American Pie (1999) Edit

A And this one time, we all lost our music and we were supposed to play this song,

A little father son, uh uh, chat."

Actually, there is one small matter that I need to ask for your cooperation in.

After... getting laid?

Ah, well, I got to I got to hit the showers now,

All right, all right!

All right, status check. Where do you guys stand?

All right.

All right. I got an idea. But it's got to stay between us.

All right. I'm shooting for a 9:00 ETA. Beer in hand by five after.

All right. Listen, thanks for understanding.

All right. So now you know. Good luck.

All right. Thanks.

All right. What you need to do...

All that you got to do is just ask 'em questions...

All you got to do is set up some sort of private link or whatever on the 'net...

Allow me.

And And he plays trombone

And and people don't mean it.

And each year it got passed on to one East student who was worthy.

And I had to kiss this guy named Mark Wander on the lips.

And I have to admit, uh, you know.

And I'll tell a couple of girls that you're dynamite in bed."

And I'll wish I would've done it with Kevin.

And I'm not going to stand around here busting my balls over something that,

And know that you used the time you had?

And listen to what they have to say and shit.

And me going to Ithaca,

And one time at band camp,

And spout off cheeseball lines to be romantic.

And tell me the address.

And the conductor didn't know what we were doing, and it was so funny.

And then he just puked his brains out.

And then I go off to college. I might end up doing it with some random guy...

And they have focused on the breasts,

And this is a much more exotic magazine.

And this one time at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy.

And tonight is supposed to be the night that we all do it.

And we'll be on our own, meeting new people.

And when I do talk to them, I screw it up.

And yeah, he always talks about sex, but that's okay, 'cause he's a guy, right?

And you and Kevin haven't even done it yet.

And you can't plan everything.

And you don't have any.

And you got a keg too!

And you're not going to do anything about that?

And you're still stranded on third base.

And, by God, we will not stand by and watch history condemn us into celibacy.

And, uh, I care about you a lot.

And, you know, I was thinking, "Boy, it's been a long time since we've had...

And... your girlfriend?

Are they gross or something? Like guy stuff? Tell me!

Are we going to Steve Stifler's party afterwards? Because that would be so cool.

Are you lost?

Aren't you supposed to be out, like, trying to decapitate someone...

As a matter of fact, it is true. The guy's huge!

As if there was an alternative in the matter.

Attitude? Me?

Banging a tennis ball against a brick wall.

Be nice to know she enjoys things as much as I do.

Be sensitive to her feelings. Relationships are reciprocal.

Before high school was over,

Before you leave tonight.

Best of luck to you boys.

Breath check.

Bullshit. There's no way.

Busted.

But I think this is going to be really, really good.

But it takes the edge off, doesn't it?

But it's going to be cool, because the game's at State,

But our dragon style will defeat it.

But then you, you do it again and again and again

But we didn't know it, so we just made it up and we kept playing and playing,

But we had a pillow fight, and it was so much fun.

But you are just a jock. No, wait. You're a jerk.

But you can still lose. You all saw what happened to Oz out there.

But you have to keep it a secret and return it at the end of the year.

But you know your Uncle Mort? He "pinched the one eyed snake" five, six times a day.

But you've got to think about it this way.

But, uh But not as arousing as you.

But, uh, I'll tell you one thing, though.

Bye.

Bye.

Can you believe This is definitely one of Stifler's best ideas ever.

Central almost beat us last time, so this time I really want to kick their ass.

Choir chick, what the hell are you doing here?

Christ, I didn't tell you to leave the game.

Chuck Sherman is a liar.

Come in. Come in.

Come on, Casanova. I'll take you back to your friends.

Come on, Heather. Work with me here.

Come on, Kev. Tonight is the night.

Come on, Vicky, it's Stifler's party. We got to go. It'll be great.

Come on! Get over there!

Come on! What's going on here?

Come on! Whoo hoo!

Come on. I saw you on the 'net. Why do you think I accepted this date?

Come on. You're ruining my moment here. This is our very manhood at stake.

