Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015) Edit

A banana thrown in there.

A billion fucking dollars.

A great room is a great room.

A great room is a great room.

A guy I went to high school with. Yeah, he looks just like him.

A guy I went to high school with. Yeah, he looks just like him.

A little help here.

A little help here.

A lot of stations still playin' Gin and Juicey Juice.

A lot of stations still playin' Gin and Juicey Juice.

A lot. When I worked for him.

A lot. When I worked for him.

A new synthetic element has been developed.

A new synthetic element has been developed.

A parade I attended as a child.

About time someone manned up and shot the bastard.

About to have to eat a whole bunch of waffles!

About to have to eat a whole bunch of waffles!

Actually, Nick's idea about retitling it

Actually, Nick's idea about retitling it

Adam Junior's the murderer? Why would he do that?

Adam Junior's the murderer? Why would he do that?

Adam murdered me.

Adam saved Lincoln!

Adam took the nitro. He's going back to 2015 to kill you.

Adam took the nitro. He's going back to 2015 to kill you.

Adam, I hate to be a stickler, but you guys haven't met yet.

ADAM: (STAMMERING) What are you doing?

ADAM: (STAMMERING) What are you doing?

ADAM: Hey, lick my pussy.

ADAM: Hey, lick my pussy.

ADAM: It's a genius invention.

ADAM: No, no, Dad, wait!

ADAM: No, no, Dad, wait!

ADAM: Okay, I'm coming down.

ADAM: Okay, I'm coming down.

ADAM: Yeah. And even though I didn't meet my dad,

ADAM: You're a nerd You're a nerd...

Adam! Come on out!

Adam! Come on out!

Adam! Have you seen Lou?

Adam! Have you seen Lou?

Adam? What'd he do, have a light lunch and a spa day?

Adam... Adam Yates. Yes, he rounds out

Adam... Adam Yates. Yes, he rounds out

Adam's father's future daughter in law!

Adam's father's future daughter in law!

Adam's trench coat?

Adam's trench coat?

Admiration?

Admiration?

After Mark Wahlberg jerks off in the pickup truck.

After Mark Wahlberg jerks off in the pickup truck.

Ah, here we go! Here we go!

Ah, technically, that's more of a blink.

Ah, technically, that's more of a blink.

Ah, you're adorable.

Ah!

All I did was get my hair done!

All I got is this piece of land, and I know it's a piece of shit, okay?

All I got is this piece of land, and I know it's a piece of shit, okay?

All I know is that hot tub made me a king.

All I know is that hot tub made me a king.

All right, fine! The fucking murder thing.

All right, fine! The fucking murder thing.

All right, I can't see you right now,

All right, I can't see you right now,

All right, that went well. That went really well.

All right, that went well. That went really well.

All right, you know what? Forget it. You're right, that's fair.

All right, you know what? Forget it. You're right, that's fair.

All right! Put it in slow!

All right! Put it in slow!

All right! Set Mr. Dorchen up with the usual...

All right! Set Mr. Dorchen up with the usual...

All right. All right. Uh... (CHUCKLES)

All right. All right. Uh... (CHUCKLES)

All right. Come on. Let's go do some more dumb shit.

All right. Come on. Let's go do some more dumb shit.

All right. Everybody, get in.

All right. Okay.

All right. Okay.

All right. Well, you have fun and make good choices.

All right. Well, you have fun and make good choices.

All rise!

All rise!

All that and one less minute tonight on 59 Minutes.

ALL: Celebrity Choozy Doozy!

ALL: Celebrity Choozy Doozy!

ALL: Split up and find Brad

ALL: Split up and find Brad

ALL: Yeah!

ALL: Yeah!

ALL: Yeah!

ALL: You choose it, you dooze it!

ALL: You choose it, you dooze it!

Alongside these future stars?

Alternate universe. Like Fringe.

Always pack a bag.

Always pack a bag.

Am I on Celebrity Subpoena?

Am I on Celebrity Subpoena?

Amateur hour.

Amateur hour.

American success story, music mogul Nick Webber.

American success story, music mogul Nick Webber.

And a murder mystery? Yes, of course it does.

And a murder mystery? Yes, of course it does.

And asking it to love me.

And asking it to love me.

And Brad's going to Adam's wedding.

And Brad's going to Adam's wedding.

And destroyed half the waterfront... (EXHALES)

And does it all end in tragedy and tears

And does it all end in tragedy and tears

And for the record, I still like your music.

And for the record, I still like your music.

And get over there early for some Bloody Mary tinis?

And get over there early for some Bloody Mary tinis?

And get over there early for some Bloody Mary tinis?

And hello, sir. Who are you?

And hello, sir. Who are you?

And I can copyright that shit.

And I think you know where I'm going with this.

And I think you know where I'm going with this.

And I want to get out of this shirt.

And I would take you out into the Gulf and feed you to a tiger shark.

And I would take you out into the Gulf and feed you to a tiger shark.

And I'm appealing to your sense of humanity right now.

And I'm appealing to your sense of humanity right now.

And I'm asking you to be the bigger car and help me out.

And I'm asking you to be the bigger car and help me out.

And I'm good at receiving guests and...

And if you see your second chance

And if you see your second chance

And inappropriate, what we're doing. You're welcome, Mom and Dad.

And inappropriate, what we're doing. You're welcome, Mom and Dad.

And it always wins.

And it shows them how to get out in an emergency,

And it shows them how to get out in an emergency,

And no one likes you

And no one likes you

And no one likes you

And no one likes you

And no one likes you

And no one likes you

And now I'm ready to be original.

And now I'm ready to be original.

And now that he's gone, I can't help but feel...

And now that he's gone, I can't help but feel...

And our son, consequently.

And salutations that haven't even come to pass yet.

And salutations that haven't even come to pass yet.

And setting everything up

And setting everything up

And that's... That's not a turn of phrase,

And that's... That's not a turn of phrase,

And the land is in dispute because the llama needs to graze?

And then uses the hot tub to escape somewhere in time.

And then you nail him with it.

And then you nail him with it.

And there might be some leakage, okay?

And there might be some leakage, okay?

And they came here in a, uh... What was it?

And they came here in a, uh... What was it?

And they're like, Ma, get me out of here.

And they're like, Ma, get me out of here.

And we go check out a strip club.

And we go check out a strip club.

And we're just a bunch of fuck ups.

And we're just a bunch of fuck ups.

And you attach yourself and you just fuck 'em all up.

And you're dead.

And your son will do it after you.

And your son will do it after you.

And, we're back with the Celebrity Choozy Doozy challenge round.

And, we're back with the Celebrity Choozy Doozy challenge round.

And, while you slept, I would wait the nine hours

And, while you slept, I would wait the nine hours

And, you know, call security.

And... And... Who's the little doggie?

And... And... Who's the little doggie?

ANNOUNCER: Dorchen does it again!

Any other questions, or is this interview over?

Any other questions, or is this interview over?

Anybody know a Brad Syed? Report...

Anybody know a Brad Syed? Report...

Anyway, do you guys want some fresh clothes?

Anyway, the Repairman said

Anyway, the Repairman said

Anywhere in time if we're just not happy people?

Anywhere in time if we're just not happy people?

Are those wooden teeth?

Are we calling it a ****?

Are we calling it a ****?

Are you coming to Lou's party?

Are you coming to Lou's party?

Are you Nick Webber?

Are you Nick Webber?

Are you ready for the ride of your fucking life?

Arnold's hand gets chopped off in the past,

Arnold's hand gets chopped off in the past,

As a joke! As a joke!

As a joke! As a joke!

As long as we're coming clean, I fucked Marilyn Monroe.

As your head of R&D, I have to tell you

As your head of R&D, I have to tell you

At Gary Winkle's.

At some point in their lives.

At some point in their lives.

Aw, shit, Lou.

Aw, shit, Lou.

Baby Adam got away.

Be nice. Be nice. Be nice. Be nice. Be nice. Be nice.

Be thankful for the one you're with.

Be thankful for the one you're with.

Be very careful, it's my only one. I only trust you with it.

Because fireworks make me want to puke, and you know that.

Because fireworks make me want to puke, and you know that.

Because life is about number one.

Because of me.

Because of you, Adam just got ****d.

Because of you, Adam just got ****d.

Because that's called intellectual property

Because that's called intellectual property

Because this is...

Because those are both just hypothetical future scenarios.

Because those are both just hypothetical future scenarios.

Because when Hurricane Beth came through

Because when Hurricane Beth came through

Because you were almost

Because you were almost

Before dragging his body to the Gulf and...

Before dragging his body to the Gulf and...

Before he goes back in time and kills Lou!

Before he goes back in time and kills Lou!

Before that, let's back it up.

Before their wedding, right?

Before their wedding, right?

Believe me, he did us all a favor.

Beside the hot tub time machine.

Beside the hot tub time machine.

Between two self driving smart cars in New Detroit.

Between two self driving smart cars in New Detroit.

Bing bong! What's the delay?

Bing bong! What's the delay?

Bloop.

Bloop.

Boo! You suck at this!

Boo! You suck at this!

Boobs.

Boobs.

Boom! Shotgun to the dick! (GRUNTS)

Boom! Shotgun to the dick! (GRUNTS)

BOTH: (SINGING) Nerd

BOTH: America!

BOTH: America!

BOTH: Everybody, strut, strut, strut, strut.

BOTH: Everybody, strut, strut, strut, strut.

BOTH: Feeding it to a shark.

BOTH: Great White Buffalo.

BOTH: Great White Buffalo.

BOTH: Hot tub time machine.

BOTH: Hot tub time machine.

BOTH: No.

BOTH: No.

BOTH: Oh!

BOTH: Oh!

BOTH: Power over nature.

BOTH: Power over nature.

BOTH: See?

BOTH: See?

BOTH: You're my best choice!

BOTH: You're. My. Best. Choice.

BOTH: You're. My. Best. Choice.

Brad Syed? He's coming to my wedding.

Brad was helping. He's not the murderer.

Brad was helping. He's not the murderer.

BRAD: He had a history of pulling great ideas

BRAD: He had a history of pulling great ideas

BRAD: It's the only nitrotrinadium in the whole world!

BRAD: It's the only nitrotrinadium in the whole world!

Bring me the thing!

Bring me the thing!

BRITT: Now, remember, folks,

BRITT: Now, remember, folks,

BRITT: You just got very lucky, my friend,

BRUCE BUFFER: We are live!

BRUCE BUFFER: We are live!

BUFFER: We are live!

BUFFER: We are live!

But Adam, he's, uh... He's off on an experiential journey.

But also tells them when to give up.

But also tells them when to give up.

But he's so much smaller than you.

But he's so much smaller than you.

But I don't care.

But I wouldn't use a gun. (SCOFFS)

But I wouldn't use a gun. (SCOFFS)

But I'm gonna assume you're putting king and throne in quotes.

But I'm gonna assume you're putting king and throne in quotes.

But if Adam took the nitro to the past,

But in that moment, everything became clear to me.

But in that moment, everything became clear to me.

But it's... It can be our piece of shit.

But it's... It can be our piece of shit.

But now I'm Zero Under Fuck Me!

But now I'm Zero Under Fuck Me!

But only from a community property perspective.

But only from a community property perspective.

But people still eat animals, right?

But people still eat animals, right?

But she's my only sister, and we never go visit her.

But she's my only sister, and we never go visit her.

But that means that you and I are first cousins.

But that means that you and I are first cousins.

But we went 10 years in the fuckin' future.

But we went 10 years in the fuckin' future.

But what was it like to grow up

But what was it like to grow up

But who's to say the past isn't anything more

But who's to say the past isn't anything more

But why would I wanna kill the man partly responsible

But you guys can introduce us.

But you guys can introduce us.

But you look like...

But you look like...

By threatening your own existence.

Bye, dude!

Bye, dude!

Call it destiny, or predestiny.

Call it destiny, or predestiny.

Can I take your jacket?

Can we go to the fuckin' party now?

Can we go to the fuckin' party now?

Can we just move on?

Can you swallow a watch, Nick?

Can you swallow a watch, Nick?

Can't express their brotherly love for each other!

Can't express their brotherly love for each other!

Check it out. Pure nitrotrinadium.

Check it out. Pure nitrotrinadium.

Chlamydia from the batting cages.

Chuck Zito? That motherfucker!

Chuck Zito? That motherfucker!

Chux... Zedo.

Chux... Zedo.

Cincinnati.

Cincinnati.

Classic Lou.

Classic Lou.

Cocaine!

Cocaine!

Come down fucking rich. I mean, how did that happen?

Come on, Lou, you know he can't help it.

Come on, really?

Come on, really?

Come on, you know it. He wants us to do it.

Come on, you know it. He wants us to do it.

Come on!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on! It's just something I say.

Come on! Look. Hey, not flickering.

Come on! Look. Hey, not flickering.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Do I look like a butler to you?

Come on. Do I look like a butler to you?

Come on. Let's get a drink.

Come on. No way! I had sex with Marilyn Monroe!

Come on. No way! I had sex with Marilyn Monroe!

Come on. Something fucked something to make it happen.

Come on. Something fucked something to make it happen.

Coming to you from the heart of the Bayou.

Coming to you from the heart of the Bayou.

Constitutional right to shoot a black car

Constitutional right to shoot a black car

Courtney, it's not a big deal.

Courtney, it's not a big deal.

Cox N Dix. Flip it. (LAUGHS)

Cox N Dix. Flip it. (LAUGHS)

Crazy call? What do you mean?

Crazy call? What do you mean?

Cut! Let's reset. Do it again.

Dad?

Daddy's little buddy is turning into Daddy's big buddy.

Damn it.

Damn it.

Damn, that's cold.

Damn, that's cold.

Dark? What do you mean?

Dark? What do you mean?

Dick and balls! You looked at a dick and balls!

Dick and balls! You looked at a dick and balls!

Did you just say high five instead of high fiving?

Did you just say high five instead of high fiving?

Did you see that?

Did you see that?

Did you taste the robots? They're gritty.

Did you taste the robots? They're gritty.

Didn't you see the cocaine? Look, look, look.

Dinner and a movie to tropical sex vacation?

Dinner and a movie to tropical sex vacation?

Disappear.

Divorced? What the fuck are you talking about?

Divorced? What the fuck are you talking about?

DJ: (LAUGHS) Hey, yo! Check this out!

DJ: (LAUGHS) Hey, yo! Check this out!

Do I need any nipple rouge?

Do I need any nipple rouge?

Do I need nipple rouge?

Do I need nipple rouge?

Do it! Do it!

Do it! Do it!

Do the Strut.

Do the Strut.

Do you guys ever feel like

Do you guys ever feel like

Do you have a problem with this show?

Do you have a problem with this show?

Do you have kiwi? I'll take a kiwi, sliced up.

Do you know what day it is?

Do you know what day it is?

Do you or someone you love have a problem with

Do you or someone you love have a problem with

Do you think I can make that dumpster, guys?

Do you think I can make that dumpster, guys?

Do you think I can make that dumpster, guys?

Do you think she and I are gonna be okay?

Does Adam Yates live here?

Does Adam Yates live here?

Does he have, like, emotional problems?

Does he have, like, emotional problems?

Does she watch it?

Does she watch it?

Don't be a fuckin' pussy!

Don't be a fuckin' pussy!

Don't drop me!

Don't drop me!

Don't fuck with my groove, Terry.

Don't fuck with my groove, Terry.

Don't fuckin' worry about it, okay?

Don't fuckin' worry about it, okay?

Don't fucking sneak up on me like that, huh?

Don't let the lack of a door hit you on the way out.

