Beef House - Season 1 Edit

A big old bucket of blood

A couple Goddamn spiders,

A couple of bats, some shit like that?

A little bit of blood?

A little more Beach Boys sort of "Kokomo" era

A permanent member of the Beef House.

A permanent resident of this here

A real ghost in the Beef House basement.

A specter.

A staphinfection! Aaaah!

A taste of his own medicine.

Aaaah! Aaaah!

Aaah! Aaah! Aaah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

About the rabid animal that's living within our walls.

About this beaver situation.

Abso...Lutely.

Abso...lutely.

Actually, I've been working on my music.What, like, uh, heavy metal,

Ah, get me out of here!

Ah, I am so proud of you, and I just want to let you know

Ah, shit! I have not yet seen this video,

Ah!

Ah.

Ah. Mm. Sorry, Ben, but,

All in favor of Brad staying here

All right, losers. The game is five alive.

All right, Mr. big boy bus driver.

All right? I'm not stupid. I can figure things out.

All right. Go get them, big boy bus driver!

All right. Good luck. Get out there.

All right. Let's hope this works.

All right. Now we wait for that beaver

All you got to do is guzzle down that rocket fuel,

All your eyewitness are at the bottom of a lake!

All: Aye!

All: It.

Alright, Brad. Come on. Thank you.

Alright, Porter. Why don't you go upstairs

Alright, Tennessee, I trust you,

Alright, the Easter egg hunt is in two hours.

Alright, Tim, the platoon is in position, in position.

Alright!

Alright.

Alright. Coming.

Alright. Have a good day at work.

Alright. Here she comes.

Alright. Let's get this party started.

Alright. Looking good.

Alright. So, so, give me your honest opinion.

Alright. This is gonna help, Ron, thank you.

Alright.Let's get the show started.

Alrighty.While you're up there,

And a little bit of that elbow grease.

And a little on the backside.

And all I want is some peace and quiet.

And care for you and cherish you

And coming home to this madhouse doesn't make it any easier.

And discovered a faulty brake line.

And don't forget this is strip poker,

And get 'im back on the right track.

And get away with it? I don't think so!

And give me a firm handshake.

And he gave it to me. It's nothing.

And I do appreciate the effort to get a job.

And I got some for you.

And I have some mating spray we can use.

And I hope you'll be proud of me.

And I just don't like it.

And I start in the morning,

And I think I'm going to let you watch TV with me tonight.

And I was hoping I could post up here for a couple of months,

And I was slamming that rocket fuel,

And I would scream and cry, and they'd say,

And I'm going upstairs to work on my dartsmanship.

And I'm proud to call this man my husband.

And I'm sorry you don't like my song.No, I hate it!

And it don't even give me the jitters.

And it helped me become a big boy lawyer.

And it would kinda take the edges off

And it's just not you.I know.

And now we've got to figure out a way to get him out.

And once I get Megan back, it's gonna be...

And she told me that I was responsible for her suicide.

And some of this.

And splatter all over the place, thus ruining my hard work.

And take your diarrhea medicine.

And talk with the neighbors really get to know 'em.

And that ring belongs to Brad.

And that's not working,

And that's the situation now.

And that's why I have a surprise for you.

And the big boy bus driver, Eric, is actually a hero.

And the gold symbolizes our love,

And the next minute I know, I'm at the bottom of the lake.

And the ruby scarlet the most important gem during Easter

And then Tennessee remapped his mind

And those dumbasses to play dress up.

And Tim did a little tough love on him

And to show the woman he loves how much he loves her?

And very masculine,

And wait until beaver comes and me.

And we can finally contribute

And we'll figure out if you're juicing or not.

And will always take care of you.

And you are interrupting me about stupid crab dip!

And you will be on autopilot all day long, my friend.

And you won't even notice I'm here.Hey, that sounds great.

And you're gonna salute the flag.

And, now, he's a well behaved little boy.

And, Ron, your operation was lit.

And, this time, I mean it.

And, Tim, I love that gold blouse,

And...abs,

Any chance we could go down to four?

Any ideas? I got nothing.

Anyway, I got the spook levels right around five,

Anyway, I'm thinking about keeping the spook levels

Are none of your business.Oh, 10 4, gotcha, gotcha, right.

Are you okay?

Around this Beef House.

As a treat for anybody that makes it through

As an American hero for going out there,

At 6:00 am every morning.

At least heneeds me.

At least you still got the Beef Boys. You're right.

At the Beef House. Boro came over

Atten hut, you maggots!

Atten hut! Brad?!

Awesome! Hey, Tim. Could I get a hand, please?

Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye!

Baby Boro bit that boy bad.

Bad beaver is making love to the Ben beaver.

Badge.

Be my guest.

Be right back.

Beaver down!

Beaver in the Beef House?

Beavers are bad, but their droppings are poisonous.

Beef House? All in favor, say, "Aye."

Beef?

Beef.

Beef.

Beef.

Beef.

Beef.

Beef.

Beef.

Beef.

Beef...

Beef...

Been a long time since I've trapped a beaver.

Before he goes in this dang haunted house.

Before the suicide,

Ben Hur, get in here!

Ben Hur, sit down.

Ben, I just want to thank you for hooking me up

Ben, you owe me some gold.

Boo!

Boro, we're dealing with adult stuff right now,

Boro! Boro!

Boro! Boro! Guys.

Boro! Boro! Boro!

Boro's gotta go.

Boro's hurting inside.

Both: Speak of the devil.

Boys would come up and say, "Boo!"

Brad and I, uh, were high school sweethearts.

Brad was good looking

Brad, did you hear? They hit Camp Stewart!

Brad, this is where the Easter egg hunt is every year.

Brad, what are you doing to Megan's panty drawer?

Brad, what are you doing?!

Brad:

Brad's getting his ass outta here, sir!

