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Being John Malkovich (1999) Being John Malkovich is a critically acclaimed, mind-bending film directed by Spike Jonze and

Being John Malkovich (1999)

Being John Malkovich is a critically acclaimed, mind-bending film directed by Spike Jonze and released in 1999. The movie follows a struggling puppeteer, Craig Schwartz, who stumbles upon a mysterious portal that leads into the mind of actor John Malkovich. As Craig's obsession grows, he teams up with his co-worker, Maxine, to profit from this discovery. Starring John Cusack as Craig, Cameron Diaz as his wife Lotte, and Catherine Keener as Maxine, this film is a blend of dark comedy, surrealism, and existentialism. Experience the intriguing sounds and download the movie's soundtrack here.

A couple of minutes. I'm early.
A reflection of ourselves, our frailties
A very, very confused man.
About the nature of self, about the existence of a soul.
About the orientation film being bullshit.
Absorbed? What does that mean?
Actually, my name is Craig Schwartz, Dr. Lester.
After dinner, I'll introduce you to my chimp Elijah.
After dinner, I'll show you my puppets.
After that, I'd get diverted into the next newly forming infant vessel.
After the first time you stuck your dick in Maxine, Lotte.
Ah, this illustrates how I will move into my next vessel, Malkovich,
Ah, to be a young man again, eh, Schwartz?
Ah.
Ah. Well, now,
Ahh! What are you doing?
Aided in no small part by his new wife and manager, Maxine Lund.
All I think about is wanting to be him.
All of us. Celeste, Floris, you, me. Gary Sinise maybe.
All right. Do it now while I'm on the phone so I can hear
All right. You're right.
All sorts of philosophical type questions, you know...
And 50 other lines to get into a girl's pants.
And abandon ourselves to fornication,
And all eyes, Craig, are upon me as I speak.
And all I ask in return is the opportunity to do my work.
And cease from complaints like these
And don't forget,
And for the color, periwinkle?
And he was with her!
And high ceilinged rooms mock my stature.
And I am not banging her, if that's what you're implying.
And I believe that.
And I could use Malkovich's existing notoriety
And I didn't know how else to be with you.
And I have to piss sitting down like a goddamn girly girl,
And I just...
And I would like to redirect my career
And I'll have, uh, a light beer or something.
And I'll spill my goddamn guts for ya.
And I've never felt this way before.
And it just slew me.
And it's kind of amusing once you get past how disgusting it actually is.
And no one would ever even have to know it's not him.
And once atop the stairs you'll want to enter the, uh...
And pay his dues all over again as a fledgling puppeteer.
And putting everybody to bed.
And seeing what they see and feeling what they feel.
And so it was that just eight short months ago,
And so,
And someone else, who local legend has it was named Flemmer.
And tensions will just melt away.
And that I could live forever by leaping from vessel to vessel.
And the bathmat?
And the crowds have been absolutely sensational
And the funny thing is, Mr. Malkovich, my voice is probably
And the male pattern baldness,
And the man who reinvented how we view puppeteering.
And the ones who don't go after what they want,
And the woman behind the man.
And then after about 15 minutes, you're spit out
And there's just something I think you should know about the Malkovich vessel.
And they won't allow it...
And this was the sum total of my love.
And together they worked tirelessly
And we operate a little business here
And well, even speaking to you now has gotten me sort of excited, you know?
And what does the future hold for John Horatio Malkovich?
And your lovely bride walks.
And, uh, art always tells the truth, even when it's lying.
And, um, I'd just like to thank God for giving us this opportunity
And... And I found that this portal led to a vessel body
And... And I shall build a floor for ye
Any questions?
Anya, I see it coming.
Apparently you can control this Malkovich fellow now?
Are you gonna throw up? Are you gonna vomit?
Are you married?
Are you torturing me on purpose?
Are you? All right. Let's see about that.
As the poet said,
As you'll now be spending your work day here,
Bar...
Be gone with ye, you foul demon!
Because consciousness...
Because I raise issues.
Because it could have been her talking through me.
Because it was yours.
Because Lestercorp's open during the day,
Because this...
Because you guys are partners and I thought that might be a really nice gesture.
Before Malkovich is nothing more than another puppet hanging next to my work table.
Behind the stubble and the too prominent brow
Being inside another skin,
Being inside did something to me.
Bell... Lu...
Bernardo's? 8:00? I really want to see you.
Between the seventh and the eighth in me own building
Bravo!
Brought about a renaissance in puppeteering.
Business stuff,
But I can get us out of it, if you want.
But I don't understand. There's not...
But I felt, uh, oddly compelled.
But I gotta get back home to my wife.
But I I I can't do that. I mean, if if I leave Malkovich,
But I must enter by midnight on that day.
But I was just really, really scared.
But I'll be in in a little while.
But I'm really in love with you,
But if the feeling is still there,
But it's a good thing, 'cause it's gonna get us out of the hole financially
But nobody wants to die.
But nothing could prepare the public for what was to come next.
But seriously, that'll all be covered in orientation.
But some say Maxine has changed since becoming pregnant,
But the elderly have so much to offer, sir. They're our link with history.
But the truth is that I'm in love with someone else.
But this insanity is now over.
But we're working through it.
But what I had been through. I am hungry as the winter.
But what would you think if I told you
But what... That doesn't have anything to do with it.