Come to me.

Confidence is high. Repeat. Confidence is high.

Consider it a consolation prize.

Cool, hip Jim?

Cool. Tell him the subs are great.

Cornell's not that far from UofM.

Cut it out, man!

Damn, my parts fucking stink!

Deep conversation, huh?

Did not just take out that chair.

Did you hear that Finch had an affair with an older woman?

Do that cheerleader.

Do you guys want to look back on your days at East...

Do you just want to flip to the centre section?

Do you want to be my date for the prom?

Do you want to hear a nasty story of mine?

Don't worry. You'll get her back soon enough.

Dude, it's going to happen. She's a college chick.

Dude, it's not like I haven't been trying to get laid.

Dude, you got to take a shit! You smell like a Yeti!

Er, nah. It's It's more than an agreement.

Even if he can't say it, he does.

Ex Excuse me. Do you know who Paul Finch is?

Exactly.

Excuse me, everyone.

Excuse me?

Fellows, it's time she experienced... the Shermanator.

Fellows, say good bye to Chuck Sherman, the boy.

Fellows! What's going on?

Fellows! What's going on?

Finch comes up to me and says, "Jessica,

Finch, we know where you are, but can't really use that as an excuse.

Finch. shit brick.

Focus on the music. Think melody.

For me.

For the past couple of months, we've decided that you are now rejected."

For you seniors, this marks the culmination...

For you to, uh, peruse at your, uh at your leisure.

Forget it already. I am so sick and tired of all this bullshit pressure.

Freak.

Fuck me! There's going to be an Eastern European chick naked in your house.

Fuckers, fuckers, fuckers!

Fuckers! Fuckers, fuckers!

Gee, what a total shocker. What about you, Vicky?

Gentlemen, destiny awaits.

Give me a break. You're so full of it.

Go over there and ask her if she needs an extra hand.

Goal by number eight, Chris Ostreicher.

Goal, Ostreicher!

God bless the Internet.

God, he's like so... refined.

God, how juvenile.

God, I can't believe how many cool people are at this party.

God, it's like just because I don't get drunk and barf every weekend...

Goddamn.

Good.

Goody goody choirgirl priss?

Great. See you next time.

Great. See you tomorrow.

Guys, uh

Guys. She said it.

Had to kiss the guy for 20 seconds.

Haha, bitches!

Have to what, Kev, huh? I don't have to do shit.

He blew it.

He's never had sex with anyone. I know this because he told me.

He's ruining daisy! Whoo!

Heather, I wasn't making fun of you.

Heather, I'm sorry. I totally blew it.

Hell, that's what half of band camp is Sex Ed.

Here you go. That's what you need to do.

Here's a story. Stifler finds this beer

Here's the deal. We all get laid before we graduate.

Hey, at least I know what third base feels like, okay?

Hey, can I ask you a question?

Hey, don't call me 'Nova anymore. I'm a I'm a fraud.

Hey, Finch.

Hey, Jimmy. Just wanted to say sweet dreams.

Hey, Kevin.

Hey, look.

Hey, no problem, 'Nova.

Hey, Stifler? How's the pale ale?

Hey, uh, did you see The Little Mermaid on TV the other night?

Hey, uh, thank you for letting us have this wonderful party.

Hey, uh, where's Finch?

Hey, wait up, you pussies. Where you going?

Hey, what are you doing here?

Hey, you think I should wear this shirt to Stifler's party?

Hey, you think you still got a chance with Nadia?

Hi, I was just looking at the old family portrait out here.

Hi.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmph.

Holy shit.

How about you guys actually locate your dicks,

How come you don't have any stories? I've got lots of them,

How do you know that?

How does a guy like that get this sudden reputation?

How the hell am I supposed to become Mr. Sensitive Man?

Huddle up, guys! Huddle up!

Huddle up! Come on! Okay.

I I wouldn't go telling stories or anything about you.

I asked you because I thought you might actually be worth going with.

I believe the kegs are upstairs.

I can't go to the prom with you. I'm holding out for someone else.

