School for Scoundrels (2006) Edit

A gay?

A lion with balls lots of balls.

A little mystery never hurt anybody.

A lot.

A medical conference which did not exist, by the way

A shepherd has to pluck a sheep from the herd

A tape of that documentary. Um...

Abort mission.

About maybe someday you'll teach the class?

About national security, don't you, Lois?

Act like a man, will you?

Actually, I have a better idea.

Actually, it went pretty well at first.

After you empty your locker,

Agents Stryker and Gaylord.

Ah, I'm sorry.

Ah, the East River.

Ah, you look good.

Ah!

Aka suck it!

Alive ten minutes before you're gonna eat it?

All I know is, last night,

All of my underwear is gone.

All right, I will.

All right, I'll be back in a little bit.

All right, listen up,

All right, man.

All right, we'll talk later.

All right?

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Okay.

All the kids look up to me it's pretty cute.

Alone.

Amanda Richards?

Amanda,

Amanda, look, I did it for his own good.

Amanda!

Amanda...

And all the terrible things you've done to people.

And ate a Cinnabon and went home.

And become something entirely new.

And challenge him.

And fell into a pile of ass whupping, y'all.

And for you?

And gave us back our dignity, remember?

And he gave me a swirly.

And he told her he was some fancy pants doctor.

And he's...

And his standard issue New Balance sneakers.

And how does a glass of champagne sound?

And I never spray painted your dog.

And I want to know what's going on.

And I'm exercising my authority per statue 8 12...

And I'm just looking for some last minute advice.

And if that's not enough,

And it says

And look at me, dude.

And she went for it, hook, line and sinker.

And she would hate it if she thought

And sometimes I get these panic attacks where I...

And success.

And that comes to a grand total of

And then eat them and stab yourself, Dahmer?

And then flushes it on your face.

And then, all of a sudden,

And those who can't,

And those who eat shit, like you.

And unhook my goddamn car!

And what did you want?

And what would that be pertaining to?

And you got the tit.

And you know what?

And you sealed it with a unicorn.

And you set your sights on Lesher.

And you'll never see me again.

And you're getting your money's worth.

And, uh, done pretty well in the field.

And?

Another thing

Anyway, when I got back, there was nothing

Are you gonna face the door the whole night, or...?

Are you guys a bunch of retards?

Are you kidding?

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

Are you sure?

Are you sure?

Are you... crying?

Aren't you getting your master's in English?

Aren't you supposed to turn this thing on?

Aren't you, Roger?

As far as Amanda knows,

As, like, a guest speaker or something.

At any time,

At least.

Aw, man, you okay?

Bad for myself, you know,

Barry.

Be a good boy.

Be at the Learning Annex at 8:00 p.m.

Because do you know what the lion's most powerful weapon is?

Because he's sick.

Because I think he's doing the same thing to me.

Because I'm in surgery all day tomorrow, okay?

Because you need to hear the truth.

Becky thinks that any guy that even talks to a girl

Becky, get some help.

Becky, please.

Becky.

Before I beat the black off you.

Before it gets any better understand that.

Besides, he's gonna be working most of the time.

Besides, I'm redoing my kitchen.

Besides, Lesher might **** you.

Besides...

Between those shorts and that little ass truck,

Blink twice if you can hear me!

Bought two first class tickets to Miami.

Brand new racket.

Breathe deeply.

Bring Amanda straight to the airport you got 25 minutes.

But do you actually think

But he got too good, too fast.

But he is kind of old.

But I can't do it alone.

But I can't go on like this.

But I do have 'em.

But I got a suspicion

But I kind of have a situation.

But I used to watch her... a lot.

But I'm keeping the sneakers.

But I'm not that way.

But if you could just imagine, if I...

But look at me now, man.

But starting tonight, we're going to shed our skin

But the department has some pretty strict rules

But then, I took a good long, hard look in the mirror,

But this ends now, okay?

But we're going to fix that.

But you just got to keep an open mind.

But, hey, I got good news.

But...

Bye.

Bye.

C Can I please have it back?

Call it... or burn it.

Call security.

Calm down.

Can I ask you something?

Can I at least talk to him?

Can I get you some water or something?

Can I have the keys, please?

Can we please just get everyone laid first?

Can you, uh, describe them for me?

Careful.

Casanova's really pulling out all the stops today.

Check it out.

Check that out.

Cindy,

City make you wear them shorts?

Clear!

Come on through.

Come on, come on.

Come on, Eli.

Come on, faggots!

Come on, get them.

Come on, Roger, we know you broke in.

Come on, Roger.

Come on, sit.

Come on, stay with me.

Congrats.

Congratulations, you're already my worst student.

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

Copy that, Road Force.

Copy that, Walrus.

Correct.

Could do a lot of damage in the city

Could someone explain to me how one

Could you please just get her?

Dahmer plays tennis?

Damn, came out of nowhere.

Damn!

Dear Sergeant Morehead,

Deep breath.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

Definitely shelter, though to be honest,

Dennis, um, is a friend of mine.

Dennis! Oh, my...!

Deserve respect.

Dewey?

Did you really tackle him?

Did you say he stole your shoes?

Diego,

Diego, it's Roger.

Diego, stop scratching your nuts.

Do what I say instead.

Do you always rat out your friends that quickly?

Do you have a problem with me?

Do you hear that?

Do you really want to risk everything?

