Pain & Gain Edit

A bank wasn't all that easy.

A big music video director

A Colombian plus torture equals bad news, Ed,

A diversionary fistfight in the hall.

A do er or a don't er.

A few ways we can keep ourselves safe.

A friend of mine recommended it.

A hell of an old yellow pages, buddy.

A lot.

A perfect partner.

A procedure?

A rainy day fund, margarita money.

A SELVAHEMA presentation

A sentence for which he seemed legitimately grateful.

A shame sandwich with a side order of shit!

A thousand bucks if I smash him

A three year old... It Stunk like shit.

AA started in 1935, Akron, Ohio.

About my self improvement.

About Neighborhood Watch, okay?

About pectoral muscles?

About the safety deposit box?

About to get cleaned the fuck out.

According to the other two, Lugo killed Griga

Actually, it's Ed the Third.

Adrian even offered to stage

Adrian loved the idea.

Adrian, do something about this rug.

Adrian, put those down, will you?

Adrian, you're fucking magnificent.

Adrian?

Adrian? Honey, there's some people here to see you.

After a couple months with us, you won't even recognize yourself,

After all, it was the land of opportunity.

After I retired,

After reviewing our past performance,

Ah, they're sweet guys.

Ah! I feel like shit now.

Ah...

Ain't never had a reason to be.

All fucked up.

All good, Eldad.

All I ever wanted out of life

All I knew was that he was a douche.

All I wanted was a little effort, baby.

All Julia Roberts had to do

All justice really needed to do was listen to

All of my heroes are self made.

All right, benching builds your pecs.

All right, down, down, down! Just... There, there, there!

All right, good.

All right, good. And if you bachelors like girls,

All right, here's the deal, little fella,

All right, hey. Keep her quiet, okay?

All right, next...

All right, so what's the minimum investment?

All right, standby, we're en route.

All right, we're good here.

All right? But he could put us all away.

All right? But this guy, he knows who I am.

All right? That's gonna lead them to you.

All right. Come on, come on!

All the half dead senior citizens

All the latest stuff. Want to start out with some curls?

All the way to London.

All they got is testimony from some fucking cokehead.

All you got is change in that fanny pack. Is that what you want?

Although Victor liked to talk about sex a lot.

Am I right?

America was just a handful of scrawny colonies.

Amino acids after you work out or before?

And a designated representative

And allow me to go free today.

And anybody could gain access to your room.

And didn't sweat them ordering dessert?

And for a while, it was like I always thought it would be.

And for God's sake, help me!

And gave me my own private training session.

And get to blue point two within five seconds.

And get up off your ass!

And Gold's is going to crush you.

And half of my nose. I almost bit my tongue off.

And he falls in love with a beautiful woman.

And he follows this beautiful woman, you,

And he recognized my value.

And he said he wanted to see the board,

And he thinks that the guy ran off with some girl

And he was the third richest man in Golden Beach.

And his parents took him on vacations

And his penis don't work, okay?

And home of the second chances.

And hung like dry cleaning,

And I am a hard worker! And it will never happen again.

And I am going to rock it.

And I believe I can help others

And I believe in fitness.

And I believe in fitness.

And I did, and I gave her two shots,

And I did.

And I didn't have any warrants in Florida.

And I feel very welcomed,

And I got upset and he fucking fell.

And I know it might sound strange,

And I meant it when I said it, I swear to God.

And I see all that Satan shit swirling.

And I think I gave her too much,

And I try to live a life dedicated to self improvement.

And I want no part of this. You're on your own.

And I want to thank you all for that. Okay?

And I wanted to stay un dead,

And I was looking for a place to have a honeymoon.

And I was smacking her ass and now she's fucking dead!

And I was tired of clients petting me.

And I'll bring by the forms for you to sign.

And I'm sober.

And I've been to prison.

And if I can get you to learn one thing today,

And if it were me, and some large men

And if you are going to kill me,

And imprison our fellow man.

And it felt good.

And it looks like blue skies and clear sailing.

And it sucks!

And it was a mess!

And mount its head on your wall!

