Grindhouse (2007) Edit

A 1970 Dodge Challenger with a white paint job?

A friend will be here before ten to pick up Tony.

A girlfriend in six years is because girls will fuck him.

A missing leg that's now missing?

A small percentage of people are not affected by the gas itself.

A termite's nest of caves on the Afghan border,

Abernathy, don't get on my nerves right now.

Abernathy, get your ass up here.

About a jacket, then fucking take it.

About as useless as a pecker on a pope.

Abs, I'm supposed to be the illiterate one.

Actually, I do want you to have a shot.

Actually, I still have those in my fridge.

Actually, yes.

Actually, Zoë is not, but Kim and I are. So, we're totally track down able.

After that, we'll see if they got another Jäger in them.

Agreed.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah... Good for you, Nate.

Ahh!

Ahh!

Ain't got no roll bar, chicken wire, none of that shit.

Ain't nothing good about it. I bottle it myself.

All four souls taken exactly at the same time.

All I said was, I had a sexy friend named Butterfly

All Kim's boyfriends start out as somebody else's boyfriend.

All right, all right. Come on. You guys know the drill, huh?

All right, y'all, head out. I'll hold 'em off.

All right. Get it together.

All survivors gotta come with us.

All the classics.

All the fucking time, and surprise me every once in a while with pot.

All three?

Amen.

And a deer darts out in front of you,

And admittedly, we were a little fucked up.

And after that...

And after this one...

And be careful where you point that thing.

And damn if she doesn't fall in the fucking ditch.

And everybody I ever meet goes in this book.

And for that, I will pay you $150,000... cash.

And have a bye bye slip.

And have the opportunity to play Ship's Mast on the fucking

And he brought me with him on that until...

And he'd get his ass down here more often than he does.

And here you're saying in front of everybody someone up and snatched it?

And I described you, and I said that if they spotted you while we were out

And I don't think you want everybody in Austin thinking you're a chickenshit.

And I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep

And I have promises to keep And miles to go before I sleep

And I looked for it for two weeks.

And I looked like him a bit.

And I saw you outside of Guero's, too.

And I want to drive a Dodge Challenger, fuck me, swinging balls out.

And I was afraid of what you might do to me...

And I'm just getting too fucking old for that shit.

And I've been checking the classified at the back looking at cars for sale.

And I've been to Morocco.

And if anyone comes to the door that isn't me,

And if he had, he would have ended up in this group

And if you ask me, he should have.

And if you fuck Cecil, you don't become one of his girlfriends.

And it's a cheerleader movie, and she's one of the cheerleaders.

And it's no guys. Absolutely no guys.

And Lee's on a will notify for the next four days.

And me calling her on it and indulging her at the same time.

And my turtle. And my scorpion.

And now I've met you and you're going in the book.

And now they're out there in the night doing God knows what.

And old Hooper in there came out clean as a whistle.

And on my birthday, he'd give me a fucking phone call.

And our balls in our throats, looking for America's most wanted.

And she still fell in.

And that just happens to be one of Zoë's.

And that now they're gone?

And that you shot them with a gun you never should've had in the first place?

And the little bullet hits you right there.

And the most important, while we're taking the car out for a little spin,

And the son of a bitch, he bit my goddamn finger off!

And then Bob did another show, Gavilan,

And then that show turned into The Men of Shiloh,

And then, if they say that...

And this year, there will be no leftovers.

And two... We're not really fighting.

And two... We're not really fighting.

And we can't cut that off.

And we would be going out somewhere in Austin tonight.

And when I said it, if I had of known I was gonna come to America,

And when shit goes down, I'll sit back and laugh.

And within this small percentage lies a cure.

And you can't get around the fact that if I go down to the laundry room

And you don't even want to know what she did for that billboard.

And you know the rules.

And you pull the little trigger here, and a little bullet comes outta here.

And you want to buy it?

And Zoë starts fuckin' around.

And, if I fell in that fucking thing,

Answer the question, motherfucker. Did you or did you not say that?

Any girl leaving early must check out with their finger

Any that are left we'll get on our way to the helicopters.

Anyhoo, I could explain what I said, which would be boring,

Anyhoo, I'm sorry. You forgive me?

Anyway, I did a lot of Virginians doubling Gary Clarke.

Anyway, I subscribed to the local paper a month ago.

Are being forced out of our country at an alarming rate.

Are you a wrecker, Wray?

Are you sure you wanna do this?

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Arlene, you've forgotten what hanging out with Jungle Julia is like.

As of this moment forward, except for you, Wray.

As opposed to disappearing for six months.

As... Fu Manchu.

At this old military hospital, this one guy came back from Iraq with this.

Auckland, to answer your question.

Ava Gardner, do you like her?

Aw, I like it.

Bam! I'm in the fucking ditch, you know.

Because he kinda looks like The Rock so we all just call him The Rock.

Because you didn't believe in us or in me.

Because you expected guys to be pestering you all night,

Because you're insane.

Besides, he's probably not gonna let us do it anyway.

Best barbeque in Texas round the clock.

Bet your ass he is.

Bill Moseley...

Bitch, you might be acting like you're 12 years old,

Bitch, you two are still into each other and you know it.

Bitch!

Bitch!

Black men and a whole lot of motherfucking white men

Blood is salty. That's all my sauce needed was just a little more salt.

Blow up the joint..

Bobby's here.

Bonnet, my ass. You're on the hood.

Break a leg.

Brother, ain't no Texan's ever gonna give you his BBQ recipe.

Brought to you from your friends at the Weinstein Company.

Bullshit on that.

Busted nose, broken collar bone, smashed up his left index finger.

But aside from that, I'll be sweet.

But because Zoë wanted to drive some fucking Vanishing Point car, I'm here.

But does it have to be a Dodge Challenger?

But don't worry. He'll say yes.

But especially...

But from your look, I can tell nobody pestered you at all.

But he fucked another woman on my birthday.

But I must warn you of something...

But I'd die before I ever gave Julia Lucai my chocolate milk.

But I've got a pocket bike in the trunk.

But if you don't stop crying, I'm gonna fire your ass.

But if you don't, everybody in Austin's gonna think you a chickenshit.

But maybe, a little later in the evening, you've had a few drinks,

But not funny looking guy who you could fuck.

But nothing...

But now, while I'm here, I'll be your back cracking slave.

But other than that, he's putty in my hands.

But that I had permission to physically restrain your ass if necessary.

But that's OK.

But that's OK. We're stunt people, we ain't got good sense.

But the world I live in, a bitch need a gun.

But then, later, I started feeling a little bad about myself.

But until that day, it's wild west, motherfucker.

But when I said it, I didn't know I'd ever come to America.

But when I said it, I didn't mean in America.

But why that girl wanted a picture of me is because I'm a local DJ.

But you also said, if you ever do what you're trying to do now,

But you got good sense. And anyone with good sense

But you gotta get her out of here before Christian Simonson shows up.

But you have to be real nice to me for the whole rest of the time I'm here.

But you know...

But you need to be here in the next 20 minutes. Thank you.

But you're not.

But you've written each other?

But, don't mention it. She's shy.

But, my ass! You said, not only are we never gonna play Ship's Mast again,

Buy you a drink, repeat that poem, you gotta give them a lap dance.

By the way, don't choke on all that food you're eating.

Bye bye.

Can anyone else fly a helicopter?

Can they, alone, supply the blood needed to save Hitler's mad dream?

Canned.

Careful.

Carlos, go get him.

Check it out bitch. You want it fucking faster?

Check it out, bitch.

Check with management. We're registered for the next month.

Cheers, Butterfly.

Cheers.

Cherry Darling, I told you too many fucking times,

Cherry Darling.

Cherry Darling...

Cherry!

Cherry.

Cherry.

Christian Simonson, the filmmaker, is in town.

Class A clusterfuck. He wasn't supposed to be there,

Come on now, sis. You just tell us.

Come on, come on!

Come on, come on!

Come on, Judy, how about it?

Come on, Wray. You know you're not supposed to be doing that stuff anymore.

Come on!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on! Move your ass! Come on!

