Superbad (2007) Edit

A woman?

Actually, I kind of have to be somewhere...

Ain't got no cop people to help you keep your booze now, do you?

All of a sudden...

All right, how else can we get alcohol?

All right, Jules' partner isn't here today either.

All right, look. Hey, man. All right.

All right, now, guys, check this out.

All right, you need to calm down. We need to think for a second.

All right, you talk to Becca. I'll talk to that retard, Fogell.

All right, you... That was a lucky shot.

All right. Come on, stop it. I can't fucking see. I can't see. Fuck it.

All right. Fucking crazy.

All right. Here we are. This is it.

All right. I am back.

All right. I mean, I don't see what this has to do with Becca.

All right. You look like a future paedophile in this picture, number one.

All units in the area report to Fifth and Paysview.

Also, I'm...

Am I gonna be a chef? No.

And also, chicks can kind of see, like...

And I just think this isn't how I pictured it.

And I just thought, you know...

And I just... I'm so drunk. I can't even, like, process this.

And I saw your housing, like, forms.

And I'll bring the '80s dance music.

And I'm gonna get Jules a new comforter.

And I'm not gonna dance around it, she looks like a good fucker.

And I've got, like, two solid months of sex.

And in the classroom is where I did the majority of my illustrations.

And it's B.S. Excuse my language. I'm just saying that I wash and dry.

And it's not even that big of a deal.

And it's not just making them smaller. They completely reshape them.

And Kyle's Killer Lemonade. A six pack.

And lube.

And now I'm going to college a fucking friendless virgin.

And one little bottle of spermicidal lube?

And she's been yammering about you all night.

And take off your vest. You look like Aladdin.

And thank you very much for bringing everything, again.

And then he jumps over you, he feels you up, violates you.

And then I make her my girlfriend.

And we just hit it off, you know.

And we're gonna pin it on them.

And what the hell is this?

And you got into fucking Dartmouth.

And you landed on McLovin?

And you should really clean this up.

And you're really pretty.

Are there any ladies we'd like to show this tape to?

Are we gonna bust him out of jail? Bake a cake with a fucking file in it?

Are you carrying me?

Are you crazy, man? Wanna end up like that guy?

Are you fucking serious? This isn't enough. What are you, a 6 year old?

Are you guys gonna make sure he's okay?

Are you okay, mister?

Are you out of your mind? Look at Jules' dating record, okay?

Are...? Are you crying?

At least you don't have a black eye from it.

Back the fuck up. Back the fuck up.

Balls. Okay, we'll both go out there and check on him.

Beautiful.

Because I don't give a shit how pants look.

Because I fucking rule.

Because I have to get a ton of cover up for the grad photo.

Because I respect her, Seth. I'm not gonna put unfair pressure on her.

Because I'll do anything.

Because my parents left me like 100 bucks to feed myself for the week.

Because that could be any number of things.

Because we were worried about that. That would be great.

Becca, I don't think you wanna do this.

Becca's a bitch.

Break yourself, fool.

Bullshit phone. Piece of shit.

But I can't hear you, though, because the music is so loud.

But not just her, for her whole party. You know what that means?

But now that she can jog comfortably, she's in the best shape she's ever...

But seriously, I acted like a fucking idiot last night.

But she's gonna be at the party and she's gonna be drunk.

But she's never here, and I don't get twice the grades for doing all the work.

But the house is full of food, so I just thought I'd spend it all...

But the point is to be good at sex by the time you get to college.

But when I was wearing your dad's pants...

But you got such a smooth chest.

But you guys have, like, four more years to go...

But, you know, thank you.

By some miracle, we were paired up and she actually thought of me.

By the time college rolls around...

Bye, Evan.

Bye.

Calm down. Calm down, man.

Calm down. She likes you.

Can I have 13 beers to go, please?

Can I hold one of your guns?

Can I see your ID?

Can I... Should I just walk?

Can we shoot at it?

Can we talk about this later?

Can you please help me up?

Can you understand that? I have a goddamn veterinary exam!

Car 98 on it.

Car 98 on it. You dumb fucking whore.

Certainly will. Thank you, Seth.

Chase the kid!

Come here.

Come here. Come here, man.

Come on, go.

Come on, guys, let's go!

