Kung Pow: Enter the Fist (2002) Edit

A whale!

A, quickly duck sideways, dodge the claw,

Ah, again with the squeaky shoes.

Ah, Rikki Tikki Tavi! Rikki Tikki! Too tight! Stop hugging me!

Ah, yes. I am Mu Shu Fasa.

Aha! Face to foot style. How'd you like it?

Ahh.

Alfalfa.

And beware his song about big butts.

And choke you with a cotton ball, you son of a...

And fight well.

And here I was starting to think you were just a sadistic psycho bitch.

And his friend.

And I don't like that kind of thing.

And I know... what you did to his family.

And now he's dead.

And now he's dead...

And now?

And occasionally,

And playback.

And so began Betty's killing spree.

And sometimes drove.

And that day, I vowed to find the man who killed my family.

And then all hell broke loose.

And then he killed the dog.

And this?

And who do you rule? The Large, Dark Nipple People?

And will soon rise to world domination.

And yaah... free.

Are... our... own... business.

At least the winking... the winking has to stop. Stop the...

Avoid the meadow. We will meet again, Chosen One,

Aw, jeez. And now the snorting starts.

Ay, ay! Why? Why? No! Please!

B... Betty.

Baby...

Be not concerned of her shyness, for it will pass.

Became an offense punishable by death.

Behold the symbols.

Betty's protective caps were the source of his power.

Big deal. Up and over! Oi!

Birdie. Birdie, birdie.

But he'd have a clear shot at my ribs.

But I don't want you to think I'm a slut.

But I must warn you... Hmm?

But isn't Betty a woman's name?

But now I am in a quandary.

But that would just look stupid and leave my small, sensitive balls completely exposed.

But they were too smooth to pull and pointy.

But you mastered your technique.

But you've mastered your technique.

But your weak link is, this is Earth.

But, Master Betty, what of the Chosen One?

But, of course, welcome your assistance.

By a tiny net!

By the way, my student Ling, here, will assist you.

By the way, you must be wary of Betty's iron claws.

Bye bye!

C... N... Mu Shu!

Can you help me?

Chosen One tried and tried,

Chosen One was clearly not ready.

Chosen One, I'm... dying.

Chosen One!

Chosen One!

Chosen One!

Chosen One! Oh!

Chosen. Huh?

CNN. What of my tongue?

Come along. Whoo! Aah!

Come inside. I'll get the Neosporin.

Come on. Don't spoil everything.

Come on. Oh, well.

Come. C Come closer, please.

Coo coo! Coo coo!

Could you please, uh, stop with the leg eating?

Could you please...

Cut! Cut!

Defeat him!

Did anyone hear the signal?

Do I look all right?

Do it for your family, and so I can be in the sequel.

Do what he says, or he'll cut off your big toe.

Do you need a glass of water or something?

Do you think whining was the signal? Rr rr!

Dog!

Don't go. Please.

Don't look at me!

Don't you see? You can't make it.

Don't. He'll kill you like a small dog.

Ee oh, whee oh, pee oh, ee oh, pee oh!

Ee ooh ee ooh ee!

Eeny, meeny,

Eh, Master Pain...

Eh? Oh, doggie hump.

Eh... No, I don't think ten million.

Er, uh, should we keep going?

Evidently, his wound never closed up properly.

Evil Betty,

Except for his hair and nails... dead.

For if your story is true, then you would...

For instance, the first move could be like this.

For me.

For part of him knew what lied ahead.

For the Chosen One has come to free us from the Evil Council.

From this day forward,

From this moment, I will stand for the opposite of killing,

Gentlemen, from this day forward...

Gnodab.

Go ahead.

Go follow her, then save her...

Go get some snacks.

Good bye, Sally.

Got ya. Whee oh!

Gotcha now! Guy ee!

H He's alive, Betty.

Ha ha ha! Stinky pits and all, baby!

Hah!

Hah! If you've got an ass, I'll kick it.

Have you seen him before? Never!

Having no true home, he wandered the wilderness...

He beats you up while he plays it!

He carries the basket. He carries the paper roller.