But when I come back, we can maybe celebrate Malkovich's big four four.
But, 49 words for snow?
But, at least they remain vital.
But, Mr. Malkovich, sir, with all due respect,
But, rather, the ear of a kind man with a noble heart.
But, um, I think that once we all get the courage
Buy you a drink, Maxine?
Bye bye.
Bye!
Came to this town and decided to erect an office building.
Can I be anybody that I wanna be?
Can I get you anything? Coffee? Water?
Can I swim yet?
Can't we just go inside the portal and push Craig out?
Captain Mertin, I'm afraid that
Captain Mertin?
Careful. Isn't that interesting?
Carrot juice, and lots of it.
Case closed. End of story.
Charlie, hi!
Charlie, I don't know anything about the girl.
Charlie, someone was talking through my mouth.
Charlie, this is Emily.
Charlie, we are not getting any younger.
Check her.
Chicken soup? Chicken soup?
Come here.
Come in, Mr. Juarez.
Come on, Craig.
Come on. Morning, sweetheart.
Come.
Compliments of the house.
Craig, honey, it's time for bed.
Craig, honey, time to get up.
Craig, honey, time to get up. Craig, honey, time to get up.
Craig, you're not a monster. No.
Craig!
Craig!
Craig!
Craig! Craig, I gotta go back! No!
Craig. I need to go to the bathroom and take a shower.
Craig's wife.
Craigy.
Craigy.
Cut it out, you guys.
Damn fine woman, Floris.
Damn, you're good.
Davey, it's Max.
Derek Mantini doesn't need a day job.
Desperate humanity.
Did you call me Lotte?
Did you know that Eskimos have not one,
Dinner.
Do a puppet show for me, Craig, honey.
Do you have any idea what it's like to have two people look at you
Do you know why our workplace has such low ceilings?
Do you think that it might have some sort of significance, for example?
Do you think that it's kind of weird that John Malkovich has a portal?
Do you want to back order?
Does it matter?
Doesn't have access to our product?
Don, I was wondering,
Don't call here anymore, okay?
Don't crowd me, Craig.
Don't ever with your audience.
Don't forget about me!
Don't stand in the way of my actualization as a man.
Don't you wanna know what happened to me?
Doorknobs are too high, chairs are unwieldy
Dr. Lester,
Dr. Lester, this is all really fascinating and stuff,
Dr. Lester, while I'm flattered you would share your feelings with me,
Elijah's gonna sleep with us tonight.
Emm...ily...
Ever want to be someone else? Now you can. Visit J.M. Inc.
Every minute, day and night...
Everyone, this is Lotte.
Everywhere.
Exactly what, uh, type of service does this company provide?
Exactly!
Excuse me, sir.
Excuse me. Are you John Malkovich?
Fag o vitch!
Fifth door on my left. Watch the step down. It's sunken.
Flattery will get you everywhere, my boy.
Floris, get Guinness on the phone.
Floris, I think you're very nice,
For lack of a better word. I mean, it raises
Forever doomed to watch the world through someone else's eyes.
From her husband's affections.
From now on, I'm no longer an actor. I'm a puppeteer.
From there, it was a simple hop, skip and a jump
From these inauspicious beginnings...
Fuck!
Gee!
Get inside!
Get that? That was a joke.
Gimmicky bastard.
God, I was. I was, wasn't I?
God, Lotte, what have I become?
God.
God. I feel sexy.
Good afternoon, sir.
Good.
Good. We'll sell tickets.
Gotta go back to work. Okay, bye.
Great to see you.
Great. That sounds good.
Have some appreciation for my state of mind.
Have you done Malkovich yet?
He breathes life into inanimate objects.
He called our bluff.
He called this building the Mertin Flemmer Building after himself
He has a penis and a vagina.
He has an ulcer right now due to suppressed childhood trauma.
He was just hanging around his apartment.
He was the talk of the town from the Beltway to Broadway
He's a technical genius.
He's had me locked in the cage with my chimp,
He's like this insane old lech,
He's not feeling very good again.
He's not with us.
He's very well respected. Anyway, the point is
Hello, Don. Hello, Wendy.
Hello? Hello?
Hello. Hello, young lady. We're...
Help me!
Help! He's locking me in a cage!
Here you are, my dear.
Here, Elijah. Here you go.
Here's the thing.
Hey, everybody, I'm home.
Hey, let's do it on his dining room table.
Hey, Malkovich, think fast!
Hey, say, uh, ain't you that actor guy?
Hey, shut up!
Hey, thanks for a wonderful dinner.
Hey! Help me!
Hey! Hey!
Hey. Malcatraz. Uh, how are you?
Hi, Dr. Lester. It's Lotte Schwartz,
Hi, Elijah. We're supposed to have dinner with him on Thursday
Hi, Lotte!
Hi.
Hi.
Hi. Do you know that I don't even know your name or where you work?
Hi. I heard your voice.
Him, the portal. Why?
His breakout performance occurred at this year's Emmy Awards...
His muse, his inspiration.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Holy shit, yes!
Holy shit, yes!
Honey pie! I was just heading out the door to meet you.
Honey, not again!
Honey?
Hot, lesbian witches. Think about it. It's fucking genius.
How could that be? Is it still in Malkovich's head?
How did you get this number?
How did you know it was me?
