💬 Kick-Ass (2010)

A bazooka?

A handgun bullet travels at more than...

A handgun bullet travels at... More than?

A mailman by day. The city's guardian by night.

A mailman by day...

A price on our heads? What is this, the wild west?

A price on our heads? What is this, the Wild West?

A superhero never reveals his true identity.

A world full of superheroes, huh?

A worldwide web broadcast of the New York superhero

According to him, you sold him my coke and you took the money.

Add to shopping cart.

After a 911 call from someone claiming to be a superhero...

After a Hamilton Park resident filmed the man's remarkable intervention

After a Hamilton park resident filmed the man's remarkable intervention...

After a video of his intervention of street gang violence

After you.

Again?

Ah, it's 300,000 bucks.

All I knew was I'd never felt so good about myself.

All I knew was my Dad was gonna kill me.

All I knew was my dad was gonna kill me.

All right, okay!

All right, okay.

All right, up you get. Come on.

All right?

All right? I was only trying to surprise you. I'm...

All right?!

All right. You know what? Come here.

All that security?

All that security.

And a Bratz Movie Star Makeover Sasha.

And a bratz moviestar makeover Sasha.

And a pack of Twizzlers.

And a pack of twizzlers.

And a slightly elevated capacity to take a kicking.

And all I'm asking is you let Kick Ass go. He didn't do anything wrong.

And all the things I'd never do, like learn to drive,

And all the things I'd never do.

And break your fucking legs.

And could not cope.

And Daddy started a plan of his very own.

And don't leave a mess.

And don't tell me somebody who's dead this time.

And finally, we want to know who is this man?

And finally, we want to know who is this man.

And he came up with a plan to get rid of Daddy.

And I ain't gonna disappoint him.

And I guess that would have been okay if bad guys were make believe, too.

And I, of ladies most deject and wretched...

And I'm also not gay.

And I'm an idiot, and a shit friend. I lied to you, I know, and if...

And I'm just one click away. Redmist. Org.

And I'm just one click away. RedMist.org.

And if it wasn't for you,

And if it wasn't for you...

And if you're reassuring yourself

And it's been a whole week since I've heard from Rasul.

And Kick Ass really proved that one individual can make a difference.

And killed my men, Gigante.

And leap tall buildings in a single bound.

And leave her alone.

And let's be real, no other request could have given me more pleasure.

And my world was much safer with all the new superheroes.

And nobody wants to be Spider Man?

And out of my friends, man, I wasn't even the funny one.

And pulls his fucking lungs out through his ass.

And steals all the coke.

And that's Big Daddy.

And that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

And the Big motherfucker? Nobody knows who he is.

And the big motherfucker...

And the more I found out about his upbringing and stuff, I just...

And the truth was I hardly missed it at all.

And there was no one I could talk to about it.

And these are my friends.

And these are my friends. Come on in, guys, say hello.

And this guy here is Big Daddy.

And this is me giving you a message.

And this is me giving you a message. Leave Katie alone.

And this, for all you cavemen out there,

And this...

And three assholes

And until we find out who that is,

And who knows, buddy, this might even get you laid.

And you might have to screw someone over like Louie, or something.

And you might have to screw someone over, like Louie, or something.

And you wanna know what's wrong with me?!

And you want to know what's wrong with me?

And you're already making me miss the hospital.

Any of you bitches sitting around on your asses, all right?

Apart from some messed up nerve endings,

Appreciate it.

Appreciate that.

Are burnt to ashes and buried.

Are schools and offices so thrilling

Are schools and offices so thrilling...

Are you okay, sweetheart?

Are you okay?

Are you serious? The guy owns.

Are you shitting me?

Are you shitting me? No, he's fine. He's with me.

As a great man once said,

As a great man once said...

At some point in our lives we all wanted to be a superhero.

At some point in our lives, we all wanted to be a superhero.

At this really great store 'atomic comics'.

At this really great store Atomic Comics.

Back here, come on. Let's get you home. Come on.

Back here. Come on, let's get you home. Come on.

Baton.

Bazooka?

Be a big girl now. There's nothing to be afraid of.

Became the most watched clip on the Internet.

Because for the first time in my life,

Because, for the first time in my life, I had something worth living for.

Being framed as a drug dealer was the worst possible thing

Big brother, watch and learn.

Big Brother, watch and learn.

Big Daddy.

Bobby? Bobby?

Boss, come on, he's had enough.

Boss, come on, we gotta go, baby.

Boy, I don't know.

Boy, I dunno. Probably because it's fucking impossible, dipshit.

But all clouds have a silver lining and out of her death...

But all clouds have a silver lining, and out of her death,

But all I did was make a door into a world I'd dreamed about

But as word of mouth continues to spread,

But don't get me wrong. I like girls my own age, too.

But even so, my new vocation kept me plenty busy.

But getting shot, Daddy, it hurt a lot more than when you did it.

But I am not Kick Ass.

But I tried my best.

But I'm afraid I can't help you out on this one.

But if you called it fantasizing, it would have been hard to argue.

But it seems that far from being put off, this individual, who calls himself Red Mist,

But it was a start.

But it's really no more painful than a punch in the chest.

But just that he might have really been gaffled by somebody.

But Kick Ass is cuter.

But Kick Ass told me we're not the only superheroes in town.

But lucky for you, I picked it up.

But lucky for you... I picked it up.

But more importantly, I talked her into mailing Kick Ass.

But not half as much as the idea of leaving everything behind.

But there was nothing special, either.

But there was one last thing I needed it for.

But they're not.

But we could see widespread server crashes...

But we do got a brand new industrial microwave.

But we don't.

But you know what? I was seriously thinking of mailing his site.

Can he hear you? I don't think he can hear you.

Can I get a puppy?

Can I make a confession?

Can we turn that off now?

Can we turn that off now? What's so special about that guy?

Check this out.

Check this, you're gonna fucking love this.

Check this. You're gonna fucking love this.

Child, you know that's because in the picture it didn't have Gatling Guns.

Child, you know, that's because in the picture, it didn't have Gatling guns.

Chris is Red Mist?

Chris, how long you been there?

Chris, where do you think you're going?

Chris, you got to look at this from my point of view. Okay?

Chris, you gotta look at this from my point of view. Okay?

Christopher.

City's guardian by night.

Cock sucker or all my coke was stolen by superman?

Come on now who do you.

Come on then, bring it on!

Come on, be honest with yourself.

Come on, come on, come on, come on, let's go. We gotta go.

Come on, come on, get in.

Come on, come on. Come on, let's go. We gotta go.

Come on, Frank, he's had enough. Come on.

Come on, Mindy, honey.

Come.

Comic books this kid reads all fucking day long.

Comic books this kid reads, all fucking day long.

Cos I feel like I'm gonna start crying...

Currently streaming live on the Internet.

Dad, phone!

Dad, the phone's for you.

Dad. Dad.

Dad. Phone.

Daddy, I think I found one.

Daddy, I think I've found one.

Daddy, I'm scared.

Damn straight.

Damn straight. You better start reading the instructions because...

Dave Lizewski, shouldn't you be looking at Hamlet right now?

Dave Lizewski.

Dave Lizewski. Shouldn't you be looking at 'Hamlet' right now?

Dave, hey.

Dave, I need to ask you something.

Dave, why didn't you tell me this is what you were doing?

Dave? Hello?

Dave.

Dead? How?

Defending the citizens of New York from the forces of evil.

Definitely.

Despite initial speculation that this may be some kind of hoax or publicity stunt,

Did they change the bee's face?

Did you see the clip? He was actually pretty good.

Did you spray anything over there?

Did you watch the TV? The new superhero guy?

Different superhero in a warehouse, killing a whole bunch of D'Amico's guys.

Different superhero.

Dirty motherfuckers!

Do it.

Do what you got to do.

Do you feel like checking out that new Kate Hudson movie

Do you feel like checking out that new Kate Hudson movie...

Do you think they caught him?

Do you think they got them?

Do you wanna deal with owing my dad?

Do you wanna deal with owing my Dad?

Do you want to hear it or not?

Does anyone have any idea who this wetsuit crusader is?

Does this work like a regular microwave or what?

Don't take it personal, though. We don't trust anybody.

Don't take it personal. We don't trust anybody.

Don't think I haven't noticed you looking at my tits, Dave.

Don't worry about it. Rumors don't mean shit.

Don't you remember?

Don't you think, Dave?

Dude, if anybody did it in real life they'd get their ass kicked.

Dude, if anybody did it in real life, they'd get their ass kicked.

Dude, you gotta check this shit out.

Due to the distressing nature of the images, we are unable to broadcast the events

Early night tonight, maybe?

Easy, balisong. It's Filipino. Ask me another.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

Eight at Sal's place, four at that kid Rasul's.

Enough!

Er, I mean, like to be honest with you,

Especially Katie Deauxma.

