Jackass: The Movie Edit

A condom. Thank you.

A dog didn't cause this.

Afternoon. How you doing?

All right, George, what do you do and what are we doing here today?

All right, this is rocket skates,

All right, we're here in the valley today to do our own little riot control test.

All right, you guys. Touch gloves and come out fighting.

All right, you're gonna watch this?

All right! All right! All right!

All right.

An old man that steals, I can't believe it.

And a little toy car.

And an alligator grabs a hold of him, Steve O will relax,

And at last! I thought it would never...

And by knockout in the first round, new champion, Butterbean!

And hope that the alligator will release him.

And I don't even want to make a joke about it right now

And I think I'm a little concussed.

And I'm about to rent a car.

And I'm gonna go outside,

And I'm gonna go wake his ass up.

And I'm gonna take a shit right in one of the toilets.

And if any of these alligators try to ruin our swimming,

And let him pull it out.

And Phil has to be at work at 5:00 in the morning.

And Steve O and Chris thought it was a great idea.

And still champion...

And that is, you know, as soon as something touches them,

And the next thing I know I'm just fucked.

And the webbings of my toes.

And the winner,

And this is called the Rent a Car Crash Up Derby.

And today I'm gonna 50 50 this rail, and... Or try to.

And we're about to go swim with some whale sharks.

And we're about to test my rocket skates.

And we're going to shoot you with one of our projectiles.

And we're gonna be burglars today.

And we're gonna walk around it, inspect it together.

And, you know, think that they could take it.

Ape, I need toilet paper!

Ape!

Apparently I have a big gash in my head,

Are these alive?

Are waiting to eat

Are you all right?

Are you any good at snorting stuff?

Are you okay?

Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay?

Are you okay? You all right?

Are you starting to lose your mind on that shit?

Bam, stop it!

Bam, what the...

Be comfortable.

Blue, it's my favorite color.

Both?

But first, we need to go rub one out.

But George and his company said, "No way."

But I'm sure I could learn,

But that car's gonna have to be paid for.

But this is the Butt X ray.

But today, you know, today was my first try.

By the end of this movie.

Come on in, Manny.

Come on in.

Come on, man, get out of the fucking car.

Come on, you're missing the cone, dude!

Come on! Come on.

Dave, fight it, man.

Definitely no sitting down happening.

Did you see the way I caught that beanbag with my stomach?

Didn't give me a wedgie. I went forward.

Didn't I tell you I was gonna come over here and kick your ass for that?

Do another snooter.

Do it. Do it.

Do your balls first, just to get it over with.

Does it smell like...

Don't look, Steve O! Don't look!

Don't look! Don't look, Steve O. Don't look.

Don't move!

Don't never come in here no more, man!

Don't pull on it, man.

Don't, Lance, there's so many places for you to...

Don't... Do you want to ruin everything?

Dude, dude. Wait. Stop! Chill, dude.

Dude, I told you not to fall off the damn beam.

Dude, I told you to keep up the left!

Dude, I've fucking been in there before, dude. It sucks.

Dude, it's dripping out of the bottom.

Dude, on the plate. On the plate.

Dude, you were hauling so much ass.

Dude.

Dudes, this is, like, worse than a hanging.

Dunn can't drive for shit.

Dunn's gonna win, dude.

Ease up. Come on. Daddy's got you.

Eat it! Eat it!

Enjoy the snow cone.

Especially with all you guys fucking staring at me.

Every time!

Everyone, be quiet.

Food, food, food, food!

For fuck's sake, come here!

From what, the pepperoni or the paper cuts?

Fuck, man. At least I don't have to look at it, right?

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck! Get the diamonds!

Fucking peanut gallery while I'm trying to crap.

Fucking rad.

Gator wrestling.

Get back here!

Get back. Get down, get down.

Get him!

Get off!

Get out of the car!

Get out of the fucking car!

Get out!

Get out! And take the other stuff out of your pockets.

Get this out of your pocket, man!

Get...

Go back down a little bit.

Go grab the dead kitty.

Go put the chicken on him!

Go!

Go!

Go!

God damn it! What are you doing?

God damn, this is the BMX Tug of War.

God, am I glad I came down to see what was going on in this room.

God, chopsticks are so stupid.

