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The Night Before (2015) The Night Before is a holiday comedy movie released in 2015. Starring Seth Rogen, Joseph

The Night Before (2015)

The Night Before is a holiday comedy movie released in 2015. Starring Seth Rogen, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Anthony Mackie, it follows three friends who go on a wild adventure during their annual Christmas Eve reunion, searching for the holy grail of Christmas parties in New York City. Filled with laughter, chaos, and heartfelt moments, this feel-good film is sure to put you in the holiday spirit. Enjoy the sounds of The Night Before and download them here.

A half hour for Mr. Green could be like two hours of standing here.
A little bit for the homeys.
A lot of children.
A new regimen? That's what you call it?
A rich athlete finally getting the corporate limo that he always wanted.
A strip club.
A very nice, eloquent man named James is sending me his penis.
Absolutely, sir.
Actually, it's kind of amazing. It's really fun...
Aim it out the window, aim it out the window! Oh!
All aboard!
All of a sudden I was just thinking about everything you've been saying...
All right, everybody, give it up to my friend.
All right, go, go, go.
All right, then don't be a pussy! You got to propose to her!
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right. Go.
All right. That's fine.
All right. You guys want any of this?
All she wants to do is parade me around and show me off to people.
All this romance is getting me really hot.
Always, man.
And basically, I'm kind of just having a hard time finding my place in all this.
And Chris is just too fucking famous to hang out with us anymore.
And easy. My God, dude!
And forgive us our trespasses
And he's talking to a warlock and a pretend pot head.
And he's talking to a warlock and a pretend pot head.
And I didn't want Miley to think that I hated love!
And I do wanna have a family...
And I have something to tell you...
And I have to tell you to listen to me...
And I just think it kind of made me freak out a little bit.
And I love this girl. I'm starting to realize, tonight, she's the love of my life.
And I'm just telling you right now that you need to go...
And Internet.
And it was totally crazy that I wouldn't meet your parents.
And it's gone.
And it's gone.
And it's gonna be the best fucking night of our lives!
And no one wants to drink cocaine blood.
And now I think I just got to balance it out.
And remember, it's not a good deed if no one knows about it.
And that made me feel better.
And the whole time, I wanna see that elf face.
And then go to the karaoke spot right by the Chinese food place.
And then the baby will fucking murder people!
And there was a woman, so pretty to all.
And there's magic in the air at Christmas.
And we Dom P'in it, we have Cristal in it, Hennythuggin' it...
And when that happened I kind of realized...
And you don't even know how to be an elf.
And you know I'm proud of what you've become.
And your ass will be trending in 10 minutes.
Anyway, that'll be a hundred bucks.
Appreciate it. I'm pretty high on Molly right now.
Are these Micro Machines?
Are you curious?
Are you fucking kidding me?
Are you fucking serious right now?
Are you giving birth to piss?
Are you gonna propose to me again?
Are you hungry? I can heat up some food.
Are you sure one of your famous friends...
Argh!
As much as I hate Christmas, that's how much I love you.
As the years passed, his boys, they grew up.
At a place so great words cannot describe...
At least I'm doing something with my life.
Aw.
Awesome. Sure, I'll hold your cane.
Be a rock.
Because he's a fucking drug dealer and he's suspicious...
Because I put cocaine blood into her fucking drink.
Because you're acting like a weird pebble.
Before...
Bets, look who it is.
Betsy is gonna get that tape from Sarah...
Betsy said you've been asking about me.
Betsy would never in a billion years say anything even remotely like that.
Betsy.
Betsy.
Betsy.
Betsy's going into fucking labor.
Bizarre. Maybe it's the vodka?
Bunch of abnormal shit happened to me.
But everything changes, right? We all grow up...
But go big or go home. Right, Miley?
But honestly, I'm a little relieved.
But I guess I was...
But I love touching things.
But I told you right away that I'm kind of a Grinch. Okay?
But I want that family to...
But I'm not normal. You know this. I'm not normal.
But it's been really fun, though.
But it's okay. It's no one's fault, really. We just drifted apart.
But just pretend I'm saying it right, if you could.
But over time, the fun did wane.
But Run DMC, I got to see it! Finally.
But she said that you've been doing a very good job.
But sometimes...
But this is not for us. This is for a good friend of mine.
But tonight!
But when you put on that costume and you portray Santa Claus...
But why did they beat you up?
But you know what?
But, no, I just mean...
But... All right.
Bye bye.
Bye.
Bye.
C Money in the hizzle.
Can I come in?
Can I talk to you for a second real quick?
Can we go?
Can we just not get derailed here?
Can we not have that conversation...
Can you even walk?
Check it out, playa.
Check out what Betsy gave me.
Cherish that shit.
Chickity check myself, before I wrickity wreck myself?
Chris motherfucking Roberts.
Chris, I wanna say hi to you, but you're surrounded by fans!
Christmas was about family, but now it's about friends.
Cindy? Where is she? Is everything okay?
Cocaine. That'll straighten me out.
Come have sex with my mother and my father.
Come here, little sweetie. Come here.
Come here, sweetie.
Come on and give us a pat.
Come on, Joshua!
Come on, let's follow her.
Come on!
Come on!
Come on! It's Christmas. It's like, go big or go fucking home!
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on. Look, I got some whiskey.
Come on. Whoo!
Come with me.
Congrats, baby, you coming up big time.
Cool.
Could I perhaps have some more chardonnay...
Couldn't have been easy to tell me that.
Damn it, why'd I tell him that?
Diana...
Did he tell you that they've named a park after him?
Did Mommy and Daddy leave you alone on Christmas?
Did they mug you? Did they take the tickets?
Did you bleed in my drink?
Did you do it? Let me see your mouth.
Did you get the weed back?
Did you get your phone back?
Did you say Dragon Betsy?
DJ Kevy Kev!
Do I like it more now? Jesus. I mean, it's a dope dick.
Do I look weird now?
Do I wanna suck it? Oh, man.
Do I want it?
Do they even make payphones anymore?
Do you like him again?
Do you think I could, like, handle it?
Does your mother still have a Nintendo 64?
Don't do my dad doggy style. He's got very bad knees.
Don't do that.
Don't do this now. Please don't do this now!
Don't pick up! Oh!
Don't touch it. People wipe their butts on those.
Drink some damn Red Bull. Hell, yeah!
Dude, I am such a fan.
Dude, it's not funny! She stole my fucking weed!
Dude, this isn't your phone.
Dude, we need to get some weed.
Dude, we've got to get to this party or I'm gonna get fucking divorced.
Dude, what the fuck is going on with you?
Dude, you fucked up. Isaac, tell him, he fucked up.
Dude, you make music that people have never heard.
Dude!
Dude.
Ethan asked.
Ethan, it's Diana!
Ethan, you and I both know, Miley was flawless.
Ethan!
Ethan! Ethan! Diana!
Eventually, they come to your door, you're like, Eh.
Everybody, look who it is!
False alarm.
Fellow seekers ofjoy having one crazy night.
First stop: Rockefeller Center, right?
Five O, bro. You're busted.
Folks out at the church would love to see you. Aunt would too.
For a Christmas present tonight, I'm gonna take him under my wing.
For sure.
For three hours.
Forget Isaac. I just fame fucked that hipster chick in the bathroom.
Friends are important, but relationships evolve.
Friends come and go...
From a cognitive level, if you speak to kids like they're adults...
Fuck it. Thanks.
Fuck my friends.
Fuck that park. It got crackheads.
Fuck you, baby!
Fuck you, baby! Fuck you! Cunt!
Fuck you, Isaac!
Fuck you!
Fuck you.
Fuck your baby fucking little arms...
Fuck!
Fuck!
Fuck! No. Look, don't call me an elf.
Fuck.
Fuck. When?
Gentlemen...
Get back to the workshop! You work for us, elf!
Get in my brain. Make me feel different.
Get off of me! What the fuck, dude?
Get out.
Get rid of this fucking baby!
Get the fuck out of here.
Girl's a genius.
Give her a call.
Give me some, Ma.
Give me your hand! Go through that light, baby!
Give us this day our daily bread
Go down to the corner and make a right! Hurry up, man! Chase her!
Go get her, baby!
Go out there, get fucking wild, you know?
Go to my mom's house. Play some GoldenEye.
Go.
Go.
Gonna find my phone.