Bring him to me.

Bull's eye!

Bull's eye!All right.

Bull's eye!That's three!

Bull's eye.

Bullshit.

Bunch of dudes dressed all weird?

But don't call me Doggy Boy.

But good news is, it's a clean break.

But honestly, I think it's more like four.Ah.

But I know Ben Hur don't know Jack shit about no fishing.

But I made my choice, and I'm fine with it, okay?

But I sure as hell don't trust him,

But I've got to say, this lake is colder than witch's tit.

But it's time to wrap it up because I got to go to bed.

But just as a joke, more of a derogatory term.

But just...

But mechanical failure.

But the good news is,

But this guy has seen some real shit!

But Tim has been juicing his darts.

But we're probably gonna have to block the entrances

But why? You don't have a job.

But, I got your pills and milk.

But, Tennessee, how do we do it?

But, you know,

By enemy forces. We need to deploy

Called "Ultimate Drill Sergeant" on my phone

Calm down. I'm just getting up to speed

Can I talk to you for a second in private?

Can we have a talk back here?

Can you open the door? Hang on!

Catchin' jaywalkers.

Check me out, Eric.

Check out this new mayonnaise dispenser

Check this shit out, bull's eye dab edition.

Check this shit out.

Chow down. Chow down.

Close, I'm talking about S E X.

Come back down and dig into some

Come on in here, Tennee.

Come on in.

Come on, boy. I can teach you a sexy lesson.

Come on, power shirt, give me some of that something something.

Come on, Ron. We need ideas!

Come on, Tennessee! Hurry up!

Come on, you got to be kidding me.

Come on. You got it.

Coming, pills and milk, and I heated up the milk this time.

Coming!

Cool. Did you get my back pills?

Could've had a bite of my world famous crab.

Crab dip looks pretty good.Oh, thank you so much.

Damn it, I'm

Damn, Beef House has been officially occupied

Damn, hate to see all these beautiful eggs go to waste.

Damn, something sure smells good.

Damn!

Damn! She got places to be!

Darts championship tomorrow night.

Decaf, shit.

Deep

Detective, is there a chance it was mechanical failure

Deuces and twos are wild.

Did my, uh, Sticky Picks come yet?

Do you dare meet the light before you?

Do you have any idea how this looks for me

Do you hear me? All right.

Do you mind?

Do you see any other cans of jumbo lump crab?

Do you understand me? Yes.

Do your homework, and go straight to bed?

Does it hurt when I touch the bone? Aah!

Don't accuse me of not trying, Eric.

Don't be bad mouthing my decaf, you asshole!

Don't forget the milk, though.

Don't forget your diapers.

Don't wait up for me.

Don't worry. I got it.

During show and tell.

Eat up, Boro.

Eggs, they're for eatin'.

Eh! Aah!

Enemies are for huntin'.

Eric has no sperm.

Eric, can I talk to you privately?

Eric, I can't, not without my juice.

Eric, I'm coming in, okay?

Eric, I'm sorry, okay?

Eric, is that bus still at the bottom of that lake?

Eric, it's working. It's working.

Eric, my mixed men's darts championship is tomorrow night.

Eric, we're ready for the Easter party sneak peek fashion show.

Eric, where the hell are my pills and milk?

Eric, you got to get over these fears.

Eric: Get it right in the asshole.

Eric: You know, I think it's a beaver.

Eric?

Even as a kid, I had a spook problem.

Ever since you guys became my neighbors,

Every night and I just have a trash feast by myself.

Everybody laughed at me.

Everybody show!

Everybody! Everybody, cool out!

Everyone aboard a full city bus this morning has died.

Everyone but the bus driver drowned in the lake.

Everyone does love my crab dip,

Everyone knows that a night in the fridge

Excuse me.

Eyeballs?

Feet! Off!

Fine, I'll go get Tim his pills and milk.

First up, you're gonna wake up

Flew too close to the sun.

For a couple days and give her a break.

For a hardworkin' fool no more!

For as long as he wants, say, "Aye."

For beautiful beef lasagna.

For that damn night diarrhea this morning.

For the big mixed men's darts championship tomorrow.

For the first annual Open House Block Party."

For tomorrow's double homicide case,

Forget it.

Four degrees starboard.Yes, sir. Get your shit together, man. Come on.

Fresh trash!

From a pretty cool strategy sesh downstairs,

From my wet dream.

Get 'im off me! Get 'im off me!

Get back in here, specter.

Get in here!

Get it outta here! That would give him

Get offa me. Get offa me!

Get out here.

Get out!

Get this through your thick skull.

Get your little ass in there, you little shit.

Getting into the workforce to support his family,

Give myself the upper edge so I could win the mixed men's

Go, baby, go. All the way.

Go.

Good boy, hit the line. That's it.

Good evening, sir. Hello.

Good luck, Ben.

Good night, Mr. big boy bus driver.

Good night!

Got a little bit of a tang to it, though, doesn't it?

Got laid off again!

Gotcha. Back from my daily errands.

Gotcha. Pills and milk, like every day.

Gotta get to work.Well, I do have a little present for you.

Gotta go down there and protect the forward base!I can't!

Great. I'll text you the plan on the way.

Handshake?

Haunted house canceled!

Have fun at the club, but maybe no glory holes tonight.

Have fun playing cops and robbers,

Have no fear, my big boy bus commandeer.

Haven't had your pills and milk.

He also talked a lot of shit about your music.

He bit a kid. He bit a kid?

He broke his leg in the accident.

He got an artery!

He got something bad!

He has been acting aggro AF.

He is gonna be sayin', "Yes, sir! Yes, ma'am!

He just got out of the war! And I think it's very nice

He just needs love.

He knows the manager, and he says

He nearly broke up your marriage...

He ruined my Easter egg hunt, and now he's living here,

He ruined your Easter egg hunt,

He said he was going fishing,

He would have tried to save those people,

He'd know what to do.

