Keeping Up with the Joneses (2016) Comedy Edit

A bruised ego over a lousy parking space?

A drop? What are you talking about?

A footbridge, every day,

A killer dress.

A lot of us work together.

A sculpture.

A urinal!

A urinal!

A urinal.

A urinal.

About to get weird?

Absolutely. You came to the right guys.

Accomplished, and stylish and affectionate with one another.

Actually, it reminds me of when I went kayaking

Actually, you know less than nothing.

Actually...

After a shootout like that, who cleans up all the bullets?

Against the United States of America.

Against the wheel. He's just a real cuddler.

All cash buyers? That's fancy.

All cash buyers.

All clear.

All right, Gaffney. I'll do some digging.

All right, listen, I'm gonna grab the essentials.

All right, not helping.

All right, they're on the move.

All right, we're gonna go on back.

All right? And that's just for simplicity's sake. Okay?

All right.

All right.

All right. Come on. We're doing this. Let's go!

All right. Get it out!

Alone in the house.

Alone, in the middle of the Empty Quarter, all by myself,

Always do.

Always have our jobs.

Always have plan B.

Always.

Americans are really good with car... You strong man!

And an empty spice rack. She wows the neighbors with her appetizers.

And apologized. He said he was fine. And we have

And asked me to feed Smokey.

And betrayed your country and cul de sac,

And by the way,

And do not tell me that he had to poop.

And establish a command center.

And even though you stole from the company

And everybody hides everything and obfuscates.

And get me to open up and tell you secrets.

And get the chips!

And guess what?

And he's dating Sheila Rondowski, I think is her name, on the sly,

And how are you two alive? Your house exploded.

And I did mention that to you before, in Marrakesh.

And I figured I could use a hobby.

And I filed my story, with 15 minutes to spare, thank you very much.

And I have this poster in my office that says,

And I know that they've been denied, every time, for the last five years.

And I lined it up, and smashed.

And I think it's time to get busy sexually.

And I think that the lines between right and wrong become blurry.

And I've seen your requests.

And if I find out they're real, and not from some hobby shop,

And if you get any ticks, put it in the plastic baggie

And it hurts my feelings when you're not supportive.

And it just kind of ruminates in there and gets all the little coal pieces,

And it might be my fault.

And it's a perfectly good name like any other name.

And make a deal with an arms dealer!

And my wonderful wife, Karen, and our two sons, Patrick and Mikey.

And nobody finds out about any of this, okay?

And now I know what Natalie was doing at the café.

And now thanks to you for bringing me in on this deal, Jeff.

And now, it's finally time to plant some roots. Right?

And on us.

And our second.

And she just thinks that once you're married

And slowly makes its way to his midsection.

And take it from me, somebody who has had 16 years

And that parking space thing was bullshit, all right?

And that was some good snake.

And that's why we came!

And that's why you don't sting the...

And then it's gonna be a whole thing.

And then these amazing new neighbors move in

And then you and I, we,

And then you just kinda throw at it.

And then you meet with me before work tomorrow.

And then you'd pick that one. Put Mikey on, put...

And then... This is so much fun!

And Tyler's gonna go to asthma camp this summer.

And was sitting in a café with Natalie smoking hookah later that night.

And we couldn't even last a week in suburbia!

And we'll need some duct tape.

And we'll need some duct tape.

And well, this line is unsecured, so I can't go into details,

And what do I see coming up over the horizon?

And who puts a bug in a glass sculpture?

And why does Jeff have Internet?

And with me feeling so vulnerable, it's only natural

And you brought the lattes. Knew I could count on you.

And you thought I was possessed?

And you're gonna lead us to him.

And your friends here were about to sell him these.

And your parents, they almost caught us in the bushes, and we hid!

And, Karen, I left your card in the foyer,

And, you know, placed microchips in your darkest cavity,

And, you know, you get me drunk on snake wine

Appreciate the effort though.

Are trying to make a friend.

Are we done talking about the Grillbot?

Are we getting written up? 'Cause I emailed him last night

Are we still doing this?

Are you and your wife ready to make the deal?

Are you coming? You're gonna need to cover your hands.

Are you in the CIA?

Are you ready for a level four security clearance?

Are you stealing secrets from MBI?

Artist's loft.

Artist's loft.

As do I, sometimes.

As if perfect bone structure and flawless skin is something I can help!

At a certain point, you have to make more of an effort.

At MBI?

Aw, thank you, baby.

Awesome. Ivan?

Be strong!

Be strong.

Because a house exploded, it could just be a problem with the grid.

Because he gave me a really weird look when I smelled his breath.

Because I think we were in the same focus group.

Because I'm hiding something.

Because if it bites you, that's how far you're gonna get, man.

Because Jeff does unimportant work.

Because Jeff is actually a good listener.

Because otherwise you would make one piece bigger.

Because that's the place where I know everything is always okay.

Because there's shooting...

Because we talked about it at the indoor skydiving place!

Because we're on some kind of crazy list. That's crazy.

Before you freak out, it's just a baby.

Boris, get some ice tongs and a cigarette lighter.

Brake!

Bring the requested item and wait.

Bruce Springstine.

Buddy, I think it's time we get you in a proper suit.

Buddy...

But did you know that every time an employee requests a raise

But do you really think that violence is the solution? There's this exer...

But doesn't that feel good?

But he gets "lost upstairs" looking for a bathroom?

But he's a top notch security man and he happens to like the way

But I can change.

But I mean that in a good way. Here, try it.

But I was able to ride him into civilization.

But I'm in HR.

But it's cool coming out of your mouth.

But it's human nature, I think, to turn around

But it's not like that, I swear!

But let me just say, this stuff is the real shit!

But maybe they have a point. I don't know.

But not for long. Here, please. Thank you.

But now, it's our time. It's our summer. Watch my hand there.

But really, I just feel like I should be focusing on me.

But she was in her underwear and I was in my underwear and...

But talk, communicate with one another, okay?

But that's it? Everything else was a lie?

But that's not what I'm talking about.

But the agency received credible intel

But the exact same camel...

But the indoor skydiving...

But there are four guys in fezzes behind you on the...

But they never change the garage remote.

But this is a national security situation.

But this is our basement. This is not a Abu Ghraib, you know, scenario here.

But this is the suburbs!

But we can't really get into it right now.

But when a girl is as beautiful as you she doesn't have to be good.

But you gotta make sure the grill's off. Sanjay didn't do that.

But, it's good to see you!

But, Natalie,

But, trust me, the world can be a very dark and disturbing place.

But, yeah, they are my drawings.

But...

By the way, how's it going upstairs?

By the way, how's it going upstairs?

Bye, you guys!

Call the cops and tell them what? Our neighbors bugged the house?

Can I have a vegetable spring roll?

Can I pay, please?

Can I say? You don't know the women here.

Can settle this here?

Can you even tell us that?

Can you turn the air conditioner on, please?

Can't say that, either.

Can't tell you.

Careful.

Carl Pronger is dead!

Carlos, take a team out, lock the hallway down.

Caught the next flight to Marrakesh

Change your socks. Okay, guys? Change your socks.

Check for stuff about Sri Lankan orphans.

Christmas and Easter!

Ciao.

Come on in, man. This guy's stiff!

Come on, baby. Come on.

Come on, fellas. Let's go. Come on.

Come on, guys. Let's get outta here.

Come on, Jeff. No celebrity is gonna move here.

Come on, Jeff. Stay calm. Just do what we talked about.

Come on, Karen.

Come on, Karen. Just... channel your power.

Come on, Meg. It's just a summer dress.

Come on, sit down, okay? Just let him do his thing.

Come on!

Come on. Are you guys even married?

Come on. It's so easy.

Come on. Show me what you think is sexy.

Communication is a great thing.

Copy, copy. Pulling out. I repeat, pulling out.

Could be used to undermine the entire U.S. missile defense system.

Couldn't miss them.

Cover my hands? With what?

Customer's always right. Except when they're not.

Damn it, Gaffney.

Dan is the one selling secrets from MBI.

Dan, I want you to know...

Dan, is that true?

Dan!

Darling, stop, please! Think about what you're doing.

