Grumpier Old Men Edit

A bacon sandwich.

A guy can dream, can't he?

A pig headed Italian with....

A rat? Here?

A whole damn plate!

Absolutely perfect. Anybody can make these. It's simple.

According to all of them...

Actually, I've grown quite fond of you!

After I dropped anchor, he stuck his head up over by that log.

All five I warn you against...

All right, where is he?

All right, you chicken livered schmeer.

All right, you got it.

Almost like being in love

Amazing how well they're getting along.

An Italian running Chuck's?

And a stapler for you.

And Carlo.

And don't forget. Compliment her on how great she looks.

And Eduardo.

And finally, the baby bear...

And for a midday snack....

And for lunch, I eat a bacon sandwich.

And I never exercised a day in my life.

And I see you've crapped on my newspaper again.

And I usually drink my dinner.

And if we ever do get married...

And it means a great deal to me to be a part of it.

And Marcello.

And next came Carlo, the con man.

And now I'm going to....

And now it's Maria!

And now...

And suddenly I see

And tell me you'll miss me

And the bride...

And the gloves are off.

And then I eat five strips of bacon.

And then on top of the cake, in the frosting...

And then suddenly, reach down and grab him.

And then the mama bear said:

And then there was Eduardo, the drunk.

And then this goes here.

And they keep dying.

And to those like us.

And turn that down!

And what do you call this?

Another one of your father's great ideas.

Antonio had the face of an angel and look where it got me.

Antonio was....

Any luck?

Anybody here?

Anybody who says different doesn't know her ass from her elbow.

Apologize, yes! Not sleep with her!

Appreciate it.

Are we still talking about your fish?

Are you a communist?

Are you asking me on a date?

Are you out of your mind?

Are you saying you wish I hadn't come?

Are you sure?

Are you sure?

Are you surprised?

Are you thirsty?

Aren't you beautiful today?

Ariel kicked me out of the house.

Ariel says he watches over the house.

Ariel?

Ariel's got me on a diet because my cholesterol's too high.

Ariel's had you neutered!

Arrivederci, boys.

Ask Jacob if he can pull some strings with the city council.

At last...

At least give me an explanation. I think I deserve that much.

Attention!

Bacon.

Bait a shoppie!

Bait shop?

Bait shop.

Be careful. The grappa is very strong.

Be gentle.

Be sure to watch Lucky for us.

Beautiful.

Because he's a groper. He'll be all over her.

Because I haven't asked you.

Because I know what it's like to be the new kid in town.

Because you won't be!

Because!

Believe me, it has nothing to do with you.

Beware.

Big deal! Take that, you vandal!

Biggest fish I ever seen.

Birds singing in the sycamore tree

Bit the pole in half.

Breathe the night air.

Bright as can be

Broke out in hives.

But a nice slut.

But also to Fernando.

But each year comes and goes and I'm still here.

But Goldilocks had a Remington semiautomatic...

But I don't really need a hot shower.

But I'm leaning toward "Mystery Stew."

But if I were, and I'm not, what would you say?

But it's just a date. I'm not marrying him.

But Ragetti's will be a romantic lakefront ristorante.

But then I would be forgetting Antonio!

But you're happy, huh?

But you're not so fat.

Can I do this?

Can I get you something, ma'am?

Catfish Hunter deserves to be in the lake with Pop.

Catfish Hunter, yeah.

Catfish Hunter?

Catfish Hunter?

Catfish Hunter? Maybe this is the year we catch him!

Change brought me here to Wabasha.

Check.

Chuck is gone, the bait shop is gone, things move on.

Chuck'd be spinning in his grave if he knew about this.

Close the door when you go.

Come here.

Come on l want to lay you.

Come on, baby!

Come on, Grandpa John, hurry.

Come on, just one good bite.

Come on, you're going to love this.

Come to Papa!

Crime in Italy.

Dad tried to catch that fish for 20 years.

Dad!

Damn it.

Definitely the blue.

Did he get the Radisson?

Did you swallow a quarter?

Didn't think he'd last this long.

Ding, dong, the witch is dead.

Do you care for him?

Don't be late!

Don't even think of it.

Don't get too used to him. Our house will be ready soon, then we're gone.

Don't put the quarter in your mouth.

Don't shine the light right on them. They zip back into their holes.