God, this party sucks!

God, you're compressing it.

Going hot.

Got him, dude. And there went his hair.

Hail to the queen!

He didn't even get you.

He just shat everywhere.

He likes it.

He made it all the way down.

He's alive!

He's going, yeah.

He's going.

He's out.

He's starting to lose it!

Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville.

Hello. I'm Johnny Knoxville

Hello. I'm Johnny Knoxville,

Help! Help me get this thing out of here!

Here we go.

Here, you've lost your club. Sorry.

Hey, Ed's here for rescuing, dude. You're here for making it a problem.

Hey, I'm Raab himself, and this is Bungee Wedgie.

Hey, man, what kind of games you playing? Get out!

Hey, my man. Wasabi, lots.

Hey, Phil!

Hey! Get off, man!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! What the fuck? What the...

Hi. I'm Johnny Knoxville,

Hi. I'm Johnny Knoxville. This is the Tidal Wave.

Hi. I'm Party Boy.

Hi. I'm Steve O, and this is Alligator Tightrope.

Hi. I'm Wee Man, and this is a big cone.

Hold your breath. Don't move.

Holy fuck!

Holy shit!

Holy shit! I'm taking a cab back to the hotel.

Holy shit.

How hard is it to tie a bottle rocket to a cock?

How is that supposed to help?

Hurry up. Hurry up.

Hurry!

I actually burned my butt hole.

I almost broke my leg getting out of there!

I am pretty nervous about my wiener around that whale shark. I really am.

I appreciate it. Thank you for taking care of me.

I called it! Hey! Time!

I can't believe he got that far.

I can't believe it.

I can't believe... I can't...

I can't even turn it off.

I can't really look cool right now.

I can't...

I could sure go for a Miller High Life.

I didn't say the "F" word.

I didn't stick anything up my ass.

I don't even, like, pick a tattoo, like,

I don't know what happened. I just remember we went in the air,

I don't know, but it's not what's going to be intended.

I don't play. I don't play.

I don't want to get stuck with the whole charge of it.

I feel like I have to shit my ass.

I fell and busted my ass, that's what's fucking wrong.

I got it. I got this.

I gotta get another job.

I guess I don't really have any last words.

I guess we didn't reinforce the windshield.

I had a accident, as you can see.

I had a few to drink when I signed that, too, so...

I hold the California state record.

I hope you didn't take a shit in that, son of a bitch.

I just black out, so I...

I just fully got a haircut just, like, a week ago.

I just mentioned the car in the butt.

I just... I don't know, man.

I knew she was fighting dirty.

I know what my fortune is. It's partying.

I mean, trust me, dude, I'm not unimpressed.

I need a pick me up.

I need a signature here

I need to go home right now.

I passed out. I must've fallen down and broken something,

I promise I will get my mom to say "fuck"

I ran straight into a crocodile. What the hell.

I rented it from you earlier.

I returned it with a full tank of gas.

I said, "Get back here!"

I seriously felt all right for a little bit, until she punched me in the nose.

I shit my pants at the fair.

I think I need an x ray.

I think it says "fuck" on my forehead.

I think you're gonna break that today.

I thought you'd do it.

I was barely halfway through the ceiling, and you were already out the door.

I was gonna do this and I was like, "Dad..."

I was like, "Dad, we're going hard these days,

I was partying last night with some frat guys.

I was... I mean, I drink.

I would've known if I ate that.

I... Jesus!

I'll probably use all of this before the end of the segment.

I'm a physician, but I practice this, x ray, only.

I'm about to get the shit kicked out of me by a girl.

I'm almost done.

I'm Bam Margera, and my parents are dead asleep.

I'm bleeding.

I'm Bunny, the lifeguard,

I'm dying!

I'm Ehren McGhehey, and this is the Mousetrap.

I'm getting paper cuts between the webbings of my fingers

I'm going out! I'm leaving! Where's my keys?

I'm gonna rassle them down and probably have my way with them.

I'm gonna shit in my pants before we get to that fucking place.

I'm here with Eric Koston and Clyde Singleton,

I'm Johnny Knoxville and I'm gonna grind this rail.

I'm just gonna kill myself once I lose my wiener.

I'm just looking for dents and major scratches.

I'm leaving. I swear to God!

