The Night Before (2015) Soundboard Edit

A lot of men in your position fucking freak out

A lot of people need me on Christmas, you know.

About 20 years ago...

All these gorgeous dick pics. A plus dick pics.

And definitely not on fucking Christmas!

And he wants me to suck on it.

And I know you've always wanted to go to it...

And I wanted tonight to be sort of a special night for me and her.

And then I stole your weed.

And though year upon year they tried and they failed...

And...

As he sat alone on Christmas Eve...

Back off, man!

Because he's hanging out with his friends tonight. Right, Isaac?

But it seems our boy Ethan is just a little bit stuck.

But you happen to be very lucky, because it's Christmas.

But, guys, earlier today...

Come around!

Come on, let's go tear this fucking karaoke down.

Come on, man.

Congratulations!

Cool!

Diana...

Didn't wanna interrupt while you guys were rolling back there.

Do I like it? What does that mean?

Do you think, like, it would be...?

Don't let the red noses fool you, these fuckers are tough.

Don't put it there, Isaac. Okay

Dro fo' sho'. Ha ha ha.

Eighteen years in the future.

Everyone is! What does that have to do with this?

Figure we can now

First of all, I'm sorry about last night.

Five million people probably just saw that

Fuck this! Going to the best party of my life..

Fuck you, don't call me an elf! Motherfucker!

Fuck!

Get in there.

Get out of the way!

Give me my weed, you Grinch!

Go ahead. Go get the weed.

Go, go, go

Go, go. Get out. No! No!

Good to see you, baby. Merry Christmas.

Good. Cool.

Ha ha ha. What's up?

Ha ha ha. You shouldn't have said it. Now it's all I can think about.

Have some weed.

Having an emergency!

He almost sucked my dick.

He's fucking with me.

Hello? Yes. All right.

Here's the thing, man. For those kids, they're living a fucking lie!

Hey

Hey, guys. Sorry to interrupt. Hey, Ethan

Hey, it's glass, man. Why you picking it up?

Hey, Ma. It's Chrissy poo!

Hey, Reverend Run, man. It's your boy, Reverend Run.

Hey, what'd you think of Miley?

Hey!

Hey! Hi!

Hi.

Hi. Just you, sir?

Hi. Merry Christmas, sir

Holy fuck!

Honestly... Okay, I can't watch anymore.

How you doing? It's good to see you

How you think I'm having such an amazing season?

I can't help it.

I did a lot of drugs.

I didn't want to. The texts just were coming in.

I don't know

I don't see anything. I don't see through anything

I don't think I could block this guy's cock. It'd take ten men to block that thing.

I got the new Dave Matthews downloaded.

I just think your mom would be happy to see you on Christmas.

I just wanna tell you...

I just wanted to talk to you.

I really love you.

I said yes, because Miley clearly wanted me to say yes!

I shape our nation's youth!

I should've remembered that you guys come here

I was hanging out with Spencer and his family.

I wasn't able to get the weed, man. Shit fell apart. You know what I mean?

I would be losing my shit right now.

I would have if I'd known it was you, maybe.

I'd love to smoke weed with Tommy Owens

I'll charge and you go.

I'm an athlete, so drug free body. Drug free zone. No smoking

I'm capturing this on my Sony Xperia Ultra phone.

I'm glad you open on Christmas. Whoo.

I'm gonna be right back.

I'm gonna fucking catch... Ah! Unh!

I'm gonna go find Diana.

I'm gonna keep being honest.

I'm gonna level with you, I'm a little fucked up right now

I'm just saying this is the last chance we get to do this..

I'm kind of having a hard time. It's confusing me a little bit.

I'm not fucked up at all, Betsy. I'm your rock

I'm not going. You're going.

I'm not your answer...

I'm packing all this shit up.

I'm sorry!

I'm your guy

I've been having a pretty crazy night

If you guys ain't doing nothing later, you should stop by this party I'm throwing.

If you want your Christmas merry...

Is it just me? He's changed a little bit, right?

Isaac Greenberg is sucking his first dick tonight.

Isn't she amazing?

It has been a long time.

It might be! Yeah.

It was a false alarm.

It's incredibly sensitive

It's not important

It's our beautiful baby girl.

Josh, hit the gas! Go! We got to catch that girl!

Just do it!

Kind of all the time.

Lessons were learned.

Let's go outside and Instagram. My social media game is on point!

Let's go to midnight mass together

Let's have a drink. I'll be right back.

Like, much more mushrooms.

Look at me.

Look over there

Look, it wouldn't have happened if you guys didn't bail on me.

