Shrek the Third (2007) Edit

A zoomy zoom zoom!

A baby will only strengthen the love Shrek and Fiona have.

A bouncy, bouncy, boy!

A good friend once told me ...

A little to the left.

A new era finally begins!

A powerful urge sweeps over him.

Absolutely. Clean out your locker, kid. You have a kingdom to run.

Ach du Lieber! There is some strange little girl over there staring at us!

Ah, Mabel!

Ah, never mind.

Ahh! You've got it.

Ain't straight trippin', say, Oh, no, you didn't!

Alacritious expeditious ...

All aboard!

All of them willing at a moment's notice.

All right, everyone. We need to find a way out now.

All right, Mr. Percival, ease up on the reins.

All right! Look.

Allow me to explain. When a man has feelings for a woman ...

Am I supposed to parade around in these goofy boots?

An ice cold pitcher of mojitos and two weeks of nothing but fishing.

An ice cold pitcher of mojitos and two weeks of nothing but fishing.

And a Fuzzy Navel.

And Donkey!

And eating crumpets smothered with loganberries.

And filled with the stench of mud and neglect.

And for a long time, I believed them.

And fortunately, you'll have the royal food tasters.

And Fuzzy Navels for all my friends!

And Guin? Oh, Guin.

And I assure you ...

And I hope you have the saffron corn with jalapeno honey butter.

And I never heard from him again.

And I promise you this, Mother ...

And I'm me!

And just trust who you are.

And now, without further ado, let's give a warm Worcestershire hoozah ...

And our side has not been told!

And our swamp.

And tell me what you see.

And the school authorities, I retired to the tranquility of nature ...

And then I'll know it's ... I'll know it's wack!

And there ain't nothing you can do to stop him!

And this time,

And we got bippity boppity booped by the magic man.

And you fit the bill. So just go!

And you! And you!

And you're going to be a father!

And, uh, you.

And, um ... maybe even the pitter patter of little feet on the floor.

Any cravings since you got pregnant?

Any idiot can hit a boat with a bottle.

Artie a king? More like the Mayor of Loserville!

Artie, duck!

Artie! Artie! Artie! Artie!

Artie! What are you doing?

Artie?

Artie?

As are you.

Aside from you, there is only one remaining heir.

At least you don't look like some kind of bloated piñata!

At the request of my therapist,

Attack!

Author!

Avast, ye cookie.

Bananas, no roasting marshmallows on your sister's head.

Be quiet!

Be strong, babies.

Because I'm not giving up mine.

Before I kick it there! Now, which way am I kicking?

Besides, he'll be ten times better at it than me.

Better out than in, I always say.

Blah, blah, blah. Oh, it just doesn't feel real enough!

Boss? I don't think he's coming back.

Bow before your King!

Break a leg.

Breakfast croissant stuffed with seared sashimi tuna.

Burn.

But ...

But after a while,

But don't worry. I'll send you airmail kisses every day!

But I know it's not all fun and games.

But I will never forget you. You are the love of my life.

But that Charming makes me hotter than July.

But there are two sides to every story ...

But this should do the trick.

But this time it's your choice.

But Tiffany thinkest thou vex her so soothly.

But we are villains! It's the only thing we know.

But we are villains! It's the only thing we know.

But why would I want to do that?

But you know ...

But you know how Shrek is. The dude's lost without me.

But you said the King asked for me personally.

But you're ...

But your love for Shrek has ...

Bye bye, babies!

Calm down? Who do you think we're kidding? I am an ogre.

Can I interest anyone in a snack or beverage?

Can somebody come in and work on Shrek?

Charming has her locked away someplace. You have to find him!

Charming has him. He plans to kill Shrek tonight in front of the whole kingdom!

Charming was going to kill you, Artie! Shrek saved your life.

Check out this kazing thazing, bazaby!

Cherubs!

Cinderella is in Far Far Away right now ...

Classic.

Coco, Peanut, listen to your mama.

Come here, all of you! Give your daddy a big hug!

Come here, you.

Come on now, Fiona. You know what happens.

Come on, Dad. An ogre as king?

Come on, lazybones. Time to get moving!

Come on, Shrek!

Come on! Put some back into it!

Come on! This way!

