The Addams Family Edit

A broomstick You can crawl on

A decent place to sleep for the night.

A family?

A friend's.

A moldy sandwich?

A question, what in heaven's name was it?

A town. This is not good.

A'ight, this a party

A'ight, this a party Let's not make a problem

About to go global

Across the square.

Actually, Ms. Needler...

Actually, my mother's reaction was, well, unexpected.

Actually, we weren't expecting you for another two weeks.

Addams aren't wanted here!

Addams aren't wanted here!

Addams is as Addams does

After the school for tea and séance in the cemetery?

Ah, Auntie Sloom.

Ah, one more thing...

Ah, she makes a point.

Ah, Shelly Longbottom, on Sugar Ridge Lane.

Ah, suit yourself.

Ah, there you are.

Ah, there's my little storm cloud!

Ah, yes.

Ah, yes. The toilet woman.

Ah, you always manage to bring a tear to my eye!

Ah! Let me try that.

Ah. Now I understand. This is a children's prison.

Ain't no windows, ain't no doors

Ain't no windows, ain't no doors

Ain't no windows, ain't no doors

All Addamses under one roof again.

All of them.

All right, Ichabod. I'm awake.

All right, Pop. I'll practice.

All right, Pugsley, let's, uh, go through it again.

All right, son. That's enough.

All right. How are you gonna help me?

All right. Thank you.

All the neighborhood children attend.

All we have to do is pull down the side walls,

All we have to do is pull down the side walls!

Always kinda knew it'd end up like this.

Always remember, Pugsley,

And all of you to our audience in just an hour.

And all she wants to do is run toward it.

And before you say anything, you're welcome.

And deliver these two

And doesn't truly understand

And drink 'em both up!

And everybody hurts

And feeding them our pets!

And he's going to make a fool of himself

And here's our bottomless pit.

And I become a fugitive.

And I cleaned them out.

And I just wanted to tell you, from the bottom of my heart,

And I roll the best... 'cause I got it going on

And I said, I got my son ready for his Mazurka,

And I should like to investigate.

And I think I know where she got it.

And I thought everybody had one of those.

And I want a blizzard of confetti.

And I'll meet you in the town square. Agreed?

And I'm about to stage a Design Intervention!

And I'm hearing wedding bells!

And I've got a bunch of family I need to get rid of.

And if a... get a attitude

And if things aren't done the traditional way,

And in just two weeks, on our live season finale,

And introduce ourselves at once.

And it is true, they are odd.

And it will drive you insane

And it's just so...

And my brother, Fester.

And now it seems she stood me up.

And now, the Sabre Mazurka.

And now, the transition into manhood.

And now, there's an infestation of them!

And passes judgment on your worth as a human being.

And so are all of you.

And stabbed your name onto my heart.

And swinging hammers first thing in the morning.

And that guy trying to put a tiny tuxedo on his cat.

And the M 80s.

And the Mazurka could be a disaster!

And the night

And the TNT.

And their view of your property is, well, off brand.

And then also break down the other two walls.

And there you are.

And there you go. With just those little touches...

And there's our science teacher, Ms. Gravely,

And this is our whine cellar.

And three, two, one...

And turn it into a place

And turn it into the perfect palace of your dreams.

And watches you all of the time.

And wear something that would shock her.

And what about in there?

And when that happens,

And you might actually get through this.

And you've barely practiced at all.

And your every wish shall be granted.

And your mutant family along with it! Ah!

And, we're out!

And... I love you.

Anyone of age can enroll.

Are we gonna be famous?

Are ya ready for your Margaux makeover now?

Are you ready for your Margaux makeover?

Are you sure about this?

Argh! This is that little creep Wednesday Addams' work!

As your neighbor, I'd like to offer you

Asia, most parts of Africa.

Assimilation.

Attached to the other end of these.

Attention, please. Attention!

Auntie Sloom!

Auntie Sloom? Can I get you anything?

Awesome. Totally awesome.

Ay, ay, ay

Ay, ay, ay

Ay, ay, ay,

Ay, ay, ay, ay

Ay, ay, ay, ay

Ay, ay, ay, ay

Bad Kitty! That's a bad Kitty!

Ball out, hey Show out

Be careful what you wish for, Ms. Needler.

Because it's my calling to make everyone the same.

Because you are my brother.

Because your houses have been infested with Needler Vision.

Before rust and decay set in.

