Baywatch (2017) Comedy Edit

A guy dies. That's tragic.

A lot of people screenshot them nowadays.

A plea deal?

A team. And we support each other.

A warm welcome to our host, Victoria Leeds!

Abso fucking lutely.

Absolutely, 100% and here's why.

Absolutely. And we still

Account.

Actually, it's the jellyfish stuck to you.

After a night of partying in Rio

After all, he took your job.

After the interrogation?

Ah, eggy beyond, brah.

Ah, fuck.

Ah, guys, I still don't understand what part of the plan this is.

Ah, we're just doing our jobs.

Ah, you don't want to do that, big dog.

Ah! Thank you!

Ahh! Not on my beach, Arian!

Ahh... My shirt. No, I don't... Ugh.

Ahhh!

All his money is tied up in real estate in the bay.

All over this course in front of all these people?

All right, boys. Here we go.

All right, buddy, we're gonna have to, uh, flash freeze your johnson.

All right, check this out.

All right, cool. Thank you, guys.

All right, Ellerbee, what did we learn from the perps

All right, guys, Brody found the flakka.

All right, guys, we got a very big night, with one goal in mind.

All right, guys. Hey, listen up.

All right, I need you to take the throttle.

All right, I think I got something.

All right, listen up!

All right, meet us on the far side of the park!

All right, Miss Leeds. Circling around.

All right, now, look.

All right, Steph.

All right, Steph.

All right, thank you. Thank you.

All right, watch your step. There's urchins everywhere.

All right, we're out of here!

All right? I need you to work together to help

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Hey, how do I keep in touch?

All right. Thank you, Lieutenant.

All right. Welcome, everybody.

All right. Well, listen, tomorrow make my pecs a little bigger.

All right. You just looked at them again.

All the more reason to investigate.

Am I the only one that got a salad?

And as far as this dead body goes, look.

And Baywatch works because we follow rules.

And bringing them ashore?

And Brody's in the water to anchor.

And by the way,

And by the way, I think you're right about Leeds.

And by the way, I went ahead and added

And come to this side, you imbecile!

And computer science and really, really do something with my life.

And don't cover up my front bump.

And don't even come down here. We don't need you.

And even if this was your jurisdiction, which it isn't,

And even if you had probable cause to pursue,

And get off this big wheel and come join me for a run?

And how Leeds is bringing in drugs to the bay.

And I fucking busted my ass for those gold medals,

And I got a plan.

And I have to make you a trainee, butterfly,

And I loofah my chest with his ball sac.

And I see it, too. I do.

And I will not let you down again, I swear.

And I'll call you by your real name.

And I'll tell you where to send my checks?

And I'm here to create an opportunity for you.

And I'm in desperate need of medical attention.

And if anything happens to him,

And if I would've waited for them, all these girls would be dead.

And if you beat me over there,

And if you don't, your probation could get fucked up.

And if you need some extra motivation...

And it's fucking delicious.

And Mitch was right.

And my balls say we need to go over there and check it out.

And not a single fuck was given.

And not break that many vertebrae.

And now they're on the back of her yacht.

And now we got a dead body in our bay.

And our investigation has found that all of this shady shit

And probably not your scene,

And she's planning on making the entire bay private.

And that he needs to meet us at the marina at 0900.

And that's all you think that this is?

And the coroner's office just released his body.

And the Councilman... Councilman... What's his face?

And the rest are almost there.

And then what?

And then when we came upstairs, the boat was already on fire.

And then you'll never get your approvals.

And they're gonna give you big boy pants to wear,

And this shit is like bath salts on meth.

And totally irrelevant piece of information.

And used Dave to help hack into their accounts.

And we know you feel the same.

And we're all going.

And where were you?

And you doze off at your desk one day, no big deal.

And you fucked up... Again.

And you guys just do the jobs that I hired you to do.

And you look like a bad boy.

And, uh, he says he's already on the team.

And, um, I don't want anyone on the team sleeping outside, so...

And, yeah, occasionally stop them from drowning.

Appreciate it. See that?

Are two different things.

Are you all right? Are you hurt?

Are you all right? Can you hear me?

Are you Batman?

Are you Batman?

Are you dyslexic?

Are you following me?

Are you guys being serious right now?

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Are you okay? You're choking.

Are you sure?

Are you the fire water man?

At all. Yeah, 'cause I don't give a shit.

Attaboy, Ronnie! Great job!

Aw...

Bad news.

Badge on a uniform.

Baywatch is our team. Baywatch is our family.

Baywatch is the elite of the elite.

Because as much as I know about laptops,

Because I don't know, man, it looks clear to me.

Because I'm fucking strong. Let's go.

Because it was faster and clearly had insurance.

Because now Dave knows too much.

Because she has every single politician in this town

Because you were showboating. You want to be a lifeguard,

Because you're supposed to be the lookout for Mitch.

Before Animal Control shows up,

Before that boat was even on fire.

Being part of your team, your Olympic team, your family,

Besides, I got to get back to work at the Huntley.

Better, but could we get

Bieber here figure out why there's a dead body on our beach,

Big dick.

Blatantly disregarding your jurisdiction?

Breathe for me. Come on, big man.

Bring it in.

Brody is an American hero with the face of a Swedish model.

Brody was dubbed the "Vomit Comet."

Brody, let's go, I don't want to wait for you. Come on.

Brody, that save sounds incredible.

Brody, what is it that you think we do here at Baywatch?

Brody!

Brody?

Brody. Brody, hang back.

But additional compensation

But calling me a drug dealer...

But everyone on the beach is talking about you guys.

But for now, let's enjoy the caviar,

But he's got to pass qualifiers first.

But I figured out it's not about drugs for Leeds,

But I won't fuck with you anymore

But I would probably call the cops.

But I'll tell him 2100.

But I'm fast.

But I'm working on it.

But if that was the case, I would definitely call the cops.

But if you don't and you choose to stay,

But if you've come to sacrifice

But in the wake of the recent death of Councilman Rodriguez,

But instead, you tried to be like Mitch and save the bay.

But it is my cheat day.

But Leeds is having a party on her yacht tonight.

But not before he got a shot off that killed you.

But please shut the fuck up and focus.

But rapido because the boat is on fire.

But right now I'm busy dealing with another dead body.

But that doesn't mean that there's anything sinister going on.

But the good news for you

But there was one holdout.

But they're wise.

But this has got to be connected to the Huntley.

But we are Baywatch.

But we could try the baby thing, if you want.

But when it came to the relay,

But when it came to the relay, Brody blew it for the team.

But why'd we have to come to the beach?

But you have a standing invitation.

But you're gonna have to get through this first. C.J.?

But you're not gonna like it.

But you're really good.

But you've proven to me

But your, uh, clean nips are looking really good.

By the way, uh, when we shower in here, we, uh, keep our suits on.

C.J., how about you throw a few

C.J.!

C.J.!

Call the police.

Can you please just cover the dick?

Can't believe Leeds is doing that shit during the day.

Captain, uh, I need to talk to you about this...

Careful.

Cervical fractures of the fifth, sixth and seventh vertebrae.

Check this out.

Cheers.

Chen!

Chen's getting away.

Christmases and even "Bring Your Dad To School Day"

Cinnabon?

City council's already cut our funding again.

Clearly, I overestimated you.

Clearly, we have new dealers in the bay.

Coed, cool.

Come on, brother.

Come on, buddy.

Come on, buddy.

Come on, Ellerbee.

Come on, Gold Medal.

Come on, guys!

Come on, guys! Let's go!

Come on, guys. I need a bigger coat.

Come on, I just need you... You grab that dick

Come on, let's go!