Eugene Stoner's AR 10. Now give me a hard one.

Eugene Stoner's AR10. Now give me a hard one.

Even the good parts were totally surreal.

Even with my metal plates and my fucked up nerve endings,

Even with my metal plates and my fucked up nerve endings...

Eventually fantasizing just doesn't do it for you any more.

Eventually, fantasizing just doesn't do it for you anymore.

Ever since I was little, I've always wanted a friend

Everybody in the warehouse is dead.

Everybody's favorite superhero right now. Kick Ass, right?

Everything else is in the gray area.

Everything was out of control. I didn't know what the hell to do.

Exactly.

Except that wasn't true.

Except...

Excuse me, have you seen this cat?

Excuse me, ma'am, have you seen this cat?

Excuse me, ma'am. Have you seen this cat?

Excuse me. Have you seen this cat?

Far from being put off, this individual, who calls himself Red Mist...

Fighting a bunch of guys.

Fire is our friend.

Fire. Fire is good.

First school she'd ever been to, on the promise that I'd look out for her.

First school she'd ever been to...

Five years later, he left prison, and he was ready.

Follow him, around the corner.

Follow him, round the corner.

Frank D'Amico was the baddest guy of them all,

Frank D'Amico was the baddest guy of them all...

Frank D'Amico!

Frank, honey!

Frank, honey.

Frank, we got a thing.

Frank, we're ready. Enjoy the show.

Frank, you're scaring me. You're losing it.

Frankie, I'm telling you, man, I swear I'm not making this up.

Fuck do I know? We're not making a fucking Hungry Man dinner here.

Fuck do I know? We're not making a hungry man dinner. Just turn it on.

Fuck off!

Fuck off.

Fuck this shit.

Fuck this shit. I'm getting the bazooka.

Fuck you, Mr. Bitey!

Fuck!

Fucking freak in a mask!

Fucking freak in a mask! Get out of my house!

Gentlemen,

Gentlemen...

Get him a Pepsi and I'll have an icee. Mixed.

Get him outta here, get him outta here. Get him in the van.

Get him.

Get in here! Help me out man!

Get in here. Help me out!

Get in the car. Get in there.

Get out there.

Get outta here! Get the fuck out of here.

Get the fucking rest of the information.

Get the lighter!

Get them!

Get up. Get him up.

Give it a fucking rest, man.

Give it a fucking rest.

Give it up, man. Just walk away.

Give me a break, it's been a week.

Gives a shit about the fucking lumber!

Go on then, Todd.

Go on.

Go on. Yeah, I think it did.

Go to Robin's Revenge!

God dammit, I'm gonna be 18 in 8 months, for Christ sakes.

God damn it, just sit down.

God damn it! I'm gonna be 18 in eight months, for Christ's sakes.

God, I wish I had a son like you.

Going up against a crowd can get kind of scary, don't you think?

Going up against a crowd can get kinda scary, don't you think?

Good at getting his ass kicked.

Good call, baby doll.

Good job.

Good morning, class.

Good morning, Joe.

Good move, Ass Kick. Let's keep it that way.

Good move, Ass... kick. Let's keep it that way.

Got a little bit of mood lighting right there.

Great.

Guardian of the universe protecting us against the forces of evil.

Guardian of the universe.

Guess we're not invited.

Guys like Rasul, they get mixed up in stuff...

Had I ever been a real superhero?

Had some bad motherfuckers for friends, and they think we did that shit.

Halt a speeding train.

Happy Birthday, sweetheart.

Happy birthday, sweetheart.

Has decided to take crime fighting to a new level,

Have a good night.

Have a nice day.

He can catch a bullet. Halt a speeding train.

He caught a drug dealer. Some most wanted guy.

He caught, like, a drug dealer, some most wanted guy.

He did very good.

He didn't do anything wrong.

He got something to do with you, Damon?

He has a special signal he shines in the sky.

He has powers far beyond the capabilities of mere earthlings.

He lied!

He looks good.

He looks like a transvestite...

He must be someone's son, someone's brother,

He must have taken that right before he died.

He probably didn't even read your email yet.

He promised he wouldn't.

He should call himself ass kick instead.

He was so young. No one should have to die that way.

He was very upset.

He would have wanted me to finish what we started.

He's been on D'Amico's payroll ever since you passed up the opportunity.

He's been on Frank D'Amico's payroll ever since you passed up the opportunity.

He's going in the alley.

He's had enough. Come on.

He's his father's son.

He's right. I'm sorry. I'm acting totally childish.

He's with Katie, obviously.

He's with me, he's okay.

Hell, dude, you never seen 'Sin City'...

Hell, dude, you never seen Sin City, Sunset Blvd., American Beauty?

Hello, boys and girls.

Hello, boys and girls. Now this...

Hello!

Hello?

Hello? Bruce Wayne? He didn't have any powers.

Hello.

Help!

Help? Really? What with?

Here we go.

Here, kitty. Here, Mr. Bitey.

Hey, baby.

Hey, call 911!

Hey, come on, you're not looking.

Hey, come on. Hey, I know some very bad people uptown,

Hey, don't do this! You don't need to do this!

Hey, early birdie.

Hey, early birdie. You beat me to it.

Hey, go finish your oatmeal.

Hey, gorgeous.

Hey, hey, asshole. Can't use the front door now.

Hey, hey, don't do this. You don't need to do this. Come on.

Hey, I got one of those.

Hey, I know some very bad people up town. Really nasty individuals.

Hey, I read those old Ditko Spider Mans you gave me.

Hey, I won't say nothing to nobody.

Hey, I'm Kick Ass.

Hey, Joe, yeah.

Hey, Kick Ass.

Hey, look, I'm Todd's Mom.

Hey, look, the guys tell me he's Tre Fernandez.

Hey, look, the guys tell me he's Tre Fernandez. What do I know?

Hey, man, can you hear me?

Hey, new kid.

Hey, there's a dude dressed like a superhero fighting a bunch of guys.

Hey, there's a dude dressed like a superhero out there

Hey, what's going on?

Hey, you're into comic books, aren't you?

Hey! God! No, please, please!

Hey.

Hey. Hey, man, can you hear me? Hey.

Hey. Look, I'm Todd's mom.

Hi, I'm Hit Girl.

High fiving bullshit. Keep going, keep going.

Hilton and nobody wants to be spiderman?

Hit Girl and Big Daddy, they were the real deal.

Hit girl and Big Daddy.

Hit girl, back to headquarters.

Hit Girl, manners, honey.

Hit girl. Manners, honey.

Hold on, you're telling me one guy killed eight of my men tonight?

Holy fuck... everybody's dead!

Holy shit, have you guys noticed...

Holy shit!

Holy shit.

Holy shit. What happened?

Hot chocolate, extra marshmallows.

Hot chocolate... extra marshmallows.

Hot damn. I always wanted one of these.

How about both of us being dead? Is that serious enough for you?

How are you? You look better.

How come nobody's ever tried to be a superhero?

How did you find me, Marcus?

How do I get a hold of you?

How far would you go to help your fellow man?

How was that? Not so bad.

How you doing?

How'd you find me, Marcus?

However you lived before,

However you lived before...

Hurry up, man.

I ain't got no fucking gun. I'm not going in.

I always wanted to say this.

I always wondered why nobody did it before me.

I appreciate your concern, but you need to go now.

I appreciate your concern. But you need to go now.

I called it preparation.

I came around for just long enough to beg the medic

I came round long enough to beg the.

I can wait! I solemnly vow to save myself for her.

I can wait. I solemnly vow to save myself for her.

I can't believe I got my gun back. Look at that.

I can't believe that you would believe this shit from a fucking Russian, man!

I can't believe you're here, man. Like, you're my hero.

I can't help it, I do because I...

I can't help it. I do because I...

I care about you a lot, too.

I care about you a lot.

I could buy you one sometime if you need someone to talk to.

I didn't have a piercing or an eating disorder

I didn't say anything to anyone, I swear.

I didn't say like Batman. I never said Batman.

I don't fucking believe it.

I don't fucking believe this.

I don't have one someone else jacked it last week.

I don't know if I was everything Katie had always dreamed her gay BFF would be,

I don't know, Dad.

I don't know, if you wanted me to be your sidekick or something...

I don't know, man. Come on.

I don't mind you talking business. I was just gonna sit quietly.

I don't think you can hate me any more right now than I hate myself.

I don't wanna see any of you bitches sitting around on your asses,

I ever heard, Tre.

I feel a little weed takes the edge off things when I'm on patrol, you know.

I forgot.

I gave you all them names and addresses.

I got her address and stuff. You wanna check it out?

I got it.

I got recommended some.

I got this e mail from this chick.

I got to tell you, that hurt.

I got why people didn't risk their lives for strangers.

I gotta do a Kick Ass thing.

I gotta send a public service message to the people out there

I guess I was the last person you'd expect to become a superhero.