I'm not even worried about the pee, I'm just worried about it...

I'm not too excited about this skit.

I'm Raab himself and I'm a complete fucking idiot.

I'm saying there's nothing I want more than for this to happen, but...

I'm scared to death!

I'm serious, get everybody out!

I'm serious. Is it real?

I'm so glad.

I'm so scared right now.

I'm surrounded by cacti.

I've ever seen you duck out on.

I've never seen anything like this before.

I've seen a toy car all over, but never in somebody's rectum.

If he falls and he lands near an alligator,

If I do your hand, you'll forget about the pain in your foot.

In case you didn't know what the gooch is,

In fact, I don't think it's even good for you

In fact, it will hurt you.

In the United States.

Irving, you think you can do it?

Is because I can do this in a controlled state.

Is Butterbean okay?

Is everybody ready?

Is he gonna go? He's gonna go somewhere.

Is he opening it?

Is it real?

Is that a bolt? We have very...

Is that your shitty ass, dude?

Is there a problem?

Is there any actual, like, real reason

Is there any license plates on it?

Is there anything in tap?

Is they're like big puppy dogs.

Is this the worst you've ever had to go boom boom?

It almost hit Loomis in the face.

It hurts so much.

It might.

It'll be traveling about 250 feet per second.

It'll take a while before...

It's 12:42 right now

It's a 40 gram, tail stabilized bag.

It's a total smiley face, dude.

It's called the Pen Prevent.

It's good! With pig entrails.

It's got a boner.

It's in, dude.

It's like 18 seconds, including the 10 count.

It's not my favorite I've ever done, because there's a toy car in my butt.

It's not there?

It's scary enough to walk.

It's slowly getting away. It's slowly...

It's so gross that it's even on the floor.

It's totally...

Jesus Christ, Bam!

Just get that whole mouthful, right there.

Keep going, Steve O! Keep going! Keep going, Steve O!

Keep going.

Keep it in! Hold it!

Keep your butt up!

Keep your butt...

Keep your head up, Steve O!

Keep your head up! Keep your head up!

Kick her ass!

Kick yourself in the head, Wee Man.

Kind of feel like partying right now.

Knoxville knocked my nuts in half.

Lance is trying... Are you gonna puke?

Let me see that. Dangle it.

Let me see the back of your head.

Let the alligator take him

Let's go, dude.

Let's see.

Like going from a prone position to standing is...

Like, an ember fell right in my corn hole, dude.

Like, how do you perform the fucking world's dumbest tattoo?

Like, seriously, is that real?

Like, that hurts so much more, you know?

Little cold out here. It might take a second.

Look at Ehren.

Look at him walk.

Look at his bloody mouthpiece.

Look at that cart.

Look at that special sauce.

Look at the bloody, shitty underpants.

Look at the reservoir tip.

Look at this shrimp.

Look at this.

Look, I'm gonna let you two guys work it out

Look, look, look! Look around the corner.

Look.

Looks pretty good.

Man, quit playing!

Man.

More pain. That's it.

More.

MovieFull HD.com MovieFull HD.ws by Pertamax

My brakes!

My brakes!

My brakes!

My dad never saw that. I never told him that, you know.

My dad, like... The only time in my life I ever heard my dad, like...

My impression of Johnny Knoxville. Something like this.

My name is Henry Rollins and this is Off Road Tattoo.

My penis is really small now.

Nice, yeah.

No more rocket skates.

No shit, get out of here!

No, come on.

No, I ain't running anywhere.

No, I'm not letting in the...

No, if he takes Ex Lax,

No, no! God, where is it?

No, no.

No, this don't happen in nature, dude. This is insane.

No, we don't do that.

No, we'll take good care of her.

No, you're twisting him! You're fucking twisting him!

No! No!

No. You declined any additional coverage.

No. You declined any additional coverage.

No. You wouldn't be able to swallow that.

Nope.

Now pronounce her name.

Now, the best way to think of the whale sharks

Now, you're getting crazy on this shit.

Number one, it's not getting in there.

Number three, there's no way they're gonna believe that this is true.

Number two, even if it does, it's not staying in there.

Oh, can I try this?

Oh, child!

Oh, dude, he's shitting right now.

Oh, fuck, dude.

