su Jin?
Okay, this is what's gonna happen.
Okay, uh, due to this newfound evidence,
Okay, well, this has been fun.
Okay, you can stop pretending to sleep, Sir Jizz a lot.
Okay, you know what? Let's just...
Okay!
Okay?
Okay? I see a train whizzing at him.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay. All right.
Okay. Awesome.
Okay. This is my boss Steve's mother, Delores, who's awake now.
On the cover!
One lone scraggly hair.
One second, he was with us, totally awake.
One that don't care about all that money he make.
Ooh.
Ooh. There's a calculator on my cell phone.
Or a piece of paper would be fine.
Or eating me out or taking me from behind?
Or I'll fucking crush you!
Pass them skinny fucking Ethiopians!
Pass those Ethiopians!
People are like, "There's that guy!"
Phil, I knew you could do it.
Phil, no! Phil! No, no. Don't do this.
Phil, sit down before I tell your wife
Phil, what a blessing.
Phil, you don't have to do that.
Phil!
Please.
Pleasure to meet you, Chadwick.
Poor thing. Are you okay?
Possibly my last night of spanking the hell out of it
Prepare to get fucked up, motherfuckers!
Pretty good.
Promise me. Promise me.
Proud of myself?
Rageaholics Anonymous and whatnot.
Randall's just getting makeup. Go ahead to the green room.
Randy Jackson, right?
Rapist?
Read 'em and weep.
Really?
Remember I told you we met, uh...
Remember you told me you wanted to get to bed early?
Respect it.
Rich people magazines.
Right here, I got a Walkman.
Right?
Right? 'Cause you guys don't have a car.
Rips my shirt off my body, okay? I open my eyes.
Rose petal and harvest sandalwood.
Royalties from Ice Ice Baby, you must be fucking loaded!
Say hi to everyone.
Saying, and I quote,
Secret tickle time?
Seems like he bought a round last night.
Seriously, thank you so much.
Service revolver, stick it straight up
She can still cancel that check, Donny!
She freaking hates me.
She gave me 50 grand to keep my mouth shut.
She is cheating on you.
She said it was her last time, so...
She said she was dying because
She took advantage of you.
She wins.
She'd do the same for you.
She'll give me the money, I know that.
She's a hot little number.
She's only got the chicken pox.
Sheesh, I'm not messing with her.
Shh!
Shit, it is. Damn it.
Short shorts and sweating
Should we let her?
Show some fucking respect over there, Kenny.
Since '94, Donny.
Since my mother's funeral when I was three.
Smack talking him like some baby little princess.
So Dad doesn't find out he's a modern jazz dancer.
So feel free to abuse the shit out of 'em.
So I am graciously going to step aside and allow Donny
So I grab Burrito Bandito over here,
So I was gonna fucking smack someone around.
So it's real.
So let me get this straight.
So many times, I would.
So now it's time that you try the real thing.
So see you tomorrow, big guy.
So the timing's kind of perfect
So you actually knew Todd's father?
So you better give me something to remember.
So you don't need to get the money till Tuesday.
So you want to go straight to hand jobs
So your father, he... he abused you, did he?
So, guy, how'd we do?
So, I am sorry that I wanted everyone in the world
So, I... I'm totally in.
So, I'm going to go put a dent in that.
So, Jamie, do you promise to provide Todd here
So, Todd, how does one get into
So, uh, where are you staying, Donny?
So, what, you're just going to get a hand job in front of all of us?
So...
Some happiness first, yeah.
Somebody's going shopping! Yeah!
Sometimes I do still have nightmares.
Son, I'm sorry, I just, I can't let you marry this skank.
Sorry to spring that on you like that.
Sorry, I, uh, I heard you scream.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry's not gonna keep you from burning in hell, Todd.
Sounds fishy, but... it really happened.
Sounds like a gentleman.
Spencer's Gifts never fucking fails me.
Squeak out of there with his dad's ball bag in his mouth.
Squeeze it out and fucking... Yeah.
Start doing some crunches or something.
Stay on it!
Steve Goldstein, the Boston Herald wedding reporter.
Steve, huh?
Steve, these are my parents, Gerald and Helen.
Stop it! Stop it, no!
Stop! No, stop it!
Such a pussy.
Suge took the other 60 %.
Summer home. What a dick.
Sweetheart, I'm not asking for a finger up the ass.
Take care of our baby, Donny!
Take my fucking shades.
Take off the collar.
Take that uniform off.
Talking about all day, Tubby Tuke,
Tattoo.
Teacher student relationship?