I can't. I don't know how he's doing it.

I could change clothes at your place.

I did a fair bit of masturbating when I was a little younger.

I don't get it. I just don't.

I don't get it. I mean, how the hell did you do that?

I don't know if you can, but since I'm not going with anybody, I thought that maybe

I don't know if you know it, but it's called "Spin the Bottle."

I don't know what I'm going to say.

I don't know, man. That sounds like a lot of work!

I don't know. How do you?

I don't know. I got it from Kevin.

I don't know. Maybe you're right. Maybe I am just scared.

I don't like the kid, but he's got a point.

I don't think he's coming back.

I don't think he's going to have a problem shitting in school anymore.

I don't think it really matters with that shirt you're wearing.

I don't want to ever see any of you thinking you're going to score.

I don't want to write all those extra essays they make you do.

I don't want you coming so damn early this time.

I feel like I've already won.

I got company, if you know what I mean?

I got some scotch.

I got something for you.

I guess I'll be going now.

I had no idea you'd be this good. Neither did I.

I have a serious question to ask you guys. Okay.

I have an announcement that I would like to make.

I have no idea. Finch showers with his bathing suit on.

I highly recommend you join the club.

I I don't want to dupe her.

I I mean, the scars healed really well.

I I really don't think they liked it.

I I'm acting like I've got everything together tonight.

I just got to say that women,

I just play some Bach on my flute. It's so relaxing.

I just realized that I don't know anything about you.

I just thought it was about sex this time.

I just thought you all should know this.

I kid you not, man. Look. Listen.

I know it's a long shot, but I figure Paul Finch might ask me.

I know that Vicky's going to ask me if I love her, and...

I know.

I know. It went by so fast.

I love you.

I love you.

I mean, all the parties afterwards? The chicks are going to want to do it.

I mean, business is okay, and lacrosse is awesome, but...

I mean, check it out.

I mean, don't you think it's time you learned how to take a dump at school?

I mean, h have you just never had one with Kevin...

I mean, how am I supposed to know what my "most emotionally significant moment" was?

I mean, I can't talk to girls.

I mean, I don't even know what I'm doing.

I mean, I feel like I'm one of your friends now.

I mean, I just can't believe we had our senior prom.

I mean, I'm on the brink.

I mean, it really bothers me when people try to pigeonhole me like that.

I mean, it's how you've always pictured it, isn't it?

I mean, they probably have special dorms for people like us.

I mean, uh

I mean, uh, music is so expressive.

I mean, we could make it work.

I mean, we'll be there to keep each other on track.

I need your help with this, blah, blah, etcetera."

I never did it with baked goods.

I never had sex with him.

I promise. So, just... relax,

I really have no idea.

I saw you making fun of me with your lacrosse buddies.

I should be able to talk to girls.

I shouldn't have got hot there.

I suppose that would be okay. Sure.

I think I should.

I think shithead really says it.

I think you guys should be a little more enthusiastic.

I think you need your balls reattached.

I thought you might know a trick or something to make her

I want the right time, the right moment, the right place

I want you to be very, very careful...

I want you to know.

I want you to think about what this means to you.

I was being selfish and majorly insensitive.

I was used.

I was used. Cool!

I wasn't lying.

I, uh I guess that just leaves Jim trailing.

I... am now a man.

I'll do it.

I'll look for you in the no fucking section.

I'll save you a seat.

I'll, uh I'll go downstairs and start studying up.

I'm a I'm a total idiot. I mean, a fool, a buffoon.

I'm a sophisticated sex robot sent back through time...

I'm a virgin, and, uh

I'm articulate.

I'm going to find myself a little hottie.

I'm going to go hang out with that geek over there...

I'm going to go inside and grab my bag.

I'm going to just leave these books here...

I'm I'm pretty sure that I've... given her a

I'm just about to do it. I should be psyched.

I'm so happy for you.

I'm sorry, Coach.

I'm sure she is special if you picked her out of the whole bunch.

I'm talking about alcohol, liquor.