Come on, let's party.

Come on, man, just relax. Mark, please.

Come on, McLovin.

Come on, McLovin. Do it, buddy. Come on, buddy!

Come on, pussy. Get up, dude.

Come on. Do it up.

Contain yourself.

Cool. So...

Could you get me, like, a bottle of Goldslick Vodka?

Definite yes, then.

Dick taking abilities? You think that's good to say about someone?

Dicks?

Did you hear I'm having a big grad party next Saturday?

Did you move my...?

Did you think that maybe she's using you to get her alcohol?

Do alcoholics get hangovers?

Do you have any bigger clothes or do you only shop at babyGap?

Do you know who I am? I'm Fogell.

Do you wanna go see what my dad has?

Do you wanna hear the best part? Becca.

Don't be such a vagine, man. I gotta get a Red Bull before class.

Don't blow yourself up, asshole.

Don't do it, kid.

Don't do this. I promise you I'll get the liquor later.

Don't keep me waiting much longer. I'm getting impatient up here.

Don't know if we should be doing anything official.

Don't listen to him, officer.

Don't make me feel like that. I thought it was cool.

Don't make me feel weird because I like porn.

Don't make this weird. Sing.

Don't worry.

Don't... No, don't be sorry. I should be sorry.

Draw pictures of dicks.

Dude, Jules is having a fucking party.

Dude, there he is. That's the guy. Hey, Mark, right there.

Dude. Dude. We're so gonna get fucked up.

Empty the clip. Empty the clip on it, man. Shit!

Engage.

Enjoy it.

Ethnically, I mean, did... What...?

Ev, wake the fuck up, man.

Evan told me you didn't get into Dartmouth.

Evan, hey. Evie, come here.

Evan, I'm not saying I'm gonna look at it.

Evan, kiss me.

Evan, let's go to your house.

Evan. Get into the game.

Even I thought I was fucking crazy.

Every day, hundreds of kids go into the liquor store with their fake IDs...

Everybody sees them kicking me out.

Everybody stay calm.

Everybody... You... You had me get liquor, so you drink.

Everyone takes this class to get an A. It's bullshit, and I'm sorry.

Everything else is great.

Everything's great, just from he... This, just like right there.

Everywhere? You didn't see me pissing anywhere.

Exactly. She was too hot, okay? That's what sucks.

Excuse me, sir. Stop what you are doing at once.

Fagell?

Fastest kid alive, my ass. Come on. What are we gonna do?

Fine, Evan. Here it comes.

Fine, yeah. Maybe we can get some food.

First things first. What is your name?

Fogell, just be cool, man. Get in and get out.

Fogell, shut the fuck up.

Fogell, this ID says you're 25 years old.

Fogell! Hi.

For college. The mall, they would sell that.

For some reason, I don't know why, I would just kind of sit around all day...

Freeze. Stand right there.

From Attack of the Clones?

Fuck Fogell. We need a new way to get liquor, which is fucking impossible.

Fuck it. I'm about to graduate.

Fuck me, right?

Fuck me. I can't...

Fuck my life.

Fuck off, Seth.

Fuck off.

Fuck you! And next time you're pissed off about something...

Fuck! The money, man! Fuck! How much money can you get?

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck, man, so heavy.

Fucking calm down, Greg. It's soccer.

Fucking funny.

Fucking go. Fucking throw up.

Fucking pigs.

Fun shit? But I never see you at parties or anything.

Get off me, you fucking cops. Get your hands off.

Get off the bus or I'm calling the cops.

Get on the ground! Loaded gun, ready to go!

Get out of here. They're gonna make me run laps.

Get out.

Get the fuck out of here. The fuck out of my house.

Get the fuck out of my house.

Give me that booze, Fagell.

Go to school, boys.

Go to the ball, guys.

Goddamn it. This is bullshit.

Goldslick Vodka. That's for Becca. Don't forget that.

Good luck getting Jules drunk enough to have sex with you.

Guy sells me a piece of shit fucking phone.

Guys, come on, move.

Have you ever met anyone named McLovin?

Have you ever met anyone named Mohammad?

Have you ever stared into his eyes?

Have you talked to Fogell?

Hawaii?

He assaulted the customer, grabbed the cash and ran out.

