Spider-Man: Homecoming Edit

A bourbon or a Scotch, or something like that?

A joint venture between Stark Industries...

A kid who can stop a bus with his bare hands.

A lot of work.

A new team captain next year.

A power source.

A powerful blast was set off, slicing through the bodega across the street.

A thing to do after.

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Unh!

Aaron Davis, age 33.

About his discoveries regarding quantum theory.

About one of the most valuable traits a soldier or student can have.

Across the street from the Washington Monument.

Activate Taser web!

Activating all systems.

Activating Enhanced Reconnaissance Mode.

Activating Instant Kill.

Activating parachute

Actually, I was calling to say maybe you shouldn't come. Listen.

Actually, I was so busy planning it, I never really got around to that part, so...

After an ATM robbery was thwarted by Queens' own crime stopper...

After the press conference, Happy will show you to your room...

Ah, it's boring. Got better things to do.

Ah, thank you.

Ah, whatever, old man. Come on.

Ah...

Ahh, damn it. You, in my office right now.

Ahh, finally.

All items on the belt, please.

All post battle cleanup operations are now under our jurisdiction.

All right, coming up.

All right, get out of here.

All right, Happy, enjoy tracking this lamp.

All right, not my best analogy.

All right, wheels up in eight minutes.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Heh.

All you guys who go to that school...

Alright?

Always got that internship.

Am I?

And besides...

And caused severe structural damage to the elevator.

And don't you ever, ever...

And everybody you love.

And everything, but they don't care about us.

And gaining access to your suit's full capabilities.

And he thinks he can tear down everything I've built.

And I don't really want Mr. Stark to know about it.

And I heard a rumor.

And I read a coaching book.

And I wanted you to be better.

And I'll introduce the world to the newest official member of the Avengers:

And I'm trying to break the cycle of shame.

And if you died...

And it seems like it's not worth it.

And override their security.

And picked me up, and took me up like a thousand feet and just dropped me.

And storage of alien and other exotic materials.

And take a shower. You smell.

And the government...

And then all of a sudden, this little bastard in red tights shows up.

And then he just, like, swooped down like a monster...

And then I just hit him with the: whoosh.

And you wonder...

And, uh...

And...

Anyway, great things are about to...

Anyways, Dad doesn't want us here during the trial. So...

Are you driving?

Are you expelled?

Are you guys okay? My bad. That was a little hard.

Are you ready?

Are you really friends with Peter Parker?

As long as I make it back in time for decathlon, it's fine.

As the Spider Man attempted to foil their heist...

As you know, we made it out alive, and that's the important thing.

At porn.

Attention, please!

Aunt May, did you do dinner already?

Awesome.

Aww...

Badass.

Band practice, was it?

Because I don't have any friends.

Because I said so!

Because I want you to understand.

Because if you do...

Because you look pale.

Because...

Before he leaves town.

Besides, we raided the minibar and these candy bars were, like, $11.

Between points A and B?

Bingo.

Black Widow. Whoa, who's that new guy?

Boring.

Boss?

Boss.

Boxes? It's moving day.

Break!

Build up your game helping little people, like that lady that bought you the churro.

Business is good.

But how are you gonna get there if it's, like, 300 miles away?

But I can only remember part of a license plate.

But I do.

But I know when branzino's fresh, and that was not fresh, okay? So...

But I screwed it up.

But I understand that selling weapons to criminals is wrong.

But I'm good.

But I'm ready for more than that now.

But it's, um...

But just for motivation right now at this practice.

But take it from a guy who's been frozen for 65 years...

But then you did the right thing.

But trust me, there's nothing Bohr ing...

But you are a kid

But you didn't listen.

But you have a Spanish quiz

But you're here too.

By the Training Wheels Protocol.

Bye, May.

Bye, Peter.

Bye.

Bye.

Call Happy Hogan. He's Mr. Stark's head of security.

Call me back. The glowy thing's a bomb!

Call me Spider Man.

Calling yourself the Shocker.

Can I be the one to tell Peter he's expelled?

Can it bite me?

Can you give us a moment?

Can you imagine what the boss would say if he knew where we were?

Can you summon an army of spiders?

Can't believe they're still cleaning up...

Can't believe you're at this lame party.

Can't you just be a friendly neighborhood Spider Man?

Can't you just be a friendly...

Chess.

Chief, they're losing altitude. Get out of there.

Chief, they're powering up engines.

Cloning transponder signal.

Close to the vest.

Come dance with me!

Come on up. Come on, you guys, stay back.

Come on, come on, come on.

Come on, man, I don't need training wheels.

Come on, man. Look, who is selling these weapons?

Come on, Ned, please.

Come on, Pedro.

Come on, Peter.

Come on, Spider Man!

Come on, Spider Man.

Come on, Spider Man.

Come on, Spider Man.

Come on! It's a freaking merge. I'm sorry.

Come on. He'll be there. Right, Parker?

Come on. I'm not carrying your bags. Let's go.

Congratulations on completing the Training Wheels Protocol...

Congratulations, decathlon national champions.

Cool.

Copy, central. Six alpha niner on schedule.

Correct. Thank you, Abraham.

Could you do me a favor? Hold on to that.

Couldn't find the owner, so I just left a note, um...

Crap.

Crockett, there are people who handle this sort of thing.

Cut the bullshit.

Dad, the light.

Damn.

Damn.

Deactivating Instant Kill.

Defeated the country's best to win the national championship.

Delmar's Sandwiches was destroyed...

Deploy anchors.

Deploying high altitude vacuum seal.

Detecting three individuals.

Did Liz get a new top?

Did you hear that?

Did you just do it again?

Did you not hear her?

Did you see the bank security cam on YouTube? He fought off four guys.

Different story, right? Because that's on you.

DJ Flash.

Do me a favor, though. Happy's kind of your point guy on this.

Do you have a date for homecoming?

Do you have to go to that high school where the principal has a crossbow?

Do you want to hear what they're saying?

Does anyone have a pen? Do you have a pen?

Does she know?

Doesn't she, Pete?

Don't cut me off when I'm complimenting you.

Don't do anything I would do, and don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Don't do anything stupid. I've seen his cardiogram.

Don't forget about your homecoming tickets.

Don't let him intimidate you.

Don't stress him out.

Dronie, scan the ship for a white pickup truck.

Dropping down.

Dude, dude, dude.

Dude, what are you doing?

Dude, you have the suit, right?

Dude, you're an Avenger.

Dude.

Eight years, not a word from the feds, nothing from those...

Entering new coordinates.

Estimating 10 minutes before catastrophic failure.

Everyone else said I was crazy to recruit a 14 year old kid.

Everyone was impressed.

Everything's gotta be out next week.

Evil lair? Heh.

Excuse me, can we go already?

Excuse me, excuse me. Oh, my God, that's tall.

Experts estimate there are over 1500 tons of exotic material...

Extensive criminal record, including homicide.

Feds were waiting for us.

Fighting my girlfriend's dad. Oh!

First, we put the glowy thing in the mass spectrometer.

Fitness can be the difference between success or failure.

Five.

Flash, I need your car and phone.

Flash, seriously? What are you doing?

Flash, you're in for Peter.

Flash.

Focus up. Our next topic is the moons of Saturn.

Friendly neighborhood Spider Man.

Genius move. Okay, he just passed the GameStop on Jackson Avenue.

Get a computer and track my phone.

Get out of the way, get out of the way! Move!

Get out of the way. Get out of the way!

Give me an x ray of the boat and target all the strongest points.

Glad you could join us. Afternoon.

Go later in the day, later in the day.

Go up, go up.

Go with me?

Go, go, go. Everybody out. Move it, people. Move it, move it.

God, I sound like my dad.

God, that's... That's weird.

God, this is stupid. What am I doing?

Going as fast as I can!

Good evening, Peter.

Good old Spider Man.

Good, so it's on its way.

Got a visual on the plane, but I'm feeling a little resistance.

Gotcha.

Gotta go.

Great job, Peter. You are 98 percent successful.

Great movie!

Great. Guess I'm gonna have to take a shortcut.

Guy in the chair.

Guys like us...

Ha ha ha! Whoo!

Ha ha ha.