I guess not.

I guess not. But I was seriously thinking of mailing his site.

I guess that would have been okay if bad guys were make believe, too.

I guess we're not invited.

I had something worth living for,

I hadn't even checked the website for, like, a week.

I hate getting punched in the chest.

I have a message for Rasul about Katie Deauxma.

I hope it's okay to say this, but... It so sucks that you're gay.

I hope it's okay to say this, but... it so sucks that you're gay.

I just can't figure out why nobody does.

I just need to clean my face.

I just started.

I just think it sucks you guys think you can do what you want.

I know a way you can get him.

I know I can do it. I just need a few things.

I know that, dumbass.

I know this sounds fucked up, Frankie, but that guy in the picture,

I know you have mistaken me for Kick Ass, but I am not Kick Ass.

I know.

I know. But, Katie,

I know. I knew that. I was just kidding.

I know. I was gonna tell her. It's just, she seems so happy.

I know. I was gonna tell her. She seemed so happy.

I know. If it makes you feel any better,

I lied to you, I know.

I like Kick Ass! His costume is crappy.

I like Kick Ass. His costume is crappy.

I look like a putz.

I look like fricking Wolverine.

I lost my mommy and daddy.

I love you, too, Daddy.

I love you.

I mean your real name.

I mean, all those comic books, movies, TV shows,

I mean, all those comic books, movies, TV shows.

I mean, I could really use some help from a guy like that right now.

I mean, I don't think you're all the same or anything.

I mean, I feel like I should call the cops or something.

I mean, I just can't believe he's dead, that's all.

I mean, I should probably start learning this stuff anyway, right?

I mean, is everyday life really so exciting?

I mean, like, to be honest with you,

I mean, that's not homophobic, is it?

I meant like pajamas and clothes and stuff. You can't take that stuff to my house.

I meant like pyjamas and clothes and stuff.

I miss her.

I miss you both.

I need these things.

I need you to get rid of Kick Ass.

I never felt more alone.

I never play.

I never said "Batman."

I only ever fight crime between like 9 and 2 weekdays.

I only ever fight crime between like 9:00 and 2:00, weekdays.

I owe you.

I re routed your IP address.

I said what the fuck are you looking at?

I said who really sold you our coke?

I said, what the fuck are you looking at?

I said, who really sold you our coke?

I saved your sorry ass.

I should have quit, of course, but you can't just reprogram yourself.

I should have quit, of course...

I should probably start learning this stuff anyway.

I should warn you, that asshole Gigante is looking for Kick Ass.

I swear, Dad, if you let me do this, it's gonna work.

I swear, when my hormones balance out...

I think I'm in love with her, dude.

I think it did. Now in France they say the word stick like this.

I think it's best that you just walk away.

I think it's that superhero nutjob from the TV.

I think we better invite our Russian over for a friendly chat.

I think we'd better invite our Russian over for a friendly chat,

I think you must be confusing me with someone

I think you're crazy

I think you're crazy.

I thought it'd be cool to put the unmasking of Kick Ass on the Internet.

I thought they were looking for Kick Ass.

I thought you meant how come nobody does it in real life?

I thought you meant, like, "How come nobody does it in real life?"

I told her, "Sit on my lap, we'll talk about the first thing that comes up."

I told her, sit on my lap,

I want Kick Ass' fucking head on a stick, and I want it now.

I want Kick Ass's fucking head on a stick, and I want it now.

I want this place locked down.

I want your hands all over me, Dave.

I wanted to get you breakfast this morning.

I was back and running Kick Ass version 2.0.

I was getting back to my old self.

I was just a regular guy.

I was just gonna sit in there quietly.

I was just kidding.

I was such a mess.

I wasn't a mathlete or a hard core gamer.

I wasn't a mathlete or a hardcore gamer.

I will avenge you, mother!

I wish you wouldn't have said anything

I wish you wouldn't have said anything.

I worry about you.

I, for one, would definitely fuck his brains out if I got the chance.

I, I don't think you can hate me any more right now than I hate myself.

I, I owe you.

I...

I... I lost my Mommy and Daddy.

I'd always dreamed of being a superhero, but this was a nightmare.

I'd always dreamed of being a superhero...

I'd e mail his site if I had a problem worth fixing.

I'd never felt more alone.

I'll be honest,

I'll give you a motherfucking high five.

I'll tell you who owes her a childhood!

I'll tell you who owes her a childhood.

I'm going to convert you to a comics reader right now.

I'm gonna convert you to a comics reader right now.

I'm gonna guess that was you.

I'm gonna take a wild guess that was you.

I'm gonna take mine to bed, okay?

I'm good. Yeah, much better.

I'm here to see Rasul.

I'm Hit Girl.

I'm in way over my head.

I'm just being honest!

I'm just fucking with you, Daddy.

I'm Kick Ass.

I'm Kick Ass. Look me up.

I'm Kick Ass. You mail me?

I'm kinda feeling the cape. Looks good.

I'm not going in.

I'm not gonna hurt you, all right?

I'm not high.

I'm not messing with you, dude. They found out where I lived.

I'm not really into the whole superhero thing, though.

I'm not saying there was anything wrong with me...

I'm Rasul. Can't you tell by my big titties?

I'm right here now, baby. What's up?

I'm so glad you're here.

I'm so glad you're here. I'm in such a mess.

I'm so proud of you, baby doll.

I'm sorry, did you see this cat?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.

I'm telling you, the, the longer you wait, the worse it's gonna get.

I'm thinking of shutting my site down anyway.

I've been trying to figure out how to tell you this.

I've got $3 million in a suitcase.

I've got 3 million dollars in a suitcase.

I've never met anyone who's as beautiful and as kind and lovely as you.

I've never met anyone who's as beautiful and as kind and...

I've only been back half a day,

I've only been back like half a day and.

If he was our friend, no one would ever fuck with us again.

If it wasn't for you I'd be dead.

If it wasn't for you, I'd be dead.

If that guy spoke to me like that I would have kicked his ass.

If that guy would have spoken to me like that, I would have kicked his ass.

If they didn't, he will.

If you don't get your wannabe superhero ass in the car...

If you're right, we'll look like the biggest pussies in New York.

Ignore him...

In a gang related attack last week.

In a warehouse, killing a whole bunch of D'Amico's guys.

In America, we say "stick" like this. Baseball bat.

In the 18 months since my mother died,

In the 18 months since my mother died...

In the ambulance, they threw my clothes away

Internet providers are predicting that

Is fire.

Is it me or do you kind of feel sorry for Chris D'Amico?

Is it me or do you kinda feel sorry for Chris D'Amico?

Is there anybody else? Your family or...

Is this Frank D'Amico's place?

Is this how you brainwashed Mindy?

It ain't gonna bring her back, Damon.

It could be one of the most widely viewed live events in web history.

It didn't take a trauma or cosmic

It didn't take a trauma or cosmic rays or a power ring to make a superhero.

It didn't take much to set me off.

It is now clear that the hostages are in genuine danger,

It is what it is.

It turns out those dead guys from the warehouse

It was Sal's phone. They found it in his hand.

It was time to engage.

It was time to stop wearing this stupid costume.

It won't happen again.

It's a big thing, Frank.

It's a great day for America, everybody.

It's a little kid. What's the matter with you?

It's a shame. You have potential.

It's all the cartridge crap that comes out of your gay little Taser when you fire it.

It's all the cartridge crap that comes.

It's also good for hitting balls.

It's everything I need.

It's fucking awesome!

It's fucking insane. I'm in way over my head.

It's Joe.

It's not all about the money.

It's not even true. The medic threw my clothes away.

It's not Red Mist you gotta worry about. It's Kick Ass.

It's okay, we're cool.

It's okay. We're cool. We're only gonna miss the trailers.

It's on the floor right over there. Find the lighter.

It's only a matter of time before Gigante is looking for you.

It's only me, boss. Everything's under control.

It's over.

It's perfect and they can deliver it in 3 days.

It's perfect, and they can deliver it in three days.

It's, it's everything I need.

Jesus Christ!

Jesus Christ.

Jesus, guys, does it not bug you?

John Woo's first full length feature?

Just go.

Just like me.

Just peachy.

Just that he might have really been gaff led by somebody.

Just the perfect combination of optimism and naivety.

Just turn it on.

Just walk away from the car and we can forget about this.

Katie Deauxma just offered to buy me coffee.

Katie Deauxma's all about the lame ducks.

Katie worried about me getting hurt,

Katie,

Katie.

Kick Ass is killing my men, Gigante, that's what's up.

Kick Ass was gone but not forgotten.

Kick Ass was gone, but not forgotten.

Kick Ass' MySpace... 16,000 and counting.

Kick in my bedroom door, and you'd probably find me watching TV

Kicks our asses and steals all the coke.

Kids nowadays in their tights.