Do you think

Do you think a lion asks for a promotion?

Do you think I'm a lion?

Does a lion wait for approval?

Don't be early, but be on time.

Don't hesitate!

Don't look around, Lois; look at me...

Don't look at me.

Don't make me start praying, boy.

Don't make this weird, Roger.

Don't touch me.

Don't worry everything's going to be okay.

Don't you have any self respect?

Downside of the fire is it's real easy

Dr. P did you hurt him?

Dr. P is a pretty cool guy.

Dr. P saw this and just destroyed him.

Dr. P specifically said manila.

Dr. P wants to talk to you.

Dr. P was going to teach me how to get her.

Dr. P.

Dr. Sherman has a surprise for you.

Dude, this is not cool.

Easy!

Eeny, meeny,

Eli, what do you got?

End of the hall.

Envelopes.

Every lobster's dream.

Every man for himself.

Every once in a while,

Every time I start feeling lonely or...

Everything I'm gonna tell her

Everything all right?

Everything else goes away.

Everything was going so well between us.

Everything you said is true, isn't it?

Everything?

Everything's gonna be all right.

Everything's spinning.

Excellent.

Excellent.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Excuse me, sir.

Excuse me, um, s sir?

Excuse me, um, will every class run

Excuse me.

Eyes off me!

Falcon. Come in, Falcon.

Fine.

Fine. Give me the flowers.

Fine. What would you call it?

First fault. Sorry.

Five minutes and 25...

Flight leaves tomorrow morning.

For me to spot you from the air with that.

For new student registration, please press one.

For the first time in my life,

For the last time,

For the past 15 years,

Forget your past lives, gentlemen.

Friends are just obstacles that stand between you

From adopting a Chinese kid together.

From him.

From now on, we wear sunglasses.

From this point on, you're all lions.

Fuck nice.

Game on, Roger.

Geez, you scared me, Roger.

Get away.

Get it off you!

Get it off!

Get over it, asshole.

Get your behinds home now.

Gets an handjob out of this, I'm a miracle worker.

Getting a place together, down at the shore.

Give him back his damn shoes

Give me a dollar; I want a Danish.

Give me back my cherry Danish.

Give you this ticket, I ain't gonna make my quota.

Go ahead, shoot me.

Go ahead.

Go back to work!

Go back to your room, honey.

Go north, little man.

God, I'm...

God, it's so good to talk to someone about books.

God!

God.

Goddamn it!

Goddamn it.

Going somewhere?

Going to Miami.

Gonna play some tennis or something?

Good morning, ma'am.

Good night.

Good one, Ernie emu.

Good.

Goodness.

Got my peepers on the party.

Got to take what's yours.

Gotcha.

Great. Yeah.

Guys like Dr. P, they can have anyone they want.

Hand me the paddles, come on.

Happens, you know?

Have a nice flight.

Have dinner Friday night with me?

Have you ever been drunk before?

Have you seen Wally around?

Have...

Haven't you done enough to us already?!

Hawk.

He already shot me!

He complimented her.

He complimented her.

He dumps her.

He is.

He just fainted.

He kicked me out.

He ****d you, didn't he?

He runs this thing.

He shot...

He suckered her in with some bull crap story

He takes it!

He takes it!

He thinks this whole thing is a game.

He thinks you flew off with his girlfriend.

He threw down his racket.

He wants a new big brother.

He was mad.

He was, he was a quick learner, he was made for this stuff.

He was, he was a quick learner, he was made for this stuff.

He's a widower; be nice.

He's also extremely competitive.

He's breathing.

He's breathing.

He's faking, man.

He's he's he's fine, he's fine. Uh...

He's just getting ready to move that, man.

He's teaching you whatever it is you need to learn.

He's totally taken me under his wing.

He's very real.

Heads up.

Hell you doing here, boy?

Hell, you even kissed my girl.

Hello, Lesher.

Hello!

Hello!

Hello?

Hello?

Hello.

Helped you?

Helps me think.

Here you go one chamomile tea.

Here you go, that's $80 that should cover it.

Here, sit in my chair.

Here.

Here's how the game works.

Hey, Amanda.

Hey, boy, get your ass out of that box!

Hey, come on, Jerry, off of there.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hold on a minute.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, take it down.

Hey, hey, hey! Hey!

Hey, hey.

Hey, I'm I'm sorry.

Hey, Ian.

Hey, Lesher.

Hey, no chitchat!

Hey, no way. I got a swirly, too.

Hey, partner.

Hey, read the sign: No eating in the pool.

Hey, Rog, I don't think I can make that.

Hey, Rog?

Hey, Roger! Hold up, man.

Hey, Roger.

Hey, Roger.

Hey, what's going on?

Hey, where you going?

Hey, you okay?

Hey, you want a biscotti?

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! You guys!

Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Hi, Becky. I got you some flowers.

Hi, I'm calling about...

Hi, Roger.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Um, so...

High powered paintball guns.

His dad just got shot in the heart, all right?

His name is Ian Winsky.

His name was Lonnie Ratcliff. All right?

His name's not Dennis, it's Dr. P.

His uniform

Hit a few balls.

Hold the elevator! Hold the elev...

Honey... honey, I...

How about instead of your shoes,

How are we looking, people?

How could you?

How do I look?

How do I look?!

How do you deal with it?

How do you explain this?

How sad is that?

How will you even know if we follow the orders?