Don't let the lack of a door hit you on the way out.

Don't mess with a winning formula, huh?

Don't mess with a winning formula, huh?

Don't say that!

Don't say that!

Don't take it off for 24 hours.

Don't you watch Downton Abbey?

Don't you watch Downton Abbey?

Don't.

Don't.

Dorchen!

Dorchen!

Dorchen!

Duck Dynasty?

Duck Dynasty?

Duck Fucking Dynasty!

Duck Fucking Dynasty!

Dude, is there, like, a stage manager around?

Dude, is there, like, a stage manager around?

Dude, it looks amazing.

Dude, it looks amazing.

Dude, where the fuck are we going?

Eat a boot? Eat your feelings. Choozy Doozy.

Eat a boot? Eat your feelings. Choozy Doozy.

Eat a bunch of waffles. Very, very nice choice.

Eat a bunch of waffles. Very, very nice choice.

Eat shit, Lou.

ED SULLIVAN: Ladies and gentlemen, the Beatles!

Eeny, meeny, miney, drunk.

Eeny, meeny, miney, drunk.

Einstein's a stupid fucking idiot.

Einstein's a stupid fucking idiot.

Enjoy your shit.

Even

Even

Even Grandpappy Dorchen?

Even though this is completely ridiculous

Even though this is completely ridiculous

Ever since I wrote Let's Get It Started back in '86,

Ever since I wrote Let's Get It Started back in'86,

Every day's a seance, baby. Every day's a seance.

Every day's a seance, baby. Every day's a seance.

Every fucking weekend.

Every fucking weekend.

Every fucking year, Lou?

Every fucking year, Lou?

Every week, it's the same goddamn thing.

Every week, it's the same goddamn thing.

Everybody do the

Everybody do the Strut, strut, strut

Everybody do the Strut, strut, strut

Everybody do the...

Everything happens for a reason?

Everything is all about Lou. No regard for anybody else.

Everything is all about Lou. No regard for anybody else.

Everything.

Everything.

Ew, God. So...

Ew, God. So...

Exactly.

Exactly.

Except more of a super high intensity psychotropic drug trip.

Except more of a super high intensity psychotropic drug trip.

Except, you know, we're supposed to fuck.

Excuse me?

Excuse me?

Explain yourself.

Explain yourself.

FEMALE AUTOMATED VOICE: Media preferences, Mr. Dorchen?

FEMALE AUTOMATED VOICE: Suicide prevention activated.

FEMALE AUTOMATED VOICE: Suicide prevention activated.

First man to save a President and go into space.

First man to save a President and go into space.

First order of business,

First order of business,

Football, basketball, you know, just all the sports.

Football, basketball, you know, just all the sports.

For greater regulation of the industry,

For greater regulation of the industry,

For it to fully flush out of your system, so there's no trace.

For it to fully flush out of your system, so there's no trace.

For one, they're fit and handsome and you're neither of those things.

For one, they're fit and handsome and you're neither of those things.

For the challenge round.

For the greatest scientific achievement of all time?

For the greatest scientific achievement of all time?

For your information, today I recorded an original piece.

For your information, today I recorded an original piece.

Forgot what I was going to say.

Forgot what I was going to say.

From Comedy Central's World News headquarters in New York.com,

From that shelf down.

From that shelf down.

Fuck a dude!

Fuck a dude!

Fuck a dude. Fuck two dudes.

Fuck him in the face. Right in the fucking face.

Fuck him in the face. Right in the fucking face.

Fuck it. D.J.!

Fuck it. D.J.!

Fuck that. Fuck that.

Fuck that. Fuck that.

Fuck you for making me bald.

Fuck you for making me bald.

Fuck you, dude.

Fuck you, dude.

Fuck you!

Fuck you!

Fuck, I don't know.

Fuck, Lou!

Fuck, Lou!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fucking disgusting, dude!

Fucking disgusting, dude!

Gary Winkle.

Gary Winkle.

Gary Winkle.

GARY: I pay you girls to like me. Hey, smile!

GARY: I pay you girls to like me. Hey, smile!

GARY: This ain't a circus!

GARY: This ain't a circus!

Genius.

Genius.

Genius.

Get me some champagne.

Get me some champagne.

Get the fuck out of the street!

Get the fuck out of the street!

Give me some of the other shows?

Give me some of the other shows?

Give me the craziest thing you got.

Give me the craziest thing you got.

Give me the nitrotrinadium, Brad! Give me the fuckin' nitro!

Give me the nitrotrinadium, Brad! Give me the fuckin' nitro!

Given the chance to do it all over again,

Given the chance to do it all over again,

Go ahead! Hit me!

Go ahead! Hit me!

Go ahead.

Go ahead.

God damn it!

God damn it!

Goddamn you.

Goddamn you.

Goddamn, it's good to see you, man.

Goddamn, it's good to see you, man.

Good for you, buddy.

Good looking out.

Good looking out.

Got you!

Gotcha. Forget I even brought it up.

Grab it! Take my advice.

Great White Buffalo.

Great White Buffalo.

Great White Buffalo. Yeah.

Great White Buffalo. Yeah.

Guy tries to divorce a llama,

Guy tries to divorce a llama,

Guys, I feel fucking great! I think it worked.

Guys, I'll be there in one second.

Guys, I'll be there in one second.

Guys, meet Jill. Jill, meet the guys.

Guys, meet Jill. Jill, meet the guys.

Guys?

Guys?

Ha! Ah!

Ha! Ah!

Ha! Still got it!

Had a shotgun pointed at my dick

Had to buy it rims to make it go away.

Handle it.

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday!

Has anybody seen a grown up Garbage Pail Kid?

Have I bombed anything, you think?

Have I bombed anything, you think?

Have you ever felt like your entire life was a fraud?

Have you ever felt like your entire life was a fraud?

Have you listened to anything I've been saying?

Have you listened to anything I've been saying?

Having a football match right in the middle of the floor.

He could lose an arm! That happened last week.

He could lose an arm! That happened last week.

He couldn't invent his way out of a fucking paper bag.

He did drugs and had sex with a man he barely knows on national TV.

He did drugs and had sex with a man he barely knows on national TV.

He did drugs and had sex with a man he barely knows on national TV.

He didn't even have a bachelor party.

He didn't even have a bachelor party.

He didn't invent Goo... Lougle.

He got caught in a giant paper bag a couple weeks ago.

He got shot last night.

He got the jump on me.

He had, like, super human strength, like that fucking baby in Superman I.

He had, like, super human strength, like that fucking baby in Superman I.

He made it real big with his bestselling novel,

He made it real big with his bestselling novel,

He said something about going to see his family therapist,

He said something about going to see his family therapist,

He should still be dead.

He should still be dead.

He stole it.

He told them he's gonna build them a bomb.

He told them he's gonna build them a bomb.

He was beating the shit out of me!

He's got a real serious drug problem.

He's got such a big future ahead of him.

He's got such a big future ahead of him.

He's gotta be around here somewhere!

He's gotta be around here somewhere!

He's threatening his own existence.

He's threatening his own existence.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Here comes the hug monster.

Here comes the hug monster.

Here I go. I'm gonna jump.

Here I go. I'm gonna jump.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Here what comes?

Here what comes?

Hey

HEY

Hey, baby. (SNIFFS)

Hey, baby. (SNIFFS)

Hey, bite down on this. Good. Okay.

Hey, bite down on this. Good. Okay.

Hey, check it out. I found all the gear from the painting.

Hey, check it out. I found all the gear from the painting.

Hey, Courtney. Your tits look fantastic!

Hey, enough with this dad stuff. Call me Lou.

Hey, how are you?

Hey, how are you?

Hey, how do they get the people to be on this show?

Hey, how do they get the people to be on this show?

Hey, how you doing?

Hey, I just met my future wife in there.

Hey, I just met my future wife in there.

Hey, I'm getting married today, guys.

Hey, I'm getting married today, guys.

Hey, I'm sorry. Look.

Hey, is it still day out there?

Hey, is it still day out there?

Hey, is that...

Hey, is that...

Hey, jugglers, give my boys anything they want...

Hey, listen.

Hey, listen.

Hey, listen.

Hey, Lou, you want to go see Looper?

Hey, Lou, you want to go see Looper?

Hey, Nick Webber. Do the dance.

Hey, Nick Webber. Do the dance.

Hey, Nick, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be a dick.

Hey, Nick, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be a dick.

Hey, Sophie!

Hey, Sophie!

Hey, what do you guys want from the party tray?

Hey, what do you guys want from the party tray?

Hey, why don't you make like a fuck off and get out of here?

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Jake the Snake!

Hey! Jake the Snake!

Hey! Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Jessica Williams.

Hey! Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Jessica Williams.

Hey! What a coincidence!

Hey! What a coincidence!

Hey! What's up? You got a problem with me?

Hey! What's up? You got a problem with me?

Hey. That doesn't matter.

Hey. There's something trying to kill us here.

Hey. There's something trying to kill us here.

Hi. Can I help you?

Hi. Can I help you?

Hi. I'm from Choozy Doozy.

Hi. I'm from Choozy Doozy.

High five.

High five.

High five.

High five.

High five.

High five.

His hair's breathtaking.

His hair's breathtaking.

Hmm. And if you believe that...

Hmm. And if you believe that...

Hmm. Son!

Hmm. Son!

Hold him down?

Hold him down?

Holy fuck, I'm your butler.

Holy shit!

Holy shit!

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Holy shit. We went 10 years into the future.

Holy shit. We went 10 years into the future.

Honey, have you ever felt

Honey, we found our mini cake bites.

Honey, we found our mini cake bites.

Honey, you're making me seem a little stiff.

Horseradish station. That's right. We're gonna have the white and the reds,

Horseradish.

Horseradish.

How about a fucking spoiler alert?

How about a fucking spoiler alert?

How can I take what doesn't exist yet?

How can I take what doesn't exist yet?

How did you do that?

How did you do that?

How did you know my...

How did you know my...

How far back did we go?

How far back did we go?

How hard is it to understand time travel?

How hard is it to understand time travel?

How long has he been on heroin?

How long has he been on heroin?

How much that set you back?

How much that set you back?

How the fuck are you rich?

How's your relationship with your father?

How's your relationship with your father?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh. Nothing's really changed.

I always wondered what my dad's full on bros

I always wondered what my dad's full on bros

I am so tired of solving your problems.

I apologize. You were totally wrong.

I apologize. You were totally wrong.

I bet there's not a person in this room who,

I bet you guys didn't know

I burned you.

I can't believe I let you talk me into joining this sinking ship.

I can't believe I let you talk me into joining this sinking ship.

I can't believe I'm fucking

I can't believe I'm fucking

I can't miss my gig.

I can't miss my gig.

I can't! I can't do it! I gotta go. Let's go.

I can't! I can't do it! I gotta go. Let's go.

I can't. I can't do it.

I can't. I can't do it.

I cannot do this.

I cannot do this.

I cannot wait for you to hit rock bottom.

I cannot wait for you to hit rock bottom.

I certainly didn't say anything about the dress.

I certainly didn't say anything about the dress.

I could see myself chilling here.

I could see myself chilling here.

I could've ate some goddamn waffles.

I could've ate some goddamn waffles.

I dedicated my life's work

I dedicated my life's work

I did Eskimo kisses with this beautiful woman.

I did Eskimo kisses with this beautiful woman.

I did everything.

I did move on, Lou. I got clean.

I did move on, Lou. I got clean.

I did something a cocktail waitress told me not to do,

I did something a cocktail waitress told me not to do,

I did.

I didn't know you had company.

I didn't know you had company.

I didn't magically turn it all around after that ski trip.

I didn't magically turn it all around after that ski trip.

I didn't... I didn't d0 that.

I didn't... I didn't do that.

I do appreciate you.

I do appreciate you.

I do. I mean it. I'm a dick. Ask my friends.

I do. I mean it. I'm a dick. Ask my friends.

I don't care, 'cause there's cocaine right there.

I don't care.

I don't care.

I don't feel like anything bad's going to happen.

I don't feel like anything bad's going to happen.

I don't give a shit. We did it on the stairs.

I don't give a shit. We did it on the stairs.

I don't have to tell you where I got my inspiration from, first of all.

I don't have to tell you where I got my inspiration from, first of all.

I don't know what's taking Jill.

I don't know what's taking Jill.

I don't know, man. I'm not the guy to ask about marriage.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. I hope so.

I don't know. I hope so.

I don't know. I never saw Terminator.

I don't know. I never saw Terminator.

I don't know. I'm getting married tomorrow,

I don't know. I'm getting married tomorrow,

I don't know. I've only been the best of friends to him.

I don't know. I've only been the best of friends to him.

I don't own it. I mean, no one does.

I don't own it. I mean, no one does.

I don't take their stuff.

I don't think this is real.

I don't think this is real.

I don't think you hear me at all.

I don't think you hear me at all.

I don't wanna go to your sister's either.

I don't wanna have an emotional connection to this moment!

I don't wanna have an emotional connection to this moment!

I don't want a shotgun to the dick! It hurts so much!

I don't want a shotgun to the dick! It hurts so much!

I don't want to break any rules, get chucked out right away, you know?

I don't want to break any rules, get chucked out right away, you know?

I don't want to go to the Grammys.

I don't want to talk about that.

I don't want to talk about that.

I don't...

I ejaculated inside of you.

I ejaculated inside of you.

I fed some gum to a dinosaur.

I fed some gum to a dinosaur.

I feel like that is an important distinction to make.

I feel like that is an important distinction to make.

I felt like an ape. Like an ape.

I felt like an ape. Like an ape.

I flickered... Why am I flickering?

I flickered... Why am I flickering?

I found this photo after my mother died.

I found this photo after my mother died.

I fucking hate you so much, Lou.

I fucking hate you so much, Lou.

I fucking hate you, Kelly.

I fucking hate you, Kelly.

I fucking hate you, Lou.

I fucking hate you, too, baby.

I fucking hate you, too, baby.

I get this shit.

I got a Buick dick.

I got a Buick dick.

I got a feeling we'll see him again.

I got a feeling we'll see him again.

I got a feeling.

I got a feeling.

I got a whole closet full of stuff.

I got a whole closet full of stuff.

I got this!

I got this!

I got you... I got you something. It'll be here tomorrow via FedEx.

I got you... I got you something. It'll be here tomorrow via FedEx.

I gotta admit I kinda like this.

I gotta admit I kinda like this.

I gotta talk to Courtney. I'm... I don't know.

I guess it's not a Lougle party until somebody gets shot at.

I guess that's it. We're stuck here.

I guess that's it. We're stuck here.

I guess we were too late.

I guess we were too late.

I guess you could say I take from a lot of artists.

I guess you could say I take from a lot of artists.

I had a Passat follow me around for three weeks one time.

I had a Passat follow me around for three weeks one time.

I had this moment earlier.

I had this moment earlier.

I have definitely given a back alley blowjob.

I have definitely given a back alley blowjob.

I have not listened to any of it.

I have so much fuckin' poison in me that I've ruined yours, too.

I have so much fuckin' poison in me that I've ruined yours, too.

I have some advice for you.

I have some advice for you.

I hear you loud and clear, man.

I hear you there, brother.

I hear you there, brother.

I hope not.

I hope not.

I just get sick of explaining it to him.

I just go where the cars take me.

I just go where the cars take me.

I just got one question, Sophie.

I just pray that there's still hope for Jacob.

I just pray that there's still hope for Jacob.

I just pumped him full of...

I just want to go somewhere, just you and me.

I just want to go somewhere, just you and me.

I just want to know what to do.

I just want to know what to do.