Come on. There's no way I could run a kingdom.

Come on. Why would I do that?

Come out, come out, wherever you are!

Congratulations on your new mess mak ... Oh, mess maker!

Could you kill me and then sing?

Cowards!

Cue the spot!

D

Dad?

Dad? Dad!

Dada!

Dada.

Daddy!

Did you say you were looking for Arthur?

Do a number on his face.

Do they come in men's sizes?

Do you mind?

Do you mind? Boring!

Do you see any pockets on me?

Do you smell ham?

Do your thing, man.

Does Arthur look like a king or what?

Doesn't mean you are one.

Don't forget to pay the gardener, Lillian.

Don't listen to him!

Don't worry. She and the others are safe ... for now.

Don't worry. Your bodyguards will keep you safe.

Don't you realize once Shrek sets foot in Far Far Away ...

Donkey!

Donkey! Can you just cut to the part

Donkey?

Donkey. Donkey!

Easy for you to say. You're not some evil enchanted tree.

Easy for you to say. You're not some evil enchanted tree.

Easy!

Enjoy your evening of theatrical reverie, citizen.

Enjoy your stay here in prison while I rule the free world!

Enough pillaging! To the castle!

Enough!

Enough! Shrek went off to bring back the next heir!

Even if he wasn't not where I knew he was, it could mean ...

Even if his robe doesn't cover ...

Even my own dad knew I wasn't worth the trouble.

Even ogres get scared.

Even on your deathbed, you're still making jokes.

Everybody stay calm! We're going to die!

Everybody, stop!

Everyone in! Now!

Everyone poops, Beauty.

Everything that's precious to you, taken away.

Everything's always about you. It's not like your attitude is helping.

Excellent work! Now the boy.

Excuse me?

Excuse me. Old lady coming through.

Excuse me. That's my seat.

Excuse me. There's still one more.

Fair enough. You're right. I'm not a talking tree.

Far Far Away ... from you!

Fear not, fair maiden. I shall slay the monster that guards you ...

Festering sores! You are one funny kitty cat.

Fiddlesworth, sir.

Finally.

Fiona ...

Fiona and the Princesses got away. Now she's ...

Fiona, please open mine first. It's the one in front.

Fiona!

Fiona!

Fiona?

Fiona.

For your big heart to heart chat.

Forget it. I don't have that kind of magic in me anymore.

Get back here, young man!

Get yourself back to Worcestershire, kid.

Giant mutant ... You made a funny.

Give me a break. Rapunzel, Rapunzel ...

Give me a second.

Good friends, it breaks my heart, but ...

Good morning, good morning. To you.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Great! Let's get started.

Greetings, cosmic children of the universe.

Greetings, Your Majesty.

Guys, that's so sweet. Thank you.

Had we stayed put like I suggested,

Happily ever after?

Happy birthday to thee. Happy birthday to thee.

Hark! The brave Prince Charming approacheth.

Harold?

Harold?

Have a heart, old man.

Have one on me. Love, Snow White.

Have you seen a baby lately?

Having a baby isn't going to ruin your life.

He bathed me in barbecue sauce and put me to bed with an apple in my mouth.

He dumped me at that school first chance he got ...

He dumped me at that school first chance he got ...

He was using me. That's all there is to it.

He'll never fall for your tricks!

He's a live in babysitter.

He's a star, people! Hello? I'm so sorry about this, Mr. Shrek.

He's bringing back the next heir?

He's over there.

He's probably getting ready for the show!

Help!

Help!

Here's persuasion ... and here's reason.

Hey, hey, hey! Be very careful with those.

Hey, how's it goin'?

Hey, maybe this guy has feelings.

Hey, wait ...

Hey, you! Come here. What's your name?

Hi, honey.

Hi. We're looking for someone named ...

High school?

High school?

His name is ...

His name is Arthur.

Home.

Honey, let's be rational about this.

Hook! Get rid of this new King.

How about a hug? That's the best kind of magic.

How did Shrek react when you told him?

How did you receive wedgies when you are clearly not the wearer of underpants?

How does it happen?

How humiliating.

How in the Hans Christian Andersen ...

How pathetic.

I actually thought ... What?

I always wanted to play the flute.

I am a buzzing bee.

