Malibu's Most Wanted (2003) Edit

A metaphor for anger within our hearts.

A security camera captured incredible footage...

Add a bitch and I think you got it!

After all of our years of training and studying...

After grieving, he goes on the offensive.

Ain't no more gats.

All right, let me get this straight.

All right, Monster, what are you packing?

All right, now, Malibu.

All right, Pops. We cool.

All right, put this down. You're on.

All right, that's it. This game is whack. I want my money. Then y'all can get out.

All right, well, I'm sure there's a logical explanation.

All right, what's next?

All right.

All right.

All right. The damn fools wanna play?

All the time.

All the way from Malibu, B Rad. Give it up for B Rad.

All these crazy fools came over strapped with they 9s.

All this mayhem is rumored to have been caused...

All you is is a chickenhead and that's all you ever gonna be.

All you need to know is that it ain't your black ass.

Allow me to clear this up for you, my dogs. My name isn't Bloodbath...

And for the people who don't, money is important.

And I can't have you on the campaign anymore.

And I don 't wanna fight A 'ight

And I know my pop was loving it.

And I must say, of all the mommies that I been with...

And I still do. And if you say that this is who you really are, I believe you.

And I was wondering...

And I'm a cowboy pimp When I get between the sheets

And if I work hard, I can be the biggest rapper there ever was?

And if the Asiatic give you any static, hit the fool with this right here.

And if this gat is real, then the bullets in it have got to be real.

And if you try to get away?

And my daughter, little Brenda.

And please believe it. It's all gonna work out for the best.

And seeing how my foot is real, this would really hurt.

And speaking of family, I want to introduce my wife, Bess.

And that's Monster. She had a big chip on her shoulder...

And things are gonna start changing around here for shizzy.

And vomit Clean it up with Comet

And we staged a beautiful liquor store robbery. You should have been there.

And when my mother Does my clothes

And when the public be all up on your private beach?

And with this.

And women will have better jobs!

And y'all punk asses ain't do nothing. All that buffness for no reason.

And you ain't never gonna be done.

And you can 't punk out, no matter what the devil may bring.

And your perpetrating ass is taking the only thing that I got left.

And, boy, do I love Olde English. It really helps quench my thirst.

And, fellas, California is my family.

Are you all right?

As the driven snow.

B Rad from Mal...? You trying to get me shot?

B Rad G's in the hizzy.

B Rad, you're a wonderful son. It's just that...

B Rad.

B Rad. Yeah.

B Rad's right. All this hating is whack.

Bad. Whack.

Bess, let's not beat around the bush. Brad...

Bess.

Big Steel serving, baby, serving heavy his style.

Bill Gluckman is down with the bitches and the ho's?

Bill Gluckman wants to put our divisions behind us.

Bill weeping...

Bill! Hey, Bill.

Black.

Bling bling!

Bloodbath, we said we would stick to the plan!

Brad acts ghetto, right?

Brad, you okay?

Break yourself, fool!

But all these gats got to go.

But he's never been east of Beverly Hills.

But I like him anyhoo Because that's how we do

But if they listen to my song Then we'd all get along

But other than that, it's all good.

But rolling with y'all done re awoke my inner killer.

But there ain 't no streets tougher than mine. The streets of...

But what if we give him a little dose of reality?

But y'all should change up your style because this jackings is getting tired.

But you heard them laughing. I ain't nothing but a busta.

But, sir, the election is eight weeks away.

By kidnapping, you mean we hold him for ransom?

California is my family.

Can I help you?

Can I help you?

Cancel that and you can kiss this campaign goodbye.

Check it out, homes. Is that him or what?

Come on, punk! Get in the house, fool!

Come on, Taye. Don't laugh, motherf* * * *r!

Come on.

Come on. Yo, you got something to prove to yourself?

Coming from Malibu B Rad is a Jew

Compton. You?

Congratulations, buddy! We just booked another gig!

Convincing.

Cool, playa.

Cut.

Damn it, B Rad, this is real. Tec and his crew are real.

Damn, fool! I said kiss! I offered you a snack, not the whole kitchen!

Damn, fool! You just hit my house!

Damn, Moch, what are we gonna do?

Damn!

Damn!

Damn! Why won't anybody believe me?

Damn! You fine and smart too?

Damn. She got in a fight with a hair dryer. And the hair dryer won.

Damn. These special effects is the bomb.

Damn. Why you throwing salt on my G A M E?

Dang, way back in the day.

Deal. Now what about those fries?

Did it ever occur to you clowns this might be the way he really is?

Dis: To disrespect, to embarrass.

Do something!

Do we even know anybody that lives in the ghetto?

Don 't forget My sprink sprinkle

Don't anybody know where the goddamn driveway is?!

Don't be hating.

Don't be hating.

Don't be hating.

Don't kill him though, Bloodbath!

Don't panic. Just let me think this through here.

Don't!

Down here, dog.

Dre? What the hell he talking about?

Dude, the owner doesn't know this is fake?

Dude.

Earth is my plah net

Enough of the P.C.

Excuse me?

Excuse me? I have never indicated in my life.

Fact is, unless we do something now, Brad is going to cost us this election.

Feelin ' kinda carsick There's a Ford Maverick

Find your core character, Sean.

Fine. Then l'll just do the both of you, then.

Finish those vegetables, Bradley. They smell good.

For too long, street violence has torn Californians apart.

Forget y'all!

Frigging A, I'm not jealous, all right. I'm an actor and I would've...

From then on in, it was hip hop 24/7.

