💬 Home Sweet Hell

A blue Suburban. That's it. Suburban.

A little.

A second store in Shady Springs.

A specialist?

A toast.

A.J. You don't need to play quite so rough, okay?

About all this.

About what? Which part, Don?

About you burying your beef inside my girl?

Actually, Don, I came down here about something else entirely.

After everything I've done! Everything my parents have done!

Ah, I didn't write it. Heh, heh. But it is good.

Ah, you're okay. DON: It's okay?

Ah.

Ah. You taste like gummy bears.

All right, then.

All right, then. We'll let you know if she comes back.

All right, well, let me, uh... Okay.

All right.

All she wanted was to get back up on her feet

All the money! All the opportunities we've given you!

All they do is make money.

All what?

ALLISON: Come on, it's my turn.

ALLISON: I don't care, you've had it forever. You're not playing fair!

Already? That's impressive. I don't think I've ever seen that...

And demands to be paid or he's gonna tell Mona.

And dismember you,

And drop them at the Buckleys' for their sleepover.

And getting me some ground beef? I gotta go check on the grill.

And have a refreshing beverage with us and talk fertilizers?

And how about you, Allison? What have you learned?

And how's that, Don?

And I don't?

And I hope you find all the happiness in the world.

And I just... I shouldn't have said it.

And I know it hurts you a lot. I can see that. I can see...

And I know what I've done is really stupid

And I love our beautiful kids and our life.

And I want more than 13 grand for that. You understand me?

And I will gut you...

And I won't stand for it anymore, so I had to...

And in front of your whole family tells Mona you guys have been screwing.

And it shows up 10 years from now and exclaims:

And it's just...

And just take responsibility for the things that you destroy!

And one day her boyfriend comes into the store

And she's pregnant.

And support her family.

And that's the truth.

And the gaming system.

And the pleasure is all mine.

And then you. Huh? Unh!

And then your daughter. And then your son.

And to Tiny Tim, who did not die, he was a second father.

And Uncle Murphy had to come along and save your sweet little ass, didn't I?

And we need to move to the Wildwood Collection by next summer.

And we'll have to drop the kids at the Buckleys' for a sleepover.

And we're not gonna let a little infidelity get in the way of that.

And what are you gonna do about it?

And you need to work out.

And you sent it to me in a sectional.

And you're an alcoholic.

And you're committed to achieving our goals?

And your hand was the only casualty? Well, she slammed it in a panini press.

ANDREW: Don't be a sore loser.

ANDREW: Help! Help! ALLISON: Aah! Aah! Aah!

ANDREW: It's my turn.

Andrew!

Andrew! ANDREW: What?

Andrew?

Andrew.

Are you hurt bad?

Are you in love, Don?

Are you my surprise?

Are you sure that you wanna go through with this?

Are you sure there's no other way?

Are you?

As scheduled.

At home. I've already put it on the schedule.

At least she's not Mexican.

At our house.

At the same time?

Baby, What?

Back on the floor I go. All right.

Back. Are you back? Are you back?

Because he pitches in for their private school? Heh, heh.

Because I am so sorry, and I love you so much.

Because I'm a fucking coward.

Because then that would be another dead body I'd have to look into.

Because we have standards and strategy.

Better to be lucky than good.

Burn it while we watch.

But how long have we been?

But I want it by tomorrow. What?

But if you ever talk to me like that again...

But it has to be more than 13,000.

But it was always said he knew how to keep Christmas well,

But it would appear the only items missing are his watch and wallet.

But it would be a loan.

But it's not because of my parents.

But they'll be here soon enough,

But this photo managed to survive of her and your man there.

But ultimately we'll be better partners because of it.

But when you've been doing this as long as I have,

But with adequate time and study,

But you are the employee of the month so that deserves some celebration, no?

By the black, round coffee table. MAN: You got it.

Bye. Yeah, we'll see you.

Came in there a couple days ago.

Can I trust the furniture man? Oh, yeah.

Can make the body absorb the drug differently.

Cha ching!

Chief, can I interest you in some dinner? I've cooked up some artichokes.

Chief, hi. I'll call you back.

Chief, if Mona finds out... Oh, I know.

CHOIR: ♪ The first Noel the angels did... ♪♪

Come here. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Damn it.

Come here. You ever been with a Scottish man?

Come on down and let our family

Come on in and have a seat.

Come on, A.J.

Come on, come on.

Come on, Don, just give me the money

Come on, Donny. Don't make me beg.

Come on.

Come on. You know my wife has Crohn's.

Considering I've only known you... I am not a whore.

COP: Freeze! Throw down your weapons!

Could you help me? Thank you. Oh, yeah, sure.

Crohn's.

Daddy does too.

Dagmarro? That's a nice name. What is that, Canadian? Heh heh heh.

Destroy our video games.

Did she tell you how big my dick was? We did not get into specifics about that.

Did the new hire make a sale?

Did you find someone?

Did you invite Dusty to the party?

Dirty South, bitch. Ha, ha.

Do not get weak, Don.

Do something, Don! Be a man for once in your life

Do you at least have the 13,000? Please.

Do you care for me?

Do you care for me? Yeah. What? What?

Do you fucking get me?!

Do you hear me?

Do you hear that?

Do you need me to?

Do you think that Les and Abby have forged A.J.'s birth certificate?

Do you think they did anything to you when you were younger?

Do you understand, Don Champagne?

Do you wanna sit down or? DUSTY: Uh uh. That's okay.

Do you want a divorce?

Does he partially own the kids

Does it look like I'm fucking joking?

Does that bitch have my money?

Don Champagne. Dusty.

Don, did you happen to bring any police with you?

Don, have you ever considered that maybe she's making this up?

Don, I wanna know where my girl is.

Don, I'm pregnant.

Don, you can sell your car, your life insurance,

DON: Collector of the finer things in life?

DON: Ha ha ha. MARK: Okay, Mona.

DON: Hey, chief. CHIEF: Don.

DON: His birth certificate?

DON: Holy shit, Les. Don Champagne.

DON: Mona, Mona, Mona.

DON: Okay.