He did say the part about dramatically throwing us off his body.

He has great powers and is well protected by the Evil Council.

He has great powers and is well protected by the Evil Council.

He has great powers and is well protected by the Evil Council.

He is well protected. It's impossible.

He just left with nuts!

He lived under constant attack.

He said to hit him until he gave the signal to stop.

He seems to be the reason I'm pursued.

He should have listened to that one boobed chick.

He took everything from me... a family I never knew.

He was my father my entire life.

He was raised by various rodents.

He's an outsider. Have you ever seen him before?

He's not gonna die, is he?

He's still alive, Betty.

Heh, Betty?

Heh? Uh, uh... Huh?

Hello?

Hey, if you're all alive, then surely Wimp Lo...

Hey, is someone going to come get me?

Hey, oh. Huh?

Hey, uh... That's pretty still.

Hey, who's he?

Hey, whoa, easy. We should wait a second or so.

Hiding with the candy, hoping the kids don't break through with the stick.

Him and that infernal Tonguey! Eh, red clothes!

Hit it.

Hmm, as you've probably concluded,

Hmm, I could dance like that...

Hmm, I like a them, and they like a me back.

Hmm, like with... with a rock or something.

Hmm, sleepy time.

Hmm, yes, a tiny net is a death sentence.

Hmm!

Hmm!

Hmm! Bird.

Hmm?

Hmm?

Hmm?

Hmm? A tiger.

Hmm? Tiger, tiger, tiger.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm. Hmm?

Hmm. Hmm.

Hmm. I see you brought your friends this time.

Hmm. Knock, Knock. Who's there?

Hmm. My finger points.

Hmm. Okay!

Hmm. Okay.

Hmm. Should have gone with A.

Hmm. The Chosen One is here to help us.

Hmm. Your story makes my heart heavy...

Ho ho!

How do I proceed?

How many miles? Would you say ten million?

However, it will be impossible for us to help you.

Huh!

Huh!

Huh!

Huh! It is evil.

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh? Master!

Huh? What?

Huh? You like it? Huh? Feels good, huh?

Huh.

I am a great magician.

I am a man of special needs.

I am bleeding, making me the victor.

I am the Chosen One, outside the wall! Yeah, the wall!

I am Whoa.

I can handle him,

I can't control it!

I can't remember the last time I felt like this.

I challenge you!

I could leap like a freak, then throw in a back snapping eel strike.

I don't believe in such talk as this.

I don't know.

I don't know. They feel like they're on fire.

I don't like him very much. Let's kill him.

I don't understand.

I don't understand...

I feel for you and your grave loss.

I feel the Chosen One may give up hope.

I got everything but the last part, through you should be able.

I have a mortal wound! Where? Where does it hurt?

I have to avenge my family!

I hope they have Icees!

I I I I...

I I see... I think.

I I, uh, got got your message.

I implore you to reconsider.

I It's just echoey, and I...

I know you seek the Chosen One.

I know you're here.

I like 'em feisty.

I mean, crap, man! Look at that. Ohh...

I mean, that doesn't really even seem possible if you think about it,

I must apologize for Wimp Lo. He is an idiot.

I must find if I, too, possess this special skill.

I need gopher chuks.

I need you now in the worst way.

I now officially know too much. And why are you in bed?

I only did this...

I really like the band 'N Sync.

I remember a long time ago...

I rock... and roll... all day long, sweet Susie!

I see the way you look at him. I'm a man, too, you know.

I should not have asked.

I spanked you as a baby. I'll spank you now, bitch!

I swing a bit more. I swing a bit less.

I think it's...

I think there's a Harpo.

I thought you could tell me.

I thought you looked familiar.

I was just going to hang out, but...

I will defeat him.

I will stay... eh, to train.

I will write their next hit, maybe.

I won't. Whee ooh!

I wonder where my glove will go.

I... am not Simba.

I... I just can't.

I... will... not... be stopped...

I'll get you some help.

I'll kill him. I'll kill him dead.

I'll never tell you where he is!

I'll reverse the capture method,

I'm coming!

I'm coming!

I'm coming!

I'm ready.

