Little Nicky (2000) Edit

A couple of big fans of Nicky and the work his dad does.

A little help here, please.

A little nervous. Want to puke.

A little strange.

A mountain goat? That's really sweet.

A shocking crime...

A speech impediment?

A window.

About five hundred bucks an ounce.

About who'll rule Hell for the next 10,000 years.

Actually, I'm looking for a girl named Valerie.

Actually, the credit belongs to my first wife.

Administered by demons for the rest of eternity.

Adrian so smart, so ruthless.

Adrian is stronger and smarter than me.

Adrian, I'm asking you nicely.

Adrian, stop!

Adrian, you froze the fire gate, and Dad is dying...

Adrian! Cassius!

Adrian's got the whole city following me.

After a few daiquiris.

After careful consideration, I must respectfully decline.

After we tried for many years...

Ah, that's nice.

All right, Adrian! Let me out!

All right, all right. Last time.

All right, bro.

All right!

All right!

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Take it easy.

All that chasing and running around...

Along with the New York Board of Tourism...

Am I supposed to not be freaked out right now?

An angel?

An indescribably horrific torture...

And all your souls will be mine.

And do whatever the Hell we want?

And don't forget to do that sleep thing I told you about.

And don't think I forgot about how crazy you get...

And get in the flask.

And he is not going to die!

And he wants to keep his throne for another 10,000 years.

And I came through for Mom and the butterflies.

And I can smell an evil slut.

And I hate to admit it, but he had a really hot body.

And I love you, Nicky.

And I'm going to kill all you suckers for no reason.

And into some sweats.

And it's never stopped hurting.

And let the meat slide down your throat hole.

And let the meat slide down your throat hole.

And let's face facts, I'm no George Clooney.

And preserve the balance of good and evil on Earth.

And she needed that.

And tell me what my brother's up to?

And that pissed off my brothers...

And that's telling the truth.

And that's what I'm going to do.

And that's what I'm going to do.

And the clock is ticking.

And then I'll start dinner.

And this just in...

And we get to keep the cash, too, right?

And we will never forget you, my friend.

And win myself an Emmy!

And you can totally use it.

And you go back.

And, believe me, he was better off on the drugs.

Angels don't get any older, son.

Applesauce every time.

Are there boobs on my head?

Are you saying it's up to me?

Are you saying we go up there and kill everyone?

Are you serious?

Aren't you that horny guy who was pretending to be a big bird?

As per your ad in the Village Voice.

As the founder of Hell...

At first I didn't really like him.

At least when he was smoking hashish...

At the game yesterday is no hero.

Aw, come on.

Beat it, you freak. Get out of here.

Because I am.

Because I have three wonderful sons.

Because I'm going to rock that town like a hurricane.

Because it looks like they're about to kill each other.

Because it's my turn now.

Because we're going after Adrian tomorrow...

Beefy, I think I'm in trouble.

Beer lowers the body temperature.

Before Cassius hit me in the face with a shovel.

Before I show you what crazy really is.

Began to rise from beneath Central Park.

Behold your new Satan!

Better?

Between good and evil.

Bite his fricking head off!

Bright and early. Night night.

Bring it on, big man. Let's see what you got.

Bring it on!

But after much thought and careful consideration...

But Cassius could use some company for eternity.

But could I finish watching the Globetrotters out here?

But first we'd have to corrupt as many souls as we can...

But God said when the time came, you'd know what to do with it.

But he's just crazy.

But he's uptown meeting his contacts.

But his actions have earned him the label The Monster.

But I almost finished that Monsters of Metal compilation.

But I wouldn't mind getting a gelati.

But it's time for Hitler's punishment.

But she said I wasn't financially reliable...

But those are my roommate's sodas.

But were you about to drink one of my Cokes?

But when a child goes...

But wrap your minds around this, gentlemen.

But you got to use a toilet.

But you have something that he doesn't have.

But you really got to come back to Hell.

But, in the words of Motley Crue...