He'll give you a ride to school today.

He's a goddamn sharpshooter here.

He's buying it all. Ron, I need

He's buying it, lock, stock, and barrel.

He's got another knife!

He's got some kind of way to rig those darts

He's having a really bad time at school,

He's lying, Eric.

He's not an evil boy.

He's not even on the goddamn grid!

He's on a spiritual retreat, man.

He's ready to kick some Easter ass.

He's really getting in there.

He's three for three.

Hell is that?

Hello, son.

Helps develop flavors

Here comes bad boy.

Here I go.

Here we go. * The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round *

Here we go. One, two, three, good luck!

Here you go. Hey...

Here, right now.

Here's what we're going to do. Does that hurt?

Hey, babe.

Hey, Ben. You doin' a load?

Hey, Boro. If you hurry up, you can catch Eric.

Hey, Boro. Welcome to the Beef House.

Hey, Boro. You wanna hear a secret?

Hey, can you check in the basement, see if we have any more

Hey, don't thank me.

Hey, Eric. What do you think? Ah!

Hey, guys. What did I miss?

Hey, he's got another knife!

Hey, hey, he's got night diarrhea.

Hey, hey, the Beef Boys are going to figure out

Hey, hey, uh, how about another beer, bartender?

Hey, hey. Calm down.

Hey, honey. We had a pretty exciting day here

Hey, I got you your pills and milk.

Hey, let's eat the lasagna.

Hey, let's not forget Ben Hur.

Hey, listen, I I just want to apologize for my buddy, Brad.

Hey, look who it is!

Hey, love you, man.Love you, too, so much.

Hey, sorry about that.

Hey, speaking of beaver,

Hey, speaking of taste test, the haunted house is ready

Hey, Tenny.

Hey, that's not the same tube that you used in the hot tub, is it?

Hey, um, glad you guys are having such a great time,

Hey, what is this? Some kind of Beef House?

Hey, what the hell you doing with that little bit of mayonnaise?

Hey, you don't be telling me about my decaf.

Hey, you got something to say to me, Tennessee?

Hey, you know what? This might just work.

Hey, you know what'll kick this shit up a notch?

Hey, you should just be grateful

Hey, you're right.

Hey! There's something in there!

Hey! Wait a minute!

Hey! What do you say we all make old Boro, here,

Hey. Do you mind taking your shoes off the couch?

Hey.What am I supposed to do?

Hi, Uncle Tim.

Hmm, no crab,

Hmm, what's this?

Hold on now.

Hold on.

Holy shit. I'm on my way.

Honey, I know you're sleeping, but I just want to tell you

How about a hug?

How about...

How can you live under the same roof

How do you even know it was him driving the bus?

How to get you out of this jam.

How was school today, boy?

How was work today, Ron?

How we're gonna get this beaver out of the Beef House.

How'd you know how to do that?

How's my hero holding up?

Hurry back. We need those beaver traps STAT.

Hurry up, Tim. The press conference is about to start.

Hurry, Ron! Look!Oh, shit!

Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!

I I'm not good enough.

I am embarrassedto have been platoon brothers with you.

I am Eric's new defense attorney.

I am happy to announce that the murders

I am working and paying bills for you

I appreciate it.

I better win, or y'all going to see

I bought it at Ben Hur's sex shop.

I can explain that, um, you see...

I can probably explain that. Hi, I'm Eric.

I can remap his brain, erase those memories,

I can see it, clear as day.

I can visualize it.

I can't believe you stabbed Uncle Tim.

I can't look. Is it you?

I can't practice my dartsmanship!

I can't tell if it is lump crab meat

I can't wait for these game nights.

I can't! I can't!Yes, you can! You made an oath!

I can't. I'm not going down.

I cooked up. Very cool.

I didn't even know he's a dart boy.

I didn't mean to hurt you.

I didn't use that banned juice.

I don't believe that. He's a stand up guy.

I don't care. I've had a long day

I don't give a shit! Just get it done!

I don't give a shit!I'm scared to.

I don't know if I can trust 'im.

I don't know, Eric.

I don't know. Ever since I got this Ben Hur power shirt,

I don't know. If that's how you really feel,

I don't want warm milk! I want ice cold milk!

I felt that Tim was in danger, so,

I got a handful of groceries out here.

I got a job as a big boy bus driver,

I got myself a nice little situation right here,

I got that stupid song still in my head.

I got this.

I got this.

I got to adjust the pressure settings on this bitch.

I got to keep it at five, but here's my counter offer.

I gotta admit, Eric, this crab dip is hella good.

I gotta get myself down to urgent care.

I guess I got to talk to him.

I guess.

I had very bad night diarrhea.

I have a job for you.

I have returned from my vision quest.

I have so many questions for you.

I haven't quite taste tested it yet

I hear him coming.

I hope you enjoyed my sexy karate.

I installed in the fridge. Really?

I just cleaned them with baby wipes.

I just happen to have some right here.

I just hate his freaking guts.

I just have the basic drums mapped out yet.

I just want to let you know You're my best friend.

I just wish Tennessee Luke Fortenberry III was here.

I know if he could have,

I know it'll take a Goddamn cup.

I know it's hard and...

I know that's not an option.

I know, and for me, that was crossing the line,

I know.

I learned who my real best friend is. Really?

I left something on the stove.

I love it.I read the instructions,

I love this guy more than anybody.

I love you, and I really respect our marriage,

I love you.

I love you. Tim, feet off the couch!

I managed to hide one of those eggs from Brad.

I mean that.

I mean, how would you feel

I mean, I read all the books that you told me to,

I mean, we got married on this very holiday.

I mean, you got you got bad sperm, buddy?

I need absolute silence down here.

I need little hands.

I need the distance.Okay.