I am a little rusty, so there could be some side effects.

I am Lancelot.

I am proud to call you my son.

I am Puss, stuck here inside this hideous body.

I am the rightful King of Far Far Away.

I can't believe it. Me, a king?

I can't!

I could tell you, but since you're ...

I did. People are counting on you, so don't try to weasel out of it.

I didn't do it. They did.

I don't get it.

I don't know anything about being king!

I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.

I don't know you, but I'd like to.

I don't think so.

I don't think that's a word.

I don't wanna leave you either.

I doubt he was worse than mine.

I figured everyone forgot about me.

I got it.

I got to go!

I got you the biggest one, because I love you most.

I grow daffodils. And they're beautiful.

I guess I should have realized it.

I guess that's pretty bad.

I had no idea, really. I ... I swear.

I hate that little wooden puppet.

I have something much more important in mind.

I have something special in mind for him.

I haven't been on a trip like that since college!

I just altered my character level to +3 superb ability.

I just can't believe it.

I just lost it.

I knew I came from royalty, but ...

I knight thee.

I know how it happened.

I know I made many mistakes with you.

I know what it's like to not feel ready for something.

I know you want me to be king, but I can't.

I know you'll do ...

I know. Isn't it wonderful?

I love you, too, honey!

I love you!

I love you.

I mean three, super hot princesses ...

I mean us, back to Far Far Away.

I recall it was Team Awesome.

I said forget it!

I said I'm pregnant!

I said whatever I had to say, all right?

I see a rainbow pony.

I smell Shrek Junior!

I suggest you freaks cooperate ...

I think that went well.

I thought we agreed to use the name Team Super Cool.

I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron.

I was.

I will restore dignity to my throne.

I will see what I can do.

I'd like to open up a spa ... in France!

I'll go get my things.

I'm ... I'm ...

I'm building my city, people ... on rock 'n' roll!

I'm doomed.

I'm feeling nauseous from memories of wedgies and swirlies!

I'm going to lose it!

I'm just having fun with you. That's actually a very nice leotard.

I'm looking at you, jousting team!

I'm not Arthur.

I'm not cut out for it, and I never will be.

I'm not cut out for this, Fiona, and I never will be.

I'm not here to eat him!

I'm really sorry, guys.

I'm sorry, but can you just try to grin and bear it?

I'm sorry, but how many of you have kids?

I'm sorry, but this isn't working for me.

I've always loved you.

If Artie trusts him, that's good enough for me.

If he were real, could I do this?

If it doesn't groove, or what I'm saying ...

If it were real, that would have been agonizingly painful.

If that indeed wasn't where he isn't.

If the job's so great, you do it.

If there's something you really want, or someone you want to be ...

If you think this is getting you out of anything, it isn't.

If you think this whole mad scene ain't dope, I feel you, dude.

If you're filling in for a king, you should look like one.

In our vermin filled shack strewn with fungus ...

In the midst of a self destructive rage spiral,

In this stinkhole until we rot.

Into that tiny glass slipper?

Is ...

Is ...

Is everything ready? You did get the list for the dressing room?

Is smote the right word? Smoot?

Is standing in your own way.

Is this for real?

Is this really necessary?

It may be hard to believe,

It will be. I promise.

It would be karmically irresponsible.

It's a 'Happily Ever After' after all.

It's A Happily 'Ever After', after all.

It's Artie, actually.

It's Bring Your Kids to Work Day. Come here, beautiful.

It's for the poopies.

It's just so hard, you know?

It's just so hard!

It's not going to be easy. But you got us to help you.

It's not going to be just you and me.

It's not my life I'm worried about ruining, it's the kid's.

It's not that. You see ...

It's not? I think it seems pretty clear.

It's nothing. I have six more at home.

It's okay.

It's okay. It's gonna be all right.

It's organic.

It's present time!

It's Shrek!

It's spicy!

It's top secret!

It's trying to fly, but it doesn't know how to.

It's Worcestershire.

It's yours if you want it.

Jealous much?

Just because people treat you like a villain, or an ogre ...

Just precious. Look at her.

Just think. A couple more days and we'll be back home ...

Just thought I'd help set the mood ...

Kill them all ... except the fat one.

King Charming has something special in mind for you, ogre.

