Bad Trip Edit

A champagne toast to my best friend, Bud.

A relic.

A towel over this when we ain't filming.

About 5'5".

About a woman before.

African American. Lighter than you.

After you.

Ah, this is it.

Ah!

Ain't nobody worried about that.

All right, bro.

All right, bro. I'll talk to you soon.

All right, Eric, let's set test the rig.

All right, goose bumps or whatever.

All right, sir.

All right, start revving it.

All right, whatever you say, man. I'm down.

All right.

All right. Nice! I made it.

All right. So, you're about to see Maria.

All right. Whoo!

All you do is make stupid ass decisions.

All you do is think about yourself, man.

Allow me. Ladies first.

And action.

And back again

And change your voice a bit if you can.

And comment you're a chef?

And everything's all good? Huh?

And for a lot of reasons

And Gideon is really, really good at jumping.

And have the adventure of a lifetime

And he is our primary ambassador wolf over here.

And he's got that song.

And her name is Maria

And her name is Maria

And her name is Maria

And her name is Maria

And her name is Maria

And here.

And I don't think you ever show anywhere.

And I finally mustered up the courage to ask her out.

And I just wanna see how you'll react to it.

And I knew right then and there

And I know you probably never wanna talk to me

And I salute your shorts.

And I think I figured out a way

And I want to start a new life with you.

And I was bummed out

And I was wondering. I was like, "She's strong."

And I'll just get shot by everybody.

And I'm done with it.

And I'm gonna go see Megyn Kelly,

And I'm gonna just start all over, man.

And I'm so grateful I had you by my side.

And I'm sorry, man.

And if he's really your friend,

And if we wait here till the police come, we going to jail.

And if you guys have been friends

And just apologize like that and I just forgive you

And just talk how you always talk,

And keep just a little bit of room off here.

And maybe some bread.

And my hands are disconnected to my body...

And our large primate area.

And said she's gonna kill somebody.

And said, "Hey, Chris, I haven't seen you in ages.

And she was, like, "Oh, well, good news.

And she's gonna fall in love with you, brother.

And start life all over again as a white man.

And take it down to Mexico,

And the safe word is "popcorn", right?

And then I'll get you out of here. Yeah, yeah.

And then you're gonna put your hand in there

And then, Adam, look around to me.

And then, I'm kinda free to, like,

And these dudes, I know they stole my car, man.

And they was gonna come after me right away.

And we fall in love...

And we make love and have sex with her without a condom.

And we supposed to accept that?

And why the fuck would I know that?

And you be like, "Okay, now sexually..."

And you haven't helped her at all?

And you may now

And you'll be fine.

And you're telling me you don't know them?

And you're the best friend a guy could ask for.

And you've offered

And, like, of course I'll make her come first.

And, of course, Anthony's work which is unbelievable.

And, uh...

Anybody tell you you look like a turtle?

Are you a black man?

Are you a white chick?

Are you crazy?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Are you sure?

Ask your fucking brother!

Aw, that's so sweet.

Aw.

Aw.

Bang on the windows, jump on here,

Be like, five minutes.

Be quiet. Be quiet.

Because I don't wanna smell your piss.

Because I thought we were soul mates.

Because I'm about to drop his ass.

Because that car explodes, we all dead.

Because y'all scared as hell.

Because you know some of my work.

Because you're taking pictures with these ****as!

Before I get in trouble.

Being a white man.

Believe in yourself.

Birmingham. Whoa, okay.

Bob, I ain't trying to go back to jail for killing nobody.

Bop bop.

Boring ass ballroom dancing bullshit.

Born and raised.

Boy, if you gonna have a mint, I want a mint.

Bruh, I'm about to do so much. I'm about to do it big now.

Bruh, matter of fact,

Bud Malone ain't scared of shit no more!

Bud Malone just picked that up.

Bud picked up my car?

Bud, I owe you, man.

Bud, is that you?

Bud, please. We are almost to Maria, man.

Bud, stop living your life in fear of your sister, man.

Bud, this is awesome!

Bud, you will never guess

Bud!

Bud?

Bud? Oh.

Bud.

Bud.

Bud. Bud. Bud.

Bud. Bud. Bud.

Bud. I've never been out like this before,

Bud's my brother.

Bullshit job after bullshit job.

Bus is all clear.

Bust outta jail?

But get away from me, okay?

But God damn it, I'm not scared of you.

But how we gonna get there? We don't have a car.

But I haven't seen her in forever.