I need to go get some wet paper towels.

I need to hide the eggs, so you guys get back to bed.

I need to take those with milk.

I need total concentration upstairs.

I promise you, the Beef Boys will do better.

I saw all of this take place in my mind.

I saw it in my mind.

I swear I hid at least three dozen eggs in this Army mess.

I tell you, there's just no place

I think he needs a gentler touch.

I think he's getting one of them there nuru body massages.

I think I'm just gonna go on and take a bath,

I think that idea sucks.

I think this is lasagna!

I think we're holding at a spook level of five,

I thought I recognized your voice.

I thought your wife shaved down there, boy.

I told you I am. Okay.

I understand that now.All right.

I want to introduce you to my old Army buddy, Brad.

I was doin' a little brainstormin'

I was gonna use for the Easter hunt!

I was just trying to make the Beef Boys proud,

I was supposed to say, "spook this place up."

I will go there now.Thanks, buddy.

I wouldn't mind seeing that pepper.

I, in fact, do have a job.

I'd like to introduce you to Uncle Tim.

I'll be back later with some traps.

I'll be up later.

I'll call you when it's time for dinner.

I'll figure it out.

I'll make sure he sits on the potty and empties himself out

I'll see you later.Uh, Megan...

I'll see you later.What is happening to my life?!

I'll take my feet off the couch.

I'm all naturale when it comes to me dartsmanship.

I'm back. They were out of traps, so I got this rifle.

I'm busy!

I'm comin' for you, boy!

I'm comin' for you!

I'm doing okay. The morphine wore off,

I'm gettin' hungry, just thinkin' about it.

I'm going clubbing tonight.

I'm going to go to jail. What am I going to do?!

I'm going to take a look, okay?

I'm gonna grind him into shape.

I'm gonna kick this haunted house up a notch.

I'm gonna lick that tip,

I'm gonna scoop you a little portion, Boro.

I'm here for you.

I'm just going to go nap.

I'm just in the middle of something!

I'm not asking that much of you.

I'm not going to school. I couldn't sleep.

I'm not sure if the Rimwood Open House Block Party

I'm really tired.

I'm sorry I stabbed you, Uncle Tim.

I'm sorry to disappoint you,

I'm sorry.

I'm talkin' about the moozarel,

I'm the Goddamn Easter Bunny, bitch.

I'm trying to sleep!

I'm worried he's gonna get the shit spooked out of him

I'm... Dude, are you okay? What's going on with you?

I've been able to do just about anything I want.

I've been released. I am now free.

I've been studying Boro's mind waves.

If if you raised a jobless, childless idiot?

If I can't practice, I'm gonna lose.

If it was a Beef House, it would suck.

If we could just lure him out with some

If you don't like it, you don't have to drink.

If you want to take that for a spin.

In a beaver suit and put them out here like bait

In fact, he'smy best friend.

In the hospital twice, and you still

In the Richards murder. I thought that case was cold.

Into a deep, deep,

Is I need the distance, okay?

Is on your radar, but I just came

Is responsible for getting Eric into this trouble,

Is that a yes? Yes!

Is that true? No!

It is finished!

It should last for 100 years.

It stinks! The beef is not spoiled.

It was a pot of Ron's bullshit decaf.

It was over the line.It's alright.

It was scary to think I could have been on that bus.

It worked!

It'd be an honor to have you in the Goddamn Beef Hou

It's a powerful blouse. All right, Eric.

It's a sexual egg.

It's a sort of Easter song.Oh.

It's alright. Boro, stop cryin', okay?

It's better the next day! I was gonna pound

It's Boro.

It's chow time.You cooked all my fancy eggs

It's funny. I've been playin' this cool game

It's go time. Ben Hur, move the digitals

It's gonna be a wonderful block party.

It's good to have some company now.

It's got, like, superpowers or something.

It's his class ring.

It's horrible. Got to go.

It's mail time.

It's my leg. It's my leg.

It's not a Beef House. Believe me.

It's not stupid crab dip, Megan. The Beef Boys love it.

It's nothing. Brad gave it to me.

It's okay.

It's the best motor in any sexual egg.

It's time to put on your beef helmets and figure out

It's, uh, it's okay. Listen, I I

Just a little "me" time.

Just filled the Goddamn tank this morning.

Just get in!

Just get out of here, leave me alone, please.

Just had a weird day.

Just in the textures and tones of my music.Well, let me hear it, man. I think you're a genius.

Just like I promised Eric.

Just take them off.

Just the Beef boys, and Tim imagineered the concept

Just what I thought, it's filled with juice.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome down to the Beef House,

Last I saw. Ron, you still got that scuba suit?

Later tonight? I don't know.

Let me ask you a question, "detective."

Let me talk to my supervisor.

Let's get another one going.

Like this and then makes the milk?

Like, could you practice upstairs?

Like, uh, you used to play in basic training, like that?

Line.

Listen, do you think we could talk about us

Listen, Eric, it's official.

Listen, I have a lot going on, and it's just...

Little bit of this.

Little there, little over there,

Looks good.

Lots of people dead.

Major discipline problems.

Maybe I could use some of those techniques on Boro.

Maybe it's your mayonnaise tube, Ron. You ever think of that?

Maybe we should give that Army boy

Maybe we should see someone.

Maybe, like, half an hour?I'll let you know.

Megan Dungerson?

Megan tossed the lasagna this morning.

Megan, I'm trying.

Megan, you forgot your badge.

Megan!

Megan! Megan! Megan! Megan!

Mmm. I like the sound of that.

Mom, are you inside my wife?

Move it! Move!

Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it.

Mr. Ben Hur!

My Beef House, my Beef Rules!

My Bluetooth's crapping out, Sarge!

My dartboard fell down!

Nah, a little more family friendly,

Need any help with your crab dip?

Neither did I.