Gangstas, please quit hatin '

Get in there, fool! Go on up in there!

Get it, girl.

Get over here.

Get some black ass.

Get some sleep and let me take care of it.

Get your ass in there then, fool. Go!

Get your ass in there.

Get your ass in.

Get your ass out of here.

Get your big ass up! Move!

Give him a taste of what the thug life is really like.

Give me your ride or l'll dust your ass, bitch!

Give me your ride, punk, or I will dust your ass, bitch!

Give me your ride, punk, or I will dust your ass!

Give me your ride, punk, or I will dust your ass.

Gladys?

Gluckman's boy's been kidnapped for real, along with your punk ass friends.

Go, Brad! Get some black ass!

Go!

Goddamn, that hurts like a motherfick!

Good question.

Good.

Got something to prove to yourself? Do it in there.

Grab Fatback. I got Milk Dud.

Great. Fine.

Great. We're gonna take it to a whole new level.

Growing up in the streets ain 't no joke.

Hadji?

He ain't paying.

He became Black Superhero.

He did time in public school!

He don't want your ass home right now.

He getting his campaign on.

He just wants you to stay in the 'hood with the brothers.

He needs to bring his word to the street. That's where I come in.

He said he'd think about it.

He totally bought it. The carjack going into the kidnapping.

He's the mayonnaise between the wheat bread.

Hear his chat Or I'm going to get sick

Hell, no! Your mama so fat...

Hell, no. You hear what he's saying?

Hell, yeah, I know Dre. I see him at the swap meet every Sunday.

Hell, yes, chickenhead! I need a location on license plate D SHIZNIT.

Hello.

Here he is, right here, y'all. The man of the hour! Bill Gluckman, y'all!

Here you go, boo.

Here you go!

Hey, Bradley's been involved in a gang shooting.

Hey, dog.

Hey, don't you have something to do?

Hey, girl. What's up?

Hey, I may be white, but my rhymes is tight.

Hey, instead of thinking about what set you're from...

Hey, ladies first.

Hey, man. I had it up to here with you.

Hey, man. Serve him, dog.

Hey, player, we were just hired to kidnap Bill Gluckman's son, man.

Hey, Shondra, but we're not done yet.

Hey, Shondra, can you come by later? Princess just had puppies.

Hey, Shondra.

Hey, Tec! My road dog, yeah. Just the man I want to see.

Hey, that's me! B Rad G.

Hey, what the hell? Hey, what up, cuz?

Hey, white boy.

Hey, y'all give it up for my man Hi C.

Hey, yo, dog, I'd love to kick it with you and...

Hey, yo, dog, I'd love to kick it with you...

Hey, yo, dog, you know I'd love to stick it with you...

Hey, yo, fool! We about to have some hardcore drama go down right about now!

Hey, yo, I may be white But inside, my soul is black as night

Hey, yo, Krista the Barista, put it on my account...

Hey, yo, my name is B Rad Not Robbie Van Winkle

Hey, yo, player. Your pops called, and you know what he said?

Hey, yo, that was ill.

Hey, yo, traffic, traffic Lookin ' for my Chap Stick

Hey, you met Ben Franklin's twin brother?

Hey, you okay?

Hey, young Dre You got cornrows in your hair

Hey!

Hi, Brad.

Hi, Pops, it's me! B Rad!

Him? No! Hell, no.

His face is all over the news. I think I'd know my own son.

His frigging life is at stake!

Hold up, girl.

Hold up, y'all! Before anybody ices anybody, I got something to say.

Hold up!

Hold up.

How about hooking a brother up with a Pepsi and fries?

How could she do that?

How do I know this is real?

How this whole thing is fake. The stickup, the kidnap, the whole nizzy.

I ain't battling no bitch, homey, first of all.

I ain't fronting.

I ain't going nowhere. I'm a l 9 now.

I ain't lying. I ain't lying.

I ain't never thought of it like that.

I ain't nobody's gangsta hoochie, I'm a entrepreneur.

I ain't seen you around here before.

I am saving your lily white ass. Now come on.

I am...

I ams who I says I ams.

I been down with the brizzown all my life.

I broke up with no good, gangbanging Tec, I'm going to beauty school...

I can handle Bill. What are the positives?

I can rap about anything.

I can't change that, but I always loved you.

I did, but I just got rid of his trifling ass.

I didn't know it was Halloween!

I didn't say that.

I do mind!

I don't care no more.

I don't know what was real and what wasn't.

I don't know, baby.

I don't know. You know, he kind of private.

I don't mean to offend you, you know. I don't mean to front or act like a thug.

I got a watch It's a Swee atch

I got mad love for the man, but he's old school.

I got nothing to live for.

I got the sallies with the Biggest heinies in my stable

I gotta use the ladies' room, so just wait, all right, pimp juice?

I guess I never thought of it like that before.

I guess we gonna have to smoke your punk ass.

I had these beats in my head since I was a little shorty.

I had to. They threatened to kill me if I didn't play along.

I have a Sean on the phone for you, sir.

I have no idea. I didn't even know he was in town!

I have some background information on our dear boy Brad.

I have to spit flame And destroy your name

I have two witnesses who were at the scene of the explosion.

I just been kidnapped, carjacked and hands tied behind my back.

I just don't know.

I just got you another million votes right there!

I just shot my foot. I just shot my foot.

I kiss them on the neck I kiss them on the mouth

I knew I had to show up in order for you to blow up!

I knew my rhymes was dope!

I knew the 'hood couldn't be this bad.

I know, it was stupid. I tried everything, I didn't know how to deal with you.