Oh, fuck, dude.

Oh, fuck!

Oh, fuck!

Oh, fuck!

Oh, fuck!

Oh, fuck! He's got my nipple, dude. He's got my fucking nipple.

Oh, get out, dude, get out!

Oh, give me... This one works good, give me the next one.

Oh, God, my jaw is, like, two inches to the left.

Oh, God!

Oh, God!

Oh, God!

Oh, God.

Oh, holy fuck!

Oh, honey, it's been a while.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, it hurts my teeth!

Oh, Jesus!

Oh, Johnny Knoxville. He made it.

Oh, look at the teeth marks.

Oh, man, I am so glad I turned this idea down.

Oh, man!

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

Oh, Manny. Tell me I'm a man.

Oh, my God, dude.

Oh, my God, I'm opening the windows.

Oh, my God, my brakes!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! It's moving.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, no!

Oh, no! This is a bad angle. Switch.

Oh, no.

Oh, Phil!

Oh, please.

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit.

Oh, thank you, Jesus!

Oh, that hurt so bad.

Oh, there is a God.

Oh, these things are scary.

Oh, they're kind of... They pinch.

Oh, you can feel when it goes in.

Oh, you just wasted a whole bunch!

Oh, you're in so much trouble.

Oh! Oh, fuck!

Oh! There we go.

Oh! What do I do?

Oh. Son of a bitch.

Okay, I need a driver's license and a credit card.

Okay, okay, I got it. I'm taking care of you.

Okay, that's enough. That's enough! That's enough!

Okay, this is called the Golf Course Airhorn.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Come on.

One more time.

One more time.

One thing I know is good tightrope walking.

Ouch.

Pack it in there nice and tight.

Phil, seriously, please.

Phil, you gotta be up for 5:00 in the morning tonight.

Phil?

Phil?

Phil?

Pressure.

Pretty good.

Raab's putting a fucking tampon on.

Ready, set, go!

Ready?

Really, guys in masks, I'm out.

Really?

Right there. You declined it.

Right.

Roll back there, just a bit.

Safety's off.

See the look on his face?

See you in a couple of days.

See, that's what the big ones do, but sometimes they don't...

She still hit it really good.

Show him the x ray.

Shut the car off before it gets hot.

Since we no longer have to bleep cuss words,

So are you gonna take some practice shots?

So he's trying to get a good night's sleep

So right below in these waters, 30 foot whale sharks

So today, I'm gonna treat myself to some wasabi snooters.

So, anyway, I apologize.

So, it's kind of like being with a gal with no teeth.

So, that means you gotta play with a horn?

So, they're out there trying to...

So, this morning I thought I was taking it in the chest

So, we're finding it a little bit chilly in Japan.

So, we're gonna go to this hardware store.

So, you're saying it's...

Something major, gonna write it down.

Sometimes puppies bite.

Son...

Sorry. It won't happen again.

Stay still. Stay still.

Steve O, if you want to do some more, do it. I'm done.

Stick the bone up your ass.

Stick...

Stop me!

Stop me! Stop me!

Swallow it, man! Don't... No, no.

Swallow it! Swallow it!

Take a deep breath.

Take another step.

Take two.

Thanks for reminding me.

That fucker kept... Missed me by that much.

That had bad news written all over it.

That is a car toy.

That is disgusting, man.

That is so funny.

That is the scariest fucking thing I ever saw in my whole life!

That looked like it hurt.

That looks like a pretty good line, huh?

That really hurt.

That sounded like an injury.

That sucked.

That was like the worst thing that could ever happen, right there.

That you poop it out.

That you're going to use your coverage instead of ours.

That's a bump.

That's a good point.

That's a man.

That's bad.

That's instinct.

That's it.

That's like a Courtney Love sized maxi pad.

That's my party music.

That's not part of you. That's something extra.

That's the least of our worries right now, is the gas.

That's why you got the roll bars behind you, dude.

The gooch is the spot between your balls and butt hole, and...

The male bonding...

The next time, we can do Son of Jackass.

The pepperoni.

The smiley face is a complete crucial.

There you go.

There's no getting around it, it fucking hurts like hell.

There's no such thing as failure, Steve O.

There's shit all over the goddamn van. How am I going to work now?