How would you like to die, man?

How would you like to die?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh? Uh, yeah, yeah.

Huh?!

Huh.

I actually feel like I have a shot.

I always get the last Danish.

I always push things.

I always saw you more as a flannel pj's kind of guy.

I am in love with you.

I am over it!

I am sorry, Dennis.

I asked you a question are... you... a... loser?

I brought her something.

I can really use your help.

I can't understand what you're saying.

I can't.

I challenge you to become a man, and here you are

I come here a lot.

I could describe mine.

I did the same damn thing to him.

I didn't like what I saw.

I didn't write the letter!

I didn't write the letter.

I don't believe you.

I don't blame you. They're addictive.

I don't care if she is my mother,

I don't have a ticket! Okay?

I don't know what his... problem is.

I don't know what to say.

I don't know, if I...

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. Who is this guy?

I don't think I could sleep tonight.

I don't understand.

I don't want him near her.

I don't want to be a shepherd anymore.

I don't want your money.

I dropped her off ten minutes ago.

I feel a little dizzy.

I feel like all my friends want to do is talk about bad TV.

I feel very, um,

I felt the same way when I started,

I figure, hey, why not take the bump on the paycheck.

I forgot something upstairs.

I get it, you know?

I get nervous, you had my heart going all fast.

I get these panic attacks sometimes, that's all.

I give you a standard issue beat down

I got her some tickets to a play.

I got this.

I got to get going.

I got to go.

I got to go.

I got to see Dahmer play tennis.

I got to see where this thing takes me.

I guess I meant, you know, how did he do it?

I guess it wasn't sexy enough for them or whatever.

I guess we all can't be lions.

I had a nice time tonight.

I had nothing.

I had the craziest driver on the way here.

I had this guy I know

I had to sleep in a Kinko's.

I hate him.

I have a little something called pride.

I have a question.

I have a question.

I have an idea why don't we play doubles?

I have ever read.

I have plenty of competition in my life, okay?

I have something for you.

I have to find out

I have to go, so thanks.

I heard someone coming and...

I heard we got a new dress code around here.

I heard you say balls, like, ten times.

I hope he's not our teacher.

I I did.

I I don't want you to take another fall.

I I hear Doctor all day long in surgery,

I I look into the eyes

I I mean,

I Is this a recording?

I just have a few more questions.

I just pass out sometimes.

I just tend to go with the flow.

I just think he is.

I just want to talk to her.

I knew he was a psycho from day one.

I know exactly what you mean.

I know these guys. They're not cops.

I know what's going on, and I think it's awful, okay?

I know you are; you're his golden boy.

I know, right?

I know.

I know.

I know.

I lie.

I like it here.

I like this guy.

I lost my job yesterday.

I loved the dad comment.

I mean, a rich, powerful bachelor

I mean, crushed his whole world.

I mean, Dr. P could have any woman in the world,

I mean, enough is enough.

I mean, he doesn't like showboats.

I mean, is he for real?

I mean, maybe it's time to stop chasing rainbows, buddy.

I mean, no offense, but...

I mean, really well written.

I mean, should I jump in and confront the guy,

I mean, um...

I mean, what if I'm next?

I might be allergic to some of those weeds.

I never broke into your apartment.

I never said my class was easy.

I paid you for this class.

I really like your hair. It's...

I really should get going.

I received one of those as well.

I repeat, abort mission.

I run this entire place.

I s slipped up.

I said stay back.

I saw you with Amanda,

I shot Lesher!

I swear, if one of you

I tend to get very,

I think he's a jerk, too.

I think he's taking Amanda.

I think I can do some good,

I think it'd be a big help for you.

I think it's you.

I think we just missed the, um, exit for the airport.

I thought I had it.

I thought those questionnaires are supposed to be confidential.

I thought we were friends.

I thought you guys were my friends.

I told you the man's a genius.

I took the quiz.

I totally love you.

I totally love you.

I tried getting tough with my roommate.

I tried, but I'm not even sure I understand

I used to be a pilot in the Air Force.

I used to be like... you, you know?

I volunteer at the Big Brothers program.

I want my wife to stop abusing me.

I want the tit!

I want the tit.

I want to get away from all this craziness for a while.

I want to see some goddamn lions!

I want to talk to you about Wally for a second.

I want to.

I was feeling sorry for myself.

I was just about to knock.

I was weak, all right?

I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute.

I wasn't happy with who I was, so I took a class...

I will kill you.

I wish I was from there.

I would never do that.

I would never do this. You know that.

I... I don't want to be a bother anymore, you know?

I... I was reading through my employee benefits,

I'd like to meet with a counselor.

I'd like to move out of my mother's basement

I'd stay in the class.

I'll catch you on the flip side.

I'll find...

I'll start kicking your ass, boy. What...

I'm a good man, and I

I'm awesome.

I'm babbling.

I'm being set up.

I'm certified.

I'm counseling.

I'm dating two different Asian chicks.

I'm doing this, okay?

I'm fine.

I'm fine. I could totally stand.

I'm going to have to let you go.

I'm going to walk out the door and start over.

I'm gonna need another beer.

I'm here because I need your help.

I'm here to help, okay?

I'm here.

I'm hungry.

I'm impressed.

I'm just gonna tell her.

I'm like the wind.

I'm living proof.

I'm not allowed to.

I'm not bluffing.

I'm not crazy.

I'm not done.