King Charming?

King dad in law.

King! You're going to be king!

Ladies and gentlemen ...

Ladies, let go of your petty complaints and let's work together!

Land ho!

Let down thy golden extensions!

Let me guess. Arthur.

Let's do this. Go, Team Dynamite!

Let's help our friends get back ...

Like the sauce?

Like, whatever. She's into college guys and mythical creatures.

Look at you!

Look into the Fire of Truth ...

Look pal! It's either that or primal scream therapy.

Look what I did? Who's holding the wheel, chief?

Look, Artie, um ...

Look. Don't you know who he thinks he is? How dare you!

Looks pretty real to me.

Mabel. Remember how you couldn't get your little fat foot ...

Make sure they don't die of famine!

Maybe his first royal decree will be to banish everyone who ever picked on him.

Maybe I should cut him some slack.

Maybe I should just smite him. Let's try this again. Now ...

Maybe it just bothers you I was voted fairest in the land.

Maybe it's for the best. He's not exactly king material.

Maybe you should just stay and be King.

Me, too! You!

Me, too.

Mom!

Morning breath.

Most definitely, but only after you ...

Mr. Merlin?

Mr. Merlin? They need a spell to get them ...

Much better, now that you're here.

My babies!

My butt is itching up a storm and I can't reach it in this monkey suit.

My dad wasn't really the fatherly type, either.

My dear boy ...

My eye!

My father was an ogre. He tried to eat me.

My good people ...

Nay, we thinkst not, we thinkst not!

Need I say more?

Next in line. You see, Dad, that's why people love you.

Next time you're about to dunk a kid's head in a chamber pot, stop and think,

No bell.

No one will stand in my way.

No, no, no!

No, no, no!

No, Shrek. Hold on. I've got an idea.

No, Shrek. What if, theoretically ...

No, we get inside and find out what Charming's up to.

No!

No! I don't think you understand!

No! I said I'm ...

No! Let go of me!

No. Not at all.

Not definitely rejecting the idea ...

Not exactly.

Not fast enough.

Not here, kitten whiskers. Daddy will discuss it later.

Not much. Just a chance at redemption.

Now ... bombs away!

Now all of you ...

Now forgive us. We have a show to put on.

Now it's Your Highness? What happened to loser?

Now look what you did!

Now prepare to ...

Now that be funny!

Now the kingdom will get the happily ever after they deserve. Die, ogre!

Now there is a matter of business to attend to.

Now you'll know how I felt.

Now, all of you,

Now, gentlemen, let's away. To the showers!

O to the K. The coast is clear.

Of course, darling.

Ogre?

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

Oh, nice going, Your Highness.

Oh, no! I've been abracadabra ed into a Fancy Feastin', second rate sidekick!

Oh, no.

Oh, no. In fact the King asked for you personally.

Oh, we will have much to say to Nancy, I promise!

Oh, what is it now?!

Oh, what's it to you?

Oh, yeah! Scratch that thing! You're on it.

Oh, yeah?

Oi! No food or beverages in the theater!

Okay, girls, from here on out ...

Okay, I get it. The bird's me. My dad left. So what?

Okay, I see a Dutch fudge torte with cinnamon swirls!

Okay, let's not overdo it.

Okay, monster ... go for it.

Okay, Señor Hocusy Pocusy, the time has come to rectify some wrongs!

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. I get it.

On second thought, let me break it for you.

On the contrary, I'm possibly more or less ...

Once upon a time, someone decided that we were the losers.

Onward, Chauncey!

Onward, my new friends! To our happily ever afters!

Ooh, charades!

Ooh, that sounds fun. But I have a better idea.

Oops.

Or as nurturing as an ogre ...

Or just some loser ...

Or You'll love my dad. He's a real ogre.

Our client cannot get into his proper emotional state ...

Our happily ever after is nearly complete, Mummy.

Parties, princesses, castles. Princesses.

Peek a boo!

Perfect.

Pinocchio!

Please come hither.

Please leave any bad vibes outside the healing vortex.

Please say you didn't.

Please say you didn't.

Please. Don't act so innocent.

Please. I know you can do it.

Pray for mercy from Puss!

Prepare, foul beast ...

Prepare, foul beast ...

