Gossip Girl - Season 1 Edit

A couple of pills,bunch of rorschach tests.

A dress code and a hundred of our closest friends...and enemies.

A dress for kiss on the lips.

Ack. Cool. Thanks.

Actually, could you twobring some coffee when you get a chance?

Actually, I need to talk to you,which means you can listen.

Actually, it is.

Actually, there is someoneI wanna talk to.

Actually,I prefer them when they're not talking.

Actually,I'd prefer if you didn'T.

Actually,it kind of was.

Actually,we got into a pretty big fight.

Admit it.You're falling for me again.

Afashionemergency.

Ah, yes, little jenny.

Ah,the invisible man returns.

Alfonso,you're a stud.

All of a sudden there's a problem?

All right,then I'm gonna go.

Always have,always will.

Always works for your mom.

Am nowhere nearthe neighborhood, but I'm workingon a better excuse.

An s. And b. Power struggle.

An unfortunate twist of fate.

And a ticket to the inner circle.

And apparently,I know nothing.

And aren't we entitled to choose,just to be happy?

And as for S.Herself, we hear that she left today's brunch with nofriends,

And B.'s boyfriend nate rumor has it he's always had a thing for serena.

And bow out gracefully I'm honored to be playingeven a small role in your deflowering.

And didn't even have one limoncello.

And don't tell me you hadall your tattoos removed.

And her judgment is always sound,right?

And her momis very talented, but the dress you made for yourself is much nicer.

And here I thought I was gettingbetter looking every day.

And here I thought you were waiting for me.

And here's yours,as promised.

And I decide to close the evening with a wave.

And I have the biggest news ever.

And I I get it.

And I know that,and I wanna fix it.

And I'll be sureto tell my father just how committed you areto the hospitality industry.

And I'm going to kiss on the lips.

And I'm pretty sure she thought I was someone else.

And I've been courting her for months to let me handle the deal.

And if I knew his name,I'd hunt him down and kill him.

And if shedidknow you,I think she'd really like you.

And if you get a drink,they're also serving pigs.

And if you're not a guest at the hotel,

And just as suddenly,she's back.

And just when b. And s. Had built a bridge,

And maybe a shower.

And nate's friend chuck won't let serena forget about her past.

And neither do I, okay?

And never get invited to parties?

And now that S.Is back, will the upper east side ever be the same?

And picked up their guitars,

And put some product in your hair. The ends are dry.

And really nice.

And she loves you.

And she said that if I addressed all the invitations

And some water...lots of water.

And technically,youaskedmeout.

And that is my little sister!

And then get left all alone with no one but your cabbage patch kid.

And then there's dan, the outsider.Looks like his childhood crush has returned.

And things would be just like they were?

And this cou be a classic.

And thought you mightneed them for something.

And thought you mightneed them for something. I realized that I still have your calligraphy pens from the party invitations,

And us humphreys sure are proud of him.

And we have plansto go to brunch together today.

And what's that?

And yet,you know I'm right.

And you guys have been dating since kindergarten.

And you haven't sealed the deal.

And you know who les parties?

And you only get one shot with a girl like serena.

And you're a part of it.

And you're checking up on me.

And you're worried it's gonna cost you "mom the year"?

And you've never forgotten it.

And...

Anwho am I?

Any interest in some fresh air?

Anything about her on "gossip girl"?

Apparently, my room is available.

Are you following us or something?

Are you hungry?

Are you okay?

Are you seeing someone?

Are you shopping for some art to match your furniture?

Are you sure it's not some ploy,

Are you sure it's not some ploy,your using my daughter

Are you...

Are... Are you okay?

As a matter of fact, I do.

As soon as the guests arrive, we can start dishing.

At least he felt he owed it to me to tell the truth.

Beautiful.

Because I can't gowith her.

Because I love you.

Because it's justyours to take if you want it.

Because you can't be trusted.

Because you trust people, which is normally a good thing.

Before I found outyou had sex with my boyfriend.

Before you fall head over heels for your perfect girland her perfect world,

Besides,better a broken nose than a broken heart.

Besides,you make us go to private school.

Best friend and the boyfriend.

Better lock it down with nate,b. Clock's ticking.

Blair is a great girl.

Blair seems happy.

Blair, how can I fix this?

Blair, it was...

Blair, it's serena.