Tell him.
Tell me you got that on camera.
Terrific.
Thank you, Grandma D. Thanks.
Thanks. Don't you love the pergola?
That came out weird.
That he's the star of the family.
That I haven't talked to in years, in prison,
That is a month's detention.
That is just fucking mental.
That just made me hungry.
That kid is burning through that money,
That kid who got his teacher pregnant?
That partnership on his own?
That sounds like a line Donny would say.
That stupid Duran Duran earring!
That this young man
That Todd is really great with numbers?
That was awesome.
That was so hot.
That was terrible, Todd.
That was the incomparable Champale.
That was the only time anybody's ever seen a king cobra laugh.
That wasn't so bad. Let me see it.
That weirdly got me.
That wore a lot of parachute pants?
That would be huge, dude. How much money?
That would make her happy.
That your mom gave me, and I thought maybe we could
That your mother was just pulling our leg.
That... That's... They canceled that.
That'll replenish him! That'll replenish him!
That's a douche bag thing?
That's a good hug.
That's a nice suitcase, by the way.
That's actually a good idea, a reunion.
That's all I've been waiting for all these years, man,
That's an order!
That's fucking awesome!
That's fucking... Look at him.
That's good advice.
That's great Put on a tie.
That's great, Donny.
That's how much I hate this fucking whore.
That's it.
That's it. That's the way to man up.
That's my boy there.
That's my boy! Look at him!
That's not what I meant.
That's possibly worse than the incest thing.
That's pretty hard to believe.
That's probably why his son ran off.
That's right, sonny boy.
That's right! The Berger boys are back, bitches!
That's right.
That's so funny.
That's so nice of you, but you don't have to do that.
That's the big secret.
That's the last time I listen to you.
That's true.
That's what love's about, right? Forgiveness.
That's why he became a priest.
That's, like, my thing, man.
That's, uh, Donny.
That's... I talked to the warden, and he says
That's... that's nice. Yeah, good.
The ability to make a bong out of a Taco Bell cup
The bus for the bachelorette party is here! Come on!
The conclusion might be that I'm an asshole.
The day before my wedding.
The Donny Berger Story, starring Ian Ziering.
The dry cleaner said they've, uh,
The fact that this relationship
The headmaster would slap your hand with his dick.
The heads are warped, but fuck you, guys, it's funny.
The hedgehog business anyway?
The hottest chicks, the best Denver omelets.
The Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.
The kid hates my guts.
The little douche bag just sat in his room listening to reggae.
The New Kids on the Block!
The old broad knew I was whacking to her the whole time, didn't she?
The thing that really jumped out
The tissue's stuck to my picture.
The train missed our skulls by inches.
The ultimate teenage boy's fantasy.
The Walkman! Yeah, baby.
Their heads are all warped now!
Then how come I feel like shit right now?
Then I had to walk all the way home...
Then I'm completely confused
There ain't gonna be a few minutes,
There he is, man!
There he is, the fat guy we've been
There it is.
There you are.
There's my golden boy.
There's nothing he can do about it then anyway.
There's so many tissues.
There's stranger things than walking around
There's your chance. Go.
They don't know how long she's got.
They give you better food if you're wicked sick like that,
They have sex with other good looking people.
They're gorgeous!
They're supposed to sleep separate night before the wedding.
Third row!
This could be your "get out of jail free" card.
This could get ugly.
This is a $12,000 Vera Wang dress.
This is a Hefty bag.
This is an abomination. I'm telling Todd.
This is gonna be awesome!
This is happening.
This is my last chance to be normal.
This is never going to happen. Never.
This is something that can be fixed.
This is Steve Spirou, Todd's boss.
This is Tubby Tuke, fat guy.
This is Van freakin' Halen, man.
This is where your boss lives?
This is why you came to see me?
This really gets me upset.
This thing's going to hit me.
This, like, monetary thing.
Throw a penny in here!
Throw it in there, guy.
Throw it in, Todd.
Throw the fucking things away.
Throw them away Throw them away.
Till death do you part?
Times 312, Todd?
Timmy, stop. Hold on a second.
Tiny piece of skin flapping in its mouth.
Tip, you know, if you give me a full package.
To bang my eighth grade biology teacher, Mrs. Cohn.
To beat Fairfield and you were
To get you back together with the old gang.
To hurt my sister, I will take my government issued
To keep quiet about her having sex with her brother.
To know I married the perfect guy.
To Mr. Todd Peterson.
To see the dress before the wedding, though?
To take over as the best man.
To take responsibility for his screw ups.