Prepare, foul beast, your time is done!

Prepare, foul beast.

Pretty unfair.

Princess Fiona and Sir Shrek!

Proper head case you are. Really messed up.

Puss! Loan me five bucks.

Puss?

Put your hat back on, fool.

Quick! Where is Fiona?

Quickly, ladies!

Quite necessary, Fiona.

Rapunzel, how could you?

Ready the plank!

Ready? Okay!

Really?

Really? Who is he, Dad?

Really? Wow.

Right now, you're my family.

Right. Thanks, Ed.

Sausage roll!

Say goodbye to romance.

Say hello, ladies, to the new Queen of Far Far Away.

Scrubbing floors or locked away in towers.

Self destructive? Are you going to help us or not?

Seriously. Ow! You need some comfort inserts or arch supports or something.

Several functions require your attendance, sir.

She thought perchance thou would ask her to the Homecoming Dance.

She's going to get what's coming to her.

She's not welcome here, and neither are you.

She's right!

Shrek ...

Shrek attacks me. I pretend to be afraid.

Shrek only said those things to protect you.

Shrek, don't you ever think about having a family?

Shrek!

Shrek!

Shrek!

Shrek! Are you okay?

Shrek! Help me!

Shrek! You didn't tell us you were in a play!

Shrek's final performance?

Shrimp! My favorite!

Smiles, everyone! Smiles!

So I guess the plan is we just wander aimlessly ...

So I was all like, I'd rather get the black plague than go out with you.

So let's really try and beat the other guys at ...

So tell me, puppet ... where is Shrek?

So who will join me? Who wants to come out on top for once?

So you can gaze upon me!

So you two think this is funny?

So, what are Shrek and I supposed to do?

Some kind of giant mutant leprechaun or something?

Somebody better be dying.

Someday you'll be sorry.

Soon it's just going to be you, me ...

Soon you'll be back where you started,

Soon!

Sorry we're late. You okay?

Sorry?!

Sorry.

Sorry. I was showing off for the little one.

Stand still, so I won't make a mess.

Start talking.

Still ...

Stop it!

Stop squirming, Arthur.

Stop! Hey, wait!

Stretch marks.

Sure you don't want to try my Rock Au Gratin?

Sure, you have to knight a few heroes, launch a ship or two.

Ta da!

Take it easy.

Take the journey to your soul!

Taste the food before the King eats, to make sure it's not poisoned.

Taught me much.

Technically, I was merely a victim of a level 3 fatigue.

Thank you to Professor Primbotom and his lecture ...

Thank you.

Thanks, Rapunzel. What's that supposed to mean?

Thanks. I ate a boulder on the way in.

That dork over there is Arthur.

That has ever done you wrong!

That he cared about you? He's an ogre.

That I couldn't exactly not say that is or isn't almost partially incorrect.

That in no way, with any amount of uncertainty ...

That information is on a need to know basis.

That is, if I let you last the week.

That was your Mr. Nice Guy?

That's great!

That's it!

That's my special boy!

That's not such a good idea.

That's right, the swamp rats will be spawning.

That's right. I'm the new mascot.

That's true.

That's why your cousin Arthur is a perfect choice.

The cat turned into a little horse that smells like feet. What's to get?

The coughing, the groaning, the festering sores.

The dad just flew away. Why did he leave the little bird all alone?

The days of Donkey Dumpy Drawers are over!

The finest chefs will wait for your order.

The Frog King ... is dead.

The name doesn't ring a bell.

The ogre! Get him!

The one and only.

The only person standing in your way is you.

The only thing you're ever gonna be king of is King of the Stupids!

The people of this kingdom will pay dearly for every second ...

The soap's because you stink ... really bad.

The sun is shining through.

The whole kingdom will look to you for wisdom and guidance.

Then take my place as rightful king.

Then they cry when they poop and poop when they cry.

There goes my hip!

There is no sweeter taste on thy tongue than victory!

There must be somebody else. Anybody!

There's a baby bird and a father bird sitting in a nest.

There's a lesson here for all of us.

There's a mean person doing mean things to good people.

They extra cry and they extra poop.

They grow up so fast.

They just eat and poop, and they cry ...

They left you the unfairest of them all.

They must be expecting us.

