Big Momma's House 2 Edit

A backdoor hack into that system.

A couple of months ago, she started hanging out with this new group of friends...

A few months ago, we received anonymous intel...

A hearty helping All right?

A remote, but no TV.

A room full of beautiful women in towels and mud.

A spa! Look at this!

A think tank? Really? Well, who's going?

A uncle? Aunt?

A woman this big, wearing a thong?

Affirmative. Stopping with the code names, Eagle One.

Agent Doug Hudson was working undercover on Fullers technical team.

Agent location, West Hills Mall.

Ah, now, I'm not talking about investigating your parents.

Ah, that would be our buyer. Right on time.

Ah, yes, but don't worry. I'll contain the seepage, okay?

Ah! Oh, Lord! Back burnin! Comin' through!

Ahhh. I would like you to work on my lower back here...

Ain't that right, Andrew?

All I'm saying is I could use a little bit of help.

All right! Whoo! Got butt movement all back there. I like that.

All right? Here's a little sippy sip for you.

All right? It's okay.

All right. Bye bye.

All right. Okay.

All right. There you go, little ladies.

All right. Well, we didn't have time to cover all the angles...

All righty. Yes, indeedy.

All their databases will be an open book.

All these people up in here screamin', and you're gonna shush me?

All try? All right. Ready, now. To the right.

An eagles a majestic bird. It deserves respect.

And all I could say to myself was, 'II got Billy! I got Billy! I got Billy!'

And because Agent Stone blew a nanny interview...

And besides, if you had noticed, there was quite a bit of housework for you to do.

And besides, you look like you packed on a few pounds over the years.

And families

And for all the babies to come.

And get em some ice cream?

And God don't like ugly.

And God help you if that happens.

And he can cook the hell out of a ham hock, but he don't know nothin' about children.

And he likes to call you late at night...

And how it was gonna change things?

And I am so late.

And I know that you're doing it for me...

And I know you're working really hard to make this new job work.

And I love you.

And I want my kids to be able to take advantage of it in every way.

And I was hoping you would please consider staying here.

And I'll come runnin' quick, fast and in a hurry.

And I'll wait for the intel to fall in my hands.

And I'm certainly not gonna fall for your puppy dog eyes.

And I'm not allowed to disturb him.

And I'm really scared right now. Can you please come and help me?

And it ain't meaningful conversation.

And keep a lookout.

And massagin' each other in exotic oils or whatever.

And now I'm going to get V.D.

And now lets give a great big Gold Coast Elementary School welcome to, uh...

And now, the junior cheer squad from the Newport District.

And one day you're gonna wake up, and you're gonna realize, Molly...

And she was out playing with a ball, and there was this, um, wood chipper.

And so comfortable.

And sometimes we lose our way.

And stay on the line so they can trace the call. Go.

And the bacon is extra crispy.

And then I found this.

And then they cut him a deal to come work for us.

And then you just put your things in this locker.

And then you take them to a place where Big Momma would be in control.

And they might want to go to Harvard. And if they do...

And unfortunately, I had no choice. The zipper melted.

And we have em under full surveillance.

And wearing a $20,000 Rolex, give us a call.

And well give 'em all the bodies they need.

And you can just take off all your clothes and put this on.

And you drag my Big Momma into this?

And you keep a blade in your girdle? What's that about?

And you obviously don't respect what I'm trying to do with my children.

And you would think that he would get hurt, but he never seems to.

And your history book is over there...

And, Turner, you blow your cover and this worm gets out...

Andrew and I thought wed come down and pay you a little visit.

Andrew is jumpin' off the cabinets, eatin' Brillo pads.

Andrew, don't you even think ab

Andrew, no! Well, that's one way to get your roughage.

Anyway, lets go meet the children.

Are you sure this is your church?

Are you sure you can find this guy Bishop?

As in, uh, old friend?

As you can see, he spent a stint in the army, military intelligence.

Ask him where he was born, Malcolm.

B 2. B 2.

B 14. B 1 4. Ooh.

Baby, this is kind of late. Maybe you should get some sleep.

Baby.

Baby. Sherri.

Basically, we've got a small army of agents working out there.

Bastard!

Because he says you're the last voice he wants to hear.

Because I had to. I'm gonna call Mrs. Gallagher first thing and get a new nanny.

Because if so, I'll need to bring my retainer.

Because sometimes I

Because were coming up on our deadline, and I need to know your status.

Been there.

Before you guys get too comfortable over here, cuff him.

Big Momma go to stretch one more again, okay?

Big Momma got to be careful.

Big Momma got to catch her breath.

Big Momma, I don't care about that.

Big Momma, I think Andrew just ate a Brillo pad.

Big Momma, if you're done with your walk, Andrew's eating sand again.

Big Momma, the girls and I want to go over the dance again.

Big Momma, we got a problem!

Big Momma, you don't wanna cook, you don't wanna clean...

Big Momma, you were married for a really long time. What was your secret?

Big Momma! I just made B I saw Big Momma in the back of a cab.

Big Momma? Big Momma, you okay?

Big Mommas in the house.

Big Mommas tryin' to fix this.

Bingo people get a little testy.

Bingo!

Bingo! Bingo! Bingo!

Birthplace of Mariah Carey.

Boy just

Boy, you are two kinds of crazy.

Boy, you must be stuck on stupid. This stops today.

Breakfast?

Bring your hip and then you dip. Hip, dip.

But how in the hell did these get under your bed?

But I am gonna work on it. I'm gonna be more flexible.

But I best be movin' on.

But I got things I got

But I gotta go to work.

But I thought you said you went to Princeton.

But I'm sure you don't want a nanny who's packin'..

But I've got the stunts covered.

But if there's nothin' else...

But if we grab hold of each other and hold on

But if were lucky...

But its not as bad as it looks, once you get used to the system.

But Mrs. Fuller?

But that don't mean you gotta go out.

But the Orange County office has jurisdiction.

But there was an incident on the bus.

But they, too, can be very dangerous if

But what's really important is...

But you can call me Big Momma. Everybody calls me Big Momma.

But you need to do it for yourself, not anybody else.

But, Big Momma, Mommy didn't get me any breakfast.

