Diary of a Wimpy Kid Edit

A Actually, it's a jour

A butt can't be cute. lt's a butt.

A cast? That's serious!

A kid like George Deveney is at the top of the food chain,

A tree?

About seIf worth and esteem.

About what happened to the kindergarteners last week.

Absolutely.

Actually, we're in middle school. My bedtime's not until 9:00.

Afraid to lose?

After I turned in my comic, all I could do was wait.

After l stood. . .

After school, wanna come over and play?

Ah! It is an acid puddle!

All right, bulldog Heffley. Meet your new opponent.

All right, class, l'm Mrs. Flint. Everybody take your seats!

All right, everybody.

All right, ladies! Gather around !

All right, let's see what you got.

All right, outstanding !

All right, Patty, calm down.

All right, smile.

All right, well, Greg, your voice is too high for any of the other male roles.

All right! Fregley!

All right.

All right. I I mean, I'm fine with that.

All right. lt's not a competition

All right. That's my boy.

All the way! All the way! You're like a machine!

All these stuffed animals, that bedspread, and what's with this Joshie guy anyway?

All you guys better scram or l'm gonna kick your butts, too!

Am l great at this or what?

Am l the only one who gets comedy?

And after that, it just becomes life.

And all those things you think are important now won't be anymore.

And another thing.

And Collin's sleeping over tonight.

And Dad is doing that thing that he does on Halloween.

And don't be seen with Rowley.

And finally, some positions have opened up for the Safety PatroI.

And finally, whatever you do,

And girls you've known since kindergarten won't even talk to you anymore.

And he's right handed! He can feed himself just fine.

And how many followers you have on social media.

And I can't believe it was just a week ago

And I hope you'll remember who your real friends are, Rowley.

And I really don't want anyone knowing we're doing this, okay?

And I toId him he couId work on the cartoon with me.

And I'll tell you another thing that I was right about.

And if l tell the truth about it, it could hurt somebody.

And if l would have pinned her,

And if nobody wants you sitting at their table,

And it would only take, like, three months.

And it's all your fault for ditching me.

And it's all your fault!

And it's not just in the hallways.

And it's our job to stop it.

And just like that, I did.

And l am way too smart to touch somebody who ate the cheese.

And l couldn't see through the bushes.

And l expect a full apology to the kindergarteners.

And l felt better.

And l finally decided to do the right thing.

And l got Twisted Wizard Two, and a new bike!

And l need something to make me a class favorite.

And l think we can both learn some valuable lessons from this.

And l would enjoy some like minded company

And let's. . . Let's hear it for our other winner.

And look. Our lockers are right next to each other.

And me, too. l want to be the one who says, "Zoo wee Mama."

And no North Side!

And nobody gets seriously injured,

And nobody's risking that.

And now you're gonna pay for busting my tire.

And now, Greg, since Mom and Dad are gone,

And now, what you've all been waiting for.

And on the X ray, you could see where the bone just snapped right in half.

And Patty Farrell says Mrs. Norton already promised her Dorothy.

And people find out what those teenagers made him do,

And people'll wanna read about my early years. So I'm doing this for them.

And pick up my copy of Twisted Wizard.

And Ronnie McCoy is scratching his head wondering what the heck happened.

And seIected the new cartoonist for the school paper.

And so began the Cheese Touch Frenzy.

And so the cheese sits, patiently waiting for its next victim.

And so there it sat,

And so you peed on him?

And someone finds out what these guys made him do,

And sometimes, when somebody's worth it,

And that was real.

And that's what started the Cheese Touch.

And the best part is,

And the biggest change is who's popular and who's not.

And the cheese!

And the new cartoonist is…

And the winner is

And then one day… Hmm.

And then they planted trees.

And then you and l can wrestle each other.

And then, you're dead.

And they cooked them and they ate them.

And things are good with me and Rowley.

And though doctors assure us that Mrs. Cheznik is no longer contagious,

And to this day, it sits on the blacktop,

And to this day, on Halloween night,

And we got two

And we made it with still a ton of candy.

And we're going to take a family trip to New York City for New Year's Eve!

And you even get to say, "Zoo wee Mama."

And you just carry all your stuff around with you all day?

And you know what, people?

And you will be Skins.

And you, well,

And you're just jealous because I discovered him first.

And you're lucky to have a big brother

And you're stuck next to some idiot for the rest of the year.

And, FYl, school doesn't start at 4:00 in the morning !

And, I don't know, play some Twisted Wizard?

Anyway, let's play some Twisted Wizard Two at your house.

Are they suspicious?

Are they talking about me?

Are we safe? Yeah.

Are you all right?

Are you feeling okay?

Are you going to eat us?

Are you gonna go, or are you just gonna sit there?

Are you insane? School doesn't start till next week.

Are you kidding me, Rowley? That's obviously a made up story.

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding? You were totally about to start crying.

Are you ready to have some fun out there?

Are you sure the doctor was right?

Are you two gonna fight or keep dancing with each other?

Are you wearing eyeliner?

Aren't comics supposed to make you laugh?

Aren't you too old for trick or treat?

Arr!

As if I even care if he...

As if!

As they roam the woods, looking for more kids to sacrifice!

As waking up in the morning and going to the bathroom.

As you make that awkward transition between child and teenager

Ashamed ! Nice.

At first,

At Ieast it's not an acid puddle.

At the kids on the street

Attention, students. After careful consideration,

Avoiding the pain.

Aw.

Aw.

Aw.

Aw. But I like recess.

Awesome!

Band members only. Not today, guys.

Beat it.

Because everyone here is already a superstar to me.

Because everything else about middle school stinks.

Because I needed to focus on my own situation.

Because if Rowley ever tries to run for President

Because if Rowley ever tries to run for president when he grows up

Because it's our choices that make us who we are.

Because it's so obvious that

Because l'm gonna be in the paper a lot.

Because l'm not playing that game.

Because telling the truth would make things worse for everybody.

Because that's the kind of friend I am.

Because the guys who make backpacks aren't cool.

Because today's litterer and jaywalker

Because your teacher might make that your permanent seat.

Because, seriously, who wants to see a movie about a kid

Belong to something?

Besides, getting crushed is better than being seen with that freak job.

Better.

Big Wheel accident.

Bingo night. Okay, you guys are dead.

Blow the whistle, blow the whistle!

Boo!

Bro, dude's with the weirdo.

Brock Branigan P.l.! What are you doing here?

Broken?

Brother turning on sister.

Bryan Little getting mono was destiny.

Bubby!

Bubby!

Bubby!

Bubby!

Bubby!

Bubby! Bubby!

Bubby! Candy!

Bubby.

Bubby. Greg?

Bulldogs, you stay right there.

Busted.

But

But after a whole week went by,

But anyway, this is about me, not Rowley.

But at Ieast I wasn't humiIiated.

But at least it's something. Come on, Toto.

But by the time Halloween rolled around, Rowley started to slip again.

But can we be partners?

But does this mean my brain is shrinking?

But for now, I'm stuck in middle school…

But he built himself up with the weights!

But here's the thing. Rowley's dad has never really liked me.

But I don't want to go back out there.

But I figured, after a while,

But I gotta go to the bathroom!

But I was about to make some kid's day by sitting next to him.

But if I could, I would forget everything.

But if l don't, it could hurt somebody else.

But if Rowley ever steps out of line,

But if the Goat Man was real,

But if we were in the play,

But in 20 years, Quentin here will be working for me.

But it turns out… Shh.

But it's good to have him around for laughs.

But it's so good !

But Joshie is cool.

But l can't just ditch him.

But l didn't think they'd start the story here.

But l really have to go.

But l swear, he was just. . .

But l'm allergic to dairy!

But l'm gonna be fine.

But l'm not entirely sure that was the right call.

But luckily, I'm not alone in this middle school thing.

But Manny will just slow us down.

But maybe l can fix him.

But now, all the rules have changed.

But one day that cheese mysteriously appeared on the blacktop.

But perhaps a better way to look at it is that

But Rowley was still giving me the siIent treatment.

But sometimes you have to do that sort of thing to help a friend.

But stay in the neighborhood.

But telling Rowley to lie to his parents is just just

But that means we'll miss Algebra. . .

But that's only one spot. We need two.

But the cheese remained.

But the house was full of devil worshipers

But then he made friends with CoIIin just to mess with me.

But then I heard that annoying inner voice.

But then l just started drawing a bunch of Zoo wee Mamas

But there's one way for sure to get to the bottom.

But there's two straps.

But they don't match.

But they forgot to turn off the ovens.

But they pretend to be part of my social scenery

But two can play at that game.

But we always do everything together.

But we barely even know each other.

But we don't need that much candy.

But wha what's the Cheese Touch?

But what I do remember

But whatever you do, don't mention the Rumble Trike.

But when does he say, "Zoo Wee Mama"?

But when my mom went out to buy this thing,

But you always do the chicken thing to me.

But you gained 1 0 pounds and joined the Bulldog class.

But you joined the Safety Patrol?

But you said only popular kids get seats at the table.

But you're way better at riding than me. I can never do it as good as you.

But your band is still playing.

But, like, how are they gonna pay?

But, of course, she didn't listen.

But, um, I'm lactose intolerant.

But, you know, it's nice to meet someone

But. . . Pick it up.

By getting wasted with so caIIed friends

Bye.

Can he say, "Zoo wee Mama"?

Can I help?

Can I peek at your infection?

Can I sign it?

Can l have the backpack?

Can l sign your cast? Me, too.

Can l throw at you now? Later.

Can l wrestle somebody good now?