Before you try to get your hooks in me

Before you try to get your hooks in me

Besides, our parents have made it clear

Bethany, is it?

Bethany's changed her look.

Better?

Big dreams. You know how you get big dreams?

Bill, John, do you still have that lovely catapult?

Blah, blah, blah. Sconces, crown molding.

Blow F 6!

Brother!

But deep down, we're all the same.

But for now, it's safer for you here.

But I can beautify that old house of yours so fast,

But I don't have time to talk right now, sweetheart.

But I don't trust that Margaux woman.

But I escaped and talked my way

But I love it when you smile

But I love it when you smile

But I must admit,

But I'll try.

But is that really as tight as you can make it?

But mine already does that. Look.

But my mom makes me wear this stuff,

But my mother insists.

But now, I think you're really cool.

But swords are so old fashioned.

But the Mazurka isn't for a week.

But this family

But this family about to go global

But this family is about to go global

But this family is about to go global

But we say it's cool

But we shouldn't judge them

But what do I know?

But when you found out that campfires

But you really have done enough.

By Neighborhood Peeps.

Cage school 101.

Can anyone go to your school?

Can you tell us what's beyond the gate?

Cara mia.

Careful where your heart treads

Charmed.

Come down and say hello

Come now, my little raven.

Come on, Tish, let's explore the neighborhood.

Contact your doctor.

Could it be abandoned?

Cross here, turn, and then say something like,

Darling,

Darling, bring that to me.

Darling, not to criticize,

Darling, we have all the horror

Darling, Wednesday will be fine.

Darling...

Dearly be loathed,

Deep breath, Margaux.

Did you hear it click?

Dig up your brother. At once.

Do I have something in my teeth? What is it?

Do not speak to your mother that way.

Do you know how long it took for me to set this up?

Do you like it?

Do you think we should investigate?

Do your worst!

Don't cut your eyes on my crew unless you're ready to dance.

Don't forget the gift basket, silly.

Don't forget to kick your father good night.

Don't go soft on me, people.

Don't let me interrupt your cup of joe

Don't let yourself go

Don't make me come up there!

Don't mess with my family

Don't mess with my family

Don't mess with my family

Don't mess with my family

Don't touch another thing!

Don't worry, I'm okay.

Don't worry.

Don't you have Chipper 'N' Cheer practice this afternoon?

Drop it like it's hot

Drop it like it's hot Drop it like it's hot

Eight legs, nine lives.

Elsewhere.

Even if I am the only one who sees it.

Every Addams performs this rite of passage

Every house must sell

Everybody come together

Everybody hurts

Everyone can hear you.

Everyone knows pink is a gateway color.

Everyone, follow my boy!

Everyone, grab on!

Everyone, to the bridge!

Everything is so much better

Everything's boring and fake and bright,

Exactly.

Excuse me, I just tooted.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. I'm Trudy.

Exhibit A.

Exhibit B. Trudy Pickering.

Explosives have no place in a Mazurka. Hand them over.

Family, family

Family, family

Farewell, brother Pugsley.

Fester, a year wouldn't be enough to get him ready.

Fester, hand him

Fester, stop!

Finally, back to normal.

Find yourself. Serve time!

Fine.

Fire in the hole!

Fire in the hole!

Fire!

Fire!

Fire!

Fire!

Flip the switch!

Follow the instructions.

Follow us everywhere we go?

For heaven's sake, what's going on?

French. You know what that does to me.

From a world renowned interior designer?

From Shelly Longbottom to everyone,

From the top. Music!

From those who would do us harm!

Furthermore, I think I can help you

Gathered together for this Addams tradition.

Get out, Addams!

Get out!

Get out!

Get out!

Get out!

Get out!

Get rid of those houses.

Girls making other girls feel bad about themselves.

Give my creature life!

Glenn, what do you want in the frame?

Glenn?

Go ahead. Show 'em what you're good at.

Go stand beside it.

Gomez Addams. At your service.

Gomez, everyone we've invited

Gomez, I'll be blunt.

Gomez, this tradition is not to be taken lightly.

Gomez, we should return home.

Gomez, you gotta calm down!

Gomez.

Good day, all.

Good luck with your Mazurka.

Good morning, Kitty.

Good morning! I hope this isn't a bad time.

Good news, everybody. Pugsley's gone.

Good! Maybe it'll burn away the weird!

Good. Wait a second.

Grab onto my hairy hump!

Grandma, we already have a band.

Grandma, what a surprise.

Great shot!

Great.

