Admission (2013) Edit

A bit.

A copy. A faded copy.

A legacy

A legacy of what, I'm not really sure.

A little bit. You know me, I'm a lightweight.

A scholar of your stature would carry a huge amount of weight with the committee.

A selfish asshole. And I just wanted to come here and...

A unique talent that demonstrates passion and commitment would be good.

Absolutely.

Actually, I think we met the last time I was here.

Actually, I've got to hit the road.

Actually, I've got to hit the road.

ADMISSION

Admission Matters

Aleksai.

Alice Copley.

All decisions have been made.

All in favor of admission?

All my friends thought for sure that I'd bail.

All right, it's coming! Portia, get back here, now!

All right, Portia. Well done!

All right. Let me rewind.

Almost enough for everybody.

Along with his uncle. Nelson was two.

Although we certainly wouldn't hold it against you.

An admissions officer must have a strong constitution...

An right.

And cleaned contaminated water from villages...

And did you know that women are the only exploited group in history...

And gymnastics national champion.

And he has a positive recommendation...

And here is the information you'll need on that student.

And his SATs are almost perfect.

And honestly...

And I actually think he'd do great there...

And I am not a mother, but I know the importance of it loo.

And I know this is very sudden and I don't expect

And I know, I was speechless loo.

And I met her and my half sisters a couple months ago.

And I need him to meet this applicant.

And I think he could use a little more connection in his life.

And I wished so many times that I could have told you his name.

And I'm not trying to ruin your life.

And I've added a number of new schools.

And I've added five full days to the San Francisco Bay Area and Northern California.

And I've dragged it place to place, across the world ever since I was twenty two.

And I've ordered everything, you just need to pick up the...

And if you would like to visit the campus...

And if your biological son chooses to contact you'?

And in a wheelchair.

And it's our poetry night, and...

And last, we come to the end.

And Mr. Pressman, in the future...

And my poetry, written in my mother's psych ward...

And no, that sign is not an omen.

And not of some guarded suburban enclave.

And now, with a special performance for Nelson on his big day.

And pass the baton to a worthy successor.

And play frisbee for the rest of their lives.

And please, rest assured, that nothing...

And she died in a car crash.

And so I will never know who my father is.

And that is exactly why I knew that night on the train thirty seven years ago...

And that was the famous Blair Arch.

And that Woolf woman.

And that's it. That's all I have to say.

And the relevance of all this is?

And then he was found.

And then...

And they realty know how to spread their joys

And we have our first graduating class this year.

And what makes you think she needs your approval?

And what your background is, that's just a box and I reject it.

And when you phone, it is noted in your file.

And why? For his resume?

And yet...

And you can handle an axe...

And you don't just barrel into other people's lives like this.

And you know, maybe if his parents had been rich...

And you never wanted kids?

And, we are a family...unit.

Another penny to this university ever again.

Any budding astrophysicists in the crowd?

Any second thoughts?

Any words of wisdom for hopefully future Princelonians?

Applicalus interruptus. You know the rule.

Applying from Los Angeles...

Aput Kunayak from Nome, Alaska.

Aput Kunayak.

Are attending school here.

Are those birds?

Are you all right?

Are you going to be my mom?

Are you going to give me the file?

Are you Johnny's girlfriend?

Are you kidding me?

Are you married?

Are you out of your fucking mind?

Aren't you ready yet?

As a mother myself, I know the importance of teamwork.

As far as I can tell, parents exist just to drive their kids insane.

As I would with any outstanding student who may have been overlooked.

As much as I do appreciate Thomas the Tank Engine.

Ask Portia.

At Dartmouth, I was friends with Shelley

At least you're trying.

At the New Hampshire Slate Championships.

At your age, you're supposed to be boring.

B's in Physics and you didn't take AP Chem.

Back in college. And I gave him up for adoption.

Back to work.

Backbone of the Woodwinds section...

Balakian, Jeremiah

Balakian, Jeremiah

Because I can't stand you.

Because I was raised by sheep.

Because I've actually lived a few places on planet earth .

Because I've got a treat for you next!

Because it happens either way. It happens either way.

Because there's over twenty thousand of them.

Because we just do tests.

Because where you went to school...

Because you are a kid. I am an adult.