I just want you to know that despite what I said before,

I just want you to know that despite what I said before,

I knew it.

I knew it.

I know how this looks.

I know it's a potentially risky move... Wedding sorbet!

I know what it's like to feel unappreciated,

I know what you mean. I...

I know where he is.

I know you are, buddy! I know!

I know you are, buddy! I know!

I know your plan, Brad.

I know, Brad. I didn't mean to fuckin' lose it.

I know, Brad. I didn't mean to fuckin' lose it.

I know, okay? I know.

I know, okay? I know.

I know. I love you, man!

I know. I love you, man!

I left my phone back in the 1800s.

I left my phone back in the 1800s.

I like her.

I like her.

I like that. I like you.

I like that. I like you.

I like that. Okay.

I like that. Okay.

I look like fucking shit.

I look like fucking shit.

I love this shirt. My shit is fly.

I love this shirt. My shit is fly.

I love you, buddy.

I love you.

I love you.

I made a lot of mistakes. I've taken advantage.

I made a lot of mistakes. I've taken advantage.

I may have,

I mean bad like the part of Boogie Nights

I mean bad like the part of Boogie Nights

I mean, at the end of the day,

I mean, at the end of the day,

I mean, here we are, with the greatest power

I mean, how was I supposed to know

I mean, how was I supposed to know

I mean, I know you've fallen on hard times.

I mean, I know you've fallen on hard times.

I mean, I wouldn't mind a little something.

I mean, I wouldn't mind a little something.

I mean, I wouldn't mind a little something.

I mean, I'm not insane.

I mean, like, as far as rooms go, this is one of the biggest.

I mean, like, as far as rooms go, this is one of the biggest.

I mean, look how classy it is. It's like a museum.

I mean, look how classy it is. It's like a museum.

I mean, look, this is grotesque.

I mean, look, this is grotesque.

I mean, that's not even anything that could be in the box.

I mean, that's not even anything that could be in the box.

I mean, the way the sun is just dancing off these leaves...

I mean, the way the sun is just dancing off these leaves...

I mean, there's nothing admirable about him.

I mean, there's nothing admirable about him.

I mean, they're gonna kill these guys.

I mean, they're gonna kill these guys.

I mean, this is exactly the sort of thing that he needs.

I mean, this is exactly the sort of thing that he needs.

I mean, we get it. E equals MC squared.

I mean, we get it. E equals MC squared.

I mean, you got... You got a plan or something.

I mean, you guys get it, right?

I mean, you guys get it, right?

I mean...

I mean...

I met some friends for life.

I met some friends for life.

I motherfucking miss him.

I must have invented that.

I must have invented that.

I probably invented it.

I probably invented it.

I promise you,

I promise you,

I remember when I first heard that stupid song. I was like,

I saw his trench coat

I saw his trench coat

I saw this on C. S.I.

I saw this on C.S.I.

I saw what it said.

I saw what it said.

I see the cocaine. So what?

I see the cocaine. So what?

I shared a romantic dinner with my wife?

I shared a romantic dinner with my wife?

I should listen to you more often, Lou.

I should listen to you more often, Lou.

I spent so much time hating him.

I spent so much time hating him.

I stole time! I stole the whole ski lodge!

I stole time! I stole the whole ski lodge!

I swear to God. Look, look, look!

I swear to God. Look, look, look!

I think I may be Mr. Dorchen.

I think I may be Mr. Dorchen.

I think it was when my nephew from the future

I think it was when my nephew from the future

I think it's predestination.

I think it's predestination.

I think it's pretty obvious what's going on here, right.

I think it's pretty obvious what's going on here, right.

I think so.

I think so.

I think this is a choice,

I think this is a choice,

I think... Uh...

I think... Uh...

I told you to stop saying that!

I told you to stop saying that!

I totally misread that song. My apologies.

I treat everyone with the utmost respect and kindness.

I tried to call you, like, a hundred times.

I tried to call you, like, a hundred times.

I turned you into a murderer.

I turned you into a murderer.

I want my dick back!

I want my dick back!

I want to hit you into the corner pocket.

I want to hit you into the corner pocket.

I was on track to be 20 Under 40,

I was on track to be 20 Under 40,

I was one of Engineering Quarterly's 30 Under 30.

I was one of Engineering Quarterly's 30 Under 30.

I was standing right there beside you! I didn't fuckin' shoot him!

I was standing right there beside you! I didn't fuckin' shoot him!

I will not.

I won't listen to this song one more fuckin' time!

I would spike your mid morning cocktail with a tasteless, but potent sedative.

I would spike your mid morning cocktail with a tasteless, but potent sedative.

I'd be rich. Look.

I'd be rich. Look.

I'd like to help him.

I'd like to help him.

I'll be back, okay? I promise. I'll be back.

I'll be making my own mid morning cocktail from now on, thank you.

I'll be making my own mid morning cocktail from now on, thank you.

I'll bet there's a lot of people here tonight

I'll bet there's a lot of people here tonight

I'll get you an interview.

I'll get you an interview.

I'll get your grooming tips later.

I'll get your grooming tips later.

I'll take a room temperature almond milk, please.

I'll take a room temperature almond milk, please.

I'll take everything!

I'll take everything!

I'll take just an apricot sliced into fours. And a kiwi.

I'll take just an apricot sliced into fours. And a kiwi.

I'll turn you around.

I'll turn you around.

I'm a bald person.

I'm a bald person.

I'm a fucking god!

I'm a fucking god!

I'm a god!

I'm a virus.

I'm a virus.

I'm actually getting married tonight, so I can't.

I'm actually getting married tonight, so I can't.

I'm Adam Yates Stedmeyer.

I'm Adam Yates Stedmeyer.

I'm Adam Yates Stedmeyer.

I'm Adam Yates Stedmeyer.

I'm Adam.

I'm Adam.

I'm Adam. I get plowed by dudes on

I'm Adam. I get plowed by dudes on TV.

I'm applying direct pressure!

I'm applying direct pressure!

I'm Arthur Miller.

I'm Arthur Miller.

I'm bored by this shit.

I'm distinguished.

I'm distinguished.

I'm doing fucking shitty, Gary.

I'm doing fucking shitty, Gary.

I'm dropping you! You fell!

I'm dropping you! You fell!

I'm glad we're on the same page.

I'm going to help you out. It's not really my birthday.

I'm going to help you out. It's not really my birthday.

I'm going to kill you before you can kill me again!

I'm going to shoot you in the dick

I'm going to shoot you in the dick

I'm going to Winkle's.

I'm gonna be in the lab, trying to save this company.

I'm gonna be in the lab, trying to save this company.

I'm gonna be in the lab, trying to save this company.

I'm gonna send this to everyone.

I'm here to take you to the show.

I'm Jacob Dorchen.

I'm Jacob fucking Dorchen! And that means something.

I'm just a guy looking at a car

I'm just a guy looking at a car

I'm just a simple guy like you

I'm just a simple guy like you

I'm just gonna make it easier on you. Look.

I'm just gonna make it easier on you. Look.

I'm just happy that you guys are happy.

I'm just happy that you guys are happy.

I'm Lou Dorchen.

I'm Lou Dorchen.

I'm Nick Webber.

I'm Nick Webber.

I'm not anything like my fucking dad!

I'm not anything like my fucking dad!

I'm not going to look, Lou.

I'm not going to look, Lou.

I'm not going to look, Lou.

I'm not gonna let you fall, I promise.

I'm not gonna let you fall, I promise.

I'm not that strong.

I'm not the murderer. Come on.

I'm pretty sure that's never been the case at all, ever.

I'm pretty sure that's never been the case at all, ever.

I'm so comfortable and relaxed right now.

I'm so sorry!

I'm so sorry!

I'm sorry, I may have shit my pants.

I'm sorry, I may have shit my pants.

I'm sorry, Lou.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Can I just get rid of this thing?

I'm sorry. Can I just get rid of this thing?

I'm sorry. Fraud is the wrong word. Lie?

I'm sorry. Fraud is the wrong word. Lie?

I'm sorry. I didn't realize that Adam had guests.

I'm sorry. I didn't realize that Adam had guests.

I'm sorry. I dooze what now?

I'm sorry. I dooze what now?

I'm sorry. Okay.

I'm sorry. Okay.

I'm sorry. This is just... This is weird.

I'm sorry. This is just... This is weird.

I'm strong as fuck.

I'm strong as fuck.

I'm sure they would.

I'm sure they would.

I'm telling you, man.

I'm telling you, you guys, you got to get up here.

I'm telling you, you guys, you got to get up here.

I'm trying to keep you from flickering.

I'm willing to do that. I'm willing... I'll eat the waffles.

I'm willing to do that. I'm willing... I'll eat the waffles.

I've been in it for, like, three days, and it's really loud.

I've been in it for, like, three days, and it's really loud.

I've been on a roll.

I've just ruined my own life.

I've seen fucking movies, you guys! I've seen movies!

I've seen fucking movies, you guys! I've seen movies!

I've seen my future.

I've seen my future.

I've seen our future together and I will be the first person

I've seen our future together and I will be the first person

If he's here, I'm gonna kill him before he kills me.

If he's here, I'm gonna kill him before he kills me.

If I was going to kill your dad, it wouldn't be with a gun.

If I was going to kill your dad, it wouldn't be with a gun.

If it's actin' funny.

If it's actin' funny.

If so, I don't care. I don't care. I forgive you.

If they're not gonna say it, I will.

If they're not gonna say it, I will.

If they're not gonna say it, I will.

If we ever come up with a division where

If we ever come up with a division where

If you combine the right amounts of nitrotrinadium

If you combine the right amounts of nitrotrinadium

If you don't communicate with me, I can't fix this!

If you don't communicate with me, I can't fix this!

If you don't want to be considered a sex offender,

If you don't want to be considered a sex offender,

If you truly believe that in your heart of hearts,

If you truly believe that in your heart of hearts,

If you're gonna sit next to me, I need to know right now,

If you're gonna sit next to me, I need to know right now,

In Lougle financial news, no surprise here,

In Lougle financial news, no surprise here,

Instead of linear, think of space time as being fluid...

Instead of linear, think of space time as being fluid...

Into...

Introducing Lou the Violator

Introducing Lou the Violator

Is tentatively being called nitrotrinadium.

Is tentatively being called nitrotrinadium.

Is that the coat check girl?

Is that the coat check girl?

Is this a dance or something?

Is this a dance or something?

Is this toxic power couple named you and me.

Is this toxic power couple named you and me.

It doesn't say anything!

It doesn't say anything!

It exists in the past. How can it not exist in the future?

It exists in the past. How can it not exist in the future?

It felt like kind of a gray area.

It felt like kind of a gray area.

It is only 12 blocks from the river.

It is only 12 blocks from the river.

It just shows big buildings falling down, and...

It just shows big buildings falling down, and...

It looks like dick picking.

It takes you where you need to go.

It takes you where you need to go.

It technically hasn't happened at all.

It technically hasn't happened at all.

It turned this worthless piece of dirt into a goldmine.

It turned this worthless piece of dirt into a goldmine.

It was a Ladybug.

It was a Ladybug.

It was a misleading title. But the point is...

It was just a soundstage in New Mexico.

It was just a soundstage in New Mexico.

It was really stressful. I'm exhausted.

It was really stressful. I'm exhausted.

It wasn't real.

It wasn't real.

It worked! Holy shit! Wait, look!

It'd be tacky to do it a third time.

It'd be tacky to do it a third time.

It's a long story.

It's a nice... Nice place.

It's a nice... Nice place.

It's a ring that turns you invisible and carries with it the power of evil.

It's a ring that turns you invisible and carries with it the power of evil.

It's a step by step guide for how to be a shitty parent.

It's a step by step guide for how to be a shitty parent.

It's actually an issue of fidelity.

It's actually an issue of fidelity.

It's almost... Violating.

It's almost... Violating.

It's beautiful.

It's beautiful.

It's beautiful.

It's been a minute.

It's been a minute.

It's called fashion, Lou.

It's called fashion, Lou.

It's cyclical.

It's cyclical.

It's Daddy.

It's Daddy.

It's easy. You just mash two things up together

It's enough to make anybody ask, When is enough enough?

It's enough to make anybody ask, When is enough enough?

It's gonna be fun, my wedding. I'm looking forward to it.

It's gonna be fun, my wedding. I'm looking forward to it.

It's gonna be great...

It's gonna be great...

It's guy on guy, girl on girl.

It's guy on guy, girl on girl.

It's her favorite show.

It's how it works.

It's in my queue! That counts.

It's in my queue! That counts.

It's in the ether.

It's kind of a hard concept to...

It's kind of a hard concept to...

It's like you shoved a fucking Buick up my butt.

It's like you shoved a fucking Buick up my butt.

It's midnight Everybody strut right now

It's midnight Everybody strut right now

It's more like a lie.

It's more like a lie.

It's my dad's party, he runs Lougle.

It's my dad's party, he runs Lougle.

It's my duty to live up to the throne.

It's normal for men to blow off some steam

It's normal for men to blow off some steam

It's normal for men to blow off some steam

It's not a party unless it's a Gary Winkle party.

It's not a party unless it's a Gary Winkle party.

It's not about money, it's about making money.

It's not about money, it's about making money.

It's not always the Grammys. Sometimes it's the Grammys.

It's not always the Grammys. Sometimes it's the Grammys.

It's not that simple, really.

It's obviously not Jacob.

It's obviously not Jacob.

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's okay. It's okay. Watch.

It's okay. It's okay. Watch.

It's on at 7:00 on Sunday nights against Butthole Nation.

It's on at 7:00 on Sunday nights against Butthole Nation.

It's probably pretty hard to shoot a man, right?

It's the Ark of the Covenant.

It's the Ark of the Covenant.

It's the Ark of the Covenant.

It's the best thing that ever happened to me.

It's the best thing that ever happened to me.

It's the Declaration of Independence with a map on the back.

It's the first Bruce Willis movie we missed.

It's the number one show on TV.

It's the number one show on TV.

It's the party. And there's still time!

It's the party. And there's still time!

It's your best friends in the whole fucking world!

It's your best friends in the whole fucking world!

Jacob Dorchen comments on his father's game changing innovation.

Jacob Dorchen wants privacy.

Jacob Dorchen wants privacy.

Jacob Dorchen wants privacy.

Jacob is the murderer.

Jacob is the murderer.

Jacob was right.

Jacob was right.

Jacob, come on!

Jacob, come on!

Jacob, how can we expect to find happiness

Jacob, how can we expect to find happiness

Jacob, I'm the Sarlacc.

Jacob, I'm the Sarlacc.

Jacob, it's okay. Don't...

Jacob, it's okay. Don't...

JACOB: (LAUGHS) Oh! Wait, what was that?

JACOB: Adam?

JACOB: Adam?

JACOB: And that doesn't matter either.

JACOB: And that doesn't matter either.

JACOB: Come on, come on, come on...

JACOB: Come on, come on, come on...

JACOB: Come on, come on, come on...

JACOB: Come on, Lou, you got to earn it.

JACOB: Come on, Lou, you got to earn it.

JACOB: Fuck your fucking wig.

JACOB: Fuck!

JACOB: Fuck!

JACOB: Hey, just think of it this way.

JACOB: Hey, just think of it this way.

JACOB: I know, right? NICK: How?

JACOB: I know, right? NICK: How?

JACOB: Lou's not breathing. NICK: I think he's gone.

JACOB: Lou's not breathing. NICK: I think he's gone.

JACOB: Oh, man, I wish we could, but we're doing, uh...

JACOB: Oh, man, I wish we could, but we're doing, uh...