How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
How was it?
How was it?
How was your evening?
How's that?
Huh, lamb?
I am bad. I am bad. I am bad.
I am bad. I am bad. I am bad.
I am dubious, but I don't welsh.
I am not Dr. Lester.
I am not John Malkovich!
I am really attracted to you. Christ, you are a fag.
I am sick, anxious, poor as a beggar.
I am sick, anxious, poor as a beggar.
I apologize if you can't understand a word I'm saying.
I came upon a room that seemed to be some sort of John Malkovich museum.
I can explain about the portal, darling.
I can't believe you're in this shithole, man.
I comes before U.
I did it!
I didn't even hear the door.
I discovered that portal. It's my livelihood. Do you understand?
I do.
I don't even care.
I don't find you attractive, hmm? And, Lotte,
I don't know how she puts up with this speech impediment of mine.
I don't know how to use it very well,
I don't know if maybe we should exploit it. You think?
I don't know!
I don't know.
I don't know. Why do you think that?
I don't know... I, uh...
I don't really understand.
I don't see how I could go on living my life the way I've lived it before.
I don't think he's feeling very well.
I don't wanna be your goddamn link, damn ya.
I don't want that to happen.
I feel something for you,
I figured out how to hang on as long as I want.
I gotta know the truth, Charlie.
I guess I loved you, too, in my way.
I had a piece of wood in my hand. I don't have it anymore.
I had to do the Malkovich ride again, you know? Is this her?
I hate you.
I have a cousin who's a retard.
I have a very unhealthy obsession with John Malkovich.
I have an interview with Dr. Lester.
I have been everywhere. Everywhere.
I have been to the dark side.
I have seen a world that no man should see!
I have to go back at 8:00 exactly, tonight.
I I I like that about it.
I intoxicate you.
I kept it because I knew you were the father,
I knew who I was.
I know it's the craziest thing, Craig!
I know you're not a monster, honey.
I know, honey, but I thought, you know,
I know!
I know.
I know. I'm sorry.
I left Malkovich for you, sweetie!
I like that.
I like you. I don't know what it is about you. I just...
I look really amazing. I'd fuck me.
I love this new devil may care side of you.
I love you so much.
I love you, Maxine.
I love you.
I loved you so much!
I made him move his arms across your girlfriend's glorious tit!
I mean, it was like somebody was just moving all the way through me,
I mean, literally, I feel like I'm going crazy, Charlie.
I miss you so much, Maxine.
I must say, I was intrigued by your voice.
I need to see you.
I need you for this, Craigy. You're my man on the inside.
I never played a jewel thief.
I really feel that you and I belong together, Maxine.
I said, Yes?
I see.
I see.
I see.
I see. Well, if it's charity you're after,
I sensed your feminine longing.
I swear, sometimes it's not worth it. I piss orange.
I think he's probably just a really, uh, lonely guy.
I think I'm sweating.
I think it's kind of sexy that John Malkovich has a portal.
I think she'd like that.
I think that, uh, a lot of us will move into puppetry.
I think, I feel, I suffer.
I thought it was me that you loved!
I took my fill of my wretched pleasures in you
I tried to explain that to her.
I wanna try it.
I want her to shiver with a spasm of ecstasy, Schwartz, as I penetrate her wet...
I want my body to inspire lust in that beautiful, complex woman.
I want to be John Malkovich, tomorrow.
I want to do it then.
I want to do it!
I want to feel Florie's naked thighs next to mine.
I want to touch her breast. Touch her breast.
I was inside John Malkovich lookin' out.
I was John Malkovich.
I was so freaked out.
I was thinking about what you were saying
I was thinking.
I was...
I wasn't toying with her, sir. I wouldn't...
I wasn't... I was talking about the film.
I will see you in court!
I...I'm sorry. I have no idea what you're saying to me right now.
I'd be absorbed.
I'd like very much to see you again.
I'll be, you know, deemed an imitator.
I'll cook my lasagna,
I'll have more of the same, please, Barry.
I'll meet you on the side of the road by the New Jersey Turnpike.
I'll say you are.
I'll take you through it.
I'll tell you about it when I get home, okay? All right?
I'll tell you what. Meet me after work today at Jerry's Juiceteria on Lex
I'm a great admirer of yours.
I'm a puppeteer.
I'm afraid I have to trust Floris on that one.
I'm back! I'm...
I'm busy.
I'm free.
I'm glad you called.
I'm glad you're coming to realize that.
I'm going to be working a lot of late nights with this partner
I'm going to talk to Dr. Feldman about sexual reassignment surgery.
I'm going.
I'm gonna go right back into Malkovich
I'm John. How do you do?
I'm looking grateful?
I'm making him weep, John.
I'm Maxine.
I'm not a child, but rather an adult lady of miniature proportions.
I'm not asking for alms
I'm not John Malkovich.
I'm not!
I'm scared.
I'm serious! I'm serious.
I'm smitten with you.
I'm so glad you decided to come.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry. That's horrible.
I'm sorry I didn't call. It was just hard to get away.
I'm sorry I'm so late. I just...
I'm sorry to have called you like that,
I'm sorry, I have no time for piddling suggestions from mumbling job applicants.
I'm sorry, Lotte.
I'm sorry, Maxine. It's been him the whole time.