Blair, it's sunday morning.

Blair, it'S...it's beautiful.

Blair, please, don't do this.

Blair,come on,are you really gonna kick her out?

Blair,it's serena!

Blair,let me see how it looks.

Blair,think we could meet tonight?

Blair,you will never be more beautiful or thin or happy

Blair?

Blair?Actually,no, not that pleased, which is why I'm goingto talk to her.

Blair.

Blair.

Blair's boyfriend nate had a thing for serena.

Blair's mom's at the country house.

Boarding school is like...

Breakfast is brunch, and it comes with champagne,

But can you tell me what room the van der woodsensare in, please?

But don't you think we'retaking this class warfare thing a little too far?

But dry your eyes.

But fate nonetheless.Unless you, uh...

But happiness does not seem to be on the menu,

But his sister jenny was spotted with a new dress...

But I guess I'll just,uh, keep the dress for myself.

But I think I can sew something like it.

But I wanna hearabout your date.

But I'd like to check out west.

But I'm guessing a kid like danis exactly what serena needs.

But if anyone asks where you got it,I know nothing.

But if someone did have a problem with her, I wouldn't have a problem with that either.

But if youcan't accept that, then, you know, you'renot who I thought you were.

But it's my fault,and and I'm leaving.

But on the upper east side, we call it sunday afternoon.

But serena doesn't know.

But serena wasn't the only one who made an impression...

But that's how you get remembered.

But the moreyou hide yourself away,

But we still think you're hiding something.

But what's happenedis in the past,

But will J.Be a loyal soldier or will she side with S.'S rebel forces?

But you asked me out on a date, and you didn't think I was nice?

But you know what is?

But you're back now...

But,um,do you actually know where we're going or...

But,um...

But... That was it.

Buteveryoneknows serena,and everyone is talking.

By the glitz and the glamour of the humphrey lifestyle.

By... By the time I got the invitation,

Cabbage patch?

Can't believe the love of his life has returned...

Caprese salad,a little mozzarella di bufala.

Charles.Would you excuse me?

Chuck likes to brag abouthis conquests, not his victims.

Chuck,don't youever touch her again!

Chuck,get off of her!

Chuck,stop it. Stop.

Chuck! No!

Chuck's dad, bart bass, is hosting the annual brunch for his foundation.

Chuck's dad's brunch for his foundation is today at the palace.

Coffee, croissants,"breakfast at tiffany'S." It's our tradition.

Come here.

Come on, chill out.

Come on, there's no such thing.

Come on,dan.

Come on,dan.

Come on,hurry up.

Come on,let's go.

Come on.

Come on. You can help meget ready for brunch.

Come on.Let's try upstairs.

Come talk to mein thirty years.

Come,we're about to have dinner.

Coming from someone who's keeping my brotherin an institution.

Dad, not everything in life'sa business deal.

Dad, she has a closetthe size of this apartment just full of them.

Dad,see you.

Dad,this is not a platform for one of your anticapitalist rants.

Dad,this is serena.

Dad,you could just tell me I look nice

Dad,you know what?

Dad.

Dan scored a date with serena?

Dan went outwith serena last night.

Dan, wait.

Dan,jenny,over here!

Dan!Dan, wait.I'm so sorry.

Dan?

Dan? Dan? dan? Dan?

Dan...still here.

Dan.hey.

Dan.Hi.

Dancing on tables at bungalow,

Dartmouth is far enough away for her.

Definitelysecond shot material.

Design a dress for this woman.Blair,

Did b. Think s.Would go down without a fight?

Did s. Think she could waltz home,

Did you have fun with blair last night?

Did you talk to my sister?

Did you tell blair waldorfabout cedric?

Didn't you know she was coming?

Didn't you see the dress I left on the bed?

Didyouinvite her?

Do I look okay?

Do me a favor, will you?

Do you ever feel like our whole lives have been planned out for us,

Do you know how it felt calling your house when

Do you like this on me?

Do you think blair knows?

Does this haveanything to do with why you were waiting for serena this morning?

Don't believe me?

Don't forget,I know everything!

Don't mock the scarf, nathaniel.It's my signature.

Don't tell 'em anything.

Don't tell me you're sticking upfor serena's new bitch.

Don't you ever touch her again!

Don't you wanna go say hey?