Nice, fresh beef,

No beef lasagna.

No man could be that good at darts without a little help.

No no, Boro.

No problem. Okay. Don't forget.

No problem. I can set my tent up in the living room,

No shit.

No, Eric.

No, I'm doing the laundry.

No! What did you do to Tim?!

No. That's droppinga load.

Nobody said you have to drink

Nocontact.

Not bad.

Not great, I told my class about my night diarrhea

Not so fast, guys.

Not so tough, now, are you, Boro?

Not that beaver, Ron, I'm talking

Nothing beats game night at the Beef House.

Nothing, I'm just a little frustrated

Nothing. Everything is fine.

Now for the juice.

Now I got to find a body that I can enter.

Now I have a sour stomach because of a tube mix up.

Now let's eat some!Let's dig in.

Now what?

Now, I got to settle this beef once and for all.

Now, I know something is up.

Now, it's time for the bunny with the money, Mr. Ron Austar.

Now, that's what I call a bull's eye.

Now, we all like your Easter egg hunt,

Now, we're gonna have some rules

Now, what am I supposed to do?

Now, you're ruining Easter!Hey!

Now, you're usin' your head.

O to the M to the F to the G!

Of "Ultimate Drill Sergeant."

Of 64 innocent bus riders

Of a haunted house through the living room.

Of course I do. And to Megan.

Of my leftover beef lasagna.

Of that beaver ass bait, we could trap his ass.

Of that beef lasagna from last night.

Of the driver that we will play for you right now.

Of the Easter fashion show.

Of this jumbo lump crab?Okay.

Oh, all right.

Oh, batteries for my butt plug and my dildos.

Oh, cool. Did you make that?

Oh, hey, Lana.Hey, Eric.

Oh, I'm going to jail for the rest of my life!

Oh, let me get that.

Oh, look at this, a community flier.

Oh, looks like you got a package here, Ben Hur.

Oh, Megan, this one's for you.

Oh, my God, Mom.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, no, so now you want me to move all my musical equipment

Oh, no, those are my eggs!

Oh, no, Tim, why? Why are you juicing?

Oh, no!

Oh, shit.

Oh, that's awesome. We could set up some appetizers

Oh, there he is, my big boy bus driver.

Oh, this?

Oh, wait, you're already in costume.

Oh, well, we can't wait to see

Oh, whoa, whoa!

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh, you heard him, soldiers. Move out!

Oh, you want me to go? Yeah.

Oh, your mom is the specter.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh.

Oh. City bus accident.

Oh. Oh.

Oh. That actually feels better.

Oh. What's going on?

Ohh!

Okay, here I go.Go for it, buddy. You got this.

Okay, I love you.Okay, bye, thank you.

Okay, I'll get down to the little boy's scuba suit emporium.

Okay, I'll tell you what.

Okay, it's a bad break,

Okay, Mr. Smarty Pants.

Okay, we have some breaking news.

Okay, yeah, I have some chores I can do. Perfect.

Okay.

Okay. Good. Do it. Do it. Do it.

Okay. I'll just stay here

Okay. Time for my solid 8 hours of sleep.

Okay. TMI, but thank you, Ben.

Okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait, what?

Okay. What about lunch?

Okay.You heated it up? What are you talking about?

On this haunted house down to a five.

On this planet got to have?

On this whole professional darts man thing.

On three, you open your eyes,

One minute.

One more infraction, and I take you out to the brig.

One pinch of tobacc y...

One second I was driving the big boy bus,

Only got one damn tube.

Ooh, pumpkin spice lattes.

Oops, ah, I'm sorry. Our house.

Or no, I'm not going anywhere. Hmm?

Or perhaps, uh, a brake line got cut somehow?

Or something more ominous.

Our Beef House of Horrors.

Out of my room and practice in a space

Ow!

Plus, I think the beef is spoiled.

Pretty good, Ben.

Private, you never deny a superior officer!

Psych, it's you!

Pull out your egg telescopes, and you find those eggs.

Put it up to my lips.

Ready to jump in and take care of that business,

Reallyhelps those flavors develop.

Reminds me of the old days during the war

Represents your Christian heart.

Rigatoni, cottage cheese.

Right between his eyes till he's dead.

Right by your bedside table?

Right. That beaver can't resist those primal urges.

Ron just brewed up a fresh pot of joe,

Ron, can we please have a private moment here?

Ron, come on! We're making a mess.Sorry about that.

Ron, could we please not talk about that right now?

Ron, I need you and Boro to get down to the lake

Ron, you take five.

Ron: Uh oh.

See? This is gonna work out just fine.

She kept a ton of that lump crab meat down in the cellar.

She was always prepared, wasn't she?

Shit!

Shit!

Shit.

Shit.

Shit. Hey.

Should I chuck it or throw it in the Crock Pot?

Show me those Serbian titties.

Sit.

Sitting in the Goddamn fridge right now.

Sleep.

Smear that shit all over the place.

Smells good.

So be sensitive to that, Ron. Okay?

So Ben Hur gave me some of his poppers,

So did seeing Brad make you regret marrying me?

So everybody be on guard.

So get ready to show me the good stuff.

So I could help you out and get you

So I heated it up in the microwave.

So I need a solid 8 hours of sleep, okay, everyone?

So I suppose it's a possibility.

So I'm feeling fine.

So I'm going to count to 3. I'm going to set that bone.

So they go right in the bull's eye every time.

So this will be the first time I see the bus driver.

So what's wrong with seeing a professional?

So where do you think that ghost went anyway?

So why don't you go upstairs,

So you're gonna be just fine.I appreciate you toning it down for me.

So, Brad, how long you planning on staying, huh?

Some evasive measures, quick.

Sometimes, we call it a Beef House

Sorry, Brad, I'm not living in the past like you,

Sorry, didn't see you there.

Sorry, guys.