I'm sorry, Mr. Malkovich. I hope we didn't hurt you too terribly.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I didn't know Orrin Hatch was out of his cage.
I'm sorry. That was nasty.
I'm sure you're not going crazy.
I'm surprised. That's pretty impressive.
I'm your man?
I've always wondered what it would be like to have a penis.
I've been going over and over my experience last night, Craig.
I've been thinking about us, you know? And, uh...
I've begun imagining it as a really expensive suit that I enjoy wearing.
I've fallen in love.
I've got to make sure.
I've gotta head down to ABT now.
I've never been looked at like this by a woman before.
If I can guess your name in three tries,
If I can guess your name in three tries,
If I can't have you, no one will.
If I could just get maybe three extra hand towels...
If I was 80 years younger, I'd box your ears.
If there's anything that upsets me about it,
If you can get your mind out of the gutter long enough, dog boy.
If you like.
If you're going to do something, do it right.
If you're late, I walk.
In Maxine, Malkovich had found his mentor
In my isolated tower of indecipherable speech.
In speech impedimentology from Case Western.
In Westchester County today puppeteer Derek Mantini
Inc. Mertin. M E R T I N. Flemmer.
Interesting, Craig.
Into a ditch on the side of the New Jersey Turnpike.
Into those who go after what they want
Is a terrible curse.
Is gonna be the answer to your problems.
Is there something so terrible about that?
Is this Malkovich fellow appealing?
Is this your partner? She's pretty.
Is, I think the world is divided
Isn't she lovely?
Isn't that cute? I just taught him that today.
Isn't that odd?
It can be one of the pillars, the props,
It is.
It is... It is sort of like puppeteering.
It means a lot to me to see retards
It might be dangerous to toy with?
It proves I love you!
It was 90 years ago that I discovered a strange portal.
It was amazing this time.
It was amazing.
It was just, uh, your passion for me taking hold.
It'll be okay.
It's a job thing, really.
It's a portal, and it takes you inside John Malkovich.
It's a very godlike thing to be able to take something and,
It's all a matter of making friends with the Malkovich body.
It's because they have so much of it.
It's been that son of a bitch, Craig.
It's better than your wildest dreams.
It's confusing, you know? This is a very confusing situation.
It's feeling like if I move into it too quickly,
It's just a little mix up with your secretary. My name is Craig Schwartz.
It's just a matter of practice
It's just a phase. It's the thrill of seeing through somebody else's eyes.
It's just that I really, you know,
It's just that, well... Please let me explain.
It's just that, well... Please let me explain.
It's like everything made sense. I...I knew who I was.
It's my head, Schwartz! It's my head!
It's my second choice, but it's wonderful. It's...
It's no good being Malkovich without you.
It's ours. I got pregnant when you were in Malkovich.
It's over!
It's playing with people.
It's quite a thrill, Craigy.
It's sort of like Malkovich's feminine side.
It's sort of vaginal, like he has a...
It's such an honor.
It's very bad for the skin.
It's wet.
It's your baby, okay?
It's, uh... It's Topo Gigio.
It's... It's the... I miss... I'm really John Malkovich.
J.M. Inc. Be all that someone else can be.
James Mertin, an Irish ship captain,
Jesus, we're going to kill your wife, you fucking lunatic!
Jesus! Why couldn't I have found the portal to a younger body?
Jesus.
John and me.
John Malkovich dropped the bombshell
John Malkovich, the artist, and Maxine, the entrepreneur,
John, uh... What is, uh... John, um, uh...
Johnny boy, what are you talking about?
Johnny, baby, Johnny.
Just drop it.
Just get down from the...
Just let me make a couple calls.
L... Carol...
Ladies, I begin. I am the love god Eros.
Larry? Uh, I want to get right to the point.
Let her go, Craig.
Let me see. Are you gonna throw up? Let me see!
Lewd visions of these pleasures
Like that, little girl?
Listen to Lester's sexual fantasies and drink carrot juice for a while.
Listen, can you get me John Malkovich's home phone?
Listen, Charlie, I know this is going to sound crazy,
Listen, don't con me, Maxine.
Listen, I really don't find this amusing.
Listen, I should really get going, okay?
Listen, I'll... I'll give you anything you want. Please.
Listen, Schwartz, Malkovich is our vessel.
Little Johnny Malk o pee! Little Johnny Malk o pee!
Live dangerously. Close early.
Lock up for me, okay?
Look away.
Look away. Look away.
Look away. Look away.
Look, a puppet show!
Lots of things. That jewel thief movie, for example.
Lotte called me. She escaped your evil clutches.
Lotte, are you all right?
Lotte, Maxine. Maxine, Lotte.
Lotte, no!
Lotte, this is so good!
Lotte!
Lotte? Is that you?
Lotte.
Lotte.
Low overhead, my boy!
Ma Sheen.
Ma...
Maax...ine... M M M Maxine?
Malk...
Malkovich had to start from scratch
Malkovich Physical Development.
Malkovich shows us
Malkovich, Malkovich
Malkovich, Malkovich
Malkovich, Malkovich
Malkovich, Malkovich, Malkovich?
Malkovich, Malkovich.
Malkovich, Malkovich.
Malkovich, Malkovich.
Malkovich!
Malkovich?
Malkovich.
Malkovich.
Malkovich. Malkovich.