Good evening.
Got a new workout, new diet, new paleo thing I've been doing.
Got my prenup.
Grand and Berry, please!
Great video, by the way. I just watched it.
Great. This is your ticket. Please try not to lose it.
Guess we gonna lose the park, huh?
Guys, let's go.
Guys, my iPhone's that way!
Guys, Santa Claus is a very meaningful thing to a lot of people.
Ha ha ha! Best I ever did it!
Half hour.
Hallelu!
Hard like a wrecking ball.
Hate to see that one get away, you know?
Have fun.
Have some fun! Yeah!
Have you?
He looks happy right now, right?
He looks really great!
He needs something.
He's my best friend in the whole world. I can't leave him here.
He's okay. He looks okay.
He's solid. He's got the stats.
Heavenly Father, thank you for this food we're about to receive.
Heh heh. You serious?
Hello! 1998 speaking.
Hello?
Hello?
Help me. How does this thing work?
Hennessy.
Here I come!
Here you go. Drip, drop. Drip, drop.
Here, ticket. Okay, this one.
Here's a little story I'd like to tell...
Hey there.
Hey, Bets, tell Diana I said hello.
Hey, I feel like you might be gay.
Hey, I feel like you might be gay.
Hey, Isaac. You okay?
Hey, man. How's it going?
Hey, Merry Christmas, Isaac.
Hey, Messiah. Check this shit out, dude.
Hey, sweetie.
Hey, Thuwan! How's it going, my man?
Hey, what are you doing?
Hey, yo.
Hey!
Hey! Did you steal my weed?
Hey.
Hi, Sarah! Whaddup?
Hi!
Hi! I'm Isaac, nice to meet you.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi. Heh, heh.
Hi. Merry Christmas.
Hi. Merry Christmas.
His mama and papa both tragically gone...
His name is on my phone, I must know him. Who is he?
Hit the gas! Hit the gas!
Holy fucking shit!
Holy shit!
Holy shit!
Holy shit.
How about that, Rudolph? Huh?
How did he get so good all of a sudden?
How do you know about that?
How does that make someone feel?
How fucked up are you right now?
How long did Mr. Green say he would be here in?
How much weed you got in that box?
How old are you?
How was that for a Christmas story?
How's it going? Hey, merry Christmas.
How's the music going? Any gigs coming up?
How's the party, huh? Is it as dumb as you thought it'd be?
How's things going with that?
How's your family?
Huh? Nothing.
Huh. A dick from someone named James?
Husband, lawyer...
I almost forgot, I'm gonna need some more headshots.
I appreciate you guys coming over, but I think I'm just gonna...
I ask her about you every time I see her.
I believe I finally earned these.
I can fly.
I can't just be lollygagging around...
I couldn't even tell you were pregnant till I saw you from the side.
I couldn't even tell you were pregnant till I saw you from the side.
I deserve that.
I did it.
I did. And also...
I didn't do it on purpose.
I didn't even smoke weed. I just liked Bob Marley and tie dye.
I didn't get that was the vibe I was putting out there.
I do not wanna hurt you, man.
I don't always wear a sweater, obviously.
I don't know if it really has the same impact.
I don't know if we're really replacing this with another tradition.
I don't know man, I really, really like this girl.
I don't know what to do. I'm fucking freaking out. Do I do it? Should I do it?
I don't know what you do at this point, but get rid of this fucking baby!
I don't know what's happening. I don't know this song.
I don't know what's happening. Let's go. Let's just bail.
I don't know where...
I don't know who I'm gonna start with, but I know who I'm gonna end with.
I don't know why they beat me up!
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know. Why are you looking up dicks?
I don't need to talk about it.
I don't really like to do that stuff, Ma.
I don't think he's talking to you at all.
I don't understand what's happening. Where are we?
I end every Christmas at this party.
I feel like such a dumb asshole compared to you sometimes.
I forgot about that.
I forgot I even asked you. You want some weed?
I found you.
I fucking hate those kind of guys.
I get it. I get some success. I get some new friends and you're jealous.
I get to have sex with Dwayne The Rock Johnson.
I got a great north Cali bud...
I got appearances. I got all kinds of stuff I have to do, Ma.
I got beat up by a couple of Santa Clauses.
I got the biggest motherfucking phone on the planet.
I got the shit. I got the weed. I got the smoke.
I got to make it that I'm more on mushrooms...
I got us on the list for the party...
I got you! I got you! I got you!
I got your nose, asshole!
I guess I'll see you later.
I guess I'm pretty good at making excuses.
I guess that's my cue.
I hate to bug you.
I have 96 missed calls.
I have, uh, these tickets.
I haven't even spoken to you in, like, three months!
I hope he get her pregnant.
I just got so much stuff going on.
I just hope that this nice young lady's vagina...
I just hope we have kids as beautiful as you girls.
I just miss them.
I just saw her at the bar and just...
I just typed in the search NYC drugs.
I just want my weed back.
I kind of wanna kiss you...
I knew it! She fucking took my weed!
I knew that you were gonna be at that bar last night.
I know you.
I know, and then you show up here and you propose to me...
I know.
I know. Because she's my friend.
I know. I didn't think it through at all.
I know. I'm sorry. I'm just nervous.
I know. It's crazy! Say hey to Ethan!
I know. It's just I have an early flight...
I know. So it's here.
I look funny?
I lost my phone, and I'm using this app to try to find it.
I love that book.
I love you a lot.
I love you too. Merry Christmas.
I love you, dragon.
I love you, Isaac.
I love you.
I love you. Okay? I love you.
I mean, I was just thinking you could like dedicate a song to her.
I mean, you love this girl. You say you love her, right?
I never wanna let go.
I petitioned the city, I got the signatures...
I put my hands on you.
I remember you wore that Bob Marley tie dye T shirt...
I said yes because everybody was looking at me.
I should just drop a deuce in my shorts.
I stole some hash from my brother. Rolled it in this doobie.
I teach third grade, bitch!
I think all my issues are drug related, and my emotional state is completely...
I think I call it putting a needle in your ass. That's what I call it.
I think I'm just gonna chill here.
I think it's our job to sort of just keep him in check.
I think moving around, maybe, from the dancing.
I think she just wanted you to do...
I think the 'shrooms are kicking in.
I think the cocaine and the mushrooms are reacting poorly.
I think you got him with that one, Santa.
I think you're sublimating, man.
I thought that you didn't do parents.
I thought the Messiah preached forgiveness!
I thought you were saying, Come have sex.
I thought, Wow, that's pretty fucking cool.
I told her I was in Philly and I got a suite down at the Gansevoort.
I told you. It was a new diet. A new regimen.
I understand that that's hard for you.
I walked by you and I heard you going on about your Christmas plans...
I wanna grow up with you.
I want it to be you.
I was afraid we were gonna get caught, because you were so fucking loud.
I was done a few years ago, to be totally honest.
I was just looking for this girl that I love, and she loves you.
I was really just trying to do what I thought you wanted me to do...
I was scared of being alone and did some stupid shit.
I was there when you won this. You must be so proud.
I was with two other guys and now I'm in a fight...
I wouldn't want that either.
I'd like to give a special shout out to my seed...
I'd love to hang out with two other people.
I'd love to.
I'd rather be the guy, from now on...
I'd take advantage of that shit.
I'll be home pretty early, I think. Okay. I love you.
I'll be your daddy, Chris'll be your mommy.
I'll get this address.
I'll go.
I'll meet you at the F Train!
I'll meet you at the F Train.
I'll see you at the Nutcracker Ball. I'll bring you a half a pound...
I'm a celebrity now.
I'm an orthopedic surgeon.
I'm building a body of work.
I'm doing the hang loose thing too much.
I'm Dwayne.
I'm following in the path of my Christmas heroes:
I'm going all in.
I'm going to find Owens.
I'm gonna be right back.
I'm gonna come clean with you.
I'm gonna come clean.
I'm gonna get a beer, maybe a dance.
I'm gonna help him and get him out of this rut.
I'm gonna move you to coat check. This is your last chance.
I'm gonna start putting people's last names on my contacts.
I'm gonna teach you a Christmas lesson, you naughty boy.
I'm good. I think I'll just ride the wave, my main man.
I'm happy for you. Your last Christmas...
I'm high too. I'm high too.
I'm *******.
I'm jizzing all over you. I'm getting, like, jizzy. Sorry.