And my self is not ashamed to say it's made a lot of money.

And no one tells the truth like a pissed off wife.

And not a word to the police, baby, okay?

And now I need a procedure.

And now we're doing security for a, um...

And now you want me to solve your problems

And other than that, he's a hard guy to like.

And Pablo Escobar was a florist. Come on.

And people say Christian rock sucks.

And roughed up by a group of bodybuilders.

And see if you got any peach fuzz?

And she got a shopping trip to Beverly Hills.

And she tells no one. Especially la policia.

And so easy, from freezer to microwave to mouth.

And so is this.

And sometimes, you've just got to fucking run.

And stay by the phone.

And sticking pliers up their nose?

And that elderly woman with the shower cap,

And that was it! He just dumped me by phone.

And that was wrong.

And that's a recipe for injury.

And that's where they get strong.

And the fucking heat.

And the Good Lord wants you to be rich!

And the IRS can't touch it.

And the one thing that unites great men

And then he left an address.

And then maybe you have to be spanking her.

And then some greasy pudge bunny

And there is no substitute for hard work.

And they kept it real with me.

And they love to eat. It's okay. That's important!

And they need extra security.

And they're enjoying it.

And they're gonna get hungry again.

And this Adrian Doorbal, he paid in cash?

And until now, AT&T has had a lock on all of them.

And we can take it. You know why?

And we thought we were gonna have to cast in London.

And we're relocating to San Juan.

And what does life serve you?

And what would you like to do

And when I get to heaven,

And Windex our fingerprints off now.

And you can't ask for more than that.

And you fucking hit him with a weight?

And you got to chow down on that shitty shame sandwich.

And you tell me you don't trust me?

And you'll find out how to be a do er!

And you're not here, bro!

And, I guess in a way, so am I.

And, if you let me, I believe I can learn from my mistakes

And, meanwhile,

And, yes, it was getting my attention.

Animal Services has recovered a greyhound

Any money to leave town with,

Any questions?

Anybody here?

Anything below the Keys is like a boil on my ass.

Are left broken, snuffling for your crumbs!

Are we alone?

Are you a hot mess?

Are you out of your fucking mind?

Are you serious?

Arnold fucking Schwarzenegger, am I right?

As good to me as anyone ever was.

As soon as I said it, I knew I'd sealed my fate.

As to who made him that way.

As you can see here, we've got all brand new Cybex equipment.

Ass wipe!

Asshole.

Asshole.

At 5230, 6200 and 11100,

At first, the evidence was mostly circumstantial,

At least yours are chocolate covered Raisinets.

At this first meeting of the Neighborhood Watch,

Attempted extortion, theft,

Attempted murder, armed robbery,

Authorizing us to freeze the accounts of a Victor...

Aw.

Awesome. He says I'm a do er.

Back over him.

Back!

Bad guys are everywhere.

Baseball sized anal beads found in the back of your car.

Be calm.

Be careful, that's hot. You'll burn yourself.

Beautiful, robust erections of your high school days.

Because I don't remember you. Which must mean you're a liar.

Because I put all my money in the house,

Because I was still alive.

Because I work hard! I do work fucking hard!

Because I'm being held hostage by a bunch of fucking body...

Because if she does,

Because if that's true, I'm not paying you a fucking dime!

Because if you're willing to do the work,

Because my name is Daniel Lugo,

Because she's the best dirty talker in the business.

Because that's gonna bring questions

Because they figured out what we already know,

Because they practically gave me the house.

Because we's only gonna need three.

Because you fucking stole it!

Because you never went to college.

Before he could get anything, which means

Being a personal trainer is just that. Personal.

Being dumb stupid fucks.

Believe me, it's a starter.

Benches, birdbaths, stuff like that.

Besides what a fucking notary does,

Best move I ever made was marrying Cissy.

Best song ever!

Between the "B" and the "I."

Big director driving your pussy ass Fiero

Big slut.

Black chick? I fucked her.

Block him in.

Boom, skyrocket. Next.

Boosted membership 75% within two months.

Brad MacCalister.

