Swan Song Edit

A bitch can't even powder her nose

A former client has passed away.

A Mr. Shanrock here to see you. Says he's an attorney.

A multi service salon with all the amenities.

A week before she died.

A word?

About how David died.

Ah!

All right... silly!

All the bald spots.

All three of them.

And a David.

And asked me if there was anything I needed to tell her.

And baby, that smack don't stick to nappy heads.

And both are gone.

And Dee Dee was very nice to my clients.

And Erma won't miss it?

And Eunice put the glitter in the paint.

And I couldn't keep up with the blonde maintenance.

And I most certainly don't walk around town

And I shall return your call at my earliest convenience.

And I talked you into a "Dorothy Hamill."

And I'm... and I am...

And jealous as hell.

And kiss your rings.

And make it happen.

And now he is, mopping your Vivanté.

And now you want me to rescue yours?

And one, "Fastest Road To One Million."

And some tickets.

And the bar in Mansfield's about to close too.

And the name of your son, is Danny.

And the whole town followed.

And then, I worked my way all the way up to second chair.

And then, my assistant opened her own store

And there was one very interesting customer.

And there, was the fountain.

And took one of my most important clients with her.

And who will remember us?

And you did both, the Peaches and Herb.

And you never listened once to mine.

And you old bitch, sitting next to me.

And you told me that you dropped out of nursing school

And you trifle me for song selection?

And you'll have Caroline. She's so good. Okay, darling?

And, here's five percent off of your next

Another double, please.

Another of Rita's hand me downs.

Are you kidding me? You were wonderful.

At least she won't complain.

At least you had a home.

At the mansion.

Athletic.

Aw, baby. You look like your poodle just died.

Aw, I'm sorry. I can't give it to you.

Back.

Batten down the hatches, boys,

Beautiful.

Because guess what,

Because I needed you there at that moment.

Because it's... It's got too high VOCs.

Because you got pregnant.

Besides, that place made me a goddamn drunk.

Bitch.

Boy oh boy, Patrick...

Breathe.

Bullshit.

Bury her with bad hair.

But anyway, you know, whatever you gotta do

But finally...

But I extinguished the blaze, girl.

But I thought I was your friend.

But it's all up there somewhere.

But like I told you,

But maybe you're too young to know who Tim and Mike was.

But my client demands high quality beauty products.

But Rita kicked the bucket this week.

But she had great taste, in shoes.

But that's okay. It's Rita's favorite.

But then I saw the rings and I knew.

But then she changed her mind about the color.

But there's a protocol, Pat.

But where will we dance?

But you are here.

But you could have come and said, "Hi."

But you know, I mean, there's plenty

But your Shirley Bassey routine brought down the house!

But, looking back... I never felt prettier.

But, the nephew took everything. He got everything. I lost it.

Bye, everybody!

Can I give you a ride to Ransom?

Can I help you find something?

Can you hear me?

Canadian whiskey. Rocks.

Checking the weather, it is hot!

Clients want craft, Dee Dee, not bells and whistles.

Come and see me sometimes.

Come on, sashay.

Come out to the garden.

Come to the garden.

Come.

David built it. Everything from scratch.

David gave them all to me and each one has a story.

Dear friends.

Dee Dee Dale's place.

Dee Dee has everything.

Dee Dee would do a better job.

Did you find anything down there?

Did you style her wedding?

Do you remember what we performed for the opening night?

Don't move.

Don't tell me, you are still mad at that old whore.

Don't worry.

Don't you dare.

Erma don't miss shit.

Especially the cubic zirconia on your left ring finger.

Eunice!

Eunice!

Eunice!

Eunice?

Eunice?

Eunice?

Eunice?

Eunice.

Eunice.

Eunice.

Eunice.

Even though I never really knew you...

Every Friday at 4:00 for 33 years.

Every queen in town pitched in to open this dump.

Everyone's here.

Folks don't ask for these nowadays.

For 25,000 dollars after the estate clears probate.

For her funeral display.

For once.

For one pack?

For services rendered.

Forget this little town, Miss Velma.

Frozen fucking pizza lit the toaster oven on fire.

Gabriel sent on me to check on you.

Gay bars are so '90s.

Get Dee Dee back.