Malkovich's rise to fame
Many years ago in the late 1800s,
Mar...lar...
Max?
Maxine will have nothing to do...
Maxine, honey, it's on!
Maxine, I am gonna kill you!
Maxine, I love you!
Maxine, this is... this is so right.
Maxine! I did it, Maxine!
Maxine! Maxine!
Maxine?
Maxine?
Maxine? Maxine?
Maxine.
Maxine. Maxine.
Maybe it was this Lotte woman talking
Maybe she's using you to channel some dead, lesbian lover.
Maybe something else until this puppet thing turns around.
Maybe then Floris would care for me.
Maybe you could alphabetize me.
Maybe you'd feel better if you got a job.
Me wife.
Meet her there! Meet her there! Meet her there!
Meet her there! Meet her there! Meet her there!
Meet her there. Meet her there. Meet her there.
Meet her. Meet her there. Meet her there! Meet her there!
Mmm hmm.
Mmm, tonight, after you close?
Mmm.
More than anything, Maxine.
Morning.
Move right hand across left breast now.
Move right hand across left breast now.
Moving my arms, moving my hands, talking for me.
Moving story, huh?
Mr. Juarez?
Mr. Malkovich, I think I can explain.
Mr. Malkovich, sir.
Much better, thank you.
My darling, how will we make a living if our clientele
My name is Craig Schwartz
My name is Schwartz.
My name is Warts?
My spunk is, to you, manna from heaven.
My wife in a cage with a monkey.
Nightly from 9:00 p.m. to 4:00 a.m.
No hard feelings, partner?
No reason. I was just thinking.
No, doll face. I know what my passion taking hold feels like.
No, he's much too powerful.
No, I don't suppose you would.
No, I understand perfectly.
No, I want more.
No, I was just talking about the... You know, about the film.
No, I won't be late, Lotte. I just have to, you know,
No, listen, Maxine. It hasn't been me in Malkovich the last time.
No, man, I'm sorry to...
No, no, I'm pretty sure it was you. The, uh... 'Cause, uh...
No, no!
No, please!
No, thank you.
No, that's the ad, but we can talk about you in a minute.
No, that's what I'm saying.
No, wait! I love your tits. I wanna fuck 'em.
No!
No? Who am I thinkin' of?
No.
No. I am really attracted to you.
No. I think I'm going to go to bed.
No. I'll, uh, go with the loden.
No. It's just that for the first time, everything just felt right.
No. No, I...I wanna go.
No. Um... My name's Craig Schwartz.
Nobody told me. That just came out.
Not a chance.
Not everybody can be Derek Mantini.
Nothing was impossible
Now we're gettin' somewhere.
Now, my friends. The time is now.
Now, when you say that I can be somebody else, what do you mean exactly?
Nubile. Blonde.
Oblique but intriguing. Phone it in.
Of course send him right in. Don't ever keep him waiting again, you understand?
Of course. Right this way, Mr. Malkovich,
Of ingesting minerals through a colloidal form which I couldn't agree more with.
Oh, and I made him talk sort of.
Oh, Craig!
Oh, Craigy. Craigy, that's brilliant.
Oh, Elijah! You really are magnificent.
Oh, great to see you, Maxine.
Oh, he's an actor. He's one of the great American actors of the 20th century.
Oh, I had so much fun with you last night.
Oh, I see.
Oh, it's very kind of you to lie.
Oh, look away.
Oh, Lotte.
Oh, Lotte.
Oh, Maxine!
Oh, mmm!
Oh, my darling, it's so much more!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Is that real?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my goodness!
Oh, my sweet Maxine.
Oh, shut up.
Oh, that's okay.
Oh, yeah? What's he been in?
Oh, you know what? The puppeteer told me he loved me today.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh! Be still, my heart.
Oh! Mmm.
Oh! Oh, God.
Oh! Yes. Oh, my God.
Oh.
Oh. Oh, uh, yes.
Oh. Oh.
Oh. Please have a seat, Mr. Juarez.
Oh. Thank you.
Okay, honey, just for a minute. Mommy's waiting.
Okay, meet me at The Stuck Pig, 7:00.
Okay, that was Craig inside of Malkovich?
Okay, uh, 4:11.
Okay, you can swim.
Okay?
Okay? It'll pass.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay. Ever want to be someone else?
Okay. Great.
Okay. Let's go. Come on.
Okay. Thank you.
Okeydoke. They're covered in grease.
On such an inhospitable evening?
On the lighter side of the news,
One hundred and five.
One of the world's greatest entertainers
Only as John, sweetie.
Ooh, doll.
Ooh, what magic those fingers could work on the right cabinet, mmm.
Ouch. That is hot.
Out of respect for the fact that she wouldn't let you near her with a ten foot pole!
Pardon me?
Pardon me. How old are you, sir?
Perhaps it's the idea of becoming someone else for a little while.
Please come in, come in.
Please don't kill Maxine.
Please, have a seat.
Plus he does get acting work occasionally.
Poof, you're a puppeteer.
Portrayed on the silver screen so compassionately.
Psychotherapy.
Puppets, Maxine. It's the idea of being inside someone else's skin
Raised in Evanston, Illinois, Malkovich had a lifelong interest in theater arts
Rather than thinking of it as an enemy that has to be pounded into submission,
Really? For most people, it's a rather pleasant experience.
