Ritchkie The Russian says... Edit

And before you do this and make big mistake and we have big problem, don't hang up this big problem. You hang up Yuri and I become visit you with a fucking bears.

And let me tell you something else, something else about Russia that makes life so hard. Here in America you'll take your dog for a walk around block, go to a park, a play free frisbee toss and then you walk him back home. In Russia the dog walk you, the dog drag you what it wants and then it leaves you in snow. Good luck finding way back home. Dog skins off. You find dog week later in your bed with your wife.

Before a hang up I must say have a good day. OK bye bye.

Hey, call Yuri, see if Yuri let us borrow his ride. And his bears. We compare this bitch a visit. We are on our way.

I absolutely love Americans. There's such joy to be around. They look nice, they smell like Lemon Pledge. They always happy smiling, waving such bullshit, you know? But this I like. I like this.

I am calling into regards of the situation that brought to my attention. I must ask you some questions.

I can tell here, in the silence of conversation, this is where you realize that you fucked up.

I must go now. I have to see the bear and get them ready for tonight's performance. I will call you back.

I swear upon the Kremlin and for Mother Russia, this I will do.

I tried to say this in my best English. Bear with me, sometimes it's hard to say things you know.

I will be sure that you repass the message on to everyone that you are crybaby bitch.

I will rally the troops of Vorkuta and we will stomp your bitch asses. Make this a bet nigra.

In a Halo.

In Russia, you would already be dead.

Let me ask you, do you have family? Like you know family I have wife she have big strong back wife. She pushed truck up and downhill back and forth to work for me every day. I tell her she do good job good strong back good woman. You have this huh?

Let me tell you about life in Russia. In Russia life is very hard. Here in America you in bar drinking with friend get argument. You break bottle in bar and fight with bottle. Not in Russia my friend, the bottle will break you and fight with you.

Let's just say that my friends and myself, we have a particular ways to take care of situation.

Look, don't get upset. I don't want to be upset. You don't want to be upset. This gets us nowhere.

Look, I will come there myself personally, I will come over there. I will bitch slap the shit out of you. And then shove you in my fucking cage with my God damn grizzly bear. You'll sleep with my bear. I make you my bears, bitch. You want that? I do it for Mother Russia.

Look. I'm simply saying there's a reason why I call you. There's a proper reason why I call you. Because we have a problem. Big fucking problem. Are you hearing what I'm saying? Do you understand the words coming out of my mouth?

No point in hiding. We have the videotape, we have it record. We see all that you do and we will take care of this properly. In our format, how you say a formatted?

Oh yes, I call you. Who's this?

OK, how about these ones? How about you suck my asshole and you dig it?

OK, look, I'm not saying you're right, nor am I saying that you're wrong. All I'm saying is you fucked up.

We shall see who sleeps in the bear cage tonight.

What the fucky shit is this? What is this fucking shit?

With the power inmate of the Kremlin and Vorkuda rushing through my veins, all of Mother Russia, I will ram my fucking fist through your goddamn stomach.

Yeah, this is rich key. And they work for a mob in Kremlin.

Yes, fucking bears. Fucking bears growling grizzly bears dancing with juggling balls. Bears, you'll notice.

Yes, yes. Before you ask, yes, I'm Russian. I am Russian all through.

1st I must ask you about bears. You understand these bears I speak of, correct?

1st we have big problem. Yes, yes my friend, we have big problem. This requires you to do a certain task.