Donottalk to her.

Dorota, I told youI didn't want to see anyone.

Dressed down a little bit.

Eavesdropping on my private conversation.

Eleanor waldorf is gearing up to take her company public,

Enough to know it's not on the menu.

Eric,I know I've been a terrible sister...

Even if it was her fault.

Eventually, and you need to decideif all this is worth it.

Everyone is invited.

Everyone knows an eleanor original is the uniform of B.'S private army.

Everyone knows serena...and everyone is talking.

Everyone thought you were at boarding school.

Everyone's going.

Excuse me,captain.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Enjoy the show.

Father.

Flowers,maybe some jewelry if she's really upset.

For destruction, that is.

For real please u know chuck?

For serena to sleep in her own bed,possibly wearing pajamas.

For the other thing about, uh, about chuck.

Fresh?

Gentlemen.

Get off of me!

Get off! Stop!

Gifted from blair herself.

Go!Walk her to the door.Something.Go!

Go. I'm gonna be fine.

God, blair was so mean to me last night.

God,I told you...

Good morning**, Gossip Girl here

Good thing I'm connected.

Good to know.

Good,'cause I already ordered and only got enough for one.

Good. Things were getting a little dull around here.

Gossip Girl.

Gossip girl.

Great party.

Great.

Great.Just in time for brunch.

Guess what I got for you...

Guess whose dad is cool?

H hi.

Ha ha,ha ha. Look at this.

Has just returned from a mysterious absence.

Has our bad girl reallygone good?

Having a heart to heart.

He can get in linebehind that guy.

He sucker punched me.I told you.

He tries to take his own life,

He tries to take his own life,and you're worried it's gonna cost you, mom?

He was just so smart, though, and and funny...

He, um, he went out with Serena last night.

He,uh,left money for dinner,

He's a jerk...

He's my brother.

He's not invited.

He's not worth it.Not here.

He's very proud.

He's very proud. mm hmm.

Her whole world...

Here looks pretty good.

Here you are.Thanks.

Here you guys are.

Here,come here. Let me see it.

Here's what's on the menu...

Hey, anytime, man.That one black eyelooks a little lonely.

Hey, blair.It's me.

Hey, can I get you a drink?

Hey, dad,how's the new song going?

Hey, hey,where you guys going?

Hey, how's it going?

Hey, I got two bone dry capsand audrey.

Hey, maybe I should go over there.

Hey, uh, wait.

Hey, what are you doing here?

Hey, y****

Hey, you're up.

Hey, your life is over, slut!

Hey,at are you working on?

Hey,come on. I want you to meet one of the guys in the band.

Hey,dad,listen,um,I gotta run. Are you gonna be okay?

Hey,dad!

Hey,good to see you.

Hey,hey,you made it!

Hey,how are you?

Hey,I was just about to ask the doctor

Hey,mom.

Hey,no luck?

Hey,um,do you know this young man?

Hey,upper east siders,gossip girl here,

Hey,watch where you're going!

Hey,your life is over,slut!

Hey! Hey,way to be forgotten.

Hey! Jenny!

Hey!Hey,way to be forgotten.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.Let me get you a refill.I'll be right back.

Hi, mrs.Van der woodsen.Good to see you.

Hi, nate.It's great to see you.

Hi,I'm... I'm jenny.

Hi,serena!

Hi. I'm chuck.

Hi.Can I help you?

Hi.This is,uh, nate archibald calling from the bass suite.

Him?

His mother wouldn't hear of it.

His name is...

Hmm,until you're done with her.

Hmm,well,I wish I could've been there.

Hmm,why so thirsty,s.?

Honestly,I don't really have a problem with your appearance.

Hope you're happy.

Hopefully placesfar, far away.

How about I just get a bite to eat?

How can I trust you when I feel like I don't even know you?

How could I forget?

How could I? She was the only person who spoke to me.

How do you know about alison?

How do you know it was miss van der woodsen's if you didn't read it?

How into you I am.

How many times do I have to tell you?

How was your weekend?

How you doing?

How'd you find out?

How's your mom?

I I am,uh,I'm starving.

I I don't want to take any of that awayrom you...

I I gotta get going and ange for school. I'm gonna be late.

I I had to go. I just...

I I'll go with you.

I ain't looking is there really anything better than a lazy sunday?