I'm rehearsing. You know... Rehearse.

I'm so sorry, Ling.

I'm sorry?

I'm sorry. I must fight you when I am stronger.

I'm speaking in riddles.

I'm sure on some planet your style is quite impressive.

I've chosen the large tub.

I've got some yellow liquid for your popcorn,

I've trained my whole life for this day.

I've traveled many years and miles to find you.

If if I lose you...

If not, there should be.

If you can beat him, then you should have no problem beating me.

If you didn't get it just right.

If you fight, he will kill you.

In order to defeat him, they would have to be removed.

In search of the one who stole his life.

In the meadow you will find Betty's great protector, Moon Yew.

Is the first step to revealing the council's identity.

Is wearing... a pushup bra.

It hurts?

It is a bad, bad plan...

It is not yet your time. You must not stand against Master Pain.

It was a long day.

It will be significant.

It's 12:00 and time for his nap.

It's a net, and it's tiny.

It's lacy...

It's okay, Ling. There's nothing to worry about anymore.

It's starting now.

Jeez, at least cover your mouth!

Just like old times!

Killing is wrong... and bad.

Leap that wall if you're so great.

Let me know if you see a Radio Shack.

Let me know if you see a Radio Shack.

Let your anger be as a monkey in a pinata,

Like a... like a stone.

Like badwrong or badong.

Listen and listen well.

Look inside yourself, Cho Simba.

Look, I need your help. I live under constant attack.

Look, I'll get some tweezers...

Look, Ling, those curlicues on your face make me so hot I can't think straight.

Many have said I do things...

Master Pain, it is a great honor having you beating random people in our town.

Master Pain, what do we do?

Master Pain's in town! Did you hear that? Master Pain? Are you sure?

Master Pain's meeting with the mayor. Oh, this is bad.

Master Tang, please help me.

Master Tang, what are you doing here?

Master, I implore you to reconsider.

Master, I was hoping one day I could be the Chosen One.

Master, no!

Master!

Master!

Maybe it's time we should... We better get home, guys.

Maybe we could get a pizza or, you know,

Might I inquire, what is the Evil Council's plan?

Miney, moe,

Mm mm. Hmm. Mmm, memento!

Mm, hah!

Mm, hah!

Mm, lighter, mm hmm.

Mm!

Mm! Mm, mm!

Mm?

Mm? Hmm!

Mm.

My bladder is full to bursting.

My favorite member is Harpo.

My name's Betty. Nyah!

My nipples look like Milk Duds.

My, it is so evil!

N!

Never make it. You'll never make it, ever.

No matter what the tactic, they all have a flaw.

No matter. I think I have an idea.

No one was safe. Ouchie!

No, don't do that. It hurts.

No, it's good, it's good!

No, no, please. I have a wound there.

No, no! He'll kill you.

No, no.

No. I don't understand you.

No. Please.

Nobody say anything to Mom.

Not again. He has to be dead.

Now I have to find Ling.

Now try.

Now we'll... learn who's the best.

Now, then, Master Pain has heard rumor...

Now, you two, on with your training.

Now... Ooh! Oi! I'm going to beat you up!

Nyah! He, alone, can disrupt the Evil Council's plan.

O On a scale from one to ten...

Of course you don't.

Of great warriors and legends.

Of how best to deal with Betty.

Of the significance.

Oh, but I don't know. It's so soon.

Oh, dear. No one man can defeat Betty.

Oh, dear. That's not good.

Oh, dog! You're alive!

Oh, God.

Oh, it's okay, boy.

Oh, jeez. Did I say game?

Oh, jeez. I forgot my line again.

Oh, man, I'm a little, tiny, horny honey.

Oh, Master.

Oh, my. Hey, it's not funny.

Oh, no, guys. Come on!

Oh, pretty much around the big, bloody spot. Oh!

Oh, thank you.

Oh, that's right. Yeah.

Oh, that's tender. That is tender.

Oh, that's what he meant! Stars above!

Oh, the council will not be pleased.

Oh, this is bad. This is very bad.

Oh, yes, the council.

Oh, yes! Ha ha ha!