Don't sing that.

Don't worry, you'll see him before you know it.

Don't worry.

Don't you want to watch the scary movie?

Doris Zabrinski?

Doris Zabrinski...

Dream a little dream of me

Dream...

Drink up.

Driving with cars.

Drop the anchor.

Easy, easy!

Enough of that.

Even your infantile penis jokes seem charming and witty this morning.

Every morning, I wake up...

Every once in a while I pick up a tip.

Everything he said was true. Maybe she can't handle the truth!

Everything seems to be in order.

Everything's under control.

Explain now. Where have you been? I've held this up for hours!

Finally.

Find out what day this ristorante has its health inspection.

Find your own hole!

Fine with me. I was against the whole thing from the start.

Fine.

Fine.

Finishing the seating arrangement.

Fire!

Fire!

First it was May! Then it was Ariel!

Florence Gilbert, for example, thinks you're quite a catch.

For a while.

For once, Maria, listen to your mama.

For the whole human race

For what?

Forget about leaving your boat there. It's all private property.

Forget it.

Forget the net! Just give me a hand, will you?

Francesca Ragetti.

Friendly, friendly.

Friends?

Get another actor. Please.

Get dressed!

Get his tail.

Get in the car, Max.

Get me to the church on time.

Get out and let me watch my program.

Get out of here!

Get out of there!

Give me that pole!

Go downstairs. I'll be right out to make you breakfast.

Go easy. Go easy, baby.

Go get them, tiger. You got nothing to worry about.

Go one more from the top, and a little more out of breath.

Go over and tell her you're sorry.

God bless you, sir.

Goes to show you what?

Good afternoon.

Good boy.

Good bye, Catfish!

Good evening, Maria.

Good evening.

Good luck to you in there, schmuck.

Good morning, Slick.

Good night, Ariel.

Good night, sweet pea.

Good night.

Good thinking.

Good.

Got it from the Home Shopping Network.

Got more body hair than I do. She's a furbearing mammal, for Godsakes!

Grab him!

Gustafson, you are one sick bastard.

Gustafson, you're doing it again!

Halloween.

Handsome Hans will fit right in Slippery's bar!

Hang on, Max, I think we're going for a ride.

Hang on.

Hang on.

Happy dreams.

Happy Halloween there, putzo.

Happy Halloween.

Haven't decided.

He better be dead. That's the only excuse I'm taking.

He deserves better.

He deserves Melanie.

He did?

He just looked at me, smiled, and swam down into the mud.

He likes it.

He said I hated you! I never said I hated you!

He smiled?

He was a good man.

He was always fond of you.

He'll break your heart, like the others.

He's a criminal!

He's a good boy.

He's alive.

He's by the sandbar.

He's cute.

He's doomed.

He's going to explain everything...

He's here.

He's in love.

He's not a groper. He's a touchy feely person.

He's not going to be touchy feely with the plant lady.

He's proud.

He's says there's a rumor...

He's the size of a Buick. I would've had him if you hadn't shown up.

Hell, no.

Hello, boys.

Hello, children.

Hello, putz.

Hello?

Her first marriage was a flop.

Here comes another one.

Here, Lucky.

Here's some matches! Set yourself on fire!

Here's to us.

Here's your card.

Here's your coaster.

Hey, dickhead!

Hey, dickhead!

Hey, Jacob. How are you?

Hey, moron.

Hey, moron.

Hey, Pop.

Hey, wait a second!

Hey, you!

Hey, you. How's your mom doing?

Hi, Ariel.

Hi, Jacob. You been here long?

Hi, Uncle Max.

Hiya, kids.

Holy Jesus, Max.

Holy moly!

Holy moly!

Holy moly! How big is he this year?

Holy moly! My God!

Holy moly! You got a fart in your brain or something?

Holy moly.

Holy moly.

Holy moly.

Holy moly.

Holy moly.

Holy moly.

Holy moly.

Holy moly.

Holy moly.

Home. You can call me when this stupid war is over!

Honey, how was class?

Honey, would you stop worrying? Max is going to be just fine.

Honey?

Honey?

Honey? What happened?

Hormel chili.

How can I forget?

How could I be so wrong?

How could you?

How did we do tonight?

How do you feel?

How do you know who I am?

How do you know?

