Ghosts (2021) - Season 1 Edit

A 21st century New Orleans, no doubt.

A About that,

A And that's the term

A beautiful soul.

A bit more.Samantha,

A brief respite. Perhaps you're right.

A bunch of money into this house.

A bunch of questions about the robbery.

A cab's not gonna let you in without any pants on.

A carhop when this place was a drive in diner in the '50s.

A cave of men? What does that even mean?

A chump at every turn.

A completely different headspace now.

A daughter, Laura. Oh, Pete loved her something fierce.

A difficult conversation.We were?

A dumb thing that people said, but it's really true.

A fair trade coffee shop

A family size bag of chips by yourself.

A fellow officer!

A few guests at a dinner party, we can deal with.

A few months ago, I fell down the stairs

A few weeks ago.

A fresh towel.

A friend of ours just bought a car.

A game with, aside from the fact

A ghost catfishing my sister.Wait,

A good husband wife argument.

A great deal of the Magna Carta

A group thing.Group thing.

A handsome trunk.[chuckles]

A heritage menu celebrating

A hotel is our worst nightmare.

A list that included things like loyalty and friendship.

A little bold, ya know?

A little confused.

A little embarrassed by my actions.

A little mold never hurt anybody.

A little too close for comfort, I'd say.

A little what?What is ghostbuster?

A long standing issue, the heavens open up and...

A lot come up. Thor discuss feelings about Flower.

A lot of "This guy's a creep," but, also,

A lot of people would argue

A mold free room, so one of you

A movie later.

A museum would definitely buy them.

A musket with a spy glass attached. I'm calling it...

A number so specific it'd be impossible to make up.

A pack of wolves!SAMANTHA: Tell me more

A piece of my m...No, they were apologizing.

A quick word if I may, Samantha.

A rare find.Mm hmm.

A representative and that person and that person only

A Robin Hood hippie bank robbery? That's amazing.

A run for their money this year, Margaret.

A squirrel?Come on.

A staff writer at The New York Times.

A T shirt and some pajama bottoms.

A tree? Yeah.

A truly exclusive party,

A video game shirt, which doesn't make any sense,

A vodka luge that looked like cleavage.

A way for people to pay us money. No, no, Jay,

A wonderful singer.

A... trivial matter, now concluded.

A... Woodstone Mansion tradition!

Aah! Death to our enemies!

Abandoned me.

About '80s basketball than I did.

About a group of hippies who held up

About a woman becoming a man's property.

About Alberta."Just listened to her album.

About as terrified as he is of a Danish raiding party.

About cooking.SASAPPIS: Oh, let her live!

About feeling like somebody cares that much.

About Flower's commune robbing the bank.

About his "troop," and things like loyalty.

About how I didn't have a girlfriend

About how I have a girlfriend,

About how you're gonna take it.

About keeping two buddies apart?

About losing some character to a demidragon.Demogorgon.

About me becoming a storyteller?

About me before... Oh, my God,

About our good old friend, Flower.

About pickleball.

About starting a business."

About that?[ghosts murmuring]

About the heritage menu you're doing.

About the little prank?

About the turkey, the turtle, and the wolf.

About the whole "finding a third" thing.

About you hitting on me just now?

Above the restaurant he worked in.

Absolutely not.Knock, knock.

Absolutely not.Mm mm. No.

Across cultures and centuries, parents still find a way

Across the celestial plane.

Actually learning to compromise for once.

Actually on a short social media vacay right now.

Actually really smart.

Actually use the words?

Actually, a little past "on." The calibration's off.

Actually, I think that's pine.

Actually, indigenous governments were the model

Actually, Kenny and I were just about to have

Actually, you know what, no shrimp breath this time.

Actually.

Adjoining our property.

Aficionados in the house?TREVOR: I love White Plains.

After all these years.FLOWER: Hey, who knows?

After being poisoned.

After I died, the two of us shared a wigwam.

After my death, the woman that owned the house

After shipmates abandoned Thor,

After the bank robbery, the commune spent weeks debating

After which he ate it.

Again, "famous" is a stretch,

Again, email.

Again, it's probably not even real.

Again, my descendant.

Again, never had this much sugar,

Again, shoulders are not specific to men.You start

Again, that term is not catching on, Jay,

Again? This is the fourth time.