DON: She did say she was trying to get away from some people.

DON: Well, did you catch them?

DON: Well, you get me somebody that's authorized to say yes

Don.

Don't ask me that again. You can still keep the money.

Don't come home.

Don't lie to me.

Don't make this any more difficult... Just right here, please, sit.

Don't pop this inside.

Don't say that. Please don't say that.

Don't stop.

Don't worry.

Donny. Yeah?

DUSTY: (ON RECORDING ) This is Dusty. Leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you.

DUSTY: Donny?

DUSTY: I should've taken it, but the more I think about it,

DUSTY: Mm.

DUSTY: Oh! DON: Unh!

DUSTY: Oh! Oh! DON: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

DUSTY: Pop that champagne inside of me!

Dusty?

Dusty? Hi. It's Don. Um...

Dusty? Mm.

Dusty. Hm.

Easy. It's just a game.

Eh...

Everything all right, Don? Oh, yeah.

Exclusive art? Italian leather?

Fill your furnishing desires.

Flatter her.

Focus, Don. This is important.

Fondling you.

For your home, office, or yacht.

FREEMAN: Come on.

FREEMAN: Get in there. Shh, shh. Unh. Shh, shh.

Freeman! Freeman.

Freeman! Fuck!

Freeman? Freeman, what are you...? I'm dying.

Freeman's dead too. He bled out. Look at him.

Fuck Mona. Fuck you.

Fuck.

FYI, I'm hiring the next employee.

Get her in the trunk.

Get off me, get off.

Get off!

Get out of there, honey. Oh, God.

GIRL: Mom. Hit it, Andrew!

Give it a couple minutes. You're gonna be fucked. Ha ha ha.

Give it to me, baby! Oh!

Give it to me. I'll do it.

Give me the key, you fucking prick.

God, this bitch is heavy.

God.

Goddamn it, Mona, why didn't you take your phone?

Good decision. Yeah.

Good girl. You're so strong. Get some candy.

Good job, buddy.

Good things happen to good people, and you are a good person.

Good.

Good. I'll put it on the calendar.

Good. Okay.

Great lawn!

Great.

Guess there's only one thing to do.

Ha ha ha. LES: So you're... Um...

Ha ha ha. You believe him? Well, that's hilarious. Heh heh heh.

Handwoven rugs? Maybe even a rare floor lamp?

Has some, um...

Have you been drinking?

He just wants what's best for them.

He said he was going to **** us? Yeah, the whole family.

He said she did it. The wife?

He said that we have to give him $20,000,

He said to give you this.

He's already pre approved, plus we got everything in stock.

He's not on steroids, Mona. He's just a big boned kid.

He's supposed to be watching it. But I wanna get my Frisbee...

Hear what? The ringing sound.

Heh heh heh. Oh, my God. She is an incredible specimen.

Heh heh heh. Where's your kid?

Heh, heh. How are you? Pleasure's all mine.

Heh, heh. That's what you want, one last toast?

Hello?

Hello? Come in.

Hello.

Hello. DUSTY: Hey.

Her name is Dusty?

Here at Champagne Furniture and Rugs

Here comes the champagne! Yes! Aah!

Here you go. This one's on the house.

Hey, get off. Unh!

Hey, guys. Okay. Put that in the back. MAN: In the back?

Hey, hey, hey! A sale is a sale.

Hey, Mona?

Hey, what the hell happened to Dusty? I don't know. But I'm worried.

Hey.

Hey. Impressive day.

Hey. Where you going?

Hey. Yeah?

Hey. You don't take care of him...

Hey. You get me?

Hi, Dusty. Welcome to Champagne Furniture and Rugs.

Hi.

Hi. Heh heh heh.

Hi. I have heard so much about you.

Hi. Les. How are you? You have beautiful eyes.

Hi. Welcome. Champagne Furniture and Rugs.

Hit it harder! Yes!

Hit it, Andrew. It's okay.

Hm?

Hm? Honey, how was your day?

Hm.

Hold on. Hold on. I've seen you before. I have.

Holy shit.

How about putting some tunes on? Sure.

How about you shut the fuck up and do a line, Don?

How are the French lessons?

How can you not be on the pill?

How dare you not try to fight for that. That's not what I meant.

How dare you? Well...

How is she? Is she okay? No, she's dead.

How old is she? I don't know.

How you doing? I'm Don. I'm the owner. Let me know if you need any help.

How? I followed her.

Huh?

Huh. Yeah.

I accept your offer.

I actually, uh... I dropped a couch on it.

I am a man, Mona. I have needs! You obviously do not!

I am dressed for a covert operation.

I am really, really sorry.

I am this close

I appreciate it, you know, for something so trivial.

I assume this is about money.

I believe him.

I bet she keeps it trim for daddy, doesn't she.

I can do anything that you need me to to keep this

I can feel it in my bones, man. Something ain't right.

I can fucking taste him on you.

I can smell the booze seeping out of your fat pores right now.

I can tell you've been working out.

I can't get a little first? Eh...

I can't just shoot someone like an animal.

I can't think with you crying like a little bitch.

I can't, I can't, I can't.

I can't.

I can't. I can't, I'm sorry.

I can't. I don't... I don't, I don't, uh...

I can't...

I deserve better than this, Don.

I did not see this coming.

I did. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I...

I didn't even bring it. I don't have any of the money.

I didn't say that. You didn't have to.

I didn't want it to come to this. I know. I hear you.

I didn't...

I do? It's not fair.

I don't feel so good.

I don't have insurance, Don.

I don't have it.

I don't have time for this. Three tests.

I don't know how long this is taking.

I don't know how to fix this.

I don't know what else to do.

I don't know, Don.

I don't know. Um...

I don't think he has more.

I don't think so.

I don't think they're gonna be able to make it.

I don't understand what he's saying.

I don't usually mingle with the employees,

I feel like my heart's about to explode.

I feel like you guys got some sort of special bond or something.

I get you.

I got a $3000 order. The numbers look good.

I got a little sc**** here, and a busted up knee.

I got seven grand. I saved up.

I got six grand.

I guess not. Now get a hammer.