But I would do it a million times over

But I'm about to kill somebody, Bob.

But I'm on my way to the airport right now.

But it turns out that I do have a soul mate.

But just know that this trip

But listen, if you're ever in Manhattan,

But no.

But right now's not a proper time for that, man.

But that's only because

But that's strong words saying you wanna die, brother.

But then I'll jizz whenever I want to. So...

But this is fun.

But why would you put a spoon in there

But y'all just standing there,

Butter me out of this thing.

Calm down, bruh.

Can I borrow water? Can I?

Can I borrow your vest?

Can I get your number to have somebody call you?

Can I give you a hug? I love you, man.

Can my friend try something on you real quick?

Can somebody else chime in too and give advice?

Can we just all settle on that?

Can we kiss?

Can we order now?

Can we pray for him?

Can you help me get out?

Can you just hit that "on" switch

Can you put this on your finger?

Can you, um, tell me about the detox?

Can't keep wearing these big ass jeans no more.

Case in point.

Celebrate. First road trip.

Chase a bus down,

Check this out, bruh.

Cheers. Ding.

Cheers. Pick it up. Cheers.

Cheers. Thank you.

Chill out. Chill out, man. Chill out, bro.

Chill out. Chill out. Chill out.

Chill out. Hey, you take a seat, man.

Chocolate glazed for you?

Choo choo!

Chris, come on!

Chris, I don't know about this, man.

Chris!

Chris!

Chris?

Chris.

Chris. Chris, hey. Chris, calm down. Calm down.

Claim it. Yes.

Clap it shut. Watch your fingers. Slam it.

Come back here.

Come back here.

Come back here. Here.

Come on, bro.

Come on, bruh.

Come on, come on, come on. Get up. Get up.

Come on, man. Not on the seat, man!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on! New York, man. Pizza.

Come on.

Come on. Come on, man!

Come on. I gotta see Maria!

Come on. It'll melt her heart.

Come this way, please!

Concrete jungle Texas albino

Couldn't ask for a better partner on the road.

Craig.

Crazy girl just came in here

Cut the music!

Cut this music off.

Damn it.

Damn it. I left Maria's business card in the car.

Damn it. I missed it.

Damn. What the fuck?

Dang it.

Dear Jesus who art in Heaven,

Did anybody here see

Did he just drink outta that thing?

Did you see someone out here? I need to know that.

Did you think I was, like, schizophrenic?

Did you think I was, like...

Didn't nobody stop me from shit.

Digging in the car like that, okay?

Do me a favor, everybody,

Do this shit, man. We gotta take the car back.

Do you have a water bottle? Or a cup?

Do you have a wristband?

Do you know what you're going to say

Do you know where the galleries are?

Do you know where they were going?

Do you mind praying for him real quick?

Does anybody got any ice?

Does Trina got any mints in the car?

Don't fuck with me, man.

Don't let her get in your mind, bro.

Don't let her leave. Don't let her leave.

Don't let it happen.

Don't look him in the eye.

Don't play with me, motherfucker.

Don't say nothin'. I remember faces.

Don't, baby. Please.

Dude, check it out. I got a Chinese finger trap, man.

Dude, I don't know where they're at.

Dude, I gotta hand it to you, man.

Dude, she's got a ton of mints in here.

Dude, this is awesome!

Dude, trust me. It's gonna rock. Whoo!

Dude, zoos are sick!

Dude.

Easy now, killer.

Everybody got a friend named Bud nowadays.

Everybody's breaking their phone.

Excuse me, do you know where Maria's gallery is?

Excuse me, sir.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me. Y'all been out here eating donuts and stuff.

Fat ass booties.

Father be thy name.

Feet down, man.

Felt good to be out. I needed it.

First night of the road trip.

First of all, ain't you supposed

Five second rule, right?

For as long as you have...

For millions of dollars,

For the first time in my life, let me apologize.

For the rest of your life,

Forget about Trina.

Four...

From high school. Biology class.

Fuck his face while you're making eye contact.

Fuck house arrest. Fuck all this shit.

Fuck that ****a Suck my dick, ****a

Fuck that. No. We gotta take her car back now.

Fuck the police!

Fuck you think you talking to, huh?

Fuck you.

Fuck, I'm late! I'm late! I'm late for work!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck.

Fucker.

Fuckin' crybaby ass bitch.

Fucking asshole.

Germs actually help your immune system.

Get away from it! Get away, bro.

Get away!