He finds this Ghostbusters lunchbox dick treasure chest...

He got arrested, okay? We're on our own.

He just came at me. I took him down.

He just kinda hit me, and I didn't see what he looked like.

He was at that party I was telling you about.

He was Caucasian.

He won't do it. Don't worry.

He's a freak. He's the fastest kid alive.

He's a freak. He's the fastest kid alive.

He's my best friend. Oh, shit.

He's not usually this drunk when he does this...

He's nuts. Well, we caught the infamous Fogell.

He's our friend. We don't do that.

He's wielding something. He hits this small gentleman in the slacks.

He's young, but the Force is strong with this one.

Hell, yeah, We should get some road beers.

Hello, hello. Hey, guys.

Hello, Mindy.

Hello.

Help me.

Here I am, this little kid...

Here we go. We're really gonna do this?

Here, McLovin, have a cigarette.

Hey, calm down. Let me get a picture of that real quick.

Hey, did she say we're gonna get to shoot somebody or something?

Hey, Evan, pay for me, please.

Hey, Greg, why don't you go piss your pants again?

Hey, hey, hey. You guys, stay in this room, man.

Hey, hey, where's the love?

Hey, hey. It's you.

Hey, hey. It's you.

Hey, I was doing some research for next year...

Hey, Jules. Your partner didn't come today?

Hey, man, are you sure it's cool that we're here with you?

Hey, McLovin, are the numbers on your side odd or even?

Hey, Miroki, could we have a minute alone? Just... Thanks.

Hey, Pat! This jerk off's got period blood on his pants!

Hey, so did you bring a condom for tonight?

Hey, Susan. Are you gonna party tonight or no?

Hey, thank you.

Hey, wait, careful.

Hey, where the party at? Right.

Hey, yo, Seth.

Hey!

Hey! Back the fuck up, man, or I'll beat the shit out of you.

Hey.

Hey. Hello. Hey. Becca.

Hey. Look what fell out of the truck!

Hi, everyone.

Hi, I had a bad reception. So about your Goldslick...

Hi.

Hi. Did you hear about the party tonight?

Hi. Everybody, Seth has got it.

His dad's gonna fucking kill him.

Hold on, I gotta get all the booze. Seth, wait up!

Hold this.

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. It's them.

Holy shit, they busted Fogell.

Holy shit. Holy shit.

Holy shit. Oh, my God.

Holy shit. Were you just getting laid?

Hope piggy can run.

How am I supposed to find one guy?

How can that suck? I'd be psyched if I got with her.

How did this happen, Evan? Fuck, man!

How fucking selfish are you?

How many 21 year olds are in this town?

How old are you?

How the fuck am I supposed to get into Dartmouth? You knew I couldn't.

How'd he get into Dartmouth? I don't get it. He's got shit for brains.

How'd you know?

How's it going?

I almost blew a load into my bellybutton.

I am gonna give you...

I am McLovin.

I am so sorry, man. I am so sorry.

I am the law! Okay?

I am truly jealous you got to suck on those tits when you were a baby.

I assume you all have guns and crack.

I bet you play the whole mysterious guy thing, right?

I bitched out?

I brought a little bottle of spermicidal lube too.

I can shoot. What are you...? Wait.

I can't believe Becca's bottle broke.

I can't believe this is happening again. What are the odds?

I can't believe you saved me.

I can't believe you still have the liquor.

I can't believe. I owe you so...

I can't do it.

I can't do that. I can't let Jules see me in what I wore to school.

I can't imagine what you're gonna do without each other next year.

I can't tell you, because it's a secret for you from me.

I can't.

I couldn't find a minute to make an appearance.

I did it, dude. I even offered to pay for it.

I didn't even effing see you at all, man. Are you okay?

I didn't expect this from you, Evan.

I didn't invent odd numbers, Seth.

I didn't mean...

I didn't puke on you, did I?

I didn't wanna, but my wife insisted.

I don't believe it!

I don't believe it.

I don't believe it. I don't believe it.

I don't believe this bullshit. I can't believe this is happening!

I don't believe you.

I don't cry. That's funny.

I don't even dance ever, so... I've never even tried it.

I don't even dance. I just...

I don't know what I'm gonna be into 10 years from now.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't know, man. Don't ask me.