I guess.

I have a genetic mitral valve prolapse. I can't even drink coffee.

I have a medical condition,

I have a small uterus.

I have a wife and kids, and this is a family furniture store.

I have always wondered what it was like. Ha ha ha.

I have no doubt, darling.

I have to pay her. That is the blackmail. That is...

I have...

I heard your little fight last night.

I hope you shit yourself to death.

I just feel like we're disconnected.

I just touched myself in the bathroom until I came

I just want to make it right.

I know what I'm doing. You said that last time, right?

I know where Dusty lived.

I know.

I know. We don't want Mona to find out. No, we don't.

I like it when you watch me.

I love you so much.

I love you too.

I love you, Don.

I love you.

I mean, I think we need to be constructive,

I mean, it's in CDs and other financial instruments,

I need that money.

I need you to keep an eye on Lanny at the grill.

I ordered an espresso Modernica in a pull out

I really liked you, Don Champagne. Oh, God.

I saw it on an episode of First 48.

I saw it on First 48.

I see that. Yeah.

I see you guys eyeing this bad boy. Let's take it for a ride.

I see.

I think I've done really well under the circumstances.

I think it's all these drugs, man. Fuck.

I think it's the Tide.

I think she's what I need on the floor.

I think that's making me fucking paranoid.

I think you're doing a great job. Aw...

I thought there was enough to fell a small village.

I told her... I told him that she ran off to Dallas.

I told you we should've dumped the car in the lake.

I took your advice and I told Mona.

I understand.

I wanna have it. You wanna have it.

I want my 20,000, Don. Yeah. Yeah.

I want this, and you need this. No, but I'm a...

I want to ask you something first, okay? Okay, go.

I was gonna get my picture made on it, but he wanted an extra six dollars, so...

I was trying to be sweet.

I was watching you out there. You're a natural.

I wasn't supposed to be able to.

I will do this. No, you won't.

I will do whatever you want, honey

I will easily become accomplished.

I will end you.

I will get one of the knives...

I will not put my children through that. I will not put myself through that.

I will. You get me?

I won't have Andrew compete against a child on steroids.

I won't.

I would love to. Great.

I, uh... I understand.

I, um...

I... You know, I can't, really. I just... I don't really feel great.

I'd do a thorough check of the premises, though.

I'd like that very much.

I'd write it down for you, but I'm just covered in that girl.

I'll bury her. No, no. I'll do it. Open the trunk.

I'll grab it. Just go on out there, keep an eye on him. I don't trust him.

I'll never forget what we had, and the way that you made me feel.

I'll review all the applications tonight. We need this.

I'm being blackmailed. How am I supposed to look?

I'm bleeding really bad, bro.

I'm coming, honey.

I'm Don Champagne, tastemaker.

I'm Don Champagne.

I'm fine.

I'm glad that you could come.

I'm glad you have Crohn's.

I'm gonna blend in with the night.

I'm gonna come perfectly clean because that's the Don Champagne way.

I'm gonna kill her, man.

I'm here about the job posting on Craigslist.

I'm in love with my wife.

I'm just a furniture salesman.

I'm not gonna lie to you, chief, because you don't deserve to be lied to.

I'm not here to talk. Just go ahead. Sit down.

I'm not proud of it.

I'm not saying it's not a lot of money. I'm just thinking

I'm not. I swear to you, I'm not.

I'm really not in the mood.

I'm so sorry, boss.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry that I offended you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm sure she has a babysitter.

I'm the strong one. I have come to accept that.

I'm trying to get away from some...

I've been having an affair at the store with Dusty, the salesgirl.

I've been up for 29 hours. Uh...

I've got a lot of faith in you. Ahem.

I've got a surprise for you.

If any man alive possessed the knowledge...

If I catch this dog on my property again, ladies.

If Mona finds out, she'll take everything.

If we were to bribe someone, I don't know if seven grand is the right...

If you can.

If you cannot argue constructively, what will Mother do?

If you find anything else missing, give us a call.

Improved By: Fidel33

In the fucking bedroom!

Inside the store?

Into your fancy clothes and your make up, so you could fit into this

Is registered to another fella went missing a while back outside of town.

Is she aborting it? What?

Is she aborting it?!

Is that right? Yeah. It is big.

Is that the boyfriend? (IN NORMAL VOICE) That's him. Yeah.

Is the manager here?

Is this about money?

It is? Yeah.

It is.

It just seems like those two things are connected, don't you think?

It was heavy. Yeah.

It would be at the bottom of a lake right now.

It would seem so.

It's 10 in the morning, Les.

It's a hammer.

It's a lot of money, seven grand, in America today.

It's a set up, man. It's a fucking set up!

It's an honest question, Mona.

It's big.

It's demeaning, that's all. What if it stunts his emotional growth?

It's gonna take a little time to heal,

It's hard to stay focused when I've got this healthy erection.

It's just been a little crazy lately. That's all.

It's okay. Okay. So, what are we gonna do?

It's probably... You're good. It'll pass? Okay.

It's ruining his self confidence.

It's the crystal meth? Yeah. Crystal, like champagne.

It's what all those greedy, anti nuclear family types want.

Jesus Christ.

Just give me a few minutes. That's all.

Just make sure you work with your brother.

Just put it on speakerphone, for God's sakes!

Just thinking about your big, bulging...

Kabob.

Last night. Before she... We, uh...

Last week? Definitely last week. Uh huh.

Last week. I think last week.

Les is fine.

LES: Come on, A.J. Come on, you'll break it.

LES: Come on, focus. You can break it. Swing at it.

LES: Don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me.

LES: Unh! No! Wait, wait, wait!

Les. don't you say that. Don't you dare say that, Les.

Let me... Yeah, yeah. You're so sweet.

Let's at least have a proper send off. I'm not having sex with you.

Like a kabob of sorts. It was disgusting.

Like a kabob with seepage.

Like something you just throw out on the street?

Like that wench you screwed.

Listen to me.

Listen, Don, something else came up

Listen, don't think ever.

Listen, Donny, say you pay her, all right? And Dusty wants more.