Get her number. Get her number.

Get his money. Get his money. Get his money.

Get it together.

Get off me.

Get out!

Get the fuck away from me.

Get the fuck out of here!

Get the fuck out.

Get the fuck out.

Get the fuck out. I'm gonna play golf.

Get the fuck outta here.

Get those clothes off and get the fuck outta here.

Get to New York on my own.

Get your ass from by me.

Get your ass over here.

Give him some room. Give him some room.

Give him that moment.

Give me one more shot.

Give me some, little ****a. I'm so proud of you.

Give me this.

Go and say hi to Grandma, motherfucker.

Go for it.

Go get your girl, brother.

Go inside.

Go that way?

Go that way.

Go that way.

Go, go, go, go, go.

Go, go, go!

Go, go, go!

Go, go, go. He's looking for you.

Go, go. I don't wanna die with you.

Go!

Go! Before I hit...

Go.

God bless you. You an accomplice to my shit.

God damn it.

God damn it. What type of light is this?

God.

Going to New York!

Gonna fuck you up, you dumb bitch.

Good job, guys.

Good night, Bud.

Good, good, good.

Good.

Good.

Gorilla.

Got a big nose, that white boy nose,

Got the number and the name

Got you a snack to cheer you up.

Great seeing you, Chris.

Guys, this is Jesse. Everybody can say hi to Jesse.

Halfway through I really thought

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, dear Lena

Has been the adventure of a lifetime.

Have a good day.

Have a good one.

Have you seen these two dudes?

Have you seen this car?

He can tell you all about his experience.

He really?

He saw a girl today

He saw a girl today

He saw her girl, no way

He, like, this tall, real dark.

He's a fucking idiot. This is how he always thinks.

He's a human being.

He's a little shy.

He's blind. He's blind. Please!

He's got a knife.

He's got my leg!

He's got to feel like an idiot, doesn't he?

He's in love. He's crazy.

He's just so wound up.

He's not a good friend, Bud.

He's saying stop the bus. Stop the bus.

He's so uptight. I don't know. Like...

He's the coolest guy in the world, man.

Hear me out. Hear me out.

Hell, no. We're not taking Trina's car.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? Where's the shut off? God!

Help me, Jesus. Jesus!

Help me! Please! Somebody!

Help me. Help me. Help me.

Help us!

Help us.

Help us.

Help!

Help!

Help!

Help! Help us!

Here we go, ****a ****a, ****a, ****a

Here you go. Bud Malone.

Here, here, here. Hold this.

Here, let's just get outta here.

Here, you want money or something? Like...

Here's to you, Bud Malone.

Hey, Adam, wave to the people, Adam.

Hey, chill out, man.

Hey, Chris. What are you doing here?

Hey, Craig.

Hey, did you see these dudes? Did they come up in here?

Hey, DJ, cut the music!

Hey, dude, what the fuck just happened?

Hey, excuse me, brothers.

Hey, has anybody here been to New York City?

Hey, he all right?

Hey, he's blind. He's blind.

Hey, hey, easy, Harvey Weinstein.

Hey, hey, hey! Stop, stop!

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey. Look, don't be going around

Hey, hey, hey. Wait, wait, wait!

Hey, hey.

Hey, hey. Hey, man.

Hey, hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, hold that for me.

Hey, I need you to leave.

Hey, I'm from where you from. I'm from where you from.

Hey, listen, you gonna walk to your death if that...

Hey, looking good, babe.

Hey, man, he got a concussion, man,

Hey, man, I was just trying to make sure everything's...

Hey, man, you're a hero.

Hey, man. You live in this area?

Hey, Maria.

Hey, sir, can you get our dicks outta this thing?

Hey, that's an apple I'd like to juice. Right?

Hey, watch out for that gas, man.

Hey, what are you doing?

Hey, White Chicks.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Hey, hey!

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey.

Hey. I'm Chris Carey, nice to meet you.

Hey. No, don't.

Hey. Shh.

Hey. What's up, man?

Hey. You know where to get a...

Hi, you guys.

Hi.

Hi. Hey. Hi.

Hi. How can I help you?

Hold that bus!

Hold that for me.

Holy cow!

Holy shit!

Holy shit!

Holy shit. I'm sorry.

House arrest, smouse arrest.

How about this?

How did he get in there?

How do we get outta this?

How much did you drink? Are you a fucking camel?

How strong she is, okay?

How the fuck did she get outta jail, man?

How you doing?

