Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004) Edit

A land filled with hamburger stands.

A play on the name of the famous colored, n**** basketball squad...

A play on the name of the famous colored, n**** basketball squad...

A ticket? Are you serious?

A titty flash might persuade me.

A what?

About her East Asian Students Club or whatever.

Absolutely right.

Access card.

Actually, Harold, we should be getting to the party.

Actually, I'm just gonna be sitting on my ass,

After all the shit that we've been through tonight,

After Easter service one day, I told him how much I loved his solo

Agreed.

All right, I'll see you there, man.

All right, I'm bringing her in. Right, left, left.

All right, I'm bringing her in. Right, left, left.

All right, we'll get a pay phone,

All right.

All the other surgeons are working on other patients.

America, Harold! America!

An excellent point, Mr. Patel.

And a cop stops me.

And a few Mexicans as well.

And Asians. And Asians.

And attorney Nathaniel Banks are suing the state of New Jersey

And b) would you write me a recommendation?

And become a fugitive? Are you nuts?

And convenience stores.

And end our hopes of ever going to White Castle.

And give him a couple of other tickets?

And go jerk off to some snowboarding videos or something?

And guess what, man.

And he finally mustered up the courage to ask me out.

And I can hang glide and I can ride a cheetah,

And I guess I learned that if you want something or someone,

And I have two gay fathers.

And I know you don't know me very well... or, um, at all.

And I need you now tonight

And I said to myself...

And I'll tell the whole office

And I'm gonna see her boobs.

And I'm never gonna have time to get to those.

And if either one of you douche bags

And if I hear from Dr. Wein that you were anything short of spectacular,

And if Liane can marry a guy like Freakshow

And if you'll only hold me tight

And in other news, the Muckleburg Police Department

And it looks like the cheetah took us in the wrong direction.

And it's your responsibility to make sure we're high as shit

And just like me. I'm sure that they adore you

And not be able to turn in your work tomorrow.

And not just one type of hamburger, okay?

And on days that I'm lucky enough,

And please bring in some fresh diarrhe... dry towels!

And ready for the O.R. Stat!

And seeing Neil Patrick Harris

And she's a hot Latina Meg Ryan with bigger tits.

And start a Ringers lactate push.

And started throwing shit off that bridge to see if it would float?

And stop this post college rebel bullshit?

And the award for the least heterosexual statement

And then go eat just like we planned. Now, just calm down.

And who do we see but your dream girl standing across the street?

And will settle for nothing less than justice.

And you break free from the chains

And you break free right from the chains

And you went nowhere, and you thought,

Animal semen.

Anyway, nice meeting you guys. I'll catch you later.

Are those my scissors? Dude, I trim my nose hair with those!

Are you a fuckin' tree hugger? Is this your special bush?!

Are you freaking out of your mind? What about your interview?

Are you gonna do something about my car?

Are you gonna let 'em hold you down and make you cry?

Are you hungry?

Are you listening to me, Roldy? I'm having a major epiphany here.

Are you saying what I think you're saying?

Aren't people supposed to be scared of coyotes?

As a Burger Shack employee for the past three years,

As for the recommendation, I guess I can make a couple calls.

As you can see, we have three horrific gunshot wounds.

As you probably heard from your old man,

As you were, ladies.

Asian tits... I wanna squeeze 'em!

Awesome!

Baby, I'm a comin'!

Baby. Baby

Baby. Baby. The stars are shining foryou

Barracuda to Sparrow, Barracuda to Sparrow.

Be yourself. Don't be nervous.

Beats me.

Because in the next couple of hours,

Because there's lots of people around here. See this guy?

Because we're gonna sweet talk Cindy Kim into finding us some weed.

Because you're not quick enough to think of a comeback.

Believe me. I would love to come home. Okay?

Besides, man, it makes your johnson look totally bigger.

Better ruck tomorrow!

Billy Boy! Get your ass ready.

Bingo.

Bitch! Learn how to fuckin' make coffee, you fuckin' whore!

Black, African American.

Boy, do you need a girl.

Bro? I'm not your bro, bro.

Bullets... my only weakness. How did you know?

But Berenson needs me to update these financial models

But Burger Shack, they bought this location about four years ago.

But go crazy on you

But he had the most amazing voice,

But I tell myself that I'm doin' all right

But I've just been too scared to admit it to myself.

But it's true.

But let me tell you the best part of my day is.

But tonight got me thinking.

But we keep getting sidetracked.

But why?

But you both have the same lame taste in movies!