I'm... three sheets to the wind, ma'am.

I've got this lacrosse game. It's really important. It's our last game.

I've had one.

I've never even had sex, and already, I can't stand it. I hate sex!

If Sherman has sex before I do, I'm going to be really pissed.

If there's any channel that should be illegal, it's that all woman's channel.

If you don't have the guts to photograph a naked chick, how you going to sleep with one?

If you think so, just open it.

If you try that at M.S.U. this Saturday, I'll kick your ass.

Illegal channels? Shit!

Instead of playing our instruments regularly, we should play them backwards.

Is it because we have a test tomorrow? Sometimes I get cranky...

Is learn how to press a girl's buttons.

Is she?

Is that all that you're interested in, trying to get your girl into bed?

Is that what you call it?

Is that... nothing's perfect.

It all boils down to today.

It just starts to feel good. Really good.

It may seem like it's way out of left field.

It means, "My dog ate it." It's Latin. It's a joke.

It originally started as a sex manual,

It was a bathroom incident.

It was a very special night, very special.

It was good.

It was just my time. It was just my time.

It went out to every mailbox in the East High directory.

It'll be like this one time at band camp when we all had a campfire

It's a big, thick envelope, Vicky. You got in.

It's going to be fun.

It's going to sound really bad, but, uh,

It's got to be completely perfect.

It's like, I know he really cares about me, you know?

It's not always about sex.

It's not going to work, is it?

It's okay. You should... do what makes you happy.

It's really simple. We just got to make an agreement.

It's sort of sexual.

It's true. I mean, after this, everything's going to be different.

It's what your friends call you.

It's your turn.

James?

Jeez, you don't have to laugh at me.

Jessica, this is great! Wow!

Jesus.

Jim, get some fucking balls.

Jim, I want to talk about masturbation.

Jim, I'm just going to say one thing...

Jim, just wait until she leaves.

Jim?

Jim? There's a, uh a young lady here to see you.

Just enjoying my first exhilarating lacrosse experience.

Just relax.

Keep going.

Kev, you don't need us to get laid. Are you afraid or something?

Kev?

Kev? I think we've come...

Kev? Kev? Ke

Kevin, I'm sure that they're not.

Kevin, what's with the attitude?

Kevin?

Kevin.

Kevin.

Kevin. Come on, man. The bus to Stifler's is going to be here soon.

Laid back Jim...

Last night, though.

Like a fine wine, only get better with age.

Like hang out with friends and stuff.

Like... how do you want to do it?

Like... normal style. The missionary position.

Look at the expression on her face. You see that? See what's she's doing?

Look, do you know what made me leave that game?

Look, I got to go. Sixteen minutes round trip.

Look, things didn't really turn out how I wanted them to.

Look, Vicky, love is a term that gets thrown around,

Look. Sarah,

Looking for the best way to score.

Maybe it's time...

Maybe the words aren't that important.

Me? Nothing.

Michelle, Michelle.

Michelle, um

Michelle.

Michigan State is this Saturday, and I want that part to smoke.

MILF! MILF!

MILF! MILF! Dude, hey, dude. What are you doing to her, dude?

Mm hmm.

Mom, I'm home!

Mom, where's

Mr. Finch, are you trying to seduce me?

My date too, perhaps?

My friends call me "'Nova," as in Casanova.

My parents want me to go to Northwestern, but...

Nadia, please, please. I'm begging you.

Nadia! Buenos dias. Glad you could make it.

Naturally, I embellished a little bit.

Next step!

Next step!

Next year with you going to Ann Arbor...

No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused!

No money involved. More important than any bet.

No no no, really really. Like Like I was born without that part of the brain.

No offence, but you're talking about a post high school, long distance relationship.

No way!

No, I didn't hear that one.

No, I like the car. By the way, though, about prom?

No, I spent 50 on the flask, 150 on the earrings.

No, I'm missing the game for you.

No, it'd be good to be able to, you know, return the favour.

No, it's not that. I think it'll work better as a duet with a tenor part.