Listen, just go. Make up something and leave.

Listen, remember, I'm the paranoid one. Can't both be on edge,

Listen...

Look alive, Champagne. Look alive.

Look at that.

Look at that. Oh! FREEMAN: Yeah.

Look, at him, Murphy! Benji!

Look, I just wanted to let you know

Looking good, looking good. Mm hm. Mm hm.

Love you.

Love you. Love you.

Love you. More than the moon and the stars?

MAN #2: Come on, buddy.

MAN: (ON TV) He did it all and infinitely more.

MAN: So as Tiny Tim observed,

Marriage and set of goals alive.

Maybe next time, chief.

Maybe she's got the mind to take some money.

Maybe we should go on vacation. Get away from all this madness.

Maybe.

Me?

Mm hm.

Mm hm. Hm.

Mm.

Mm. Just a chocolate La Z Boy recliner.

Mm. Why? Everyone's at lunch. No, because this is wrong.

Mona made you do it?

Mona said that? Absolutely. Every word.

Mona senses everything. She's very perceptive. It's fucking eerie.

Mona wants to record First 48 instead of Duck Dynasty.

Mona, I am your husband. If you can't tell me, who can you tell?

Mona, I've already attempted to murder someone for you.

Mona, you... You're just unstable.

MONA: (ON PHONE) That doesn't work. What do you mean, it doesn't work?

MONA: Don't over season.

MONA: I don't want to hear "can't," Don!

MONA: I hope you shit yourself to death!

MONA: Mm.

Mona. Should we...? Can we talk about this?

Mona's orders. Hm.

More than the moon and the stars.

MURPHY: Heh heh heh. Well, well, well.

MURPHY: I'll leave your cut on the bed.

MURPHY: Jump in the shower and clean yourself up.

MURPHY: Life is about risk, Don.

MURPHY: Oh, fuck. What is it, man? I'm banging Kelly. Oh, fuck.

MURPHY: You think?

My appointment just for yesterday was $900.

My parents never did anything to me. My parents are perfect parents.

Never.

New number. New card.

Nice and crispy. Heh, heh.

Nice car, private school. He's got a lot more.

No one else knows, and she won't abort it. Are you sure?

No penetration.

No reason to get short with me, Don Champagne.

No shit, Don. It's meth.

No, Don, not here.

No, Dusty, I...

No, Dusty. Mona made me do it.

No, honey, for us. For us. And you failed.

No, I honestly do not have the money. I thought I did, and I don't.

No, I want to keep some boundaries between the power and the help.

No, it's not.

No, it's the furniture store man.

No, Mona, can we talk?

No, no, no. Dusty, we can't do this.

No, no, no. I was just getting my gold plated cock ring.

No, no, no... Oh, no.

No, no! Oh, God! Oh, no.

No, sir. Thank goodness.

No, that's not like her. No. Something's wrong.

No, what if she's dead?

No! She's alive! No! No!

No.

No. A hammer? A hammer?

No. Get a hammer. A hammer?

No. I wanna take care of this today. I wanna end this.

No. No way. No way?

No. No, no, no Shh.

No. No. How much?

No. No. Why aren't you dead?

No. Well, um...

Nobody.

Nope.

Not another Mexican, is it?

Not this time, darling. Not with that pretty boy.

Not with all the money that I've had to put into...

Nothing. I swear.

Now you can't even do what it takes to make it right!

Now, come on. I need the money.

Now, Don, you're gonna do this, and then I'll trust you. You don't...

Now, focus. Ugh.

Now, grab a shovel.

Now, I love you. I'll be back in a flash.

Now, I need to pick up the children

Now... Ahem.

Nowhere without this family!

Of a couple winos looking for booze and quick cash.

Of course you do.

Of course, sugar.

Of course.

Of the showroom. Selling furniture.

Oh, and make sure your clothes are ironed before school tomorrow.

Oh, and stick to 1/3 pound burgers. I hate when the meat gets too thick.

Oh, babe. I didn't mean...

Oh, babysitter.

Oh, boy. Heh heh heh.

Oh, don't stop.

Oh, God, I'm just so sick of all this... The money, Don.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, no, no, no. Mona.

Oh, great, you did.

Oh, he does. Beautiful house, beautiful wife,

Oh, heh, heh. Daddy wouldn't approve of those hedges.

Oh, hey, chief. Yeah, hi.

Oh, honey, honey, honey.

Oh, I'm sorry. But what's your point?

Oh, my God, I think I'm gonna be sick.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. That's an expensive specialist.

Oh, my God. They stabbed British Lynn with a sword.

Oh, my...

Oh, no, honey. You have to do it, of course.

Oh, no, no, no. You see, it's probably the work

Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. She's doesn't know a thing.

Oh, no...

Oh, okay.

Oh, poor girl. Poor Dusty.

Oh, son. Are you okay?

Oh, stop it. What?

Oh, thank goodness. Not much left,

Oh, thanks. Any chance you'd like to come by

Oh, that is gorgeous.

Oh, that's a shame. We love children.

Oh, there you are.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah

Oh, yours isn't. Yes. It's a little old.

Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Oh.

Oh. And in addition to poor Dusty,

Oh. Hi. Hello.

Oh. How's your wife feel

Oh. Maybe we should just let her go. Heh heh heh.

Oh. Oh, fuck. I can barely see.

Oh. Well, maybe next time. Maybe.

Oh. Yeah.

Oh...

Okay, tomorrow night, the furniture store, 8:00.

Okay? I feel like you're not as focused as you should be.

Okay? I've got a lot of the anxiety. I came through for you. I got your money.

Okay.

Okay. Come on.

Okay. Line of meth. Yup.

Okay. Oh, pop it! Pop it!

On their roadtrip for Andrew's birthday party.

One deep breath. Plug the other nostril. Don't embarrass yourself.

One of them's still on the loose. But don't worry, we'll get him.

One, two. One, two. One, two.

Open the trunk!

Or be bitch slapped by a slut in front of your kids.

Or drown her?

Or he's gonna **** us.

Or I'm gonna find another finance company.

Or I'm gonna **** your wife and make you watch.