Come over already. We're waiting for you.

Cool it, Judy!

Correct.

Could act it out for you, which I think

Could it be the same guy as your leg snatcher?

Cut the shit. What the fuck is going on?

DA says there ain't no crime here.

Daddy!

Dakota! We're sorry about Tony.

Damn it, Wray!

Damn it!

Damn it!

Damn shame.

Damn skippy, you meant it.

Damn!

Damn. Tomatoes? Fresh?

Dance, bitch!

Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mitch and Tich.

Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mitch and Tich.

Dedicated to Jungle Julia, in loving memory.

Deer. We get a lot of them around here.

Dependant on their ass. Uh uh. If we don't score ourselves,

Designed to take out an entire populace in a controlled, landlocked area.

Did he know it was your birthday? He's the director. He's kind of busy.

Did I miss my chance?

Did I miss my chance?

Did you hear me Butterfly?

Did you hear me, Butterfly?

Did you just hit a boat?

Did you know she was back in town?

Didn't I tell you that?

Director wants to put a camera in the car, shoot the crash from the inside.

Do I frighten you?

Do I know? Yes.

Do it!

Do the same goddamned thing the blood did.

Do you know any of these shows or people I'm talking about?

Do you know her name or anything?

Do you know what a go go dance is?

DOAs? Have Andy pick them up.

Doesn't mean I have lost my goddamn mind.

Don't do nothing stupid, JT. I got it covered.

Don't even breathe.

Don't even fucking think about asking me next time you want me to do your hair.

Don't get worked up enough to crack it.

Don't look anywhere.

Don't look behind...

Don't look up...

Don't mention it. That's an order.

Don't point the gun at yourself.

Don't scream for help.

Don't shoot each other.

Don't shoot! We're not infected!

Don't taunt me, tramp.

Don't wreck it.

Don't you get it? We're the antidote!

Don't, don't, don't,

Don't, don't, don't,

Don't, don't, don't,

Don't, don't, don't,

Don't, don't, don't, don't,

Don't, don't!

Down a flight of stairs can usually find somebody to pay him for it.

Drinks! What can we get you?

Drop the fucking gun.

Dude, check it out. I wonder if BJ brought the bear with him.

Easier access.

Ehh!

El for Electra, Ame from Amelia. Does that make any fucking sense?

El Wray?

Enjoy it, cocksucker. You've earned it.

Especially if it's your dad.

Especially you...

Ever since my bastard landlord raised the rent, it's gone to shit.

Every one of them gals was swimming in alcohol and floating on weed

Everybody back inside!

Everybody grab a badge and a gun. You're all deputies,

Everybody grab a badge and a gun. You're all deputies,

Everybody sit down!

Everybody, gather up supplies. We head out in 20.

Everyone behind me.

Everyone else on board!

Everywhere!

Exactly.

Except, I'm afraid I must file you...

Excuse me for living, but what is the thing?

Excuse me, but your name wouldn't be Butterfly would it?

Excuse me, most girls? What the fuck are you two?

Experiment on its survivors, you'd find a cure.

Fair enough. So what's your name, Icy?

Faster, you black bitch, faster!

Finally, the truth about Hitler's diabolical plans

Fine. We'll use Abbie's belt.

First, let me get my wife.

For a little test drive out on our own. Just to see if we're comfortable in it.

For once, our intel was right on the money. I come around a corner, bam,

For the good of both our people... our new senator must die.

Forget about the cows, motherfucker! Move, motherfucker! Move!

Four reasons, actually.

From Director Eli Roth...

From kindergarten through high school. That's what she did to me.

Fuck me?

Fuck me?

Fuck that shit. Let's kill this bastard.

Fuck that. I was never in Iraq.

Fuck you, motherfucker! Fuck you!

Fucking cool!

Fucking get away from me!

Fucking let me out of here! I'll fucking rip your fucking...

Fucking shit!

Fucking thing. Cheap!

Get away from me!

Get away from us, you cocksucker!

Get in.

Get Lewis down here.

Get more out of life.

Get ready to fly, bitch!

Get up there and you dance happy. It's go go, not cry cry.

Get your ass up!

Get your sorry ass in here!

Get, get... What are you... What are you... What are you gonna do?

Get...

Giddy up, girl!

Give him all the guns.

Give him the gun, Tolo.

Give it to Tony to take with him when my friend picks him up.

Give it.

Give me that recipe or I'll raise your rent higher than a Georgia pine.

Go on and have a seat anywhere. I'll be right in.

Go on! Get off him, Rusty!

Go out to a movie.

Go work your magic.

Go!

God bless you and your service to this country.

God has mercy. I don't.

God. Did you know Kim carried a gun?

Goddamn it, girls! If you're gonna do that shit, do it on stage!

Goddamn it, I told you I didn't want to see you again.

Goddamn it, I'm not all right at all. Not at all.

Goddamn it, wait for me.

Goddamn it!

Goddamn sauce.

Goddamn you!

Goddamn, JT.

Good boy.

Good. Anyone else have a car?

Got anything that could transport more people?

Got some Bactine or something?

Great! We're having the best time.

Growl.

Gulp.

Happy Thanksgiving, baby.

Hardly. But, if you want to get with Jungle Julia,

Has in common with each other. We all hate the name Shauna.

Hate to do this to you, Earl!! But we need every man on the job!

Have had plenty fun adoring my ass.

Have you been following us?

Having said that, before you get too envious of Zoë's prowess,

He ate a piece of my birthday cake and he got me a present.

He gets the women.

He got banged up real good.

He got banged up real good.

He like to watch me pee.

He made me a tape.

He made this baby for me free of fucking charge.

He made you a tape?

He totally had a girlfriend.

He used a car and not a hatchet, but they're dead just the same.

He was causing a ruckus over at Skip's place, so I cuffed him,

He was given an offer he couldn't refuse.

He's coming after us.

He's cute and all but Jesse Letterman's gonna be all over her.

He's gone.

He's got a big thing for Julia.

He's likeable.

He's right on your ass! He's right on your fucking ass!

He's this electrician named Bruce. Kim started calling him The Rock

He's with her. He's responsible for her.

He's with them. I saw him in their convoy earlier.

Hell, yeah, he got banged up, but goddamn, them pretty little gals

Hell, yeah.

Hell, yeah. The next job after this one is definitely gonna suck.

Hello, baby.

Hello, Palomita.

Help me!

Here and there.

Here I stick my neck out for ya.

Here's my finger.

Hey, Abby.

Hey, Abernathy. Check this out.

Hey, hey! What are you guys...?!

Hey, I resemble that remark.

Hey, if it ain't Lanna Frank.

Hey, shots first, questions later. Here we go, post time!

Hey, Warren!! Is there anybody in this place

Hey, what's up, doc?

Hey, you want some barbeque?

Hey, you.

Hey!

Hey! Hey, hey!

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Ladies, that was fun!

Hey.

Hi, Joe.

High velocity impact, twisted metal, busted glass,

Hmm, really? Like what?

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Home of the Nazi's diabolical plan to create an army

Honey, I think you might want to get out.

Honey, you can't think like that. We all have our individual talents

Hop on.

How about a knife, at least?

How bad is he?

How can you not be on my side?

How do I know y'all ain't just gonna steal it?

How do you make a car death proof?

How in the fuck do you expect to do that?

How's that?

However...

I ain't giving nobody no lap dance 'cause of what you said.

I also eat lots of shit.

I also want your balls.

I always wanted to be a doctor.

I am not one to be taunted. You got it?

I believe that you could be better.

I can drive this baby into a brick wall doing 125 miles an hour,

I can fly, but no way in hell I'm gonna fly tonight.

I can see you've had a spot of trouble, Romy.

I can think it and I do.

I can't do it, Abby, please. Please, Abby.

I cost the most...... because I'm the best there is.

I could be bleeding like a stuck pig, I ain't gonna tell ya.

I could be dying in your arms, I ain't gonna tell ya.

I couldn't get off work this week. But you only have to stay till ten.

I did damn near the whole third season of Vegas.

I did wanna hurt you.

I didn't get a good look at mine.