I always knew you were a whore.

I am, but those conversations take a little time.

I bet you're wondering what gossip girl is doing up so early.

I can do it. I can do it.

I can do it. Stop.

I can't believe serenacame to this brunch.

I can't believe you told her.

I can't find anything in here!

I can't let the boy starve.

I could probably do a half hour.

I didn't come back for you.

I didn'trealize all of a sudden you're the most honest guyon the planet.

I do believe she and ihave some unfinished business.

I don't care if it's murakami.

I don't even know why you went to boarding school to being with.

I don't even know why.Whatever.I'm sure if we talk about it, we can work it out.

I don't know what you're doing here or what you think you heard...

I don't know. I think it might be for the best.

I don't know. I think she might be a tad overwhelmed

I don't know.I I thought you were different.

I don't knowwhy your wife you.

I don't need some new boyinfluencing her, distracting her from her needs.

I don't read "gossip girl." that's... That's for chicks.

I don't want to see serena at school, and she better not show at brunch today.

I got a lot of stuff to do anyway.

I got mine, and I blew it.

I got us the best roomin the whole place.

I guess I have time to change.

I had a feelingyou'd be back.

I had a really bad day.

I have a girlfriend.

I have new traditions now.

I have to meet nate.

I haven't even started, man.

I heard you didn't do that anymore.

I hope you've hada pleasant, uh...

I I called you.

I I I saw that,

I I I wasin the neighborhood...

I just don't want to see you with anyone else.

I just feel bad for serena.

I just think it might be good for us to take a break,you know?

I just thought you should know

I just want things to go back to the way they used to be...

I just want you to make the most of it.

I just wanted to come by and say hi.

I just wantedto tell you in person that,

I just,um...

I just...

I just... Wanted it to ba surprise.

I kind of admire youfor it.

I knew it! I always knew there was something! Get out!

I know you don't normally give out this information,

I know. I'm just not sure if she's the girl for me.

I know. Um,I mean...

I know.I mean,hi,I'm jenny.

I like this one.

I liked you better before.

I liked you better before.

I looked all over the dining hall for you.

I love freshmen.

I love it when you talk dirty.

I love the plan, but, uh, you need a better outfit.

I love this town.

I love you,b.

I love you,too,s.

I love you,too.

I love you...

I made you one during free period,

I mean come on,I've never been to a big dance before.

I mean it.Don't be late.

I mean, come on.

I mean, even that one, that little heart shaped one between your, uh...

I mean, how could I have actually thought that chuck bass just wanted to talk to me?

I mean, I don't havea problem with her,

I mean, I think she's alwayshad a little crush on you.

I mean, if you'rein some kind of trouble...

I mean, is that reallythe reason you came down here?

I mean, it is,but it's it's not just them.

I mean, you look...

I mean,should we talk about this?

I mean,too bad it's more than our rent,

I meant with the fliers.

I miss you.

I must have totally blanked on the part where I invited you over.

I need to get away from everything.

I never took youfor a liar, too.

I overreacted.

I realized that I still have your calligraphy pens from the party invitations,

I saw the invitation on the nightstand.

I saw you at school with... With katy and is,

I should go tune that.

I talked to the nurse,and I'm kidnapping you.

I think I'm...

I think she's wasted.

I think that's a good idea.

I think we need to talk.

I think what I'll do is go get him a croissant down the street.

I think you know what you needto do to get his attention.

I think you're more like me than you'd admit.

I thought everythingwas good between us.

I thought this was an emergency.

I thought you might wanna see some of your friends.

I thought you wanted to wait.

I thought you were getting too old to go places with your dad.

I told her to stay away.

I told you I love parties.

I told you,boarding school was not like that.

I wanna do this...

I want it to be special.

I want to introduce you to timothy good.

I was going for a walk.

I was gonna make waffles.

I was just telling my firm whata great investment she'd make.

I was meeting nate.

I wonder if nate remembered brunch.

I wouldn't believe you anyway.

I wouldn't have taken him for a waver.

I, uh, I I need to usethe ladies room.

I,um,actually already had plans.

I...

I... I'm trying to change.

I...I don't know.

I'd like to get out of herebefore someone throws me down and tattoos me.

I'd love to,but I'm doing something with nate tonight.

I'll bet your new friend dan would love to hear all about how classy you are.