Dead man? Why would you say...

Decoys have been made. I repeat, decoys have been made.

Denver, 2010.

Dhameer Mustafa?

Did I tell you that I ate at a Indian restaurant the other night?

Did say you were entitled to it. Doesn't mean we can give it to you.

Did that bus driver look sober to you, honey?

Did you think any of this through?

Didn't I tell you?

Do I know you from somewhere?

Do they?

Do you and Jeff have a thing?

Do you copy?

Do you have a Arnold Palmer by chance?

Do you have any idea how much courage that takes? Real courage?

Do you Kegel?

Do you mind if I skip the Craverston grip?

Do you think that promises count, honey,

Do you think we did the right thing by lying to the police?

Do you understand? Do you, Jeff?

Do you wanna get killed out here? Get in the car!

Does anybody ever say to you in confidence

Does it?

Does that mean you guys left the agency?

Don't bring her into this! We said twice a year.

Don't even begin to go there!

Don't let anybody say that to you on a plane. "Hijack."

Don't scream. It's not what you think.

Don't worry about it.

Don't worry. We'll take good care of him, man.

Down the Pearl River to Zhongshan.

Down there.

Dupe me

Eggs, potatoes, and bacon. And a side of bacon.

Either you talk...

Empty house, kids are gone.

Enjoying their meal while we're in the middle of a... Like, a thing!

Ever since my wife left me and took everything I had.

Ever since we tried on underwear together...

Everybody on the fourth floor knows.

Ex military.

Ex Mossad?

Excuse me. She has irritable bowel syndrome.

Exposed brick, visible plumbing. And...

Exposed brick, visible plumbing. And...

Faith in the notion of trust, doesn't it?

Fine. I'll keep asking 'til I get something that's not classified.

Finish your thought.

First rule of what we do. Don't get too close to your targets. Remember?

First time in a long time.

Five here? So, what do you think? I think I'm stuck.

For my money, he's the bravest guy in this room.

For Patrick and Mikey. Right, honey?

For the last three months, Dan's been smuggling them out of the building.

Forced to bury our true selves from the Meg Craverstons of the world.

Gaffney, right on time!

Gaffney, this is the big time! I mean, we are going all the way.

Get back, get back, get back!

Get down, get down, get down!

Get down!

Get down! Get down Karen, get off the phone!

Get in the car now and I will explain everything. Mostly.

Get in the car! Now!

Get out of the way.

Get some peppercorns, too!

Get this laundry outta here.

Get your mind out of the gutter! It was a charade!

Get yourself cleaned up. I'll get the check.

Getting wet is better than getting shot!

Give me a second.

Give me this.

Go ahead. Go ahead.

Go find the shot!

Go for Jeff.

Go to the V Bar. A table will be reserved for you.

Go, boys! Go, go, go! Shock and awe! Shock and awe!

Go, go, go! Get down, get down, get down!

Go.

God!

God! No, honey, it's just the latte!

God! Okay. Who are the Joneses working for? Are they Russian?

Goddamn it, Jeff!

Goddamn it, Jones. Do you copy?

Goddamn it, we don't have time for this.

Good morning, anyway.

Good!

Good. I was worried it might be something real.

Good. SEAL team's here.

Gosh! It comes with the territory. I'm fine with it. But, yes.

Got it. In and out. Just out of curiosity,

Grab the chips and follow us. Come on, let's go.

Gravitational perturbations? That's a laugh!

Great. I'll make popcorn.

Grillbot is like... It's just a...

Guarantee they're no Dave and Bridget.

Guess who likes being a man bird as much as I do?

Guys, now. It is very dangerous. Now!

Guys, where's Jeff?

Hang on! Get a hold of yourself!

Hating me for the way I look,

Have a nice day.

Have you ever had any need to?

Have you ever seen a couple move into a neighborhood

Have you guys ever been to or heard of Junetoberfest?

Have you told anyone?

He connects with people.

He did not have to go number two.

He likes to hear from me when I'm trying on lingerie.

He never misses a game.

He said, "Please tell Jeff to stop texting me about indoor skydiving."

He works with you, right?

He'll sniff me out in a second. You know what he's capable of.

He's a people person.

He's all yours, gravity.

He's forthright, he's friendly. He's a good neighbor.

He's gonna need some wort chillers, probably need some fizz drops.

He's joking. He's a riot. Hey, Doug.

He's snacking on my hand.

Hello!

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? Mr. Rascal Flatts?

Hello.

Here in our world.

Here we go, folks.

Hey, Bernie.

Hey, buddy. Can I use your computer?

Hey, by the way,

Hey, Dan.

Hey, darling.

Hey, do you know what a Grillbot is?

Hey, Ed. Set my friend up here.

Hey, Jeff. Can I use your computer?

Hey, Karen. I was just looking for the bathroom.

Hey, little buddy!

Hey, Meg.

Hey, Sanjay.

Hey, sweetie. How are you?

Hey, Tim. We're in the restaurant right now. Everything's going okay.

Hey! You drop your little ball.

Hey! You wanna give it a try?

Hi, Diane.

Hi, Jack. Good morning.

Hi, Jeff. Dr. Fisher called.

Hi, Karen. How are you? I brought you some flowers.

Hi, there! Nice to see you. Yes, indeed.

Hi, there.

Hi!

His seat belt is jammed! Pull over.

Hiya, Jeff!

Hold a grudge? Anything like that?

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Hold on, Jeff!

Hold on. We're gonna get the antivenom okay, Jeff? Hold on a second.

Honey, are you ready? What are you doing?

Honey, I can't hear anything.

Honey, no. They don't work.

Honey, sushi.

Honey, that's a wasted question. They can't answer that.

Honey! That is not okay.

Honey! What? No!

Honey.

Honey. We blew their cover again.

How are you?

How can you say that to me? I'm compassionate and sensitive.

How could you not tell me you were feeling this way?

How do you know that?

How does that feel, buddy? How does that feel?

How it makes me feel.

How much they hate the company?

How much time until we have to be at the hotel?

How was that?

How you doing back there, Jeff? We need you, buddy.

How'd you know that Jeff works at MBI?

How's the book?

However, is what you happened to wear at the yard party.

Hug?

Human Resources.

Humor...

I am blown away, you guys. This is un...

I am leaving this message in case anything happens to me.

I asked you about the worst case scenario and you said,

I bet she does.

I bet that's another web of lies!

I can sense the resentment every time I bring up gravitational perturbations.

I can't believe I let Tim diaper me

I can't believe she duped me into this lingerie.

I can't get any purchase on the mouse because I have a sock hand.

I can't tell you how excited we are to be here on Maple Circle.

I close my eyes and picture my cul de sac,

I communicate. That's what I do.

I could actually become a travel writer, for real.

I could crack a walnut down there, if I needed to.

I could tell you some stories to make your skin crawl.

I did it! I felt it!

I did not lie to you. Now, I may have left out a few key details...

I did not tell you to go on Jeff's computer

I didn't know about the feelings.

I didn't know we were giving gifts.

I didn't know what to do.

I didn't mean it. I just had to get the knife to her somehow!

I didn't realize you'd be living in it.

I didn't think it...

I didn't want you guys to call me "The Boss."

I do. The secret is an extra layer. An eight layer dip.

I do. You know I do. I mean...

I don't have a man crush! I don't have a man crush.

I don't know if I can walk in these.

I don't know why we're in the closet.

I don't know.

I don't know. Anywhere. Just pack!

I don't know. It doesn't matter. Come on.

I don't think he can help it. It's just what he does.

I don't throw your man crush in your face.

I don't wanna talk about that right now.

I DVR ed the Good Wife.

I feel like I should give you guys a gift.

I feel really bad for...

I forgot to give it back when Bridget and Dave went to Myrtle Beach

I found your love of home brewing contagious.

I got a lot of friends, Jeff.

I got four kids under 13 in braces.

I got it from upstairs. From our kitchen.

I got it! I got it! Now what?

I got you, okay?

I gotta say, Gaffney, you and your wife were right.

I gotta tell you. Spice and I don't sit very well together.

I had it once in my life, when I was a boy.