Can we go now?

Can we stop talking about this? I think I hear some

Can you believe that throw though? I mean

Can you get up and come behind me?

Can you say, "Hey?"

Can you say, "Hey?"

Can you say, "Hey?"

Can you say, "Hey?"

Can you say, "Hey?"

Can you say, "Hey?"

Can you say, "Hey?"

Can you say, "Hey?"

Can you say, "Hey?"

Can you say, "Oh?"

Can you say, "Oh?"

Can you say, "Oh?"

Can you say, "Oh?"

Can you say, "Oh?"

Can you say, "Oh?"

Can you say, "Oh?"

Can you say, "Oh?"

Can you say, "Oh?"

Can't be late for your first day of school.

Can't you just stay over there?

Can't. l need to bulk up.

Candy! Wait!

Candy's like money in middle school. We can buy someone's lunch seats off them.

Cast you off into exiIe

Chair shot.

Check it out. lt's got a hair in it!

Check that out.

Check this one out. It's called "Creighton the Cretin."

Check this out. There's tons of things l qualify for.

Cheese Touch ! Greg Heffley has the Cheese Touch !

Cheese Touch!

Cheese!

Chihuahuas. Yeah.

Chirag Gupta wants to be Toto,

Chugga chugga chugga, choo choo!

Coach Brewer, can you step over here for a moment,

Come and get it then ! Come on.

Come on ! Don't worry! l'm right behind you !

Come on ! What you waiting for, huh?

Come on, Greg Heffley!

Come on, guys. We need to pick up the pace a little.

Come on, man, just pull my finger.

Come on, people, move it! Now, people! We're gonna get eaten !

Come on, put the knitting down ! Let's go!

Come on, Rowley.

Come on, Rowley. We can stock up on candy for the year!

Come on, that was pretty funny.

Come on, what's wrong with you guys? Start punching !

Come on, you babies!

Come on!

Come on. Almost there.

Come on. I was eating that.

Come on. l'm just keeping time to the music.

Come on. We're just having some fun, right?

Come on. You got it.

Coming from Uranus to check my style

Cool ! Mine, too!

Cool. Let me see yours.

Could this day get any better?

Cover me!

Cut him loose now or you both drown.

Cute butt!

Danger, danger

Danger, danger

Darren had the Cheese Touch!

Darren touched the cheese!

Dear Gregory

Dear Gregory,

Did he just say that?

Did it make you more popular at school?

Did l tell you or did l tell you?

Did you hear that? lt's the devil worshipers.

Did you know if your hand is bigger than your face,

Did you say, "Rumble Trike"?

Did you think that was funny? What the

Did your mom dress you this morning?

Dieter has the Cheese Touch !

Do spy a fair and sweet maiden

Do the right thing, Greg.

Do the right thing.

Do they even know how to do this?

Do we get free stuff?

Do you believe me now? That girl is crazy town.

Do you have anything you wanna say to women

Do you have my back?

Do you just go to a different room for each class?

Do you know how many video games l could've gotten instead?

Do you know what?

Do you think he's a goat on the top and a person on the bottom?

Do you think our teachers will let us wear our costumes to school tomorrow?

Do you think the Goat Man is gonna get us?

Does owning this magazine make you a better person?

Does this scab smell funny to you?

Don't be such a wuss, Heffley.

Don't call me.

Don't care.

Don't come by my house. We're done.

Don't get noticed. Don't choose the wrong locker. Don't. . .

Don't get the Cheese Touch.

Don't let Rodrick scare you, Greg.

Don't look down, Manny.

Don't make eye contact, and they won't even notice you're here.

Don't make me come over there and beat you up again !

Don't sit down. Don't raise your hand. Don't go to the bathroom.

Don't talk to anyone. Don't look at anyone. Don't go anywhere.

Don't use the bathroom on the second floor.

Don't worry, Fregley, l'll take it easy on you.

Don't worry. As long as we hear the music, we're okay.

Don't you ever say hi or hello before you start talking?

Don't you have to be funny for that?

Don't you know anything about music?

Don't you think it's time to grow up, Rowley?

Don't you think it's time to start acting our age?

Don't you want a turn riding? I've gone three times in a row.

Doth she know to where it goes

Doth she know to where it goes

Down the winding yellow road

Down the winding yellow road

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Eat it or l'll shove the entire thing down your throat.

Eat this!

Especially the nonsense about the cheese.

Even if it wasn't exactly the way l planned it.

Even when I tried to make the first move.

Ever hear of Title lX?

Everybody, shoulder to shoulder. Shoulder to shoulder.

Everyone else who's sick of it, step forward and join me!

Everyone's looking to get rid of their candy.

Ew!

Ew.

Ew. It's so gross.

Exactly!

Fashion is easy.

Fight, fight, fight, fight!

Fight, fight, fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Finally told their parents the whole story.

Finders, keepers.

Fine, then leavers, losers.

Fine.

Fine. 8:30 and not a second later.

First comes Iove...

First of all, let me get something straight.

First of all, watch where you sit on the first day of school,

First you disobey me and go to Snake Road.

For having owned this offensive magazine?

For our annuaI History of Plumbing excursion.

For showing dignity under false suspicion, l am promoting you

For the first time since I stepped through those double doors,

For the rest of middle school.

For the school paper?

For who?

Forget I said anything.

Found what?

Fourth grade? That one was ugly.

Frank, don't do that with your food. It's weird.

Frank, Frank, honey, honey, can you go with them?

Frank? Greg?

Free hot cocoa.

Fregley must have bumped his head when he was IittIe, like, really hard.

Fregley!

Fregley! Fregley! Fregley!

Fregley! That's the only candy bar I had that wasn't wet.

Fregley. Sent home for hygiene issues at Ieast once a month.

Friend turning on friend.

From space?

From the Hudson River out to the NiIe

From yonder glen !

Fun? That's the exact opposite of fun!

Gag me with a spoon.

Geronimo!

Get away from me!

Get off me!

Get off of me!

Get out of here, you punks!

Get out of here. Heads up!

Get the ball!

Getting a seat at lunch is not a problem anymore.

Getting ready for. . .

Give it back, Rodrick!

Give it back! Stop!

Give it! Come on !

Give me some space here.

Go ahead and talk. We're a band and we have no secrets.

Go ahead, put my rhymes on trial

Go fish.

Go to bed.

Go to bed. l got him.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

Go, go, go!

Go, go, go! Mom's about to flip out!

Go. Go! Whoa, whoa.

Going to the North Side, huh?

Good God, man ! You almost got the Cheese Touch.

Good morning !

Good thoughts, Rowley. Good thoughts.

Good thoughts. All positivity.

Good. Because you would be in big trouble if you did.

Got it?

Got it.

Got numbers beyond what you can dial

Got you !

Gotcha.

Great job.

Great story. We're gonna go now.

Great.

Greg !

Greg ! Huh?

Greg ! lt's those guys from Halloween !

Greg ! You're famous! Right on the front page!

Greg and RowIey sitting in a tree

Greg Heffley was suspended from the school Safety Patrol !

Greg Heffley, l love you !

Greg Heffley, what a lovely soprano voice you have. l'm stunned !

Greg Heffley, you want to jumpety jump?

Greg Heffley's in my room ! Greg Heffley's in my room, Rebecca.

Greg Heffley's in my room.

Greg started it. l just came in here to take a shower.

Greg, come on, man. Trust me.

Greg, did you throw Manny off his. . .

Greg, is that dirt on your back to school clothes?

Greg, please don't fire me.

Greg, please forget everything that you just heard.

Greg, run!

Greg, save some for everybody else, honey.

Greg, what are you doing up making all this noise?

Greg! What do I do? What do I do?

Greg?

Greg?

Greg? Coaster. Where's he. . .

Greg? Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg? Greg? Greg?

Greg? You're relieved of your Safety Patrol duties, effective immediately.

Greg's best friend.

Greg's going to middle school?

Gregory, tell us about your childhood !

Growing more foul and powerful by the day.

Guess you threw it away by accident.

Guys, come over. Come check out the fight.

Guys, Greg and Rowley are gonna fight.

Guys?

Ha ha! Oh!

Hair color…

Handing it to you is like touching you

Hang on to Manny!

Happy Birthday!

Have Mr. Humphreys show you around

Haven't you seen the movie?

Having the Cheese Touch hasn't been as bad as I thought.

He became an outcast.

He can feed himself just fine, okay?

He can't be Dorothy! l'm Dorothy!

He changed my clock!

He couldn't get his cast wet!

He doesn't.

He had to eat his lunch on the floor.

He has mono and he's going to be out for three months.

He has the Cheese Touch. Oh, ew!

He took the Cheese Touch with him.

He walks us better!

He won't have a chance.

He won't have a chance.

He's a lip synching pop star whose fans are eight year old girls.

He's an exceIIent buffer between me and these morons.

He's definitely not middle school ready.

He's fine.

He's fine. Aren't you, Manny?

He's gonna come running back.

He's got all the Neanderthals on the same team.

He's got the Cheese Touch !

He's just trying to make kids like us feel bad.

He's lying ! He was gonna kill me 'cause l was in his room !

He's not quite clear on the concept of growing up.

He's the same age as y

Heads up!

Heads up.

Hear that? Click, click, click, click.

Heffley! Heffley! Heffley!

Heffley! Heffley! Heffley! Heffley!

HeIIo?

Hello?

Hello?

Help me.

Her parents threatened to sue,

Here comes the airplane.

Here, Bubby.

Here, I put it on this piece of paper so you can get me back.

Here, l put it on this paper so you can get me back.