Kill every single fucking guy on my payroll.

Kill my men, huh?

Kinda fun, huh? Now you know how it feels.

Know what else we do? We don't do them individually.

Kryptonite.

Kryptonite. Yeah.

Laying into one guy while everybody else watches,

Leave him alone!

Leave Katie alone.

Leaving him totally vulnerable to the...

Let her in.

Let me go. Hey, come on.

Let me out now?

Let me out now? I gave you all them names and addresses.

Let me see, Tre, what's more likely, huh?

Let me see, Tre. Hey, what's more likely, huh?

Let me tell you the problem I got with that, Tre.

Let's call it insurance. Makes it easier for us to take your word.

Let's go.

Like every serial killer already knew,

Like learn to drive.

Like most people my age, I just existed.

Like Scott Pilgrim and Shojo Beat, that kind of thing.

Like what?

Like when they mix the red one and the blue one.

Like you.

Listen to me.

Listen up, we got 5 minutes and I want you back on your post.

Listen, cops pay me to nail the bad guys, you pay me not to.

Listen, they're on to you.

Little bit outside my jurisdiction.

Long story short, this particular lame duck of hers

Long story short, this particular lame duck of hers...

Look at me. I look like a putz.

Look at this asshole just watching.

Look, bro, you need to get ghost. Hide yourself quick.

Look, I can take care of myself.

Look, I'd love a Benchmade Model 42 butterfly knife.

Look, I'll have a benchmade model 42 butterfly knife.

Look, I'm really, really sorry.

Look, only if we can go by the bowling alley on the way back.

Look...

Looks like reading all them comics paid off, huh?

Louie? Oh, hey, Chris. Uhhuh.

Lunch money... now.

Man, that looks even cooler than it did in the picture.

Marcus became the child's guardian,

Marcus became the child's guardian...

Maybe he knows who this guy is.

Maybe it's a porn tape. He doesn't have a porn tape.

Maybe it's the porn tape. He doesn't have a porn tape.

Maybe later. Morning, Ange.

Me neither. Turn on nippleslip.com. It's good.

Me, either. Check out nippleslip.com. It's good.

Me?

Me? My hardware was fixed now.

Medic not to tell anybody about the costume.

Mindy Macready.

Mindy moved in with Marcus and he enrolled her at my school.

Mindy moved in with Marcus, and he enrolled her at my school.

Mindy was born!

Mindy.

Mindy... no more homework, baby doll.

Mixed.

Mmm hmm.

More importantly, I talked her into mailing Kick Ass.

Murder, superheroes breaking into my bedroom,

Murder, superheroes breaking into my bedroom.

Must be terrible to have a rich Dad and everything you want.

My condolences, Frank.

My God, I... I owe you.

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb.

My life had turned into some fucked up dream I couldn't wake up from.

My Mom already died for nothing.

My Mom has the burglar alarm on downstairs,

My mother was killed by an aneurism in the kitchen...

My MySpace, 38 friends. Kick Ass's MySpace, 16,000 and counting.

My only superpower was being invisible to girls.

MySpace... 38 friends.

Mysterious traveler from another dimension.

Need someone to talk to.

Nice job.

Nice job. I'm gonna take mine to bed, okay?

No Katie tonight?

No more homework, baby doll.

No radioactive spiders, no refugee status from a doomed alien world.

No wincing, no whining, and you got yourself a deal, young lady.

No, he's just training right now.

No, he's just training right now. One second.

No, he's with me. He's okay.

No, I didn't.

No, I just...

No, I know, I know, but what if it was my fault?

No, I know, I know. But what if it was my fault?

No, I... I wasn't even...

No, I'm just standing around, you know.

No, I'm just standing around.

No, I'm not!

No, it's not even hero. It's just fucking psycho.

No, Marty, he's not really my type.

No, Marty. No, he's not really my type.

No, no, no, it's not. Kick Ass is just some geek, Dad.

No, no, no! Come on, please!

No, no, no! It's me, it's me!

No, no, no. Mr. Bitey, come on.

No, not if she thinks he's gay, Todd. You fucking retard.

No, that's still my Mom, actually.

No, that's still my mom, actually.

No, you wanna go talk to him? I can move.

No. Jesus. No, I... I wasn't even...

No. Never.

Nobody comes in, nobody goes out.

Not any more. Gigante put on a movie show for us.

Not anymore. Gigante just put on a little movie show for us.

Not that she needed me to.

Not the part about the superhero, Frankie.

Not to tell anybody about the costume.

Not too close.

Not too fast.

Not until D'Amico and his whole damn operation

Not until D'Amico and his whole damn operation...

Not until somebody finds this cocksucker

Not until somebody finds this cocksucker...

Now Big Daddy and Kick Ass are gonna help us

Now can you remember the number?

Now in France, they say the word "stick" like this, bâton.

Now move!

Now move.

Now switch to kryptonite!

Now switch to Kryptonite.

Now, Hit Girl, we always keep our backs where?

Now, it was time for Mindy to get ready, too.

Now, this...

Now?

Now.

Of Batman's batarang would undoubtedly penetrate the Joker's force field,

Of course not, no.

Of the word but you don't pronounce it...

Oh my God.

Oh my gosh. That is cool.

Oh, child.

Oh, child. You always knock me for a loop.

Oh, dude, that is one gay looking taser.

Oh, fuck!

Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck!

Oh, God, I'm so sorry, man.

Oh, great!

Oh, great.

Oh, hey, I read those old Ditko Spidermans you gave me.

Oh, hey.

Oh, I didn't say we should talk to him, I just...

Oh, I know. But, Katie...

Oh, I want your hands all over me, Dave. Please.

Oh, no, no, no, it's me, it's me. All right?

Oh, shit. Fuck me, that kinda hurt.

Oh, shit. Shit, I hadn't thought. My God.

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Oh, the fuck!

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Didn't see that, did you?

Oh... I forgot.

Oh... no.

Okay, baby doll. Sleep tight.

Okay, cool.

Okay, I wanna know who sold you our coke.

Okay, I'm off then.

Okay, I'm off, then.

Okay, look. You're a superhero and...

Okay, maybe I was still in the beta testing phase,

Okay, maybe I was still in the beta testing phase.

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, okay.

Okay, pop quiz.

Okay, pop quiz. What's the proper name for one of those?

Okay, sweet. Well, I'll see you later.

Okay, when I tell you, stop the car. Ready?

Okay, you cunts, let's see what you can do now.

Okay, you cunts. Let's see what you can do now.

Okay.

Okay. Two more rounds.

Okay. Two more rounds. No wincing...

Okay. You gotta stay away from Katie now. It's over.

On the promise that I'd look out for her.

On top of it, and then into it, right in the middle of it.

Once upon a time there were 2 supercops called Daddy and Marcus...

Once upon a time, there were two supercops, called Daddy and Marcus,

One balisong. Two balisong. That's what you get.

One guy?

One of us is still a cop, remember?

One second.

Only for a second, sugar.

Only if we can go by the bowling alley on the way back.

Oooh, guess who?

Or 3,000 friends on MySpace.

Or 3000 friends on MySpace.

Or an apology for the black eye he'd given her.

Or find out what happened on Lost.

Or jerking off, mostly to my English teacher.

Or see what me and Katie's kids would look like

Or see what me and Katie's kids would look like.

Or talking to my friend Todd on Skype...

Or Tre was telling the truth.

Or what?

Or you could just stay.

Or, or somebody. It doesn't have to be Louie.

Or...

Or... I'll come back...

Our coke?

Our mole with the Russians tells things a little different.

Our Russian says that Tre just sold him another 5 k's at half price.

Out of Kick Ass and Red Mist, who do you think would win in a fight?

Out of Kick Ass and Red Mist, who would win in a fight?

Out of your gay little taser when you fire it.

Phone.

Phones. Money.

Playtime's over, kid.

Please, come in.

Please, I know you have mistaken me for Kick Ass,

Prison was not his natural habitat.

Probably 'cause it's fucking impossible, dipshit.

Protecting us against the forces of evil.

Put the gun down, Vic. It's Chris.

Rays or a power ring to make a superhero.

Really nasty individuals. Let me go. Hey, come on!

Really?

Rearview camera, no big deal.

Red Mist!

Red Mist! Where the fuck are you?!

Red Mist.

Relax, we're on the same team.

Remember you mentioned that there are other superheroes?

Right now, I envied the crap out of them.

Right, come on, go ahead.

Right, let's go.

Right.

Right. Dead Tre.

Robin, Robin.

Ruin my business, huh?

Rumors have it that this will be Kick Ass's farewell appearance,

Rumors have it this will be his farewell appearance...

Satnav got my iPhone so I can check the websites for emergencies.

SatNav. Got my iPhone, so I can check the websites

Say hello to my little friend!

See if he wants to hang out with us.

See what's really going on.