I don't know, man. I think she looked better before.

I don't know, man. I'm, like, really nervous.

I don't know. Can you?

I don't know. Do you? I don't know. Do you?

I don't know. Nothing. It's fine.

I don't know. What?

I don't like this idea. This guy's fucking creepy, man. Look at him.

I don't really have anything going on.

I don't really know how many people are gonna be there...

I don't remember anything.

I don't remember. Maybe it was some ricochet scenario. I don't know.

I don't see a problem. Let's just do it.

I don't seem to be getting any.

I don't understand why you have to be such a little bitch about it.

I don't understand why you were smoking cigarettes with those cops.

I don't wanna sit here alone cooking this shitty food.

I don't... I don't miss each other.

I feel bad that I'm making you buy me a new one.

I feel hammered. That doesn't make any sense.

I fell down and none of these assholes will help me up.

I forgot to tell you, my mom said we can have the TV from the basement...

I get one bar everywhere I fucking go.

I give him shit for it too. All the time.

I got fucking blood on my pants.

I got into some schools, some pretty good ones. So I'll be fine.

I got jizzed on. All right.

I gotta catch a glimpse of these warlocks.

I gotta tell you. I gotta tell you something, Evan.

I gue... Yeah, I mean, what do you want me to do?

I guess not.

I guess we saw a bit of ourselves, you know...

I guess you guys are really gonna go crazy next year together.

I had some friends over, we had a few drinks.

I had such bad acne last year...

I had, like, a general outline. You know?

I have a warrant out for a totally nonviolent crime.

I have been waiting for you for, like, ever.

I have to get a comforter too. For college.

I have to get a new comforter.

I have to kill these guys. You don't negotiate with terrorists.

I have your information. So put her there.

I haven't had one for long, a few months, but I'll tell you...

I heard she got breast reduction surgery.

I honestly see now why Orson Welles ate his fat ass to death.

I just don't really ever see you at them.

I just wish we could make it up to you somehow, man.

I know that, Fagell! I know that!

I know where it is, where it happens.

I know, but look at Evan, okay? Just look at him.

I know, I know.

I know, we made some kick ass tiramisu earlier.

I know.

I like you so much.

I lo... I love you.

I love my best friend, Evan.

I love my best friend, Evan.

I love that stuff. Been drinking it for years.

I love you, man.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you. I'm not even embarrassed to say it. I just...

I mean, because you're not staff.

I mean, just imagine if girls weren't weirded out by our boners...

I mean, like, if I'm paying top dollar, I want a little production value.

I mean, seriously, that's really... That's nice of you. Thank you.

I mean, that's the world I one day wanna live in.

I mean, was he...? Was he like us, or...?

I mean, we're not dependent on each other, you know.

I mean, you kind of owe me.

I mean, you're handsome and you're a good friend.

I never had a choice.

I never wanted to live with him. I just don't... I ha...

I never would've been able to handle your fucking 4 inch dick...

I often go to sleep and dream of waking up in a world where...

I said he looked like you. Do you look like an African Jew?

I said he looked like you. Do you look like an African Jew?

I say, It's just like a woman. Even after you're dead...

I should be getting a move on, for sure.

I should fucking kill you, you motherfucker!

I should get moving. I should get moving.

I should've told you. I don't know why I didn't.

I still think you have a chance with Jules.

I swear I'll bitchslap you so fucking hard.

I talked to a man who claimed he had climbed five mountains in his life.

I think maybe...

I thought we'd both be drunk.

I thought you Dartmouth guys would be smart enough to understand that.

I told her what time it was.

I want a ride! You hear me? You can't unarrest me!

I want you to be my first. I want you inside me.

I was being a dick. I was being a big dick to you.

I was gonna give you a nudge... A punch, the friend thing.

I was gonna go down on her for, like, several hours, okay?

I was gonna go to the mall.

I was in your room, like, three weeks ago...

I was just calling, you know, to see if you were coming...

I was just walking down the hall and Nicola was right in front of me.

I was so shitfaced last night. I shouldn't have fucked that guy.

I was very secretive about this whole dick operation I had going on.

I was. I mean, it's like, we don't do everything together.

I wasn't involved in it.

I will fully blow him tonight.