Get the hell out of the way.

Girl, you are too much.

Girl, you taught me everything I never wanted to know.

Give me a loan. Some kind of advance, please.

God forbid

God forbid, you ever listened to anybody about anything.

Good afternoon, residents.

Good evening.

Good morning, everyone.

Good morning, miss.

Good, Pat. Keep those legs moving.

Gorgeous skin.

Government.

Grandma chose all the photos

Grandma chose all the photos for her funeral display.

Great. Great job, buddy.

Guess what, I'm gonna give this to you for 2.49.

Harry.

Harvey sold out to some young gay couple.

Have a fun funeral.

Have a nice day.

Have you seen The Register today?

Having a real comeback right now, huh?

He begged me to do her hair.

He did all the socialites of Sandusky back in the day.

He right though, I graduated with Dee Dee and she nasty.

He shouldn't have done that, but after all,

He was a truck driver and he came every Saturday

He's at the courthouse until 4:00.

Hell, even some juicy ass Jerri Curl, I got you.

Hello?

Hello.

Here, David and I planted the calla lilies.

Here, it's open.

Here, take Erma's hat.

Hey, mister.

Hey, mister.

Hey, mister.

His nephew inherited everything.

Hit me.

Hm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Holy hell!

Honey, you are a fiery one yourself too.

How about everything?

How did it go?

How did you know my name?

How is your book coming along?

How many times have you promised?

How much it hurt...

How you used to make up Rita for her Christmas parties

Huh.

I adore them.

I adored her.

I also remember you were close friends,

I always knew my place.

I barely survive a DiGiorno inferno

I came to you when I was nineteen. Remember?

I can still see you there.

I can't just make a withdrawal from First Sandusky.

I did.

I didn't know that you looked that bad.

I didn't steal Rita from you, Mister Pat.

I do better on here, than I ever did in the bars.

I don't have a two, I don't have three,

I don't have any money.

I don't have four, but I have five.

I don't know how much it's gonna do you because, you know...

I don't know. I don't know.

I don't remember.

I don't suppose you sell sunscreen?

I don't understand.

I don't wanna hear nothing about no skin cancer.

I dropped this bitch on a Crockpot.

I entered her final revisions personally

I finally start to get good and they close the damn bar.

I forgive you.

I forgive you.

I forgot how much I missed this.

I graduated with Dee Dee. She nasty.

I had a house, and a David.

I had a young one at the time

I had the best clients, the richest woman.

I have expenses. I have to purchase beauty products.

I have to make a lady beautiful. Her hair.

I haven't got anything else to do.

I haven't pulled hair in years.

I haven't set foot in years.

I heard the Fruit and Nut is closing. You going?

I know I was your servant...

I know that, girl. I know it.

I know they are around here somewhere.

I know what you're thinking.

I left you.

I like to cover my bases.

I mean, I've had to expand this place and make it

I mean, we lost our Sally Beauty.

I mean, who needs the Fruit and Nut

I mean, you don't even know this,

I missed you too. Don't overdo it.

I must tell you something.

I need cash now.

I never set foot inside.

I only came in there once.

I quit the bitch.

I remember when you were born.

I saw that, bitch.

I sewed the curtains,

I think I should go.

I think my daughter is coming today.

I used to perform here... every Saturday night.

I want you to know you changed my life.

I was 15 when Grandma Rita sat me down

I was embarrassed! Okay?

I was scared to death to tell her the truth.

I was so proud when Dee Dee opened up her own shop.

I was. Yeah, yeah.

I wasn't sure at first,

I went there. There was nothing there.

I went to see David today.

I wish.

I wouldn't even know how to be gay anymore.

I wouldn't suggest a...

I wouldn't think you would remember.

I'll bet.

I'll do Rita. One condition.

I'll get it.

I'll get some ice.

I'll help you get out there.

I'll make you beautiful.

I'm a hairdresser, I was very successful...

I'm a professional. No peeking.

I'm back.

I'm Dustin.

I'm fine.

I'm going shopping.

I'm happy for them.

I'm late for my funeral.

I'm Mister Pat.

I'm retired.

I'm right here.

I'm sorry to let you know that,

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm still waiting for my last three paychecks.

I'm supposed to make a dead bitch look human.