Sorry, man, not today.

Sorry. I'm just trying to beat this final level

Sort of in the back of the throat?

Sounds to me like you're making a big deal out of nothing.

Spank, spank, spank!

Speaking of eggs, I've been meaning to ask you.

Sure, why not?

Sure. Climb aboard.

Take them off the couch! Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright!

Talk about a bull's eye, yeah?I knew you could get it.

Technically, he's correct.

Tennessee just told me that you're juicing your darts.

Tennessee Luke Fortenberry, get on down here!

Tennessee summoned my dead mom,

Tennessee, get down, we're having a Beef Boy meeting!

Tennessee, it worked!

Tennessee, W T F, dude?!

Tennessee, you scared the shit outta me.

Tennessee: Eric, Tim, get down here!

Tennessee's back!

Thank Boro's tiny little fingers.

Thank God for Tim.

Thank you guys so much for covering up my mass murder.

Thank you, hon.

Thank you, man. I just wish the whole neighborhood

Thank you, Ron. Thank you, Boro.

Thank you.

Thanks, buddy. 2, 3, 4...

Thanks, guys.

That beef lasagna down my throat!

That big, red ring on your hand.

That Boro come and stay with us

That can't be the case, Ron. This is cannedcrab.

That fridge is a mess!

That gave me this nutty idea to save Eric's ass,

That he made us eggs for Easter breakfast.

That isn't regulation size?

That makes a lotta sense.

That Robbie Zombie stuff, it's freaking wonderful.

That sexy bitch go AWOL.

That shit saved your goddamn life, Boro.

That son of a bitch must have sold me blanks.

That son of a bitch stabbed me!

That wasn't rocket fuel I gave you this morning.

That we wouldn't make this haunted house too spooky.

That you can take a break from looking for a job for a while.

That's a good one.

That's a great idea.

That's a lot of tube.

That's bullshit, Brad!

That's cool. That's what the wet suit is for, Ron.

That's Corporal Brad to you, soldier.

That's fine. That's fine. It's fine?

That's for sure.

That's gonna be a hit.

That's it, Boro!

That's it! I got it!

That's it! You submit! You submit!

That's just not enough jumbo lump crab.

That's my best friend, Brad, you're talking to!

That's nice.Take a seat.

That's right.

That's right. Tomorrow is my first day,

That's right. Well, eat up.

That's total BS!What, are you gonna tell me

That's two, anyone care for three bull's eyes?

That's what I thought.

That's why Tennessee don't dip.

The Army's saying anybody in uniform's

The Beef House Bad Boys Boot Camp.

The Beef House is no place for cheaters.

The big takeaway was Tim gave me the green light

The blue symbolizes your carefree nature,

The bone is poking out of my skin!

The bus drove right off a bridge.

The gabagool, the fresh Parmesanish.

The hell are we supposed to do here, huh?

The hell's going on?!

The most purest of elements,

The point is everybody in this room

The question is, which one of us is gonna act as the beaver?

The reason I'm doing it down here

The San Marzano tomatoes,

The tip of my pepper.

Then he went off to war, and I thought he was killed.

Then... ♪ Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun

There's 450,000 people dead! What?!

There's a beaver in the Beef House!

There's a presence below.

There's a shortcut.

There's no easy way to say this,

There's nothing you can do about it!

There's some chemistry between those two.

There's the crab.

These nasty sheets got load of sperm

They're covered in your love goo?

This damn crab is rotten.

This huge pan was taking up

This is a cut and dry case. Hang on a second.

This is great, but where the hell is Ron with the traps?

This is no way to celebrate the Lord rising from the dead!

This is off limits.That's

This is pretty adorable a nice little graveyard.

This is the worst Easter egg hunt ever.

This is very bad for our Beef House.

This isn't some premium dart juice

This new brand of decaf tastes just as good as the real shit.

This spooky haunted house.Hey, Ron! Good news.

This trash is

This wouldn't even be a Beef House.

Those Army sirens up. Jack 'em up.

Three, two, one!

Tim, I made 'em like in the war. Yeah?

Tim, mail's here.

Tim, Megan's gonna find out.

Tim, we have a real ghost!

Tim, we're already super proud of you.

Tim, you know I'm terrified of haunted houses.

Tim, you know, your hard ass approach is just not working.

Tim, you've been acting like a lunatic all week,

Tim: Alright. It's looking good in here.

Tim: Stand back!

Tim: There we go. Pass it over!

Tim?Dude, don't you knock?

To be finally acknowledged as a hero.

To be honest with you, it just feels wonderful

To be married to a psychopath killer

To clean up after you every day.

To discipline young recruits.

To draw the beaver out?

To get this beaver out of the Beef House!

To make my world famous crab dip.

To Megan's mortgage payments.

To my sister about my nephew Boro.

To pick up that scent.

To take her own life, man.

To tell you the truth, I'm worried about Boro.

To the stairs for about three weeks.

To these weak beef children here.

Together: ...two shots of moonshine

Tomorrow morning, I start as a big boy bus driver.

Trash lasagna!

Trash! Which, by the way,

Truth and honesty?

Turn this joint into a smokin' haunted house.

Turns out, I didn't need the juice after all.

Ugh, fine.

Ugh! Whatever.

Ugh. What is it?

Uh oh.

Uh, here goes nothing.

Uh, it's not gonna be too scary, so don't worry,

Uh, no can do, Brad, no rooms available.

Uh, Tim...What do you think?

Uh, you just caught us in the middle

Uh...yeah.

Um, hello? Earth to Megan.

Unconditional love from their wife.

Under the helmet...

Up in the bathtub and I thought

Very funny.

Wait a minute, you're going to be a big boy bus driver?

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. You're saying we put one of us

Was not actually due to the bus driver's negligence,

Watch close, want another bull's eye?

Way too much space in the fridge.