I had to cross the...

I happen to like my glass sculptures and I like to share them with people.

I have a couple of questions. And...

I haven't even met them in person. It's crazy.

I heard that.

I hope it's not some kind of meth lab situation.

I hope this is not going to be a problem.

I hope you don't mind.

I just followed Natalie to the mall and I have two words for you.

I just wanted to be your friend.

I knew I felt your presence, man!

I know but you said there are four guys in fezzes behind me.

I know I'm not the best listener,

I know it seemed a lot higher.

I know that you miss Mikey and Patrick, but parents weekend is not for two weeks.

I know what you're doing, Tim.

I know you guys are undercover and this whole thing is a setup, but...

I know, but it was just the jalapeeno. That's my point.

I know, but we might need...

I know! I feel like I've been putting on a little too much.

I know. Maybe it's a celebrity, you know?

I like to share it with people I like.

I love blogs.

I made it myself.

I make my own home brew, which is my passion.

I may have mentioned certain misgivings, in confidence.

I may not need to moisturize, but I still have feelings.

I mean, 'cause I think when you told me that you hated your job,

I mean, I sent the kids away to camp, I'm redesigning bathrooms.

I mean, it's called being undercover.

I mean, should I take a bikini, in case it's gonna get hot?

I mean, there are kids here.

I mean, they're so overly

I mean, they're supposed to be here in 45 minutes.

I mean, we got Junetoberfest to look forward to.

I mean, you and I live in a world where everybody lies.

I mean, you had no problem wearing a burqa in Kabul.

I mentioned velocity vectors one time...

I miss Mikey's little feet and his socks.

I need to check my fantasy baseball roster.

I need to reorder my anti depressants.

I need to write these names down.

I needed a cover name.

I never wanted anyone to get hurt, Jeff, I swear.

I once knew an Indian who drank so much tea, he died in his "tea pee."

I picked it up off a dead guy.

I read people for a living. That's what I do.

I realized something.

I really do. Take me.

I said get in the car.

I see how it works.

I seriously doubt it.

I sold it.

I still have those indoor skydiving lessons if you wanna join me.

I talk to people, I go places. And when I find a place that I like,

I tell him what I'm putting on, how it looks.

I tell ya... Listen. It is impressive how people open up to you.

I think Meg has changed up her medication, honey.

I think that means he put 'em in a balloon and stuck 'em up his butt.

I think that's why you might be one of the loneliest guys I've ever met.

I think the Joneses are going to be just fine.

I think they're having sex.

I think things are finally starting to break my way again!

I think this time we kind of deserve the truth.

I think you're just sublimating your anxiety about the kids.

I thought Chili's was supposed to be fancy.

I want you to forget everything you heard about functional breast support.

I wanted you to call me, "Boss."

I was at the end of my rope.

I was at the mall. I was shopping. I wonder if they have this in yellow.

I was just leaving Tim a voice mail.

I was just listening to some Rascal Flatts.

I was making a head start!

I was the one who noticed when the McNultys

I was... You said it to me. I was... What did you mean when you said it?

I wasn't following. What? No! No!

I won't tell anybody.

I work in Human Resources or "HR," as some people call it.

I wrote an article about this Hungarian glass blowing master, Yorgi.

I wrote an article about this Hungarian glass blowing master, Yorgi.

I... No, I think you have me confused with somebody else.

I'd been there for three years! They still had me in Lot D!

I'd love a stress ball.

I'd probably just get in trouble from corporate.

I'll even show you the famous Craverston grip, okay?

I'll kill you!

I'll... I can look that up online.

I'm a little troubled by it!

I'm afraid of snakes. I'll eat 'em. But, I'm so sorry.

I'm confused. I...

I'm crying.

I'm doing a little piece on, sort of, hidden gems around the city.

I'm embarrassed though.

I'm following Natalie Jones who I have good reason to believe...

I'm getting on top.

I'm getting wet! I'm getting wet!

I'm getting wet! I'm getting wet!

I'm glad everybody's just

I'm going to put the wine glasses in the dishwasher.

I'm gonna answer this and you're gonna talk to him.

I'm gonna get these onions here.

I'm gonna go.

I'm just saying, the place is called Chili's.

I'm just saying.

I'm meeting with Carl Pronger in Security

I'm not being judgmental, I promise you,

I'm not gonna slow down. They're trying to kill us!

I'm not Greek. I'm Israeli.

I'm not into this right now, sweetheart.

I'm not really into this.

I'm picking up a slight accent. Is that Pittsburgh, maybe?

I'm picking up a slight accent. Is that Pittsburgh, maybe?

I'm ready.

I'm so proud of you guys.

I'm so sorry about that, Tim.

I'm so tired. But I pick up on things.

I'm sorry, but who wears that to a barbecue?

I'm sorry, I'm having a hard time hearing you.

I'm sorry. You talking to her?

I'm sure you could tell me some stories.

I'm taking this Red Bull.

I'm thinking more of like the... Like, like... More expensive.

I'm Tim. This is my wife, Natalie.

I'm tired of your silver tongued lies, Jones!

I've been hit!

I've been hit! I've been hit!

I've been living a lie, also.

I've never been on the run before.

If I find pictures of her ass on his phone, BJ night is canceled.

If kids have crooked teeth, we can't have crooked teeth in this society.

If they're shooting at us, I get to drive.

If you think you're gonna handle this yourself...

If you're not gonna eat this, I'm gonna eat this.

In Chinese, for example.

In fact, I'm doing some right now.

In my yard and I was just... I mean, his dogs keep

In the wrong hands, the information on those chips

Instead of glass blowing?

Interesting.

Interesting.

Is he voided the warranty on the Grillbot and the grill.

Is it because we're two women trying on lingerie together?

Is that an Uber?

Is that bad? That sounds bad. What is that? Is that like...

Is that fine with you?

Is that him in the bathrobe hanging laundry?

Is that what caused you to go into a life of crime?

Is that what makes me happy?

Is that what makes me, Karen Gaffney, complete?

Is there ever a situation where somebody seems

Is this the line to the little boys' room?

Is this the lingerie you were wearing the other day?

Is this your phone? Is this the Scorpion calling?

Isn't this a blast?

It burns! It burns!

It comes through the HR department?

It is what you think. But it's not for the reasons you think.

It looks great! I'm sure he... I'm sure he's happy to know that.

It often is.

It really is.

It sounds like they complain a lot, but...

It tastes like Mikey's sock.

It was a drop!

It was about getting you drunk and betraying your co workers.

It was just the circuit breaker.

It was the conversation piece.

It's a cheat day for me, so I went a little crazy with room service.

It's a cool hobby, but it's probably not as manly as you'd like.

It's a hobby I picked up in Hungary.

It's a joke. I'd never spy on anyone.

It's a joke. It's a yeast infection joke.

It's a legitimate thing. It's actually appropriate

It's a very short, very chic, extremely flattering summer dress.

It's all good. We're neighbors now.

It's almost like our wedding night.

It's an international arms dealer who calls himself The Scorpion.

It's because they haven't had to mute their passions the way we have

It's called adult acne. Thank you very mu...

It's camp.

It's completely undetectable.

It's fascinating. In other cultures, they don't have anything like this.

It's getting late. Thank you so much for everything.

It's gonna be okay.

It's good to get out of the cul de sac every now and again.

It's good to get out of the cul de sac every now and again.

It's gotta be here somewhere.

It's hard to even know what those words mean, isn't it, Dan?

It's hard. Don't you get it? Women here are vicious.

It's hot!

It's just a... What it is, is a robot that cleans your barbecue grill.

It's just beautiful. A lot of places,

It's just gushing a bit.

It's like a Roomba for your grill.

It's my job to find places like this.

It's not as hard as it seems.

It's not our real name.

It's okay, everybody. It's okay.

It's okay. It doesn't matter.

It's our annual summer get together.

It's our only chance.

It's part of the... I thought it was just gonna be us.

It's probably classified. That's why they can't tell us.

It's probably closer to 50 paces,

It's probably just a fuse.

It's quiet over there.

It's raining men!

It's so hot in here.