But, to be honest with you, I can't.

But...

By she, do you mean he?

By the way, Nicky, check this out.

Bye, Mom.

Bye, Nicky.

Calm down. Get off your knees.

Can I ask you something?

Can I call you back?

Can I give it a try?

Can I just tell you I am so excited right now?

Can I wash my winky in your kitchen sinky?

Cassius and Adrian have escaped from Hell.

Cassius, get in the flask.

Cassius, I'll show you.

Cassius, I've been waiting on this day for 10,000 years.

Cassius...

Catch me if you can!

Check one, two. Check one, two.

Check out my stuff. I got a comb only used twice.

Checking out that beautiful mom?

Cheers.

Chicago.

Chubbs used to be a golf pro...

Chubbs, I'm so sorry. I totally spaced.

Clear the streets! The Devil is here!

Coconuts.

Come on, brother, come on!

Come on, Nicky, one more time.

Come on, Nicky!

Come on, now.

Come on, you can do it.

Come on, you totally got to!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on.

Come on. There's ten million people in this city...

Come out and say hello!

Could I come with you to getting a gelati?

Could you concentrate for five seconds?

Could you guys maybe not tell anyone about this?

Cut the crap! This is serious!

Dad got sick when you guys left.

Dad needs you to come back to Hell.

Dad, I don't know if I can do this.

Dad, this is bullshit!

Daddy can't help you!

Damn you, Nicky!

Deedly dee. Are those things for me?

Definitely.

Did you check out the dragon mouth?

Did you ever see The Untouchables?

Didn't I tell you to stay out of your brother's mind?

Do it again!

Do it for the butterflies.

Do it! Do it! Do it!

Do you care that your brothers are killing your father?

Do you need to cry on my shoulder?

Does that flask belong to this man?

Does that sound like a statement the son of the Devil would make?

Doesn't mean I'm going to forget you giving me the finger.

Don't be afraid to show your face.

Don't do this! No!

Don't drink out of it, please!

Don't forget

Don't forget clinically insane.

Don't make me take out the shovel again, Trick.

Don't you want to know what rent is?

Drink or she dies.

Dude, it's us. Let us in.

Easy, Liberace.

Easy. Don't choke.

Engine oil, bat's blood, moose piss.

Enjoy your new home!

Enough!

Even in Hell I get no respect.

Even the voice inside your head has a speech impediment.

Even though you're not really the chief...

Eventually, Cassius...

Everyone here will get a free pizza pie!

Everything's fine, Pop.

Everything's fine? Who are you bullshitting?

Excuse me.

Excuse me. I'll take that shot.

Excuse me. Pardon me.

Far from being terrified...

Fellas, this, as some of you might know...

Fifty million bones, bro.

Fine. I will.

Flapping around in my stomach right now.

Fly with me. I can give you the power.

For a nice pad on the Upper East Side...

For some reason, you're not. Nothing to be ashamed of.

For the capture of this man.

For the Globetrotters' half time half court heave ho throw!

From now on, I'll just avoid all moving metal objects.

Gary's so hairy.

Gelati.

Get in the fla

Get in the flask.

Get in the flask.

Get that crap out of here!

Get your ass back up there, and save your father. Go!

Get your raggedy ass clothes and find another corner...

Give you a pretty good buzz.

Go downstairs and let your mother get comfy?

Go get a soda out of the fridge.

Go on. Big day tomorrow.

Go to her.

Go, Nicky, go!

God's so smart.

Good bye, Nicky.

Good evening.

Good idea.

Good luck with the nipple rubbing.

Good morning, New York.

Good morning, young lady.

Good, because I was concerned.

Good, numb nuts.

Gotcha.

Grandpa!

Great. Now, your father gave me some deposit money...

Gross!

Guess what, cornrows?

Hail, Nicky!

Has he ever really done anything for any of us?

Has the Lord given any of my enemies the herpes?

Have to come back through the other way.

He asked me to help you out.

He came with you and Cassius, right?

He helped her conceive it all night long.