We can use that for sandwiches later in the week.

We could charge these boys

We could turn this into

We did it.

We dredged the bus from the lake

We go over and over this same shit every day.

We got a live one!

We got about 25 gallons of that mayonnaise

We got big problems here, Tennessee.

We have a clip of the bus security cam

We have video of him.

We haven't examined the bus yet,

We just took a vote and Boro's gonna become

We need ideas, and we need them now!

We need somethin' to stop the bleeding!

We need to get rid of this beaver now!

We need to have a Beef House brainstorming meeting right now!

We need your help, bad.

We pretend it's a lot of fun,

We used to serve together back in the war.

We were talking and reminiscing about old times last night,

We'll hook this place up.

We'll keep it down. We'll be quiet as church mice.

We're clear!

We're getting ready for the big Easter egg hunt.

We're here for you if you need us, okay?Thanks. Thank you, buddy.

We're really close to a big break

We're turning the Beef house into a haunted house.

We've had them before but not this big and not this vicious.

Welcome to the annual Easter egg hunt.

Welcome to the Beef House of Horror.

Well, I I just got deployed,

Well, I don't trust Tim to do it.

Well, I guess I can say goodbye to my dart's championship, huh?

Well, I just wanted to bring back a little old fashioned discipline

Well, I was thinkin' about heatin' up some

Well, I'm sure you will figure it out.

Well, someone has got to be that beaver bait!

Well, then maybe you should deploy out of here.

Well, then somebody tell me what the hell we're gonna do

Well, this amazing person has decided to marry me,

Well, wait a minute, now, Ron. I'd made a promise to Eric

Well, we did get rid of that beaver, right?

What a great surprise. Everybody,

What am I supposed to do with this?

What am I supposed to do, damn it?

What are you doing here, Tim?

What are you doing putting your finger in my milk?

What are you doing with my beef lasagna?!

What are you doing?Ugh, I'm working on my form here

What are you gonna to go as? A big, fat pussy?

What did you do to our living room? This place is a mess.

What do you mean?You went soft.

What does every warm blooded creature

What happened?

What have you been up to, Lieutenant?Oh, geez, you know.

What if my client here is totally innocent?

What if my client here should be regarded

What is it?

What should I do with this goddamn corpse?

What the heck is that?

What the hell are you talking about?

What the hell do you know about my job?!

What the hell happened in there?

What the hell happened to you, man?

What the hell's goin' on down here?

What the hell's going on in here?

What time is it? I thought you were driving the bus all day.

What you got under that pink sweatshirt!

What, really?

What? I thought you wanted it scary.

What? You got to dart that beaver

What?!

What's that?

What's that?What's what?

What's the matter with you, huh?!

What's the matter with you?It's just Brad.

When I come back, I'm gonna show Boro

When I was a mascot down at the Rimwood Beavers.

When you used to wake me up at the crack of dawn

When your mom lived here,

Where the hell am I going to get a little boy's scuba suit?

Where the hell is Ben Hur?

Whip out that dart.

Who ate all the beef chili con carne?

Who flees a crime scene?!

Who's boss around here, you hear me?!

Who's with me? Alright.

Whoa, shit!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Decaf?!

Whoa. What's that?

Whoa. You like that?

Why are you guys wearing scuba suits?

Why are you juicing in the Beef House?

Why did she do it?I don't know, man.

Why don't Why you and Megan have kids?

Why don't you die, beaver?

Why is there a knife on the floor?

Why would she throw it out? It makes no sense.

Why'd you take your own life?Well, can you blame me?

With a little Moby influence, of course, Robbie Zombie

With someone so deceitful?

With the beautiful sounds of the bugle.

With this Serbian power shirt

With your scuba suit and get a scuba suit for Boro, too.

Work has been stressful,

Would you like some eyeballs?

Wouldn't be too hard to put up some cobwebs,

Wow, pretty cool.

Wow, pretty cool. I didn't know we were all dressing up, though.

Wow, that's so sweet.

Wow, that's some fresh mayonnaise.I'm here to tell you.

Wow, this place isn't that scary.

Wow, you look incredible.Thanks, buddy.

Wow. I'm sexy cat.

Wow. Incredible!

Wow...

WTF happened to the wall?

Y'all going to see my nipples soon enough.

Yay! All right!

Yay... Yay...Yay... Yay...

Yeah, and you're one of my best friends, too.

Yeah, Eric, I've got a confession to make.

Yeah, I just wish we had been prepared for her

Yeah, I'm going as the rock star emoji.

Yeah, it was literally ice milk yesterday!

Yeah, it's a little Robbie Zombie inspired stuff

Yeah, it's pretty spooky, man.

Yeah, let's talk a little bit. Okay.

Yeah, one sec!

Yeah!

Yeah. I'm hungry.

Yeah. That's what I said.

Yep. Stopped at the pharmacy for you.

Yes they are.

Yes, a loadof laundry.

Yes, I do have a job.

Yes, sir!

Yes, sir! No, sir!

Yes, sir! No, sir!

Yes, sir! No, sir!

Yes, sir! Yes ma'am!"

Yes, sir! Yes, ma'am!

Yes, sir! Yes, ma'am!

Yes, sir.

Yes, what?!

Yes!

Yes! Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it.

Yes! You hear that, guys?

Yes.

Yes. Certainly.

Yes. I don't feel angry or sad anymore.

Yesterday, you said it was too cold,

Yo, Eric, I need some corn syrup and some red dye.

Yo, me and Boro are down here at the lake.

Yo, Tenny, hit me with a little of that shit.

You are? Well, I love you...

You better get down there right now! I can't!

You can do this without the drugs.

You can even handle a boo."

You can see that I am deep in research

You come home all dirty, and then I found out what's

You come with me, you little asshole!

You did it! Youdid it.

You didn't. Ah!

You do that.

You don't have to answer that one.