Here's my journal. Now, shoo, shoo.

Here's some extra booty for your bucket.

Here's what you need to know.

Here's your yearbook. Have a great summer.

Here's your yearbook. Have a great summer.

Here's your yearbook. Have a great summer.

Here's your yearbook. You're not in it that much.

Hey, Bryce.

Hey, Bryce.

Hey, Bubby, l think you dropped an apple.

Hey, fella!

Hey, fella.

Hey, Greg ! You want to come over and play?

Hey, Greg Heffley.

Hey, Greg!

Hey, Greg.

Hey, Greg.

Hey, Greg.

Hey, Greg. Hey!

Hey, Greg. I couldn't find you after school.

Hey, Gregory, want to sign the card?

Hey, guys, wanna see my secret freckle?

Hey, guys. Check it out.

Hey, guys. Do you like break dancing?

Hey, guys. So this guy says to that guy,

Hey, hey!

Hey, how's it going?

Hey, l forgot my raincoat, so l'm gonna need you to walk the kids home today.

Hey, l wasn't ready!

Hey, l'm the one who broke his hand.

Hey, little brother.

Hey, maybe l'm a critic, a cynic

Hey, oh!

Hey, reflector dude, nice costume!

Hey, Rodrick. l need you to help me out. Like. . .

Hey, Rowley, congratulations.

Hey, Rowley, my mom says it's okay for me to sleep over tonight.

Hey, Rowley.

Hey, Rowley.

Hey, they're going through the yard !

Hey, this kid's got a diary.

Hey, what did you get for lunch? Today I have a jacket.

Hey, what's that?

Hey, you're supposed to be my friend

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Oh!

Hey! Oh!

Hey! Over there.

Hey! Stay right there! We're gonna get you !

Hey! We could try for cutest friends!

Hey! What are you doing?

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. What did he have to say?

Hi !

Hi, Fregley. I was just, um, getting getting my football.

Hi, how was your summer? My summer was awesome.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Hello.

Hi. l'm Angie.

High Voltage

High Voltage

Hmm.

Hmm. I'm not sure.

Hmm…

Hold on, don't you want it? Okay!

Honestly, it it'll scare him half to death.

Honey, for goodness sakes, don't do that again.

Honey, l'm sorry.

Hot, hot, hot, hot

How about a tickle fight?

How about if we just play a quick game of cards and call it a night?

How about just like a couple more houses, okay?

How are we gonna throw apples at Dorothy without arm holes?

How are you going to beat him?

How are you going to do that?

How are you this bad?

How can you trust him with the lead role in the play?

How do you feel about having owned this type of magazine?

How fun, Greg Heffley!

How?

How'd the trees get there?

How'd you feel about a sleepover?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh? Sissy!

I I think we made a mistake.

I am thinking.

I can show you my room.

I can't believe we never thought of bringing Manny.

I can't deal with this. I need to be sitting at a table.

I can't ditch him 'cause he'd be Iost without me.

I can't tell you how to make things right.

I could've beaten you with my little pinkie.

I could've taken you with my eyes closed.

I couldn't have Rowley hog all the attention,

I ditched you? More like the other way around.

I do wanna be good, Mom.

I don't even like candy all that much.

I don't know what to do with you, Greg.

I don't know. I mean, Manny looks tired.

I don't know. I thought if we…

I don't wanna get Rowley in trouble for lying,

I don't wanna waste my time again

I doubt he's ever gonna be rich and famous,

I draw cartoons aII the time. l'm gonna win this.

I got you. I'm tickling you. Ha ha!

I guess I can't do the wrestling unit in Phys Ed?

I guess you and your new friend will have to find something else to do.

I guess.

I had something in my eye.

I have to put a plastic bag over my arm in the shower for a whole month.

I heard that Peter Mud and Alicia Tango got their braces stuck together

I just don't wanna put a target on our backs, you know?

I knew if I told him what really happened,

I know it's in there.

I love it.

I mean

I mean, that's really awful and everything.

I need to change my situation now!

I reaIized Rowley's injury thing was a pretty good racket.

I realized I couldn't compete with Rowley's stupid injury.

I run the marathon till the very last mile

I specifically told her not to get a book that said "Diary" on it.

I think he might be a little nervous, actually.

I think I hurt my arm.

I think I'd better go home.

I think it'd be funnier if he said, "Zoo Wee Mama!"

I think Shelly is looking hot today.

I thought you were babysitting that kid.

I told them I tripped on a rock playing Duck, Duck, Goose, like you said.

I told you someone was going to get hurt playing that.

I told you, like, a million times, Rowley.

I told you, Rowley.

I was glad Rodrick gave me a few pointers, so I knew what not to do.

I was throwing a football in the street with Rowley.

I was wondering if I could stop by your house today

I wasn't invisible.

I wonder what is in this cute IittIe box.

I'll let everyone know who really ate the you know what.

I'll meet you back here at the door after school.

I'm glad Rowley's along for the ride,

I'm gonna tickle, tickle.

I'm Greg Heffley, Rowley's best friend.

I'm here to soIve the case of the boy who just needed to be himseIf.

I'm okay.

I'm permanently scarred from that night.

I'm smaIIer than about 95% of the kids at my school...

I'm so glad I can't remember every little thing that happened.

I'm sorry I ate your candy and chased you with a booger.

I'm sorry, Mom. I just…

I'm still gonna eat it.

I'm sure I'm not at the top of the ladder, but at least I'm not at the bottom.

I'm the one who broke his arm.

I'm thinking I might either run for student council

I'm trying to decide if I wanna try out for the Scarecrow or the Cowardly Lion.

I'm trying to raise a good kid.

I'm working on something better.

I've blocked out big parts of that night.

I've pretty much got the run of the place.

I've told you that a million times.

If Mom's expecting me to write down my feelings or whatever,

If my mom found out we were playing this game, she'd go nuts.

If things go the way l think they will.

If you don't do something, I'm gonna fall asleep.

If you get in my way, l will beat you up,

If you just stick with me, everything will be fine.

If you were the fastest runner, you were the most popular.

If you're only supposed to use one?

In fact, aside from Rowley, there's only really

In fact, I really need to be

In fact, I've got a whole table to myself.

In fact, they're better than good.

In middle school,

In terms of popularity from one to 200,

In your face, Greg! That's three in a row.

Is because one day I'm gonna be rich and famous.

Is for the candy.

Is he looking forward to his first day of middle school?

Is that a cute little pirate I see?

Is that cartoon kid?

Is that I ended up locked up in Fregley's bathroom

Is that the teenagers made Rowley

Is this…

Is tomorrow's window breaker and graffiti vandal,

Isn't such a good thing after all.

It all started in my first year of middle school.

It can be tough to figure out where to sit on your first day of middIe schooI.

It doesn't even make sense for two people to play Duck, Duck, Goose. Come on!

It is?

It takes too long to get that off. No, no. It's not happening.

It was just gonna make him like me even less.

It was madness.

It was me! Those teenagers dared me to do it, and I did it!

It was worse than nucIear cooties.

It would be a real pity if that candy got wet.

It'll make me gassy.

It'll scare him half to death.

It's 3:00 am, and l can't sleep

It's a brick, you dumb moron.

It's a chance to learn to excel at something.

It's a school night.

It's a sign that your brain is shrinking?

It's been hard enough getting through the first week of middle school

It's gonna be worth it, Rowley. Just think about all the candy.

It's just an infection caused by a splinter that was left untreated.

It's not a box,

It's not even physically possible, Rowley.

It's not just that, Rowley.

It's so cool.

It's the end of the night.

It's the Prince of Preschool.

It's totally unfair. Why didn't they censor Rowley's work?

Jazz dancing !

Joshie says to respect your parents and follow your dreams.

Joshie says,

Joshie's from Europe.

Just about everything's different from elementary school.

Just an idea.

Just another day in the Iife of me

Just back off! l don't want to hurt anybody,

Just keep running !

Just like I predicted, getting a seat at lunch was no problem at all.

Just like l did in kindergarten and fourth grade.

Just like this cheese.

Just making sure we're not getting toilet papered this year.

Just remember, with great power. . .

Just say you were playing tag and that you tripped on the curb.

K I S S I N G

Keep a low profile and you'll be fine.

Keep it straight, people.

Keep to the sidewalks, and I want you back at 8:00.

Kick his butt, Rowley! lt's easy.

Kids are now separated by intelligence. The weak are picked on.

Kind of.

Kindergarten's down the street.

King size? It'll take you a week to get through that.

L always figured they'd make a movie about my life.

L ate the cheese to show you all how stupid this whole school is.

L ate the cheese!

L broke it.

L can barely even look at you.

L can fly! Whoa.

L can't be the guy who eats off his lap in the cafeteria.

L can't believe all these activities. They're all so much work.

L can't believe it!

L can't believe we got this much candy.

L can't eat this!

L can't lose to Fregley again.

L can't.

L can't. l can't get my cast wet.

L couldn't believe it!

L couldn't believe it.

L decided to go ahead and forgive Rowley for milking the broken hand so hard

L decided to let Rowley take one for the team.

L didn't even want to go.

L didn't know Rodrick was into motorcycles.

L don't even know what he's talking about.

L don't even want to say exactly what happened

L don't know about anyone else, but I know what I Iearned.

L don't know. l don't speak Russian.

L don't know. We need to move this along.

L don't see why girls our age can't talk just like regular people.

L found half a Snickers bar down there.

L found it.

L get the feeling we're on to something

L get the feeling, we're on to something

L get the feeling, we're on to something

L go so fast that l could never stop

L got you !