To wear while I masturbated.
To yank my crank? To give me a ho jo to go?
Todd and Brie, sitting in a tree.
Todd doesn't know anything.
Todd has to pop a Xanax when he loses a contact lens.
Todd just fucked the dress.
Todd Peterson?
Todd Peterson.
Todd, come on!
Todd, don't listen to him.
Todd, it's just breathtaking!
Todd, seriously, though, you look great.
Todd, the guests are arriving.
Todd, we want to keep playing, buddy.
Todd, you already messed up my flowers!
Todd?
Todd's happy.
Todd's right.
Toddsy.
True story. All three? Whores.
Tubby Tuke has won!
Tubby Tuke wins! Tubby Tuke wins!
Turn on the TV! Turn it on!
TV's Randall Morgan?
Two, three, four.
Uh huh.
Uh, a Jedi with the chicks.
Uh, but you know what?
Uh, Donny,
Uh, Donny, Donny, you don't...
Uh, guess I'm gonna go finish up with Grandma Delores.
Uh, hi, we're for the Todd Peterson party, please.
Uh, I haven't made that decision yet,
Uh, if we were to short the euro, we could...
Uh, it's one of the many things about this story
Uh, let me just get that for you.
Uh, no.
Uh, nothing personal, man,
Uh, Phil thought it would be nice before the wedding
Uh, this is, uh, my future father in law, Gerald,
Uh, Todd, your old man is here?
Uh, uh, that's, uh... What? No.
Uh, what happened to him?
Uh, what... what are you doing here?
Uh, wouldn't it be dirty?
Uh, yeah, I know, I know.
Uh, yeah, no.
Um, no, they are... super dead.
Um... Maybe 400 bucks.
Uncle Vanny, that's right.
United States Marine Corps.
Unless I got cameras rolling.
Unless, uh, Mrs. Ravensdale, you want to whip them knockers out?
Up to the women's prison this weekend, I will shoot it,
Using a fake name, you go with it!
Van Halen at the Centrum.
Vanilla Ice banged Grandma?
Vanilla Ice.
Vanilla, what's up, guy?
Vanny, I didn't finish. I couldn't. Yeah?
Very cool.
Very funny.
Very sexy.
Wait a minute, that is you.
Wait a minute. What are we drinking
Wait a minute. What was his name?
Wait, are you nervous to see her?
Wait, are you Vanilla Ice?
Wait, but don't they not have a car?
Wait, so you're telling me,
Wait, what is going on?
Wait, you'll go to the prison?
Wait, you're not gonna tell my dad, are you?
Wait. Keep your mouth shut about what?
Wake up, man. What?
Was "three years in prison."
Was he a murderer?
Was he there enough for the kid?
Was it you that hit me in the head with the bottle?
Was Uncle Vanny Vanilla Ice this whole time?
Was, like, a kneecap and a little bit of nut sack.
Wassup!
Wassup!
Wassup!
Wassup!
Wassup!
Wassup!
Wassup!
Wassup! Wassup!
Wassup! Wassup!
Wassup?
Wassup?
Watch yourself.
Water at a fucking bachelor party for, Phil?
We are. We are very close,
We can't let tonight end like this, boys.
We could do the naked Charleston.
We could shoot it this weekend.
We don't do those.
We don't talk no more.
We gonna get our dicks sucked.
We got kicked out of the church!
We got to go out.
We had fun. Don't... Don't fuck it.
We now return to.
We ran well over... a mile.
We should be getting whacked off...
We were friends for 20 years, guy.
We were friends until you banged my mother!
We were having a tickle fight.
We weren't wrestling at all.
We'd love to see them.
We'll abide by my rules while we're here.
We're all gonna dive! Let's go!
We're going out, boys!
We're gonna have the best wedding ever.
We're stuck! We're stuck!
We've all been drinking a lot tonight.
Welcome to your bachelor party package
Well, aren't you going to introduce us?
Well, check your pockets.
Well, good day, everyone.
Well, guys, this weekend, mi casa es su casa.
Well, here's number four, baby!
Well, I feel very relaxed,
Well, I got some great news.
Well, I'll tell you where I would tie the knot
Well, it's not.
Well, let's lose these ties and hit some dingers.
Well, look, hey, good news.
Well, maybe you don't remember,
Well, maybe...
Well, more metaphorically.
Well, Mrs. Spirou, I've always said that if the finance game
Well, Steve Spirou, I'm going to fuck you up.
Well, then I'd prefer if you take your fingers away from your forehead
Well, then, um, who, then?
