Scary Movie 5 (2013) Soundboard Edit

A yacht, fill it with cash, bitches and a shark.

Ah! Make the call!

All right, enough.

All right, listen, guys, it's just us

All right, that's lunch.

Almost killed myself. All right, I communicated.

And demanding role in all of ballet... the Swan Queen.

And he found out his girl be, you know, doing her thing with another man.

And so Jody was...

And you hop and you spread your legs a little bit.

Ankle. Tracking bracelet.

Are you going to try out? Me?

B mark!

Ballet? Yes. Aren't you donating millions?

But then he needs something to drink!

But these may help you break through.

But... I was just messing with you.

Caesar has got to show some human intelligence at that board meeting...

Come on, girls. Let's go get Aidan.

Come on. Look. Oh, yeah. Lily.

Damn! Ow!

Dan really needed to start performing at work.

Dan, I'm calling the psychic!

Do they have a broom?

Do they have a pointy nose?

Do you? Your wife plays in a punk rock band, staying out all night long,

Eighty one seconds? Oh, Caesar.

Empty your mind of all the thoughts of today's troubles.

Enjoy Earth while you still got it.

Entering the house for the very first time.

Everyone was on high alert for these children,

Forget it.

Free preventative care, and it closes the Medicare Part D loophole.

Girls, run! Run! No.

He got dragged away? I don't remember that.

Heather!

Hello. I'm Dom Kolb. You called about a dream extraction?

Help, it's got me! Dan!

Her?! Anyone but her!

Hey, hey, hey, little lady, that's not how...

Hey, we don't lick our balls in this house.

Honey, thank God you're all right.

How do you like my blue room?

I am naming as her understudy Kendra Brooks.

I don't believe this... our whole house ransacked.

I don't know, man. Just doesn't feel right.

I don't like to be the center of attention.

I got a better question, man. What the hell are two stoners doing

I was just dancing and kissing him

I wasn't going to.

I wouldn't.

I'm being told that all available officers are now on the scene

I'm OK with this.

I'm ready for it.

I'm saying the kids are not yours to take.

I'm sorry! God, help, honey!

In case a burglar tries to steal my sex tapes.

In your dreams, of course

Is that smoke?

It does not come off.

It's a detox weekend.

It's gonna grow back just like a lobster paw.

Jody certainly had her work cut out for her.

Jody knew the battle would be a tough one.

Jody. No pause between Jo and dy.

Judge Henderson? No. I wish. Thompson

Just one? Just one.

Let me take a picture. OK.

Let's get you in a robe.

Like what?

Look, Mr. Dan, look.

Look, you have a big day ahead of you tomorrow.

Love you.

Ma'am, that's not important. Your life is.

Mama says you're going to have an accident.

Mama told me.

Maria, honey, help! Geez! Maria, put the camera...

Maybe just a banana, then? Very much potassium.

Maybe we should put him in the carrier.

Maybe you adopted a small African child named Ikatababwe,

Me and Brandy, Doggy?

Me neither.

Mm hm.

My decorator assured me that... Never mind

No, I'm the Swan Queen.

No, not that way

No, that's still shit with mustard.

Now, no more rock band, no more silly wig

Of becoming the Swan Queen.

Oh, God! Geez!

Oh, my gosh, who are you? I'm Jody and this is Kendra.

Oh, OK. Is this the same Mama who trashed the house?

Oh, the door was open so I let myself in.

Oh, uh, just some movies I rented

Oh, yes, of course, our dog Artie.

OK, OK, that's good, Maria.

Oof!

Ooh, shit!

Or were there otherworldly forces at work here?

Ow!

Shh. Hell. You better sit back before I punch you in your damn throat.

So bueno, Mr. Dan.

So hungry.

So when do we start dreaming?

So, what, I didn't get the part?

Sorry. I dropped my phone in there.

Still got it...

Stop it!

Tastes like. What? Ah, man!

Thank you. Lily.

That's the spirit.

The large reward offered for the rescue of Charlie's kids

The next section should explain itself.

The one with the cabin in the woods.

The white and the black.

These books are all...

They call me Christian Grey.

They were also bringing home a hidden evil.

They're not beasts.

This is all about the spirit world here.

This is completely insane! It's what she believes in, honey!

This is not ballet. No, it the hell ain't.

Told you that shark was going to come in handy.

Truce? Truce.

Trust me... we're gonna need a shark.

Um, I don't know.

Wait. What's going on here? I can explain.

Was it just eight year old teen angst,

Was located in the cellar of a cabin, in the woods.

We're actually looking for a book that could save lives.

We're good. We're good.

We're kissing.

We're kissing.

We're trying to enjoy the show.

Wearing blackface. Cool with that?

Well, maybe we didn't do it right.

Well, why they call it Johnson & Johnson?

What do we do now? Um, I'll just..

What does that have to do with Ma...?

What the hell is that? My penis?

What? Oh, and now you're gonna tell me

What's that? My penis.

When you was playing with yourself.

Who is Mama?

Why did I think you could be intelligent?

Why?

With three new kids to care for,

Yeah, you're right. Why should he care?

Yeah. OK.

You do? This weekend's devoted to Mia

You go on... shh... shh me again. I double dog dare you, hell.

You leave the house unattended with the doors unlocked

You need call psychic. Kill bad spirits.

You sure we're alone here? Feels like there's somebody else in this house.

911, what's your emergency?

They're attacking him! Who are they attacking, ma'am?

What happened? Guy was in the shot.

' Cut.