Or this: What if the kid is real

Our goals?

Our goals.

Out of my bedside drawer...

Ow! Ow!

Perception is everything.

Please don't.

Please, just take it. It's all I've got. I don't have any more.

Pleasure's all mine.

Point? Eye candy. Eye candy.

Poor Dusty.

Pretty soon you'll forget I even existed.

Put it in your drink?

Really? No.

Red Tag Sales always are.

Relax. Her phone probably just died.

Right back.

Right? This way, buddy.

Right.

Same old, same old.

Scrooge had no further dealings with ghosts,

See the raised letters? Isn't that nice?

Seven grand.

She always comes back, Murphy. Hey?

She cries all day. Violent bowel movements. It's horrific.

She doesn't know and she can never find out.

She left town to Dallas.

She may even kill you.

She must have a little harlot in her in a dress like that, hm?

She said that she was busy. Hm.

She told me enough.

She's cute... Stop. I need you to work.

She's dead, Murphy.

She's dead.

She's gonna take care of you. Okay.

She's just kidding.

She's so skinny and pretty.

Shit. I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go.

Should've gone in. Should've gone. Should've gone.

Shut up, Allison.

Slow down. What did he say?

So how goes it? What do you know?

So I can get out of here and forget this ever happened.

So I guess you're still going through with it.

So just drink your beer and chill out. Okay?

So make sure the yard is in perfect order anyway.

So now you have to do it again, and do it right this time.

So she shows up at your house and rings your doorbell

So that's why I went to the "lodge." To pay him off.

So these guys probably live there too.

So we're gonna get rid of all this. I'm gonna just give it away.

So you're gonna need to work on the lawn.

So, Don, I'm sure that little slut told you all about us, didn't she?

So, what do I do first? Unh...

So, what kind of jobs do you give? Had.

Some girls over at that lodge where them fellas did their business,

Some very good references.

Somebody set it on fire.

Someone set her car on fire? Was she in it?

Something to take our minds off that suffering.

Sometimes the weather

Sorry for the interruption. Not at all.

Speaking of my parents, they're gonna swing by here

Spit it out, Don!

Sweetheart. Yeah?

Sweetie, come here, come here. Shh.

Swing it like you swing that baseball bat! Hit it!

Tell me. Well, I feel like I...

Ten years old? Who are we kidding?

Thank you for taking a chance on me.

Thank you very much. You're welcome, sir.

Thank you, Ally.

Thank you.

Thank you. It's Chanel.

Thank you. Thanks.

Thank you. You dropped your chips. Ha ha ha. Oh, my chips.

That burns! That really burns. Whoo! Yeah.

That family thinks they're better than us.

That fucking white bread piece of shit, that furniture store man.

That I found a specialist out of town.

That is a bad boy. Heh, heh. All three of them.

That is gonna get you high.

That is my dilemma.

That makes a lot of sense.

That should be enough to fell a small village.

That sure is a pretty shine you got there.

That wants to better civilization through the fine furniture of the world."

That wife was not a very good person.

That wife.

That's a great saying. There's no luck needed, though.

That's a terrible idea.

That's appropriate. Uh... Um...

That's because it's cut with Tide and peyote, son.

That's good, honey. That's very good. So, what should we do now?

That's it.

That's not fair, Mona.

That's not true. She'll tell Mona.

That's not what I meant.

That's really good to know. Great. Now can you go?

That's right. Don't forget what happened to your Legos.

That's so odd. That's odd, huh?

That's the man.

That's thirteen grand. She'll take that. Come on, who wouldn't take that?

That's very generous of you. Doesn't seem like much of a payoff.

That's why I'm here. Oh, really?

The big deal?

The drug? Yeah. Unh!

The furniture people.

The furniture store lady? What the fuck are you talking about?

The furniture woman. The furniture woman.

The kids, the store, everything.

The office?

The pussy or the dick? MURPHY & FREEMAN: Ha ha ha.

The strip club. Hm.

The vehicle, however, is burnt up just like I like my bacon.

Then what is it?

Then when will we get rid of them?

Then why would you act like that?

Then you have to tell Mona first. Oh.

There are only a couple days a month.

There is only ever my way.

There was another young woman they stabbed to death

There's nothing to tell. Okay.

They described someone that looked just like you.

They don't need to finance and they asked for rush delivery.

They nearly crippled Les. Now they're threatening us.

They never hit me. They never hurt me.

They're very hard on you, on us.

Thinking had you sucking cops off for crack, right?

This is about our legacy.

This is Don Champagne of Champagne Furniture and Rugs.

This is your fault!

This one's funny.

This place...

This tramp is trying to tear apart our family.

To let you know we found Dusty.

To make you the way that you are.

To telling the Little League committee about your scam.

To wives and sweethearts. May they never meet.

To, uh...

Today. Here.

Twenty five is fine. Um...

Twenty five.

Twenty five. Get 25, or my next call is to Mona.

Two of them. Both dead. Oh. Oh.

Ugh.

Ugh. Just distasteful.

Uh, no. It's not a Mexican.

Uh, those are drugs.

Uh, yeah.

Uh...

Um, have a wonderful time.

Um, here is $13,000.

Um, no. Um...

Um, she's a single mother. Uh, just moved here.

Um...

Um... Uh... Um... More than the moon and the stars.

Um... Yeah. Little stockroom accident.

Unh! He fucked you in every orifice,

Unh! What happened to your hand?

Unh. I got jumped.

Unh. Mona. Mona, come on.

Unh. No. Uh...

Unh. Now, Don.

Unless, of course,

Until then you can take care of yourself.

Up your nose? Yeah.

Very comfortable. Very beautiful...

Very happy. You?

Wait, what? Get away? People.

Wait, you don't think this has anything to do with that, do you?

Wait. Wait. Wait.

Want a handjob?

Was it heavy?

We are supposed to be a little kinky.

We can't just kill someone. We won't. You will.

We can't kill anyone else.

We don't need this.

We finally meet after all this time.

We gonna be adults about this? We're gonna...

We have goals, we have a family,

We love what you've done with your lawn, Don.