Come on, man.

Come on, man.

Come on, Mitch.

Come on, move!

Come on, Ronnie.

Come on, Summer.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. He's a train wreck.

Come on. Quit screwing around!

Completely destroyed a motorcycle, which you stole.

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

Conserve my energy?

Considering he's the "best swimmer in the world."

Cool off, pool boy.

Coroner's. We saw it in the coroner's report.

Could you put that dog down already?

Couldn't get out.

Councilman Rodriguez is connected to all of this somehow.

Cover up those chicken legs.

Damn it, brah!

Damn it, he always does that to me.

Damn it.

Damn it. You do that every time.

Dave told me that he was working with Leeds

Dead serious, right now, NSYNC, all right?

Did I kill him?

Did that really just happen?

Did you get any intel on Leeds?

Did you have a stroke? It felt like you had a stroke.

Did you just, uh, look at my boobs?

Did you just... Whoa. Please.

Dismissed.

Do I look like a tiny little asshole next to him?

Do I strike you as a patient woman, Councilman?

Do not go under that fire, Brody!

Do not post that. The Internet is forever.

Do not touch me right now.

Do these look like shark bites to you?

Do we have a deal, or...

Do what you were supposed to do with Chen.

Do you guys have eyes on Brody?

Do you have any proof of this conspiracy?

Do you hear yourself when you talk?

Do you know what happened to the Councilman?

Do you think we should kiss?

Does not look good at all.

Doesn't the Huntley get their fish from Flynn's?

Don't be a baby. Lift his scrotum.

Don't do anything too stupid.

Don't fucking touch me.

Don't get ahead of yourself.

Don't give me any of that jurisdiction shit.

Don't jack off on my sheets.

Don't worry, guys! I got it.

Don't worry, your friend's gonna be all right.

Don't you do this to me, Ted! Don't you do this!

Don't you have two of them, though?

Don't you touch my dick!

Don't.

Down here!

Down there.

Drug dirt, real estate dirt, yacht dirt.

Dude, I can't take you seriously when the dick is out.

Dude, there's been gloves here literally the entire time.

Dude.

Emerald Bay is reeling this afternoon

Even if they'd offered it to me.

Every man has a price.

Every team has a ringer, and you and only you are my ringer.

Every time he jogs by.

Everything that you guys are talking about

Exactly.

Exactly.

Exactly. All the evidence... Pfft!

Except for there's no fucking such thing as "lifeguard pursuit"!

Excuse me. That's a very nice scooter.

Fire.

First a councilman and now a shark attack.

First date. You can't blame me, right?

Flakka. Jesus.

Flynn's Seafood Company.

For a long, long time.

For fuck's sake. Why don't you die already?

For something much bigger than yourself,

For those of you who don't go on and become trainees,

For what?

For your own nefarious purposes,

Found our access point.

Frankie, stop.

Frankie! Oh, my God, I am so sorry.

From the shocking discovery of another dead body.

Fuck you, Dave. You're my worst friend.

Fuck!

Fuck!

Get a tan.

Get deeper. Lift the balls up higher.

Get into her cloud and then steal all her cookies, right?

Get set!

Get the chopper to meet us at the barge.

Get the fuck off my beach or I'll have you arrested.

Get the fuck out of here!

Get this through your head, Mitch.

Get to the front of the boat! We're coming!

Get your beauty rest.

Give it up for Lieutenant Mitch Buchannon.

Give me some.

Give me the phone.

Go between my arms and take the fucking throttle!

Go from foster home to winning a gold medal.

Go get them. Stay on the pathway. You get the white one.

Go, baby.

God damn it, let's go.

God damn it.

God, it's getting really fro y in here.

God, you're lying. That's a lot of people.

God... Fuck!

Gone. Doesn't exist.

Good afternoon, Councilman.

Good job, doc. I'm posting that.

Good job. Thank you, you can go now.

Good luck, Officer.

Good luck.

Good morning.

Good work, Mitch.

Good.

Good. Let's get you over. Attaboy.

Great!

Gringa, my position is the ocean.

Guys, guys, come on. Please.

Guys, someone's coming. Be quiet.

Guys, we can talk about this.

Guys, we did some digging.

Guys, we have flakka that just washed ashore.

Ha...

Hair. Lots of hair. Definitely not a groomer.

Have a nice swim.

Have fun, boys.

Have you ever seen the Olympics?

He ain't Superman, he's a damn county lifeguard.

He doesn't need to be, and neither do you. Okay?

He had no smoke in his lungs,

He had this watch. It was a nice TAG watch.

He saved my nana's life. I ever tell you about that?

He should be thrilled to have you.

He's gone, so all we care about now is protecting the bay.

He's got short legs, but he's got a fast walk, so,

He's not ready for this kind of trouble.

He's one of the best swimmers in the whole world.

He's reckless, he's insubordinate. Come on.

He's tough. Brutal, even.

Help me!

Help!

Help!

Help! In here!

Help! My kids!

Helping save Chen

Her airway's blocked.

Here? Oh, um, it's a coed shower.

Here's the key. Here's the key.

Hey, am I the only one that thinks this is clearly a job for the police?

Hey, C.J., why do our suits ride so far up our asses?

Hey, come on, man, why don't you leave my boys alone,

Hey, do you guys know of any good bars around here?

Hey, do you guys know where you can rent a bike?

Hey, does anyone have a weed whacker?

Hey, fresh face. You here for the qualifiers?

Hey, fuck you! Get off my beach!

Hey, gentlemen.

Hey, guys, one more important thing.

Hey, guys, this is Victoria Leeds,

Hey, guys.

Hey, hey, hey. Get back right now. Do not contaminate

Hey, hey.

Hey, hey. What's up, boys?

Hey, High School Musical.

Hey, how's your dick?

Hey, I'm Matt Brody.

Hey, I'm so glad I caught you all.

Hey, it's your day today, Summer.

Hey, killer.

Hey, let me take a look.

Hey, look out!

Hey, look. This new guy of yours?

Hey, man, I think, uh...

Hey, man, this is a wake free zone!

Hey, Mitch, take this one.

Hey, Mitch, what happened to that

Hey, stop looking at the picture, dude.

Hey, Summer.

Hey, Thorpe.

Hey, uh, how you feeling, sport?

Hey, what are you saying? You're just gonna let those guys walk?

Hey, what's up, buddy?

Hey, you look really nice, too, Baby Gap.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Look at me, look at me, look at me!

Hey! Oh!

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. How are you?

Hey. No guests allowed upstairs.

Hi, honey.

Hi, Mitch. Just checking in on you again.

Hide? Where?

His property goes back to the city.

Hola? Is anyone there?

Hold up! Wait, what, what? What are we doing?

Holy Christ. You just tickled another man's taint.

Holy shit, Mitch, you got him!

Holy shit!

Holy shit!

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Honestly, I don't even know what I'm doing here.

Hot Wheels, I'll see you back here in the morning.

How about diamond smugglers who are putting the rocks in surfboards

How about we get into some trouble?

How about, uh, sand grifters running a con on the beach, right?

How do you feel about losing a medal for your teammates?

How do you think I got all this gold?

How excited we are to be working with you

How is Chen getting away?

How many buckets of lotion do you wear a day?

How many gold medals do you have?

How tacky.

How was your day today?

How was your first riptide?

How?

How's it looking out there?

Hustle, hustle, hustle!

I actually feel like a doctor.

I agree with...

I always knew I liked you two.

I am looking out for Mitch.

I am not interested in selling my properties.

I assume you need a place to crash.

I build you up, and then you ruin the mystique.

