The Disaster Artist Edit

A better looking friend he was always jealous of.

A bicycle, you get a bicycle. A car.

A contemptuous begging fool of myself,

A couple friends of mine went and saw it recently.

A kid brother he was always looking out for.

A minute ago you said you didn't care if he drinks.

A true American hero, to be played by me.

A very fine rod. I dare say.

A... Are you good?

About Mark failure.

Acting, directing, producing.

Action!

Action!

Action.

Action.

Action.

Action.

Action. Action. Action! Action!

After everything he do for everybody,

After Mark Damon from Talented Ripley Man.

After that I stopped doing all the other things,

After today, which one of ourselves will ever be same?

Ah, yeah. How are you? Nice to see you.

Alfred Hitchcock? Let me tell you something, Greg.

All I can think about is what if they laugh at me?

All I hear is no, all day, every day. It's...

All right,

All right, and this movie better be fucking awesome.

All right, and yeah.

All right, come here.

All right, fuck it. All right. Let's do this shit.

All right, I give you one more chance.

All right, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go, guys.

All right, like you said, you did that all by yourself.

All right, man. You wanna get real?

All right, people.

All right, see you tomorrow.

All right, that thing out there, that's your movie.

All right, that your five cents.

All right, we said we were gonna push each other.

All right, well, I need a break.

All right? Intensity.

All right.

All right.

All right. Cut, check it. Great. I think we got it.

All right. Great job.

All right. I'll, uh... I'll see you.

All right. I'm gonna fucking... try something. I don't know.

All right. Just tell me this one thing.

All right. No. Start it over.

All right. Picture's up.

All right. You and the beard next Tuesday and Wednesday.

All the pretty boys,

All your friend little kid?

Always Tommy.

Am I still the cowboy?

Amy does hair and makeup.

And action.

And action.

And action.

And also maybe Johnny is vampire. We'll see.

And behavior of others?

And bring football.

And don't be Brando today. You might hurt yourself.

And don't look at robot crab. He shy.

And ever since then I just, I have...

And everybody say, "You such crazy guy. So stupid guy."

And give acting a real shot?

And Hal and Lois have to go find them in the woods,

And he showed them all.

And I bet he didn't direct with his fucking dick out.

And I go back to my dream.

And I have many good ideas.

And I just, I... I figured I could,

And I'm dying.

And I'm dying.

And I'm dying.

And it makes me pass out.

And it's, it's really working.

And Johnny help him.

And make little room in corner or something.

And never give up.

And of course you play Mark.

And people are still watching a movie

And so that's like...

And talking about a movie.

And that I can maybe get the day off tomorrow.

And that we will never forget dream.

And that's what we're gonna do.

And the lightning, everything.

And then he show them all.

And then this beautiful girl,

And then this girl, this beautiful girl,

And then this guy Johnny, he go crazy.

And then this guy Johnny!

And they are not grateful.

And this guy come over, Chris R.

And this my life.

And we'll get to know each other a little bit.

And we're also

And we're having trouble finding this lumberjack role.

And what are these particular precautions of yours?

And you all are villain.

And you got this this beard. What do you think?

And you play this other one with the Z.

And you wake up at 5:00 am to drive all this way.

And you, and you. I hear everybody.

And, and if he comes?

And, and, uh, sorry. Uh...

And, and, you've never wanted to like,

And, for your information, I was home alone too.

And, um...

And, um... That's why the beard...

And, well, you know. It doesn't really get you that far.

And, yeah, you really brought it, man. Seriously.

And, you know, next time, next time you see me there

And... Honestly, maybe...

And... other friend of Todd

And... they just hate me.

And... we decided that we want to move in together.

And... what do you do?

Any question before we start?

Any questions before we start?

Anybody?

Anything for my princess.

Anything for my princess.

Anyway, how's your sex life?

Apparently this guy.

Are you feeling good?

Are you fucking... You ruined everything!

Are you gonna film with all that stuff in your pocket?