Maybe if you boost me up we can get around them.

Merry Christmas. Heh heh heh.

Miley Cyrus, this is the nicest thing that anyone's ever done for me!

My friends are just down there

Nice meeting you, Josh.

No, E.

No, no, no!

No, no, no. We're not going inside. My mom's probably asleep.

No, no. You're the first wheel.

No, they didn't take the fucking tickets!

No.

No. We're not going on a sleigh ride.

Not so fast!

Not that long. She wanted to get serious, but he wouldn't meet her parents.

Oh, God, no. I did that with two fans one time. It got super awkward.

Oh, God. Are you one of those guys that are always making up excuses?

Oh, Jesus, fuck me. Oh..

Oh, man. Maybe it's James McFoley from work.

Oh, my fucking God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Hi!

Oh, no. I don't think that's a good idea

Oh, really? Two other guys?

Oh, shit!

Oh!

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. We'll see you soon

Or, I don't know, maybe that's just an excuse.

Piss off! People are fucking in here!

Please, punch him in the face!

Relax.

Rough night, huh?

Run.

Sarah!

She made the whole relationship about the one thing I didn't wanna do

She won't sleep.

Shh, shh, shh

Shit, Pop. Thanks.

Shit.

Shotgun! Ha ha ha

Showtime. Let's do it.

Sit. Sit

So it's either our old high school or this guy's mom's house.

So relax.

So this guy...

So, Ethan, what's going on with you?

Someone call Snoop D O double gezzank, because I got the reefers.

Still weird.

Take a hit, dude.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks so much for dinner, Mrs. Roberts.

Thanks, Isaac.

That just happens now?

That serves you right.

That was a joke, Isaac. Give me some credit.

That's amazing. Where did you get all this shit?

That's nice.

That's your Christmas lesson. That's why I'm taking this shit

That's your dick.

The baby will ruin your life

The friends hung on Christmas and fun was their mission.

The lights in here fucking with you guys? Like a lot.

The Weed of Christmas Present

Then we eat Chinese food, because I'm fucking high.

There she is! There she is!

There's just a lot you don't understand.

There's something bad on my phone.

They're great people. They're interracial.

Thirty three years old, and you're an elf.

This guy's dick is off the charts.

This is so confusing.

This is so great. I'll have my phone with me.

This is the best.

This needs to be important to you.

This one's for you.

Ugh. My eyes aren't working.

Uh, does Isaac have Sarah's phone by any chance?

Uh, I will be right there. As fast as I can. Don't worry.

Uh...

Um, no, I'm okay

Unh!

Unh! Oh!

We dance on the piano!

We have a friend in common. Chris.

We should go to Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Center.

We will.

We'll just have to try harder.

We're going on a sleigh ride!

We're going too.

We're kind of just...

Well, let's get started right now!

What does that even mean?

What the fuck is that?

What the fuck is your name again?

What the hell?

What?

What?

What?

What's everyone doing?

What's up, fellas? How's it going, man?

When I'm inside I'd normally take it off. I think it would hurt my friends' feelings.

Where are we?

Who in here follow Chrisrob11?

Who wouldn't want a dick that looks like that?

Who's that guy?

Whoo! Nice!

Will you marry me?

With so many drugs, I can't believe I survived.

Wow. Ha ha ha

Yeah

Yeah, he has it

Yeah, I know, Ma. I'm sorry, but I have to stay here and work hard.

Yeah, I see you. Okay. Thanks. He's right there.

Yeah, it's him. Mr. Green's here.

Yeah, she was great. She was great.

Yeah, thanks. I didn't let her go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll call you. There we go.

Yeah!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

Yes!

You buying that for somebody and you're not gonna test it?

You could also just stop doing drugs right now.

You could have showed up with purple hair and a cloak.

You didn't look at any shit on my phone, did you?

You didn't look at anything on my phone, did you?

You don't need to know.

You ever think maybe they're all part of the same Tini family?

You have dogs

You have so much of your own shit going on.

You hear me, young lady? Pop your pussy!

You killed somebody for those?

You look like a crack rock

You walk in there looking like a shit show...

You won't. Studies show your maternal instincts really kick in in the last month.

You're like my Dwayne Johnson.

You're lucky you have that

You're making me a little uncomfortable.

You're on fucking cocaine?

You're talking so fast, you sound like an auctioneer.

..

Ah! The ******* guy crucified the Messiah!

All right. Okay.

Are you okay? You want a hug? That's okay.

Been a long time, yeah. I remember you.

Boom! What is it?