But, uh, were not through, are we?

Butterball naked. Hmm?

By a pair of perky Ds.

By that nasty egg salad sandwich, which explains the smell.

Call Morales. Tell her well need tech support and a full tactical package.

Call the F.B.I. Ask for a woman by the name of Morales, okay?

Can I get you anything?

Can it?

Can you please help me with my routine?

Can you say 'ocean'?

Carrie, baby.

Carrie?

Carrie?

Cause I came to see a show.

Cause right now he's our only lead.

Cause then it wouldn't be nonsense and a waste of his time.

Chad? 19?

Child smoking the cheeba?

Child, the players change, but the game remains the same.

Child, you could dance like all those skinny girls on MTV.

Child, you're only 15 years old.

Church by my office? Are you sure?

Come here! Don't make me run after you!

Come here. Okay, clip the nails. Flush the ears. Bye bye.

Come on, baby.

Come on. Talk for me.

Comin through.

Comin through. Ooh.

Computer Crimes Division nailed him hacking into a D.O.D. system...

Copying files.

Couldn't you have at least taken off that chicken suit?

Dad!

Daddy says he has an important job where important things happen...

Damn demon kids.

Damn right it wont happen again!

Damn.

Damn.

Damn. How many kids you got?

Danielle, there's gotta be a perfectly logical explanation for these.

Did somethin die in here?

Did you bring the car seat?

Did you have a good time today?

Did you really set yourself on fire yesterday?

Dip, dip, dip, baby.

Do your thing. That's right. Do your thing, Mrs. Fuller!

Does it really need that much protecting?

Doing a lot of, you know, safety chanting, baby.

Don't be afraid to touch it and become one with it! Yes!

Don't get snatched up. Now get upstairs and finish your homework.

Don't nobody mess with Big Momma's babies. Nobody!

Don't push me. You don't know me, monkey mouth.

Don't worry about the money. Where do we meet?

Don't worry. Big Momma got that. I got it.

Duh.

Eagle One, this is Hungry Like the Wolf.

Eh. I'll never get them to open up in the house. Too many distractions.

Eighteenth floor.

Enjoy the beach. Get sand all in between your toes.

Especially not with

Everybody calls me Big Momma.

Everybody calls me Big Momma. '

Everything. I don't care. Ooh!

Excuse me, darlin', but that's my leg you're humpin'..

Excuse me?

Excuse me. Could you give me a hand, please, with my bra?

Excuse me. Pardon me. Um, excuse me. Pardon me.

Excuse me. Thank you. Pardon me. Molly?

F.B.I.? What's with the, you know?

Fine. This is a secure facility, and I

First of all, its an eagle suit.

First, we have Andrew. He's three.

First, we have Petra.

For a hundred dollars, I know somebody that'll bug his phone.

For one of Orange County's most respected families.

Fore I knock the taste out your mouth.

Freeze! F.B.I.! All right, Anthony Bishop...

Freeze! F.B.I.! Hold it right there! Hold it!

Get rid of that.

Girl, you got a mean streak in you...

Give me that!

Go back to sleep.

Go home. Be with your wife. Get your head on straight.

Goldie the Safety Eagle!

Good Lord, help em all.

Good, Id love to. How about 9:00 in the morning?

Good.

Guess what? Huh?

Had him droolin' on the biscuits.

Harvard, here we come.

He and Casal are still in Fullers office. We're hooked into the surveillance cameras.

He can give you the password. You can use that to break into the system.

He doesn't even know any

He hasn't really been himself lately.

He just stood in the back, lookin all mysterious.

He never said anything to you.

He said he didn't want any more lies between us.

He seems to be getting outside help on that big project he's working on.

He was my first partner. Hudson taught me everything I know about this job.

He would get a nasty shock.

He's a hacker. Goes by the name of Bishop.

He's about as good as they get. There's no question he could've pulled this off.

He's not goin' to Harvard. You can get that out your head right now.

He's now head of development of software at a company called National Agenda Software.

He's the one that should be embarrassed.

Hello, Constance. It's awfully nice to meet you.

Here we are.

Here. It unhooks in the front right here.

Here. Will this help?

Hey, baby. Just wanted to leave you a message...

Hey, Carrie, I wanna introduce you to someone.

Hey, Erskine, Crawford wants you in there.

Hey, everybody, this is Big Momma.

Hey, hey, hey. No, no. Of course not. Everything's cool.

Hey, Stewart! I thought you were some kind of genius. How long is this gonna take?

Hey, the kid talked! Excellent!

Hey, uh, Constance, give me a close up.

Hey, you've reached Malcolm, Sherri and Trent.

Hey. Big Momma, I think we need to talk.

Hi there. I'm Hattie Mae Pierce, but you can call me Big Momma.

Hi, Big Momma.

Hi, honey. Hi, baby!

Hi, Son.

Hi.

Hi. I take care of Tom Fullers babies.

Hi. Mommy...

Hip, dip. There you go, Carrie! That's it, Carrie!

His dad, his ring. Just tell Stewart to try it.

His first words, and he said 'Big Momma. '

Hmm, Ds. Hmm? Hmm?

Hold it!

Honey, look what I picked out for the baby today. Isn't he cute?

How did you know that?

Huh?

Huh? Ooh, give me a second, please.

I I I'll kick you.

I am eight and a half months pregnant.

I believe this was meant for you.

I bet on your wedding night, he drugged you and embedded a tracking device in your ass.

I came home tonight, and you were nowhere to be found.

I can assure you

I clare, I never knew what Ben Rawley saw in you anyway.

I cleaned up in there as much as possible.

I did it so your kids wouldn't spend the next 20 years...

I did. Shoot, before he went to work...

I didn't do it for you, okay?

I don't care when it is, day or night, you just call me, okay?

I don't have a tracking device.

I don't have to listen to you.

I don't know. I don't know. But Malcolm would never cheat on me.

I don't like chasin' people!

I don't like chasin' people!

I don't think nobody's talkin' to you.

I don't understand. What's happening? What did I do?

I don't wanna see you anywhere near this. And that's an order.

I don't want to be here.

I gave it up for her.

I get it. You want me to take him out.