L guess this is where all the cool guys hang out.

L had the exact same break last year, and it got all purple!

L had to get out of there before he expected me to, like, use it.

L have an appointment, a really important appointment.

L hear you breathing, Greg Heffley.

L heard he got his butt kicked at wrestling. Now what is wrong with you?

L just did you all a huge favor.

L just don't want to get a sunburn, right, Rowley?

L just took a call from a Mrs. lrvine

L just wanted to sleep till 6:00.

L knew you didn't want to miss that.

L know it. You all know it.

L know something

L know what we're gonna do. Give me the wide one.

L know, but that's what they were saying.

L know!

L light 'em up before the motor starts

L live and breathe Physical Education.

L mean, if anybody has a better idea, I'd Iove to hear it.

L might even have a shot at the top spot by the end of the year,

L need to board the helicopter.

L need to talk to you inside! Now!

L never talked to a girl that long before.

L read yours, too.

L really don't. . .

L really need my measly, pathetic job scooping your dog's poop.

L really think we should save those for later!

L saw your plates! We're calling the cops!

L say jump and you start jumping

L say jump and you start jumping

L say jump and you start jumping

L should be at the top of the food chain by now.

L specifically told her not to buy one that said "diary" on it.

L survived all of the sixth grade here.

L swear to God, l'm not gonna do anything.

L think he cracked our code.

L think it's gross and undignified

L think it's time you two made up.

L think my ride's here.

L think you should go. l think it'd be a lot of fun.

L think your body looks beautiful just the way it is.

L thought Dorothy deserved it.

L thought the whole thing wouId bIow over.

L thought they were teenagers.

L thought you didn't gain any weight this week.

L told you l was wearing this.

L told you not to talk, look or go anywhere, and what happened?

L told you.

L wanna sign it, too.

L want a puppy, a kitty, a gumball machine. . .

L wanted to be matchers!

L was just joking with him.

L was just saying that l would really like to nail these people

L was right. You're not even gonna make it out of there alive.

L was thinking the same thing about you, Patty Farrell.

L was up all night, tossing and turning,

L will always have your back, Captain.

L will pick out the best voices and place you accordingly.

L wouldn't know what to say.

L'd put myself around number 1 9 or 20.

L'd say you're somewhere around the 1 54 mark.

L'll die, and then you'll go to jail ! And. . .

L'll just stick to eating.

L'll sign it, Greg Heffley, if you'd let me look at your infection.

L'll wait here as long as it takes.

L'm a great friend.

L'm a moving violation, baby

L'm begging you, please stop it.

L'm Coach Malone and l am your gym teacher.

L'm Dorothy! l am !

L'm going to kill you. Literally, kill you !

L'm gonna kick your butts!

L'm gonna rip off your arms and punch you in the face with your own fists!

L'm hungry.

L'm kicked off.

L'm not gonna beat him. l'm gonna gain 1 0 pounds this week

L'm not pooping until l'm in high school.

L'm not really that much of a Twister guy.

L'm on door duty!

L'm really scared !

L'm running for student council president and l'm warning you,

L'm sorry l terrorized you, children.

L'm sorry, women.

L'm sorry. We already have plans.

L'm talking about full size Milky Ways and Nutter Butters.

L'm telling you, this is gonna work.

L'm very sorry l chased you with a booger on my finger.

L've told you, like, a billion times

L've watched it for years, l know all the moves.

Let go, Baby Hippo!

Let me give you one last piece of advice, Greg.

Let me go, Rodrick!

Let me just say for the record that I think middle school may be

Let me see if I have any in the pantry.

Let us explore this magical path !

Let's check the other hand.

Let's get out of here before

Let's give Coach Brewer a hand, everybody!

Let's go!

Let's move! Come on !

Lf anyone is interested, see Mr. Winsky after homeroom.

Lf he catches you in here, he will kill you.

Lf l get beat by the weirdest kid in school,

Lf l have to wrestle Benny Wells, he'll kill me!

Lf they were cool, they'd give it one strap,

Lf you battle me I wiII reviIe

Lf you like it so much, then why don't you go do it yourself?

Lf you want to battle, you're in denial

Lf you were a great friend, you would have told Mr. Winsky the truth.

Lf you're as discriminating as I am,

Like I said?

Like the cool one strap guys do.

Like today, l heard someone in the hallway say

Listen. The only reason I'm trick or treating this year

Literally, kill you.

Ln field trip news, consent forms are going out today

Ln silver slippers she doth trot

Ln sports news...

Ln this school, much like your own,

Look around this room.

Look at these little nerds, out past their bedtimes.

Look at this place! Wanna dance?

Look at this stuff. Too babyish and weird.

Look at those high waters.

Look under the hood but you don't know what l got

Look what l found in the trash.

Look, are you working your way down the evolutionary ladder?

Look, Rowley, tonight's Halloween,

Look, Safety Patrol is the lowest of the low,

Look! There's

Look! They have wrestling !

Look. l put you in this week's cartoon.

Look. They keep our schedules in here.

Looks pretty full up.

Ls 200 good or bad?

Ls he okay? You think?

Ls that cheese?

Ls that the whistle? l think l hear the whistle.

Lsn't this exciting? Your son's in a play.

Lt all starts in middle school, you know?

Lt always brings me back when I hear, Ooh, ChiId

Lt clicks now!

Lt has to be a little more sophisticated.

Lt is if l say it is.

Lt looks like a lot of fun.

Lt really didn't look that broken to me.

Lt really is awesome to be me! Thanks, Brock.

Lt was actually better than l. . .

Lt was an accident!

Lt was in your backpack.

Lt was Rodrick! He woke me up!

Lt's a homework appointment. Yeah, and l really should be going.

Lt's a perfect spot.

Lt's a raging infection caused by a splinter that was left untreated.

Lt's all meaningless.

Lt's an invitation for the Mother and Son Sweetheart Dance.

Lt's barbaric!

Lt's bumming me out

Lt's completely barbaric.

Lt's for Rodrick, so whatever you do, don't touch the Tootsie Roll.

Lt's for you.

Lt's gonna be so much fun.

Lt's his grandma's and she's not even home!

Lt's kind of funny, you know, the whole Safety Patrol thing.

Lt's like he had superhuman strength !

Lt's like l'm famous! lsn't this great?

Lt's making my head spin round and round

Lt's making my head spin round and round

Lt's mine! Stop!

Lt's my best friend, Rowley Jefferson, l'm worried about.

Lt's my game.

Lt's not fair.

Lt's not mine.

Lt's real simple.

Lt's saved.

Lt's the bass solo, Turd Burglar!

Lt's the same joke every time.

Lt's times like these that make me reaIize

Lt's where adults put you

Lt's where the rich people live.

Lying to me is bad enough,

Made the biggest mistake of his Iife.

Make it four weeks and l'm gonna need the keys to your van !

Make your move!

Making your clothes more middle school friendly.

Manny, stop it! Mom !

Manny? Where did you get that?

Mark the calendar, Susan. Greg here played a sport.

Maybe because they don't know how awesome you really are.

Maybe I could have handled the situation at lunch a little better.

Maybe in middle school,

Maybe it's because I'm so versatiIe

Maybe it's the other way around.

Maybe l do need a new best friend.

Maybe l'm a critic, a cynic

Maybe my mom can homeschool me.

Maybe next year, Pops!

Maybe try to get out there a little next year.

Maybe we should go outside and. . .

Maybe you could invite him to join us.

Maybe you should be Dorothy!

Maybe you should go talk to Rowley.

Me and Chirag want to play it.

Me and Rowley would cool down, things would go back to normal.

Me.

Middle school is every man for himself.

Middle school's gonna be fun.

Middle school's gonna be just fine. In fact, it'll be great.

Middle school's gonna eat him alive.

Middle school's no joke.

Mine will, too. She thinks you're a bad influence.

Mine'll kill me if she knows we're here.

Mine's right here.

Mixed in with gorillas who have to shave twice a day.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm mmm.

Mmm hmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mom and Dad have been calling you for an hour.

Mom asked me to give you some advice about middle school.

Mom got me this thing

Mom grounded me from playing video games for a week,

Mom let me stay up extra tonight.

Mom never lets me have chocolate.

Mom, can you tell him to stop calling me that?

Mom, I know I messed up.

Mom, stop dancing. You're embarrassing me.

More interested in his mind than in his body.

Mostly. But my parents handed out miniature toothbrushes this year,

Move over! l'm dying.

Mr. Humphreys chose someone to replace me, and you'll never believe who he picked.

Mr. Humphreys made an announcement.

My best friend, Rowley, is in the same grade as me.

My boss's son Will was smaller than you,

My dad got me a weight lifting set.

My dad's still annoyed at you.

My family just got back from Guatemala! lt's my se****!

My family, my best friend.

My goal was to be a class favorite, and l made it.

My grandma's house!

My legs kind of hurt from walking over here.

My legs, they hurt from the squatting.

My mom doesn't let me have sugar.

My mom doesn't let me play with makeup anymore.

My mom says, "It's important to belong to something when you're in middle school."

My mom told me to just be myself and people would like me.

My mom wanted me to be visible at night.

My mom's ankle weights.

My mother is the president of the P.T.A.

My name is Bell E. Button.

My shift at Cinnabon starts in half an hour.

My tooth ! l think l knocked out my tooth !

My van?

My yard! We made it, Rowley.

Nah. My mom made me put it back in the house for "fires."

Never miss a beat

Next, don't use the bathroom on the second floor,

Nice head gear.

Nice job, Coach Brewer.