No, no, no, I'm I'm not done, Nadia. I've, uh I've got reserves.

No, no, no. I don't want a date.

No, no, not lost. Just, um,

No, thanks, man. You've been singing that shit all week.

No, that's That's not what I mean.

No, we shouldn't be.

No, you see You see, Heather,

No. Come on. We made a pact.

No. Don't say that.

No. Her sponsors here saw the thing on the 'net.

No. No. Here, babe!

Not bad, Chris.

Not slacking off when you see the opportunity to score

Now, come on, Kevin. Open it.

Now, do you think she would prefer...

Now, don't forget. The state competition's a couple of weeks away,

Now, I have two rubbers. Wear them both. It'll desensitize you.

Now, I have two rubbers. Wear them both. It'll desensitize you.

Now, I just want you to know that it's it's a perfectly normal, uh, thing.

Now, it's full of all sorts of stuff that guys have added over the years.

Now, it's my turn to see you.

Now, the sex: It's got to be valid, consensual sex.

Now, they have decided to focus on the, uh, pubic region

Now, we're in business.

Now, we're in business.

Of course, I have no basis for comparison, but, uh,

Oh All right, there he goes.

Oh ho, yeah!

Oh, and you get to drive across Canada.

Oh, boy. Oh, God. Oh, crap. Oh, no.

Oh, cool. Great night, isn't it?

Oh, did you see? Oh, there that goes. Oh, geez.

Oh, Finchy. Finch.

Oh, God!

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, gosh. I I forgot.

Oh, he's always ready to study. He's a real bookworm, this kid.

Oh, I've got stories. Believe me. They're just, uh

Oh, Jim, you're here.

Oh, man!

Oh, my God, bro, dude.

Oh, my God, you're gay!

Oh, my God! This is too much.

Oh, my God. She used me.

Oh, no, thank you.

Oh, ohh. Now.

Oh, right. I'll see you guys tonight.

Oh, shit. Guys Guys

Oh, thank you, God, for this wonderful, wonderful day.

Oh, thanks, Jim, that's great. That's really reassuring.

Oh, there we go. Come on, move!

Oh, wait. I left my beer downstairs.

Oh, yeah, I'm naughty. I'm naughty, baby. Hyah!

Oh, yeah! I'm bone smuggling, baby.

Oh, yeah! That would be great.

Oh, yeah? How?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh!

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right, baby.

Oh, you do. Oh, I see. Yes, you do. I forgot you've been there and back.

Oh, you need to You need to change, right?

Oh, you're so big!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! I almost forgot. I, uh, I bought some magazines.

Oh! Oh!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. He also told me that when he gets nervous, he sometimes wets his pants.

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Ohh! ♪ Don't make me ♪

Oh. Ohh! This is incredible.

Oh. Uh... yeah.

Ohh, God!

Ohh, Kev! Uhh. Yeah.

Ohh, yes. I am the best, baby.

Ohh, you're so good.

Ohh! I'm coming! I'm coming!

Ohh.

Okay, Albert. You ready? No problemo.

Okay, Dad.

Okay, okay. Let's, uh What the hell's the matter with this thing?

Okay, so say I don't do it.

Okay, that was good, but I want to thicken up that solo.

Okay, well, this one time at band camp, we were playing this game.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. I mean, I agree, but...

Okay. I'm glad you came by.

Okay. Um.

Okay. You want a story?

On his old, drunken friend, Falstaff.

On Lake Michigan.

Once he tried to screw a g****fruit, but that's all.

Only they're way funner.

Or have you never had one, period?

Or not.

Or...

Ostreicher!

Ostreicher!

Our last game is this Saturday.

Ow!

Oz, I know.

Oz, is this vocal jazz shit going to pay off or what?

Oz? Fuckface?

Perfect!

Perhaps I could come by your house afterwards?

Please, God, let this be it.

Please?

Please.

Post modern feminist thought.

Prom.

Quite frankly, isn't that damn important.

Really?

Really? You seriously want to go with me?