Ha ha.

Ha ha. That turkey meatloaf recipe is a disaster.

Halloween costume wearing bozos up there in Stark Tower.

Happy Hogan.

Happy, I gotta say, tracking me without permission...

Have we ever...? Because even the voice...

He already quit marching band and robotics lab.

He gave you a choice.

He has a criminal record and an address here in Queens.

He just doesn't really get what I can do yet.

He must be around..."

He said something about taking off in nine minutes.

He stopped in an old industrial park in Brooklyn.

He was forehead of security, before that he was a driver.

He... He was just, like:

He'd already be dead.

He'd be all, "Good job on those spreadsheets, Peter.

He's right. I overextended myself.

He's so stressed out lately.

He's supposed to be doing a deal with him.

He's up front, main deck.

Hell of a grip.

Hello, Ned? Hey, hey, can you hear me?

Hello!

Hello?

Helping you out.

Here we are. End of the line.

Here we are. End of the line. Whoops.

Here.

Here. You try.

Here's 5 dollars.

Hey, Big Bird. This doesn't belong to you.

Hey, chief! We have another load from yesterday.

Hey, dronie, keep an eye on that guy. We can't let anybody get away this time.

Hey, everyone.

Hey, everyone. Yeah, kick ass party.

Hey, Gary. How you doing?

Hey, guys. Good game. Have fun.

Hey, guys. The illegal weapons deal ferry was at 10:30. You missed it.

Hey, Happy. Here's my report for tonight.

Hey, Happy. What, uh...? What are you doing here?

Hey, have you gotten through to Happy yet?

Hey, hey, buddy.

Hey, hey. Aah.

Hey, how long we been here anyways?

Hey, how you doing? Don't worry. I got you.

Hey, is this anybody's bike? No?

Hey, it's like the glowy thing.

Hey, it's Peter. Leave a message.

Hey, just a second! Coming!

Hey, Karen, what else can this suit do?

Hey, Karen. What's up?

Hey, let's just go home.

Hey, Liz.

Hey, look, I, uh...

Hey, May. How you doing? What are you wearing? Something skimpy, I hope.

Hey, Mr. Delmar, you in here? Is anybody in here? Hello?

Hey, Mr. Parker.

Hey, Mr. Stark, could I do anything? What do you want me to do?

Hey, Ned, how we coming on with those headlights?

Hey, Pedro.

Hey, Peter. How was your Spanish quiz?

Hey, please. I'm down here.

Hey, should I go to the bathroom before?

Hey, so where am I right now?

Hey, suit lady, what are they doing?

Hey, suit lady. I kind of feel bad calling you "suit lady," you know?

Hey, thanks for bailing on me.

Hey, that's one of the guys that tried to kill me.

Hey, welcome back! Flash, you're back to first alternate.

Hey, what are you doing robbing a bank? You're a billionaire.

Hey, what's up, Liz? Peter's told me a lot about you.

Hey, what's up? I'm on my way back.

Hey, where are the headlights on this thing? I'm in Flash's car.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Hey, come on. You gonna shoot at somebody, shoot at me.

Hey! Please! Please, somebody let me out! Hey!

Hey! Shut that off!

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Looks like they got some good stuff here.

Hey. You know what?

Hey...

Hi, I'm Captain America, here to talk to you...

Hi, Peter.

Hi, Spider Man.

Hi!

Hi.

Hi. I'm Captain America. Whether you're in the classroom or on the battlefield...

High schools creep me out.

Hm. Yeah.

Hmm?

Hmm.

Hot dog.

House party in the suburbs.

How about a loose follow? All right? Boundaries are good.

How can you show your spider spirit?

How could you do this to her?

How do you do this and the Stark internship?

How do you think your buddy Stark paid for that tower?

How far can you shoot your webs?

How many more of these?

How many times do I have to say "larb" before you talk to me?

How many times have I told you not to fire them out in the open?

How was the ride up?

How you doing, buddy?

How'd you find me? Did you put a tracker in my suit?

How's it work? Magnets? How do you shoot the strings?

How's your aunt?

How's your daughter?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh.

Hulk gives it away

Hydrogen's the lightest.

I admire that.

I ain't hauling it.

I am responsible. I... Oh, crap.

I am so far beyond high school right now.

I apologize, Mr. Toomes, but all salvage operations are now under our jurisdiction.

I bought trucks for this job.

I brought in a whole new crew.

I built this whole place because I got people I have to look after.

I called five of your friends. I called Ned's mother.

I can finish the next order, but without any new materials from that truck...

I can handle it. Ned, come on.

I can hear what they're saying? Uh, yeah.

I can keep that suit?

I can keep the suit?

I can run facial recognition on the footage of that encounter.

I can't afford that.

I can't afford your bullshit.

I can't believe that worked. Whoa!

I can't believe this is happening now.

I can't believe you have that in your pocket.

I can't go to Washington. If Mr. Stark needs me, I have to make sure I'm here.

I can't talk right now. I'll call her back.

I can't tonight

I cannot take this anymore. I got to... I gotta get out of here.

I could catch them red handed. This is awesome.

I could never forget something like that.

I couldn't bear to lose a student on a school trip.

I did it. Whoa!

I did listen, kid. Who do you think called the FBI, huh?

I didn't hear you come in.

I didn't tell you where. You don't have a location.

I didn't.

I do. When you first came to the house...

I don't care what you are, a boy, a girl...

I don't have any other clothes.

I don't know what I would do without this job.

I don't know who he is or where he is.

I don't know. I gotta check my calendar first.

I don't know. Some guy tried to vaporize me with it.

I don't like joking about this. It was hard to talk about that.

I don't think that's a good idea. They're blocked for a reason.

I don't understand.

I don't want to celebrate something that was built by slaves.

I feel like that's on me.

I finished designing that high altitude vacuum seal.

I flipped in and stole Cap's shield. I was like, "What's up, everybody?" And...

I found the case. I found the case.

I got a hot date with Black Widow coming up.

I got a nephew who live here.

I got antigrav climbers.

I got some pull at MIT. End call.

I got the gauntlet from the Lagos cleanup.

I got the Stark internship

I got the weapons, buyers and sellers in one place.

I got this.

I got this.

I got to get to class, but, um...

I got to say, the other guy was way better with that thing.

I got tons of great stuff here. One sec.

I got you right where I want you.

I gotta figure out what this is and who makes it.

I gotta follow these guys to their boss before they move again...

I gotta stop him!

I gotta talk to the kid.

I gotta...

I guess we're moving to Oregon.

I guess you already have a date to homecoming.

I had that. I was fine.

I hate this guy.

I have a room full of people in there waiting...

I have to talk to Ned. It's important.

I have to tell you, not a fan of that Tony Stark.

I heard you by the bridge. I know what a girl sound like.

I helped this lost, old Dominican lady.

I helped this old lady and she bought me a churro

I just felt like I could be doing more

I just had a fight with Captain America. I stole his shield. I threw it at him...

I just mean that...

I just saved your life. Now, what do you say?

I just thought that I could work really hard and he could... He would... You know.

I just want to thank you for letting me be part of your journey...

I just wanted to apologize about the whole decathlon thing.

I just wanted to be like you.

I just, um, feel like I could be doing more.

I know Peter's way too busy for parties anyway, so...

I know you don't give a crap about anything.

I know you know what I'm talking about, Peter.

I know you left detention.

I know you left the hotel room in Washington.

I know you sneak out of this house every night.

I know, right?

I know.

I know.

I know. I know it's really hard...

I like you.

I lost the Stark internship.

I mean, before I met Tony...

I mean, look at this.

I mean, not awesome. Heh, totally uncool of that guy.

I mean, that was badass. Ha.

I mean, you saved me.

I mean, your dad... I can't imagine what you're going through.

I need information. You'll give it to me now.

I need something to stick up somebody. I'm not trying to shoot them back in time.

I need to know. Give me names or else.

I needed a little time to get her airborne.

I put a tracker on someone. He's a bad guy.

I put everything in your suit.

I really owe you one.

I really, really admire your grit.

I record everything you see.

I saw it all from the ground.

I see why Liz likes you.

I stopped a grand theft bicycle

I stopped a grand theft bicycle.