I'm not here to hurt you.

I'm offering you a truce.

I'm okay.

I'm ready to live the life that I deserve.

I'm really just a nice guy?

I'm sick of looking at your faces.

I'm so sorry for getting you into any of this.

I'm so sorry!

I'm so sorry. That's awful.

I'm sorry, Agent Stryker, and, um, um...

I'm sorry, I just...

I'm sorry, I...

I'm sorry, Roger.

I'm sorry, what was that?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sure you're just days away

I'm telling you, this class is going to be

I'm the assigned counselor for District 240.

I'm trying to read the paper.

I've got to tell you,

I've got two chicks back at my place who think I'm Moby.

If I get the class, you know, up and going again,

If I were you, I'd try to find a weapon of some type.

If I were you...

If some asshole wants to talk about his goddamn French test,

If you can't do that, you know, you don't deserve her anyway.

If you fail

If you...

If you're looking for Chicken Soup for the Soul,

In a plain manila envelope.

In a room full of weak men, you stand alone as the weakest.

In fact,

In front of all these nice people, huh?

In this room who's willing to scream for anything anymore.

Into the traffic lane.

Is Amanda here?

Is anything missing?

Is everything okay?

Is he here?

Is he okay?

Is one of the smartest people in the world.

Is that my wallet?

Is that really necessary?

Is that really the life we deserve?

Is there any other sense you got?

Is this your dad?

Is your wife even dead?

It didn't have to go this far.

It happens so often.

It happens so often.

It happens.

It is time to kill or be killed.

It just seems like a big step.

It let's the man know he's worthy of leading.

It makes no sense.

It must have been a ricochet.

It says here to maintain a minimum distance

It was a shit job anyway.

It was all about Australia you would have loved it.

It was so...

It's a full time job, making exactly

It's a good day, huh?

It's a refund.

It's a slam dunk.

It's all gonna be okay.

It's all right, come on.

It's all right, man, it's... it's okay, it's...

It's all right.

It's been a bad month.

It's called an analogy, moron.

It's gonna get a whole lot worse

It's gross.

It's half your tuition.

It's hard enough.

It's hard to say.

It's his roar.

It's in the system.

It's just a panic attack. He gets these a lot.

It's just an idea of something bad

It's just so hard.

It's just, I don't know,

It's just, the way you squint when you're nervous,

It's kind of complicated.

It's like Dr. P says

It's mandatory for operating a parking rover.

It's not even a step.

It's not just Wally,

It's not what I do.

It's okay, sweetie, it's not your fault.

It's okay! I'm here!

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's on.

It's only 400 miles to Maine.

It's over between us; I've moved on.

It's probably me; you know, I...

It's quiet helps me think.

It's so funny I I parallel those values.

It's so not a big deal.

It's supposed to be a great issue.

It's that roar that enables the lion

It's the first diploma I've ever given out.

It's time to be part of something bigger.

It's time you guys got your shit together.

It's true, we all do.

It's when someone dunks your head in the toilet

It's who I am.

It's your move... Doctor.

It's, um...

It's... everything.

Jesus Christ, Diego, you got to be shitting me.

Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ.

Jesus, that's an easy takedown.

Jesus.

JFK, please.

JFK, right?

Just back off!

Just be careful, all right?

Just consider it a graduation present, Roger.

Just drive!

Just get the fuck out of here.

Just keep your hands where I can see them, sir.

Just press it.

Just press the damn button, you asshole.

Just stuff.

Just try to stay calm, sir.

Just you.

Just... leave Amanda alone,

Keep whistling, I'm gonna bite those lips

Keeps him sharp.

Keys. Can I have...

Keys. Can I have...

Kid, please, if I don't

Kind of embarrassing, but...

Lawrence was there, too.

Learn how to use it.

Leave me hanging out there to get picked off?

Lesher and I have our own little score to settle.

Lesher has been neutralized.

Lesher ****d you, right?

Lesher's there, just waiting.

Let me ask you something, Lois.

Let me go, please.

Let me worry about Lesher.

Let's go.

Let's just see where things take us.

Let's see what you've got.

Lie, lie and lie some more.

Lie, lie, lie some more.

Life is my bitch.

Like an emu.

Like, loser ish.

Like, you know, a real girlfriend?

Listen to me this is a bad man.

Listen to me, Roger.

Listen up, 'cause I will not be repeating this again.

Listen, I know...

Listen, man.

Listen, pal, I don't know where your pills are,

Listen.

Listen...

Little ticket man!

Living all the way out here in the suburbs.

Lonnie who?

Look around I live in a shit hole with 50 cats.

Look at him.

Look at that.

Look at the two of you.

Look me up when you get back.

Look, Dr. P, I...

Look, here, just call this number, all right?

Look, honestly?

Look, I did not do this.

Look, I got this.

Look, I know it seems weird at first, okay?

Look, I'll make it real simple for you.

Look, man, Dr. P is cool, but...

Look, Roger, I'm flattered, really I am.

Look, we just can't walk out of here.

Look, when is she coming back?

Look, you don't understand.

Look, you guys don't get it.

Look...

Looks like somebody didn't die, did they?

Looks like we got ourselves a situation.

Looks like you three are in a pickle, doesn't it?

Love 15.

Love of the game.

Love you. Bye.

Make it neat.

Mama, not in front of all my people...

Man, he ain't hit nowhere.