I didn't mean to be a prick about it.

I didn't steal any of them. They just... jumped ship.

I didn't.

I do believe in you. Always have.

I don't go by that name anymore.

I don't go by that name anymore.

I don't know, baby.

I don't need me no best friend who lives on the other side of planet Earth.

I don't really see it's any of your business.

I don't suppose there are any other biochemical engineers around?

I don't want to fire your ass because I like looking at your ass.

I don't want you checking out just...

I don't wear their teeth marks on my butt for nothing.

I feel like I'm sinking down the drain and I can't get out.

I find the lost...

I get it right there out of the dam.

I get it. This was all a joke, and it's super funny.

I got Iraqi eyeballs a friend of mine brought back to do some studies on.

I got one there too, Zatoichi.

I got shit on my mind.

I got to take a...

I gotcha. I'll be there.

I have found the perfect solution... the She Devils of Belzac.

I have nothing to say to you.

I have seen me some crazy ass shit in my day...

I haven't talked to her in a while.

I heard what you said. I just can't believe what you said.

I highly doubt that.

I intend to. But first, I need to ask you something.

I just got lucky.

I knew it. For how long?

I know I said it, and I know I meant it.

I know I said we shouldn't do this again...

I know looks can be deceiving but I'm a teetotaler.

I know what this is.. Don't tell me. Liquefactive necrosis.

I know, baby, just hold on.

I listened to Jungle Julia's show this morning.

I looked for it for two weeks.

I love that philosophy. Warren says it, we do it.

I love you.

I made Jesse a plate of barbeque so good,

I mean it this time.. I need a dramatic change in my life.

I mean, he shows me an episode of High Chaparral, a guy falls off a horse

I mean, I like Nate and all. He's cute. He's a pretty good kisser.

I mean, Padre.

I mean, we stopped before.

I meant we should never play Ship's Mast again in New Zealand and Australia.

I need a ride.

I never forgot it.

I never miss.

I never miss.

I probably would have broken my fucking neck.

I put two in his heart, one in his computer.

I really think one human being will be collateral enough.

I remember taking a step and looking down.

I repeat, never call a Kiwi an Aussie.

I said we made out, we didn't do the thing.

I said you'd do it for the first guy who says it, so...

I said, we're gonna see if this guy will let us take the car out without him...

I see. She used to beat you up and take your chocolate milk?

I should be in my hotel room asleep. Not fucking around here on tobacco road,

I still eat here, JT.

I swore to my men that I'd do everything in my power to keep them alive.

I think I belong in the latter category.

I think I can goddamn guarantee that.

I think I'm gonna have to give you a rain check.

I think we're gonna stay here, Wray.

I think you got Mike laid tonight.

I thought so.

I thought you said if you saw a deer you shouldn't fucking swerve!

I thought you stopped seeing each other.

I took a vow of peace, and now you want me to help you kill all these men?

I understand if I make you uncomfortable.

I want to say I want to buy it so he'll let me test drive it.

I want you to be around for a while.

I want you to shoot them, OK?

I was beginning to lose hope.

I was cold. I took your fucking jacket.

I was gonna be a stand up comedian. Who's gonna laugh now?

I was gonna give it to you, but you left me.

I was just thinking that you, uh...

I was Robert Urich's driving double.

I was straddling him.

I was thinking we could build us a new place right there where the old one was.

I was walking out on you.

I won't be getting fresh, putting my hand on your knee.

I'd stand clear if I were you.

I'll be back.

I'll be your best friend.

I'll give you a ride.

I'll leave him watching TV.

I'll pay for it when we get some.

I'll see what I can do.

I'll talk him into it. But if I talk him into it, I go along.

I'm a scientist and a businessman. Not military.

I'm about to bust a nut up in this bitch, motherfucker!

I'm doing Lindsay Lohan's make up and she's off for the next three days.

I'm doing Lindsay Lohan's make up and she's off for the next three days.

I'm going to be a stand up comedian.

I'm going to give you a very strong anesthetic

I'm gonna go get my dick wet.

I'm gonna insinuate that Lee's gonna blow him.

I'm like you said I would be.

I'm listening. What's the trouble?

I'm nobody.

I'm not angry. It just would be nice if y'all didn't just count on me

I'm not done with your ass now, motherfucker. I love your ass!

I'm not exaggerating, using colorful speech. He bit my finger clean off!

I'm not kidding, Tony. You shoot them.

I'm not leaving you, Wray.

I'm offering you a lift, if when I'm ready to leave, you are, too.

I'm OK!

I'm quitting.

I'm real sorry to hear about that. I wish there was something I could do.

I'm really quite attached to them.

I'm riding with you.

I'm serious. You start nagging us, we're pulling over to the side of the road

I'm so sorry. I really am.

I'm sorry, Romy, but I just don't trust you anymore.

I'm sorry... but I lied.

I'm the horniest motherfucker on the road!

I'm the one who's on the fucking bonnet.

I'm the one who's on the fucking bonnet.

I'm thinking we told your ass to shut the fuck up.

I'm walking out of here with the shit, Wray.

I've always said you're funny,

I've been getting the paper for the last month

I've been up all night, I'm still a little drunk, and I have a hangover.

I've got to take the world's biggest fucking piss.

I've let him give me a foot massage and when we go to the movies,

I've let him hold my hand.

I've seen me a stripper with one breast...

If he does, you wait here with Lee and we'll be back in a moment.

If he had a big thing for me, he'd fucking call me

If he let's us take it out on our own, I want to play Ship's Mast.

If he sends over shots, you've got to do them.

If I fell in that fucking thing...

If I fucked him, I wouldn't be his girlfriend. I'd be one of his regulars.

If I had known that you were...

If it's escape vehicles you want, escape vehicles I got.

If they'd do something, you'd do something.

If we don't go into detail about it while he's watching us.

If we don't sever that arm now, it's gonna take over your chest,

If you are thinking of seeing this film alone...

If you blink or brake or swerve, shit, you'll just kill yourself.

If you don't bust their balls a bit, they never gonna respect you.

If you just drop me off...

If you...

If you...

If you...

If you're not gonna buy me a drink can I have mine back?

In fairly rapid order, but not obvious, we order two more rounds of shots.

In my building at midnight enough times, I might get my ass ****d.

In the town of Plymouth, Massachusetts,

In this town, some dude is selling a stock

Instead of the thing you do.

Instead, I can do this.

Is it a porno movie?

Is it my scar?

Is it safe?

Is that it?

Is that jealousy I detect?

Is that the girl from the billboard outside?

Is that true?

Is the most celebrated day of the year.

It just so happens that we're all three off duty

It just so happens, I know exactly what I want to do.

It just sounds like there's a little more to it than that.

It looks like I got you by the balls, Abby.

It practically doesn't count if you start on the top.

It was really funny, OK?

It will be.

It would have been a while before you started gettin' scared.

It's a furry one.

It's already got my sweat and tears. Now all it needs is some blood!

It's beautiful.

It's better than safe, it's death proof.

It's blood.

It's cold. Can we roll up one of these windows?

It's dark as hell and you can't see shit.

It's furry..

It's just one of the best American movies ever made.

It's just overheating! I need to get to town.

It's like you said it would be, Wray.

It's my mom's car.

It's nice to be nice, Kim.

It's not the radiator.

It's OK. They can live in the same tank.

It's spreading.

It's the easiest thing to remember.

It's two against the world.

It's your car.

Jasper, we were wondering if my friends and I could take the car out

Jesse James custom Dominator.

Jesus Christ, Shanna, it is not my fucking job to supply y'all

JT always comes out and greets. Let's go!

JT, how's the barbecue business?

JT, you all right?

JT!

JT! You take whoever you can fit in your convertible!

Jules, let me get a drag. Thanks!

Julia, what the fuck did you say about me on the radio?

Just as I'm thinking, There's that ditch Abbie was talking about.

Just be like, Bitch get over here and get busy.

Just because you talked yourself into some stupid shit,

Just cause you asked nicely.

Just do me a favor right now and just stay strong.

Just for the experience.

Just like your video games.