We need something to look at during the day.

We need this retreat in Florida.

We need to discuss the Les and A.J. situation

We need to fertilize the garden with your hooker.

We need to go right now.

We need to leave.

We thought you might be able to help us out with.

We will have sex on the 9th

We will have sex on the 9th, as scheduled.

We'd be the laughingstock of this entire city.

We're gonna achieve our goals, Don,

We're still looking into that.

We're supposed to have sex more than six times a year.

We're trying to run a business, Don, not a day care.

We've been through this.

We've got a little bit of a problem here.

Well, did he ask about the girl?

Well, Don, I figured I'd come by here personally

Well, Don, since that little skank left town,

Well, don't give it away. Ha ha ha. Give it away.

Well, either way I've gotta pay her. There's no way around that.

Well, guess what. That's up to me.

Well, he did help pay for the house, Don, so I guess that makes it partially his lawn.

Well, how much you got?

Well, if we don't get rid of them tomorrow,

Well, if you wouldn't pressure me...

Well, it usually starts with the upbringing, that's all.

Well, it's not easy to, um... It's the kind of thing that is difficult to...

Well, it's not his lawn.

Well, look no further than Champagne Furniture and Rugs,

Well, paranoia is just total awareness.

Well, she seems like the kind of girl into that sort of thing.

Well, she's a liar.

Well, she's doing you all over the furniture store.

Well, she's, you know, loose. What did you say?

Well, that's typical, I guess.

Well, uh, you know,

Well, we found it.

Well, we're gonna have to dig her up, of course.

Well, what did Mona do? Did she kick you out?

Well, you know, anything's possible.

Well, you never know about dosage.

Well, you see, Don, it turns out that, um...

Well, your office is a bit of a mess,

Well...

What about the baby?

What am I gonna tell my parents about this?

What am I gonna tell my parents?

What are you doing here, Dusty? You cannot be here.

What are you doing in my house, eh? Answer me! Unh!

What are you doing outside? The windows are just filthy.

What are you doing?

What are you gonna do about it?

What are you gonna do? Find her and then kill her?

What are you inferring? I don't know what you're talking about.

What are you talking about?

What are you?

What can I do? I'll do anything. You just let me know.

What could we possibly drink to? Um...

What did he say? Right now. We have to go.

What did that man say?

What did you do, Donny?

What did you do?

What did you do? Well, I, um... I need you to forgive me.

What did you see in me? I'm a married furniture salesman.

What do I do?

What do we do?

What do you know? What do you need from me?

What do you mean, "get rid of"?

What do you mean, you wanna have it? I promise I won't tell anyone.

What do you mean?

What else did she say? Nothing.

What happened to "Pop that champagne inside of me, Don"?

What if I choke her?

What if I just slide it between your butt cheeks?

What if she's dead? No, don't say that.

What is it?

What is wrong with you? Ah! They made me do crystal meth.

What kind of car does she drive? Um... It's like, a big blue...

What people? What people?

What really happened to your hand?

What the fuck are you talking about?

What the hell happened?

What would our friends think? What would the community think?

What would your wife think, Don?

What?

What? All over my favorite kilt.

What? I can't. Must I remind you who's at fault here?

What? Oh!

What? What?

What? What? No, no, no!

What...?

What's his name?

What's the big deal? We work together.

What's the matter? You hurt your hand there?

What's wrong with the lawn?

What's wrong with those people? Monsters.

What's wrong? I really messed up.

When did she say that?

When you... No. You're not on the pill?

When's the last time you seen her? I, um...

Where we carry the coolest, sleekest furniture

Where? I don't have seven grand.

While you were making a panini? No, Les.

White picket fence motherfuckers. He say the furniture man did this?

Who am I speaking with?

Who else did you tell about this?

Who is a well oiled selling machine

Who is this, Lynn? My surprise.

Who the hell are you? I love her.

Who wasn't pregnant, by the way.

Who?

Whoa! So, what do they want?

Whoa.

Whoo!

Why are you being so weird, Don? What is wrong with you?

Why don't you try to pay Dusty off? You know, give her some money.

Why exactly did you bring a Zorro mask?

Why isn't she dead?

Why so much?

Why would you treat me like trash,

Why? Heh heh heh.

Will you shut up about First 48!

With a Samurai sword right through her mid section.

With that big cock of mine. Wow, look at that champagne.

WOMAN #1: Hey, there's a private room.

WOMAN #1: There you go, you got this. MAN #1: Come on.

WOMAN #2: Great job, Andrew. WOMAN #3: That's right, come on.

WOMAN #2: Hey, I'm wet.

WOMAN: Good morning, Don.

Wonderful. "Energetic people person

Work's kind of been piling up on me, so, uh...

Would you like to meet her?

Would you like to sit down?

Would you mind going out to the fridge in the garage

Wow, look at them big old titties.

Wow, you smell fantastic.

Yeah, baby. She's the one, boss. Ha ha ha.

Yeah, I did.

Yeah, I said a lot. Hm.

Yeah, I'd love... No, you know.

Yeah, it's a piece of shit like mine.

Yeah, oh, fuck me.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah. Actually, she did.

Yeah. Last week.

Yeah. She definitely is.

Yeah. Totally. Do you love me?

Yep. What's that?

Yep. Will do. Thank you so much for coming down.

Yes, I am very sure.

Yes, I am.

Yes, I want to do this. No, I want to do it more.

Yes, I'd like to report a disturbance.

Yes! Yay! Yay, you did it! Yay!

Yes.

Yes. Get a hammer so you can hit her in the head with it.

Yes. He called. I've gotta meet him in about a half an hour at the office.

Yes. I know...

Yes. I, um...

Yes. Um, uh...

Yes. Yep. Mm hm.

You are my husband.

You are so much more than just a furniture salesman, Don.

You are the father of my children.

You can't even do a commercial without overly sweating and mumbling!

You can't talk to him like that. Abby, Abby.

You cannot handle this. It's okay. It's okay.

You deserve better.

You did? Mm hm.

You did? Okay, tell me, chief. What have you got?

You do?

You don't have the money?

You don't look so good.