I would do terrible, disgusting things to hook up with Jules.

I would've gone with something at least mildly entertaining.

I... I would prefer if we would just do that...

I'd give my middle nut to start dating Becca.

I'd sit there for hours, drawing dicks. I don't know what it was.

I'll be honest with you for a second.

I'll get it right on the nose.

I'll give Home Ec another shot.

I'll miss your knee slappers when me and Evan are at Dartmouth.

I'll scare him out of wherever he's hiding.

I'll shoot my gun in the air.

I'll stab you through your fucking heart.

I'm essentially best friends with the guy...

I'm excited.

I'm flexing nuts. Just fucking come with me on this voyage...

I'm going over to this party right now, bro. Okay?

I'm gonna be totally honest with you.

I'm gonna break your glasses, you fucking cop. You can't hold me.

I'm gonna cry myself to sleep every night.

I'm gonna need to see some identification.

I'm gonna save you. I'm gonna save you, Evan.

I'm gonna tell Becca how I feel. Maybe she'll get with me.

I'm here in my unit, isolated and alone, eating my terrible tasting food...

I'm here with my thumb up my ass.

I'm in a cab right now, on the way to a liquor store.

I'm just drilling holes. The last two weeks. Fuck it.

I'm just gonna throw that out there. I don't... I don't know.

I'm just saying that it comes with the site, okay?

I'm just saying that she looks like a good fucker, okay?

I'm just sick of all the amateur stuff.

I'm like a single mother.

I'm McLovin. I am McLovin.

I'm not gonna get her drunk out of her mind.

I'm not gonna let you slow me down anymore, Seth.

I'm not putting down your profession, but it's just the way I feel.

I'm not trying to insult her.

I'm okay, you know, yeah. Did you have fun last night?

I'm picking out my classes for next year.

I'm really sorry about that. I can't believe I actually did that.

I'm really sorry that I blocked your cock.

I'm sorry for cursing.

I'm sorry, guys. I don't really have any information.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sure they will be.

I'm tired of you talking about her like that, man.

I've been praying for a fight. I'm literally waking up and praying...

I've felt better. But I'll be fine. How about you?

I've ignored my hatred for Becca in coming up with this plan.

I've never before seen that in my life!

I've wanted to tell you for so long that you're the best girl.

I've wasted the last three years sitting around talking bullshit with you.

If a woman tried to compliment me on my dick giving abilities, I'd be psyched.

If I equals the square root of negative one...

If I equals the square root of negative one...

If I'd paced myself, I'd be having at least steady sex...

If one of your cocks could kill someone.

If that works. I don't know if it's in your route.

If the bullets start flying, hit the deck.

If the man had ejaculated and then punched you...

If we get it now, we can get to the party faster with Jules' shit.

If you can't even win, then why am I fucking playing?

If you don't, she's gonna have a shitty night.

If you make this, we're no longer friends, Michaels.

If you're back there, get out. Everyone, come on.

If you're not in this class, leave this class.

Imagine what everyone else would think.

In other words, if you consider I as a constant...

Instead of chasing girls and making friends...

Is there another squad car in the area that could be of further assistance?

Is this about Becca? This is about some girl, man?

Is this making s...? Okay.

It hides it and it feels awesome.

It is awesome, McLovin.

It was deli... It looked weird. But it was delicious.

It was like the first time I heard the Beatles.

It was my last chance and I fucked it up and...

It whizzed right by me, and I said, Stay away from me, you know.

It worked. It worked.

It'd be nice. Like that crime scene today.

It's 10:33.

It's a fine ID. It'll... It's gonna work. It's passable, okay?

It's a fucking vest, dumb ass.

It's a good thing.

It's awesome.

It's been two years since I've seen an actual human female nipple.

It's called fucking strategy.

It's completely unbecoming.

It's flawless. Check it.

It's got booze, it's got girls. Booze and girls equals...

It's in. Oh, my God, it's in.

It's like a division sign.

It's like a three thing. It's like ball, dick, ball.

It's like they're so tight that one ball is, like, above my dick, even.

It's like...

It's M... McLov... McLovin.

It's merlot. That's what you don't get.

It's no problems. You'll learn that.

It's not fair they get to flaunt that stuff...

It's not me? You fucking lying?