Just remember, it's Shanna Banana, not Shauna Banauna.

Keep dancing!

Kick his ass, Zoë!! Kick his motherfucking ass!

Kicking your ass out and picking you up later.

Kim, dick department. Let's hear it.

Kim, I may be stupid but I'm not bloody stupid.

Ladies.

Lanna Frank, where are you?

Leave us alone!

Lee is sitting on a toilet and Toolbox is watching her pee!

Lee, this is Jasper. Jasper, Lee.

Let me hear you say I got it.

Let me see your last three messages.

Let's go!

Let's go.

Little lady's looking pretty good there.

Look at me!

Look for it.

Look like a goddamn giant chewed them up and spit them out.

Look out!

Look what you did to our son!

Look, double fucks.

Look, I don't know what futuristic utopia you live in,

Look, I know what I said when I said it.

Look, I know you guys like him.

Look, if I ever become a famous actress, I won't carry a gun.

Look, you don't have to do it for anyone you don't want.

Look, you were being an unbelievable dick.

Looking good, Cannonball Run!

Looks like she could suck the bend out of a river. I'm kidding.

Machete.

Man, they're not gonna drink Jäger shots.

Margaritas and Mexican food at Guero's, touch base

Me and my men, walking around with our dicks in our hands

Meet my wife.

Mexico.

Mike, she already broke off that dance.

Miles to go before you sleep.

Miles to go before you sleep.

Mmm.

More than people who don't.

Motherfucker!

Motherfucker!

Motherfucker!

Motherfucker! Look at me!

Motherfucker.

Move it! Move it, Peggy!

Move out!

Must've passed out after I killed those things.

My blue friend... you'll barely feel.

My friend Jungle Julia over here says the jukebox inside is pretty impressive.

My point exactly.

My turn.

Nacho Grande platters.

Need to know basis, that kind of shit.

Never did like that son of a bitch.

Never did.

Nitrous injected, 350 horsepower engine.

No brain. Scooped clean out of her skull.

No cure.

No fucking clue.

No harm, no foul, but you get a free drink out of it.

No more dead bodies for Daddy tonight.

No worries, mate. I've got it all worked out.

No, but I know she's a skinny fake blonde bitch.

No, but that's what I love about Austin. It's just so damn small.

No, it sounds like a go go dancer. There's a difference.

No, no, no, no, no. It's Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mitch and Tich.

No, no, no, no, really.

No, no, no, no. I'm wearing the jacket.

No, no, no! No! God...

No, OK, OK, OK, OK.

No, scratch that, tell me, I gotta go make conversation

No, she didn't.

No, the other one.

No, the other way.

No, we are not coming over there.

No, you didn't say we shouldn't. You said we ain't ever

No, you're not. Don't give him the gun.

No!

No! If we all get killed, there's no stopping this plague.

No.

No.

No. We have to get back to my lab.

Nobody!

Nope.

Not a goddamn thing.

Not at this moment.

Not enough.

Not just that, it has to be a 1970 Dodge Challenger with a 440 engine.

Not really. But let me handle it.

Not that Angelina Jolie bullshit.

Not to say I want to be his girlfriend, but if I did want to be his girlfriend,

Nothing to write home about.

Nothing. If I fell in that fucking thing

Now how did you know that?

Now I want all of it.

Now I'm starved for entertainment, baby, and that means you. Radio!

Now let's see how fast your friends work.

Now my friends and I are going to continue to get our weed on.

Now that's a rump roast.

Now that's just to take the sting off.

Now why in the fuck you want a local redneck newspaper in New Zealand?

Now you actually think that he premeditatedly murdered them gals?

Now you do. What do you think?

Now you two got the balls to ask me...

Now you've got a gal in your wrecked truck with a missing leg?

Now, get him! Get him!

Now, I'm building up to my big drink.

Now, is that a tasty beverage or is that a tasty beverage?

Now, look, I ain't stalking you all, but I didn't say I wasn't a wolf.

Now, take the gun.

Now, there is one thing that every girl in the whole world whose name is Shanna

Now, what did you say after the last time?

Now! Now! Now!! Get him! Get him!

Of course, I did. I'm a girl. But I also watched car shit, too.

Oh, balls.

Oh, billboard!

Oh, come on, my ass. We said every time!

Oh, come on. Give me a break.

Oh, dear.

Oh, do it! Do it!

Oh, don't like it up the ass, do you, you redneck lunatic bastard.

Oh, fuck!

Oh, hey, Punky, one of the lights is off in the parking lot. Flip it!

Oh, hey, that's your last billboard before Guero's.

Oh, I didn't know you were...

Oh, I haven't told you the best part. He fucked her on my birthday.

Oh, I like Pretty in Pink.

Oh, I'm sorry. You were telling a story. What about her?

Oh, Jesus. How'd you treat it?

Oh, Kowalski.

Oh, look out! Look out!! Look out!

Oh, look who wants to get to the point.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Zoë!

Oh, my God.

Oh, no!

Oh, no. I'm out. I swear, Abby, you're not gonna see me anymore.

Oh, no. I'm out. I swear, Abby, you're not gonna see me anymore.

Oh, really? And what would that be?

Oh, shit! Goddamn it!

Oh, shit! I can't fucking see! I can't see!

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Speaking of which, what happened with you and Nate last night?

Oh, sweetheart. I was really attached to my specimens.

Oh, that's OK. We're just taking the piss out of you, mate.

Oh, um...

Oh, what do I know, my love?

Oh, yeah, bitch. I'm gonna bust a nut up in this bitch right now!

Oh, yeah, you sure do.

Oh, you fucking bitch!

Oh!

OK, but at some point in the evening, I had fuckability stock.

OK, but careful where you keep that hot flame, all right?

OK, cool. I'll fly.

OK, here's the thing.

OK, how about this?

OK, I want to get back to what it is you did do.

OK, is Christian Simonson gonna be there?

OK, mean girl in a high school movie, you through having a tantrum?

OK, mommy, listen up.

OK, my name is Electra. Fucking listen.

OK, now Julia, I'm serious. What did you say and what did you say I'd do?

OK, so after we bring the girls drinks,

OK, so just tell me your way.

OK, so you're in a club or a bar and Marcy is a kind of cute,

OK, Warren is sending over shots and you know the house rule.

OK, we'll get to the point but, for your information, skinny bitch,

OK, we're clear on what it is you didn't do.

OK, you need to get up 'cause we're leaving.

OK!

OK.

OK.

One uninvited guest has arrived.

One, it's not about the money. It is about the pain in the ass of scoring.

One, we're not thieves. Two, that would be rude.

Only way I can figure it.

Ooh, chronic herpetic lesions.

Ooh! You know, I ain't six.

Ooh. Can't you just sew it up?

Ooh...

Open that door, will you, baby?

Open!

Or kind of hot, or kind of sexy, or better be fucking hysterically funny,

Or Marcy over here, who is an incredible actress

Or, will the pride of Germany fall into ruin?

Outside, now!

P I S S I N G..

Palomita?

Palomita.

People eat roadkill?

Pepper spray.

Pete Townshend, at one point, almost quit The Who,

Pipe down and I'll tell you.

Please don't dead end.. Please don't dead end.

Probably the only way that diabolical degenerate can shoot his goo.

Promise.. You ready to go to the lake?

Put our backs against the ocean and defend ourselves from there.

Quit your hollering and get yourself a goddamn Band Aid.

Ramona...

Rated X.

Reach up!

Reach up!

Read it.

Really?

Really? What I do is work my ass off to get my own record label off the ground.

Redneck lunatic bastard!

Rejoice!

Remember how to ride a bike?

Remember that?

Remember when I said this car was death proof?

Right now, I ain't calling my brother, I'm calling the sheriff.

Right now, I need you to become...

Right this way.

Right up here, ladies.

Right?

Right.

Right.

Run away with your ass! You better run, motherfucker!

Salt. Got it all figured out. It's salt.

Science comes first, but business comes a close fucking second.

See how fast my friends work?

See them in action.

See them in love.

See them in terror.

See, we're both going left.

See? I'm funny.

Self restraints to room 310.