I swear.

I tell you to stay away from this.

I tell you what.

I think he larbs you, heh.

I think I can think of something better than that.

I think I should probably give you a name.

I think you've done enough.

I think, with a little more mentoring...

I thought you didn't have any friends.

I thought you'd be more handsome in person. Iron Man.

I want to be mad, but I'm more worried. Like, what is going on with you?

I wanted something low key. Why are you trying to upsell me, man?

I was hoping I could rejoin the team.

I was hoping to get in some protesting in front of an embassy before dinner.

I was wondering if you could help me.

I was wrong about you.

I was, uh... I was gonna go study in the business center.

I wasn't sure about this thing at first, but damn.

I wasn't sure. I thought, "Really?" But I get it now.

I wouldn't care. I'd love him for the person he is inside.

I, uh, need a new backpack.

I...

I... I heard it in a TED Talk.

I'd say we should hang out, but I'm gonna be in detention for...

I'll be close behind.

I'll bet you were glad when your old pal Spider Man...

I'll come by afterwards. For the most part, the difficult thing is the base of it.

I'll have to put this back in the trophy case soon...

I'll kill you dead.

I'll kill you...

I'll knock out the bones of the Death Star.

I'll level with you. I can't keep this a secret.

I'll take those!

I'm actually going that way.

I'm ahead of the game, but we will need...

I'm all in on this. I could lose my house.

I'm an associate of Peter Parker. Got something very important to tell you...

I'm down here. I'm stuck.

I'm fine. May, I'm okay. Honestly, just relax. I'm fine.

I'm going out of town. It's right on my way.

I'm gonna be late.

I'm gonna die.

I'm gonna give Peter the, uh, "dad" talk.

I'm gonna go get Liz.

I'm gonna kill him.

I'm gonna miss you.

I'm good, I'm good.

I'm honestly...

I'm intimidating.

I'm just kidding. I don't care. Bye.

I'm just stressed. The internship, and I'm tired.

I'm Liz's dad.

I'm not a girl. I'm a boy. I mean, I'm a... I'm a man.

I'm not a girl. I'm a man.

I'm not going home empty handed.

I'm not gonna screw it up.

I'm not obsessed with him. Just very observant.

I'm not old enough to drink.

I'm not sure.

I'm not trying to ruin your life.

I'm nothing without this suit.

I'm responsible for making sure you're responsible, okay?

I'm sick of him treating me like a kid all the time.

I'm so happy you guys came.

I'm sorry about dinner...

I'm sorry I made you worry.

I'm sorry, Peter.

I'm sorry, sir. There's nothing I can do.

I'm sorry.

I'm starting to think you're not the Avengers.

I'm stuck. I can't move. I can't...

I'm sure the Washington Monument wasn't built by...

I'm trying to figure out who the guys under the bridge were that night...

I'm trying to save you!

I'm...

I'm... I'm shocked.

I've been calling you all day. You didn't answer your phone.

I've been carrying this since 2008.

I've called five police stations.

I've got a few secrets of my own.

I've got some boys on the outside who would love to meet him.

I've just never been this high before.

I've met him, yeah. A couple times.

I've seen you around, right? I mean...

Idiots!

Idiots.

Idiots.

If any one of us has a chance with a senior girl, it's you.

If I knew who he was...

If I was you, I would stand on a building...

If one of them can cut Delmar's Bodega in half...

If she finds out people try and kill me every night, she won't let me do this.

If there's anything I can do to help...

If you bring Damage Control or the Avengers down here, we're through.

If you even cared, you'd actually be here.

If you have a grievance, you may take it up with my superiors.

If you spot something like that happening, you turn and you run the other way.

If you're in a burning building, I could tell you where to go.

If you're nothing without this suit, then you shouldn't have it.

If you're nothing without this suit, then you shouldn't have it.

Imagine how disappointed she'd be when she sees me.

In accordance with Executive Order 396B...

Including this heater.

Incoming call from May Parker. Should I reroute to your heads up display?

Initiating trial 247.

Instead, you hacked a multimillion dollar suit...

Interfere with my business again.

Into this amazing...

Is a complete violation of privacy.

Is Captain America cool, or is he like a mean, old grandpa?

Is it for me? Happy. Happy, wait.

Is that a corsage?

Is there no way you could take one weekend off?

Is this anybody's bike?

It ain't bad, is it?

It is I, Thor, son of Odin.

It looked so insane. That whole...

It sounded like he was catching a flight.

It was a great party, really great, yeah.

It was awesome.

It was boring? You got to hang out with Spider Man.

It was not cool, especially...

It was so... Oh, my God.

It was the most amazing thing! Mr. Stark was like, "Hey, Underoos!"

It worked. It works.

It would require radiation to transform it into an explosive state.

It's been an honor, Spider Man.

It's dangerous. Don't let it go through an x ray.

It's fine.

It's flowering now.

It's four inch ballistic glass. You'll have to create more momentum.

It's game day. So, what's the plan?

It's just "Spider Man."

It's just me and you.

It's kind of a Springsteen y, working class hero vibe that I dig.

It's moving day. He's gonna rob that plane.

It's Ned. Leave a message.

It's not a hug. I'm just grabbing the door for you. We're not there yet.

It's not too far from D.C.

It's not working out. I'm gonna need the suit back.

It's okay, it's okay.

It's okay.

It's on our, uh, little spider friend.

It's on the house.

It's over. I've got you.

It's Peter. Parker.

It's pretty ballsy.

It's pretty impressive, huh?

It's probably just drag on the new turbines.

It's really nice to have somebody to talk to.

It's required by the state. Let's do it.

It's saying there was an energy pulse here.

It's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.

It's the guy from the bridge, right? Who's that other guy?

It's time we change, too.

It's too bad.

It's too larby?

It's unknown. Shut up.

It's you.

Join me, and together...

Jump now.

Just a typical homecoming...

Just not too good.

Just saying, you know.

Just stay calm, everyone.

Just think to yourself, what would Captain America do?

Just thought I'd swing by and say hello to my buddy Peter.

Just...

Karen, get me to decathlon as fast as possible.

Karen, you have to help me override that time lock.

Keep your fingers clear of the blades.

Kid's got a future.

Kiss her.

Know what?

Last chance. Yes or no?

Last week, decathlon was the most important thing, but then I almost died.

Later that day, they also defeated death.

Launch for intercept. Green light. Green light.

Launching decoy drone.

Leaving Jersey.

Left, okay.

Let go of me

Let me guess: In Canada with your imaginary girlfriend?

Let's go to dinner. Thai? Ned, you want Thai?

Let's go, let's go!

Let's go.

Let's keep it.

Let's pay him a visit.

Let's wrap this up. It's a school night.

Like Liz. No, no, no.

Like we need time.

Like you and me...

Like, it was just crazy.

Like, what if he's seriously burned?

Listen to me. If you come across these weapons again, call Happy.

Liz has a crush on you.

Liz, don't overwork them.

Liz, I... I...

Liz!

Liz? Liz! Damn it.

Liz.

Locating optimal entry point.

Long enough to be awkward. Boss wants to see you.

Look at me.

Look at this thing. Look. Look at the eyes.

Look out for the cloaking cameras. Stay in the blind spots.

Look out, look out, look out. Move, move, move!

Look out!

Look who it is.

Look, forget the flying vulture guy, please.

Look, I have a city contract to salvage all this, okay, with the city, so...

Look, I'm just gonna be myself.

Look, just go stack that armor plating like I asked you.

Look, man.

Look, please. This is my chance to prove myself.

Look, times are changing. We're the only ones selling these high tech weapons.

Look.

Look.

Look. So cute.

Look...

Looking good, Parker.

Looking...

Love you.

Ma'am, what am...?

Marjorie, how are you? How's your mother?

Marry Iron Man and kill Hulk.

Maryland?

Mason, can you get that high altitude seal thing up and running in time?

Mass cancels out, so it's just gravity times sine.

May let me in. We were gonna finish the Death Star.

May, I need your help.

May?

May?

Maybe it is time that I built the high altitude seal.

Maybe put on some clothes.

Maybe we should run that refresher course.

Maybe you should invite him to Liz's party. Right?