Nice mom jeans, Kelsey.

Nice, huh?

No doors?

No matter how bad you have to go.

No offense, Rowley, but you don't even draw noses on people.

No one knows where it came from

No showboating, all right?

No time outs. Only death !

No way!

No way! You want it?

No way.

No, I hate camp.

No, I'm just not in the mood.

No, it was in my room.

No, it's not funny.

No, l can't. l got to guard the house

No, l didn't! l just looked at it! Really!

No, no way l go into Devil Worshiper Woods. Uh uh.

No, no, l can't be. . . No!

No, no, no! Fregley, come on ! Really!

No, no, no. Vanilla on the bottom and chocolate on the top!

No, no, no. You look like one of the Seven Dwarfs.

No, no. No, no, no.

No, okay. So, look.

No, Rowley. No! Have I not taught you anything?

No, that's okay. We can shut it off.

No, they never miss a beat

No, we aren't! lt's not our house!

No, you !

No, you morons.

No!

No!

No! What this means for school.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. But I just had lunch. I'm not even really that hungry.

No. l have a better idea.

No. No way.

No. Not at all. You were wrong.

Nobody knew who it belonged to.

Nobody knows when or how,

Nobody needs to be a hero! Whoa!

Nobody touched it. Nobody threw it away.

Nobody's ever gonna let me sit at their table.

Nobody's keeping score, but that was a sweet speed takedown, Fregley!

None.

Nooooooooo......!

Nope. I've got a cast and everything.

Not bad, Heffley. Not bad at all.

Not good !

Not so bad.

Not so fast!

Not sure.

Not that candy corn crap.

Not you two.

Nothing.

Now eat it.

Now if you'll excuse me, l need to secure the perimeter.

Now it's all about whether or not you have cool hair

Now let's get inside and enjoy some of this candy.

Now that's what l'm talking about.

Now they're never gonna leave.

Now you.

Now, I really can't say what happened next.

Now, l came up here to get a new drumstick,

Now, that's a position that l held for two years. l know you'll honor it.

Now, who's with me?

Now, you get your first assignment just after lunch,

Now.

Oh, and please don't mention the the cheese thing to Rowley.

Oh, boy.

Oh, come on, Rodrick! You made me miss!

Oh, fine. My mom wanted me to ask. So l did.

Oh, Fregley. Do you have a playmate over?

Oh, geez! How did that happen?

Oh, God.

Oh, Greg's only here because he really wants to be something. . .

Oh, hey! See ya!

Oh, hey.

Oh, hey. Yeah. Awesome.

Oh, hey. Hey, Rowley. What's up?

Oh, him.

Oh, man. I thought he was, like, in kindergarten or something.

Oh, man. I thought it was just bruised or something.

Oh, man. I totally would've had you.

Oh, man. This one we burn.

Oh, man. You're really hurt.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my gosh ! Space monsters!

Oh, my gosh, I love your backpack.

Oh, my gosh, what happened?

Oh, my gosh. What happened?

Oh, my. That's offensive.

Oh, no.

Oh, Rowley, you know what? Those glow sticks are a great idea.

Oh, that was awesome!

Oh, um. . .

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm not the only one with a new friend.

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Oh, yes!

Oh, yes!

Oh, yes.

Oh!

Oh! Oh, that game?

Oh.

Oh.

Okay

Okay, but l just want to say one thing !

Okay, enough. l'll show Rowley I don't need him.

Okay, fine.

Okay, first of all, let me get something straight.

Okay, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna hit Whirley Street.

Okay, I know what my mom wanted me to do.

Okay, I'll admit.

Okay, let's start off with a little game l like to call Gladiator.

Okay, Manny, l'm putting this Tootsie Roll in Rodrick's backpack.

Okay, okay,

Okay, okay, boys! Give it back!

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, one thing. You can't get mad about just. . .

Okay, Rowley. Come on. Get up.

Okay, settle down, Susan ! l think one week is plenty!

Okay, since there are so many of you here auditioning,

Okay, so I might have bent the truth a little,

Okay, there. All clean.

Okay, time to go.

Okay, to keep things fair, l've divided you into weight categories by your size,

Okay, well, it's your fault he's still potty training.

Okay, well, sounds like you got it all figured out,

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. But you can't tell your parents how this happened.

Okay. Kiss him you're sorry and then let's get a move on.

Okay. l will.

Okay. Let's get inside.

Okay. Let's talk about what we've learned.

Okay. Man your stations. Well, I'll man mine.

Okay. Now we're all on the same page.

Okay. Now what?

Okay. Something is very wrong here.

Okay. Well, I guess I'll go work on my comic at my house.

Okay. You're next.

One bad move

One boy is about to learn an important lesson

One day middle school will end and become high school.

One day… Stay away!

One good friend.

One good friend.

One of the cartoonists quit, so now there's a spot open.

One of the reasons I'm friends with Rowley is

One step at a time.

One week after I quit,

Ooh! Is that our first trick or treater?

Ooh! Look at those bags. Is that all candy?

Ooh! Ooh!

Oops, I stepped in a puddle!

Oops! I've been trying to open it all day!

Oops.

Oops.

Open the door! Get it! Come on, let's get them, boys.

Open the door! Get the key! Okay. Okay.

Or am I crazy? Do they all hate me?

Or am I jaded or am I afraid of it?

Or do you think he's got a split down the middle

Or maybe sign up for the dance committee. Or maybe I'll try out for the play.

Or the other way around?

Or they're gonna find out about the Rumble Trike.

Ouch !

Our favorite night of the year,

Our little friends from Halloween.

Our old books were badly outdated."

Out of my way! Out of my way!

Out of my way.

Outstanding !

Over there. Let's go!

Ow.

Oy, oy, oy! lt is an acid puddle!

P. E. is as much a part of my life

Patty, Patty is a fatty, has a face just like a ratty!

Pay, as in, like, revenge.

People always say my style is wild

Perfect.

Perhaps we should cut out some arm holes.

Perhaps you can be a tree!

Pete Hosey, is that you?

Pick it up.

Play, play, play, play, play…

Play?

Play.

Play.

Please don't call them that.

Please don't mention the cheese thing.

Please refer to the lyrics on this handout.

Please, give me a hand? Thanks.

Plus, if we time it right,

Probably not a good idea.

Psst! Rowley!

Punishing you doesn't make me feel better, Greg.

Purses?

Put one arm over my shoulder? Let's go, yeah.

Put your shirt on. They'll think we're on their team.

Quickly!

Quit copying me!

Ready for the funny part?

Ready?

Ready? Steady. Go.

Recess is an elementary school thing.

Remember how I said Rowley wasn't middle school ready?

Remember that secret language we made up last week?

Remember what happened last year?

Remember your seats. You'll be sitting here every day.

Remember, this is about learning the sport and having fun !

Report the jerks, and miss cIass three times a week.

Rich people get tired of answering their doors and just leave the bowl out.

Right now l have to take abuse from these morons.

Right, elementary school. We're in middle school now, remember?

Right, Rodrick?

Right. And Rowley's parents are in full agreement.

Rodrick!

Rodrick? Rodrick!

Rodrick.

Rodrick's middle school yearbook.

Rowley deserves your respect.

Rowley Jefferson ate the

Rowley Jefferson ate. . .

Rowley Jefferson, is that you?

Rowley Jefferson? l need to see you in my office, now.

Rowley was eating at an actuaI tabIe because of something l did!

Rowley,

Rowley, cut it out!

Rowley, do not say that. Don't even joke about it.

Rowley, I can't even get a seat at lunch, and I'm sick and tired of it.

Rowley, if you had to say where you were ranked

Rowley, Joshie is not cool.

Rowley, this thing is like a bible.

Rowley, what are you doing? I thought we said we were being invisible?

Rowley, will you put me in your cartoon?

Rowley, you're so funny.

Rowley!

Rowley!

Rowley! A cast is the greatest thing that can happen to a kid.

Rowley! Have a great summer!

Rowley?

Rowley.

Rowley's been hanging out with this kid Chirag every day.

Rowley's pretty lucky to have me as a friend.

Run !

Run !

Run, Greg, run ! What?

Run! Yeah! Yo, get in there for the rebound, dude.

Sadly for Dieter, that fact was lost in translation.

Safety PatroI. The cops of middle school.

Safety Patrol is a sacred trust.

Says it makes me hyperactive and unstable.

Science experiment gone bad?

Secret freckle?

See this? This is where a person like me needs to be.

See ya.

See you.

See? That was a nod.

See? That's what happens

See? This is the probIem.

SeriousIy, I don't know what happened to these kids over the summer.

Seriously, if you're not gonna listen to me, just tell me,

Seriously, you gotta start listening to me, Rowley.

Seriously? You can never have too much candy, Rowley.

Shake it off.

She can ruin your life!

She needs to get a sense of humor.

She says high glucose in my diet induces hyperactivity.

She sent me to get you while she waits in the car!

She wanted me to tell Rowley's parents the truth about what happened.

She was very upset. And so am l.

She's a girl ! Where do l grab her?

She's gonna be disappointed.

She's right.

Shotgun !

ShouId contact the nurse immediately.

Should we do that one over?

Should we sit with the girls?

Shut up, tool. Löded Diper's got a gig tonight.

Signed, Fregley.

Sing !

Single file line, one by one.

Snake Road.

So a kid who can barely draw got his comic in the school paper?

So all I'm gonna say

So anyone eIse exhibiting symptoms of pink eye

So come on.

So do you like DinoBlasters?

So go back to your book.

So go for it! Show them how awesome you really are!