Well, you know, I actually might be
Well, you know, you're, um...
Well, you looked 14 'cause you were such a huge fat fuck.
Well, you still have quite a figure on you there, Delores.
Well, you've had the fantasy,
Well... Yeah.
Went down on girls for a wicked long time 'cause he was a giver
What about Mr. Mitty? Remember him?
What about your kid?
What am I seeing?
What am I, a billionaire?
What are my options, then?
What are we talking about right now?
What are we talking about? Hit me.
What are you doing here?
What are you doing, guy?
What are you doing?
What are you two homos doing?
What did I expect? It was a 25 foot drop, you know?
What do you mean?
What do you say? Come on!
What do you think he's going to do when he finds out about this?
What do you think?
What do you want, Donny? Money?
What does that mean? Is that ayes or no? I don't understand the pose.
What goes on upstairs when you hit puberty.
What happened is I think he's having a mini meltdown.
What happened to that guy?
What happened? Are you okay?
What have you done to me?
What have you done to me?
What if Todd picks up?
What is 94...
What is going on here?
What is he talking about?
What is that about?
What is that supposed to mean?
What is that, Louis Vuitton?
What is that, The Donny Berger Story?
What is that? Why are you doing that?
What is Vanilla Ice doing in our room?
What room was my fiancee in again?
What the fuck am I doing?
What the fuck are you talking about?
What the fuck did I do to you
What the fuck happened to her?
What the fuck is that?
What the fuck is this?
What the fuck was I supposed to do?
What the fuck we're doing here right now!
What the fuck?
What the fuck? Get off him!
What the fuck? Get out of here!
What the fuck... What the heck? Oh!
What the hell happened to my life, Champale?
What the... Go!
What them fuckers at the IRS say?
What time should I pick you up?
What was wrong with Han Solo Berger?
What were you trying to do, anyway?
What you did at the strip club.
What you talking 'bout, Willis?
What, did Todd come out here?
What, do you think I got that kind of money?
What, you're mad at me?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What? I haven't worn a tie
What? No, I didn't.
What? No, I'm just saying,
What? No. What's that?
What? That's not me. She probably cut the cheese.
What? They ate that up.
What? What are you talking about?
What? What are you talking about?
What? You didn't tell him, you fucking lying piece of shit!
What...
What... I thought they were taking it out automatically!
What'd he say? What did you hear? Did he say something?
What's 452 times 77?
What's a hand job?
What's it going to take for this to go away?
What's that supposed to mean?
What's that?
What's that?
What's the matter, hot stuff?
What's the matter? Chubby never even mentioned me?
What's this, sir?
What's up, numb nuts?
What's up?
What's your name, soldier?
When did that become a douche bag thing?
When he met a pretty girl at the gym named Jamie.
When I was a teenager, and I'm fine with it, you know.
When she was fucking dry humping that car.
When somebody's hammered, they have another guy drive home.
When that dude came at you last night,
When they've been ragging on me and yelling at me and shit,
When you hit that shot
When you were supposed to pick me up after school,
Where are my manners, right?
Where are you, anyways? Oh, I'm in the car.
Where do you think you get it from?
Where'd we meet?
Where's the tie?
While you're in this church, you'll show the proper respect.
White whore.
Who brings these two guys together?
Who did you think I was?
Who I would like to fuck hard and long!
Who taught me how to tighten the diaphragm,
Who wants a piece of this, huh?
Who would pull through for Mumsie.
Who, Fab? He's a fucking buddy of mine. Yeah.
Who, Han Solo?
Who's that? Oh, I'm not here.
Whoa, Miss McGarricle, who said anything about girlfriends?
Whoa, what was that?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa.
Why do you say it like that?
Why don't you just Facebook him?
Why don't you not call me Donny when no one's around.
Why is your dick in my face?
Why is your dick in my face?
Why was the sound of that bottle so familiar?
Why would you do something like that, Todd?
Why wouldn't you just get another burrito, Todd?
Why you getting so serious?
Why, you came right back with your own shit.
Why?
With a special gift of our house made lavender scrub.
With an extra pair of underwear for emergencies.
With each other on our laps in ten minutes.
With each other?
With massage, facial and nail treatments,
With shit in my pants.
With that "beep boop beep" shit?
With that tattoo on your back?
With the preschool applications,
With the woman who molested your father, isn't it?
With the, uh, the father of the groom.
Without having a roommate watching me, so...
Woo hoo!
Word to your mother, brotherfucker!
Would you... Would you loan me the money?
Wow, that's sad.