But you have perfect MCAT scores.

But you hold on for one more day

But you hold on for one more day

But your breasts look beautiful.

But, Doctor, we don't have marijuana in this hospital.

By the time we're eating those burgers.

Bye, Brad.

Bye, Harold.

Bye.

Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. I'll see you later.

Can I get you some pink lemonade?

Can we have some pot brownies?

Can we just drop this and get our asses to White Castle, man?

Car.

Check it out.

Check it out. Those guys look like a lame version of us.

Check out those boils on his neck.

Cheetahs are used to eating gazelles and shit.

Chick magnet

Chick magnet. Chick magnet

Chick magnet. Yeah

Chill the fuck out. He's not gonna look for us in the girls' bathroom.

Christy, are you still there?

Cindy's fine. It's just...

Cole's Extreme Mix, Volume 5? What is this shit?

Come here!

Come here!

Come here.

Come here.

Come on down, man. Take a bow.

Come on, come on! Get 'em, guys!

Come on, dudes, let's pick up some trim at a strip club.

Come on, guys, let's get ourselves some fucking Mountain Dew.

Come on, Pookie, let's burn this motherfucker down!

Come on, Pookie! Let's burn it, Pookie!

Come on. Dude. Just take one hit.

Come on. How was I supposed to know he'd fuck us over?

Come on. You all right?

Crazy on you

Crazy on you

Daddy needs to urinate.

Damn, that hit the spot.

Damn! You sank my battle shit!

Did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car?

Did you ever get it on with Wanda off the set?

Did you leave the key in the car with the engine running?

Did you like the hibiscus petals I glued to the envelope I sent you?

Didn't we come here on a cheetah? Where's the cheetah?

Diffuse abdominal tenderness...

Ding dong! May I interject for a second?

Do I look like the kind of brother

Do you actually believe after the way you've just behaved

Do you even know where you're going?

Do you realize what the hell we had to go through after you took the car?

Do you think just because you're whispering,

Do you wanna play with them?

Doctor, you've got to do something or we're gonna lose him!

Doesn't mean you gotta do porn.

Don't bother with him. We'll take it up with Berenson tomorrow.

Don't worry about it. He can't hear anything...

Don't worry. The universe tends to unfold as it should.

Don't you know things can change

Don't you like food that's tasty and delicious?

Don't you wanna be cool?

Don't you worry about that none. We ain't too far from my place.

Dr. Roldy, hold this.

Dude, am I deaf, or did he just say we get to fuck his wife?

Dude, am I really high, or is this actually working?

Dude, check it out. It's Rosenberg and Goldstein.

Dude, come on. It's 1:00 in the morning.

Dude, Doogie Howser M. D. Was, like, my favorite show growing up.

Dude, forget about those pricks. Let's just get some food.

Dude, fuck that shit. We had plans.

Dude, get that fuckin' cancer raccoon away from me!

Dude, how do you think I get all my shit done?

Dude, I don't even know where the fuck I am right now.

Dude, I don't know about you, but I'm fuckin' hungry as balls.

Dude, I got love on my side, man.

Dude, I got the yellow plague.

Dude, I got this.

Dude, I have no idea where we are.

Dude, I humped every piece of ass ever on that show.

Dude, I told you not to bring the beef jerky.

Dude, I'm telling you, there's one right by that multiplex in New Brunswick.

Dude, I've been cutting my ass hair with them for the past six months.

Dude, if it's two holes, it might not be that bad.

Dude, in here, in here.

Dude, it's Rold and Kumar.

Dude, remember that time we got really stoned

Dude, remember when Goldstein used to work at that burger place?

Dude, she's coming back in ten days.

Dude, that rack better be stacked.

Dude, that was awesome! Where the hell did that come from?

Dude, that was so not extreme.

Dude, we can stay here, get arrested,

Dude, what is that? Is that a pterodactyl?

Dude, whatever. I'll tell my dad to reschedule it.

Dude, who knew learning Hindi would actually pay off?

Dude, you come out with me tonight, I promise you will get laid.

Dude, you know where I can get some chronic?

Dude!

Dude!

Eating those delicious burgers made me feel like a new man.

Escaping persecution, poverty, and hunger.

Even your dad would have been impressed, man.

Ever made in this apartment goes to... Harold Lee.

Ever tries to pull this shit again,

Every time a bunch of idiots give you a hard time.

Every time a bunch of idiots give you a hard time.

Every time you bite into one...

Evidently a black guy robbed a store in Newark.