I'm just gonna show you this.
I'm just saying, we're enabling him at this point.
I'm just talking to your lovely daughters...
I'm just trying to help out, man.
I'm never getting in that dude's car again. He freaked me out.
I'm not being a Cockblock.
I'm not gonna stop.
I'm not saying she wouldn't be happy to see me, all right?
I'm not. Don't say that. Are you mad at me?
I'm not. Don't say that. Are you mad at me?
I'm on a lot of cocaine right now. I think that's what made my nose bleed.
I'm on steroids, now what?
I'm sick. Sick.
I'm so glad Ethan and Diana ended up together.
I'm so psyched, man. Awesome.
I'm so sorry that you're clearly going through a lot right now.
I'm sorry that your friends don't wanna hang out with you on Christmas.
I'm sorry, I got it. I got it.
I'm sorry! I'm just happy!
I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I think he's gonna be fine.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Fuck you!
I'm still conceptualizing that part of it...
I'm stuck!
I'm surprised you even talked to us, Chris. When I look back, I remember thinking:
I'm taking the fucking sweater off!
I'm the worst mom. I'm gonna be terrible.
I'm tripping my fucking balls off still, and you look like a dragon right now.
I'm trusting you on this.
I've been on this dude's team for six years and he finally knows who I am.
I've been seeing a girl with a huge vagina.
I've been seeing a girl with a huge vagina.
I've been told my quiet intensity has that effect on people.
I've heard about that. And it works?
I've made a decision.
If I can deliver this weed...
If I die, they will play this video at my funeral!
If it wasn't for y'all, I would have never made it through that school.
If we're being honest, I should apologize to you also...
If you get paid for that you'd be really successful.
If you want this woman, you're gonna have to work for her.
If you're in the season of giving, hit me up @Chrisrob11, hashtag selfless giving.
If you're not Christian, what are you?
In here?
In the red. Move. Yeah, thanks.
Is it cologne?
Is that a challenge?
Is that why you look different?
Is this cocaine? I haven't done cocaine for 11 years, I don't think.
Isaac, what are you doing? Don't throw up. Don't you throw up here.
Isaac?
Isaac's about to have a baby.
It begins right before Christmas 2001...
It brings me back. Who are you calling right now?
It doesn't matter! It's a fucking Christmas miracle!
It doesn't matter. I just need to tell you something. Okay?
It is about a famous athlete and his weed.
It is the Nutcracker Ball!
It just did.
It just fucks with people's heads.
It rips you up. If you see me naked, it'll blow your mind.
It was a pretty dumb thing you did.
It was rabbi dancing motherfucker!
It's a bunch of drugs. We eat a little 'shrooms...
It's a conversation we've been avoiding for 10 years, actually.
It's a dope night.
It's a hell of a bash.
It's a long story.
It's a real party.
It's a tough holiday.
It's about this and only this! Nothing else!
It's after 10. We can call the party number now.
It's all been a lie. It's all been a front, because I'm fucking freaking out.
It's all different now.
It's all just been to compensate for the fact that I don't know anything.
It's amazing.
It's amazing. You've had the season of a lifetime. Congratulations, man.
It's been three months, I haven't stopped.
It's Christmas now, and we've almost made it...
It's Christmas! You don't steal from people on Christmas.
It's every single drug in the whole world.
It's fucked. There's a lot of blood.
It's gonna be okay, though.
It's good to see you kids still hanging out and smoking up.
It's good to see you. I'll be... I'll be... I'll be...
It's happening.
It's happy. It's eager.
It's harder to stay friends with people when you're older.
It's hot in here. I run hot.
It's important, you know?
It's intense.
It's just kind of ruining your life.
It's loading. There it is! It's in midtown.
It's Mr. Green's car! It's a Christmas miracle!
It's my party.
It's not gonna be easy to tell the world either.
It's not in my car.
It's not mine.
It's okay, man.
It's okay, man. We know her. We can get your phone back.
It's okay, sweetie! You don't have to pop your pussy!
It's okay. Nothing happened.
It's only a few blocks away. I'm sure they'd appreciate it.
It's our last night doing the Christmas!
It's really fucked up.
It's so cold outside too.
It's the Nutcracker Ball.
It's the only karaoke place that's open on Christmas.
It's the saddest shit I've ever seen in my life!
It's the super fan, sex maniac that stole my weed.
It's your last Christmas together, so have fun. Enjoy it.
Jackpot! I pretend to be a fan...
Jesus fucking Christ.
Just a punch bowl and some sleigh bells...
Just do it easy.
Just fucking go before they get here. Go.
Just go talk to Ethan.
Just kidding. I'm drunk. Let's do this thing!
Just leave it!
Just looking into your soul, man.
Just not too hard.
Keep it moving. There you go.
Kick ass.
Last time I was here, she made me go to church with her...
Later, sucka!
Let me get you a bag. You're gonna need a bag. Wait up!
Let them bitches know the Ice Crew in the building!
Let's call! Let's call!
Let's do it, baby.
Let's do it! Come on, Isaac!
Let's do it.
Let's do this!
Let's get something else going here.
Let's go, get in. You gotta see this. Come on.
Let's go, guys!
Let's go.
Let's just go. Can we just go? Let's just go.
Let's party!
Let's start with the champagne.
Let's turn it up!
Light his dick.
Listen, I'm sorry about the ring. I'll get you a ring, I promise.
Listen, listen. Diana is also going to the Nutcracker Ball.
Little bit. Could you tell? Am I wearing it on my sleeve?
Look at me, asshole. What the fuck wrong with you?
Look at my finger. Look at my finger.
Look at that.
Look at you, man.
Look at you. So you're a success?
Look away, dude. Look away.
Look how tiny you are!
Look who it is. Who are these guys?
Look, can you help me out?
Look, I'll show you. It's a fucking conversation. It's some guy named James.
Look, my mom doesn't know I'm here. So let it go. We're not going upstairs.
Look, we're at the tree! Why don't we talk about it another time?
Look. Look, it's a sleigh. We can still get her.
Makes me proud.
Man, damn dog, you look just as white as they do.
Man, I guess that settles it.
Man, this really feels like it's about something else here.
Man, you're everywhere tonight.
Martini, Crantini.
May I help you?
May I take your coats, gentlemen?
Maybe it'll be the new Christmas tradition.
Me, I don't have time for kids.
Meeting you here tonight...
Merry Christmas to you too, man.
Merry Christmas, blessed Kwanzaa, happy Hanukkah!
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas. What are you guys doing here?
Miley Cyrus?
Mm. Good beer.
More whimsical.
Most professional athletes retire right now...
Movie's all right, 3D gives me a headache...
Mr. Green! What's up, man?
Mr. Green.
Mushrooms. Caps, too many caps. Ate a lot of the caps.
My boy Hans Gruber died like this.
My cousin Larry's got this giant warehouse in Brooklyn...
My family, thank you for asking, is fine.
My hands are stuck!
My name's Joshua. I'm gonna be your Red Bull provided driver for the evening.
My nose is bleeding?
My phone! It's close! I got to go!
Nah, I'm good, man. Weed makes me paranoid now.
Nah, it was a Make A Wish thing, man.
Newsflash: Everybody's on steroids!
Nice.
No girlfriend, no money.
No matter what the light, the picture's right. All right?
No more crying. This sad shit must end.
No one has, I don't think.
No one was eating this tuna, so I thought...
No, Ethan, I'm not going to marry you.
No, fuck you!
No, I can't boost you, you're too heavy, man.
No, I stole them.
No, I'm gonna be the daddy, you be the mom.
No, I'm not.
No, I've never sucked a dick but, well, if I'm being totally honest with myself...
No, man. Fuck that, dude. It's Christmas.
No, Miley Cyrus, I'm not one of those guys.
No, my nose is very tingly right now. And I actually don't feel much. That's so weird.
No, no, no, I'm kidding! I'll drive!
No, no, no! Not inside the church.
No, no, no. I wanna hurt him. He sucker punched me.
No, no, no. Jizz all over me. I like that shit.
No, no, no. There you go. There you go.
No, no, no. You don't get to make those executive decisions, elf.
No, we're doing them tomorrow, but this one I'm pretty sure you'll want tonight.
No, we're not gonna follow her. Let's just drop off the food and go to the party!
No, what are you doing, man?