It's not the going with the ladies I care about...

It's nothing. It's just...

It's perfect.

It's probably some lame house party. We'll drop you off after. Cool?

It's probably the greatest move in doughnut spinning history.

It's seems, like, ridiculous.

It's so good to... How are you feeling?

It's such a crazy story, okay?

It's the first of many too, so get used to it, sister.

It's... It's the most beautiful thing in the world.

Jason Stone, who looks like fucking Zack Morris. And Matt Muir.

Jeez, man. It'll work. Give it a chance.

Jeez, why don't you go cry about it?

Jesus Christ.

Jesus, fuck.

Jules and her stupid fucking friend asked me to buy her alcohol.

Jules, you drink. You drink.

Jules?

Just be careful, because it's a meaningful sweater to me. It's vintage.

Just be quiet. Wait until he goes away.

Just drink some of this. You're gonna love it.

Just fucking listen, okay?

Just listen. Okay?

Just relax, okay? Let's make this right.

Just somewhere social, non threatening.

Just talk it out. Hey, I'm a nice guy.

Just the one. Just the one. Not both.

Just turn that off.

Keep your hands up.

Kick it over to me.

Killing me won't get you alcohol. I'm the one with the fake ID.

Kind of looked like Eminem. Does that help you?

Kyle's Killer Lemonade. That's kind of gay, but I can get it for you.

Learning you are, young padawan.

Let's do another one to me.

Let's do it. I haven't conversed in ages.

Let's do this dance, boys.

Let's do this.

Let's go to a liquor store and watch your stupid ID get rejected.

Let's make a move.

Let's stay calm, okay? Let's not lose our heads.

Life's bullshit, Miroki.

Like a bunch of people crammed into a van.

Like a man dick?

Like coming coming.

Like coming.

Like he called me hymen until I was 12.

Like he called me hymen until I was 12.

Like one's Latina, one's Asian, you know, there's one for fetishes...

Like Perfect Ten?

Like relax and chill all at once.

Like some editing, transition, something. Some music.

Like, right there.

Like, when you went away for Easter, on your vacation, I missed you.

Like...

Listen, and then she said she was gonna give me a blow J.

Listen, Seth, I want you to know, I don't wanna live with Fogell.

Listen, you can trust me, okay?

Longer face? Bigger nose? Would you say his mouth was wider?

Look at you.

Look, I can't do this. I told you already, I have an exam tomorrow.

Look, it was the peak of my ass getting career...

Look, just act cool and act casual, and try and look old.

Look, okay?

Look, when we were your age, we hated cops.

Look. Look what we... We can just drink this.

Looks like the most fun I've ever seen in my life.

Looks like you're standing funny. You wouldn't stand like that. Like a duck.

Makes me feel young again. There you go.

Man, don't you have any non infant clothes?

Man, that's gonna get you so much ass.

Man.

Mark, I called the cops. You should hide your gun.

Mark! You really wanna do this, man?

Matt Muir. He's the sweetest guy ever.

Maybe you and I rubbed up against each other at some point.

McLovin in the fucking house!

McLovin, McLovin, McLovin.

McLovin, stop him! Do it, do it, do it, do it!

McLovin!

McLovin! Nice!

McLovin! What the fuck?

McLovin! Why?

McLovin?

McMuffin.

Me and the guys are gonna go to a liquor store.

Me too. I get free haircuts. I'm not taking the fall.

Michaels here, he's six months in.

Michaels, are you okay?

Michaels, I got your back.

Mike Snider's ID always works. So will mine, man.

Mike Snider's ID doesn't have one fucking name on it! Okay?

Mohammad is the most common name on earth. Read a fucking book.

Move, people.

Mrs. Hayworth, I joined this class because I'd be cooking with a partner.

My brother came from Scottsdale, Arizona to be here.

My brother came from Scottsdale, Arizona to be here.

My dick's not gonna shake itself. Come on, babe.

My first wife, who is a whore, by the way...

My hand! Monster! Nicole! Nicole, get Daddy.

My name?

My older brother always says the nastiest shit.

My older brother says, like, the nastiest shit.

My parents are gone so I'm having a party.

My parents make me see a therapist, and he's asking me dick questions.