Because you forgot one important thing on your way to self empowerment.

Because you never know where you'll end up on them.

Because you two are my superstars...

Because you're a normal, boring adult.

Ben, do you mind escorting Mr. Pressman out?

Besides, do they even play Bridge in Ecuador?

Besides, when was the last time you went to a party?

Bigger.

Bit finicky.

Bolton, Jesse

Boundaries!

Brandt?

Brearley School, Manhattan.

Budding journalist...

But did you notice that he also got 5s on all eight AP exams...

But he can't pretend to be somebody he's not.

But he got 5's on all eight APs.

But he look himself from nowhere to where he is today.

But he thought you might be in need of some comfort and guidance.

But I can't tell you. Not yet.

But I care about this kid...

But I did find Balakian, Jeremiah.

But I didn't tell him anything. It's your decision .

But I do remember your plea that we do so.

But I think she has other plans.

But I thought by now you'd be back on your feet.

But I want you to be able to get by in the world.

But I will tell you what not to do.

But number two is, you know, that's good...too.

But she's originally from our beautiful stale of New Jersey.

But since you're new to the process, as a professional courtesy, I can...

But the recs aren't special.

But then again, we have to make room for the exceptional, right?

But there's not much for supper unless you want to go pick some kale.

But you did well.

But you seem like a great guy too.

But you're not the only one who reeks of cow placenta.

But you're not the only one who reeks of cow placenta.

But, about this Spanish test.

But, oh, can he read the wind.

By the way, I know that wasn't a perfect showcase...

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye. Thank you for calling.

Call me back.

Calm down.

Can I get you some iced lea?

Can we get him a second alumni interview?

Can you get these cows out of the way?

Can you just watch the kids while I run to the vet?

Can you please e mail me your information and I will call you back?

Can't go it alone.

Captain of his sailing club.

Chess club, makes an excellent soufflé...

Christ, I have to go. Hang on in there.

Clarence Hall, Dean of Admissions. Princeton.

Clarence, we're going to be back on lop.

Clarence, you told us at the beginning of the year...

Class of '81.

Class of 2016.

Class of eighty one. Lot's changed since then.

Class rank two of four hundred and fifty, magnet school in a suburb of San Diego.

Clearly a very busy time for you all.

Come on, come on. Right now!

Come on, do it!

Come on, let's get you something to eat.

Come on, man!

Come on, Portia. Make us fall in love.

Cool!

Cool. I'm cutting class.

Corrine, are you ready?

Could you put the salad on?

Course she has, she's our golden retriever.

D plus. One point five.

Dashiel Weld Broward.

Deep down in the working class.

Definitely. He was just in here.

DENY

DENY

DENY

Descartes.

Developmental, but academically rigorous.

Did this Balakian kid discover electricity or paint the Mona Lisa?

Did you get that other thing I sent you?

Did you just say if you were me you would kill yourself?

Did you mean it when you said I could do this?

Did you read the rest of it?

Did you say you're pink, therefore you're ham?

Did you stay over?

Do not fix anything! I don't want to ever see you again!

Do you even know whether Jeremiah wants to meet his birth mother'?

Do you guys want to see Descartes philosophize backwards?

Do you have any advice for a young man, Rene?

Do you like the cake?

Do you recall Jesse Bolton?

Do you think he can handle an intense academic community?

Do you think he has a shot?

Do you think you have room for one more in your life?

Do you want to defend the innocent and secure justice for all?

DOE, JOHN

Does that mean every Princeton undergraduate is a genius or a prodigy?

Does your mom wear blue blazers?

Dogs are too dependent on humans.

Don't listen to him. Did you decide what your major is?

Don't people just need a college degree if you want lo pursue...

Don't take it out on him. It's my own thing.

Don't you reject 99.9 percent of your applicants?

Ds and Fs in ninth, tenth and eleventh grade?

Dude, what a cougar.

E mail is the appropriate form of communication.

Educated family. Privileged upbringing.

Electromagnetic waves on bees.

Eleven. That is supposed to be an eleven.

Even though he's a legacy, he's definitely going to Yale.

Ever.

Everyone is now leaving, OK.

Everyone knows?

Exactly!

Exactly.

Excellent extracurriculars.