Are you kidding me? You're the star of the movie.

Are you not dedicated actor?

Are you serious?

Are you serious?

Are you working on anything at the moment?

Are... Are you, are you mad?

As the script supervisor, it would be really helpful

At this point, it would be fucking weird

Autobiographical.

Babe!

Baby Face.

Bastard! You betray me. You're not good.

Be optimist.

Be very dramatic.

Because I can't tell at all.

Because I'm hearing kind of an Eastern European accent.

Because it's real Hollywood movie.

Because it's real Hollywood movie.

Because it's so prohibitively expensive to own.

Been working?

Big star? Tommy, I'm not a star.

Bit of water before the scene? I...

Brad Pitt do this in The Legend of the Fall.

Bring girlfriend over. Watching Gilmore Girls. Whatever.

But after that?

But can you handle all your human behavior

But I ignore it.

But if we, if we just move the schedule

But it feels good. It feels good.

But it's real life. People act so strange these days.

But just listen for a second.

But none of that matches. I...

But that's kinda the hardest part.

But the real question,

But then this Lisa sleep with best friend.

But you'd need, twice the crew, uh... twice the equipment,

But, I think what I'm asking is,

But, oh, acting it.

But, uh, thank you anyways for the drink.

But, you know, he's, he's, the director too.

But...

But... Hey. We can't give up, right?

Bye, little kids.

Can I call him Chris instead of Chris R?

Can I talk to you minute?

Can we ask you something?

Cheep cheep cheep cheep.

Chill out, Mark. I'm just trying to help.

Chris R come over and demand money, okay?

Close yonder shutter.

Cock sucking motherfucker!

Cock sucking motherfucker! Five fucking minutes!

Come down here, Baby Face.

Come here. Tommy...

Come in.

Come on over and meet Tommy and Greg.

Come on, Baby Face!

Come on, don't be shy.

Come on, Greg.

Come on, Greg. Come on, Greg.

Come on, make love to me.

Come on, you owe me one.

Come on.

Come on. Take from your real life.

Come on. Want to show you best part.

Come on. You have to be louder.

Come on. You have to do it.

Congratulations.

Continuity in your forehead.

Cool. Anything I would have seen you in?

Copy that.

Could we maybe just put on some music to get in the mood?

Cut it. Cut it.

Cut, cut. Oh, my God, man.

Cut!

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Did he call you Baby Face?

Did he listen to them?

Did you get a fucking spotlight?

Did you know that chocolate is the symbol of love?

Did you see the new, uh, Star Wars?

Digital and film?

Do it for you, Greg.

Do it like Shakespeare, but sexy.

Do it!

Do it! Do it!

Do something crazy. Use the bottle.

Do you even want to be an actor?

Do you know?

Do you understand why?

Do you, like, call your agents every day?

Do you?

Do you... Do you understand how hard it is?

Does he have the money?

Doesn't mean we're not gonna see each other anymore.

Don't ever leave me, baby.

Don't I buy you everything you want?

Don't talk about me, Greg, I hear you.

Don't talk about me.

Don't tell anybody. You understand, yeah?

Don't worry about these people.

Don't worry, I know a great place. You'll love it.

Don't worry. We have plenty of time. We talk about all this.

Don't you like me?

Don't. Just do the opposite of that.

Done something like that?

Done.

Driver, slow down.

Drop it. Stop. Don't do this.

Dude, first day in front of the camera.

Dude, it's been a fucking year. You know what I mean? Like...

Dude, just cause I'm moving out

Dude, that was, amazing.

Dude, what... What are you doing? Why are you acting like this?

East of Eden, and Giant. That's it.

Even if you have Brando's talent.

Even the worst day on a movie set

Even you hate me, Greg.

Everybody betray me!

Everybody here working hard.

Everybody want script. Don't be greedy, okay?

Everyone, come in.

Everyone, everyone calm down. Jesus. Come on.