Exactly. First we'll go to White Castle...

Excellent!

Excuse me, are you Neil Patrick Harris?

Excuse me, can you tell us how to get to the highway from here?

Excuse me, how can you give him a ticket for jaywalking?

Excuse me, officer, let me take a couple of guesses.

Excuse me, sir. Do you happen to know

Excuse me.

Extreme!

Extreme!

Finally, some action. I'm goin'!

Fine with me.

Fine, hurry up.

Fine. Maria.

Fine. You want me to cross? I will cross.

First our top story.

For having a natural ability in medicine.

For racial discrimination and police brutality.

For the meeting with the foreign investors.

Forget about the med school interview. It's a non issue.

Forget about White Castle. There is no time.

Forget it. End of discussion.

Forget it. I'll see her when she comes back.

Forget it. I'm not getting into any more trouble.

Forget White Castle. Let's go get some pussy.

Freakshow was really shy back then, you know,

Freakshow.

From our special sauce tonight.

From the Morristown Zoo.

Fuck my wife, watch TV... anything you want.

Fuck that, dude. Like I care what my dad thinks.

Fuck you, raccoon!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck! Fuck that hippie fuck! No! Dude, this isn't happening!

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fucking assholes.

Fudge, dude. Are you kidding me?

Get a cab back to your office, all right?

Get back on the road. This is my car.

Get in!

Get out! Bernadette, show this young man to the door!

Get out! Get out of my room.

Get unstuck!

Get your hand off the gas! Shit!

Get yourselves something to drink, wash up,

Girls, you guys wanna hang out,

Give me a minute. This is crazy.

Give me some I.D.

Give me the worse news first.

Go walking through the forest

God, she invites me to everything.

God!

God! You're 22 years old. When are you gonna grow up

Goin' down to Georgia

Gonna get myself baptized, gonna get myself baptized

Good news.

Good, 'cause if he wasn't, you would.

Good.

Great show. God, I love that show. Doogie.

Great, I think I've got to go, too.

Great. Let's just get out of here.

Guy says the highway is, like, a couple traffic lights from here.

Guys, let me pay for it. It's the least I can do.

Hang on a second, nurse. What we should probably use is marijuana.

Harold, I need you to update those models for me.

Harold, I'm so glad you showed up.

Harold? What happened to you, man?

Harold.

Have just arrested a gang of hooligans

Have you boys accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior?

Have you seen a Korean guy around here?

He and I had some pretty wild times back in med school.

He bit me! I've got rabies!

He can hear me talking right now.

He couldn't have said that.

He likes me.

He won't have a problem as long as I take it seriously for a change.

He's mauling me! He's mauling me!

He's trying to break free! Get him!

He's two feet away from us. He can hear this entire conversation.

Head over to White Castle. It's what you crave.

Hello. Over here!

Hemo globin Trotters... get it?

Here you go, boys.

Here. That's sixt... 80 bucks.

Here. This is Harold's understudy. You can do whatever you want.

Here's 50 bucks for the burgers and 200 for the car.

Hey, Apu!

Hey, aren't those the guys that got the shit kicked...

Hey, asshole! Why don't you leave that guy alone

Hey, Clarissa, do you want to play battle shits?

Hey, dude, check it out... Sixteen Candles.

Hey, dude, you know where I can get some green?

Hey, fuck you!

Hey, guys, thanks for picking me up.

Hey, hey, listen up, guys!

Hey, how can I still give them shit?

Hey, I got a plan. Follow my lead, okay?

Hey, Jackson's trying to escape!

Hey, Kumar. Kumar! Where are you...

Hey, listen, if...

Hey, look at this.

Hey, look at this.

Hey, look here, fellas. You guys gonna have to order from the drive thru menu.

Hey, loser.

Hey, move your ass!

Hey, NPH wouldn't do that, all right?

Hey, put that back.

Hey, Randy, what

Hey, Randy, what, the devil, huh

Hey, Rold, I have an idea.

Hey, Roldy, check it out.

Hey, Roldy, there's something I forgot to tell you.

Hey, Roldy.

Hey, so those dudes really have gonorrhea?

Hey, there's your girlfriend.

Hey, we should ask her if she wants to come to White Castle.

Hey, what's up, George? I smoke buds with George all the time.

Hey, what's up? It's me. What are you doing?

Hey, you!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! What the hell are you doing?

Hey! What the hell are you doing?

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Man. What are you doin'?

Hey. Psst.

Hi, honey.

Hit.