So he'll definitely drop a few spots for sure.

So how are you gonna become a class favorite now?

So I decided to whip up an injury of my own.

So I was thinking, me and you are neighbors.

So in middle school,

So l ask you, are you up for the job?

So l can move up to the Bulldog weight class.

So l can see when they're coming.

So l could write down my feelings about starting middle school.

So l guess, technically speaking,

So l need it back.

So my first day could have gone better,

So not happening.

So Rottweilers over here.

So that meant I needed to find something of my own.

So that would be a conflict of interest.

So the house burned down with everyone in it.

So the year turned out pretty good.

So they don't even have to look at you.

So we'll stop by my house, empty these bags in my room,

So we're gonna divide you up into two teams.

So we've got those too.

So wear something that doesn't attract too much attention.

So what happened at the hospital? They took a bunch of X rays.

So what I'm trying to figure out is where I fit into all this.

So what? No big deal.

So you can just ditch the books you don't need in between periods.

So you show her what it's like to wrestle a real live boy.

So you two, over here. You, you, you, this way.

So you wanna play Twisted Wizard?

So you want to come over after school and

So you want to go get some ice cream after?

So you'll be excused from the first 20 minutes of sixth period.

So, anyway, l was so angry at him, l didn't know what to say.

So, did everyone have a good day?

So, do you wanna hang out and "do" video games?

So, how's that class favorite thing working out for you?

So, I decided the right thing to do was to just let things be.

So, just out of curiosity, who's gonna do the cartoon?

So, just promise me you won't wear, do or say anything weird.

So, just to make sure we all get off on the right foot

So, l left my racing game at your house

So, l was thinking maybe you might want to have a sleepover?

So, l was thinking we could do something like this!

So, listen.

So, no thanks to that date."

So, that's why l'm doing it from the roof this year.

So, uh…

So, we'll hit a few houses on the way to the North Side,

Somebody has the Cheese Touch.

Somebody is going to get hurt.

Something's got to change, fast.

Sorry, kids!

Sorry, Rowley. There's only one spot open.

Sorry, Safety Patrol only.

Sorry.

Sorry. Does it hurt?

Sorry. I I thought you were teenagers.

Sorry. I wanted to go home and start working on my comics.

Sorry. l was. . . l thought you were teenagers.

Sorry. This is kinda my thing, like the way Joshie's your thing.

Sounds good.

Sounds great, Rowley. Can you go now?

Speaking of Rowley, how's he feeling about Monday?

Stay cool.

Stay down ! Patty, over here!

Staying after school, meeting before school, on weekends.

Stop ruining the play like you ruin everything else!

Stop trying to copy my style, please.

Stop!

StyIe profiIe, I said

Supposed to be my friend

Sure.

Susan !

Sweet!

Sweetheart, he's your best friend.

Ta da!

Take a Iook, take a Iook, take a Iook

Take off your headphones. You know the rule.

Take that!

Taken.

Takes you right past the Devil Worshiper Woods.

Teacher's pet!

Teenagers!

Than answer people's stupid questions all day long.

Thank God there are a few normal people or this place wouId be a totaI freak show.

Thank you, Rodrick,

Thank you, Rodrick, for those words of motivational wisdom,

Thank you.

Thank you. Isn't he in your class?

Thankfully, he moved back to DüsseIdorf and took the Cheese Touch with him.

Thankfully, Rowley did start listening to me.

Thanks for the eggs, Mom.

Thanks, but l can't be on the paper

Thanks, Dad.

Thanks, honey.

Thanks, Patty.

Thanks!

Thanks! My mom made it. . .

Thanks.

Thanks. My mom let me borrow it.

Thanks. No problem.

That That would be crazy.

That boy is such a good friend to you.

That broken hand was the best thing that ever happened to you !

That Bryce Anderson has a cute butt. What does that even mean?

That cast. In fact, it worked even better than I thought it would.

That guy gave me two full size Snickers!

That guy is so unpopular, I'd hate to be him.

That guys our age say "hang out," not "play."

That is fake wrestling.

That is funny!

That is totally rad!

That l have to eat breakfast next to him on the potty.

That me and Rowley were actually looking forward to this.

That meant I had to figure out something else to do with my time after school.

That one's saved, too.

That part is up to you.

That really stinks.

That seat's saved.

That was a big mistake.

That was a good one. You almost hit the front tire that time.

That was a million years ago.

That was a present from my mom.

That was close.

That was close.

That was known as the arm drag.

That way you never raise anyone's expectations.

That would be good advice if you were somebody else.

That wouldn't make things any better.

That's a kiddy costume! All right! Let's go!

That's a lot of work, Rowley. And it'll take too much of my time.

That's all the time we get? I didn't even get to finish my juice box.

That's all you need to get by in this world, you know?

That's enough.

That's it! l'm great at wrestling.

That's just some stupid fairy tale Rodrick made up.

That's known as a speed takedown.

That's not even a real thing.

That's not helping ! She's not home!

That's our boy up there.

That's right, now what do you want from me?

That's right, what do you want from me?

That's right, what do you want from me?

That's right, what do you want from me?

That's right, what do you want from me?

That's right, what do you want from me?

That's right, what do you want from me?

That's right, what do you want from me?

That's right, what do you want from me?

That's you, let's go.

The cafeteria nachos bar wiII be cIosed for the remainder of the week.

The cafeteria, possibly the cruelest place on Earth.

The Cheese Touch!

The Cheese Touch.

The cheese!

The class favorites.

The Devil Worshiper Woods! No way!

The Devil Worshiper Woods?

The doctor says my arm is broken.

The dumbest idea ever invented.

The facuIty, Student CounciI and editors have aII met

The geekiest of the geeky, the lsland of Misfit Toys.

The kids at school give me plenty of space.

The newly expanded math and science section of the library."

The one and only Greg Heffley is on my front step.

The only chance you have of making the yearbook is

The only reason I agreed to write in this thing at all

The only reason l agreed to write in this thing is because

The only way to get rid of the Cheese Touch

The only way to get rid of the Cheese Touch is to give it to someone else.

The people who helped you get to where you are.

The potty monster doesn't like it when you look at him.

The problem with Rowley is that he's not enough like me.

The school paper.

The trees get to throw apples at Patty Farrell.

The what?

The whole thing with Rowley is, l was willing to let bygones be bygones.

The wrong butt?

The wrong friends.

The wrong lunch table.

The year if it makes you feel better.

Then head back out for another round, okay?

Then Joshie must get beaten up a lot.

Then one day, a kid named Darren WaIsh

Then one day…

Then they'll know how much he loves you.

Then we're gonna have to bust out of here.

Then welcome to Safety Patrol.

Then you play that that game.

Then you're a jerk.

There aren't a whole lot of boys my age in the neighborhood.

There is no way he is going back down.

There was no time to worry about Rowley,

There you are! You said we were gonna meet at the back door.

There you go.

There's a piece missing!

There's Bryce Anderson. Just be cool.

There's bullies, and bathrooms with no stall doors, and permanent seats,

There's juvenile delinquents and weirdos.

There's no going back, Sergeant.

There's still recess, right?

There's two!

These don't look like wrestling costumes to me.

These people aren't nobodies. They're famous.

These people have money to burn !

These, my dear.

They changed it?

They don't have to worry about getting a seat in the cafeteria, either.

They give you a locker

They had a costume parade in elementary school.

They had to tear it down because what happened there was so terrible.

They hand out, like, two, three pieces of big candy to each kid.

They should just give that to me right now.

They trick or treated at that house on Halloween night.

They were focused on getting that kid with the limp.

They're coming !

They're coming !

They're gaining ! This way!

They're going into the woods.

They're going to eat us, unless we can get into that hole!

They're gonna get drenched from the roof.

They're having tryouts, but the important thing is Bryan gets better.

They're only doing these activities to get in the yearbook.

They're the best in their class.

They've always gotta get pushy with their books.

Thing is, that hasn't happened yet.

Think good thoughts, Rowley.

Think they saw us? No way.

Thinking about my mom's advice.

This badge is supposed to mean something, and you just spat on it.

This bites!

This comic, this lunch table, that cast.

This entire year has been terribIe and nobody even cares!

This has got to be the worst fight ever! Do something !

This is a journal, not a diary.

This is a journal, not a diary.

This is a terrible place.

This is fun, Greg Heffley!

This is funny!

This is like the first step to responsibility!

This is possibly the biggest thing that has ever happened to me.

This is real wrestling ! Let's go!

This is, like, the best day ever.

This isn't over!

This just proves Mom doesn't understand anything about kids my age.

This kid's our golden ticket!

This place is a glorified holding pen.

This place is an intellectual wasteland.

This thing holds all the answers.

This. . .

Three days, no shower. Smell the love!

Three months?

Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.

Time out, Rodrick. l have to pee.

To get me through the seventh.

To save time, we're gonna do a group sing of one of my favorite songs.

To step to me, l'm a rapophile

To team captain.

Tombstone piledriver.

Tonight?

Too "Why don't you just punch me now?"

Too close.

Trick or treat.

Trick or treat.

Trick or treat.

Trick or treat.

Trust me, I was tempted to tell everyone the truth about what happened,

Trust me, you can't recover from social suicide.

Try your luck with someone else. Maybe try the table next door.

Twenty more minutes and we'll be back at my house eating our candy. I promise.

Two can play at that game.

Two words. Best Dressed.

Ugh!

Ugh!

Uh oh.

Uh uh uh.

Uh, it looks like…

Uh…

Uh…

Um, no, thank you.

Unbelievable.