JACOB: Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

JACOB: Oh, you put your dick in there!

JACOB: Oh, you put your dick in there!

JACOB: Okay, so Adam shoots Lou,

JACOB: Okay, so Adam shoots Lou,

JACOB: Okay.

JACOB: Okay.

JACOB: So there are no more sex taboos?

JACOB: Sophie! Hey! Where are you going?

JACOB: Sophie! Hey! Where are you going?

JACOB: That was fucking awesome!

JACOB: Until somebody goes back in time and kills you.

JACOB: Until somebody goes back in time and kills you.

JACOB: What are you doing up there?

JACOB: What are you doing up there?

Jacob!

Jacob. This is a great show.

Jacob. This is a great show.

Jacuzzi is a brand name, and...

Jacuzzi is a brand name, and...

Jacuzzi Timelord.

Jeez. The place is like a deathtrap, huh?

Jeez. The place is like a deathtrap, huh?

Jesus Christ, do I have to fucking do everything?

Jesus Christ, do I have to fucking do everything?

JILL: Fuck me, Uncle Lou! LOU: Whoa! Whoa! Hold on!

JILL: Fuck me, Uncle Lou! LOU: Whoa! Whoa! Hold on!

JILL: I can't believe I'm fucking Adam's father's sister's husband!

JILL: I can't believe I'm fucking Adam's father's sister's husband!

JILL: Shut up! This isn't making love!

JILL: Shut up! This isn't making love!

Jill?

Jill's going to kill me. I have to go change.

Jumped off a roof, survived, died of syphilis.

Jumped off a roof, survived, died of syphilis.

Just

Just

Just a fruit salad.

Just because?

Just because?

Just came to me.

Just came to me.

Just kidding, guys. I'm up here. What's up?

Just kill me and put us both out of our misery?

Just kill me and put us both out of our misery?

Just like I copyrighted the word well,

Just like I copyrighted the word well,

Just like Lawnmower Man,

Just like Lawnmower Man,

Just like your loser dad.

Just like your loser dad.

Just lousy with statues, and the...

Just lousy with statues, and the...

Just punched him with my fist.

Just punched him with my fist.

Just so they can be knocked down perfectly

Just so they can be knocked down perfectly

Just stay with me here. Just stay with me.

Just stay with me here. Just stay with me.

Just tell me. Tell me, am I on Celebrity Subpoena?

Just tell me. Tell me, am I on Celebrity Subpoena?

Just try the news.

Just try the news.

Kel.

Kel.

Kelly, we're soul mates.

Kelly, we're soul mates.

KELLY: All right, let's see what we have here.

KELLY: All right, let's see what we have here.

KELLY: Did I just hear fireworks?

KELLY: Did I just hear fireworks?

KELLY: The nanobots can't find any drugs,

Kids, like, trapped in the basement, and the building falls,

Knock on something.

Knock on something.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Ladies and gentlemen,

Let me do this! I got this!

Let me do this. Hold on.

Let me hear some ideas from the audience.

Let me hear some ideas from the audience.

Let me hold this open. I'll hold this open.

Let me hold this open. I'll hold this open.

Let's all get nude and fuck!

Let's all get nude and fuck!

Let's get you a comfy couch and a video game. What do you say?

Let's get you a comfy couch and a video game. What do you say?

Let's go check out the future strip club situation.

Let's go check out the future strip club situation.

Let's go save Lou's life.

Let's split up and find Brad on three. One, two, three.

Let's take a picture! I can't believe it's you, man.

Let's take a picture! I can't believe it's you, man.

Let's think. It's not Winkle.

Let's think. It's not Winkle.

Let's...

Let's...

Lie is actually... It's not right, either.

Life is about do overs, okay?

Life is about do overs, okay?

Life is about do overs, okay?

Life is fucking weird, you know?

Life is fucking weird, you know?

Like Andre Agassi or Bruce Willis or something.

Like Andre Agassi or Bruce Willis or something.

Like just a member of the pack.

Like just a member of the pack.

Like Looper.

Like Looper.

Like Terminator.

Like Terminator.

Like, I'll finger your dog, I don't care.

Like, I'll finger your dog, I don't care.

Like, you can't hurt its feelings.

Like, you can't hurt its feelings.

Lisa Loeb?

Lisa Loeb?

Listen, Adam, I'm sorry, I gotta be a stickler on this.

Listen, Adam, I'm sorry, I gotta be a stickler on this.

Listen, I had the most amazing night.

Listen, I had the most amazing night.

Listen, Nick, I get it. You don't have any natural talent.

Listen, Nick, I get it. You don't have any natural talent.

Listen, this is what I'll do for you, okay?

Listen, this is what I'll do for you, okay?

Listen, you are a key part of this operation, Jacob.

Listen, you are a key part of this operation, Jacob.

Listen.

Listen.

Listen. You can't go with me, okay?

Listen. You can't go with me, okay?

Long story short, the caterer did talk us into the Chateaubriand,

Long story short, the caterer did talk us into the Chateaubriand,

Look at him go. Chip off the old block.

Look at him go. Chip off the old block.

Look at the people you love most in this world,

Look at this. Look, Lou spilled his drink on me

Look at this. Look, Lou spilled his drink on me

Look at your dad.

Look at your dad.

Look, I get you. I do.

Look, I get you. I do.

Look, I'm not flickering. Am I flickering? You cannot say that I'm flickering.

Look, I'm not flickering. Am I flickering? You cannot say that I'm flickering.

Look, look!

Look, you're gonna like this me a lot better.

Look, you're gonna like this me a lot better.

Look.

Look.

Looks like a Miami IKEA.

Looks like somebody chose a lifeline!

Looks like somebody chose a lifeline!

Lou Dorchen.

Lou got it from the Russians.

Lou got it from the Russians.

Lou had to fuck your wife in the future,

Lou had to fuck your wife in the future,

Lou Sux

Lou the Violator

Lou, I found him.

Lou, I found him.

Lou, if I was going to fuckin' kill you, I wouldn't use a gun, okay?

Lou, would you come the fuck on?

Lou, would you come the fuck on?

Lou, you can't be here, 'cause you're jeopardizing your future.

Lou, you can't be here, 'cause you're jeopardizing your future.

Lou, you tried to push me down the stairs last week.

Lou, you tried to push me down the stairs last week.

LOU: (SCOFFS) Okay.

LOU: (SCOFFS) Okay.

LOU: Are you having as fantastic a time as I am?

LOU: Guys, guys, guys, come on!

LOU: Guys, guys, guys, come on!

LOU: Guys, guys, guys, come on!

LOU: He's not going to tell us anything.

LOU: He's not going to tell us anything.

LOU: Hey, son.

LOU: Hey, son.

LOU: Holy fuck...

LOU: It's like a Scandinavian gay bar.

LOU: It's like a Scandinavian gay bar.

LOU: Look, Kel, I'm sorry, okay?

LOU: Look, Kel, I'm sorry, okay?

LOU: Right, right, right, right. Okay.

LOU: Right, right, right, right. Okay.

LOU: Shit.

LOU: Ugh.

LOU: Ugh.

LOU: Whose fucking phone is on?

LOU: Whose fucking phone is on?

LOU: Yeah!

LOU: Yeah!

LOU: You know what?

LOU: You know what?

LOU: You look like an egg gave birth to another egg.

LOU: You look like an egg gave birth to another egg.

LOU: You're the only one keeping track of important stuff!

LOU: You're the only one keeping track of important stuff!

Lou!

Lou...

Lou...

Lougle finished trading up 10 points today.

Lougle finished trading up 10 points today.

Lougle Search brought up Adam's location and DNA.

Lougle Search brought up Adam's location and DNA.

Love.

Love.

Lovely tuxedo you're wearing.

Lovely tuxedo you're wearing.

Mad Man is a great show.

Make each moment count.

Make each moment count.

Make the world a better place.

Make the world a better place.

MALE ANNOUNCER 1: Tune in tomorrow

MALE ANNOUNCER 2: March 26, 2025.

MALE ANNOUNCER: Get ready for mischief, mayhem,

MALE ANNOUNCER: Get ready for mischief, mayhem,

MAN 1: Juggle knives!

MAN 2: Swallow a watch!

MAN 2: Swallow a watch!

Man, I wish Adam was here. He'd know what to do.

Man, I wish Adam was here. He'd know what to do.

Man, that song is so dumb.

Man, that song is so dumb.

MAN: Apple is going to reinvent the phone.

MAN: Don't listen to anything he says.

MAN: Move!

MAN: Move!

MAN: Uh, can we get... I don't, uh...

MAN: Uh, can we get... I don't, uh...

MAN: Uh, we're going to just touch you up.

MAN: Yeah. Touch up his nipples, please.

Man. That tub, huh?

Man. That tub, huh?

Maybe it's a lead. It's a fun lead.

Maybe it's a lead. It's a fun lead.

Maybe just kind of a... Just a general sense of...

Maybe just kind of a... Just a general sense of...

Maybe this summer, you know, I come work with you at Lougle?

Maybe this summer, you know, I come work with you at Lougle?

Me, too.

Me, too.

Me! Me! I did it! I chose it!

Me! Me! I did it! I chose it!

Me? Oh, uh...

Meanwhile, when's the last time

Meanwhile, when's the last time

Media preferences, Mr. Dorchen?

Media preferences, Mr. Dorchen?

Media preferences, Mr. Dorchen?

Missing, you miss him.

Missing, you miss him.

Mmm hmm.

Mmm...

Mmm... (POPS)

Mmm... (POPS)

More so than saving Lincoln?

Motherfucker!

Motherfucker!

Motherfucker!

Mr. Webber.

Multiple universes, like Fringe.

My best buddies go up the mountain as regular Joes.

My best buddies go up the mountain as regular Joes.

My brother works at the NSA and I work for a madman.

My dick is back!

My dick is back!

My dick.

My eyes

My hand is acting as a tourniquet!

My hand is acting as a tourniquet!

My pleasure, son.

My pleasure, son.

Nah, I got a thing I gotta do.

Nah, I got a thing I gotta do.

Nah. Dude.

Nah. Dude.

Narcotic seeking nanobots?

Narcotic seeking nanobots?

NARRATOR: Lou Dorchen, the legendary lead singer

NARRATOR: Lou Dorchen's best friend is yet another

NARRATOR: One fateful ski trip in 1986

NARRATOR: Still struggling to find his own place in the world,

NARRATOR: Still struggling to find his own place in the world,

Nerd

News selected. Thank you, Mr. Dorchen.

Nice skirt, by the way.

Nice skirt, by the way.

Nice. Looks like I turned the company around.

Nice. Looks like I turned the company around.

Nick nack paddywhack! Give a dog a what?

Nick nack paddywhack! Give a dog a what?

Nick Webber has a show in 2025. Still got it!

Nick Webber has a show in 2025. Still got it!

Nick Webber Nick Webber

Nick Webber Nick Webber

Nick Webber's in the house, so get ready for the original

Nick Webber's in the house, so get ready for the original

Nick, Nick, Nick! Help, help, help!

Nick, Nick, Nick! Help, help, help!

NICK: Choose waffles.

NICK: Choose waffles.

NICK: Classic Lou.

NICK: Classic Lou.

NICK: Get ready, 'cause here it comes.

NICK: He looks like a preppie Braveheart.

NICK: He looks like a preppie Braveheart.

NICK: He looks like Cap'n Crunch fucked Paul Revere.

NICK: He looks like Cap'n Crunch fucked Paul Revere.

NICK: How about that?

NICK: Mmm hmm.

NICK: Oh, shit.

NICK: Oh, yeah? Who?

NICK: Oh, yeah? Who?

NICK: Stay with me, Violator.

NICK: Stay with me, Violator.

NICK: There's still time.

NICK: There's still time.

NICK: We gotta go back to the past to save the future.

NICK: We gotta go back to the past to save the future.

NICK: What the fuck? You shot Lou!

Nightclub, combo, whatever the fuck.

No harm, no foul, but did you ejaculate in her?

No harm, no foul, but did you ejaculate in her?

No one ejaculated inside of anything, really.

No one ejaculated inside of anything, really.

No one likes you

No one likes you

No one's ejaculated.

No one's ejaculated.

No time to explain. Follow me.

No way in hell. No way in hell.

No way in hell. No way in hell.

No, actually, I'll get a tangerine margarita.

No, he's not.

No, he's not.

No, I'd flickered? No, I didn't.

No, I'd flickered? No, I didn't.

No, it was a book called Predestiny.

No, it was... You know, it was virtual.

No, it was... You know, it was virtual.

No, it's predestiny. I read a book.

No, it's predestiny. I read a book.

No, Lou, just 'cause my room's near the bar

No, Lou, just 'cause my room's near the bar

No, no, it's because you're my...

No, no, it's because you're my...

No, no, no, no, no! This has got to end now.

No, no, no, no, no! This has got to end now.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, really, what do you mean?

No, no, no, really, what do you mean?

No, no, no.

No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.

No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.

No, no!

No, no!

No, no!

No, no!

No, no! Lou, Lou! Stay with me!

No, no. You guys, we can't just fuck around.

No, no. You guys, we can't just fuck around.

No, that was the third greatest moment of my life.

No, that's still way too strong a word.

No, that's still way too strong a word.

No, they broke up before I was even born.

No, they broke up before I was even born.

No, we gotta find Brad.

No, why would someone write that book?

No, why would someone write that book?

No, you're my best choice!

No, you're my best choice!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No! No!

No! No!

No! She said not to take it off for 24 hours.

No! She said not to take it off for 24 hours.

No?

No?

No.

No.

No.

No. Does that sound like me?

No. Get that out of here.

No. Get that out of here.

No. Not love. Don't be stupid.

No. Not love. Don't be stupid.

No. Okay, fraud is too strong a word.

No. Okay, fraud is too strong a word.

No. Scratch that.

No. Scratch that.

No. That can't be right. Right, Jacob?

No. We just got to, um...

No. We just got to, um...

No. You don't.

No. You don't.

No. You know why? 'Cause as long as we're here,

No... Oh, no, wait, wait, wait.

Nope, not doing anymore You look like.

Not a lot of coats, right? Not a lot of coats.

Not anymore.

Not anymore.

Not honor. I mean, that falls kind of with respect and admiration.

Not honor. I mean, that falls kind of with respect and admiration.

Not in the dumpster. I owe you 50 bucks.

Not in the dumpster. I owe you 50 bucks.

Not interested. Pass.

Not really.

Not really.

Nothing. It wasn't anything.

Nothing. It wasn't anything.

Now do it.

Now do the dance!

Now do the dance!

Now I know why the coat check girl didn't like me.

Now what's gonna happen, I'm going to pull this out,

Now what's gonna happen, I'm going to pull this out,

Now, please welcome back

Now, see, this is that future shit I'm talking about.

Now, see, this is that future shit I'm talking about.

Now, we got a show to do, boys! So start fucking!

Now, we got a show to do, boys! So start fucking!

Numero Lou no!

Obviously not the direction of the song, right?

Of the road rage incident

Of the road rage incident

Oh, come... Come on!

Oh, fuck this guy and his riddles!

Oh, fuck this guy and his riddles!

Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Oh, fuck, I'm gonna drop you!

Oh, fuck, I'm gonna drop you!

Oh, fuck! My wedding!

Oh, fuck! My wedding!

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fucking bottle service.

Oh, fucking bottle service.

Oh, God, I take it back! I take it back!

Oh, God, I take it back! I take it back!

Oh, God, I'm so good at that!

Oh, God, I'm so good at that!

Oh, God! Oh, God!

Oh, God! Oh, God!

Oh, God! Oh, my God!