Self restraints to room 310.

Set crush? ****a, please. You were his set wife.

Set up, double crossed and left for dead.

Seventy dollars a day for yard work, a hundred for roofing.

She doesn't really have a black girl's ass.

She got a black girl's ass.

She said at some point in your life...

She used to beat up and terrorize in the fifth grade.

She was a monster. Half the guys she still fucks from the old class

She was her height right now at 12.

She'd say... when you're stuck in that spiral...

She's got one leg.

Sheri Moon Zombie,

Sheriff, how much ammo we got?

Shit, two tons of metal at 200 miles an hour,

Shit!

Show it to me.

Shut the fuck up! Somebody take care of this perp for me

Shut up! Sit down and don't fucking touch anything!

Sixty percent of that's from roadkill.

Smoking hot. Phew.

So Butterfly, can I buy you a drink?

So how about it? Boys or just us girls?

So I do.

So I'm yelling at her, Zoë, you almost killed me!

So if you're gonna go on one of your psycho, obsessive controlling rants

So instead of a chest full of medals, we got a face full of DC 2.

So Kim, you still pack a roscoe?

So we laugh about it and walk a little further,

So what? Get up!

So where are you?

So why'd they shut you out?

So you ready to do this?

So you won't feel anything during the procedure. These...

So you're making out on the couch with Nate, right?

So Zoë, the genius, wants to take a picture of me.

So Zoë, you thought about what you want to do first?

So, after they buy you a drink, when they raise their glass to toast,

So, how about that lap dance?

So, how exactly does one become a stuntman, Stuntman Mike?

So, how's the shoot going?

So, is Butterfly your real name?

So, is it Shauna and the girls at the lake house this weekend?

So, Lee's right. We all have our talents.

So, let's hear it ladies. Set romances? Who's getting it off?

So, Pop, what do you think?

So, she's got her camera and keeps saying, Step back a little.

So, uh, Icy Hot, you offering me a ride home?

So, um... what are you doing now?

So, what is it you two daredevils are doing

So, what's the plan, man?

So, where's the maniac?

So, you ever become that fancy doctor?

So, you give the stunt team the car you want to smash up,

So, Zoë, Kim, and I are in the Philippines at an outdoor rave.

So...

So... We're gonna see if this guy'll let us take the car out without him.

Soft flesh for hard cash.

Some are rapidly developing coliform lesions. Highly contagious.

Some of the best jokes are about cripples. Let's go.

Somebody call my wife.

Somebody grab the slaw. It ain't no barbeque without coleslaw!

Sometimes, when you're shooting a crash,

Son of a bitch!

Son of a bitch!

Son of a bitch.

Sorry, I'm built like a girl, not a black man,

Sounds like a stripper.

Sounds like the test of true love to me.

Stand.

Start at 250 degrees.

Stop the fucking car!

Stuntman Bob.

Stuntman Mike.

Stuntman Mike's your name?

Sweet as. Well, if you'll excuse me for a moment,

Sybil Danning,

Ta ta.

Take a picture, it'll last longer.

Take that as no.

Take this.

Tappin' that ass. Tappin' that ass! Tappin' it, tappin' it, tappin' it!

Tell you what, brother, that little bit of blood did the trick.

Ten stories down.

Thank you for this.

Thank you, that'll be all.

Thank you, Timmy boy.

Thank you.

Thank you. Yeah, thank you.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving.

That boy's got the devil in him.

That fast enough for your bony ass?

That I'm just so uncool I couldn't possibly understand.

That is not until we found somebody from the other side

That is the bright side.

That is, unless you want your ass kicked.

That kind of hurt your feelings a bit, didn't it?

That makes sense. I just didn't know you could make a car death proof.

That pituitary case might have kicked my ass a couple of times.

That plays Vanishing Point, Big Wednesday,

That puts them past the point of fuck it.

That rain check will be worthless.

That table, it seems to keep getting your attention.

That the eating of venison has risen 30 percent in the last few years.

That the local paper here in Tennessee is the Lebanon News Sentinel.

That wasn't a deer.

That wasn't a fight. That was Julia acting like a grumpy bitch

That will be all?

That would be because she's a famous actress.

That would be Lee and Toolbox.

That you?

That you're a cheating, lying...

That'll give you a better opportunity to get acquainted

That's a fact. He'll take it to his grave.

That's a good one.

That's bullshit. I ain't giving them nothing.

That's it!

That's it. I figured it out.

That's my jacket.

That's our cue.

That's pretty fast.

That's right.

That's the problem with goals, they become the thing you talk about

That's what I intend to do, Wray.

That's what I'm talking about, bitch!

That's what I've been trying to tell everybody, but they say I'm hysterical.

That's what it says on your truck.

That's what she says, but in actual fact,

That's where you put the camera. They call it a crash box. Here...

The answer to your question is no. Of course not.

The director, Cecil Evans, is so much fun.

The Dirty Mary Crazy Larry days, the White Line Fever days,

The dude fucking cut himself falling out of his time machine.

The fellowship of some fascinating individuals, like Warren here.

The festivities have begun.

The helicopters are on the other side of this wall.

The land by the sea.

The motherfuckers around here eat roadkill.

The old Army base.

The only liquor so good they named a color after it.

The shit has hit the fan!

The shit's right there. The deal is still good.

The table is set.

The woods are lovely dark and deep

Then all of a sudden, no guys at the lake house

Then I realize, I'm right at the edge of a seven foot concrete ditch.

Then I would know I was not calm.

Then some kind of cute, kind of hot, kind of sexy, hysterically funny,

Then start doing it.

Then you realized if you could infect a large enough populace,

Then, A little further. So I step back a little further.

Then, maybe you did it earlier, maybe you didn't.

There ain't no trouble, not yet, anyway.

There ain't no way in hell anybody's walking away from.

There are few things as fetching as a bruised ego on a beautiful angel.

There are other things you can carry other than a gun.

There are two helicopters, big enough to take all of us.

There's a difference between being frank and being dick.

There's few human beings that can fuck with Zoë on that front.

There's more! I could get you all you ever need!

There's no stunts being filmed during that time so Kim's free

There's no stunts being filmed during that time so Kim's free

They brought on Lee Majors and I doubled him.

They came pouring in.

They didn't just get up and walk out, did they?

They found my supply. It's under our feet.

They get shot.

They knocked it out something fierce. Still can't feel a thing.

They look you dead in the eye and repeat this poem:

They take her and reinforce that fucker everywhere and voilà...

They took the leg with them.

They won't purchase, and they won't leave.

They would've had to helicopter me out of there.

They're balls, sweetheart.

They're stealing biochemical weapons.

They've destroyed most of the tanks.

This February.

This film is a brilliant achievement in motion picture history.

This holiday season...

This infection will spread all over the world

This is an outrage!

This is fucking ridiculous.

This is my cute shit.

This is my Mecca!

This is my project!

This must be the real Bone Shack.

This project, it's failure...

Those other guys'll be waiting for us to join them at the Texas Chili Parlor.

Thought for sure you would. You talked about it enough.

Three sickos attacked her. I shot at them.

Three, we're staying at the Days Inn in town, you can call the hotel,

To better sell your automobile.

To create a race of superwomen can be told...

To escort me with his umbrella.

To every man, woman and child, unless I finish my antidote.

To me, there's no point in being in America

To not only refuse,

Tom Towles,

Tonight is a special night.

Tony, what did I tell you? You can't bring them all. Didn't I tell you that?

Tony!

Tool.

Truthfully, I'm not thinking about it.

Try not to shoot yourselves.

Turns into a couple guys at the lake house.

Twelve pounds, 12 hours.

Two against the world, baby.

Two against the world.

Two against the world.

Two Against the World]

Uh uh, no dick this trip.

Uh, a motherfucker try to **** me, I don't want to give him a skin rash.

Uh, they escaped.

Um... Ain't you supposed to be my slave or some shit?

Um... Ain't you supposed to be my slave or some shit?

Um... Well, I guess we could talk to transpo.

Understand?

Unless you can drive a Detroit muscle car.

Useless talent number 32.