He is, in fact, a mass murderer.

He just opened his mouth and swallowed that spit.

He loves all of his children.

He should be considered armed and extremely dangerous.

He superimposed your head onto Scarface.

He wants to talk to you and Cassius and Adrian...

He'll be here. Just keep your skirt on.

He's burning.

He's got less than a week.

He's not retiring today, is he?

He's walking! Get him a bus!

Hellfire is burning me alive!

Hello, friend. My name is Nicky.

Hello, Mr Devil. I like your cape.

Hello, Scottie. Why don't you be a good little boy...

Here he goes!

Here he goes.

Here I am.

Here you go, Ozzy.

Here.

Here. Kill him with this.

Here. Kill him with this.

Hey, boys!

Hey, come on, that was cool!

Hey, give me that!

Hey, good news. Adrian's back.

Hey, hold up. Someone's got to take a pee.

Hey, let him go!

Hey, look at the bright side. You can go for a swim.

Hey, Nicky! Cover Winkler in bees!

Hey, Valerie!

Hey! How's Daddy's little girl doing today?

Hi, Michelle. Yeah, he's here right now.

Hi! I can't believe you're here!

His name is unknown...

Hit the half time buzzer. I'm tired.

Holy shit, we really are going to die!

Holy shnit!

Horseshit.

How about this? I'll stay here...

How about you, Mayor?

How can I win?

How did a nice Southern boy learn to fight like that?

How did you see me?

How do I compete with that?

How do you do that?

How do you manage to stay so cool?

How would I have it unless I was, in fact, a thief?

How you feeling over there, Satan Abdul Jabbar?

I ain't taking the shot. These people are crazy.

I also happen to be a Jets fan.

I am concentrating, man.

I can hardly notice. Honest.

I can see that.

I can't believe you just called him son.

I can't even see straight.

I can't hear you, Nicky!

I can't stand retirement.

I can't stop thinking about this girl Valerie.

I can't think of a damn thing he's ever done for me!

I can't wait.

I can't. It's starting to hurt.

I command you in the name of Lucifer...

I command you not to blow up and go into that metal circle.

I command you to stay off that throne!

I deserve this!

I deserve this!

I didn't mean to be.

I didn't see you guys. What's up?

I don't know if he's hot. He's my son, you perv.

I don't know what I would do if I couldn't save him.

I don't know what the Hell that was.

I don't know why I said that. I meant to say that...

I don't know, but he sure is butt ugly.

I don't know, but I was enjoying it.

I don't know.

I don't know. I'd ask him...

I don't know. This is a little out of my league.

I don't like that language.

I don't need luck. I'm good.

I don't think so.

I dumped a fat sack of reefer in the mix.

I forgot.

I go to Parsons School of Design.

I got a pepper shaker. A silver doodad from Africa.

I got energy up the ying yang. Let's save Dad.

I got hit by this big light attached to a lot of metal.

I got no hips.

I got one ear.

I got them, Dad! I did it!

I got to help Dad.

I got to help her.

I got to warn you, man. He's kind of not human.

I guess I'll have to be extra careful, then, aren't l?

I happen to think you'd make a great Devil.

I hate to interrupt...

I have an apartment. I'm not sure where.

I have authorized a reward...

I have company. This is my son Nicky.

I have to, Valerie.

I haven't seen it, but I hear good things.

I hear a train a coming!

I hear that.

I just want to find my brothers and be on my way.

I knew it, Adrian. He's finally retiring.

I know the good Lord still loves me.

I know the good Lord still loves me.

I know you got a lot on your mind...

I know you're having fun, Cassius...

I know, Your Hatefulness.

I let my butterflies die once upon a time...

I like the way you're happy just being yourself.

I like your brassiere.

I Love Hookers will now be the city's catch phrase.

I love my father very much, so I came to Earth to save him.

I love this song.

I love you.

I love your legs.

I mean, really?

I mean, that sucks!

I mean, woof woof.

I need to go upstairs and change...