Man, what the hell happened?

Manila.

Maybe it's for the best.

Maybe one day, I'll teach the class.

Maybe this class just isn't for me.

Maybe volunteer for five hours a week.

Mazel tov.

Mine is very tasty, too.

Moving Out is not a play.

Mrs. Dr. P aka your wife

My brother could have used someone like you growing up.

My dad's gonna kill me, all right?

My eye!

My father walked out on us when we were little, and, you know,

My head's spinning.

My life's been, like, ten times better ever since you left.

My little squirrel that's what I used to call her.

My name is Dennis and I'm a successful surgeon.

My standard issue New Balances.

My wife found out about everything.

Name's Walsh. Nice to meet y...

Never be sorry.

Never mind.

Never showed up to the airport.

Never trust anyone.

Next time, use your damn brain.

Next.

Nice one.

Nice picture.

Nice. Thank you.

Nicely!

No buts.

No can do.

No celebrations.

No compliments ever.

No helmets, no goggles,

No helmets?

No nothing.

No one ever sees your eyes.

No problem, Roger.

No talking.

No talking.

No way.

No, don't be silly it's all yours.

No, he's fine.

No, I didn't hear anything.

No, I don't think so.

No, I just think he's a jerk.

No, I mean...

No, I'm not going!

No, I'm okay, I'm okay.

No, I'm... I was throwing some stuff out.

No, no, it's okay.

No, no.

No, no. Come on, join us.

No, she didn't even know I existed.

No, shh, shh, shh...

No, that's what I'm talking about.

No, this is Dennis.

No, uh...

No, uh...

No, you just... you said said...

No, Zack.

No.

No.

No.

No. I can face you.

No. I can't feel my chest.

No. I'm so used to it.

No. I'm so used to it.

No. No, man.

No. Nothing.

No. Seriously.

No. You know what?

Nobody steals my sneakers.

Normally, I'm not the type of guy

Not cool, dude.

Not so fast, gentlemen.

Nothing except Gina.

Nothing. Get your coat.

Nothing. Just... it'll take a sec.

Now go to sleep.

Now what?

Now you have to set your sights on her.

Now, get the hell

Now, I don't want to be an intrusion.

Now, I'm telling you, take my shit

Now, in those bags are 15 semiautomatic

Now, who gave you the number?

Now!

Now!

Now.

Obviously, somebody didn't turn...

Of 100 feet between shooter and target, though.

Of course he does.

Of course it is.

Of course. Yes.

Of my parking enforcement agents manages to lose his badge,

Of pure electricity.

Of those little sick children...

Off of there, come on.

Officer, Officer, please,

Oh, all right. Barry.

Oh, and by the way, Roger,

Oh, and, uh... what's this?

Oh, clearly.

Oh, damn.

Oh, do I call you Doctor?

Oh, don't worry, sweetheart.

Oh, dude, you don't...

Oh, God.

Oh, he's probably scared.

Oh, hell, no!

Oh, hey, Rog. How you doing?

Oh, I don't know, ladies.

Oh, I mean, that's something we have in common.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Oh, Lesher...

Oh, man.

Oh, man. I am so sorry.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Dennis.

Oh, no way! Me, too!

Oh, no, please.

Oh, no, sorry is something she never wanted to feel.

Oh, no! Amanda!

Oh, oh.

Oh, really?

Oh, Roger.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, those are, uh, frozen lemon towelettes.

Oh, um...

Oh, um... yeah.

Oh, yeah, I know, but I was...

Oh, yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.

Oh, yeah, I'm fine; fine.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Uh, I saw this awesome documentary

Oh, you did?

Oh, you're going to love this, Roger.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! My God!

Oh! What do we

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Here, sorry.

Oh. I'm sorry. I mean...

Oh. Okay, great.

Oh. Thank you.

Oh... okay, great

Okay, big deal.

Okay, Cindy's ready for another date. Who's up?

Okay, everybody just, uh, remain calm, and, uh,

Okay, everybody stand back.

Okay, fine.

Okay, go. Take it. No. Take your hand off.

Okay, I got him! I got him!

Okay, just checking.

Okay, let's review.

Okay, now who can tell me what Eli did wrong?

Okay, okay.

Okay, that's nice.

Okay, the buzzer...

Okay, this is your last chance, Roger.

Okay, who the hell painted the goddamn dog?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. As far as I'm concerned, this meeting never happened.

Okay. Listen.

Okay. So this isn't a jealousy thing?

On sexual harassment.

On TV the other night.

One for Dennis Sherman, the other for Amanda.

Only our version would be called

Ooh, actually, you know, it's already been processed.

Ooh, nervous.

Ooh, sorry. Double fault.

Ooh!

Ooh...

Open your goddamned ears.

Or you can get her here.

Or, I don't know, maybe should I manipulate the situ...

Out the system, meter maid.

Over at the parking bureau run his information.

Over her lip like that.

Over the past nine years.

Ow, ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Pass them out.

Passenger list confirms two first class tickets to Miami

Penguins, huh? Hmm.

Please, if I get one more ticket,

Please. Are you kidding me?

Please. You signed it,

Plus, he's helped us out,

Poor Gina.

Poor guy ended up having to move to Peekskill or some shit.

Pretty authentic, huh?

Print out the passenger list, please.

Punked out. Yo, B.

Put it back.

Put the clipboard down, Serpico.

Quick, he's not breathing.