I like my latte non fat

I like that.

I like that. I'm ready for the chocolate love.

I may be ******* But I got a nice schlong

I might as well go out in a blaze of glory.

I move downtown Till I go...

I really don 't dig This rappin ' John Wayne

I run things around here.

I said I got GameCast, man. Damn! I can't afford it!

I see.

I sent it to Dre, but he ain't got back to me yet.

I should've run when you gave me the chance.

I stole that too.

I think you want to share.

I thought you liked me.

I told you like 50 times!

I told you she liked white boys.

I wanna bag me a white boy, that's what I wanna do.

I want it to piss you off.

I want to ride 'em, boy But sometimes I'm not able

I want you to go up in there. You go get me six 40s of O.E.

I was just fooling.

I was just talking to my two homeys about that.

I was just, like, telling the brothers, Let's talk about this.

I was on my way to go see him. You wanna roll with me?

I wasn't there for you.

I wish I could talk to my pops like that.

I won't let you do it, Tec.

I'd like some Pringles.

I'd love to kick it with you and run this whole thizzang...

I'd rather eat garbage than listen to your tired ass rhymes.

I'd rather go fly a kite

I'm a lyrisologist.

I'm glad you got cash, because if you had tried to jack me, fool...

I'm gonna call that ****a right now.

I'm gonna give you five seconds to be real or I'm gonna beat that ass to the curb!

I'm gonna have to teach you all some manners!

I'm gonna holler at you.

I'm gonna let that one go.

I'm gonna let you taste a piece of my blue steel. You feel me?

I'm gonna show him just how un down he is!

I'm gonna walk in there and be crazy. L'll be ghettofied, buckwild.

I'm looking for a location of the license number D SHIZNIT.

I'm Malibu's most wanted, y'all!

I'm serious, Tec.

I'm Shondra.

I'm sorry, y'all, but I'm feelin ' straight, figure

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Y'all got some ducats? Because since you stole my...

I'm thirsty, I gotta tell you.

I'm trying to win and you don't seem to care!

If he sees Brad five times a week for the next three or four years...

If Mr. Governor wants to see his punk bitch baby boy alive again...

If this ain't rebuilt by the time Moms get back...

If we all work together as a family, there's no telling how high we can go.

If you don't think you can handle it...

If you elect me governor...

If you have any information on the whereabouts of this man...

If you have to...

If you just be yourself, a nice little white boy...

If you two screw up and a single hair is touched on Brad's overprivileged head...

In Bill Gluckman's administration...

In fact, after today, my campaign has a new slogan:

Instead of thinking about what set we're from, what crew you're rolling with...

Isn't there something he can do for the campaign where he can't hurt us?

It ain 't much, but it's all I got.

It beats getting dunked on by Bill Gluckman!

It is open, but you don't put your hands in a sista's hair. Damn, fool.

It was supposed to have read Women are first with Gluckman.

It's a disaster!

It's Black History Month. You out your rabbit ass mind?

It's gonna take more money than we projected.

It's hardcore up in the 'Bu, y'all.

It's just part of the everyday struggle.

It's Mr. Gluckman.

It's my slave name, all right?

It's official: Bill Gluckman is California 's next governor.

It's on. Beach boy's on the move.

It's safe now, y'all.

It's the red Honda by the door. Just go.

It's the wild, wild west Up here in these streets

It's worse. Everybody's right. My rhymes is weak.

Jesus.

Just once I'd like to play someone who speaks with proper grammar...

Just shut up. Move, please?

Keep the change.

Kidnapped?

King Kong ain't got nothing on me!

Know what my mom would do?

Know what shotgun means?

L'll be on the campaign trizzy too. 24/7.

L'll call you. Or better yet, l'll holler.

L'll make mad money turning all those little rich hoochies ghetto fabulous.

L'll take my money and I'm gonna...

Lay down some cover, fool!

Let him get a firsthand look at the ghetto.

Let me find out.

Let me kick it freestyle for you.

Let me school you on something. Help us both stay alive.

Let's find our common ground. I was trying to keep the peace.

Let's give him the test.

Let's go!

Let's roll! Hell, yeah! He didn't do nothing! He straight up trick.

Let's set it off. What's it gonna be, Saltine? Heads or tail?

Let's talk this out. Can't we all just get along?

Like what? Work at Wiener On A Bun? Come on!

Listen, I made a lot of mistakes. I know that. I'm not proud of myself.

Listen, I understand you're upset...

Look, fool, this may sound stupid to you, but not everybody has money.

Look, I'm sorry about all that. That wasn't really my idea.

Look, they're fake.

Look, y'all. Y'all had y'all laugh. Just chill out.

Looks phat. What label you at?

Mali bootay?

Mali bootay?

Mali bootay?

Malibu.

Man, check this out. I got something for his ass.

Man, I ain't gonna battle this little punk.

Man!

Materials.

Me neither.

Meet my boy, Ben Franklin.

Mercedes Benz, may I help you?

Most folk only feel comfortable around folk that's the same as them.

Most of the time the police won 't even come through.

Mothra.

Mr. Amerislani.

Mr. Gibbons, we have a real serious problem here.

Mr. Gibbons? Hello?

Mr. Gibbons.

Mr. Gluckman will be very happy.

Much love.

My bad! My bad!

My bad.

My bad. I'm just trying to help you out.

My cousin.

My daddy don't love me, my rhymes is played out...

My emergency stash!

My mom would tell you to mind your own damn business!

My pop's spear gat, from the yacht.

n****, please. That little white rat ain't got nothing on me.