No, you don't understand.
No, you're not cool, G.
No, you're not.
No!
No! Dude! What the fuck!
No! It's a no! No!
No! That's not me! That's a different guy.
No! You run that light! Are you my guy?
No?
No.
No.
No.
No. Don't say that.
No. Forget about the weed, man.
No. I fucking hate Christmas.
No. Let's just go to the party, okay?
No. Not at all. That's a long story. Look. Hey.
No. Not that kind of church.
No. You don't understand, man! It's really important! It's for Tommy.
Nobody touch nothing.
Nobody touch shit.
Not a lot. Just feeling good.
Not gigs, but gigs are overrated, dude.
Not really.
Not too hard.
Now it's Christmas. It's not Christmas till we eat egg drop soup.
Now, where are you going?
Obviously, he's joking.
Obviously, that was a joke. I am totally cool with it.
Of course it'll work!
Of course.
Of course. All dogs can talk.
Of course. Betsy's giving birth in a month.
Oh my God, they talk! Ha ha.
Oh, come on. How does this fucking work?
Oh, fuck.
Oh, God.
Oh, hi. I love you.
Oh, I fucked up. I fucked up.
Oh, I know.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Oh, man!
Oh, man. Hey, good seeing you, dude. Long time.
Oh, my God, if my mom wakes up.
Oh, my God, if my mom wakes up.
Oh, my God! Chris!
Oh, my God! Ethan!
Oh, my God! That is so romantic. That is the sweetest thing I've ever heard.
Oh, my God! This is the greatest night of our lives!
Oh, my God! You look so big!
Oh, my God. Are you gonna cry? Aw.
Oh, my God. I'm just trying not to shit my pants.
Oh, my God. This is so nice! This is the best!
Oh, no! Oh, no!
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, shit just got real, huh? Yeah, go ahead and punch him, man.
Oh, shit, Messiah, White Jesus in the building.
Oh, shit! Are you guys a couple?
Oh, shit! Boom.
Oh, shit! What the fuck happened to you?
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit. Is this Sarah's phone?
Oh, shit. Look, man, it's her!
Oh, yeah? Listen.
Oh, yeah.
Oh.
Oh. All right. I'll get your hundreds.
Oh. Here we go. Here we go.
Oh. Hey, yo, C Money, while I got you on the phone...
Oh. Okay.
Okay, fellas, let's hear it for Sierra!
Okay, I gotta go find my friend real fast. Excuse me.
Okay, look, I...
Okay, now... Now, take a dump.
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, she's dating this guy, and he got us into this party.
Okay! Here!
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay. All right. So here's the thing.
Okay. Fine.
Okay. Fine.
Okay. Heh, heh, heh.
Okay. Here's the bad news.
Okay. I think I'm good.
Okay. Let's do it. One game.
Okay. Oh. Hey, hey, hey.
Okay. Okay.
Okay. Okay. Then I will.
Okay. Yeah, if you say so.
Okay. Yeah?
Old people have so much stuff. You guys remember that.
Old people have so much stuff. You guys remember that.
On a psychological level, that's not good.
One friend had a family, the other had fame.
One of us has to be not freaking out.
One. Chris love out. Peace.
Only on Christmas, kid.
Or maybe you're in the present.
Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Pack it in, kid.
Pause the fucking game. If you shoot me right now, you forfeit.
People are just on their phones the whole time.
People want love.
People's hearts are open. People want to forgive.
Please don't hiss at a kid.
Please. I wanna go right now.
Pop it! Pop it!
Practice.
Probably. She never throws my stuff away. Why?
Put it in a bag and leave it somewhere!
Put it in a basket and push it down a fucking river!
Put it in a basket and push it down a fucking river!
Put your fucking hands down!
Put your tiny hand in mine.
Really can't believe we're doing this again this year.
Really resourceful of you.
Really?
Really?
Really?
Red light, red light!
Remember the cops came? We had to hide in the bathroom.
Right now, let the after party begin!
Right. So that's why you don't wanna go upstairs...
Rudolph is kicking our ass!
Santa pub crawl, bro!
Santa's not real, you pricky infant.
Sarah has your phone. So I'm calling it.
Save us a seat.
Say the grace, boy.
Say yes. Yes.
School's far. Your mom lives close.
See through what? Let's talk about it. What do you see, Isaac?
See? He wants to smoke with Tommy, right?
Seriously, this is what the spirit of Christmas is all about.
She destroyed Wrecking Ball. It was amazing.
She did Miley Cyrus.
She doesn't know that much about drugs. The proportions of this shit is all off.
She doesn't let on.
She has my phone.
She Home Alone'd me!
She looks beautiful.
She wanted to move in...
She was rummaging through my jacket when I was hitting her from the back.
She's cool. I miss her.
She's having a baby, yeah.
Shh shh shh.
Shh.
Shit got weird. I don't wanna talk about it.
Shit happened! Things went down!
Shit, shit, shit!
Shit!
Shit! Look! Now she's stealing from homeless people!
Shit.
Shit. Are you going to the Nutcracker Ball?
Shit. Is that you?
Shotgun!
Show me the elf face.
Show them, huh! Unh! Unh! Unh!
Shut up and go.
Since this is our final Christmas, I figured we could do it in class.
Sit down.
Sit down. The show's about to start.
Slow down!
Smoke this.
So everything's good. I got you.
So how about Diana? You talk to her?
So I called the number on these tickets.
So that Christmas, I didn't have any family to be with...
So that gives us several hours to hit as many Christmas traditions as possible!
So that name's a little blasphemous.
So this is it, Diana.
So what's up with you, man? Why are you mad at us?
So you need to get out of here before they show up.
So, what do you want?
So...
Some company or something.
Something special supposed to happen?
Something's bugging you.
Sometimes, you think it's easy to tell your friend something...
Sorry to be like a Grinch. You're into it.
Sorry, I can't believe it. Who are you?
Speed up! Don't slow down! If you're my guy, you won't slow down!
Stop it! No, stop it, Isaac!
Stupid.
Super famous.
Sure, hold my cane for a second.
Swallow it like a girl would.
Swallow it.
Sweetheart, they're gonna clean that up.
Sweetheart.
Sweeties, just come help Mommy in the kitchen.
Take good care of my husband, all right? I like him.
Take it.
Taste a little shot of this. See if you like it.
Tell him hi.
Tell him to bring some green with him.
Tell Isaac I'll see him in a couple hours.
Tell Isaac, I'll see you in a couple hours.
Thank God, we've been looking everywhere for you!
Thank God. I'm so sorry.
Thank you for my friends and their families.
Thank you for my momma.
Thank you.
Thanks for noticing.
Thanks, man.
Thanks, man. We're just kind of trying to keep the dream alive, you know?
Thanks.
That boy need Jesus.
That could be oregano.
That dick soft is like two of my dicks hard.
That eve at the bar, they saw quite a sight.
That fucking bitch. I'm gonna kill her.
That guy James, whoever James is, he's got a fantastic cock on him.
That guy slays ass.
That is how you talk to a pregnant woman.
That is not a reason for you to grab onto me like I'm your lifeline!
That shit holds a hundred songs at one time.
That shit was the weirdest fucking experience of my life, dude.
That was fast.
That was fucking touching, yo.
That was just me being really...
That was my warlock phase.
That was nice!
That was some shit!
That was there before.
That year some drunk, fucking asshole hit my parents with a car.
That you're prepared, like over prepared.
That you're so prepared.
That's awesome! What a blowout!
That's cool.
That's crazy.
That's cute.
That's fine. Let's just go inside and wait. I'm freezing.
That's for disrespecting the spirit of Christmas!
That's good. Wow.
That's great. Two more assholes that don't give a fuck about Christmas.
That's gross.
That's my family over there.
That's no problem. My feelings aren't hurt. Not really.
That's not happening.
That's not right!
That's not what I meant. Sorry, you don't understand. That'd be awesome...
That's so nice of you to say.
That's so nice of you to say.
That's some straight up bullshit.
That's understandable.
That's very sweet. Bye.
That's what I'm saying. Come on!
That's why we got them mixed up.
That's why you're coming back here with a full tray.
The 'shrooms are turning. You got a big night ahead of you.
The end.
The Grinch, the Sticky Bandits, Hans Gruber from Die Hard.
The last place I wanna be is outside my mom's house right now.
The Nutcracker Ball!