I go, 'Ooh! Oooh!'

I got a warrant for your arrest.

I got him! I got him! Malcolm, Malcolm, I got him!

I got Mace.

I got one more promise to keep.

I got somethin for you.

I got two words: roach clip.

I got worried when you didn't call. How's Phoenix?

I gotta run. Great spread, Big Momma.

I guess

I guess he got too close.

I guess I'll be movin' on.

I guess people aren't always what what you think they are.

I have peed 52 times today, and you don't even wanna know what's going on with my nipples.

I have the perfect place to take you.

I have three amazing candidates.

I hope you know what kind of man you got there.

I hope you still want to hear that.

I just I meant that I'm really proud of you.

I just I wanna be good, you know?

I just checked my e mail. There he was.

I just couldn't leave y'all with a bad taste in your mouth about Big Momma.

I just got my nails done, and I cant

I just hope your hard drives are backed up.

I knew that thong would come in handy.

I know all the answers.

I know I've got a lot of ground to make up with them, and I swear I will.

I know my own

I know someone we haven't tried yet.

I know that. You think I don't know that?

I know. He does that all day long.

I know. I have to remind myself sometimes that its only three.

I know. I know. But I got a text message from Chad.

I need you to get all in the crevices, all right?

I own my own marketing business...

I promised that child that I would be there for her.

I repeat Do not let her blow your cover.

I say, there's an eagle

I should stomp a mud hole in your little bald head.

I swore on the lives of my grandbabies...

I swore that I was gonna be different, but, uh, its easier than I thought.

I think I know my own church!

I think you'll be very comfortable.

I thought so.

I want my children to be able to seize every opportunity that they can.

I want to make sure that that is a possibility.

I want you out of the house first thing in the morning.

I want you to know things are gonna be different this time, I promise.

I was a gymnast.

I was at their last practice. I could stay and help.

I was hoping you could get the kids out of the house for a few hours.

I would never bug Malcolm's phone.

I'll be waiting in the car. And if you get lost on the way...

I'll say he was an unwilling participant to the whole thing.

I'm afraid his contract had a 'no loose ends' clause.

I'm an eagle.

I'm at temple.

I'm going to have to perform... mouth to mouth.

I'm gonna find him. I'm telling you. I'm gonna find him.

I'm good at what I do. Real good.

I'm Hattie Mae Pierce, but you can call me Big Momma.

I'm in!

I'm so happy you're here, Big Momma. And I know Mr. Fuller's gonna like you too.

I'm sorry. I gotta go.

I'm starting to get the picture.

I'm sure Mrs. Fuller is not intimidated...

I've been walking around for an hour looking for you.

I've never turned down an assignment, and I'm not gonna start now.

Id get everything pointy out of the room.

If I was good, then my dad would come watch me...

If the Safety Eagle were to plug that in...

If they think for one second you're not legit, they will turn on you.

If you could use a little bit of help, why did you fire her?

If you favor those eyes, I suggest you keep em on the road.

If you had checked the peg board, you would've seen...

If you think about it too much, it can get a little depressing.

In a parkin' lot down at the Dairy Queen...

Including this boy, Chad, who, lets just say...

Intelligence gathering operations in the world.

Into Fullers house as a nanny.

Is going through a bit of a phase.

Is that true, Big Momma?

Is that your nanny?

Is this what you do? Beat up on children and old ladies?

Is to give it up.

Isabella spent the last few years in the Peace Corps.

It don't make me no never mind. Come on.

It gets kinda scary.

It got a chapter in here that will blow your mind.

It hurts me to leave without saying good bye...

It is your job, Sheriff.

It That That's under wire. Yeah.

It was my call. Field agents have priority over P.R.

It was my fathers. For all that work, this is all that's left.

It's a fake I.D. He told me last night.

It's a loud, noisy world we live in...

It's at that church right by your office.

It's like a booby trap. We're stuck.

It's no trouble.

It's so hard to say good bye.

Its the big metal thing with four wheels.

Just feel it.

Just tell me one thing. Have they had their snack?

Just tie em down or something, and let's go.

Kick me out of my office? Hell, no. Crawford.

L chaim.

Ladies, Id like you to meet Mrs. Leah Fuller.

Last night Doug Hudson was killed in the line.

Let me cop a squat here.

Let me set the baby down. I don't wanna get him upset.

Lets do it again.

Lets get started, people.

Lets give it up for Emerson!

Lets go.

Lets go. Secure the area!

Lets just jump right into the interviews.

Like his earring? Fake.

Listen, we did a full search Bishops hotel room, everything. There was no disk.

Listen. I'm at this club called The Zone.

Little ladies, where do you think real dancing begins?

Long Island. Try Long Island.

Look at Carrie. She's always so quiet. She can't stop laughing.

Look at em.

Look, I I can explain.

Look, I know that I am particular.

Look, I wouldn't have flown out here if I wasn't ready. Now where's my money?

Look, I'll explain everything to you later. But for right now, watch out. I'm rollin'!

Look, if this is about...

Look, lets go. Come on.

Look, we gotta get somebody on the inside.

Look, we really need your help. We've got this competition coming up.

Lord have mercy! Police business! Get out the way!

Lord, that dogs higher than a Georgia pine.

Loving people is hard work.

Make no never mind about it.

Malcolm, all the talks we had about having the baby...

Malcolm, I love you.

Malcolm, Malcolm, listen to me. You are not Big Momma, okay?

Malcolm! Malcolm! Malcolm, I got him!

Man, stop with the damn code names. He ain't out here.

Maybe you can forgive her lyin' ways...

Maybe you should go have a few more drinks.

Me driving a minivan? I ain't gonna be able to do it.

Me!

Military intelligence, launch codes.

Miss Lisa was our base. Without a base, we cant do any stunts.

Miss... Big Momma?

Mmm. Go.

Molly, boys that age only want one thing...

Molly, he's after you.

Molly, I came here as soon as you called. I swear I didn't send you a message.

Molly, I gotta get you out of here as fast as possible. Come on, Molly. Excuse me.

Molly, what are you doin here anyway? This is not the way you were raised.

Molly, why don't you take your brother and sister down to the concession stand...