Maybe you were trying to be cool.

Maybe your wife would like to know where you really get your money from.

Maybe. How much did it hurt?

Midtown takes the championship.

Midtown Tech?

Mind waiting in the car? I need a minute.

Miraculously, no one was harmed.

Mom says it's nice there, so that's cool.

Morning?

Morning.

Mr. Delmar.

Mr. Stark is moving the Avengers upstate...

Mr. Stark is no longer connected.

Mr. Stark knows because he made my suit. That's it.

Mr. Stark, here's my report for tonight

Mr. Stark, you didn't have to come out here.

My dad never really gave me a lot of support...

My first time on any plane.

My friends are in there! Stop!

My head.

My parents will kill me if anything's broken. I gotta...

My web shooters.

My... My friends call me MJ.

Ned, I'm probably never gonna come back here.

Ned, just, shh, okay?

Ned, May cannot know. I cannot do that to her right now.

Ned, Peter, we're gonna be late. Come on, let's go.

Ned, some hats wear men. You wear that hat.

Ned, the guy with the wings is Liz's dad.

Neighborhood Spider Man?

New move I'm working on

New York. Queens.

Next question.

Next time those turkeys try to convince you of something...

Nice man.

Nice shot!

Nice.

No one has actually told me why I'm in Berlin or what I'm doing.

No outgoing distress signals. You're clear.

No records found for two of the individuals.

No thanks to me?

No thanks to you.

No way.

No, hey! Uh uh!

No, I can't tonight. I've got the Stark...

No, I don't need to go to...

No, I don't. No. I... I mean...

No, I mean, we'll call you.

No, I'm not lying.

No, I'm...

No, Karen, stop it with the Instant Kill already.

No, Ned.

No, no way. You can't quit on us...

No, no, no, we have to take some pictures, babe. All right.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

No, no, no. Come fix this.

No, no, no. I can't... I cannot do this.

No, no, no. I don't want to kill anybody.

No, no, no. I gotta follow them.

No, no, no. Karen, what's going on up there?

No, no, no. That's definitely...

No, no, no. This is just me messing around.

No, seriously, was he snoring a bunch?

No, that's that one.

No, you're not.

No!

No.

No.

No.

No. Ha ha.

No. Seriously? Argh!

No. Wait, wait, wait!

No. We've seen that before, but never with that skirt.

No. Yeah.

None of this would've happened if you had just listened to me.

Nope.

Nope. Peter. You still with us?

Not again.

Not bad

Not larby enough.

Nothing is more important than family.

Nothing. Heh.

Nothing. Look, it's just the Academic Decathlon.

Notice how the marble and granite are cut around the stone.

Now the assholes who made this mess are paid to clean it up.

Now we're on Iron Man's radar?

Now you're the Shocker. Go out there and find that weapon he lost.

Now, see, for me, it would be F Thor...

Now, this is crafted from a reclaimed sub Ultron arm straight from Sokovia.

Number five, right?

Of all the reasons I didn't want my daughter to date...

Oh, come on.

Oh, God!

Oh, God.

Oh, heh.

Oh, hey, Pete.

Oh, hey!

Oh, hey.

Oh, I know. I just like coming here to sketch people in crisis.

Oh, I remember these. Kind of jealous.

Oh, I...

Oh, I'm not here.

Oh, my butt! Unh!

Oh, my God, she's crushing on Spider Man.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Look at the ceiling.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. What do I do? Karen...

Oh, my gosh. Hey, guys. Cool hat, Ned.

Oh, nice.

Oh, no, no! Unh!

Oh, Peter.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, that's him.

Oh, this feels so weird.

Oh, this is too perfect.

Oh, this must be where the ATM robbers got their stuff.

Oh, we are all going to die here.

Oh, what's up, Ned? Hey, where's Peter, anyways?

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Sorry. You left it out.

Oh...

Okay, I know that was scary, but our safety systems are working.

Okay, I'll get closer to see what's happening.

Okay, Karen, activate Enhanced Reconnaissance Mode.

Okay, Karen, lower the voltage and run it.

Okay, let's see.

Okay, okay.

Okay, okay. I got what you need, all right?

Okay, okay. okay.

Okay, perfect. So where's my phone now?

Okay, Peter, you got this.

Okay, ready?

Okay, slow down. You're getting close. It's on your right.

Okay, so how do we calculate linear acceleration...

Okay, Spider Man. Do a flip.

Okay, suit lady, we're gonna have to fight our way out of this one.

Okay, there's Captain America, Iron Man...

Okay, we'll sort that out.

Okay, we're just gonna have to try every sequence.

Okay, well, wait, then.

Okay, what the hell is that?

Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Come on, you guys.

Okay. Good luck out there

Okay. Good. Yes.

Okay. I got eyes on the convoy.

Okay. Oh, my God.

Okay. Uh, hold on, hold on.

Okay. We're gonna have Spider Man swing in...

On the outside of an invisible jet...

Once again, that's the right answer.

One hundred meters from destination and closing.

Only with May in parking lots. This is a huge step up.

Or any of his little toys?

Or the notes you leave. I have moving day to worry about.

Or walls.

Or you will be prosecuted.

Or you would be toast right now.

Other than he's a psychopath dressed like a demon, nothing.

Parker, my office.

Patience.

Penis Parker, what's up?

Perfect.

Peter has an internship with Tony Stark. I think he doesn't have to worry.

Peter knows Spider Man.

Peter, closer.

Peter, I just don't think this is a great idea. I mean, what if this is illegal?

Peter, it's nationals.

Peter, no one wants that.

Peter, that's inappropriate. Let's start over.

Peter, where are you?

Peter, you have to tell me what's going on. Just lay it out.

Peter?

Peter.

Peter.

Peter. Come here, come here, come here.

Peter...

Peter...

Peter...

Please be sure all cell phones are turned off.

Please turn over any and all exotic materials that you've collected...

Please, hey.

Please. Come here. Hey, lady, come on.

Plotting course to intercept target.

Pretty sure he's a war criminal, but I have to show these videos.

Pretty sure that's an urban myth, and, no, I'm not expelled.

Previously on Peter Screws the Pooch...

Proceed to southwest window.

Protesting is patriotic. Let's get on the bus.

Prototype for Cap's new shield, and the Meging...

Pulling in behind the caboose.

Put her there.

Put them down.

Qualified personnel.

Rapid fire is the default for Enhanced Combat Mode.

Really?

Really? I mean, uh, great. Cool.

Really? Right before nationals?

Really? Spider Man?

Relax.

Retroreflective panels engaged.

Return to the ground immediately.

Return to the ground immediately.

Return to the ground or we will open fire!

Right, of course. Yeah, my bad. Silly. Just...

Right. See, Flash, being the fastest isn't always the best if you are wrong.

Rise and shine, Midtown Science and Technology.

Round knob to the left of the steering wheel, turn clockwise.

Run by a guy with wings? Yeah.

Scattered throughout the tri state area.

Searching law enforcement databases.

See, Happy is hoping to get bumped up to asset management.

Seriously?

She was really nice and bought me a churro.

She's a very hot Italian woman.

She's here. Spider it up.

She's just a girl who goes to my school.

She's the best. She's awesome.

Shh. Shh.

Should I tell Liz that I'm Spider Man?

Should it...? Should it be...? Should it be making that noise?

Showed up in the elevator, though, huh?

Six alpha niner, are you running on time?

Six blocks away from us.

Smells really good.

Smile.

So a fall from this height would most likely be lethal.

So cool.

So how do jerks like you get tech like this?

So how's school?

So I'm gonna give you one chance.

So is everyone okay?

So just try to keep your head straight, okay?

So now what?

So scary.

So she doesn't. Good.

So that's it. You're just gonna run?

So when's our next, uh...? When's our next "retreat," you know?

So where's your pal Spider Man?

So you could sneak around behind my back...

So you're lying to Iron Man now?

So your body's changing. Believe me, I know how that feels.

So, uh, how long you been here?

So, uh, why do they call you Happy?

So, yeah, just call me back.

So...

So... that was nice

Solid dude.

Somebody's got to look out for the little guy, right?

Something about Captain America going crazy.

Sometimes it leads to very little...