Break it off. Remind your folks

Bring him out right through the front door,

Bring Your Daughter to Work Day.

Bro, you better hurry up, man!

Burglary, money laundering and forgery.

Burn my fucking hair off,

Busted my ass,

Busy day!

But a week before I got sprung, I had a little pruno slip.

But after a few years,

But as it turns out... In the water!

But as you know,

But being an unfaithful lying shit

But being in the medical profession, I prefer not to judge.

But big budget. Sets, cars, Eiffel Tower.

But don't tell me you're taking me to the airport

But don't worry, we can change all that.

But ended up comptroller of a billion dollar pipeline

But for some crazy reason, I'm proudest of the sandwiches.

But he forced me to.

But he's dead now.

But I am about fed up with your defeatist attitude, okay?

But I can't say that what the police told you

But I can't take the case.

But I did. I break guys for a living.

But I got something much better than dancing.

But I had another plan.

But I have a look of suspicion on my face.

But I knew that wasn't ever going to happen

But I may as well open it while I'm here, right?

But I'm also pretty sure dead people no longer need their stuff.

But I'm going to quit the whole CIA thing

But I'm not going backwards.

But if they think a little slapping around's gonna break me,

But if you had to do it, you would adapt.

But if you're not telling me the truth,

But it didn't matter. We were going to be fucking rich.

But it sounds like a nonstarter to me.

But it's all homos and housewives.

But Mr. Kershaw is overseas in Europe saving elephants.

But no fingerprints. And then, for the first time

But not nearly as much as you think.

But now I'm found...

But really,

But she doesn't exist, so...

But thank you for the compliment.

But that bat was aluminum. I've switched to wood.

But that lady's a whore.

But the hardest thing about changing yourself

But the only way he's gonna do it

But the problem is, sometimes the monster is there.

But the shit he was poppin'?

But then he passed me to Agent Doyle.

But there was so much temptation in Miami.

But they must have really been underwater,

But this being broke shit's got to stop, man.

But this is a complicated venture, okay?

But this is a very serious situation.

But to implement a plan of this intensity,

But we believe the dog may be stolen.

But we don't have a boat, so we're going in by land.

But we got it anyway. Cost a fortune.

But what the heck?

But with a shot of an engorgital

But with our athletic superiority,

But you can't have my shit!

But you know how I knew these monkeys

But you know what I really don't like about weights?

But you're not going anywhere anytime soon.

But your skill set doesn't put my mind at ease.

But, uh, frankly,

By bodybuilders.

By going fucking cowboy on some porn king?

By Mr. Kershaw's account of events.

Cab driver at the hospital.

Call Daniel!

Calm the fuck down. I got to get a pump.

Can I borrow it?

Can I get everybody's attention?

Can I help you with something?

Can I see you in the office for a minute, John?

Can they reattach it?

Can you keep him quiet?

Can you lift this?

Can you pick me? Can you pick me?

Car wouldn't start, though.

Catching bad guys is finer.

Chaplain at Attica said Pastor Randy

Check.

Chopin, stop!

CIA, Daniel?

CIA? Like the CIA police CIA?

Cissy begged me to retire from that, too.

Club Fed Correctional. White collar.

Coast Guard's got the specs on Lugo's boat.

Come here. Meet my friends. Show them your tits.

Come on down here.

Come on, baby. Come on.

Come on, big man. Work it, baby. Come on!

Come on, come on, come on! Hurry up! Hurry up!

Come on, come on, come on.

Come on, come on!

Come on, give us a few moans.

Come on, guys! I'm concentrating!

Come on, just hit me, hit me! Come on, do it!

Come on, man.

Come on, that's it.

Come on, which one are you?

Come on!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on. We don't have the code. Put this on.

Comes a day for just about everyone when A

Comes and takes it all away.

Commie sucking whore.

Cops.

Cover him up.

Cover the back!

Curfew is 9:00 on weekdays, 10:00 on weekends.

Damn it! Why'd you make me do that to you, Victor?

Damn!

Daniel just wanted to be like everyone.

Daniel Lugo. Write it down.