I can make sure that you stick around here

I can walk in there and find drugs.

I can't believe that no one was at Tower One.

I can't feel my face!

I can't find my hermit crab.

I can't have this unraveling.

I can't save you if you're being a dick!

I commandeered it, okay?

I could really use your help, brother.

I didn't steal that.

I didn't want to make it seem like it was too easy.

I didn't, uh, stare directly at them.

I do. There you go.

I don't even have to stretch to guard you. Let's go.

I don't even know what to say.

I don't know how you fit in that uniform, man.

I don't know shit about computers.

I don't know what to fucking do!

I don't know, honestly.

I don't know, man. That's just how they talk.

I don't know, man. There's a big something.

I don't know. Maybe Ronnie.

I don't know. That seems a little complicated.

I don't mean to interrupt,

I found more flakka this morning.

I found something.

I fucked it up.

I fucked up, man. I know that.

I guarantee you, she found a way to get that guy into her boat.

I have a point to prove, Councilman.

I have something very special planned for you, for everyone.

I hear you!

I heard you were a head turner. What an understatement that is.

I hit you on the C.B., so I know you're listening.

I hold the world record in the 200 meter.

I honestly can't tell.

I hope that doesn't make the boob lers...

I hope you haven't gone crazy and started eating carbs or something.

I just got a little hunch, okay?

I just need you to get down there and just pop it out.

I just thought you had to be on a really restrictive diet

I just want to make sure that you and I

I knew the relay was the next day, but those guys...

I know because you guys saved mine.

I know my place.

I know that.

I know this beach is public and, honestly, I wish the club was, too.

I know you're dealing flakka,

I know you're trying to keep up.

I know you've been using my special set of skills

I like the sound of that.

I like your chest as well.

I made it! Oh, my God.

I may resist for a while, but we both know eventually I'll give in.

I mean, I've always wondered what happened that night.

I mean, if you think about it, it's a good thing, right?

I mean, now that you know our job

I mean, now you're gonna have to beat me

I mean, she's like some sort of modern day J. Edgar Hoover.

I mean, that one might be.

I mean, we saved the bay.

I mean, we've lost him.

I mean, you jumped off the boat with him, right?

I meant evidence.

I need some closure.

I need you out there shining for me.

I need you to check his taint for needle marks.

I need you to check his taint for needle marks.

I never really heard a guy sing that song,

I of all people know how hard it is to run a business.

I overstepped, Victoria.

I overstepped.

I owe you an apology.

I probably wouldn't have gone to the Olympics.

I really admire a man who knows how to seize an opportunity.

I really do.

I really need your help.

I really respect that.

I really would.

I saw barrels like that down in the Huntley,

I saw your name on the board. That's how I...

I scratch my back with a whale's dick,

I sense trouble.

I should go interrogate those girls.

I should have listened.

I take it you're an only child.

I think he ran out earlier today.

I think I found something big here, okay?

I think I'm just, uh,

I think we both said a few things last night that we didn't mean.

I think we case it and I'll meet you back here in five.

I think we should kiss.

I think you need it.

I think you should be in the sequel.

I thought that was supposed to kill you.

I thought that we prevent people from getting sunburned

I thought we were lifeguards.

I used to work with him.

I want to be a part of this team.

I want to help, man. And I want to...

I want to. You saved my sister's life.

I want you off the beach. I'm putting Brody in charge.

I want you to have something.

I want you to light up the sky.

I want you to watch something.

I wanted to meet the new neighbor everyone is talking about.

I warned you about sticking to your job.

I was actually just going to ask you the same thing.

I was born of the sea!

I was thinking dinner first.

I watched you win two gold medals.

I won't.

I would like a salad.

I wouldn't have taken the job,

I... Was not my intention.

I'd love it if you wore tighter pants.

I'll die when the tide stops and the moon drowns!

I'll give you one better.

I'll just put that down. Okay.

I'll take care of... If the fire spreads...

I'll tell you this, if you crack this case,

I'll turn this over to the police.

I'm a pig.

I'm always here.

I'm an Olympic champion and I'm fucking broke.

I'm behind you, dude.

I'm Caucasian.

I'm doing all right.

I'm feeling really good about this year.

I'm going to go get rid of the bad man that's in your house.

I'm going to go.

I'm going to help you.

I'm gonna get it. "In the coroner's report."

I'm gonna need more time.

I'm gonna need that phone.

I'm here to remind you who you are.

I'm here to save you. My name is Matt Brody.

I'm just a lifeguard. And that's it.

I'm just a straight up leafy green type of guy.

I'm just saying it's not rocket science.

I'm just saying, all things considered,

I'm just... What are we still doing here?

I'm laying on a dead old lady.

I'm Matt Brody. Ready for duty.

I'm no longer interested in your opinion, Buchannon.

I'm not a Bond villain.

I'm not ready for this, man.

I'm oceanic, motherfucker.

I'm okay.

I'm on the path, man. They're right there!

I'm onto you all.

I'm proud of you, Ronnie.

I'm really proud of you, man.

I'm so good. You did good, good, good work.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sure they will, too.

I'm sure they'll come around.

I'm sure your approach to women is Snapchatting a dick pic or two.

I'm taking lunch orders. Do you want anything?

I'm taking us to the morgue. Go left.

I'm the only one with a body in my drawer?

I'm very impressed.

I've never seen any interface like this.

If anyone should get the job it should be Stephanie.

If I could please have your attention.

If I had a sister, I'd introduce you to her, man.

If I was a man, you'd call me "driven."

If it wasn't for that pool,

If it's gonna be a problem for you...

If we do the bare minimum, sometimes people die.

If you can help me keep your new pals in line,

If you really think that there's drugs here,

If you want me, you can have me.

If you'd keep eyes open, I'd appreciate that.

In a grueling obstacle course we like to call

In a way that you people can understand.

In here!

In which case,

Instead of against you, now that, um...

Internet, everything like that?

Is anyone going to die?

Is anyone there?

Is he going to be okay?

Is if everyone, everyone, does their job.

Is it just me, or is she in...

Is that this year, we've got three open spots.

Is that you get to write the story of what happened.

Is the reason why the single mom behind me

Is yourself and your medals.

Isn't that right, Mr. Gold Medal?

It does.

It doesn't work like that.

It doesn't work when you say it back to me like that.

It makes us faster in the water.

It stings!

It was in the coroner's report.

It was my fault? Why was it my fault?

It was not an offer, it was a trap.

It was pretty cool. One of them had a pool.

It was worth a try.

It'd take me, like, five minutes.

It's a big red button.

It's a compliment if you think about it, sort of.

It's a kind of a "meet the neighbors" thing.

It's a pleasure to say you are officially no longer trainees.

It's about real estate.

It's all in there before those other guys switched it.

It's bath time, shithead.

It's been done this entire time?

It's better, you know...

It's cool. She won't mind at all.

It's disgusting.

It's exactly what I thought it was.

It's gonna be okay. I've been through it, too.

It's him.

It's Internet savvy in function

It's just a bunch of guys investigating another bunch of guys.

It's just a handful of ball sac.

It's like you purposely only hear 1% of what I say.

It's murder.

It's nice to have somebody who respects you, you know?

It's not exactly in the lifeguard manual, but...

It's not how we operate.

It's not like a physical thing you do.

It's not your job.

It's our only shot to prove that they're dealing here,

It's Ronnie, right?

It's so much bigger than that, you know?

It's the busiest time of the year.

It's the keys to Lifeguard Tower One.

It's very impressive, princess.

It's working, he's turning!

It's your cheat day.

It's, uh... And hairy.

It's, you know, the wind and the, uh...

