Snatched Edit

A king size bed in a romantic locale

A lot of terrible things

A spear gun.

A tapeworm?

A turkey leg!

About 50 miles outside of Bogota.

About somebody before.

About the Middleton ladies

About this woman's asshole.

Absolutely not. Not with my knees. Not going.

Accidentally murdered.

Again, shut the fuck up, man!

Agoraphobia is not a joke.

Ah, Em! Listen, honey,

Ah, please.

Ah, you've got mountain ranges to the north.

All I have in this world is my mama and my sister.

All right, I'm gonna pee.

All right, this is a long hug.

All right, this is the thing.

All right, wait, wait, wait!

All right. That's it.

All right. Well, do what you want.

All right. Well, thank you, guys.

All the single ladies!

All the way through the jungle, looking for help.

All water in the jungle is safe.

Although, one could say that

Am I ever going to see you again?

An escort to the airfield base...

And are things ideal, financially, right now?

And cancer.

And change the kitty litter.

And dangle a piece of meat in front of your throat.

And determine that you have a tapeworm.

And drag you to federal prison,

And get your mom.

And give me compliments in the comments.

And here we are.

And hopefully you won't start drunk snoring till I'm done.

And I ask you

And I did it alone!

And I don't want to panic.

And I guess everybody takes off on Fridays,

And I just stormed out. Just like, for real.

And I need help finding her right now,

And I need you to be the guy that helps me.

And I ran into Dr. Armando and his friend.

And I refuse

And I want you to threaten him with it.

And I was right.

And I will see you tomorrow.

And I wonder what

And I...

And I'll fuck your dick.

And I'm going like this. I'm taking off, all right?

And I'm not feeding you.

And I'm realizing that right now, okay?

And I'm telling you right now

And if somebody's like,

And if something happens to them

And is your hero and can save your mother

And it's 3:00 in the morning, I call

And it's because I forgot.

And just over this ridge

And make me feel better?

And make that note happen?

And my last day there I kept thinking about that quote

And my skirt's over my head.

And no one else will go with me.

And now, well, now

And now, you're not.

And she's gonna take us to her home

And she's gonna teach us how to make murtabak.

And she's seen some shit.

And smoke a J, and then just kinda, like

And so, yeah.

And stretch it up north.

And take care of you and maybe we hook up.

And thankfully, when you passed out

And thanks for calling the US State Department.

And that was before you murdered his son.

And that's what motivated that. So, like

And the elevator there is made of steel.

And the men, they provide the protection, you know?

And the Red Cross.

And their situation down in South America.

And then

And then I'll try it. I don't care.

And then Scotch.

And then someone will get you home from there.

And then we'll get back to the road.

And then what are you supposed to do?

And then when I go to sleep at night,

And then, well, my doctor said I was sick.

And they've been living in the underground

And threatened his wife over the phone.

And we make a shiv. I saw this.

And we twerked.

And we will go on another adventure?

And what are you even doing on the floor?

And what do the men do?

And when I think about where we are

And write down "Calle..."

And write down, "If you feel the urge to call again

And you answer.

And you are okay finding your room?

And you got a drink.

And you kind of jump.

And you take everything.

And you will go to jail. Okay?

And you will now pay ransom.

And you're in a lot of trouble.

And, gosh, wasn't it weird

And, remember, when you get down there,

And, well, the mighty one, the river, she's to the south.

Any updates on my mom?

Anyway, Barb retired last year. Oh, look!

Anyway, your brother really cares about you.

Are you afraid these dogs are gonna **** me?

Are you getting it? Yeah.

Are you okay?

Are you saying that I've wasted my life?

Are you serious?

Are you sure you changed it?

Are you sure?

Aren't you, like, from there?

As an interrogation technique.

As I search local plants for a compound

As soon as possible, kind of.

At 19 hours.

At some point, you're gonna have to pick your poison.

Await further instructions.

Awesome!

Barb cut her own tongue out when she left the service.

Barb is really upset about this. She had plans.

Barb, you're wilin' out right now.

Because

Because I don't know what Borat has to do

Because I had you. And I had your brother.

Because I just don't know what else to do.

Because I want people to witness me

Because I'm gonna pull it.

Because I'm here with my mom.

Because I'm trying to remain calm.

Because it's my third day.

Because it's the quickest route

Because money comes and goes,

Because there was some kind of heist in Delaware.

Because things are going so great between us?

Because we are Americans in peril. So...

Because we didn't want to go somewhere touristy.

Because you didn't want to drink Mai Tais alone.

Because you know what? He was the best you'll ever do.