How do you like that, you putz?

How is your sister?

How long have you been up?

How long you been married?

How many times do you have to get your heart broken?

How would you like my bony macaroni?

How'd you know it's me?

How's that?

I ain't leaving here until I see Maria!

I always knew you were on a short leash, but not that you were on a choke collar.

I am so horrible!

I am the Lothario of farts.

I am the thief of hearts. I am the gangster of love.

I better get going.

I can't believe it's a fish.

I can't. I farted and I'm afraid to move.

I could take you around...

I couldn't help noticing you were talking to flowers.

I did too! Saw them on "Geraldo"!

I did.

I didn't know you were a fisherman.

I didn't plan on meeting somebody like you when I came to Wabasha.

I didn't say it right.

I don't believe it.

I don't know that much.

I don't know what happened with those other guys, but...

I don't know what I'm talking about.

I don't know where I am.

I don't know why the hell I ever let you talk me into doing this.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. He has a strong character, and I admire that.

I don't like this. Not one bit.

I don't think we've met.

I don't usually dress like this.

I don't want mosquitoes in here.

I don't want to bore you.

I don't want to know.

I feel like a polka band is playing in my head.

I find you disgusting.

I forgot. Just plain forgot.

I fought the beast...

I got a cactus in my bathroom, but we got nothing to say.

I got a fire here!

I got his tail!

I got just as much right to be here as you do!

I got them all.

I got this for you. Hope you don't mind.

I got you!

I guess there's nothing much we can do.

I had a guilty conscience.

I had too much to drink last night.

I hate change.

I have been married before.

I have been to Hawaii.

I haven't been with a man for a long time.

I hope so.

I just don't want him to be Ionely.

I just like that story.

I just met a girl named Maria

I just ran into Maria and she's in tears.

I just thought I couldn't be happy unless we were married...

I just want to say....

I knew I liked your wife.

I knew your old man longer than I knew my own.

I know I'm no great prize, but I'm loyal...

I know it's not what we wanted.

I know my Maria. She don't want nothing to do with that man.

I know she's a little heavy but she loves to fish.

I know what I'm talking about.

I like fast.

I like him, mamma. A lot.

I like that story.

I look like...

I love you.

I made a leash.

I may have given him some bad advice earlier.

I mean, besides him.

I moved my hand at the last moment.

I must speak to Maria!

I must tell you something.

I need to borrow a screwdriver.

I needed to see you again...

I put his bib on.

I said, I'm going to bed!

I saw him.

I saw Sven down at the dam.

I showed you mine, now you show me yours.

I suggest you do the same.

I talked to Pop.

I think about things like that all the time.

I think I got an idea.

I think I liked you better before you were getting any.

I think I pissed him off!

I think it's how she would have wanted to go.

I think she's a lesbian anyway.

I think we should take our time!

I thought she'd be

I thought there's a moral.

I thought you should stay.

I thought.... I was expecting someone that looked like Rick.

I told him...

I told him....

I tried to. She won't even talk to me. Not that I blame her.

I used to love jelly sandwiches with peanut butter.

I want to get married. But if you're not sure, tell me.

I want to introduce myself. My name is Ariel Gustafson.

I want to say how sorry I am for what Max and John are putting you through.

I want to talk to him now!

I was a girl, mamma!

I was here first.

I weight ninety goddamn pounds and you bring me this slopping foam?

I went to Nate's Auto Body Shop. Had all the seats refinished.

I wish I could feel like you...

I would say....

I'd love to, but I've got someone very special waiting for me over there.

I'll bet if we give it another chance, we could...

I'll call a doctor.

I'll call him to cancel. We'll find a place.

I'll check out some reception halls for the wedding.

I'll explain later.

I'll kill you!

I'll let you visit him when he's mounted on my wall!

I'll meet you at home, honey.

I'll miss that ugly mug of his.

I'll miss your ugly mug, too.

I'll play one more time.

I'll see you then.

I'll show you how to do it. Here's the way you do it.

I'll show you my beefy bologna.

I'll show you my cannelloni.

I'll take him.

I'm a doctor!

I'm a kinda kinky.

I'm a little nervous.

I'm all wet.

I'm cold!

I'm coming. But you already got enough candy in this bag...

I'm cooking Cantonese tonight. Why don't you join us?