Sometimes patience is the key to victory.

Somewhere. We've, uh...

Sorry I took your suit.

Sorry, no time to play. Here, go fetch.

Sorry, Peter. I guess we're still losers.

Sounds like no big deal, but remember, I'm watching you.

Spider guy's here.

Spider Man is not a party trick, okay?

Spider Man.

Splitter web, go.

Stand down!

Staten Island.

Stay close to the ground.

Stay in school, kid. Otherwise, you're gonna end up like me.

Stroll up and be welcomed back by everyone.

Stupid Interrogation Mode. Karen, don't ever do that again.

Suit lady, where am I?

Sure thing.

Sure thing. Just tell me where it is.

Surprise!

Surprised?

Take a look.

Take him down now, huh?

Take my trophy.

Takeoff in nine minutes.

Target inbound.

Taser webs? I don't want Taser webs.

Tell her she looks nice, but not too much because that's creepy.

Telling the other guy where to go?

Thank Ganesh while you're at it. Cheers.

Thank God this place has Wi Fi...

Thank you for your service. We'll take it from here.

Thank you, Mr. Stark.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thankfully, no one was seriously injured thanks to the Spider Man.

Thanks, Dad.

Thanks, Jason, but I already have a date.

Thanks, Karen.

Thanks.

That glowy thing is an explosive Chitauri energy core.

That is correct.

That is false.

That is literally the coolest sentence anyone has ever said.

That was a private conversation.

That was a test, right?

That was... I was there longer than two seconds.

That, um, was a pretty crappy thing to do.

That'd be great.

That's an inductive charging plate. That's what I use to charge my toothbrush.

That's awesome.

That's awesome.

That's awesome. How many pieces?

That's definitely not what we wanted to watch.

That's five.

That's gonna dissolve in two hours.

That's how it is.

That's how we survive.

That's nice of him.

That's not a hug. I'm just grabbing the door for you

That's not fine.

That's not Spider Man. That's just Ned in a red shirt.

That's not the question. Okay.

That's not what you thought when I took on Captain America.

That's odd. Happy told me you quit band six weeks ago. What's up?

That's the right answer.

That's what I'll do to protect my family. Do you understand?

That's worth more than you or me.

The adult is talking. What if somebody had died tonight?

The answer's no. Forget it.

The Chitauri core has detonated...

The container walls are hindering my sensors.

The craziest thing just happened.

The Damage Control deep storage vault.

The Department of Damage Control, will oversee the collection...

The door will most likely remain closed until morning.

The glowy thing, it's evidence. Keep it safe.

The guy with wings is the source of the weapons. I gotta take him down.

The hat's not working. This is not cool.

The identity of the masked hero is still unknown.

The Meg... The...

The next correct answer wins the championship.

The occupants are in imminent mortal danger.

The only way to really be cool is to follow the rules.

The other night, you told that dude, "if you shoot somebody, shoot me."

The perfect tough love moment that you needed.

The question is, how are you gonna make things right?

The rest is my design.

The rich and the powerful, they do whatever they want.

The safety systems are completely failing.

The second law of thermodynamics.

The Sokovia Accords were put into place...

The Spider Man swooped in...

The Spider Man.

The spider's dead, Ned.

The Stark internship.

The top half we can knock out in two hours, tops.

The two on the right, who are they?

The wingsuit guy is stealing from Damage Control.

The world's changing.

Then this ferry thing happens.

Then why are you narrating in that voice?

There were purple lasers and smoke. It was **** tight, like a Bon Jovi concert.

There you go, Mason.

There you go.

There'd be screens around me, and I could swivel around.

There's a bathroom on it.

There's a little gray area in there. That's where you operate.

There's a ton of other sub systems in here

There's a ton of other subsystems in here...

There's a vehicle approaching on your right.

There's about 50 reporters behind that door. Real ones, not bloggers.

There's got to be something in here I can use.

There's no record of him in my criminal database.

There's no sign of the weapon.

There's pizza and drinks. Help yourself.

There's something in Ned's backpack.

These alien bastards are tough.

These guys are selling weapons that are crazy dangerous.

These guys have a family. I have a family.

These guys were robbing an ATM...

These weapons are crazy dangerous

They can lead me to the guy that dropped me in the lake.

They can't be out on the streets.

They don't care about us.

They got this funny smell, you know?

They just finished remodeling the whole thing.

They keep making messes, we keep getting rich.

They must have hijacked the truck and taken me to their evil lair.

They stopped.

They're all disabled, by the training wheels protocol\

They're friends.

They're gonna call me.

They're in Brooklyn.

Things are never gonna be the same now.

Think of something. How about, um...?

Thirty seven minutes? That's insane.

This better work, Mason.

This is a huge deal for us.

This is a mistake.

This is because you're not on Queens Boulevard.

This is D.C. Metro Police. Identify yourself.

This is insane. Insane.

This is so awesome.

This is the coolest thing I've ever seen...

This is the Stark internship.

This is your chance, Peter.

This is your first time on a private plane?

This is your last chance.

This past weekend, Midtown's Academic Decathlon team...

This sucks.

This weekend at the Stark internship retreat.

This? It's not on you.

Thor. Hulk. Good to finally meet you guys.

Thor's magic belt.

Those people, Pete, those people up there...

Those weapons were out there, and I tried to tell you about it...

Thought you got away from me, didn't you?

Thought you loved larb.

Through or around?

Through the Stark internship. Mm hm.

Time to go home, Pete.

To begin regulating...

To her? I'm not doing anything to her, Pete.

To urge you on, right? Wouldn't you think? Don't you think?

Today we're talking about Danish physicist Niels Bohr...

Today, my good friend, your gym teacher...

Told you he's a good kid.

Tony sold Avengers Tower. We're relocating to a new facility upstate...

Tony Stark made you that? Are you an Avenger?

Too late.

Took the dog to the free clinic, you raised the hybrid puppies...

Toomes, your family's here!

Toomes' phone.

Tracker located.

Trial unsuccessful.

True. Then again...

Trust me, boss, even one of those boxes and we are set for life.

Ugh. Gross.

Ugh... on, hey, guys.

Uh huh. Heh, heh.

Uh, "Enhanced Combat Mode"? Yeah.

Uh, do you want to...

Uh, Happy will take you home.

Uh, I'm in the middle of something.

Uh, it's nothing. Nothing.

Uh, Mr. Stark.

Uh, sir, technically, this is my dad's car, sir. So I can't...

Uh, Spider Man is fighting the Avengers in a bank on 21st Street.

Uh, strontium, barium, vibranium.

Uh, thank you.

Uh, uh, yeah, yeah.

Uh...

Uh...

Uh...

Um, a rebellious group activity the day before competition is good for morale.

Um, actually, it's Native American, but whatever.

Um, he does Academic Decathlon with me.

Um, well, I read that in a TED Talk, so...

Um...

Um...

Under the radar!

Unexpected motion has caused the deterioration to escalate.

Unh!

Unh!

Unh!

Up next: the Spider Man mania is sweeping the school.

Upstate... Like, "upstate" upstate?

Very lucky that he was there that day.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. You guys aren't the real avengers

Wait. What's happening?

Wait. You're gonna want to turn on the dampers.

Wasn't really trying to.

We build their roads, and we fight all their wars...

We can hit, like, five more places tonight.

We could have made some cool stuff from all that alien junk.

We gotta come up with a better name than "glowy thingy."

We have now entered sudden death.

We have thin walls here.

We have to pick up after them. We have to eat their table scraps.

We just got to load Tony's old Hulkbuster armor...

We should probably stop staring before it gets creepy.

We still have enough to do the Gargan deal though, right?

We'll build my new LEGO Death Star.

We'll call you

We'll go to the lab after class and run tests.

We'll see, I guess.

We're freaking screwed.

We're getting out of here.

We're gonna go swimming.

We're not roommates. Suit up.

We're supposed to turn this in, right?

We're very safe in here.

Web grenade. Web grenade.

Weird. Oh, I reached Mr. Happy. Don't think he likes you, by the way.

Well, hey, I'm your chauffeur, so, uh, let's get this show on the road.

Well, I mean, I'd rather just stay on the ground for a little while.