Remove the shrink wrap and fucking use them!

Right this way, sir.

Right. I feel like I've discovered this whole new side of me.

Section

See that? That's good. That's what I wanted to hear. Now, you qualify.

See you later.

See, Coach, he was giving us this speech about...

See, even shit brick knows you should do it.

See, I'm the one whose ass he kicked.

See, it's like, uh, practice for the big game.

Separately, we are flawed and vulnerable, but together,

Sex. It's always about sex.

Shaved is a magazine I'm not too familiar with,

She reads the articles.

She's around. Seems she's taken a liking to me.

She's getting comfortable. She's not going to leave.

She's going downstairs.

She's going to leave. She's definitely going to

She's gone. Wha

She's hot!

She's kind of looking right into your eyes saying,

Sherman didn't even get laid.

Sherman is moving to DEFCON 2.

Sherman meets a chick for one night and scores.

Sherman? The Shermanator?

Sherman. Not much. Just, uh, scoping the babes.

Shit. I cannot believe a fine woman like this produced a guy like Stifler.

Shut up!

Sing it with me. You know the words.

Slipped a little something into his mochaccino.

So are we going to screw soon, 'cause I'm getting kind of antsy.

So go do it with Kevin.

So he did, and I did.

So how do you want to be?

So I said, "All right. Pay me 200 bucks,

So I said, "This is very obviously a Piero della Francesca."

So I take it you and Sherman are pretty close, huh?

So I was thinking maybe you could give me some advice, brother to brother.

So keep on it, okay?

So make most of the time you've got left together. You'll miss it later.

So the end of the story is you...

So we're going to be close next year.

So what are you going to major in?

So when my UofM acceptance came in December, I just said the hell with it.

So you almost made it, huh, Oz?

So you can't sing at the competition.

So you work nights?

So, basically, prom is our last chance.

So, do you want to go?

So, Finch, this is your plan?

So, I had this thought and

So, no ladies left.

So, once Hal becomes king, he has to take on...

So, uh, "shaved" is the expression?

So, uh, I guess I'll see you later?

So, uh, would you object if I said that you were quite striking?

So, what's your major?

So, you enjoying yourself?

So, you've got this sort of Frank Sinatra thing going on.

Someone to spot you. Someone to keep you motivated.

Sorry to interrupt.

Spank me! Spank me! Hit that high "C."

State's got a good business school, and I could probably walk on to the lacrosse team.

Steve, you could at least look at me when you say that!

Steve! It's my computer! And I want to use it!

Stifler, fuck! I mean

Stifler's mom got it in the divorce.

Still questing after the Holy Grail, huh, guys?

Strip!

Suck me, beautiful!

Suck me, beautiful.

Sure.

Sure.

Take it slow... and let the good times roll.

Tha Tha Tha That would be That would be great sometime.

Thank God. I thought I was the only one.

Thank you, Great Falls.

Thanks, uh, Heather, right?

Thanks.

That is what the cretins drink.

That one was my favourite.

That people say, "Oh, look. There's this Goody Two Shoes choirgirl priss."

That reminds me of this one time

That reputation of his isn't going anywhere. Cheese, please.

That was a bad idea. I'm sorry I invited you.

That was a great night, huh?

That we would lose our virginity...

That's a no. No wonder you're not psyched about sex.

That's amazing. She's probably going to want to do it soon.

That's great, man. That's awesome.

That's not what I was thinking.

That's not why we're going out.

That's number five and six for the Stifmeister!

That's pathetic.

The corsage.

The responsibilities of leadership and turn his back...

The Stif man always comes through in the clutch.

The way I like it.

Their tiger style kung fu is strong.

Then how did all this get started?

There is a gorgeous woman... masturbating on my bed!

There's Nadia and she just looked at me.

There's something I've been meaning to tell you, Heather.

These chicks don't know me. I can work the sensitive angle here, fellows!

They arouse me very, very much.

They're just a little more risqué than tales of band camp.

Think about when you work out, Oz. You got to have someone there, right?

This book that some guys brought back from Amsterdam.