Molly! We gotta go!

Mom, don't you remember? Allison and Emily's mom had to go to work.

Mom, you always do this. I swear to God I was on my bed with my history book.

Mom'll never believe this.

Most people are idiots and choose sappy passwords.

Move! Get out the way! Move! Move!

Mr. Fuller has a bathroom in his office.

Mr. Fuller, so nice to meet you.

Mr. Fuller, wait. Can you carry me to prayer meetin'?

Mr. Fuller! Mi

Mr. Fuller? Have mercy.

Mr. Nybo, were pretty anxious to get started.

Mrs. Fuller, can we do this some other time?

Mrs. Fuller, I can assure you

Mrs. Fuller?

Mrs. Fuller.

Ms. Pierce, I am so sorry for the inconvenience.

Ms. Pierce, the F.B.I. is investigating Tom Fuller.

Music are yellow, um...

My advice to you lovely ladies...

My dad worked all the time too. Hardly ever saw the man.

My feet are swollen, and my back is killing me.

My office will give you an address.

N.S.A., C.I.A., D.O.D.

Need me to call? Wanna make a call? Hmm?

Next thing you know, I'll be asking if I look fat in these jeans.

No charges?

No, its all right that you wanna be a nudist. Do your nudie thing.

No, just juice boxes.

No, no, no. Hey, we gotta follow in the van.

No, no, not your leg. Bring your hip.

No, no.

No, we cant.

No, were not.

No, you don't yell out 'bingo' if you don't have it.

No. No, absolutely not.

No. No, I, uh

No. No, no, no. Please listen.

No. We have tried everybody who has any contact with anyone inside that house.

Not anymore. The fact is, we don't need you, Malcolm.

Not quite yet.

Nothin?

Nothing.

Nothing.

Now get in the car and take your sister with you.

Now that I think about it, like, they all comin out.

Now, become one with the butt.

Now, Big Momma got some errands to run. I'll be back.

Now, do you want that beatin' here or out in the street?

Now, he loves you. He just has a helluva fine way of showin' it.

Now, I assume you are completely 'aack ack' free?

Now, I didn't cry during Waiting to Exhale...

Now, I know P.R. isn't exactly what you

Now, I know you got somethin to say to that.

Now, if you'll excuse me, Big Momma has an appointment.

Now, isn't there anybody close to Fuller that we can turn?

Now, lets put some music on, all right?

Now, ma'am, do you think you could find out that information?

Now, our chief suspect is Tom Fuller.

Now, that Chad boy He's playin' you.

Now, that's good equal opportunity.

Now, this day is gettin' away from me. We got to go, Carrie.

Now, we've I.D.'d the 10 most likely buyers...

Now, you can do this little cheerleading dance thing. I know you can.

Of course it is. I'm half *******.

Oh, a snack.

Oh, and can you shave her pads for me?

Oh, and do not blow your cover as Big Momma.

Oh, Big Momma, are you okay?

Oh, Big Momma, I am so glad you came by.

Oh, Big Momma, these girls are having such a good time.

Oh, child, that divorce wasn't your fault.

Oh, climbing on the cabinets is his latest accomplishment.

Oh, come on, Bob. He's got a locator. Every agent has one implanted in their phone.

Oh, course it is. Where are you?

Oh, God, this is not how I imagined my death.

Oh, God!

Oh, gosh, Big Momma, there are there are things that I'm doing today.

Oh, gosh, Big Momma. I've gotta go to the office, and the carpet cleaners are coming.

Oh, he doesn't speak, at all.

Oh, hell get it. He'll get it.

Oh, hey, when were done with this...

Oh, I am so glad you like it.

Oh, I know. I know, but I just needed to hear your voice. I miss you.

Oh, I'll handle it. Uh, all I need is a hammer and a mop.

Oh, I'm sorry I'm late...

Oh, its a class ring. Oklahoma.

Oh, Mr. Fuller. Oh, bye. I'll see you around.

Oh, Mrs. Gallagher, you're here.

Oh, my damn! No, I wanted the girl with the perky

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. This is not good.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, my goodness. Oh, this is the last time I feed this boy pickled pigs feet.

Oh, my gosh. Are all those girls coming here today?

Oh, no, no. We just, uh...

Oh, no, she didn't. She raised a heifer!

Oh, no, that's damn hot. Hot!

Oh, no. I'm goin' down.

Oh, Phoenix? The convention.

Oh, Ponch, that's no way for a dog to act.

Oh, really? Well, lets see.

Oh, so, Mr. Fuller, where did you say you were from?

Oh, tell me this is not happening.

Oh, temple. Well, Shabbat shalom.

Oh, that's way too hot. Back burnin'! Back burnin'!

Oh, this here is a good read.

Oh, wow. That's That guy works for my dad.

Oh, yeah. We got us a bangy bang on.

Oh, yes, ma'am. Of course.

Oh, yes, there we go.

Oh!

Oh! No!

Oh! Oh, Malcolm, he went to Princeton. Get him to talk about that.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Hey, listen, I was wondering. How about a massage?

Oh. Looks like somebody got a note on the red peg.

Oh. Oh, what a lovely stool.

Oh. Oh. Whoo!

Oh. This feels good.

Oh. Well...

Oh. Where's everybody?

Ohh.

Ohhh, he said 'Big Momma. '

Okay, Andrew. That programs gotta be hidin' up in here somewhere.

Okay, for example, sports are white pegs...

Okay, I deserve that.

Okay, loser.

Okay, okay.

Okay, this explains so much.

Okay, uh Oh. Oh.

Okay, we gotta work this out. I need a volunteer.

Okay, well, why don't you just settle in...

Okay. I guess I owe you that much.

Okay. Okay. Well, then, you get em out of the house.

Okay. Um, our next candidate is Isabella.

On keepin' a long lasting, happy marriage...

Ooh, all these guards and locked doors.

Ooh, and one time I rocked his world at a Popeye's.

Ooh, do me a favor, will you? Hold that for me.

Ooh, don't let me disturb you. Y'all just keep walkin' around naked...

Ooh, give me a second, all right?

Ooh, got my pressure all up and my nerves goin. Ooh.