Again.

Again. Again.STEPHANIE: Excuse me.

Agreed?

Agreed.

Agreed.

Agreed. It's a mystery. [inhales]

Ah, Daddy could slay the stove. [chuckles]

Ah, geez, not again.

Ah, hi. Nancy.

Ah, I couldn't find it.

Ah, I live for dinner parties.

Ah, it's like my hair was sweating.

Ah, it's okay. It wasn't meant to be.

Ah, my husband still thinks I'm nuts.

Ah, one would say it's inevitable.

Ah, that is heavy!

Ah, there you are!

Ah, torture.Thor.

Ah, what? What do you mean, I'm inside of Jay's body?

Ah, yeah.Pete, you have come to the right person.

Ah!

Ah.

Ah. Ah!Thor? Buddy?

Ah. I had a pretty severe shellfish allergy myself,

Ah. I should sing something to ease her transition.

Ah. I'm happy, too.

Ah. Oh, you looked at me.

Ah. That explains it.

Ah...

Ah...

Ah... and one! Yeah!

Ah.Oh...

Aha![laughs]

ALBERTA AND HETTY: Ooh... [scoffs]

Alberta and I are fine if your name comes first,

Alberta and Isaac.

Alberta and Sass are here.Oh, hey.

Alberta can speak to voice in the sphere thingy.

Alberta Haynes was a singer,

Alberta,

Alberta, hum us a tune.

Alberta, I heard you were very helpful

Alberta, I'm gonna need your help

Alberta, I'm not sure that's the best term...

ALBERTA: [gasps] Oh, my God.

ALBERTA: [groans] They throw eggs,

ALBERTA: Aah, Sam!

ALBERTA: Come on, Trev.

ALBERTA: Didn't you marry your cousin?

ALBERTA: Excuse me,

ALBERTA: Girl,

ALBERTA: Look, it doesn't matter

ALBERTA: Oh, amen.

ALBERTA: Oh, come on, now. We have so little.

ALBERTA: Oh, I swear.

ALBERTA: Oh!

ALBERTA: Oh!

ALBERTA: Oh! Oh, my God!

ALBERTA: Oh!Peter![grunts]

ALBERTA: Pause the movie, Trev.

ALBERTA: So...

ALBERTA:Well,

ALBERTA:Well, shoot, let's take them down.

ALBERTA:Yeah, you two working together is like

Alberta!

Alberta... [inhales]

Alexa, how did Alexander Hamilton die?

Alexa, what day of the week is it?

Alexa, what's the temperature outside today?

Alexa, who invented popcorn?

Alexa, will there be season two of It's Getting Hot in Here?

ALEXA: Alexander Hamilton died of a gunshot wound

ALEXA: Here's a station you might like.

ALEXA: Playing "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer.

ALEXA: Right now, it's 62 degrees...

ALEXA: Today is Thursday, April 7.

Alive?[scoffs] Ouch.

ALL [chanting]: Chug, chug, chug,

ALL [chanting]: Chug, chug, chug, chug,

ALL [chanting]: Pinkus, Pinkus,

All day.Favorite episode?

All done?

All go away, then I I don't want to take that chance.

All Hallows Eve mocks us

All his worry

All I can think about is grabbing your butt.

All is... good?

All my best friends just broke up with me,

All my sisters died before the age of two.

All of you.

All of you.Oh! Yes!

All our other guests are gonna seem normal in comparison.

All right, all right, I have an announcement.

All right, here it goes.

All right, I know you're actively ignoring us,

All right, I'll be back tomorrow with those baseboards.

All right, I'll leave you to it.

All right, let's go.

All right, let's haunt these bastards out of here.

All right, let's roll for initiative!

All right, no Sam in sight.

All right, so you died having sex?

All right, well, here we go.

All right, well, tomorrow, of course, is food club,

All right, well, we're really excited to have you here.

All right, well...

All right! I bet that's worth a pretty penny in today's dollars.

All right.

All right.

All right. Let's do this, then, huh? PETE: Okay.

All right. [exhales]

All right. Now, remember, just like we talked about.Ooh!

All right. We will help,

All right. Well, uh, have fun.

All right. Wonderful.Yeah. Yeah!

All right.T Money back in the game.

All that away,

All the more reason to have us.