You don't want to know what I'm going to do

You drugged me!

You drugged me.

You got a girl named Dusty still working here?

You got a video camera? Ha ha ha. FREEMAN: What?

You gotta go, you gotta go. Shit!

You have a family. I get that. I don't wanna break that up.

You have to kill her.

You have to. I will not have my husband father a bastard.

You know how I love his approval.

You know what Daddy says, "Hire a Jew."

You know, I used to have a special bond. I think it's his wife's money.

You know, it just came out of the blue, out of nowhere.

You know, something bad.

You know, that car she was driving

You know, this leather is real Italian... Same color as your eyes. Look at that.

You know, um...

You know... Heh heh heh.

You like big titties? Um...

You look great. Thank you.

You looked a little bloated in the last commercial.

You must be Hot Carl. What?

You must look better than everyone else, always. No exceptions.

You need to erase all evidence, burning it is the best option.

You need to pull yourself together, okay?

You need to pull yourself together.

You only live once, Donny.

You put something in my drink.

You scared me.

You sexy thing.

You should have thought of that before you pumped me full of semen.

You should know better than anybody. All right.

You should own up

You think she's pretty?

You understand me? Yeah?

You used to throttle my mommy. Give me money."

You were gonna let that whore extort money from us?

You would be nowhere! Nowhere without me!

You'll be all right.

You're a smart guy, Don. Mm hm.

You're dying? What the fuck's going on? Hurry home, bro.

You're gonna dress like that and we're gonna review your goals?

You're gonna need to pick up some more trash bags from Costco tomorrow.

You're joking, right?

You're just being paranoid. Heh, heh.

You're just saying that because she's pretty.

You're not truly committed to what we have, and then...

You're on the hook with my money.

You're really hurting me. Oh. Oh.

You're so calm. Why is this so easy for you?

You're so pretty.

You're such a fucking pussy. Ha ha ha.

You're sure they are not here?

You've come such a long way from being a used car salesman.

You've gotta drive.

You've gotta leave now. This is my family time. My family is here.

You've gotta let me, Mona. That's not fair.

Your children deserve better than this. I know.

Your kid is a cheater.

Your parents gonna be here tomorrow for Andrew's birthday?

Your parents.

"Can't" is not gonna work! That's not gonna work!

"Champagne Society."

"God bless us, everyone."

"I will go!" That's what you should have said.

"I'll do it. I can do it. I can do it. I'm gonna do it, Mona! I'm gonna do it!"

"May" we, not "can" we. And yes.

"No! You stay and I will go!"

"Throttle."

"You're my daddy.

(♪♪♪)

(A.J. LAUGHING)

(BEEP OVER PHONE)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(BOTH MOANING)

(BOTH PANTING AND MOANING)

(BUZZING CONTINUES)

(CAR APPROACHING)

(CAR CRASHES AND CHILDREN SCREAMING)

(CAR TIRES SCREECHING)

(CELL PHONE BUZZING)

(CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLING)

(CLEARS THROAT)

(CONTINUES PANTING AND GRUNTING)

(COUGHING)

(CREAKING CONTINUES)

(CROWD CLAMORING AND CAR ALARM WAILING)

(CROWD MURMURING AND ABBY SOBBING)

(CROWD MURMURING)

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)

(DOG BARKING)

(DON & MURPHY LAUGHING)

(DON GRUNTING)

(DON WHIMPERING)

(DOOR CLOSES)

(DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES)

(DUSTY GROANING)

(DUSTY MOANING)

(FLESH SQUISHING)

(FLOORBOARDS CREAKING)

(FREEMAN GRUNTING AND LYNN LAUGHING)

(FREEMAN SINGING INDISTINCTLY)

(GAS HISSING)

(GASPS THEN TIRES SCREECHING)

(GASPS)

(GIGGLES)

(GROANING AND GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTS)

(GUNSHOTS)

(HAMMER THUDS)

(IN ENGLISH) Can I go play Xbox now?

(IN ENGLISH) Perception is key.

(IN FRENCH) It's a beautiful, difficult, and interesting language.

(IN FRENCH) It's your lack of focus, Andrew.

(IN FRENCH) They are kind?

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

(KEYPAD BEEPING)

(KNIFE PIERCING FLESH AND FREEMAN GRUNTING)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

(LAUGHING)

(LES COUGHING AND GROANING)

(LES GRUNTING AND SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(LES GRUNTS)

(LIGHT CRACKLING)

(LINE RINGING)

(LOCK CLICKS)

(LYNN & FREEMAN LAUGHING)

(LYNN LAUGHING)

(LYNN SCREAMING)

(MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON TV)

(MONA CHUCKLES)

(MOTORCYCLE DRIVING AWAY)

(MOUTHING) Cock.

(MURPHY LAUGHING)

(OVER SPEAKERS) ♪ And then she did it for me ♪

(OVER SPEAKERS) ♪ If we fall apart Don't shed a tear ♪

(PANTING AND GRUNTING)

(PANTING)

(RETCHES)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)

(SAW WHIRRING)

(SHOE SQUEAKS AND MONA GRUNTS)

(SIGHING)

(SIGHS)

(SNIFFING)

(SNIFFLING)

(SOBBING)

(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

(STAMMERING)

(SWORD PIERCES FLESH AND LYNN GRUNTS)

(THUNDER RUMBLING AND CLAPPING)

(VOMITING AND COUGHING)

(WHIMPERS)

(WHIRRING)

(WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY)

(WHISPERING) I was having an affair with Dusty,

(ZIPPER UNZIPS)

♪ All the kids say ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ And all the kids say All the kids say ♪

♪ And I dare a motherfucker To come in my face ♪

♪ And I don't know I don't know ♪

♪ And through it all If we fall apart ♪♪

♪ But now everybody wanna step up And step on the brakes ♪

♪ But they'll never know ♪

♪ But, baby I swear you've got the cuffs, yeah ♪

♪ Can you swear to me you'll listen As I whisper this to you? ♪

♪ Can't control, can't control ♪

♪ Dirty dog I'm a dirty dog ♪

♪ Do you swear to me you'll listen As I whisper this to you? ♪

♪ Doing what you want And you know that you shouldn't ♪

♪ For a rebel heart Keep walking tall ♪

♪ From point blank range You shoot to kill, yeah ♪

♪ Hello, kitty, you're so pretty How are you alone? ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪ ♪ Doing what you want ♪♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ ♪ It feels so good ♪