No doubt.

No problem, ladies. Okay, bye bye.

No, I'm gonna help myself to this O.E. And anything else I want up in here, bitch!

No, it ain't like that, fool.

No, listen to me. You really not listening to me.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no. That's old school, Pops.

No, you were right. I respect you for getting up there. You got mad heart.

No! Bill, you have a debate tomorrow in Sacramento.

No.

No.

No. Y'all cut it out. Serve him, Hi C.

None of them know how hardcore it is up in Malibu.

None of your damn business.

Not really. And unless you seriously strapped...

Not so fast, this is dangerous stuff.

Nothing to do but keep it real and be proud of who you are.

Now come on!

Now eat your greens before they get cold.

Now get your ass on the bed, whitey!

Now look here, man. I'm up out of here. I gotta go see my lady.

Now, sometimes bustas be disrespecting.

Now, we may just have a very interesting opportunity here.

Of course we can handle it.

Oh, and here's a thought.

Oh, Bill...

Oh, damn!

Oh, hell, no! Hell, no! Get your ass up!

Oh, hell, no! No, hell, no.

Oh, I didn't know anything about that. You gotta believe me.

Oh, in a box. Right.

Oh, my God, this whole thing is real! I just shot my foot.

Oh, my God!

Oh, really?

Oh, shiznit!

Oh, Shondra!

Oh, so you know my moms?

Oh, you real pretty!

Oh, you that weak fuck from the club.

Okay, dude. L'll let you all do your campaign thing.

Okay, fellas, look, I'm really sorry, okay?

Okay, okay, I'm cool. I understand. Just tell me who it is.

Okay, Sandy. Bye.

Okay, then. That gat's real, right?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. All right.

One day I'm gonna have me a chain of beauty salons, all up in the 90210.

One, two, three, four, flow!

Open the door!

Our clerk accidentally gave you the wrong aromatherapy candles.

Pays 15 grand apiece, son.

Peep my stilo.

Peep my tat.

Please help us.

Pound it.

Punch it, fool. We got us a white boy now.

Punks. Give me them gats. Y'all are serious crazy.

Rapper? Hell, no. You stink.

Really, the explosion was just a metaphor.

Really, you're always talking about improving yourself.

Remember the anti crime spot we shot a month ago?

Represent!

Right now it's just a demo.

Right on. Right on.

Right, I like that!

Right.

Right. I guess it's pretty hardcore up in here.

Right. Right.

Right. They will carjack Brad and take him on a tour around the 'hood.

Run, bitch, run! He gonna kill you!

Run!

Say, y'all His little wienie's so small

See that? I just shot my foot.

See that? I know how to get the party started!

See, that's a million dollar song right there.

See, that's beautiful. These are the guys we're talking about.

See? I'm the shiznit! L'll buy y'all cars.

Send me down here to scare me white?

Serious moment. Bring it in, y'all.

Set these bad boys down.

Shake hands.

She the truth too, dude. I'm telling you, once Mothra gets set up, boy...

She's a breeder rat at PetCo.

She's right. Shut up.

Shondra?

Shondra.

Shondra's Salon is now officially open for business.

Shove the debate up your ass. I'm not gonna lose my son over this.

Show's over! That's it. Show's over!

Shrink shrink Blinkety blink

Shut up, stupid.

Shut up! Shut up, you damn posers!

Shut up.

Shut up.

Signs.

Since right now.

Sit. Stop hopping around, fool. Goodness.

Sleep? He's shooting the hell out of South Central. Let's go get him.

Snoop, Dre, Cube, all them. They came in through here.

So I called up Captain Tony, he fired up the Lear jizzy...

So let's start dropping bodies!

So then do it. Put crackerjack out his misery. Come on, y'all.

So your mama got drunk And fell asleep in the zoo

So, Bradley...

So, dude, how much did you pay the guy?

Sorry, y'all, but this is who I am. I'm just a rapper, straight up.

Straight out of Malibu. B Rad, come on up. B Rad.

Stuart Little?

Stuffing envelopes? Making signs?

Take this exit!

Tec, before we all smoke each other, can I say one little more thing?

Tec, please don't be hating.

Tell your son that he cannot be in your campaign, period.

Thank you for your questions. Unfortunately, we are out of time today.

Thank you, Shondra. Whatever!

Thank you.

Thank you. All right.

Thank you. Thank you very much! Come again!

That car is on the corner of McKinley and 82nd Street.

That means no more pasta

That sound like Dre Dre. L'll holla at him about it, all right, boo?

That there is Hadji. He's the Beast from the Middle East.

That was cold. Yo, take off the tape.

That was my line and it always was what it looked like.

That was off the hinges!

That's because you don't know me...

That's him.

That's it, mister...

That's my boy Mocha. That brother straight up crazy.

That's my pops, Bill Gluckman.

That's right!

That's right. You getting played, homey. Straight out, dog.

That's the rage I was talking about.

That's what I'm talking about! We get ours!

That's yours, B.

The hell with the debate.

The polls say that since Brad has been out of the picture...

The same ho that gave up that weak ass kiss five minutes ago in the bedroom.

The Times and the Chronicle will run it as a big joke.

Then let's play!

There it is. Did you see how committed he was?

There you go.

There's crazy crime...

There's GameCube and Dreamcast. Which you got?

There's only one way out of the l 9s. And your E ticket's in this here chamber.

They been playing me all along!

They just don't understand you.

They kind of pack them in tight here.

They were always on different channels.

Things go down here people should never see.