Everything goes wrong at once.

Exactly how I intend it.

Exactly.

Exactly. Turn these lights on right now!

Except not movie, in real life.

Favor. You always ask for favor.

Few years ago.

Filmmakers in the world right now

Fine. I have homework to do, anyway.

Fine. More spray.

Five minutes? You want five fucking minutes, Denny?

Five... Are you kidding me? Five million dollars?

For a little while now, and it just...

For Best Picture ten years ago.

For one, I, I can't afford it.

For us. We do it together.

For what?

Frankly, you have not been that real the whole movie.

From the bayou.

From your mod...

Fucking Frankenstein looking motherfucker.

Gain weight. Would you do that for a role?

Gather around, everyone.

Gee, Peter, you're clumsy.

Get in here.

Get me a C stand over there, please.

Get me now. Face, and eyes and for speech.

Get out.

Get outta my house.

Get up there. Go, man.

Give me countdown.

Go do a bunch of st... uh, stuff you...

Go, driver, go. Keep going.

God.

Good day, sir.

Good job. All right.

Good look, good job, many friends.

Good look, many friends, and also

Grasping the lightning bolts.

Great one. Great take, everyone.

Great to see you!

Great. We do alley scene.

Great. What do you have for us today, Thomas?

Greatest drama since the Tennessee William.

Greg is also an actor.

Greg, damn it! Why you throw this tricky stuff?

Greg, Greg, have you lost your mind?

Greg, how long is movie script?

Greg, I can't afford you get sick right now.

Greg, money not issue. I told you.

Greg, so you know about light too?

Greg, stop. This on camera.

Greg, the Dean won't go to you. You have to go to the Dean.

Greg, we are stars of the movie. We can't be first ones there.

Greg, you have to be the best.

Greg!

Greg? Greg?

Greg.

Greg.

Greg.

Greg.

Greg.

Greg...

Guy run red light, and smash.

Guys. Uh... We're five minutes away from shooting.

H... Have I the honor... A visit, uh, from the illustrious g god,

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha...

Have brewed among our mountains.

Have I seen you someplace before?

Have nothing to do with each other.

Have you read any Shakespeare?

Have you, uh, looked at yourself?

He capture every comment. "Oh, yeah, Tommy weird."

He decide to kill himself in front of the world.

He do this movie, Birds.

He go crazy.

He has it all.

He has it all.

He is a figure of mystery where, you know,

He knows nothing about filmmaking.

He knows where her vagina is right?

He knows where her vagina is, right?

He like vampire rapist."

He made it through two fucking acts of Shakespeare.

He said a little drink.

He seen something special in me.

He show up yet?

He throw birds at them. Real birds!

He, that's... He wants to go outside the box.

He's a complete idiot. I don't even think he's seen a movie.

He's being a good friend. He's just looking out for me.

He's clearly never been on a set before.

He's crashing. Come on, Senator!

He's in a crazy space.

He's just, I don't know. He's a friend.

He's not gonna get out of the car.

He's the best, I told you.

He's too fucking cheap.

He's very good.

Hello. How can I help you?

Her some water.

Here we go. "Why?"

Here, this for you.

Hey Chris R. I was looking for ya.

Hey, babe.

Hey, big role. Second lead.

Hey, Denny.

Hey, do you need another? Vodka soda?

Hey, everyone.

Hey, good show, guys.

Hey, Greg.

Hey, guys. You like it?

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, how you doing?

Hey, I'm... I'm Greg.

Hey, j... Uh, give me a second, guys.

Hey, pleasure to meet you.

Hey, Tommy.

Hey, uh...

Hey, who are these guys?

Hey, who you calling "kid"?

Hey, you guys getting this?

Hey, you played Chris R, right?

Hey, you want an easier question...

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. It's fucking incredible.

Hey. It's like 100 fucking degrees in here.

Hi doggy.

Hi, babe.

Hi, doggie.

Hi, Greg.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Yeah, I'm fine. Why you ask?