Quick.

Quick. I don't want him choking on his tongue.

Really?

Really?

Registration is $5,000, cash only,

Relax.

Relax. It's all right.

Remember me?

Remember that night in the bar, when you made that joke

Remember that.

Right now, none of you are worth shit,

Right now.

Right off your goddamn face.

Right,

Right, Monty?

Right.

Right.

Rog, you still there?

Roger Waddell.

ROGER Wait!

Roger, can I talk to you for a second?

Roger, can you hear me?

Roger, get off him. Get off him!

Roger, hey. What are you doing here?

Roger, seriously.

Roger, the kid is nine years old, all right?

Roger, there are two types of men in this world:

Roger!

Roger!

Roger! Oh, my God.

Roger...

Roger's been there for us.

Roger's here, and apparently,

Scuffed headlight.

Sergeant, can't you see?

Sergeant, I swear...

Seriously, Roger.

Seriously, where should I throw my panties?

She can make her pancakes while you fly solo to Miami,

She just doesn't know it yet.

She lives in my building.

She volunteers at an animal shelter.

She was devastated.

She works as an Australian?

She's good.

She's not listening.

She's real pretty.

Shh...

Shit, Lloyd, you hit him.

Shoot his ass!

Short sleeves, what was the first thing

Showing off my animal side,

Shut up.

Shut up.

Since always.

Since when do you do things like this?

Sir, give me a sock.

Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave...

Sir, um...

Sir, you don't have the current engaged.

Slow down, sir.

So be ready.

So Dennis is fine.

So Dr. P uses a lot of different identities.

So how have you been?

So ignore yourself.

So let me ask you:

So tell me, Roger,

So watch it with the short sleeves.

So where did you say you were from again?

So why'd you call me?

So you can go find her

So you might want to make a fire.

So, Lesher, tell me,

So, uh, how is, uh...

So, uh, you served in Grenada?

So, um... I read that letter that you posted

So?

So?

So...

So...

So... Lonnie...

So... so, you guys

Something like that, Eli?

Something real to offer, you lie.

Somewhere out there in those woods,

Son of a bitch, you did it.

Sorry about that.

Sorry doesn't make it manila.

Sorry I'm late.

Sorry if the ride was a little bumpy.

Sorry?

Sorry?

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Spread out!

Stay down.

Stay in the moment, honey, okay?

Stay with me, stay with me!

Sticking it to me like a champion.

Stop it! Break it up!

Sure you're okay, Dennis?

Sure you're okay?

Sweetheart, what did they do to you?

Sweetie.

Take care.

Take it easy.

Take your time.

Tap on the window.

Tell me something are you a loser?

Temperatures drop

Textbook paranoid behavior.

Th Thank you so much.

Thank you so much for coming.

Thank you.

Thank... thank you so much.

Thanks a lot.

Thanks for bringing us here.

Thanks for meeting me.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

That after taking a few classes,

That couldn't be it.

That doesn't even make any sense.

That I can live in.

That idiot.

That is sad.

That looks like you with

That means you're being helped by a complete asshole.

That might happen.

That this was more of a confidence building...

That was a mistake. Sorry about that.

That when you boil lobsters,

That would be quite an elaborate setup, don't you think?

That you don't take any shots.

That. It's the worst.

That's a bunch of dog shit.

That's Amanda's first class ticket

That's cool. It happens.

That's great, Roger.

That's it for today.

That's more important than an international call

That's nice.

That's okay.

That's okay.

That's perfect.

That's what I thought.

That's what I'm talking about.

The best thing you've ever done.

The boy done slipped

The difference is, you rose to the occasion and he fell apart.

The girl loves you.

The kid's like, 16, 17 years old, you know.

The life we deserve.

The master's program you passed.

The one on our itinerary terminal four.

The other one's yours.

The shit's humiliating, man.

The tit.

The, um, volunteering.

Then I'm going to take it.

Then, yeah, Friday it is.

There's a million other basements in this city

There's no doubt in my mind you will be murdered.

There's poison ivy all over the place,

There's still time.

These aren't the knees of a spring chicken, you know?

They called me the Hawk.

They tend to overdo it here.

They took everything.

Thing is...

Things are going to change.

Thinking there for a second we weren't going to get you back

This class is five grand you're already behind.

This is a matter of national security.

This is Agent... Gaylord.

This is called hair gel.

This is creepy.

This is just some information I've been collecting about him

This is not a goddamn Tony Robbins seminar.

This is really an amazing club.

This is Road Force One.

This is Roger. He lives in my building.

This is the Falcon.

This is the Hawk.

This is the third floor.

This is the third time this has happened.

This is the Walrus.

This is where I get off.

This stuff is awesome.

This, um...

This...

Those are my sneakers.

Those who can, do,

Those who run shit, like me,

Throw myself into my work.

Throw your weapons down.

Till December 1.

Time for dinner, all right?

To follow these simple orders,

To meet your wife.

To take what is rightfully his.

To the building manager.

To the land of the living, huh?

To the life we deserve!

To your parents.

Today's lesson is dressing the part.

Tone it down a bit.

Took her down to a medical conference in Miami

Totally rocks your world, but not in the good way.

Totally unnecessary.

Touché.

Trouble is, I don't see anyone

Try to stay in the background.

Try, like, every weekend, ever since I was 11.

Turn it on. Come on.