Daniel was really encouraging

Daniel! I see you got some new meat.

Defending the rights of drug dealers.

Delta Force could do a mission like this in probably 53 seconds.

Depending on the day, I either fantasize

Dibs.

Dick.

Did he forget he gave it to me?

Did you do something bad?

Did you get the code?

Did you remember to get me some bait?

Didn't you say that your friend kept athletic supplies

Dissolve them with lye.

Do be a do er.

Do er! Do er! Do er! I'm a do er!

Do me a favor, okay?

Do some stock trading, real estate.

Do these tasers rock or what?

Do they have phone sex in India?

Do we have to have this conversation now?

Do you believe in that stuff? Higher power stuff?

Do you ever look in your mirror at home and ask,

Do you know what fear is?

Do you know who you're fucking with?

Do you know, this is the real reason I approached you.

Do you want him to suffer,

Do you want to go back?

Does not need these glasses that see in the dark!

Does your life suck balls?

Doesn't mean we have less right to a piece of the pie.

Don't be a don't er.

Don't be a don't er. You'll regret it.

Don't be a little bitch. You gonna man up?

Don't call him Pepe like you were in the sixth grade together.

Don't do that right now, please. Don't.

Don't don't, do do, nut up and be like Wu.

Don't eyeball me, boy. I see your mother

Don't make Pepe suffer.

Don't mind him. What were you in for?

Don't they feed you at home, chunky trunks, huh?

Don't worry, you're still going home.

Don't you listen?

Don't you think we deserve better? 'Cause I do.

Doyle and Doorbal,

Doyle was taking extra shifts with Kershaw.

Driving up and down the street looking at me.

Drop the bag! Drop it!

Du Bois Investigators, Inc.

Dude's a freak of fucking nature.

Duly noted. All right?

Each family gets a pack.

Each pack has pepper spray and a taser.

Eagle is on the move.

Eagle's Nest, it's coming in hot.

Easy, fella, or I'll kick your ass.

Eat me, Doogie.

Eh? Uh... Oh.

Eh... Besides shtupping?

Electro shocked, beaten with sex toys,

Enrique is our... ls our lead singer.

Especially the ones who are trying to kill you!

Eventually, they found the barrels and bodies,

Every asset you had.

Every man needs to fight for his dignity.

Every person in America

Everybody gonna eat some of this!

Everyone that wants the American dream.

Everything else will be gone before Robin...

Everything was falling into place.

Everything's old in this frickin' hospital.

Everything's under control. You better fucking man up.

Except the only thing I hate more than golf is fishing.

Excuse me? I blended in, okay?

False Evidence Appearing Real?

False Evidence Appearing Real.

Fantastic. I've got the contracts right here.

Feel great. Doyle feels great.

Figured they could come by anytime and shoot a round.

Figures! Made in China?

Fine, keep my breast milk to myself.

Finger one, find a guy with money.

Finger one, find somebody with money. Check.

Finger three,

Finger three, make America a better place.

Finger two, make him give you everything he owns.

Finger two, make him give you everything he owns.

Fire!

First watch?

For a big fucker, you complain a lot!

For a rock group called, uh, Stryper,

For however many nights it takes Channel 4

For I used my superior intelligence

For king and country.

For now I'm keeping watch!

For the fact that he had a very tiny penis.

For who's ever gonna do the investing.

For wrong actions to justify a good end.

Forge somebody's signature and take all their shit.

Four, three, two, one.

Frank Griga, the phone sex douche from the club.

Frank, I don't think I'm following you right now.

Frankie!

Frankly, it had a lotto make up for.

Free membership for strippers. Delicious.

From Neiman's to my shoe closet.

From racism. No, it was a cement truck.

From the beginning.

From what I hear, Mr. Vic "Pepe" Kershaw,

Fuck this Beaver Cleaver shit. And this nice house.

Fuck you "Ah!" ing about? Hold it, man.

Fuck you, you fucking piece of shit!

Fuck you!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Fucking crackhead.

Fucking Pimple and Blimpie here.

Fucking tell me now!

Funny, I left South America because there was too much kidnapping.