I'll go with you.

I'll go with you.Excuse us.

I'll have to ask youto wait on the curb with the rest of the trash.

I'll see you at school tomorrow.

I'll set a place for you at the table next to blair.

I'll tell him.

I'm actually hoping she will.

I'm actually hopingshe will.

I'm blair waldorf,serena's friend.

I'm dan humphrey.

I'm family.

I'm going to have to tell my parents

I'm gonna apologize for the wave.

I'm gonna go out.

I'm gonna put everything in the past.

I'm gonna tell her how much I like her, and I'm gonna ask for a second shot.

I'm good.

I'm in your class.

I'm just saying, death by scarf not that intimidating.

I'm not gonna see serena again or even talk to her.

I'm not sneaking aroundwith you.

I'm okay.Really, I'm okay.

I'm really sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry. I have to go.

I'm sure she'll be happy to hear it.

I'm sure you have no feelings for her anymore.

I'm sure you'llfind some way to repay me.

I'm trying to change.

I've been better.

I've been drinking on an empty stomach.

I've been meaningto go by bergdorf'S.

I've got a couple ideas.

I've waited my entire adolescent life for a date with this girl,

Identical uniforms?

Ididpunch someone.

If anyone's got a reasonto kick his ass, it's you.

If I could take eric to breakfast. Wanna come?

If it wasn't such a tragedy,it would've been funny.

If it's chuck,it's not okay.

If it's not broke,break it.

If only she knew who he was.

If you don't want to do anything,that's... That's cool.

If you like that dress,you can have it.

If you say it's in the past,it's in the past.

If you wanna,like, talk to someone...

If you want to bepart of this world, jenny, people will talk...

If you're gonna wear one of my designs,

Ifhe gets back.

In your dreams.

Instead of turning this into a sermon on the passage of time.

Is actually kinda superficial,huh?

Is he... saying things?Is anyone?

Is it too much?

Is serena gonna be long?I could just wait.

Is that kind of a tip off?

Is that really her? Everyone said she wasn't invited.

Is that true?

Is that you?!

Isthatwhy you need me?

It all had to come crashing down.

It clashes with my sofa."

It involves finding you in the back of a nine inch nails bus

It likookse the table's all set.

It looks like the ultimate insider has become a total outsider.

It looks like, uh, you're taking careof business, as discussed.

It may have come up.

It needs to be violated.

It sounds like you like him.

It was...

It wasn't a quickie.

It would be inhumane.

It would be so wrong for me to show up without my boyfriend

It... Now.

It'll be like she doesn't exist.

It's 10:00.

It's a party. Things happen.

It's a sandwich,chuck.

It's a trick question.

It's average.

It's barely noon.

It's been good for her.

It's blair.

It's called the kiss on the lips party.

It's cool. It's fine.

It's fine.It's fine.Everyone can stop looking.

It's fine.It's fine.Really, it's all for the best.

It's gonna be a while before we take the stage.

It's just a rough patch,that's all.

It's just...

It's like you're headed to your execution.

It's nice to see you again,mrs.Van der woodsen.

It's not a problem,really.

It's not aboutblair or chuck.

It's not serena's fault.

It's okay.You're still a man in my eyes.

It's the low income tax bracket, the bad v neck t shirts,the awful jokes.

It's your move, serena, and you know who will be watching

It's,uh,it's nice to meet you.

Iwillget it. If you could just help me out a little bit...

Jen saidyou went looking for serena.Did you find her?

Jenny Humphrey Jenny humphrey.

Jenny made an impression on chuck.

Jenny,what is it?

Jenny,you wanna go to that party,you should go.

Jenny? Jenny?

Just a shot in the dark.

Just coffee.I'm not staying long.

Just grab nateand finish this.

Just kidding.

Just like mom wants,huh?

Just missed her, actually,but you're welcome to wait.

Just stay out of my life,rufus.

Just take me home,okay?

Just to talk, I swear.

Keep that in mind.

Kinda have something special planned.

Ladies, double time.

Last year...

Later.

Let me guess...

Let... Let's start over.

Let's catch up,take our clothes off,stare at each other.

Let's fix that.

Let's go and talk somewhere quieter.

Let's go and talksomewhere quieter.

Let's go home. I'm cooking.

Let's go. Come on.

Let's not mention it again.