Really? Well, I'm really sorry I did that, Maxine,
Right now Mr. Hiroshi's in the tube...
Right now, on the way to Lester's.
Right now?
Ru...
Say it.
Say, uh, aren't you John Malkovich?
Schwartz would just jam us down into Malkovich's subconscious.
Schwartzy, are you in there?
See, I don't really need an extra bathmat.
See, I, uh...
See, I, uh...
See, men can feel unfulfilled, too, Lotte.
Seven and a half, right?
Seven and a half.
Shall we do the cramp test?
Shall we to the boudoir?
She could be, like, a fucking witch or something.
She thinks that it's some sort of childhood trauma.
She's a new friend of mine.
She's carrying Malkovich's seed! Our next vessel!
She's not my secretary.
She's sorry she couldn't make it today. She had to go to the store.
Shit, he said what I said!
Shit!
Shoot. But it's business hours.
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up! We're trying to think here.
Shut up.
Simulates?
Since the rents are considerably lower,
Sit up, okay? Just sit up. Just sit up.
So at least there'll be one place on God's green earth
So do...do you enjoy being an actor?
So don't make any sudden moves!
So Dr. Lester is such a vessel?
So I figured out a way this time to take others along with me.
So I just dressed the wound and I've just been feeding everyone
So I thought perhaps maybe you would
So I thought that I would ask him his opinion.
So I'll be working a lot of late nights.
So if Craig can control Malkovich,
So if I get the set, would it be possible
So lovely.
So much snow.
So tell me about yourself, huh?
So tell me, Lotte, can you understand a word I'm saying?
So that's the story of seven and a half.
So we can't go during the day. But if you want to, we can do it right now.
So we're parents?
So when they lie on their death beds, they have, um, few regrets.
So where do you live and stuff?
So, as you might imagine,
So, honey, have you thought any more about us having a baby?
So, listen, why don't we have dinner tonight?
So, my dear, what is it that brings you to my doorway
So, uh...
So... But...
Some goddamn thing was making me move.
Something was making me talk.
Sometimes my thoughts are betrayed by the movement of my body.
Sorry about the cunt at reception.
Sorry about the cunt at reception.
Sorry, honey. Sorry, honey.
Sounds good.
Sounds great! Who the fuck is John Malkovich?
Sounds like my kind of gal. Let me know when you're done with her, yeah?
Standing here before the fire in my oversized man's robe.
Stay in him forever.
Suck my dick!
Sure, whatever.
Sure. Sure. No problemo.
Sure. Yeah. It's...it's very rewarding.
Susann...
Sweetie, I'm sorry.
Sweetie!
Ta... Shar...
Take me back, Craig.
Take such a hold upon my unhappy soul
Tell her what the hell, close early, live dangerously.
Tell me,
Tell me, Craig, why do you love puppeteering?
Tell me, Dr. Schwartz, what do you feel you can bring to Lestercorp?
Tell me, which of these two letters comes first? This one or this one?
Thank you, Maxine.
Thank you.
Thanks.
That I'd found a way for us to live forever? All of us.
That my thoughts are on their very wantonness instead of my prayers.
That portal is mine,
That portal's been boarded up forever. I bet Lester's not even aware of it.
That sent shock waves through the entertainment community.
That simulates, for our clientele, well, the...
That was a good one.
That was incredible! You're... You're brilliant!
That would pale in comparison to the actual experience.
That'd be perfect, 'cause then I can meet your partner.
That's even better!
That's nice. Oh!
That's not me! I didn't say that.
That's perfect!
That's true.
That's what makes him one of the most relevant artists of our time.
That's when he becomes ripe.
The baby, it's yours.
The Broadhurst Theater, please.
The enigmatic John Malkovich,
The experience of... of... of being you, actually.
The ferret?
The last thing you'll ever see, Maxine.
The least intriguing thing about me.
The one where you played a jewel thief.
The other mother, whatever, because I...
The passionate ones, the ones who go after what they want,
The puppeteer's voice need not merely be the record of man.
The symbol on the left is not a letter, sir.
The thing is, Lestercorp's open during the day,
The thing is, the way that I see it,
The thing is, there's been some tension between us at work,
The truth is for suckers, Johnny boy.
The weird thing is this Maxine likes to call me Lotte.
The world was not built with me in mind.
Then I'm Craig Schwartz again. No career, no money.
Then we'll make him eat an omelet off of it.
There's a tiny door in my office, Maxine.
There's no such thing as a hole, or a portal, into somebody's brain.
They like that.
They make this character,
Think what I think, feel what I feel?
Thinking differently, moving differently,
This floor has been adopted by businesses which,
This is a very odd thing. It's supernatural,
This is absurd! Besides, Feldman is an allergist.
This is John Malkovich...
This is my fiancee, Maxine.
This is something that I call Craig's Dance of Despair and Disillusionment.
This the bedroom?
This travesty will all be over with by morning.
Thrilled onlookers as he performed The Belle of Amherst
Thy story has moved me like no other.
Tickets to Malkovich?
To Broadway accolades and Hollywood stardom.
To further Malkovich's puppeteering career.
To just follow through on our instincts, like Malkovich has,
To launch my own puppeteering career.
To share our creative vision.
To tell one's name the livelong day
Together?
Tom Tom's puncture wound is infected.
Tommy, can I take 15?