These freaking shrimp out of our crotches.

These white threads come out of the end of it,

They sell toilets.

Think about your...

This alligator!

This guy. He'll do anything just to look better.

This is bullshit, man!

This is comfy.

This is George Hruska.

This is nothing for anybody

This is our original talent for this piece, by the way.

This is Sweaty Fat Fucks.

This is the end!

This is the last time you're kicking my ass.

This is the Muscle Stimulator.

This is the Paper Cuts.

This is the Whale Shark Gummer.

This is the Yellow Snow Cone.

This is totally insane.

This isn't gonna work.

This one's gonna be a little more powerful than the last one, so...

This was designed to fuck you up!

To fool the whale sharks into thinking he's a harmless young boy.

To just throw into a 12 gauge shotgun

Today we're gonna do a little boxing.

Tropical Pole Vaulting.

Trust us. We're gonna have fun.

Turn around! Turn around!

Unless I'm pretty sure that people are gonna laugh every time they see it.

Wait a minute.

Wait, wait, he's gonna open it.

Want me to play it back?

Wasabi.

We manufacture less lethal ammunition.

We want to take every single precaution...

We wanted to see if you would run here with a car up your ass.

We're gonna be doing a hell of a lot of work here today.

We're gonna blow these airhorns.

We're gonna take x ray now, to be sure.

We're gonna warm ourselves up with some fireworks.

We're here in Tokyo, and I feel like partying.

We're in Okinawa

We're one of the top manufacturing companies

Welcome to Jackass.

Well, he gets a lot of diarrhea, but no car.

Well, hopefully you guys will incur some of the cost.

Well, I can't pay for it.

Well, I don't think I should. I think you guys should help.

Well, I made the mistake of showing them

Well, I mean, it wasn't that.

Well, I'm Vice President of Operations with A.L.S. Technologies.

Well, it's got a full tank of gas.

Well, we're gonna have to get this worked out.

Well, you are gonna get stuck with the entire thing.

Well, you are gonna get stuck with the entire thing.

Well, you're gonna have to help me pay for that car.

What a dumb ass idea.

What a fucking Froot Loop.

What are you doing?

What are you...

What did I say?

What else we got?

What happened?

What is that?

What is this bullshit?

What is wrong with you?

What sea cucumbers do when they're threatened.

What the hell you doing?

What will happen if you take Ex Lax? Will that help?

What?

What?

What? I'm sorry. I got bursitis.

What'd I tell you? What'd I tell you?

What's gonna happen here?

What's the quickest you ever knocked anyone out?

Whatever it is, it hurts.

When people tee off,

When they're coming down with their swing,

Where are my intestines? Are they in that area?

Where have you been? Don't you even look?

Whiz kid kicked your ass, dude.

Who's gonna do the gooch?

Whoa!

Whose dick do I gotta suck to get some explosions around here?

Why anyone would shove something up their ass like this?

Will you catch that, what's dripping out the bottom?

Will you push me to the top? I wanna do it again.

With a simple shave of the razor, Steve O easily disguises himself

With all that in your clothes.

With the beanbag projectile,

Yeah, but that's just paperwork, you know?

Yeah, but they have little teeth.

Yeah, dude.

Yeah, I know. So just deal with it. Take a... Take a breath.

Yeah, like, it's a problem.

Yeah, yeah, let's get it over with.

Yeah, you did. You said "fuck."

Yeah, you're gonna have to pay for that car.

Yeah, you're so buff right now.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes! That was the best thing I've ever seen.

Yo, here he comes. Here he comes. Here he comes.

You all right?

You all right?

You better eat that whole thing, too.

You can't pry his mouth open.

You can't teach that.

You Christian motherfucker!

You drank wine off of a dude's ass crack.

You got it! All right, all right!

You got it.

You got it.

You gotta go eat that spot, too.

You gotta squat a little, Pontius.

You guys are gonna die!

You haven't even... Hit me once, at least.

You just got drenched.

You know, I ought to arrest you right now

You know, it's like when your parents say,

You know, it's not that easy trying to get this thing out as it is.

You know, that's one of the reasons I'm doing this

You know, this is nothing to mess around with.

You like it? Kind of makes you wanna party, huh?

You little bastard!

You may think this next stunt is impossible.