All the time like you, Peggy Sue."

All the way from Europe to go to a school dance in Ohio?

All the way from Philly.

All these years,

All this stuff and write all these notes?

ALL THREE: What?!Ah ah ah, don't worry, remember?

All we have to do now is craft the perfect reply.

All you guys do

ALL: Aw.

ALL: Aw...

ALL: Do it, do it, do it...

ALL: Oh!Boom! You just got Ari'd.

ALL: Oh!Boom! You just got Ari'd.

ALL: Ooh...

ALL: Surprise![laughs]

Allows for accurate targeting of up to

Almost losing you made me realize that I don't care

Almost nobody.

Alone on a mission.Yeah, I know.

Already got dessert.Oh. [chuckles]

Also is anyone else seeing that color?

Also true statements.

Also, 'cause it's a weed and I love weed.

Also, dude, it's like, it was a squirrel.

Also, I died on Halloween.

Also, Isaac lie.

Also, it's too bright and airy.

Also, only one night and...

Also, please send nudes.

Also, please tell Jay

Also, she's apparently a little cranky

Also, why the hell are they all green?

Although actually, it may not have been the kids.

Although I'm still against them going to college.

Although if it's good news for Pete,

Although if we were arsonists, we would definitely

Although isn't it a little early for you to be up?

Although now that I say it out loud,

Although, I'm curious

Although, I'm worried that Sam, conniving Living that she is,

Although, if you like, my offer still stands.

Although, obviously,

Always makes me miss my family.

Always the caboose in the massage train.I mean,

Am I crazy or does she kind of have your eyes?

Am I overdoing it?

Am I really the only one you've told besides Jay?

Am I right? [laughs]

Am I supposed to know who that is?

Am I willing to go with the flow?

Amazingly.

Among other matters.

Amongst those buckeyes.

An angel voiced servant would sing me to sleep.

An attack is nigh.

An exciting morning here at Hudson Valley Memorial,

An exorcism?

An extra 3d6 damage.

An unfortunate turn of events.

And a boatload of talent.

And a coloring book.

And a guy dressed like Hamilton.

And a little of this couple I was married to

And a perfectly normal adult caffeinated beverage for me.

And a small business owner, she's not our butler.

And about how maybe I just made that up in a blind,

And Alberta wants to get back in the boat.

And alert the Livings

And alive?

And almost sleep with their mom. Hi!

And also because he was trying to get away from the bear.

And also he might start to forget childhood memories.

And an end to bear attacks?

And an hour later, the gazebo burned down.

And and he said Daisy's Coffee Shop is even cool with it.

And and I think it feels weird.

And and then there was a big spark,

And apparently he's never gotten over it.

And are you sure Trevor didn't, like, put hot sauce

And as much as it pains me to say,

And as such, I will shake your hand.

And basically thumbing his nose at the universe.

And bear safety education."

And become a ghost.

And become...

And belittles our very existence.

And besides Jay,

And bleed you dry.

And brains up nose. Tell her of the brains.

And BT dubs, catfishing is so ten years ago."[message sends]

And burn the bones in a boat?

And bust ghosts.

And called me a monster. [chuckles]

And compliment my smile.I really meant that.

And congratulations, Samantha.

And curses is where you draw the line?

And do things for you and help make your afterlives better.

And don't we deserve to be busted?

And drop them off a country bridge. (chuckles)

And even if it is, it's okay.

And eventually I was ready to put my plan

And extra money to put a booth in the kitchen

And feel free to not take so many long pauses.

And financial ruin. It's...

And for people like me,

And for that I'm truly sorry.

And for that,

And for that, I'm sorry.

And frankly it's even ruining Newhartfor me.

And frankly, we're a little offended

And get it up and running,

And get our room back,

And get out of your neutral palette mindset.

And get that living butler to make us something to smell

And getting shot in the neck with an arrow...

And God knows who would buy it.

And good luck.

And guess what. It's way more

And guess what. You passed. [chuckles]

And has a pickleball court.

And haunting fail, so to prevent

And having a most triumphant Viking funeral.

And he always will love you,

And he called me a snowflake for wearing flip flops.

And he can't make it till Monday. He said he's slammed.

And he doesn't wear pants, which may not seem relevant,

And he is a little,

And he knocked over a vase. I tripped.