They need to get back, 'cause their kingdom's in trouble.

They really need your help to get back. Why won't you help them?!

They should talk to Nancy in Human Resources.

They were little ogre feet?

They were made in Madrid by the finest ...

This boy is supposed to be the new King of Far Far Away?

This guy's gonna turn out to be, I don't know, a king?

This is a costume?

This is all a bit unorthodox ...

This is lame.

This is worse than Love Letters. I hate dinner theater!

This is your lucky day.

This isn't a rehearsal, peoples. Let's see some hustle!

This isn't about him.

This kingdom needs a new king.

This place is filthy!

This really isn't up to you.

This was supposed to be my happily ever after!

Time to pack up your toothbrush and jammies.

To discover my divine purpose.

To enter into a world of pain with which you are not familiar!

To have everything you worked for ...

To lay down their lives out of devotion to you.

To the highest room of the tallest tower ...

To the winner of our mascot contest, the ...

Two circus freaks, a pregnant ogre and an old lady!

Uck! Kill it!

Uh, no.

Uh, no.

Uh, with your journey.

Understand this, kid. No more Mr. Nice Guy from here on out.

Unhand me, monster!

Using you? You really don't get it.

Wait ... babies poop?

Wait, wait!

Waiting to be rescued.

Wake up!

Was that a crack about ogres? You get your royal highness to Far Far Away ...

We all chipped in for a little present, too.

We already are!

We don't have time. Now go!

We don't want Artie getting the wrong idea.

We need directions to Far Far Away.

We went to high school, the boat crashed ...

We will be Team Alpha Super Awesome Cool Dynamite Wolf Squadron.

We? Who said I was going with you?

We'd be sipping tea out of little heart shaped cups.

We'll hold them off as long as we can!

We're dealing with amateurs.

We're heading back to Far Far Away one way or another ...

We're here for the mascot contest, too.

We're here for the mascot contest.

We've had to wait.

Welcome to my serenity circle.

Well ... I don't know where he's not.

Well ... what shall we do now?

Well, for what it's worth, you would have, too.

Well, I've heard it's harder than it looks.

Well, she's got your eye.

Well, well, well. If it isn't Peter Pan.

Well, well. You want eggs with that ham?

What about this?

What are you laying around for? Get up! Honestly!

What are you supposed to be?

What did I say?

What did I tell you? The kid's going to be a great king.

What did she say?

What do they do?

What does a prince have to do to get a drink here?

What does it look like?!

What does that mean?

What else can we do? We're just four ...

What has Charming done with Fiona?

What I am talking about is you, me, my cousin's boat ...

What I mean is each of you ...

What I'm thinking of is a little bigger than a swamp rat.

What in the shista shire kind of place is this?

What is it?

What maters most is what you think of yourself.

What Steve means is it's hard to come by honest work ...

What was that?

What, with my obvious charm and good looks,

What?

What?

What?

What? Is something in my teeth?

What's his name?

What's right.

What's with you?

Whatever it is they're doing!

Whatever it is, no mater how excruciatingly painful,

When did you plan to tell him you were supposed to be king?

When have you ever heard the phrase as sweet as an ogre ...

When he first found out, Shrek said ...

When the whole world's against you.

Where are Shrek and Fiona?

Where are you going?

Where can I find Arthur Pendragon?

Where is the fire, señor?

Where my princess awaits rescue from her handsome Prince Charming!

Where you're supposed to make me feel better?

Where's Doris? Taking the night off?

Where's Fiona?

Where's that firstborn you were promised?

Where's the baby?

Wherefore art thou headed, to the top?

Who cares who's running the kingdom?

Who dat?

Who rolled a +9 dork spell and summoned the beast and his quadruped?

Who thinks we need to settle things this way?

Who told you to stop dancing?!

Who wants their ...

Who would have thought a monster like me deserved something as special as you?

Who's this one from?

Whoa there, Chauncey!

Whoo, Shrek, yeah!

Why don't you go terrorize a village and leave me alone!

Why don't you just lie down?

Why they call you an ugly stepsister, I'll never know.

Wicked Witch! The Seven Dwarfs saved Snow White, and what happened?

With the new King of Far Far Away!

With this sword, I do ... No. With ...