It's the maid's day off.

It's this little robot that cleans your barbecue...

It's this thing. Jeff was telling me about it the other day.

It's too quiet.

It's traditional Gaffney foreplay. Let me just do it.

Ivan?

Jeff about my new idea for the guest bathroom?

Jeff doesn't live in that world. He's an honest person.

Jeff had mentioned something about urinals.

Jeff is big on communication.

Jeff lets me use his computer because security prohibits Internet upstairs.

Jeff must've mentioned it. Right, Jeff?

Jeff, do me a big favor? Will you just...

Jeff, don't take the ginger snaps!

Jeff, good morning.

Jeff, I don't need to do any deep breathing exercises! I'm centered!

Jeff, I don't want you to turn around right now,

Jeff, I just said don't turn around.

Jeff, I just specifically asked you not to turn around.

Jeff, please, would you just get in the car?

Jeff, stop her please! She's a psychopath!

Jeff, things aren't always what they seem.

Jeff, this is Ricky. He owns the place.

Jeff, wake up.

Jeff, you're being so serious!

Jeff!

Jeff! Jeff, you've gotta...

Jeff? Jeff!

Jeff.

Jeff. Jeff are you okay?

Jeff...

Jesus Christ! What is this? Amateur night?

Jesus, Jeff! Everybody down, right now.

Jesus, Jeff! Ricky!

Jesus, Jeff. You know I can't talk about what we do upstairs.

Jesus, you do this for fun?

Jesus!

Jesus. Jeff. Jeff, please, do something!

Jones, do you copy?

Just don't change too much, okay?

Just hear me out, all right?

Just out of curiosity, is there a dress code?

Just put it in here and show me.

Just put it in here and show me.

Just put it right there and use it as a conversation piece.

Just remember to leave the cul de sac, every now and again.

Just split the cookie! Just split the cookie!

Just stick to your routine.

Just text me. Or I'll text you.

Kar... Karen, look.

Karen, come on, let's go.

Karen, I'm actually, lunching with Tim right now.

Karen, let me tell you something I learned years ago.

Karen, stop!

Karen, the meek?

Karen, they told you, they wanna settle down.

Karen, this is ridiculous!

Karen!

Karen!

Karen!

Karen!

Karen! Don't! What are you doing?

Karen! Karen, Karen, Karen!

Karen! There are windows everywhere. Get down! Get down!

Keep it. Keep it. It's a...

Kegel?

Kind of see what I'm dealing with.

Kinko's was bananas.

Lay the plastic sheeting out. I don't wanna lose the security deposit.

Let me ask you this.

Let me just clear this stuff away.

Let me make it up to you

Let us get on with our stupid little lives!

Let's be real with one another, okay?

Let's go ahead and get loosened up.

Let's go back. Jeff, Jeff!

Let's run for Carl's house.

Let's see what you decided on.

Like the HR department, this basement is a place of non judgment, okay?

Like they came into a lot of money,

Like this?

Listen! Because our neighbors bugged us!

Little drunk.

Little weird for someone with a cooking blog?

Look at all these little ethnic condiments.

Look at Dan pretending to check his email.

Look at it in the light, honey. It sort of...

Look at me!

Look at that. Why are you wearing a robe? Are you sick?

Look at the time. Look how late it is.

Look at them up there.

Look at them. So perfect.

Look at this.

Look, I can't. I'm not a spy! I'm a soccer dad!

Look, I just want you to know I realized something last night

Look, I might not know what's going on, on the sixth floor,

Look, I'm gonna do some more digging,

Look, the Gaffneys, they don't belong in our world.

Look, there's Meg.

Look, there's nothing weird here. Let's go, let's go!

Lovely place you have here, by the way. You have a great eye.

Make the exchange, leave the hotel.

Makes a little more sense what Tim was doing in your den.

Man! I've never seen that before.

Maybe I should show you how to throw like a girl.

Maybe we can do some breathing exercises to center you.

Maybe you could videotape that and put it online.

Maybe you should check the fuse box, honey.

Maybe you should go with me to the fuse box.

Maybe you should just write us up. That might be easier.

Mikey made this.

Mikey, if you split it, he gets to choose first.

Mistakes happen!

Morning, Louise.

Morning, Sharon.

Morning.

Moving into position.

Mrs. Flatts makes a great seven layer dip. I'll tell you that.

Mrs. Jones has some work to do.

My buddy says the last time he saw tech like that

My seat belt's not on! Wait!

My treat.

Nah, I'm the one that mediated your parking space dispute.

Natalie and I will secure a position right upstairs on the roof.

Natalie said we needed a thing to keep our spark alive.

Natalie. Apparently, she can do everything.

Natalie...

Natalie's got a big heart.

Negative. Collateral damage.

Neighbor!

Neighborhood champ, five years in a row!

Never judge a woman by her spice rack, Karen.

New neighbors aren't wasting any time moving in, are they?

New neighbors!

New tires for the minivan, piano lessons,

Nice to meet you guys. That was a joke about spying...

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Nice! Is it an extra medium?

Nice. Honey, I'm just thinking. What am I really doing this summer?

No matter what.

No more games.

No spices.

No,

No, but we've lived all over.

No, but we've lived all over.

No, he's not. He's an engineer. He... Dr. Flatts.

No, honey!

No, I just mean she's unusually intuitive.

No, I know what Sanjay is. What's a Grillbot?

No, I'm fine. I'm just...

No, Jeff didn't mention it.

No, no, no, go ahead. Take what you like.

No, no, no, no, no. You're absolutely right, Jeff.

No, no, no, you're absolutely right.

No, no, no. I know you can.

No, no. You did everything great! You did everything great.

No, obviously. I didn't tell her anything, honey.

No, obviously. I didn't tell her anything, honey.

No, they don't.

No, we can't. Our cover was blown, remember?

No, we're n... it's done. It's really done. It's so done.

No, you don't want a stress ball. That would be stupid.

No! A bathing suit? Take socks! Socks! I need my socks.

No! No, no, no!

No! Not at all. It's just enough.

No! You don't understand! They're spies.

No! You shut up, Lady Macbeth!

No.

No. I don't think we're gonna keep any of that online.

No. I mean, I just... It's just stuff.

No. It tickles, honey. Honey!

No. No, Jeff. He didn't remember me. He's a camel.

No. No. I mean, they would say...

No. You were right.

No. Your henchmen were very... I'm a little ticklish there.

Nope, they are done.

Nope.

Not at all. It's just that

Not follow each other in malls.

Not... I don't.

Now cock your wrist.

Now hold it like a pencil.

Now you go.

Now you wanna drive.

Now you want me to dress like some kind of a sexless

Now, get in the car. Right now. Get in this car.

Now, I've lost touch with the real Karen.

Now, people move in, they always change the locks,

Now, what do you have to say about that?

Now, you have a choice.

Now, you know at some point, you're gonna have to put on pants.

Now.

Of course not.

Of course. Mi computer, su computer.

Of human resource experience,

Of international espionage and covert operations.

Oh, boy, what have I got? Let me show you here.

Oh, God!

Oh, God!

Oh, God! It looks like a show home.

Oh, God! Oh, my God! Now what?

Oh, God! Okay. Okay.

Oh, God! Put it down. Ricky!

Oh, God! Shut up, you idiot!

Oh, God! That really hurt.

Oh, God! They're targeting MBI.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Can we please waterboard them and get this over with?

Oh, my God! He's so handsome!

Oh, my God! How long have you been living that lie?

Oh, my God! I told him everything.

Oh, my God! Look at that!

Oh, my God! She was so persuasive.

Oh, my God! Shit.

Oh, my God. All right, I'm gonna answer it.

Oh, my God. No, no, no, no. No, no. Hey.

Oh, my goodness!

Oh, shit, I killed her.

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit! It's the Joneses!

Okay, can you guys tell us anything at all?

Okay, good luck.

Okay, have a good one.

Okay, here we go.

Okay, it's about to get weird.

Okay, li... Bru... Mr. Scorpion,

Okay, listen. Oh, shit!

Okay, Margaret. Go ahead.

Okay, Meg.