Oh, you won't even believe what happened next.

Oh! Chosen One!

Oh! Uuh! Who's laughing now?

Oh?

Oh.

Oh.

Ohh...

Okay, cut. I I can't work with this thing.

Okay, fire me up.

Okay, I'll shake your bouncy booty! Hit it!

Okay, I'm gonna need a cup.

Okay.

Okay.

On that you can trust me. Let him hear it.

On the life of my dummy, I swear this...

One... of us...

Ooh whee ooh!

Ooh, ow! You can't...

Open the mouth.

Open your mouth! Open it!

Open your mouth.

Or B, take the claw in the face,

Ouch. I fell and hurt my tummy.

Our... sexual... preferences...

Ow!

Partied with the desert creatures.

Perhaps a carbonated soda.

Perhaps, but wooden dummies don't fight back.

Please tell me. What is my purpose?

Please, Betty. Master Tang is unable to fight you. He's pretty sick.

Please, I'm dying.

Please, stop! Wimp Lo sucks as a fighter! A child could beat him!

Possess a great supernatural power r r!

Prepare the long rubber glove.

Remember these?

Remember,

Remember, avoid the meadow.

Remember, do not stop until I give you the signal,

Remember, weakening and defeating Betty...

Rolling to the bottom of a gully,

Rotting like a papaya,

Rub it all in my hair.

Rub it all in my hair.

Sacrebleu!

Say good night, floppy.

Scam some chicks or something, right?

She hit me, Betty. No!

Shirt ripper!

Simba.

So cute.

So he got frustrated, as any one of us would.

So he's at the temple.

So on he walked...

So ready for action.

So ready for love!

So they would, like, poke your hands...

So you really think that's hot?

Stars above. Aliens. Was I right or what?

Stay alive. Stay and live a life here with me.

Still alive! How can that be?

Still, this is a glorious day,

Stuff.

Sure. At this very moment, he's out in a field,

Take a close look, 'cause I rule, baby!

Take me, man meat!

Tell me... what you're thinking.

Thank you, Master Tang.

Thank you, squirrel friend.

Thank you. I have been called bad before.

That are good.

That are not correct to do.

That before him lied a mystical road...

That doesn't mean a person is dead.

That the Chosen One was spotted in town.

That the true Chosen One...

That tiny net was surefire.

That... Why don't you turn it down a little bit?

That'll be four bucks, baby! You want fries with that?

That's a lot of nuts!

That's kind of the point, like a clue that will later make you go,

That's right! Follow me!

That's what he thought.

That's, like, his stomach plug on the ground back there.

The answer you seek resides in the stars above.

The best approach would be to go for both caps at once.

The Chosen One disappeared last night.

The Chosen One trained,

The creature in his tongue, although a little disturbing,

The Evil Council is based in France...

The man you seek, his name is Master Pain.

The name is Betty.

The news of your father weighs heavy on my heart.

The other over there.

The others soon warmed up to him...

The supreme gift. Hmm?

Then he told me...

Then roll on the ground and die.

Then take him out with a spinning back kick.

There should be a new, stronger word for killing...

There will be a Chosen One.

There you go.

There.

There's like a hawk or something.

They are sharp, and they hurt.

They hurt like crap, man!

They sought to now finish.

They will come to Betty's aid. Do you understand?

This guy is toast.

This is all I need.

This must not happen.

Through his adversity, he learned to fight...

Throw us off!

Towel. Mm, thanks.

Uh huh? Uh huh?

Uh, but, Betty, do they have to know?

Uh, E Evil Council?

Uh, Master Betty,

Uh, yeah, sure.

Uh...

Uh... Huh?

Uh... one.

Um, Mr. Hawk,

Until you find the whereabouts of Master Pain.

Up and over!

Uuh! All over me! I'm... getting... wet!

W Without Tonguey, the council is invincible.

We don't want to lose any more toes here.

We have purposely trained him wrong, as a joke.

We were friends. I loved him.

We're children!

We're children! We're children!

We're children! We're children! We're children!

We're falling!

Well, at least I have you, boy.