His name is Mr. Tommy Wiseau.

His whole life people tell him,

Hollywood puts on a fucking chastity belt.

Hollywood's pussy dries up when you walk in with this dude.

Holy shit, is this for us?

Home sweet home.

Honey, I am so excited to come see your play.

How about this guy? Wow.

How are you feeling? You excited? Nervous?

How do you afford that? Wh...

How long have you lived here?

How many people can say they have

How often do you think Hitchcock got a response like this?

How old are you?

How old are you?

How to become big star, like you.

How uh... how often do you play football, Tommy?

How unlikely it is that you'll make it.

Huh? You know water, light, girlfriend.

Human behavior.

Human behavior. Betrayal. It applies to all of us.

I aim where I aim. Just do the scene.

I aim where I am, just do the scene.

I already spend five million dollar on this movie, Greg.

I am. I am. Yeah. Feels like it's coming together.

I auditioned for that part.

I believed in you, man. I trusted you! For what?

I can see you as Dracula, Frankenstein.

I can't give you special treatment, Greg.

I can't talk right now.

I can't wait for you to get it off of me.

I could learn something from you.

I definitely have breast cancer.

I definitely have breast cancer.

I definitely have breast cancer.

I did not hit her, I did not.

I did not hit her.

I did not hit her.

I did not hit her.

I did not hit her. I did not!

I did not hit her. I did not. Oh, hi, Mark.

I did not hit her. I did not. Oh, hi, Mark.

I did not hit her. I did not. Oh, hi, Mark.

I did not hit her. I did not. Oh, hi, Mark.

I did not hit her. I...

I did not hit her. It's not true. It's bullshit.

I did not hit her. It's not true. It's bullshit.

I did not hit her. It's not true. It's bullshit.

I did not hit her. It's not true. It's bullshit.

I did not hit her. It's not true. It's bullshit.

I did not hit her. It's not true. It's bullshit.

I did not!

I did not!

I did this HBO thing, where I'm like, the second lead.

I didn't recognize you without the beanie. And the beard.

I disagree.

I disagree.

I do sonnet. You know sonnet?

I do the Shakespeare.

I do this whole movie for you Greg!

I do this whole movie for you, Greg.

I don't believe it.

I don't care about these people.

I don't care who you are, you're out on street.

I don't care, I'll do it.

I don't have five fucking minutes!

I don't have time to explain script to you, okay?

I don't know about this guy.

I don't know if he has the money.

I don't know, but I'll figure it out.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't make porno.

I don't see point.

I don't think she's faithful to me.

I don't wanna play some fucking HORSE.

I don't want cowboy. You're do like cowboy.

I don't want Tennessee Williams, I don't want Shakespeare.

I don't want to do none of the bullshit.

I fed up with the world.

I feel great, man. It's not that.

I feel like I'm a little overdressed.

I feel like we should at least talk about this.

I feel like, um...

I gave you everything.

I get that. With me, everything changed with Home Alone.

I give them job. I give them salary.

I go.

I got it!

I got the results of the test back.

I got the results of the test back.

I got the results of the test back.

I have a present for you.

I have an idea, why don't you guys come in for a second,

I have ears everywhere!

I have money saved from my modeling jobs.

I have no room for three people in my place.

I have something for you.

I have to change really quickly and go.

I have to dance, Greg.

I have to go to bathroom.

I have to thank you for this noble storm you have,

I have. It's no problem.

I haven't seen any water. I'm pretty sure that's illegal.

I hear everything!

I hear your whispers in your souls!

I hit her.

I hurt my foot.

I just don't know how, Greg.

I just joking.

I just like to watch you guys.

I just maybe put up some curtain

I just say we call lunch.

I just speak to him, for your information.

I just turned 14.

I just want to stand here.

I just wanted to talk to you about something real quick.

I just went to get ties.

I just, I can't... I can't believe it, man.

I just, I want, I want that. I want what, what you have.