Okay, Mr. and Mrs. Jones, if that's who, you know, you really are.

Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There we go.

Okay, question number one.

Okay, ready?

Okay, so, Margaret's gonna show us...

Okay, this is what we do. Automatically, we go to Hebrew

Okay, we gotta go. Karen, wake up!

Okay, we'll talk about it later. Have a good one.

Okay, well, I should go.

Okay, well, listen, if you wanna feel complete,

Okay! I get it now. God! Thank God! Okay, it's gonna be okay.

Okay? It's not spicy, but this is the real stuff.

Okay? See what that is?

Okay? They're too good for that.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. All right. I got you. So...

Okay. Got it.

Okay. Here we go. Thank you.

Okay. Hold on. I'm sorry.

Okay. I guess we can cross off Stacey.

Okay. I see now.

Okay. I'll do it. I'll try.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Damn!

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. That's loud.

Okay. Question number three. Is it somebody we know?

Okay. Remember, nobody finds out about this.

Okay. So, they're gamers. Let's go.

Okay. Thank you.

Okay. Yeah.

Okey dokey.

On a rocket scientist's salary?

On three, I want you to get down, and take cover. Okay?

On your wife?

Once it's gone, bad things happen.

One other thing. I know I'm not a licensed therapist, okay?

One second. That's Karen. Hello?

One time, and you try to get me bumped down to Dhameer's team?

One...

One... Two...

Only if I get caught.

Or because I know you were following me today?

Or Karen, the strong?

Or they, you know, they bought a new car or new clothes?

Or to be more accurate, my home.

Or was that about two guys, you know, maybe starting a friendship?

Oren, this is no way to settle a workplace dispute!

Our ride is coming.

Parents weekend isn't for two weeks.

Patrick leaves these toys on the stairs.

Perfect, I'll take it.

Perfect. That's what we like about it.

Please don't hurt me. Please.

Please get out of the way so I can see.

Please get out of the way.

Please.

Plus, I don't wanna be haunted.

Plus, what about my work?

Pooping in my yard. I was distracted.

Prison style.

Probably going upstairs to make sex, and they won't even think about us.

Probably wanna keep it a little on the down low.

Probably, yes.

Put your seat belt on, for Christ's sake.

Question 17.

Question number two then. Who are you after?

Quick question. Are you guys the good guys or bad guys?

Radio the helicopter, we are getting the hell out of here.

Rain or shine!

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really? You think he had to poop?

Relax.

Remember I told you something was off about the Joneses?

Remember the time you made me sleep in the car 'cause I ate that hot pepper

Remember when we were in college,

Reminds me of our first date.

Ricky knows what he's doing. He's very good at his job.

Ricky, let's get some more wine!

Right here.

Right? Wasn't that the first rule?

Right.

Right. Besides that. Besides that.

Right. Coming from the guy who wouldn't turn on the air conditioner.

Right. Okay, so you got... You wanna narrate!

Run.

Sanjay.

Sara Patel, she has irritable bowel syndro...

Sarah Palin.

Scoot back, everybody, all right? Just scoot back.

See from '02 to '05, I was a mid level drone at MBI.

See those moving vans?

See what I can learn about these devices.

See, I told you we bonded.

See? No fingerprints.

Sharon, call security!

She's morbidly obese. She drives around on a scooter.

She's not going to give us anything.

Shéjiû, man.

Shéjiû! Okay, that's a live snake!

Shit.

Shoot, honey.

Shut up, Meg! Brooklyn Loft is stupid.

Shut up, Oren.

Sifting through the wreckage of every value I once held dear.

Simple in and out job.

Siri!

Sit down here.

Slow down a little bit.

Smoke blows from the car, you know? So I figured

Snake wine.

Sneaky! I love that.

So are you.

So did you tell

So exciting. New neighbors, right?

So nicely as the Joneses?

So weird.

So you can help me out?

So, anyway, there I am,

So, grab a stress ball.

So, he can navigate the bazaars of Marrakesh,

So, let me show you a picture. This is Tyler.

So, Natalie was just telling me that she's a social media consultant.

So, thank you.

So?

So? A little different than you were expecting?

So...

Some of that stuff they were saying was demented.

Sometimes I hate what I do for a living.

Sometimes she picks up on things. This time she was right.

Sometimes, we're all irritated by your bowels, Sara.

Sorry about the frisking. You cannot be too careful in my line of work.

Sorry, Tim, for breaking into your house.

Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry.

Sort of.

Sounds like you're very sexual people.

Spies?

Spies?

Spread your legs, Danny boy.

Spy force on.

Stacey Chung. Isn't she out with the Joneses?

Stand back!

Stand up!

Stay here and pack.

Still spying on the neighbors?

Strength has to start somewhere.

Stupid question. What do we do now?

Such a lovely street.

Suck on that, Craverston.

Sure.

Sure. Yeah. Thank you.

Sweet baby Jesus, what's happening?

Sweetie, everything's fine, okay?

Switch down the computer, honey.

Take me, darling.

Take me, darling.

Ted Wallace.

Tell him from me.

Tell me about it. My gosh!

Ten years, 30 countries, nobody finds us out,

Thank God!

Thank you so much.

Thank you very much. That's for you. Keep it all.

Thank you, honey!

Thank you, Mr. Scorpion and friends.

Thank you!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Yeah. Okay. Grab that stuff.

Thank you. Yeah. Well, we don't get out very often.

Thank you. You're an amazing woman.

Thanks so much for the sex.

Thanks, honey.

Thanks, Karen.

Thanks.

That allows us to monitor your every move.

That day, we spent the whole afternoon there.

That I would get suspicious and find fault with them.

That is lying by omission. That's textbook...

That makes me feel weird. Karen, please.

That seemed real.

That seemed real. I mean, from an HR perspective.

That the Joneses are perfectly nice, normal, everyday people.

That was a good one.

That was about being friends.

That was hypothetical. It wasn't a life plan.

That was one of the best Junetoberfests

That way you're not alone.

That would get a lot of hits.

That's a lie, Timothy!

That's a lot of time, Dan. Lot of good time you gave to the company?

That's all of it?

That's exactly what we're about to find out, Jeff.

That's fine. We have... I have plenty of those.

That's good.

That's is my friend, Jeff. This is Mr. and Mrs. Lu. Okay.

That's just sad.

That's not good. I saw it on Homeland!

That's Patrick and Mikey. Patrick's leaning

That's real cobra.

That's really for me. Meg wants me standing up again.

That's so nice of you to tell them that, honey. Really.

That's the guy I work with. His name's Sanjay.

That's the noise I make.

That's the other side of the highway, okay?

That's triple pane glass! You gotta break it first.

That's what we make at MBI?

That's why I rent the extra henchmen, for situations like this.

That's why women like us need to stick together.

The Agency's been after him for years.

The alcohol neutralizes most of the venom.

The antivenom. Go get it!

The blood leaves Jeff's head

The coffee was delicious.

The financial pressure was crazy. Groceries and tutors and...

The first rule of what we do, is to not fall in love with your partner.

The heel is equipped with a tracking device

The Joneses are spies.

The little icky pieces up. And it's, you know, spick and span!

The meaning of trust.

The other day at the Cobra Club,

The point is, the Joneses are not who they say they are.

The Scorpion doesn't even know who you are. Karen!

The sexy and exciting world

The thing is,

The whole neighborhood comes. A really fun group.

There he is.

There he is. Rascal Flatts.

There is a Chinese word for cul de sac. It's...

There it is. There it is.

There were no spices in your spice rack!

There you go.

There's a certain wall of secrecy around me, so...

There's a lot of co workers, too, that sit near the bathroom.

There's a pool down below.

There's all sorts of things you have to keep up with and...

There's certain ramifications the next day, you know, toilet wise, but...

There's Dan.

There's no backup, Jeff.

There's no driver in the car.

There's nothing weird going on whatsoever. I think...

There's some exercises I do at work with the guys...

There's some kind of missile.

There's something blinking on the back of the car. Is that bad?

There's sushi as well. I'm gonna sign off for right now.

These are $99, Tim. Expensive stuff.

These are all the people he was asking me about.