Jesus.

Jonas Brother, listen to me.

Just call me on the shell phone. That's all you gotta do.

Just get me to the morgue. That's all I said.

Just hook me up with a salad.

Just like gentlemen?

Just meet me back at headquarters.

Just sit back and shut up.

Just so you can fit in with the other kids.

Just some property owners won't give approval.

Just to see fire and just swim right into it.

Just trying to figure out what the fuck was

Keep an eye out for her, okay?

Keep it going! Keep it going!

Keep your hands up. One, two, duck! Again.

Kid's really got no quit in him.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Last pretty boy recruit we had?

Leads right back to the Huntley.

Leave law enforcement to the police. Okay?

Led to a streak of bad luck in the pool,

Leeds blackmailed the ones who didn't

Leeds got rid of him and we're probably next.

Leeds is gonna escape in a helicopter on that fireworks barge.

Leeds!

Left, left. Left turn.

Leon doesn't talk. He's a man of action.

Leon, would you show Mr. Rodriguez

Let me ask you this... A lot of oceans in Iowa?

Let me save you some time. Okay?

Let me try to explain this to you

Let the little boy go.

Let's do some shots!

Let's get him in!

Let's get you a real drink. Greg, the good stuff.

Let's get you to your mom.

Let's go kick that bitch's ass.

Let's go, come on! Way to hustle! Come on, you're almost there!

Let's go, Frankie.

Let's go, partner.

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

Let's go! You got this! Come on!

Lieutenant. Beat cop.

Lifeguard coming through.

Lifeguard Tower One!

Lifeguards can't do shit.

Lift his ball sac and check for anything unusual.

Like in the army?

Like most people would. But that's not us,

Like, we saved everyone.

Line 12. "Alveoli are clean."

Lippers are feebs today. Just eggy.

Listen to me.

Listen, Mitch, I know I messed up, okay?

Literally none of what you said made any sense.

Literally, every single time.

Lock your arms around my waist or you're gonna fucking fall off again!

Look at my dick?

Look at these. Tell me what you think.

Look at you. You didn't even try.

Look out! Look out!

Look, even if you were police,

Look, I get it.

Look, it's okay.

Look, man, I'm fine in that department,

Look, stop with the Huntley crap, okay?

Look, this is what I don't understand, okay?

Looks like he just vomited in the pool.

Looks like your dick is trapped between two slats of wood.

Makes me feel weird about the stuff I have going on in my life.

Matt Brody, U.S. swimmer, sex symbol and adrenaline junkie.

May have worked for his individual events,

Maybe like, um... Like your grandma's underwear?

Maybe Thorpe was wrong about you after all.

Maybe we should talk about it later.

McDreamy, get over here. I need you to help me.

Me, too.

Meatball subs, foot longs.

Mind if I cut in for a second?

Minus the total paralysis part.

Miss?

Mister, get off!

Mitch got set up.

Mitch is threatened.

Mitch sees something in you.

Mitch, did you pull Brody off the beach

Mitch, if you can hear me, you were right.

Mitch, it's Thorpe, your boss.

Mitch, the bay needs you.

Mitch!

Mitch!

Mitch?

Mitch.

Mitch.

Mmm hmm. No problem.

Mmm.

Mmm. Don't be.

Mmm. Eat your food.

Most of the council has signed off on your terms.

Mr. Chen, I'm so glad you could make it.

My crime scene.

My friend is choking! Help!

My gut says there's some bad shit going on over there,

My mangina?

My mentor gave me this.

Nah. Nobody's looking. Just us.

New Kids on the Block here is from Iowa.

Nice and quiet.

Nice!

No apology needed.

No baby pictures.

No criminal record. No fetishes.

No quit and you leave it all out on the beach.

No smoke in his lungs, which probably means he died

No way.

No weird photos. He's clean.

No, fresh out. Fresh out of fucks. Yeah.

No, I can't do that at all.

No, I chose you because you have heart,

No, I didn't even know she was working on the beach today.

No, I think it's "infiltrate."

No, I'm not okay!

No, I've been Mitch Buchannon for 20 years.

No, just listen to me. Just listen...

No, just ponds and lakes and cocky pretty boys, apparently.

No, lifeguard.

No, man, you got to look closer. I knew it.

No, no, it's okay, it's okay, I got it.

No, no, not Mitch. Don't bring Mitch over.

No, no.

No, thanks, man.

No, they don't all look like shark bites.

No, those girls were too high. They don't remember anything.

No, we still haven't seen him...

No, you just knocked his ass out.

No!

No!

No!

No! You have to listen to me!

No.

No. I'm not ready.

No. No time.

Not 'cause I do it all the time.

Not me. I meant every word.

Not my boy Ted.

Not only are you on the team,

Not too far away.

Not touching the man's scrotum.

Not used to having a boss.

Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Nothing. I was just, uh...

Now go clean up your mess.

Now I did.

Now I gotta go clean up this mess that you made.

Now let's see how long you can hold your breath.

Now pick that up and take it to Tower One.

Now that that's over, I'm gonna need those files.

Now we're even.

Now will you shut the fuck up?

Now without further ado, I'd like to turn it over to the man

Now, I get it, you're fast, you're fearless.

Now, look, Mitch, let's be honest.

Nuggin' higher outside than a full on gazebo.

Obviously, you have every reason to be upset, and I apologize.

Of course. I know exactly who you are.

Of last month's cases at Olympiad here and see what he'd do.

Of the investigation and we're gonna do the same.

Oh, and this one's on your beach. Did you hear that?

Oh, boy, that was fun.

Oh, fuck!

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fucking lifeguards!

Oh, God, I can't deal with blood.

Oh, God, what?

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Mitch, this is for you.

Oh, gosh.

Oh, honey. As usual, I have to do everything myself.

Oh, I already have, Mitch.

Oh, I do.

Oh, I forgot something in my car.

Oh, I'm going in.

Oh, it's a permission slip. Literally. "Dear Mitch,

Oh, it's all fantastic with the Internet, sure.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, Lieutenant Brody! What you got in the cooler?

Oh, man, Mitch, if you weren't here...

Oh, man, Mitch, if you weren't here...

Oh, man.

Oh, my God, that's Dave!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Did you just...

Oh, my God. Fucking Mitch was right.

Oh, my God. I made it.

Oh, my God. Mitch, you're impossible.

Oh, my God. Well, we're gonna be

Oh, my man.

Oh, no.

Oh, okay. My bad.

Oh, really?

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Someone's coming.

Oh, thank God.

Oh, thank God.

Oh, uh, it's good, you know...

Oh, wait. Uh, no, Victoria.

Oh, you don't get to say that.

Oh, you haven't figured that part out yet.

Oh, you mean this?

Oh, you're going night night, bitch.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Okay.

Oh...

Oh... I get it.

Okay, call Coast Guard. We got a 10 73.

Okay, clear. Come on, let's go.

Okay, guapo.

Okay, I don't know what I'm talking about here, dude.

Okay, I get that you have to test for image stabilization,

Okay, I got this.

Okay, I just... Fuck, I can't reach it.

Okay, it's just me and you now.

Okay, left turn, left turn.

Okay, listen. I need you to create a distraction for Leeds.

Okay, look, let's just be honest, all right?

Okay, no. But, seriously, I got to help you

Okay, so while you're working on your tan,

Okay, troubled youth. Thank you for that.

Okay, um, drink some water...

Okay, um, how do I explain this so that you people understand?

Okay, well, I mean, it's a good thing we're not police, then.

Okay, well, militaries use it all over the world.

Okay, yeah, we will.

Okay, yeah.