Seemed like no time at all before I was back on my feet.

Seriously, out of all the millions of people who love superheroes,

She didn't want the money back she'd given him...

She didn't want the money back that she'd given him

She just wanted him to get that they were through

She just wanted him to get that they were through and leave her alone.

She looks like she's about 11 years old, but...

She lost her Mommy and Daddy.

She lost her mommy and daddy.

She said this guy's been following her home from work.

She's behind the counter. She's out of ammo, okay.

Shit!

Shit! Fuck me, that kind of hurt.

Shit.

Shit. Come on, come on, get in.

Shit. Shit, I hadn't thought...

Shit. Shit.

Show them what a knuckleduster can do, guy.

Show you why being a hero is a bad idea.

Show's over, motherfuckers.

Showtime.

Shut the fuck up kid. Your Daddy's the boss. You go home.

Shut the fuck up, kid. Your daddy's the boss. You go home.

Since when did you start getting your hands dirty again? And in public!

Since when I ask you fucks to deliver me Kick Ass,

Since when I asked you fucks to deliver me Kick Ass and you don't deliver, that's when.

Sir?

Sleep tight.

So at close range like this, the force is gonna take you off your feet for sure,

So at close range, like this,

So bring it on!

So I guess you're not gonna line up for that new Kick Ass comic then?

So I guess you're not gonna line up for that new Kick Ass comic, then?

So I promised her my Kick Ass days were over.

So I told her, sit on my lap,

So I'm gonna need to get back pretty soon.

So I'm sure as hell not gonna let my dad die for nothing, too.

So if anyone out there needs help, I'll be fighting crime 25/8.

So if you just leave her alone everything will be fine.

So if you just leave her alone, everything will be fine.

So now I'm getting fucked in the ass by a ghost?

So we're sitting there totally naked, right?

So what in the hell are you guys waiting for?

So what the hell are you guys waiting for?

So what's the problem?

So you should probably use the window.

So you want to play.

So, have you thought a little more about what you might want for your birthday?

So, have you thought about what you might want for your birthday?

So, how are things going with Katie?

So, we're sitting there totally naked, right?

So, which one of you guys is Rasul?

Sold you

Someone's next door neighbor.

Something to lose.

Something wrong?

Sorry you had to wait, buddy.

Sorry, hon.

Sorry.

Spicy, spicy.

Spider Man gets the girl.

Spiderman gets the girl.

Stage a live execution in the next few minutes.

Stay?

Stay? What like when we have a sleepover?

Straight up. And listen, if you...

Stu!

Suddenly I understood why superheroes only existed in comic books.

Suddenly, I understood why superheroes only existed in comic books.

Super's like being stronger than everybody and flying and shit.

Super's like being stronger than everybody and flying and shit. That's just hero.

Sure, a lot of what got me through the average school day

Sure, a lot of what got me through the average school day...

Take my fucking coke?

Thank you, Cody. We appreciate your co operation.

Thank you.

Thanks, freak.

Thanks, Kick Ass.

Thanks, Marty, this is really fucking helping me.

Thanks. Kick Ass?

That "long term" enough for you?

That all signs point to the intention to stage a live execution in the next few minutes.

That being a superhero is bad for your health.

That could have happened to Daddy.

That doesn't even make sense.

That fucking rocked. Who are you?

That guy's gonna end up dead, that's what I think.

That I'm gonna make it through this since I'm talking to you now,

That I'm the only one who ever fantasized about this?

That is one weird sounding bazooka.

That kinda thing.

That long term enough for you?

That motherfucker Kick Ass burnt down my warehouse and killed my men, Gigante.

That must've hurt. Let's see it from the other side.

That should be really difficult for you. Are you okay?

That someone probably worked their ass off to pay for.

That you're a greedy little cocksucker or all my coke was stolen by Superman?

That you're a greedy little.

That's 'cause I used low velocity rounds, child.

That's a fucking lie!

That's because I used low velocity rounds, child.

That's funny. This is your Dad.

That's funny. This is your dad.

That's gotta be the worst fucking excuse I ever heard, Tre.

That's just hero.

That's me, back before any of this crazy shit happened.

That's me... back before any of this crazy shit happened.

That's not even true. The medic threw my clothes away.

That's not me, by the way.

That's not superhero, though.

That's not superhero, though. How is that super?

That's okay.

That's okay. It's not a problem.

That's pretty cool.

That's really funny. You're so fired.

That's right, we're superheroes, love us.

That's right, we're superheroes. You love us.

That's so inside it's ball deep in your jurisdiction's ass.

That's so inside your jurisdiction, it's ball deep in your jurisdiction's ass.

That's some Armenian guy with a history of mental health problems.

That's when 'k' is at the beginning.

That's when "K" is at the beginning of the word,

The AR 15 was a lighter, smaller caliber version of what design?

The comic books had it wrong.

The cops pay me to nail the bad guys. You pay me not to.

The doctors had managed to fix me up pretty good.

The fact that he's always on his own?

The fact that he's always on his own.

The force is gonna take you off your feet for sure...

The fuck you looking at?

The glass of fashion and the mould of form.

The kerosene.

The mist.

The most I'd ever had to offer the world was good intentions

The movie is starting in 10 minutes.

The name of

The name of...

The only epiphany I had was realizing that life just goes on.

The point is some fucker is killing our guys.

The point is there's only one way a superhero can trust a stranger.

The point is, some fucker is killing our guys.

The point is, there's only one way a superhero can trust a stranger, and..

The police report,

The police report. They found you naked.

The world has been protected by a group of extraordinary men and women

The world I lived in, heroes only existed in comic books.

The world I lived in... heroes only existed in comic books.

Then shut the hell up and pick your weapon.

Then sit down, shut up and watch.

There are no clues as yet as to the exact nature of the broadcast...

There are no clues as yet as to the exact nature...

There wasn't a whole lot of crime fighting in those first few weeks.

There you go.

There's a price on our heads, man.

There's no idea as to who is behind the broadcast of this show,

There's no idea who is behind the broadcast of this show...

There's no way. He probably didn't even read your e mail yet.

They found you naked.

They just don't sell it at the store anymore.

They make the best white chocolate milk a latte.

They make the best white chocolate mocha latte.

They said I was their inspiration,

They said I was their inspiration...

They selling paper plates and napkins at the store now?

They still have that metal detector at your school?

They trashed my place. I'm fucking screwed.

They use it for treating the lumber.

They were the real deal.

They're actually pretty good.

They're all dead!

They're all dead! Everybody in the warehouse is dead.

They're both kinda hot. I just think Red Mist has a better body.

They're on to you.

Think about it. Come on, it'd be awesome.

Think it's best that you just walk away.

This better be pretty serious, dude,

This better be pretty serious, dude.

This colorful individual has been all over the news this week

This colorful individual has been all over the news...

This fucking guy comes out of nowhere.

This is awesome!

This is awesome! I look like fricking Wolverine.

This is not the life for Mindy.

This is the last time. I totally swear.

This motherfucker is obviously high.

This motherfucker's obviously high.

This right back to you if they'd found it?

This thing was going crazy and I was loving it.

This thing was going crazy, and I was loving it.

This work like a regular microwave?

This would be the guy that looks like Batman?

Three assholes laying into one guy while...

Through this since I'm talking to you now...

Tie han rou qing, The Young Dragons.

Time for a family reunion.

Time to die.

Time to go home.

To put the unmasking of Kick Ass on the Internet, okay?

To the wall, Daddy, I know. It won't happen again.

To the wall, Daddy. I know.

Todd and Marty.

Todd, when have you ever kicked anyone's ass?

Tony Romita, one of America's most wanted crime kingpins,

Tony?

Tony.

Turned out to be more of a lame cobra.

Turns out we ain't got the vise here no more.

Two cheap shit losers screwing with a car

Two cheap shit losers screwing with a car...

Two more rounds and then home.

Un fucking believable.

Un... under control? You're grabbing a fucking bazooka, you dumb ass.

Under control? You're grabbing a fucking bazooka, you dumbass.

Until we find out who that is, I don't wanna see

Vigilante justice, mass murder. Come on, partner.

Vigilante justice. Mass murder. Come on, partner.

Wait, wait, wait!

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait. Slow down. Kick Ass?

Wait, wait, wait. Slow down. Kick Ass? Are you sure?

Wait, where's Dave?

Wait...

Was arrested in Queens today

Was arrested in Queens today...

Was making deposits in the whack off warehouse for later.

Watch, Dad.

Watch.

Watching the entire Ugly Betty box set and did pedicures.

We do them all together. Gentlemen, please.

We don't do them individually...

We go now over live to the countdown clock as we are moments away.

We got half the crew out doing petty crimes as bait.

We got her trapped. She's unarmed.

We got some of Kick Ass' batons. We're gonna show you what they can do.

We got some of Kick Ass's bâtons.