Until a German exchange student named Dieter Muller took it away.

Use your muscular legs! No, you can't have it.

Vader Bomb.

Vat does it mean, ze Cheese Touch??

Vat is it?

W w what about recess?

Wait a minute.

Wait, we don't get arm holes?

Waiting to strike again!

Wanna come inside my house for a playdate?

Wanna go again?

Wanna have a tickle fight?

Wanna see my…

Want to be the first to sign my sympathy sheet?

Was by passing it on to someone eIse.

Was there a nucIear accident?

Was your first day as crappy as l said it would be?

We We'd really better get going now.

We are going to be best friends forever!

We can clean up.

We can do this. We just need to find our lockers and we'll be fine.

We can if it's Zoo wee Mama.

We can't just do the same thing over and over.

We can't let this opportunity go to waste.

We could do that one together!

We could get killed out here in the open !

We could make friends who could invite us to sit at their lunch table.

We don't have to outrun them !

We go to homeroom.

We got to stay in this neighborhood the rest of the night.

We gotta go to fifth period, Rowley.

We hope she fares well

We hope she fares well

We just have to outrun Chirag !

We just want to walk away and forget this ever happened.

We know where you go to school!

We made it through the next few weeks alive.

We need to go.

We promise!

We should probably do something outside.

We three trees from yonder glen

We three trees from...

We told you we'd find you.

We were playing tag, Rowley! And you tripped over the curb.

We were worried sick about you two.

We'll be stuck on the cafeteria floor

We're alive!

We're gonna teach you a few basic moves.

We're never going to be able to outrun these guys!

We're not doing the movie. ln my version, the trees sing.

We're not little kids anymore.

We're out of our league here.

We're supposed to get along

We're the same age.

We're the voice of the people making fun of the people.

We're the voice of the people.

We're trying to double our territory this year, Mom.

We've made a decision on the cartoonist for the school paper.

WeII, I'm sick of it. Somebody needs to pay.

Welcome to wrestling, you future Olympians!

Welcome to your first day of middle school.

Well, a long time ago, two kids who were, l don't know,

Well, aren't you gonna sign up for anything?

Well, at least for Rowley it wasn't a problem.

Well, at least it's not an acid puddle!

Well, couldn't you come up with something original for once, Rowley?

Well, Greg, l think it's great that

Well, he's lucky to have you as a best friend.

Well, I can't help it if I'm just naturally funny.

Well, I heard Charlie Davies is getting braces next week,

Well, if we're not here to dance,

Well, l could go for an ice cream after the dance.

Well, l don't know where you put it, Heffley,

Well, l think it is. l like Zoo wee Mama.

Well, l was pretty upset about being suspended from Safety Patrol,

Well, l'm kind of in a tough situation.

Well, l'm the one who terrorized those kids!

Well, look who it is.

Well, look who's in the paper.

Well, maybe not entirely to myself, but I'm fine with it.

Well, not yet.

Well, now, don't you tell me to smile

Well, Rodrick's at the high school party, I'm going to be handing out the candy,

Well, that's terrifying.

Well, the people are mostly idiots,

Well, then here's what you need to do.

Well, then your mom is trying to get you killed.

Well, there are only so many houses in our neighborhood.

Well, there used to be this house right here where these woods are.

Well, there you go.

Well, we've got lunch together. We'll see each other then.

Well, well, well. Look who we have here.

Well, what could l learn at school that l can't teach myself?

Well, what do you wanna do then?

Well, who's at the bottom?

Well, you have to trust your gut and try to do the right thing,

Well, you know what?

Well, you're the one who broke my arm.

Well?

Were you always so smart and handsome?

What a dork.

What about class favorites?

What about piledrivers and Vader bombs?

What are we gonna do?

What are you doing on school property?

What are you doing?

What are you doing? Get up!

What are you doing? What's going on?

What are you standing around for?

What are you wearing?

What are you, a foreign exchange student?

What color is that?

What did he just say to you?

What did l tell you would happen if you ever went in my room again?

What did you get?

What do we do now?

What do we do?

What do you mean, kids like us?

What do you want to do, Greg Heffley? How about Twister?

What happened there?

What happened? They're gone.

What if somebody hears?

What is going on?

What is that smell? l can't even identify it.

What is this?

What kind of extracurricular activities are these?

What on earth were you doing to get so filthy?

What the

What the heck?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? What?

What? But this is boys' wrestling.

What? Huh?

What? No way.

What? No, it's for Bryan Little.

What? Why would you tell them that?

What? Yeah,

What'd you think? l thought he was the best one up there.

What's her problem? What did l ever do to her?

What's the cheese?

What's the matter?

What's this one looking at?

What's yours?

Whatever.

Whatever. l'll think about it.

When he sees me in the yearbook as Most TaIented,

When l'm rich and famous l'll have better things to do

When Mom went out to buy this thing,

When the school librarian is in charge of the newspaper.

When they dedicate it to your memory.

When you put on this vest and that badge you become a protector of the weak.

Where are we going? We're totally exposed !

Where are we supposed to eat?

Where would you put yourself?

Where'd you learn to fight? Ballerina school?

Where's my credit?

Where's Rowley?

Which is her go to punishment.

Which is where we'll do most of our trick or treating.

Which l could have done easily,

WhiIst we're rooted to our spots

While I waited for his sugar high to wear off.

Whirley Street? But that's like a mile from here.

Who am l kidding?

Who are you gonna listen to, Rowley? Me or Joshie?

Who are you?

Who knows? Girls are very confusing.

Who let you into this school, Greg Heffley?

Who put the kids in these giant pizza ovens.

Who taught you how to fight? Your granny?

Who's already gone through the middle school experience.

Who's hungry?

Who's Rowley?

Who's stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons?

Whoa, is that cocoa?

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa! Go!

Whoa! That was close!

Whoa.

Whoa. How could you even say that?

Whoa. Yeah. Wow.

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whose fans are only six year old girls.

Why are we going all the way over there?

Why are we leaving?

Why are we Skins? l hate this.

Why can't you ride and l throw at you first?

Why did l ever say no to him?

Why does she even want to wrestle?

Why doesn't anybody like me?

Why don't you give Greg a pep talk about middle school?

Why don't you make a move? Unless you're chicken.

Why don't you tell him what he can expect on his first day?

Why would they put on two straps

Why would you sign up for something you don't have to do?

Why, hello, Greg Heffley.

Why, sure.

Why?

Why? This is a good spot.

Wicked. You shouId sit with us at Iunch, friend.

Wish her joy through journey's end !

With a goat on the left side and a person on the right?

With her dog so smaII and true

With her dog so smaII and true

Without carrying this thing around with me.

Wo Wow.

Woo hoo!

Woo hoo!

Woo hoo!

Woo hoo!

Woo hoo! Come on in.

Worse.

Would you like for me to knit him some socks?

Wouldn't want to be him.

Wow, there's a lot to sign up for.

Wow, you're lucky.

Wow! Look at the size of that flamethrower!

Wow.

Wow. Everyone knows me now.

Wow. That's really

Wow. Wow.

Yay, Greg !

Yay!

Yeah !

Yeah !

Yeah ! Do you guys wanna play with us?

Yeah ! Yeah.

Yeah ! Zoo wee Mama!

Yeah, 'cause we're in it together. Right, Greg? Friends till the end.

Yeah, baby!

Yeah, because you broke my arm.

Yeah, but just for a short visit.

Yeah, friends till the end.

Yeah, Heffley.

Yeah, hey, Bryce!

Yeah, hey, Bryce.

Yeah, I guess I am.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, I probably should have warned you about that.

Yeah, I think I might have pulled something myself.

Yeah, I'm jealous that you discovered some stupid pop star

Yeah, it's broken. The X ray never lies.

Yeah, l know what it says on the cover.

Yeah, like a broken hand !

Yeah, maybe l'll meet up with some dogs

Yeah, maybe l'll meet up with some friends

Yeah, Mom.

Yeah, sure. lt's not wrestling, but. . .

Yeah, we we better head home. Have a good night, fellas.

Yeah, well, a half man, half goat?

Yeah, well, I've had it for a while, so it's kind of mine now.

Yeah, well, not this time. Sorry.

Yeah, when?

Yeah, women.

Yeah, you keep reminding me.

Yeah, you know what, Fregley? l just remembered,

Yeah, you three, this side. Good.

Yeah?

Yeah? All right.

Yeah? Check back when we're not so busy.

Yeah? You and what army?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Do you mean, like, with money?

Yeah. l ate it.

Yeah. Right now. You and me. Just a couple of pals.

Yeah. Shouldn't you be getting a good night's sleep?

Yeah. That'd be good.

Yeah. Uh huh.

Yeah. Um, let's just keep moving before

Yeah. We could get you the same equipment.

Yeah. We do.

Yeah. With who?

Yeah. You're welcome.

Yep, you're way too smart for me, Patty Farrell.

Yep. Homeschool for sure.

Yep. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be in therapy over this.

Yes, go.

Yes, Mrs. lrvine!

Yes, Rodrick.

Yes, sir.

Yes, we do

Yes, we do

Yes!

Yes!

Yes! Come on!

Yes! Yes!

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. Kids will be begging you to sit at their lunch table.

Yes. l mean, no. l mean. . .

You actually almost look as good as me.

You are officially suspended from Safety Patrol.

You become an enforcer of the laws of this school,

You better not be looking at my boyfriend, Kelsey.

You boss people around,

You boys okay?

You boys okay?

You broke my hand and you didn't even seem sorry.

You can be the church organist, and I'll be the school hygienist.