Wow, what a stressful day, huh?
Wow!
Wow.
Y You got a nice buzz going.
Yay, Chad!
Yeah, and then it died after it ate all your Quaaludes.
Yeah, baby. Yeah. Here you go.
Yeah, buddy?
Yeah, but isn't that what you want in a partner?
Yeah, Donny's sick.
Yeah, great. You know what?
Yeah, Han Solo Berger.
Yeah, Han Solo, Han Solo. What ever happened to him?
Yeah, he's taking his shirt off now.
Yeah, I can see where Steve got his rocking bod.
Yeah, I got it, I got it.
Yeah, I know, but, uh, that's an earring
Yeah, I love you. Get in there.
Yeah, I remember it. I still don't know who that is.
Yeah, I'll go.
Yeah, I'll go.
Yeah, I'm the dirtiest boy you'll ever know, Miss McGarricle.
Yeah, I've been there.
Yeah, it was crazy. It was like,
Yeah, it was, uh... I was gonna hold on to it,
Yeah, it's 'cause I got it when I was in third grade.
Yeah, it's gross. Blowjobs are gross.
Yeah, it's kind of a moral thicket.
Yeah, like a girl version
Yeah, no, I know. I, uh...
Yeah, no, no. You know her better than me, fine.
Yeah, oh, fiddlesnatch.
Yeah, old Mr. Woolworth really, really knew
Yeah, or a photo.
Yeah, pretty much. It was amazing.
Yeah, so we got Chad all tucked in, safe and sound.
Yeah, sorry, I'm stupid. I don't know why I did that.
Yeah, sure. What's up, buddy?
Yeah, that's all you! I'm doing it!
Yeah, that's personal, Donny.
Yeah, that's what you wish, Steve.
Yeah, this guy forgot about leap year, I guess.
Yeah, we'll never know, will we?
Yeah, well, I shit in my pants.
Yeah, well, Stevie likes to think
Yeah, well, you look good.
Yeah, what's going on?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's where you
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course I do, Miss McGarricle.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. That's what I think of that.
Yeah, you're gonna need an appointment.
Yeah, you're supposed to say no.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah! You're the best.
Yeah?
Yeah? Well, that's why I'm giving it to you.
Yeah? Win her over, then she'll convince Han
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. And a wicked good rapper.
Yeah. His fiancee gave me $50,000
Yeah. It's so illegal.
Yeah. Okay.
Yeah. Saturday's the last visiting day
Yeah. Yeah. Remember in first grade
Yeah. You like that.
Yep.
Yes, I totally feel you... Dawg.
Yes, it is, Miss McGarricle.
Yes. Here we go.
Yo! Donny Berger! All right!
Yo! Donny.
You are a disgrace to that uniform!
You are an idiot!
You are an imbecilic, immature, asinine, childish,
You are marrying a real workaholic. You do know that.
You are unbelievable.
You came up with a whole lot of nothing.
You can call me Dad.
You can tell me.
You can tell she likes Todd for Todd,
You come here after the wedding.
You could give me the money.
You did not. Oh, my God.
You do not deserve these treats.
You don't have to puff that fucker up.
You don't love this girl.
You don't understand what's going on here.
You don't want me.
You don't want to touch these 'cause you'll get sick.
You fake white rapping motherfucker!
You fuck your brother?
You fucked us, buddy!
You fucked your teacher in the seventh grade.
You fucking assholes!
You fucking... you guys got your face covered in leprechaun shit.
You get yourself and your actual kid
You go after him, Donny, and you take care of our son.
You goddamn son of a bitch! Calm down!
You got a name for it?
You got Fenway Park in your backyard?
You got it. No, it's in you, buddy.
You got it. You got it.
You got me a gift?
You got the old timey bathing suit on.
You got this, kid. You're an athlete.
You got to admit, I stood up for myself back there.
You got to show my son your tits later.
You guys get that green jizz off your face.
You guys, let me get in here
You had to do it. You saved his life again.
You have got to get that money somehow.
You have to eat one. All right.
You have to stay.
You heard I was doing well, so you came looking for a handout?
You jizzed on a mannequin.
You jumped?
You kind of, like, looked like a deer in headlights.
You know how fucking humiliating that is?
You know how hard it was to take that weight off?
You know that hurts me.
You know that shit.
You know that, right?
You know that's fucking nuts, right?
You know what I do remember?
You know what I need from you, Todd, is I need you
You know what, if I don't see a tit in five minutes,
You know what, maybe a little more girly shit up on the arch.