Tonight we look at the man above the strings
Treats for everyone.
Turning his back on his former profession,
Two hundred clams.
Uh huh.
Uh huh.
Uh, don't tell me. Maplethorpe?
Uh, hi. Yeah, I want to place an ad.
Uh, well, sir, I'm an excellent filer.
Uh, yeah.
Uh...
Uh... Okay. Okay.
Um, okay, how about this?
Um, okay, how about this?
Um, okay. I'll see you in Malkovich in one hour.
Unable to control anything,
Unfortunately, the story's bullshit.
Until the... the puppet becomes an extension of you, it's a novelty act.
Visit J.M. Inc. Mertin Flemmer Building.
Wanna meet at the Pig in 20 minutes? Cool. Bye.
Wanting to be John Malkovich.
Was ever woman in this humor won?
Was ever woman in this humor wooed?
We can see you're a kind and decent woman
We don't know the significance of this thing.
We have Maxine.
We have to meet.
We like you.
We love her, Craig.
We pass the savings on to you.
We should invite Maxine over for dinner one night
We talked about this a million times.
We were spared God's severity.
We?
We'll see.
We'll smoke a joint,
We'll talk about this later, Lotte.
We're gonna kill Maxine if you don't leave the body immediately!
We're in Malkovich's subconscious.
We're late for Lester.
We're Malkovich.
We're old. We're going to die if we don't get into him by midni...
We've been over this.
We've decided to offer you a place in John Malkovich with us,
Weird.
Welcome to Lestercorp. How may we meet your filing needs?
Well, boy, I'm, uh...
Well, don't rub it in.
Well, Dr. Lester,
Well, I'll protect you, doll face.
Well, I'm a puppeteer.
Well, just one.
Well, Maxine, I'm not sure exactly.
Well, perhaps you can.
Well, speak then, if you must.
Well, thank you very much. I appreciate it.
Well, then, put these in order.
Well, they may not get what they want.
Well, to quote the Bard, He's got the world on a string.
Well, uh, trapped, held prisoner, if you like, in the host's brain,
Well, we can share recipes if you like, Darlene.
Well, we mean exactly that.
Well, we'll have all the money in Malkovich's bank account,
Well, when I was here with my husband for dinner,
Well, who gives a shit about them, anyway?
Well, you gave up that claim
Well, you have the Maxine action figure to play with!
Well, you know what? I'm gonna go in my workshop for a little while.
Well, you picked the unrequited variety.
Well! My nipples are at attention, General Malkovich, sir.
Well...
Well... it's just that I... I... I dream about you.
Well... You... Actually...
Wet his pants so all could see!
Wet with desire.
What am I, some kind of monster?
What are you doing here?
What are you gonna do today?
What are you talking about? Done with her, man? Tonight really freaked me out.
What do you think Lester's relationship with John Malkovich is?
What exactly does that mean?
What happens when a man goes through his own portal?
What I want is for you to leave John Malkovich now!
What if I... What if I fall tonight and break my hip?
What is the difference between the foot pampering looped cotton rug
What makes you think I won't be seeing what you're seeing in court?
What the fuck is going on?
What the hell, you know?
What, are you fuckin' nuts?
What, her nipples?
What?
What?
What?
What'll you have?
What's the matter with you? Stop it!
When I looked into his eyes last night, I could feel you peering out.
When our prayers should be pure,
Where are you starting out?
Where is it? Did it disappear?
Where the fuck am I?
Where ye and your accursed kind can live in peace.
Which are so far removed from the true depths of love.
Which one is Elijah again?
Who was that?
Who... Who is this, Lester?
Why are these ceilings so low?
Why do you always yell at me like this?
Why do you do this to yourself, honey?
Why not?
Why?
Will be synonymous with puppets.
Will you do me a favor? Will you take a look at Elijah today?
With a 60 foot Emily Dickinson puppet.
With the greatest pleasure, my dear. You go up the grand escalier
With total lust and devotion through the same pair of eyes?
Would you like to be inside my skin,
Would you like to order anything else?
Wow, the way this woman's talking to him.
Wow. You really are great in that movie where you play that retard.
Yawn. Figure it out.
Yeah, after a fashion.
Yeah, explain.
Yeah, that's adorable.
Yeah, there's the truth, and there are lies
Yeah, yada, yada, yada. Were you stoned?
Yeah! Who told you?
Yeah?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Absolutely, doll.
Yeah. But enough about me.
Yeah. I think we're finally getting down
Yeah. I thought you were all right in that one movie.
Yeah. I'm just about to close up.
Yeah. So, I'll talk to you later, okay?
Yeah. Yeah. What's the file number?
Yeah. You too.
Yes, he is.
Yes, I am.
Yes, I said... I, uh...I am leaving.
Yes, it was him. It's because he's a puppeteer, I think.
Yes, Maxine. Yes.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sweetheart, yes.
Yes, there is. A brain, or soul or whatever.
Yes, yes, sweetheart.
Yes!
Yes! Yes, I was stoned.
Yes?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes. Yes, I was... Jesus.
Yikes!
Yikes!
You are late, my little cowboy.
You are so full of shit, Maxine!
You can be John Malkovich.
You can come, too, if you like.
You cannot fuck with me anymore, Maxine!
You don't have a speech impediment, Dr. Lester.