Well, he was whining for a while.

Well, you must be quite a fighter to make it past my cow.

Well, you've grown.

Welles.

What are the odds of that?

What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?

What good am I now? His powers are greater than mine.

What in God's name is that thing?

What is it you want?

What is this Evil Council everyone speaks of?

What they had not accomplished when he was a child...

What? Please! Hold still, ma'am. Here she is, Betty.

What? What now?

What's wrong?

Whee ohh!

Whee ooh whee ooh whee ooh!

Whee!

Whee! Ee ee!

Whee! Ohh!

Whee! Whee!

Whee! Whee! Whee!

When a good friend of mine told me...

When you girls are done kissing, I've got some ass kicking for you!

While I'm ripping out the caps, I'm completely defenseless.

While we're in here, cozy and enjoying the good life.

Who are you? Ling's father. Oh ee oh ee oh ee!

Whoa oa oa!

Whoa. Oh, s sorry, Evil Council.

Why did you leave me?

Why did you run off?

Why people have to die.

Why, I oughta... Ooh!

Will bear the mark of infinite wisdom.

Will perform his skill.

Wimp Lo, you must be careful.

Wimp!

With body organs and cartilage and bones and...

Wow! I'll have some of whatever he's smokin'!

Wow! Please.

Yaah!

Yaah!

Yaah! Hmm.

Yea yea!

Yea yea!

Yea, yea!

Yeah ahh!

Yeah, I'm aware of that.

Yeah. Oh, you.

Yes, plus when you were hit with his iron claw,

Yes, the Evil Council...

Yes, yes. Yes, play me like a drum.

Yes. Sure. As you know,

Yi yi yi yi yi! Uuh!

You are Master Tang. Your skills are greatly known.

You disgust me. Whee oh oh oh!

You don't seem too sweaty...

You go that way. I'll go home.

You have helped me reach the next level.

You just get stranger and stranger and stranger.

You killed my family,

You know the location of the Chosen One. Where is he?

You must listen to me.

You must not be troubled, Cho Simba One.

You must take your place in the great circle of...

You must trust the power of the tongue. Hmm?

You mustn't! You are not ready!

You need special training. You cannot defeat him now.

You should be able to beat him now!

You should be able to beat him now.

You should be able to beat him now.

You should be able to beat him now.

You should stop that now.

You think he wants his towel?

You think losing is winning.

You will all refer to me by the game...

You will all refer to me by the name Betty.

You will now receive the Fist of Fury.

You would be the Chosen One.

You! Open!

You'll all have to excuse Master Pain... uh, Betty.

You'll never make it. Never make it.

You're alive.

You've got what you wanted. Now go!

Your booties.

Your butt that's about to be kicked.

Your clothes are black.

Your clothes are red!

Your confidence is disproportional to your abilities.

Your days are over, mister.

Your hands... How are they now?

Your hands... let me see.

Your mouth tricks will not work on me, ventriloquists.

Your soft, cushy body helped absorb the force of his blow.

Aha! No. Don't do that. It hurts.

But I thought... Huh?

Do it again. Wait, who's that?

Does it have a name? Tonguey.

Enough! Hmph!

Good luck. Wait!

Hmm! Huh!

Hmm. Legend tells us...

Huh? Yaah!

I like him a lot, and... Listen! Shh.

I will defeat him! Please, don't.

I'll do it! In your dreams!

I'll take a pound of nuts. That's a lot of nuts!

I'm bleeding. Hey! I remember you!

I'm coming! Chosen One!

I'm gonna take his shoes and shove 'em up his... Chosen One!

I'm I'm sorry? You cannot defeat him now.

It's Betty now. Oh. You must not stand against Betty.

Mm mm mm! Mmm!

My ass. Nyah, ha ha! Ha ha!

No, it's not. Huh? Chosen One.

No, please! Very well, Chosen One.

Once again. With feeling.

roughly an inch and a half in diameter? Right here in my hand.

Sit down! Eeyah!

We're all going to catch it! Fight... or die!

What have you done with him? Funny.

'Cause I'll show you hot.

'Cause, um, I don't know...