You know what, Miss McGarricle gets out in three years,
You know what? I would have killed
You know what? It's all right, Steve.
You know what? Maybe just run.
You know what? Mr. Morgan's on vacation right now. I'm sorry.
You know why?
You know, after praying with the monsignor,
You know, and there's nothing he can do about it now, so, uh...
You know, every member of my staff are lucky to be in this country,
You know, hon, if he's really under the weather,
You know, I can't believe your balls produce that much stuff.
You know, I can't hear a word you're saying.
You know, I have worked very hard on this night, Don,
You know, I really don't know, Steve.
You know, I think about you every day.
You know, I weighed 400 pounds
You know, I've been watching you all year, Donny.
You know, she did like to fuck.
You know, that shit ain't on the menu, man!
You know, that's gonna fuck any of us up, so...
You know, there was... There was a connection there.
You know, to get me out of jail, but...
You know, Todd was working at the cubicle
You know, Todd's oldest friend, Donny,
You know, we've known Father McNally for 30 years.
You know, you could eat that ass after I leave the room,
You know? Just so happens that this one particular
You look amazing.
You look beautiful.
You look like a bad ass.
You look like you could be playing drums for Foreigner or some shit.
You lost all the weight, homeboy.
You lost your dad in that explosion, and...
You made me throw out my extra underwear!
You making me drive you home from the beach
You need $43,000?
You never gave me nothing.
You puked all over my wedding dress!
You puked on my dress and then fucked it!
You really want to take that away?
You saved my life? Seriously?
You see? Yeah, those things go together like gin and tonic.
You should be ashamed of yourself
You should be proud of yourself.
You should take Jolene, man.
You should've known by the haircut!
You show your mother your new ring.
You shut the hell up, you satanic hose bag!
You stay out of the slammer, right, Donny?
You still got the 5.0?
You still have my eyes.
You sure she's not stressed out
You tell him or I'll tell everybody here. It's up to you.
You think you can keep that dick
You think you're better than me?
You two have fun together.
You want me to go visit my "sick mom"
You want to be visiting a prison,
You wear a bathing suit in the shower?
You... That wrap around you.
You'd look hot in a $12 Wang Chung dress.
You'll excuse me, won't you?
You're a good kid.
You're a junkie? Who's your supplier?
You're a mess, I'm a mess.
You're better than that, guy.
You're disgusting!
You're Donny Berger. It's him.
You're getting so good at this!
You're gonna go to prison on Tuesday.
You're gonna have plenty of time
You're gonna love it, buddy. Wrestle him.
You're gonna take that dress to the dry cleaners!
You're in a lot of trouble, Donny.
You're insulting us all.
You're killing me, man!
You're my best friend.
You're not marrying the right girl.
You're not meant for this.
You're right, it is him.
You're rubbing your underwear.
You're stacked pretty good. Mmm.
You're talking to the wrong guy.
You're the type of boy a father can be proud of.
You're, like, even hotter than you looked in the paper.
Younger guy.
Your daughter's a sweetheart.
Your fiance's at home, you know.
Your fuppin' poop chute, and empty the clip.
Your mother was a math teacher,
Your mother's sick, by the way.
Your son? Son?
Your whole aura
Your wife to be's fucking your boss.
Yuck!
20's my limit.
25 feet?
28, huh? Okay.
30 years! 30 years. 30 years.
43 grand?
43,000.
50 grand? Jamie.
160 grand? 160 grand?
400 bucks?
451.
641. 641.
♪ So horny for my fiancee ♪ No!
a cannon on him. What happened?
All right. Alone.
All right. All right? Here we go.
and Fosse. Interesting.
Can't wait to get back to the beach house. Oh, thank you.
Come here. Mom.
Come on. Uh, it's coming to me.
Come on. Push, push. I got you. Okay.
Don't fuck with me. Throw them away.
Don't let go. All right, I'm still with you.
Don't let me go. I won't let you fall.
down at the Cape this weekend. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Dude, I'm trying to make love to my wife! Oh! What the fuck?
Exactly. Oh, I love that guy.
Gerald, get in the car. I love you, Donny!
Got it. Nice catch, Mama!
He's on vacation? That son of a... Oh, hey!
I don't think so. No?
I'm in a Jacuzzi. Hang on one sec. Yeah.
I'm not letting go. Don't let me go.
It's under control. Oh.
Just go, go, go, go, go. No, wait, wait.
Let's give it up. My boy.
Love that guy. Classic. Classic.
Love you. Watch the door.
Love you. Ow. Okay. Sleep well.