And he lays me down on a soft bed of grass.

And he shouldn't be friends with him anymore.

And he wants to talk about that.

And he's off.

And he's only gonna be here for another couple hours.

And he's, uh... he's some kind of historian.

And hear them.

And her virile young husband.

And higher until, by the end,

And how she thought she was going

And how you die.

And hurled toward a ghost.

And I agree with her. This is the new you, buddy.

And I am so, so deeply sorryOh...

And I ate his legs. I ate his heart.

And I basically said exactly that.

And I believe it's called WhoTube.

And I can prove it. Thor, lights.

And I can't believe I even care.

And I can't think of a better person

And I didn't know how else to get you out of that kitchen.

And I didn't want to say anything,

And I didn't.

And I don't appreciate that tone.

And I don't even care how old you get first.

And I don't feel the vapors coming on at all.

And I don't know if you've noticed,

And I don't want to hear another word about it.

And I forgive you for not solving

And I fouled out of every game, Pete,

And I found out she was a dirty, lying cheater.

And I get it because I used to suffer from it, too.

And I guess he's fine.

And I guess I just felt

And I guess that ever since I saw

And I have just been awful.

And I have reason to believe

And I have the perfect theme, too:

And I I don't really want to be tied down.

And I kid you not 50 yards.

And I knew right away that I wanted in.

And I knew that was important to you.

And I know better.

And I know it sounds dumb, but I just...

And I love you...

And I made us turn our lives

And I never told you because I know how much

And I realized that getting rid of them might be inhumane.

And I realized those are real people on those apps.

And I require it to tell me if the Vanderbilts ended up poor.

And I say there's hope for you, too,

And I think she kinda hit on me, I'm not entirely sure,

And I think you might be the one."

And I thought he just wanted a hug.

And I thought I put it out,

And I thought she was in love with me,

And I thought that,

And I thought the mindflayer

And I used to pillage for a living.

And I wanted to put my lips where hers had been.

And I was a total legend.

And I was deemed his most comely daughter.

And I was desperate, so I pitched your story.

And I was like, "No, we should open a business."

And I was like, "You're so wild,

And I was never at the Boston Tea Party.

And I was wondering if you knew her.

And I went into a coma. Thank you for the flowers, by the way.

And I won't do it again.

And I won't let you take that away from me.

And I won't stop there. Whatever they host,

And I would say ten times as violent.

And I'd like to know how all my stocks performed after I died.

And I'd rather be with the cholera pit people. Huh.

And I'll steer him around by his arrow.

And I'll take it to the Genius Bar.

And I'm grateful

And I'm not going to waste it!

And I'm not mad at that.

And I'm not spending eternity with my stalker.

And I'm sorry I went behind your back.

And I'm sorry. I just...

And I'm sorry."

And I'm sure I'll see you later on. Bye.

And I'm sure you all are as shocked

And I'm terrified to shower,

And I'm the only person that you have to talk about it with.

And I've been keeping a secret from you

And I've had an eternity to think about what I did.

And if he were still alive.

And if I hadn't died,

And if it goes well, it could turn into a regular gig.

And if it's juicy, I'm gonna need to know it.

And if she's hiding something, it's probably juicy,

And if they declare it a crime scene,

And if, for any reason, things went poorly,

And ingredients impossible to come by.

And inside? Bubkes.

And instead of taking advantage of it,

And it doesn't sexually objectify me.

And it is super douchey, so he's gonna love it.

And it just seemed easier to blame the ghosts.I don't care

And it was not now, so it must have been before.

And it would be a great way to get rid of the evidence.

And it's all ours!

And it's all ours.

And it's not just the writing.

And it's ours, for free.

And it's well paced, too.

And jam bands from the late '90s.

And Jay has been practicing with his arrow.

And just as a reminder, Sam, your mother might not be there.

And just cook it.

And just like everything else,

And just tell me. I'll be here.

And learning from Sam

And let me say again, I was not a fan of it.

And let me tell you, that is

And look at this one.

And making us pawns in her sick game.

And maybe the answer isn't him going back to the way he was.

And mead. Oh, need mead. Watch you

And midnight raves.[chuckles]

And more importantly, that TV.

And movies paint us to be the villains.

And my dear honored guest.