I keep my stuff, sweetie.

I keep thinking about your strong hands around my body.

I kinda went for the Jar Jar Binks thing.

I know all Shakespeare.

I know it's on camera. Just like you want it.

I know what they say, Greg, I hear them.

I know what you say. I hear you. And you.

I know. I know. But we can just, we can do it next week.

I know. You're always at that, um...

I like this one.

I like you. Very much.

I live there alone now.

I love burrito.

I love football.

I love you, Lisa.

I may have been trying to impress you...

I mean, come on, that thing can't be good.

I mean, hell, both...

I mean, it's great. That's...

I mean, the candles.

I need cast, crew, Marcus. Marcus, come here.

I need this look like Titanic.

I need to show my ass to sell this movie.

I need to show my ass to sell this movie.

I never be able to make this movie without my best friend.

I never make this movie...

I noticed. Yeah.

I say, "I don't care. I do it."

I sorry.

I spend many dollars on this.

I stop you. I stop you right there.

I take you to Los Angeles, give you place to stay.

I think it about us, huh?

I think that he had a very clear vision.

I think you're aiming a little bit high.

I think you're aiming a little bit high.

I thought... I didn't know what you were saying.

I treat them how I treat them.

I try to open my heart, show them my soul.

I turn to my friend and go,

I used to know a girl, she had a dozen guys.

I used to know a girl, she had a dozen guys.

I used to know a girl, she had a dozen guys.

I wanna go one day, to the crash site.

I want everyone to see. You especially.

I want to feel that too.

I want you to be my guest. Like Beauty and Beast.

I want you to stop. Stop.

I wanted to keep that dress.

I was blown away. Like, like three minutes in

I wasn't... wasn't planning on it.

I will be Beauty, of course.

I will be there.

I would do anything for my girl.

I would go back and try and get on that set,

I write you this part.

I, I actually... I landed a small role in a TV show.

I, I don't know. I, uh... I'm an actor...

I, I thought we were just gonna do it at my place.

I, I... I can... I'm not married to it. I can... Okay.

I, I... No. I wasn't...

I... I didn't mean it like that.

I... I wanna feel that, too.

I... I... I hope we're not dead on the side of a road.

I... I'm 26.

I'd like to cash this check if, uh, possible.

I'll be there.

I'll do anything for my girl.

I'll kill you. I'll break every bone in your body.

I'll miss him. Very much.

I'll play the man, The Lightning Rod Man.

I'll see you guys later.

I'll take it.

I'm a big fan.

I'm asking you nicely. Stop it. Drop it.

I'm dedicated. I just... There...

I'm glad you liked my comedic movie.

I'm gonna call you right when I get in, okay?

I'm just tired is all.

I'm just trying to think of where to start.

I'm not Frankenstein.

I'm not going anywhere with you.

I'm not Santa Claus, all right?

I'm not saying maybe. I'm saying not in a million years.

I'm not scary guy.

I'm not villain!

I'm not...

I'm okay.

I'm pretty sure Stanislavski is dead.

I'm so nervous.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, my darling.

I'm sorry, sir. Is everything okay now?

I'm sorry, we're not here to promote

I'm sorry. What's his relationship to you guys?

I'm sorry...

I'm sure there was a Michelle and a Mike.

I'm tired. I'm wasted. I love you, darling.

I'm trying to give you a shortcut to success.

I'm very busy right now.

I'm very talented,

I'm your girl.

I'm, I'm playing, like, a lumberjack.

I've ever seen in my life."

If a lot of people loved each other,

If anyone needs to be upset here,

If he didn't do something that was fucking weird.

If I could have your attention.

If I could look at the script for the movie first.

If I had a time machine, I wouldn't

If I turn on the lights, it's gonna get hotter.

If you decide to shoot here in our studio.

If you don't want to do it, fine.

If you were to ask the five best

If you'd keep your girl satisfied,

If you're going to writhe around with the dress,

If you're gonna writhe around with the dress,

If you're looking at the camera!