Useless talent number 66.

Vanishing Point Challenger, I would have added a however.

Vanishing Point, Dirty Mary Crazy Larry, Gone in 60 Seconds, the real one.

Wait a minute.

Wait here, lieutenant. I'll handle this.

Wait, he didn't burn you a CD, he made you a tape?

Warren says it, we do it!

Warren!! Six shots of Wild Turkey!

Wasn't supposed to be the one to punch his dialysis ticket.

Watch it! Watch it! Watch it!

We are now in total control of pure wolf.

We can at least get one shot of Jäger down these fucking bitches' throats.

We got a deal?

We gotta fight them off. Get to our vehicles.

We gotta fight them off. Get to our vehicles.

We have an outdoor theater in Auckland

We have.

We just made out on the couch for about 20 minutes.

We make a run for it!

We need it to transport the other survivors.

We need some cash.

We started sitting up,

We take you along, you don't say shit. You don't even say crap.

We weren't supposed to be there, and I sure as fuck

We'll be very convincing. Now it's time to turn up the volume.

We'll see about that.

We're doing more than that.

We're gonna be stuck with them all fucking night.

We're here in quarantine with the other survivors.

We're not octopuses. We can't carry everything.

Welcome to Death Camp 13,

Well, adios!

Well, baby, now!

Well, because it was a 50/50 shot on whether you'd be going left or right.

Well, beggars can't be choosers.

Well, come over already. We're waiting for you.

Well, damn, if ain't so sweet you make sugar taste just like salt.

Well, do you know what just happened to her?

Well, give it a shot.

Well, good to meet you, Stuntman Mike.

Well, he just keeps sounding better and better.

Well, I actually have a book.

Well, I ain't playing with you.

Well, I always don't want to do it right before I'm gonna do it.

Well, I can't prove it but since thinking don't cost nothing,

Well, I definitely couldn't file you under Chickenshit then, now could I?

Well, I really don't know if he's ever done anything for sure.

Well, I'd guesstimate it's a sex thing.

Well, I'm pulling you out of retirement!

Well, if I told you, you probably wouldn't believe me.

Well, in Hollywood, anybody fool enough to throw himself

Well, normally, I would. I'd even be doing something to stop the bleeding.

Well, obviously before I cut myself shaving.

Well, of course, I'll crack it anyway.

Well, Pam, which way you going, left or right?

Well, shouldn't I get a second opinion?

Well, son number one...

Well, that's what stuntmen do.

Well, this is a movie car.

Well, unfortunately, Pam, nowadays more often than not, you're right.

Well, what are you gonna do?

Well, what's the patient's prognosis, Dr. Block?

Well, yes, you have now. She's fucking dead.

Well, you know, not much. We just fucking met each other.

Well, you see, we're making a Hollywood movie in town,

Well... Fuck that. Get Abernathy's belt.

Well... you'll always be Palomita to me.

Were and had being the key words here.

Were you making out sitting up or lying down?

Werewolf Women of the SS!

Werewolf Women of the SS!

What are you doing with a rifle, Wray?

What are you waiting for? Ask him to let you drive it by yourself.

What did he get you?

What did I tell you, Tony?

What did I tell you? No playing with toys at the table.

What do you horny gals want?

What do you say now, doc?

What do you want to do?

What does that mean?

What happened to her?

What if it's Dad?

What if there's nothing up there?

What the fuck are you guys doing?

What the fuck was that?

What the fuck?!

What the hell is going on?

What was I thinking? Zoë, the fucking cat!

What, so you didn't watch John Hughes movies?

What?

What?

What?

What? To drive a car?

What's his perversion?

What's the point? They're going to Shanna's daddy's house at Lake LBJ

What's Vanishing Point?

What's Vanishing Point?

What's your name again?

When did you say you got this bite?

When he urinated it came out through these holes here, like a fountain.

When I do, you will be the first to know.

When I knew I was coming here, I went online and found out

When you asked to drive me home, you didn't mention

Whenever the fuck I want to do my laundry.

Whenever you want it, you got it. You don't even have to ask for it.

Where are my wife and daughter?

Where did you two disappear to?

Where is here?

Where the fuck do you think you're going?

Where the hell are the bodies?

Where you think you're going, you fucking bitch?!

Where's the leg?

Where's the shit?

Where's...

Whew! That was a close one.

Which is why he's gonna tell us what the fuck is going on.

White meat, dark meat...... all will be carved.

White skin on the black market.

Who are you? I mean really. Wray's Wreckage?

Who can fly?

Who died?

Who do you want to hear?

Who, the dirty hippie?

Who?

Who's down for dos Chartreuse?

Who's in from out of town for the weekend.

Who's Kim? The colored girl?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa!

Whoo!

Why does she look kinda familiar?

Why don't you go get ready for your lap dance?

Why is this happening to me?

Why is your passenger seat in a box?

Why start now?

Why would I do something stupid like that?

Why would someone who doesn't drink spend hours at a bar drinking water?

Why?

Why'd you leave?

Why's she dressed like that?

Will give you a better idea of what you have in store for you.

Will you be able to, uh, drive later?

With Chris and Jesse, tell them about later, and make damn sure they come.

With God knows how many rocks, and broken bottles, and rats in it.

With our other friend, Lee.

With Tom Joad while the cool kids get to go out and play?

Women.

Woo hoo!

Would you like to tell me what happened?

Wow, that's fucking scary.

Wow. Think you could say a prayer for your old man?

Wray, you stay put.

Wray!

Wray!

Written and directed by Rob Zombie.

Y'all grew up watching that Pretty in Pink shit.

Y'all, I think I hear a car coming.

Yah!

Yeah, baby, stay.

Yeah, but not no more. Now she's getting it on with The Rock.

Yeah, but Pop, he got pretty banged up himself.

Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, I know what you mean. 'Cause I don't want to do it.

Yeah, I know. Sorry.

Yeah, I mean...

Yeah, I think he knew.

Yeah, I think he knew.

Yeah, she's like the coolest lady in town.

Yeah, that'll smart. Sweet, let's go.

Yeah, well, actually, I didn't ask to drive you home.

Yeah, well, I wanted it to be impressive, and scary tends to impress.

Yeah, well, if he's so in love with me,

Yeah, well, it's really good seeing you again.

Yeah, well, there was another actor on that show, Gary Clarke,

Yeah, well, we're gearheads. Of course we watched it.

Yeah, when I became a Secret Service agent, they gave me a license.

Yeah, you got a 1970 Dodge Challenger for sale?

Yeah, you know what happens to motherfuckers who carry knives?

Yeah!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. I don't know, uh... I don't know how they did it. Just, they got out...

Yes, bro.

Yes, I know what you're gonna say, so don't even go there.

Yes, it is, and it seems you have me at a disadvantage.

Yes, it is.

Yes, it is. And how did you know my name, Barry?

Yes, Kim would be the girl of color. And reason number four,

Yes, men are dogs. Oh, it's so funny!

Yes. Now, do I approve? No.

You ain't that fucking hard. I ain't getting that shit.

You are such a liar.

You asked me for a ride and I said yes. But look at the bright side, Pam,

You can call me whatever the fuck you want. I don't give a shit.

You can do it or not.

You can vouch for to give me a ride home?

You can't be up there crying and all that shit.

You can't get around the fact that people who carry guns tend to get shot

You cocksucking motherfucker!

You come over here like you said you would.

You cook, I work the back.

You could have just as easily been going left, too, and if that was the case,

You deserve better...

You didn't fall in the ditch. Zoë did.

You don't look like Ava Gardner no more.

You don't make that rent so goddamn high.

You fucking crazy? I'm not going out there.

You gave me some wood, now I'm gonna give you...

You gonna look, or are you gonna eat?

You got a billboard by Big Kahuna Burger don't you?

You got a point.

You got gin, tequila, Jäger...

You got nothing to say, huh? That's funny.

You got some voucher here. I asked him what movies you worked on,

You got something you wanna say to me?

You gotta eat quick, sweetie. Come on.

You guys are our collateral. He's never gonna go for it if we all go.

You guys look like shit.