Ooh, hello.

Ooh, hi. I'm Hattie Mae Pierce.

Ooh, look at the time. We gotta go.

Ooh, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord.

Ooh, notes on red pegs are really important.

Ooh, ooh. Comin through. 'Scuse me.

Ooh, thank you.

Ooh, that's hot. Oh, that's hot, hot, hot.

Ooh, that's impressive. Ooh.

Ooh, the waters so warm.

Ooh, well, were workin' on that talkin' thing. Can you say Tupac?

Ooh, young people just so nasty today!

Ooh!

Ooh!

Ooh! I feel sexy.

Ooh! Oh! Yes!

Ooh! Ooh!

Ooh! Ooh!

Ooh! This is lovely!

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh. Around here somewhere.

Ooh. Excuse me.

Ooh. I didn't mean to say that.

Ooh. Mr. Fuller.

Ooh. Oh. Ooh.

Ooh. Ooh. Y'all wrap it up.

Ooh. Uh oh. Ooh.

Ooh. We got a gusher.

Ooh. Well, it might be. It might be exactly who you are.

Ooh. You don't need nobody like that around your husband anyway.

Open sesame.

Or do you side more with Kreiter's theory?

Or maybe its just something you're tryin' to be...

Pa cow, pa cow.

Packing?

Please advise. I just made B.M. in the back of a cab.

Please, you don't know me like that. You better ask somebody.

Please. Look, I promise I wont say anything. I swear. I won't say anything.

Plug it in! Plug it in!

Probably not about everything, but I think that...

Putting in for two weeks off to wait on you hand and foot?

Really? But you look so comfortable.

Really? But you look so comfortable.

Reinstate me. You know what the man meant to me.

Right over He's right over

Right there! Hold it right there!

Right. Like that there.

Rock with it, baby. Rock with it.

Rock with it. Now dip, baby. Whoo!

Ryan's dad sells shrimp out the trunk of his car.

Seasoned professionals sharing ideas. You know, a think tank.

She even studied child psychology.

She has impeccable references.

She is an excellent agent. Very professional.

She knows you. I mean, she knows Big Momma.

She needs a flea rinse. Turbo dry.

She never used to lock her door.

She said good job.

She wants a minivan.

She wants me to do all this?

She's just a child, and it won't happen again.

Sherri? Baby

Sherri. You You shouldn't even be back here.

Shoo, go play. Have a good time.

Since you never really bought into our little project, precautions had to be taken.

So get this. He's not really 19.

So he cant waste his time with our nonsense.

So I hear you was a Princeton Tiger.

So I've come up with something to help you keep it straight.

So McGruff the Crime Dog and Goldie the Safety Eagle? Honey, this is great!

So no charges should be filed.

So now that we've dealt with the situation, we can keep moving forward, right?

So pretty much all the time.

So those stories you used to tell me The things you did, all those guys you put in jail

So until then

So what brings us here today, O great Safety Eagle?

So what else are you lyin' about?

So what if men like to look at you in your birthday suit?

So you don't burn your fingers.

So you just get Fuller to talk, well feed everything into the computer...

So your husbands out on a new project? I can't wait to meet him.

So, in your report

So, looks like were gonna have to find ourselves a new nanny.

So, terrorists, North Korea

So, uh, his name is Stewart Nybo.

Some people just ruin it for everybody.

Sorry about that, Poncho!

Sorry, ma'am. I'm gonna have to ask you to step inside the van, please.

Sorry. Sorry.

Space heaters keep us warm in the winter...

Stand back. Stand back.

Stand up. Let me show you somethin.

Sway with your butt. Groove with the butt.

Take your little brother in there for me. I'll be right there.

Tassie? Sherri?

Tell you I'm sorry I lied...

Thank you, Mrs. Fuller.

Thank you.

Thank you.

That Big Momma got your back.

That cant be comfortable.

That Carrie had a violin lesson and Andrew had tutoring.

That guy in the chicken suit? Isn't that your step dad?

That hell talk when he's ready.

That if I ever saw you again, I would beat you like a drum.

That is a great idea.

That is a silly, outrageous

That leak we had has been fixed.

That McGruff is a freak. Dog don't know when to quit.

That must be some 'Y'.

That someone was designing a worm

That was, uh I mean

That way, I wont compromise the assets...

That wouldn't make your daddy stay home.

That you're invulnerable.

That's funny. I will warn you though...

That's getting Tasered by the police.

That's it. We can't risk it. I'm pulling the plug.

That's my jam! Ooh!

That's puttin' stank on it. That's all that is.

That's right. Give it up morning, noon and night.

That's right. Give me somethin'..

That's right. Try it with me.

That's some nice bling you got on there.

The broker called today and upped the offer on the Porsche.

The fact is, we could really use your help.

The flames weren't that big.

The hell you are! What, are you crazy?

The kids had not done their homework. I looked around. There were dirty dishes everywhere.

The mistake was thinking that two morons like you can do the job in the first place.

The muffins are fat free, the eggs are free range...

The one with the perky You ain't got to push me.

The password got us in the door, and then the walls came down.

The reason I point it out because I'm not sure you're around enough to notice.

The three months he said he spent in juvie, he was at math camp.

The United States government operates the most sophisticated...

Their schedules are pretty hectic...

Then I bet it feels good havin' Malcolm home takin' care of you.

Then one day someone comes along who knows where to lean.

There go Now rock with it. Rock with it, Carrie.

There is some wiggle room, in some areas, probably.

There you go with it. I like that. Groovin' with it.

There's my friend Crystal. Excuse me one second. Hey, Crystal.

There's no way he'd come to Cali and not check out the waves.

There's nothin' more beautiful in the world.

There's nothing else in there but your things.

They already have their best people on it.

They told him if he didn't do it, they'd kill his family.

They'll have access to everything we've got.

They'll usually parade around naked.

They're covered in eucalyptus sap.

They're gone. Now I need your help.

They're here. Can I talk to you for a second?

This girl up in here is 15.

This is a family beach, not Chippendales!

This is Big Momma. She's gonna be our new nanny.

This is Big Momma. She's gonna be our new nanny. Big Momma...