The park is not that nice! There are crackheads and...
The phone's buzzing. You have to pause it.
The phone's buzzing. You have to pause it.
The thing I'm working on now...
The truth will set you free.
The Weed of Christmas Present.
Then one fateful night, 2008...
Then we go to FAO Schwarz...
Then why would they do it?
There is some very sensitive information on there.
There was a moment where I thought he was wanting me to handle it...
There was a young lady that he used to date that he ran into today...
There's all this magic in the air, people want to fall in love.
There's gonna be a lot of famous people at this party...
These two are together. No, gotta take the ticket.
They are fucking real!
They asked all around, but to no avail.
They chilled with each other, did all sorts of stuff.
They don't give out the address till 10.
They drank many drinks, they fucked shit up.
They had to get Ethan out of his funk...
They need you, kid.
They say beer mellows you out a bit, which is nice.
They worked up the courage, proceeded to call.
They're just a couple of drunk assholes!
This baby is a bad fucking call. I'm not ready for it!
This baby's a mistake.
This better fucking work.
This guy's a grower and a shower.
This guy's a jock.
This has gotta be some kind of Christmas miracle, because she talks about you...
This is a costume!
This is a message for future Isaac...
This is a sign if I've ever seen a sign.
This is a very expensive coat, so take care of it.
This is about the three of us. This is our last Christmas together.
This is amazing.
This is crazy.
This is how you gotta talk to him.
This is kind of cool tasting. Tastes like pennies or something.
This is not about some famous athlete and his weed.
This is so much fun!
This is the church. Do you remember?
This is the Red Bull Limousine, fellas.
This is the staff of life.
This is the thing I didn't expect. To fucking like you, dude.
This is what you guys missed.
This is...
This is...
This isn't your phone, man.
This James guy is just so easy to talk to. I told him too much.
This little elf has no friends on Christmas.
This your man, Chris Rob, coming at you.
Those are some ride or die homeys you got there.
Those drugs you gave me...
Those guys don't need me anymore.
Those two kids have Crohn's disease. It was their wish to do karaoke with me.
Thus began a new tradition.
TMZ will love that shit.
To be told that they might wreck themselves.
To the dumb party?
Tommy Owens. Quarterback. The Messiah.
Tonight's different.
True.
Turn it up, now! Holla!
Turn your phone off. You're gonna wake her up.
Uh, we already got invited to something. Sorry. But thank you for the invite.
Uh, yeah, he seems like he's excited about his fame.
Uh...
Uh...
Uh...
Uh...
Um, you know I'm busy, so...
Unh!
Unh!
Unh!
Unless...
Wait, I'm sorry. We're not getting married? This is a no?
Wait, look!
Wait, wait. No, no. Can we talk?
Wait. No, no, no. What are you doing?
Wait. You didn't look at it, did you?
We can do that tomorrow.
We could be dead by then. We could literally die by then.
We could call Mr. Green.
We delivering turkeys to homeless people...
We did not do that!
We did not kill Jesus!
We get pretty fucked up. Heh, heh.
We going to the Nutcracker Ball. I got tickets for my boys.
We got her! We got her!
We got to do this responsible thing and I got to say...
We got to find my iPhone! It's the other direction! Wait!
We have mutually decided to end this tradition.
We have this tradition where we wear sweaters.
We have to go! She went this way! Let's go get this weed!
We in the Red Bull Limo.
We just got one thing to say!
We just thought maybe you'd wanna hang out.
We miss them too.
We need him! We're not leaving without him!
We need our friend and we'll never leave him behind!
We need to get the fuck out of here. I'm losing my shit right now.
We should get ready to go, guys. We have to move. We're gonna miss the party.
We started out pretty small.
We will release the location of our party at 10 p.m.
We'll be here whenever you need us, man.
We'll never get a fucking cab over here!
We're gonna go to the party, because Sarah's gonna go to the party.
We're gonna miss her at the office.
We're gonna propose! Oh, my God! We're gonna propose!
We're gonna propose! Oh, my God! We're gonna propose!
We're gonna stick together. And go to the party.
We're having a really fun night, actually.
We're kind of going not too hard, but pretty hard.
We're like those kids who won't stop trick or treating.
We're not even together.
We're not gonna split up now. Let's go to the party.
We're not helping him get over his own problems.
We're your new family now.
Weirder!
Well, with that logic, isn't all weed the weed of Christmas present?
What a hat.
What a turn of events!
What about you? Sitting around wasting your fucking life away.
What are you coming back for? Just go that way!
What are you doing here right now?
What are you doing?
What are you guys doing?
What are you guys doing?
What are you seeing?
What are you telling them?
What asshole invented this stupid thing?
What do you mean?
What do you mean? How do you get in?
What guy?
What happened just now?
What happened to peace? Peace. C Rob out.
What happened?
What happening? Peace!
What if I run in, and you try to climb in a window?
What if I screw this up?
What is it?
What is it?
What is the matter with you?
What is with this holiday?
What that supposed to mean?
What the fuck are you doing?
What the fuck is this?
What the fuck! Are you guys okay? Are you okay?
What the fuck?
What the fuck...
What was that? Come again.
What we do, baby. That's what we do!
What were you doing in the nativity scene?
What, are you guys ganging up on me now?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What? Huh?
What? Maybe I'm high or something, man, I don't...
What? We're not doing gifts now, are we?
What? You gotta propose.
What's going on? You good?
What's happening right now?
What's happening right now? Where are we now?
What's happening?
What's the concept?
What's this kid doing?
What's up with this fucking kid over here?
What's up, buddy? No?
What's up, Messiah? How you doing, White Jesus? Ha, ha, ha.
When I let you go, that was just me fucking up...
When was the last time you checked your phone, Chris?
When? You know, a little bit after you guys ran off without me.
Where are they? We're friends. We even dressed the same...
Where are we right now?
Where did they come from?
Where is she? Where is she?
Where was this great party, this whitest of whales?
Where were you guys partying earlier tonight?
Where were you?
Where's Diana? This is, like, our song.
Which is probably worse than proposing...
Whimsy. Determined, though.
Who are these guys here?
Who is that?
Who's the baddest motherfucker on Christmas day?
Who've got enormous, almost novelty sized dicks.
Whoa!
Whoa! Look at this! Oh, my God!
Whoa. Happy feet, happy feet.
Whoa. You don't like Christmas?
Whoo!
Whoo! Pop it, girl! Pop that P!
Why are we outside our high school again?
Why are you giving this to me?
Why didn't you tell me?
Why do you have the staff, honey?
Why don't you come join us. Come on in for midnight mass.
Why don't you have some weed and mellow out.
Why not?
Why the fuck would she call that many times? Oh, no, she's calling again.
Why you blame everything bad that happens to you on us?
Why, you haven't heard?
Why? Why would Betsy get the tape?
Why'd you say yes?
With really huge dicks.
With tears and with sadness they started to mend. Then they said:
Won't take much time, Boo.
Wow.
Wow. Nice.
Y'all stay black.
Yeah, always there for you, bro.
Yeah, he's a sweetheart.
Yeah, I can get weed. Look who you're talking to, baby.
Yeah, I'm bringing these two guys...
Yeah, I'm staying with them, but I'm going to this thing with Sarah.
Yeah, it's our tradition.
Yeah, man.
Yeah, no.
Yeah, she's awesome...
Yeah, sure, yeah. Yeah!
Yeah, sure. Whatever you got, bro.
Yeah, that's crazy.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah, that's what I call it. What you call it?
Yeah, yeah! Some of that.
Yeah, you shouldn't have let her go, dude.
Yeah, you're gonna propose. And I'm gonna help you out.
Yeah!
Yeah! Ha ha.
Yeah! You need to get your fucking life together. Tell him, Isaac.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. But I don't know if tonight's the right time for...
Yeah. Great.
Yeah. I agree with that.
Yeah. I do.
Yeah. I really feel like I can do this.
Yeah. I'm gonna call her.
Yeah. I'm kind of on call. Gotta keep my head on straight.
Yeah. I'm sorry.
Yeah. It's a lot.
Yeah. It's definitely a good time.
Yeah. Look at this guy! He's furry all over! Ha ha.
Yeah. Spoiler alert:
Yes, good.
Yes, I addressed that in the speech.
Yes, ma'am.
Yes! You look weird!