Think you so bad.

This ain't no picnic, bitch!

This dude thinks we ignorant just because we live down here.

This fool is crazy! I cannot deal with this shit.

This hardcore gangster, believed to be the notorious White Kong...

This is exactly what we ordered?

This is gonna be like an episode of Oz.

This is my chance, my one shot. I gotta prove myself.

This is my ghetto. The mall.

This is not how they do it on American Idol.

This is Soon Yee Baxter Hernandez reporting from South Central.

This is the most advanced case of gangsta phrenia I've ever seen.

This no good, deadbeat, weak ass white boy won't take care of little Malik.

This our mall. Always has been, always will be.

This will be the ultimate acting challenge.

Three colors for our country. Where's the red?

To be the biggest rapper there ever was.

To boost up the boy Hardcore ****a

To get them clean She uses ble ach

To listen to my pops He's your west coast liaison

Tour him around the 'hood, around the ghetto, if you will...

Tryin ' to make me think

Unfortunately...

Up in his ish You know they keep it real...

Wait, I've got the image!

Wait, slow down. Don't panic.

Wait, Tec, let me explain. Because I don't belong here.

Wannabe say he down.

Want to go to my sink

Was that you dropping rhymes when I came in here?

We can handle ourselves. Right?

We can't get our money!

We can't keep tabs on this kid? Can anybody tell me where he is?

We can't! They too strapped!

We can't! They too strapped!

We got all sorts of sets up in here.

We got your rich Gluckman ass now, punk.

We have 5 up front...

We have the 11:00 with Greenpeace, then drinks with the offshore oil lobby.

We in South Central! It's the 'hood. It's the ghetto, the projects!

We need to brainstorm on how I get my job back.

We open tonight with a Channel 5 News exclusive.

We run hardcore up in here. People get killed here every day!

We seen your white behind on the TV.

We should be unitin ' Egos need deflatin '

We're gonna bring him up. Go play with each other. Come back in five minutes.

We're gonna take it to an entirely different level.

We've been brainstorming some different approaches...

Welcome to the Nines, baby. Only way out now is in a box.

Well, I definitely could use a little bit more of that reality.

Well, then if Tec is real, then this gat must be real.

Well, there are just so many.

Well...

Whack: Weak, of poor quality.

What about the money?

What about your bar mitzvah?

What are you supposed to be? Robo bitch?

What are your goals, B Rad? What do you want out of life?

What do we say, brothers?

What do you do about it?

What do you say?

What I'm about to do right now, I know it sounds whack...

What is he hunting, Flipper?

What is this? Is this some sort of rap initiation?

What make you think you know what goes down up in the 'hood?

What the f* *k is that?

What the f* *k was that?

What the hell is that? What's going on with your hair?

What the hell?!

What would your mom prefer?

What y'all didn't realize is, I was trying to put my mobbing days behind me.

What you doing here, son?

What you know about this? What you know about that?

What you think about that?

What, you done forgot already, fool? I done told you.

What, you think your actors is this good? Say something!

What?

What? No, it couldn't be. No.

What? That's how it is? You done it now!

What's cracking?

What's happening?

What's on tap for tomorrow?

What's the theme of your bar mitzvah? Star Wars? Baseball? Superheroes?

What's up with this? If you jacked it, how come you got a receipt?

What's up, baby? How you doing, man? I got something for you.

What's up?

What's up? I thought the kitchen was open for business.

Whatever, dude!

Whatever. Look, I did what you asked. I want my money.

When did you first start feeling like you were this...

When he go to take a leak I bet he piss on his balls

When I say, Mali, you say, 'Bu. Mali...

When the doctor said push She released her pelvis

When they gonna leave our people alone?

When you said, This is no picnic, bitch, I screamed on the inside like one.

When you see him start to get ghetto and do his whole black thing... Yes, that.

Where you reside?

While you're out, could you bring me back some candy?

Who would play the gangsters?

Why you talking crazy, man? Just be cool. Hey!

With a dead son, sympathy could spike us in the female and gay demos.

With a zebra and a monkey And came up with you

With the traffic...

Women are going to have better daycare!

Word up!

Word.

Would you get your emotional gangsta ass together?

Would you two fools just shut the hell up?

Y'all better get my money or I'm going in there and I'm gonna tell him what's up.

Y'all better step, or I'm gonna have to waste y'all.

Y'all give it up for Hi C! Hi C in the house!

Y'all gonna be real sorry, the both of you.

Y'all know who you dealing with?

Y'all opened up big a can of tough love!

Y'all take this seriously!

Y'all wanna play? Then let's play.

Yeah

Yeah, all good. Tom, you down, you gots...

Yeah, because B Rad G's about to get ill.

Yeah, but we're still dead in the urban demos.

Yeah, check it out, man, my hair.

Yeah, excuse me.

Yeah, man. They got the Glocks, the Tec 9s, the Uzis.

Yeah, straight up.

Yeah, that's Tec from the l 9s, homes.

Yeah, the streets is tough.

Yeah, you got something to represent? You got something for your...

Yeah, you lucky I don't burn you down! Hell, yeah! Hell, yeah!

Yeah, your mama's so ugly she's only been married once!

Yeah! Bill drops out of the race, emotional distress.

Yeah. No.

Yes, he considers himself a rapper of sorts.

Yo, all y'all rappers out there! My name is Brad Gluckman...

Yo, fool! What, nucka, what?

Yo, holla at him for me.

Yo, I ain't laughed that hard in a long, long time. For real.

Yo, I'm Ronnie Rizzat, represizzent.