Excellent.

Except a lot of people are named Sophie.

Except, get some goddamn dog food.

Excuse me.

Fake? You mean you had a boob job?

Fantastic.

Fat Envelope Frenzy

Father of Jesse Bolton.

Fender bender. It's dumb.

Fifty.

Final Accept Deny

Football it's the world's sport, all right?

For acceptance?

For Jeremiah Balakian!

For my story.

For the sake of learning. His passion for knowledge.

Fork. Fork. Fork. Fork.

Four point oh.

Four point three.

Fourth generation legacy.

From Richard Bolton.

Get to work.

Get your hands off my baby!

Getting left is a good thing? Really? I have to go.

Go be a citizen of the planet!

God dammit. Dammit!

Good doggie.

Good times.

Good to meet you. Are you Mr. Balakian?

Good to meet you. Are you Mr. Balakian?

Good, you're angry. You need to express that.

Good.

Good.

Good. He's good.

Good. Well, thank you for the party. It was very pleasant.

Good. What is that?

Grab a hoof, grab a hoof. All right, I'm going to count to three. One...

Grab her head. Calm her down.

Gray matter, that's what counts.

Great.

Great. Good. Well...

Guess you're not so boring after all .

Hadn't spread yet.

Happy

Happy Happy Happy Happy

Happy birthday, pal.

Harvard and Yale too?

Have another vat of gin, Mom.

Having sex on a train with a stranger to get pregnant really not so great!

He also received an honorable mention at the state finals for ventriloquism.

He asked for a blue blazer with gold buttons and anchors on them for Christmas.

He can't love anything...

He educated himself purely by instinct.

He had no plans to attend college until this past fall...

He has got to get going on his essay.

He has his parents. He has you, right? Nelson?

He is never getting in. Never.

He is the kind of student you could always call upon...

He led them to victory three years in a row.

He loves learning for the sake of learning.

He really wants this.

He was as isolated as someone in Nome, Alaska.

He was reading a law encyclopedia.

He was robbed.

He would have been exposed to more.

He wrote an essay last year entitled...

He'd be the first in his family to attend college.

He's a great kid.

He's a great kid.

He's a prodigy.

He's a very special student.

He's an advanced reader from the age of eight.

He's become like part of my family.

He's going to be doing it at Nelson's birthday party.

He's going to be up against kids that have resumes fifteen feet long.

He's got no extracurriculars at all.

He's just not Princeton material.

He's just one of those kids that doesn't test well.

He's probably out partying with his friends.

He's the most brilliant student I've come across.

He's very well read.

Helen is having twins. My twins. I'm leaving you.

Helen is the preeminent Virginia Woolf scholar.

Helen, back so soon.

Hello?

Her dream is to be a prosecutor, then serve on the Supreme Court.

Her family emigrated from Russia ten years ago.

Here comes one of our illustrious Admissions officers.

Here from the island of misfit toys is Jeremiah Balakian.

Here is the order of territories, chosen randomly.

Here, try this soap.

Here's the crazy part.

HEY

Hey Nelson, happy birthday!

Hey Portia.

Hey Portia. Everything OK?

Hey Princeton, what are you doing?

Hey pups!

Hey there, little mama.

Hey, I have somebody here who wants to talk to you.

Hey, maybe it was meant to be.

Hey, Portia How you doing?

Hey, this is Bob Barrow from Hotchkiss.

Hey!

Hey! Watch yourself, asshole!

Hey. It's a thin envelope.

Hey. This kid, he's terrific.

Hi everyone, I'm from Admissions and we like to come in and......

Hi everyone.

Hi Gloria! Hi Betty! Hi!

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Come on in. You can help me grind sausage.

Hide out in cars?

High grades, but low scores.

His alumni interview was not so great.

His parents couldn't make it. I'm his teacher.

Hold on.

Holed up here like some crazy old witch?

Holy shit, that's the kid that doesn't get in?

Honey, I'm exhausted.

Horrible.

Horseshit. Put your heart into it .

How are you, Rene?

How bad was it?

How can you stand those English Department gatherings?

How is it possible?

How is it possible?

How is your mother?

How many frigging candles are on this cake?

How many people call you mom?

How would you feel?