Yes. You need to not bottle it up.
Yikes.
Yo, check it out. It's C Rob, man.
Yo, dude, can you move?
Yo, it's the Red Bull Limo, guys!
Yo, it's your man C Rob coming at you live from outside the homeless shelter.
Yo, what's up? We're the Ice Crew!
Yo! Back the fuck up, all right?
Yo! Did somebody say cock?
Yo! What's up, everybody? This your man, C Rob.
You are now looking at the face and body of Red Bull.
You are so funny...
You boys are so sweet. Thank you for coming.
You bringing anyone?
You can cry to it. You can run to it. You can party to it.
You can't be alone. Let's hang out.
You can't smoke that in here.
You can't smoke that in here.
You did fucking look at my phone.
You don't know a lot of pregnant women, do you?
You don't know? Did they say anything?
You don't think your two best friends see through that shit?
You ever see The Shining?
You ever think of me as a father figure?
You fucking believe this guy?
You fucking bled in my drink, Isaac!
You fucking frat boys.
You gonna be around tomorrow?
You got a whole fucking dump truck of weed?
You got beat up?
You got me, I stole your weed.
You got somebody special in your life?
You got to use your MetroCard. Go this way.
You gotta stop calling me Miley Cyrus.
You guys are good friends.
You guys can take it down to the homeless shelter.
You guys have a nice connection.
You have a good night.
You have a good reason to be making excuses.
You have friends who want to spend the holidays with you.
You have one joint?
You have to throw things away in life.
You just look funny.
You just stay calm, all right?
You knew.
You know what I mean?
You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna use Find My iPhone and find the phone.
You know what? As far as I'm concerned...
You know what? I think they gave you a Crantini.
You know what? I'm tripping. I'm gonna just text you, all right?
You know what? You hunker down, you could take that bad boy.
You know who you remind me of? One of my angry elves.
You know, it's hard to tell someone.
You know, like a spirit quest in an Oliver Stone movie or Young Guns.
You like that?
You like this woman?
You look good.
You look great, and the baby's probably cramped...
You look insane. Only your right eye is working.
You made him feel bad. Why don't you just leave him alone.
You make me laugh. You're cool as hell. You don't take any shit.
You need a nice mellow indica.
You need to appreciate that before you lose them.
You need to fucking check yourself before...
You need to get the fuck out of here. You're being a huge Cockblock.
You need to give me a hundred bucks and get the fuck out of my car right now.
You pretended like that was just coincidence.
You probably wanna go back to your friends.
You read all those books and you didn't learn shit!
You really are the Messiah! You saved my fantasy team last year, bro!
You really shit the bed as a dad!
You remember when we all first met at the party? Whose fucking party was that?
You should just do it. Why not?
You should not be having this fucking baby.
You should probably talk to her.
You should totally get her back, bro. My mom's named Diana.
You shut up! You're ruining my trip!
You think you can maybe help me out?
You used to hate guys like that.
You used to sell weed to me and my friends when we were in high school.
You usually stay with them on Christmas Eve, no?
You wanna go back to the hotel room?
You wanna take a picture, man? Let's do it.
You want her back?
You want me to come there? To see you?
You want to talk about your new found success?
You will learn valuable lessons, be filled with Christmas cheer...
You're 34 years old.
You're a cheater.
You're a totally fucking fucked up person. You should not be a father. Goodbye!
You're about to have the best night of your life.
You're an actual Grinch. You're like the mayor of Whoville.
You're asking about my family.
You're gonna have a park named after you?
You're in the present.
You're Miley Cyrus.
You're my rock, right? Can you be my rock?
You're not gonna wreck yourself.
You're really cute when you get mad.
You're right, Mom.
You're smarter than I am.
You're so sweaty.
You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, girl.
You're the Messiah!
You're welcome, sweetheart!
You've been so focused on me and the baby...
You've read every single book on being a dad since books were created.
Your best shit, man. That chronic, that drow, that...
Your friends, they ain't gonna leave you.
...but it's all about who you know... C Rob, will you sign this?
...I wreck myself? Ugh.
...inside of your small, fit body. Thank you. No, that's enough.
...more than anything. Wait up, wait up.
...right now? I'm just saying.
Ah! Ha ha ha. Is that scary?
Ah! It's happening again.
Am I the third wheel? Not at all.
Any guys? Me?
Are we alive? Yeah.
Are we supposed to participate? No.
Are you fucking kidding me right now? Yeah, I'm just kidding.
Are you gay? No.
Are you gonna be cool at this party? Cool as fuck, G.
Are you laughing? This is hilarious.
Are you okay? I'm fine! Let's go.
Because I'm already kind of drunk. I can tell.
But this is it. This is the last Christmas. Last time. Right?
But you are a pretty woman. Ha ha ha.
But you're gonna drink tonight? Yeah. For sure.
Calling my man Tommy Owens. You're calling Tommy Owens?
Can I pet them? Go ahead. They're fine.
Can we try? Are you sure?
Can you tell I'm *******? Yes.
Cheers! Cheers.
Come on! Oh, no!
Come on. Oh, shit!
Come on. I got you. I got you. Unh. Unh.
Come on. It's Chris Money. Smoke it up!
Come sit with us. I've never been in a church.
Congrats. Thanks, man.
Congrats. Thanks, man.
Craigslist. You got it from Craigslist?
Cunt! Did you just call our baby a cunt?
Definitely. Gentlemen, I got the sweaters.
Did you drink a lot of it? Kind of!
Did you practice the moves? Oh, I've been practicing.
Do it, do it, do it. Wait.
Do you not feel that? Oh, no!
Do you want a drink, honey? I'm okay right now.
Do you want a drink, honey? I'm okay right now.
Don't go all in. Balls and all.
Don't take off the sweater. Put the fucking sweater back on!
Dude, did you die and not tell us? Shut up.
End of an era. Last year. Last year.
Ethan. Ethan!
Ethan. What?
Everything's fine. I bit my tongue.
Exactly! I think so.
Excuse me. Ethan said. And she turned with a fright.
Find the opportunity, and seize it. Thank you, Mrs. Roberts.
Fuck, that's crazy. What we hiding this for?
Get in there. Aww!
Go back to the workshop, elf! Ha ha ha.
Gosh, I am such a fucking piece of shit. No, you're not at all.
Great, thank you, Josh. Raise partition.
Ha ha ha. He's an old man now.
Ha ha ha. Holy shit.
Ha ha ha. My carpet matches my d****s.
Hand him over, reindeer! Yo!
He has it. Thank God.
He just threw up. Yeah.
He looks fine. No, you don't!
Help. Isaac.
Hey, man. Excuse me. Hey, dude. How's it going?
Hey! I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Hey. Hey, man.
Hey. What are you guys talking about?
Hey. Yeah?
Hey. Yo.
Hi, guys. What's up, Isaac?
Hi. Really?
Hi. What's up?
His social media game is crazy! Crazy!
His social media game is crazy. On point.
Ho ho. Yes. That's a good idea.
Holy shit, dude. Heh, heh.
How do you know her number? It's your number.
How? Your fucking sweater.
How's it going? All right.
Hsss! Stop.
Hurry up. You guys know this can't possibly work.
I am digging this beard. Thanks, man.
I do? Yeah.
I got another dick, dude! Uh, drink Red Bull.
I have a plan. Chill out. Have a Red Bull.
I have a question. What?
I know that was stupid. Yeah.
I know that was stupid. Yeah.
I made a mistake. I made a huge mistake. I called you.
I meant the baby. No, I look really big.
I switched phones with Sarah. From work?
I what? Your nose is bleeding.
I would love to dance. You wanna dance?
I'll do your parents. Oh.
I'm a huge fan of yours. All right, that's good to know.
I'm actually okay. Really?
I'm fucking... I got your nose! Yikes.
I'm gonna go to the bar, get more to drink. No. No, no.
I'm Isaac. Hi, Isaac.
I'm looking for my buddy Ethan. Oh, shit.
I'm praying. I think that's a ******* thing.
I'm right behind you. Thank you.
I'm sorry. Isaac, stop talking.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Are you okay?
I'm your rock. You're my rock?
Is he cool with it? Yeah, I think so.
Is it still happening? It's still happening a little.
Is it that gross? It's mega gross.
Is that my wife? Yeah.
Is that what they think we did to him? Yeah.
Is that what you're saying? Yes.