Yo, punch it, fool! Punch it!

Yo, that is some hardcore shnizit.

Yo, we got Gluckman's son. Gotta be worth more alive than dead.

Yo, what's up, y'all? This is B Rad G, kicking it from 'Bu.

Yo, why you keep calling me that?

Yo, y'all, this fine diamond's hooking me up with Dr. Dre, Master P...

Yo, you shouldn't have.

You about to go up in there and give them Koreans your ends?

You ain't black. And you can never be black!

You all right, B Rad.

You are an oppressed black man...

You better hope your daddy home too. If he ain't, you gonna be one dusted trick!

You better shut your mouth, fool! Get back in that room before I beat your ass.

You do got it going on a little something something, though.

You do what you have to do. We'll do what we have to do.

You ever feel like you don't belong?

You fail to realize that putting together this operation has been quite expensive.

You feeling froggy? Then leap.

You gonna blow up huge, no doubt.

You gonna laugh at me. You gonna play me?! You know who you playing?

You got 10 minutes.

You got a man?

You heard me, you half stepping, moist ass bitch!

You heard me? Hell, yeah. I'm a rhymer on time.

You just gotta stick with it and be yourself.

You just need a little work.

You know Dre?

You know what I was kind of thinking to myself? Maybe I'd go next.

You know what I'm about to do now?

You know what? Come on.

You know what? You know, I just tested positive...

You know when I was saying earlier, in the car, about being a player and all?

You know, I recognize that street violence is tearing Californians apart.

You know, it's not as bad as it seems.

You know, just talk to them and be nice to them.

You know, kissing babies and whatnot.

You know, since you so down and all.

You like a cross between Martha Stewart and Oprah.

You mean, besides the fact that I just been harpooned?

You mean...?

You need to do this.

You need to keep your pimp hand strong.

You need to shut this down.

You need to stop listening to all them perpetrators and just be yourself.

You need to walk away from this minimum wage crap...

You really weren't gonna pay my ransom?

You say one more line and I'm gonna have to smoke myself!

You saying if I put my mind to it, I can be whatever I wanna be?

You see, doc, I got something to say...

You see, friends...

You see?

You so pretty.

You stop it right now and you listen to me.

You tell me, Stick to the plan, man. Stick to the plan. Got it?

You the finest girl I ever seen in my whole life.

You think this a joke, wigga? You think this a joke?

You think we ignorant because we live in the 'hood?

You want us to scare this kid into acting like a little white boy again?

You won 't be excused until you do.

You'll get the rest of your money when Richie Cunningham walks in my door.

You're as guilty as any of us.

You're frigging whack...

You're just jealous because you didn't think of it first.

You're probably still flipping me and whatnot.

Your alma mater is whack.

Your daddy ain't paying.

Your hair looks great.

Your mama so ugly José Eber won't even do her hair.

Your mama's so fat she uses Mexico, the whole country, as her tanning bed.

Your mama's so poor for Halloween her trick was the treat!

Your mama's so poor that your tits are real!

Your pop's gonna pay, or you gonna pay!

8 Ball, what should we do with Bloodbath and his friend?

A grand. We're paying a grand.

Ain't he down? Yeah, Bloodbath. You down, fool.

All right, gangsta. Come on, girl. Let's do this.

All right, then. Bring it. It's been brought.

And a fifth of Henny. Yeah.

Anybody else wanna step? No.

Anything else, dog? No, playa, I'm cool.

Are we clear? Oh, we are Cristal.

Bitch! Again!

Bitch! Again.

Bitch! Click it! Bitch!

Bloodbath, stick with the plan. Tree, the plan done changed!

Brad? Pops?

Bring it on, baby. We are strapped now, brother!

Can I help you? Coffee.

Can you tell us what happened? Oh, yeah, it was crazy, yo.

Can't even swing a gat. Shoot.

Come here, boo. Come on.

Come on, let's see it. All right, chill. Chill.

Crime reaches everyone kind of thing. Are you trying to get votes out of this?

Damn straight. That if I follow my dreams...

Damn! Damn! You done did it now.

Damn. No, you damn. Why you play me?

Dang, why you doing this to a brother? What?

Dang! Where'd you get all that? Christmas present from Uncle Ahmet.

Deal. Hey, hey.

Did he just say brother? No!

Did you buy my rage? No. You're indicating.

Do me this one favor. You are the driver. I am the shooter!

Do you all have a locker? Man, come on. You a rapper?

Don't be hating. Tec, don't! Stop it!

Don't look at me! Come on!

Don't you talk about my mama. L'll talk all I want.

Down with the bitches and ho's. I'm voting for him.

Excuse me? I said you getting played, dog.

Excuse me? You gonna do it like that?

Excuse me. Where we going?

Five. Don't do it, Bloodbath!

Fool, put your hands behind your back. Behind the back.

For real? For rizzeal. Pound it.

For real? Well, except on the Internet.

For real? Yeah, I said:

For real? Yeah.

For rizzeal? For rizzeal.

For the money. Money? What you need money for?

Four. Don't do it, Bloodbath!

Freeze, sucker! That's convincing, brother!

Frigging A. The story is your basic kidnapping.

Gangs! It's what's hot!

Gays too. We can't win without them.

Get my money. Fine. I can arrange that, but...

Get over there, man. Hold me!

Get up there. Do your thing. Yeah, get up there, fool!

Get your narrow bootie up in there. Get him up in there!

Go, girlfriend. Do your thing. Give me this.

Go! I can't.

Go! Okay, sir.