How's his Spanish?

How's it going so far? Are you learning a lot?

I actually do.

I am an admissions officer and you run a school and I live with someone.“...

I am an Admissions Officer. I'm just helping you try.

I am not a project.

I am not some village in need of a water system.

I am so glad that you are going to Ecuador except for one thing.

I am.

I bet you guys feel like bunch of assholes.

I cabbed it. I'm OK.

I can fix this. I'll contact adoption services

I can't believe you're pimping me.

I can't even say his name.

I can't promise anything...

I can't stand babies. They're repulsive.

I can't tell what's real.

I can't tell you.

I did.

I didn't ask the name of the man on the train because...

I didn't need to know that.

I didn't realize until I was very far along...

I didn't want anything getting in the way of you getting into Princeton.

I don't get it.

I don't know what you were thinking.

I don't know what you're talking about and you need to leave.

I don't know, it's just, Nelson and I have always traveled.

I don't know. Five weeks ago or so.

I don't know. She's weird.

I don't mean just stumble walking like an infant or a toddler...

I don't understand.

I don't want you to be a genius. I'm not a genius.

I feel sorry for the Ecuadorians!

I forgot you're in a very fragile stale.

I got pregnant in college and my boyfriend had already dumped me for someone else.

I got pregnant, and I had a kid.

I guess.

I had a car.

I hate geography class. I hate maps.

I have a couple of announcements.

I have absolutely no power over your fate here.

I have got this under control. Go inside!

I have spoken to the Judo Association and...

I have to go. I have robotics class.

I have to go. I'll call you later.

I have to go. Now.

I have to start over anyway. OK.

I have your card.

I hope you get rectal cancer

I insisted he take those tests.

I just called you a prick. I'm sorry.

I just drowned it.

I just had a mastectomy.

I just think he's got a little too much to overcome.

I just want to say thank you.

I just wanted to thank you so much! I had the best night of my life.

I just... I want you to know that this...

I killed my bonsai tree by over trimming it.

I kissed someone! Almost on purpose!

I knew I needed his sperm but I did not need him.

I knew Shelley. Your roommate at Dartmouth.

I knew you were taking this all rather hard...

I know he never liked me...

I know sometimes we subconsciously identity with applicants...

I know, but why can't we ever just do what I want?

I know.

I know.

I know.

I know.

I know. I'm John.

I learned several years ago that I was adopted.

I like him.

I like this life.

I love that question.

I love this. I love this bean salad.

I love you.

I made all that up.

I met him at a garage sale.

I might have underestimated her passion...

I never told anybody because I didn't want my parents to find out.

I overwatered it too. The bonsai.

I prefer to use just a medium.

I put my heart into it Football.

I put my name in at the adoption agency and they contacted me

I read biographies...

I read everything.

I realized my teachers were not going to be able to teach me.

I regret to inform you that you will have to go to law school.

I remember you loo.

I rode crew.

I saw her lecture on Frida Kahlo in 1977.

I slept on the sofa.

I think .

I think maybe he's your son.

I think maybe Jeremiah's your son.

I think my voracious reading came from a deep longing for something that was missing.

I think so.

I think soft might be more for baby teeth.

I think this could help us avoid...

I think this girl's self knowledge is impressive.

I think you got lucky.

I think you're exquisite.

I think, therefore I am.

I think, therefore I am.

I think...

I thought it would be educational for him to sit in on this.

I thought that would drive me insane but...

I thought you loved traveling.

I used to spend my days passing judgment...

I want so much for you to be happy and...

I want to come live with you!

I want to dedicate this performance to Nelson.

I want to say thank you so much for everything that you have done for this boy.

I wanted a child but not some moody relationship.

I wanted to give him the kind of life I didn't have as a kid.

I wanted to talk to you about one of our applicants.

I wanted to tell you something.

I was going for the cheek.

I was just translated into Finnish.

I was searching for someone.

I was stupid and selfish.

I was working there and Nelson's mom was a friend.

I wasn't in the Netherlands. I was living above an auto repair shop.

I will always be there for you. Nothing will ever change that.

I wonder who my birth parents are

I worked in college admissions for sixteen years.

I would feel...

I would just be grateful to get to know him.

I would love to. It would be a pleasure.