Gentlemen, it's me. Listen closely.

Gentlemen?

George, I got a trunk full of evidence.

Get a chopper, ASAP.

Get a forensic unit here right away.

Get a goal. Get a plan.

Get back here!

Get it over quick. It's like ripping off a Band Aid.

Get it! Go, go, go! Get it, get it, get it!

Get me the police.

Get out of the way!

Get some paper towels, damn it!

Get the bitches on the boat.

Get the bitches on the boat. Okay? We got to go.

Get the fuck out!

Get the gate!

Get through another day sober.

Give me that thing.

Give me that, let me do it, man!

Give me this thing.

Given my newfound bullshit Christianity.

Gives the client security and a little extra help

Go on, pick out another one.

Go to church or whatever you do.

Go, go, go, go, go! Get him! Get him! Get him!

Go.

God damn m

God gave you 10, now you got nine.

God, I can't believe this!

Goddamn! My shit stopped working.

Golden Dream seminar at the Jupiter Ballroom

Good tonight. Come on, let's go.

Good.

Good. Good. Hmm.

Got my bank accounts cleaned out.

Got my chip and everything. That was a proud moment.

Got to get a pump, though.

Gotta jump off the back, we snatch him.

Grab that fucking crazy bitch!

Greatest day of my life.

Grill these fingerprints off? Are you nuts?

Guilty.

Guys like Frank Griga don't quit.

Ha! Come on, come on! Hey, baby!

Had been down the habit road himself,

Hadn't really had a friend since Ma died.

Half Jew.

Hands behind your back.

Hands up! Hands up!

Hang in there, buddy.

Have some respect and act accordingly.

He already did.

He blew his whole cut, now he wants to do another job.

He called me a fucking amateur!

He checked himself out, against my advice.

He claimed he'd been tortured.

He could ID me.

He did it by keeping a gun behind the toilet and knowing what he wants.

He didn't call, Mr. Lugo.

He didn't mention anything.

He doesn't even know what happened!

He fell! The thing just hit him in the head

He got the bag! He got the bag!

He had that can do spirit.

He is a full fledged partner.

He knows who the fuck I am!

He loves dog like his own child.

He never worked this hard in the gym.

He picked me, he picked me.

He put all his eggs in your basket, Victor.

He said he was going to sign the papers,

He said no one would get hurt. They hurt Pepe.

He said to me, "Never marry a black man."

He said you worked him over pretty good.

He said, "This is how you protect me",

He saw us, big guy. He saw you.

He seemed like such a nice guy.

He signs a few signatures,

He singled me out

He started reading Fortune magazine.

He tends to sign just about anything.

He thinks he made a deal!

He wants his stuff back!

He wants the whole nut.

He was a big hearted motherfucker

He was a dick. Always making fat jokes.

He was my boy.

He wouldn't be as easy as a bank.

He's a friggin' miracle man.

He's a thief!

He's carrying a big bag of charcoal. White shorts.

He's coming to us.

He's dead. And I'm retired.

He's going to die anyway.

He's gonna run out of his money.

He's got millions.

He's got no fucking accountability!

He's having Shabbat!

He's out there trying to impact the world in a positive way.

He's over here!

He's over here!

He's right, Ed. We fucked up.

Hell, yeah!

Hello, James Bond.

Hello, little baby, I'm here.

Hello?

Hello. ls the haircut line here?

Her shift's over at noon.

Her soul has left her body.

Here in his warehouse?

Here we get a clear view of our entry point.

Here we go.

Here you go.

Here, let me help you.

Here. Ninja. That's your suit right there.

Here. You take it.

Hey, baby doll.

Hey, buddy!

Hey, crank the AC. He's starting to reek.

Hey, get out of there. Go, get, get, get!

Hey, guys. You like it?

Hey, how many grams of protein do you eat?

Hey, I have a... Calm the fuck down.

Hey, if you're smart, you do what I do.

Hey, is that breast milk?

Hey, Kershaw! It's Ed Du Bois!

Hey, little buddy.

Hey, look, Daniel,

Hey, Lugo! Goddang it.