Oh, God! Oh, my God!

Oh, God! Oh, my God!

Oh, God. I can't believe that son of a bitch stole my idea.

Oh, God. I can't believe that son of a bitch stole my idea.

Oh, hell, no!

Oh, hell, no!

Oh, hey, a friend of mine's some sort a big shot over at Lougle.

Oh, hey, a friend of mine's some sort a big shot over at Lougle.

Oh, hey, I'm sure you're sick of this,

Oh, I didn't tell you.

Oh, I didn't tell you.

Oh, I don't know about you guys, but I feel way better.

Oh, I don't know about you guys, but I feel way better.

Oh, I had to throw him out, like I always do.

Oh, I had to throw him out, like I always do.

Oh, I keep forgetting you guys know Brad.

Oh, I keep forgetting you guys know Brad.

Oh, I should shave this, right?

Oh, I should shave this, right?

Oh, I walked right into that one. Literally.

Oh, I walked right into that one. Literally.

Oh, like that would be the craziest fucking thing

Oh, like that would be the craziest fucking thing

Oh, look at that. Force field.

Oh, look at that. Force field.

Oh, my God, it's you.

Oh, my God, right.

Oh, my God, right.

Oh, my God, right.

Oh, my God, the cocktail waitress was wrong.

Oh, my God, the cocktail waitress was wrong.

Oh, my God, you guys. This is aws.

Oh, my God, you guys. This is aws.

Oh, my God! Fuckin' A! You're Nick Webber, man!

Oh, my God! Fuckin'A! You're Nick Webber, man!

Oh, my God. I can't believe Nick Webber knows

Oh, my God. I can't believe Nick Webber knows

Oh, my God. Jacob Dorchen and Nick Webber?

Oh, my God. Jacob Dorchen and Nick Webber?

Oh, no, no, no. I'm actually kind of on the job tonight.

Oh, no, no, no. I'm...

Oh, okay.

Oh, okay.

Oh, really? Because you seem to have stepped right into my life.

Oh, really? Because you seem to have stepped right into my life.

Oh, really? Still fighting, huh?

Oh, really? Still fighting, huh?

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit! No. Brad. No, you?

Oh, shit! Shit! Susan, look, turn around.

Oh, shit! Shit! Susan, look, turn around.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Shit. Look, look, look!

Oh, shit. Shit. Look, look, look!

Oh, so sorry. Wrong room.

Oh, so sorry. Wrong room.

Oh, stop it. You're gonna make milk come out of my nose.

Oh, stop it. You're gonna make milk come out of my nose.

Oh, that's actually not bad.

Oh, that's actually not bad.

Oh, the other thing.

Oh, the other thing.

Oh, this is a great call.

Oh, this is a great call.

Oh, this is some stupid shit.

Oh, this is some stupid shit.

Oh, this is totally normal.

Oh, this is totally normal.

Oh, this room is so much better than the other room.

Oh, this room is so much better than the other room.

Oh, wow. Look at you.

Oh, wow. Look at you.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. And animals eat people, it's all the same.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. And animals eat people, it's all the same.

Oh, you don't remember Llama v. Ferguson?

Oh, you don't remember Llama v. Ferguson?

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! (CHUCKLES)

Oh! Oh, Well...

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Hmm.

Oh. Hmm.

Oh. My nametag.

Oh. My nametag.

Oh. So, Nick, listen, I was so sorry to hear about you and Courtney.

Oh. So, Nick, listen, I was so sorry to hear about you and Courtney.

Oh. Uh...

Oh. Uh...

Oh. Well, my mom used to live near here,

Oh. Well, my mom used to live near here,

Oh...

Oh...

Okay, be nice.

Okay, be nice.

Okay, but it is a sound investment this time.

Okay, but it is a sound investment this time.

Okay, bye, honey

Okay, bye, honey

Okay, Choozy Doozy is my favorite show.

Okay, Choozy Doozy is my favorite show.

Okay, first of all, this isn't a tuxedo,

Okay, first of all, this isn't a tuxedo,

Okay, I don't really give a shit.

Okay, I don't really give a shit.

Okay, I get it, man, I get it. I get it. I'm a loser.

Okay, I get it, man, I get it. I get it. I'm a loser.

Okay, I get it. I get it.

Okay, I'm always going to be a loser. I'm not like you guys.

Okay, if this is the most popular show,

Okay, if this is the most popular show,

Okay, just laying it all out there.

Okay, just laying it all out there.

Okay, load 'em up!

Okay, load 'em up!

Okay, now...

Okay, now...

Okay, okay, okay. All right. I'm fine.

Okay, okay, okay. All right. I'm fine.

Okay, okay. Looks like you're hungry for an idea.

Okay, okay. Looks like you're hungry for an idea.

Okay, shut up. I'm at Choozy Doozy.

Okay, so what now?

Okay, so what now?

Okay, so you're married to my aunt, which makes you my uncle.

Okay, sure, I thought about it.

Okay, sure, I thought about it.

Okay, this has gone on long enough.

Okay, this has gone on long enough.

Okay, this is becoming a bit of a hygiene issue.

Okay, this is becoming a bit of a hygiene issue.

Okay, we'll tell you. We'll tell him.

Okay, we'll tell you. We'll tell him.

Okay, yeah.

Okay, you're sick. You made your point.

Okay, you're sick. You made your point.

Okay! Enough!

Okay! Well, there's a 50 50 chance I might murder your dad,

Okay! Well, there's a 50 50 chance I might murder your dad,

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. (GIGGLES)

Okay. (GRUNTS)

Okay. (GRUNTS)

Okay. Here's the thing, Soph,

Okay. Here's the thing, Soph,

Okay. I don't think it actually works that way.

Okay. I love you.

Okay. It's now or never.

Okay. It's now or never.

Okay. Someone needs to find a chill out tent.

Okay. Someone needs to find a chill out tent.

Okay. Well, I have to find Jill.

Okay. Well, I have to find Jill.

Okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa...

Okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa...

Okay. You're right. I apologize.

Okay. You're right. I apologize.

On a completely different timeline.

On a completely different timeline.

One word, Nick. Fucking amazing...

One...

Only in our fucked up social circle is that textbook.

Only in our fucked up social circle is that textbook.

Ooh, the Electric...

Ooh, the Electric...

Ooh! Very scary!

Opened. Okay.

Or at least arrest someone.

Or at least arrest someone.

Or just did anything, just the two of us?

Or just did anything, just the two of us?

Or we can just go to a strip club. (GASPS)

Or we don't have to do any of that

Others have found new dreams to chase.

Others have found new dreams to chase.

Our competitors, Lycos and GeoCities, are crushing us.

Our competitors, Lycos and GeoCities, are crushing us.

Our nitro was missing because it didn't exist yet.

Our nitro was missing because it didn't exist yet.

Our studio audience will have the opportunity

Our Three Musketeer posse.

Our Three Musketeer posse.

Over here! This guy!

Over here! This guy!

Part of the scale.

Part of the scale.

Patriot Lou.

Patriot Lou.

Peeking its dick around a corner, snatch it!

Peeking its dick around a corner, snatch it!

Penis Court is now in session!

Penis Court is now in session!

People would love to see the Strut in person.

Place.

Place.

Plainly, just by virtue of Lou being here alive in 2025

Plainly, just by virtue of Lou being here alive in 2025

Please help me welcome back to the stage, musical sensation,

Please help me welcome back to the stage, musical sensation,

Please.

Please.

Please.

Please.

Plenty of truths and more than one dare!

Plenty of truths and more than one dare!

Pm a god!

Poindexter

Poindexter

Pop some bottles? Do some crazy future shit?

Pop some bottles? Do some crazy future shit?

President Neil Patrick Harris has called

Pristine lot. You can build an office tower,

Promoting her Meryl Streep biopic, Streepin' It Real.

Promoting her Meryl Streep biopic, Streepin' It Real.

Prove it.

Prove it.

Put it down! What do you want, a round of applause?

Put it down! What do you want, a round of applause?

Put your arms up for a sec, like that.

Put your arms up for a sec, like that.

Quick juggling and make some fucking drinks!

Ready for another dip?

Ready for another dip?

Really slow!

Really slow!

Really turned it all around.

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really? Would a six year old say that?

Relax. Relax. It's just like baby aspirin.

Relax. Relax. It's just like baby aspirin.

Remember why you fell in love.

Remember why you fell in love.

Remember, we agreed?

Remember, we agreed?

Respect?

Respect?

Right in the middle of that future

Right in the middle of that future

Right on, Liz. Give the pretty lady a flower.

Right on, Liz. Give the pretty lady a flower.

Right, but, I mean, we can't go because we have to solve his murder.

Right, right.

Right, right.

Right, right.

Right? It's fucking awesome.

Right? On this special occasion,

Right? On this special occasion,

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right. Throwing some football.

Right. Throwing some football.

Say some more stuff! Say something else!

Scat!

Scat!

Seemed to kick start their lives into high gear.

Seemed to kick start their lives into high gear.

Separate service, different intensity.

Separate service, different intensity.

Seriously. Thank you, Dad.

Seriously. Thank you, Dad.

Shit got bad, Lou.

Shit got bad, Lou.

Shit! It's bad! Somebody call an ambulance!

Shit! It's bad! Somebody call an ambulance!

Shit.

Shit.

Shitty Parenting for Dummies is a solid idea.

Shitty Parenting for Dummies is a solid idea.

Should we go somewhere more private?

Show planned for you tonight.

Show planned for you tonight.

Show?

Show?

Shut up! How does it work?

Shut up! How does it work?

Since it happened in the future,

Since it happened in the future,

Six years ago, see where it all began.

Six years ago, see where it all began.

Slowly.

So clearly, someone from 2025 will go back in time and shoot Lou.

So clearly, someone from 2025 will go back in time and shoot Lou.

So come on, it's a party, right?

So come on, it's a party, right?

So far so good on this future shit, huh?

So far so good on this future shit, huh?

So I don't have to talk to you.

So I figured we'd go by her old building and see if we can find a clue.

So I figured we'd go by her old building and see if we can find a clue.

So I guess you came here in hot tub time machine, too.

So I think what that means is the killer is from the future.

So I think what that means is the killer is from the future.

So I'm really trying to take it easy.

So I'm really trying to take it easy.

So if you have a reunion speech,

So if you have a reunion speech,

So it was just like... (BLOWS RASPBERRY)

So it was just like... (BLOWS RASPBERRY)

So Lou is killed in our present,

So Lou is killed in our present,

So the chooser picks a new doozer.

So the chooser picks a new doozer.

So they're traveling to the lowest part of his body,

So they're traveling to the lowest part of his body,

So this is him, right? This is my dad?

So this is him, right? This is my dad?

So what that tells me is

So what that tells me is

So why doesn't Uncle Lou give you guys a little taste, huh?

So why have any fun tonight at all?

So you can beat to death the mystical time baron

So you can beat to death the mystical time baron

So you can't even say well without paying me money.

So you can't even say well without paying me money.

So you can't fuck anyone else's wife!

So you could meet her in the past.

So you could meet her in the past.

So you didn't murder me?

So you didn't murder me?

So you just created your own killer.

So you just created your own killer.

So you never met him?

So you weren't gonna go back to 2015 and shoot him in the dick.

So you weren't gonna go back to 2015 and shoot him in the dick.

So, are you boys coming up or what?

So, are you boys coming up or what?

So, by now you've all seen the NSA satellite footage

So, by now you've all seen the NSA satellite footage

So, nitro is from the future?

So, nitro is from the future?

So, who is he?

So, who is he?

Some curious news out of the tech sector today.

Some curious news out of the tech sector today.

Some of us have achieved our dreams.

Somebody finds it, reverse engineers that shit. Boom!

Somebody finds it, reverse engineers that shit. Boom!

Somebody's grumpy 'cause they got murdered.

Someone sounds like he wants the Electric Ladybug.

Someone sounds like he wants the Electric Ladybug.

Something like that. More of a strut.

Sometimes I wish I could just...

Sometimes I wish I could just...

Sometimes it's even guy on girl.

Sometimes it's even guy on girl.

Sophie has a surprise for me.

Sophie has a surprise for me.

SOPHIE: Hey, you.

SOPHIE: Hey, you.

Sorry, my mistake.

Sorry, my mistake.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sounds like it.

Sounds like it.

Start making things right.

Start making things right.

Stay blue.

Stay blue.

Stay with me. Look at me. Look at me.

Stick him! Stick him!

Still haven't found my killer, and there's a car trying to run me down.

Still haven't found my killer, and there's a car trying to run me down.

Stop singing the song!

Stop singing the song!

Stop smiling!

Stop smiling!

Stop, Lou!

Susan, I promise it's not a dick and balls this time.

Susan, I promise it's not a dick and balls this time.

Take my inspiration from a lot of artists.

Take my inspiration from a lot of artists.

Take that dick?

Take that dick?

Tech company in the world?

Technically, you all aren't married yet,

Ten fucking years! It was a bitch to make, dude!

Ten fucking years! It was a bitch to make, dude!

Ten years of my life.

Ten years of my life.

Terminator.

Terminator.

Terminators running all around this motherfucker.

Terminators running all around this motherfucker.

Textbook.

Textbook.

Than the future of this present?

Thank you very much for that, Gill!

Thank you very much for that, Gill!

Thank you, Jacob, for making sure we don't starve to death.

Thank you, Jacob, for making sure we don't starve to death.

Thank you. And popping bottles, that's old school.

Thank you. And popping bottles, that's old school.

Thank you. Well, it's for our...

Thank you. Well, it's for our...

Thanks for holding him down for me!

Thanks for holding him down for me!

That baby was Superman, Jacob!

That baby was Superman, Jacob!

That car tried to run me down on purpose.

That car tried to run me down on purpose.

That coat check girl is rude.

That doesn't sound like Adam.

That everything that you've experienced and said up to this point is just a fraud?

That everything that you've experienced and said up to this point is just a fraud?

That happen to make him a bunch of money. That's it.

That happen to make him a bunch of money. That's it.

That happens to be in a playground.

That happens to be in a playground.

That holds the keys to our very existence?

That holds the keys to our very existence?

That I was supposed to go on that trip, huh?

That I was supposed to go on that trip, huh?

That I'd helped him place there.

That is the laziest thing I've ever heard.

That is the laziest thing I've ever heard.

That it would change the fabric of our existence? I couldn't.

That Jacuzzi time machine thing, is that real?

That Jacuzzi time machine thing, is that real?

That Lougle cannot continue down this path.

That Lougle cannot continue down this path.

That means in a minute, Lou's going to

That means in a minute, Lou's going to

That parade was the single greatest moment of my life.

That parade was the single greatest moment of my life.

That pesky little doggie eat it?

That pesky little doggie eat it?

That ruins the whole street.

That ruins the whole street.

That shit happened.

That shit happened.

That smells like hatred.

That smells like hatred.

That the past is actually the future of the present we're in right now.

That the past is actually the future of the present we're in right now.

That there is a force or something holding the strings

That was me.

That you're wearing back here in the studio!

That you're wearing back here in the studio!

That's 10,000 volts of electricity coursing through the suits

That's 10,000 volts of electricity coursing through the suits

That's a good looking dick to me!

That's a good one.

That's a good one.

That's a lot of juice!

That's a lot of juice!

That's all right. It was a stressful situation.

That's all right. It was a stressful situation.

That's anecdotal evidence.

That's anecdotal evidence.

That's awesome!

That's bullshit, okay?

That's bullshit, okay?

That's ever happened to us. That car's an asshole.

That's fair to say, right?

That's fair to say, right?