This is Carrie. She's our little cheerleader.

This is him, right? Yeah.

This is my room? Oh, Big Momma done died and gone to the Ritz Carlton.

This is my stuff?

This is where I need you to carry me and make it snappy.

This must be what its like to get in one of Oprah's private parties.

This stuff s hard. Give me some room.

This'll help you get over the wood chipper.

Those butt ball naked pictures of Billy Dee...

Those red pegs, you might wanna go easy on em, all right?

Time to go to work.

To impress some boy you got no business tryin to impress.

Tom, is there a problem?

Tom, no loose ends.

Tom?

Tonight, 7:00, West Hills Mall.

Trent and I had dinner tonight, and I must have eaten something too spicy...

Trent, I'm home!

Truth be told, you cant spell love.

Try 'Sooners. ' S O O N E R S.

Tryin' to find my locker.

Turner! Turner, you are on thin ice!

Tutoring is blue, and household chores are red.

Tutoring? The boys only two years old.

Ugh.

Uh

Uh, maybe I'll just stand.

Uh, maybe. Um, but I know I gave him back.

Uh, more butt?

Uh, Smokey the Bear gonna be there.

Uh, so, Malcolm, with this earpiece...

Uh, sure.

Uh, wait.

Uh, yeah.

Uh, you did what in the back of the cab?

Um, girls, keep working. You look great. Well be right back. Keep going.

Um, I got a I got a blade in my girdle.

Um, Kreiter.

Um, my husband, Tom, seems to think that I'm a little too obsessive about this...

Um, thank you. Thank you for standing up for me.

Um, There's this this convention. A safety convention.

Um, to protect my virtue.

Um, well, I'm just packing because, uh

Um...

Unfortunately, they divorced.

Unless, of course, you think they'd be better off in a nice military academy.

Very nice.

Very, very specific encrypted notation.

Victoria's Secret models. They shoot the catalog in a studio right down the street.

Visual data. I'm going Never mind.

Wait Carrie! I gotta go, baby.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. You're Stewart?

Wait, Big Momma. I wanna hear what he has to say. What did you say?

Wait. Carrie!

Wait. Okay, you carry a gun?

Wand me? Well, wand on.

Wanna explain these?

Wanna give you a call from, uh from Phoenix.

Watch it, girl. There's a new sheriff in town.

We are flailing around like a couple of stroke victims.

We are in the middle of this investigation!

We assume Bishop already delivered his disk...

We can remodel the garage into a playroom and still have enough left over for a minivan.

We cant take your call, but leave a message, and we'll get back with you.

We did an extensive check on Mr. Fuller and didn't find anything.

We don't want him to use up all his words on the first day.

We got nothin:

We had this other dog named Carla.

We need to find out who he's working with.

We will hear everything that you hear.

We've taken him to a bunch of specialists. They insist nothing's wrong...

Wed better find out who that someone is.

Well, actually, it was more of a controlled burn.

Well, as scary as that is, I'm gonna have to pass.

Well, at least I used to.

Well, at some point, this flow backed up.

Well, children are my passion.

Well, come on inside and let me take a look.

Well, fine. Were gonna stay here and keep playing though.

Well, good answer. But you don't dance with your heart.

Well, he was checkin' out board shops. He's a surfer, all right.

Well, I always say, laughter is Gods hand on a troubled world.

Well, I hope he's wearing a cup.

Well, if anyone is beyond reproach, its Constance.

Well, its not like we sharing a room or anything like that.

Well, let me tell you a little bit about the Fullers.

Well, like this, for example.

Well, my m. o. would be to stay close to the perps.

Well, of course I will.

Well, regardless, you cant just sit back and hope nothin' is going on.

Well, that's an order I can't follow.

Well, the only way you get a tan like that is by layin' out butt naked.

Well, this'll only take a second.

Well, um.

Well, well work on it.

Well, what could Big Momma possibly

Well, what else did you think I was talking about Why are you whispering, Malcolm?

Well, which peg says its time for me to drink a 40 and watch Dr. Phil?

Well! Well, I hope you girls are ready...

Were back in.

Were gonna turn it out. Come on.

Were supposed to be dog groomers, you idiot.

Wh Why are you packing, Malcolm?

What

What activities were you in?

What did you do to yourself?. Lord, have

What do we want, Mrs. Fuller?

What do you care about some bratty teenager anyway?

What do you say we practice at your house tomorrow morning, Carrie?

What do you think I'm tryin' to do here? Get free HBO?

What happened to my little birdie?

What is going on? Did you just threaten my daughter?

What makes you think Look.

What the hell you doing sneaking around in bushes?

What time does the paradin' begin?

What was that about?

What?

What? I don't know what you mean.

What? Oh, no. You've gotta be kidding me.

What? Pla No. You don't know anything about him.

What? Tom, no. Your son just spoke his first words.

What's he doing here?

What's wrong with you?

When I came to you, my heart was heavy.

Where you goin? Did I say somethin'?

Which means the programs have merged, and the worm is operational, ready for delivery.

Who is this woman?

Who the hell is that?

Who wants to go to the beach?

Who was that? Was that? Mona? Mona, was that you?

Who wont playing the flute no time soon.

Whoa, whoa. Um, they forced him to do it.

Whoa!

Whoa. Uh, now, a playrooms one thing.

Whoa. Whoa! Oh!

Whoever gets their hands on this will know everything we know?

Whoo! Yes, indeedy! Just like that.

Why don't you take him down and get his feet wet, all right?

Why don't your daddy take you to school?

Why, babe? You're doing great.

Wife?

With all those lives mixin' together...

Work that lower back like I was telling you. Ooh!

Would not be our favorite.

Would you just get over here? Come on.

Wow.

Wow. She's like the best nanny ever.

Wow. That explains it.

Wrap it up.

Y'all want my advice? Well, all right. Um

Yeah, baby, but to be fair...

Yeah, I I been meanin' to talk to you about that.

Yeah, I'll be right down.

Yeah, probably. Listen, Mom, I was studying.

Yeah, well, Chad loves me just like this, so whatever.

Yeah, well, I'm, uh, here to recruit some junior investigators.