Because, like, everybody wants to go.

Before you draw any more attention

Black.

Bogota? Right.

BOTH: He was cute.

BOTH: Oh, my God!

Bus doesn't leave for about 36 hours.

But any time you travel internationally,

But Barb wants me to let you know one thing.

But Barb was in the special ops.

But everything is going to get better, honey.

But here it goes.

But I booked a journey.

But I can't.

But I don't have any more coming right now, so

But I have a lot going on right now.

But I know a man who can take care of you.

But I tell you, I am really, really relieved

But I will get us out of here, okay?

But I'm just saying that I am not that dude.

But I'm pretty sure I must have been wasted

But if you keep pranking me,

But instead, I'm here, fucking with you.

But it's an upsetting image. Okay.

But it's gone now.

But it's sounding like you're saying...

But one thing led to another, and I changed it.

But she was able to improvise a few things.

But thank you.

But there's gonna be, like, hundreds of other pussies.

But they didn't tell me

But this year, Barb got a deal on this resort.

But through that, we could take a stool sample

But we are gonna get you

But we really got to get the fuck out of here.

But will things pick up?

But you be sure to take that one

But you can never be too safe, honey.

But you can't let your guard down.

But, actually, I can beat that.

But, I've hiked up mountains in Iran.

But, much easier now.

But, over there, that man is who I mean.

Can I be candid with you?

Can I borrow a shirt?

Can I get you a drink?

Can I have just whatever everyone is drinking?

Can I help you, ma'ams?

Can I just see that?

Can we focus on the positive? Because we are safe now.

Can we have just one more second?

Can we just move this hug along?

Can we just take the night off?

Can you be the guy that lets me use his phone?

Can you just please be my parent

Can't you just comfort me?

Capoeira! Capoeira!

Carte blanche, okay?

Chatting up another pretty young girl.

Check it out.

Chicken wings for the ladies.

Choose your next move carefully, brother.

Clutching your pearls. (CLICKING TONGUE)

Colombian military is setting up a couple stingrays

Come here, you know I got you, girl

Come on, honey.

Come on, man. Be that guy.

Come on, Mom!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on! I'm coming.

Come on.

Come on. Don't do this.

Commando squad.

Could you kind of beat it? 'Cause you're a distraction.

Could you lean out a little bit?

Couldn't they just torture her

Crazy?

Crew's getting her seaworthy as we speak. So...

Culturally, the women do the work

Cure cancer.

Dictate whether or not I, as a woman

Did I tell you Michael's band is blowing up right now?

Did you ever twerk, Ma?

Did you just give me danger eyes?

Did you try to kill yourself 'cause you're so ugly?

Did you?

Do they just kind of do that all day?

Do they look like rapists to you?

Do you guys have any service? I have, like, no bars.

Do you guys mind how we get back?

Do you have an A Team?

Do you have any loyalty to the people who hired you?

Do you have husband?

Do you have some cyanide we could take, or something?

Do you hear my stomach?

Do you know what?

Do you think they're holding him here?

Do you wanna dance?

Do you wanna do something tonight?

Do you wanna know how this book ends?

Do you want me to make you feel better?

Doc gave me, oh, a month to live,

Does he ever move?

Does it say, "I grabbed it outta my suitcase

Does Mom feed you like a baby bird when I'm not here?

Does not mean you have to lash out at me.

Don't ask Mom to toast your bread for you!

Don't let them take the wings away.

Don't move!

Don't move!

Don't touch me. Security!

Don't touch my daughter! (GRUNTS)

Ecuador's a pretty place.

Emerged.

Emily, come on. I didn't mean that.

Emily, I am not going strolling in Ecuador at night.

Emily, please.

Emily, this is a traditional gift

Emily, we're gonna get you through this.

EMILY: (SHRIEKING) Oh, my God!

EMILY: Go! LINDA: Let's go!

EMILY: Hi, sir.

EMILY: Hi. Hi.

EMILY: I also don't have a husband yet.

EMILY: I can't believe this.

EMILY: I looked her right in the eye, and I went

EMILY: I'm so sorry.

EMILY: Knock me out! Knock me out!

EMILY: Mom! Come on!

EMILY: Mom.

EMILY: No! Go limp.

EMILY: Oh, God.

EMILY: Oh, my God! I feel like I can get this.

EMILY: Oh, my God. We're stopped.

EMILY: Oh, shit! Go, Mom!

EMILY: Oh! Oh, we're out! Okay.

EMILY: Okay, Shadee, how about instead of rent this month,

EMILY: Okay.

EMILY: on, my God!

EMILY: on, my God.