And my least favorite cousin.

And my other brother Darryl.

And my wife talks to them now.

And need a volunteer to be my fake girlfriend.

And neither are Kenny and Liz.

And never speak of this again.

And Newman gets eaten by the one that spits

And not the dead one from your present?

And not the lame one, the one that actually fixes things.

And now everybody's dead.

And now I give it to you.

And now I know I was probably right.

And now I might get to see her, so that's amazing.

And now I need to prove to everyone that that's true.

And now I see ghosts.

And now I've ruined everything.

And now Kenny's probably gonna call the whole thing off.

And now Steph is making her relive it?

And now they're at a warehouse party

And now we have no gazebo, and it's all my fault.

And now you...

And now you'll probably explain to a room full of ghosts

And now you're claiming that some kids

And now you're talking to Sam, who wanted to write the article

And one was in the bathroom...

And open it for me.

And our waitress was refilling our bread basket...

And patch up the hole your awful husband put in my wall.

And Pete isn't treating me like an equal at all.

And please finish my biography!

And plunge it into my back?

And pretending to be "ghosts"?

And pretty hippie woman say she love Thor,

And put my needs second.

And real live people no offense to present company

And repeat after me, "'Sup," apostrophe,

And rom com writing made easy.

And sacrificed too much for you to just throw this away.

And sadly, I believe it was stale.

And Sam Jackson's arm is like... [groans]

And see a painter fall off his ladder.

And see if you can use her phone?

And see the wonderful person inside the hideous pants.

And seeing as you helped Pete reach out to his family,

And seen all kinds of change.

And share a mutual appreciation of the finer things.

And she doesn't even like donut holes.

And she talks back.

And she wants to fix the fountain.ISAAC: Ah.

And she's back. Mm hmm. Yeah! Alberta Haynes, honey!

And she's going to spend it alone on prom night,

And show you something.

And sleeps most of the year.

And slow, but after tonight,

And small man drink. Yes.

And smelling of the maid's perfume.

And some regular sized soap.

And somebody's offering us a mansion.

And sometimes maybe I am but I cannot

And sometimes the inspiration wasn't coming so fast.

And split something called a "hard lemonade."

And squab.

And suddenly she does not love Thor,

And sweaty, so that's not a far cry.

And take being disrespected by a man.

And tell her that I fixed this whole sitch?

And tell the lady at the house

And th the important part of the story is, I see ghosts.

And that could go on for potentially years?

And that could never be a lie.

And that goes for all of you!

And that guy at the gas station in town...

And that I got to say goodbye.

And that is how we do it in our house.

And that is the only reason I was even messing with it.

And that means I'm doing it with a superhero,

And that saucy hairdo.

And that smart aleck question, along with your

And that V shaped back?

And that woman is a saint.

And that you have a huge crush on Alberta.

And that's just all there is to it.

And that's not all. Also need

And that's okay.

And that's that's what happened, and that's what we all saw.

And that's when I discovered something behind this paneling.

And the bones, they were just...

And the curse makes me light the gazebo on fire.

And the first thing you see is this giant gleaming fountain.

And the future was bright.

And the guy died 20 years ago.

And the guy's coming up from the city

And the Hamptons

And the horse has left the stable.

And the important thing is,

And the lights, so...

And the moment's passed.So now we can't

And the paternity of his son, but... Oh.

And the powdered wig!

And the roof.

And the telephone had been invented:

And the train goes in the tunnel, out the other side.

And the whole time, I'm sitting there

And their very dumb third wheel Robbie.

And then "got my name wrong"

And then a couple days ago, he matched with Bela.

And then died.

And then goes back to New York angry.

And then he had his dental practice, and then Leeanne was

And then he told me he was going to come to America,

And then I bring it down and smash Oskar's skull!

And then I called that kid's mommy,

And then I got attacked by a bear,

And then I tried to befriend a bear.

And then I wasn't sucked off,

And then it's said.

And then it's the telephone game.

And then Kelly and her friends drove past

And then letters just appeared in the steam!

And then Sam... Sam, all you have to do

And then she'll get it.

And then take that book, and adapt it

And then the cheeseburger on the wall's playing a ukulele,

And then the TV shut off,

And then there's no reason to call the county.

And then they vacuum him up into this tiny little box?