This here is your is your more, uh, exotic, risqué magazine.

This is a foolproof plan, my friend.

This is our day. This is our time.

This is the nicest room in the house. Kev, it's perfect.

This is the night we've been waiting for.

This is, like, the coolest thing I've ever seen.

This is, uh This is Hustler.

This isn't any better, Chris.

This isn't the best way to proposition me.

This may sound a little corny, but...

This place is an untapped resource.

This. You know, right now.

This'll do. Whoo hoo!

Those guys sucked ass!

Thrilled.

To change the future for one lucky lady.

Tomorrow I'll just be some girl you go telling all your friends about.

Uh, depends if my date wants to stop by.

Uh, I was just walking by your room and uh

Uh, my date's a flute toting band dork. Does that answer your question?

Uh, please, you know. Just go ahead and get un get changed.

Uh, that's Paul Finch, right?

Uh, which are used primarily to, uh, feed young infants...

Uh, yeah. Absolutely.

Uh, you mean, like, strip strip?

Um, you know what? You can't really ask me that.

Very arousing women. They arouse me

Vicky, it's not a space shuttle launch. It's sex.

Vicky, Jessica! Great to see you. Glad you could make it.

Vicky, think it's time to take the next step in our relationship?

Victoria,

W What I mean is, uh

Wait!

Wait! I don't understand.

Wait. Is this translation right?

We all made this pact...

We are the masters of our sexual destiny.

We ate it all.

We had one of those amazingly deep conversations...

We have been waiting for this for four years.

We must make a stand, here and now.

We start to express ourselves in new ways.

We We are finally going to a post prom party on the lake.

We were doing the wild thing... all night. I'm exhausted.

We were friends with Stifler?

We weren't supposed to have pillow fights,

We will fight for every man out there who isn't getting laid and should be.

We'll tell you on the bus.

We're going to have sex when he's ready and I'm ready.

We're going to have to work on that song.

We're going to take a little break. You are beautiful.

We're in this together. You guys can't back out.

Weird. Try the house down the street.

Welcome to Stifler's Palace of Love, fellows.

Well, I do like your dirty magazines.

Well, I guess it's all right for me to tell you now.

Well, I guess... you will be pretty far away.

Well, I was going for a fashionably late entrance and I was too late.

Well, if you want to get her in the sack, I mean, just tell her you love her.

Well, it, uh It came from the heart.

Well, just don't expect Oz to pay for the limo!

Well, keep it coming. All right, people, good work!

Well, me, Kevin, Jim and Finch were

Well, safer than a tube sock.

Well, that was a fun day wasn't it?

Well, that's exactly what we can do for each other.

Well, the same things you do,

Well, there's just some things you need to learn, that's all.

Well, uh, I was asking Chris to prom.

Well, um, if you guys see him later, will you tell him Courtney says hi?

Well, we'll just tell your mother that, uh that, uh

Well, you know what I'm going to do, Jim.

Well, you see the detail that, uh, that they go into in this picture here.

Well, you're not.

Well, you've probably got it pretty figured out, then, huh?

Wh What we should do today, in band.

Wha What the hell would I say?

Wha Wow.

What a loser

What a loser.

What am I going to be, a professional lacrosse player?

What am I going to do, huh? Broadcast her over the Internet?

What are you talking about?

What did you just say?

What do you expect him to drive to Cornell for? Milk and cookies?

What do you mean, "no comment"?

What do you say, fellows? I just dig those cute little sweaters she wears.

What else would I call it?

What exactly does third base feel like?

What I realized is that...

What I'm drinking, it's mochaccino. It's not coffee.

What is he talking to her about?

What is she She's touching my stuff.

What makes you think that I would come early?

What party? There's no party.

What the fuck are you doing here?

What was that all about?

What was that?

What you want is you want a partner to return the ball.

What?

What? Correct me if I'm wrong but you're the one with the girlfriend...

What? You don't think I know how to get myself off?

What's my name? Say my name, bitch!

What's that?

What's this door locked