Well, if I were her, I wouldn't be disappointed at all.

Well, it probably would've hurt, right?

Well, it would buy us a little time.

Well, look, I think it's...

Well, that's awesome. Hey, you know what?

Well, then why do you sit with us?

Well, what about the Spider Man?

Well, what if Mr. Stark needs me or something big goes down?

Well, yeah, but I...

Were not there yet

Were you scared?

What about Karen?

What are the odds you and I'd end up at the same summer camp?

What are you doing here? There's a dance.

What are you doing, a little video diary?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you guys doing here?

What are you hiding, Peter?

What are you hiding?

What are you talking about? That thing hasn't even touched me yet.

What can you tell me about the guy with the wings?

What did he say to you?

What do you do?

What do you mean, FBI?

What does he have you doing?

What happened?

What he takes from Damage Control, that's how he builds the weapons.

What helps with stress is a party.

What if she's expecting someone like Tony Stark?

What is it like being famous when nobody knows it's you?

What is that thing?

What is that?

What is the heaviest naturally occurring element?

What is this place?

What the fu...?!

What the hell just happened? What was that?

What the hell?

What the hell?

What the hell?

What the hell?

What the hell? He's big now. I gotta go. Hang on.

What was that?

What was that?

What were you thinking?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? I thought that was a closet.

What? No, just set everything back to normal.

What? That makes no sense. He said he was going out of town.

What? Uh, don't worry, ma'am, everything's gonna be okay.

What?! Why?

What...? Aah!

What'd I tell you about looking at my phone?

What'd I tell you about using the bell for comedic purposes?

What'd you say?

What's the matter?

What's up guys?

What's up, guys? You forget your PIN number?

What's up, Mr. Delmar?

What's up, Murph?

What's up, Penis Parker?

What's weird about that?

What's with the crappy costume?

What's wrong with my web shooters?

What's wrong? You've reached the southwest window.

Whatever. Even if it did hurt, I'd let it bite me.

When I say "penis," you say "Parker."

When I was a kid, I used to draw cowboys and Indians.

When you graduate, what do you think you'll do?

When you're ready...

Where would you like to take me tonight?

Where you going?

Where's he between? He's next to Vision?

Where's the glowy thing? The glowy thing?

Whew, that's better. Thanks.

Whew. That's terrible what happened down there in D.C., though.

White pickup truck.

Who are these guys?

Who is Liz?

Who the hell are you?

Who's Liz? Heh. She's... Heh, heh.

Whoa, cool. It's like some kind of matter phase shifter.

Whoa, Mr. Stark really overdid it.

Whoa, no pilot? That's awesome.

Whoa, that's so cool.

Whoa, they're in the middle of a heist.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Not so fast.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait.

Whoa, whoa.

Whoa, you're the Avengers.

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa! Whoo! Whoo!

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa. Has that been there this whole time? That's awesome.

Whoa...

Whoever's making these weapons is combining alien tech with ours.

Whoo! Everybody good?

Whoo! Ha ha ha.

Whoo! Now, this is more like it.

Whoo! Unh!

Why are we removing the tracker from your suit?

Why are you here? You don't have detention.

Why are you telling me this?

Why don't you try that on?

Why is it not breaking?

Why is their secret lair in a gas station? That's so lame.

Why would I tell him about the churro?

Why you waited so long for something so disappointing.

Will conduct the Captain America Fitness Challenge.

With everything I know.

Wonder if you can afford me out there, though, right?

Would you like me to activate Instant Kill?

Would you like me to activate the Enhanced Interrogation Protocol?

Would you like me to engage Enhanced Combat Mode?

Would you like me to set this as your new default?

Would you like to run a refresher course?

Wow.

Wow. What's he like?

Yeah, a kid who can stop a bus with his bare hands

Yeah, actually, I don't intern for him anymore.

Yeah, basically.

Yeah, but it's connected to all these microprocessors.

Yeah, but then that's it.

Yeah, damn it.

Yeah, fine.

Yeah, give that a look.

Yeah, he's nice.

Yeah, I just... I really want to tell her, but it's kind of weird, you know?

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, I was just doing some homecoming stuff.

Yeah, I'm having people over tonight. You're more than welcome to come.

Yeah, I'm running.

Yeah, it's all rigged.

Yeah, it's just a school trip. It's, uh, nothing.

Yeah, let's go.

Yeah, like Coach Wilson and Captain America are friends. Heh.

Yeah, no, I'm just a sophomore.

Yeah, of course it is. Um...

Yeah, she's all right.

Yeah, Spider Man

Yeah, thank you.

Yeah, this crazy dude I used to work with...

Yeah, um, and with pickles, and can you smush it down real flat? Thanks.

Yeah, well, hopefully, soon it'll lead to a real job with them.

Yeah, well, I actually didn't go up.

Yeah, well, I'm not really supposed to talk about it.

Yeah, well, something came up.

Yeah, well...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you look really good.

Yeah, you'd be surprised.

Yeah!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. I'm working on it. I just gotta backdoor the phone system.

Yeah. It doesn't fit me

Yeah. It's our future.

Yeah. Sure.

Yeah. Tell you what, though.

Yeah. You know how there's a guy with a headset...

Yes, we were just talking about it.

Yes, you did. You disappeared like you always do, like you did in D.C. too.

Yes!

Yes! Yes.

Yes. You will not regret this.

Yes... No. No, put that down.

Yo, this high tech stuff makes it too easy.

Yoink.

You all right, Pete?

You appear to have a mild concussion.

You better think about this. Look at that.

You can call me Karen if you would like.

You can't do that.

You can't just bust into my room!

You can't saw through that stuff.

You could be a real asset to the team.

You could've died.

You deserve that. You're a criminal. Bye, Mr. Criminal.

You do?

You don't deserve this.

You don't need to. You're the smartest guy I've ever met.

You don't understand how the world works.

You got big green guys tearing down buildings.

You got bit by a spider?

You got detention.

You got his name right?

You gotta be shitting me.

You gotta use the stuff they use.

You guys are losers.

You had it coming. Actually, it turns out it was...

You have 30 seconds to get to the cockpit...

You have 576 possible web shooter combinations

You have 576 possible web shooter combinations.

You have reached the voice mail box of:

You head in there, gumdrop.

You in?

You jumped off the sign and landed on your face.

You kidding me? This place is huge.

You know I can't do that.

You know I larb you.

You know I'm a curious person by nature.

You know what?

You know who he is.

You know you can't show it to anyone.

You know, I gotta tell you, Pete...

You know, it's never too early to start thinking about college.

You know, take a picture, slice his throat, put his head in a dryer.

You know? I mean, everything that's happened with her, I... Please.

You know? Just curious when the next real mission's gonna be.

You left New York?

You letting off shots in public now? Hurry up.

You look very handsome.

You mean, we've been carrying around a bomb?

You missed the decathlon. I covered for you.

You must be Peter.

You now have 125 seconds until catastrophic failure.

You pretty much have your life planned out, right?

You say that a lot. What are you sorry for this time?

You screwed up. You know what you did was wrong.

You seem to be unfamiliar with your web shooter settings.

You should too.

You should totally invite your personal friend Spider Man.

You smell like garbage.

You two wait right here.

You walk through those doors, you forget any of this happened...

You want something to drink?

You want to be a high school dropout?

You were here?

You'll fit right in.

You're already in trouble for ditching the decathlon.

You're dead.

You're distracted all the time. He's got you in your head.

You're good? Good...? How are you good?

You're in the most secure facility on the Eastern Seaboard.

You're messing with things you don't understand.

You're okay. You're okay.

You're out there wearing that goofy thing, lighting up cars...

You're right.

You're right.

You're so lucky.

You're terrible at keeping secrets.

You're that spider guy on YouTube, right?

You're the Spider Man.

You're turning me down?

You're welcome.

You're young.

You've never been in the same room as Tony Stark.

Your new quarters.

Your superiors. Who the hell are they?

Your wife keeps texting you. Something about a brake light.

Your wingsuit.

Your wingsuit's going to explode!

Zero.

911. What's your emergency?

Aah! No! No!

Ahh. Is that where you're gonna sit?

All right, chill. Come on!