These are human beings. You gotta connect with them, okay?

These pots have never seen a lick of flame.

They call this "the 100 pace viper,"

They could be back at any second.

They don't even have a word for a street like this.

They just saw the pictures online.

They won't come to our house. Why?

They're for Jeff's mom.

They're not watching us! They're at a restaurant with Stacey Chung.

They're our neighbors.

They're probably watching us, watching them.

They're silent killers. That's how they got Bin Laden.

Think Brooklyn, okay?

This certainly isn't a friendly gesture.

This company, my neighborhood,

This entire thing is a setup!

This is a 2,000 piece puzzle.

This is all because I hooked up with Sharada.

This is embarrassing.

This is going straight to Facebook. Keep sucking!

This is good?

This is Jeff.

This is my friend, Jeff.

This is my wife Carl. I mean, this is my wife, Carl.

This is my wife Carl. I mean, this is my wife, Carl.

This is not that.

This is perfect.

This is the Karen that I... This is the Karen that I love.

This is the Karen that I... This is the Karen that I love.

This isn't Great Britain, you know?

This must be the wife. Wow! You guys really dressed up for tonight.

This stuff is so good, Tim. It's delicious.

This tie has been fitted with a miniature surveillance mic.

This week's really hectic. Kid stuff. But, maybe.

Those are my biggest passions.

Three targets, two shots. You got this?

Three targets, two shots. You got this?

Throw it! Throw it!

Tim blows his own glass.

Tim Jones.

Tim, can I just have a word with you guys for one second, please?

Tim, you want a beer?

Tim!

Tim.

Time for something new. Is that why you're buying lingerie?

Timmy!

To be continued.

To be honest, you are not exactly the easiest woman in the world

To be thinking that this woman is not who she pretends to be.

To express yourself?

To give somebody a gift. What isn't appropriate,

To something like that. Don't you think?

To the right, Natalie.

Told you something was wrong with them.

Tomorrow night. The Odyssey Hotel. 9:00 p.m.

Try not to shoot them.

Try this.

Two strong, sexually vibrant women. And yet, here we are.

Two...

Under the name Rascal Flatts.

Use your socks.

V Bar. Okay thank you very much.

Wait a second.

Wait, I met you after college.

Wait.

Wait. Prison style? What do you mean?

Wait. You were both in your underwear at the same time?

Was on a dead man.

Was that about getting me drunk and having me betray my co workers

Was that your design work I saw downstairs?

We all make choices in life and I...

We Americans are good at a lot of things.

We are here because of you.

We can't tell you.

We cannot engage in a public arena. Pull back and abort.

We could maybe have a child.

We do it really fast in case the kids come running into our room.

We don't know anything.

We don't. We really don't.

We gotta get out of here.

We gotta get the kids. We gotta get my mom!

We have ever, ever had.

We have free Wi Fi.

We have met before.

We live in confusing times.

We love humor.

We love you. We love you. We're gonna miss you.

We need backup to extract the decoys. Do you copy?

We need to extract. Do you copy?

We never really did finish that conversation, did we?

We promised the Joneses that we wouldn't say anything.

We radio for backup, and we storm the place

We should put on a soundtrack for our passion.

We talked about maybe getting out of this. We talked about

We think we had a break in last night.

We went with the boys over there.

We were protecting you.

We were using you to get to whoever they are.

We...

We'll be in Jakarta by morning,

We'll meet you at the extraction point.

We'll remember.

We're all gonna have to have a relationship.

We're excited that you guys are still alive.

We're gonna get in the car.

We're gonna need our birth certificates.

We're gonna need our passports.

We're having an affair.

We're in Morocco. There's a lot of fezzes.

We're not stealing secrets from you.

We're so alike, you and I.

We're spies.

We're the Joneses! Nice to meet you, Jeff.

We've got 45 minutes.

Welcome to the Cobra Club.

Well, at least the summer's not a total loss.

Well, calling me a pussy in Hebrew is not helping things.

Well, did the people person bring this person his computer chips?

Well, I don't have a lot of options.

Well, I suppose I'd better get started on the urinal.

Well, I think you just startled him.

Well, it happens. Jeepers, let me help you.

Well, it is, yeah.

Well, it was most likely just a gas leak. So...

Well, it's a new house, new pots. It makes sense to me.

Well, look...

Well, my instincts were right.

Well, now, this is Jeff's first time. So...

Well, pleasure doing business with both of you.

Well, so we can strategize before we take it upstairs!

Well, Stacey, I know it sounds very romantic.

Well, thank you for your statements.

Well, that might be a problem.

Well, the house did explode.

Well, this is worse! This is worse than the worst case scenario.

Well, we gotta go flyer the subdivision anyway.

Well, when I get a little stressed out or my anxiety spikes,

Well, you didn't tell me not to.

Well, you kinda throw like a girl.

Were pirating the Yamamotos' cable.

Were you at the National Aerospace Convention?

Western civilization as we know it, they're all at risk.

What a surprise!

What am I doing, Jeff?

What am I going to do with you?

What are we gonna do?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing? We gotta go!

What are you staring at?

What are you talking about?

What do we do?

What do you have for us?

What do you me... You didn't say anything about collateral damage!

What do you mean there's no backup?

What do you think?

What do you want me to do?

What happens when we really need the cops?

What happens, you know, worst case scenario?

What have I done?

What is going on here, Tim?

What is happening to my life?

What is happening?

What is it about the word "unsecured" that you don't get?

What is that?

What is that?

What is that? A pen?

What is that? That looks like a snake.

What is this? Good cop, good cop?

What kind of neighbors are you?

What, you didn't kidnap our friends and tie them to chairs?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? Do you like it? Is it too much?

What? For cul de sac?

What? High speed car chases make me hungry, honey.

What? You don't think I can?

What's Dan's excuse then?

What's Meg got to do with this?

What's that supposed to mean?

What's that?

What's wrong?

When I count to three we're gonna run, okay?

When I was about to fry Dan's testicles.

When people have to poop, they get embarrassed.

When the people that we made them to are dead?

When we do, we really like to make the most of it.

When you told us to meet you at the van,

Where are we going?

Where are you going?

Where are you guys staying?

Where are you? Who´s that?

Where did you find this place? Yelp?

Where did you get an onion?

Where did you get the gun from?

Where do you want us?

Where'd you get that?

Where's the backup? Those guys are with him.

Where's the driver?

Where's your girlfriend?

Which is a big no no, 'cause she's his superior.

Which is, loosely,

Which Karen do you wanna be?

Who are you, Tim Jones?

Who buys a house without seeing it first?

Who's behind all this? Who's trying to kill you?

Whoever killed the Joneses are gonna come after us next.

Whose life I saved three years earlier.

Why are we meeting there?

Why are you shushing me? They haven't any dogs.

Why are you so nervous?

Why did we do that? What are we doing?

Why did you bug our house?

Why did you do this, Dan?

Why didn't you tell me?

Why does he keep asking those questions?

Why don't we let them go back to their world?

Why is this coming out now?

Why not tell him everything?

Why would they wanna live here?

Why wouldn't you stay with us? We have a pull out couch.

Why? So you could kill us in there?

With all your constant demands and trendy needs.

With lemon zest and ginger shavings." Who the hell made this?

With no water, dying of thirst. I'm literally

With some very expensive, very delicious champagne.

With the date and time of the bite, and I'll get them tested.

With the full force of the United States government.

With your little trust exercises and stress balls!

Witness... Witness my destiny.

Work in progress.

Worst case scenario?

Wow, good job... Buddy, buddy. Yeah, buddy. Wow!

Wow! Look at that gun.

Wow! Look, honey. Beautiful design!

Wow! That's good!

Wow.

Wow. Look at this.

Writing a goodbye letter to Natalie.

Writing a goodbye letter to Natalie.

Yang, tell Oren how he makes you feel.

Yeah, a little warning. Carl can be a bit prickly,

Yeah, and I work with a charity for Sri Lankan orphans.

Yeah, but Panda Express, they don't serve panda.

Yeah, but you can't torch a man's scrotum and expect him to speak.

Yeah, but you have a lot of secrets locked inside of you.