I'm cursed in love.

I'm divorced.

I'm done.

I'm going down to Ragetti's to apologize!

I'm going home to get this matter straightened out.

I'm going to bed!

I'm going to whack him!

I'm going.

I'm in "The Twilight Zone."

I'm just not sure.

I'm Maria Ragetti.

I'm not listening.

I'm not sticking the plant lady next to him.

I'm proud of you.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm stuck.

I'm sure there's a logical explanation for all this.

I'm sure there's a logical explanation.

I'm the gangster of love.

I'm trying to cook a gourmet dinner...

I'm up!

I'm very glad.

I'm writing you up.

I've been fishing that spot ever since I'm 5 years old. It's all I got left.

I've been taking my time! How does waiting since the 2nd grade grab you?

I've been thinking...

I've been to Hawaii.

I've never seen wine that comes from a box before.

I've played, now. How long have I played?

I've really done it this time. I've really screwed it up.

If I die today...

If I was more out of breath, I'd be dead.

If I were to accept, and I'm not saying I would....

If Max could see me now, I'd never live it down.

If my dog was as ugly as you...

If you die today, I'll take your motor.

If you had half a brain, you could have the same thing.

In just 8 days...

Is that a nice way of saying that the wine smells like her feet?

Is that a trick question?

Is that good or bad?

Is that right?

Is that so bad?

Is that the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?

Is this seat taken?

Isn't it a glorious afternoon?

Isn't it beautiful?

Isn't it time you started dating again?

Isn't that Sven over there?

It ain't good.

It ain't the size that matters.

It is nice to see them getting along.

It just goes to show you, huh?

It must be nice, living in Never Never Land.

It was a great idea.

It was my idea to let them help plan the wedding.

It will be special, classy...somewhere...

It's a bar.

It's a cubic zirconia.

It's a guinea pig.

It's a guinea pig.

It's a mistake.

It's a rare vintage with unique bouquet.

It's a rat!

It's a shame.

It's a tavern.

It's a tavern.

It's a tiny little ristorante.

It's authentic imitation leather.

It's beautiful.

It's been my dream to have it in a bar with peanut shells on the floor.

It's changed.

It's good to see you too.

It's how you get people to do what you want without them knowing it.

It's like you are already married!

It's not a rat, it's a

It's not bad.

It's off!

It's okay!

It's pretty fancy, huh?

It's really coming down now.

It's so beautiful.

It's the worst.

It's too horrible to think about.

It's too late.

It's your turn.

Italian girl.

Jake and Melanie called it off.

Jake's moved in with Max, Max and I are at it again and...

Jeez Louise, who is that?

Jesus Christ!

John Gustafson.

John thought of this by himself.

John, I want you to go right down to Ragetti's and apologize.

Judas Priest.

Just a little while longer.

Just as long as you find me, dear.

Just be yourself. You'll be fine.

Just hug me tight

Just look.

Just sit there and shut up.

Just what?

Keep the tip up!

Kids swallow quarters all the time.

Kill Slick!

Kill Slick!

Kiss me

L kinda like to poke you.

Last Thursday I turned 95 years old.

Lesbians. Yummy.

Let go of my hand. I'm busy.

Let me hear a polar bear growl.

Let me help you.

Let me tell you something, Johnnie.

Let that be a lesson to you!

Let the games begin.

Let's celebrate the young lovers' nuptials with the Chicken Polka!

Let's celebrate. Beers are on me.

Let's go.

Let's let him go.

Let's see what you're made of!

Light breezes seem to whisper, "I love you"

Like a mirror.

Like Antonio?

Like this?

Listen to me...

Listen, I don't know this Cheese person.

Long live the king!

Look at him go.

Look at this thing.

Look, I got a week's worth of leftovers at the house...

Look, it's even got its own tap.

Look, look.

Looks like God remembered you, Pop.

Lucky!

Mama, what are you doing?

Mamma mia.

Mamma, please. Please.

Marcello, the womanizer, was not that long ago.

Maria

Maria Ragetti?

Maria Sofia Colletta Ragetti.

Maria, we need to talk.

Maria.

Max is different, Mama. He makes me laugh.

Max is right. Our fishing spot will be totally ruined.

Max, I think I got an idea.

Max, top her off?

May his bait shop never die.