We gotta get over it,

We gotta get the hell out of here. Dude, move your fucking ass!

We gotta get the hell outta here. Dude, move your fucking ass!

We had a fucking deal that I would get you the guy who did it,

We had a fucking deal, Dad, that I'll get you the guy who did it...

We had a sleepover and spent the whole night

We had a sleepover and spent the whole night...

We have no merchandise on the street at all?

We see someone in trouble and we wish we could help,

We should, like, talk to him.

We should, like, talk to him. See if he wants to hang out with us.

We'll find you. Hit Girl, back to headquarters.

We'll have our hot chocolate when we get back.

We'll talk about the first thing that comes up.

We're busting our asses here.

We're only gonna miss the trailers.

Wednesdays, she's got one of those volunteer things.

Welcome back. Breaking News.

Welcome to this special edition of Eye on New York.

Welcome to this special edition of eye on New York.

Well maybe you shouldn't do that.

Well, can you think of anything else you'd rather spend it on?

Well, do you think they can help us?

Well, go on then, Todd. You wanna...

Well, here you are and Red Mist, too.

Well, I could buy you one sometime if you, you know, like,

Well, I guess folks have just had enough of living in fear, you know,

Well, I wish you wouldn't worry.

Well, it turns out those dead guys from the warehouse.

Well, let her in.

Well, maybe you shouldn't do that.

Well, me and Erika sometimes hang out after school

Well, not the part about the superhero, Frankie,

Well, that is neat.

Well, there's this one guy Rasul, and I felt so sorry for him.

Well, this is my business.

Well, what I'm saying is the superior force of Batman's batarang

Well, you know who this guy is.

Well, you know, I mean, getting mugged...

Well. Here you are and... Red Mist, too.

Well...

What a douche.

What about money, huh? All right, 'cause you got to think long term.

What about money? You gotta think long term.

What are you doing? What the hell is that thing?

What are you gonna do to them?

What do I know, huh?

What do we do?

What do you want me to do?

What do you want to drink? You want a Pepsi?

What happened? This guy happened.

What if Kick Ass did it?

What if Kick Ass did it? I feel like I should call the cops or something.

What is this? Trick or treat or something?

What is this? What am I looking at here?

What kind of children's enter fucking tainer is that?

What kind of children's enter fuckingtainer is that?

What kind of kid has a... A Spider Man party, sure, but a fucking Kick Ass party?

What kind of rumor is that?

What the fuck are you doing? Why are you dressed as Kick Ass?

What the fuck are you looking at?

What the fuck are you looking at? Huh?

What the fuck d'you...

What the fuck do you...

What the fuck is going on?

What the fuck is wrong with you, man?

What the fuck is wrong with you? You'd rather die for some piece of shit..

What the fuck you looking at?

What the fuck!

What the fuck?

What the fuck?!

What the fuck...?

What the hell are you doing, Frank?

What the hell are you doing?

What the hell are you doing? Get the hell out.

What the...

What the...?

What you mean, like, right now?

What you want, who you are, your purpose in life.

What, are they selling paper plates and napkins down at the store now?

What, are you fucking kidding me? What the hell is this?

What, better than Kick Ass?

What, putting on a mask and helping people, how's that impossible?

What, putting on a mask and helping people? How's that impossible?

What, this is my choice? I gotta believe in ghosts or superheroes?

What?

What? Are you kidding me? I got 100 guys who can fix a problem,

What? Are you looking at me? Well, this is my business.

What? I thought you were done with that.

What? Look, you can't go on...

What? You're talking crazy.

What's so special about that guy?

What's the difference between Spiderman and Peter Parker?

What's the problem?

What's the proper name for one of those?

What's this got to do with me?

What's with the high fives?

What's your name?

Whatever, man. I would have just gone for his knees.

When we get in there, get Chris some popcorn.

When we're driving around.

Where do you think you're going?

Where she's like a shoe designer, can't get a guy?

Where the fuck are you?

Where's Cody? He's late.

Where's Dave?

Which is very good for hitting knees and stomachs.

Which Tre? Tre Tre?

Who

Who am I?

Who am I? I'm Kick Ass.

Who are you?

Who calls himself Kick Ass is about to be shown live.

Who do you think you are?

Who gives a shit about the fucking lumber!

Who have dedicated themselves to fighting crime.

Who knows, this might even get you laid.

Who sold...

Who the fuck are you supposed to be, the Green Condom?

Who the fuck are you supposed to be? The green condom?

Who the fuck are you?

Who the hell is this guy?

Who were very good at getting bad guys.

Who?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, boss. What are you doing?

Whoa! Whoa! Boss, what are you doing?

Why are they fighting? That seems stupid.

Why can't I have a gun? I'm a security guard.

Why don't you pick on someone your own size?

Why else would I be here?

Why thousands of people wanna be Paris

Why thousands of people wanna be Paris Hilton

With Daddy in prison, his pregnant wife was all alone

With Daddy in prison, his pregnant wife was all alone...

With no power comes no responsibility.

World I dreamed about since I was a little kid.

Worst thing that could have happened to Daddy.

Would undoubtedly penetrate the joker's force field,

Would you do anything differently?

Wow, that's weird. I'm usually the one playing therapist.

Wow.

X Men, the Fantastic Four, right now, I envy the crap out of them.

X Men, the Fantastic Four.

Yeah, a cuddly, fluffy one.

Yeah, Dave, what do you think?

Yeah, Dave, what do you think? Is that the...

Yeah, everybody's favorite superhero right now, Kick Ass, right?

Yeah, Frank...

Yeah, fuck Tony. He's a scumbag.

Yeah, he's got a way better costume than Kick Ass, too.

Yeah, I think I might have just shat in my pants a little.

Yeah, I'd rather die.

Yeah, I'd rather die. So bring it on!

Yeah, it must be terrible to have a rich dad and everything you want.

Yeah, it's gonna have a meltdown.

Yeah, like Batman.

Yeah, like, I do it all the time.

Yeah, man, come on. I got something I wanna show you.

Yeah, man! You and me together, we would own!

Yeah, man. Come on, I got something I wanna show you.

Yeah, man. You and me together, we would own.

Yeah, now.

Yeah, okay, I'm not saying they should do it.

Yeah, they are.

Yeah, Todd, that's what I meant.

Yeah, yeah, there they are. Hello, hello.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you bet I will.

Yeah!

Yeah! I think I'm in love with her, dude.

Yeah! I'm gonna get a hot fudge sundae.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah. And ice cream after.

Yeah. Didn't see that, did you?

Yeah. Fuck you very much, Vic. Just do it, okay?

Yeah. It's gonna have a meltdown.

Yeah. Sh shouldn't we call the fire...

Yeah. Shouldn't we call the fire...

Yeah. Yeah, there they are. Hello, hello.

Yeah. You know, I really don't think that's what it looks like.

Yeah. You're so not how I expected.

Yes, but he had all the expensive shit that doesn't exist.

Yes, Mrs. Zane.

Yes, the silent killer.

Yo, kid, who the hell are you? And what is this?

Yo, you want to get cut?

You 3 assholes laying into 1 guy while everybody else watches.

You always knock me for a loop.

You and your crazy midget friend can go bash whoever you want.

You and your crazy midget friend can go bash whoever you want...

You are fucking awesome.

You are so fucking dead, man.

You beat me to it. I wanted to get you breakfast this morning.

You better fire this asshole.

You bought this to spy on the nanny when I was a kid.

You bought this to spy on the nanny when I was a kid. Don't you remember?

You call this playing, Damon?

You can't do this on your own.

You can't take that stuff to my house.

You deserve better.

You did Tre, you said the guy looked like Batman.

You did, Tre. You said the guy looked like Batman.

You do know the police could have traced this right back to you if they'd found it?

You do know the police could have traced.

You do now.

You don't have to worry about him. You need to watch this.

You fucking...

You go get dressed. I'll tell him to meet us at safe house 'b'.

You gotta help me, Vic. My son was there and he's still missing.

You guys never saw 'One Night in Spiderman'?

You guys never saw One Night in Spider Man?

You have done self tan before, right?

You inspired me. No Kick Ass, no Red Mist.

You inspired me. No Kick Ass, no Red Mist. Seriously.

You just contact the mayor's office.

You keep carrying on like you been carrying on,

You keep carrying on like you've been carrying on,

You know I can't be here. What if somebody saw me?

You know I can't be here. What if somebody saw...

You know I volunteer at the needle exchange.

You know I'm not gonna stop.

You know it ain't Halloween for another few months, kid?

You know what a silent 'K' is?

You know what a silent "K" is?

You know what my Dad really would have wanted?

You know what my dad really would have wanted?

You know what this is?

You know what? Come here.

You know what? Everyone likes Kick Ass.

You know what? I'm thinking of just shutting my site down anyway.

You know what? Todd said they do still make Count Chocula.