You guys use whenever you want to exclude me from something.

You have a license to carry it?

You have an antidote?

You have to come with us, Wray. We need to talk about this.

You just order me to do it.

You just remember you got to take this recipe to your grave.

You just sit in the back and I don't want to hear a peep out of your ass.

You know how people say... You're OK in my book?

You know the show The Virginian?

You know what I mean?

You know, a bar offers all kind of things other than alcohol.

You know, I read a statistic that said

You know, it's everything but.

You know, some cultures might say he made the wiser choice.

You know, we're kind of conning this guy so maybe it's best

You know, we're supposed to be this big posse, but that's the excuse

You know, you two got some fuckin' balls.

You mean that a Mexican day laborer is a goddamn Federale?

You motherfucker!

You need to break that ****a off a piece.

You need to catch up with us.

You need two people to play Ship's Mast and I ain't playing.

You never know. That could be the shot

You ought to be a comedian.

You really need to be sitting in my seat.

You saw my car, I saw your legs.

You say that at least one night a week.

You see, you point it at what you want to die,

You share the recipe, we share the rent.

You sure you're OK driving this thing?

You sure?

You think they're gonna fall for that?

You thought it was pretty funny, didn't you?

You thought you lost us! We're back, motherfucker! We're back!

You took the jacket.

You two kids stay out of trouble.

You wanna hang with the cool kids, you've got to be cool.

You wanna say fuck you to me?

You wanna start out on top?

You want him to come, Shanna won't mind.

You want some?

You want the story? I'll spin it for you quick.

You were supplying it to them.

You won't have to find her. She'll find you.

You'd better make damn sure the bad guy isn't you.

You'll blow your own face off. I'll be right back.

You'll come home for the holidays... in a body bag.

You'll find your way.

You'll take care of this for me then, sheriff?

You're bleeding like a stuck pig, your vision is blurred,

You're getting angry kinda quick, don't you think? I was just teasing you.

You're kind of loosey goosey, you're safe with your girls,

You're missing the most important part of that story.

You're not funny.

You're not giving him any tongue, but Daryl Hannah's stand in is?

You're not gonna want to do what we're doing.

You're real pretty tonight, Holly.

You're safe.

You're still a nice girl and I still like you.

You're timing couldn't be better, Zoë.

You've been eavesdropping?

You've got yourself a death proof automobile.

You've seen a movie where a car gets into some smash up

Your car didn't have a passenger seat.

Your friend never showed up, and we got shit to do!

Zoë even knew there was a ditch there because you told her

Zoë falls in the ditch and it's nothing, we're laughing about it.

Zoë, are you OK?

Zoë, move your legs!

Zoë!

Zoë! Zoë!

Zoë! Zoë!

Zoë! Zoë!

Zoë!!

Zoë!!

Zoë's from New Zealand and you never,

1970 Dodge Challenger with a 440 engine and a white paint job.

...don't.

'Cause you're a mom. Yeah.

A gun. It's simplicity itself.

Abernathy. What's your first name?

About three months. Who'd you steal him from?

Ah, that's too bad. Why?

Ah!

ain't gonna wanna do what we're doing. How do you know I don't wanna do it?

Ain't no way I'm doing Ship's Mast. For Christ's sake...

And the end of Germany, Boorman. Heil Hitler!

And what would that be? Get famous.

And you look a little touchéd. What's touchéd?

and you're on your last leg. Anything else?

Any dead soldiers here? These two. Thank you.

Are you sure he's in there? He was.

Arrive hungry...... Happy Thanksgiving, Grandma!

Australia, right? What do you mean by that, mate?

Barbeque?

Barry. Pleased to meet you, Barry.

Be careful! My right arm's broken! This one?

Be right there. Right now.

Best in Texas. Aw, no thanks.

Bin Laden? Yeah.

Bin Laden? Yeah.

Bombay Sapphire and tonic. No ice. Good boy.

Broke out the window. Where's my finger?

But it ain't a done deal. Ah, fuck Nate.

but not you, Tolo! Sorry! I'm sorry.

Bye. Bye bye.

Cheers to that.. Word.

Cherry! Cherry! No!

Christ, you're kidding. Automobile accident off Highway 18.

Christ, you're kidding. Automobile accident off Highway 18.

Come on, motherfucker! My fuckin' ass!

Dance for me, motherfucker.

DC 2? Also known as Project Terror.

Delays the negative effects. They need it.

Did you find what was in the pocket? Fuck no.

Do it now! OK, OK. Don't shoot!

Don't blaspheme. Sorry.

Don't do your laundry at midnight. Fuck that, I want to do my laundry

Don't let her die on me, Block. What do we got?

Don't move a muscle.

Don't touch anything. I want to fly it!

Don't worry, baby.

Don't you think she's got a big ass? Nah, man. I like her ass that way.

Dr. Block?? What?

Dress, half dressed, or naked? Dressed.

Drop the gun! JT!

Dumb ass. You're gonna be all right.

Everything. Wray!

Fair lady, your chariot awaits.

for the next three days of shooting. Fucking hell, how does that happen?

Free of charge.

Fuck you, motherfucker! Put your foot down!

Fuck you!! Oh, my God!

Fuck! Might cut yourself pretty good.

Fucking fuck you!

Get outta the road, bitch!

Get up. We're leaving. I can't walk.

Give me your belt. No.

Give me your belt. Oh.

Go on, leave me. I am not leaving you here like this.

Goddamn it!

gonna to do that again. But...

Got it. OK, Marcy. Take it.

Have you let him do anything? Yes!

He has to sign her in. Do what now?

He said not to touch anything! You don't know what you're doing!

He's a grip. What he is, is a pervert.

He's coming up!! Oh, my God.

He's getting his dick wet, sir. Get him the fuck down here now!

He's infected. With what?

He's old enough to be my dad. I can still hear you.

Hello, is your name Abernathy? Sorry.

Hello, Jasper. I'm Abernathy. Aber what?

Hello, sir. Hello.

Hey, are you famous or something? Or something.

Hey, baby.. How are you?

Hey, Warren. Who is this guy? Stuntman Mike.

Hey! Now I wanna play! Go away!

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Holas, bitcholas. It's about fucking time.

Hold on, Zoë! Whoa!

Hold on!

How are you gonna do that? Ah! That's my problem.

How do you know? I'm good that way.

How long did you look for me, Wray? Jacket belonged to me, you didn't.

I broke my leg. That's OK.

I didn't want to hurt you. But you did.

I don't want to be either, Depending on their fucking ass,

I got it. You damn well better.

I gotta go. Saving lives, are ya?

I like how you say fuck. Good. Fuck you.

I listen to her show every morning. Oh, you do, do you?

I made you laugh. Go to the ocean.

I need a gun! Take this.

I need someone else to drive my truck! I'll do it.

I never miss. Come on, Skip.

I swear I'll never... Hey, Pam!

I think I'm thinking it. What are you and you thinking?

I'd love one. What can I get you?

I'll cover you. I'm not going.

I'll crack your back. You'll crack it anyway.

I'll take a margarita. Here you go.

I'm driving.

I'm not having a tantrum. All right, come on, guys. Don't fight.

I'm ready to blaze. Finally, yeah.

If they call you Butterfly,

If you're gonna take the piss out... I'm just saying.

It ain't like that. Then what's it like, Kim?

It's a botfly, you think? Chronic, viral, ulcerative lesion.

It's high. Bad would be 108.

It's not funny. It's pathetic. Would you stop crying over fucking...

Jesse Letterman, the director? He's a good friend.

Jungle Julia Lucai. Stuntman Mike McKay.

Just now.. We gotta lose the arm, Joe.

Kim!! What?

Kim. I'm just saying.

Let us go. Tell me why we should.

Lewis? Wilson?

Like a drug. Correct. We found that

Look at that hair. Lots of leave in conditioner.

Look at that shit. What happened to your arm?

Look, I know what I said. What did you say?

Looks like a no brainer.. What does that mean?

Lose the arm? What do you mean? It's spreading to your shoulder.

Magic word. Please. Give her the belt.

Maybe they can bring some pot. Fuck that. No!