Yeah, well, this is who I am, okay? So just get used to it.

Yeah, well, this is who I am, okay? So just get used to it.

Yeah, well.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Go on and get your tilt on, all right?

Yeah. I didn't think you'd turn out to be such a good friend.

Yeah. Yeah, there you go.

Yes, but you don't know them the way I do.

Yes, I can. Now, don't make me come up

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am.

Yes, of course.

Yes!

Yes! Come on, Mrs. Fuller.

Yes! Yes! Were back in.

Yes? Yes, what? Cop Copy. Copy, Eagle One.

Yes. And since you seem to have such close access to the family...

Yes. Yes. She's in excellent hands, sir.

You You know, those girls got no room to talk.

You angels are my heart, and I'll never forget you.

You are a highly trained field operative, and you do not throw down with a year old woman!

You cant be throwing yourself around like that.

You cant help it if you're ugly...

You cant take

You dance with your butt! Now, lets try this again.

You don't know these guys. I roll over on them, they'll kill me.

You get them off their game...

You got a problem with that? You anti Semitic

You got somethin that belongs to me, Hattie Mae, and I want it back.

You got something you wanna say to Big Momma?

You gotta be kiddin me.

You gotta get out there. They're starting to get fidgety.

You gotta go right, baby. There you go.

You gotta take action.

You gotta understand, that's Billy.

You guys are amateurs, dude. I'm outta here.

You have a great day. Bye bye now.

You kiddin? This peg stuff is for real?

You know full well the best people for this is me.

You know what, Ms. Pierce? Um, I'm afraid Mr. Fuller has a meeting in the conference room...

You know what? You and Chad are gonna run my blood pressure up.

You know, Big Momma, I was hoping that we could mend our fences.

You know, family crap hometowns, college stories, old girlfriends, old guy stuff.

You know, have you seen or heard anything out of the ordinary?

You know, just thinkin about you

You know, uh, 'Stop, drop and roll. ' You know.

You know, while we've got her here, we should get Big Momma's advice.

You leaving me alone with the kids?

You married an F.B.I. agent.

You never know when Big Momma might be back.

You okay, Andrew? Whoo.

You probably met him out with a group of friends.

You promised me you were up for this.

You should know I got Al Sharpton on speed dial. Mm hmm.

You stole my man.

You sure these aren't yours?

You threw our laundry in the garbage.

You understand you need to get this job, right?

You wanna back up off this girl...

You wanna say hello, Andrew? This here is Tom Fullers boy.

You want the girls to go up on stage doing... that?

You watch enough Kojak, you pick up a few things.

You were naked when most of those promises were made.

You were sitting at the computer.

You weren't studyin',, and you weren't on that bed.

You You chasing the dragon?

You'll not only lose your job you're goin' to jail.

You're a good man, Mr. Fuller. You're a good man!

You're funny.

You're going to change his diaper right here?

You're gonna have a baby. You wanted a desk: we gave you one.

You're losing it.

You're not going anywhere, and that's an order!

You're the one bein' chased. You don't get to ask questions. Now, get off the railing.

You've gotta be kidding me.

You've gotta get it, and you gotta get it now.

Your heart?

Agent Keneally stays with you the whole time. Aw.

Agent location, West Hills Mall. Thanks, Bob.

All right, from the top. Ready? Five, six

All right. Good job, Turner.

All the babies to come? Yeah. Mm hmm.

and for Trent and for the baby.

And twice on Saturday. What?

and well get started first thing in the morning? All right.

Aw, come on. Were not that bad. Lisa, are you kidding?

Aw. Um, Malcolm, what are these made off? Like a buckwheat husk?

Big Momma? Big Momma? Go to the left. Up! Up!

Big Momma. Big Momma.

Bingo!

But, Big Momma. Don't you Big Momma me.

Bye.

Bye. Okay.

Can I help you? You can dance.

Can you see that? I should I should probably really go.

Carrie? I gotta go, baby.

Chad, I need you to run and get some help. All right.

Chad? Oh, Lord! He said to meet him here

Come in, Eagle One. Kevin? Kevin!

Damn! Ow!

Definitely Kreiter. Well, child, Kreiter's my butcher.

Don't worry. I can help you. No, you can't!

Eagle too proud to talk about it.

Excuse me? Well, I mean...

F.B. Oh!

F.B.I.?

Find what you're lookin' for?

Get it. What do you mean, get it?

Go get em.

Good idea. Mmm.

Got it.

Great. Whatever you want.

He blames himself. It's a tragedy, really.

He's your new partner. You've got to be kiddin'..

Hello, Bob.

Hello?

Hello? Big Momma, is that you?

Hey, baby.

Hey, baby. Hi, honey.

Hey, girl. How you feeling? Oh, large.

Hey, Sherri. It's me, baby.

Hey, Trent. Watching television sure is fun

Hey. Hello. Hi.

Hi. Oh, hello.

Hmm? Chad.

Hmm.

Hmm. She speaks four languages, and recently worked...

Hold on. I'm, uh, gonna have to wand you.

How about the satellite? That'll work.

How big do you think I am? I'm just playin'..

How did you know that? Bob...

How did you learn to do that? I took a class at the Y.M.C.A.

Huh?

I am so proud of you. Stake out.

I cant feel my legs. Oh, sorry. Oh!

I completely trust my husband. Sherri, you are so naive.

I didn't drag no Big Momma into this. No, no. Just her breasts.

I don't get down like that. No, baby, I didn't mean it like that.

I find you sniffing around, so I heard you.

I got Bishop. Where is he?

I got it. Sooners. What?

I had a good time, except for those hot rocks.

I know that you're busy. Yeah.

I say, there's an eagle in the house.

I think we should show em the sprinkler. Let's swing.

I think we should show em the sprinkler. Let's swing.

I totally was. No.

I want in. I'm sure you do, but you're not a field agent anymore.

I was busy, if you hadn't noticed.

I was studying. Okay, okay. I'm gonna go.

I'm sorry I was so late. Hi.

in that case, Big Momma loves taking care of the kids. Oh, good.

Is your name Carrie? No, baby. That's not no Carrie.

It might poke your eyes out. Please, stop it. Don't Don't unbutton!