Isaac, can you drive? Yeah!
Isaac? Fuck. Yeah.
Isaac? Yo!
It'll be okay. Oh, yeah.
It's an epidemic. It's true. Are you guys...
It's fine. I love you so much. Okay? I love you too.
It's just a funny idea, I thought. I guess it's funny.
It's on your tab. Cool.
It's ringing. Okay.
It's still over. It's over. Don't worry about it.
It's the same God. Uh uh.
Jocelyn Larue. Jocelyn Larue.
Just get it. Come on, don't be a baby. It's your weed!
Just say what's up. Yeah, just say what's up.
Just watch this. Okay.
Let's do it. Hey, where'd he go? Ha, ha, ha.
Let's get that Grinch! Let's find my phone!
Like Tom Hanks in Big. Heart and Soul.
Luckiest guy in the Park. I sure am. Bye.
Merry Christmas, New York City! Oh, no. Miley's here?
Merry Christmas. Surprise.
More meatloaf, Isaac? Huh?
Mush, motherfucker! Whoa!
Nice to see you. Merry Christmas.
No candy for you. No.
No, just walk normal, please. I'm walking normal.
No, no! I'm a lawyer! I'm a lawyer!
No, no. Merry Christmas. Mwah.
No, no. We're friends. Am I the third wheel?
No, thank you. Cool.
No! Stop congratulating me! What? What happened?
No. Are you sure?
No. Good.
No. No?
No. Oh, shit.
No. It's cool. It's all good.
No. Listen to me. No. You listen to me.
Not right now, I'm not. Okay.
Now you're here and... You want to propose tonight?
Now, I'm going to teach her a lesson. Okay.
Oh, Jesus. Stop it.
Oh, my God! Look at you guys. It's so good to see you!
Oh, my God. Oh. Sarah!
Oh, no, Betsy's gone into labor, I bet. No.
Oh, no. What?
Oh, no. What's up?
Oh, shit! I'm the guy who had the phone!
Oh, shit. Is that you? The fuck is that?
Oh, you smell like weed. No.
Oh. Isaac. You have a bloody nose. Huh?
Okay! You're on drugs! Yes!
Okay. Starting now.
Okay. I love you. Bye. All right, bye.
Only live once, bro! Stop encouraging him, James.
Ooh! Your bedroom. Shut up.
Ow! I'm sorry.
Peace! Wow.
People love C Rob. Wow.
Photobomb! There you go. All right.
Play some Nintendo? Yeah, N64?
Put it in a bag and leave it somewhere! Heh, heh, heh.
Really on point, yeah. On point.
Really? But I got the weed.
Really? Yeah.
Really? You didn't tell her? No.
She didn't pick up. What?!
She doesn't tell me that you ask her. She's a girl. That's how it works.
She left me. You didn't wanna meet her parents...
She stole my fucking weed. Ha ha ha.
Shit. Wait, pause it. No, no pause.
So good seeing you guys! Hey!
So maybe go and run the other way. Where should I go?
So that's her? Hell, yeah.
So this it, huh? Oh, this is it, baby.
So, what's up, E? How's life, man? Life is good!
Someone's sending me dicks. Someone's sending you that?
Soup's on! Yay.
Sup, dude? What are you guys doing here?
Tell her I'm sorry. You don't have to be sorry.
Thank you so much. Yeah. I love you.
Thank you. You're very welcome.
That guy's really famous now. Yeah.
That was a dope phase. Hell, yeah.
That was crazy. That's so crazy, right?
That was kind of scary. Sorry. I don't mean to scare you...
That's a fucking good idea. Heh, heh, heh.
That's a lie. It is. That's a lie. Heh, heh.
That's Chris. Yeah.
That's funny. Sold! Ha ha.
That's true. Why don't I just wrap all of this up.
The guy on the cross. Jesus.
There he is! Hey!
There you go! That's it! That was it.
There's another one. That tickles.
They just leave. And they take off.
They're really beautiful people. Spencer?
Thirty three. Thirty three. Heh, heh.
This is crazy. But I'm ready to commit. Hard.
This is for you. Nice.
This is good. You need to let it out. This is good?
This is my parents' house. I know.
This is so cool. Shh, whisper.
Through the trippy tunnel of lights. Yeah.
Timeless! What are you guys doing?
Tommy! C Money, what's up, my man?
Trust me. Okay.
Turn it off. Hello?
Ugh. Don't throw up on me.
Uh, no. We just saw you...
Wait. I know them. Hi! Hi.
Wanna help me in the kitchen? Okay.
We're gonna propose! Okay! Uh huh.
Weird. It has a coppery flavor? Yeah.
Well, I'm not Julia Roberts. Ha ha ha.
What is it? You have been such a rock...
What should I call you? Hannah.
What you doing, man? Thank God.
What? Ah!
What? How crazy is that, right?
What? Not now, man.
What's up, man? Hey.
What's your name? Spencer.
Where the fuck did you get those? Holy shit! Are those real?
Where's the barf bag? There's no barf bags.
Who the fuck are you? Hey. He's my friend!
Who's Tommy Owens? He's the best player in the league.
With my mother and also my father. Heh.
Wow! Let's go.
Wow! Congratulations, man! Huh? Right?
Wow. Sorry. Heh. I'm being too much.
Yeah, which one are you? Look at that sweater!
Yeah? What happened? It's a long story.
Yeah. All the time.
Yeah. I'm gonna call Betsy. I'll be right back.
Yeah. No, no, no.
Yeah. She tells me every time you ask.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yes. Yeah!
Yo, carpet match the d****s? Yeah, I got a big bush.
Yo, man. I see you made it.
You are? Are you kidding me.
You are? Isn't that crazy?
You be safe. Guys, be careful.
You feel good? Yeah.
You found me? Check you out.
You fucked up, man. See?
You got the weed, dude? No.
You got the weed? No.
You guys wanna dance? I would love to dance.
You guys wanna dance? I would love to dance.
You know what I mean? Totally, yeah.
You liked it? It was awesome.
You should. I should?
You still like that song. Everybody does.
You want a drink? Okay. Sure.
You want a drink? Sure.
You're a great dancer, man. Oh, thanks, dude.
You're all my children. Yeah.
You're big in real life. Pleasure, man.
You're here for that? Yes.
You're naughty. I'm very naughty.
You're not making sense! No!
You're so fucking sweaty. I know. It's warm and I'm on Molly.
You're Tommy Owens! Yeah, yeah, thank you.
Your family is coming? Yeah.
Your phone's in midtown. It's all good. Ha ha!
Your vagina. Woopidy woopidy. The biggest! I know.
Zero, 11! Ah!
...14 years ago to this very night, a tradition was born.
...about how I really feel about some stuff.
...about how strong we are and how we can handle it.
...about three best friends and their first Noel.
...and he doesn't meet you unless he's met you there before.
...and he doesn't meet you unless he's met you there before.
...and I asked you if you smoked weed?
...and I don't want you to fuck it up.
...and I had to wrap my head around it for a second, and I thought to myself:
...and I really feel bad that I have to run back to work so fast.
...and I wanna tell it on Christmas. If that's all right? So...
...and I'm not wearing some pseudo racist, fake ass acrylic sweater!
...and it gets bigger and bigger every year. This year we added that train.
...and it's actually hard to tell them that thing...
...and meeting old people.
...and now there's gonna be the sweetest little playground in Brooklyn...
...and probably get laid.
...and sign autographs, kiss babies, tell people all my stats...
...and surprisingly accurate visions of the future.
...and talented, and handsome.
...and that's because I love you.
...and then I'll go. I promise.
...and tonight I think you should just focus on yourself.
...and what I did last Sunday. It's too much.
...and you deserve this. So Merry Christmas.
...and you get to go to the big dumb party you've always wanted to go to.
...and you guys are so wrapped up in your own shit...
...and you never did, and you just kept making excuses for two years.
...and you said you weren't in the right head place for her to move in.
...and you should get here. Quickly.
...and you're this football douche and I Google you...
...and your song a lot.
...as though they are adults.
...because Chris and Isaac have been my family for the last 10 years...
...because I was having fun on mushrooms.
...because it's the giving season and they do be gobbling, you know what I mean?
...because my family is paying for the cab right now.
...because now we're talking about you bearing my children.
...because that would change everything.
...being uncomfortable can be a good thing.