All right, skedaddle there, young buck. Thank you, Mr. Stark.

All right, so we should run some drills. Yeah.

All right? Okay. Okay.

All right? Yes.

All the time? It's called the Baby Monitor Protocol.

An alibi? Sure. Okay. We rolling? Get in the frame.

And even if it was here, now it's gone. So are we.

and just shoot it as far as I could... Shut up, Ned.

And you were like, "Aah!" Shh.

Annie, over here! Hey.

Are you okay? I've never driven before...

Are you sure it's safe? Liz.

Beautiful house, a lot of windows. Heh. You were there for, like, two seconds.

Big guy, quit moving around. I'm sorry, sir.

Bye, Peter. Have fun. Yeah, I will.

Bye. Bye.

Can I please talk to Mr. Stark? Stay away from anything dangerous.

Can I try the suit on? No.

Can you spit venom? No.

Can you tell him it's my car? I was...

Can't wait to see this thing. Finally, something good.

Come on in. You guys good?

Come on, come on, come on. What?

Come on. Don't worry about the trophy.

Come on. I'm coming, I'm coming.

Crazy, dude. It's crazy.

Did you set us up? Hey, hey, man.

Do Avengers have to pay taxes? Shh!

Do you know him too? Yeah, we met.

Do you lay eggs? What?

doing the one thing I told you not to do. Is everyone okay?

Don't answer. Mr. Parker. Got a sec?

Don't be creepy. No.

Don't do it. Uh uh, uh uh, uh uh.

Don't do that. Come on.

Enjoy your book. Thanks.

Everybody's waiting. He actually made a mature choice.

Everyone stick together. Yeah.

Everything? Everything.

Excuse me? Uh, I'm just saying...

Federal Bureau of Investigation. I know, but what are they doing here?

Flash is wrong. Okay, let's focus. Next one.

Footage? Yes, Peter.

for ATM robberies... Yeah, but...

For how long? Forever.

For that comment, 10 dollars. Hey, come on. I'm joking. I'm joking.

Frank Sinatra. Fort Sumter.

Freddie? Peter.

Freeze! FBI. Don't move.

From your team. Okay. All right.

From YouTube. I'm not. I'm not.

Get on the ground. FBI.

Get out of here. What?

Get out. What are you doing? Please turn, please turn!

Go for Ned. Ned, I need you...

Good evening, Peter. Hello? Hello?

Good. Give me a minute with the kid.

Hap, you still got that ring? Do I...? I...?

Have fun, okay? Okay. I will.

Having a party? Yeah, it's gonna be dope.

He told the kid to go wait in the car. Are you kidding?

He was filming. I'm gonna wipe the chip. Okay.

He was putting that in the window! Every day with these alarms!

He's always going. Have fun. Last time.

He's cute. Shh.

He's probably 30. You don't know what he looks like.

Hello? Got a blip on my screen here.

Hello? Hello? Who is this? Uh...

Here, here. Good, yeah.

Hey, buddy, is this your bike? I have no change.

Hey, buddy. Unh!

Hey, can I be your guy in the chair? What?

Hey, it's Peter. Guys.

Hey, Liz. Perfect timing.

Hey, Peter. Hi.

Hey, what's up? Hey, man.

Hey, you brought your laptop, right? Why?

Hey. I thought you had calculus fifth period.

Hi, Liz. Hi, Liz.

Hmm? but they're all disabled...

Hmm? You gotta get better at this part of the job.

How do I get in there? Activating reconnaissance drone.

I bet he smells nice. You have to shut up.

I could be your guy in the chair. I don't need a guy in the chair.

I do know where he's gonna be. Really?

I don't know how jobs work. That's exactly how they work.

I don't need that on my conscience. Yes, sir.

I don't think this is a good idea. The guy in the chair.

I got a visual. Green light, green light.

I gotta go. Uh, end call. Hey.

I guess. Let's just say it was.

I like bread. Come on, man, please.

I stole his shield. What?

I thought this was the antigravity gun. What?

I used to sneak out too. Yeah.

I work at nights. Come on. That's not your car!

I, uh, gotta go. Hey, where you going?

I'd do the same thing. I told him not to.

I'll call you back. Feel free not to.

I'll pull the specs. Okay, you're on speakerphone.

I'll see you tomorrow. I'll see you tomorrow in school.

I'm 15. No, this is where you zip it, all right?

I'm gonna find him... I found him.

I'm gonna tell you at school tomorrow. Great.

I'm sorry. I understand. Sorry doesn't cut it.

I've seen bigger. There's a bird in here.

in an explosion... You need to use your instincts.

Incoming call from Tony Stark. No, no, no.

Is he here too? In the toilet? No, he's upstate.

Is that Liz? Put Ned back on the phone.

It just surprised the heck out of us. Did you screw this up?

It'll be a night to remember. Oh, ha ha ha.

It's a rough borough, but, hey, it's home. Who you talking to?

It's no big deal. Hey, hey. I'll decide if it's no big deal.

It's not cool. But you are a kid.

It's safe. It's in my backpack. Ned, listen, the glowy thing is dangerous.

Kind of. Oh, gross.

Let's go. But, yeah. Well, I don't understand.

Let's go. Give me your hand.

Let's have it. Please, this is all I have.

Like, someone will call you. All right? Oh.

Listen. We're at the Washington Monument.

Liz, hey. That looks so good. Hi!

Love you, gumdrop. Have a safe flight.

Love you. Bye.

Mm hm. Stark internship. Yeah, exactly.

Mom. Oh, kids. All right.

Move. Get to the top deck.

Mr. Stark, I really... You screwed the pooch hard, bigtime.

My backpack's gone. That doesn't sound responsible.

My room is way bigger than... There.

Nice work in D. C. Okay.

Ninety eight? Yeah, Spider Man!

No, no, no. Why not?

No. Okay.

No. Just... You choose. Sure thing.

Nothing? One individual identified.

Oh, my God. Good, good.

Oh, Ned, you're alive. Peter, are you okay?

Oh, no. My friends are up there.

Oh, right here. Perfect. Mom.

Oh, she doesn't know? Nobody knows.

Oh. And he was at my party.

Oh. Just get out of here.

Oh. Yeah. You good?

Okay, come on, we'll be late to class. I'm not going to class.

Okay, focus up, everyone. Tracker. Uh...

Okay, who's next? Me, it's my turn.

Okay. Just swear it, okay?

Okay. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. Come on, come on, come on.

Open the door for her. Mm hm.

Penis! Parker!

Penis! Parker!

Peter, is that you? Hey, Liz.

Peter? Hey, buddy.

Peter. Are you okay? Yeah.

Peter. Peter. Heh.

Peter... No. Stay there, Ned.

Peter's not going to Washington. No.

Push that in. No, the other... Here? This one here?

Put it on. What the...?

Really? Stark? Mm hm.

Remember me? Hey...

Ricochet web. Ricochet web.

Right? Heh heh.

Secret? Why? You know what she's like.

See you around. Okay.

See you in a couple of days. All right. Bye, baby.

See? All right. All right.

Seriously? Yeah.

Seriously? Yeah.

Should I tell everyone? No, dude. That's not a good idea.

Should we tell everyone? No.

Shouldn't steal cars, it's bad. It's my car, dumb ass!

Shut it off! Don't make me come down there, punk.

Shut up. I'm calling him.

Sir, you don't have to drive us. No, no, it's not a big deal.

So all I gotta do is catch him. But we have a Spanish quiz.

So get your trunks on and come on. Come on.

so when I bring this guy in... Dude.

Someone dropped you in a lake? Yeah, it was not good.

Staten Island Ferry, 11. Oh, that's soon.

Sticky rice pudding. We didn't order that.

Sub Haven's pretty good. Eh, it's too much bread.

Suit lady, what was that?! You told me to choose.

Taking it all in, Michelle? Oh, yeah, I just, um...

Ten dollars. It's 5 dollars.

Thank you, Mr. Stark. Yes, Mr. Parker, very well.

Thank you, Spider Man. Thank you, Spider Man.

Thank you. Promise.

Thank you. Yeah.

Thank... Hey. Hey. Hey.

Thanks. Aah!

