Knocked Up Soundboard Edit

Allison should get a C-section. My mom had one. Well you're a big mother, you know. I'd imagine I wouldn't want to squeeze you out. That's what she was thinking. She could tell Ohh it's coming. Oh ...

Are your boobs tender? Do you have veins? No. Do I? You have veins. I do. Does chicken make you sick? Are you gassy? So you're really gassy?

Bubbles. Bubbles. Bubbles. Bubbles. Bubbles. Bubbles. Bubbles, bubbles. Go get those bubbles. Don't get those bubbles. Get them, get them, get them. Get them. Bubbles. Bubbles. Bubbles. Bubbles. Bu...

Do you ever get so bored you stare at your balls? #bored #boredom #stare at your balls #knocked up

Fuck you hormones #menstration #frustrated #anger #seth rogan #hormones

Get out! #labor #child birth #get out #leave #get out of here #go away #not welcome #intruding #knocked up #having a baby

He looks like Fatty Arbuckle. He looks like Jon Favreau.

He spelled coming wrong. Oh, it's come. Oh, that's gross.

He's not cheating on her. How do you know? I just know I'm 100% sure he's not cheating. No. It actually kind of makes sense that he would cheat. Why? Because Debbie's a pain in the ass and he's awe...

Hey guys, don't let the door hit in the vagina on the way out. Yeah, I heard him. That was hilarious.

Hey Pete, don't let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out.

Hey, good morning, 3 boyfriends. Just kidding. Kind of.

Hi. Hey, hey. I'm Naked, yeah. Do we have sex? Yes. Nice.

Hi. Hi. I'm Jody. Yeah, hi. I heard you were pregnant. You scared the way it's not come out of me. It's gonna hurt a lot of it. It's so sad.

How you get pink eye #pink eye #fart on pillow

I buy these nice towels and he whacks off into them 710 forever. And once he does that into them once, they're never soft ever again.

I don't like for anybody. Really. Nobody can you just shrug? That's not a lie. That's a body lie. That's lying with my shoulders. That's lying with silence. I I lied once and somebody died. I'm sor...

I gotta go meet gynecologists with Allison. She doesn't like her gynecologist. I think she likes you. She's trying to. She's entertaining the idea. Exactly. I'll take that. We'll see. You're, she's...

I mean, I guess it worked. Like you told me not to smoke pot all those years, and then I found out you were smoking pot that whole time. Not the whole time, just in the evenings and all day every w...

I mean, your boobs are gonna be big and then they're going to be like scary big, but then they'll go down and then they'll they'll stay down.

I shouldn't have gone in there #dont go in there #stay away #stay out #keep away #knocked up

I think he's doing the dice thing too much #dance moves #dice #knocked up #seth rogan #jonah hill

I'm only allowed to let him 5% black people, he said that 5% that mean. For 25 people, yeah, I get to let in 1 1/4 black. So I got a hope for some black Midget in the crowd.

It's going to be tough (cynical) #its going to be tough #its a lot of work #negative nancy #debbie downer #not supportive #rooting for failure #unsupportive #cynical #skeptical #pessimistic #knocked u

It's not because you're not hot. I would love to tap that ass. I would tear that ass up. I can't let you in because you're old as fuck for this club. Not, you know. For the earth. You all see pregn...

Marriage #knocked up #seth rogan #paul rudd #marriage #relationships #everybody loves raymond #problems

Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond. But it doesn't last 22 minutes. Last forever.

Oh good it :). Oh, I think that's bad.

OK, I know we didn't plan this. And, you know, neither of us really thought it was going to happen. But life is like that, you know, you can't plan for it. And even if we did plan, life doesn't car...

Peter, what's the kids? Yeah, we could watch taxicab confessions.

Pink Eye #pink eye #jonah hill #seth rogen #jason segel

Seem to love bubbles. Oh God, they go ape shit over bubbles. Really going ape shit. I mean, that's an incredible thing about a child. What's so great about bubbles? They float. You can pop them. An...

She like the way your dick taste #knocked up #jonah hill

So he came over for breakfast because he's your new boyfriend? Yeah, he came from his house, drove over to our house because he thought it would be fun to have breakfast with us. So he drove his ca...

So what happens now? I don't know how this works. I'm going to the doctor next week and I thought you could come with me to the gynecologist. So you haven't seen him though. So you don't know if yo...

These are all the sex offenders in our neighborhood. Looks like your computer has chicken pox. Those are sex offenders. These people live in our neighborhood. Well, skip their houses when we're tri...

They said that a lot. That sucks.

This is my time machine #who needs a time machine #paul rudd #seth rogen #nostalgia #time travel

This one makes my pee smell. No more bubbly stuff that's making me gassy. I'm gonna hurl ohh God I'm gonna follow it. Ohh. I think I've done it a little bit. If you don't have to pee, don't push to...

Tighter

We wants to rear your child #rear child #dont let him near the kid #dont let him near the kid knocked up #rear kid

Well Played Sir #well played #good job

Well, that was fast, you pussy. I'm a. And you're the one that got dressed up like a cholo on Easter to come to this party. How are things that butt fucking ham palace? You look like babe Ruth's ga...

What do you think of him? He's funny, right? Hmm. Snatch all right, bring it back. Just saying fetch with my kids. He's treating my kids like their dogs.

What is there left to want? I get to go to Legoland. Say it. Don't get him all riled up before the drink. I shouldn't have given him all that meth then.

What is this? What the hell is this? I think you picked up the wrong one. Oh fuck, that scared me. Suck. I'm sorry.

When you look at me. Do you not think at all? Like, you know, if he just never existed, I would have avoided a massive heap of trouble, you know, absolutely not. I I love you totally and completely...

Where do babies come from? #babies #parenting #where do babies come from #knocked up #child birth #pregnancy #pregnant #motherhood #mothers day

Who wants to hear some music? I want to hear when I wanna hear Green Day. No, we're listening to rent. I got your baby.

Women can't get pregnant on top #get pregnant #pregnancy #pregnant #woman on top #sex position #rider

You do look a lot like your sister #gynaecologist #gynaecology #pregnancy #pregnant #look like your sister #knocked up

You get so bored you stare at your balls.

You googled murder? Why? I mean, what did it say? Show pictures of people lying dead on the floor and blood everywhere and those that was just catch up.

You should probably not comment so much about how fat I am. Right now, that's pretty offensive. I'm sorry, OK, but you're big. You might want to just shut your mouth.

You think I'm getting away with it? Well, if you're standing next to John Goodman, you'd be getting away with it. I'm just telling people you have a thyroid problem. I'm just telling people you suf...

You want a good time, you go to Disneyland. All right. Go to freaking Busch Gardens. Go to Korea. Go to my apartment. It's phenomenal. Go to Grand Canyon. Go to peyote at Joshua Tree. Go to Vietnam...

You want sex? Yeah. Well, this is not sound good at all right now. I'm sorry. I mean, we don't have to. Do you want to? Well, we probably should. I'm just really constipated right now. Crampy. Oh, ...