Like you said...Small island.

Like,"maybe I never should've left manhattan" fine,

Lily lily.

Lincoln Hawk? Lincoln hawk?

Lincoln hawk...Number nine.

Look at you. You're a mess.

Look, blair, either you tryto forgive me and move on...

Look, blair, I'm really tryingto make an effort here.

Look, blair's my best friend,and you're her boyfriend, and she loves you.

Look, dan, it it was a long time ago, and I regret it.

Look, honey, I know how hardit is for you to be back,

Look, I just feel really stupid.

Look, I really don't appreciate your lurking in the shadows,

Look, I want to explain.

Look, I'm sorryabout blair and chuck

Look, man,I live in brooklyn, all right?

Look, mom,I really don't think it's a good idea for me to go to that brunch.

Look, serena, stop trying to pretendyou're a good girl.

Look, you're home now.It's your life.You should start living it.

Look,blair,I I really hurt you,

Look,blair's my best friend,and you're her boyfriend,

Look,easy,socrates.

Look,I don't know how to say this...

Look,I'm... I'm gonna do a lap,okay? Look for her.

Looks like chuck and blair showed up with quite an appetite...

Looks like little j. Might end up with a new boy

Looks like you could use some.

Looks like you got a lot of yogurt left.

Looks likeit's just you and me.

Lose the scotch.

Luckily,staple guns are old school.

Lucky for us,lanie91 sent proof.

Make some kind of change.

Man,that's a dark thought.

Maybe a house in the hamptons,a prescription drug problem.

Maybe he's shy.

Maybe I should've worn my loafers then...

Maybe I'll leave you two to finish that fascinatingconversation.

Maybe if musicians got off their blogs

Maybe it is like me.Maybe youdon't know what I'm really like.

Maybe next time.

Maybe not right now.

Maybe one.

Maybe you'd care if dad's band was on "gossip girl."

Me?

Meet me in chuck's suite.

Melanie91... Sends us this...

Mm,I've missed your witty banter.

Mmm! Why didn't you save me any?

Mom thinks it's a good idea.

Mom, did you borrowmy michel perrys?

Mom, I saidI'd go to this brunch.What more do you want from me?

Mom.

Mom.

Morning,mom.

Move,please.

Ms.Van der woodsen.

Must be a lot of rumors why you're back.

Must be a lot of rumors why you're back.

My brother used to have one of these. His name was Cedric.

My brother's name is Dan. Actually, you might know him.

My daughter's a woman.

My friend.

My name is dan humphrey,

My sister was right.

Mysteriously disappeared for "boarding school"?

N not your brother just let me know.

Nate Archibald Nate archibald.

Nate told me.

Nate will wait.

Nate, you told blair.What were you thinking?

Nate,can I borrow you?

Nate? Nate?

Nathaniel, keep it down.

Nathaniel,you're finally about to have sex with your girlfriend.

Nathaniel.

Nathaniel... Nathaniel...

Neither have I.

Never mess with a guy's sister.

Nice to meet you,too.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Nice try,son.

Night swimming at your mom's country house.

No boy and nowhere left to run.

No guy in the history of the world has ever hated you.

No need to rehash details of decades past.

No, he was just trying to be funny.

No, i do want to be seen together.

No, I know.Trust me, I know.This world it it's crazy.

No, I'm gonna get a second shot.

No, let's go, please.Uh, wi williamsburg.

No, not really.

No, nothing except my last shred of dignity.

No, which is why I was looking.

No, you're you're okay.Yeah, just, uh, go aheadand do your thing.

No,but it's rehab.

No,go ahead.

No,I haven't seen her anywhere.

No,I I go to your school.

No,I I know,I was just...

No,I just heard your mom say she's here.

No,it's my sister.

No,make me.

No,man,I'm good.

No,no,listen.

No,no,no,no,no.What are you dng? Don't.

No,really,that's okay.

No,that... That was then.

No,that... That's not what I mean. I...

No,that's okay.

No,uh,I just thought you were hot.

No!

No! Chuck,stop it!

No.

No.

No.

No.Not yet, anyway.

Nobodyknows me.

Not anymore.

Not bad work.

Not even close.

Not in business,or if your family is depending on you.

Not necessarily in that order.

Not serious...

Not tell anyone a thingand mind my own business.