How you doing? I'm sorry. Do you wanna just talk...

How you gonna do that right there?

How'd you guys do that? What the fuck did you guys do?

How's it feel so far being a white man?

I always wanted to talk to her, you know what I...

I am so, so sorry, man. I'm shit.

I broke this.

I can help you.

I can't believe this, man. This is great.

I can't feel my throat

I can't give you my vest.

I can't just wait around and hope for things to happen.

I can't let you guys go any further.

I can't stand under him.

I can't...

I cannot get fired.

I didn't do anything to anybody.

I didn't think you would. You know what I mean?

I didn't want you to be no punk, man.

I do.

I don't care where you piss,

I don't even know if she remembers me.

I don't even know what that smells like but...

I don't feel like fucking talking about now.

I don't got anything going here,

I don't have a wristband on you,

I don't know if it's ruined completely, but...

I don't know them.

I don't know what to do!

I don't know you, but I love you, man.

I don't know, man. I'm pretty hungry.

I don't know. Thank you for talking me into this.

I don't need any of you.

I don't need him. I don't need anybody.

I don't quite know the words to use right now.

I don't really know...

I don't remember a thing!

I don't see race. Didn't even notice.

I don't think we're ever gonna get out of this town.

I don't wanna see him die.

I drank a little bit too much.

I experienced emotional and physical traumas

I feel good. It's a new day, right?

I feel like you are a motherfucking liar!

I felt something special.

I figured I might as well go with this look.

I figured it out.

I gave this guy the last

I get everything together, right?

I get it, brother. I've been in a bad place before.

I got it all mapped out, all right?

I got this. I got this. I got this. I got this.

I got to walk right in this motherfucker,

I got, you know, my best friend is here.

I gotta get the fuck outta here, bro.

I gotta go pee pee.

I gotta make a call real quick.

I gotta make it happen.

I guess he don't understand.

I guess it did.

I guess it do.

I had no idea y'all was shooting a movie.

I hate myself.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I have no idea what to fucking do.

I have no idea who that is.

I have not.

I haven't seen her in forever, man. I'm like...

I haven't seen you in forever.

I heard that.

I hope Bud has an amazing time on this road trip.

I hope I get to Maria

I hope you motherfuckers ready.

I just got $2.

I just got my lips done.

I just got outta jail.

I just saw my dream girl

I just saw this girl snatch a door off a cop car.

I just wanna die.

I just wanna go over there 'cause...

I just wanna know how long it's gonna take.

I just want you to tell me where my car is.

I knew a guy that, like, got a, uh...

I know that I was hard on you, growing you up.

I know you got children. You got family that love you.

I know you got more than that.

I like it, man.

I like to drink Pepto Bismol

I look great.

I look like a schlub, though.

I look perfectly normal.

I lost my best friend.

I may never recover from,

I mean,

I mean, he probably is, man.

I mean, I'm sick of this

I mean, it's moving.

I mean, the guy saved my life.

I mean, there's a lot of cars that say that.

I mean, you know that's not right.

I miss him.

I need 50 bucks.

I need my clothes. I'm late for work.

I need to talk to my best friend.

I need you to get the fuck outta here!

I now pronounce you man and wife.

I once seen her fry some fish with her bare hand.

I ought to beat your butt. Oh, my God.

I owe you. Thank you. Whoo!

I promise you, my ****a. I promise you.

I realize in hindsight this was all a little crazy.

I realized I'm shit. I'm an asshole.

I really appreciate you. You got a baby mama?

I really gotta pee.

I sacrificed everything.

I said get the fuck off the stage!

I said, "That ****a finna kill you, ****a."

I saw a girl today

I saw a girl today

I saw a girl today

I saw a girl today

I saw a girl today

I saw a girl today

I saw a girl today

I saw a girl, no way

I saw a girl, no way

I saw a girl, no way

I saw a...

I suck shit out of assholes.

I swallowed some of it.

I think there's something we can actually do.

I think they said, uh, New York.

I think Trina's right, man.

I think we found our third link.

I think we got off on the wrong foot.

I think we got time, right?

I think we gotta go in the hole.

I think you look beautiful tonight.

I thought I needed to help somebody.

I thought that was the urinal.

I thought the window was open.

I thought you were Bud. With the glasses.

I thought you were fucked up.

I thought you were my friend, Bud.

I told you it's them.

I told you that's them.

I told you this was gonna happen.

I trust you back there. I do not trust him back there.