I'm surprised you still remember me.

I'm trying to make this right.

I've been saving it for the right customer.

If she would have known, what these crystals have seen.

In death, Rita remembered that she had taste.

In fact, she took my best one with her when she quit.

In five minutes...

In more ways than one.

Is he still dead?

Is it you?

Is now open. The medication...

Is that what you call it?

Is that what you do?

Is the Ransom Funeral Home still downtown?

Is Velma all right?

It got old. They took it down.

It was another world back then, Pat.

It won't hurt my hair or anything if it's windy.

It's a win win proposition.

It's bad etiquette.

It's gonna be another scorcher out there, Sandusky.

It's just, I mean, I...

It's not healthy to hold a grudge.

It's not very interesting.

It's some hike from here though.

It's still in there.

It's the last night, I have no idea what I'm doing.

Jesus, honey, when are you gonna move on?

Keeping your head elevated?

Knapp Beauty Supply, still on Tiffin Avenue?

Lemme give you a hand.

Let bygones be bygones, Patrick.

Let's go.

Like Vivanté.

Linda, I'm gonna take you at five.

Listen, buster. I know we've had our ups and downs.

Long after they have gone.

Look like you seen a ghost.

Lunch will be served in five minutes.

Man your harpoons and make way for Miss Velma Humpback!

May I share something with you?

Maybe you should too.

Maybe...

Miss Cheesecake, Dirty Ankle?

Miss Gertie always had beautiful hair.

Mister Pat.

Mr. Ransom.

Mr. Shanrock?

Mr. Shanrock.

Must have been before my time.

My beauty supply store.

My business is doing great. I know that.

My client,

My dear, I'm on the way to Ransom.

My husband thought the "Dorothy Hamill" cut

My lover, David, built that. He was, uh, very handy.

My name was on the tombstone.

Naturally, the will makes a provision

Nice.

No clue, dude.

No peeking.

No shit. You paid for the damn thing.

No, baby. Erma's dead.

No, I don't think so, the words are too small.

No, it's 50 extra chairs, not 30.

No, no, no.

No, you're not.

No?

No.

No...

Nobody remembers me.

Not sure I can still pull it off.

Not sure I'm up for the challenge.

Now, if you want some Kizzy's Daughter Pomade,

Now, step back, lemme get a good look at you.

Now, Tristan, check this out.

Now, you know, there's a lot of things that I am not,

Now, your poor, white head turned to a hot damn crisp.

Of green and clean technologies

Of that Marlene Dietrich number.

Oh baby, I missed you.

Oh my God.

Oh my God. Pat?

Oh no? Your brother owns the bank!

Oh yeah? What are they?

Oh, and thank God I talked you out

Oh, baby, I missed you.

Oh, bless his heart. Help him out.

Oh, child.

Oh, I always do.

Oh, I appreciate you going the extra mile for grandma.

Oh, I'll... I'll never forget...

Oh, I'm sure, Rita would be tickled pink.

Oh, is that what that was?

Oh, you don't have the money?

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! A demanding, Republican monster,

Oh! Give me one second.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Hey, Pat.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

Okay, stay calm, stay calm.

Okay. I'm just gonna put this in for you.

One Coco Roco and she will be just fine.

Ooh! Don't go anywhere.

Or Miss Zora's Buttercream.

Or the price, as I recall. You weren't cheap.

Our special item of the day, fruit cocktail.

Pat is back.

Pat, for Christ's sake, I never even met David.

Pat, you're still alive?

Pat! You're still alive?

Pat?

Pat?

Pat.

Patrick Pitsenbarger! It's been years.

People evolve, they let go.

Perfect Powder Bleach and Vivanté.

Perhaps you could recreate the same hairstyle?

Pick it up, guys. We're falling behind.

Please be prompt. You know Sherman doesn't like to wait.

Please get back in your room.

Please leave a message,

Please stop! Please stop! Please stop!

Please, let's step outside.

Possibly be on Social Security?"

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

Ransom Funeral Home will require your services tomorrow night.

Really?

Really?

Really? What was your drag name?

Remember this one?

Resting dead bitch face.

Right across from me.

Right across the street from mine.

Rita left me as a client. You remember?

Rita Parker Sloan.