Meow. She's not a hippie. She might as well be a hippie.

My brother got me in it. Who's your brother?

Never mind, here they come. You cook that meat at 250 degrees?

Nice.. Nice.

No dead bodies for Da da tonight. No dead bodies for Dad tonight. Amen.

No protection. And she's fast.

No shit? Yeah.

No, don't touch him! Why not?

No, the other way. Oh.

Now the party can start. Yep.

Now what?

Octopi. Come on! Let's go.

Oh, he was just playing around.. He was just playing.

Oh, hell no! Will you keep it down?

Oh, it's so funny! Oh, stop acting all hurt.

Oh, my God! What the fuck? Shit!

Oh, no doubt. Have a nice ride.

Oh, you did, did you? Oh, yeah.

Oh! Jesus! Oh, nice. Black abscess tongue.

Oh! Try Lanna Frank. Best idea you had all day.

OK? Not so fast.

One twenty five for septic. Sewage. Have you ever killed anyone before?

Ooh, nice one, mate. I noticed.

Ow, fuck!

People picking up roadkill. What, like an armadillo?

Prada. Come on. Give her the belt.

Problem is, this one doesn't bleed. Oh, shit. Check this out.

Ready to go? Yeah. Bye.

Rusty!

Say ahh. Aah.

Score me some? Oh, yeah.

See this? What's that?

Send it flying away from you. Unacceptable.

Shauna? Oh, fuck, I...

She don't know nothing about it. Know about what?

She's got a big ass. OK, what the fuck are you doing?

Sheriff Hague. It's JT, sheriff.

Shit! Shit! Oh, shit!

Shit! Hold on!

Show it to me!

Show it to me. No, please.

Silence! Featuring Udo Kier,

Skip, grab the twins! Come on with me! You take the chopper.

So back home... I'm sorry. Where's home?

So that was you? Yeah, that was me.

So what's your story, Abernathy? Oh, Abbie's got the big kahuna.

So, let's do it. What is it?

So, what about tonight? We'll see, Shanna.

So, what do you do? Pick 'em off. Just like this.

So, you really weren't following us? I'm not following you, Butterfly.

Sorry, Stuntman Burt. Mike.

Sorry. No? No.

Still open, I see. Oh, yeah. All night.

Stuntman Mike. Well, Stuntman Mike, I'm Butterfly.

Tell me what? Now thanks to you,

Thanks, JT. We're serving inside tonight.

That is my first name. What kind of first name is that?

That was two weeks ago. Oh, well, now you put it like that...

That's my boy!

That's my jacket. Yes, I know.

there he is, looking me in the eyes. Wait. You killed Bin Laden?

There you go.

there's a real easy way to do that. Really?

They call that the thing? I call it the thing.

This shit is off the fuckin' hook. Fuckin' legendary, mate.

Twelve pounds? Sure.

Uh uh, I am not gonna fuck him. I can hear you.

Useless talent number 12? No, it's a happy dance.

Viral infections.

Wait here. Oh, I sure will.

Wait, my tarantula. Bring it, let's go.

Wait... Where the fuck you going?

Watch your fucking legs! Baby, just hold on.

We can't be late! We won't!

We were kinda hoping you were. How are you not holding?

we worked our way to lying down. The plot thickens. Who was on top?

We'll act it out with Marcy? Sure.

Well, I admit, that sounds bad. It is bad.

Well, is there another way around? Wait here.

Well, physically speaking,

Well, uh... I got bit. Bit? Bit by what?

Well... No, no, no, no.

Were you two fucking? Hell, no.

What are you doing, JT? I gotta put more salt in it.

What are you doing?? Shut up, Joe.

What are you gonna do, blow him? No!

What do we got? Something's wrong up there.

What do you mean, No, of course not? The reason Cecil hasn't had

What do you think of the leg? Oh, that's funny.

What do you think? Self preservation comes to mind.

What happened to your tooth?? Fell out.

What happened? What, with Zoë the cat?

What the fuck is it? Chartreuse.

What were you working on?? Three Kicks to the Head, part three.

What? Don't play dumb ass with me.

What? Hey, them's the rules, baby.

What's a cheerleader movie? A movie about cheerleaders.

What's a roscoe?? Roscoe is a pistol.

What's shaking, bacon?

What's so special about tonight? Been open 25 years.

What's the matter? You don't eat meat? Oh, I eat meat.

What's your name? Jasper.

Whatever. You know what?

When were y'all gonna tell her? Soon.

Where are my men? I've got several right here.

Where are y'all going? You stay put.

Where did you get that? Useless talent number 37.

Where the hell is Lanna Frank? That's a good fucking question.

Where's the top? Baby's chopped permanently.

Who the fuck are they? For your information,

Who was that you were talking to? Babysitter. She's on her way.

Who's holding? If you're not, then nobody.

Who's the first? Right there.

Whoa! Zoë!

Whose couch, his or your hotel room? What am I, stupid over here? Mine.

With pleasure. Three minutes.

with weed when we go out. Whoa, whoa, little lady...

Would you care for some? Thank you, Julia.

Wrapped in tin foil, right? I don't use no goddamn foil.

Y'all are getting me hot. Shh!

Yeah, he's a stand in fucker. Bitch, you need to get over that shit.

Yeah, it is. Yeah.

Yeah, you go.. Just go, go, go, go!

Yeah!

Yeah. How do you think they accomplish that?

Yeah. Oh, that is so romantic.

Yep! She sure is a striking looking woman.

Yes, I said that, however... Whatever with your however.

You called for me? I need for you to see this.

You carry a gun?? Uh huh.

You certainly have. So...

You could carry me, Wray. Yeah? You never wanted that before.

You have no right. I don't?

You know what? Just call me Abbie. OK, Abbie.

You ladies take your time. OK.

You said ten!! I'm sorry.

You think?? Oh, sure.

You understand? Got it.

You wanna go get him? Oh, hell yeah!

You want to bring him? I thought no boys.

You want to join us? For a second, I'm with some friends.

You're a dancer. I was earlier tonight.

You're having one off with The Rock? Not the real Rock.

You're not fucking him. Hm hm.

You're not sucking him. Hm hm.

You've gotta see this. I'll be right there.

You've seen this guy before? Outside of Guero's.

Your ass gonna do it. Yeah, you'll ask pretty please, bitch.

Your brother's a good man, JT. Best in Texas.

...is just to take the sting off. Ah!

...leave stuffed.

...more... Kim?

...spilt milk?! I have no leg!

...under Chickenshit. And what if I did it?

... I probably would have been fucking paralyzed.

... I'll ask you one more time.

... I'll never see you again.

...and I've seen me a stripper with 12 toes...

...and I've seen me a stripper with no brains at all...

...and Nicolas Cage

...and probably die.

...are my friends. My yellow friend...

...are thinking...

...are thinking...

...but I ain't never seen me a one legged stripper.

...but I ain't never seen me a one legged stripper.

...don't shoot me.

...don't!

...don't.

...don't.

...El Wray.

...even better than me.

...immediately.

...into...

...it wasn't bullish, but...

...it's all you.

...of checking out...

...of going...

...of opening...

...one severed limb.

...prepare to have the stuffing scared out of you.

...sack.

...shit?

...some fucking wood!

...some geek comes over trying to be cool,

...Thanksgiving.

...the basement...

...the weary...

...the...

...they just fucked with the wrong Mexican.

...this door...

...this house...

...those that have no hope.

...time!

...to a land we've made for ourselves.

...what I think is so goddamn ghoulish, I hesitate to speak it out loud.

...what name do you go by now? In case I wanna catch one of your shows.

...who you're meant to be.

...will be your demise.

...you fart like a goddamn pack mule since I've been back, goddamn!

...you find a use for every useless talent you ever had.

...you reach up.

...you'll never see me again.

'Cause I could've swore you just gave me a fuck you look right now.

'Cause I'd rather fucking freeze than fucking hear about it one more time.

'Cause that's what you do when no one else is looking.

'Don't'.

♪ Going to eat your brains and gain your knowledge

♪ He's bad

♪ Machete ♪