You know what? Todd said they do still make count Chocula.

You know, don't worry about it. Rumors don't mean shit.

You know, in America we say stick like this. Baseball bat.

You know, it's not the...

You know, we didn't get beat up and have all our clothes taken off.

You look sharp. All them buttons. Do your job, open the fucking door.

You look sharp. Look at all them buttons. Do your job. Open the fucking door.

You meant Erika.

You meant Erika. I know. I knew that.

You need us, put on your website that you're on vacation.

You need us, put on your website you're on vacation. We'll find you.

You okay, buddy? You look tired.

You okay, buddy? You look tired. Early night tonight, maybe?

You okay, sweetheart?

You owe that kid a childhood.

You really wanna be a part of my business?

You saw him bringing out like a ton of stuff.

You say brainwashed, I say made it into a game.

You say brainwashed. I say made it into a game.

You seem like a different guy, you know that?

You started some kind of fucked up superhero club?

You still have that metal detector at your school?

You wanna be my sidekick?

You wanna get a dog?

You wanna use my cell phone?

You want to use my cell phone?

You won't be scared when some junkie asshole pulls a Glock.

You would?

You'd hire some putz in pantyhose?

You'd rather die for some piece of shit that you don't even fucking know?

You'd think one would give it a try.

You'd think that one eccentric Ioner would have made himself a costume.

You'd think that one eccentric loner would have made himself a costume.

You're a doorman now. You don't get a gun no more.

You're a fucking cop and he's breaking the law.

You're a fucking cop, and he's breaking the law.

You're a pussy.

You're a superhero and you're lonely, but you can't trust anyone

You're already making me kinda miss the hospital.

You're back on the powder now as well?

You're fucking crazy, kid.

You're gonna be fine, baby doll.

You're into comic books, aren't you?

You're like fucking Jason Bourne or something, man. That owns.

You're on the news. Call me.

You're out of luck.

You're so not how I expected.

You're talking crazy. There's no way.

You're the best.

You're the kindest Daddy in the whole world.

Your ass is mine!

Your ass is mine! Come on.

Your boy did good, Frankie.

Your call, but you know we're around if you need us.

Your call. But you know we're around if you need us.

Your Mom would have been so happy to see you out of your shell like this.

Your mom would have been so happy to see you out of your shell like this.

...are gay. Gay?!

'cause I feel like I'm gonna start crying. Right.

'cause of the blood. Right.

All right, and then... but, you know... Whoa, whoa, whoa pussy patrol.

and you don't deliver, that's when. Give me a break. It's been a week.

And you put it in the warehouse? Yeah.

And you're gonna be next, okay? What?

and you're next, okay! All right. What?

Are you controlling this right now? I sure am.

Are you controlling this thing? I sure am.

Are you crazy? My mom already died for nothing.

Are you okay? Yeah, no, I'm cool.

Are you okay? Yeah.

Are you okay? Yeah. No, I'm cool.

Are you seriously gonna take that? Yes. Come on, sweet cheeks.

Are you sure? You gotta help me, Vic.

Are you watching Family Guy? Nope.

Asshole! I wasn't into sports.

Asshole. I wasn't into sports.

Batman. I never said Batman!

Because I am Kick Ass. What are you talking about?

Boss, we gotta go, man. Come on, let's go. Fucking scumbag!

Bye bye. Bye.

Bye. Good luck.

Capes rock. Yeah, I'm kind of feeling the cape.

Check this out. ...dressed as Kick Ass.

Chris, where do you think you're going? I gotta talk to Dad.

Chris. Morning, Joe.

Daddy, I'm scared. Come on, Mindy. Honey.

Dave, Dave should go. Dave should go.

Dave? What the fuck are you doing? I'm sorry.

Dave. Yes?

Dave's what? Keep it down.

Dave's what? Not now.

Did you feel that? No.

Did you hear that? Holy shit.

Did you see that? Yeah?

Did you see those bodies? Yeah, man.

Did you spray anything over there? I think I might have shat my pants.

Do you know where that is? No, but I'll just put it in the GPS.

Do you wanna hear it or not? Hear what?

Don't kill him till I get there. Right.

Dude, you gotta check this shit out. What is it?

Especially Katie Deauxma. Hey, gorgeous.

Everything else is in the grey area. Fuck you very much. Just do it.

Everything okay? Everything's all right, boss.

Frank... Frankie! That's gotta be the worst fucking excuse

Fuck! And I'm an idiot and a shit friend.

Fuck. No, no...

Fuck. No. No, no, no.

Fucking scumbag! Come on, let's go.

Get him in the van. Let go of me. Put me down.

Get inside. Shut up! Okay, no, he lied!

Get out of my house! Katie, I'm not gonna hurt you.

Get out there. Now?

Get up. Thanks, freak.

Give me the bag. It's just comics.

Go get her. Go on, man.

Go get her. Go on, man. Go get her!

Go get her. I ain't got no fucking gun.

Good morning, Frank. Hey, Joe, how you doing?

Good morning. Chris.

Great. Want some coffee?

Have you seen him? What happened?

He lie about... Fucking mamaluke.

He said like a mask and stuff. And a cape.

He's got a cape. Yeah.

Hear what? Okay, look,

Hey, baby. Hey, what's going on?

Hey, get up. No...

Hey, leave him alone! Fuck off, man. It's none of your business!

Hey, look. Could you turn it up, please?

Hey, really? Straight up. And listen, if you...

Hey, what are you doing? There are people in there!

Hey, what are you doing? There are people in there.

Hi! Hi, sweetie.

Hi. Hi, sweet.

His truth is... Dirty motherfuckers!

Holy shit. Boss, take cover, please.

Holy shit. Have you guys noticed... He's with Katie.

How about that? No, Marty.

How cool is that? What?

I can get up. No, no...

I don't know when's the right time. Now's your chance.

I don't know when's the right time. Well, now's your chance.

I got to talk to Dad. Christopher.

I hate Tony. Yeah, fuck Tony. He's a scumbag.

I killed all the cameras. Apparently not. Look, bro...

I know a way you can get him. Shit.

I think we could make the next showing. Hell, yeah.

I wouldn't have been scared anyways. That's my girl.

I, I was only trying to surprise you, I'm sorry. Dave?

I'm gonna get you two. Two?

I'm sorry, okay? ...get the information.

Is it gonna hurt bad? Oh, child.

Is it okay to say that? Yeah.

Is that yours? Meet the 'Mist Mobile'.

Is that yours? Meet the Mist Mobile.

It is what it is. How about that, huh?

It's just comics. Yo, you wanna get cut?

Katie? You're Rasul?

Kick Ass... Get him out of here. Get him out of here.

Leave him alone. Fuck off, it's none of your business.

leaving him totally vulnerable to the... All right...

Let him go. Get out of here. Get the fuck out of here.

Little bit outside my jurisdiction. Outside your jurisdiction?

Louie? Hey, Chris. Or somebody. It doesn't have to be Louie.

Man, did you see that? Yeah.

Mom? ...as opposed to a gunman in the alley.

Morning, Ange. Morning.

Never heard of him. Okay, well, heads up, all right?

Never heard of him. Okay. Heads up, all right?

Nice shot, by the way. Thank you.

No Katie tonight? Tomorrow.

No problem. You're the best.

No. No? Okay, thank you.

Nothing. Get the fuck out of here!

Nothing. Get the fuck out of here.

Obviously. ...come to a standstill to watch.

Of course not, no. Thank you.

Oh, God, I'm so sorry, man. You fucking green...

Oh, Kick Ass? Mmm hmm.

Oh, my God. I know. If it makes you feel any better,

Okay, Daddy. Come on.

Okay, he lie. Get inside. Shut up.

Okay. We had a deal, Dad.

on your hands. That's really funny. You're so fired.

One guy? I think.

Or find out what happened on 'Lost'. Spicy, spicy.

Phone. I don't have one.

Phones, money. Dude, not again, come on.

Pleasure to meet you. Good to meet you, sir.

Pussy patrol. Fuck.

Pussy. Give me the bag.

Put the gun down, Vic, it's Chris. Chris is Red Mist?

Really? Uh uh.

Red Mist, how do you see it? Folks have had enough of living in fear..

Say what? Leave it be, man.

See you later. God, see you.

She didn't see that, did she? Hey, guys.

She's safe. Can I see her?

Shit. Let's get out of here.

Shit. Fuck. Red Mist!

Shut up. Now you say Fernandez is dead.

Smoke? No.

So what's the problem? Our Russian says that Tre just sold him

Someone else jacked it last week. Pussy.

Sorry, hon. Do what you gotta do.

Stop with the fork. I apologize.

Stop with the fork. Watch this.

Sure, why not? Cool.

Sure. Thank you. Okay.

Sure. Why not? Cool.

That is cool. Yeah.

That you... What?