You can borrow my coat.

You can do this.

You can still hear the demonic laughter of the devil worshiper ghosts

You can take away my video games for the month.

You can take him. Knock him down!

You can write the comic, and I can draw it.

You could be class favorite in a bunch of things.

You could train, get the right nutrition, cardio.

You didn't find it, l left it.

You didn't listen to me, did you?

You don't need arm holes because nobody's throwing any apples.

You don't need some overgrown baby weighing you down.

You fly below the radar.

You girls get to jump rope. What are you doing hiding?

You got it, walk it off, come on.

You got it!

You got kids like me who haven't hit their growth spurt yet

You got Rowley a card?

You got some good shots in there.

You got to jump higher. lt's not yours!

You guys are going to be Shirts!

You guys are killing me.

You guys are so lucky you can hide in there behind your mommy!

You guys have no idea what l'm gonna do to you.

You hated my cartoon.

You have any threes?

You have got to be kidding me.

You haven't been the same ever since you got that stupid cast.

You jerk!

You just have to put yourself out there.

You just need to slow down a little so I can get locked in.

You know about that story, right?

You know l would have gotten in trouble for hurting a girl.

You know Rowley's left handed?

You know the only reason he's doing it is to make me jealous.

You know what else?

You know what else? Electric guitars.

You know what has one strap? Machine guns.

You know what, Greg? You're not a good friend.

You know what, Patty?

You know what?

You know what?

You know what? I hope you enjoy all this, because I'm tired of carrying you.

You know what? If you wanna draw your own comic, be my guest.

You know you're banned from playing that.

You know, I'll definitely take you up on that offer sometime.

You know, l like your point of view.

You know, l read all the submissions and yours was by far the best.

You know, l'm. . .

You know, maybe Rodrick was right about Rowley.

You know, maybe this isn't such a good idea.

You know, maybe we should take this one step at a time.

You know, that's all you need to get by in this world.

You know, that's tempting. But I'm not really into

You know, the guy who writes the Wacky Dawg cartoons

You know, the kid who's over here almost every single day.

You listen to me, Greg Heffley.

You made fun of my clothes. You disrespected Joshie.

You mean Fregley?

You need to call your mom to come get us.

You need to figure out a way to make things right by Rowley.

You never sign up for anything at school.

You okay? I feel so bad! I really didn't mean to flip you.

You only care about yourself.

You only need one strap. One strap is cool.

You owe that to him.

You rejected the school paper,

You said we couldn't play that anymore.

You said you didn't wanna do it anymore.

You say "hang out" in middle school, not "play."

You should be more careful who you lend your coat to.

You should sign up for the school paper.

You signed up for wrestling?

You start it.

You start.

You stick around l'll make it worth your while

You stole my comic.

You think they want Chummy Buttons over here?

You took the initiative to learn something new.

You violated the sacred trust.

You wanna help me name it?

You wanna play make believe?

You wear a shirt and a tie, and kids are impressed.

You were playing a sport with your feet and hands and not a device.

You weren't gonna leave without Manny, were you?

You weren't playing that game with Rowley, were you?

You wish.

You woke up Manny. And if he doesn't go back down. . .

You wouldn't even have that game if l hadn't told you about it.

You wouldn't have any of it if it wasn't for me!

You wouldn't have half the stuff you have without me.

You, uh, wanna go to my place

You'd be in tip top shape just like Will.

You'll be dead or homeschooled by the end of the year, anyway.

You'll be sitting in the chair in front of my desk.

You'll pay for this!

You're about to be late for your first day of middle school.

You're all right.

You're better at riding than l am, and l'm a better thrower.

You're dead.

You're funny.

You're gonna get us both killed.

You're gonna have to come out sometime, loser!

You're grounded for two weeks.

You're in middle school now.

You're just jealous that l was the one who discovered him.

You're just jealous they don't trust you to keep our school safe.

You're kidding me, right?

You're killing me, you know that?

You're not a kid anymore. The coddling has stopped.

You're not getting out of this.

You're not planning to take the shortcut through Snake Road, are you?

You're so freaking dead.

You're supposed to be

You're supposed to be my friend

You're supposed to be my friend now

You're the people. Got it.

You've been home for an hour and haven't badgered me for any snacks.

You've got gall, you've got guile

Your comics? For what?

Your pa dad pa smells pa like pa a woman pa.

Yours is upstairs, I think.

Ze Cheese Touch?

Zoo Wee Mama!

Zoo Wee Mama!

Zoo Wee Mama!

Zoo Wee Mama!

Zoo wee Mama!

Zoo Wee Mama!

Zoo wee Mama!

Zoo Wee Mama!

Zoo Wee Mama!

Zoo Wee Mama! Zoo Wee Mama!

Zoo Wee Mama! Do you have any more like this one?

Zoo Wee Mama!"

Zoo wee Mama.

8:00? 8:00 a.m.?

Hey, what's up? Hey.

l got this one! No!

Now! Oh, l got you now!

Whoa!

Actually, I'm kind of tired too.

and and And what?

As in Rodrick Heffley's brother?

Back in elementary school, it was simple.

Biggie! Seriously?

blank, blank, blank the cheese.

But do you know what this means? Yeah.

But Mom… Listen to that inner voice, Greg.

Can someone get the door? I'm on it.

Candy. Aw. Here, take five.

Come on, Manny. You wanna get some candy?

Come on, Rowley.

Come on. Let's go. I don't wanna be late. But what about the the cheese?

Disgusting! Ew!

Do you see what's happening here, Rowley? Hmm? Aw.

Don't you remember what your mom said? She'll never even know.

Eat my dust! Get out of my way! Oh, you got lucky that time.

Eighth graders only, newbies.

Everyone's gonna wanna sign it. What? They will?

for that wonderful pep talk.

Fregley, are you okay? Fregley!

Greg Heffley has the Cheese Touch!

Greg Heffley? Huh?

Greg Heffley. Yes! Yes!

Greg is so smart. So handsome.

Hey, kid. Wanna come over and play? Huh?

Hey!

Hey.

Hmm?

Huh?

I got you.

I guess. Listen, things are hard enough at school.

I'm already grounded. What am I supposed to tell them then?

In fifth grade…

It is? Yes, Rowley.

It looks so cool. Oh, you're so great.

It tastes better this way.

Let me get this straight. Come on, Rowley.

Let's get out of here! Come on. Let's go!

Mama. Where were you boys?

Mom, can't someone else take Manny?

My mom made me add safety stuff. We can deal with costume stuff later.

no one would go near it. Ugh!

Nom! Here comes the train!

Not if we take a shortcut. Snake Road?

Oh, yeah? They're gonna fight.

Oh, yeah. Sorry. We gotta get our story straight,

Oh! Best of three!

Ooh. Oh, my gosh. What happened?

or who put it there. Don't do it!

Out of the way, runt. Move to the side, shrimp.

over the summer. Move to the side, shrimp.

Play. Play.

Right, Manny?

Rodrick was just trying to scare us. That's what you said about the cheese.

Rodrick! Huh?

Rowley, you look adorable. Come on.

Run!

Seriously, we have to be invisible. Got it.

So brave. And he smells terrific.

Step aside, little man. Yes, not for long, little man.

Take a hike. Hey.

Teacher's pet!

Teacher's pet! Thanks for ruining my day.

That's the dude? He wrote that?

There aren't any doors on those stalls.

There's an upstairs?

They're doing Wizard of Oz this year. Uh huh.

This kid's a gold mine. Yeah.

We can make a killing. I don't know.

What a waste of ink. Nerd!

What? Huh?

What? No.

What's going on? What's going on over here?

Whoa!

Yay!

Yeah!

Yeah. What about your parents?

You lose! Woo hoo!

You still got that fire extinguisher?

You wanna see my room? Yeah.

You've changed. Fight!

Zoo Wee Mama! Oh!

Zoo Wee Mama! Zoo Wee Mama!

. . .comes great responsibility.

. . .school.

…a kid named Abe Hall moved to California.

…a kid named Darren Walsh got curious.

…a slice of Swiss cheese appeared on the blacktop.

…having an older brother who went to the same school

…sanitary.

...so thank God for Chirag Gupta.

…surrounded by morons.

…the fastest runner was Ronnie McCoy.

'Cause if you do, you might as well be dead.

'cause if you pull another stunt like that,

'Cause It's dragging me down

'Cause not everybody carries cash these days.

'cause then he'd be in trouble too.

'Cause they don't know me

'Cause they pick me up and throw me down

'Cause you're supposed to be

"And thanks to the Parent Teacher Organization for funding the new section.

"Be friendly to one another, yes?"

"Creighton the Curious Student."

"Everyone's butt has a crack in it, you idiot!"

"Follow your dreams and respect your parents."

"Hang out," Rowley.

"Hey, pretty lady. Do you wanna go on a date?"

"Hiya, doc! Can I get a new butt? My old one has a crack in it."

"I'm actually not a lady. I'm one of those dogs with long hair.

"Most Likely To Succeed," "Best Looking," "Class Clown."

"Oops. I've stepped in a puddle!

"Oops."

"Play," Rowley? "Play"?

"Teacher, if x plus 43 is 89, what would x be?"

"Thanks! Kids, if you'd like to learn more about math,

"Why, it would be 46!"

"You wanna come over and play?"

"Zoo Wee Mama!"

"Zoo wee Mama" by Rowley Jefferson!

♪ Breaking the law, break ♪

♪ Breaking the law, breaking the law ♪

♪ Breaking the law, breaking the law ♪

♪ Breaking the law, breaking the law ♪