Okay, you turned the canals into the goddamned X Games.

Okay? And even if there was,

Okay? I lost all my sponsors.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Hi.

Okay. Look, you're hot.

Okay. Okay, okay.

Okay. Salad.

Okay. So we just take a flash drive and we plug it in, you know.

Okay. Um...

Okay. We're clear, we're clear.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, of course.

On her payroll.

On one of Leeds's thugs.

On something for the Huntley.

On the big boy's course, princess.

On your mark.

One day you will be sharks!

One prick out of that thing

One, two, duck!

One, two, three.

One, two, three. Cross.

Ooh!

Or do I just blow into the conch and you appear?

Or you gonna stand up here and be Creepy Creeperton

Otherwise, we may never know

Our team's commitment to protecting the bay at all costs

Ow.

Patch on a swimsuit.

People die.

People think I'm crazy, that I'm out of control.

Pick it up, folks. Move those legs!

Please help! Please help! My friends and I are on a boat.

Please!

Please?

Plus I'm high as a motherfucker right now

Police do investigations.

Police do pursuits!

Probably zero. Okay?

Put your dumb ass in charge.

Put your hands together for whatever that was.

Put your hands where I can see them.

Quit looking at Little Mitch! It's creepy.

Read me line 12.

Really embarrassed.

Really excited to quit my double major in robotics

Really fucking fast.

Really, how far have you fallen?

Really?

Relax.

Remember the first time I met you?

Remember. Undercover.

Right into the water unaccompanied.

Right there, huh? Is this the only one?

Right?

Right? Right?

Right.

Rodriguez, the taint guy.

Rodriguez. It is him.

Ronnie, are you okay?

Ronnie, come in.

Ronnie, I need you to figure out a way

Ronnie, Ronnie, what did you just say?

Ronnie, um, I need your help.

Ronnie, you pumped about the qualifiers, buddy?

Samsung has all the capabilities of the I.T. process, and, uh...

Sand grifters are, uh, beach thieves.

Say... Say something.

School of manta ray in the cove?

Seashell phone,

Second level! Fire!

See you out there.

See you.

See, I just... I don't understand this, man.

Seriously?

She always looks wet. But not too wet.

She knows the bay better than anyone.

She's been smuggling it under the boat this entire time.

She's gonna get away!

She's got Brody in a cage on the back of a boat.

She's the reason I believe in God.

Shh. Shut up!

Shh. Stop complaining.

Shit!

Shit!

Shit!

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Shoes?

Shut your mouth.

Shut your mouth. You're gonna get us caught.

Single malt 35 year old intel.

Sir, I only stepped away to check out the Huntley

Sir, it was mine.

Snap out of it!

So as a welcome to the bay, I, uh...

So does Superman.

So get out there, kick ass and make us proud.

So God help us.

So here's the thing, if you've come to Baywatch

So here's what we're gonna do.

So how about you let me do my job,

So I came to America,

So I hear you were, uh...

So I presume you know why I had to invite you.

So I went ahead and got something a little bit special for you.

So if anything happens to me, I will expose you.

So if you want to quit, hey, we totally get it.

So impulsive.

So juvenile.

So keep us informed

So many people.

So my gut says that it's all connected.

So technically, we saved lives.

So the only evidence that you had was destroyed.

So these are just like laying around everywhere?

So they could be, like, knife wounds.

So when you two figure out who the fuck I am,

So where should I, like, look out from?

So why don't we just skip that.

So with all due respect,

So you can hit us on that shell phone anytime.

So you shot him.

So you're done.

So you're going to make me guess your name?

So, C.J. and Ronnie, find out who's selling.

So, do you always do the opposite of what people ask you to do?

So, what? That could have happened any time.

Some other way.

Some sort of perimeter going for the crowd?

Something just dripped on me.

Sorry, what?

Sounds like a really, like, entertaining, but far fetched TV show.

Speaking of which,

Stalking one of the most prominent women in Emerald Bay?

Stay off the grass. It's freshly fertilized.

Stay on the pathway.

Stephanie! Damn!

Steve Irwin, R.I.P.

Sting someone in the chest and they die.

Stop being a baby.

Stop looking at the donuts like that and dump them.

Stop that.

Straight through the firewall.

Stuck down there.

Stuck junk is stuck junk.

Stuck junk is stuck junk. Okay.

Such a shame.

Such accusations.

Summer, keep an eye on Leeds and her thugs.

Summer, you and I are going to find the flakka.

Summer.

Summer. Summer!

Sure thing, Lieutenant.

Sure, pal. Just bigger and browner.

Take him.

Take it easy.

Take it off.

Teach him some manners.

Tech stuff.

Technically, I see a dead body,

Technically, that boat out there is the Coast Guard's jurisdiction. Okay?

Tell him, Brody found the flakka

Testing. Failed.

Thank God you make us carry these.

Thank you again, so much.

Thank you for that cryptic

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

Thank you, blue eyed demon.

Thank you, C.J.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. We'll keep that in mind.

Thanks.

That extra protein for you, dawg.

That has such an amazing ring to it. Don't you think?

That I found in front of Leeds's club.

That I'm, what, looking smaller?

That is the Devil's Urchin.

That shirt come in big boy size?

That shit is hardcore and it fucking kills people.

That was a badass right cross, Brody.

That was a hell of a punch, mister.

That was amazing to watch.

That was bullshit, Mitch.

That was such a great plan,

That wasn't so bad.

That you don't want to be part of this family.

That'll tear your little mangina in two.

That's crazy.

That's good luck. Pick it up.

That's got to be her boat up there!

That's him! The Vomit Comet!

That's impossible.

That's it. See?

That's just the lactic acid.

That's my name!

That's my type of jam.

That's not how this story ends, Mitch.

That's not my phone!

That's not the course?

That's not the point.

That's not what I'm saying. I don't want the position. I don't...

That's the spirit, Ellerbee.

That's weird.

That's what we want to do. To infiltrate.

That's what's dripping on your face, necrotic liquid fat.

That's why we're going undercover.

That's why you walked right into my plan.

The adrenaline kept you alive.

The amazing Captain Casey Jean.

The C.B.! Use the C.B.

The champagne and the fireworks.

The Councilman's boating accident was no accident at all.

The expansion of the Huntley will be official.

The fireworks are almost done. And then you can land.

The guy's only here because he took a plea deal.

The Huntley is a front for a giant drug operation.

The Land of Opportunity, because everything is fair here.

The locals here want answers.

The new owner of the Huntley Club.

The night at Chen's?

The only perps here are you three.

The only problem is, after that,

The problem is, that's not the course.

The reason why no one has figured this out?

The school of manta ray fly up out of the water,

The specifics aren't important.

The vacuum guy.

Then I guess that means that you and I are all alone.

Then Mitch and I will search the place for where she hides the product.

There are tons of qualities that make a great lifeguard.

There's a girl trapped in the front of the boat!

There's no coat in here that's gonna fit you.

There's not a chance... Hey...

There's something. Oh, there is a hole.

There's too much fire!

There's your cot.

There's... Fuck.

These are the keys to our house.

These disguises are awesome.

They better not have.

They didn't care about me. They just needed me to win.

They were high. They didn't see anything.

They're bad guys and they don't want us to have it.

They're gonna upgrade you to a Segway

They're stealing things from families on the beach.

They're the ones who supply all the fish to the Huntley Club, right?

They're trying to trap us. Plan B.

Think about things that turn you off.

Third time's a charm, right?

This ain't no little fucking pond out of Iowa.

This dude is not rich at all.

This is a really nice place you have here.

This is actually for you.

This is actually for you.

This is Baywatch, people!