God, is he okay? Oh, he's in excellent hands.

Got something for me? Hell, yeah.

Got the gangster gear, my dog. Okay, cool.

Hadji, how about you? I couldn't get much, yo. Just this.

Hell, no! You jack that shit, fool!

Here's your chance! I am improving myself, fool!

Hey, Gladys? Yeah, baby?

Hey, where you going, man? I need to take a drive.

Hey, who doing all that popping up... Oh, God.

Hi. Bill Gluckman, running for governor. We know who you are, fool.

His war on crime! Drugs!

How about number three? Perfect.

How much you think we can get? It's all about the Benjamins.

How y'all know me? We seen you.

How'd it go with Dr. Feldman? Great.

How's it work? We hire actors to play gangstas.

How's the Brad project going? Smooth. He's in South Central.

I been busy, Tec. You been getting busy?

I can't live! Lucky you such a weak ass shot.

I can't say that I blame him. Hell, no. Not the knife, dog!

I do! Then how come you set me up?

I got a Ph.D., a Poser Hater Degree. Come on, quit fronting.

I got it. What?

I gotta cut him! No, you can't cut him!

I gotta. You don't gotta.

I love you, Sean. I love you too.

I might not have all the money right now. Are you playing me?

I really can't believe that! Those improv classes are paying off.

I think I'm gonna throw up. Get in the back seat, fool!

I thought you said to cut him! No...

I told you no more money. Yes, I realize you said that, but this is...

I wanna learn. You wanna learn?

I'm about to call your daddy. Call your daddy.

I'm confused. About what?

I'm down, y'all. No, you ain't down, homey.

I'm from Juilliard, for chrissake. I'm from the Pasadena Playhouse.

I'm gonna call you Mothra. What?

I'm his father! Since when?

I'm scared of Koreans! You...

I'm sorry, y'all. Don't be hating. This ain't a game!

I'm talking about you. Me? I ain't a poser. Shoot.

In a box? In a box.

Is Shondra hitting that white boy? I don't think anyone's hitting anybody.

Is that a freaking musket? Yeah, it's a freaking musket.

Is this a come up? It's a stickup.

It might just scare the black out of him. Excuse me?

It was your idea! That was idiotic!

It's O.P.P., bitch! What?

Kidnapped? Yeah, fool.

L'll do it myself. Pull the trigger! Get him!

Let's bounce. All right.

Let's get out of here. Thank you, girl.

Let's go! Let's dip!

Listen, fool... No, you listen. I know what you done.

Look at me, black. Bitch ass...

Look at the little busta. Little busta.

Make it trey and we on. Three thousand dollars?!

Malik? Or Taquayzsha.

Man, we would never say that, brother! Silence!

Mr. Gibbons? Yeah.

My culture! Yeah, fool!

My own little White Kong. That's right, White Kong.

My wigga. Hey, what up, my nizzle?

Naho who? Oh, no, now that's trifling.

Nice. Yeah, this is good. Get your ass down, fool!

No more Brad problem. Right.

No, I got GameCast. GameCast?

No, she didn't. Yes, she did.

No. That's ridiculous.

Nope. Not convincing. Damn it!

Not here, Tec. What you wanna do?

Nothing. I said shotgun.

Now what? We wait.

Now, on the flip side... Flip it.

Oh, for real? Yeah.

Oh, God. Oh, Shondra, I'm dying! This cap barely grazed you.

Oh, my God! It's a jack!

Oh, my God. We're going to jail.

Oh, my God. You that f* *k from the club!

Oh, no! Yes!

Oh, that's great! It's just what we needed!

Okay, just the white meat. Move! Let me cut him!

Okay. The one thing they hate...

Okay. We gonna show you something.

Phones? No.

Pit bull puppies, fool! And they mean too.

PJ. What?

Play that. Yeah, girl.

Playa... Y'all got some Will Smith back there?

Pleasure doing business, gentlemen. Let me get that for you, sir.

Positive? Lf he's arrested or injured...

Really? Shondra.

Right now? I'm just trying to help a brother out.

Right, good point. It's okay.

Say what? Bill Gluckman won't deal with criminals.

She's just in on the scam we have going. What you talking about, scams?

Shondra just did it for me. Yeah, I see that.

Shondra? Shut up, fool.

Shondra? Yeah, it's Shondra...

Shondra? A little help, please? Sit your monkey ass down. Don't move.

Shotgun! Yo, Deuce, shut him up.

Shut up and move. Move him! All right.

So how'd you get to be so down? Shoot, girl.

So, what you rap about, anyway? I can rap about anything.

Sorry, sir. Damn.

Stop. We ain 't hens, we come out the coop

Talk is cheap. Prove it. Well, I'm here, ain't I?

Talking about he down. But...

Taquayzsha? Or Nahojay.

Tec, I swear, it is not what it looks like. Don't lie to me.

Tell me something I don't know. What?

Thank God! How did this happen?

Thank you. Oh, for real.

That's all we was doing. Is that that dude running for governor?

That's all. Okay, I see what it is.

The chickens be out the coop. Enjoy, ladies.

The streets. Which streets?

Then it's real. This whole thing is real! Stop moving.

They straight up killers out there! For real?

Think this is gonna do it, dude. Oh, we're about to get paid!

Think Tupac. All right. Let me try it again.

This ain't no picnic, bitch? Wow! Thank you. I loved the blue steel line.

This is my sizzal. For rizzal, my nizzal. Stop it!

This is the ghetto. We could get shot! Come on, man.

This. What is that?