Greetings, Dr. Flambe! How you doing?

Greetings, Ms. Needler.

Guess what I've got, Pugsley?

Ha ha! Well done, Pugsley!

Ha! Ha!

Ha! That reminds me.

Hair clip, please.

Hang on

Has anyone ever failed the Mazurka?

Has anyone seen my Shih Tzu Fee fee?

Haunted house

Haunted house

Have a good day at school, dear.

Have danced the Mazurka with this blade.

Have Ichabod wake the children.

He looks very small.

He said you were in over your head.

He will begin with a reading from the Terror,

He'd better be ready

He's had all his shots!

He's like training a puppy, adorable but tiresome.

He's too easy.

Heads up.

Hello, Mother.

Hello, my uglies!

Hello?

Hello?

Hello.

Her breath is like a baby's diaper.

Her face reminds me of a death mask.

Here's Pugsley!

Hey, alto, you're flat.

Hey, guys, this is me now.

Hey, guys!

Hey, it's refreshing, okay?

Hey, Mom.

Hey, neighbor!

Hey, Parker.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey. Do you wanna go to the mall?

Hi, guys. I'm going up to this creepy mansion.

Hidden depths.

His Mazurka was the stuff of legends.

Hit the showers, kid.

Hmm?

Hmm.

Hmm. You know, I'm looking for something a bit stronger.

Hold on, unless I miss my guess here,

Hold on.

Hold still.

Holy Hades!

Home, Art and Garden television.

Honey! Oh, those awful people up on the hill.

Hope I'm not crashing the party.

How about...

How dare you enter this house like that.

How do all those people fit in that little contraption?

How do you know what cotton candy tastes like?

How I wish something would liven up

How rude.

How would you like to join me tomorrow

How you doing?

How'd you like a free home makeover

Howdy, neighbor. How's the new house?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh. So, not late.

I agree, Gomez.

I am thrilled you're here!

I apologize, darling.

I believe everything I read.

I believe it

I believe that is supposed to be music.

I believe the word you're looking for is "unfortunate."

I bet my home improvement empire on this town.

I call spleen.

I can honestly say

I can't believe you bothered

I can't do it, Pop.

I can't play by those rules anymore.

I certainly hope the boy's ready.

I concur.

I could really see myself dying here.

I decided that from now on, I choose my clothes, not you.

I do not like it.

I don't know. I look black and white in all of them.

I don't think you understand.

I don't wanna brag,

I expect you to convince

I fear Pugsley is overconfident

I forgot to let you be who you are.

I found a creepy mansion up on the hill!

I got something for her!

I got something for ya.

I got the Rolly on my arm and I'm pouring Chandon

I guess so. But who'd want to?

I hate it here!

I have 50 houses to sell down there,

I haven't bathed in two weeks. Ugh.

I haven't been able

I hear it's like Thanksgiving.

I heard a strange noise in the fog earlier,

I hold people prisoner, not the other way around.

I hope the other guy looks worse.

I intend to bring the house down.

I just want it to go perfectly.

I knew I should have picked to live with my dad.

I knew there was no way

I know the last time we saw each other,

I know. Isn't it wonderful?

I let you down.

I let you down.

I like it like that Ooh, baby

I love him!

I may not have a cell phone...

I need help. Aren't I people?

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

I now pronounce you...

I prefer to set my sights

I repeat, she did not go to her friend's...

I said I like it like that

I see I got here just in time.

I shall be staying with you for a while.

I should like to see what this plastic woman has to offer.

I should warn you, my dear

I should warn you, my dear

I spent time with these people,

I spoke with Parker this afternoon.

I take your uninspired living space

I think I can see my house from here.

I think it would be good for me.

I think she's distancing herself from me.

I think they'll want to stay for good.

I think they're going to need a little more help.

I thought you were in Prague.

I thought you were super weird.

I tried to raise him to be an Addams, but I failed.

I trust that the boy has been properly trained.

I wanna say "thank you"...

I want a home again.

I want a rematch! Right here! Right now!

I want our children to grow up in peace.

I want so much confetti that we need

I want them out!

I want to find a new home

I want to pick out cemetery plots.

I warned you about sending her to public school.

I was shocked how thrilling it felt.

I was so focused on doing things

I was!

I will relish hounding you

I wish I could do that.

I won that fight! And I was glad I cheated!

I won't tell anyone if you don't.

I would have prepared the dungeon.

I wouldn't want my favorite African Strangler to choke.