I never been to Earth, Dad.

I never even slept over some other dude's house.

I never want it to end.

I read that in a beer magazine.

I really got to check in with my dad.

I really think it's turning into a masterpiece.

I remember that night. You had, like, four daiquiris.

I smell coconuts.

I sure hope Nicky's kicking some ass on Earth...

I think I'm floating.

I think that ball just blew up, and, yes, my hair is aflame.

I think that Devil guy just got ripped off.

I think Victoria just told me her secret.

I think we're about to see a Devil showdown.

I tried to stop them, sir, but they overpowered me.

I understand you are seeking a roommate...

I used to get messed up like this...

I used to talk normal, too...

I was a good Devil, wasn't l?

I was being possessed by my brother Adrian.

I was De Niro!

I was having the best day with her...

I was sent here to take you back...

I was sent here to take you back...

I was the one who created Hell.

I was thinking of chilling out by the throne for a bit.

I will eat your heart.

I will.

I wish you'd let me rub those feet.

I would appreciate it if you kept your voice down.

I would like my flask back.

I wouldn't last two minutes with your brothers.

I'll ask him. Kill me.

I'll be seeing you in a few years.

I'll check you later.

I'll get it.

I'll go to the Super Bowl as an announcer...

I'll have to take a mulligan on this one.

I'll just call her later.

I'll just go to Heaven.

I'll keep torture going 24 7. No breaks.

I'll never forget you, guys.

I'll never forget you, guys.

I'll show you some crazy eye.

I'm a businessman.

I'm an old friend of your father's.

I'm asking you one last time.

I'm calling you out, brother!

I'm calling you the guy who has my flask.

I'm cheating on my husband with the weatherman.

I'm freaked out, too.

I'm getting turned on.

I'm glad he's dying...

I'm going to ask you nicely.

I'm going to be all right?

I'm going to check in with some of my contacts uptown.

I'm going to die, Nicky. The gates are broken.

I'm going to kill you with my bare hands.

I'm going to mind wrestle you whether you like it or not.

I'm going to pretend I didn't see a dog on the couch...

I'm just a demon. No Devil blood in me.

I'm just saying there's wickedness in you.

I'm Nicky.

I'm not a monster.

I'm not into evil and torture and all that stuff.

I'm not kidding. He's in trouble.

I'm not Nicky.

I'm not Nicky.

I'm not totally a hundred percent on that...

I'm only an actor!

I'm ready for you.

I'm right here. Where am I going with it, baby?

I'm sleeping.

I'm so proud of you.

I'm sorry!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm still in love with you!

I'm sure a nice Southern boy like you...

I'm talking about an eight piece. Let's go.

I'm too weak. The process has already begun.

I'm your mom.

I've always dreamt about having sex with a gross pig.

I've always wanted to kill someone.

I've been watching these guys play since I was your age.

I've decided that the ruler for the next 10,000 years...

If one of those psychos gets picked, I'm doomed.

If the contestant makes it...

If the old man picks me to take over Hell...

If the second half doesn't get any better than this...

If there is ultimate punishment for our so called sins.

If we fall in there, we will die. Period.

If you could point me to the Black Palace...

If you want butterflies, you need to be on Earth.

If you want to.

If you're my mom, then how come you're not older?

In a way I've never felt before.

In another startling announcement from City Hall...

In exchange for eternal damnation of your soul?

In Hell!

In today's Gospel...

In which case, boom you end up back here.

In your weakened condition, if you vacate the throne...

Into any other liquid.

Iowered the legal drinking age from twenty one to ten.

Is going to have to be...

Is making me want to do the sleep thing again.

Is my 10,000th year as Prince of Darkness...

Is that normal?

Is this a joke?

Is to maintain the balance between good and evil...

It ain't me, moron.

It doesn't look too bad.

It looks like they're following a giant trail of bug shit.

It must be the Super Devil Juice Dad gave me.

It was a long time ago at this Heaven Hell mixer.