EMILY: on, my God.

EMILY: Pack your bags.

EMILY: Roger, why don't you tell us a story?

EMILY: Should we get back in here?

EMILY: So weird.

EMILY: So what's the plan?

EMILY: Thank you.

EMILY: This place seems okay.

EMILY: Wait, where are you going?

EMILY: Wait, wires? I feel some wires.

EMILY: We had no idea. LINDA: We didn't know.

EMILY: We really need to get to the US consulate in

EMILY: We're stopped.

EMILY: What does that mean? Oh, God.

EMILY: What was the name of that dance

EMILY: What we need to focus on is that we got out.

EMILY: What? Oh!

EMILY: Where have you taken us?

EMILY: WOW. LINDA: Well

EMILY: Yes, I am. Yes, you are.

EMILY: Yes.

EMILY: You left the house.

EMILY: You've been to Egypt? What were you saying?

Emily! The doctor said he could get us to Bogota.

Emily.

Emily. Hi, Emily.

Enough. Don't do that.

Esmeraldas! She's in Esmeraldas.

Ever since I got to this godforsaken land.

Every single fucking night!

Everything is not fine, Emily Louise.

Everything okay over here, Emily?

Everything shouldn't be so scary.

Everything will be fine.

Everything!

Everything's gonna be okay.

Ew. And it sucks.

Exactly. See? The world's a scary place.

Except posting pictures of yourself?

Excuse me?

Expedition guide? Oh, that's flattering.

Feel free to drink from any puddle you see.

Fight, Mom!

Fight, Mom. Fight!

Fine! She'll use it.

Five minutes.

For Linda and Emily

For me to kind of, like

For me? Yes, for you.

For the cultural experience

For the rest of my life.

For top secret information.

Fortunately, you have not made me angry.

Four.

Fuck, fuck, fuck

Fuck, you look great.

Fuck!

Fuck! Shit!

Fuck! Shit!

Fucking shit! Let me have my day in court.

Get it?

Get out!

Get the worm out, Mom. I'm your pillar.

Get to the embassy.

Give me a map. I can mark it on the map for you.

Give me that thing. Oh, okay.

Go ahead, solider.

Go away.

Go hide and then she meets your friend

Go limp. Go limp!

Go on this trip.

Go, go in the hallway.

Go, go, go. Yeah?

Go! Ola!

Go.

God, Emily, this isn't fun.

God! You know what? I don't need this job.

Good job with Morgado.

Good luck.

Good news! Right now,

Good night.

Good. That's great.

Great. (CHUCKLES)

Guys! Cool it!

Hair, make up, boobs. We're going out.

Handcuff you to the bumper of your car

Happen outside these little gates.

Harry Potter is the greatest of all the wizards.

Have fun on your trip.

Have you talked to your dad lately?

He said it was a secret family recipe or something.

He was fast.

He's a cashier.

He's a hero and a great role model.

He's a manager, Mom.

He's a real bummer.

He's American. America!

He's been assisting me

He's gonna take us on a day trip.

He's lying again.

He's my soul mate.

He's right there.

Hear me out

Hell, no.

Hello, Morgan.

Hello, Morgan.

Hello, Philip.

Hello? (BEEPING)

Hello.

Hello. Ah!

Help me find my mama!

Help me put the "fun"

Help me. Help me!

Helping out the ladies. (CHUCKLES)

Her asshole?

Her tit is out.

Here he comes.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Here, put this on.

Here! I made them come here to get you.

Here's my number, in case you guys want to grab dinner

Here's the thing. Your mother told us

HEY

HEY

HEY

Hey, cheers!

Hey, do you know what? Shall we?

Hey, do you mind if I join you?

Hey, Em.

Hey, Emily, can I just say, as well, you...

Hey, guys!

Hey, honey, you're gonna break your toes in these.

Hey, how about the scorpion, over there in the corner?

Hey, how are you? I'm James.

Hey, listen! Are we, uh...

Hey, Roger. Is this fruit okay?

Hey, that dude...

Hey, that's so crazy you're here with your mom

Hey, what kind of soup?

Hey. Agent Russell.

Hey. Hi.

Hi, Barb!

Hi, Maco. Thank you.

Hi!

Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Thank you so much for coming in.

Hi. When does the next bus leave?

Hmm? Yes, ma'am. Caught the travel bug.

Hola! Just two of those.

Hold on. Look!

Hold on. Wait, I think I got it.

Holy shit!

Holy shit. I'm sorry.

Honey, get in here!

Honey, have a peanut.

Honey, have you seen Arthur? Did he get out?

Honey, he's nervous.