I'd do just that

I'd go to war for my family

I'd go to war for my family

I'd tip my hat to you

I'd tip my hat to you But I haven't got a hat

I'll hold them off!

I'll never forget you, Pugsley!

I'll see you at your house, first thing tomorrow.

I'll talk to her. Hand me that bear trap.

I'm actually cutting cage right now.

I'm allowed in Antarctica!

I'm bewitched by your misery

I'm bewitched by your misery

I'm cage schooled.

I'm gonna pop in here for two minutes

I'm just a bit preoccupied with the Mazurka preparations.

I'm just a college boy, even at that

I'm king of the world!

I'm living my truth.

I'm Margaux Needler,

I'm more of a demolitions man.

I'm not going anywhere with you.

I'm not late, am I?

I'm not locked up in here with you, Bethany.

I'm not sure. I like it.

I'm scared to close my eyes.

I'm scared to open them.

I'm scared.

I'm so delighted to show you my house.

I'm so glad you're exploring, Parker,

I'm so scared.

I'm sorry, Gomez.

I'm sorry.

I'm staying with my friend.

I'm sure they're good.

I'm turning grey.

I'm worried for the children!

I've done this thousands of times.

I've failed him, Fester.

I've never seen you at school.

I've practiced that move in a lot of people's homes.

Ichabod, quick, lower your branches!

If a Mazurka lasts for more than four hours,

If I'd known you were coming,

If other people are scared, then I'm scared.

If someone posted it,

If they're freaks, then I'm a freak.

If this doesn't work,

If we get rid of them,

If you don't hear from me in 30 minutes, send backup.

If you like it, hit "like," but who cares if you like it.

If you like, Mother.

If your daughter can't be on time,

In a Design Intervention first,

In a summer patchouli roast.

In a young man's life.

In front of everyone!

In my abnormal psychology journals.

In my private time?

In the town of your dreams!

Into all of the houses.

Into stark raving lunatics.

Into the yawning void of matrimony,

Intriguing.

Is attendance mandatory?

Is everyone all right?

Is he all right?

Is that a wrinkle I see on your pallid brow?

Is this why you skipped tea and séance?

Is to be exactly like them.

Isn't it great when we are all together?

It ain't cheating if no one catches you.

It doesn't matter!

It has notes of oak, cherry, and yoga.

It is an honor...

It is indeed a rare privilege to see our family

It must be true.

It sounds easy, but believe me, it's insane!

It suits her.

It tastes like cotton candy.

It will be a challenge,

It will be years

It. Cousin. You made it!

It'll be like sleepaway camp.

It'll make your head spin.

It's a gracious offer, Ms. Needler,

It's about protecting our family

It's alive! It's alive!

It's all right here, in the Mazurka handbook.

It's all so... different.

It's bad enough this Mazurka is taking place in New Jersey.

It's called "junior high."

It's creepy. Kooky.

It's easy to be happy when you have no choice

It's hideous.

It's home.

It's horrible.

It's late. I'm worried.

It's like a dream, but you hope it's real

It's like a dream, but you hope it's real

It's like a dream, but you hope it's real

It's locked and loaded, Margaux.

It's Margaux!

It's Margaux.

It's not Wednesday I'm worried about.

It's obvious they don't belong here.

It's our son's Mazurka. You understand.

It's perfect. Ms. Needler, you have a gift.

It's quiet. Too quiet.

It's so... What's the word? The opposite of sad?

It's supposed to be on

It's the day your entire family gathers around you

It's the last run through before the finale,

It's the network.

It's the rest of them. We may need to provide an alibi.

It's the trap you've been waiting for

It's the trap you've been waiting for

It's the trap you've been waiting for

It's time for breakfast.

It's tragic when people can't accept

It's true! I sent for her!

It's way more common than you think.

It's what makes you an Addams.

Judy, you start here,

Just a moment, what am I hearing?

Just because they're different.

Just didn't think it'd be so soon.

Just get this nasty little floor out of the way,

Just what I said.

Ken, you're gonna follow Judy.

Leave already!

Left a bit. Up a bit.

Let me know what you want from me

Let the games begin.

Let us have our own design intervention.

Let's do it!

Let's do this thing!

Let's go get 'em! We've had enough!

Let's keep going with the run through, okay?

Let's kick it up a notch.

Let's not make a problem No!

Let's see. Who shall I be today?

Let's set up for the walk through.

Let's take a look around, shall we?