Turns out, Dennis Sherman Dr. P

Turtle One to base,

Turtle One to base, come in. Hello?

Ugh! It's gross.

Uh, excuse me.

Uh, guys, please...

Uh, hey, Becky.

Uh, hey, Dr. P, it's Roger.

Uh, I think I have the wrong number. Sorry.

Uh, maybe you're just a little drunk.

Uh, maybe you're just a little drunk.

Uh, my wife says I'm a pushover, but what if deep down inside

Uh, nothing.

Uh, secondly, um...

Uh, sir, could I please see your ticket?

Uh, sir...

Uh, when do we start?

Uh, yeah. Shh.

Uh, yes,

Uh...

Uh... you know what, you might come on in.

Um, can I please speak with Amanda?

Um, Dr. P.

Um, he's a doctor.

Um, how, uh, come you don't wear sunglasses?

Um, oh, wait, I don't wear any.

Um, she passed away three years ago.

Um, she's a grad student, and...

Um, what are the teams?

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um... Amanda.

Um... do you want to go

Um... thank you.

Um... Um, but...

Um... yes?

Um... you know, were they thongs,

Use your brain.

Very cool country.

Very creative in these type of situations.

Very much.

Wait, man.

Wait, please. That... contains very important mat...

Wait, what are you talking about, Eli?

Wait, what happened?

Wait.

Waiting for my Spanish rose.

Walsh.

Want to read their gun?

Want to talk me out of it?

Was just like mine.

Was that your girlfriend?

Was there something else you had...

Was there something else?

Wasn't nobody else there but me.

Way below freezing when the sun goes down,

We are heavy and rolling.

We can get you help, okay?

We got a new class starting this Tuesday.

We got time.

We got to go.

We made it.

We need to figure out a way to be together.

We really cannot release that kind of information.

We started dating, even talked about

We work one on one, people.

We'll be there in ten, Walrus.

We're heading north out of the city.

We're just going to a medical conference.

We're learning the backstroke today.

We're not dealing with Lesher.

We're very, very still.

We've all done stuff we're not proud of.

We've got one condition.

Weird, huh?

Well, at least leave the hands alone,

Well, congratulations.

Well, did it work?

Well, do you know where they are?

Well, don't you get it, Roger?

Well, first of all, don't be embarrassed.

Well, I've also moved on.

Well, it doesn't happen very often, but...

Well, just take it easy on me.

Well, let me tell you something, Ernie.

Well, not to brag, but...

Well, nothing's ever a slam dunk for me.

Well, Sarah's my wife.

Well, see? That's better.

Well, she's Australian...

Well, that depends if we go out,

Well, that's your first problem.

Well, think of this as a real life version of 24,

Well, this clipboard's a computer.

Well, this has been great, Dennis.

Well, too bad.

Well, un send it, then.

Well, well, well.

Well, you know what?

Well, you know, I thought I'd drop by,

Well...

Well...

Well...

Were you hit by a ricochet?

What about all this stuff?

What are we gonna do?

What are you doing in here?

What are you doing, just hanging out in here?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?!

What are you going to tell her?

What are you guys doing here?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What do we have here?

What do you do?

What do you mean And?

What do you mean, back off?

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

What does he do? Let me hear you say it.

What does it take to be king of the jungle?

What does she do?

What else you got?

What exactly does this class teach?

What he's teaching, you know?

What if you're looking for,

What is he, a pimp now?

What is it?

What is it?

What is this?

What kind of license is this?

What kind of thing?

What more are you planning to do to us?

What play?

What the hell are you doing?

What the hell is he doing?

What the hell's going on?

What you looking at, man?

What, did you forget to take your medication this morning?

What, I don't know One.

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? No.

What?!

What?!

What'd you just say, homey?

What's going on?

What's going on?

What's he doing here?

What's he doing?

What's her name?

What's this?

What's up?

What's wrong?

What's wrong?

What's wrong?

Whatever.

Whatever.

Whatever.

When they're leaving and stop them.

When your beeper goes off,

Where are my pants? Where's my shoes at?

Where are you going with this, Roger?

Where are you going?

Where he sleeps, phone records, et al.

Where is she?

Where the hell you think you're going?

Whether it's day or night,

Which brings us to the broken headlight.

Which terminal?

Who falls in love with a chick.

Who gave you this number?

Who he is, tell her about the class...

Who knows?

Who knows?

Who knows?

Who shoots but misses.

Who the hell are you?

Who wants to see your dinner...

Who's a lion now, bitch?

Who's next?

Who's Sarah?

Who's the standout?

Whoa, whoa.

Whoo!

Whoo!

Why are you breathing so hard?

Why are you doing this, Roger?

Why are you doing this?

Why did you sign up for this class?

Why don't you come back to the city with me?

Why half?

Why would he bring us all the way out here?

Why would he do that?

Why would I tell you where they are?

Why would you even say

Why?

Why? What happened?

Will alert if there's any movement.

Wine is really good.

With no refund.

Without you, I'm like an empty vase

Worst part about it is, three months later,

Would one of you sit in the goddamn chair?

Would you guys just, uh,

Would you like a big, fat medal?

Would you not interrupt me for five seconds?

Wow, what gave it away?

Wow, you're shooting for the stars, aren't you, Walsh?

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow. Looks like you're well on your way.

Wrong answer.

Yay!

Yeah, all right.