That's funny. ...you're gonna have a lot of trouble

That's not fair. Life's not fair, get over it.

That's really fucking helping me! I'm just being honest.

The bowling alley? Yeah. And ice cream after.

The guy that looks like Batman? I didn't say he looked like Batman.

The observed of all observers, Quite, quite down!

There you go. All right.

There's a rumor going around... Right.

They'd be dead in, like, a day. A day.

This is awesome. Fuck, yeah!

This is awesome. Fuck, yeah.

Tony? I hate Tony.

Tony. Tony.

Up in the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

Up in the sky... Is it a bird?

We could make the next showing... Hell, yeah.

We know the truth. Yeah. Right?

What are you talking about? And I'm also not gay.

What are you talking about? The point is,

What are you talking about? The point is...

What do you think? I don't know, but I think Kick Ass is cuter.

What kind of rumor's that? Well, getting mugged and...

What the fuck just happened? Hey, hey, somebody find the lights.

What, and you put it in the warehouse? Yeah, I thought it'd be cool

What? God damn it, just sit down.

What's the problem? Yeah, Frank,

Who is it? It's Joe.

Why are you dressed as Kick Ass? Because I am Kick Ass.

Why did you save the Teddy? What?

Why, what does it do? Are you fucking kidding me?

Why? Dave, you should totally go.

Why'd you save the teddy? What?

Yeah, but that's not fair! Yeah, life's not fair, kid. Get over it.

Yeah, like Batman. I didn't say "Like Batman."

Yeah, that's fine. Get him a Pepsi, and I'll have an Icee.

Yeah? Just got the text. He's on his way.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You got nothing to worry about.

Yeah. You've got nothing to worry about.

Yo. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's up? What's up?

You don't actually read comics? Yeah, I just started.

You guys have been mugged! Yeah, I know, but,

You guys have been mugged. I know, but...

You know what? What?

You saw him bring out a ton of stuff. That's pretty cool.

You wanna get a dog? Yeah, a cuddly Fluffy one.

You wanna go talk to him? No, no, no. no.

You wanna go talk to him? I can move. Dave... Dave should go.

You want a Pepsi? Yeah, that's fine.

You watching 'family guy'? No.

You would? Definitely.

You're a dick. Don't be afraid, Dave.

You're not making sense. What I'm saying is the centrifugal force

You're seriously gonna take that? Yes.

...'Sunset Boulevard', 'American Beauty'?

...a spiderman party, sure, but a fucking Kick Ass party?

...after a 911 call from someone claiming to be a superhero...

...after a video of his intervention of street gang violence...

...and a slightly elevated capacity to take a kicking.

...and all I'm asking is you let Kick Ass go.

...and break your fucking legs.

...and Daddy started a plan of his very own.

...and he came up with a plan to get rid of Daddy.

...and Kick Ass proved that one individual can make a difference.

...and pulls his fucking lungs out through his ass!

...are burnt to ashes and buried.

...are gay. Gay?

...as his actions last night proved.

...became the most watched clip on the Internet.

...but as word of mouth spreads Internet providers are predicting that...

...but I tried my best.

...but it's really no more painful than a punch in the chest.

...but there's nothing special, either.

...but this was a nightmare.

...but we could see widespread server crashes...

...but you can't just re programme yourself...

...guys like Rasul get mixed up in stuff and...

...has decided to take crime fighting to a new level...

...I care about you a lot.

...I gotta tell you... that hurt.

...I think it's that superhero nut job from the TV.

...is fire.

...is he the kinda guy you'd go for, with the, all that leather?

...it could be one of the most widely viewed live events in web history.

...it's over.

...John Woo's first full length feature?

...like in the word 'knuckle duster'. Show them what it can do, guy.

...look, I'm really, really sorry.

...lovely as you.

...Mindy was born.

...miny, mo.

...my Dad wouldn't be.

...no whining, and you got yourself a deal, young lady.

...nobody knows who he is.

...on the latest corruption scandal. And coming up after the hour,

...on top of it and then into it. Right in the middle of it.

...or an apology for the black eye he'd given her.

...or jerking off, mostly to my English teacher.

...or publicity stunt, it is now clear the hostages are in genuine danger.

...or talking to my friend Todd on Skype.

...or you could just stay.

...quit being such a smart ass.

...say hello to my little friend!

...shares in Kleenex are gonna take a dive, man.

...show you why being a hero is a bad idea.

...smaller caliber version of what design?

...that being a superhero is bad for your health.

...that he will announce his retirement from crime fighting...

...that I'm the only one who ever fantasized about this?

...that someone probably worked their ass off to pay for.

...that wasn't true.

...that you don't even fucking know?

...that you... What?

...the only epiphany I had was realizing that life just goes on.

...time to die.

...transvestite that is Kick Ass will take you down, I say!

...turned out to be more of a lame cobra.

...wait till they get a load of me.

...was making deposits in the whack off warehouse for later.

...watching the entire 'ugly Betty' box set and did pedicures.

...we are unable to broadcast the events streaming live on the Internet.

...we didn't get beat up and have all our clothes taken off.

...we do them all together.

...well, you know who this guy is.

...who have dedicated themselves to fighting crime.

...who were very good at getting bad guys.

...you can't trust anyone because they'll expose your secret identity...

...you need to get ghost, hide yourself quick.

...you're gonna be using it in about 5 minutes.

...you're gonna have a lot of trouble on your hands.

...you're out of luck.

'cause either they'll expose your secret identity...

'cause you're gonna be using it in about five minutes.

'Tie Han Rou Qing. 'The Young Dragons'.

"And I, of ladies most deject and wretched..."

"I will avenge you, Mother!"

"Mommy, I want a Kick Ass party." Dumb little fucks.

"The glass of fashion and the mold of form

"The observed of all observers quite, quite down!

♪ And every time I look ♪ ♪ inside your eyes ♪

♪ And everything you love ♪ ♪ will burn up in the light ♪

♪ And I would die ♪ ♪ for you, my love ♪

♪ And we're running with ♪ ♪ blood on our knees ♪

♪ And you think you're better ♪

♪ Are they thinking ♪ ♪ of you or of me ♪

♪ Are they wondering ♪ ♪ what we might be ♪

♪ But everything looks better ♪ ♪ when the sun goes down ♪

♪ Every time I look ♪ ♪ inside your eyes ♪

♪ Everything in your ♪ ♪ eyes, your eyes ♪

♪ God damn! ♪

♪ Gonna put it down ♪

♪ I can make it better ♪

♪ I can see in your ♪ ♪ eyes, your eyes ♪

♪ I don't give a damn ♪ ♪ 'bout my reputation. ♪

♪ I had everything ♪

♪ I see your eyes ♪

♪ I would die for you, my love ♪

♪ I'll never be good enough ♪

♪ I'm running in the light ♪

♪ Know when there's a ♪ ♪ new moon on the rise ♪

♪ Look inside your eyes ♪

♪ My love ♪

♪ Never was a girl ♪ ♪ with a wicked mind ♪

♪ No other way to be ♪

♪ Not me. ♪

♪ On a silver platter ♪

♪ Opportunities for eternity and ♪ ♪ I could belong to the night ♪

♪ Put it at your feet ♪

♪ Show me all the things ♪ ♪ that I shouldn't know ♪

♪ Take a chance on me ♪

♪ Taste me, drink my soul ♪

♪ To the open stream ♪

♪ We are free ♪

♪ We are strong ♪

♪ We are young ♪

♪ We could rule the world ♪

♪ We'll burn up in the light ♪

♪ We're not cool ♪

♪ We're not looking for ♪ ♪ where we belong ♪

♪ What do they know about us ♪

♪ With a crash and burn ♪

♪ You make me wanna die ♪

700 miles an hour. 700 miles an hour.

Kick-Ass (2010)
Kick-Ass (2010) is a thrilling action-comedy film that follows the journey of Dave Lizewski, portrayed by Aaron Taylor-Johnson, an ordinary teenager turned real-life superhero. His mission? To fight crime and make the world a better place, despite having no special powers. With the guidance of the spirited Hit-Girl (Chloë Grace Moretz) and her vigilante father, Big Daddy (Nicolas Cage), Kick-Ass faces unpredictable challenges in their quest for justice. Directed by Matthew Vaughn, this darkly humorous and visually stunning movie is an absolute must-watch. Immerse yourself in the explosive soundtrack and download these ear-catching sounds that perfectly accompany the film!
List of sound clips on this page:

To get the most from this site, please enable JavaScript.

You Might Also Like:

Aliens (1986) Trump Supporter Avril Lavigne Don't Tell Me Case Prank Call : Jay & Silent Bob Strike Bac… Diary of a Wimpy Kid Kick-Ass Scott Steiner Dumb Ass Kick Ass 2 (2013) Kick-Ass (2010) Your Ass Austin Powers: International Man of Myst… They Live Kick Ass 2 (2013)