Rita specified in her will that you

Rita wants to make things right.

Rita wants to make things right.

Rita, donated the tiles she brought back from Italy,

Rita.

Rita's grandson.

Sandusky, here I come.

Sandusky!

Sandusky.

Sandusky.

Send that arrangement back. Everything must be perfect.

Shame on you, Gabriel. Shame.

Shanrock and Shanrock.

Shanrock came personally. And he begged me.

Shaundell, that's all I have.

She adores them.

She needs your touch.

She should have updated her will.

She told me all about you and David.

She was very specific.

She was... She was quite the perfectionist.

She's a real hot mess in there.

She's still alive?

Sherman is doing her, in house.

Sherman. I'm... I'm sorry!

Shit, I just saw your shoes.

Should I tell him you dead?

Show me.

Show me.

Show the gentleman the door.

Sir, are you all right?

Sir, get your ass back here.

Sir, you sustained a serious head injury!

Sir.

Six months? I'll be dead by then!

Slay, girl!

So it's... I'm gonna give it to you.

So nice to finally meet you!

So sorry to hear about Rita.

So, how did you put up with her all those years?

So, how's it fitting?

Sometimes I think you want to have another stroke.

Sounds like a nightmare.

Stopped coming out. But... But maybe your friends will

Straight, gastro micro brew pub.

Sunscreen! You...

Sure, it'll be fine.

Ta da!

Take the edge off.

Taste or dementia? You decide.

Taxi!

Tell that to your pantsuit.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you, Sue.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks for the lunch!

That hung above the dance floor?

That photo is from a year ago.

That rock sure is different.

That'll be 83 cents.

That's a dead stock discount.

That's right. Once upon a time.

That's too bad.

The icing on the cake.

The medication window

The most glamorous woman in town.

The Ransoms will have Rita ready by 7:00 p.m. tonight.

The trade on here, would make your head spin.

The Velvet Slipper's gone in Lorain

Their house has been demolished.

There are plenty more where this came from.

There were so many people I remember.

There you go.

These daddies with their...

They are installing giant tanks to brew artisan craft beer.

They opened the bar.

They still make Vivanté?

They're turning the whole building into this

They've discontinued the Vivanté

This is Patrick Pitsenbarger.

This man gave me my first job in the business.

This place was family.

This was all that was left in your old house.

Those gay dads should drop to their knees

Those kids will remember them,

To do her master bath.

To feel good about yourself.

To see me perform.

To settle his estate, I don't make the rules.

Today was the first time I saw it.

Total resting bitch face.

Try Dee Dee Dale's downtown.

Try it on?

Two more packs of Mores for the road.

Two, "Some Like it Hot", eight, "Casino Royale"

Uh uh. Well, let's elevate your head.

Uh, cream and sugar.

Uh, first showing is day after tomorrow at 11:00 a.m.

Uh, that's the funeral home. Let me circle back to you later.

Uh, there's a fabulous salon down by the waterfront,

Uh, Walter Shanrock, please.

Unless you finna drive all the way out to Lorain.

Voila.

Was I that butch?

Was she a handful?

Was too short, by the way.

Water Street, just down past the Parker Sloan Mansion.

WCPZ...

We had hospice in the home.

We stayed up all night.

We talked about him,

We were so conservative.

We will be delighted to prepare a certified check

We will clean it up.

We... We'll sharpen our pencils

We'll have a little picnic outside.

We're gonna do the straightener.

We've lost...

Welcome. Please, come in.

Well then fix me, goddammit.

Well, ain't you just the sweetest thing?

Well, at least something like that can never happen today.

Well, Dee Dee's the only game in town these days, for real.

Well, I can dust that off for you if you want.

Well, I heard that most of the regulars

Well, maybe, you're gonna have to tell Rita that in Heaven.

Well, Sandusky is...

Well, this calls for a highball. Please.

Well...

Were to do her hair and make up for the funeral.

What about all those parties?

What am I gonna do with you?

What did I tell you about

What on earth are they doing?

What on earth?

What?

What? Oh!

What's happened with the crystal chandelier,

What's it, Doc? What's it say?

What's your act?

Whatchu looking for?

When David died, you didn't come to the funeral.

When I did let you know...