That's hilarious. Why would I kill you? I love you, man.

That's hilarious. Why would I kill you? I love you, man.

That's how we got nitro?

That's how we got nitro?

That's it.

That's it.

That's just the plot of that movie National Treasure.

That's just the plot of that movie National Treasure.

That's my butler.

That's my butt!

That's my butt!

That's not the only me. You think you're the only you?

That's Raiders of the Lost Ark. You're not even tryin'.

That's right.

That's so 2018.

That's some sexy ass future shit right there.

That's what it is.

That's what it is.

That's what uncles do, right?

That's what uncles do, right?

That's your fucking plan here?

That's your fucking plan here?

That's... Who would do that?

That's... Who would do that?

The best idea shall prevail.

The bowels evacuate

The bowels evacuate

The car's not an asshole. You're an asshole.

The dancing clown.

The dancing clown.

The drugs, the constant partying.

The fuck are you still doing here?

The honorable Judge Lou Dorchen presiding.

The honorable Judge Lou Dorchen presiding.

The host of the show, Britt McShasaucey!

The host of the show, Britt McShasaucey!

The hot tub doesn't take you where you want to go.

The hot tub doesn't take you where you want to go.

The lyrics I made up were original.

The man who will apparently do anything

The nanobots are attacking the narcotics.

The nanobots are attacking the narcotics.

The new element invented by Brad Syed of Lougle Labs,

The new element invented by Brad Syed of Lougle Labs,

The only person who's ever had any motivation

The only person who's ever had any motivation

The past, the future. All very cute.

The past, the future. All very cute.

The Silicon Valley of the South.

The sooner you choke to death on it, the sooner I get all this.

The sooner you choke to death on it, the sooner I get all this.

The universe has to offer at our fingertips

The universe has to offer at our fingertips

The Webber...

The Wink.

The Wink.

Then it exists here in the future.

Then it exists here in the future.

Then she probably saw it.

Then she probably saw it.

Then you tell them to go fuck themselves.

Then you tell them to go fuck themselves.

There are certain calculations and innovations

There are certain calculations and innovations

There is a maniac trying to kill me.

There is a maniac trying to kill me.

There was no such thing as nitrotrinadium

There was no such thing as nitrotrinadium

There you are.

There you are.

There's a ton of yous out there.

There's Daddy, Where Are You Going?

There's Daddy, Where Are You Going?

There's definitely fucking semen in that.

There's definitely fucking semen in that.

There's definitely semen in that.

There's definitely semen in that.

There's Mommy, I'm Drowning,

There's Mommy, I'm Drowning,

There's no one driving that car.

There's no one driving that car.

There's Winkle.

There's Winkle.

There's, um, Building Explosion.

There's, um, Building Explosion.

They're, like, picking dicks out of a tree.

Think that'll hold you till later?

Think your old man can get in on a little of this action? Or...

Think your old man can get in on a little of this action? Or...

This fucking guy again!

This fucking guy again!

This is a fuck you to my fiance!

This is a fuck you to my fiance!

This is a morning suit. It's way more casual.

This is a morning suit. It's way more casual.

This is a show that families enjoy.

This is Celebrity Choozy Doozy!

This is Celebrity Choozy Doozy!

This is dedicated to those who never got to be,

This is dedicated to those who never got to be,

This is different.

This is different.

This is getting a little dark.

This is getting a little dark.

This is going to get complicated.

This is gonna get worse before it gets better.

This is gonna get worse before it gets better.

This is my favorite part!

This is my house.

This is so smooth, I don't think I went bald.

This is so smooth, I don't think I went bald.

This is the best day of my life.

This is the best day of my life.

This is The Daily Show with Jessica Williams.

This is the number one show in the nation.

This is the number one show in the nation.

This is time.

This is time.

This is who I've become, isn't it?

This is your revenge to take. Okay?

This is... This is a private party.

This isn't good. She's never late. Ever.

This me is great. Take it from me.

This me is great. Take it from me.

This one was bad.

This one's mine.

This show's still got it.

This show's still got it.

This thing is awesome.

This thing is awesome.

Tighten your shit up, Lou. We needed him.

Tighten your shit up, Lou. We needed him.

To become the very definition of a rock god.

To build the most innovative, forward thinking

To challenge you to specific tasks.

To challenge you to specific tasks.

To have my father at the wedding.

To have my father at the wedding.

To keep his shitty career going.

To kill me has been me.

To kill me has been me.

To making Lou Dorchen's vision a reality.

To where?

To where?

Today's my birthday, by the way.

Today's my birthday, by the way.

Tonight's guest, Dame Jennifer Lawrence

Tonight's guest, Dame Jennifer Lawrence

Too bad the tub is gone.

Too bad the tub is gone.

Too bad.

Too bad.

Try to stay with me.

Turn around, right now! Susan, quick, quick, quick!

Turn around, right now! Susan, quick, quick, quick!

Two...

Two...

Uh oh! Electric Ladybug, huh?

Uh oh.

Uh oh.

Uh oh.

Uh, fucked his wife. A tiny bit! A tiny bit.

Uh, fucked his wife. A tiny bit! A tiny bit.

Uh, I don't want to fuck a dude.

Uh, me and Jill, not me and you guys.

Uh, me and Jill, not me and you guys.

Uh, MMMBop, triple platinum.

Uh, Mr. Dorchen, could we get this board meeting started?

Uh, so you guys are my dad's full on bros, huh?

Uh, was that book a dictionary?

Uh, was that book a dictionary?

Um, hmm...

Um, hmm...

Um, people are shooting each other. I'm getting out of here.

Um, people are shooting each other. I'm getting out of here.

Unbelievable!

Unbelievable!

Uncle by marriage!

Uncle by marriage!

Uncle Lou.

Uncle Lou.

Up until yesterday, I thought I had a normal life.

Up until yesterday, I thought I had a normal life.

Use time travel for more important reasons.

Wait a second. Nick?

Wait a second. Nick?

Wait for me. You, uh,

Wait, are you saying that time travel is not even possible?

Wait, hold on! Stop, stop, stop!

Wait, hold on! Stop, stop, stop!

Wait, how did you find us?

Wait, how did you find us?

Wait, who said anything about a dress?

Wait, who said anything about a dress?

Wait, why are you alive?

Wait, why are you alive?

Wait! Don't go with Adam!

Wait! Don't go with Adam!

Wait.

Wait.

Wait. So you are the inventor of time travel.

Wait. So you are the inventor of time travel.

Wait... Hey, hey, Lou, what do you think about,

Wait... Hey, hey, Lou, what do you think about,

Was it delicious?

Was it delicious?

Was it... Was it something you did?

Was it... Was it something you did?

Was that the Cincinnati box?

Was that the Cincinnati box?

Was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Wassup, man?

We can help put the U back in Reuvenate.

We can help put the U back in Reuvenate.

We did it in front of the mirror.

We did it in front of the mirror.

We did it, guys! We got to the crossroads!

We did it, guys! We got to the crossroads!

We do the best that we can.

We do the best that we can.

We found our mini cake bites.

We found our mini cake bites.

We get blackout drunk, we hallucinate,

We get blackout drunk, we hallucinate,

We get ourselves some Al Michaels' Revenge, right?

We got a murder to solve here, huh?

We got a murder to solve here, huh?

We got a whole vault of nitro right here. (GASPS)

We got a whole vault of nitro right here. (GASPS)

We got to find your murderer.

We got to find your murderer.

We gotta go back in time and stop the killer before he shoots Lou.

We gotta go back in time and stop the killer before he shoots Lou.

We gotta make America happen, bro.

We gotta make America happen, bro.

We have Nick Webber along with his pal, Lou Dorchen!

We have Nick Webber along with his pal, Lou Dorchen!

We have that. Even that retarded Venn diagram

We have that. Even that retarded Venn diagram

We need Adam and he's not here.

We need Adam and he's not here.

We need to change people's lives.

We party till we want to kill ourselves. My dad did it.

We put a big dryer in so we don't have to time travel naked.

We put a big dryer in so we don't have to time travel naked.

We turned to high school pal, Gary Winkle.

We wake up back in time.

We'll give him more time.

We'll give him more time.

We'll go all the places that we never got to go, okay?

We'll go all the places that we never got to go, okay?

We'll solve my stupid murder, which hasn't happened yet.

We'll solve my stupid murder, which hasn't happened yet.

We're getting married this weekend.

We're getting married this weekend.

We're here to stop his future murder.

We're here to stop his future murder.

We're in a completely different future

We're in a completely different future

We're on a mission to save your life.

We're on the it's never, ever going to happen

We're on the It's never, ever going to happen

We're still demonizing addiction, huh? Like it's some kind of sickness.

We're still demonizing addiction, huh? Like it's some kind of sickness.

We're too late. We just missed him.

We're too late. We just missed him.

We've been together for 10 years. He hardly ever goes out.

We've been together for 10 years. He hardly ever goes out.

We've grown quite a bit over the years, haven't we?

We've grown quite a bit over the years, haven't we?

Welcome to our show! We got a very, very exciting

Welcome to our show! We got a very, very exciting

Welcome to The Wink!

Welcome to The Wink!

Well, as much of it as I could remember.

Well, clearly, he's not fuckin' dead,

Well, clearly, he's not fuckin' dead,

Well, I guess bestiality.

Well, I guess bestiality.

Well, I mean, he's your dad. Honor, maybe?

Well, I mean, he's your dad. Honor, maybe?

Well, I'm going to do that. So, first... And then...

Well, I'm going to do that. So, first... And then...

Well, if it's a Shitty Parent's Handbook,

Well, Lou, as you know, with Choozy Doozy...

Well, Lou, as you know, with Choozy Doozy...

Well, maybe it's not a big deal to you,

Well, that hardly seems like the lowest part of his body.

Well, that hardly seems like the lowest part of his body.

Well, that was exciting.

Well, that's why I moved us to New Orleans, Brad,

Well, that's why I moved us to New Orleans, Brad,

Well, then,

Well, then,

Well, then,

Well, yeah, clearly I have a problem with this show.

Well, yeah, clearly I have a problem with this show.

Well...

Well...

Weren't you listening to my speech, dude?

Weren't you listening to my speech, dude?

What am I supposed to fucking knock on?

What am I supposed to fucking knock on?

What are the, uh, house rules here?

What are these? I don't care.

What are these? I don't care.

What are we gonna do?

What are we gonna do?

What are you doing? What are you doing?

What are you doing? What are you doing?

What are you selling, Gary?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? I love you, man. (CHUCKLES)

What are you talking about? I love you, man. (CHUCKLES)

What did I keep saying? Protect the ears.

What did I keep saying? Protect the ears.

What did you do with my nitro?

What did you do with my nitro?

What did you do?

What did you do?

What do you mean, poor?

What do you mean, poor?

What do you say we kick this day in the pants

What do you say we kick this day in the pants

What do you say we kick this day in the pants

What do you think about doing a 12 step program with me?

What do you think about doing a 12 step program with me?

What do you think?

What do you want?

What do you want?

What do you want?

What do you... What do you mean?

What do you... What do you mean?

What does this remind you of?

What does this remind you of?

What does your son's penis taste like?

What does your son's penis taste like?

What exactly is this?

What exactly is this?

What happened to the bottom of your suit?

What happened to the bottom of your suit?

What happens? Do we get waffles?

What happens? Do we get waffles?

What I would do is spike his morning cocktail with a potent sedative

What I would do is spike his morning cocktail with a potent sedative

What if that car's my murderer?

What if that car's my murderer?

What is that, exactly?

What is that?

What is that?

What is the big deal

What it means is, at the present, your tub here is just a tub.

What kind of brush is that? Is that rabbit fur?

What kind of brush is that? Is that rabbit fur?

What the fuck is this? ls Adam here?

What the fuck is this? ls Adam here?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What the fuck? Lou...

What the hell does that mean?

What the hell does that mean?

What was with that crazy phone call last night?

What was with that crazy phone call last night?

What you gonna do with that?

What you gonna do with that?

What you should be asking yourselves is,

What you should be asking yourselves is,

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? No love for Gary Winkle?

What? No love for Gary Winkle?

What? What?

What? What?

What? Yes! See?

What? Yes! See?

What... I'm sorry, what exactly is that?

What... I'm sorry, what exactly is that?

What... Oh, God forbid a couple of friends

What... Oh, God forbid a couple of friends

What're you doing? You up in heaven? Raping angels?

What're you doing? You up in heaven? Raping angels?

What's going on?

What's going on?

What's going on?

What's going on? Lou!

What's happening to him?

What's he do... What's he just doing there like this?

What's he do... What's he just doing there like this?

What's he doing here?

What's he doing here?

What's up?

What's up?

What's your name, sir?

Whatever. I'm over this.

When the body dies. Oh.

When we were carrying you after you got shot,

When we were carrying you after you got shot,

When you see something you like, you make your selection,

When you see something you like, you make your selection,

When your dad gave me the idea for it 10 years ago.

When your dad gave me the idea for it 10 years ago.

Where are me and you right now on a scale of, like,

Where does it say in the Shitty Parent's Handbook to treat your son like shit?

Where does it say in the Shitty Parent's Handbook to treat your son like shit?

Where have you been?

Where have you been?

Where the hell is he?

Where the hell is he?

Where they'll harden and expand.

Where they'll harden and expand.

Where'd it go? Where did it go?

Where'd it go? Where did it go?

Where's Jacob?

Where's Jacob?

Where's my hair? It's where my power lies.

Where's my hair? It's where my power lies.

Which means that here, in the future,

Which means that here, in the future,

While congressional Republicans defend every sentient automobile's

While congressional Republicans defend every sentient automobile's

Who burst onto the world stage out of nowhere

Who cares? Who needs him? I don't need him.

Who fucked Lex Luthor.

Who fucked Lex Luthor.

Who gives a shit? What can I get you?

Who had a couple of great ideas

Who had a couple of great ideas

Who had the idea of this man fornicating with a gentleman?

Who had the idea of this man fornicating with a gentleman?

Who have been taken for granted.

Who have been taken for granted.

Who in the future would want to kill you, Lou?

Who in the future would want to kill you, Lou?

Who is this?

Who let you in here?

Who let you in here?

Who shot you?

Who the fuck is Kevin Yardley?

Who the fuck is Kevin Yardley?

Who the fuck's wearing a tuxedo?

Who the fuck's wearing a tuxedo?

Who will the lucky winner be?

Who will the lucky winner be?

Who...

Who...

Who's a nerd now, motherfuckers, huh?

Whoa! Nobody got ****d.

Whoa! Nobody got ****d.

Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa...

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa. Where'd that come from?

Whoa. Where'd that come from?

Whoever the fuck that is.

Whoever the fuck that is.

Whoo!

Whoo!

Why am I bald?

Why are all these people here? Are we having another seance?

Why are all these people here? Are we having another seance?

Why are you alive? We're in the future.

Why are you alive? We're in the future.

Why are you alive? We're in the future.

Why are you down there, stupid fuck?

Why are you more handsome?

Why are you more handsome?

Why aren't you fucking that doggie?

Why can't I take it off for 24 hours?

Why can't I take it off for 24 hours?

Why did my dad just kill Lou?

Why did my dad just kill Lou?

Why didn't I blow off steam? I have steam to blow off.

Why didn't I blow off steam? I have steam to blow off.

Why do I have to pretend to be your butler?

Why do I have to pretend to be your butler?

Why do you do that?

Why do you do that?

Why don't you just write her a Josh Groban song?

Why don't you just write her a Josh Groban song?

Why would Adam wanna shoot you?

Why would Adam wanna shoot you?