Hold his throat and groin. Come on, rookie.

Hold on

Hold on for one more day

Holy shit! Kenneth Park, class of 2004.

Holy shit! Whoa!

Holy shit.

Homo.

How about blow jobs? Can we have blow jobs?

How about you? How was White Castle?

How are you, Kunie?

How is that not the worse news?

How to get on the highway from here, would you?

How you both caught gonorrhea from that prostitute in Atlantic City.

Hunger, Harold.

Hurry up because I want to go smoke weed

Hurry up, dudes, hurry up. I'm losing wood.

Hurry up!

Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry.

I actually had a very long week at work. How about you?

I am not seeing Cindy Kim.

I am serious. You wanna know what happened?

I am so hungry. I'm gonna eat, like, 20 of those burgers, man.

I can do it. I can do it.

I can make the trip if you're willing to.

I can't believe it, man. We were this close to getting laid.

I can't believe you were gonna ditch me for the Joy Luck Club.

I can't take it anymore!

I can't wait to see the look on his face

I come home from work and I walk through this lobby,

I didn't mean you should do something about it.

I do not know what that is.

I do.

I don't have my interview for a couple of hours.

I don't know how much more I can take.

I don't know, man. Should we just eat here?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. I'm running a little low.

I don't understand how you can be so calm about all this.

I don't understand. You just hugged him.

I don't want our balls rubbing against each other.

I expect both of us to be blitzed out of our skulls, got it?

I figured I'd bust you out and we'd go get some burgers.

I figured maybe if I did some gay shit you'd wake up.

I figured that Neil Patrick Harris was a trustworthy guy.

I found 'em, and I'm gonna need backup.

I gave mine to that asshole at Princeton.

I give this a 9.5!

I got a quarter of the finest herb in New York City.

I got some unfinished business to take care of.

I gotta urinate.

I guess you're going to med school after all, eh?

I had the craziest night of my life tonight,

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, guys,

I have put too much time and energy into you

I have some bad news and some worse news.

I have this meeting with these new clients tonight,

I have to ask you. Why are you peeing right here?

I haven't been to White Castle in ages.

I heard everything you said.

I hope you are here to apologize for what you did in your interview today.

I hope your interview today was good.

I just called and made up some story about a shooting in Millbrook Park.

I just found enough dope in the car

I just wanna talk!

I just want those cute little ping pong breasts.

I just...

I kept saying, I understand I'm under arrest.

I knew you had it in you, dude.

I know that there is pain

I know this is gonna seem completely out of the blue,

I know, but I got a lot of work to do.

I know, Extreme Sport Punk Number One.

I know, I know. Wait for it.

I know, I'll become a cop.

I know.

I know. I know. Let's just go.

I learned a long time ago that there's no sense getting all riled up

I leave the decision up to you.

I looked at some of the road signs up there,

I made some love stains in the back seat.

I mean, there are these two very lovely young pussies

I mean, why'd you pee right next to me

I need that feeling.

I need you, Harold.

I owe you one. Just one.

I promise you he won't ever do it again.

I really don't have a desire to go to med school.

I screwed up?

I seen you two stranded out there alone in the dark,

I spend ten seconds in this elevator with you.

I still trust and love all white people, all of them.

I think I have to go to the hospital.

I think I may actually go to my interview today.

I think Kumar's a faygele.

I thought those guys were gonna do the work.

I thought you and J.D. Were busy all night with clients.

I told him, I haven't even been to Newark in months.

I told you this was...

I told you, he's good.

I told you, man!

I understand the concept of supply and demand.

I used to do it with my dad all the time when I was a kid.

I wanna come, too.

I wanna get next to you

I wanna get next to you

I want 30 Slyders, 5 French fries, and 4 large Cherry Cokes.

I want something we haven't had in a while.

I want that.

I want the perfect food.

I want the same, except make mine Diet Cokes, Chuck.

I want you both inside me simultaneously.

I was in bed. I didn't fire any gun. I swear.

I was just wondering, how does a guy like Freakshow...

I was walking out of a Barnes & Noble,

I was wondering, a) what's it like being an investment banker,

I will not tolerate this business from you any longer.

I will speak with you tomorrow.

I wouldn't even know what to do.

I'll be back in a jiffy.

I'll be back in ten days. But I'll see you when I get back?

I'll be right back.

I'll completely cut you off.

I'll give you a hint.

I'll go to Berenson myself.

I'll talk to you later. Where was I?

I'll tell him what's really going on.