This is Baywatch. What is your emergency? Over.

This is Echo Bravo 153. Go ahead.

This is our beach, bitch. And you're under arrest.

This is really cool of you guys.

This is the beach for you.

This is the guy you think is a good PR opportunity for us?

This is the real world, Mitch.

This phone?

This place has really good cheesesteaks,

This was a bad idea.

This was done on purpose.

This wasn't even Mitch's fault.

Those definitely are not.

Through the binoculars?

Time to die, boys.

To break into the medical examiner's office earlier today?

To choke out a pissed off bull.

To launch those fireworks.

To look like you guys.

To the Huntley. We're having an open house.

To the trainees who made it, congratulations.

Today, we're gonna test all of them

Too much champagne.

Training begins at 0600.

Trust me.

Trying's the best part.

Turn in your trunks, Mitch.

Two gold medals.

Ugh.

Ugh. Councilman,

Uh huh. Cocky pretty boys.

Uh, C.J., what are you doing here?

Uh, guys, after finding the drugs,

Uh, her server, you mean her network.

Uh, I don't know. A guy died.

Uh, no, I won't, because technically,

Uh, no, no, I'm not trying out.

Uh, please call us back. We're worried about you.

Uh... God, oh...

Um, I apologize for Frankie.

Um, just... Just knock.

Um, yeah, yeah, Mitch. We're on it. Fuck!

Um, you got any papers or anything like that?

Um... Iowa?

Under a pier?

Undercover? In disguise?

Unless you want me to replace you with someone else.

Until then...

Until they need to attack.

Up and over!

USA is in the lead for the team relay

Very important lesson.

Very successfully for years now.

Victoria Leeds, the new owner of the Huntley Club.

Victoria, we wanted to come here in person and tell you

Victoria.

Victoria.

Wait, Leeds did say there'd be an open house tonight, right?

Wait, Summer, do you have time to study later?

Wait, that means that there was no smoke in his lungs.

Wait, was that sarcastic?

Wait!

Wait! Good news. We found Leeds.

Wait. Do not tell me that I'm the tech guy.

Wakey wakey, pretty little dum dum.

Watch and learn.

Watch it! Move, move, move!

Watch yourself.

We are lost... We are lost... and there's fire everywhere!

We could call the cops, and then do nothing,

We follow rules because if we don't, people die.

We found a lot of dirt.

We found the drugs here. I'm telling you. They're behind this.

We found the drugs on Leeds's boat.

We found the drugs.

We get a few minnows? The big whale gets away?

We got a comedian on the line. What's your name, funny guy?

We got Chen off the boat.

We gotta move without him.

We help you to be MODERN Fashion | Style | Portrait Instagram: @fashionstyles 4u

We help you to be MODERN Fashion | Style | Portrait Instagram: @fashionstyles 4u

We need to get the fuck outta here.

We protect when other people don't want to protect.

We save lives.

We watch when other people don't want to watch.

We were depending on you tonight.

We were partying,

We'll set you down right here.

We're going to be on the villain's boat.

We're going to have to pull it out.

We're going to the Huntley to see what's in those barrels.

We're gonna go over to the real course,

We're late. We have to go. Come on.

We're lifeguards. So, this, technically, has nothing to do with us.

We're only here 'cause you broke his fucking neck.

We're staring into the abyss here.

We're starting bright and early tomorrow.

Welcome to Baywatch.

Well, at least I'm undercover.

Well, I guess you'll have to help me persuade him

Well, I just wanted to invite all of you

Well, I mean, I have three brothers, so I've had a lot of practice.

Well, I told you I would learn better if I had a study buddy.

Well, I'll see you at tryouts.

Well, I'm not exactly sure what a sand grifter is, Stephanie.

Well, I'm sorry, man, but the beach is important, okay? It's, uh...

Well, most of them sold out and signed away their properties.

Well, tell your shriveled, wise balls

Well, that was cute.

Well, then I guess I'm your ringer.

Well, what did we find?

Well, what we're supposed to do is find the fucking flakka.

Well, when you point them out like that...

Well, why didn't you say so, man?

Well, yet.

Well, you certainly made sure they did not win.

What a nuisance! Take care of them already!

What a terrible, terrible way to meet.

What about Flynn's Seafood Company?

What are you doing here?

What are you guys standing around for?

What are you saying, that I need to work out?

What are you talking about? Figured what out?

What are you thinking?

What are you, Aquaman?

What do we do about him?

What do you mean, why the heck am I wearing makeup?

What do you mean? Doing what?

What do your balls say?

What happened today, while very tragic, unfortunately, it does happen.

What is this, "lifeguard hazing"?

What is your position? Over.

What it was like. If I die...

What kind of tech stuff?

What part of "private" do you not understand?

What part of "You're fired" do you not understand, Mitch?

What the council wants and what the bay needs

What the fuck did you just say?

What the fuck is going on?

What the fuck were you thinking?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What the fuck? That's my name.

What the fuck? Yeah, it's Ronnie.

What the hell are we supposed to do with dirt, Ronnie?

What the hell?

What took you so long with Leeds?

What we do to people who don't deliver?

What would you have done?

What you did would still be totally illegal.

What, the ones that kill you?

What, where? Under the boat?

What, you think that I wanted this?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? How?

What? No.

What? What are you wearing? Where are your sleeves?

What'd you find on Chen?

What're you gonna do, Mitch?

What's important is that we are his community service.

What's that?

What's up, man? How you doing?

What's your deal? You like torturing guys?

When clearly I had the business gene.

When I say so, hard right turn.

When you do it,

When you do it, it's just some guys chasing some other guys.

When your mom has to put on a fake moustache

Where I bribed him, you know, got Mitch fired,

Where is Brody? Have you seen him?

Where you from, One Direction?

Where'd you learn to dance like that?

Which is a double chocolate smoothie from Chen's.

Which is gonna drive down real estate prices in the bay,

Which is why somebody important thinks I belong here.

Which is why we can afford him.

Which is why we're gonna go to that party.

Which means he was probably dead before that boat even caught on fire.

Which you're not,

Who gives a shit right now?

Who has 500 career saves.

Who has been running our Hawaii division

Who sits in his fucking tower all day,

Who taught you how to drive, Stevie fucking Wonder?

Who the fuck is Angelo?

Who's Angelo's Fish Company?

Whoa, whoa, wait! Hey, hey.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. No way.

Whoa, whoa. Stop. Have some respect. Mommies and babies.

Whoa!

Whoa! Did you see that?

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo! Jason Bourne ain't got shit on me!

Whoops. Fuck your phone.

Whose shift was it?

Why are you grabbing me so tight?

Why don't you step out of my line, Zane?

Why don't you think about it, okay?

Why is everyone looking at me? Summer.

Why is he here?

Why me?

Why the fuck are you driving?

Why the fuck are you wearing makeup, dude?

Why the fuck do your balls sound like three year old girls?

Why?

Why'd you pick that drawer?

Will there be some surprises along the way?

Will you just have one drink with me?

With "you people."

With all due respect, that job should go to Stephanie Holden.

With two gold medals.

Would go a long way in motivating me to keep my mouth shut.

Wow, flakka?

Wow. Nice nipple fros, bro. Damn!

Wow. Okay.

Wow. Right?

Wow. This is gonna take a while.

Wrong time to grow a conscience, Brody.

Yeah, absolutely. I was stuck in a woman for hours once.

Yeah, absolutely. We read the coroner's report.

Yeah, and I recorded the whole thing on my cell phone.

Yeah, but we need our lookout.

Yeah, coed is cool with me, 'cause I'm cool with the coeds.