Yeah, I don't think you ordered well.

Yeah, I figured if we're gonna do this, I should do it right.

Yeah, I had to call and make an Indian reservation.

Yeah, I was looking for Bernie. He keeps pooping

Yeah, in Guangdong, the old dudes say

Yeah, it's one of our things. Keeps the spark alive.

Yeah, keep it quiet.

Yeah, no. I know what you're getting started on.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, so?

Yeah, well, it's pornographic.

Yeah, well, Jeff, here's the thing about trust.

Yeah, well, the truth is...

Yeah, well, welcome to my home away from home.

Yeah, what do we do now?

Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah? What did he say?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. And the best part is, they didn't even see it.

Yeah. Here.

Yeah. I also write a cooking blog.

Yeah. I know. I'm just nervous still.

Yeah. I know. It's all right.

Yeah. I know. It's all right.

Yeah. I must've made a wrong turn.

Yeah. Maybe it's just some kind of social media thing.

Yeah. We have a dart tournament. We have bratwurst.

Yeah. We went to Epcot Center last summer, was it? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I think one, two, three, four, five... It's gotta be six.

Yeah. Yeah. You got your things you have to do.

Yeah. You helped me with my "suicidal depression."

Yeah...

Yes, and intuition is a wonderful thing.

Yes, I do feel like you are jealous.

Yes, Ivan, it is. It's Bruce Springstine

Yes, Jeff and I have a thing.

Yes, Jeff, that is decidedly bad.

Yes, Jeff. It's a snake restaurant.

Yes, this is Rascal.

Yes!

Yes! They planted a bug in our house.

Yes.

Yes. Of course. Yeah, no, no, of course. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Show us what you got. Thank you.

Yes. That actually you can't fake.

Yes. Well, the customer's always right.

Yes. Yes, yes. You'll find them right here.

You are here. In Marrakesh.

You are?

You broke my heart, Tim Jones.

You broke my heart.

You can borrow some of my boxer briefs if you need anything to lounge in.

You can go to every country, like, within three blocks.

You can say anything to me.

You can text us the minute you get to camp.

You can't jump through the window like that.

You can't possibly care about this loser.

You can't rattle me.

You could tell me, but you'd have to kill me.

You do?

You don't have to bow down. Don't be shy.

You don't seem like yourself, Jeff.

You don't seem like yourself, Tim.

You don't you think there's something off about them?

You dove headfirst through a plate glass window?

You drink snake wine, makes your sack hang real low, man.

You fellas with The Scorpion?

You get to drive the good car.

You got it? All right. Hold on, hold on.

You got like a red dot on your forehead.

You guys are just eating like there's nothing going on.

You guys can go murder each other and stuff. Just leave us out of this.

You guys okay?

You guys should really come.

You guys want to hear about tonight's offering?

You had a baby? You old dogs!

You had me worried there for a second.

You have 90 seconds.

You have a fascinating job.

You have any trouble finding the place?

You have to take this upstairs, Carl!

You just put it in your grill, you shut the lid,

You just said we were entitled to the truth.

You know how hard it is to raise four children

You know that he was in your den today?

You know the old MBI building? On 75?

You know those devices you gave me? I was talking to a friend of mine.

You know what, honey?

You know what, honey? I can hear you.

You know what, honey? We need to go back to our lovemaking.

You know what? I actually do care about this loser.

You know what? I'll tell you what we should do.

You know what? I'm just gonna take care of everything myself. Bruno,

You know what? My whole job is lying. Okay? That's why I fucking hate it!

You know, and, because all that...

You know, here's something that Jeff never thought he'd hear. Gaffney...

You know, I've been living in the old Westfalia here

You know, if the Joneses seem a little bit more affectionate than we do,

You know, it's Parents Day at the camp tomorrow.

You know, they kind of have a point.

You lied to our faces.

You look amazing. But you have to fit in.

You look good. Don't forget those pants.

You made an incredible life for yourself here, Jeff.

You made it yourself?

You mean the exercises for the lady parts?

You must be Jeff.

You need to go out there and take that off.

You okay there, buddy? You almost ran me over.

You okay, Jeff? You seem kind of distant.

You planted a bug in our house. What kind of neighbors are you?

You really wanna just leave them in there?

You saved my life.

You should buy the organic one. I've been through this with you.

You should know that by now.

You talking to me?

You told him you hate your job?

You told us about this place

You two are acting like children right now.

You two have gotta try this dip. It's amazing.

You wanna know something about me?

You want a little passion music? This calls for The Judds.

You want bonding? I'll show you bonding.

You were in Jeff's den.

You were supposed to calculate...

You what? You hooked up with Sharada Ganjali?

You wouldn't actually kill me. It's just an expression.

You wouldn't have to worry about something like that.

You...

You'd be surprised at what you find out there.

You'd be surprised.

You'd think in a neighborhood like this

You'll go to jail for something like this.

You're entitled to it.

You're gonna be just fine. Here.

You're gonna clean that up, right, Berno?

You're gonna look at me. I'm gonna button you up.

You're gonna wanna keep your hands away from the head,

You're having insecurities about, you know, your career...

You're not being fun, Karen.

You're not gonna believe the day that I had.

You're right to follow me.

You're right. We need more evidence.

You're the HR guy.

You're the one who pushed me into this, you know that?

You're what they call "collateral damage."

You've been a pain in my ass all day, Jeff.

You've been talking to Natalie about us sexually?

You've got no clothes on. You're on the phone.

You've gotta be kidding me!

Your eyes were all red. You were trying to have sex on a school night.

Your henchmen were very helpful.

Your missions.

Your name is Bruce Springstine?

Your phone.

Your tie's stuck.

Yuri, take four guys up the stairwell to the roof.

7:00 a.m. Just look for the van.

...that would be great. Darn it.

"happy place of heart and mind." Right.

A little more of that. Yeah.

After you, my dear. Thank you.

All right, I'll see you. Bye!

All right? Don't worry. Kids are great! I have pictures.

All right. Hey, Sheila. Good morning.

All right. Put that in your hand.

And it's a jalapeño. Karen. Karen!

and when we get there, I... Bruce.

And you are Jeff Gaffney. No.

Answer the phone now. Natalie...

any word on the new neighbors? No.

Anything? Nothing.

Anyway, we should get going. Yeah.

Are you hurt? I've been shot!

Back it up. You got it.

But your kids are gone, aren't they? Yeah. Yeah.

Bye, Mikey, Patrick. Bye, you guys. Bye, guys.

Calling Natalie Jones. No!

Calm down, Jeff. Okay!

Can I take this? Are you kidding me?

Can you hold this bag for me? Do you mind holding the baby?

Carl! Okay, yeah. Good. 7:00 a.m. Bring lattes...

Carl. Yeah?

Chopper's ready. Yeah, get 'em.

Come on. So do you, Jeff. Yes.

Cuddle me. No cuddling! Our neighbors are spies!

Disgusting. Yeah.

Do you want any of this? Yeah. I'll have some potatoes.

Don't take the onions, put 'em back. No, no, no, no.

elementary school nurse... Come on. I'm not talking...

Exact same one. Did he remember you?

Excuse me. Stop!

Expensive hobby. It's more of a calling, Tim.

For a Greek. Right.

for a man to admit his fears to. What?

for the whole floor. Honey, what are you doing?

Give him some yeast. You're the expert.

Go, go, go. Let's go, let's go.

Gosh! So,

Great! Yeah.

Guys! Natalie! Tim!

He's very smart. MIT. No.

Hello, Karen. Natalie!

Here we go. All right. Okay.

Here you go. Thanks.

Here you go. There it is.

Hey, are you hungry? I'm famished.

Hey, Jeff. This... Oh, my goodness.

Hey, Karen! Karen? Hey, I'm here!

Hey, Karen. Yeah?

Hey, Sanjay? Yeah?

Hi, Ricky, how are you? What's up, Jeff?

Hi. Hi. We have a reservation for two

Hiya, neighbor. Hey.

honestly. It's very potent. Pretty bad, man.

Honey, I know we said every second... Come on!

Honeymoon. All right, keep it PG, guys.