Yeah, at this point, uh,

Yeah, but are you still dizzy?

Yeah, but his, his story was...

Yeah, he seems kind of sweet.

Yeah, he's for real.

Yeah, I can relate to that in a big way.

Yeah, I found this on my nightstand.

Yeah, I understand. That's cool.

Yeah, I was hell on earth, but you'd never know it.

Yeah, in fact, I'm kind of the top brother at the place.

Yeah, me, too.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, sorry about that.

Yeah, that's more like it.

Yeah, uh, it's just...

Yeah, well, I stood up to a guy at my work,

Yeah, what is it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right.

Yeah, you know how it is.

Yeah!

Yeah! That's what I thought, man!

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. I thought it was great.

Yeah. I'd say we look pretty cool.

Yeah. I'm fine.

Yeah. I'm... fine. I'm...

Yeah. What are we, under surveillance or something?

Yes, bed!

Yes, Eli?

Yes, I need to shock him.

Yes, I think I know what I'm doing.

Yes, I'm sure.

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, until you have

Yes, yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yo, man!

Yo, Sarge, check it out, man.

Yo, that's embarrassing.

Yo, that's what I'm talking about!

Yo.

You actually did it.

You all right, Dennis?

You allergic to cats?

You are a good dancer, bud!

You are a successful meter maid.

You are busted!

You are so dead.

You aren't even a doctor, are you?

You became the hunter,

You broke into my apartment, you spray painted my dog?

You can actually hear them scream.

You can have the uniform.

You can?

You can't do this to me, man. Huh?

You can't help yourself because yourself sucks.

You can't un send it; it's too late.

You complain a lot?

You did good today.

You did well today.

You did when you were born?

You do care

You don't deserve to be treated this way.

You don't even need me.

You don't mean Lonnie Ratcliff?

You don't want me to take the gloves off, Roger.

You don't... understand.

You ever been to Peekskill?

You get a 15 minute head start.

You get an eight minute head start.

You got something for that?

You got to shoot him, right?

You guys going to 402?

You guys have a great day.

You guys have done so much for me, and...

You guys, come on, tell her.

You guys, look at yourselves.

You have ten days to pay it.

You have to take your hand off.

You know how it works.

You know the rules.

You know what Dr. P says:

You know what they say:

You know what?

You know what?

You know what?

You know what? I'll take that.

You know which gate?

You know, actually, I think I'm gonna stand back here.

You know, Dennis and I are just friends.

You know, ever since I started taking this class,

You know, I know people you can talk to.

You know, I think maybe we're all turning a corner here.

You know, I'm sure he just wants

You know, just... here, let me pay for your ticket, okay?

You know, maybe you could drop by sometime

You know, see what else is out there.

You know, where he eats,

You know, who's the guy who's doing really well?

You know...

You lie about everything.

You look cool?

You look good! I like that!

You make me sick!

You might want to hold on.

You need it.

You need to get off this plane.

You okay?

You owe him an apology.

You screamed your asses off for what you wanted.

You see that?

You see, a loser is someone who tries but fails,

You see, my chalk stick confirmed a three inch intrusion

You separate the prey from the herd.

You should work for Homeland Security.

You slam the door on me?

You sleep.

You suddenly are cool?

You sure?

You tell him to fuck off, understood?

You think a lion asks for his dinner?

You told me you won those shoes at a raffle.

You want things to change?

You will each be given one.

You will initiate a confrontation immediately.

You will talk or speak to no one.

You will trust no one.

You wouldn't believe what I'm doing right now.

You're gonna be okay.

You're gonna get...

You're looking at him.

You're lying.

You're not gonna pass out on me again, are you?

You're not listening!

You're not listening.

You're not the shepherd, dumb ass.

You're not understanding me.

You're not... listening.

You're okay.

You're right, I I should get going.

You're right. My bad.

You're supposed to be my shy neighbor.

You're wearing them, and I want them back.

Your next class is to begin at any place,

Your ride is here.

Your suspicion was absolutely correct.

Yuck...

Zack does!

Zack gets the last cherry Danish!

Zack what?!

Zero dollars a year.

All right, buddy, come on. Ow!

All right, calm down. Easy.

alone. Uh huh.

Come on, come on, Rog, let's... Look at this guy!

Got it? Yeah.

Great. Okay.

has to be a stalker. I don't.

He's crying. Mac!

Hey, Amanda? Yeah?

I have to get going... Get going?!

I I'm sorry, really. Yeah.

I'm sorry! My eye!

Jesus fucking Christ. Do you have any idea

Look at this. Wait, hold on.

Nah, nah, I'm getting him. I got this.

Nice and easy, sir. Come on down.

Nice to meet you. Hello, sir.

Ow! Roger!

Play girls against guys. Are you sure?

Pretty awesome, right? No, not awesome.

Sorry, man. No.

That says a lot about you. I wasn't ratting out...

they're doing here? What?

Understood? Yeah. Yes.

what this dog's been through? Amanda, I didn't do that!

What? Can't look.

Why would you even bring that up? I'm sorry.

Yeah, a big problem. Hey...

Yeah, no worries. What is it? Um...

Yeah. Absolutely.

Yeah. What were you guys talking about for so long?

...and it...

...and print out that list.

'cause I'm not going to repeat this.

'Cause of the way her tooth come down

'cause, you know, my... my father walked out on us, too.

$80 is nice, dude, it's sweet, but what about