My parents will see that my car's been towed and I'll be grounded.

No hot dogs, no Popsicles.

No one's gotten a handjob in cargo shorts since Nam.

No problem. No, no, don't worry. No worries. You keep it.

No way, man. I work there. They know I'm not 25.

No, but I would get killed for pussy, no questions asked.

No, don't worry. I'm actually used to it.

No, Evan, that wasn't part of the plan.

No, I don't mean to accuse you guys of being ill informed, but...

No, I just have something in both my eyes.

No, I...

No, I'm saving you from the cops.

No, let's not... Let's hang on a second here.

No, look. We're really sorry, McLovin.

No, no, I'm gonna be there for sure. Full throttle.

No, no, no. I know you. I know you.

No, no. She said something more like:

No, please, I can't... I can't go to jail. Please, I can't go to jail.

No, that's how I roll. That's the thing.

No, that's why you picked a dumb fucking name.

No, those are way too tight.

No, you can do this, man. Come on.

No, you can't have a picture!

No, you don't. No. That's not what I said. Is that what you heard me say?

No, you're not. No one's McLovin. McLovin's never existed...

No!

No? Well, if nothing comes up, We can get shitfaced again, yeah?

No.

No.

No. He was American, and he was like you.

No. Look, I am not fixing your mistakes again, okay? Fuck that shit.

No. No problem whatsoever.

No. There is no other time. School is up.

No. Yeah, I was, but...

No. You don't wanna meet a chick in a bar, man. Seriously.

Nobody said anything about you, dick mouth.

Not for me.

Not if you're drunk too.

Not me. I need my nuts, man, for a lot of things.

Not right now.

Not too worried about it, really.

Not yet. No.

Nothing. It's my attempt at humour. I was just...

Nothing. Jeez, what does everybody think is gonna happen?

Now hold hands.

Now Seth's gotta pick up all the pieces.

Now we're never gonna bone because of that used tampon, Fogell.

Now, what's your first name?

Now, young Michaels, you will die.

Number two, it doesn't even have a first name. It just says McLovin!

Oh, Becca. Hi.

Oh, boy.

Oh, Evan. Thank you for bringing that lube for my pussy.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. They shot Seth.

Oh, fuck. Oh, my God.

Oh, God, I wish.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Go get Gaby, please.

Oh, like coming.

Oh, man! Dude, this is crazy.

Oh, man.

Oh, man. Fuck.

Oh, my God, come on. Don't stop.

Oh, my God, Fogell's rooming with Evan.

Oh, my God, man.

Oh, my God, that's a fucking man gina, man.

Oh, my God!

Oh, no, it's the cops. We have a complaint.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. No. I want you to come, I just...

Oh, really? Then how come you never made a move, you pussy?

Oh, really? You don't have the technology or the steady hands...

Oh, shit, guys. We're three blocks away, man.

Oh, shit, I've been tackled by little girls!

Oh, shit, it's Cary Hutchins.

Oh, shit. Come on.

Oh, shit. I'm gonna fucking throw up.

Oh, shit. I'm sorry, bro. I'm sorry, bro. I'm sorry, bro.

Oh, that's true.

Oh, you told him.

Okay, everyone...

Okay, here's to you. This is to Becca.

Okay, just calm down. Just calm down, all right?

Okay, okay. Here we... Here we go.

Okay, so just walk me through again what this guy did.

Okay, so we have an African Jew wearing a hoodie.

Okay? So, what's it gonna be?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Gotta go.

Okay. Yeah.

Okay. You got it.

Okay. Your total is 96.59.

Old enough for what?

On the upside, I think you look cool with a black eye.

One name? Who are you, Seal?

Open? A gap?

Or I dry hump the shit out of her leg.

Or like nuts. Yeah, that's funny. That's a fucking funny joke.

Other people drink and so I just...

Ouzo, bourbon, spiced rum, Goldslick...

Pair up with her. Station four.

Peeing on people. That's normal?

People piss on them.

Perfect. Good. All right, man.

Piss off! I was gonna do it, but there was a security breach.

Pizza bagels.

Please don't report me, man. We can figure this out, right?

Please don't shoot. Shut up and spread your shit!

Please stop it, you fucking bum. What the fuck?

Please, okay? Anything. Like, literally...