Yeah, come on. You're coming with me. Let's go.

Yeah, dude, Breaking Bad.

Yeah, guys.

Yeah, her network. That's what I meant.

Yeah, hey.

Yeah, I know it.

Yeah, I know what it is.

Yeah, I know. Got it. I'm there.

Yeah, I've seen that watch, too.

Yeah, listen, I got Brody. He's alive and he's well.

Yeah, man.

Yeah, maybe.

Yeah, Mitch. Look, you're just in time.

Yeah, no, I'm good. I'm good.

Yeah, no, it's totally cool. Don't worry about it.

Yeah, that sounds cheesy.

Yeah, that sounds great, Mitch,

Yeah, that's 'cause we were in lifeguard pursuit.

Yeah, this is the police. How can I help you, lifeguard?

Yeah, this is, um... It's my house.

Yeah, we saw it in the corn...

Yeah, we saw it in the coroner's... Coroner's...

Yeah, well, you just ran out of time.

Yeah, what does it look like?

Yeah, yeah, you know, I'm...

Yeah, yeah. No, don't touch, don't touch.

Yeah, you bet I did.

Yeah, you'd think.

Yeah!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. A little too undercover.

Yeah. His hands were soft and supple though,

Yeah. Huh.

Yeah. I mean, that's amazing.

Yeah. If it leaks on the Internet, it's terrible.

Yeah. Oh, God.

Yeah. Potentially.

Yeah. So, why don't we start this whole thing over,

Yeah. Thanks, Mikey.

Yeah. That takes balls.

Yeah. That way.

Yeah. Um...

Yes, including you.

Yes, we saw it in the coronary's report.

Yes, yes.

Yo, Ellerbee?

Yo, Mitch!

Yo, Mitch. It's Brody.

You afraid I'm gonna kick your Little Mermaid ass

You and I both know I'm sticking around.

You are guppies!

You are my goddamn ringer.

You are the bay.

You are the motherfucking tech guy.

You are the tech guy.

You are trying. Way too hard.

You blew it. 'Cause you're selfish.

You call Animal Control?

You can do this in your sleep.

You can find me on the beach.

You can literally swan dive down a flight of stairs

You can't save anyone if you die.

You care about me.

You could go over there, you could go the fuck over there,

You cover the dick. I'm busy.

You dick.

You did good, Ronnie.

You did this one on your own.

You didn't even say anything. Yeah... That...

You disobeyed an order out there, put yourself in danger.

You do not respect anything.

You do realize I'm holding a gun, right?

You don't do investigations. You're lifeguards.

You don't ever have to thank me.

You don't have a jurisdiction, lifeguard.

You don't just protect the bay.

You don't just protect the bay.

You don't know?

You don't need to look down there.

You got a beautiful border collie right there. Don't hit him!

You got it. Huge dick.

You got one job, make sure swim happy white people don't drown.

You got the fake files?

You gotta learn to conserve your energy.

You guys find Chen.

You guys want to help me figure out whose stuff this is?

You guys want to help me figure out whose stuff this is?

You had a job to do.

You have great taste.

You have two gold medals, okay?

You haven't heard about this?

You just heard that cop. He just told us that.

You killed Rodriguez in front of witnesses.

You know I hate the beach.

You know I was already gassed.

You know it, man. I'm just, um... I'm really...

You know that no one can claw their way to the top

You know the best thing about winning

You know they're gonna be looking for us.

You know what, man? I gotta tell you,

You know, Baywatch proudly accepts only one new recruit every year.

You know, I shouldn't.

You know, sharks always swim slowly.

You know, stargazing.

You know, well, it all depends on the data plan that you want.

You know, you wanna be on our team,

You leave me no choice.

You listen to me, and you listen good.

You need to understand one thing, Zane. We're a family here.

You never know when a dry spell could come.

You only threw it eight feet, dude.

You remember? The lifeguarding stuff.

You saved your own life this time.

You say some crazy ass shit, and then you fucking die.

You see it, too?

You see, I'm not Mitch, right?

You see, you're not here to save him.

You seem like the kind of man who knows how to seize an opportunity.

You should probably actually stop drinking

You show up here, matching bathing suits.

You slack off here... Say it with me...

You stabbed yourself with one of those?

You sure Stephanie won't mind? It's cool?

You talking 'bout this medal?

You think I'm gonna forget that?

You took marine biology, right?

You two, what are you doing back here?

You want me to check his taint?

You were amazing when it was just you.

You were reckless out there.

You were right the whole time. And, uh...

You were supposed to be there for us tonight.

You won't get away with this!

You're a lifeguard, Mitch,

You're already on this team?

You're big, Sasquatch.

You're blackmailing me.

You're done.

You're fucking crazy.

You're gonna be cool and go talk to her like a real man,

You're gonna be good.

You're gonna have to earn it.

You're gonna have to pass this course.

You're huge, man. Very hard to control.

You're in politics.

You're joking.

You're just tan.

You're like a dolphin on cocaine, but not annoying at all.

You're like if a human fucked a jet ski...

You're like the Stephen Hawking of swimming,

You're looking at them right now.

You're losing me.

You're my dawg, right? I'll see you tomorrow.

You're not a cop. You're not the fucking Equalizer.

You're not gonna be my big brother here and put me on the right path.

You're okay.

You're still calling this your jurisdiction, right?

You're welcome. You're very welcome.

You've never gotten drunk and said something you don't mean?

Your hidden balls want to go to the cartel?

Your new post.

Yup, just the... Bacon sounds good too.

80% trill and 30% dope.

0900 is 9:00 a.m., so 9:00 p.m. would be 2100.

"Cases"? Okay, um...

A double chocolate smoothie? Yeah.

All right, boys, get him in. Have a good run, Mitch.

All right, brah brah! It's just brah.

All right, here we go. I think we should roll with it. Let's do it.

All right, I'll do it. Yes!

All right. Tell me what you see.

All right. Sounds good. All right, Steph.

and find the flakka. I warned you.

And get closer. Oh, God, it stinks.

And I'm in. And... Fire!

And someone's covering it up. Holy shit.

and there's broadband... All right.

Are you hurt? No. I'm okay.

Are you okay? She was going to kill me.

At all. Cool. Yeah.

Bacon? Yeah.

Beach belongs to everybody. Nothing belongs to everybody.

Because of you. Of course because of me.

Brody, stop! One, two, three...

Brody, stop! What? Why?

Brody? What?

Brody. Mmm.

Burned to a crisp. I'm not ready to die!

But you, you're welcome anytime. Thank you very much.

Come on, dude. Hurry up. Fuck, how'd you do that?

Come on, let's roll. Mitch, hold up.

Come on, Pete. Hey, Mitch!

Come on. Let's go. I'm coming!

Cool. All right. Great.

Could you wait for me? Come on.

Damn, Ronnie. C.J.!

Dave? Yeah.

don't give a fuck. Don't give a fuck.

Don't move. Okay? Okay.

Dude, it's a taint, man, it's a taint. You didn't even look.

Enjoy the party. You look amazing, by the way.

Far. I'd love to buy a...

From Chen's? They're the best.

Fuck you, lady. Pass.

Fucking idiots! Ow!

Get the fuck off my beach. Okay. Okay.

Go, go, go! Rescue One, ASAP.

Good afternoon. So, how is our progress?

Good call, brah. Come on.

Good talk, Brody. Okay.

Good. Hang on. What?

Grab his other leg. Got it.

Guys, still stuck. Mitch, hey, need you.

Have some class. You're right.

He died. R.I.P.

He's always listening on the C.B. Okay, yeah.

Here you go. Here you go. Okay.