But this has some serious shit on it. I know.

Come on. Heh, heh, heh.

Congratulations. Mwah. Good to see you

Cool way to enter a party, right? Yeah.

Don't take off that sweater! I'm taking the sweater off!

Ethan. Have you seen Isaac?

Fuck! Yes!

GoldenEye. GoldenEye.

He's gonna be a great father. Yeah.

Heh heh. No way. You don't say? Yeah. Yeah

Here you go. Thank you so much. Appreciate that.

Hi. Hi

I can't do that here? No

I don't see anybody. I don't know where they are right now

I know... No!

I'm buying you weed! Shh. Just keep it down!

I'm here! Get down here so we can go!

I'm Isaac. You don't need to meet him.

It's gonna be fucking awesome. I'm gonna propose!

Just shut up. It's all good. It's fine. I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say

Look, he's not right, dude. Gonna mellow out.

Magical night, isn't it? Jesus. You scared me.

Nothing. Hey, what's up, bro? I'm James.

Oh, my God! Is that my phone? It is. Do you have my phone?

Oh, yeah. Ricky Martin. Oh!

Orega what? Oregano.

She stole your weed? Yeah.

Should we do it? Yeah, do it.

Sorry. I'm sorry

Take your piece of shit phone back. It's the same phone

Thanks, Mr. Green. You're welcome.

That's a boss hog. Wait a second, really?

This is great! This is so cool.

Unh! Ooh. Eat me, sheep.

We're at Chris' house. What the fuck?

What's up, man? Hey, Chris.

Where do we get some weed from? Uh...

Who? The girl who stole my weed! Hurry up!

Whoa, whoa, whoa

Yeah, what up, boy? Hey, what's up, K?

Yeah! Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah, dude.

Yes, you are! What the fuck are you talking about?

You saw my dick? Did I ever! Oh, my God!

You're probably better than I deserve. This is so romantic.

..

..

...and she's gonna freak the fuck out.

...and that's a good thing, I wanna grow up. I do.

...and that's because I wouldn't commit.

...and we gonna roll. Much love.

...and we got Red Bull!

...because right now I have clarity.

...because you're gonna lose at GoldenEye

...cool, bro.

...he throws all these parties and nobody knows who he is.

...is this party called?

...it will make them more curious, it will open up their minds to more things.

...right now, Ethan.

...some normal shit that boyfriends do after two years of dating.

...we could smoke with Tommy Owens and hang with him all night!

...you don't really care about Christmas.

...you're taking a solemn oath to represent certain values...

♪ Or I might kick a verse No question ♪

♪ 'Cause I'll be happy ♪

♪ All I wanted Was to break your walls ♪

♪ All I wanted Was to break your walls ♪

♪ All is calm ♪

♪ All you ever did was wreck me ♪

♪ And I know you know my style Is official ♪

♪ As I proceed to get wreck On your stereo ♪

♪ Baby, I got a plan ♪

♪ Beats made of rupture Rhymes made of rapture ♪

♪ Bells will be ringing ♪

♪ But each and every year We bust Christmas carols ♪

♪ C.L. Smooth, get busy ♪

♪ Call me Pete Rock I make the girls flock ♪

♪ Christmas ♪

♪ Christmas ♪

♪ Friends and relations ♪

♪ I came in like a wrecking ball ♪

♪ I never hit so hard in love ♪

♪ I usually bust scratches With my brother C.L. Smooth ♪

♪ I will always want you ♪

♪ I'm writing you a letter And I don't know where to start ♪

♪ Never asking why ♪

♪ No more sorrow ♪

♪ Now I'm busting raps While switching cross faders ♪

♪ Now, I'm a take a try And get a piece of the pie ♪

♪ Oh, what a Christmas ♪

♪ Please, come home for Christmas ♪

♪ Run away as fast as you can ♪♪

♪ Send salutations ♪♪

♪ So open your eyes, lend us an ear We want to say ♪

♪ The rhymes that you hear Are the rhymes of Darryl's ♪

♪ To the sound that's legit I've come to make a hit ♪

♪ We got ya, we got ya, we got ya ♪

♪ We got ya, we got ya, we got ya ♪

♪ We got ya, we got ya, we got ya ♪

♪ We got ya, we got ya, we got ya ♪

♪ We jumped ♪

♪ Yeah, you ♪

♪Skins when I want 'em But only when I eat 'em ♪

♪ By New Year's night ♪

♪ Nobody ought to be Alone on Christmas ♪

♪ Tell her to hold 'cause I'm busy Kickin' rhymes to the rhythm ♪