Life is really perfect We are one big family, yeah

Life's too short. See ya!

Like all of us Frump women.

Like plastic flowers!

Like the blood in your veins

Like the tattoo you can't remove

Like what?

Like you, she'll do the right thing.

Like you!

Listen, Morticia, remember the time

Listen, uh, please, give us a chance to make it right.

Listen, you lemmings! This is my town.

Live! Live, I tell you, live!

Living under this roof is all the torment you'll need.

Look, Pugsley...

Love it. Perfect.

Lurch,

Lurch, would you mind dusting the house?

M m m my heart is a haunted

M m m my heart is a haunted

Mama needs to help people.

Margaux Needler never stops until the project is complete.

Margaux Needler.

Margaux, did that feel good to you?

Margaux, they're here!

Margaux?

Marty, listen to me.

Maybe this isn't such a bad thing.

Mazurka!

Mazurka!

Mitch who?

Mmm, mmm...

Mmm! Morticia, you have to try these coffee grounds.

Mmm? Oh.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm. Horrifying.

Mmm. Okay. Thanks, Pop.

Mmm...

Mmm...

Mmm... I don't get it.

Mon amour.

Morticia, I swear on my life I will find us a new home.

Morticia, this is not the old country.

Morticia!

Morticia! Can you hear me?

Morticia?

Mother,

Mother, Father, I'd like to speak with you.

Mother, would you really deprive me

Mother! I thought I felt my skin crawling!

Mr. and Mrs. Addams, there's really not much to do

Ms. Gravely, you put your underwear in the freezer.

Much better.

Music!

Must be some kind of scented embalming fluid.

Must be the off season.

My back on the wall Who I'mma call, my family

My family and I will never run from the likes of you again.

My head. Ow, ow, ow.

My heart is a haunted house

My heart is a haunted house

My heart is a haunted house

My little raven, I'm so happy you returned.

My love, it's game night.

My love, that is a dead fish.

My love.

My mom has a lair and a jail?

My mom must have built hidden cameras

My name is Wednesday.

My one dream has been

My only flaw?

My sister Sloom is going to be judging Pugsley.

My vanity mirror only imprisons 14 souls at a time.

My wan temptress,

My whole life. Which seems endless.

My wife, Morticia.

My, my, my heart

My, my, my heart

My, my, my heart

Mysterious and spooky

Mysterious. Spooky.

Near, far, wherever...

Neat.

Neither can I?

Never heard of him.

Nice to, uh, meet you.

Nice try.

No escaping the way you feel

No escaping the way you feel

No limbs missing that weren't missing before you arrived?

No matter how outdated your design sense, I can help you.

No one is allowed in there.

No one torments my family but me.

No, Glenn.

No, he seems perfectly demented.

No, that dead eye stare is new.

No!

No!

No!

No! No!

No! Please, no. Anything but that!

No. I'll be... I'll be bankrupt.

Nobody did this to me. This is my new look.

Not a single gargoyle.

Not for long.

Not until Wednesday gets home.

Now go wipe that depressing goop off your face.

Now you're ready.

Now, down a bit.

Now, Glenn, what are the numbers we're expecting?

Now, if we're trying for a more contemporary look,

Now, now, there are some restrictions.

Now, where are the dregs? I'm thirsty.

Now, where's my granddaughter?

Now, with the house rebuilt, Pugsley,

Now, you go think about that in your room.

Of course I came back.

Of course I did. I never missed.

Of emptiness and longing,

Of the opportunity to torment children my own age?

Of this life

Oh, Gomez, why do hordes of angry villagers

Oh, Gomez, you have torn down my walls

Oh, how lovely. The spirit's home.

Oh, how'd that barrette

Oh, I am as well!

Oh, I love it. I hope you brought your umbrellas.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Get them off me!

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my! Hmm.

Oh, no. That's a women's prison.

Oh, please! They're a bunch of monsters!

Oh, please.

Oh, right. Happy anniversary, darling.

Oh, she's wrapped in a black hole

Oh, someone's at the door. I'd better go see who it is.

Oh, thank goodness.

Oh, thank the stars!

Oh, Thing! Best hand always has the ring!

Oh, very well. F 6.

Oh, wonderful! Then it's settled.

Oh, you put in a typhoon. What a great idea.

Oh, you're always so grumpy before your morning coffee.

Oh, you're cute.

Oh!

Oh! Those Addamses have gone too far this time.

Oh.

Oh.