Hey, hey. Be cool. There it is again.

Hey, Mitch. Hey, can I see that?

Hey, Ronnie. Oh, hey, Steph.

Hey, Steph. Hey.

Hey! Matt Brody. Matt Brody.

Hey. Hey, Mitch is here.

Hey. Hey. Thank you.

Hey. Hi.

Hey. What are you doing?

Hey. How you doing? Hey.

Holy shit. Whoa.

How'd you get this? Well, it washed up on shore.

I cannot believe I just did that! Hey, Summer. Here. Hey.

I don't know. Okay.

I don't know. Okay. You stay right here.

I get it now, okay. I get it. Who... What, C.J.?

I got here. Right.

I grew up in a foster home. Oh, shit.

I saw you do that. Oh, you're still there.

I... Leon...

I'll see you around? Yes, you will.

I'll see you there? See you then.

I'm Dave. Hi, Dave.

I'm the motherfucking tech guy. Mmm hmm.

I'm Zane. You're Zane.

If you're comin', hurry up. Where's mine?

In super slow motion? Yeah.

in swimsuits a lot, so... Yeah.

In the front! Fuck.

Iowa? You heard of it?

It did it again. Nothing's dripping on me.

It did. He slapped me. Wow.

It kinda looks like you did. What?

It was a good try. Ah, fuck. All right.

It was all your fucking fault. We're all really, really sad.

It was horrible. Fuck!

It's a little much. What was I supposed to do?

It's go time. Right.

It's okay. Shit.

Just like pulling a tooth. What?

Just write this down. Can we just go?

Just... Can you do it? Yeah, it's done.

Keep up the good work. Thanks.

Kick those legs! Let's go!

Later, Mitch. All right, brah.

Let's do it. For Mitch.

Let's go. Or what?

Lieutenant to you. "Lieutenant"?

Lifeguards, this is a surprise. Oh, hi!

like a woman. No offense. None taken.

Listen to me. Formaldehyde melts fat. What?

Looking at it right there. Hey...

Love your chest, it is so... Uh huh.

Maybe, like... Ostriches.

Mitch, you just blew her up! Yeah.

Mitch! Oh, don't bother. He's dead.

Mmm mmm. Not working. No? Okay, cool.

Mommies and babies. Yeah, I see them.

Morning. Good morning.

My kids! Ma'am, everything's okay.

My man. My man.

Nice to meet you. C.J. How you doing?

Nice work! Thanks!

Nice. Good job. Yeah.

No offense, you're included in that. None taken.

No offense. None taken.

No one's seen him for days. What?

No shit? We have to let Mitch know.

No, I didn't. I was... I didn't... Yeah, you did.

No, it's not your fault. No, Ted.

No! God damn it, Ronnie.

No! Let's go, boys.

No. Yeah, you do.

No. Yes.

No. Yes.

Not a big deal. Really?

Not even touching you. Okay.

Now that... Mitch is gone.

Now. You know, honestly...

Oh, evidence. Evidence.

Oh, my God. Angelo's Fish Company. There it is.

Oh, my God. Let's go. Come on.

Oh, my God. Nope. Still stuck.

Oh, my God. What?

Oh, shit. That's it! I'm out!

Oh, thank you. You're welcome.

Oh, yeah? Hey, hey!

Oh! And let's get you out of here and call Ellerbee, okay?

Okay, breathe. C.J., she good?

Okay, fine. We really appreciate it.

Okay. Focus.

Okay. Okay, cool.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Got it, Mitch. Got it.

Pancakes? Yeah.

Pull it? Yeah.

Read me his toe tag. It smells like yogurt.

Really? Fuck, no. That was awkward.

Really? Yeah, absolutely.

Right now. It's just a third testicle.

Right on. Come on, brother.

Right. Well, no free passes. Yeah. Whoa.

Ring, ring? Ring, ring.

Ronnie, are you okay? Oh, yeah.

Ronnie, hey. What?

Ronnie. You're gonna be just fine.

Scotch is your drink, right? Yeah.

See something you like? Jesus Christ.

Shit! Fuck.

Shit. Fuck. Give me that phone.

Shit. I didn't touch you.

so don't worry about me. Yeah.

So? So the question is,

Somebody help! Ma'am, stop it!

Splish, splash. Otherwise, I'll fire you.

Steph, how is she? She's all right.

Summer, you okay? That guy's got my phone.

Summer! Oh, my God.

Summer. Hi.

Thank you so much. Okay. ...I guess.

Thank you. I mean,

Thank you. Where's Leeds?

Thank you. Yes.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Thanks, Mitch. Congratulations.

Thanks. Bye.

That's Dave. Who's Dave?

That's just his butthole. Smile.

There are killer waves, boys. Go shred. It's on.

There's a purity to that. I'm going to kill you.

There's the console. Go.

They can't handle it. Yeah.

They really hit the spot. No, I'll have a salad.

This'll be fun. Thank you.

Totally the same, yeah? It's the same thing.

Two. Two gold medals.

Two. One. Go! Oh, shit, man. I don't know.

Uh uh. Yes. Please?

Watch it, watch it! Shut up!

We all do. Look. Mitch, right?

We have to warn him. I tried.

Welcome back. Thanks.

Well, welcome to Emerald Bay. Thank you so much.

What about Leeds? Ronnie and I will stay here and

What about the business owners? Yeah.

What do we do now? Now we hide.

What does that say? "Morgue."

What the fuck? Holy shit! God damn it, get down!

What! ...and we lost Leeds.

What? Three.

What? We would have died?

What? We will? Yes.

What? What? Oh, God, there's so much blood.

What? You did? Yeah.

Where are the other two? "Other two"?

Where'd he go? Oh, shit.

Where'd you get this? Right there.

Where's the cell phone? They destroyed it.

Who? Chen.

Whoa! Oh, my God.

Why, why, Ted? Why you, Ted?

Will you shut up? Our drawers are empty.

Yeah, but the town would never let her. Yes, it will.

Yeah, I got intel. That's awesome.

Yeah, man. Oh, shit,

Yeah, Mitch. Yo, Eros.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Okay. Ready?

Yeah. Come on in.

Yeah. Doesn't have to try out.

Yeah. Your balls said that? Yes, they did.

Yep. We're good.

Yes! Mitch, no!

Yes. No!

Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes! No!

Yo, Ellerbee. Hey, Mitch.

You got a better idea? I think I do.

You got it. Which should be easy

you got to earn it. Really?

You know that. Yeah, there's also politics.

You were right. Yeah, I was right.

You wouldn't understand. I would understand!

You're Lieutenant Buchannon, right? I am.

You're our lookout. Lookout?

You're out. Come on, I'm... I'm Zane.

...98, 99, 100!

...eight, nine, ten.

...you gotta have that. Yeah, sure.

'Cause I'm really confused with what we've been talking about.

'Cause my balls say,

'cause that's the only place he has any sort of power.

'Cause the only thing you give a shit about

'Cause you're talking about them.

"2816."

"A way of life."

"Almost"?

"Crazy and out of control"

"Dirt"?

"Don't follow Mitch's balls.

"Fire"? What does that mean? In the ocean?

"Hey, just take it easy right here. Just chill."

"I am pleased to write you on behalf of Mr. Matt Brody."

"I didn't know C.J. was working."

"Lieutenant Matt Brody."

"Mitch's balls be stupid."

"Ready for duty"? Oh, okay.

"The Absentee Father."

"You people"?

"You people"?

"You people"? There it is again.

♪ 'Cause I am the champion

♪ And you're gonna hear me roar

♪ Dancing through the fire

♪ I got the eye of the tiger

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