If you're not comfortable, tell me, okay?

Impossible.

In a few minutes, bitch.

In LA and San Francisco?

In real life theater.

In the head and blow your brains out.

In the head and blow your brains out.

In tuxes? No, you gotta be kidding.

Industry standard is pretty much that you

Intensity. Show emotion. Throw it.

Is because we've, we've been talking,

Is better than the best day anywhere else.

Is incredible.

Is it just me, or is this kinda bad?

Is it, um, just the one bedroom?

Is that not normal, or...

Is this a real movie?

Is this gentleman bothering you?

Isn't it fabulous?

It could've been worse, I guess.

It doesn't work if you're looking at the camera.

It doesn't work like that.

It has withstood, like, ten years.

It look good. I know how it look.

It never comes back. I don't know why I say that.

It not problem. We just go stay at my place.

It sounds like you're doing... Am I hearing an accent?

It Tommy.

It was like wake up call, you could say.

It was... It was raw... and intense.

It will be awesome.

It would be like a really good

It would really mean a lot to me.

It would take hours, man.

It, it changed my life and,

It, it wouldn't even be in the same universe.

It... it spoke to me, you know?

It'll be fine.

It'll be great drama.

It's a lot. A lot to think about.

It's all right.

It's always shit working.

It's coming, it's coming.

It's for me only. Director only. Okay?

It's from Johnny.

It's fucking hard, man.

It's funny you mention that.

It's human behavior.

It's in ourselves.

It's just, I don't know why...

It's like 300 miles away.

It's like a bottomless pit.

It's like all I can think about is, uh,

It's like rain. Like sexy rain.

It's like too much action. Like, it never stops.

It's like you say, Hollywood reject us,

It's like, best two days of my life.

It's like... Who is he?

It's nice. That's, that's all.

It's not 'cause water. It's 'cause she old lady.

It's not a funny story, Tommy.

It's not a place for kids!

It's not castle, but it's okay.

It's not gonna happen for you, okay?

It's not gonna happen for you.

It's not over. Everybody betray me.

It's not pity party. This just party.

It's not true. I did not hit her. It's bullshit...

It's not true. It's bullshit.

It's okay. Have a nice one.

It's over.

It's pretty funny.

It's probably better if no one even sees

It's quite a fancy car you have here, Tommy. Wow.

It's still going?

It's time.

It's, uh, Malcolm in the Middle.

Jesus Christ.

Jesus. That was painfully unremarkable.

Johnny it's beautiful, thank you.

Johnny's my best friend.

Julie, are you okay?

Juliette, I'm so sorry. I'm so...

Juliette, you need a break. Take a break.

Just a second. Just a second. Just a second. Just a second.

Just another day at the office.

Just because you want it doesn't mean it can happen.

Just getting ready in my apartment.

Just give me five minutes.

Just go with it.

Just like a day or two, it would...

Just my pied à terre.

Just to watch and feel what it was like.

Just trust me.

Just wanna say good luck, man. You're gonna do great.

Just, uh... Just have to get lucky, I guess.

Keep your shortcut in your pocket.

Kinda felt like the right next step.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Tommy Wiseau.

Laughing at me.

Let's do it. Okay, Todd.

Let's get real. Where were you born, Tommy?

Let's go to a bar and erase the memory of today.

Let's go, everybody. Come on.

Let's go. It's with Denny and Chris R.

Let's go. Let's do it.

Let's go. Let's go, Sandy, come on.

Let's go. Make sure you see my ass.

Let's just get a different reaction to the story, okay?

Let's roll camera, roll sound. Scene 109, take one.

Let's see, where does the money come from? Huh?

Life is complicated. The unexpected happens.

Like maybe a little Alicia Keys...

Like the Tennessee Williams.

Like your age. Like 15, 16 year old boy.

Like, do that. That stuff.

Like, if it turns out terrible.