I understand you're going through a hard time right now,

I wanna make her come first,

I wanna thank you for bringing me on this trip.

I wanted to celebrate you.

I wanted to take a picture.

I was about to call you.

I was gonna ask her out.

I was kinda out of it, man.

I was like, "Oh, shit."

I was like, "they got black girl booties."

I was looking at my watch. Sorry!

I was penetrated by a gorilla.

I was ready to eat.

I was so close, though.

I was thinking it looked like Lord of the Rings, uh, thing.

I was thinking somebody was coming after him,

I went on Google Maps yesterday.

I went through hell and high water to get here.

I will suck your dick if you kill me.

I will turn around and punch you

I would have suggested not to do that.

I wouldn't put my dick connected to your dick.

I...

I... God, I would love to actually,

I... I don't know.

I... I don't think I wanna eat at your house anymore.

I'd like to make a toast

I'll ask one of these fellow Americans

I'll be right back.

I'll catch you in the wind, ****a.

I'll get to New York on my own.

I'll get to New York on my own.

I'll go over to Afghanistan or Iraq,

I'll go to Vietnam or whatever

I'll put it that way.

I'll see you after work.

I'll shower and play pool with you if you want.

I'll vacuum your car

I'm a Florida guy.

I'm a little bit in a rush.

I'm a plumber.

I'm about to get these motherfuckers.

I'm at work and it gets crazy at work sometimes.

I'm at work right now.

I'm coming to fuck y'all up.

I'm done with you, man. Look at that shit.

I'm done with you, too.

I'm fine.

I'm finna fuck these ****as up.

I'm freaking out.

I'm going to New York, brother! Thank you!

I'm going to New York.

I'm gonna get a selfie with the gorilla.

I'm gonna get fired again.

I'm gonna kill every one of you white motherfuckers

I'm gonna live!

I'm gonna tell you somethin' right now.

I'm gonna think white thoughts.

I'm in love with an angel. Chasing a girl.

I'm in total shock.

I'm just a typical white chick.

I'm just gonna go to another car wash.

I'm late for work. My bad.

I'm late!

I'm late. I'm late. I'm late.

I'm like, "Oh, I have to hide under the table."

I'm living my best motherfucking life.

I'm looking for a sugar daddy.

I'm looking for these dudes right here.

I'm more like, "God damn, some thick ass white girls."

I'm not...

I'm out of here, I fucking quit

I'm pretty sure I don't know them.

I'm proud of you, man.

I'm proud of you.

I'm real proud of you.

I'm really excited to get my car.

I'm really vulnerable right now.

I'm sinking.

I'm so scared.

I'm so sick of you with your stupid threats.

I'm sorry about that. Sorry. Are you okay?

I'm sorry I destroyed your sister's car.

I'm sorry I took advantage of you.

I'm sorry, guys. Anthony is...

I'm sorry, I know you're working.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Was that loud? Maria.

I'm stuck up here. I'm stuck.

I'm stuck.

I'm talking road trip to the NYC!

I'm telling you,

I'm telling you, man, from the bottom of my heart,

I'm telling you, seeing Maria today,

I'm trying to get her to be my girlfriend.

I'm washing cars

I'mma kill these motherfuckers.

I'mma kill these ****as.

I'mma try!

I've been waiting, since I was a kid

I've seen your ass on Facebook and everything with them.

I've told you that a million times.

If somebody attacks me?

If that damn thing come back, you gonna be through.

If y'all see these ****as right here, they stole my car.

If you don't, the rest of your life,

If you snitch.

If you was from the street, you wouldn't be doing that.

If you're gonna use your hand?

In your goddamn face.

Is he all right?

Is there a bar around here?

Is there any way you could possibly fix it?

Is this gonna work though?

Isn't this party fun?

It did.

It don't even matter. I just wanna...

It don't matter whose fault it is.

It fucking worked.

It is kinda fucked up. You need to look at that shit.

It is. And I don't know them.

It kinda looks like, uh,

It was crazy. Let's hang out.

It was hard for me to grow you.

It'd look frightening.

It'll be like our good luck charm on the road.

It's a buddy film.

It's a Chinese finger trap.

It's a cop!

It's been so long since a man looked me in my eyes.

It's been so long since I kissed a man.

It's called Electric Cowboy, though.

It's do or die!

It's finally time for that big adventure, brother.

It's gonna be the quickest way to get to New York City...

It's hard to stand up to her. She's a bully.

It's her car.