Tree, ain't he down? Yeah, he down as they come, fool!

Turn around and do it again! Bitch!

Two. Kill him! Kill him!

Wait till you see what we're gonna do. I ain't mad at nothing.

Wake up, snowflake! Yeah!

We ain't going to Dre's? Fool, this a kidnapping!

We called your dad! What did he say?

We'll holler back! Holler back, player.

We're in really big troub... Listen, fool.

We're in. Good.

We've got that queued up. Yes, we do. Over here, please.

Well, now, that sounds dangerous. No! Perfectly safe.

Well? Maybe you should show him your ass.

What can we do, doctor? I don't know.

What is so funny? The wig!

What the hell are you doing? Listen up!

What the hell got into you? Shut up, ho!

What the hell is wrong with you? You actually did it?

What you doing? Teach this white girl a lesson!

What you got to say this time? Kick it freestyle, Moch.

What you mean be real? You know what I mean. Be white!

What you think? Gotta be.

What? You fitting to get jacked, fool!

What? You had to get two more.

What?! They want 500 grand or they'll kill him.

What's going on with your boyfriend? I'd love to kick it with you...

What's your name? B Rad.

When you set this thing up yesterday. I thought you set it up.

Where are you going with this? The negatives are obvious.

Where you fixing to drive to? I think today's a good day to die.

Where you learn that from? Grand Theft Auto 3.

Where's B Rad at? I haven't seen a thing. Haven't seen him.

Where's he going? Are they making a sandwich?

Where's your son Brad? Yes, sir, where is he?

Who do you think you are? I'm B Rad G from 'Bu. Represent.

Who this? No deal.

Who was that? Old history.

Who you calling a ho, ho? You, ho!

Whose brother? Yours, y'all! I'm down.

Why you down, dog? I'm a failure.

Why? Shondra...

Wigga, please! No, for real. I can rap about anything.

Word? Can I borrow that? You got a PlayStation 2?

Word. Word.

Y'all never been robbed? Sure. Last week was 54 time.

Yeah, how you feeling now, Malibu? Like I'm home.

Yeah? Yeah.

Yo... Say it, don't spray it, m * * * * * * * * * *r.

You all right in here? Oh, yeah.

You all right? I'm fine, but you the finest!

You all right? Yeah, I'm okay.

You better recognize. Well, I recognize.

You buying that? I don't know. I can't tell.

You hate it. No, I don't hate it.

You hitting this? No. Now let me go!

You know him? Hell, yeah.

You know Shondra. What's going on, Shondra?

You know Shondra. What's going on, Shondra?

You know what really chaps my ass? What?

You letting me go? I'm not having your blood on my hands.

You mean have Brad actually go there? Exactly.

You ready to die? Ain't that a co inky dink.

You see that? Please.

You think I'm playing with you? Yeah, you playing.

You use that or I'm gonna use it on you! Okay.

You validate parking? Of course, sir.

You want next? Let a homeboy get some action.

You want some of this crotch? Yeah, he does.

You've gotta be kidding me. Oh, come on! Oh, no!

...and 25 when you return him to us...

...and boo yah! I'm in the hizzy.

...and doesn't wear those Timberlands with the laces undone, it's so sloppy.

...and don't dis me!

...and I need the world to hear it.

...and mad violence.

...and run this thizzang, but I got business back in Bu...

...and show him what it's really like. In the ghetto?

...and the sharks. Y'all got sharks.

...and then I'm gonna hook up my own salon.

...and this is my crew.

...and throw in a white chip macadizzamia nizzut cookie too.

...and we might have something solid. Well, I'm all ears.

...and when I'm on the mic, you can really say I suck, man!

...and you never cared to find out.

...anybody can rap at the Malibu County Fair.

...big ballers...

...but for once in your life will you think outside the box? For once?

...but I got a little business.

...but I guess I wasn't good enough for you.

...by the mysterious White Kong, who is still at large.

...California is my family.

...call our KTLA hotline at 1 SNITCH.

...could I, like, kind of, maybe...

...drugs...

...everybody strapped with a 9.

...for G A M E.

...from the ghetto. I'm having trouble finding this one.

...get all scared and angry, want to keep them down.

...hopefully...

...I ain't down enough for y'all. No, you're down. Isn't he down, PJ?

...I can achieve true happiness? Word.

...I can convince them to let you go. But I'm being myself!

...I want 500 grand by tomorrow midnight.

...I was gonna have to lay you out with this!

...I will see to it personally that you two do some serious time.

...is posers. Me too, girl. I feel you.

...is that...

...it's on you. You gonna get the punishment.

...it's Sean James, and I'm just an actor...

...jack our mom and dad's biggest gats, jet to South Central and save his ass.

...Malibu.

...more than anything that really makes them crazy...

...or what crew you're rolling with...

...over Brad's open casket.

...P. Diddy, Jay Z, Big Boy hisself!

...ringleader of a South Central street gang...

...shiznit?

...since they're gonna ice me in the morning...

...so we've taken it upon ourselves to plan a drive by shooting next.

...so...

...something with Dre Dre. So if you don't mind...

...take these earnings and start that beauty parlor.

...they continue to give us parts that are gangbangers.

...we can spin it so you're the victim.

...we can spin it. Make it into a positive.

...we have gone up six points.

...we should see some real improvement.

...white.

...why can't we just be brothers? What do you say?

...why don 't you both be brothers?

...women are going to have better health care.

...you about to not really be okay too.

...you the finest.

...your behavior has become an embarrassment to the family.

$ 16.47.