...but fans, that's forever.
...but I don't wanna ever let you go again. Not now, not ever.
...but I'm a sucker for Leo.
...but maybe not so soon after saying I would do your parents.
...but there's a whole history here that he's brushing over.
...but you guys were there for me.
...but you just got good. How is that?
...but you, you're all alone, just like a fucking dum dum.
...figured I'm working on Christmas anyway, so I should do it too.
...for killing it again this Christmas.
...for stalking you, a little bit.
...from current Isaac.
...go to the corner of Grand and Berry.
...good job.
...his friends came over and forced him to leave.
...I do ask Betsy about you.
...I don't know, scared...
...I hate to even ask, but you think maybe you could bring us some weed?
...I read The Great Gatsby.
...I witnessed a real life Christmas miracle.
...if we're confessing things...
...in front of hundreds and hundreds of people.
...is not half as big as mine.
...it can't wait. Can you just come out here for a sec and we'll talk...
...it seemed for him Christmas had sung its swan song.
...listen, I know we're not really even going out anymore...
...once you're confronted with the actual moment...
...other than two dudes.
...rob some homeless people and I'm missing my weed, so...
...so I didn't wanna meet your family...
...so they went to a bar and they got his ass drunk.
...soon to be father. That's really impressive.
...that I thought was pretty damn awesome.
...that I'm kind of dating.
...that it represents!
...that maybe I've been lying to, maybe, myself and you...
...that we should not be having this baby!
...that you would maybe tell them that thing.
...that's named after him.
...the after party, the before party, every party.
...there's only one Messiah.
...they never did tire, they never did bail.
...they realized that Christmas can be even more great.
...they sent me on a spirit quest.
...this is enough to make Christmas tolerable for me.
...throughout this whole pregnancy.
...to kind of trip out a little bit, look at the lights, all the sparkly lights.
...to wash down my medication, please?
...we have sex, yes.
...when a young man named Ethan became an orphan.
...who says too much than not enough.
...with a soothing body high...
...with so many drinks for one to imbibe.
...you really have to listen to it start to finish. It's a concept album.
...you're dealing with some shit you can't come to terms with.
♪ I might give a scratch Yes, cousin ♪
♪ 'Cause I'll be happy ♪
♪ 'Tis the season ♪
♪ A love no one could deny ♪
♪ All you ever did was wreck me ♪
♪ And a partridge in a pear tree ♪
♪ And a partridge in a pear tree ♪
♪ And all the fun we had last year ♪
♪ And I always find Yeah, I always find something wrong ♪
♪ And if you get to stick around I'll show you what I mean ♪
♪ And if you want a beat like this I got them in stock ♪
♪ And Santa's putting gifts Under Christmas trees ♪
♪ And Santa's putting toys Under Christmas trees ♪
♪ Are ringing a song ♪
♪ As I provide the slide You're going on a ride ♪
♪ Baby, please come home ♪
♪ Baby, please come home ♪
♪ Beats are rough and rugged Pete Rock is the creator ♪
♪ Before I say goodbye Suckers gave a good try ♪
♪ Beneath the mistletoe Is where we're drinkin' eggnog ♪
♪ But I decided to get wreck On this groove ♪
♪ But it's time to get wreck With the creator ♪
♪ But it's time to get wreck With the creator ♪
♪ But it's time to get wreck With the creator ♪
♪ But point blank You just can't see this ♪
♪ But wait up I save this subject for later ♪
♪ C.L. Smooth cut it up like this ♪
♪ Christmas ♪
♪ Christmas, once again ♪♪
♪ Decorate the house With lights at night ♪
♪ Doesn't matter though ♪
♪ Don't you ever say I just walked away ♪
♪ Either one, can't be seen Honeys call me tall and lean ♪
♪ Every one of them that I know ♪
♪ Everybody get down ♪♪
♪ Far from illiterate Always seem to get a hit ♪
♪ Five golden rings ♪
♪ Fortified with soul 'Cause that's what I give 'em ♪
♪ Four calling birds ♪
♪ Get on down ♪♪
♪ Get wreck with the creator ♪
♪ Go big or go home ♪
♪ Guess who's on the flyer The man of your desire ♪
♪ Happy once again ♪
♪ Holy Night ♪
♪ Honey gave me skins, man I told her friends I ate her ♪
♪ Honeys form a line 'Cause I always seem to capture ♪
♪ I came in like a wrecking ball ♪
♪ I came in like a wrecking ball ♪
♪ I forgot these words ♪
♪ I get a little lonely Every year around this time ♪
♪ I just closed my eyes and swung Left me crashing in a blazing fall ♪
♪ I know the weather's nice There's no need to play the outside ♪
♪ I never hit so hard in love ♪
♪ I will always want you ♪
♪ I'm addicted like a stoag Not into vogue ♪
♪ I'm chilling and cooling Just like a snowman ♪
♪ I'm chilling and cooling Like a snowman ♪
♪ I'm ready to commit ♪
♪ I'm so gifted at finding What I don't like the most ♪
♪ I'm watching them shine ♪♪
♪ I've gotta know ♪
♪ If not for Christmas ♪
♪ If they give me one sec To get some wreck ♪
♪ If you try to step to this Don't even consider it ♪
♪ In the fireplace is the yule log ♪
♪ It's Christmas time In Hollis, Queens ♪
♪ It's Christmas time In Hollis, Queens ♪
♪ It's time to dip dive dip, You might break your hip ♪
♪ It's time to get wreck With the creator ♪
♪ Let's have a toast For the assholes ♪
♪ Let's have a toast For the douchebags ♪
♪ Let's have a toast For the jerk offs ♪
♪ Let's have a toast For the scumbags ♪
♪ Let's talk about sex ♪
♪ Making sure my sound hits From here to Grenada ♪
♪ Merry Christmas And a Happy New Year ♪
♪ Merry Christmas And Happy New Year ♪♪
♪ Mom's cooking chicken And collard greens ♪
♪ Mom's cooking chicken And collard greens ♪
♪ My baby's home ♪
♪ My name's DMC With the mic in my hand ♪
♪ My name's DMC With the mic in my hand ♪
♪ My word is beneficial Pete Rock is the issue ♪
♪ Never filled with anger A good body banger ♪
♪ No grief and no pain ♪
♪ No grief and no pain ♪
♪ No more sorrow ♪
♪ Nobody ought to be Alone on Christmas ♪
♪ Nobody ought to be Alone on Christmas ♪
♪ Nobody ought to be Alone on Christmas ♪
♪ Nobody ought to be Alone on Christmas ♪
♪ Nobody ought to be Alone on Christmas ♪
♪ None of his shit ♪
♪ Not an imitator Just a crowd motivator ♪
♪ Not an imitator Just a crowd motivator ♪
♪ O Holy Night ♪♪
♪ On fucking Christmas ♪
♪ On the eighth... ♪♪
♪ Pete Rock and C.L. Smooth All the honey dips admire ♪
♪ Please, come home for Christmas ♪
♪ Pretty lights on the tree ♪
♪ Rice and stuffing Macaroni and cheese ♪
♪ Rice and stuffing Macaroni and cheese ♪
♪ Run away as fast as you can ♪
♪ Silent Night ♪
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪♪
♪ Snow on the ground Snow white so bright ♪
♪ So flow with the flow Because you know I'm good to go ♪
♪ So I think it's time For us to have a toast ♪
♪ So open your eyes, lend us an ear ♪
♪ Tell me, I gotta know ♪
♪ Tell me, I gotta know ♪♪
♪ That'll never take work off ♪
♪ The bells will be ringing St. John the Divine ♪
♪ The church bells in town ♪
♪ The cold wind is blowing And the streets are getting dark ♪
♪ The creator ♪
♪ There is a reason ♪
♪ Three French hens ♪
♪ To have the blues ♪
♪ To set the record straight I'll be damned if eat 'em ♪
♪ Two turtle doves ♪
♪ We clawed, we chained Our hearts in vain ♪
♪ We want to say ♪
♪ What a happy sound ♪
♪ Where do lonely hearts go? ♪
♪ Where do lonely hearts go? ♪
♪ Yo, Pete, there's a girl on the phone ♪
♪ You been putting up with my shit Just way too long ♪
♪ You know you wanna get down ♪
♪ You wreck me ♪
♪If you try to step to this You'll get hung on my hanger ♪