And then this hunky, shirtless guy comes in...

And then two days ago, I matched with Jay's sister.

And then we drive them from this land!

And then we looked up Isaac.

And then when he slept with the artist.

And then whoosh.

And then you could just have Thor sitting there with you,

And then you forced my hand with this whole meatballs lecture.

And then you said, "Never mind."

And then, like, we're done?

And then, one fateful night, I started getting matches.

And then...Babe, I'm talking to Thorfinn.

And there's no cooling 'em down.THORFINN: Back on! Yes! Shush!

And they are very annoying.

And they can't even be in the same place.

And they don't go to the bathroom?

And they foresee your doom!

And they put them in a really cold house.

And they say that if the bones are genuine, they'll buy them.

And they stand with me.

And they think it makes them look badass.

And they threw that in for free.

And they're coming out to celebrate

And they're putting me in touch with a woman

And this guy falls through right in front of you?

And this is a game you cannot win

And this is Jay.

And this is my room.

And this is where it all happens.

And this man wants to kiss it.

And Thor taken.

And those are a couple of things about me.

And three ghosts of my choosing.

And threw baguettes at me, and...

And to share it would release an immense burden,

And Trevor has a crush on her.

And tried to extort us...

And tried to take me to Paris...[phone buzzes]

And trust me, you don't need to be

And unappealing. Because she's my sister. I love her.

And until that time,

And very valuable.

And wants to look at you"?Yeah!

And watch me eat an entire appetizer platter for six. It was horrifying.

And we agree to never speak of this again.

And we are charged. Do you want to see the guy?SAMANTHA: Oh.

And we are forever grateful.

And we are going outside.

And we are... live.[clicks]

And we don't... we don't want to get in your way.

And we have to do the same thing to fix it.

And we listened in on their conversation.

And we never got the invite to the wedding?

And we want access to that pickleball court!

And we were like, "Whoa!" And the...

And we will annoy her in the living room.

And we would like to take this opportunity

And we would never purposely

And we'd be stuck with him forever.

And we'll call him wait for it Woody

And we'll settle this one once and for all.

And we'll walk that cream right off. [chuckles]

And we're being egged by the cast of Stranger Things.

And we're done.

And we're not even gonna get paid for the wedding.

And we're powerless to stop it.

And we're really vibing.

And we're still the Step Brothers.

And we're the owners of this house.

And what does Laura do for work?

And when I find her, I'm gonna love her forever.

And when I turned this sconce, I heard a click from that wall.

And when I was alive, we got the vote

And when I woke up, I could see ghosts.

And when we get thrown off, he catches me

And when you die, God willing, you'll become a ghost.

And when you find moose, much plenty you shall have.And when you find moose,

And whether you guys want to help or not,

And while we're having so much fun,

And whisper the phrase "swift defeat to my enemies,"

And who's better at texting than your hubs?

And with Alberta's new power, she can control the music

And with questions woven into conversation

And yes, I do want to be sucked off more than anything.

And you are so clumsy.

And you can't see what anyone looks like.

And you close down Farnsby & B for good.

And you could pass off his problems as your own.

And you could still talk to your family.

And you didn't start it, so I have to.

And you don't even want to know about the clutter,

And you each think you're always right.

And you go. Separately.

And you just remembered this now?

And you need a same day change

And you need to get that cute little gummy bear butt

And you need to know that.

And you only have one person

And you said, "No, Thor, don't go.

And you think that's a bad thing?

And you two could be a couple of Jude Laws.

And you want to bail after one difficult guest?

And you were a terrible husband, Elias.

And you will have nothing short

And you will, too. You guys are the same.

And you, you inspired people.

And you're like, "This is a bro..."

And you're not too sensitive.

And you're possibly the only person on the planet who can

And you're right.

And you've never once apologized.

And your boobs.

And your firstborn child will have head of cabbage.

And your husband will wander.

And your smile."

And youthought this was going to be a disaster.

And, also, 'cause you all suck,

And, apparently, I still have a lot to learn.

And, as a woman, I know you want the truth.

And, God willing, guests.

And, hey, every once in a while,

And, in summary,

And, just so you know,

And, no, I am not ready.

And, oh, God, I believe it's Sunday.

And, uh, then the lies just sort of started piling up

And, um, I'm a roller.