♪ How far will you reach, babe To keep the dream as one? ♪

♪ How much do you love me? How much do you care? ♪

♪ I call her "Little Mama" And she call me "Big Poppa" ♪

♪ I didn't choose to feel I didn't choose to feel this way ♪

♪ I don't wanna do right today ♪

♪ I got something that I can't control ♪

♪ I got to taste some lips And I want some more ♪

♪ I need a leash, I'm a dog ♪

♪ I took her to the crib And then she did it for me ♪

♪ I'm a dirty dog ♪

♪ I'm an outlaw ♪ ♪ I'm an outlaw ♪

♪ I'm stuck inside of a hole In your pillow ♪

♪ I've been plotting On how I'm gonna get you home ♪

♪ If I ask a simple question Do you promise to be true? ♪

♪ If I'm ever gonna change ♪♪

♪ It feels so good ♪ ♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ It feels so good doing what you want When you know that you shouldn't ♪

♪ It's Great Walls in them drawers Call that pussy China ♪

♪ It's so real ♪

♪ Like it's just you and me In here, yeah ♪

♪ More than the moon ♪

♪ More than the moon And the stars above ♪

♪ More than the moon And the stars above ♪♪

♪ More than the moon And the stars above, yeah ♪

♪ More than the moon And the stars up above ♪

♪ More than the moon And the stars up above ♪♪

♪ More than the moon And the stars up above, yeah ♪

♪ My little cuddle bear ♪ ♪ My little cuddle bear ♪

♪ Need a leash, I'm a dog ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Ooh, baby you want me? ♪

♪ Put on your Mac Put on your heels ♪

♪ Quick on the draw ♪ ♪ Quick on the draw ♪

♪ She got that bomb She can't get on planes with that nana ♪

♪ She say that I'm a baby So I suck it like it's baba ♪

♪ Something you've never seen before ♪ ♪ You've never seen ♪

♪ Spare me no details, my sweet ♪ ♪ Spare me no details, my sweet ♪

♪ Spare me no details, my sweet My little cuddle bear ♪

♪ Spare me nothing ♪

♪ Swear to me you'll listen As I whisper this to you ♪

♪ That pussy's so dumb, so dumb Kelly Bundy ♪

♪ That pussy's so dumb, so dumb Kelly Bundy ♪♪

♪ The way she work her body Make me wanna ♪

♪ They keep saying But I don't wanna hear it ♪♪

♪ Turn on a green light, babe ♪

♪ Want some more, want some more ♪ ♪ Come on, come on ♪

♪ We won't be tamed ♪

♪ We're gonna love out loud tonight ♪

♪ Well, you can get this lap dance here For free ♪

♪ Wonder if you know how I feel ♪

♪ Yeah, I got something That I can't control ♪

♪ Yeah, more than the moon ♪ ♪ And the stars ♪

♪ You know that you shouldn't ♪

♪ You wanna see me more Well, at least I hope ♪♪

Home Sweet Hell
"Home Sweet Hell" is a dark comedy film that was released in 2015. Directed by Anthony Burns, the movie provides a satirical take on suburban life and the pursuit of the American dream. The film stars Katherine Heigl, Patrick Wilson, Jordana Brewster, and Kevin McKidd. The story revolves around a seemingly perfect couple, Don and Mona Champagne, played by Patrick Wilson and Katherine Heigl, respectively. Don is a successful businessman, and Mona is the quintessential housewife, devoted to maintaining an impeccable home and supporting her husband's career ambitions. However, beneath the surface of their idyllic life, things are far from sweet. When Mona discovers that Don has been having an affair with a coworker named Dusty, portrayed by Jordana Brewster, her world is turned upside down. But rather than confront the situation head-on, Mona decides to take matters into her own hands and seeks vengeance on Dusty. What ensues is a wickedly comedic journey as Mona manipulates, plots, and schemes to eliminate Dusty and protect her picture-perfect life. As Mona's plans become increasingly absurd and outrageous, the movie delves deeper into the dark elements of human nature. The cast offers an exceptional display of talent, delivering nuanced performances that add layers of complexity to the characters. Katherine Heigl demonstrates her range as an actress, shifting seamlessly from the charming and seemingly innocent Mona to the conniving and vindictive woman driven by revenge. Patrick Wilson plays the role of Don with charming charisma, showcasing his ability to portray a character grappling with conflicting desires and secrets. Jordana Brewster brings a sultry allure to the character of Dusty, a woman who unknowingly finds herself at the center of Mona's devious plans. Additionally, Kevin McKidd delivers a stellar performance as Gloria, a peculiar character with a unique relationship to Mona and Don. The movie's clever writing and dark humor provide a satirical commentary on the façade of suburban perfection and the lengths people will go to maintain it. "Home Sweet Hell" explores themes of deceit, vengeance, and the consequences of burying secrets. Music plays a pivotal role in amplifying the atmosphere and emotions in the film. A memorable soundtrack accompanies the on-screen events, heightening the tension and adding an additional layer of storytelling. From haunting melodies during pivotal moments to energetic tracks during frantic sequences, the music immerses the audience in the world of "Home Sweet Hell." If you are intrigued by this dark comedy and want to fully immerse yourself in the experience, you can play and download the soundscape of "Home Sweet Hell" here. With its captivating story, exceptional cast, and memorable soundtrack, this film offers a rollercoaster ride of emotions that will keep you entertained from start to finish. In conclusion, "Home Sweet Hell" is an engaging dark comedy that shines a light on the tumultuous lives of a seemingly perfect couple. With its talented cast, clever writing, and memorable soundtrack, the film offers an entertaining and thought-provoking exploration of the dark side of suburbia. So, sit back, relax, and immerse yourself in the twisted world of "Home Sweet Hell."
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