I'm about to have the worst case of taco shits.

I'm already in here because of you.

I'm applying for a summer internship at Brewster Keegan.

I'm calling to remind you that you have another one tomorrow

I'm completely on edge right now, man.

I'm Freakshow's wife Liane.

I'm gonna do this the old fashioned way.

I'm gonna end up with Cindy Kim whether I like it or not.

I'm gonna kill you!

I'm not doing your work for you anymore.

I'm not smoking that shit alone, okay?

I'm not speaking to you.

I'm not sure we quite understand, Liane.

I'm not the one who decided to run us off the frickin' road, all right?

I'm not worthless.

I'm not worthwhile.

I'm really glad you're here. We've had a rough night.

I'm serious. Don't take all night.

I'm so high!

I'm sorry. Can you hold on one second?

I'm sorry. I can't go. I have to wait for Kumar.

I'm sure he won't.

I'm telling you, dude, things are finally starting to go our way.

I'm telling you, hit up the Asian party.

I'm telling you, man, that was amazing!

I'm telling you, those Asian guys love crunching numbers.

I'm trimming my pubes.

I'm very woozy.

I've been out of the game for so long.

If he wants to cut me off, fine. I don't need his money.

If I were you, I'd leave as soon as possible.

If it makes you happy, I will cross.

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that if you're craving White Castle,

If we did some gay shit? Where are we?

If we get caught, you are taking the blame.

If you don't feel like getting high, that's cool with me,

If you don't wanna deal with those assholes.

If you guys got the yellow fever,

If you hold on for one more day

If you want some company,

If you'll excuse me, boys, I gotta get going. Kumar.

Imagine all those burgers in your stomach right now.

In fact, just thinking about those tender little White Castle burgers

In one on one combat, either of us could take down a coyote, no problem.

In the bosom of the Lord

In the end, the universe tends to unfold as it should.

In today's headlines, Rutgers professor Tarik Jackson

In tonight's top story. A cheetah escaped earlier today

Is it true you're an analyst for Brewster Keegan?

Is so my dad will keep paying for my apartment.

Is that all you **** ever think about... tits?

Is there a problem, Officer Palumbo?

Is there a problem? You ever heard of jaywalking?

Isn't that why I had to do your work?

Isn't that your favorite movie?

It comes as no surprise. Your father is highly respected in his field.

It looks like you guys have had some night.

It made me start to crave it, too.

It ran away. Listen, forget about the cheetah, okay?

It was last spotted in Randolph County. South of...

It was somewhere between that, getting yelled at by my dad,

It worked on me. There's no reason it shouldn't work on you.

It's 2:30 in the morning. There's not a car around here.

It's a safety issue, okay? There we go.

It's a very beautiful story about someone

It's about 45 minutes from here.

It's almost 5:00, and this bad boy needs to get his drink on.

It's gonna be a few minutes.

It's like we went from being completely poor to being millionaires.

It's not funny.

It's not like I'm never gonna see her again.

It's really good. It's delicious.

It's semen.

It's the Brothers McFag.

Jeez! This is my baby!

Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ. Thanks for getting me out, man.

Jesus, what the hell kind of lvy League school is this?

Jesus!

Jesus! You all right?

Jesus. These guys are frickin' everywhere.

Jump!

Just don't worry about it. Leave the talking to me.

Just fucking talk to her once. It won't be weird anymore.

Just one little boil. Just look at it.

Just pretend you're a nerdy Asian version of Tom Hanks

Just say no. That's all it takes. Here.

Just stay right there. Very good. Good job.

Just try it! Thank you, come again.

Kenneth Park, class of 2004.

Kenny's mom dropped off a big pot of kimchi jigae.

Kumar, I got a shitload of work to finish.

Kumar, shut up.

Kumar, you okay?

Kumar! Still in jail, asshole!

Kumar! The cops...

Kumar.

Kumar.

Kumar.

Kumar. It's Daddy.

Kumar's phone. Kumar speaking.

Lap dance.

Late night Math League meeting, homos?

Leave the work to the quiet Asian guy in the office?

Let me apologize for my friend here. I'm very sorry.

Let me go crazy. Crazy on you

Let me guess... the one with the purse is the catcher.

Let me tell you, it's about far more than that.

Let me walk to a manned tollbooth and I'll tell them what happened.

Let's burn it down! Let's burn it!

Let's burn this motherfucker down!

Let's do that.

Let's do this together.

Let's end up with one final question, just as a formality.

Let's find us some tunes, baby.