It was good hanging with you, Dad.

It was pretty good for my first try.

It's 1,200, split down the middle.

It's a setup.

It's all in the hips

It's all in the hips.

It's all part of the show, baby!

It's all part of the show, baby.

It's awfully hot down here.

It's beautiful.

It's better to rule in Hell than to serve in Heaven.

It's called Comme de Sud Pacific.

It's freezing my hands.

It's freezing up here.

It's got to be one of his disciples or something.

It's in the hips

It's not going to be easy.

It's not true!

It's our time, brother.

It's really tough when your folks get older.

It's so cute.

It's so nice to see you all here.

It's true!

It's true. It's true.

Jenna, chair.

Jenna, Christa. Time for your mambo lesson.

Jesus this, Moses that.

Judas Priest, maybe.

Judas.

Just because you're floating...

Just get in the flask. I got to get Adrian.

Just let me win one Super Bowl.

Kid, I like your enthusiasm, but we have to work on...

Kid's got a lot of evil in him just begging to come out.

Kind of makes you wonder if there even is a Lord...

Last time you said that, the Renaissance happened.

Leave this to me.

Let go of her! This is between you and me!

Let me show you what I made today.

Let me, sir.

Let my friends alone...

Let the sin begin!

Let the sin begin.

Let's get you some warm clothes and hot food.

Let's let the feathers fly.

Let's rock and roll, then.

Let's see what you've got.

Listen, I got down low.

Little Nicky.

Little Nicky.

Look around you, Nicky. We're in Hell. The new Hell.

Look at that picture.

Look who's back from the dead.

Look, it's OKfor me to shit in the street...

Look, the guy you ripped off walked by and busted you...

Ma'am, I know your son...

Making friends already.

Many New Yorkers have begun flocking to the site...

Maybe it was because of this cake I ate earlier.

Maybe this will help you remember.

Maybe you love her. But what do I know?

Mayor Randolph has, effective immediately...

Me, too! We got to get going.

Me.

Mercy. You win. I give. Game over.

Middle of the road equals death.

Mom, coming in.

Moments ago, a large chunk of what appears to be Hell...

Mommy, get me to the Big Apple...

More horrible than you can even imagine.

Mr Beefy.

Mr Henry Winkler.

Mr Sleepyhead must have some major ties to the dark side.

My brothers tell me that she was a mountain goat...

My dad's an optometrist.

My dad's in Hell, and he's falling apart.

My dog knows, though.

My father will be completely deteriorated...

My man's into deep nocturnal shit.

My mom.

My name is Beefy.

My name is Nicky...

My underwear is so far up my ass I could taste it.

Nah, I'm all right.

Narrowing down our list of suspects.

New Hell really only needs one new Satan.

Nice to see you, brothers.

Nicky, are you a soul or the spawn of Satan?

Nicky, I got no legs.

Nicky, where are you?

Nicky! I know you can do it.

No go. They left together at the exact same time.

No new souls can get in, so I'll start to deteriorate.

No, it won't?

No, it's the inner light...

No, no. Tell her it's just a big bird.

No, thanks, but we'll take that bottle of booze.

No.

No. But that policeman might have something to say.

No. I had my lunch already.

No. I was just looking at it.

Nobody calls my girl an evil slut.

Nobody in this room will tell you a thing, Adrian.

Noon. Ish.

Normally the Globetrotters represent family entertainment.

Not a damn soul is going to get through that.

Not if you do something bad right before you die.

Not you, not you!

Nothing, Dad. Just hitting the old punching bags.

Now eat up. You'll need your energy.

Now get off the track and come with me, handsome.

Now he has no ears. Are you happy, Nicky?

Now I command you do me.

Now I get that Deep South joke.

Now I'm going to bust both of your heads wide open!

Now move your teeth up and down.

Now that was some straight up David Copperfield shit!

Now you'll see what a big horny bird actually looks like...

Now, everybody come sit down.

Now, that hurt the both of us.

Now, where is he?

Of course I can.