You returned it demolished.

You said that you didn't want to do it because your dad would disown you?

You take a shit in that, they're gonna get you to clean it out, pal.

You think maybe I can just, you know, poop it out?

You wanna get up and cross?

You were really sprinting.

You won't be able to poop it out.

You'll probably see me in two to three days.

You're about to get many more.

You're cool. You're good.

You're gonna be not feeling great the next 24 hours.

You're gonna have tits of steel.

You're just in time, Manny.

You're nice. You're a good man.

Your adrenaline's flowing, isn't it?

6:00, gotta be at work.

All of that! That's all me!

And get him in a cold room. This is the greatest bit ever.

Antoine? Yes?

Are we ready? You're so gone, man.

Are you giving me a shot? Yeah.

Come on, it's your pee. Dude, swallow it!

Did it come out? It's coming.

Did you shit? Did you do it?

Do one more. Do it again.

Do you want a spot? No, I got it. No, I got it.

Does it smell like man? Smell. Just smell it.

Don't move him. Don't move him! Oh, shit.

Don't turn it on till he's solid. No, I'm not. I'm over it.

Don't worry, we'll bleep it. I did? Can we cut that out?

Dude, are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine.

Dude, is he gonna go? Yeah.

Dude. Let me see.

Eat it. Eat it. This...

For fuck's sake. Dude, it's a cactus.

Fuck! Fuck! Oh!

Fuck. Fuck.

Get down! Get down! Oh, shit!

Get out, man! God damn it!

Get over here! Help him! Help him! Help him!

Get ready. Here it comes. Here it comes.

Get up! Come on, Butter...

Getting crazy over here. Look at Phil's tummy.

Go, keep going, Steve O. Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

Gotta poo? Pretty much.

Hang on! Hold still! Hold still!

Have you ever seen anything like that? No, I never seen that in there.

He likes it! He likes it! Oh, my God!

He's going. He's got it. Don't look! Don't look!

Heart rate's going up for sure! Oh, dude, it hurts.

Here she goes again. No. Is it another one?

Here's some... Okay.

Hey, man, he's got it... It feels so goddamn gross.

Hold it still. There's no good way to do it.

How you doing? Pretty good.

How'd it look? It looked good.

I didn't even get you. You got beat up by Wee Man.

I don't know what to do now. Aren't you scared to death?

I know. I know. Hang on, hang on. Hang on. Don't move.

I need help. Yeah.

I swear to God, it's... Really? Like, that bad?

I think so. Awesome.

I thinks it's breathing. Wheels in?

I was Lon Chaney's lover! Go back and love him!

I'll do it, I'll do it. I'll... Balls is crazy.

I'm Bam Margera. I'm Johnny Knoxville.

I'm doing it! Don't look at it.

I'm Johnny Knoxville. And I'm Butterbean.

I'm Johnny. Hey, man.

I'm leaving. Don't leave. Where the hell you going?

I'm Ryan, and this is... What can I do for you?

I'm sorry. You're missing the cone!

Idiot! What the fuck is that?

Is Chris' dick shorter or... Yeah, it's a little shorter.

Is he okay? I don't know.

Is it real? Yes.

Is that lethal? It's considered less lethal.

Is that white one us? Yes.

Is this thing real? What thing?

It helps. I'll give you something to play with, pal.

It stinks. That sucked.

It's a little too much. No, I...

It's all right. It looks fine. It looks normal.

It's all right. Okay. Oh, my God, it's so bad.

It's cacti! It's cactus.

It's cool. You cool? Yeah. I'm good.

It's in? Yeah.

It's on my hand. Just let them see it.

Jeez! Get it all out!

Jesus Christ. Yeah.

Just smell it. Ehren, smell it.

Keep going! Eat it!

Kind of, yes. Yeah.

Let me see it. Hold it up. Something broke.

Let's see it! Let's see it! Not that bad.

Let's see it. Let's see it. Not that bad.

Let's see. Oh, fuck!

lf you need a spot, just give me a call. Okay.

Little ding there. Yeah.

Lube up your corn hole. I am. I'm spackling.

Masturbate? Masturbate. Yeah.

Medic! Hey, don't knock over the beer.

Medic! No, no, no, no.

No, get away. Now what is?