Honey, this is a really long hug.

Honey, we're so lucky because I had to drag you

Honey, you know, when I said that, I didn't mean...

Hot as fuck...

How can anybody see what you do?

How can my daughter be so foolish?

How could she just not know this?

How do you know I didn't break up with him?

How do you mean?

How rude is that? Oh, shit.

How soggy the wood was when I tried to light it?

However, I have to move you, and that is annoying to me.

I actually kinda caught a piece of you, Mom.

I always see about 12 rainbows.

I am divorced.

I am garbage. I have never voted.

I am sorry that this happened.

I beg you. Don't shoot me.

I can take you east along the Amazon

I can't be an orphan.

I can't deal with you evaluating my life right now.

I can't fight with you right now. I'm starving.

I can't get in. It's too tight, Mom.

I can't go to Ecuador.

I can't go to South America.

I can't hold it anymore.

I can't kill it.

I can't relax.

I can't stop my hands from shaking, honey.

I can't, pendeja. It's broken.

I definitely have to go back tonight.

I didn't heat it up.

I didn't know they had a day care program at the hotel.

I didn't know who else to call.

I didn't look at the dogs.

I didn't mean to freak you out.

I didn't say that.

I didn't want to come. I never wanted to come.

I do see that note here.

I do. Absolutely.

I don't care what she does. Just can you help me?

I don't care, Mom.

I don't even know what "danger eyes" is.

I don't know any Spanish. I only know one word.

I don't know if I'll ever even be able to get to sleep.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't know why I just said that.

I don't know. Probably.

I don't know. Wait, what?

I don't remember the last time I had a drink.

I don't think you're gonna enjoy that.

I don't want to make it about money

I don't want you to get melanoma in front of my eyes.

I eat plenty. Don't worry about my diet. Don't!

I feel great. (CHUCKLES)

I fucking hate germs.

I gave you everything I had.

I gave you get the fuck outta here eyes. Go away.

I get it.

I go to the Y twice a week, and I take sculpting class.

I got an idea. Go, I'll stall them.

I got it at the worst place.

I got my mom.

I got this. I was 18, okay?

I guess if you're, like, in New York,

I have a pussy.

I have a real phobia about this.

I have to 69 my mom.

I haven't been trained on the phone system.

I haven't heard that one before.

I haven't seen you in, like, forever.

I heard it that time.

I hope you find your keys.

I just need to find my mother.

I just want to, like, sip a Mai Tai

I keep talking over you,

I know how many tits I have.

I know it's kind of dangerous right now.

I know that that is sincere, and I thank you.

I know what that means, you know. "69 ing."

I know what's going on with you, man.

I know what's happening.

I know you're scared...

I know, but I like to be prepared. It's important.

I know, but that was not good.

I know, but... (STUTTERS)

I know, I know.

I know, I'm sure. Yeah, whatever. Wait till tomorrow.

I know.

I know. One more minute.

I learned the capoa.

I left the house.

I love everything you're saying.

I love you!

I love you.

I made a shiv.

I made all these men come...

I mean, because you're not just gonna

I mean, I'm going to be looking over my shoulder

I mean, look! Voila!

I mean, people have certainly finished on it.

I mean, this really is the way

I met a man.

I met a real man.

I met them at the pool. Oh, you guys.

I miss you.

I missed you! I missed you, too!

I missed you.

I must take someone from yours.

I need my mama!

I never heard of that before. I'll tell you what.

I realize that.

I really need it.

I really thought you were dead.

I refuse to let Michael's decision

I saw his brains.

I see you all the time.

I should have just listened to you.

I should have listened to you.

I should have stayed at the hotel.

I speak Dothraki.

I speak Klingon.

I think I see them right there. Is that them?

I think it's probably...

I think so. Yes, thank you.

I think we're gonna need to make another phone call.

I think you might have killed the guy.

I think you...

I thought he was saying...

I thought I would never have sex again.

I thought you were Mom,

I told you not to wear your flip flops!

I told you to shut the fuck up!

I told you to threaten him.

I wanna focus on you and me

I wanna go home so fucking bad.

I want you to be really careful

I want you to do it right now.

I want you to take that,

I wanted a tattoo to symbolize that

I was doing it better before.

I was gonna change it.

I was just washing my vagina in case we hooked up.

I was supposed to be a king

I will embrace this challenge

I will report it to the police.

I will skin you alive while your mother watches.

I wish I could tell you.

I would like to eat right here with you, Mom. Mama.

I'd love to be the guy who sweeps you off your feet

I'll be like, "No, is it safe?"