I'd have to recuse myself.

I'd like for you to visit our campus.

I'd like to see what that's like...

I'll give you ten bucks if you can do it again.

I'll have a breast, please.

I'll never really understand your admissions system in America.

I'll never run away from you.

I'll stroll with you .

I'll tell you what I'd like to know.

I'm a little concerned about a revenge fantasy fueling her academics.

I'm adopted. I was born in Uganda.

I'm afraid not.

I'm aggressive too, so I said what the hell, why push my luck?

I'm an idiot.

I'm figuring out what I want to do next.

I'm fine. I'm great.

I'm fine. Thanks.

I'm John.

I'm lucky she didn't name me Athena.

I'm Nelson.

I'm not a creep.

I'm not supposed to discuss alumni recommendations.

I'm not sure people would believe it on me.

I'm remodeling your old room.

I'm showing them how to build a sustainable irrigation system.

I'm sick of traveling. I love playing Bridge.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

I'm sorry, are you a senior?

I'm sorry, but what do you think that you're doing here?

I'm sorry, I mean, about everything.

I'm sorry, our GPS lied.

I'm sorry, Portia.

I'm sorry, so you're just this single dad...

I'm sorry, that was inappropriate.

I'm sorry, that was inappropriate.

I'm sorry, you had sex with that woman?

I'm sorry.

I'm spending an extra four days in the Andover Hotchkiss triangle.

I'm supposed to be chaperoning this dance.

I'm supposed to be chaperoning this dance.

I'm thinking of trading them in for a mid size.

I'm trying!

I'm very sorry about the timing of this...

I'm working on my bike.

I'm your mother.

I've been hanging around at the Nass all day

I've been living at my mom's place for the last two months.

I've been trying to figure out the best time to tell you...

I've been trying to reach you. I left you a million messages.

I've decided to retire.

I've got everything planned out. I'll be back in time for the department lunch.

I've got something to say, Susannah.

I've got to get up very early, and then hit a few schools and race back...

I've tried to put on a brave front about M M

If I had to do what I was supposed to be doing every minute of my life, like you do...

If the child in question is a unique, special child.

If this is the right place for you, then this is where you'll end up.

If word of this were ever to get out, the damage would be irreparable.

If you want to take a couple personal days...

If you're wondering why you are even listening to this...

Il Forno is one of my favorite restaurants loo.

In a month and a half.

In fact, he's the most well read person I have met.

In fact, I was just talking to the co founder of Quest...

In fact, there's one extremely unusual applicant...

In fact, why don't I just put this aside for him for when he gets home?

In the nation's service and in the service of all nations.

Instead of spending all that money?

Interesting. Unique, I would say.

Is he ready for Ecuador?

Is she coming to my party?

Is she well? Your mother?

Is something wrong with that cow?

Is that Helen? That's weird.

Is that horrible Woolf woman going to be there?

Is that still possible?

Is the final referendum on their parenting skills...

It is very important that you not tell Jeremiah a thing about...

It kills me.

It really kills me. You'll get through this.

It says he's not ready to meet me at this time.

It says that he was born and given up for adoption on Valentine's Day...

It seemed unfair to subject anyone to the miserable experience I had.

It was a pleasure. Your lawn jockeys are just...outstanding.

It was all an accident.

It was my mom's idea.

It was quite a coup to get her from Cambridge.

It was that bad?

It's a copy see?

It's a slight fracture.

It's amazing. Exactly.

It's awesome. It's like, ancient.

It's called spot the Nobel Prize winner.

It's faded, you see?

It's getting late.

It's good to clarify.

It's good.

It's gross!

It's how humans behave here on planet earth.

It's just so beans and vinaigrette.

It's nice to see you again.

It's not healthy to need other people too much.

It's not her fault.

It's not...Portia, what I mean

It's OK. It's good.

It's OK. Mommy's here.

It's one of the disappointments of my life and I am so sorry.

It's perfect.

It's perfect.

It's so hard.

It's so wonderfully...

It's the last chance I'm going to have for three weeks.

It's too risky.

It's very cool.

James, tours leave at 9:15. It is 9:25.

Janie Schroder. A hairdresser. His mother is a hairdresser.

Jeremiah Balakian.