Mmm hmm. And you can start by taking out
Mmm. Your best friend.
No, he won't believe you. Yeah, he will.
No! Fucking naked people.
No. Put on a tie!
No. Yes.
No. You're still ticklish.
Nugget pockets. No, I'm not a nugget pocket.
of Todd Bridges would be perfect. That's right!
Oh, here... What? No, I love that song.
Oh, I tickle you like that. No.
Oh, it's a pleasure. Hi.
Oh, sweetheart. I'm home.
Oh. Moron.
Oh. Partner.
Really? Yeah.
Sailor? No.
Straight. I don't know how.
Sweetheart, it wasn't my boy. You shut up.
Take care of our baby, Donny! Hansie!
to sign the release form right... Fuck you!
Um, we met... Where?
Very sexy. Mmm hmm.
Wait... I'm with you, my boy!
What happened? I don't know.
What happened? Oh, I don't know!
What is going on right now? Who is this dude?
What is it, a horse? No.
What? Quit showing off
What? What? What?
What's up, nugget pocket? No.
What's up? Give me that. I'm so happy to see you.
Who wants a piece? Whoa, no, no, no!
Who'll take the cigar? Oh, no.
Will you just... What?
Yeah, Chad. No, no.
Yeah. Is that all right?
Yeah. It's never...
Yep, right here. Good.
You are, Jay. Good luck!
You got to see this. Oh, Jamie, no. Don't make...
You know? Yeah, yeah.
You look great. Thank you, sir.
You look so fucking cute! I know, right?
You lost some weight. Is this kid all right?
You named your kid Han Solo? Yes, sir.
You suck. Come on, dude.
You're not a little fat kid no more. No, no, no.
You're unreal. Hansie.
...all the nasty things that I taught you, Donny?
...but incest is fucked up!
...dangerous.
...leaves me absolutely no choice
...this is a serious crime.
...until Donald turns 18,
'Cause guess what?
'Cause he's too good for you.
'Cause I made sex before, lots of ways.
'cause I swear to God, that's my boy.
'Cause I'll smack that motherfucker around.
'Cause I'm going to guess, Donny,
'Cause Jamie's gonna get mad at me.
'cause you got the fucking...
'cause you got too drunk.
'Cause you're looking at an all state
'cause your fiancee banged him, too.
'Wear them if you want. Yeah!
'Whoa!"
"Ah, you're right, you're a good guy."
"All the more impressive considering he was orphaned"
"at age nine when both his parents"
"at All Saints Church on Cape Cod."
"Be a good person."
"coming out of my beaver..."
"De plane, de plane" guy from Fantasy Island.
"De plane! De plane!"
"De plane! De plane!"
"De plane!"
"De plane!" Don't. Donny, don't.
"Dear Jamie, I know you'll make Todd very happy"
"died in a horrific explosion."
"Don't be upset, young man."
"Even though I'm an oven mitt."
"Find us?" Honey,
"Go do something."
"He makes me feel like there's a rainbow"
"Horny teacher baby makes good."
"I would fuck that kid again and again."
"I'm your best friend."
"if you bleach your little brown eye."
"large cap hedge fund managers in the financial industry."
"Mr. Drummond. Mister..."
"No." So, you...
"Oh, Steve, why'd you call on this line?"
"Peterson is one of the youngest"
"Son?"
"Thanks, motherfucker, for all the laughs."
"That's the fucking most chiseled guy I've ever seen."
"You screwed up my cake!"
"You screwed up my cake!"
"You'd look friggin' hot in a Wang Dang Sweet Poontang dress."