I'll check in with them then come back for you.

I'll go first

I'll guide you through the sack of the jaguar.

I'll put the butter on myself. Thank you, Mama.

I'll see you and James tomorrow.

I'll see you tomorrow, too.

I'll take the old, dusty highway.

I'll tell you what it is. Okay.

I'll tell you, when Dad left

I'll text you spoilers.

I'll translate. You speak Spanish?

I'm a grown woman, so I'm fine.

I'm a model. I'm here, modeling.

I'm about to kick your ass.

I'm actually volunteering.

I'm all alone.

I'm breaking up with you.

I'm coming with. You're not going anywhere.

I'm definitely going on that trip.

I'm done. No, no, no.

I'm Emily and this is Linda. Hi, I'm Linda.

I'm fucking annoying.

I'm going this way. I'm with you.

I'm going to be having a lovely evening here tonight

I'm going to have an image

I'm going. You can't reach.

I'm gonna call...

I'm gonna come to your house. I got your address right here.

I'm gonna count down, I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna distract them!

I'm gonna go have a sick time in Ecuador.

I'm gonna go make a request because I want to dance.

I'm gonna show up at your house,

I'm gonna tell you what's gonna happen right now

I'm just gonna read my magazine.

I'm just trying to pick which friend

I'm kind of here with somebody.

I'm not doing that.

I'm not gay for Mom.

I'm not going anywhere without my mother.

I'm not gonna kill it. Kill it!

I'm not in a place.

I'm okay.

I'm on this trip, Emily,

I'm so hungry. I'm so hungry.

I'm so sorry I got you into all of this.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. I've got it, thank you.

I'm sorry to tell you,

I'm sorry, but I want to see other people.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. But listen, you kidnapped us.

I'm sure we can rustle up some adventure tonight.

I'm the one that's been calling

I'm the one who invited you on this trip.

I'm trying to, like, be funny for you.

I'm trying!

I'm up here, too. No, you're not up there.

I'm with Jacob right now. It's his piano lesson.

I've already told you.

I've been in touch with the US consulate in Bogota.

I've been looking for adventure

I've eaten poisonous blowfish in Japan.

I've got 'em right here in my chi chas.

I've got a slow boat, headed down river.

I've got a worm, Mom. I know.

I've got ten pages left.

I've just spent the past few weeks in Koh Phangan.

I've read all the Game of Thrones books.

I've run with the bulls in Spain.

Idol

If it's already affecting your appetite,

If you call this number one more motherfucking time

If you keep this up, I'm not cooking anymore

If you want to avoid traffic.

If you're expecting to walk on out.

In little pieces with his machete.

In non refundable.

In the intrepid spirit

In the middle of the Amazon!

In the region now.

In your wet dreams, motherfucker.

Inspiration? No, pussy.

Inspiration. Pussy.

Into this in the first place.

Into writing down the information?

Is because I made her. Because I am selfish.

Is he a model, too?

Is he looking at me?

Is if you come tomorrow.

Is it because you're afraid

Is non refundable.

Is that finished?

Is that the main concern?

Is this a tall building that we need to get to

Is this like a tree or something?

Is this some kind of a threat?

Is we're gonna lodge open your throat

Isn't it? I know.

It doesn't hurt too much, but roll it down.

It doesn't say anything.

It is very real.

It isn't. It's never been.

It looks like adventure's found me.

It means "whore."

It means you're not going anywhere.

It sucks. (PHONE RINGING)

It was like this.

It was the swan.

It wasn't flip flop related, Mother.

It will become a police matter,

It works.

It'll be fun.

It'll feel safe, but it's not safe

It's a scam, Emily.

It's a two man job, ma'am. It's a two man job, I'm sorry.

It's broken?

It's false.

It's fine. I know how you see me.

It's for protection while you're here.

It's good.

It's gross. It is gross.

It's heavy. It's thick. (ALL CHUCKLE)

It's insane. Or, if you want

It's just a different... (GASPING)

It's loosening.

It's my third day.

It's not a good way to raise kids.

It's not a scam. These women are crazy.

It's not letting me post anything.

It's not possible, Emily.

It's not what I do well. EMILY: I don't do it well.

It's perfect for Ecuador. (CHUCKLES)

It's pronounced "adult."

It's so tight.

It's tight, but it will untighten.

It's tight.

It's your home. You put it where you want it,

It's, like, an hour's drive from here.

It's, like, hurting. Thank you.

JAMES: Ah! (CHUCKLES)

JAMES: I know. They just sort of pop up.

JAMES: It is a tree.

JAMES: No, yeah, I went to Egypt.