That one. Great choice.

That thing will shatter your arm. All right, where's the dampers?

that Triskelion mess. I love it.

That work? I don't know.

That would be so sweet. Right?

That's different. What's different?

That's his car. How was I supposed to know?

That's insane. I know. You want to build it tonight?

The Avengers? No. This is a little below their pay grade.

The engagement ring. Are you kidding?

There's a lot of glass here. You got this.

There's nobody back there? Yes, you passed.

They have a lair? A gang with alien guns...

They're moving. Be careful.

Thirty seven minutes. What?!

This is great. Best sandwiches in Queens.

This is still my room? Go.

This is the greatest day of my life. Okay. Let's go.

This is the greatest day of my life. Okay. Let's go.

This is you. Oh, we're neighbors?

This is your stop. Come on, Liz.

This it? Seventh floor.

Three, two, one. Hey, May. Ha ha ha.

To the...? To the team? Yeah. Anyway...

to track my phone. Yeah, but where is it?

Told you it was worth it. Okay, go, go, go.

Told you we didn't need Peter. Flash, you didn't answer a question.

Two hours. You deserve that. I got ice cream in here.

Uh huh. ever, but, um...

Uh, I'm actually at school. No, you're not.

Um... It's okay.

Um... Because it's fun. Fun.

Underoos! Oh, that's me. I gotta go. I gotta go.

Unh! Hey, hey, hey.

Very good, Peter. Glad to have you back. Glad to be back.

Wait, does that mean I'm an Avenger? No.

Wait. You're moving? Who's moving? Yeah, don't you watch the news?

Want me to get the door for you, hon? I got it.

Want me to leave? Grab Peter's case out of the trunk.

We gotta call him. No, no, no.

We should go to the party. Yeah, let's do it. I'm gonna go.

We'll call you. Do you have my numbers?

Web grenade. Web grenade!

What a great party. Thanks.

What about you? Unh!

What are you gonna do, Pete? What?

What does Hulk smell like? Shh!

What happened to your voice? What do you mean?

What is that? Uh, I'm at band practice.

What is the current standard unit of...? Can I take this real quick?

What the hell are you wearing? It's my suit.

What was that? Taser webs.

What, next mission? Yeah, the mission. The missions.

What? He was surrounded by boxes.

What? He's taking your place.

What? I gotta tell Mr. Stark.

What? I need a new backpack.

What? So lame.

What? Turn right.

What? Yeah.

What's the matter with you? Could you hold this?

What's there? I don't know.

where hopefully cell service is worse. But what about me?

Where is it? Can I give you some advice?

Where's the case? What case?

Where's the kid? He left.

Who's the guy on the left? Mac Gargan.

Whoa. Cool. Splitter web.

Why are you hesitating? It's fine.

Why did he send you here? Guess you'll never know.

Why would I need rapid fire? Would you like to see more options?

Why? Why?

with high tech weapons... Take a breath. I don't have time...

Woo hoo! We won. You guys, I am so proud of you.

Would you shut up about that? It's only one job.

Wow, wow, wow. Do you look beautiful. Please don't embarrass me, Dad.

Yeah, I can take that. Thank you.

Yeah, it gives me confidence. Heh.

Yeah, just roll it back to last Friday. With pleasure.

Yeah, that's how it works. No, no. Please.

Yeah, Vision's not big on doors. It's fun.

Yeah! Ha ha.

Yeah? The craziest thing just happened.

Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah. Have fun.

Yeah. It's all right.

Yeah. This is gonna change our lives.

Yeah. Uranium.

Yeah. We gotta get out of here.

Yeah. My alarm didn't go off. Yeah, your alarm.

Yes, sir, right on course. Okay, thank you.

Yes! Yes. Hey, hey.

Yes. No. He's got a thing.

Yes. Please open your books to page 10.

You ain't ever done this before, huh? Deactivate Interrogation Mode.

You can edit it. Mm hm.

You chose wrong. What the hell?

You disappeared. No. No, I did not disappear.

You don't see that every day. Oh, there they are.

You got aliens. Mm.

You know Delmar's? Yeah, best sandwich in Queens.

you know is wrong... Where you going? Get back here.

You know what? What?

You said, move the merchandise. Under the radar.

You should tell her how you feel. You flake. You are lucky we won.

You stole Flash's car. Awesome. Yeah, it's awesome. It's...

You were on the ceiling. No. What are you doing in my room?

You're done. You're off the crew. Yeah, all right.

Your impressions are funny. Fast forward to the arms deal.

"A minor upgrade"?

"Hey, I'm Spider Man."

"Hey, what's up? I'm Spider Man.

"I'm the Shocker. I shock people." What is this, pro wrestling?

"Stay close to the ground"? What is he talking about?

"Training Wheels Protocol"? Turn it off.

♪ And for a little while ♪

♪ And it made me cry ♪

♪ And it made me cry ♪

♪ And it made me cry ♪

♪ Can't you hear me knocking ♪

♪ Can't you hear me knocking On your window ♪

♪ Don't run away and let me down ♪

♪ Hey ho, let's go ♪

♪ Hey ho, let's go ♪

♪ Hey ho, let's go ♪

♪ Hey ho, let's go ♪

♪ Hey ho, let's go ♪

♪ Hey ho, let's go ♪

♪ Hey ho, let's go ♪

♪ Hey ho, let's go ♪

♪ Hey ho, let's go ♪

♪ Hey ho, let's go ♪'

♪ Hey, ho, let's go ♪

♪ Hey, ho, let's go ♪

♪ Hey, ho, let's go ♪

♪ Hey, ho, let's go ♪

♪ Hey, ho, let's go ♪♪

♪ I don't know how I'm meant to act With all of you lot ♪

♪ I saw your eyes ♪

♪ I saw your eyes ♪

♪ I saw your eyes ♪

♪ I was falling in love ♪

♪ Must be a sucker for it♪

♪ Now, now, now♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

♪ Plastic boots ♪

♪ Pulsating to the back beat ♪

♪ Pulsating to the back beat ♪

♪ Pulsating to the back beat ♪

♪ Pulsating to the back beat ♪

♪ Pulsating to the back beat♪

♪ Pulsating to the backbeat ♪

♪ Save it for later ♪

♪ Save it for later ♪

♪ Save it for later ♪

♪ Shoot 'em in the back now ♪

♪ Shoot 'em in the back now ♪

♪ Shoot 'em in the back now ♪

♪ Sometimes you don't try Just now, now, now ♪

♪ Sooner or later ♪

♪ The blitzkrieg bop ♪

♪ The blitzkrieg bop ♪

♪ The blitzkrieg bop ♪

♪ The blitzkrieg bop ♪

♪ The blitzkrieg bop ♪

♪ The blitzkrieg bop ♪

♪ The blitzkrieg bop ♪

♪ The blitzkrieg bop ♪

♪ The kids are losing their minds ♪

♪ The kids are losing their minds ♪

♪ The kids are losing their minds ♪

♪ The kids are losing their minds ♪

♪ They're all revved up and ready to go ♪

♪ They're all revved up and ready to go♪

♪ They're forming in a straight line ♪

♪ They're forming in a straight line ♪

♪ They're forming in a straight line ♪

♪ They're forming in a straight line ♪

♪ They're generating steam heat ♪

♪ They're generating steam heat ♪

♪ They're generating steam heat ♪

♪ They're generating steam heat ♪

♪ They're generating steam heat ♪

♪ They're going through a tight wind ♪

♪ They're going through a tight wind ♪

♪ They're going through a tight wind ♪

♪ They're going through a tight wind ♪'

♪ They're piling in the back seat ♪

♪ They're piling in the back seat ♪

♪ They're piling in the back seat ♪

♪ They're piling in the back seat ♪

♪ They're piling in the back seat ♪

♪ Two dozen other dirty lovers ♪

♪ What they want, I don't know ♪

♪ What they want, I don't know ♪

♪ Y'all got cocaine eyes ♪

♪ Yeah, you got ♪

♪ Yeah, you got satin shoes ♪

♪ Yeah, you got speed freak jive ♪

♪ You hit the deck You get found out ♪

♪ You let me down ♪

♪ Your legs give way You hit the ground ♪