It's all right. You can take a little peeky peek. No, you can stop.

It's so gorgeous. Hey.

L chaim. Shalom.

Lets go. Knock it off.

Long Island. Long Island, New York.

Look, I'm just kiddin',, okay?

Look.

Malcolm, with what he's offering...

Molly now prefers a A free flow living environment.

Molly! Hey, where have you been? I got really scared.

Molly? What's wrong?

N 40.

N 42. Big Momma, do you even know this lady?

No Which one of you is Carrie?

No, ma'am. You can stop. But I'm not responsible for the damages.

No, no, no, no. No, Big Momma. Those are for your eyes.

No, this is, um Uh, Hattie Mae Pierce.

No! No! No! No!

No! Ugh!

No.

No. Oh, you know me, Hattie Mae.

No. No. Yeah. Uh uh?

No. We just want you to keep an eye on him. Ah?

Now lets get to work. A nanny?

Now, wa Oh!

Oh, God. Oh! Ew!

Oh, he's gonna love me. Let me know if you need anything.

Oh, hey, Big Momma. I'm just gonna check the mail.

Oh, my God! Big Momma, are you okay? Ooh. Ooh.

Oh, my gosh. Are you okay? Well, lets just say there's one pervert...

Oh, no! Oh!

Oh, no. 'Oh, no'?

Oh, rats!

Oh, that's actually our dog, Poncho.

Oh, that's no threat. I do carry Mace.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh, God!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Wow. Great.

Oh. Oh, really? Well, would you say...

Ohhh!

Okay, well, I'll just wait in Yeah.

Okay.

On the road. Yes, ma'am. Yeah.

Ooh, look. There's your daddy. I need to know if you're ready.

Ooh!

Ooh. Big Momma?

Ooh. That was fun!

Ooh. Ooh. Um, excuse me?

Ow!

Pick me up on the way. Where you at?

Piece of cake. Okay, go.

Really? Beautiful.

Really? Oh, yeah.

Really? Yeah, really.

right now Okay.

She stole her man. Big Momma stole your man?

She studied art in Paris. Oh. Bonjour.

She's in some kind of trouble. What? Who?

Sherri. Come Let her go. Now we got something to talk about.

Shhh! G 55.

Shhh! Do you mind? B 9.

Should we discuss compensation?

So if you guys could please go Anything to get rid of me.

So you're, uh F.B.I.

So? So its embarrassing.

So? We suck.

Someone in the building is logged on to our conference. You gotta be kidding me!

Stay out of sight! I will. Yeah. Yeah.

Stop!

Suit yourself. Malcolm, we still don't have the password.

talking to you through a prison phone. I know.

Tell your boss you cant come in. I don't have a choice.

Thank you. Thanks, Big Momma. Thank you. Thanks. Bye.

That means if we don't leave right now, we're gonna be late.

That would be cool to watch. You know what? My momma raised a lady.

That's Stewart. Are we gonna be gone long?

That's when I watch Regis. I don't think that it can wait.

There you go, Carrie. Ooh. Okay, guys.

This is fantastic. Yeah, it looks like something out of a magazine.

This is really not good. Turner.

this used to be Molly. Molly, yes.

Uh Yeah?

Uh, do you wanna know about the children? Well, that depends.

Uh, McGruff the Crime Dog... Uh huh.

Uh, okay, this is Agent Keneally.

Uh, this has gotta be some kind of mistake. Yeah, right.

Um Uh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Ooh. Uh

Used to? You think you have all the bases covered

Wait Where Lets go.

Wait. What are you doing? I gotta go.

Want a rally? Mm mmm.

Watch Big Momma. See?

We cant hack that. Way ahead of you. I'm bringin' in an outside consultant.

We gotta get into Fullers office computer. I got in once. I'll do it again.

We have exhausted the list. Wait a minute.

Well brief you on the Stewart!

Well, at least he doesn't have to do it dressed like a chicken. Eagle.

Well, has the position been filled? Uh, no.

Well, I could bust it down if you want. Oh, no. That's all right.

Well, thanks for the ride. Yeah.

Well, what about dinner? I already ate, but thank you.

Well, where are we gonna put a baby in that Porsche? It's got a trunk.

Were in. Okay. Where's Fuller?

What are we gonna do about all these dogs? Well bring 'em back in an hour.

What did you say? Stake out.

What do you mean? We have your daughter, Molly.

What does she want back? I have no idea.

What happened? Someone was watching.

What is that?

What the hell are you talkin about? Look.

What? Andrew, no!

What? Investigate.

What? Wait a minute.

What? Working.

What? You firing the 'aack ack' gun?

What's happening? We've got access to all Agenda security camera feeds.

What's up? Oh, I almost forgot.

What's wrong with you anyway? Ryan and the guys saw you.

What's, um What's a good place to go surfing around here? Oh, Huntington Beach.

Where is he? How could I possibly know?

Where is she? Who?

Where is the Carrie girl? Baby, you got that all

Where you at? Thank God. Thank God you're alive. Where

Where? The surf shop, dude.

Who is that at the door this early?

Who's Carrie, Malcolm? No.

Whoo hoo! There you go, Carrie.

Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo!

Will they be around a lot? Well, they live here...

Wood chipper? Oh, he saw the whole thing.

Wow. Baby, all the heavy hitters.

Yeah, like you. Me?

Yeah. Id have a drink with you...

Yes? You can be my volunteer.

Yo. Stewart?

You don't know me! Please! Would you take your seat over there, please?

You gave it up for this? No.

You got it all wrong. Malcolm Turner, F.B.I.?

You gotta be kidding me, Crawford. Malcolm. Malcolm!

You just need to stay out of sight. Yeah.

You know me. Uh oh.

You okay? Yeah, I'm fine.

You wanna give me a number? Mm hmm.

You wanna see? I'll show you, yeah. No, ma'am.

You watch your mouth when you talkin to me! Ladies, ladies.

Your man? That's right. My man.

...give you a call from, uh from Phoenix.

...make sure the cord is not torn or frayed.

'Hattie Mae Pierce! But you can call me Big Momma.

# spellcheck: lyliakar #