When they can hold hands at Applebee's?

When your partner's next of kin retained the firm,

Where they at, Pat?

Where were you?

Where's my shampoo?

Which one?

Who could forget the "Liberace of Sandusky?"

Whoa, hold up, baby. Slow your roll.

Why didn't you tell me about my house?

Why do you keep reading it?

Why don't you see me?

Why don't you tell us, how you really feel?

Why not?

Will make it tonight, for old times' sake.

Will you come back and visit sometime?

With my client's money.

Without getting the third degree.

Would two tens help?

Wow. Come on in.

Yeah, David died. And I took a second mortgage.

Yeah, you know, I started off sweeping hair,

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yes, great woman.

Yes, it is.

Yes, sir.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. It was before you were conceived.

Yet, here you are, cruising the tearoom.

You been there lately?

You came for a perm

You can charge it instead?

You don't tell someone in the goddamn nursing home

You dropped the ball and I was there to catch it.

You ever listen to anybody about anything.

You evil bitch.

You goin' way back in the day.

You gotta catch this guy a break 'cause, he really is a legend.

You guys gonna go outside?

You have reached Rita Parker Sloan.

You knew every goddamn secret I ever had.

You know what, they, uh...

You know, I don't do well at funerals.

You know, Patrick was always so particular.

You know, sometimes, it takes a while.

You know, that came up after you lost your little shop.

You look fantastic.

You look so...

You made Rita Parker Sloan

You must have some great memories of this house.

You smoking in here, Pat?

You took the words right out of my mouth.

You tore my house down?

You won't get that here.

You would deny a great woman her dying wish?

You'd be big in Cleveland.

You're going to be beautiful.

You're not getting hurt by any of that.

You're not gone.

You're not gonna let me go outside with you?

You're not making this easy, Patrick.

You're starting to look like you again.

You're too late.

Your friend, David?

Your wife still smokes Mores?

5.23.

21.92 is your change.

102.7.

...or I think I will. No, no.

"Hattitude" Ro Ro: Yes. That girl!

"Thar she blows!" Aw, yes, queen.

And how long will that take? No more than six months.

and the one is one of them. I know that.

At the same time. At the same time.

babies. Mm hmm.

Been performing long? Two years.

Bye, Pat. Bye.

Bye. Bye.

Dancing? Our people!

Dee Dee has everything. Thank you, miss,

Do you have an appointment? No.

Have a wonderful day. You too.

Hello. Hello.

Hello. Hi.

Here. Keep the change. Hey, big spender.

I am here, I am alive! And did you select a song?

I had an account. Oh.

I have a job to do. What's that?

I love your rings. Thanks. Each one has a story.

I wouldn't. I'm not going... You're going outside?

Jeffrey, keep the change. Why, thank you.

Like what? There was a box of Vivanté.

Morning. Hello.

Mr. Shanrock? Pat?

My goodness. A mess.

Oh, hell no. Sit down. Close your eyes.

Oh, thirsty, huh? Mm hmm.

Oh! ...when I was young in this beautiful town.

One of your boys? Lemme tell ya something.

Our safe places. Mm hmm.

Pack of Mores. Mores? For real?

She was just too far gone. We feel sick.

Sounds like quite a guy. But he didn't have a will.

Split ends and all? He speaks!

Thank you very much. Of course.

That took some nerve. Yeah, and then my friend died.

This used to be... White?

Try Dee Dee Dale's downtown. I'd rather swallow mucus.

What did David die of? AIDS.

What do you want? I'm the hairdresser.

What? Who was that?

What? Where? Tonight's the last night.

What's this in reference to? Rita Parker Sloan.

Where are you from? Hancock Street.

Where to? I don't know. Just drive!

Who was that? And then...

Yeah. Great. Surprise! Remember this?

You are a beautician? Yeah.

You cash checks? Personal?

You got a call. Oops.

You left a big mark. On who?

You made me blonde. Excuse me?

You see that stage? Uh huh.

You're still sucking cock? Christ on the cross, queen.

...that you weren't there.

'Cause bitch, you know that's the only one that's real.

"Don't worry," she said.

"Gastro" what?

"Hattitude."

"How could someone so flawless,

"Mister Pat." He was very nice.

"My best friend's gay too."