Maybe I'll cook something nice for you in the kitchen.

Maybe I'll visit you sometime when I need a break from reality.

Maybe it's not a fish!

Maybe it's something from outer space!

Maybe some...

Maybe they'll have a grease fire in the kitchen.

Maybe you need a backup plan.

Maybe? What kind of an answer is "Maybe?"

Maybe.

Maybe.

Maybe's maybe.

Me neither.

Me?

Meet you at church.

Melanie and I wanted to thank you and John

Mind if I join you?

Miss Ragetti, everything appears to be up to our standards.

More vino, señorita!

Morning, Mr. Gustafson.

Moron.

Mother is right.

Move it!

My ass! Your son insulted her.

My boat is beached not more than 100 yards from here.

My daughter wouldn't marry your son if he was the last man in Wabasha.

My dear friends...

My mother is a little bit too protective of the wine.

My name is Max Goldman.

My name's Gustafson.

My name's Max Goldman. I live in the area here.

My son in law has got the face of a mackerel.

Nag!

Nag.

Nag.

Nag.

Never mind that.

Next door...

Next time he touch vino...

Night crawler's the king of all worms.

No more surprises.

No need to thank me.

No nuts.

No one's here but you and me.

No, but Allie said we can borrow Sparky.

No, help yourself.

No, I'm going to curse at her in her own language, that's all.

No, it's beautiful. It's just....

No, there ain't no moral.

No, they're not.

No, they're not. Yes, they are.

No, this time it's different.

No.

No.

No. Last night he said he was going to Ragetti's to apologize to Maria.

Nobody knows about this place any more than I do. I know everything.

Nobody slept with anybody!

Nobody's in charge in my house except me.

Not even close.

Not far.

Not in a million years. She's just a pig headed Italian witch...

Not in my lifetime!

Not one customer all day.

Not too much.

Not too salty.

Not yet.

Nothing would make us happier than to see you tying the knot.

Now he will stop.

Now the weather has changed!

Now, watch.

Now!

Now...

Of course, appearances can be deceiving.

Of what?

Oh, boy.

Oh, come on.

Oh, damn you, Goldman!

Oh, jeez.

Oh, my God, forget it. Max is much too hardheaded to ever say he's sorry.

Okay, just a little bit longer.

Okay, Lothario, we got to get to the Octoberfest to meet the kids.

Okay, Slick, sharpen those claws.

Okay. Want to come over?

Open your bag. That's it. Good shot.

Or maybe...

Or my fatty Alfredo?

Or my hard salami?

Ox!

Ox!

Ox.

Ox.

Ox.

People are not going to come down here for Italian...

Personally clean every little corner.

Pick me up a pack of Camels.

Plants and flowers are living organisms and...

Please!

Please.

Polka!

Pop says that he spotted Catfish Hunter at Indian Slough.

Pop, I wish you'd try the low fat bacon.

Praise the Lord!

Pump him, pump him! Tip up!

Put down that bat.

Put your gloves on.

Putz.

Putz. Where are they biting?

Quietly now.

Ragetti's will be a very great success!

Really? Then how come you're the one that's divorced?

Really? What?

Relax!

Remember "ha?"

Remember when you were a kid...

Remember?

Right up into the boat. And then...

Right. We'll get a DJ. This is crazy.

Ristorante.

Ristorante.

Ristorante.

Ristorante...

Say nighty night

See how it looks. Just put that like that.

See what we missed?

See you later, John!

See you later, Max.

See you later.

See you.

She baked it anyway because she knew it was my favorite.

She can't? What is the truth, Max?

She choked to death on a stack of pancakes two weeks ago...

She couldn't keep Mike happy. How can she keep Jacob happy?

She crushed the g****s herself in Palermo.

She didn't know she was allergic.

She doesn't hate you. She just doesn't like you very much.

She don't want to see you!

She dumped me!

She hates me.

She is?

She knew!

She left me.

She left me.

She looks like Ernest Borgnine.

She said, "Yes, sir, of course."

She should've listened to us.

She swelled up like a balloon.

She thinks everybody hates her.

She threw me out.

She wants that man!

She'd probably throw me out the moment she saw me.

She's not a close friend. We don't know her name. "The plant lady."

She's not the bitch

She's nothing but...

She's right.