Of course, I wouldn't use my hands.

Off limits.

Off with the brassiere.

Off, off, off!

Oh, boy.

Oh, hello, Cassius.

Oh, it's Nicky's little ragamuffin.

Oh, my God, Chicago kicks ass!

Oh, my God, Dad.

Oh, my God, he's talking about me.

Oh, my God, Scottie. Is that a man up our tree?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Nicky, is that you?

Oh, my God! Nicky!

Oh, my God.

Oh, Nicky. I've missed you.

Oh, shut up.

Oh, sick!

Oh, sorry, Nipples. Valerie!

Oh, yes, it's ladies night, and the feel

OK, Adrian.

OK, Dad.

OK, kid. We'll listen to it later.

OK, kids.

OK, whatever. Just drink it.

OK. And sorry, guy, but no doggies allowed.

On a hot Alabama night...

Once you've got both of them, bring it back through the gate.

One down, one to go, Adrian.

One sip, and they'll be trapped inside.

Only a quarter, ma'am.

Or am l?

Or maybe it will trap me inside for all of eternity.

Or something like that.

Out of the way!

Over there!

Peppermint?

Perhaps a titty twister will loosen your lips.

Pick me a winner.

Please welcome Miguel Sanchez from the Bronx, New York!

Please, Nicky, get back up there.

Please, Pop, go back to your room.

Please!

Please.

Plus, the Prince of Darkness should look distinguished...

Popeye's chicken is fucking awesome.

Popeye's chicken is the shizzney!

Put it in your mouth.

Put me down!

Really?

Really?

Release the evil?

Release the evil.

Release the evil.

Release the evil.

Release your evil.

Remember when I told you that my father was in Hell?

Results in a record fifty million dollar reward...

Right!

Right. Send him in.

Rise and shine, Devil guy.

Rough day at the office, Mrs Dunleavy?

Run, Beefy! Run!

Run, run!

Say hello to my little friend.

Say hi back.

Say Mr Beefy. Say it.

See something you like, my man?

See you in Hell!

Self sacrifice automatically gets you here.

She was the inspiration.

Shovel face, you want to mind wrestle?

Show him Central Park.

Six six six! Pickup sticks!

Sleep.

Smarter, definitely.

Snapped his fingers like somebody I know!

So are you.

So get in the flask.

So get your booty back home or else!

So go get them, Dad.

So go get them, Jimmy.

So he sent old Shovel Face to fetch me.

So I found this other joint for you...

So I need to go to Earth and kill my brothers?

So I think the time has come to discuss who will succeed me.

So the living room's going to be off limits.

So they broke the gates of Hell...

So they probably won't look like themselves.

So when we do destroy them...

So where did you meet Dad?

So, what time's my brother expected back?

So, while we wait...

Some bozo in a Cadillac cuts me off.

Some dude stole your shit.

Someone else is taking the internship.

Sometimes, sure.

Son, you...

Soon it will all be mine!

Sorry, boys. I have to get back to work.

Sorry, Cassius.

Sorry, fellas.

Sorry, sir. False alarm.

Sorry.

Spit him in the flask!

Stay right there.

Still alive, though.

Such a little angel.

Such a sweet boy.

Super Devil Juice? Give me that, little girl.

Sure you're down with this?

Sure, Pop. Whatever you want.

Sure.

Take a look.

Take him to the holding area. Seal off all the exits.

Take him to the hole, Nicky.

Take me to my room. I want to be alone!

Take my hand, Valerie.

Take your dumb ass canteen, goofy.

Technical foul! You're out of here!

Ten points off the Globetrotters on account of the bigmouth!

Thank you for understanding, Your Wickedness.

Thank you.

Thanks much, Valerie.

Thanks much.

Thanks, Mom !

Thanks, Mr Winkler.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks. Give me back my flask!

That dude looks like a lady.

That guy in the striped shirt...

That guy is still the biggest horndog.

That is the most horrifying thing I have ever seen.

That is wicked!