How much room we got? Almost there.

Human Resources. Wrong.

I am really going to enjoy this. Okay.

I couldn't crack anything down there. Are we still hiding?

I did. Jeff and Karen, welcome to

I don't know why you would... ...we're still talking about that.

I don't need to use it. Come.

I feel a little bit light headed. Close your hand around it.

I have a few ideas. I have some ideas too.

I just farted. Buddy!

I love my cul de sac. There he is.

I thought he didn't need it. Run! Out of the window!

I'll only embarrass myself. "No" is not an answer.

I'm almost out. Me too.

I'm driving. We're being chased. Get it off!

I'm getting on top! I...

I'm Jeff. I'm so serious. Karen, Karen, Karen!

I'm sorry, Jeff. You're apologizing to him?

I'm trying to figure out his name. Chopper to the jet.

I've got a Wii. We've got a flat screen TV!

If I could just maybe... No!

If you can just pass me the bottle... We blew their cover?

Is it Peter? No. That's why I paid

Is that true? No!

Is this us bonding now? No, this is us talking.

It seems very un erotic to me. Honey, listen!

It would be nice to have... What! You always buy this.

It's a bad idea. Look,

It's a Mexican place. I can't believe...

It's not going on! It's hot.

It's nothing. No, please. It sounds interesting.

It's okay, honey. I need you to breathe.

It's okay. Good Lord!

It's so hot! So, you are sick?

It's so hot! It's so hot! Yeah. Okay, I... Should I grope you?

It's sprung a leak. Just...

Jeff, jump! Please! Just run and jump!

Jeff, you should try it hyena style. We'll try it.

Jeff, you've gotta jump! Jeff!

Jeff's favorite color is yellow. I'm not stupid, Karen.

Junetoberfest? Yeah.

Just a hug? Just a hug.

Just hold on to that. Yes.

just in case they want a decorator. Thank you.

Karen, how do you get... I'll tell you what.

Karen, how do you get... I'll tell you what.

Karen, please, okay? Just shh! We gotta go right now!

Karen! Because that's fair!

Karen! Sorry, honey.

Karen! Karen! Karen! I'm on top!

Karen. Hey, honey!

Karen. Karen. Jeff,

Karen... Put it back the...

Let me just get this out of your way. No, Jeff will get that.

Let me talk to 'em for two minutes. He's a people person.

Let's just stay down, okay? Okay.

Looks like they won the lottery? Yes.

Love you guys! Have so much fun!

Me? Yeah!

Mikey... Coffee, teas, Goldfish.

Mikey... Coffee, teas, Goldfish.

My God. You have a baby!

Nice to meet you. Karen Gaffney.

No offense, Karen. You look great!

No way! I wanna smoke a hookah in Marrakesh.

No, it's right there. Lucky guess. Yeah, we should go.

No, no, no. That's nice.

No! No. What?

No. I won't even tell my mom. Locking it up. Hey, hey.

No. No, he didn't. That's okay, honey...

Not now, Carl. Not now. Don't try to give me the brush off.

Now, that place is good... Yeah?

Now! Now! Jump! Jump! Jump!

Oh, God. We've gotta go.

Oh, my God! I said three!

Oh, my God. Come on!

Okay, hold on. Switch it off! Put it back.

Okay, okay. ...you're making a big mistake!

Okay, okay. Get this psycho away from me, Jeff.

Okay, yeah. And I'm gonna just...

Okay! We got it. Great. Yeah. That checks out.

Okay? Yeah.

Okay. I'm kidding.

Okay. Okay. Here we go.

Okay. Wait.

Okay. You did!

Okay. Take care. See you.

Okay. You know what? Karen.

One? Yup.

Or hit the jackpot? Yeah.

Our kids play down here. I don't like it either.

Our neighbors are spies. I wanna cuddle. Cuddle me.

Perfect, as promised. Shit.

Please. Spare me the morality! Hey!

Put the AC on. Please! No.

put this behind us. It's all fine.

Quiet! Shut up!

Right. Good, good. Elbow out.

scoot a little bit to your right? Yeah. Sure thing.

Scrambled whites with toast. Thank you.

She's from Greece. Oh, God.

She's from Greece. Oh, God.

Should I start now? Yes, you should.

Shut up! Jeff gets car sick in the back!

So cool. That is...

Somebody's gonna hurt themselves. Karen!

Sorry, Carl. That's terrible.

Sorry. Where have you been?

Soy sauce. Soy sauce.

Speaking of which, we brought you... Yes, yes.

Stop licking me! Yeah.

Sure you're okay? I'm okay. Yeah.

Thank you very much. Good night.

Thank you. And we'll see you at Junetoberfest!

Thank you. We love it.

Thank you. Yes! They really work.

Thank you. I don't know what to say. You don't need to say anything.

Thanks! I should go.

That is a lot of blood. It's fine. It's okay.

That was so fast. Thank you.

That's amazing! Really? Give me a break!

That's cool. Thank you very much! Thank you.

That's good. What does it taste like?

That's gorgeous. Look at that. Gorgeous.

That's gorgeous. Look at that. Gorgeous.

That's not necessary. You want a stress ball?

That's our table. No, this way.

The bathroom's that way, Tim. No, thank you, I'm fine.

The cookies are for both of you. Karen!

The footbridge thing. Yeah! The little... The footbridge!

The stress ball. Must've been a lucky guess, I guess.

There they are. I see them.

They painted over Bridget's mural. That's a real tragedy.

They tell you a lot. They do.

They're beautiful. Adorable.

They've taken the barricades down. Oh, my God!

This is a weapon. Yeah! Or we can make chicken parm.

Three egg omelet with potatoes. Thank you!

Tim's a travel writer. Really?

Time to go. Yes.

Trail mix! I can't choose.

Trying to get into character. Oh, God!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! No!

We might need another bottle of this. Yeah.

We should feed the baby? I think we should feed the baby.

We'll have to jump for it. Jump? Jump from where?

We're gonna pound the pavement. Yeah.

We're gonna put on some music. Okay.

Well, can you slow down? No!

Well, yeah. It's a very... Well...

well, you wait for my call. Okay.

Wha... I need to take it off? Yes!

What are these? Microchips.

What is this? What is that?

What? That's amazing.

What? Yeah. I know. Really rocks your

What? You have a...

What's up, brother? How are you, pal?

Whatever he's having. Two shéjiûs coming up.

Where were we? Yeah, okay.

Where's your piece of the pie? Exactly.

Who? Tim Jones.

Who? Me? Yeah, you.

Why are you being so serious? Okay.

Why don't you tell them about... What?

Work buddy. Gaffney, don't mess this up!

Wow! What a talent!

Wow! We love to travel. We do.

Yeah, I'm in the rocket sciences. He went to college!

Yeah? Long story.

Yeah? Who's that? Sanjay. He bought a Grillbot.

Yeah. Okay? This is good.

Yeah. Snake it up. Yeah.

Yeah. Two. Two?

Yeah. We should. Okay.

Yes, he just fell asleep. He just fell asleep.

Yes, we do. And our jobs.

Yes! That sounds crazy!

Yes. Okay? Trust me.

Yes. You're in good hands.

You can do it. You've done this before.

You could stay with us! Stay with us!

You don't know? I don't know.

You don't need onions. I need...

You guys are great! Really. It's very nice of you to offer.

You guys wanna come inside? Yeah, come in.

You like Chinese? The food?

You look so handsome. Thank you very much.

You made that? Yeah,

You mean Bruce? She likes to be called Caitlyn.

You sure do. Talk, talk, talk.

You're so cute! Karen, shh!

You're welcome, baby. Okay.

your mind thinks, okay? Okay.

Yup. Don't let that yeast get infected.

...a little something.

...but this place is great. Come on, follow me.

...just to fit in with the other mothers, right?

...on the motorcycles shooting at us might be the bad guys.

...order anything remotely Asian.

'cause it can actually still bite you. So, just be very careful.

'cause the kids have been around.

"Jesus" is right.

"Keep calm and go to your safe place."

"Seared yellowtail

"Well, the worst case scenario, I'll have backup."