♪ ! fa ♪
♪ 'Cause you're ♪ ♪ old enough to dance ♪
♪ "H" to the "O" to the "R" ♪ ♪ To the "N" to the "Y" ♪
♪ A live wire, ♪ ♪ barely a beginner ♪
♪ Ah, come on ♪
♪ Ah, come on ♪ ♪ Take a chance ♪
♪ Ah, come on, baby, baby ♪
♪ All right ♪
♪ All right, stop ♪
♪ And he don't come home ♪ ♪ for half the week ♪
♪ And I don't give a damn ♪ ♪ about my lack of etiquette ♪
♪ And I say rock on ♪
♪ And the cradle will rock ♪
♪ Anything else she knows ♪
♪ Approaches the unreal ♪
♪ As far as I'm concerned, ♪ ♪ the world could still be flat ♪
♪ Better look out ♪ ♪ now, though ♪
♪ Beyond the gilded cage ♪
♪ But just watch that lady go ♪
♪ Come on, girl ♪
♪ Come on, girl ♪
♪ Dance the night away ♪
♪ Dance the night away ♪
♪ Dance the night away ♪
♪ Dance the night away ♪
♪ Dance the night away ♪
♪ Dance the night away ♪
♪ Dance the night away ♪
♪ Dance, dance, ♪ ♪ dance the night away ♪
♪ Dance, dance, ♪ ♪ dance the night away ♪
♪ Dave's got something ♪ ♪ for you... ♪
♪ Dedicate one to the ladies ♪
♪ Directly from Maine ♪
♪ Don't worry ♪ ♪ about the future ♪
♪ Flow like a harpoon ♪ ♪ daily and nightly ♪
♪ Fooled me with ♪ ♪ her style and ease ♪
♪ For those who think ♪ ♪ and feel ♪
♪ Get your ass ♪ ♪ on the floor, yeah ♪
♪ Get your ass on the floor ♪
♪ Get your ass on the floor ♪
♪ Girls on the dance floor ♪
♪ Girls on the dance floor ♪
♪ Girls on the dance floor ♪
♪ Gonna start a fire ♪
♪ Have you seen her? ♪
♪ Have you seen her? ♪
♪ Here we go... ♪
♪ Hey, girl', what you know ♪ ♪ about these stereotypes? ♪
♪ Hold on a second, baby ♪
♪ Hold your head up ♪
♪ How easy to see ♪ ♪ I'm with the ♪
♪ How this younger ♪ ♪ generation swings ♪
♪ I got something to say ♪
♪ I know that I will never ♪ ♪ be politically correct ♪
♪ I like to eat lobster
♪ I see you chillin ♪ ♪ by the bar ♪
♪ I'm with the ♪
♪ Ice, Ice, baby ♪
♪ Ice, Ice, baby ♪
♪ If the thrill is gone ♪
♪ If the thrill is gone ♪
♪ If they say ♪ ♪ the thrill is gone ♪
♪ If you're looking for me ♪
♪ Ill equipped to act ♪
♪ In touch with some reality ♪
♪ Let's kick it ♪
♪ Look me in the eye ♪
♪ Look me in the eye... ♪
♪ Love will find a way ♪
♪ Now, summertime's ♪ ♪ here, babe ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh, come on, baby ♪
♪ Oh, shit, I think I'm gone ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ One must put up barriers ♪
♪ Ooh, baby, baby ♪
♪ Ooh, baby, baby ♪
♪ Ooh, baby, baby ♪
♪ Ooh, baby, baby ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ooh, ♪ ♪ ooh, ooh ooh... ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ooh, ooh, ♪ ♪ ooh ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Ow ♪
♪ Ow ♪
♪ She's on fire ♪
♪ She's on fire, 'cause ♪ ♪ dancin' gets her higher than ♪
♪ So fine and pretty ♪
♪ So fine and pretty ♪
♪ So get your ass ♪ ♪ on the floor ♪
♪ Something grabs ♪ ♪ a hold of me tightly ♪
♪ Stop me when ♪ ♪ I'm passing by... ♪
♪ Than fade away ♪
♪ That's why this one ♪ ♪ is for the ♪
♪ The underlying theme ♪
♪ The underlying theme ♪
♪ Their heads are ♪ ♪ fucking warped ♪
♪ Then it's time ♪ ♪ to take it back ♪
♪ Then it's time ♪ ♪ to take it back ♪
♪ Then tell me ♪ ♪ that I'm satisfied ♪
♪ Three shot, four shot, ♪ ♪ five shot ♪
♪ Turn off the lights, ♪ ♪ and I'll glow ♪
♪ Two shots, then it's on ♪
♪ Was you satisfied? ♪
♪ What's the meaning ♪ ♪ of it all? ♪
♪ What's the meaning of life? ♪
♪ Who am I? Why am I here? ♪
♪ Whoa oh oh oh oh ♪
♪ Whoa oh oh oh oh ♪
♪ With insufficient tact ♪
♪ Won't you turn ♪ ♪ your head my way? ♪
♪ Won't you turn ♪ ♪ your head my way? ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yes, it's love ♪ ♪ in the third degree ♪
♪ Yes, it's love ♪ ♪ in the third degree ♪
♪ Yo, I'll solve it ♪
♪ You got a back tattoo ♪
♪ You got to learn to dance ♪ ♪ before you learn to crawl ♪
♪ You got to learn to dance ♪ ♪ before you learn to crawl ♪
♪ You know ♪
♪ You know I Jove it ♪ ♪ when the ♪