Why would I be fucking the dog?

Why would I be fucking the dog?

Why would that book exist?

Why would that book exist?

Will you cover for me?

Will you cover for me?

Will you just keep an eye on him?

Will you just keep an eye on him?

With good food and a pool and classy people.

With good food and a pool and classy people.

With predestiny, it dictates

With predestiny, it dictates

With specifically heated water in a specialized basin,

With specifically heated water in a specialized basin,

With the two of you boys sleeping together?

With the two of you boys sleeping together?

Wondering where you ran off to, but here you are.

Wondering where you ran off to, but here you are.

Worth 2.3 billion dollars,

Worth 2.3 billion dollars,

Worth 2.3 billion dollars, introducing

Would be like and now... Now I totally know.

Would be like and now... Now I totally know.

Would do it any differently. Am I right?

Would do it any differently. Am I right?

Would you go find your murderer?

Would you go find your murderer?

Would you guys mind? It would be really, really great

Would you guys mind? It would be really, really great

Would you mind your own fucking beeswax?

Would you mind your own fucking beeswax?

Would you please do the Webber Strut?

Would you please do the Webber Strut?

Wouldn't it be, like, the theme of the whole book?

Wow, they're really good at your dance.

Wow!

Wow! That was good TV.

Wow! That was good TV.

Yahoo? What's Yahoo?

Yahoo? What's Yahoo?

Yay.

Yeah, do the dance.

Yeah, do the dance.

Yeah, exactly. If I had a dime for every time

Yeah, I guess a six year old would say that.

Yeah, I know just the guy. He loves this show.

Yeah, I know that you do. You're the biggest fuck up I know.

Yeah, I know that you do. You're the biggest fuck up I know.

Yeah, I think I can probably make it.

Yeah, I think I can probably make it.

Yeah, I think so, too, Lou. Thanks.

Yeah, I think so, too, Lou. Thanks.

Yeah, I'm sure.

Yeah, I'm sure.

Yeah, in so many ways. But, listen,

Yeah, in so many ways. But, listen,

Yeah, it's a smart car.

Yeah, it's a smart car.

Yeah, man. Hang out with us, that kind of shit happens all the time.

Yeah, man. Hang outwith us, that kind of shit happens all the time.

Yeah, of course. There's Toddler In The Wild,

Yeah, that's not a good look.

Yeah, that's not a good look.

Yeah, we should get that show cancelled.

Yeah, we should get that show cancelled.

Yeah, well, that's not going to happen.

Yeah, well, that's not going to happen.

Yeah, what the fuck?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you know what? He's right.

Yeah, you know what? He's right.

Yeah, you're getting married for the rest of your life,

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. A lot of highs and lows here.

Yeah. A lot of highs and lows here.

Yeah. Brad, do your thing.

Yeah. Brad, do your thing.

Yeah. Crazy, right?

Yeah. Crazy, right?

Yeah. It's like Lawnmower Man.

Yeah. It's like Lawnmower Man.

Yeah. See, the thing about that is, it's complicated.

Yeah. See, the thing about that is, it's complicated.

Yeah. Sure you did, buddy.

Yeah. They've never seen Back to the Future.

Yeah. Virtual.

Yeah. Virtual.

Yeah. We normally give Tylenol for that.

Yeah. We normally give Tylenol for that.

Yeah. What's so funny?

Yeah. What's so funny?

Yeah. You guys gotta come with me.

Yeah. You guys gotta come with me.

Yeah. You know what?

Yeah. You know what?

Yes, yes, yes, yes! Come on!

Yes, yes, yes, yes! Come on!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. Yes, I am.

Yes. Yes, I am.

You always wanted to be the one fucking that tiger!

You always wanted to be the one fucking that tiger!

You are my butler.

You blew half of Pittsburgh before your bachelorette party.

You blew half of Pittsburgh before your bachelorette party.

You bringing that back?

You can call me Uncle Lou now.

You can call me Uncle Lou now.

You can hurt my feelings, okay?

You can hurt my feelings, okay?

You can't fix anything.

You can't fix anything.

You choose it, you dooze it.

You choose it, you dooze it.

You do.

You do.

You don't have the energy for this?

You don't have the energy for this?

You don't have to touch it that hard.

You don't know but you think you know

You don't know but you think you know

You don't know what you're doing. You're going to die!

You don't know, but you will

You don't look anything like either of those two people.

You don't look anything like either of those two people.

You don't remember calling me and telling me that you were a god?

You don't remember calling me and telling me that you were a god?

You ever wish we could go back for one more dip?

You ever wish we could go back for one more dip?

You fucked me, Lou.

You fucked me, Lou.

You fucked my whole life.

You fucked my whole life.

You get the elements necessary for time travel!

You got a tuft of hair coming out your crack.

You got a tuft of hair coming out your crack.

You got your hand on my penis!

You got your hand on my penis!

You gotta choose someone, Lou.

You gotta choose someone, Lou.

You gotta let Adam go.

You guys are gonna think this is hilarious.

You guys are hilarious.

You guys are hilarious.

You guys should absolutely come to my wedding.

You guys should absolutely come to my wedding.

You guys, last night,

You guys, last night,

You have no idea.

You have two things, a record and a fucking nickname.

You have two things, a record and a fucking nickname.

You just described my whole entire life.

You just described my whole entire life.

You just flickered.

You just flickered.

You just learned a valuable life lesson.

You just learned a valuable life lesson.

You just mentioned, it exists.

You just mentioned, it exists.

You know what I got that weekend?

You know what I mean?

You know what I'm talking about, huh?

You know what, Adam, I thought about it.

You know what, I feel like we are going to have an unforgettably...

You know what, I feel like we are going to have an unforgettably...

You know what? Dealer's choice.

You know what? Fuck it. Fuck it.

You know what? I'll give you the first punch, huh?

You know what? I'll give you the first punch, huh?

You know what? I'm coming down, too! Yay!

You know, all Dorchen men end up on a roof

You know, all Dorchen men end up on a roof

You know, I bet...

You know, I bet...

You know, I couldn't, unless I had some sort of...

You know, I couldn't, unless I had some sort of...

You know, I just have to tell you, I really love this song so much.

You know, I just have to tell you, I really love this song so much.

You know, in her vagina, or whatever.

You know, in her vagina, or whatever.

You know, in her vagina, or whatever.

You know, it's, like, kind of sweet.

You know, it's, like, kind of sweet.

You know, like, go to an awesome rehab

You know, tweak some things?

You know, tweak some things?

You know, you're not gonna be super welcome there,

You know, you're not gonna be super welcome there,

You look exactly like a butler.

You look exactly like a butler.

You look like a grown up Gerber baby.

You look like a grown up Gerber baby.

You look like a ******* Jason Statham.

You look like a ******* Jason Statham.

You look like a pedophile dressed you.

You look like a pedophile dressed you.

You look like a turtle crawled out of his shell.

You look like a turtle crawled out of his shell.

You look like an orchestra conductor for stray cats.

You look like an orchestra conductor for stray cats.

You look like Gandalf the Poor.

You look like Gandalf the Poor.

You look like Michael Chiklis fucked Big Daddy Warbucks,

You look like Michael Chiklis fucked Big Daddy Warbucks,

You look like the guy that owns the one house

You look like the guy that owns the one house

You look like you advise Lando Calrissian.

You look like you advise Lando Calrissian.

You look like you give lectures on public access.

You look like you've never made a correct decision.

You look like you've never made a correct decision.

You look like...

You look like...

You look like...

You look like... Kevin Yardley!

You mean Baby Superman? That baby was Superman.

You mean Baby Superman? That baby was Superman.

You need a car, one shows up.

You need a car, one shows up.

You not buying that land

You okay, buddy?

You okay, buddy?

You Okay?

You okay?

You Oughta Know. Feelin' Like Teen Spirit.

You Oughta Know. Feelin' Like Teen Spirit.

You put your whole mouth inside your son's jerk off machine.

You put your whole mouth inside your son's jerk off machine.

You saw it. I'm a disaster.

You see my son? Do you know my son?

You should be dead.

You should be dead.

You sit on the couch and masturbate while playing video games,

You started an interactive porno division.

You started an interactive porno division.

You suck each other's dicks

You suck each other's dicks

You sure about that?

You sure about that?

You sure this is the right place?

You sure this is the right place?

You think everything is like Terminator.

You think everything is like Terminator.

You think I don't want to roll my dick around some cocaine,

You think she saw Choozy Doozy?

You think she saw Choozy Doozy?

You thought wrong.

You thought wrong.

You thought you had it all figured out, didn't ya?

You thought you had it all figured out, didn't ya?

You took most of the doors out and put beads up, Lou.

You took most of the doors out and put beads up, Lou.

You wanna stop your murder, figure it out yourself.

You want me to do the dance?

You want me to do the fucking dance?

You were shot in the dick in the past, remember?

You were shot in the dick in the past, remember?

You won't do the fucking song?

You won't do the fucking song?

You work his dick. Whatever.

You, too, buddy.

You'd figure after 10 years, something would be different, right?

You'd figure after 10 years, something would be different, right?

You're a fuck up, Jacob.

You're a fuck up, Jacob.

You're a fucking lunatic!

You're a fucking lunatic!

You're a fucking nerd

You're a fucking nerd

You're a fucking nerd

You're a fucking nerd

You're a fucking nerd

You're a fucking nerd

You're a fucking nerd

You're a fucking nerd

You're a fucking nerd

You're a fucking nerd

You're a fucking virus, Lou.

You're a fucking virus, Lou.

You're a great listener. I should have married you.

You're a great listener. I should have married you.

You're a monster, Lou.

You're a monster, Lou.

You're a wonderful car and I appreciate you.

You're a wonderful car and I appreciate you.

You're a wonderful car and I appreciate you.

You're a wonderful car and I appreciate you.

You're acting like it's 2010, for Christ's sakes.

You're acting like it's 2010, for Christ's sakes.

You're all a bunch of fucking morons!

You're all a bunch of fucking morons!

You're fucking crazy, Lou.

You're fucking crazy, Lou.

You're fucking Ringo!

You're fucking Ringo!

You're my chief mixologist!

You're not a good car!

You're not a good car!

You're not going down that road anymore.

You're not going down that road anymore.

You're not gonna like this.

You're not gonna like this.

You're not smart! You're just a car!

You're not smart! You're just a car!

You're really never going to tell me what's inside that box?

You're so poor now, but I really like you still.

You're so poor now, but I really like you still.

You're the one who doesn't have a rock bottom.

You're the one who doesn't have a rock bottom.

You're. My. Best. Choice.

You're. My. Best. Choice.

Youngblood, we got to figure this out.

Youngblood, we got to figure this out.

Your poor man's Macarena that you are very famous for.

Your poor man's Macarena that you are very famous for.

2025.

2025.

...Is my uncle. What?

...is my uncle. What?

...smack, whack, jack... Uh huh. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

...smack, whack, jack... Uh huh. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

(BEEPS) Yeah, well, guess what?

(BEEPS) Yeah, well, guess what?

(BRAKES SCREECH) Holy shit!

(BRAKES SCREECH) Holy shit!

(BUZZING) (GROANS)

(BUZZING) (GROANS)

(CAR BEEPS) (SIGHS)

(CAR BEEPS) (SIGHS)

(CHUCKLES) Guilty.

(CHUCKLES) Guilty.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) All we have to do is...

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) All we have to do is...

(ENGINE REVS) Okay, okay, okay! I mean it.

(GRUNTS) WOMAN: Hey!

(GRUNTS) WOMAN: Hey!

(GUNSHOT) (ALL EXCLAIM)

(GUNSHOT) (ALL EXCLAIM)

(HANGS UP) (SIGHS)

(HANGS UP) (SIGHS)

(PHONE BEEPING) Hello.

(PHONE BEEPING) Hello.

(RETCHES) Ah!

(SIGHS) God, okay, fine! Fine.

(SIGHS) God, okay, fine! Fine.

(SIGHS) NICK AND JACOB: Lou...

(SIGHS) NICK AND JACOB: Lou...

(VOCALIZING) (GRUNTS)

(VOCALIZING) (GRUNTS)

Absolutely. Like, it's on at, like, 8:00?

Absolutely. Like, it's on at, like, 8:00?

Adam, stay right there. Stop. Adam!

Adam, stay right there. Stop. Adam!

ADAM: And Uncle Lou... Don't you ever call me that.

ADAM: And Uncle Lou... Don't you ever call me that.

ADAM: Hey, Lou? Uncle Lou.

ADAM: Hey, Lou? Uncle Lou.

Ahh! How are you rich, huh?

Ahh! How are you rich, huh?

All right. (SIGHS)

All right. (SIGHS)

Always Terminator. Always Terminator. I know.

Am I right? (ALL AGREEING)

Am I right? (ALL AGREEING)

Am I right? (ALL AGREEING)

and get titty slapped? Okay.

and it'll show up here on the board. (DEVICE BEEPING)

and it'll show up here on the board. (DEVICE BEEPING)

Any luck? (LAUGHS)

Any luck? (LAUGHS)

Are we going? Yeah.

Are we going? Yeah.

Are you ready? Yeah.

Are you ready? Yeah.

As a joke! (SCOFFS)

As a joke! (SCOFFS)

BOTH: Great White Buffalo. Great White Buffalo.

BOTH: Great White Buffalo. Great White Buffalo.

BOTH: Yes. No.

Brad never liked me. No?

Brad never liked me. No?

Brad? Hey.

Brad? Hey.

Building Explosion? Yeah, Building Explosion.

but we should totally go. I know.

but we should totally go. I know.

but will you sign my Dick Pad? (WOMAN MOANING)

but will you sign my Dick Pad? (WOMAN MOANING)

Bye, Nick. Bye.

Bye, Nick. Bye.

Come here. Hmm?

Come here. Hmm?

Come on up here, Lou! LOU: This is crazy!

Come on up here, Lou! LOU: This is crazy!

Come on, baby. You got this. Let him do it.

Come on, baby. You got this. Let him do it.

Come on! NICK: Baby Adam

Come on! We want some new ideas! WOMAN: Eat a bunch of waffles!

Cool, huh? Whoa.

Cool, huh? Whoa.

Damn it. Lizzie.

Damn it. Lizzie.

Did he just rev up on me? He sure did.

Did he just rev up on me? He sure did.

Do the Strut. No, I'm good.

Don't listen to him. Why?

Don't listen to him. Why?

Don't say that out loud. It might hear you.

Don't say that out loud. It might hear you.

Exactly. Shitty Parenting for Dummies.

Exactly. Shitty Parenting for Dummies.

Fuck it, wrong house. Stop.

Fuck it, wrong house. Stop.

Fuck me! (COCKS GUN)

Fuck me! (COCKS GUN)

Fuck me! (COCKS GUN)

Fuck you, dude! Yeah.

Fuck you, dude! Yeah.

He probably had an okay reason. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

He probably had an okay reason. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

He's a dick. Big ol' dick.

He's a dick. Big ol' dick.

He's got that runt ball. His son hates him.

heroin, speed, ice... Yes. Yeah.

heroin, speed, ice... Yes. Yeah.

Hey, Adam... Yeah.

Hey, Adam... Yeah.

Hey, babe. Hi.

Hey, babe. Hi.

Hey, Brad. Hey, Jacob...

Hey, Brad. Hey, Jacob...

Hey, everybody. ADAM: Lou!

Hey, everybody. ADAM: Lou!

Hey. Hey, Lou.

Hey. Hey, Lou.

Hey. Oh, hey.

Hey. Oh, hey.

High five. High five.

High five. High five.

High five. High five.