Let's get the fuck outta here.

Let's get us some poontang. Then we'll go to White Castle.

Let's go out the back. I'll go first.

Let's go.

Let's just get back on the highway, okay?

Liane, how are things between you and Freakshow presently?

Like a baby canary.

Like a big bag of it.

Like Cindy Kim.

Listen, for a hot chick,

Listen, Harold, I'm really sorry.

Look at me. I'm fat, black, can't dance,

Look, it doesn't matter.

Look, it doesn't matter.

Look, you Twinkie bitch,

Look!

Looks like you guys had some night, huh?

Make sure those are in by 9:00 sharp tomorrow.

Man.

Maria

Maria

Maria, wait.

Maria.

Marijuana?

Maybe if we just stay really, really still, he'll just go away.

Maybe it's not as bad as they say. Maybe it's just a bunch of hype.

Maybe smoke a little weed and have some fun?

Maybe you can come over and sit on your ass at my place.

Me and Pookie, we added a secret ingredient.

Mi casa es su casa.

More gauze, please.

Move, you retarded cocksucker! Move!

Mr. Patel, I am more than familiar with diarrhea.

Mush!

My ass!

My mistake!

My name's Kumar.

My poetry's not lame. It's really good.

Name's Randy, but everybody calls me Freakshow.

Neil Patrick Harris stole my car tonight.

Neil, you wouldn't happen to know

Never mind. Forget it. I really don't feel like getting stabbed tonight.

Never mind. Rock, paper, scissors.

Nice pubes.

Nice.

Nice.

Nice. Nice!

No black mother... gonna get away with this, so... all y'all.

No eating until we get to White Castle. Let's roll.

No problem at all.

No shit, dude. Let's eat.

No shit. You know, you might be worthwhile after all.

No way to breathe easy. No time to be young

No wonder you didn't want to go to the hospital.

No, baby, come on.

No, don't. No. No. Hold on.

No, dude, I know exactly how to do that.

No, I don't feel like delivery tonight.

No, I understand exactly what's going on here.

No, it's actually one U.

No, it's you.

No, Neil, you don't understand.

No, no, I don't like breaking the law.

No, no, no, no!

No, no, no.

No, no, no. No watching. We're starving.

No, no. Pies, pies... no.

No, not a chance. I'd rather turn myself in than die.

No, there's been a mistake.

No, unfinished business.

No, we're watching The Gift on HBO.

No, we've gone too far.

No!

No!

No! What the hell are you doing?

No.

No.

No. I didn't go all the way with her.

No. I want that feeling.

No. I'm gonna be honest with you.

No. No, no. Forget about it. Just drive.

Not so fast.

Not with all that crust in his ear.

Nothing can hurt me.

Nothing important. I can talk. What's going on?

Nothing much, really. Just a little kiss action.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Now I gotta go back to the office and redo it.

Now I'm actually looking forward to going to work this week.

Now please stop beating me.

Now we're in Newark, of all places.

Now you just have to work on your timing.

Now, this is about achieving what our parents set out for.

Nurses, I need these two doctors scrubbed, gloved,

Of being one of those nerdy Indian guys turned doctor,

Officer Thurmond Brucks found their abandoned car,

Oh, come on, dude, your whole life is preset.

Oh, dude, you always exaggerate.

Oh, dude, you should've boned her when you had the chance, man.

Oh, fuck it.

Oh, fuck it.

Oh, God.

Oh, hi, boys.

Oh, look.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, nice. Sixteen Candles is on, man.

Oh, shit, that's right. That was with Goldstein.

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit! How the fuck did that get in here?

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Holy shit.

Oh, this is stolen.

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes!

Oh! They've never been better. We love each other so much.

Oh.

Okay, and that's 80 bucks.

Okay, it's official. We've entered the Twilight Zone.

Okay, let's agree to never talk about what just happened.

Okay, no problem.

Okay, yeah. It's a little sticky there.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. I'm going up there.

On a cop who can bust your ass.

On a scale of 1 to 10,

Once we get back on the highway, we'll be there soon, don't worry.

Once we get there, I'll have your ride fixed up in a jiffy.

One being not so extreme and ten being extremely extreme,

One of those Asian clubs she's in is throwing a party at her dorm tonight.

Open my window!

Or are you gonna be a Vagina McGinastein about it?

Or by far the stupidest thing that we have ever tried.

Or else she calls me a Twinkie.

Or we can take that hang glider and make our leap towards freedom.

Over here, man.

People have been messing with me my whole life.