You don't have to do this, you know.
You don't know lucky you are, being a monkey.
You don't know me, but I know you.
You don't understand, man. It was like nothing I've ever felt before.
You fell in love with her first, Craig.
You get these half assed ideas, and then you do a half assed job.
You get to be John Malkovich for 15 minutes.
You got the job.
You guys know this is John Malkovich?
You have a wife. I'd like to meet her.
You have to come have a drink with me tonight.
You hear what I said? You can come too.
You hear what I said? You can come too.
You know what I was thinking? I was thinking that maybe
You know why? Because I've fallen in love!
You know, about anybody, n not even my wife.
You know, am I me? Is Malkovich Malkovich?
You know, Craig, once this was a relationship built on love.
You know, I have an appointment tomorrow with Elijah's shrink.
You know, I think it's just so tough right now, economically and all...
You know, make it live.
You listen to me, asshole. I don't want your fucking money.
You look like a...
You look so lovely, my dear,
You mean, the performer.
You mean, with Malkovich?
You motherfucker!
You need me?
You play with dolls.
You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes
You see, I've been very lonely
You see, Maxine, it isn't just playing with dolls.
You see, she's got her doctorate
You should really be at work.
You shouldn't be so quick to assume that switching bodies
You still there, sweets?
You suggest what?
You wanted me to work.
You were him, weren't you?
You were just explaining the nutritional value
You were stoned.
You wouldn't have a clue what to do with me.
You'll catch your death out here. Look at you. You're soaking wet.
You're creepy.
You're evil, Maxine.
You're just... You're just
You're my friends. Thank you.
You're not a fag, are you?
You're not gonna meet her there?
You're not somebody I could get interested in, Craig.
You're nuts to let a girl go that calls you Lotte.
You're right, Craig. You're right.
You're so beautiful. The way you're looking at me...
You're welcome.
You've been so kind to me and trusting.
You've gotta help me understand because
3 2 3 6 4. Yep.
4:11?
'Cause I'm gonna be late for Malkovich now. No.
All right. Thank you. Yeah.
and I can control Craig... But, Maxine,
and then those who don't, right? Right.
Bye. Bye.
Can you swim yet? What time is it?
Craig, honey, time to get up. Lotte.
Craig! Craig! I wanna...
Darling! What the fuck is going on?
Did you eat? No. I'm not hungry.
Don't toy with Floris, Schwartz. Oh, no...
every 15 minutes. Mmm.
every minute, day and night... I want that voice.
Feelings of inadequacy as a chimp, you know? Mmm hmm.
Fuck off, Craig! Doesn't it?
God! Craig! Lotte!
Hey, pass the Cheetos. You need more puffs?
Hi. You're Craig's wife? Yeah. Hi.
How's Celeste? She's good, yeah.
I am bad. I am bad. I am bad. I am bad. I am bad. I am bad.
I am sad and fat... $200?
I know it's very... Lotte?
I made it, Maxine. Just.
I was trying to trick you. I see.
I...I've been... Check.
I'd love to see your work. Really?
I'm very well. And you? Good, good.
I've gotta get out of here. Oh, doll face!
It's him. It's John Malkovich.
It's Maxine. Hi.
J.M. Inc. Hi. It's Lotte.
J.M. Inc. Maxine!
J.M. Inc. Maxine?
John's here to see you. Should I send him in?
Little Johnny Malk o pee! Little Johnny Malk o pee!
Lotte! Move right hand across left breast now!
Malkovich. Malkovich.
Malkovich. Malkovich. Right, right. Okay.
Maxine? What?
Maxine? Yeah?
Maybe tomorrow. No! I gotta go back now!
Mr. John Malkovich? Yeah. Who's calling?
My darling. I love you, Lotte.
My God! This is amazing. Lotte!
my soul has been full of mysterious anticipations. My soul has been full...
My sweet, beautiful Lotte. Oh!
My tits? No! No, no, no, no.
No cutting, by the way. No cutting! Hey, what the hell?
No? It's your energy, attitude, the way you carry yourself.
No. Please, this is important.
No. Yeah, you are.
Now I'll know. Really?
Now? Right now? Tonight.
of mysterious anticipation. I feel the approach of happiness.
Oh! Oh, God.
Oh. Yes? Chest?
Okay? Maxine!
Okay. Hmm. Yeah.
Pardon? Schwartz.
Really? Yeah.
Really? Yep.
Security! No, sir, it's...
See you later. Hello. Mail room.
She's what they call an executive liaison. Ah.
Shut up! I'm sorry. I'm sorry, honey.
So strong. But wherever I have been,
Teresa, get me chicken soup. Okay.
The chimp, honey. Yeah, okay.
The iguana. Right.
Uh huh. Yeah?
Uh, uh, John Malkovich. Huh?
Want me to phone it in? No.
Wanting to what? Wanting to be him.
Yeah? So I've been thinking,
Yeah. Yeah.
Yes, sir. Shall we say dinner Thursday?
Yes, sir. Sure, we can do that.
Yes! What is that?
Yes! Wow! Yes! Wow!
Yes? Lester, please don't do it.
You know? Okay.
You look well. Thank you.
You sure? Okay. Yeah.
You want to do some dishes for me? Put that down.
...that I think maybe we should just wait and see if this job thing pays off.
'cause we're gonna turn it into a business.