You don't have to be the best at everything.

You don't mind, I'd rather sit on the couch.

You got a deal.Alright. Alright.

You got any of that shit?Yeah, check up in the cupboard.

You got something I can listen to?I've been working on this little surprise for Eric.

You got to protect and serve. I'm scared to...

You guys kept me up all night.

You guys know the drill.

You guys rock!

You have to, and if it was up to me,

You hungry, Doggy Boy?

You know damn well I do, dude. No, no, no, your hands are too big.

You know how important this is to me, right?

You know Megan hates that. Dude, they're not dirty.

You know what doggies like to eat, right?

You know what I think we should do?

You know what you need to do?

You know what, Brad, my sperm and my wife's eggs

You know, a night in the fridge

You know, and I don't appreciate having

You know, I do have a beaver costume

You know, if it wasn't an imposition.

You know, Tennessee might be able to help us here.

You made an oath, you son of a bitch!I can't do it!

You mean take a shit?

You really hid these eggs well. I can't find one damn egg.

You ruined my eggs! You ruined my house!

You said load.

You son of a bitch.

You son of a bitch. Why didn't you tell me you were in town?

You still look so fine, baby.

You tell me right now what the hell happened.

You think you can stab Uncle Tim

You understand that?!

You walk your ass down there! Get down to

You want to rock, Ben Hur?

You're a bad, bad boy. You know that?

You're acting like a doggy.

You're beautiful, Tenny!

You're going to do great. Give me a kiss.

You're going to feel a lot better. Okay?

You're gonna be calling me sir!

You're gonna make your bed

You're my wife, and you're wearing another man's ring,

You're not even close!Damn.

You're not gonna be callin' me Uncle Tim!

You're not hitting the beaver.

You're the number one electronic drummer in Rimwood.

You're trying, but can't this just be a team effort here?

You're welcome. Listen, I was talkin'

You've been stabbed. You've been

You've created some of the spookiest plug ins.

You've got to be kidding me.

You've seen the Benny. Now, it's time for a little Tenny.

Youmake your world famous crab dip

Your decaf is total shit. It caused mass murder.

Your dirty feet off the couch?

10 4.

103, 104, 105, 106, darn it.

Aaaaaah! Ah, Boro!

Aah! Oh, my God!

Aah! Yay!

Ah! Yes!

Alright! Welcome back!

Beef. It's been a tragic day.

Boro. Bo Shh, shh, shh, shh.

Bye, Boro. All right, Beef Boys.

Drop down. Take it off, Ben Hur.

Ee! Bull's eye! Yeah!

Find those eggs. Come on, now. Come on.

Give it up. Pass it over.

He shoots. He scores. That is hot, Tim.

Hey, Boro. Hi, Boro.

Hey, hey, hey. Break it up, you two.

Hey! * All through the town

Hey. Alright, Beef Boys.

Hm. He bit a teacher.

How you feeling this morning? Not too hot.

I'm bleeding out, Eric! Oh, my god.

I've got us covered. Thank you, honey.

It's a little hot. It's strong too, yeah. Thanks.

Mm hmm. From your wet dreams?

Not it. Not it.

Not it. Not it.

Oh, Eric. Is that you, Mom?

Oh, God. What the hell's going on here?

Oh, man. Goddamn it!

Oh! Double or nothing.

Oh! Wait, wait, wait. Are those your semen sheets?

Okay, honey. Can we do that, please?

Right. I just need to go

Shh! There we go.

So, I suggested

So. Hey.

Sorry, what? Do you mind taking

Take Boro to your cage! What the hell?!

That's it, Boro. Do the cut, cut.

Uh huh. and it teaches you how

We did it! Now, that is how you do it.

We scared the shit out of him. He cried like a pussy.

What?! Megan tossed it out.

Where are you? I'm looking for you, sexy eggs.

Whoo hoo! Good luck, everybody,

Whoo!

Yeah, it's Ron. No shit!

Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Oh!

Yeah. I sneak up fresh trash

Yes, sir. Then come on over here

Yes. No, no, no,

You've got a job? You're bullshitting.

...it's not easy bein' a kid, right?

...this is your number one Easter fashion show of all time.

'cause I don't want to waste a bite.

"Attention Rimwood neighborhood, this Saturday, open your doors

"Oh, look at that big, fat pussy.

* 'Round and 'round, 'round and 'round *

* 'Round and 'round, 'round and 'round * Whee hee! Whoo hoo!

* 'Round and 'round, 'round and 'round * Whoo! Hey!

* Ah, da, da, da, da, da

* All through the town

* Beeeeeeef

* Beef

* Beef House

* Beef House * Beef House

* The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round *

* The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round *

* The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round *

* The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round *

♪ And the frightening thing

♪ And the frightening thing

♪ Beeeeeeeeeeeeeef

♪ Beef

♪ Beef

♪ Beef

♪ Beef

♪ Beef

♪ Beef House

♪ Beef House

♪ Beef House

♪ Beef House

♪ Beef House

♪ Beef House

♪ Beef House

♪ Beef House

♪ Beef House

♪ Beef House

♪ Beef House

♪ Beef House

♪ Beef♪

♪ Beef♪

♪ Better get your basket ready for fun ♪

♪ Better get your basket ready for fun ♪

♪ Better get your basket ready for fun ♪

♪ Chickadees

♪ Chocolate bunnies... You know. Uh...

♪ Coming for ya

♪ Easter Bunny's coming

♪ Easter Easter Bunny's coming ♪

♪ Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun

♪ Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun ♪

♪ Ghosts and goblins

♪ Ghosts and goblins coming for ya ♪

♪ Jelly beans and chocolate bunnies ♪

♪ Little yellow marshmallow

♪ Nooooooo

♪ Plastic eggs filled with money ♪

♪ Shake that booty

♪ The Easter Bunny's coming