No. I'm claiming predictions for this event.

Now I'm lubing up... I can't see the car, Ryan.

Oh, come on. Hey, I'm trying. It's so cold.

Oh, dude. It'll be all right.

Oh, fuck! Shit. He's teeing off!

Oh, fuck! What's wrong?

Oh, God, dude. You're an animal.

Oh, my God, it's so fucking bad. Daddy's got you. Come on.

Oh, no. Oh, no puking.

Oh, no. Oh, yes.

Oh, please! You don't have it, do you? No, we don't have it.

Oh, shit! Get down there and film low.

Oh, shit. There you go.

Oh, that was my flesh! Oh, shit.

Oh, that's funny. It didn't work.

Oh, yeah, opened up with a good one. Did you hear that?

Oh, yeah. Dude.

Oh. This is an unmitigated outrage.

Okay, are you ready? Yeah.

Okay. Thanks again.

Puppies, they have little teeth. Little teeth.

Put it in your ass and let him take it. Come on.

Really? Yeah. Like, really bad.

So, this thing's long. Yeah, thanks.

Stay there. Don't move. Don't move. It'll be over before you know it.

Swallow it. Swallow it.

Thank you, Dr. Kipper. Okay.

Thank you. Have a good week.

That's a good one. We're ready.

That's a legal contract. Yeah, but I was a little... I was...

That's all me! All of this!

That's how you treat an old man? Yep. Get out! Go!

That's the winner. That's it.

Then you're a free man. Thank you.

There was. Yeah?

They don't feel good on the way... You're part of this, man.

They don't have a tail? No! They must have...

They got you now. You're doing good! Keep your head up!

This goes on the gooch. Dude, he's done.

Turn around. Let's see it. That was so much.

Wait, is he all right? Lance, are you all right?

Want to come over for dinner? No, that's okay.

Watch Lance pass out. Lance is gonna puke!

Watch this! Wait. Wait. Get down, Dimitry.

We got one more to go, buddy. Yes, sir.

We gotta get another one, man. Let's do it again.

Well, how did a car toy get there? Maybe you stuck it up your ass.

Well, you're gonna have to. Well, I ain't.

Were you drinking or anything? Yeah, I had a little, to be honest.

What does that mean? No one's ever done that.

What is that? I have no idea.

What is wrong with you? Those are my bananas.

What the hell are we doing that for? I don't know.

What was that? What are you doing?

What'd you think happened right there? It's embarrassing.

What's going on here? Get off!

What's up? Hi, I have a reservation.

What's wrong with you? What are you talking about?

What's wrong, man? I had to sit there while he shat.

Where we going, Knoxville? The hospital.

Where? I didn't even... He didn't even get you.

Where's Ryan? Did you make them?

Whose car is this? This is your guys' car.

Why can't you walk on a tightrope? I don't know.

Why, these are different bottle rockets? No, there's just more of them.

Yeah, me, too. I am not doing it.

Yeah, there you go. Food, food, food, food.

Yeah, this goes on the gooch. Yeah, go, go, go, come on.

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah. Look at me.

Yeah. I think that... It's one of the first things I think

Yes. Yeah, what... Yeah, I hit a dog.

You all right? That was so fast!

You all right? Yeah.

You can't get it out? You don't have... No.

You don't want it to happen that much. No, I really do.

You got bursitis? Yeah.

You got it? Yeah, yeah.

You have... Did your brakes go out? Yeah. The whole thing doesn't work.

You know how to operate it now? Yeah, I think so. I think so.

You made it to the fucking bottom! I can't believe he got that far.

You okay? I'm good. I'm good.

You said that you would. Eat it.

You, too. Thank you.

You're gonna get a gummer. All right.

You're making me uncomfortable. Sorry.

...is the chocolate snow cone.

...necessary to help protect your vital organs.

...the little toy car, because I'm going to put it in my butt.

'cause I haven't been able to walk right since.

'cause I just wanna hold it in.

'Cause I rented it from you guys fair and square.

'Cause if it hits me in the heart, I'm pretty much done with, so...

"and there's some ideas floating around."

"F" you!

"F" you!

"I'm not mad at you, I'm just disappointed," you know.

"Oh, my face!"

"Spackling."

"This doesn't happen in nature."