His feet? In his testicles.

His feet? In his testicles.

Holy shit, he's been shot. In the dick!

Homie? Yeah, I'm your homie.

How does it work? This!

How does it work? This!

How is Courtney? You know.

How is Courtney? You know.

I didn't get... I know what it...

I like it where it is. KELLY: One, two, three...

I like it where it is. KELLY: One, two, three...

I stood outside all day... (WHIMPERS)

I think he's saying tuxedo. Tuxedo?

I think he's saying tuxedo. Tuxedo?

I think it's Jacob. (GASPS)

I trust you. Okay.

I'll miss you, brother. I'll miss you, too.

I'll miss you, brother. I'll miss you, too.

I'm going to tell him. NICK: Lou.

I'm going to tell him. NICK: Lou.

I'm gonna get, like, a billion views! NICK: Okay.

I'm gonna get, like, a billion views! NICK: Okay.

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm... Jill. I know.

If you want to use the metaphor again. LOU: It's an impulse buy.

If you want to use the metaphor again. LOU: It's an impulse buy.

Is Bruce in that? JACOB: Okay.

Is Bruce in that? JACOB: Okay.

Is he always like this? Pretty much.

Is he always like this? Pretty much.

Is it fun? Yeah, it's kind of fun.

Is it fun? Yeah, it's kind of fun.

It does not exist. Who cares?

It does not exist. Who cares?

It feels so personal. Mmm.

It just answered me. Uh uh!

It just answered me. Uh uh!

It looks beautiful. Oh, shut up, you dumb slut.

It looks beautiful. Oh, shut up, you dumb slut.

It's 2015. Shut the fuck up!

It's 2015. Shut the fuck up!

It's a hot tub. Whatever!

It's a hot tub. Whatever!

It's self driving. What?

It's self driving. What?

It's the Grammys. It's always the Grammys.

It's the Grammys. It's always the Grammys.

Jacob is my cousin. No.

Jacob is my cousin. No.

Jacob, what the fuck? Youngblood!

Jacob, what the fuck? Youngblood!

JACOB: Hey, Nick. Youngblood.

JACOB: Hey, Nick. Youngblood.

JACOB: Sorry. Sorry, bro, we gotta go.

Jacob! (GRUNTS) Let's go!

Jacob! (GRUNTS) Let's go!

keep it tight. NICK: Whoa!

keep it tight. NICK: Whoa!

Kill your dad? Yeah.

Kill your dad? Yeah.

Let's go! Okay.

Let's go! Okay.

Lou, don't drop me! I got you!

Lou, don't drop me! I got you!

Lou, Lou. Lou. Lou!

Lou, Lou. Lou. Lou!

Lou, what are we doing here? You know.

Lou, what are you doing? Lou, get out of the road.

LOU: Nick. Yeah, buddy.

LOU: Oh, wow! Okay. Fuck your ball juice!

Lougle is at a crossroads. Whoo!

Lougle is at a crossroads. Whoo!

MAN: Uh, well, um... You owe me money.

MAN: Uh, well, um... You owe me money.

Mazel tov! Congratulations!

Milk? What milk? I had milk earlier.

Milk? What milk? I had milk earlier.

Mmm hmm. (GULPS) Minus the half.

Mmm hmm. (GULPS) Minus the half.

Mmm. As a palate cleanser, of course.

Mmm. As a palate cleanser, of course.

Mommy? No, I'm not your mommy.

Mommy? No, I'm not your mommy.

My dick! My dick! (BOTH YELLING)

Nerd And no one likes you

Nerd And no one likes you

NICK AND JACOB: Lou! I know what I'm doing!

NICK AND JACOB: Lou! I know what I'm doing!

Nick Webber! (AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Nick Webber! (AUDIENCE CHEERING)

No way. I think he's right, Lou.

No way. I think he's right, Lou.

No, he's right. Wait. NICK: No, no, no.

No, he's right. Wait. NICK: No, no, no.

No, you're my best choice. You're my bestest choice.

No, you're my best choice. You're my bestest choice.

No? Right. Come on. Come on.

No? Right. Come on. Come on.

No. No.

No. No.

No. it is not. How did you get that?

No. It is not. How did you get that?

Nobody likes you Poindexter

Nobody likes you Poindexter

Obviously. Yeah.

Obviously. Yeah.

Oh, Lou... You killed me!

Oh, Lou... You killed me!

Oh, my God, that's the one. That's the one?

Oh, my God, that's the one. That's the one?

Oh, my God! How did you even do that?

Oh, my God! How did you even do that?

Oh, so I'm the bad guy now! Yes!

Oh, so I'm the bad guy now! Yes!

Oh, so I'm the bad guy now! Yes!

Oh, thanks, Mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Oh! Yeah.

Oh! Yeah.

Oh! Look who it... (GRUNTS)

Oh? NICK: Burn.

Oh? NICK: Burn.

Oh. GARY: Stick it right there.

Okay, Mr. Dorchen? Hey.

Okay, Mr. Dorchen? Hey.

Okay, okay. Slowly.

Okay? This is a family show?

Okay? This is a family show?

Okay. Yeah?

Okay. Yeah?

Oops. Then what happened?

Oops. Then what happened?

opened. Okay.

Or what? I don't know.

Or what? I don't know.

Or what? I don't know.

Our family's chosen. Yep.

Our family's chosen. Yep.

out of his ass... Boom!

Phew! Guys!

Phew! Guys!

Put this in his mouth. (ADAM GROANS)

Put this in his mouth. (ADAM GROANS)

Right? Hey.

Right? Yeah.

Right? Yeah.

Rip off any pop stars lately? (FAKE LAUGH)

Rip off any pop stars lately? (FAKE LAUGH)

See you at the club? Right.

See you at the club? Right.

Shit! What's happening?

Shotgun to the dick. His destiny.

Shotgun to the dick. His destiny.

so she's not your wife. Yes, she is!

so she's not your wife. Yes, she is!

So you're the butler. No! (SCOFFS)

So you're the butler. No! (SCOFFS)

So, like a four. One and a half.

So, like a four. One and a half.

Stop that. Strut, strut, strut...

Stop that. Strut, strut, strut...

Stop! (NICK AND JACOB GASP)

Stop! (NICK AND JACOB GASP)

Take that dick. What the fuck?

Thank you. JILL: I have the dress.

Thank you. JILL: I have the dress.

That is the one. (SIGHS)

That is the one. (SIGHS)

That'd be fucked up. Touch me, you filthy vagrant.

That'd be fucked up. Touch me, you filthy vagrant.

That's a blink. You can't wink, can you?

That's awesome. NICK: Right.

That's impossible. You heard it.

That's impossible. You heard it.

The fuck? Yeah, seriously.

There it is. Yeah. Oh, okay.

There it is. Yeah. Oh, okay.

They're looking for my dad. What?

They're looking for my dad. What?

Uncle Lou is right. Don't call me that.

Uncle Lou is right. Don't call me that.

Wait, are you married? Yeah. Well...

Wait, are you married? Yeah. Well...

Wait, the sticker? Yeah, on the neck.

Wait, the sticker? Yeah, on the neck.

Was that the same car? Couldn't be.

Was that the same car? Couldn't be.

We are so locked in. Same page.

We are so locked in. Same page.

We are so locked in. Same page.

Webber Strut! (ALL CHEERING)

Well... Yeah. But, hey...

What are you doing? It's a double wink.

What are you doing? It's a double wink.

What do you mean? Ah.

What do you mean? Ah.

What the fuck are you doing? Hang on. Trust me.

What the fuck are you doing? Hang on. Trust me.

What the fuck are you doing? LOU: Good talk.

What the fuck are you doing? LOU: Good talk.

What the fuck was that? Revved up on you.

What the fuck was that? Revved up on you.

What? Grab his arms.

What? I'm walking.

What? I'm walking.

What? No. I think this is my house.

What? No. I think this is my house.

when the body dies. Oh.

When the fuck? (ALL GASPING)

When the fuck? (ALL GASPING)

Which happens in the past. Exactly.

Which happens in the past. Exactly.

Which happens in the past. Exactly.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! (LAUGHS)

Whoa! (AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Whoa! (AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Whoa! I got you!

Wow! We are so locked in. Same page.

Wow! We are so locked in. Same page.

Wow! We are so locked in. Same page.

Yeah, I can see that. No, it's a smart car.

Yeah, I miss him. Oh, you miss him. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I miss him. Oh, you miss him. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

Yeah. It's the perfect plan.

Yeah. It's the perfect plan.

Yeah. Oh! Oh, my God.

Yeah. Oh! Oh, my God.

Yeah. Whoops.

Yeah. Whoops.

Yeah. You found him?

Yeah. You know, when you think about it,

Yeah. You know, when you think about it,

Yeah. Ask me anything. MAN: Okay. (CLEARS THROAT)

Yeah... Hey, Nick.

Yeah... Hey, Nick.

Yes! BOTH: The moon!

You flickered. Ah, you're flickering.

You flickered. Ah, you're flickering.

You get it. (DEVICE BEEPING)

You have to go with them. Uh...

You should play our wedding. (SCOFFS)

You should play our wedding. (SCOFFS)

You tried to fuck his wife. You tried to fuck his wife?

You tried to fuck his wife. You tried to fuck his wife?

You want to see the Strut? Whoa, whoa, whoa...

You want to see the Strut? Whoa, whoa, whoa...

You're a fucking nerd You're a nerd. You're a nerd

You're a fucking nerd You're a nerd. You're a nerd

You're just gonna keep saying... Nothing but net!

You're just gonna keep saying... Nothing but net!

You're my best choice. You're my best choice.

You're my best choice. You're my best choice.

...about what happened at Choozy Doozy...

...Al Michaels' Revenge or cocaine?

...Al Michaels' Revenge or cocaine?

...and god damn it, he did it again.

...and god damn it, he did it again.

...but they never showed. Left me hanging.

...but they never showed. Left me hanging.

...for time travel!

'Cause everything is like Terminator!

'cause he's sittin' here, still bothering me.

'cause he's sittin' here, still bothering me.

'Cause if we went back in time, you'd be alive.

'Cause we're getting some serious hang time.

'Cause we're getting some serious hang time.

'Cause, remember what happened last time?

'Cause, remember what happened last time?

'Sup?

'Sup?

(ADAM GROAN S)

(ADAM GROANS)

(ADAM SCREAMING)

(ADAM SCREAMING)

(ADAM SCREAMING)

(ADAM SCREAMING)

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL EXCLAIM)

(ALL GASP)

(ALL GASP)

(ALL GASP)

(ALL GASP)

(ALL GASP)

(ALL LAUGHING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(AUDIENCE BOOING)

(AUDIENCE BOOING)

(AUDIENCE CHEERING ON TV)

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

(BAN D PLAYING JAZZ)

(BAND PLAYING JAZZ)

(BELL DINGING)

(BELL DINGING)

(BELL TOLLING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(BOTH SHUSHING)

(BOTH SHUSHING)

(BRAKES SCREECH)

(BRAKES SCREECH)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(BUZZING)

(CAR BEEPS SADLY)

(CAR BEEPS)

(CAR BEEPS)

(CAR BEEPS)

(CAR REVS)

(CAR REVS)

(CAR REVS)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(CHEERING)

(CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES) I got it.

(CHUCKLES) What about Yahoo, huh? Where are they?

(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

(CHUCKLING)

(CHUCKLING)

(CHUCKLING)

(CHUCKUNG)

(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

(CROWD LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING)

(CROWD LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING)

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(DEVICE BEEPING)

(DOG PANTING)

(DOG PANTING)

(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)

(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

(enemas)

(enemas)

(EXCLAIMS) Look at that.

(EXCLAIMS) Oh, shit!

(EXCLAIMS) Oh, shit!

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

(FARTING)

(FIRES)

(GASPING)

(GASPING)

(GASPING)

(GASPING)

(GASPS)

(GASPS) Oh.

(GIGGLES)

(GLASS SHATTERS)

(GLASS SHATTERS)

(GROANS)

(GROANS)

(GROANS)

(GROANS)

(GROANS)

(GROANS)

(GROANS)

(GROANS)

(GROANS)

(GROANS) God, it hurts so bad.

(GROANS) God, it hurts so bad.

(GROANS) Hey.

(GROANS) Hey.

(GRUNTS QUESTIONINGLY)

(GRUNTS QUESTIONINGLY)

(GRUNTS)

(GUESTS CHEERING)

(GUESTS CHEERING)

(GUESTS CHEERING)

(GUESTS CHEERING)

(GUNSHOT)

(GUNSHOT)

(GURGLES)

(GURGLES)

(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

(HORN HONKS)

(IMITATES COCKING SHOTGUN)

(IN DISTORTED VOICE) Bye bye.

(IN DISTORTED VOICE) Bye bye.

(INSTRUMENTAL PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS) Yeah! Yeah.

(LAUGHS) Yeah! Yeah.

(LOU CHUCKLES)

(LOU CHUCKLES)

(LOU GASPS)

(LOU GASPS)

(LOU GROANING)

(LOU GROANS)

(LOU GROANS)

(LOU SIGHS)

(LOU SOBBING)

(LOU SOBBING)

(MEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON RADIO)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(NICK AND JACOB GRUNTING)

(NICK AND JACOB GRUNTING)

(NICK SIGHS)

(NICK SIGHS)

(PHONE BEEPING)

(PHONE BEEPING)

(RETCHES)

(RETCHES)

(SCOFFING)

(SCOFFING)

(SCOFFS)

(SCOFFS)

(SCOFFS)

(SCOFFS)

(SCOFFS) As a joke! Come on, you guys get that.

(SCOFFS) Of course I can wink.

(SCOFFS) Shut up.

(SCOFFS) Shut up.

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(SHUSHES) You can!

(SHUSHES) You can!

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS) He just gets me so mad.

(SIGHS) He just gets me so mad.

(SIGHS) Honey, like you said, he's just blowing off steam.

(SIGHS) Honey, like you said, he's just blowing off steam.

(SIGHS) Jacob, I know what you're going through.

(SIGHS) She's one of the good ones, man.

(SINGING UPBEAT SONG)

(SINGING) Nerd

(SINGING) Nerd

(SINGING) You're a fucking nerd

(SINGS PARODY OF MELANCHOLIC POP SONG)

(SNORING)

(SNORING)

(SNORTING) Oh, shit!

(SNORTING) Oh, shit!

(SOFTLY) Hey, honey, guess where I am. Just guess.

(SOFTLY) Hey, honey, guess where I am. Just guess.

(SOFTLY) Hey. Before I forget,

(SOFTLY) I'm so sorry.

(SOFTLY) I'm so sorry.

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(SPITS)

(SPITS)

(SQUEALING)

(SQUEALING)

(STAMMERING)

(STAMMERING)

(STAMMERS) Don't pull it out. Don't pull it out.

(STAMMERS) Don't pull it out. Don't pull it out.

(STAMMERS) Oh, okay. The bigger question is, how...

(STAMMERS) Oh, okay. The bigger question is, how...

(STAMMERS) So, this car runs on feelings.

(STAMMERS) So, this car runs on feelings.

(STAMMERS) Yeah, I mean...

(STAMMERS) Yeah, I mean...

(STAMMERS) You know, I'm just kind of a Jack of all trades.

(STUTTERS) I punched a man in the face.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(TOLLING CONTINUES)

(VOCALIZING)

(VOCALIZING) It's Satan.

(WHIMPERS)

(WHIMPERS)

(WHISPERS) Yeah, I did.

(WHISPERS) Yeah, I did.

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

(WOMAN SHUSHES)

(RETCHES) Ah!