Hey, pal. That'll do it.

Hey, Paul, it's me. I want you to pick up Adrian.

Hey, Paul?

Hey, Paul? What do you think of Sorina?

Hey, Pepe, it's Eldad. You okay?

Hey, should we save her implants?

Hey, that guy wants a job. Will you interview him?

Hey, that sounds terrific.

Hey, this don't look like an airport.

Hey, we didn't see you move in.

Hey, what's going on? What...

Hey, when does Robin get home?

Hey, where you going?

Hey, you schmuck, you remember me?

Hey!

Hey! Did you take the wedding ring?

Hey! Officer!

Hey! So, Mr. Kershaw sold you Tasty Reuben?

Hey! Victor Kershaw just called my office!

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. police, Stgp!

Hey. Yo.

Hi, I'm Brad.

His account of what happened is rather unbelievable,

His blood alcohol's up to his ears!

His fucking baby booties?

His paralegal in the interview room,

His story's true. Your guys went to sleep on it.

Hit me! Hit me!

Hmm. It's okay.

Holy Moses.

Holy shit!

Holy shit! What the fuck?

Holy shit.

Holy shit. It's my client.

Honey, I had to grab her ass. Look, I was the rapist!

How are you, sir?

How did you do that?

How did you do that?

How funny was that when that scumbag shit himself

How is Vic?

How you been?

How you fixed for a job now?

How? I mean, how so?

How'd you find me?

How's your back?

Huh?

Huh. Oh...

Hurry up.

I agree. You don't need all this Kumbaya shit.

I ain't cleaning up after nobody tacos!

I ain't making no more tacos!

I already regret it.

I am furious!

I am in the middle of a superset.

I am not staying here alone with those two dead bodies.

I booted.

I can deal with his impotence,

I can give you rest, Paul.

I can read to you about the Unabomber.

I can triple my investment in three months?

I can't do right now. I just got out of prison.

I can't do that.

I can't start the car and run him over. We...

I can't swim!

I can't wait to go in his house.

I cannot deal with your incompetence! What the fuck?

I cannot kill.

I did make it a muscle mecca.

I didn't ask for everything, George. I asked for one thing.

I didn't know any of that then.

I didn't think you'd be pissed.

I do.

I don't dance,

I don't have a home, you putz!

I don't just want everything you have.

I don't know anything about an Asian guy.

I don't know if you realize this, Victor,

I don't know why God gave us 1O fingers,

I don't know why. He thought they were all dodgy.

I don't know, DL. That's hardcore, man.

I don't know... My body's top priority.

I don't need a secretary anymore.

I don't need your shit right now, okay? Please.

I don't really know. I can't get him on the phone.

I don't see no fur in that nonworking chainsaw.

I don't think you're a hard worker.

I don't want to die, Eldad. Not now.

I don't want to go back to prison!

I don't want you going through my stuff.

I even came up with genius.

I feel good.

I feel kind of just like shit, John.

I feel like I look great.

I fucked up! Oh, I've got to sit down.

I fucking told you to get a gas powered one,

I fucking told you!

I fucking work!

I gave free body waxing for everybody at sign up.

I gave her a horse tranquilizer.

I gave it to him. Like nothing.

I gave you a second chance, and what did you do?

I gave you that. You want to be two, I will give you that.

I got 48 holes in my carpet!

I got a three mil McMansion next to a private jogging path,

I got me a riding mower. Snapper 342, you know it?

I got run over here. In America.

I got somebody here that wants to meet you!

I got this pregnant chick I buy it from.

I got to go to work! We got to keep up appearances.

I got to say, it felt great to be doing so awesome.

I got upset and...

I guess she don't know.

I guess you could say He's my role model.

I had a choice. Take the fast way down,

I had a wife, two beautiful daughters.

I had to hurt a man today.

I had you figured for a Definitely Guy, Damien.

I hang at the house. Got a hot Cuban housekeeper

I hate you.

I have a boat.

I have a boat.

I have a gift.

I have no sympathy for people who squander their gifts.

I have responsibilities!