Jeremiah got the top score on eight Advanced Placement tests...

Jeremiah has to get his application in, pronto.

Jeremiah is also a self described autodidact since the age of eight.

Jeremiah is an only child.

Jeremiah is our first applicant from Quest...

Jeremiah was even applying to college.

Jeremiah, from Quest. Hi.

Jeremiah.

Jesse Bolton.

John Pressman. Quest School.

Just a little levity to enhance the teamwork.

Just back from a boring recruitment trip. Uneventful.

Just be yourself.

Just catch up with the tour and meet me back at Admissions.

Just diet soda? No...

Just for a bit.

Just friendly acquaintances. Portia Nathan.

Just messing with you.

Just observing the school so I can better evaluate applicants.

Just take a nap.

Just terrific, thanks.

Just...

Just... get those applications in and...

Kids just don't take to some people.

Kind of. Half and half.

L...Hi!

Ladies and gentlemen.

Last spring, he took the SATs and eight AP tests.

Left on Pony Run Drive.

Let me see .

Let me. It lakes a village.

Listen to my tale

Listen, I'd love to talk to you about the financial aid package we could offer.

Listen, thank you for calling.

Long, long, long term.

Look, he's a great kid...

Look, I can't do anything that could get me into trouble.

Look, I want Jeremiah to go to Princeton because he wants to go to Princeton...

Look, I wanted to see if you wanted to maybe get a drink or a bite to eat or something?

Look, we're having a school dance here tonight...

Looked for Bolton, Jesse.

Love, Aleksai

Lovely and wonderful.

Lovely and wonderful.

Make a U turn as soon as possible.

Man, it's really sad t got those tiger town blues and I got them bad

Managed to take five AP classes...

Mark called.

Mark had an emergency. A student was...

Mark loves breasts. The more the merrier.

Math 760, Critical Reading 710, Writing 740.

Maybe he's in Hoboken.

Maybe he's in Paris.

Maybe he's president.

Maybe I got a glass eye, but it some from working in a factory at the age of eleven.

Maybe I should apply then. Princeton seems like a cool place.

Maybe we don't have to go, right Grandma?

Maybe you'd like to step outside and see how fragile I am.

Me?

Men can be such pigs.

Might want to tuck that in, son.

Mom, I have to go.

Mom, you look...

Mom?

Mom?

Mom. Susannah...

Morning.

MOTHER'S CURRENT LEGAL NAME DOE, JANE

Mr. and Mrs. Balakian, I'm Portia Nathan.

My boy, if you are truly outstanding you'll probably be kicked out of there after one term.

MY car!

My dad passed away a few months ago.

My life is fine, thank you very much. It's frigging great.

My mom lives about ten miles away.

My mother thought if she named me that I would grow up to be wise.

My parents work in a mini mart.

My pleasure. We love Deerfield students.

Myself as in, you know, in relation to my soul or...

Nelson likes me because I'm so boring.

Nelson loves traveling. He loves it.

Nelson really likes you.

Nelson wanted to stay put and...

Nelson, take a corner kick.

Nelson, take a corner kick.

Nelson, you know how much I love this statue, right?

Nelson's idea.

Never start a folder if you can't finish it.

New Hampshire Certificate of Live Birth

Next victim!

Next victim!

NO ADMITTANCE

No AP classes. No SAT prep courses.

No Bolton, Jesse.

No champagne, no baked goods,

No changes can be made.

No different than an oil company.

No Gertrude Stein.

No I live with someone.

No idea.

No means no, asshole.

No ninth message. Please call me back.

No no no.

No really.

No seriously, I'm so happy too.

No Service

No worries, Mrs...

No, goodbye. Thank you. This was so much better than kale.

No, I had a mastectomy.

No, I was born at 11pm.

No, I'm in sixth grade.

No, I'm kind of afraid of heights, so...

No, it's not that.

No, Jeremiah...

No, my birth mother is named Janie Schroder and...

No, no, we're all friendlies.

No, no.

No, please, not the train story.

No, that was my father.

No, that's right.

No, there isn't an appeals process.

No, this. Us.

No, you have to slay. We have guests.

No, you know, my mom has a dove room.

No, you rock.

No!

No.

No. I completely believe in you.